Piffle Magazine 2016-06 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

JUNE 2016 ISSUE #189

New Westminster Lions Club

Photo credit: Gabor Gasztonyi

is reaching out for new members. Join them for their Open House on Monday, June 6, 7–9:00 p.m. at Boston Pizza, 1045 Columbia St, New Westminster.

See story on page 8.

Share your news for free on social networks! www.piﬄe.ca /share

“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

Roveen Kandola & Associates 2015

604-644-7653(SOLD)

Re/Max Real Estate Services N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave. Independently Owned and Operated.

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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

We have moved to New West!

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca

H M D O J S S Y H Z K G B F I N K E U K

T S V B P D D A N G X F C B P H B B I E

I G Z G V U F H I T I Z Y B B M I L O G

P O B C O V I W F U L R L C T B M R T K

Z W N G G T F B T W E Z R A K V X Z M R

U Q U C X B L I U W F H Z C K J Z F O Z

A P E Y J F D K C K K G N Q Y P C G B G

F T A A P H E J L N G O B P G Z M V B K

O N H T J J F G R T B I Z Z J L B F P T

I A P A P P K U L K F F T F C L K X M N

D H J T I G Q D C M A Q J V E S P Q R H

B D S T S R N E S O W E G M Y U C S I P

P Q A I A E Q F D G Z L F Y O T G O U Z

T J C D A D S E L J K O W O X N A U F A

I T E K N A B B A B B O W C V Q J I Y O

A P A B V V B P K O W Z R B X Q C R K P

B Y P A H Q M E M V J I S J C Q L O W M

B Q L P K E E D E D Q R H D N A C M I C

Q U D X U J C N P Q G X V G Q A L K V B

Z T F R X L M H C X U A E K R D C G F I

WORD SEARCH HOW TO SAY FATHER IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES ABBA (HEBREW) APA (HUNGARIAN) ATHAIR (IRISH) BABBA (ARABIC) BABBO (ITALIAN) BANKETI (GERMAN) BAPA (INDONESIAN) DAD (ENGLISH) ISA (FINNISH) OTEC (SLOVAK) PAI (BRAZILIAN PORTUGUESE) PAPA (SPANISH/FRENCH) PEDAR (PERSIAN/FARSI) PITA-JI (HINDI) TATAY (FILIPINO) TATTI (YIDDISH) VADER (AFRIKAANS)

Serving the Community of New Westminster HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE SPECIAL MEN IN OUR LIVES Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.

Judy Darcy, MLA

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101

Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6

June 2016

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LEGION NO.2 MEAT BINGO THURS AT 6PM

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MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME!

CALL 604-520-6171 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster

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Gift Certificates available “Hate to break it to you, Facebook, but the entire Internet is already a Dislike button.” ~ Josh Groban

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Sargent’s Word Search ��2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ��7 On the Cover: Lions Open House ��8 A-Maze-In �� 11 Let’s Talk with Keith Norris �� 11 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #23 �� 12 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #22 Solution �� 12 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 17 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 18 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 18 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness ��20 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ��24 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services �� 27 Piffle Quiz ��29 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah ��29 Math Madness Solution ��30 Number Blocks Solution ��30 Piffle Quiz Answer �� 31 Raymond Burr Performing Arts Society 2nd Year Entrance Award of Distinction ��35 Piffle Business Directory ��36

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Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Ofﬁcer Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org Phone: 604-521-0363 or 604-830-0157

Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support over the years!

YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE

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June 2016

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AUNT LEAH’S 2ND ANNUAL BLOCK PARTY

Join us as we celebrate the start of BC Youth in Care Week during our 2nd Annual Block Party, sponsored by Telus Days of Giving. Relax and enjoy free food, refreshments, games and music with your family and community. Aunt Leah’s Urban Thrift will be on-site selling clothes and small furniture during the event. THE BUCKET LIST FESTIVAL

Saturday, June 11, 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St, New Westminster

A Bucket List is about… living. Learn how you can live life to the fullest by enjoying an uplifting day full of valuable information, resources and prizes. A broad range of experts will address topics dealing with a myriad of issues we all will face as we plan for our future. Ensure that you have a voice and know

how to use it to achieve peace of mind and help you put more life into your days. Tickets: $25 (plus service charges) includes lunch and coffee breaks. WELCOME BBQ

Saturday, June 25, 12:00 p.m. – 4:00 p.m. Friendship Park, New Westminster New Westminster and District Labour Council are hosting a family fun event and BBQ We are welcoming all new Canadians. Call Trevor Morgan at 778-886-8107, CUPE 23. QUEENSBOROUGH CHILDREN’S FESTIVAL

Queensborough Children’s Festival Saturday, June 18, 12:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. Ryall Park, 920 Ewen Ave, New Westminster The 5th annual Queensbourough Children’s Festival is a FREE, fun ﬁlled family event celebrating children of all ages! Join us for interactive play, live entertainment, craft stations, food and more! The event goes rain or shine.

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” ~ Spike Milligan

Photo by Gabor Gasztonyi

Lions Louisa Lundy and Fraser Mackay.

LIONS OPEN HOUSE

Lunch Specials EVERYDAY (both Chinese and Western di

shes)

441 East Columbia Street New Westminster, BC

604-521-1871

10% OFF for pick-up orders over $20

FREE DELIVERY everyday starting at 4:30pm within a 5km distance and minimum $23 + tax order

OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK 11:00am – 10:00pm Closed Tuesdays

ew Westminster Lions Club is swinging its door wide open to all those interested in making new friends, while making life in the Royal City better than ever. Enjoy light refreshments and lionhearted reflections on the Club’s past 70 years of volunteer service in New Westminster. Hear first person accounts of how the Club has helped individuals in our community achieve their goals. Experience the pride Lions Club members feel when recalling successful local projects and participation in fun-fueled civic events. See for yourself that, together, we can accomplish far more for our city. Fun and friendship are natural derivatives of all this activity. New Westminster Lions Club is reaching out to you to ensure the focused, volunteer support they have been providing since 1946, will still be here for another 70 years. New members are needed to bring new energy and new ideas to the organization. The Club needs YOU. Join Lions and leave a trail of creative kindness, so that we can live a better tomorrow by the work we do today. The Lions Club is “everyman’s and everywoman’s” club, open to “the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker.” Friendship is at its heart and its heartbeat can be heard in its association with NW Public Library, NW Secondary School, Monarch Place, Blind Beginnings, Quayside Boardwalk Sale, Royal City Show ‘N Shine and Buchanan Lodge, to continued on page 11

June 2016

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ROBERT HAMER

REAL ESTATE CONSULTANT ROYAL LEPAGE NORTHSTAR

779-5592 (O) 604 538-2125 roberthamer@royallepage.ca www.roberthamer.ca (in English and Mandarin)

With over 10 years of experience helping people reach there Real Estate goals in the Lower Mainland and Fraser Valley.

