YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE
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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE
October 2016 Issue #193
The Garretts:
A Royal City Family Since 1878 Back row: Hugh, John, Wilbur. Front row: Nettie, Sandy, Vena, Susan, Bud. Photo circa 1916.
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Re/Max Real Estate Services N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave. Independently Owned and Operated.
Story by Lori Pappajohn on page 14.
NEW THIS ISSUE
CROSSWORD PAGE 12
STRATA LIVING: BUYING & SELLING By Tony Gioventu
PAGE 32
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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby
We have moved to New West!
You are invited to the GRAND OPENING of our new constituency office.
Wednesday, October 12, 4:00–7:00pm Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)
#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca l www.PeterJulian.ca
W C F A E J O B H S C G M W P Q X J B M
F D I I X K S T F O X U J Y K W P H X Z
H A É B T I G Z N G Q B R V J G J K V S
O M I F H N C N L I C D E L H K W I N X
S H R C A A E X T H Z X F S B L J B F T
R O N H I C W S U Q P N L V K R O X K U
O U N S T M B C S W D Y R E W F U X S T
L S O I C U A C F O R G V H D L W A U R
L E O J L R L W C X J H I W Q A A L U C
E N C C P P A B B D L S G K N L A J S V
S I K E U G F B N M T N T D F U P S A P
N O T N I M D A B R I D G E R I J F T P
U R O T I B Y M A L V H R P N S Y N S Z
O I X U H G I D W P E F P U J H H R J K
C P A R A Z S O C I A L E J G Q Y N T O
I I A Y O L B F P H C B E J Z W A Z V A
T R V R V T J H S R T N R L M Z X W D G
B N B K K R Y W D Y N A X K U I N V J L
C Y U Q Z M P G O B B C Q X I K S V F E
I Y A I F Y E Q S L E K W S G L U F D E
WOrD SEArCH BADMINTON BOWLING BRIDGE CAFÉ CARPET CENTURY CLUBS CONNECTIONS COUNSELLORS DARTS FITNESS HOUSE LUNCH PEER SCRABBLE SENIOR SOCIAL UKULELE WHIST
Pssst… how many words did you find in the August Sargent’s Word Search? If you found none, then congrats because it was the wrong puzzle. Try again with this puzzle.
Judy Darcy MLA
A Strong Voice for New Westminster
judydarcy.ca October 2016
judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca
604.775.2101
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TAN MORE. SAVE MORE.
Sargent’s Word Search ��������������� 2 Imperial Pharmacy Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5
Chris Sargent 604-525-9027
Owner & Publisher chrissargent@piffle.ca
Verne Siebert 604-763-6304
Sales Representative vernesiebert@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca
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Community Page ���������������������������� 7 How to Budget for;
Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #26 Solution ����������������������������� 24 Pictograph by Ross Hood Puzzle #27 ������������������������������������������������� 24
What to Expect in Therapy
New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services ����������������������������������� 26
A-Maze-In ����������������������������������������� 12
Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen ������������������������������������� 29
by Keith Norris ������������������������������� 11 Sargent’s Crossword ����������������� 12 The Garretts: A Royal City Family Since 1878 by
Lori Pappajohn ������������������������������ 14 Horoscopes by Liza �������������������� 17 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah ������������ 18 Sean Garrett Always Knew What He Wanted to Be by
Lori Pappajohn ������������������������������ 22 Piffle Quiz ������������������������������������������ 23
Sargent’s City Scene �������������������������� 29 Sargent’s Math Madness ����������������� 30 Math Madness Solution �������������������� 30 Sargent’s Number Blocks ���������������� 30 Number Blocks Solution ������������������� 30 Piffle Quiz Answer ��������������������������������� 31
Strata Living: Buying & Selling by Tony Gioventu ���������������������������������� 32 Piffle Business Directory ������������������ 36
Wondering what your home is worth?
www.sellvancouverhomes.com
Roveen Kandola & Associates Re/Max Real Estate Services • Independently Owned and Operated • N. Tower 410 – 650 West 41st Ave
October 2016
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Did You Know That Women Use About 30,000 Words A Day While Men Use Only 15,000? Yes, because we have to repeat everything
What? E FRE K BOO
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YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE Review Us on
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October 2016
sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past
Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca
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IMPERIAL PHARMACY BODY & SOUL
CLASS OF ’59 AT MASSEY THEATRE
October 6–29 When Timothy Grey quits his job to write a book about one of the Royal City’s forefathers, his friend, Conrad, finds an unorthodox way to ensure that the historic details are correct. With the help of a psychic seamstress, Conrad restores the resident ghost and sets off a chain of events that turns history upside down. Add in a glamorous fiancée, a cranky landlord, a pizza delivery man, and a pretty librarian from the downstairs suite, and the result is a delightful comedy filled with romance and high spirits. Written by Vagabond Players very own Elizabeth Elwood, this world premiere of Body and Soul is set in a heritage home in the Queen’s Park area of New Westminster!
October 22, 7:30–10:00 p.m. $42, Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave, New Westminster CLASS OF ‘59 features the early years of Rock’n’Roll. Imagine the band with Buddy Holly on guitar, Jerry Lee Lewis on piano, The Big Bopper on string bass, plus special guests, Young Elvis, The Everly Brothers, Bill Haley, Jackie Wilson and Sam Cook plus “Mr Sax” Johnny Ferreira and more! It’s a fabulous “oldies” Rock’n’Roll show… when the music was raw, pure and simple and played the way it’s supposed to be played… just like the old days. 604-521-5050.
ROYAL CITY: THE MOVIE
Contact Michelle Taylor at 604-527-4640 or email museum@newwestcity.ca.
