Piffle Magazine 2016-04 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

APRIL 2016 ISSUE #187

“THE VAUDEVILLIANS”

A local entertainment group is reaching out to seniors in all communities. See story on p10.

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“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

Roveen Kandola & Associates

Restaurant & Public House SEE OUR SPECIALS ON P3!

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Clean, Private, Service Oriented Fitness...

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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

Serving Our Community

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office:

7615 Sixth Street, Burnaby, BC V3N 3M6 Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca

WORD SEARCH A F T D J V L G J O K J E Q A T J D Q I

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J A K R J Y K E N C G W I Z Y K Y H U G

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APRIL CHANGE TIRES DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME FLOWERS HOLIDAYS MAY RAIN SHOWERS SPRING WARMER WEATHER

THE HUNTERS Three hunters were walking in the woods one night when they came across a set of tracks. “Those are bear tracks.” The first hunter said. “Those are deer tracks.” The second hunter said. “No, they’re fox tracks. The third hunter argued. They were still arguing when the train hit them. THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE CALLED A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic.” “Do you mean aspirin?” ask the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. I can never remember the name.”

Serving the Community of New Westminster Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.

Judy Darcy, MLA EMAIL

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101

Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6

April 2016

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Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth ﬂoor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

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John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca

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Sargent’s Word Search �� 2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page �� 7 Fraser Valley Antiques & Collectibles Show �� 8 “ THE VAUDEVILLIANS” A Local Entertainment Group is Reaching Out to Seniors in All Communities �� 10 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #21 �� 12 A-Maze-In �� 12 Meet the 2015 / 2016 New Westminster Youth Ambassador Team �� 16 ACNW Update: 7 Ways to Support New West Art this Month �� 17 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 17 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 18 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 18 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness �� 20 A Couple of Memories Together ��23 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen ��23 Number Blocks Solution ��24 A Couple of Memories Together ��24 Math Madness Solution ��24 Horoscopes by Liza ��26 Sargent’s City Scene ��27 Piffle Quiz �� 29 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �� 29 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services ��32 Piffle Quiz Answer �� 35 Piffle Business Directory �� 36

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April 2016

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5 KARMA Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? A: There is no Menu — you get what you deserve! SOUP Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting? They say he later had a massive ‘vowel’ movement. BOWLING My ex-wife goes bowling with the money I send her each month. I guess that’s why they call it alley money. BEST FRIENDS Sam Frank and Frank Sam were best friends. They did everything together, and they both loved music. Sam Frank was an accomplished pianist and Frank Sam was a harpist. They spent many happy hours playing duets. They both happened to die on the same day. Sam went to heaven, but apparently Sam Frank led a life that was not as chaste, for he ended up in Hell. After a few weeks, Frank Sam began to miss his lifelong friend so he went to Saint Peter and asked

if he could go down and visit him in Hell. Saint Peter, after much discussion agreed, but told Frank Sam he must be back before midnight. The Pearly Gates closed at the last strike of the clock, and if he wasn’t back he would have to remain in Hell forever. Frank grabbed his harp and went to visit Sam. When he got down there, he discovered that Sam Frank was doing OK in Hell. He was the manager of a disco. The two old friends had a wonderful time together. They spent the day playing duets, and that night, they danced and partied in the disco. Suddenly Frank Sam heard the clock begin to strike midnight. He ran out of the disco and flew back to heaven as fast as he could. He barely made it in before the gates closed. Soon after he arrived, he gasped and desperately started searching for Saint Peter. When he found him, he told Saint Peter that he had to go back to Hell right away. When Saint Peter asked why, Frank Sam began to wail, “I left my harp in Sam Frank’s Disco…” THE JEDI’S CAR Q: What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A: A Toy-YODA!

LEGION NO.2 MEAT BINGO THURS AT 6PM

FRIDAY IS FREE SNACK NIGHT!

631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER

KARAOKE WITH CAL DONNELLY

APRIL 1, 7, 8, 14, 15, 21, 22 & 28

JAMES BURTON APRIL 29 & 30 Royal Canadian Legion No.2, 604-522-4522

MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME! “Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.” — P.D. East

Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support over the years!

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✔ FREE In-Store Blood Pressure Monitoring ✔ FREE Blister Packing Most Extended Health Plans accepted. Easy transfer of prescriptions.

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NO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH TOBACCO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS HEALTH WE ARE PROUD TO NOT SELL TOBACCO

More Space + More Products + More Services HOURS: MON TO FRI 9AM–6PM SAT 9AM–2:30PM • SUN 9AM–1:30PM

981 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

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April 2016

sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past

Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca

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SAPPERTON PARK PLAYGROUND & SPRAY PARK OPEN HOUSE #3

April 6, 4:00 p.m. – 5:30 p.m. Richard McBride School Gymnasium The City of New Westminster is holding a third and final open house to present the preferred plan for Sapperton Park Playground and Spray Park, located at 351 E. Columbia Street. The preferred option was developed from the input provided by the community at the second open house in December 2015. We invite residents, students, park users and other people who have an interest in the community to attend this open house. We want your feedback, so please stop by and speak with us! Please visit the New Westminster Parks, Culture and Recreation website at: www.newwestpcr.ca for more information.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF

Wonder of Wonders, Royal City Musical Theatre is proud to present the musical masterpiece, Fiddler on the Roof. The acclaimed musical won nine Tony Awards and tells the story of Jewish milkman Tevye, who strives to maintain “Tradition” as he sees his three oldest daughters fall in love. The talented cast accompanied with a full orchestra in the pit sing the beautiful score of songs we all know and love: Tradition, Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Sunrise, Sunset, If I Were a Rich Man, and To Life! L’Chaim. The RCMT production will play at the Massey Theatre with previews on April 7 and 8, opening night on Saturday, April 9 and running through April 23. Ticket prices are $29-$47 and available at www.ticketsnw.ca.

