Piffle Magazine 2018-02 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

February 2018 Issue #209

The old Woodward’s $1.49 jingle is now 60 years old. Longtime CKNW Radio Station creative genius, Tony Antonias tells the story of the jingle’s creation in 1958. See story by LORI PAPPAJOHN on page 8.

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Judy Darcy MLA

A Strong Voice for New Westminster

judydarcy.ca February 2018

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca

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MLA’S REPORT

By Judy Darcy he days are getting longer, snowdrops and crocuses are poking their cheerful heads out of the soil, and the 2018 provincial budget is on the horizon. The spring legislative session begins on February 13 with the Speech from the Throne. The Speech from the Throne is delivered by the Lieutenant Governor of BC and outlines the Government of British Columbia’s priorities for the coming year. It also includes a significant amount of pomp and ceremony which is fun to witness and always gets me energized for the upcoming session. One week later, the government will release the provincial budget. A budget may not seem like an excit-

ing document but I can’t overstress how important it is. A budget is all about a government’s choices. This will be our new government’s first budget and we can expect to see a major focus on housing and childcare. Health care and education are the biggest items in the budget, together totalling more than 50% of overall investment. What are your top priorities for the Budget? Send me an email to Judy.Darcy.MLA@leg.bc.ca. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Did you know that members of the public can watch Question Period? If you’re ever in Victoria, consider visiting the Parliament Buildings for a tour and, if the Legislative Assembly is sitting, ask for tickets

to Question Period. Let my constituency office know that you’re visiting and I will be delighted to introduce you in the house. In New Westminster, my constituency office has moved to unit 301, 625 Fifth Avenue. If you’re in the uptown neighbourhood, drop by and see our new space! The office is open from 1–4 on Mondays, 10:00–4:00 Tuesday to Thursday.

If you aren’t signed up yet, send an email to Judy.Darcy.MLA@leg.bc.ca to sign up and make sure you don’t miss out on the next newsletter! VALENTINES DAY CANDY Ask yourself: is it worth the weight? GIFT FROM THE WIFE My wife just sent me a text saying, “I’ve just got you the best Valentine’s Day present ever! xox” I really hope she misspelt “Xbox”. THE SENSITIVE HUSBAND I got my wife a new iron for Valentine’s Day. She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying. I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she’s not come back yet. MORE WORDS A picture is worth 500 to 1500 words depending on how good looking you are. PURPOSE Q: What is the purpose of reindeer? A: It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

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FREE PRICE REPORT - FEBRUARY 2018

FEBRUARY 2018

February 2018 Report on Hearing Aid Prices Each month we research and reveal the prices of hearing aids from five random local hearing aid providers. The prices are clearly listed in this report - covering a variety of technology levels with an easy to use reference chart. With this information you'll be well equipped with market data to know the price range for a variety of different options.

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February 2018

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IMPERIAL PHARMACY

NEW WESTMINATER SKATEPARK OPEN HOUSE

February 7, 6:00–8:00 p.m. Centennial Lodge at Queen’s Park Drop in and tell us what you think about the preferred location and design features for the new skatepark. New Westminster Secondary School (NWSS) is being redeveloped and the existing Mercer Stadium skatepark needs to be relocated. The City is holding a second public open house to present the feedback received at the first open house on a preferred site as well as the design features for the skatepark. All feedback received will be presented to council in early March 2018.

QUEEN’S PARK HERITAGE CONSERVATION AREA LEARNING EVENT

February 7, 6:30–8:30 p.m. Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St Do you own a house in the Queen’s Park Heritage Conservation Area? Come learn with us about more conservation incentive options. Join the email list to receive process updates. Contact: 604-527-4532 or plnpost@newwestcity.ca.

SPARK: VALENTINE CIRCUS CABARET THE COLUMBIA THEATRE February 17, 7:00–10:00 p.m. Doors open at 7:00 pm. Show at 7:30 pm. 530 Columbia St, New Westminster

Acts of love and other important stuff. Circa 51 is proud to present Spark! Spark is a cabaret style circus showcase that explores the many facets of this thing called love. Join Circa 51 and the Vancouver Circus School for an evening of remembering and unmasking love, in all its complicated glory.

on a hilarious journey filled with cunning wit and mistaken identity as Bobby attempts to win Polly’s heart and save the theatre. The show features many Gershwin classics such as: “I Got Rhythm,” Someone to Watch Over Me,” and “Slap that Bass.” Ticket Centre 604-521-5050.