SPOOKY SPECTERS AND MUSEUM MISCHIEF (8–12 YEARS)
October 27, 6:00–8:00 p.m., Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St Discover the world of optical illusions. Become a spectral hunter and explore the photographs in the Museum’s gallery to understand the secrets behind the ghostly images and create your own haunted pictures. Use optical illusions to create spooky crafts and learn about New Westminster’s own optical illusionist, Mandrake the Magician. Room 311. Contact Michelle Taylor at 604-527-4640 or email museum@newwestcity.ca.
FRASER RIVER FRIGHTS
October 29, 1:00–3:00 p.m., Samson V, 880 Quayside Dr, New Westminster Climb aboard the Samson V ghost ship for Fraser River Frights. Join the crew for an afternoon of ghost During the early 1950s, the Province produced a stories and spooky nautical crafts and embark on For ticket information and sales contact series of films promoting some of B.C.’s cities in- an eerie scavenger hunt. Discover all the mysteries reservations@vagabondplayers.ca, cluding New Westminster! Shot in full colour around aboard! Drop-in by donation. inquiries@vagabondplayers.ca or 1950, accompanied by a narrator and sound track Contact Michelle Taylor at 604-527-4640 or email 604-521-0412 — it offers a look into varied aspects of city life: museum@newwestcity.ca. its culture, its commerce, and more. A roundtable ROYAL CITY FARMERS discussion about the film will follow including the FOREIGN GAZE: MARKET identification of some of the locations. Registration BOLLYWOOD EYES October 6, 3:00 – 7:00 p.m., Tipperary Park required. 604-515-3830. October 5, 1:00–8:00 p.m. The Gallery at Queen’s Park, 1st St and Up to 40 vendors offering fresh local produce, 3rd Ave, New Westminster prepared foods and handmade crafts as well as NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM The Arts Council of New Westminster delicious food trucks,live music & kids’ activities! October 26, 6:00– 8:00 p.m. $13.25, Anvil presents, Foreign Gaze: Bollywood Eyes, Come and visit our Kids’ Place Area and discover: Centre, 777 Columbia St featuring artist Gurpreet Shergill. The Visit the museum by fl ashexhibition runs from October 5–30 in • Free Crafts by The Stage New West and Music light, hear some spooky The Gallery at Queen’s Park. Admission Box New West stories about New Westis free. Join us for the opening reception • Free Mini Farmers Market Play Area minster and make a creepy on Wednesday, October 5 from 6:00– craft to take home. Then 8:00 p.m. All are welcome to attend. • Face Painting ($) try some old-time HallowContact Kat Vedah 604-525-3244, FREE PARKING is available on Royal Ave, Queens een fortune-telling games email gallery@acnw.ca or visit Ave and in the City Hall Parking lot after 4:30 p.m. that kids long ago played. www.acnw.ca/galleryexhibit There is a new parking area in front of City Hall 7–9 years Room 311, 10–12 years Room 411A. open to market shoppers after 4:30 p.m.
October 23, 2:00–3:00 p.m. 14+ years, admission free. Anvil Centre Room 417, 777 Columbia St, New Westminster
MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM 981 Carnarvon Street, New Westminster | 604-523-6767 “Who wants to hear actors talk?” ~ H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
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MY NEW DENTIST Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old. Well, you’ll love this one… I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, darkhaired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High school. “Yes. Yes, I did,” he gleamed with pride. “When did you graduate,” I asked. He answered, “In 1967. Why do you ask?” “You were in my class,” I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, “What did you teach?” AN OPTIMIST An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him. CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in Church Services: • She sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving much pleasure to the congregation.
• Sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. Sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. • A letter to the men’s fellowship reads: “All members are requested to bring their wives and one other covered dish to the annual banquet.” • Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in Church Services… • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. • The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” • The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.” • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale… it’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands. • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you. • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. • Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons. • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
w w w. b uy va n co uve rh o m es .c a Rove e n K a n d o l a & A s s o ci ate s R e / M ax R e a l E s tate S e r vi ce s • I n d e p e n d e ntly O wn e d a n d O p e r ate d • N . Towe r 41 0 – 6 5 0 We s t 41 s t Ave
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice. • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. — prayer and medication to follow. • This evening at 7:00 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door. • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. • Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. IT’S ROMANTIC Overheard at the track: “Horse racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye.”
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REASONS WHY PUMPKINS ARE BETTER THEN MEN 1. Pumpkins don’t accuse you of loosing the TV remote! 2. Pumpkins respond quite well to negative reenforcement! 3. Pumpkins make better pie! 4. Every year you get new Pumpkins to choose from! 5. Pumpkins always greet you with a smile! 6. If you don’t like the way a Pumpkin looks, just make up another face! 7. If a Pumpkin starts smelling up your place, just throw him out! 8. Pumpkins don’t expect you to cook and still grow 24 hours a day! 9. You can clean up Pumpkins in just minutes! 10. Pumpkins don’t hide their feelings! 11. Pumpkins don’t stare at other pumpkins!
Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers
604.619.8455 Do you remember Lorraine Cunningham, a 1959 Lester Pearson Grad? If so contact us.
#360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5
October 2016
SIGNS THAT YOU’RE TOO OLD FOR TRICK OR TREATING • You get winded from knocking on the door. • You ask for high fiber candy only. • When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. • People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask. • You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece. • You’re the only Super Hero in the neighborhood with a walker. BOOKS Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?” Student: “My father’s check book!”
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HOW TO BUDGET FOR; WHAT TO EXPECT IN THERAPY By Keith Norris, Registered Therapeutic Counsellor
P
eople often wonder is therapy worth it? The honest answer is there are no guarantees however for the most part therapy makes a difference and is worth your investment of time and money. We will work hard to help meet your goals and along with good effort from you there will be obvious rewards. Therapy provides long-lasting benefits and support, giving you the tools you need to avoid triggers, re-direct damaging patterns, and overcome whatever challenges you face. Take time to choose the right therapist. Research on psychotherapeutic outcomes tells us that the relationship you have with your counsellor is the most powerful factor in your in healing. Take advantage of “free consultation” offers to check out a potential Counsellor and ask about their treatment process. We know that not everyone shares the same vibe. If this is the case then we can happily refer you to a therapist who may be more suitable; always it’s what’s best for you. Cost per session varies between therapists but it’s safe to expect $100 to $150 per individual session; couple’s counselling usually starts around $120 for ninety minute sessions. It is important to check the services covered in full or in part by your health insurance or employee benefit plan. Most plans provide for about five sessions and it’s a good idea to share this with your counsellor so s/he can consider this in your treatment strategy.