CREATE A MAGNIFICENT HANGING BASKET April 27, 12:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. Queen’s Park Green House Complex The City of New Westminster is famous for its beautiful hanging baskets. Now you can discover the secrets and learn how to create a lush, colourful hanging basket for your home. The hanging basket course will include 2 hours of hands-on instruction, an 18" or 14" basket with chain hanger, plants, soil, fertilizer, and the infamous wick and watering pan. Dates and Times: Wednesday, April 27, noon – 2:00 p.m. Saturday, May 7, 2:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m. Thursday May 12, 6:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. Saturday, May 21, 9:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. Cost: 14" Basket $64.00, 18" Basket $74.00 All courses will take place in the Queen’s Park Green House Complex.To register, please call 604-777-5111.

STUDENT SHOWCASE CONCERT SPECIAL PRESENTATION: LONG & MCQUADE STUDENT RECOGNITION AWARDS April 7, 1:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. The popular “The Arts at One” series is held most Thursdays during the Fall and Winter semesters, starting at 1:00 p.m. This series features professional musicians and outstanding Douglas College music students. All performances Thursdays at 1:00 p.m. Laura C. Muir Performing Arts Theatre, Douglas College 700 Royal Ave, New Westminster (One block from the New Westminster SkyTrain Station) Admission is free For further information, please contact Krista Eide, Arts Events Officer, artsevents@douglascollege.ca or 604-527-5723. Large groups may be accommodated with advance notice. Douglas College would like to thank the City of New Westminster for their support of this beneficial community program.

MOTHER’S DAY REMEMBRANCE Sunday, May 8 If you would like to celebrate Mother’s Day, but your Mother has passed, or you are estranged from her, join others like you for an enjoyable brunch at the Seasons in the Park Restaurant in beautiful Queen Elizabeth Park, Vancouver. Bring a photo and/or story about your Mother to share. No age or gender requirement. Bookings taken up to May 6. RSVP booking is a must. Call 778-318-1894 to reserve.

21ST ANNUAL QUEEN’S PARK GARAGE SALE IN SUPPORT OF CANUCK PLACE Saturday, May 7, 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Queen’s Park Neighbourhood

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” — Anonymous

Fraser Valley Antiques & Collectibles Club (FVACC) “Devoted to the indentification, preservation, appreciation & collection of antiques, collectibles & local historial artifacts.” The FVACC is a non-profit organization which was established in 1984 in Vancouver. The club has over 150+ current members who collect all various types of antiques, vinatge collectibles, early advertising, Canadiana, etc. The club hosts an antiques & collectibles show annually, holds regular monthly meetings in New Westminster and circulates the bi-monthly news publication The Fraser Valley Holddown which is circulated to club members.

in June. We also participate at various local events whith club displays like the Burnaby Village Museum, local libraries, community events, media shows and more.

The club has an annual Christmas party in December and summer BBQ/pizza night

Regular club meetings are held at the Queensborough Community Centre, 920 Ewen Ave, New Westminster every second Thursday of the beginning of the month. Mempership dues are $20.

Interested in joining the club? Have questions or need more information? Contact us at: FVACC, Apt #208, 122 East 18th St, North Vancouver, BC V7L 2X5

Email: fvacclub@gmail.com or visit us online (Google us at FVACC). Don’t forget to like us on Facebook “FVAC Club” and follow us on Twitter @fvacclub.

April 2016

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FRONT STREET: Closed for cars, open for people! Front Street businesses are open during construction.

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” — Ingrid Bergman

“THE VAUDEVILLIANS” A LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT GROUP IS REACHING OUT TO SENIORS IN ALL COMMUNITIES

he word is that Vaudeville reached it’s peak in the early part of the 20th Century when live theatre was the only form of entertainment available to the public. However, as radio signals began streaming across the country beaming entertainment right into homes and silent movies became the rage, it was felt that Vaudeville must have quietly tucked it’s theatrical tail between it’s legs and simply faded away. Not so! say a determined group of talented and enthusiastic Seniors. Vaudeville is a French word meaning “a variety of acts” and, taken that way, it might be said that Ed Sullivan’s show was simply Vaudeville - television style. Twelve years ago a local couple, Pat and Jim Trimble, put together a group called “The Vaudevillians” and then they went to meet with Administrators at Douglas College and arranged that the money “The Vaudevillians” earned would go toward a Bursary which helps students in the Performing Arts if they are in need of financial assistance so that they could complete their college education. And so it began.

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11 They trouped around the lower mainland from Delta to White Rock to Surrey to New Westminster to North Vancouver and Coquitlam performing their “variety of acts” of singing, dancing and telling jokes to Retirement Facilities; Community Centres and Conventions. They also take their scenery; curtains; costumes; sound and lighting equipment and put it up creating a marvelous stage; deliver a fast paced, hour-long show then take all the equipment down again; pack it up in a van and then usually drop by a local pub in the area to wind down, enjoy good friendships and toast another show well done. Membership ages run from 61 years of age to 94 years of age. “The Vaudevillians” also do a yearly Fund Raiser at Surrey Arts Centre every November. Remember the Bursary with Douglas College? It now stands at $100,500.00!! Not bad for a volunteer group of senior citizens. Now “The Vaudevillians” are reaching out to Seniors (age 55+) in all communities to come forward and join them in this entertainment form called “Vaudeville” that is truly alive and well and updated, of course. Are you retired and looking for that extra fun thing to do? Would you like to find something to keep you from becoming a couch potato and im- continued on page 12

Saturday, APRIL 2 11AM - 4PM Scottish Cultural Centre

8886 Hudson St, Vancouver

P OP CULTURE SWAP MEET! IS ADM

S IO

00 E E . $3 ER 12 FR

KID

ND SU

FREE SUPER HERO CARDS TO THE

Annual Meeting April 27 from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. at the New Westminster Public Library. We will be focusing on the topic of Homelessness.