NEW WEST BUSINESS AND TECH MEETUP

February 26, 6:00–9:00 p.m. TransLink Head Office in Sapperton The New West Business and Tech Meetup group is a casual business networking group. Their meetings generally feature networking and a guest speaker. This special Innovation Week version will feature a guest speaker with an innovation themed talk, and will talk place at TransLink’s head office. Exact room to be announced closer to the date. With thanks to our partner, TransLink.

CRAZY FOR YOU! THE NEW GERSHWIN MUSICAL

February 21, 7:00 p.m. Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave NWSS Musical Theatre Program presents the award winning romantic comedy “Crazy For You” at Massey Theatre from February 21–24. This romantic comedy tells the story of dreamer Bobby Child, a New York City banker who longs to perform on the stage. When he is sent to the sleepy town Of Deadrock, Nevada to foreclose on a theatre, he meets Polly Baker whose father happens to own the theatre and he falls dramatically and hopelessly in love with her. Audience members will be taken

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM 981 Carnarvon Street, New Westminster | 604-523-6767 An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

WOODWARD’S $1.49 DAY JINGLE’S 60TH ANNIVERSARY

BY LORI PAPPAJOHN

“ That jingle made my career.” ~ Tony Antonias

ony Antonias was as mad as a wet hen — no, madder. “That jingle made my He was so mad he was about to explode. His boss at career,” laughs Tony CKNW had just asked him to take over the Woodward’s whose lists of clients reads like a Who’s Who in the Ca$1.49 Day advertising portfolio. nadian business world from Vancouver to Montreal. “Are you kidding me??” Tony raged. “You want me “The funny thing was that when I took the recorded to do a job that is for junior copy writers? Don’t be so jingle to my boss, I realized it was missing something — stupid.” Tony was the copy writers’ boss — he was the it was like a picture without a frame. My boss thought Creative Director of all advertising. As far as he was conit was perfect and said: ‘If you add anything you are cerned, this was an insult. As he puts it: “I blew my stack. going to ruin the bloody thing.’ But I went back into the “The ad was simply a list of what was for sale and then studio, walked up to the microphone and whistled the a voice in an echo chamber saying ‘Save, save, save.’ jingle’s theme — and knew that’s what I needed. I put “As if I was going to phone Woodward’s every month that whistle just before the singing started and then at to get a list of what towels or salad plates were on sale.” the end. And that’s how the legend was born.” Tony stomped back to his desk where his brand new And that’s how Tony’s ad — and his whistle — ended typewriter awaited him. He gave it a thump and the up on the airwaves across BC and Alberta. typewriter went ‘ding.’ He looked at it. He gave it an“Imagine that it took six weeks to convince Woodother thump, and there was another ‘ding’. Just like that ward’s to use it,” laughs Tony, noting that the ad was a Tony’s fury morphed success from the second it hit the airinto a tidal wave of crewaves. In fact, it won the Hollywood The lyrics are: ative juices that in 20 Advertisement Club’s International minutes invented what Broadcasting Award for one of the $1.49 Day Woodward’s became the most wellWorld’s Best Ads. $1.49 Day Tuesday known advertising jin“I made $25 for that jingle — and gle in western Canada. that was a lot of money back then,” $1.49 Day Woodward’s And this month, Februlaughs Tony. A day to shop and save, ary 17, to be exact, is the For those of you new to town, Values tops in quality 60th anniversary of that Woodward’s was a large departjingle which ran every ment and food store at the corner of For your home and family month for 35 years and and 6th and was the place to shop. Shop $1.49 Day Woodward’s 6th which was hummed and The store opened uptown in 1954 and $1.49 Day Tuesday whistled by thousands. you could buy everything from furFebruary 2018