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers

604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.

#360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5

June 2016

WELSH AND IRISH FARMERS An Irish farmer sees a Welsh farmer with two sheep under his arms and he asks “Are you gonna shear them?” ”Nope,” says the Welshman. “They’re both for me.” PATIENCE PRAYER Dear God, please help me have patience… and make it quick! GRANDPA Bobby was sitting on the porch talking to his Grandpa when he innocently asked, “Grandpa, do you know how to make animal sounds?” “I sure do” Grandpa replied. “What sort of animal sound would you like to hear?” “How about a toad? Do you know how to sound like a toad?” “Sure”, said Grandpa, cupping his hand to his mouth, “croaaak croaaak, how did you like that?!” “Yipee!” screamed Bobby jumping up and down, “We are going to Disney World!” “Huh?” Questioned Grandpa. “Why’s that?” “Because Grandma said so,” Bobby patiently explained, “she said that after you croak we’ll all go to Disney World” ANIMAL CRACKERS “Mom, can I have an animal cracker,” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “It said on the box not to eat it if the seal is broken.” Bob replied “I spilled out the whole box, I looked through all of the animals but I can’t find any seals!”

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11 continued from page 8

name a few. Lions help the disadvantaged, who may fall through the gaps in our safety net. Lions Club International boasts membership of over 1.35 million volunteers worldwide, in over 206 countries and is recognized by the United Nations. In 2017, the organization will celebrate 100 years of service globally. You and your family can play a part in all of this. Every individual brings unique values and talents. Opportunities are available for personal development through a variety of programs. Communication skills, original project ideas or just plain roll-up-your sleeves readiness and optimism are encouraged in friendly social settings. All that we require is that you spend a little time with us. Help yourself by helping others. Open your heart and explore the possibilities at our Open House on Monday, June 6, 2016 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m., Boston Pizza, Columbia Square, New Westminster. Lions are looking forward to meeting you. Email newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com or call Louisa Lundy at 604-525-1829.

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

LET’S TALK By Keith Norris, Registered Therapeutic Counsellor

o I need Therapy? As Counsellors our duty is to help people identify and manage diagnosable mental illness in our communities but far too many go without help for mental issues sometimes considered not as significant. We all struggle with issues that affect our well-being and hamper our enjoyment of life. Those of us feeling distressed, without a clear condition suffer needlessly and potentially make problems worse by abstaining from our help; we’re there for everyone. So what constitutes mental distress? Problems that don’t meet criteria for severe mental illness but qualify for, and can benefit from counselling therapy are: • You suffered trauma and can’t stop thinking about it. • Other kinds of obsessive thinking. • Using substances like drugs, alcohol or sugar to cope with emotional pain. • You are getting bad feedback at work. • You are feeling trapped in a relationship. • Unresolvable feelings of anger, sadness, guilt or hopelessness. • Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed. You also need to know that us Counsellors are there for help with issues that are not necessarily associated with distressing and or medical issues. We can offer guidance with health and wellness also. • Career choices and aptitudes. • Being a better partner, lover or parent. • Self acceptance. • Mindfulness and congruency. Over the last few years I’ve seen a profound change in the social acceptance of seeking therapeutic support. It used to be, for instance, those men seeing a Therapist indicated a sign of weakness; or for women, it meant you were crazy. “Just suck it up” and it will be okay. Today the stigma of it dissolves in our common challenges of economic and environmental crisis, social isolation and overwhelming global disorder. Sitting with a trusted and loyal Counsellor a few times a month, to work out our troubles is no longer a condemnation that we are “crazy”. It can be a vital part to our wellbeing and bring vivid, that our responsibility as humans is to live the very best lives we can.

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss

12 PESSIMIST THOUGHT The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.

BE PART OF CHANGING A CHILD’S LIFE WITH MUSIC! The New Westminster Citadel Corps of the Salvation Army is looking for sponsors to send kids to their Music and Performing Arts Camp in Gibsons, BC. Service Clubs, Corporation, and individuals are encouraged to help. For more information, please contact: Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Officer

604-521-0363 604-830-0157

Church Line Cell

THE SWEET KISS I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her. “No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”

Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org The Salvation Army New Westminster Citadel Corps 325 Sixth St, New Westminster

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #23

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “SLY AND CAGGY” 5

4 3 1

2 4

EXERCISE At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym. After consulting with one of the trainers, Harry decided to try out a steep treadmill. “OK,” said the trainer “I’m going to set it for ten minutes, if you want to go longer just press start again.” At first Harry was doing fine but after 5 seconds he started getting tired, and after a minute he jumped off gasping for breath. Walking to the side to sit down, he passed by a friend of his.

5 2

THE DOOR BELL Everyone loved Priest John. He was a happy jolly fellow always willing to help or lend a hand. One time John was walking down the street humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house. “Hey there sonny” said John “let me help you out”, and with that John reached out and pressed the bell. “Anything else I can do for you,” asked John with a smile. “Yes” said the boy. “Run! We’ve only got a few seconds before they come!”

SOLUTION TO PUZZLE #22 PICTOGRAPH B Y R O S S H O O D 2 10

11 10 13 5

5 6 1

1 1

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. June 2016

2 1

1 1 12

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13 “Man”, said Harry. “I could barely last a full minute on that treadmill.” “Alright, alright,” said his buddy, “no reason to brag!”

Made with Russian love

GOD’S NAME Despite what people think, @#!*% is not the last name of God. OPTIMIST An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him. THE SLOTH AND THE TURTLES A sloth calls the police to report that he was attacked and robbed by a gang of turtles. When the police ask him to describe the attack, he replies, “I… doooon’t… knoooow… It… all… happened… soooooo… fasssst…” BRAGGING ABOUT THEIR SONS Three senior ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” “WELL!” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices,” asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile. “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”

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I WANT ONE Wouldn’t it be great if there was as an “edit undo” button in life? “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” ~ Albert Einstein

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PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!