11 The average length of treatment is four to eight one hour sessions depending on the person and how challenging the issues. It is not unreasonable for some treatments to go ten to fifteen visits depending on your specific needs. Therapy can be short-term, for a specific issue, or longer-term, to deal with more difficult patterns or your desire for more personal development. Either way, it is most common to schedule weekly sessions and set a pace that you are comfortable with. The first session is when we explore the nature of your issues and identify the goals we are going to achieve. Subsequent sessions are when we further explore your values, needs, wants and motivations and much more. We will usually always discuss your early childhood experiences and explore how they affect you in adulthood. In my experience it is usually the third or fourth session when we get things “mapped out” and we can create an effective strategy to your treatment. It naturally takes some time to develop trust and to become more comfortable sharing personal information. Counsellors have a professional obligation to establish a “termination” date. Sounds severe I know but that’s psychobabble for “planning the end” of an individual’s counselling. If you are feeling better, selfreliant and ready then you are to practice the learned techniques and tools in the future without the therapist’s help. It isn’t the end, but rather a new beginning for you. Never forget however that the door is always open; if you wish to return for reinforcement or what I call a “tune-up” or if you are encountering new challenges then don’t hesitate to reach out.
“I love to go to Washington... if only to be near my money.” ~ Bob Hope
12 PIFFLE’S
BE PART OF CHANGING A CHILD’S LIFE WITH MUSIC!
HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?
The New Westminster Citadel Corps of the Salvation Army is looking for sponsors to send kids to their Music and Performing Arts Camp in Gibsons, BC. Service Clubs, Corporation, and individuals are encouraged to help. For more information, please contact: Eva Gálvez (Aux. Captain) Pastor / Corps Officer Church Line Cell
604-521-0363 604-830-0157
Eva_Galvez@can.salvationarmy.org The Salvation Army New Westminster Citadel Corps 325 Sixth St, New Westminster
CrOSSWOrD ACROSS 5. The fancy word for “Horn Of Plenty.” 6. In some parts of Canada, people shout “Halloween Apples” instead of this. 8. Something you’d carve. 9. A fruit? A Colour? It’s all around this month. 10. No witch would leave home without this. 11. You might yell this when you cast a spell. DOWN 1. Sometimes a trick, sometimes a treat. 2. Something see-through and another word for “spirit” or “ghost”. 3. Everybody fights over this part at Thanksgiving dinner. It has the best beat! 4. A final resting place. You’d better check your spelling. 6. It brings families together around a table. 7. Don’t forget this at your Thanksgiving dinner! October 2016
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NEW RESTAURANT Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve. DON’T BUG ME SON A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” WRITE IT DOWN There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.”
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.” So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?” APRIL SHOWERS Q: April showers bring may flowers but what do may flowers bring? A: Pilgrims. ATOMS Q: Why can’t you trust an atom? A: Because they make up everything.
CALL 604-520-6171 426-604 Columbia St, New Westminster
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Angila
Gift Certificates available “Just do the best you can. No one can do more than that.” ~ John Wooden
THE GARRETTS:
A ROYAL CITY FAMILY SINCE 1878
Sandy, Susan and baby, circa 1890s.
W
hat happens when a comedian turns into a businessman? Well, here in New Westminster it made for a pretty good gag. Back in the early 1960s, stand-up comedian Peter Garrett thought he had better start a business if he wanted a good income. Wosks was the biggest appliance store around and each store had its slogan written in huge letters on the outside: ‘Nobody but nobody outsells Wosks.’ “So I named my store Nobody Stores,” laughs Peter Garrett. He and partner John Wright were 23 years old and just a little cheeky. They opened their Nobody Stores on 6th Street around the corner from Wosks in October 2016
by Lori Pappajohn
uptown New Westminster. Shortly thereafter, obviously miffed, Wosks took its slogan down. “People love to see things like that, especially done to the big guys — and we were just a couple of kids doing it.” The gag was so good it was written up in numerous newspapers including the New York Times and Macleans magazine. Needless to say, Nobody Stores did extremely well. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. This is really an article about the Garrett family that traces its roots back to Alexander (known as Sandy) Garrett. Born in Belleville, Ontario to an Empire Loyalist family, Sandy Garrett came to the Royal City in 1878 when there wasn’t much here. He stayed for a year and then wanderlust set in and off he went to the California and Alaska gold fields and to other adventures far and wide. In 1894 he returned to the Royal City with his wife Susan Griffith. In 1933 and 1934 the federal log scaler was elected a city alderman and nicknamed the Mayor of Sapperton. He was so well-known that Garrett Street in Sapperton was named after him. “He was very outgoing and flamboyant,” recalls Peter Garrett of his grandfather. Peter Garrett’s father, F. R. Bud Garrett, started his career as a government log scaler and then in 1951 started the first independent log scaling company in BC, says Peter Garrett. Garrett Log Service (now with different owners) still has an office in downtown New Westminster. The lifetime New Westminster resident was also owner of two tug boat companies — Atlas Towing and Chehalis Towing. A top athlete, Bud played softball on the Sapperton Chiselers team — a BC Champion team. The Duke of Connaught high school grad was also on a local soccer team. The other Garrett siblings also had strong New Westminster ties. Bud’s brother John was a log buyer for Pacific Veneer. He was also an accomplished chess player and archer. Sisters Nettie (Higgins) and Vena (Stead) both lived locally most of their lives. In the 1940s and 1950s, Hughie (Pont) Garrett owned the BA service station at the bottom of 12th Street and | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
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Peter Garrett in 1951 on his way to set a new high school record.