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niture and rugs to toys, cosmetics, clothes, fabrics and food. It also had a restaurant and bargain centre. Woodward’s had stores throughout BC and Alberta and operated for 100 years before its sale to the Hudson’s Bay Company in 1993. About a year after the $1.49 Day success, Eaton’s called Tony — would he do a jingle for them? So Tony created the Eaton’s Surprise Sale jingle: “Be on the spot and you’ll save a lot at Eaton’s Surprise Sale.” Tony also heard from CJVB, a local ethnic station. They talked Woodward’s into buying $1.49 Day ads on their station, but CJVB needed the jingle redone in several languages. “We recorded it in Chinese (complete with a gong), Japanese, Italian and some other languages,” Tony recalls. An award-winning ad writer, Tony started at CKNW in 1955 when the radio station was on Columbia Street. A year later the 26-year-old was made the Creative Director. Tony worked at NW for 40 years. “People still remember the $1.49 Day radio ad even though it hasn’t run for years,” says Tony, recalling that just a few weeks ago someone stopped him uptown and said: “Aren’t you the guy that wrote the $1.49 Day ad? “That ad really had a life of its own. I came into work one day and there was a guy with a myna bird who would whistle the jingle on command. Another day I heard from the administrator of Woodlands School who said a boy there who hadn’t spoken was now singing the jingle.” To hear Tony’s $1.49 Day ad, go to this link: https://rebrand.ly/woodwards

Tony’s $1.49 Day ad won the Hollywood Advertisement Club’s International Broadcasting Award for one of the World’s Best Ads.

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SARGENT’S CITY SCENE

• Exchange Programs, sending school aged youth to other countries and in turn hosting foreign youth, Sending youth to leadership camps (RYLA), as well as other programs such as Citizen, Forestry and film.

THE ROTARY CLUB OF NEW WESTMINSTER: MAKING A DIFFERENCE FOR 90 YEARS

Rotary meets for lunch Thursdays at the Bavaria Haus on Sixth Street except for the last Thursday of each month where we meet for dinner at Boston Pizza. Interested in finding out more? Want to come and help us celebrate our birthday. Rotary would like to speak with you. Contact us through Facebook, or webpage, www.newwestrotary.org or approach one of our members.

he rotary club of New Westminster turns 90 this year. The Club is celebrating their Birthday on February 11 at the Inn at the Quay, 900 Quayside Drive, New Westminster. Rotary International President Ian Riseley will be the guest speaker. The Rotary Club of New Westminster was organized March 12, 1928, chartered May 16, 1928. Their first President was R.F. Arnett and the current President is R.A. Prill. NOTABLE LOCAL ACHIEVEMENTS: (NOT AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST)

• Sun Room at Honour House, • Legacy Clock in Moody Park, • Water Fountain, for people and dogs, Pier Park, • Free Community Eye Clinic, includes Eye exam and free prescription glasses, • Rotary Greenway, • Rotary Tower, housing for low income seniors, • Funded Walk in Freezer at Salvation Army, • Playground equipment and books for local schools, and much, much more. NOTABLE INTERNATIONAL PROJECTS:

• Polio Eradication program, ( we are almost there!) • Bio-Medical Education and Exchange Program in Uganda, • Shipping of Containers of supplies to many countries through the Rotary Help Network, and much, much more! NOTABLE YOUTH PROGRAMS:

• Sponsor Rotaract and Interact programs for high school, college age youth and young professionals, we help, encourage and guide members in these clubs to initiate and completed local and international projects, • Numerous bursaries and scholarships, February 2018

THE SALVATION ARMY NEW WESTMINSTER PRESENTS A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND VENTRILOQUISM

he Salvation Army has been helping the people of New Westminster and the Tri-Cities area for nearly 130 years, and now you can be a part of that good work by purchasing tickets for their upcoming fundraiser. The Salvation Army New Westminster will present A Night of Magic and Ventriloquism taking place at the church located at 325 6th Street in New Westminster on Saturday February 24th. This is a fun show for the whole family, featuring award winning magicians Norden the Magician, The Great Gordini and award winning ventriloquist Neale Bacon and his Crazy Critters. The Salvation Army New Westminster is proud to bring A Night of Magic and Ventriloquism toNew Westminster for the 4th time. The show will raise funds for the community ministries of The Salvation Army in the New Westminster and Tri-Cities area including such things as food programs, produce give aways, support groups and much more. The performers for this show have donated their time for the 4th time also so that 100% of the proceeds can go to the work of The Salvation Army. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

This month ﬁnd your mate match!

