Piffle Magazine 2016-05 by Sargent's Piffle

Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

We have moved to New West!

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca

U A W H R B I X N I Z H V B B H W J F R

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WORD SEARCH BEST CARING DAY DEAR FLOWERS HAPPINESS HONOUR HYACK JOY LOVING MISSED MOM MOTHER REMEMBERING SPECIAL THOUGHTS

Serving the Community of New Westminster HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE SPECIAL WOMEN IN OUR LIVES Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.

Judy Darcy, MLA

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101

Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6

May 2016

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Hyack Square Commemorative Bricks Commemorative bricks are available for public purchase for $200, and can be inscribed with two lines of text. Due to continued interest in the Hyack Square commemorative bricks, sales have been extended until all bricks have been sold. Those interested in ordering a brick can find the order form at City Hall, any recreational facility, or by emailing pcr@newwestcity.ca. Questions can be directed to 604-515-3827.

CALL 604-520-6171 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster

WAXING SERVICES OTHER SERVICES Full Body ......................$75 Legs (half/full) ....... $20/30 Arms (half/full) ...... $15/25 Bikini (line/Brazil) .. $10/30 Chest/Back ............. $25/30 Gentlemen services at Spa call for quotes. Home services are for ladies only.

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Massage............ $50 HOME ESTHETICS Facial ........$45 & Up Pedicure ............ $30 BY APPOINTMENT ONLY Manicure ........... $20 Brow ................... $5 778-888-7418 Lash .................. $10 19-15 K de K Crt, New Westminster 30 Minute Infrared Sauna................ $15

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Gift Certificates available â&#x20AC;&#x153;Too much agreement kills a chat.â&#x20AC;? ~ Eldridge Cleaver

Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth ﬂoor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Chris Sargent 604-525-9027 Owner & Publisher Email: chrissargent@piﬄe.ca

John Ashdown 604-657-5600 Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Email: sales@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca

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Sargent’s Word Search ��2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ��7 A-Maze-In �� 11 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #22 �� 12 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #21 Solution �� 12 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 17 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 18 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 18 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness ��20 LitFest New West 2016: Bigger and More Diverse than Ever �� 23 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ��24 Sargent’s City Scene �� 27 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services �� 27 Piffle Quiz ��29 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah ��29 Math Madness Solution ��30 Number Blocks Solution ��30 Piffle Quiz Answer ��35 Piffle Business Directory ��36

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EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS WORKSHOP

May 4, 6:30 p.m. – 8:00 p.m., City Hall, Meeting Room 2 Do you remember last year’s wind storm? Or the earthquake last December? Were you prepared? Awareness and preparation are critical in an emergency, which is why New Westminster Emergency Management Office is hosting an emergency preparedness workshop. By preparing now, you can be better equipped to deal with any type of emergency. At this workshop you will learn about hazardous risks, what to put in your home emergency kit, who to include on your out-of-province contact list. To register call 604-515-3794 or email chansen@newwestcity.ca.

EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS AND FIRE SAFETY WORKSHOP

May 5, 6:30 p.m. – 8:00 p.m. Auditorium, New Westminster Public Library, 716 6th Ave At this workshop you will learn about home fire safety and preparing for an emergency. You will be better equipped to deal with any type of emergency, and you will know about how to prevent fires in your home. We will discuss such topics as fire extinguishers, emergency kits, home escape plans, fire prevention tips, fire detection requirements and more. Presented by New Westminster Emergency Management Office and New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services. Register at 604-527-4660 or www.nwpl.ca.

CREATE A MAGNIFICENT HANGING BASKET

Queen’s Park Green House Complex The City of New Westminster is famous for its beautiful hanging baskets. Now you can discover the secrets and learn how to create a lush, colourful hanging basket for your home. The hanging basket course will include 2 hours of hands-on instruction, an 18" or 14" basket with chain hanger, plants, soil, fertilizer, and the infamous wick and watering pan. Saturday, May 7 - 2:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m. Thursday, May 12 - 6:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. Saturday, May 21 - 9:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. Cost: 14” Basket: $64.00 18” • Basket: $74.00. All courses will take place in the Queen’s Park Green House Complex. To register, please call 604-777-5111.

21ST ANNUAL QUEENS PARK GARAGE SALE May 7, 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m., Queen’s Park Neighbourhood 21st Annual Queen’s Park Garage Sale in Support of Canuck Place.

NEW WESTMINSTER LAWN BOWLING CLUB OPEN HOUSE May 7, 1:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m., Moody Park, 710 Eighth St Come out and give it a try! www.newwestlawnbowls.com

MOTHER’S DAY TEA AT IRVING HOUSE

May 7 – 8, Irving House, 302 Royal Ave Spoil mom on her special day with tea served in the “Grandmother’s Room” at Irving House. Enjoy tea and refreshments including scones, sandwiches and desserts. Then join costumed guides for a guided tour of the home of Elizabeth Irving,

one of the City’s pioneer mothers! Each seating can accommodate six guests; individuals can sign up for the 3:00 p.m. sitting on Saturday. Call 604-527-4640 for more details or to register. Saturday, May 7 12:00 p.m. 148793 1:00 p.m. 148794 2:00 p.m. 148795 Sunday, May 8 12:00 p.m. 148797

Registration Fee: $114.00 for six people Individual registration: Saturday, May 7 3:00 p.m. 148796 Registration Fee: $19.00 per person

MOTHER’S DAY REMEMBRANCE, SUNDAY MAY 8

If you would like to celebrate Mother’s Day, but your Mother has passed, or you are estranged from her, join others like you for an enjoyable brunch at the Seasons in the Park Restaurant in beautiful Queen Elizabeth Park, Vancouver. Bring a photo and/or story about your Mother to share. No age or gender requirement. Required RSVP bookings taken up to May 6. Call 778-318-1894 to reserve.