worked at Garrett Log Service in his later years. He also captained a boat along BC’s coastal waters. Wilbur (also known as Web and Wib) Garrett worked for the city of New Westminster in construction. Peter Garrett notes that his sister Cheryl was a real estate agent and also worked for Garrett Log Service. But back to Peter. He took after his dad in sports. Peter set the BC high school record for pole vault, won the BC indoor open men’s and won a pole vaulting scholarship to the U.S. As much as Peter liked sports, he discovered he loved the arts even more, especially theatre. He attended San Francisco State University during the colorful Bohemian movement. “San Francisco was a hotbed of music and theatre — it was incredible,” he recalls. He and friend Ronny Schell (‘Duke’ on Gomer Pyle) had a stand-up comedy act which they toured through famous American clubs. The Garrett and Schell Show also toured with the Kingston Trio and Johnny Mathis. In addition, Peter wrote scripts for public television, and acted in numerous stage productions. “Theatre was always a big part of my life,” he recalls. When his student visa ran out, Peter found himself back in his home town of New Westminster having fun setting up Nobody Stores. And how did this actor/comedian learn to run a business?
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shes)
441 East Columbia Street New Westminster, BC
604-521-1871
10% OFF for pick-up orders over $20
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OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK 11:00am – 10:00pm Closed Tuesdays
(continued on page 17)
“Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.” ~ Albert King
IN THE SHED This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house,” and George said, “No,” and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available. George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
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PURPLE GRAPES Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape? A: “Breathe, stupid!” LEFTIES If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind. BODY OF A GOD My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
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(continued from page 15)
CALL LIZA
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PHOTO CREDIT: NW PUBLIC LIBRARY
for your personalized reading today!
778-898-2146 HOROSCOPES by LIZA
OCTOBER 2016
ARIES: You know you are right, just don’t beat people over the head to believe in your views. Expand your mind and open up new dimensions for yourself.
Mayor A.W. Gray with city officials. Seated from left to right: Ald. R. Fenton, City Clerk George Brine, Ald. John Peck. Standing from left to right: Ald. Alexander Garrett, Ald. K.K. Reid, Ald. J.A. Courtney, Al Bowell (city treasurer), A. Wells Gray, Ald. Jack Allison, and Ald. J.L. Sangster.
“A businessman let me follow him around for 30 days,” laughs Peter. After Nobody Stores, Peter opened Total Look Interiors in New Westminster. With his Masters in Theatre Arts (focusing on theatrical set design) he found himself in demand for interior design. Back in the 1960s, California developers started the concept of a model home. Peter hooked up with Jack Poole and Daon Development and opened the first model home in Canada. Soon he was opening model homes across North America for numerous companies. Peter’s work garnered numerous Canadian and American interior design awards. In addition, he designed homes for the Street of Dreams and his designs graced the homes of such leading figures as the Roosevelt family whom he worked with personally. While Peter, 83, is retired now and living with his wife Barbie on Gabriola Island, his son Tim is still in the furniture business. He owns Renaissance Homes — an independent home furnishing store in Langley. Meanwhile, besides his acting and business careers, Peter has recorded three albums and writes music in the folk-pop style of Pete Seeger and Joan Baez. His daughter Susan, an elementary school teacher, has written musicals, the most recent, We Are Canadian, performed by her students at Gateway Theatre in Richmond. She is Number 1 on ReverbNation for children’s music which her brother Sean produces. A rock singer with his own band, Sean lives in New Westminster. So next time you drive past Garrett Street — you’ll have a little history to go with it.
TAURUS: Tensions may arise in regards to values and objects such as property or possessions. There will be a death of the old and a birth of the new. GEMINI: Compromise is important within all relationships. Fights with partners may come to play during this time. Avoid all needless controversy. CANCER: Your daily life really picks up speed. Share what you feel instead of bottling it all up. Do something physical in order to avoid health problems. LEO: All love relationships grow more intense. Let your energies roam where they may before you settle into a plan of action. Children play a significant role. VIRGO: Working hard around your home will reap benefits in the future. However, controversies within the home may arise. Avoid fights with your mate. LIBRA: Neighbors and relatives may get on your nerves during this time. Try not defending your ideas but incorporating them with others ideas. Your mind is active. SCORPIO: Your financial position is not a sign of your personal wealth. Disputes over property may arise. Don’t shove your beliefs down other peoples throats. SAGITTARIUS: You now have the chance to show the world what you can do. You may have to fight for your rights. If so, do it diplomatically. CAPRICORN: Take a look at your past behaviors and make note what has not worked for you. A good time to work alone or in a social field helping others. AQUARIUS: A time to formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. All group activities will work in your benefit. Problems with friends may arise. PISCES: Authority figures may try to block you during this time. Stand down to any arguments or flare ups. It’s not worth the battle at all.
“Life began with waking up and loving my mother’s face.” ~ George Eliot
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Do you have a joke you want to share? Submit them at www.piffle.ca/contact
KID’S CORNER with
ISAIAH Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
Q: What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Q: What should you do when zombies surround your house?
Q: What’s a monster’s favorite bean?
Q: Why did the cyclops give up teaching?
A: I scream.
A: Spare ribs.
A: A human bean.
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? A: A nectarine.
Q: What pants do ghosts wear? A: BOO jeans.
Q: What kind of key opens a casket? A: A skeleton key.
Q: What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A: A boo-tie.
A: A sandwich.
A: Hope it’s Halloween.
A: Because he only had one pupil. Q: How do monsters tell their future? A: They read their horrorscope.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
A: Because he had nobody to go with. Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries? A: Because people are dying to get in!