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THE QUICK THINKING DACHSHUND A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in midstride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.” Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. And, just when they get close enough

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15 to hear, the dachshund says, “Where’s that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.” BILLY AND THE POST OFFICE The Rev. Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, Rev. Graham thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.” “I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”

New Westminster Lions Club Invites You to our Open House Monday, June 6, 7-9 pm

BOSTON PIZZA ~ 1045 Columbia St (Tenth St & Columbia) New Westminster, BC Contact: Louisa Lundy 604-525-1829 E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com

SIGNS YOU ARE AN INTERNET GEEK • When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP address. • You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is “Hi, what’s your URL?” • Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail. • You’re amazed to find out spam is a food. • After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, “I feel so colon-right parentheses!” HOW TO GET THEIR ATTENTION If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable. WHO CARES Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

AUTO WASH STARTING AT

w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Rove e n K a n d o l a & A s s o ci ate s R e / M ax R e a l E s tate S e r vi ce s • I n d e p e n d e ntly O wn e d a n d O p e r ate d • N . Towe r 41 0 – 6 5 0 We s t 41 s t Ave

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” ~ Steve Martin

16 6 WAYS TO SUPPORT NEW WEST ART THIS MONTH The Arts Council of New Westminster Presents

Greater Vancouver

It’s Our Turn: The Art of the Turned Wooden Form

Woodturners Guild June 1 - 26th, 2016 Opening Reception

Wednesday June 1st,6pm - 8pm

Artist Demo

June 4 & 18th, 1 - 5 pm. at the Queen’s Park Bandshell

The Gallery at Queen’s Park Wednesday 1pm to 8pm Thursday - Sunday 1pm to 5pm artscouncilnewwest.org

Jay Mapson, Kokeshi Salt Shaker, 2015, maple burl & elm, 6.5” x 2.5” diameter

The New Westminster Youth Ambassador Society & Friendship Chapter #75 invite you to join them at their...

LAWN BOWLING FUNDRAISER Sunday, June 12, 2016

2 pm - 6 pm

New Westminster Lawn Bowling Club At Moody Park 710 Eighth St, New Westminster Partial proceeds will be donated to BC & Alberta Guide Dogs

June 2016

Cost: $20 per person includes bbq RSVP by June 8 to nwyas@shaw.ca barbmoncrief@gmail.com

he Arts Council of New Westminster and our members have another busy month with lots of events coming up. Here are just six inspiring ways you can connect with the arts in our city: 1. Take in an exhibit. Enjoy the latest featured artist at The Gallery at Queen’s Park. Greater Vancouver Wood Turners showcases “It’s Our Turn: the Art of the Turned Wooden Form”, June 1–26. You can meet the artists at the artist reception on June 1 from 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. It’s a great opportunity to meet other community art-lovers and enjoy an evening out in the Park. 2. Explore Queensborough. Head over to Queensborough for the Artists in the Boro exhibition “Getting Emotional” running from June to August. The exhibition takes places in the “Art in the Atrium” Gallery at the Queensborough Community Centre. 3. Listen to art. Music in the Community seeks to provide a space for amateur musicians and artists who reside in New Westminster. On Sunday June 26 they will be hosting the event at the Holy Trinity Cathedral from 5:00 p.m.–7:00 p.m. 4. Watch art live. The Vagabond Players presents “Calendar Girls.” Tim Firth’s funny, sentimental and captivating comedy. June 2–26 at The Bernie Legge Theatre, Queen’s Park, New Westminster. Tickets: $15, Seniors/Youth: $13 Purchase your tickets at www.vagabondplayers.ca/tickets or call 604-521-0412. 5. Catch a flick. Join the Arts Council for the season finale of Last Monday at the Movies on June 27, featuring a showing of “A Brilliant Young Mind” for your viewing pleasure. At the Massey Theatre, 7:30pm. 6. ArtsToGo. Come by Royal City Centre for free arts workshops for the whole family on the first Sunday of every month. Workshops run from 12:00 p.m.– 3:00 p.m. Get exposed to the arts! You can find out more details about these and other arts events in New Westminster at www.artscouncilnewwest.org. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

17 MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy

t’s officially festival season here in the Royal City and we have many reasons to celebrate this fabulous place we call home. If you’re sorry you missed out on the Hyack Parade, make sure to mark your calendars for two exciting festivals in June: Sapperton Days and the Queensborough Children’s Festival. These are two great opportunities to celebrate the city with your neighbours. I’m looking forward to taking my community office out to festivals and various other locations this summer to meet more of you and be able to share the work we do to support people in our city. I am honoured to be a guest at graduating ceremonies for both New Westminster Secondary School and Douglas College. The youth in this city never fail to im-

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO BE A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

press me, from initiating a dementia awareness group (the Initiative for Neuroscience and Dementia!) to rallying for the construction of a new high school. New Westminster students are creative and passionate and give me immense hope for the future. To keep up-to-date with different community events around the city, be sure to stop by the community events display at the front of my office at 737 Sixth Street. If you have an event that you want advertised, please feel free to drop off a poster in person or email me the event poster at judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca. There’s always something exciting happening in the city. Make sure you don’t miss out! If you haven’t already signed up for my monthly community e-newsletter, please subscribe by visiting my website at www.judydarcy.ca so you can get regular updates about what’s happening in the community and in the Legislature.

The programmer said, “Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend… but a talking frog, now that’s cool!” OFF TO THE GUILLOTINE The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches

from his neck. So, the authorities release the drunkard as well. Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, “WAIT!!! I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!” NO POINT I’m 39 years old, and I see absolutely no advantage to growing up! I SHOULD BE TALLER I just checked a height/weight chart and found out that I am 4 inches too short. THE ACTING PHASE Mother: “I’m afraid our son has decided to take up acting.” Father: “What’s so bad about that?” Mother: “Well, he’s gotten so big that whenever he appears in a play, he crashes right through the floor.” Father: “Don’t worry about it. It’s a stage he’s going through…”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marx

MATH MADNESS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

June 2016

FREE TICKETS A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, the process took some time. A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, “Guess who sent them.” The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value. And on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: “Now you know!” A REVIVED MARRIAGE Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!” HAIR TODAY AND GONE TOMORROW Q: What do you call 13 bunnies in a row, hopping backwards? A: A receding hairline! | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Come join us!

The QPHVS operates Quintessential Gift Shop at

The Queen’s Park Healthcare Volunteer Society celebrates the spirit of volunteering and salutes our dedicated team of volunteers. Combine a love of retail therapy and working with seniors and others in our community of care by volunteering in the Gift Shop or becoming a society member.

www.QPHF.org

Queen’s Park Care Centre, and fundraises to support programs that enrich our community of care and help make the Queen’s Park Care Centre a home.