NEW WESTMINSTER FIRE FIGHTERS CHARITABLE SOCIETY SHRED-A-THON May 14, 2016 10:00 am - May 14, 2016 2:00 p.m. Canada Games Pool Parking Lot

RE-CYCLE RODEO

May 15 11:00 a.m. – 2:30 p.m., Ryall Park

CROSS CULTURAL COMMUNICATION May 18, 6:00 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. Century House, 620 Eighth St, New Westminster 604-519-1066

HYACK ANTIQUE SALE

May 22, 10:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m., Queen’s Park Arenex

HYACK PARADE

May 28, 11:00 a.m. The Hyack International Parade is one of BC’s largest and most popular annual parades. This year, we proudly celebrate our 45th Sapphire Anniversary, “The Dream is Alive!” For more information, please visit www.hyack.bc.ca.

FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES HANGING BASKET SALE $25

Mother’s Day, Saturday, May 7, 8:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Terminal Pub Parking lot at Stewardson Way and the foot of 12th Street, New Westminster. Proceeds to the CHILD FOUNDATION. For more information, contact Marge Ashdown at 604-838-2675 or Vera Gjestrum at 604-520-1187.

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” ~ Tracey Ullman

8 WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME, DOC? A man entered his doctor’s office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana stuck in his right ear. “Doc,” he asked, “What’s wrong with me?” “Simple,” replied the doctor, “You aren’t eating right.” “My kids brought me breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day: an Egg McMuffin. I was just relieved that I wouldn’t have to clean the kitchen.” ~ Melanie White

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THE HOBO A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.” The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal.” So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.” The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW.” COACH A football coach had a star quarterback who was as dumb as a post. The only way the kid could stay on the team would be to pass all his classes, which was impossible. All his teachers agreed to go easy on him except for one, his math teacher. The coach begged the math teacher to not fail the kid. The math teacher agreed to give the boy an oral exam which, if he passed, would count for class credit. The coach came to the exam to support his star athlete. The math teacher asked only one question for the exam: “What is two plus two?” “Four,” the athlete answered. The football coach went into a panic and yelled, “Give him another chance! Just one more chance!” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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INVISIBLE A psychiatrist’s secretary went into her boss’s office. Secretary: “Sir, someone would like to see you. Claims he’s invisible.” Psychiatrist: “Tell him I can’t see him.” THE SECRET A mom was teaching her 4 year old son to zip up his jacket. “The secret,” she explained, “is getting the little straight piece all the way into the little slot before you pull up the zipper.” Her son looked up at her and said, “Mom, why does that have to be a secret?” Q: Why is a computer so smart? A: Cause it listens to its motherboard.

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TWO COWS There are two cows out in a field in Britain. One cow turns to the other and asks, “Are you worried about this Mad Cow disease?” The other cow responds, “Nope.” The first cow exclaims, “How can you say that? Cows all over England are getting it. I’m scared stiff!” The other cow just looks at him and says, “Mad Cow disease, why should I be worried? I’m a helicopter.” CANNIBALS & CLOWNS Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? A: Because they taste funny. PANDAS A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up

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11 and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, “What do you want?” The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.” The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!” The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it’s stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.” I WANT TO BE PAMPERED I told my kids on Mother’s Day I wanted to be pampered — so they bought me some diapers. IT SAYS ON THE BOTTLE If you feel tense and get a headache, follow the instructions on the bottle of aspirin: Take two tablets and keep away from children. “As my mother said to me more than once, “Do you think you are smarter than Einstein?” ~ Albert Einstein LITTLE BILLY’S MOM Little Billy’s mom was rubbing moisturizing cream on her face as Billy walked in. “Mommy, what are you doing,” he asked. “I’m putting cold cream on my face,” she replied. “Why, Mommy?” Billy asked. “To make my skin look beautiful,” she said. When she started wiping the cold cream off her face with a kleenex, Billy said, “Gosh, Mom, you’re giving up already?”

finally got the kids in bed. All she wanted to do was clean up and relax. She put on an old gown from the back of the closet, went into the bathroom and coated her face with thick, white facial cream. Then she started washing her hair. But the kids were not settling down. She could hear them talking, giggling, jumping on the beds. Finally in exasperation she wrapped her head in a towel, ran into their bedroom and sternly told them to calm down and go to sleep. After she left, she overheard the youngest one ask, “Who was that?” “I called my mother up when they announced the Nobel Prize. She said, “That’s nice — and when are you going to see me next?” ~ Steven Chu, Nobel Prize Winner MONEY MOM Son: “Mom can I get twenty bucks” Mom: Does it look like I am made of money. Son: “Well isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’” ~ Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) MOM AND THE KIDS On Mothers Day, the mother of three little kids was celebrated with kisses, hugs, cheerios for breakfast in bed, dandelions from the yard, and crayon drawings. As much as she loved it, all the activity made the house a bigger mess than usual. After a long day, she “I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.” ~ Groucho Marx

12 BUGGIN “Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner the mother inquired, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” “Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.” ~ P. J. O’Rourke WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME • My mother taught me RELIGION. “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.” • My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!” • My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.” • My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.” • My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #22

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “NEED SOME WIND”

3 1

3 2

2 2

• My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.” • My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.” • My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.” • My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!” • My mother taught me HUMOUR. “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.” • My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.” • My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”. GUILT WORKS A man called his mother in Florida: “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,” said the mother, “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten for 38 days.” The man said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten for 38 days?” The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.” MOM’S GIFT “Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third said: “I’ve got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite

SOLUTION TO PUZZLE #21 PICTOGRAPH B Y R O S S H O O D

3 3

6 1

1 12

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. May 2016

7 11

1 12

10 10 8

1 11

8 17 18 16 16 17

14 1

1 1

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13 the entire Bible. It took twenty monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.” Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote to the first son: “Milton, the house you built is too big. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.” She wrote to the second son: “Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never used the Mercedes… and the driver is SO rude.” She wrote to the third son: “Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes… The chicken was delicious.” TEN PRINCIPLES OF MOTHERHOOD 1. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. 2. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. 3. Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O a tree. 4. Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car. 5. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. 6. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. 7. Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. 8. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers. 9. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don’t have small children. 10. Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights. FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother’s advice about returning the gifts he’d given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied, “Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewellery for sentimental reasons.”