Guest Speaker

Patt Irvine,

Outlook Society

NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN

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Serving in the community for 117 years.

DEALER INFORMATION 8' tables $40 each, or 2 for $70!

Lobbies government on issues affecting women and families such as Health, Safety, Environment, Education, Seniors, and more.

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For more information, contact Florence Erwin, erwinf@shaw.ca

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“Age only matters if you are a cheese.” — Anonymous

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #21

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “WHERE'S THE MATADOR?” 1 1

7 11

1 12

10 10 8

1 11

3 3 1

8 17 18 16 16

mediately bring you a barrel continued from page 11 full of new friends? Have you ever heard the term ...We want warm bodies willing to join in the fun?” There’s a Director who Directs so you don’t have to worry about what to do. There’s a Musical Director who teaches all the music and singing. There’s Choreographers ready to teach you easy steps. If being onstage is not your cup of tea, they have a Costume Committee that make absolutely gorgeous costumes and a Stage Manager and a Sound Technician who will take you under their wing and train you. If your forte is organizing and working within an Auxiliary handling advertising; tickets; public announcements and all that is necessary to keep in contact with the public that’s available too. “The Vaudevillians” rehearse a few hours one day a week which is no more time than the usual Gardening Club or Book Club and they take all of July and Decem-

1 1

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle.

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

ber off. You’ll find yourself getting exercise, having fun with new friends and working toward enlarging that Bursary at Douglas College to “give back” and help young people. This is a great time of the year to look into becoming a member as “The Vaudevillians” are working on new material for their Surrey Arts Centre 2016 November April 2016

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PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!

CALL ROBERT FOR MORE INFORMATION

604-524-8118

636 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER Fund Raiser. The shows are created in such a way to allow new people to easily blend in with minimal rehearsal time. A delightful bonus for all is that not only our body needs and enjoys exercise it’s also an additional plus to stretch our brain muscles learning words to songs’ and jokes and dances. Come out and meet us, watch a rehearsal and you just might find a new hobby as well as new friends. It’s never too late to surprise yourself by finding a hidden talent you didn’t know you had. We are flexible in the length of our performances and our upbeat songs, humour and dances bring sparkle to birthday parties; anniversary parties or for any reason you’d like to celebrate with the joy of watching live entertainment.

Contact our Membership Committee at ajacques@dccnet.com and ask for Alannah; E-mail our Artistic Director, Marilyn at petitepower1@gmail.com if you have questions about show content and if you would like to have “The Vaudevillians” perform for you, contact Pat at thetrimbles@shaw.ca.

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers

604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.

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April 2016

THE GORILLA Once upon a time, there was a man who went to the zoo. He stopped by the gorilla cage. There is a big sign there that says “Do NOT touch the gorilla!” Somehow the man accidentally touched the gorilla. A few minutes later he goes into his car and drives home. While he drives on the freeway he sees in his rear view mirror the gorilla driving a few feet away from home. Being scared the man goes to an airport flying from New York to Los Angeles. He looks back on the airplane and there is the same gorilla there. After he gets off at Los Angeles the guy tries to swim to China. After quite some time he looks back and sure enough the gorilla is also swimming to China. When he finally reaches China, the man who is out of breath by now. Sitting down he rests for a while. By now the gorilla is only a few feet away from him. The guy says to him, “What do you want from me? Why do you keep chasing me?” The gorilla taps him on the shoulder and says to the man, “Tag! You’re it!” THE KID’S BOOTS A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. She tried pulling and pushing, but the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they

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15 workedÂ to get the boots back on â&#x20AC;&#x201D; this time on the right feet. He then announced, â&#x20AC;&#x153;These arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t my boots.â&#x20AC;? She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you say so?â&#x20AC;? like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re my brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s boots. My Mom made me wear them.â&#x20AC;? She didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Now, where are your mittens?â&#x20AC;? He said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I stuffed them in the toes of my bootsâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;? CHURCH GOSSIP Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the churchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s morals, kept sticking her nose into other peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the townâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildredâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s houseâ&#x20AC;Ś walked homeâ&#x20AC;Ś and left it there all night. You got to love George.

The Fraternal Order of Eagles #20

First An n ua l TO FILL â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Ch owde r i il h C THE POT! Co o k Off! SHOW WHAT YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;VE GOT

$100 PRIZE NO ENTRY FEE ONLY 5 CHILI & 5 CHOWDER SPOTS

â&#x2030;Ľ â&#x2030;Ľ â&#x2030;Ľ â&#x2030;Ľ

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Taster Tickets only $10

Saturday, April 16th 11 am-7 pm 707 12th St, New West

To register to cook or for tickets: John 604-657-5600, ashdowneagle@shaw.ca Marge 604-838-2675, marjorieam@shaw.ca or any Eagle Member This is an a ual fund raiser in su ort of the many local Charities The Fraternal Order of Eagles donates to every year. We l k forward to s ing you!

Planning a move in 2016? Call me, I can help.

