Piffle Magazine 2016-07 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

JULY 2016 ISSUE #190

Tony Antonias with his Olympia typewriter that he got at CKNW in 1958. It’s the typewriter that inspired the Woodward’s $1.49 Day commercial. Tony still uses his trusty typewriter to create ads on. See story by Lori Pappajohn on page 17.

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Clean, Private, Service Oriented Fitness...

Men and Women Clean,ForPrivate, Service Oriented Fitness… For Men and Women

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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

We have moved to New West!

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca

E H R O P N L T Y W W B C N H X W W R I

A R N U B K H J C O E A V G W I K L Z R

O V Y N O T A G A Z P Z W W C C H G E K

Y K M I M I G U N Q J D U C Z N B Z B P

P M D V S I R F G A M B C S Y X H J W U

G A S Y S Z S H T E L A O S S B A N H Z

R X I Q E J A Y U D T E Y J I G D P U I

O E I L G S I Q R O Q Y I W X I L S W I

G C T H A R N C D P R P B V J A O F X H

C M A I L R O O M E X O Q Q Z K N K F T

S T K I R Z T U T R S S S F B F E F K Y

M H J R Q W N S Y A A T J V H S C H A H

S G H U O C A D U T E K I T S H J N L I

D I X U M C N B L A X N S N X M T N O S

H R W A D R S Z K D R I C M Y J M S L Q

X W T A E Z I V X N N L Z X P D L I Z S

M T O E J C G L G G B S R D O T A V N C

B R R C Z B A H S Z C O M V C I C P P N

B A Y C U K X F F D K S R S D R T V V E

C C J L E Q V U U U L E S G A E T K M G

WORD SEARCH ADCOPY ANTONIAS AUSTRALIA BAY BOSA BROADCASTER CAREER CARTWRIGHT DESTINY EATONS MAILROOM OPERA RADIO SEGAL TONY WRITER

Serving the Community of New Westminster Our office can assist with provincial government issues such as MSP, income assistance and provincial disability, WorkSafe, and ICBC.

Judy Darcy, MLA EMAIL

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca PHONE 604-775-2101

Judy Darcy’s Constituency Office is located at 737 Sixth St, New Westminster, V3L 3C6

July 2016

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LEGION NO.2 MEAT BINGO THURS AT 6PM

631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER

KARAOKE WITH CAL DONNELLY EVERY THURS & FRI

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EVERY SATURDAY (EXCEPT JULY 30)

SWEETWATER JULY 29 & 30 Royal Canadian Legion No.2, 604-522-4522

MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME!

CALL 604-520-6171 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster

WAXING SERVICES OTHER SERVICES Full Body ......................$75 Legs (half/full) ....... $20/30 Arms (half/full) ...... $15/25 Bikini (line/Brazil) .. $10/30 Chest/Back ............. $25/30 Gentlemen services at Spa call for quotes. Home services are for ladies only.

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Gift Certificates available “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein

Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth ﬂoor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Chris Sargent 604-525-9027

Owner & Publisher chrissargent@piﬄe.ca

Verne Siebert 604-763-6304 Sales Representative vernesiebert@piﬄe.ca

Bradley Olding 604-218-0911 Sales Representative bradleyolding@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca

www.piﬄe.ca

Sargent’s Word Search ��2 Imperial Pharmacy Community Page ��7 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #23 Solution �� 11 Let’s Talk with Keith Norris �� 11 A-Maze-In �� 11 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #24 �� 12 Feature: A Career to be Proud of by Lori Pappajohn �� 17 Ask An Expert: Dynamic Health and Fitness ��20 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 23 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 23 Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza ��24 Sargent’s City Scene �� 27 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services �� 27 Piffle Quiz ��29 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah ��29 Math Madness Solution ��30 Number Blocks Solution ��30 Piffle Quiz Answer �� 31 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy ��35 Piffle Business Directory ��36

Wondering what your home is worth?

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Roveen Kandola & Associates Re/Max Real Estate Services • Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410 – 650 West 41st Ave

July 2016

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.â&#x20AC;? ~ George Burns

Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support over the years!

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981 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

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July 2016

sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past

Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca

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CANADA DAY: CELEBRATING THE 100TH ANNIVERSARY OF CANADIAN WOMEN’S SUFFRAGE

Friday, July 1, 2016 11:30 a.m. - 3:00 p.m., Queen’s Park Bandshell Please join us on Friday, July 1st at 11:30 a.m. for a day of fabulous fun and celebrations for the entire family in Queen’s Park with performances. Enjoy exciting entertainment, interactive community display booths and our celebrated ‘Picka-Box’ silent auction. Free Admission.

CANADA DAY AT THE RIVER MARKET

We will be bringing a European style pop-up adventure playground to New Westminster! This will take place on a big open grassy area of Tipperary Park in New Westminster. Kids will build and create with freedom. The donated materials that will be used are the “spare parts” ie: fabric, PVC pipe, boxes, boards etc. We will have a station that will be adult assisted where we will be cutting some materials for kids as they direct for what they are building. Children then use their imaginations to create things to play with, such as; forts, ramps, etc.