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MOM’S GREY HAIRS One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied: “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, “Momma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?” TEN SIGNS THAT YOU’RE A MOTHER… 1. You count the number of sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they are equal. 2. You have time to shave only one leg at at time. 3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. 4. You hire a baby sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids. 5. You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into unusual shapes. 6. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi’s mother. 7. You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say: “Not in your good clothes”. 8. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you. 9. You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average”. 10. You say at least once a day “I’m not cut out for this job,” but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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15 BEAUTIFUL HANGING BASKET SALE $25 ~ SAT, MAY 7, 8AM–4PM JUST IN TIME FOR MOTHER’S DAY! STEWARDSON WAY & FOOT OF 12TH ST, NEW WESTMINSTER TERMINAL PUB PARKING LOT MORE INFORMATION: Marge Ashdown 604.838.2675 Vera Gjestrum 604.520.1187

Proceeds to

Purchase your Cherry Tomato plant for the Sept competition and BBQ.

Brunch at the Terminal Pub Sat & Sun 11AM until 2PM ~ Treat Mom to brunch! NO QUITE A TWEET Well the last time I Tweeted, I was disqualified because Twitter said it was a chirp! THE NEW PASTOR A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked.” LIGHT BULB CHANGE Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A: One but the light bulb really has to really want to change.

AUTO WASH STARTING AT

w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Rove e n K a n d o l a & A s s o ci ate s R e / M ax R e a l E s tate S e r vi ce s • I n d e p e n d e ntly O wn e d a n d O p e r ate d • N . Towe r 41 0 – 6 5 0 We s t 41 s t Ave

“Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.” ~ Samuel Palmer

16 New Westminster Lions Club Invites You to our Open House Monday, June 6, 7-9 pm

BOSTON PIZZA ~ 1045 Columbia St (Tenth St & Columbia) New Westminster, BC Contact: Louisa Lundy 604-525-1829 E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER • DAILY SPECIALS

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May 2016

TWO BROTHERS Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor’s desk and they just look at each other. Finally, the Pastor says, “Where is God?” The boy just sits there and doesn’t answer. The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, “Where is God?” The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn’t answer. The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy’s refusal to converse and practically shouts “Where is God?” To the pastor’s surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office. The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother’s room. He shuts the door and pants, “We’re in BIG TROUBLE. God’s missing and they think we did it!” THINGS MOM WOULD NEVER SAY • “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?” • “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too” • “Just leave all the lights on… it makes the house look more cheery” • “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week” • “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.” • “Well, if Rahul’s mamma says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.” • The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.” • “I don’t have a tissue with me… just use your sleeve” • “Don’t bother wearing a jacket — the wind-chill is bound to improve.” THE BUCHER DANCE A young man has spent five years traveling throughout the world making a documentary on native dances. He is nearing the end of his project and winds | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

he days are getting longer and warmer, the flowers are blooming, and New Westminster looks and smells like a fragrant and colourful garden! The Legislature will wrap up its spring sitting on May 19 — just in time for the start of “festival season” in the Royal City. But before the Legislative session is over, as the Official Opposition Spokesperson for Health, I will be spending five full days questioning the Health Minister in great detail about the health care budget — as well as raising other issues of concern to our community. Did you know that the health budget makes up over 40% of the provincial budget? I will most certainly be pressing the Minister of Health about the lack of funding for home support services, about wait times for many surgeries and MRIs that are the longest in the country, and about lack of access to family doctors and nurse practitioners.

I will be asking why seniors are far too often “chemically restrained” with anti-psychotic medications — even without a diagnosis of psychosis — because care homes don’t have adequate funding for staffing needs. I will also continue to press the Minister of Education at every opportunity on funding for the high school replacement project. SD40 school trustees have submitted a comprehensive plan for the new school. On April 10, I was proud to stand with parents and children and so many others at a well-attended parent-organized rally at NWSS. The students did a wonderful job making signs showing why our community so desperately needs a new high school. This project is now awaiting Treasury Board approval, and I am staying in close contact with the Education Minister about its status. If you haven’t already signed up for my monthly community e-newsletter, please subscribe by visiting my website at judydarcy.ca so you can get regular updates about what’s happening in the community and in the legislature.

up in Australia in Alice Springs. He begins to talk to an Aborigine, who asks the researcher if he ever saw the “Butcher Dance.” “Butcher Dance? What’s that?” he asks. “What? You no see the Butcher Dance?” “No, I’ve never heard of it.” Well, the Aborigine convinces the fellow that he must see the “Butcher Dance” to finish his project. Once convinced, the man gets excited about being able to experience this very famous dance. They begin their trek over the outback to a place where the Butcher Dance is observed. They follow a dirt track for 200 miles, walking for three days through creeks and valleys. It takes them another four days to get over the mountains. And all this time they, of course, are dragging their camera equipment and crew with them. After seven long days of grueling travel, they finally reach the village of the Butcher Dance. They find the village chief and explain to him why they have travelled so far and say they are anxious to start filming this exotic dance. Then the bad news hits them. The chief explains that the Butcher Dance Festival was the previous night. The chief adds, “Maybe you can see it the next time.”

“Well, when will you hold the next dance?” the researcher asks. “Not ‘til next year.” “Couldn’t you please hold it just one more time tonight so we could see it and film it for our documentary?” “No,” was the reply. “The Butcher Dance is very holy and is performed only once a year.” The man is devastated but has no other options then to wait until next year. So he decided to stay in the area and tried to make a go of it in the village, even though it is very difficult. He becomes ill, cannot find work, misses his family, but alas, he sticks it out. A year passes and the day of reckoning comes the next festival of the Butcher Dance. The natives form a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descends over the performers and some sort of witch doctor appears and begins the ritual. The researcher is getting caught up in the fervor of the event. Wow, he thinks, here I am, the first white man to see the famous Butcher Dance. He starts filming. The chief strides to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, starts to sing. He says, “You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in and you shake it all about!”

MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

MATH MADNESS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

May 2016

A DUCK WALKS INTO A PUB A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hang on! You’re a duck.” “I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck. “And you can talk!” exclaims the bartender. “I see your ears are working, too,” says the duck. “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?” “Certainly, sorry about that” says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. “It’s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?” “I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.” The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him: “You’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!” “Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.” So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, “Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.” “I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?” “At the circus,” says the bartender. “The circus?” repeats the duck. “That’s right,” replies the bartender. “The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big TENT?” “Yeah!” the bartender replies. “With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?” says the duck. “Of course,” the bartender replies. “And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck. “That’s right!” says the bartender. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: “What would they want with a plasterer?!” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Come join us!

The QPHVS operates Quintessential Gift Shop at

The Queen’s Park Healthcare Volunteer Society celebrates the spirit of volunteering and salutes our dedicated team of volunteers. Combine a love of retail therapy and working with seniors and others in our community of care by volunteering in the Gift Shop or becoming a society member.

www.QPHF.org

Queen’s Park Care Centre, and fundraises to support programs that enrich our community of care and help make the Queen’s Park Care Centre a home.

For more information call Lizz Kelly at 604-517-8661 or email Lizz.kelly@fraserhealth.ca

“This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Luke Ramnath

Health and Fitness

FINDING THE BEST TRAINER FOR ME!

• LEARNING PROPER TECHNIQUE AND FORM. The bottom line here is if you’re not doing exercises the right way, using the wrong weight or the wrong machines can lead to a slew of injuries and can sideline you. By doing them the right way, you’re staying safe, within your limits and also getting the maximum benefit from your workout and keeping you on track — not off track.

• GETTING STARTED. The most important part of any good exercise routine is knowing what to do! A personal trainer can help guide you down the path to fitness by creating a specific exercise routine based on your (realistic) fitness goals and timeframes.

A personal trainer can help you achieve your fitness goals in a number of ways, however the two most important being:

HOW CAN A PERSONAL TRAINER HELP ME ACHIEVE MY GOALS?

Being in the industry the number one issue I hear from our clients is their lack of motivation and being unable to stick (consistently) with an exercise routine. This is why people hire a personal trainer — motivation and accountability! A personal trainer can help you come up with the right workout routine to meet your fitness goals. It does not matter about your gender, age or fitness level whether your goal is losing a few pounds, toning up, or flattening your stomach (for swimsuit season)!A personal trainer can help accelerate you in reaching your health and fitness goals!

The short answer is ABSOLUTELY!! Most people think that by exercising alone or joining their local health and fitness club that they are on the road to healthful success and for the most part this is an excellent lifestyle choice, however it does not guarantee you anything. Hiring a personal trainer means both a financial commitment and a time commitment to your health and fitness goals, even a few sessions with a (good) personal trainer can be worthwhile in giving you the direction you may need, it can also give you the knowledge and different points of view from a trained professional.

If you feel after reading this that hiring a personal trainer is something that you would like to do and you feel that you

Personal training is a financial commitment whether it’s for a month or two or even longer. Prices vary depending on a number of factors: area you are living in (may be more in the city then in the burbs), experience of the trainer and how long they have been training, the amount of sessions or package purchased. On top of your basic gym membership, an hour of personal training can run anywhere from $50 to $150 per session. On average, expect to pay around $60/hr of one-on-one personal training with an experienced personal trainer.

• ASK YOURSELF HOW WELL THEY TEACH. A personal trainer should do more than just give you an exercise routine to do, they should be teaching you the proper way to do these exercises. One-on-one personal training should be all about you, you are paying for it so it needs to be all about you and not about them and their issues.

• SEARCH ONLINE OR ASK FRIENDS. We live in a world that anything can be accessed by our fingertips through the web. Many companies, clubs or organizations that certify personal trainers have web sites that allow you to search for such a trainer in your area. This may be a good place to start if you don’t belong to a gym. As well referrals from friends speak volumes both positively and negatively. If a good friend of yours has had a good experience with a trainer than you are more likely give them a try, however if your friend(s) have had a negative experience with a trainer and the trainer never met their expectations ex: maybe the trainer was always for their appt. or talking on the phone while training them — keep looking!

• LOOK FOR QUALIFICATIONS AND STYLE. You would never hire a doctor that is still practicing so why would you hire or trust a personal trainer that is not yet certified? You want a personal trainer who is educated and certified by a reputable organization, such as the BCRPA, Can-Fit Pro or even ACE (American Council on Exercise). As well I mentioned earlier you really want to make sure that the trainer is a good fit for your personality and your workout style.

Can Hiring a Personal Trainer (Really) Help Me?

ASK AN EXPERT: Dynamic

Do I enjoy going? I feel comfortable in the gym and not intimidated by the others working out. It’s a friendly environment provided by the staﬀ

“After moving to New Westminster in the summer of 2015, I missed going to the community recreation centre where I had previously lived. I started walking and a doing a little running in my new neighborhood as well as in Queen’s Park. But I soon realized I needed more to keep fit as I aged. At the end of January I decided to start working out at Dynamic Health and Fitness but realized I wanted a trainer to provide me with training in using the fitness equipment. As well I wanted someone to ensure I worked out safely and efficiently. Martin’s available time in the early morning fitted my schedule. I’ve been attending the gym for two months, three times a week, and it’s good. He’s patient with me yet he pushes me to exert myself. I’m now doing more reps and heavier weights than when I started and with confidence. Martin has provided me with opportunities to use a variety of equipment and exercises that I would not have done on my own. One thing which is so good, and something I had rarely experienced with other trainers in the past, was Martin’s emphasis on stretching. He reminds me to do this after my warm-up and then again several times throughout the hour. The result is I don’t ache and I’m not in pain after the session or the next day. I feel great!