Marjorie A. Ashdown Realtor Since 1991 ÂŽ

Not intended to solicit properties already listed for sale.

marjorieam@shaw.ca

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w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Rove e n K a n d o l a & A s s o ci ate s R e / M ax R e a l E s tate S e r vi ce s â&#x20AC;˘ I n d e p e n d e ntly O wn e d a n d O p e r ate d â&#x20AC;˘ N . Towe r 41 0 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 6 5 0 We s t 41 s t Ave

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Spiritual emptiness is a universal disease.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Rick Warren

16 April Exhibition at The Gallery at Queen's Park: Danielle Bobier “Satellite Fabulations” & Curtis Grahauer “A Dark Shape .on the Horizon” Artist reception April 6th, 6pm

New Westminster Cultural Roundtable April 28th, 7pm at The Anvil Centre (4th Floor)

artscouncilnewwest.org 604.525.3244 Chaperones with Judy Darcy in the Parliamentary Library.

Gallery Sessions Live Music at The Gallery at Queen’s Park featuring “Danger Bay” April 27th, 7 pm by Donation

New West Craft at River Market April 2nd & 16th 11am-4pm

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April 2016

MEET THE 2015 / 2016 NEW WESTMINSTER YOUTH AMBASSADOR TEAM TIM BASHEER — Tim was born in Iraq and lived in Syria for 51/2 years before coming to Canada at age 13. He lives in New Westminster with his parents and one younger and one older sister. (his older sister was on the inaugural NWYAS Team in 2014/2015) He likes New Westminster for its authenticity, history, and the kindness of people. Some of his hobbies include soccer, reading, camping, and video games. Tim graduated this year and plans do something that involves traveling and learning as many languages as possible. Tim is proud to be sponsored by ROYAL CITY CENTRE JORDAN EARLE — Jordan was born in Vancouver and resides in New Westminster where he is in Grade 11 at NWSS and a member of the Hyack Football Team. When he graduates he would like to go into Criminology and be part of the CBSA as he thinks it would be a cool and fun job to do. Jordan has one brother and likes to play football and ball hockey in the fall and spring so he has time off to enjoy his summers. He is happy to be a member of this year’s Ambassador Team within his community. Jordan is proud to be sponsored by OXYGEN YOGA & FITNESS HEMAT ORYA — Hemat was born in Kabul, Afghanistan. He and his family immigrated to Canada in 2013 and settled in New Westminster because he had an uncle that resides here. In an effort to improve his English skills, he participated with school volunteer programs where he was able to socialize continued on page 18 | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

17 MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy

t sure has been a busy session in the Legislature so far! Some of the biggest debates have been about the huge crisis in affordable housing that people in New Westminster and across the Lower Mainland are experiencing, and the claw-back of the bus pass for people with disabilities. This spring, I will continue to focus considerable energy on pressing for government approval for the high school replacement project — which is long overdue! And, over the next two months, we will also be combing over the provincial budget Ministry by Ministry. As the Opposition Spokesperson for Health, I will spend five full days carefully examining the Ministry of Health budget line by line and questioning the Minister of Health in considerable detail on the government’s spending priorities and decisions including: • The recent announcement of the closure of acute care beds in Fraser Health and the inevitable result: more hallway medicine.

7 WAYS TO SUPPORT NEW WEST ART THIS MONTH

he Arts Council of New Westminster has another busy month with lots of events coming up. Here are just five inspiring ways you can connect with the arts in our city: 1. Take in an exhibit. Enjoy the latest featured artist at The Gallery at Queen’s Park. New West artist Danielle Bobier exhibits “Satellite Fabulations” in the Montague Room and Vancouver artists Curtis Grahauer exhibits “A Dark Shape on the Horizon” in The Studio. Both exhibitions run April 6–30. You can meet the artists at the artist reception on April 6 from 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. It’s a great opportunity to meet other community art-lovers and enjoy an evening out in the Park. 2. Music for your ears! Listen to the acoustic stylings of Danger Bay at The Gallery at Queen’s Park April 27 from 7:00 p.m.–8:30 p.m. Admission by donation 3. Fiddler on the Roof. Royal City Musical Theatre presents Fiddler on the Roof at the Massey Theatre during April. Get your tickets at the Massey box office.

• The need for increased investment in home support so seniors can live with dignity in their own homes. • The lack of access to family doctors or nurse practitioners — despite the government’s promise of a GP for everyone in BC by 2015. These are issues I have raised repeatedly in Question Period. I’ve also had what was a “lively exchange” with the Premier about unacceptable ambulance wait times. Please take a look at my Facebook page where I regularly post videos and information about what is happening in Victoria. I’ve also had the pleasure of welcoming some special guests to the Legislature including the wonderful New Westminster Youth Ambassadors. If you’re in Victoria while the Legislature is sitting, please let my office know and I would be pleased to introduce you in the House! If you’re not already signed up for my monthly community e-newsletter, please subscribe by visiting my website at judydarcy.ca so you can get regular updates about what’s happening in the community and in the legislature.

4. Catch a flick. Join the Arts Council for Last Monday at the Movies April 25, featuring independent films from the Toronto International Film Festival’s Film Circuit. At the Massey Theatre, 7:30 p.m. 5. A beautiful symphony! The West Coast Symphony will be performing as part of Music at Queen’s on April 30 at Queen’s Avenue United Church. Concert is at 7:30 p.m. and entry is by donation. 6. The business of Art. The ACNW, NW Chamber of Commerce and 100 Braids St present Artovations, a series of professional development workshops at 100 Braid St. The next installment is on April 7. Preregistration is required on Eventbrite. Discounts for ACNW members! 7. Poetry! Poerty Poerty! Catch Royal City Literary Arts Society’s Poetic Justice on April 17 at Boston Pizza at Columbia Square. Hear poetry from Timothy Shay and Juliane Okot Bitek. Event runs from 3:00 p.m.–5:00 p.m. Get exposed to the arts! You can find out more details about these and other arts events in New Westminster at www.artscouncilnewwest.org.