Q: How does a dog sled musher talk? A: In a husky voice. ~ Submitted by Ana Maria Constantinescu
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? A: He wanted to go to high school. ~ Submitted by Singh Sonia
October 2016
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
INTERNET ACCESS Q: How do trees access the internet? A: They log in. BILLS ON FIRE Q: What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? A: Bernadette. THAT’S EASY, PADDY Paddy and Murphy are havin’ a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, “Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?” Murphy thinks for a minute then says, “That’s easy. It’s ‘cos if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat!” THE TELEGRAM It was the morning of Ralph’s birthday and there was a knock on the door. “Telegram!” Filled with excitement, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy standing before him, “Is it a singing telegram?” “No Sir. We don’t do singing telegrams anymore,” the messenger replied. “Oh, but I’ve always wanted to receive a singing telegram,” a disappointed Ralph moaned. “Couldn’t you just bend the rules a little and make an old man happy?” “I’m sorry, sir,” replied the messenger. “Please,” Ralph pleaded, “after all, today is my birthday.” “Alright, sir, if you insist,” the messenger said. “Dahdah dah… dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!” AT THE BARBERSHOP The reading material at the barbershop consisted entirely of murder stores, mysteries, thrillers, and ghost tales. When Peter asked the barber if he wanted to terrify his customers he replied. “No Peter. These books make the customers’ hair stand up and then it becomes easier to trim and cut.” THEY ARE DIFFERENT Doctor,” the man said to his ophthalmologist, “I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I notice that one of my eyes is different from the other!” “Oh?” Replied the doctor “Which one?” “A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.” ~ Oscar Wilde
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LEMONS A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. “Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons,” he asked. “Well, I think I do,” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.” SHOCKING Most folks believe that Ben Franklin discovered electricity with his famous kite experiment. Actually, a women made that discovery possible. The real story was that Ben Franklin was laying in bed with his wife one night, leaned over and whispered something in her ear. She told him to go fly a kite. The rest is history WHERE ARE WE A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.” A GOOD MAN WITH A SOCIAL CONSCIENCE Your Honor,” began the defense attorney, “my client has been characterized as an incorrigible bank robber, without a single socially redeeming feature. I intend to disprove that.” “And how will you accomplish this,” the judge inquired. “By proving beyond a shadow of a doubt,” replied the lawyer, “that the note my client handed the teller was on recycled paper.” GRANDMA AND THE TURKEY A girl walks into a supermarket and asks the clerk,” Can I have a turkey for my grandma,” the clerk responds,” Sorry. We don’t do exchanges.”
COMEDY CLUB
Glen Foster
IT’S QUICKER Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? A: When it’s time to g back to their childhood, they’re already there.
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“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” ~ Don Marquis
Sean Garrett standing in front of Sandy Garrett’s home at 347 Alberta Street. The family moved there in 1922.
SEAN GARRETT ALWAYS KNEW WHAT HE WANTED TO BE
W
hen Sean Garrett was a kid he knew exactly what he wanted to be — a rock singer. Sure he was good at hockey and junior lacrosse where he was high scorer of the year. But the thing that kept tugging at his soul was music. “My mom (Betty) was a great singer, and growing up around her I just wanted to sing.” In fact, both his parents were great singers. “Dad (Peter) used to play guitar and sing with my mom at parties. When my sister Susan and I were around 12, we started doing that, too. Our family had a cottage at Crescent Beach and we’d sing at beach parties.” Sean Garrett soon learned to play drums, guitar, bass and keyboards — everything a rock singer needs. When he was a teen, some friends were going up to Fort St. John to sing in a restaurant. Sean went along, sang with them and loved every minute of it. He started putting bands together and when he was 19, he and his band travelled around in an old milk truck playing October 2016
Story and Photo by Lori Pappajohn
pubs in small BC towns. Later, his duo Cheez Brothers (with Andy Lorimer) cut an album that got great reviews in Europe. One magazine gave the band the same high rating it gave Pink Floyd — higher than Kansas, Air Supply, Saga and Gino Vannelli. One reviewer called The Song Will Live On “one of the best records of 1995.” Frontline Magazine wrote that it was “one of the best things that’s happened (in music) since Pink Floyd’s The Wall.” “We still have a bit of a cult following in Europe,” says Sean Garrett who would love to go back there to tour. Like some rock musicians, Sean Garrett and his buddies liked to drink. But five years ago Sean Garrett gave up drinking. “I realized I could either be the singer I wanted to be or when I was drinking the singer I was pretending to be. After I quit drinking, things really came together for me.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
Over the years, Sean Garrett estimates he has written a couple hundred songs. The ideas just seem to pop into his head, he says. “It’s like they just seem to be there.” Three years ago Sean Garrett put together The Garrett Band. The members met while hosting jams at the Columbia Theatre downtown New Westminster. Members are drummer Frank Baker, bass player Garry Koenig and guitarist Brian Jones with Sean Garrett on lead vocals. The members have impressive careers of their own. Frank Baker’s extensive career includes touring with Trooper, Prism and Nick Gilder “They are a great bunch of guys,” says Sean Garrett. Sean Garrett laughs that the group met at the Columbia Theatre where he saw his first movie The Omega Man. “I was scared for weeks afterwards,” laughs Sean Garrett who grew up on 5th Street and then Rickman Street, going to F.W. Howay Elementary and later NWSS. Coming full circle, the Garrett Band will perform as the headline act at the Columbia Theatre November 5 at 7:00 p.m. It also headlines October 14 at the Roxie in Vancouver. Sean Garrett describes the band’s music as progressive rock. “People will love it. It’s very inspiring music — creative with a good edge, a lot of groove and great musicianship. It’s powerful music.” Influences include Pink Floyd Queen and Yes. “The band is at its peak right now. It’s the band I’ve always wanted.” As for being a musician, Sean Garrett says, “It’s not something I want to do — I have to do it — like it’s bred into me. For me music is a spiritual journey, it allows me to contribute towards a peaceful world through the global language we call music. All the things I talk about in my songs are personal and real. Life is full of obstacles but you must also realize that the challenges are there to overcome.”