Name: David Boettcher Age: 71 Active Member Since: January 2016

would benefit from the services of a trained professional, Dynamic Health and Fitness has an experienced group of trainers waiting to help you. We have a great Spring promotional starter package on now that caters to all fitness levels and age groups, so if you feel that your worth it — give us a call today and start getting the most out of your time and workouts!

~ David

and other members. Working hard and sweating is not my favorite thing to do. Yet I feel healthier and stronger and I’ve even lost some weight. I will continue working out under Martin’s instruction.”

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• TRY OUT A TRAINER. If you’re a member of a gym, ask for a list of trainers and what their background is ask what is their education and experiences, and then watch them. Or buy one session or a consult and get a feel for their personality, skills and how they train, maybe see if they gel with your personality and if you can see yourself working with them.

The Arts Council of New Westminster Presents

Kathleen Forsythe May 4th - 29th, 2016

HighPower: Unfolding Beauty from Destruction

Opening Reception

Wednesday May 4,6pm - 8pm

Artist Talk

Sunday May 15th, 2-3pm as part of Litfest New West

The Gallery at Queen’s Park Wednesday 1pm to 8pm Thursday - Sunday 1pm to 5pm artscouncilnewwest.org

Kathleen Forsythe, HighPower Gadget (detail), 2016, digital painting on acrylic, 30” x 40”

JESUS IS WATCHING A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.” He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot. “Yep,” the parrot confessed, and then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.” The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?” “Moses,” replied the bird. “Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?” “The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

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LITFEST NEW WEST 2016: BIGGER AND MORE DIVERSE THAN EVER

iverse/City. That’s the theme of this year’s incarnation of the annual LitFest NewWest festival, which takes place as a week-long event running from May 13th to 19th, 2016. “The last few year’s have represented a lot of change for the City of New Westminster,” say’s Festival Chair Trevor Hargreaves, who is also a board member on The Arts Council of New Westminster. “Historically, this city was dominated by student and elderly demographics, but that has shifted. These days, it includes singles, young families, retirees — people of different ages and different ethnicities. It’s a far more mixed community, and this year we’ve really aimed to diversify our programming to appeal to the varied wants, needs and interests in this community”. Indeed diverse programming abounds. The festival has been extended to run over a week at venues across New Westminster. “It’s been a trend amongst literature festivals to expand the focus of interest not only to readers and writers, but also to include elements that are exciting and vibrant. We’re certainly pursed that avenue in our programming this year”. The formal launch of the festival takes place Friday May 13th at the New Westminster Library. Hosted by the CBC’s Stephen Quinn, it features a presentation and Q&A with Joe Wiebe, author of Craft Beer Revolution. The programming will feature discussion on New Westminster’s beer-making history and includes tastings from regional breweries: Dageraad, Four Winds, and New West’s own Steel & Oak. Saturday May 14th features a day of diverse literature focused programming hosted at Douglas College’s Laura C. Muir Theatre including twelve author workshops on a variety of subjects for aspiring authors and those that just enjoy writing, a marketplace of local and regional publishers and authors, and a multilingual poetry reading event, entitled Diverse/City, taking place in the Aboriginal Gather Place. The latter afternoon also includes readings by CBC personality Grant Lawerance and ex-BC Premier and Member of Parliament Ujjal Dosanjh. continued on page 24

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

LitFest New West presences: a workshop © Alan Girling there’s a flame at the centre in the classroom too: it shrinks and will be snuffed we breathe— the beat of the tom rises drifts recedes rises again we breathe— soil granite pilings the things we wear crumble in river-time down past the foot of Eighth Street we breathe— so these communities of presence expand contract stay— and query me: am I the boom or the echo? do I burn burn burn or am I merely singed a wandering imbiber of smoke and spirit? how long before I sink deep into Fraser mud immovable or do I end floating currents taking me out across a nameless sea? so presence of communities— I query you

Alan Girling is a director with the Royal City Literary Arts Society (RCLAS) and facilitator of its monthly writing prompt group, Wordplay. This month on May 17, he is launching an ongoing event at the New West Public Library, In Their Words: a Royal City Reading Series, featuring enthusiastic readers presenting their favourite authors. He hopes to see you there.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

“May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” ~ Anonymous

CALL LIZA

for your personalized reading today!

778-898-2146 HOROSCOPES by LIZA

MAY 2016

ARIES: Watch for conflicts within partnerships this month; both personally and professionally. Thinking before you talk is important. TAURUS: Your very assertive this month and its a good time to show the world what you can do. Just don’t be to aggressive, it could backfire. GEMINI: Physical relations are important to you this month. You may find the mate of your dreams or scare them away with your strong personality. CANCER: This month its a good time to do those home renovations. You do your best work out of your home. LEO: You discover just how much love there really is in your life this month. You find beauty in your every day surrounding. VIRGO: Don’t judge yourself by what you own. However, it is a good month to put your energy into making money, just be wise about it. LIBRA: Your a star at charming people and this month you pull out all the stops. You put pleasure before work this month. SCORPIO: Being assertive this month will not work in your favour. Step back and listen before speaking your mind. SAGITTARIUS: Think about your goals and actively persue them this month. Put your energy into your dreams and they will more than likely come true. CAPRICORN: You may find your superiors tick you off this month. Better to just get the job done amidst all the turmoil and avoid the aggravation. AQUARIUS: You either have travel or education on your mind this month. Why not try them both and expand your horizons. PISCES: Keep issues regarding other people’s money to a minimum. However, if people owe you money, now is the time to try to get it back. May 2016