INTRO TO AERIAL SILKS

The advantage of this style of program over other program styles are kids are able to play freely and therefore more creatively, kids must solve problems and challenges for themselves, kids have to opportunity to take risks and fail. This activity will be free for the community. We will need parents to stay for the time their kids are at the pop up playground, but encourage you to take a hands off approach to allow free play.

UPTOWN LIVE! MUSIC FESTIVAL

Friday, July 1, 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m. Visit River Market from noon onwards, and watch FREE ARTSTOGO WORKSHOP the ﬁreworks put on by Hyack Festival Association at 10:00 p.m. You’ll have the best seat in the AT ROYAL CITY CENTRE July 3, Noon – 3:00 p.m. house viewing it all from the boardwalk! 610 6th St, New Westminster Schedule of activities: The Arts Council of New Westminster, in • Vancouver Circus School performances on partnership with Royal City Centre, is thrilled the boardwalk from 3:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. to present the next ArtsToGo Workshop. • Balloon Twisting by the amazing Banannie This month, local artist Tegan Cheremkora, from 2:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. will be teaching attendees how to make fish lanterns with • Instrument petting zoo by Music Box Acadcard stock and emy from 2:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. tissue paper. • Fireworks at 10:00 p.m. Drop-ins are encouraged NEW WEST MULTICULTURAL and parent FESTIVAL participation is July 1, 3:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m. required. Westminster Pier Park CONTACT: SPARE PARTS ADVENTURE K a il a B u t l e r POP-UP PLAYGROUND 604-525-3244, July 10, 10:00 a.m.–3:00 p.m., Tipperary Park or email media@artscouncilnewwest.org.

Thursday, July 7, 8:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Vancouver Circus School at the River Market Suspended from the ceiling by lengths of soft fabric, students experience the thrill of this profoundly exciting performing art as they sequence through static and dynamic skills. This class will serve as an introduction to our Aerial Silks classes! 15+ years. Cost: $25. 604.544.5024, info@vancouvercircusschool.ca www.vancouvercircusschool.ca

Jul 23, 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m., 6th Ave and 6th St Uptown Live! is a free event and features three performance stages showcasing the best of BC’s Indie music scene. New Westminster’s Ultimate Street Party! Uptown Live returns to the streets of Uptown New Westminster on July 23 with a full schedule of live performances, yummy food trucks plus a host of interactive activities, art installations, Kids’ Zone and the New Westminster Farmer’s Market. What’s best is it’s FREE and features four main stages showcasing the best of BC’s thriving indie music scene. Uptown Live is made possible through funding support from the City of New Westminster, the Uptown Business Association of New Westminster and generous corporate partners including TD, our Presenting Spons or, and the friendly merchants at Westminster Centre and Royal City Centre.

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM

“You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.” ~ Ayn Rand

9 A SPECTACULAR JOB One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.” “Poof!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife.” WAKE UP CALL Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing phone… “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back. “Good morning, Mr. Williams… Just called to say that I don’t have a dog.” GONE TO THE DOGS There was this man that had a dog. He came home one day, and his dog was belly up with its legs sticking in the air. He wasn’t sure if it was dead or not, so he took it to the vet. He told the vet of his problem, and the vet said that there was a sure-fire way to see if the dog is indeed dead. He left the room and returned with a cat. He rubbed the cat in the dogs face, and after a while came to the conclusion that the dog was indeed dead. The man was upset and asked the doctor how much he owed him. The doctor said, “$550” The man was stunned. He asked the doctor to explain and the doctor said, “Fifty for the visit, and 500 for the cat-scan…”

WORKING FOR YOU

For Over 31 Years

604-644-0141

www.EdGoss.com edjgoss@gmail.com Ed Goss

Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion

PLANNING A REUNION? THE WAFFLE MAY BE THE VENUE YOUR LOOKING FOR!

CALL ROBERT FOR MORE INFORMATION

604-524-8118

636 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER

“Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter.” ~ Max Beerbohm

10 NOT SO LONG AGO… 1. An application was for employment. 2. A program was a TV show. 3. A cursor used profanity. 4. A keyboard was a piano! 5. Memory was something that you lost with age. 6. A CD was a bank account. 7. And if you unzipped anything in public you’d be in jail for awhile! 8. Log on was adding wood to a fire. 9. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. 10. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. 11. And a backup happened to your commode! 12. Cut — you did with a pocket knife. 13. Paste — you did with glue. 14. A web was a spider’s home. 15. And a virus was the flu!

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers

604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.

#360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5

July 2016

THE SAHARA A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks’ door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. “Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the skinny man. “Okay, see that giant redwood over there,” said the lumberjack. “Take your axe and go cut it down.” The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack’s door. “I cut the tree down,” said the man. The lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes and said, “Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?” “In the Sahara Forest,” replied the puny man. “You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the lumberjack.