For more information call Lizz Kelly at 604-517-8661 or email Lizz.kelly@fraserhealth.ca

“Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more…” ~ Dr. Seuss

• You should perform each workout at least two times per week, allowing yourself one or two days oﬀ. (For example, you could do Workout A on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then do Workout B on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.)

• Each week you should alternate between two 30-45 minute full body. Each workout should begin with the same simple warm-up routine.

You’ve followed a good starting plan but need to step it up if you want to push past that plateau. To get the most out of your sweat dollars, you’ll need to train your entire body each time you step into the gym. Here’s what we recommend:

UPGRADE YOUR WORKOUTS

ou have finally started to exercise consistently and started to see the results of that! You weigh less, people are starting to take notice and more importantly you feel more energized, healthier and more confident than you have in ages. Then the plateau arrives and your progress grinds to screeching halt. Here’s how to push past it and take your health and fitness to the next level. The final stretch is always the hardest. After losing most of your excess fat and gaining strength, progress naturally slows. Plateaus occur because a fair amount of exercise and a relatively healthy diet can get us to a respectable level of fitness, but you can’t get beyond that point if you don’t start working harder. When you lead a busy life, spending more time at the gym and managing your nutrition can seem impossible because you just don’t have the time to step it up. That’s why fitness plateaus feel more like brick walls you’ll never break through. Without the necessary time and motivation, it seems like you need to settle for the progress you’ve made or just give up altogether. Luckily, this isn’t the end. Healthy diets don’t require constant management and calorie counting. A more challenging workout will take more effort, but it doesn’t have to take much more time. With a simple approach, you can break right through that brick wall and get into great shape.

When trying to lose body fat, the simplest thing you can do and the one that will yield the biggest return on your investment ― is track what you’re eating. When it comes

TRACK YOUR FOOD INTAKE

The workouts are only a small part of your overall success, and in order to maximize your results you need to make sure that your nutrition is locked in as well. Exercise only burns calories, but if you’re taking in too many you won’t overcome your plateau. To help you achieve your ﬁtness goals without losing your mind in the process, here are the big basics for you to focus on and implement.

SUPERCHARGE YOUR DIET

On days that you aren’t weight training, aim for 30-60 minutes of activity. This doesn’t necessarily mean heading to the gym to use the treadmill. It could be a walk in the park, a game of basketball maybe a bike ride. No matter what you do, make sure that it’s something that you enjoy doing. Just 30 minutes of activity four days a week adds up to two hours ― deﬁnitely enough to burn some serious calories without wearing you down and hurting your recovery.

STAY ACTIVE ON YOUR DAYS OFF

a load that allows you to get the prescribed number of repetitions in your workout but not much more. Too little will make your exercise too easy and too much will prevent you from completing it. Don’t let your ego come into play, or feel that you aren’t strong enough ― just be realistic with your choices. For example, if you’re aiming for 10 reps and feel that you could have done 12 to 15, then you need to increase the weight for that exercise. The ﬂip side is also true ― if you’re aiming for 10 reps but only were able to get 6, then decrease the weight accordingly. Perform all the prescribed sets of each exercise before moving on to the next one. Make sure to rest for at least 45-60 seconds between each set, giving yourself more rest time depending on your ﬁtness level. You can also decrease the number of sets initially by one if you need to work yourself into an intense program and then adding them back in as your strength and endurance increases.

ASK AN EXPERT: Dynamic Health and Fitness How Do I Overcome Exercise and Diet Plateaus?

Everyone has used Google and the internet to find out things and we all know that there are always several diﬀerent opinions and perspectives on what’s necessary to lose the fat once and for all and with all the choices out there it’s easy to overload your brain with way too much information. Simplify things! The best diet is the one that you’re able

DO WHAT SUITS YOU BEST

If you need help creating a meal plan that works for you, check with your personal trainer or local dietitian and they should be able to help provide you with good nutritional advice.

• CARBOHYDRATES: fruits, vegetables, grains, beans, and foods such as potatoes, whole wheat pasta, brown rice and whole grain cereals.

• FATS: nuts, seeds, oils, and also what is found in the above sources of protein ― some contain higher levels of fat than others.

• PROTEINS: beef, lean pork, chicken, seafood (tuna and salmon - also excellent sources of Omega 3’s), shellﬁsh, dairy, eggs, beans, nuts, seeds, and supplemental sources such as protein powder.

In order to give yourself the best chance of success, focus on eating whole foods that you enjoy eating rather than empty calorie processed foods. Are whole foods magical ― NO ― however a calorie is a calorie regardless of the source, but processed foods (e.g. donuts, cakes, sodas) have more calories per serving than fruits and vegetables and are more likely to cause you to overeat. Occasional indulgences won’t hurt, but too much processed food can negatively impact your progress. Getting the fat oﬀ is only half the battle ― keeping it oﬀ is where the war is won. By not only focusing on whole foods, but making sure that you actually love (or at least enjoy the taste of) them you’ll prevent the weight from coming back. Although by no means an exhaustive list, here are the healthier options in the primary three food groups:

FOCUS ON WHOLE FOODS THAT YOU ENJOY EATING

Remember: what gets measured gets managed. Fat loss is just as much of an emotional process as it is a physical one, and as with anything emotional it can be hard to be objective at times, which is why having a method outside your own head is critical to your success.

to overcoming a plateau, tracking yourself a little more closely can help. The easiest method is to jot down using a (pocket) notebook , making it easily accessible to you at a moment’s notice. Every time you eat something, just write it down for the day. For the more visually-inclined, snapping pictures of your meals is a simple way to keep an eye on your intake in less than ﬁve seconds. to stick to in the long run, so you should incorporate any strategies that will empower you. Everyone is different depending on your age, goals and schedule so continue making consistent, positive changes that makes sense to you and your lifestyle. Take responsibility for what you want, make a plan and own it and you will succeed: “IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT’S UP TO ME!”

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However, when you do your workout, there are a few other things you want to be cognizant of. The right weights make a big diﬀerence when attempting to overcome an exercise plateau. You need to choose

• You should still engage in some physical activity during your days oﬀ, but you don’t need to go to the gym.