There will also be a Silent Auction and other surprises. The tickets are $10.00 each or $25.00 for a family 4 pack and are available from the church office. “We are thrilled to be a part of this fundraiser for the 4th time”, said Burnaby based ventriloquist Neale Bacon. “My fellow performers and I love the work The Salvation Army does and we are honoured to be able to help.”

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NON-PROFIT TOWN HALL

HOROSCOPES by LIZA

Monday, February 26, 6:00–9:00 p.m. City Hall, Council Chambers Community Conversation with Diversity and Inclusion Strategist Alden Habacon Innovate your non-profit! Volunteers, directors, staff, and supporters of non-profits and community groups are invited to attend this evening of engagement and learning aimed at non-profits in New Westminster. Noted inclusion strategist Alden Habacon will be giving a presentation and facilitating a dialogue with attendees. Networking opportunities abound so that we can all learn and share together. Emceed by Nadine Nakagawa, 2017 New Westminster Citizen of the Year, and sponsored by Vancity, this is an event not to miss. Light refreshments served. This event will be livestreamed and interactive web-based conversation tools will be used. If you can’t make it in person, there is room for you online! About Alden Habacon: Alden E. Habacon is an accomplished diversity and inclusion strategist with over ten years of experience in leading the development, implementation and staff engagement of strategy towards diversity and inclusion, organizational culture change, interculturalism and social sustainability. Register here: https://iwnw18communityconversation.eventbrite.ca

INNOVATION FORUM AND ANGEL INVESTING PANEL

February 27, 9:00 a.m.–3:00 p.m. Anvil Centre Ballroom, 777 Columbia Street nnovation Forum is a recurring program from the Office for Small and Medium Enterprise, Public Services and Procurement Canada. This free, info-packed morning features presentations on funding available through government programs, suitable for start-ups, tech, and research firms. There is also an opportunity for one on one follow up at booths. A light lunch will follow with guest speaker and (continued on page 12)

www.lizakolbuck.com FEB 2018

ARIES: The social gatherings have taken their toll. Mid month your longing for peace and quiet. TAURUS: Authority figures are impressed with you at this time. Good time to ask for that raise. GEMINI: Sign up for that course you've been thinking about. It will come in handy in the near future. CANCER: You will learn much in regards to dealing with people and events. Good time to get that loan. LEO: You understand the needs of your partner at this time. You are working towards mutual benefits. VIRGO: Daily life becomes easier. You are able to accomplish a great deal this month. LIBRA: Gatherings with friends and like minded people bring many blessings this month. Keep it light. SCORPIO: Your working on getting your home just right. You've got the energy to accomplish much this month. SAGITTARIUS: Communications of all kinds are taking place this month. Your able to get your message across. CAPRICORN: Have you been spending to much money lately? Put your wallet away and concentrate on saving. AQ UA R I U S : Yo u a t t r a c t f r i e n d s a n d partnerships this month. Your energy infects others with your happiness. PISCES: Hide yourself away from all the world this month. Take time to heal yourself and concentrate on your dreams.

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

(continued from page 11)

entrepreneur Rudy Nielsen, Landcor Data Corporation. Registration required. English https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/2018-innovationforum-tickets-41884964055?aff=es2 French https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/forum-dinnovation-2018-tickets-41885468564?aff=es2 The afternoon’s program includes an exciting panel on Angel Investing, moderated by Mark Betteridge, an angel investor in early stage technology firms including biotechnology, medical devices, intelligent building systems, environmentally friendly packaging, food processing, green construction materials and parallel/ serial computing. Mark will be leading a discussion that answers the questions: What is Angel Investing? How on earth do they pick the companies they fund? What are the legal implications of taking an angel’s money or of giving your own? The Angel Investing Panel is a one-hour moderated discussion with proven business leaders and investors aimed at demystifying angel investing, both as an investor and a recipient of funds. Ask your questions and be informed about this way of growing a company.

MATH MADNESS

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction.