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11 LET’S TALK By Keith Norris, Registered Therapeutic Counsellor

hat can seeing a counsellor do that talking with a friend can’t? This is a reasonable question when considering the investment of time and money that might be incurred when seeking counselling. So what’s the difference really? Certainly our friends are there to help us with tough decisions or be available if we need to vent our frustrations. The relationship we have with our friends is two-sided in that the content of discussion is fairly reciprocal. The relationship you have with your Counsellor will be one-sided as this provides the space to focus on your problems exclusively. It’s by necessity that a therapist will refrain from self-disclosure while the client opens up. It’s not that the therapist is trying to hide their personality; it’s their job to listen to the client, and focus on the needs of the client. Sometimes we get obsessed or get into loops of repetitive negative thinking that when expressed over and over again to our friends, can leave them feeling overwhelmed. They may tend to pull away or become impatient, leaving us feeling alone or isolated with our problems. A Counsellor will stick with you and help unravel issues that your friends may not yet be able to support you with. The relationship you have with your Counsellor is absolutely private. Sometime when we speak freely with friends, despite best intentions, information can go places we rather it wouldn’t. Clients can trust in the confidentiality that furnishes the therapeutic relationship. It’s also unlikely that you will shock your therapist

with anything that might seem like a significant matter. Chances are your Counsellor has “been around the block” or they wouldn’t be doing what they do. A good therapist won’t judge therefore something that you may find embarrassing or awkward is safe to share in therapy; a friend may not know how to handle it. Counsellors are trained and study psychology regularly as a process of continued self- improvement. We are trained to see patterns of behaviour, good and bad, and how these may be impacting your life. Your therapist will know if you are headed for trouble, and the two of you will work on enhancing the good patterns while minimalizing the bad. Therapists are trained in challenging you in the least painful way and to teach coping skills, if things get too tough. Seeing a Counsellor is like a “practice relationship” in that you can curtail personal issues while trying different ways of expression in a safe and supportive environment. Your Counsellor will provide feedback during the process and together you will employ the very best possible “you”; helping enhance the relationships you enjoy with friends and family.

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

SOLUTION TO PUZZLE #23 PICTOGRAPH B Y R O S S H O O D 5

4 3 1

1 3

5 2

7 1 12 11 10 13

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ~ Edmund Burke

12 BE PART OF CHANGING A CHILD’S LIFE WITH MUSIC! The New Westminster Citadel Corps of the Salvation Army is looking for sponsors to send kids to their Music and Performing Arts Camp in Gibsons, BC. Service Clubs, Corporation, and individuals are encouraged to help. For more information, please contact: Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Officer Church Line Cell

604-521-0363 604-830-0157

Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org The Salvation Army New Westminster Citadel Corps 325 Sixth St, New Westminster

PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ Z L E #24

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “DON’T WALK IN FRONT OF THIS” 1 2

2 5

1 16

11 1 9 14 14 1

2 18

2 20

2 18 16 20

Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle. July 2016

PILOT FLYING RULES There is a lot pilots have to take into account when flying safely across the sky… 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous. 4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

13 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment. 21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal. 24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago. 25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots. HOUSEWIFE WOES The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. “How are you, darling,” she said. “What kind of a day are you having?” “Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I’ve had such a bad day. The baby won’t eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven’t had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I’ve just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I’m supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight.” The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. “Oh, darling,” she said, “sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I’ll be over in half an hour. I’ll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I’ll feed the baby and I’ll call a repairman I know who’ll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I’ll do everything. In fact, I’ll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once.” “George?” said the housewife. “Who’s George?” “Why, George! Your husband! Is this 223-1374? “No, this is 223-1375.” “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I have the wrong number.” There was a short pause and the housewife said, “Does this mean you’re not coming over?”

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“If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.” ~ Carl Sagan

14 THE CHRISTIAN HORSE There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the back door, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?” The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.” Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, OK.” So he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, “Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God” and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!” Finally he remembers, “Amen!!” The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God.” TECHNICAL SUPPORT This is reportedly an actual phone dialog of a former WordPerfect customer support employee: • Support: “Hello, Technical Support; may I help you?” • Customer: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.” • Support: “What sort of trouble?”

• Customer: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.” • Support: “Went away?” • Customer: “They disappeared.” • Support: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?” • Customer: “Nothing.” • Support: “Nothing?” • Customer: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.” • Support: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?” • Customer: “How do I tell?” • Support: “Can you see the Customer:\ prompt on the screen?” • Customer: “What’s a sea-prompt?” • Support: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?” • Customer: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.” • Support: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?” • Customer: “What’s a monitor?” • Support: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?” • Customer: “I don’t know.” • Support: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?” • Customer: “Yes, I think so.” • Support: “Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.” • Customer: “Yes, it is.” • Support: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

ROBERT HAMER

REAL ESTATE CONSULTANT ROYAL LEPAGE NORTHSTAR

779-5592 (O) 604 538-2125 roberthamer@royallepage.ca www.roberthamer.ca (in English and Mandarin)

With over 10 years of experience helping people reach there Real Estate goals in the Lower Mainland and Fraser Valley. July 2016

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15 • Customer: “No.” • Support: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.” • Customer: “Okay, here it is.” • Support: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.” • Customer: “I can’t reach.” • Support: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?” • Customer: “No.” • Support: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?” • Customer: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.” • Support: “Dark?” • Customer: “Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.” • Support: “Well, turn on the office light then.” • Customer: “I can’t.” • Support: “No? Why not?” • Customer: “Because there’s a power outage.” • Support: “A power?!? A *power* outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?” • Customer: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.” • Support: “Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.” • Customer: “Really? Is it that bad?” • Support: “Oh, yes, I’m afraid it is.” • Customer: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?” • Support: “Tell them you’re just too darn stupid to own a computer.”