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JUGGLERS Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it takes at least 3 light bulbs. A VISION OF BEAUTY Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder. BOB AND BETTY’S VACATION Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?” “I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!” Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. How-

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23 ever, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.” With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master, “Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!” FOUR HUBBIES Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. “What’s wrong?” The depressed one replied, “I’ve been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away.” The other lady asked, “What did they used to do?” The depressed lady replied, “Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician.” And the other said, “Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.” MOMMA SAID Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: “Mother said there would be knights like this.” MY SURGERY Before going in for surgery I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful. After the surgery I found another note on myself .”Anyone know where my cell phone is??”

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

In Queen’s Park

For a moment a scent something offered doorway opened, shut measurement of antique summers the geometry of comfort angles and elongations of all seasons other layers, voices returned to gift anchorage exhume history greener grass cleaner air shape shift forest open palm, earth circled light growth that will not be grasped defined, owned. Alan Hill is a proud resident of New Westminster has been published across Nor th America and Europe. His second full collection, The Broken Word (Silver Bow Publishing), was published in 2013. He is currently working on his third book of poetry. Alan is also manager of a weekly poetry reading series, Poetry New Westminster. For more details please see their Facebook page.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

“Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” ~ Dave Barry

CALL LIZA

for your personalized reading today!

778-898-2146 HOROSCOPES by LIZA JUNE 2016 ARIES: You will be inclined to spend much of your hard earned money during this time. Don’t let others influence you and avoid impulse purchases. TAURUS: Your physical energy is quite high this month and you will be able to accomplish a great deal. Others may be quite demanding of your time. GEMINI: Feeling irritable and uneasy? You may not get the credit you deserve, best to work behind the scenes and avoid confrontation. CANCER: This is the time to formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. Physical activity with friends will be beneficial. LEO: Great achievements can be made on the work front. Conflict with co-workers may arise and it’s best to channel your energies on work. VIRGO: You may be defending your belief system during this time. Put your energy into expanding your mind. Travel may be in the works. LIBRA: Financial disagreements may arise with your partner. Your hormones are running high this month; remember your value system. SCORPIO: Compromising with your better half is essential during this time. Is is really worth fighting over? Co-operation is the name of the game. SAGITTARIUS: Your daily life picks up considerably and you have the energy to get the job done. Health issues may arise during this time. CAPRICORN: You want to express yourself this month and so you shall! This month is all about playfulness and having fun. AQUARIUS: Much activity on the home front. If your thinking about renovations now is the time to get it done. Parents may cause difficulty. PISCES: You identify strongly with your ideas during this time. Write those thoughts down, they will come in handy in the future. June 2016

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FRONT STREET: Closed for cars, open for people! Front Street businesses are open during construction.

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THE FORGETFUL ACTOR An actor had been out of work for 15 years because he always forgot his lines. Then one day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for a big part in a play. All he had to say was “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! After much worry the actor decided to take the role. Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar! The time for the entrance finally came and as the actor made his appearance, he heard a loud brooooom! He turned around and said, “what the hell was that?” ~ Robert De Nero THE “BOTTOM” Q: What has a bottom at its top? A: A leg. GOING TO A PSYCHIC AFTER HUSBAND DIES Suzie was all alone. It was two months since her dear Herbie had passed, and she just couldn’t seem to move on. “Listen here Suzie”, said her good friend Barbara, “maybe you should go see a psychic? One of my friends did it after her husband died and it made her feel so much better knowing that her dearest was happy.” So that’s how, on the next Tuesday, Suzie found herself in a dim room with a crystal ball and a psychic talking in a calm voice. “Is he here?” Suzie asked. “Yes, I sense him,” was her reply. “Can you ask him if he’s happy?” Suzie hesitantly asked. “He’s putting his hand to his mouth like he wants to smoke” said the psychic. “Oh, of course,” said Suzie, “he needs a cigar. Herbie can never last more then a few hours without a cigar. I guess they don’t have cigars up there. Did he say where he is or how I could get one to him.” Questioned Suzie urgently. “Hmm”, said the psychic. “I can’t seem to get that question across to him. But then again,” said the psychic after a brief pause, “he didn’t say anything about needing a lighter!” ROMAN A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers, “Sir can I have five beers please.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

SARGENT’S CITY SCENE

OUTDOOR BURNING CITY OF NEW WESTMINSTER RECOGNIZED WITH PARKS AND OPEN SPACES AWARD

he BC Recreation and Parks Association has recognized Saint Mary’s Park with the 2016 Parks and Open Spaces Award. This award was presented to the City of New Westminster during the BCRPA Symposium in Whistler, BC. Saint Mary’s Park is located in downtown New Westminster, adjacent to the new École Qayqayt Elementary School. The site was formally occupied by Saint Mary’s Hospital and now serves as an important green space in the city. “We are very honoured that Saint Mary’s Park is the winner of the BCRPA Parks and Open Spaces Award,” said Mayor Jonathan X. Coté. “This park has been a welcomed addition to the downtown neighbourhood and we are extremely proud that through our strong partnerships we were able to create a unique space that serves both students and local residents alike.” Saint Mary’s Park was recognized for its innovative and creative design which includes play equipment for children of all ages, and the extensive use of recycled and local materials. The rubber safety surface is made from recycled tires and partially funded by the Tire Stewardship Community Grant, reclaimed granite bricks were salvaged from the historic streets of New Westminster, and a community continued on page 28

Nice weather typically means yard work during the day and long nights spent under the stars with a fire crackling in the back ground. Fire pits, no matter what their fuel source, are considered open air burning along with the burning of yard waste, construction materials or garbage, which not only is a potential fire hazard, but also impacts the air quality in our region. The New Westminster Fire Protection Bylaw prohibits open air burning of any garden refuse, any and all waste material from construction sites, any land clearing materials, or backyard fire pits of any type (propane, wood, natural gas, etc.). A fee for extinguishing “Outdoor Burning fire” of $200.00 per incident may be incurred. BYLAW 6940, 2004 — OUTDOOR BURNING AND CAMP FIRES SECTION 25.1: No person shall at any time start, light, ignite or burn, or knowingly permit or cause to be started, lighted, ignited or burn any fire of any kind whatsoever in the open air or in any portable incinerator or other portable appliance or device whatsoever in the open air, except where such fire is contained within a portable appliance or device and is used solely for the cooking and preparation of food and is fueled by propane, natural gas or charcoal.”