“If only common sense were more common.” — Anonymous

MATH MADNESS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

April 2016

with people and during Grade continued from page 16 11 and 12 achieved Honour Roll award. He graduated this year and attends Douglas College in the Criminology Program. His goal is to become a successful lawyer. His hobbies include reading, video games and going out with friends. Hemat’s fun-fact about himself is that he has 59 first cousins! Hemat is proud to be sponsored by NEW WESTMINSTER FIREFIGHTERS’ CHARITABLE ASSOCIATION VALERIA BARRERA — Born in Mexico City, Mexico, Valeria moved to New Westminster almost 3 years ago. She attended NWSS and currently is at Urban Academy where she will be the only graduating student this year! She hopes to become a Grade 2 teacher. Some of her hobbies include singing and dancing. She joined the New West Youth Ambassador Program to try to get out of her comfort zone while learning more about the City and contributing to the community and helping others. Valeria is proud to be sponsored by PATTI & WES GOSS / REMAX REALTY ANNABEL DeLAIR-DOBROVOLNY — Annabel is a Grade 11 student in the French Immersion Program at NWSS and hopes to attend UBC after graduation. She was born in New Westminster and resides with her parents, one brother, and three dogs in a heritage home just a few blocks from her father’s family home in Queen’s Park. When she’s not busy studying, she likes to play soccer and spend time with friends and family. She especially wanted to be a NW Youth Ambassador for the many opportunities to meet and help support people in her community. Annabel is proud to be sponsored by KEY WEST FORD SYDNEY STROMBERG — Sydney was born in New Westminster and has lived here all her life in the Massey/Victory Heights area with her parents and younger brother. She is a 15 year old student attending Cariboo Hill Secondary in Grade 10. She loves running and recently trained and ran in the Vancouver Half Marathon. She also enjoys camping, quading, photography and spending time with friends. She plans to attend university to study Dentistry upon graduation. Sydney is proud to be sponsored by DERRECK THORNHILL / PARK GEORGIA REALTY | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

19 STRINGS Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. “I don’t serve strings in this bar,” the bartender says roughly and throws him out. The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. “Hey, didn’t you hear what I told your buddy?” the bartender says. “Yeah,” the string says. “Aren’t you a string?” the bartender asks. “I’m a frayed knot,” the string replies. NEIGHBOUR A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor: “Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.” Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob goes into his bedroom, and without a word, demands a divorce from his wife. Moments later the guy gets a second text: “Really should use spellcheck! That should be ‘wifi’.”

ZOO ANIMALS Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” His mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and daddy have a good time,” asked his mother. “Yeah, daddy really liked it too,” exclaimed Little Johnny, “especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!” RESPONSIBLE EMPLOYEE Employer: “We need someone responsible for this job.” Applicant: “Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.” LATE I woke up suddenly terrified, I’m late for work! I opened my eyes and chilled… I AM at work.

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When a women goes through menopause this signifies the decrease of estrogen production and is associated with bone loss (osteoporosis). The most common interventions for preventing and treating osteoporosis can include

The short answer is yes! Weight training is the most effective way to help prevent this. Weight training or weight bearing exercises helps in development of greater bone and or muscle mass which has lasting effects on the lives of pre-menopausal, post-menopausal, and older women. In pre-menopausal women, developing greater peak bone mass as a young adult provides more time before the bones could begin to fracture and deteriorate.

One of the more popular questions we get get from women is how to retain muscle and or bone mass as they are worried about osteoporosis as they age. Can weight training help with this?

exercise (weight training or weight bearing exercises) is the most effective way to keep Osteoporosis at bay! There are several studies on weight training that have found regular physical activity with weight bearing exercises that can help increase and more so maintain bone density. After the age of 35, women tend to start losing bone density which mostly has been attributed to inactivity and lack of weight training. The most effective way for women to prevent osteoporosis and try to obtain peak bone mass and retain the muscle or bone mass is to start a resistance-training regimen early (like Caitlin) and continue it throughout life. After all fitness is not something you do for a week or a couple months and think everything is fine and will be fine, it’s a lifestyle something you should embrace. At Dynamic Health and Fitness we have a great personal department with friendly and knowledgeable trainers that can help you reach your maximum potential and health and fitness goals — live life to the fullest!

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CHRISTIAN FOOTBALL DEFINITIONS: • QUARTERBACK SNEAK — Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. • DRAW PLAY — What many children do with the bulletin during worship. • HALF-TIME — The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave. • BENCHWARMER — Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. • BACKFIELD-IN-MOTION — Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service. • STAYING IN THE POCKET — What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work. • TWO-MINUTE WARNING — The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and you begin to gather up your children and belongings. • INSTANT REPLAY — The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations. • SUDDEN DEATH — What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime?” • TRAP — You’re called on to pray and are asleep. • END RUN — Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member. • FLEX DEFENSE — The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life. • HALFBACK OPTION — The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service. • BLITZ — The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer. IS HE? If a married man is walking in the woods alone and he speaks, is he still wrong?

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POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

IN CELEBRATION OF NATIONAL POETRY MONTH!