February 2018

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BUSINESS EXPO

February 28, 1:00–6:00 p.m. Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia Street oin us at the New Westminster Chamber of Commerce’s Business Expo. This Expo, sponsored by Vancity, will provide you with the ability to connect and promote your business both locally and regionally. The Business Expo is a chance to highlight your company to an innovative audience. Discover new products, services, technologies, and offerings that may help your business get a competitive advantage while you have a chance to learn, connect, and do business together. Special features include an Innovate Your Business Presentation area for a series of speakers highlighting Business Innovation, Collaboration and Growth, and Ask an Expert area for one on one advice from local experts, and a Child and Youth Entrepreneurial area. This event is free to attend and no registration is required. Come and meet local businesses and learn what’s happening in the New West business community. For more information, contact Lizz Kelly at 604-5217781 or head to www.newwestchamber.com/bizexpo18.

New Westminster Parks & Recreation is excited to introduce the Active Pass! The Active Pass will deliver access to all New Westminster Parks and Recreation facilities, including dropin programs, fitness, sports, skating, swimming and more. The Active Pass gives you the flexibility to customize your own recreation experience to meet your needs and goals. For more information on the new pass, please visit: newwestcity.ca/activepass

SCRIPTS AND SIPS: BEER EDITION

February 8, 7:00 p.m. Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia Street n association with Bottoms Up: The Cultures of Drink in the Royal City New Westminster Museum Feature Gallery (on until March 25th 2018). Drink pairings with play readings where anyone can participate New Westminster has a rich drinking culture history. From the earliest days, New Westminster was a hub of taverns, billiards rooms and oyster saloons, where the thirsty were invited to imbibe. “In 1880, there was one saloon for every thirteen people,” says archivist Barry Dykes. “New Westminster was famous for continued on page 14

Active Pass options are:

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ACTIVE 10 10 single-use visits

ACTIVE 30 30 day multi-use pass

ACTIVE 90 90 day multi-use pass

ACTIVE INFINITY 30 day multiuse pass with auto renewal

Active living is getting easier!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. CNW-PiffleAd-3.375x9.5-0118-R2E.indd 2

2018-01-22 2:38 PM

continued from page 13

having the most bar seats of any city in BC.” By the mid twentieth century, sailors followed well-established pub crawls through the city’s downtown. At the other end of the spectrum were the genteel tea parties and shops like the Mecca Tea Room. So why limit your drink pairings to just oysters and spirits. Even wine and cheese may be a bit passé. Why not a drink and a play? Come listen and/or participate to a live play.

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown

CHAMBER OF COMMERCE MONTHLY NETWORKING EVENT

Researchers

604.619.8455 New book on the MacLaughlan Murders due soon. #360-729 6th St, New Westminster, BC V3L 3C5

Wednesday, February 7, 5:00–7:00 p.m. The Queens Hotel 130-1110 Ewen Ave, New Westminster Call us: 604-521-7781 Email us:Lizz@newwestchamber.com Non-members – $15.00 Come see what is new in Queensborough! he Queens Hotel has been a landmark in the Queensborough area since 1958 and now under new under ownership, its future looks brighter than over. Fully revitalized, this historic boutique style hotel features 24 contemporary rooms that offers guest a uniquely comfortable stay. Our vision is to mix location and comfort as well as to provide top notch personalized service to all our guests. Each networking event hosts a different theme with a different activity creating a unique atmosphere and fresh vibe. Located at a different business throughout the city, our monthly networking events are a fun opportunity to network with other businesses while enjoying an after-work drink, entertainment, and snacks.

COUNTRY, BLUEGRASS AND SOUTHERN GOSPEL MUSIC SERVED…

with your host

RAY SARGENT

www.sundaysideup.org February 2018

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Call or email us today for a quote! VALENTINE’S Q&A Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? A: No, but they had an Apple. Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A: “I love you with all my art!”

Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pincushion.

Q: Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? A: She didn’t suit his taste.

Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? A: He gives it a valenshine!

Q: Why do valentines have hearts on them?

Q: Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? A: It was a case of guppy love.

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other?

Q: What do you call two birds in love? A: Tweethearts. Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valentiny. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? A: Hog and kisses. Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? A: It was Valenswine’s Day. Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? A: Sure, they’re very scent-imental. Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A: A hug and a quiche. Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: “You mean a great dill to me.” Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: “I love you a ton!” Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”

A: Because spleens would look pretty gross. A: “I love you a whole watt!”