New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

28 continued from page 27 garden was added allowing

local residents to grow their own food. “Saint Mary’s Park has been well-received by the community due largely in part to the meaningful engagement that took place with residents, the New Westminster School District, and community organizations throughout the planning and design process,” said Dean Gibson, Director of Parks and Recreation. “As a result, the design of the park is responsive to the needs of the community and enhances the play experience and educational opportunities for both the neighbourhood and elementary school.” “The integration of natural systems and wildlife habitat is always a consideration when designing city parks and open spaces, especially in urban neighbourhoods,” said Erika Mashig, Parks and Open Space Planner for the City of New Westminster. “In keeping with this mandate, the large nature play area at Saint Mary’s Park encourages children to interact with natural features such as sand, logs, stumps, boulders and vegetation.”

EVA MARKVOORT COMMEMORATIVE PLAQUE TO BE INSTALLED IN THE QUEEN’S PARK ROSE GARDEN

he City of New Westminster has been working with the Brine Markvoort family to finalize details for a commemorative plaque to be installed to honour Eva Markvoort in the Queen’s Park Rose Garden. “Eva Markvoort was an articulate bright young woman who embodied tremendous courage, determination, and hope,” said Mayor Jonathan X. Coté. “This memorial plaque will serve as a reminder of her strength and ability to inspire untold numbers of people.” Eva grew up in New Westminster and championed organ donation and cystic fibrosis awareness. She

was featured in an award winning Canadian documentary65_RedRoses which chronicled her wait for a double lung transplant. Eva blogged candidly about her experience with a chronic disease under the profile name 65redroses. The profile name was chosen because young children often find cystic fibrosis difficult to pronounce, instead calling the disease 65 roses. For this reason, the Queen’s Park Rose Garden has been chosen as the most fitting location in the City to place a plaque remembering Eva’s legacy. After receiving a double lung transplant in late 2007, Eva Markvoort died March 27, 2010 of cystic fibrosis, aged 25. “Eva lived passionately and with purpose, leaving a legacy of love and making a difference in the lives of thousands of people in her personal life and in her online community,” said Bill Markvoort, Eva’s father. “She was defined by her challenges related to cystic fibrosis, yet soared above the limitations the disease imposed.” The idea for the commemorative plaque originated with a neighbourhood friend of the Brine Markvoort’s, and with the help of New Westminster City Council this tribute has become a reality. The public are invited to attend the unveiling of the plaque in the Queen’s Park Rose Garden on Friday, June 3 from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. For f urther information please contact Rob McCullough, Manager Museums & Heritage Services, rmccullough@newwestcity.ca or 604-527-4639.

LAW ENFORCEMENT RUNNERS LACE UP FOR SPECIAL OLYMPICS

rom May 31 to June 3, law enforcement runners and Special Olympics athletes will take to the streets with a message of respect and inclusion as they lace up in communities around the Lower Mainland for the

We are Open and have a for the duration of the Front St. Mews project. 649 Front St (Corner of McKenzie St) New Westminster, BC 604-540-8907 | www.winefactory.ca Call to check on road and parking conditions during the ongoing roadwork.

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29 2016 BC Law Enforcement Torch Run in support of Special Olympics BC. The LETR is a global movement that raises vital funds and awareness for Special Olympics. Since 1990, the BC LETR have been dedicated supporters of SOBC with LETR members around the province leading a variety of fundraising events throughout the year, raising more than $3 million to date. The Torch Run is the highlight of the calendar. Approximately 300 runners from a range of agencies and about 50 Special Olympics athletes are expected to join in the runs together in their communities, carrying the Flame of Hope and raising funds and awareness for Special Olympics. “It’s fantastic to see the different law enforcement agencies in the Lower Mainland come together to support Special Olympics,” Rick Lucy, the BC LETR Provincial Director and a retired Deputy Chief Constable with the Abbotsford Police Department, said. “Every year law enforcement members, including myself, look forward to running with Special Olympics athletes and seeing people from all the communities come out to cheer us on. We are so inspired by the dedication, camaraderie, and true spirit of sport we see in the athletes, and it’s an honour to support such a worthy cause.” Participating agencies include the Abbotsford, Delta, New Westminster, Port Moody, Vancouver, and West Vancouver police departments, RCMP detachments throughout the Lower Mainland, Canada Border Services Agency, the Justice Institute of British Columbia, and Metro Vancouver Transit Police.

KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Q: What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door.

A: “Put it on my bill.”

A: Close the door I am dressing!

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?

A: BECAUSE IT’S POINTLESS!

A: Because he was on a roll.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Q: Why does a seagull ﬂy over the sea?

A: Frostbite.

A: Because if it ﬂew over the bay it would be called a bagel!

continued on page 30 Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? A: “Give me my quarterback!”

Q: What city was the New Westminster SkyTrain Station named after?

Q: How do you make an egg-roll? A: You push it! Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: “Where’s pop corn?”

Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef.

“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” ~ E. E. Cummings

Piffle’s MATH MADNESS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE

Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE

subscription Form Name Address City Province Phone Email

Postal

❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too! Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing” Piﬄe Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5 *Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.

June 2016

Day 1, May 31: Abbotsford, continued from page 29 Chilliwack, Langley, Surrey, White Rock Day 2, June 1: Burnaby, Vancouver, North Vancouver/ West Vancouver Day 3, June 2: Mission, Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows, Port Moody/Coquitlam Day 4, June 3: New Westminster, Richmond, Delta/ Ladner LETR TORCH RUN IN NEW WESTMINSTER Time: 11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Location: Justice Institute of B.C., 715 McBride Blvd. ABOUT THE LAW ENFORCEMENT TORCH RUN The Law Enforcement Torch Run was started in 1981 in Wichita, Kansas, by Police Chief Richard LaMunyon. Chief LaMunyon saw an urgent need to raise funds for and increase awareness of Special Olympics. He proposed the idea of police officers running in support of Special Olympics athletes, while raising financial contributions from fellow police officers, private individuals, and the business community. From this modest beginning, the Law Enforcement Torch Run has developed into an inspiring international movement, with Torch Runs being held in more than 30 countries, including Canada. The LETR has raised more than $500 million for Special Olympics programs around the world. ABOUT SPECIAL OLYMPICS BC Special Olympics BC is dedicated to providing individuals with intellectual disabilities opportunities to enrich their lives and celebrate personal achievement through positive sport experiences. In 57 communities around the province, we provide year-round training and competitive opportunities in 18 different sports to more than 4,400 athletes of all ages and abilities, thanks to the dedicated efforts of over 3,400 volunteers. Connect with Special Olympics BC on their website www.specialolympics.bc.ca, or Facebook page www.facebook.com/specialolympicsbc or with Twitter @sobcsociety. Contact Eliot James, Fundraising & Communications Coordinator, Special Olympics BC. Phone 604-737-3042, cell (during event) 604-839-0540 or email ejames@specialolympics.bc.ca. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