continued from page 23

That evening, the event shifts to feature a singersongwriter panel focused around the topic of inspiration and where they find it as individuals as part of their process. The event then boasts a concert component with each artist performing two songs. “I’m particularly excited about that segment of programming”, say’s Hargreaves. “Many notable performers were kind enough to join us for this event, including the notoriously reclusive Art Bergmann from Alberta, Sean Nelson from the Seattle band Harvey Danger, and Vancouver Island’s own Carolyn Mark”. Sunday May 15th features a New West Writers Critiquing Workshop, a Multi-Media talk on Imagination, and a wine and cheese event at the Gallery at Queen’s Park Centennial Lodge, a spontaneous poetry event at the New Media Gallery and Poetic Justice at Boston Pizza. Tuesday May 17th features “In Their Words: A Royal City Reading Series featuring Mayor Jonathan X. Cote, at the New Westminster Public Library, and “How To Read A Graphic Novel” aimed at teens and young adults at The Gallery at Queen’s Park. Wednesday May 18th features a “Cross Cultural Workshop at Century House. This workshop will introduce the concept of “worldview” and help us understand how “my worldview” translates what I see around me to fit into my own cultural story. Thursday May 19th is the Diverse/City and LitFest closing party at Anvil Centre featuring poetry readings by exhibiting artists and a musical performance by Eden Fine Day. “We’ve got something for everyone”, says Hargreaves. “We couldn’t have expanded in the way we have without all the dedicated back-end work of our partners, committee members, volunteers and staff, and numerous community sponsorships. This festival has been a real community effort in the making, and I urge everyone reading this to come out and attend. Meet the people in your community, learn a few things, have a few laughs, and enjoy this great local event”. LitFest New West is a community festival supported by volunteers from the community. If you are interested in contributing to this celebration of the literary arts, please consider volunteering. Contact the Arts Council of New Westminster at 604-525-3244 or info@artscouncilnewwest.org. For scheduling and ticket information, visit www.LitFestNewWest.com. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

25 The Arts Council of New Westminster, New Westminster Public Library, Douglas College and the Royal City Literary Arts Society present:

Diverse/City May 13-19 2016 Readings / Interviews / Performances Discussions / WORKSHOPS Multilingual Poetry / Marketplace Community Events / MUSIC New Westminster Public Library Douglas College The Gallery at Queen’s Park Anvil Centre Century House

LITFESTNEWWEST.COM

“I can resist everything except temptation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

26 WAKE UP SON Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son.“ “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!” “Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.” “Give me two reasons why I should go to school.” “Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the PRINCIPAL!” MAKE A JOYFUL NOISE UNTO THE LORD This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 a.m. service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long. After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, “The sermon was beautiful don’t you think?”. Elisabeth replied “Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I’m bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard.” She continued to say, “You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my butt went to sleep.” Mary Ellen said, “I know, I heard it snore three times.” OPPS A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. B: I’m not. I’m her MOTHER.

GARRETT will be performing with OMNISIGHT & CELESTIAL RUIN at The Venue, May 21st, 881 Granville Street, Vancouver. Come and help celebrate Celestial Ruin’s new C.D. Pandora. It is going to be a rockin’ evening. Tickets are $10 in advance, or $14 at the door. Doors open at 7:00 p.m. Hope to see you there! May 2016

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

SARGENT’S CITY SCENE MAYOR COTE’S CHARITY LAWN BOWLS EVENT: SUPPORTING RCH FOUNDATION Dear Friends, Sometimes babies are born extremely premature. I have personally seen these babies clinging to life. It is very meaningful to me to invite you to contribute to funding a much needed infant transport incubator for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the Royal Columbian Hospital which will allow for the safe transportation between departments or hospitals. Our goal is to raise $30,000 at this event. Mayor Jonathan Cote is graciously hosting this charity lawn bowls event to facilitate and show support for the funding of this much needed equipment. Please join our event by creating a team of 4 players (minimum registration $500.00 per team; so pledges of $125.00 per member.) No experience necessary, only a desire to help. Each team has a coach, scorekeeper and bowls generously supplied by the New Westminster Lawn Bowls Club. Trophies will be awarded for the top team theme, most money raised and overall point winners. The whole experience is so much fun and builds camaraderie. A social game with fresh air, friendship and most of all fun for a cause. Theme: Carnival/Circus Location: New Westminster Lawn Bowls Club (710 8th Street) Date: September 11th, 2016 Website: www.charitylawnbowls.com Registration: 11:30 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. Lunch & Entertainment: 12:00 p.m. – 1:00 p.m. 1st Ball Thrown by Mayor Cote: 1:00 p.m. Silent auction, raffle prizes, photography, surprise food stations, refreshments, snacks and more. So let’s get the ball rolling! continued on page 28

VACANT BUILDINGS Vacant buildings frequently become a target of vandalism and arson. The owner of the property is responsible to ensure doors and windows are closed to prevent unauthorized entry, if doors or windows are damaged the Fire Inspector will order the repair of the opening or the boarding up of the opening. The owner must check the property regularly to ensure there is no unauthorized entry to the property and the property is secured.

FIRE CODE SNIPPET British Columbia Fire Code 2012

SECTION 2.4.6. VACANT BUILDINGS 2.4.6.1 SECURITY 1) Vacant buildings shall be secured against unauthorized entry. New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

“Behind every great fortune there is a crime.” ~ Honore de Balzac

28 We also need committee volunteers, silent auction donors, supporting donors and raffle ticket sales venues. For questions or to join in the fun, please contact me. Thank you, kindly. Cheryl Gauld – Event Chair Cell: 778-683-4828 H: 604-526-2650 Email: nadina2749@gmail.com continued from page 27

P.S. – It is a win/win situation when newborns benefit from your participation and you receive the good will which comes as a result of your generosity.

BE A HYACK AMBASSADOR AND DEVELOP YOUR BEST S.E.L.F. THROUGH SERVICE, EDUCATION, LEADERSHIP AND FUN! By Debbie Wardle he Ambassador program provides city youth with the opportunity to experience professional instruction in public speaking, World Host training, interpersonal skills, self-development, basic business and leadership skills that will assist them in their year as New Westminster Hyack Ambassadors and benefit them their entire lives. Today, this self-development and scholarship program is sponsored by many local community business and service organizations with our premiere sponsor being Cartwright Jewellers. Being a scholarship program, every accepted applicant into the training program receives a post-secondary scholarship upon completion of their Ambassadorial year with additional awards for top participation. The Hyack Ambassador Leadership team volunteers hundreds of service hours to local community and civic events acting as positive and active youth role models.