70th Anniversary Celebration October 15, 2016 ~ 6:30pm Executive Plaza Hotel 405 North Rd, Coquitlam Tickets Only $60! Louisa Lundy 604-525-1829 E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com

THE LOWER MAINLAND’S DEMO & EXCAVATOR TEAM SERVING THE LOWER MAINLAND SINCE 1969

SALES • SERVICE • RENTALS RETAINING WALLS, UNDERGROUND UTILITIES, SITE PREP, DRAIN TILE, LANDSCAPING & DESIGN

PHONE: 604-220-8517

www.alsonestop.ca

w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Rove e n K a n d o l a & A s s o ci ate s R e / M ax R e a l E s tate S e r vi ce s • I n d e p e n d e ntly O wn e d a n d O p e r ate d • N . Towe r 41 0 – 6 5 0 We s t 41 s t Ave

“The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.” ~ Jimmy Fallon

Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Ofﬁcer Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org Phone: 604-521-0363 or 604-830-0157

A CAREER TO BE PROUD OF By Lori Pappajohn

“T

ony! Get out here right now!” Fourteen-yeared then on Columbia Street (the ‘NW’ stands for ‘New old Tony Antonias knew he was in trouble. He Westminster’), Tony applied for a job — his numerous was supposed to be helping his mother with the Satads tucked under his arm. urday chores. But how could he get out of bed? It was After Tony’s job interview with production manager World War II. Tony was living in Australia and had just Hal Davis, station manager Bill Hughes asked who Tony conned an American soldier out of a rare-to-find Life was. “That’s your next copy chief,” replied Hal who knew magazine. Now he was spellbound — not by the articles talent when he saw it. Tony was hired January 31, 1955 or the photographs, but by the ads. Looking at those ads, and by Christmas was appointed copy chief. Tony knew his destiny — an ad writer. But meantime… And that’s one of the reasons why New Westminthere were those pesky chores. ster’s organizations have done so well. CKNW was the “Coming mother…” Top Dog — the most listened to station in the province. Between chores, school a n d h o m e w o rk , To n y breathed radio ads. For the next three years, he wrote them, re-wrote them and read them as if he were a famous broadcaster. Then his big break came. “What’s that bundle under your arm?” asked the man interviewing him for a job as radio station mail clerk. Tony’s plan was to become the mailroom clerk and then somehow slide into the ad-writing department. “Oh, these? These are ads that were on your radio station that I’ve re-written,” said an enthusiastic 17-yearold Tony, never thinking that really he was saying: ‘Hey, your ads aren’t so Tony Antonias (centre) with Tom Holub and Fred Adams at CKNW in 1957. great so here are better versions.’ He never did work in the mailroom — he went straight And, being located in New Westminster, it supported to the copy room. And he has been writing ads ever its community. Tony has always loved the arts and since — some 68 years — which adds up to thousands when he was made copy chief, he promoted whatever and thousands of ads, and a stellar reputation nationhe wanted to for free. wide for his many highly successful ad campaigns. And Case in point: back in 1990 board members of Royal no place has benefited more from his creative promoCity Musical Theatre were surprised to hear numerous tional genius than New Westminster and its non-profit slick, expensive ads on CKNW promoting their inauorganizations. gural musical. The Royal City became Tony’s adopted home in 1954 Turns out that one Saturday Tony was walking to the when he came to Vancouver for a visit and decided to barbershop on 6th Street when he spotted promoter stay. Hearing of the famous CKNW radio station locat(continued on page 18)

18 The CKNW creative team in 1957. From left to right: Fred Adams, Tanyss Grove, Al Muecci, Tony Antonias, Tom Holub and Iris Tickner.

(continued from page 17)

Vic Leach with a poster for the show. Tony borrowed the poster, created the catchy ads and put them on the radio for free. “I could give air time to any not-for-profit that I wanted to,” he laughed. Because Tony was one of the top ad writers in the country, he was assigned the top businesses to create campaigns for. Tony had such loyalty between himself and his many big-time clients that all he had to do was call them up and they would gladly donate to organizations in this city. Eaton’s, The Bay, Bosa Development Corp., Vancouver Opera, Segal Furniture and companies in Toronto and Montreal were just a few of his clients. (Remember the slogan “My Daughter the President” — an ad campaign Tony popularized for years.) July 2016

Twice, when the Seniors’ Bureau needed a fundraiser, Tony simply dialled the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra and had them come play for free — a $30,000 value. Tony has also been the driving force for 23 years behind the massive Canada Day celebrations in Queens Park. One call to a client garnered thousands of free Dare Maple Leaf cookies for the event — year after year. Simply put, Tony is a one-man promotional nuclear bomb. If he takes something on, he does so with a fury. And don’t stand in his way. Tony doesn’t suffer fools — either you are on his side or you’d better run. It’s hard to put a dollar figure on the amount that Tony has contributed to the city in donations and free ad time, but it would be well over $1 million. For instance, for the Burr Theatre alone he raised more than $200,000. What other city can boast an award-winning legend of a promoter who also loves the arts and controlled the | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

$1.49 DAY

19 By Lori Pappajohn

“What an insult!” Tony Antonias was furious. It was 1957 and his boss had just told him to take over the Woodward’s ad campaign.