THE SALVATION ARMY’S CAMP SUNRISE

he history of Camp Sunrise dates back to the year 1925, when Colonel Arch Layman, the newly appointed Divisional Commander, found there was no camp for the Vancouver area and immediately set out to resolve the difficulty. He states, “The opportunities for securing a camp were few. I looked over the area, went up the Bay with an agent, but was unable to find anything”. Capt. Fraser Morrison, who was the Divisional Youth People’s Secretary at the time, teamed up with the Colonel and they went to Gibsons, borrowed a boat from the Y.M.C.A., and rowed up and down the shore, sleeping on beaches, until they located the present site. You will realize there would have been no ferry at that time and much of the area would have been sparsely developed, if developed at all. Mr. Gooding (after whom Gooding Hall is named), a contractor, proved to be of great help to the Divisional Head Qurarters Team. They travelled together to the camp, stayed in tents, while they started the first footings for the main building, which is the present Gooding Hall. A “work bee” was organized on the old fashioned basis, with a number of Salvationist carpenters and construction workers from the Vancouver area. Some went up and stayed overnight, while others came the next morning. The main building was practically constructed in one day! The first year of Sunrise, they could do no other than to sleep in tents. From that day to this, The Salvation Army has developed the excellent facilities many now enjoy so much. There have been a number of continued on page 33

604-517-1230

oktirenw@shaw.ca 325A 12th Street New Westminster

Check out our seasonal specials! ANDREW LOCHHEAD, GM

A: Nope, that wasn’t a trick question. It’s New Westminster.

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” ~ Fred Allen

Quotes About Dad

“ It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life.” ~ Dawn French “ Life, Father, Beautiful A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” ~ Frank A. Clark “ It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” ~ Pope John XXIII “ My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more.” ~ Pete Rose “ When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and everything that’s happened that day just melts away.” ~ Hugh Jackman “ My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.” ~ Spike Milligan “ I’ve had some amazing people in my life. Look at my father — he came from a small fishing village of five hundred people and at six foot four with giant ears and a kind of very odd expression, thought he could be a movie star. So go figure, you know?” ~ Kiefer Sutherland “ My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.” ~ Amy Sedaris

Photo by Gabor Gasztonyi

We can’t wait to host your next event.

Sapperton Pensioners’ Hall

can accommodate up to 275 people and is perfect for weddings, dances, dinners, fundraisers, birthday parties, lunches, reunions, memorials, craft markets, filming, meetings, and displays.

• 14' x 25' stage, P/A system, upright piano • 3,500 sq. ft. of open area upstairs with a hardwood floor

• Downstairs has 3,500 sq. ft., linoleum floor, kitchen facilities

• Parking for 30 cars, close to Sapperton SkyTrain Station

• Less than 5 minutes from Pattullo Bridge or Hwy #1 exit

S A PPERTON P ENSIONERS ’ H A LL

318 Keary St, New Westminster • Call 604-522-0280 to book your space today June 2016

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

33 continued from page 31 local people who have given

unstintingly of their time, effort and money to see that the camp is what it is today. Service Clubs such as Rotary and Variety, have contributed in a very tangible way to the excellent facilities Camp Sunrise now has. A fine example is that of Rotary Hall, the present dining hall and “Variety” Cabin. Send your kids to Camp to have Fun and Eat Well! That’s the goal of the Camp Sunrise kitchen! Let our kitchen prepare fresh, wholesome and healthy meals to fuel your body and mind while you spend your time enjoying the Camp Sunrise Spirit! Every meal is prepared fresh with quality ingredients and specific to each group’s specific needs and requests. Comfort food is the specialty. Whether you are looking for home-style cooking like Grandma used to make… or something a little more health-focused, the kitchen staff can do that! Every meal is planned with nutritional guidelines in mind including a variety of greens, fresh vegetables and condiments. These days, most groups include individuals with a variety of special diet needs. Camp Sunrise Food Services staff is excellent at going the extra mile to create delicious and filling meal options for most special diet needs, including vegetarian, vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free and more. Just ask and they prepare it for you. The Salvation Army trust the developments of the future at Camp Sunrise will only help to enhance the lives of the young people for which the camp was brought into being some seventy years ago by Colonel Arch Layman. Camp Sunrise is located at 1377 Burns Rd, Gibsons. For more information, call Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Officer at 604-521-0363 or 604-830-0157 or email Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org.

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“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.” ~ Mel Brooks

34 DYING FEARS Adam woke up suddenly, sweating all over. “What’s the problem”, asked his wife. “Are you OK?” “I just dreamed that I died!” responded a shaken Adam. “And it was so bad up there, and that’s why you’re sweating all over?” asked his wife. “You bet!” exclaimed Adam. “I got up there, and was right in front of G-d himself, when he suddenly sneezed… and I didn’t know what to say to him! Whoa was that traumatic!”

Prescriptions & Compounding At Longevity Compounding Pharmacy, we truly care for our patients. We are dedicated to deliver the highest quality of Pharmaceutical care possible. We are dedicated to serving the special needs of physicians and their patients through custom prescription compounding.

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Signs & Printing

High Quality Namebadges to Promote Your Brand and Identity.

We have many styles available and can even produce custom shapes and sizes. A wide variety of colours and materials are available. Durable inks for imprinting your logo. We have a wide range of colour options available Traditional Finish - Metallic Finish. Laser Cut / Engraved Room Numbers/Identification Signs A variety of colours, typestyles and sizes available. Including 3D lettering.

Fire Door and Stairwell Signs

Signage to meet any guidelines and building codes.

Evacuation Plans

Full colour plans on metallic, white or clear backgrounds, with or without protective acrylic sheets.

Door Sliders

A variety of colours, typestyles and holder ﬁnishes available

Washroom Signs

A variety of colours and sizes available all conforming to pictogram standards.

Direction Signs

We create custom signs on all kinds of materials; Sintra, Lamicoid, plywood, coroplast.