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Sean Garrett checking out the Garrett Street sign in Sapperton named after his great grandfather Sandy.
Q. What was Alderman Sandy Garrett’s wife’s name?
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
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PICTOGRAPH BY ROSS HOOD
PUZ ZLE #27
The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.
THIS ISSUE’S HINT: “SIR LANCELOT” 1
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Find the solution in the next issue of Piffle.
SOLUTION TO PUZZLE #26 PICTOGRAPH B Y R O S S H O O D 12 5
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14 7
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NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN Serving in the community for 117 years. Lobbies government on issues affecting women and families such as Health, Safety, Environment, Education, Seniors, and more. For more information, contact Florence Erwin, erwinf@shaw.ca. October 2016
| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
REAL GOOD CAMO During a training exercise, an army unit was late for afternoon inspection. “Where are those camouflage trucks,” the irate colonel barked. “They’re here somewhere,” replied the sergeant, “but we can’t find’em.” HUSBAND FILES MISSING PERSON REPORT Gilbert Parsons went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife, this is a true transcript of his conversation with the police officer. Husband: I lost my wife Gale, she went shopping at Macy’s and hasn’t come back yet. Officer: How tall is she? Husband: I never checked. Officer: Slim or healthy? Husband: Not slim, can be healthy. Officer: What colour are Gale’s eyes? Husband: Never noticed. Officer: Colour of her hair? Husband: That changes according to season. Officer: What was she wearing? Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit. Officer: Was she driving? Husband: Yes. Officer: Colour of the car? Husband: Silver Ford Focus Zetec 1.6 engine, automatic drive, 2015 plate. Scratch on the offside driver’s panel, crack in the front headlight… and then the husband started crying… Officer: Don’t worry sir… we will find your car. CHANGE YOUR COURSE Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.” Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!” There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
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“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.” ~ Mitch Hedberg
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An exciting opportunity for the residents of New Westminster to learn about your emergency services, your community safety agencies, and fire safety!
• Live Demonstrations • Fire Safety House • Equipment Displays • Sparky the Fire Dog New West Firefighters’ Charitable BBQ – by donation (all proceeds to New Westminster Firefighters’ Charitable Society)
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Say Hi to Sparky! October 2016
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS A man went into his dentist to see why his dentures kept decaying rapidly on him. The dentist looked at his dentures and remarked, “This is very odd, they look like something’s been eating them. Is there anything different that you’ve been eating lately?” The man thought for a bit and said, “Well, my wife has been making a lot of eggs Benedict recently with hollandaise sauce.” “Ah,” exclaimed the dentist, “That’s it. I know just what you need. I’m going to order you some new dentures with plates made out of chrome.” “Chrome,” exclaimed the man incredulously, “Why Chrome?” “Because, There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise” THE INTERVIEW An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, “if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?” She quickly responded, “The living one.” A JOKE FOR MUSIC LOVERS A year ago, Hans Vonk conducted the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra in a production of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. During the final movement of Beethoven’s Ninth, there is a large pause in the Orchestration where only the chorus sings. Four bass players, feeling they could use this break to get out and stretch their legs, slipped off backstage and proceeded to go outside to smoke a cigarette and take a little nip from a bottle one of them was carrying. Well, they lost track of time and became quite inebriated. Finally one of them says, “Say! We should really be getting back in… It’s almost time to play our part.” “Don’t worry,” confided one of the other bassists with a wink. “I’ve fixed it so that we have a longer pause… I tied together the last parts of the conductor’s score before our part begins!” All the bass players had a good chuckle and took a few more swigs and headed in. Once they popped back on stage, they saw that conductor Vonk was | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
absolutely furious. After all, it was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied. THE IDTENT ERROR The owner of a small computer store was getting tired of fixing the exact same problem over and over on computers for people… one day 3 customers came in at the same time. He looked at them all and said. Everyone one of your computers gave me this error message “Error you have a syntax IDtenT error.and asked them to right it down. All of them got out their pens and wrote IDtenT error, he smiled then told them. No that’s not how you write it is the number “10”. So they all wrote it again… ID10T error. A JOKE FROM ENGLAND A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner — to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species. While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything. The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job — to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything. The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything. The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents “what’s the food like here?” One of the zoo’s resident lions said, “Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.” LICENSE WOES Q: Why did the Game Warden arrest the ghost? A: He didn’t have a HAUNTING license! “Life is too short not to do a little practical joking.” ~ Krista Allen
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THE GRASSHOPER A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, “You have a drink called Steve?” GOLF MATH One day a math teacher and his brother were out golfing. The brother was to tee off first and just before he swung he yelled “4!!” The math teacher was up next and just before he swung he yelled, “Square root of 64 divided by two!!”