“Are you kidding? The ad was just a guy listing off

the sales items and then a voice in an echo chamber saying: ‘Save, save, save.’ That was a job for a junior copywriter — not me the head honcho,” he huffed.

Tony was so mad he marched back to his type-

writer and gave it a thump. It went ‘ding.’ He paused,

thumped it again, and it went ‘ding-ding.’ Tony’s

fury left him and a flood of creativity filled the void. Twenty minutes later he had written one of the most

recognized jingles in western Canada — the whistled $1.49 Day commercial that ran monthly for 37 years and became legendary in the ad world and beyond.

“And imagine it took six weeks to convince Wood-

ward’s to use it,” laughs Tony.

“I came into work one day and there was a guy

with a myna bird who would whistle the jingle on

command. Another day I had a call from the admin-

istrator of Woodlands School who said a boy there who hadn’t spoken was now singing the jingle,” said Tony. “I still get comments on that ad.”

free ad space on the province’s most listened-to radio station? Really, it’s a dream come true. The award-winning copywriter proudly shows off a photo of the Vancouver Symphony signed by the members thanking him for five decades of ads. They also granted him a lifetime pass. Although Tony retired from CKNW in 2007, he is still writing ads. Currently he is working on Cartwright Jewellers’ 83rd anniversary ads. The New Westminster store has been his client since 1962. And Tony is still using the same typewriter he got at CKNW in 1958. “I’ve had a great 62 years in New Westminster writing ads,” beams the Diamond Jubilee Medal recipient. “I love being part of the community — this is my adopted home.” Never would that 14-year-old boy Down Under, reading ads in bed, have guessed the difference he would make to a city on the other end of the world. It’s a career to be proud of.

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22 PURPOSE OF THE DOG A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.” A RARE BOOK A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it. “Not Gutenberg,” gasped the collector. “Yes, that was it!” “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!” “Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.” THE AMAZING PET A man went into a pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy a pet. But, he didn’t want your ordinary, garden variety pet! No, he wanted a pet that could do everything! The shop owner suggested a faithful dog. The man replied, “Come on, a dog?” The owner said, “How about a cat?” The man replied, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”

The shop owner thought for a minute, and then said, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man said, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” So he got the centipede home and said to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walked into the kitchen and… it was immaculate! All the dishes and silverware were washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He was absolutely amazed. He then said to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walked into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man thought to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later… no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man was wondering what was going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He couldn’t imagine what had happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where was that centipede? So he went to the front door, opened it… and there was the centipede sitting right outside. The man said, “Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get a newspaper. What happened?!” The centipede says, “I’m going’! I’m going’! I’m just putting’ on my shoes!”

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MATH MADNESS

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

River City © Donna Ross-Thengs A gem, this Fraser River coddled town Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!

many hilled and then pale blue collared cityscape upon the hilltop

NUMBER BLOCKS

looking out to see downtown all that teeming life and the goings on, uptown.

Donna Ross-Thengs Poet. Long time resident of New Westminster. Author of two published collections of poetry. Abstract painter and freelance photographer.

Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

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778-898-2146 HOROSCOPES by LIZA JULY 2016 ARIES: Your probably going to hear from past lovers and friends during this time. Mercury is lighting up your 5th house of fun, enjoy the good times ahead. TAURUS: Intuitive insights will light this period. You may feel inventive. Your mind at this time is activated; channel your talent effectively. GEMINI: Go into planning mode and not action mode. Bide your time. Conversations may grow insincere and superficial. Take heed before you speak. CANCER: Personal possessions and finances may preoccupy your mind. Plan your finances for the future and not spend what you have today. LEO: Try not to be to aggressive when conveying your wisdom to others. Make notes when sudden insights occur, they will come in handy in the near future. VIRGO: Your mind may be so receptive that it becomes overwhelmed. Transfer that energy into writing, poetry or something artistic. LIBRA: Invent or create something during this time. Individuality will not work. Get together with others for ideas and creative insights. SCORPIO: Easily depressed? Moody? Focus your energies on getting the job done. Make money the main motivator and all will be well. SAGITTARIUS: Study, do some inspired writing, get philosophical. Learn from people whose wisdom you respect. Plan that vacation now. CAPRICORN: Your depth might surprise you. Curb your sarcastic wit or arguments will occur. You may be asked to take care of wills or taxes. AQUARIUS: You will work well in group endeavors. Communications within partnerships may cause stress. Listen before reacting. PISCES: This is an excellent time for detailed work and practical thinking. In personal relationships, others may find you cold and fault finding. Be nice. July 2016