THREE ‘NEW WEST’ POETS excerpts from between earth and sky international anthology, © Silver Bow Publishing 2012

A COUPLE OF MEMORIES TOGETHER Photo and Story by Melanie Dixon oris and George Gracey are longterm residents of New Westminster who have been married for over 70 years. Their lifetime of experiences together couldn’t be condensed into only one issue. Their story continues from our February interview with Doris Gracey. Part one discussed Doris’s married life. Part two continues on with an interview with George Gracey, talking about work, family, and pets. Like most men with families to support, George worked at many jobs in New Westminster after he’d been demobbed from the Royal Westminster Regiment. He couldn’t talk about his time working at the BC Penitentiary in New Westminster — now housing several businesses — stating, “Under the code of ethics you’re not supposed to talk about the BC Penitentiary.” His next job was at BC Woodlands School, which has since been torn down for the Victoria Hill development. “I worked there for eight years. Straight duty work. Nothing that would interest people. I was an aid in psychiatric nursing,” George said. He moved on to discussing his jobs for the the City of New Westminster. He worked with them for thirtythree years before retiring. Doris prompted her husband to tell a story about when he worked as pound master for the city. “Tell the delightful story about the dog,” she asked. George began his story. “This man came in with a beautiful dog. He wanted me to put it away. I said we don’t do things like that. “I laid out my conditions that we preferred to put it on the market rather than destroy continued on page 24

ALAN HILL from graveyards a jellybean factory— tells us of bullies a schizophrenic brother love for his woman— brings us humour honesty VAL PARKS dances with a ghost the image is clear… grass clings to her feet… hair rises back of my neck DONNA ROSS arouses all our senses with cobalt, indigo, robin’s egg; Ivory soap and L’Air du Temps; sweet berries; warm, anchored; mother’s laughter, small voices crunch of gravel Franci Louann Workman arrived in our city in this century. (Workman was her surname in the last.) Her poetry was first well-published in the 70s. Lipstick Press presented her Beach Cardiology chapbook in 2010. She’d like her name on a spine. Franci loves found poems, list poems, tribute poetry. Here we have all three. Franci co-founded and co-manages Poetic Justice, third Sundays, 3 -5 pm at Bos ton Pizza. Come for open mic and featured poets. www.poeticjusticenewwest.org.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” — Benjamin Franklin

24 continued from page 23 it. He said, “On only one agree-

ment, ‘don’t sell it within Queensborough area’. And I said, well that’s fair enough. “I put two and two together and figured the wife must have gotten mad at him for his drinking habits, and she wasn’t going to look after the dog while he was having a good time. “Later, someone took a fancy to the dog and asked if it was for sale. I said there was a condition on this animal. If you don’t live in the vicinity of Queensborough, you’re welcome to the dog. He said he lived in Richmond. I said that’s good enough, so he took the dog home. “The fellow that owned the dog in the first place had gone out drinking that day. When he got home, sitting on the porch was his dog! The guy who had bought it lived across the street from Queensborough, in Richmond!” George paused to have a good laugh. “I don’t know where the story ends from there. I don’t remember if I had to give the money back,” George said laughing. “If you get a dog, keep it, love it.” George mentioned their pet of many years. “Pepper. He was just like a little kid. That dog would know what time I was coming home at night. He would run towards the window. One night he took off, he ran past me and skidded on his four legs. Wham he hit the window. Then everything started to shake. We had an earthquake. They detect it a lot faster than human beings do.” Besides his love of pets, George also talked about his long marriage to Doris. “Well none of us are perfect. If you have a fight, have a good fight, but fall in love again. That’s the main structure of a love story. But that’s the motto I ran on. I love that woman so much that I would do anything for her.” George talked about how army life can place a burden on marriage.

Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE April 2016

“I was just out of the army. What one of the hardest things for any serviceman to do is to get back into civilian life. I was five years over there. You try to instruct that from your mind. I had to use my wife as my bond. Stick with marriage. If you have children you don’t leave children on a door step.” He added, “I’m very proud of my children.” George also worked in parking patrol and fixed the meters. “That’s a long way back, 1958. That’s when I went to the city. I was supposed to retire on June 1st, 1985, but they let me go at the end of the month.” George received a letter of commendation from the mayor for preventing the escape of an inmate during transportation to the Court House. He had been on his tea break and just happened to be there at the right time. “He’d jumped out of the police car and came towards me. I put him against a brick wall. We had a lot of excitement in a couple of minutes.” Doris jogged his memory for what he did after that time. “You retired from the city and promptly went into business for yourself.” After the City, he worked as a courier, helping with document deliveries for his son’s courier business. George said, “I didn’t own it, Garry was the owner. I was courier for my son. I worked there until I was 80. That would go into the 2000s wouldn’t it?” Exact dates may be hazy, but Doris and George still love to reminisce about past times together. The Piffle Magazine wishes them many more happy years together. ABOUT MELANIE DIXON: Like most residents to New West, Melanie moved in and never left. She assists businesses with website content, blogs, and articles.

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

BRICK

SALES

E XT E N

DED!

Hyack Square Commemorative Bricks Commemorative bricks are available for public purchase for $200, and can be inscribed with two lines of text. Due to continued interest in the Hyack Square commemorative bricks, sales have been extended until all bricks have been sold. Those interested in ordering a brick can find the order form at City Hall, any recreational facility, or by emailing pcr@newwestcity.ca. Questions can be directed to 604-515-3827.

“Life is too short to remove USB safely.” — Anonymous

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ARIES: This month your attracting money. However, your also spending to much. Keep your finances in check. TAURUS: Your giving off fantastic energy this month. If your able to get away and have fun, do so. GEMINI: Communication is a high priority for you this month. Think before you speak out. CANCER: Past dreams and wishes are able to come true this month. Watch what you wish for. LEO: You’ve got energy this month! A good time to get things done and organized. VIRGO: Do you feel like you’ve made the wrong impression recently? Take some alone time to figure things out this month. LIBRA: Relationships with others are intense this month. You will learn a great deal from others this month. SCORPIO: This month you create balance in all relationships. Your giving off the right energy and people are attracted to you. SAGITTARIUS: A good month to discuss all agreements with others. Employers are eager to listen to your ideas. CAPRICORN: Love relationships go well for you this month. Plan for some fun at this time. AQUARIUS: Thinking of home renovations? This is a good time to make your home beautiful and comfortable. PISCES: Communications go smoothly for you this month. Share your ideas with others this month. April 2016