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As I said before, I never repeat myself.

KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Do you have a joke you want to share? Submit them at

www.piffle.ca/ contact

Q: What do you call two birds in love? A: Tweethearts!

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?

A: I’m nuts about you! Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? A: Forget-me-nuts!

Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: Somebunny loves you!

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? A: I love you a ton!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: I’m stuck on you!

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?

A: Your purr-fect for me!

SEVEN MILLION Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

Open 7 days a week!

A: Hogs and Kisses!

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day? Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?

SCIENCE LESSON Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time… “Class,” he said, “my name begins with the letter ‘M,’ and I pick up things… What am I?” A little boy on the front row said, “You’re a mother.”

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

A: Whale you be mine!

A: I love you beary much!

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: Ughs and kisses.

A: Be my Valensteine.

Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day?

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

NOT FOR VALENTINE’S Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day? A: Cauliflowers!

A: I’m sweet on you!

A: Cauliflowers!

Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle?

A: You mean a great dill to me!

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February 2018

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TWO SHIPS There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. GAME OF THRONES All the toilets were stolen out of the police station. The police have nothing to go on.

17 PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

BREW MATH Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, “Here, you guys work it out.” NO PROBLEM A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve superconductors here.” The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance. GOD PARTICLE A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says “Higgs-Bosons aren’t allowed in here.” The Higgs-Boson says, “But without me, how can you have mass?”

NUMBER BLOCKS

A PIRATE A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender sees this and says, “Get out! We can’t serve you here!” The pirate replies, “Arr, is it because I’ve got a Bounty on me head?” EARTH Earth without art is just “Eh”. 10- 4 GOOD BUDDY Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency. DON’T BELIEVE IT Don’t believe everything you think. RELATIONSHIPS Stable relationships are for horses.

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

Be nice to your kids: they’ll choose your nursing home.

I WAS PONDERING #5 1. Why does the arcade game “Donkey Kong” have a monkey? Why isn’t it called Monkey Kong? 2. How do people get discombobulated? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated? 3. If we call people from Poland poles why don’t we call people from Holand holes? 4. If a rabbit’s foot was actually lucky, wouldn’t it still be attached to the rabbit’s leg? 5. Why does Goofy talk and wear clothes while Pluto barks naked? 6. Why do they call it baby-sitting when all you do is run after them? 7. What if there were no hypothetical situations? 8. Why does an alarm clock said to go “off” when it actually turns on? 9. Why are they stairs inside but steps outside? 10. Why are feet smelly and noses runny? 11. Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and no shirt while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants? 12. If you sued a parsley farmer could you garnish his wages? 13. Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off? 14. Why is it called a “word to the wise?” If they’re already wise, why do they need to hear it? 15. Why do psychics have to ask for your name? 16. How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures? 17. How much wind could a windbreaker break if a windbreaker could break wind? 18. Why do you call an open door ajar? 19. Is there a word for an open jar? NOT MUCH Excess is never too much in moderation. MY MOM My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still. TEACH THEM WELL Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks. BROKEN I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

February 2018

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PRACTICE SAFE LUNCH: Use a condiment. LOVE Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener. BEAUTY Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. DON’T MISS IT Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. TIME Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening all at once.

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IF NOT If it isn’t broken, fix it until it is. THANKS Thank God I’m an atheist. PROBLEMS AT WORK? A guy walks into a bar right at quitting time and orders one drink after another. The bartender gets concerned and asks the guy, “Problems at work, pal?” The guy says “Yeah; I’m a personal trainer at a gym and they let me go today because they said ‘I just wasn’t working out.”