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26 HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN A teacher asked the children in her Sunday School class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?” Again, the answer was “NO!” “Well,” she continued, “then how can I get to heaven?” In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”

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THE HAMSTER AND THE FROG A mangy looking guy walks into a very classy restaurant and orders a steak. The waitress says “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can pay for your meal.” The guy admits, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me my supper?” The waitress, both curious and compassionate, says, “Only if what you show me isn’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the ground and it runs across the room, directly to a piano. The hamster then proceeds to climb up the piano, and starts playing Gershwin songs. The waitress says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.” The guy sits back and enjoys a fine steak supper with all the trimmings. Shortly thereafter, he asks the waitress, “Can I have a piece of that fine blueberry pie I see on the dessert cart over there?” “Only if you got another miracle up your sleeve”, says the waitress. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the table, and the frog starts to sing up a storm! A stranger from a nearby table runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the restaurant with dollar signs in his eyes and a big smile on his face. The waitress says to the guy “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions!” “No”, says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

SARGENT’S CITY SCENE

COMBUSTIBLE MATERIALS

GATEWAY TO DOWNTOWN PUBLIC ART UNVEILING rorschach/sentinel is based on a profile of a large merchant ship that was vital to the Allied war effort. Such ships docked at the New Westminster port and contributed to the labour history and economic development of the city. The artwork also refers to the iconic Rorschach test. The contemplation of ‘found’ images and patterns, edited in some way — by selection, placement, juxtaposition — alters meaning, each of us selecting and interpreting what we see. The official unveiling of rorschach/sentinel was on June 29 at the median on Columbia Street West of Eliot Street, near the SkyTrain overpass. This project was made possible with support from the New Westminster Community Development Society and the City of New Westminster Public Art Fund. Jacqueline Metz and Nancy Chew are visual artists who have worked collaboratively since 1997. Their background interests are varied: Nancy’s in drawing, painting, print-making, curating and teaching; Jacqueline’s in photography, archaeology and literature. They met through common interests in design, public space, landscape and cultural thought. These disciplines and influences come together to create an art continued on page 28

Combustible materials can become an increased fire hazard if not kept tidy and at reasonable levels. Inside homes and businesses, these materials should be stored appropriately, ensuring entry and exit paths are clear to a width of 3 feet. This is necessary to keep fire loads at an acceptable level while at the same time reducing trip hazards for both the occupants and first responders. It is also very important to maintain reasonable levels of combustible materials outside of the home. The storage of an excess of combustibles near and against structures increases the fire hazard as well as contributing to the spread of fire from one structure to another. Keeping ones property clear of overgrowth of vegetation is particularly important as we approach the dry summer season. By keeping ones property clear of unnecessary combustibles, we reduce the risk of fire spread and the potential for targeting by arson.

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“I’m a strong person, I’m a strong family man, I’m a strong husband and a strong father.” ~ David Beckham

continued from page 27

practice that is conceptual yet grounded in place. Their practice is centred on the public realm, an exploration of place, perception and culture.

NEW AIR QUALITY MONITORING STATION ADDED TO CITY

etro Vancouver, in partnership with the City of New Westminster, has added a new air quality monitoring station in the Sapperton neighbourhood of the city. This new station is the 29th permanent station in the Lower Fraser Valley Air Quality Monitoring Network and shares an existing building in Sapperton Park. The installation of the new station follows from an extensive air quality monitoring study conducted by Metro Vancouver in New Westminster during 20092010. During that study, air quality monitoring equipment was installed at four sites in the city, including the Front Street Parkade and Sapperton Park. The study showed that air quality in New Westminster is not always well represented by existing monitoring network stations and that commuter and commercial traffic has a significant influence on air quality in the city. The new station will provide more representative measurements of the levels of air contaminants occurring in New Westminster. “The installation of a new permanent air quality monitoring station in New Westminster is a great asset for our city and is situated in an ideal location in a busy commercial area close to the hospital, residential homes, schools, and a major transportation corridor,” said Mayor Jonathan X. Coté. “Additionally, residents will benefit from having access to near real-time air quality information online.” The pollutants monitored at the station include ground-level ozone, nitrogen oxides and fine particu-

late matter (PM2.5), which can be used to calculate an Air Quality Health Index (AQHI). The data collected at the New Westminster air quality monitoring station are now available online at www.AirMap.ca. For more information, contact Jennifer Lukianchuk, Environmental Coordinator, City of New Westminster, jlukianchuk@newwestcity.ca or 604-515-3780.