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

SARGENT’S CITY SCENE KICKSTART! A TRIVIA NIGHT EXTRAVAGANZA: A FUNDRAISER FOR A SYRIAN REFUGEE By Susan Millar

ave you got a mind bulging with trivia of some sort? Want to do a mind dump and put it to good use? Well, mark your calendars for Saturday, April 9th for Kickstart!, a Trivia Night Extravaganza, a funfilled fund-raiser that will help the Beacon Unitarian Church sponsor a Syrian Refugee Family, (a Mom, Dad and two children) soon to be winging their way to New Westminster. You and your table mates will pit yourself in friendly competition against 25 other tables to vie for the Trivia Championship. There will be prizes galore and many chances for winning, not just the games, but there will also be door prizes, a 50/50 draw, and a slew of wonderful experiences and gifts to win that will be part of our extensive raffle and silent auction. Rumors are that there will dining-out opportunities, wine tasting events, a birding watching expedition, a canoe outing, a personalized art work and that’s just scratching the surface of what will be on offer. The event is being held at the Glenbrook Park Amenities Centre on Jameison Court, New Westminster. Doors will be opening at 5:30 p.m. so you can get a burger and a drink and peruse the raffle and auction tables before game start at 6:30 p.m. Beef and vegetarian burgers will be sizzling on the patio to be barbecued to perfection by New Westminster Lions Club. Drinks will include wine, beer, sparkling ciders and lots of non-alcoholic drinks. Master Trivia Game creator, Lisa Girardi has cooked up 6 great rounds of questions that may challenge even the most sponge-like of minds with fascinating, sometimes off-beat questions of general knowledge. Win or not, you’ll have some good laughs about the weird and wonderful things you will find out. For tickets, email Susan Millar soomillar@gmail.com or Lisa Girardi lisa.m.girardi@gmail.com. $25 dollars gets you a burger and drink (or two nonalcoholic ones). You can put a team together! Each table holds 6 (up to 8) — or just come by yourself or with a friend or two. Start doing your brain exercises. And come out and help

some new citizens get a good kickstart in their new life here in this fair city.

LINDA CULLEN AND BOB ROBERTSON ARE BACK ON THE AIR

ouble Exposure was a Canadian radio and television comedy series which mocked contemporary Canadian politics. The show starred Linda Cullen and Bob Robertson, and focused primarily on the stars’ voice impersonations of Canadian political and cultural figures. It played on CBC Radio. Unlike many previous CBC radio comedies, such as The Royal Canadian Air Farce or Frantic Times, the show would be recorded wholly in a studio without a live audience. The duo made the jump to television with an initial satirical special in 1994, and became a television series in 1997. Double Exposure has risen again! Linda Cullen and Bob Robertson are thrilled to announce that theyhave begun a new series on a website called AMI. If you’re on Facebook, you may have seen this news already, but we thought it might be easier to listen to the show itself if we sent you the link. So, here is the very first episode of DOUBLE EXPOSURE’S NEWZAPALOOZA! www.ami.ca/AMI-audio/Pages/Newzapalooza.aspx

“Business is a combination of war and sport.” — André Maurois

AUTO WASH STARTING AT

28 FLOORED A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio. “I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested the woman?” “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

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HELP FROM THE WIFE A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear — you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.” As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?” His wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?” The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” His wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat-belt on. You never wear your seat-belt when you’re driving.” And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?” “Only when he’s been drinking!”

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PEACH BRANDY The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy, and one of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

KID’S

disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday. In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister’s embarrassment. The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, “Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches… and for the spirit in which they were given!” DON’T MENTION IT A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. TELLING THE WEATHER To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The CAT

CORNER with

ISAIAH

Knock knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? Amosquito just bit me! Q: What do you call the breeze from a wagging dog? A: Tail Wind! Q: Why do you never see an elephant hiding up a tree? A: Because they are really good at it. Q: Why did the police take the woman with insomnia to jail? A: Because she kept resisting a rest. Q: Where do animals go when their tails fall off? A: The Retail Store! Q: What do computers eat for a snack? A: Microchips!

A: 26 sizes larger than “A” brA.

Q: How do you get a frog off the back window of your car? A: Use the rear defrogger.

“Well done is better than well said.” — Benjamin Franklin

Q: How do you clean ice off a tall buildings? A: With sky scrapers. Q: What did one Hot Dog Say to the other Hot Dog? A: HI! Frank! Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: You put a little boogie in it! A student decides he wants to skip school one day. Student (on phone): Hello. I am calling to inform the school that my son will not be able to attend school today. School: And who is this? Student: This is my mom! Father: Why did you get such a low score in that exam? Son: Absence. Father: You were absent on the day of the exam? Son: No, but the boy who sits next to me was!