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

OK PROFESSOR, THIS JOKE WILL TAKE A WHILE Rene Descartes was sitting at a bar. The bartender came over and asked if he would like another drink. He replied, “I think not.” And he vanished. Heisenberg was also sitting at the bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff of smoke, the bartender walked over to him and asked, “Did you see that?” Heisenberg replied, “I can’t be certain.” The bartender then noticed Einstein was there. So he asked him if he could believe what had happened. Einstein replied, “It’s all relative.” Carl Sagan was there. He walked over to him and asked, “Can you believe that all these famous people are here in THIS bar?” Sagan replied, “No. Why, there must be BILLIONS and BILLIONS of bars out there.” Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to return in the future at a much greater frequency. Robert Boyle commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure to come up with an answer to what was happening. Erwin Schroedinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer, Decartes left but at the same time did not leave. Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference between his staying or going. James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a little steam. Charles Darwin was waiting to see what would evolve. Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating. Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements were kept current. Eli Whitney said, “I believe I will have another gin.” Sir Isaac Newton pondered the gravity of the situation. Robert Goddard said the situation was not rocket science. Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck thought it a constant drain of energy to contemplate the disappearance. Gaston Plante thought Descartes should be put in a cell for battery. William Sturgeon and Joseph Henry made a good gauss at where Descartes had gone. Johann Salomo, Christoph Schweigger, and Jacques Arsene d’Arsonval were galvanized into instant action. Both Mr. and Mrs. Curie thought that Descartes had a radiating personality, even after his disappearance. Nicola Tesla re-coiled at the sight.

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Borrow money from pessimists… they don’t expect it back.

GO TO HECK Heck is where people go who don’t believe in Gosh. EVOLUTION If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands? TIME Time is just nature’s way to keep everything from happening at once. WHY RISK IT Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it? FIRE CONTROL Strip mining prevents forest fires. PICTURES AND WORDS A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory. SURE Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? ? If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

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A SADISTIC TEACHER By Evelyn Sangster Benson often listened with horror and incredulity when my father told me of the often cruel treatment he received at the hands of some of his teachers in his school years between 1896 and 1908 at Central School and then Royal City High. I know his ill-treatment was not exaggerated because I was told similar stories from my uncles George and Rufie Sangster and all three consistently referred to the same teachers again and again. These bully-types were a blot on the teaching profession. Today, we would recognize them as sadists and soon be rid of them! One teacher in particular, (who I will call “Mr. C”) relentlessly singled out my father who was left-handed, and took pleasure in slashing Lewie’s knuckles with a tin ruler saying, “The left hand is not the RIGHT hand (meaning correct hand)!” There were other punishments like using a flexible cane on the seat of the pants, but it wasn’t just the pain the boys hated, but the sadistic pleasure it seemed to give the punisher. Many years later, around 1930, when my brother Ross was in about Grade 5 at Spencer School, he was given a note by his teacher to take to another teacher on the upper floor. He was told to wait for an answer. Ross delivered the note and patiently waited in the hall outside the closed door for the reply. Along came the Principal. “Sangster! What are you doing out of class?” he shouted. Ross meekly explained the mission his teacher had

sent him on. “GET BACK TO CLASS THIS INSTANT! he bellowed. “But sir, my teacher told me…” Before my brother could be allowed to explain, the Principal knocked him to the floor! He picked Ross up by his sweater, dragged him to the stairs and then pushed him down! When Dad returned home later that afternoon, the paperboy, who also attended Spencer School, called to my father, “Mr. Sangster! Is Ross all right?” Dad rushed into the house and found out his son was in bed! He hurried upstairs and examined his son’s body from head to toes. My brother had bruises all over his body! After hearing Ross’ story, Dad jumped into his car and went straight to the school. There were lights on in the Principal Mr. C’s office. That’s right! The bullying had come full circle! Dad strode right into the office and grabbed Mr. C. by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall and held him there. “You bullied and beat me when I was just a kid and made my school years a living hell. You are NOT going to do the same to my son! If you so much as lay a finger on him again I will come back and thrash you to within an inch of your life!” He let go of the man, who fell to his knees, as Dad strode out of the office. Anyone who knew my dad knew he never used bad language. But he was an athlete, a returned soldier, a civic politician, and a 39-year-old very angry father. He was a force to be reckoned with. You can be sure that my brother was now safe from