The Hyack Ambassadors bring greetings to communities around BC and Pacific Nor t hwe st , a s they share our unique history and exciting future and invite new friends to “Come Home to Hyack” in New Westminster! The 2016 New Westminster HyMayor Jonathan Cote welcoming ack Ambassador the New Westminster Hyack Awards Gala was Ambassadors to City Hall. recently held at Douglas College and saw six young people from our community installed as the 2016 Hyack Ambassador Leadership Team. The Awards Gala was the culmination of the six month training program and the title scholarship of Miss New Westminster 2016 was presented to Emma Ciprian, sponsored by Key West Ford, Miss Ciprian was also awarded the Top Talent Award. Shane Ward, sponsored by Westland Insurance, was awarded the Hyack Princess Scholarship, Top Speaker Award and Top Knowledge Award. Miss Friendship title and scholarship was presented to Gabriella Sali, sponsored by Save-On-Foods New West and Grace Suazo, sponsored by Royal City Rotary, received the Bernie Legge Medallion and scholarship for being the applicant who was most improved over the course of the training. Ravneet Rattan, sponsored by Royal Treatment Therapeutics, received the People’s Choice Award

We are Open and have a for the duration of the Front St. Mews project. 649 Front St (Corner of McKenzie St) New Westminster, BC 604-540-8907 | www.winefactory.ca Call to check on road and parking conditions during the ongoing roadwork.

May 2016

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

29 and Ambassador Alumni Award and Nicole Pereira, sponsored by Queen Bee Spa, was awarded the Top Essay Award. The Awards Gala weekend was attended by over thirty visiting Youth Ambassadors from around BC and Washington State and they were treated to a memorable weekend as guests of our Royal City. Highlights included tour of the Anvil Centre, our beautiful new Museum and Lacrosse hall of Fame, lunch at the River Market and a private circus class at the Vancouver Circus School! Follow-up thank you notes from some of the visitors included comments such as, “thank you for inviting us, I will come back to visit and bring my family with me!” “Thank you for inviting us, we had a blast learning about your city and its rich heritage.” “Thank you for your dedication to BC’s youth, you are all making an incredible difference!” The 2016 Hyack Ambassadors have already begun their year of service and representation as they attended the Tacoma Daffodil Festival and Parade where the Hyack Festival’s “Sapphire Dream” Float won the “Most Original Theme” and “Green Award”. They have been guests of the Royal City Musical Theatre Society to see the recent production of “Fiddler on the Roof” as well as acted as hostesses for RCMT at a private client event held in the Plaskett Gallery of the Massey Theatre. Most recently, the Hyack Ambassadors were part of the Royal Commonwealth Society’s celebratory event in honour of the 90th birthday of Queen Elizabeth II held at Queen Elizabeth Park in Vancouver. Along with Hyack President Alan Wardle, half the Team will be travelling to Wenatchee, Washington to bring greetings and represent New Westminster in the Apple Blossom Parade over the first weekend in May. The remaining Ambassadors will be attending and continued on page 30

Q: Where is the original home of local radio station CKNW?

KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup with me, and I’ll tell you!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe! Canoe who? Canoe come out and play with me today?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who. Oh never mind it’s pointless.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Who! Who who? That’s what an owl says!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No silly, a cow says Mooooo!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Double. Double who? W!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and get me some juice.

Knock, knock. Who’sthere? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue knocked on this door before?

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ~ Steve Martin

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE Hyack Ambassadors and their Thornebridge Senior mentors with Director Amanda Hill and Thornebridge staff.

Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE

Subscription Form Name Address City Province Phone Email

Postal

❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too! Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing” Piﬄe Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5 *Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.

May 2016

continued from page 29 serving tea at Thornebridge

Gardens for Mother’s Day and hosting a hanging basket sale fundraiser to assist with their program. Of course, our community’s signature event, Hyack Festival Week, will see the Hyack Ambassadors all over the City! May 23 at the Hyack Anvil Battery traditional May Day Salute to the Queen, May 25 at the longest-running May Day Celebration in the British Commonwealth, May 27 they will be attending the Hyack Hospitality Banquet with Hyack Board members and visiting American dignitaries at La Perla Restaurant where they will also be performing as the evening entertainment! May 28 is our BIG DAY, as the Ambassadors will be riding the awardwinning Sapphire “DREAM LIVE CELEBRATE” float in our famous Hyack International Parade (2nd largest parade in BC) and then participate in the Uptown Street Fest after the parade. Finishing up Sunday, May 29, they will be acting as hostesses at the annual Heritage Homes Tour AND be part of the new Heritage May Day Picnic festivities at the Armoury. A busy week indeed! This summer will see the Hyack Ambassador Leadership Team attend many BC community festivals, Pacific Northwest parades, volunteer here at home at our community events and support their individual sponsors as well. The Hyack Ambassador Leadership Team welcomes opportunities to contribute to our community and if your organization would like to have them assist your event, please call the Hyack office with your request, 604-522-6894. Scholarship applications will be available at an upcoming informal afternoon for those interested youth who may enjoy what the program has to offer and possibly be interested in applying for the 2017 program, please call Director-in-Charge, Lili De Capite at 604-3751370, for more information. continued on page 33 | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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CITY BACKS AFFORDABLE HOUSING