NEW WESTMINSTER LAUNCHES BRIDGENET OPEN-ACCESS FIBRE OPTIC NETWORK

ate last month, the City of New Westminster welcomed residents, businesses, and internet service providers at Anvil Centre to celebrate the launch of BridgeNet — the new City-owned open-access fibre optic network. The one-gigabit rated network is currently being installed along commercial districts of the city. “We are thrilled to celebrate the launch of BridgeNet,” said Mayor Jonathan X. Coté. “This is a key part of our Intelligent City initiative, and with it we hope to attract employment and investment in the city’s knowledge sector.” Local internet service providers Novus, AEBC, Uniserve, and Urban Fibre will lease fibre from BridgeNet and sell the high-speed service to customers. Competitively priced high-speed broadband service is expected to be available in September.

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29 “With the expansion of the Royal Columbian Hospital underway we will see more health and technology companies move into New Westminster,” said Councillor Bill Harper, Co-chair of the City of New Westminster’s Intelligent City Advisory Committee. “The creation of BridgeNet provides a platform for companies such as these.” The installation of dark fibre supports a number of economic development initiatives underway in New Westminster including Intelligent City and IDEA Centre. Anchored by the Royal Columbian Hospital, IDEA Centre will spur the creation of a health care, technology and learning hub will bring high technology sector businesses and amenities to New Westminster. In the coming weeks internet service providers including AEBC, Novus, Uniserve and Urban Fibre will be approaching businesses, property managers, and multi-family residences to market their offerings. High-speed broadband service will be available in Downtown and Uptown New Westminster this September, and in Sapperton and Quayside in 2017. Visit www.bridgenetnw.ca to learn more.

2016 NEW WESTMINSTER YOUTH AMBASSADOR TEAM WINS BACK TROPHY By Lynn Radbourne ayor Jonathan Coté with the help of Councilors Mary Trentadue and Patrick Johnstone, defended his trophy at the 2nd annual lawn bowling fund raiser jointly put on by the New Westminster Youth Ambassador Society and Friendship Chapter #75, Order of the Eastern Star. The other half of Mayor Cote’s team, Councilor Bill Harper was away and couldn’t help when the NWYAS Team trounced their opposition in an 8–3 victory. The Team have been actively fund raising continued on page 30

Q: What do these people have in common: Justin Bieber, Michael Bublé, James Cameron, Jim Carrey, Céline Dion, Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, Mike Myers, Ryan Reynolds and William Shatner.

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KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? A: Because it’s pointlesss!

Q: Why does a seagull ﬂy over the sea? A: Because if it ﬂew over the bay it would be called a bagel!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Q: How do you make an egg-roll? A: You push it!

Q: What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? A: “Give me my quarterback!” Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A: Because people are dying to get in. Q: What did the mayonaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door. A: Close the door I am dressing! Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? A: Because he was on a roll.

Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: “Where’s pop corn?” Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef. Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: What has a bottom at its top? A: A leg. PuPIl: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do? TeACHeR: Of course not. PuPIl: Good, because I haven’t done my homework.

Q: Hey, what do you call a berry that lost its voice? A: A raspberry! ~ Submitted by Ana Maria Constantinescu

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth

continued from page 29

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July 2016

throughout the year to be able to give a donation to BC & Alberta Guide Dogs. Coordinator Lynn Radbourne and her husband Bill have a puppy they’ve been raising since last year and Siku has become their official mascot. Bill Thornton, President and CEO of the organization was on hand to accept the cheque from the Team. A barbeque and silent auction rounded out the afternoon of fun. The Mayor and Councilors will have to wait until next year to try and win back the trophy. To learn more about the New Westminster Youth Ambassador Society, or if you are a teen or know a teen between the ages of 15–18 years old that would like to join the Team, go to their website, www.nwyas.org or follow them on Facebook at New Westminster Youth Ambassador Society.

QUEEN’S PARK NEIGHBOURHOOD TO EXPLORE HERITAGE CONSERVATION

community driven initiative to conserve and enhance the heritage of New Westminster’s Queen’s Park neighbourhood has come to fruition: Council has directed staff to investigate, and begin community consultation for, a Heritage Conservation Area. While this policy option is being explored, a one year temporary Heritage Control Period has been established for houses in Queen’s Park. “Residents are eager to expand the conversation about heritage home conservation in Queen’s Park,” said Jaimie McEvoy, Councillor and Chair of the Queen’s Park Neighbourhood Heritage Study Working Group. “During this phase we will discuss protecting what makes this neighbourhood unique while at the same time finding opportunities to encourage heritage conservation.” The Queen’s Park Neighbourhood Study Working Group was struck in 2013, and is made up of twelve New Westminster residents and two city staff. After more than two years of study, one of their recommendations to City Council in April was the creation of a Heritage Conservation Area. A Conservation Area is a set of policies aimed at conserving the heritage features and feel of a neighbourhood. The temporary Heritage Control Period ensures that, while consultation and policy development occurs, changes made to the area’s valuable heritage homes are in keeping with the distinct character of the Queen’s Park neighbourhood. The Heritage Control Period Bylaw, established on June 16th, requires all single-family residential build | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

31 ings within the Control Period boundaries that were constructed on or before December 31, 1966, to apply for a Heritage Alteration Permit in addition to any other permits for demolitions, renovations to the front or sides of the building’s exterior, or alterations to the roof. For more information, visit the City’s website at www.newwestcity.ca or contact the Planning Division at 604-527-5432.