SALES: 604-657-5600 EMAIL: info@canengrave.com www.canengrave.com June 2016

IT’S RELATIVE Wife: You hate my relatives! Husband: No, I don’t! In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine. BAD EXAMPLE He’s not totally useless. He can be used as an bad example! BEAUTY Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. PREGNANCY Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?” “SHIRLEY!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!” “And is this her first child,” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!” TOILET HUMOR A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor’s office. “Here”, said the nurse, handing her a urine specimen container. “The bathroom is over there on your right. The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.” A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face. “Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all!” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

RAYMOND BURR PERFORMING ARTS SOCIETY 2ND YEAR ENTRANCE AWARD OF DISTINCTION

he family and the Estate of the late Raymond Burr announce formation of a fund raising “BURR 100” Committee to endow the Raymond Burr Performing Arts Society Douglas College Bursary and solicits sponsors and partners. The board of Directors of the Raymond Burr Performing Arts Society (“RBPAS”) in conjunction with his family, and the cooperation of the Raymond Burr Estate, announced today, on the 99th anniversary of the birth of Raymond William Stacey Burr, the formation of the “BURR 100” Committee under the chairmanship of family member and RBPAS Treasurer, Maureen Albanese. The goal of the BURR 100 events, to celebrate the 100th Anniversary of Raymond Burr’s birth, in New Westminster, B.C., on May 21st, 2017, is to ensure that his legacy of support for Theatre Arts is marked with completion of the full endowment of the existing RAYMOND BURR PERFORMING ARTS SOCIETY 2ND YEAR ENTRANCE AWARD OF DISTINCTION, now in its 6th year of giving financial support to Theatre Arts students at Douglas College. If the fund raising activities are successful, this existing program could be expanded in both number of awards and/or their value. In that regard, the RBPAS is announcing its commitment of $5,000 to this effort. A tax deductible donation can made through the RBPAS. The committee is also in discussions to potentially get these donations matched. From the Raymond Burr Vineyards in California, 86-year-old Robert Benevides, his partner, endorsed the project on behalf of the estate as follows: “I soundly applaud your concerted efforts on behalf of Raymond’s 100th birthday. Your connection with Douglas College is exactly what Raymond would have done were he still with us. He told me many times about two plays that he starred in at the Pasadena Playhouse that he really felt proud of: in one he played Henry the 8th and in the other he was Paul Gaugin.” The BURR 100 Committee is seeking the partnership and sponsorship of community organizations in the planning of suitable fund-raising events for the week around Raymond’s 100th birthday, on May 21 2017, that will maximize funds raised by such efforts. To date, the BURR 100 Celebrations includes the sponsorship, with Landmark Cinemas Canada in New

Westminster, of the screening, in partnership with Universal Studios, of Alfred Hitchcock’s iconic suspense thriller “REAR WINDOW” starring RAYMOND BURR, Grace Kelly and James Stewart with a special introduction of the 1954 film by a film historian. A special theatrical evening, in partnership with Douglas College Foundation and the Theatre Arts staff and students at the Douglas College New Westminster Campus is also in the planning stages. In addition the Royal Canadian mint is also considering our request, made a year ago, for production of a commemorative medallion. Discussions are also ongoing with the Legal fraternity for their support and input for an additional “Perry Mason” special event. To further these fundraising efforts, the BURR 100 COMMITTEE will sell a “BURR 100 RED CARPET ALL ACCESS PASS” for $100, with a tax receipt for an appropriate portion, to attend these and other events that will be arranged with other partners and sponsors over the next year. Raymond Burr is probably best known for his CBS television series “PERRY MASON” which ran from 1957-66- a series that is still being shown on television today. It spawned the aspirations of several generations of lawyers, including U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. He followed up with another series called “IRONSIDES”, about a disabled, wheelchair bound Police Officer. A Universal Studios production, also a partner in BURR 100, it ran from 1967-75. Any individuals, groups or organizations that wish to contribute to these fund raising efforts, as sanctioned by the family and the estate, are encouraged to get in touch with the BURR 100 COMMITTEE. For more information on this release, the BURR 100 COMMITTEE or the Raymond Burr Performing Arts Society please contact:

BURR 100 COMMITTEE c/o Maureen Albanese, Chair 10 Laguna Court, Unit 1906 New Westminster, BC V3M 6W3 Email: malbanese@telus.net or edwardeddy@telus.net

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ~ Isaac Asimov

BUSINESS DIRECTORY

/issue

MOON CONSTRUCTION

Contact Chris today!

604-525-9027

chrissargent@piffle.ca

Additions • Renovations New Construction Mount Calvary Lutheran Church 701 - 6th St, New Westminster Divine Service & Sunday School: 11:00 am Sundays

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RENAISSANCE BOOKS

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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

37 HIGH FEVER My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?” Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!” THINKING TONGUE TWISTER I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much. FUNNY PUNS • We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. It runs in our jeans. • I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist. • Why did the scarecrow get a raise? He was outstanding in his field. • Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word. • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. • I called a psychic once. She asked who was on the line, so I hung up. • I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

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AT THE MUSEUM “And this over here” croaked the 90 year old museum tour guide, “is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, on it’s left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.” “Wow! That’s really fascinating,” said a fellow in the audience, “how can you age it so accurately to the year?” “Well that’s simple” answered the old chap, “It was two million years old when I started working here 69 years ago.” “It’s funny, because I sometimes feel that I’m most creative when I’m pregnant.” ~ Georgina Chapman

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“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

Beware the Private Sale! Have you been approached directly by sweet talking developers, builders, investors or buyers? W illin g to give yo u exactly what you want in cash with the deposit provided w i t h i n h o u r s? T h e prospect of this deal may sound tempting, but do not be fooled. These entrepreneurs are not working for yo u r b e s t i n te r e s t . Sure they may be happy to pay you exactly what you want and yes they will save you the commissions, but how do you know if you are getting the best value for your property?

A licensed Realtor is the best way to make sure that someone is not taking you for a ride. We as licensees have a legal duty to p r ote c t o u r c li e n t s interests and get them the best value for their property. Sure we do have to charge for our services, but usually we are skilled enough to be able to negotiate a price that you are happy with and get paid at the same time. This skill comes with ex p e r i e n c e. I h ave time in and out heard horror stories of how sellers have sold their proper ties for almost HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS less than what they were wor th, sure

these people saved the commission, but they also lost out on THOUSANDS of d o ll a r s. Ag a in a trusted licensees opinion does not cost you anything but your time, to deal directly with an over zealous buyer could cost you THOUSANDS!! Please do not hesitate to call a familiar face and a name that you know you can trust… Sincerely,

Roveen Kandola

www.RoveenKandola.com Roveen Kandola & Associates 604-644-SOLD (7653)

2015

roveenkandola@remax.net

Re/Max Real Estate Services Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave, Vancouver, BC V5Z 2M9

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” ~ Henry Ford

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