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SALES: 604-657-5600 EMAIL: info@canengrave.com www.canengrave.com October 2016
COMEDIANS Bob goes with his friend, a comedian, to a comedian’s meeting. When they get there, one of the men stands up and shouts out “34!” and all the other comedians laugh hysterically. Bob turns to his friend and says “I don’t get what was so funny,” and his friend explains to him that the Comedians’ Guild has assigned each joke a number to make them easier to tell. All through dinner, the members of the Guild stand up and say numbers, and every time, everyone laughs, so Bob decides to give it a try. He stands up, and shouts out his favorite number: “54!” Dead silence. Bob turns to his friend and asks “What did I do wrong? When ever you do it, they laugh!” And his friend answered, “You didn’t tell it well.” GONE FISHING A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas.” The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?” The wife replies, “I did, they were in your tackle box.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
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POET’S CORNER with
SARGENT’S CITY SCENE
JANET KVAMMEN
VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY
Ghosts of the BC Penitentiary © 2009 Candice James (The BC Penitentiary was British Columbia’s main prison, situated in the heart of New Westminster, BC overlooking the mighty Fraser River, from 1876–1980) On the old BC Pen property spirits lurk and hide. Ghostly voices whisper in the pale moonlight. A heavy door slams shut with a thunderous clap. A frayed noose hangs above a fl oor trap, And yesterday’s ghosts still walk these grounds at night. Built in 1878 she was a fortress strong, A bleak home for felons who did the law wrong. Her tall cement walls loomed large inside our town; A daunting human cage that never let her guard down. She stood at full attention an ominous landmark, Foreboding, gray and dark, harsh and stern and stark. As a youngster I remember Cumberland Street. On hot sultry days, sweating with the heat, The prisoners in groups and gangs labored in the yard. Lined up in the sights of the tower guns and guards The murderer and thief toiled side by side; With leg irons and secrets, they were tethered and tied. 1976 was the Pen’s worst riot date; The east wing was destroyed in this meeting with fate. In the aftermath she was scheduled for tear down. She’d overstayed her welcome in our residential town. She closed in 1980 on the 10th day of May. But, listen to my words and believe me when I say… On the old BC Pen property spirits lurk and hide, Ghostly voices whisper in the pale moonlight. A heavy door slams shut with a thunderous clap. A frayed noose hangs above a fl oor trap AND…Yesterday’s ghosts STILL walk these grounds at night.
Candice James, Poet Laureate Emerita, New Westminster, BC is a poet, visual artist, musician, singer-songwriter; Board Advisor Royal City Literary Arts Society; Director of The Festival of the Book Society, Victoria BC. She is author of eleven poetry books: and recipient of the Bernie Legge Artist Cultural Award and Pandora’s Collective Citizenship award.
Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.poeticjusticenewwest.org and www.rclas.com for all the latest events.
BUILD OUR FUTURE CITY! OFFICIAL COMMUNITY PLAN OPEN HOUSE
October 1, Connaught Heights School Gym October 15, Richard McBride School Gym Morning Session: 9:30 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Afternoon Session: 12:30 p.m.–3:00 p.m. he first half hour of the event will be an open house. You can view the draft design criteria for laneway/ carriage houses and for townhouses/rowhouses to see how they will fit into the character of your neighbourhood. You can also review the draft vision, goals and policies, which are also key components of the Official Community Plan. Presentation and workshop: After the open house, City staff will present the OUR CITY process and summarize the draft future Land Use Map which will direct future development and redevelopment of property in the city. Next everyone will get to work! City staff will facilitate table discussions about the draft future land use map. You can chat with us and your neighbours before providing feedback. We will also be discussing options for land uses around the 22nd SkyTrain Station. Childminding: To make sure that you can attend, free childminding for children aged 18 months to 12 years will be offered by the City Parks and Recreation Staff. Let us know when you register if you will be bringing your children along. Stay in the conversation: When you sign up for our mailing list, you’ll receive information about the OUR CITY process plus updates for future consultation events. If you would like to be added to the mailing list or discuss any of the material with a member of our staff, please contact the Planning Division. Email ourcity@newwestcity.ca or phone 604-527-4532. You can also follow us on Twitter and ‘like’ the City Facebook account. These are great ways to stay connected and to hear about upcoming events!
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“I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!” ~ Anonymous
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MATH MADNESS
Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Find solution in the next Piffle!
NUMBER BLOCKS
Try to fill in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right. Find solution in the next Piffle!
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CITY OF NEW WESTMINSTER POET LAUREATE CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS Deadline: October 15, 2016 ew Westminster’s Poet Laureate will act as a literary ambassador for the City of New Westminster and the people of New Westminster; advocating for literacy and the literary arts and helping to raise the status of poetry, language and the arts in the
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everyday consciousness of New Westminster Residents. The Poet Laureate should have the opportunity to make the position their own but the expectation is they work with City staff in developing meaningful engagement opportunities that enrich the lives of residents and visitors to the City.
Piffle’s MATH MADNESS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE October 2016
For the full call for proposals, please download the submission guidelines. Please note: City of New Westminster staff, members of the City of New Westminster Arts Commission and jury panel members are not eligible to apply.
Piffle’s NUMBER BLOCKS SOLUTION FROM THE PREVIOUS PIFFLE MAGAZINE | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
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NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN NOTE: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course lasts for 4 weeks and topics covered in this course include: Week One of Evening Classes for Men TOILET ROLLS: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? • Roundtable discussion. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKETS AND FLOOR • Practising with hamper (pictures and graphics). DISHES & CUTLERY: DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? • Debate among a panel of experts. HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS • Step by step guide with slide presentation. EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? • Group discussion and role play. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS • Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming — open forum. Week Two of Evening Classes for Men LOSS OF VIRILITY • Losing the remote control to your significant other. Help line and support groups. HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH • PowerPoint presentation. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST • Real life testimonial from the one man who did. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? • Driving simulation. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER • Online class and role playing. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION • Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques. REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE • Bring your calendar or PDA to class. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME • Individual counsellors available.