CITY OF NEW WESTMINSTER CREATES PARKLET IN UPTOWN NEIGHBOURHOOD AS PART OF PUBLIC REALM IMPROVEMENTS

he City of New Westminster has commenced construction of a parklet on Belmont Street following City Council’s endorsement of making significant public realm improvements in the Uptown neighbourhood. The parklet will be located adjacent to 736 Sixth Street with movable furniture that transforms two on-street parking stalls into a welcoming spot for impromptu meetups, sharing a bite to eat, and visiting with family, friends and neighbours. “Recognizing the intersection of Sixth and Belmont as one of the busiest pedestrian areas in the city, we are happy to create a safe, innovative and unique public space to be enjoyed by residents and visitors to New Westminster,” said Acting Mayor Chuck Puchmayr. To further reinforce the idea of transforming the area into a public space, the City will implement a partial street closure on Belmont Street that allows only eastbound vehicular traffic on a portion of the street. The portion of Belmont Street that is closed to westbound vehicular traffic will be transformed into a social “lawn” area (i.e. artificial grass) with possible features such as colourful Adirondack chairs, outdoor games and a reading room. There is also provision for five back-in angled parking stalls to compensate for the stalls occupied by the parklet to ensure there is no net loss in surface parking on Belmont Street. The installation of the parklet and the partial street closure to create a ‘lawn’ on the street is being viewed as a pilot project by the City. Staff will be monitoring activity, working in partnership with the Uptown Business Association and adjacent businesses, and making adjustments as necessary to ensure the installation is attracting the type of family-friendly activity for which the area has been designed.

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WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded. “Counting your ribs,” said Eve. BEAR ALERT The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray. GOING TO BED Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

33 and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails. Hubby called, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said. She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In the bedroom, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow. About that time, hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular “I’m going to bed,” and he did. SPECIAL PIG Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend’s door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, “Fred, how’d that pig get him a wooden leg?” “Well Michael, that’s a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin’, went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!” “And the boar tore up his leg?” “No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin’ like he was stuck, woke us up, and ‘fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved ‘em all!” “So that’s when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?” “No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out ‘fore I drowned. Sure did save my life.” “And that was when he hurt his leg?” “Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too.” “OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?” “Well”, the farmer tells him, “A pig like that, you don’t want to eat all at once.”

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NOT QUITE WHAT HE WANTED A hunter raised his rifle and took careful aim at a large bear. When about to pull the trigger, the bear spoke in a soft soothing voice, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let’s negotiate the matter.” Lowering his rifle, the hunter replied, “I want a fur coat.” “Good,” said the bear, “that is a negotiable item. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and negotiate a compromise.” They sat down to negotiate and after a time the bear walked away, alone. The negotiations had been successful. The bear had a full stomach, and the hunter had his fur coat! HOW TO TELL THE WEATHER To tell the weather, Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The CAT

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THE TEXAN IN LONDON A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!” Next they passed the House of Parliament — started in 1544 and completed in 1618. “Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!” As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent. “Whoah! What’s that over there,” asked the Texan. The cabbie replies, scratching his head, “Now that, I don’t know; it sure wasn’t there yesterday!” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

35 MLA’S REPORT By Judy Darcy

government. Please sign up for my community newsletter at www.judydarcy.ca and I will definitely keep you updated on project developments as they unfold. Summer is a wonderful time to be out and about in the community. I am really enjoying having conversations with New Westminster residents about the top issues on your minds — and visiting some of the amazing small businesses that give our community character. Our business community is vibrant and engaged — and passionate about New West! I encourage everyone to support #newwestbiz!

id you hear the news? It’s official — the $106.5 million replacement for NWSS has been approved! This is a wonderful example of what happens when the community comes together for a common goal. Kudos to our School Trustees who have done a fantastic job moving this project forward. And thanks to the students, parents, and community members who supported this project by attending the rally, signing my petition, and adding your voice to the chorus tell“I encourage everyone to support #newwestbiz!” ing the Education Minister how overdue this project is. A common question I’ve been asked is what will hapYou’ll see my mobile office popping up at community pen with the Massey Theatre. The good news is that the festivals and in a neighbourhood near you. Drop by to City of New Westminster has officially taken responsibilsay hi and pick up a BC flag! I also bring resources such ity for the Massey in order to retain this community gem. as the popular Seniors’ Guide and the Tenant Survival I’ve also heard from many people who say “I will Guide to community events — grab a copy for yourself believe it when I actually see shovels in the ground.” I or for a friend! certainly do understand why people feel this way, but I look forward to seeing you on the streets of this wonI do believe we finally have a firm commitment from derful city we call home.

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37 NEW JERSEY DRIVING TIPS 1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real New Jersey driver never uses them. 2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation. 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lanechange is considered going with the flow. 4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. 5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs. 6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels. 7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. New Jersey is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn’t have anything to lose. 8. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary. 9. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs. 10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to scare people entering the highway. 11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour. 12. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a New Jersey driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot. 13. It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes. 14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. “A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.” ~ Mark Twain

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