he City of New Westminster has awarded conditional approval to two proponents for the development of affordable housing projects on two city-owned sites. Development of 43 Hastings Street has been awarded to the Community Living Society (CLS) which submitted a proposal in partnership with Catalyst Community Developments Society. The proposal submitted by Women in Need Gaining Strength (WINGS) was selected for the site at 630 Ewen Avenue. Both Catalyst and WINGS are non-profit societies that specialize in the development of affordable housing projects. Both CLS and WINGS are based in New Westminster. “As New Westminster grows we must ensure affordable housing options exist for our citizens,” said Mayor Jonathan X. Coté. “Affordable housing is one of the City’s strategic priorities and aims to provide low income households in New Westminster with housing that is safe, adequate, and affordable.” In June of 2015, the City of New Westminster requested proposals for the two sites. The request emphasized innovation in developing affordable housing through the use of City-owned land. Catalyst and CLS have proposed three family friendly townhouse units and three apartments for adults with disabilities for the 42 Hastings Street site. WINGS is proposing to build a family-oriented rental building for 630 Ewen Avenue that will have five two-bedroom units. In addition, RFP evaluation criteria sought to identify projects that: 1) demonstrate short and long-term affordability; 2) are sympathetic in design with existing neighbourhoods; 3) are suitable for families with children; 4) can be replicated elsewhere in the City, and; 5) can be under construction by summer 2017. “Meeting the affordable housing needs of the residents of New Westminster is essential to social and economic health of the community,” said Beverly Grieve, Director of Development Services. “The lessons learned through the development of the two affordable housing projects will inspire more developments in the future.” The Mayor’s Housing Affordability Task Force will continue to support of the creation of new non-market housing for low and moderate income households, affordable rental housing, and affordable home ownership in New Westminster. Contact: Mayor Jonathan Coté City of New Westminster jcote@newwestcity.ca or 604-527-4522

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MARJIE Mother: Did you behave well in church today, Marjie? Marjie: I certainly did. A nice man offered me a plate full of money, and I said, “No thank you.” TOUGH TEACHER A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth! NICE PERFUME On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him. “Nice perfume… which brand is it? I want to gift it to my wife.” Lady replies, “Don’t give it to her, some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her!” DEER CROSSING A new neighbour called the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on the road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here. I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.” TRYING ON A DRESS Customer: I’d like to try that dress in the window. Assistant: I’m sorry madam, I’m afraid you’ll have to use the fitting room, like everybody else. ENGAGEMENT RING Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

35 Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, “Well, don’t you have something to ask me?” Dave then got down on bended knee. “Honey,” he said, “Will you buy me a new computer?” TO MY DARLING HUSBAND I’m sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so you’ll be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what’s been going on since your computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, Handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good but yours was excellent! The chair and back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn’t mind being vacuumed and that the feather duster made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I’m not sure if you noticed it. I asked the painters to cut air holes in the drop cloths so you wouldn’t be disturbed. Well dear, I must be going. The family is leaving on a ski trip and there is much packing to do. I’ve hired a house-keeper to take care of things while we are away. She’ll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to the computer room just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting. Love, Mary FREE PHOTO Q: How do you get a family photo taken if you can’t afford to buy one? A: Sit the family in the front seat and run a red light.

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37 MARKETING GENIUS A shopkeeper was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!” To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading “LOWEST PRICES!” He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, “MAIN ENTRANCE.” YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN: 1. You kiss your girlfriend’s home page. 2. And even your night dreams are in asp. 3. You start introducing yourself as: “Yourname at yourlastname dot com dot.” 4. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you’ve never had heart problems before. 5. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. 6. You can’t call your mother… she doesn’t have a modem. 7. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 8. Your wife makes a new rule: “The computer cannot come to bed.” 9. You get a tatoo that says: “This body best viewed with Microsoft Internet Explorer 5.5 or higher.” 10. The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

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YOUR FIRST WORRY Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “Excuse me?” the accountant said. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.” “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?” “I’ll start you at eighty thousand.” “Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?” “That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.” “We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.” ~ Vince Lombardi

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“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

What is going on in our marketplace?

he prices are still going absolutely crazy. Many of us have not experienced price increases like this ever in our lives before. The media keeps talking about speculation, bubbles, market crashing, shadow flipping, and tax evasion. What does all of this really mean? What are the real issues? Personally, I think the media has confused the general public and coined a new term called “shadow flipping” to invoke negative emotions. The resales of contracts is a perfectly legal practice which is regulated in BC. The two-part problem consists of unethical realtors misrepresenting their sellers and the tax free money being made from these “flips.” These unethical realtors are partaking in assignments and taking their sellers trust for granted by putting their own greed ahead of their fiduciary duty. An example of this may be if a realtor lists your home, brings you a direct buyer or buys your house themselves, and then helps that buyer or themselves get a higher price for the initial contract of your home before completion. This realtor’s legal duty was to make sure that the original seller got the best price, not to make multiple commissions on what might have been too low of an original sale price to begin with. The second part of the problem is people who are involved with assigning contracts but are not declaring any of the income when filing their taxes. This undeclared income is obviously a huge issue with the CRA and is, quite frankly, unfair to all those who have to pay taxes for the hard work that they do. I have heard of such instances where “flippers” have made upto One Million dollars per year; imagine that being tax free and virtually untraceable by the CRA.

In regards to a bubble, speculation, or a crashing market, the biggest and clearest factor I’ve noticed is that we seem to live in a very desirable part of the world and our land is limited. We are in fact running out of new developable land. Other than starting to build into the sky, there is only so far a person is willing to move East of here. This, in turn, will increase the prices indefinitely. The only thing that can slow the overall market is a drastic increase in interest rates or a drastic increase in the Canadian dollar. I do not think that any actions taken by the government to try to control the markets will be effective. There are not necessarily simple answers for any or all of these questions, but there are educated responses by experts in the real estate market. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to only work with people whom you really trust. Do not take a risk with what is probably the most valuable asset in your life. Go out and interview different professionals in the field. See who you feel comfortable with. See who has reputablereferences. It never hurts to get a second opinion with anything. If you or anyone you know is thinking about selling or just has general questions about the market, please do not hesitate to call me. Coffee’s on me. For a familiar face and a name that you know you can trust… Sincerely,

Roveen Kandola

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates 604-644-SOLD (7653)

2015

roveenkandola@remax.net

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