30 THE SUNDAY SERMON MESSAGE One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilts.” Needless to say, Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about. He said, “Be not afraid, Thy comforter is coming.” TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

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April 2016

He goes into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. “We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!” His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the head monk, “What’s wrong, father?” The head monk with tears in his eyes replies, “The word is celebrate not celibate!” DON’T WASTE PAPER I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century,” she said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.” I can tell you this… That fly never knew what hit him! EVER SINCE HE WS A CHILD “I hope you didn’t take it personally, Pastor,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.” “I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied. “It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer. “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.” THE FOUL PARROTT A man went to a pet shop looking to buy a parrot. The shop had several parrots but one was priced much lower than the others. When the man asked why one was so much cheaper than the others, the pet shop owner assured the man that he did not want the cheaper one because it had a very foul mouth. “I’ve tried everything, but I can’t get him to stop cussing”, he explained. Eager to save some money, the man bought the parrot; sure he could teach the bird not to cuss. He too tried everything to stop the parrot’s foul mouth. Finally, in frustration, he put the bird in the freezer to cool off. After a few minutes, he opened the freezer to find the parrot with a totally changed attitude. “Please, I’ll NEVER cuss again! Please let me out! By the way, what did the chicken do?” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

32 FAT PSYCHIC Q: What do you call a fat psychic? A: A four chin teller!

HE IS HERE Typically Exit signs are red with the work “EXIT,” and in Canada, “SORTIE” in French, but these signs are slowly being phased out. The new green signs are seen around the world and are in pictogram form, with or without text. Nicknamed the “Running Man” it’s an internationally recognized exit sign you will be seeing more of as the old red exit signs are being replaced. BYLAW SNIPPET YOU SHOULD KNOW…

BRITISH COLUMBIA FIRE CODE 2.7.3. EXIT LIGHTING, EXIT SIGNS AND EMERGENCY LIGHTING • Shall be provided in buildings in conformance with the BC Building Code • Exit lights and exits signs shall be illuminated at all times • Emergency lighting shall be maintained in operating

THE CHRISTIAN LION Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.” BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof — the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy picked up her wand and poof... The husband turned 90 years old! TALKING SHEEPDOG After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer and says, “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

condition > E-lighting tested monthly to ensure operation > E-lighting is test annually by a certified technical to ensure battery will provide lighting for the appropriate duration

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April 2016

THE NEW CEO A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make a little over $400 dollars a week, why? | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

33 The CEO said,”Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.” Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?” From across the room a voice said, “Sure — he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

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SMART DOLPHINS Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw to them fish three times a day. THE CAMPERS Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!” His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!” THE TURKEY FARMER An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!” They all asked the farmer how it tasted. “I don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!” SNOBBISH CRIMINAL Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A: A condescending con descending. TOYS I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”

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WENT TO YALE A man goes to a job interview. His resume was fantastic and his qualities were perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed. “You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there’s this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?” “I went to Yale” “Wow great! You’re hired” “Yay, I got a yob!” THE DIARYS Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

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35 When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. Husband’s Diary: Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure it out! IT MAKES ME BEAUTFUL A little boy sat fascinated, watching as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked. “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter,” asked Little Johnny… “Giving up?” HIPPO AND ZIPPO Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A: One is heavy and the others a little lighter…

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? Did Aunt Hilda leave your chair that is so ugly no one wants to sit in it? ? Is your husband’s college chair something you hate but he refuses to get rid of? ? Do you have a favourite chair from the 80s but now it’s your cat’s scratching post? If you said YES to any of these, you need to enter our UGLY CHAIR contest! HOW TO ENTER: Take photos of your chair (front and back) and fill in the entry form online or in the store. HOW THIS WORKS: It’s simple! Your chair’s ugliness will be judge by the community. If your chair id seemed the ubliest, you will win a chair makevoer worth up to $300! Professionally reuphostered, which includes but is not limited to new fabric, trim and foat. To vote, you can visit our website, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter.

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“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

What is going on in our marketplace?

he prices are still going absolutely crazy. Many of us have not experienced price increases like this ever in our lives before. The media keeps talking about speculation, bubbles, market crashing, shadow flipping, and tax evasion. What does all of this really mean? What are the real issues? Personally, I think the media has confused the general public and coined a new term called “shadow flipping” to invoke negative emotions. The resales of contracts is a perfectly legal practice which is regulated in BC. The two-part problem consists of unethical realtors misrepresenting their sellers and the tax free money being made from these “flips.” These unethical realtors are partaking in assignments and taking their sellers trust for granted by putting their own greed ahead of their fiduciary duty. An example of this may be if a realtor lists your home, brings you a direct buyer or buys your house themselves, and then helps that buyer or themselves get a higher price for the initial contract of your home before completion. This realtor’s legal duty was to make sure that the original seller got the best price, not to make multiple commissions on what might have been too low of an original sale price to begin with. The second part of the problem is people who are involved with assigning contracts but are not declaring any of the income when filing their taxes. This undeclared income is obviously a huge issue with the CRA and is, quite frankly, unfair to all those who have to pay taxes for the hard work that they do. I have heard of such instances where “flippers” have made upto One Million dollars per year; imagine that being tax free and virtually untraceable by the CRA.

In regards to a bubble, speculation, or a crashing market, the biggest and clearest factor I’ve noticed is that we seem to live in a very desirable part of the world and our land is limited. We are in fact running out of new developable land. Other than starting to build into the sky, there is only so far a person is willing to move East of here. This, in turn, will increase the prices indefinitely. The only thing that can slow the overall market is a drastic increase in interest rates or a drastic increase in the Canadian dollar. I do not think that any actions taken by the government to try to control the markets will be effective. There are not necessarily simple answers for any or all of these questions, but there are educated responses by experts in the real estate market. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to only work with people whom you really trust. Do not take a risk with what is probably the most valuable asset in your life. Go out and interview different professionals in the field. See who you feel comfortable with. See who has reputablereferences. It never hurts to get a second opinion with anything. If you or anyone you know is thinking about selling or just has general questions about the market, please do not hesitate to call me. Coffee’s on me. For a familiar face and a name that you know you can trust… Sincerely,

Roveen Kandola

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates 604-644-SOLD (7653)

2015

roveenkandola@remax.net

Re/Max Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave, Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9

“If there’s no love in the world, let’s make some.” — Anonymous

604.644.SOLD

www.sellvancouverhomes.com RE/MAX Real Estate Services 410 - 650 West 41st Avenue North Office Tower, Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9 Independently owned and operated