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32 STRATA LIVING: BUYING & SELLING By Tony Gioventu
Dear Tony: Our strata has managed to sell a strata lot of an owner who had not paid strata fees for 3 years. The buyer, who purchased the unit through the courts and is now complaining about the condition of the strata lot and demanding we restore the damages. We visited the unit with the new owner and the results were horrible. The unit was loaded with garbage. All the flooring is destroyed, the bathroom fixtures need to be replaced, kitchen cabinets are damaged and none of the appliances operate. While we are sympathetic to the buyer, why is fair for the rest of the owners to pay for the suite restoration when a buyer gets a deal sight unseen? ~ Jacqueline M. Burnaby Dear Jacqueline: There is a simple division of responsibility and authority in the Strata Property Act & Standard Bylaws relating to the responsibility of a strata lot, which is constantly misinterpreted and confused with the obligation of strata insurance. Owners are re-
sponsible to maintain and repair their strata lots. The strata corporation is responsible to maintain and repair the common property, common assets, and those parts of limited common property and strata lots that have been identified in the bylaws of the strata corporation. In most strata corporations, including yours, the strata is not responsible to maintain and repair the strata lots, which includes the finishing, fixtures and appliances. Buying a strata lot sight unseen, or without inspecting the strata lot, assigned storage lockers, parking spaces, and the documents of the strata corporation is a high risk venture. Buyer beware is an age old saying, but the buyer pays the price for the damages. If the damages qualify as an insurable claim under the strata insurance, for example they were caused by a fire in the strata lot, or unlawful entry resulting in vandalism, the claim for the damages may be on the strata insurance if the amount is over the deductible. In most forced sale orders however, damages are a result of prolonged neglect, lack of maintenance and abuse. The buyer/owner of the strata lot is responsible for the maintenance and repair of their strata lot. Provide the buyer with a copy of the strata bylaws to ensure they are aware of any con-
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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
33 ditions relating to alterations, construction, recycling and waste management in your strata. Tony Gioventu is the Executive Director of the Condominium Home Owners’ Association of B.C. (CHOA), a consumer association in British Columbia with over 200,000 members comprising strata corporations, owners, and business members who serve the strata industry. Tony is the weekly Condo Smarts columnist for The Province, The Times Colonist, and 24. Since 2002 Tony has written over 1,000 columns and information bulletins dedicated to strata living and is the co-author of A Practical Guide to Bylaws: the Strata Property Act, and Understanding Governance: Strata Rules of order and procedures in British Columbia. Tony has served as a director/committee member for the Homeowner Protection Office, BC Building Envelope Council, Canadian Standards Association, The Real Estate Council of BC, and continues to play an active role in research and development of building standards, legislation for strata corporations and consumer protection. With offices in New Westminster, Victoria and Kelowna CHOA provides service to its members throughout the province, promoting an understanding of strata living, and the interests of strata property owners. On average the association fields 300 inquiries a day from owners, strata council members, managers and agents, and delivers over 100 seminars annually on a variety of strata related topics including governance, operations and administration. Direct office phone: 604-515-9683 Office email: tony@choa.bc.ca Mobile: 604-323-6458
Condominium Home Owners Association of BC
NEW MEMBERS WELCOME!
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THE LIBRARY BOOK One day a chicken goes to a library and asked “book, book, book.” The librarian gave the chicken 3 books and the chicken went on its way… The next day the same chicken came into the library and said “book, book, book.” So the librarian gave the chicken 3 books again… but this time she became suspicious of where the chicken was taking the books. So the librarian decided follow the chicken. After a while the chicken came to a swamp and stopped beside a frog. The chicken gave the three books to the frog, and the frog replied, “Read it! Read it! Read it!” THE FISHER BROTHERS Two brothers John and Mike went fishing, every time John threw his hook he caught a fish but Mike was very unlucky. By the end of the day John had caught more than twenty fish but Mike had caught nothing. Next day Mike woke up very early in the morning, dressed in John’s clothes and carried John’s hook. He went to the river and sat where John was seating yesterday. He threw the hook and waited. Darkness cleared and the sun rose. After about 4 hours of his waiting a fish popped out and asked him “where is John?” HOLD YOUR LIQUOR Q: What did the skeleton say to the bartender? A: I’ll have a beer and a MOP! UFO Out in the middle of nowhere a UFO drops out of the sky at a gas station, the aliens not concerned go out of the ship. The ship even has the letters UFO emblazoned on the side. While the owner of the station stands speechless, his young employee goes and fills up their tank and even waves as they pull off. After they’re gone the owner looks shocked at his employee. He says, “Do you realize what just happened?” “Yeah,” he replied?” “Didn’t you see the letters UFO?” “Yeah,” she repeats. “And…?” “Do you know what that means?” “Gee boss, I’ve been working here for 5 years, of course I know what it means. Unleaded Fuel Only.” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT, PLEASE Ol’ Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, pear death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol’ Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol’ Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol’ Fred died. He said, “You know, Ol’ Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.” He opened the note, and read, “Please step to your left — you’re standing on my oxygen tube!” THESE JOKES ARE TURKEYS! Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
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Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band? A: Because he had the drumsticks. Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!” Q: What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain? A: Pil-grimace. Q: What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? A: Pilgrammar. Q: What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? A: Spanksgiving. Q: What’s the best way to stuff a turkey? A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream! Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A Har-VEST. GROCERY STORE A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied “No they’re dead.”
Photo by Gabor Gasztonyi
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Join Us Sundays: 4:00 pm
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106-310 8th St, New West
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SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY 325 6th Street New Westminster, BC Tel: 604-521-0363 Service at 11am See you at church!
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Mention “Piffle Magazine” and get 25% OFF our regular priced used books!
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Knox Presbyterian Church
403 E Columbia St, New West
604.524.6712
The Rev. Richard Watson, Minster
Regular Sunday Service at 11am
Merry Maids is a growing business and needs hard working, trustworthy, and dedicated friendly staff. Completive wages offered. Apply at #426-604 Columbia St, New West
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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0
WINTER IS COMING The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter going to be cold?” The man on the phone responded, “This winter was going to be quite cold indeed.” So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, “Is it going to be a very cold winter?” “Yes”, the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.” So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: “Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!” AMAZING Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first racehorse says “You know… when I was a young racehorse… from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds… I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived… blah blah blah…” In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded, “Oh yeah… when I was a young racehorse… from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds… I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived… blah blah blah…” Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said, “I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds.” The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the fist racehorse finally said, “Isn’t that amazing (hic)… a talking greyhound!”
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