This story is from Evelyn Benson’s award-winning book, A CENTURY IN A SMALL TOWN — More Family Stories. Both Book 1 & Book 2 are available at Renaissance Books, 712 – 12th St, New West and Amazon.com. Watch for more stories in next month’s Piffle.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Schoolboy Ross Sangster c. 1928 (Sangster Collection)

this bully. But what about the rest of the children? After Book I of A Century in A Small Town came out, I got a delightful fan-letter email from Edna M. of Kamloops, B.C., aged 94. The writer also had attended Spencer School around the same time as my brother and she vividly described their hated Principal, Mr. C. “Everyone hated him. And we were all afraid of him. One time, I remember him leaning out his office window and yelling at a bunch of kids who were doing something that annoyed him. We all froze during his tirade when suddenly, in his anger, his false teeth came flying out of his mouth. We all had a good laugh! Then we quickly disappeared before he could come down from his office to retrieve his choppers. I think we all were glad to see him humiliated. I know I was!” Even today, bullies and sadists still find their way into the teaching profession, but parents aren’t likely to threaten fisticuffs. Instead, the culprit would soon find himself standing in front of the School Board and eventually standing in front of a Judge. But deep down, I’m sure most parents in the same situation would secretly applaud my Dad’s hands-on approach!

SUDOKU!

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.36)

2 5

3 9

BY ROSS HOOD

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

HINT: STICK-EM-UP

9 5

PUZ ZLE #43

5 1

4 12 2

1 5 4

2 6 3

Each column must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same column of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

Each row must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same row of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

Each block must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same block of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Dec 5 23:13:37 2017 GMT. Enjoy!

3 8

5 3 15 14 8 8 8

CROSSWORD ACROSS 2.

Morsel of bread.

Deal maker.

A busy company around Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

11. Valentine Day’s gift, perhaps. (2 words) DOWN 1.

Slender missile.

Pinto or lima.

To tap gently.

Fiercely burning fire.

Small particle.

Obsolete coin.

newtons.

10. A piece. February 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Gong Hey Fat Choy!

Chinese New Year is Friday, Feb 16

21st Annual Burn Awareness Week

February 4-10, 2018 www.burnfund.org Burn Awareness Week, observed the first full week in February, is a window of opportunity for our community to become aware of the frequency, severity and cause of burn injuries. Each year an estimated 9,000 children in Canada visit hospital emergency rooms for burn treatments, and almost half of these have suffered scalds from hot liquids. A large number of these people treated are babies and young children. Babies and young children have thin, sensitive skin that burns easily and deeply. A child’s skin burns four times more quickly and deeply than an adults’ skin at the same temperature. Most parents don’t know that the most common cause of burn injuries to children is not from fire but from hot liquid scalds, such as spilled hot drinks and tap water. TIPS FOR PREVENTING SCALDS AND BURNS:

• Never leave your cooking unattended, even for a brief moment. • Place objects so they cannot be pulled down or knocked over. • Turn pot handles away from the stove’s edge. • If children are in the home, do not leave the bathroom while the tub is filling. • Before placing a child in the bath or getting into the tub yourself, test the water. Children need to know the correct procedure for cooling a burn injury. Within seconds of a burn injury the burned area should be placed in, or flushed with, cool water. Keep the burned area in the cool water for 10 to 15 minutes. NEVER use ice, ointments or butter.

New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

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February 2018

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APATHY: I could take it or leave it.

GRAVITY: It’s not just a good idea. It’s the law.

BEER IS NOW CHEAPER THAN GAS Drink, don’t drive!

DINGO Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

BEER DOESN’T MAKE YOU FAT It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

MY WIFE My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).

I PLAN TO LIVE FOREVER So far, so good! ROCK IS DEAD Long live paper and scissors.

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping. THAT’S ALL FOLKS What if the hokey pokey is really what it’s all about?

VENI, VIDI, VELCRO I came, I saw, I stuck around.

ARCHAEOLOGISTS Archaeologists will date any old thing.

HELP THEM Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

FIRST NATIONS WORD Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

DO IT Procrastinate now.

A GENERALIZATION Never believe generalizations.

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I WAS PONDERING #6 1. Why does the word monosyllabic have five syllables?

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2. Why is it called a TV set if you only get one?

3. If you removed a fly’s wings, would it be called a walk?

4. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? 5. Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon?

6. If Superman can stop bullets with his chest, why does he always duck when a gun is thrown at him? 7. Why did the Hulk’s shirt always rip but not his pants?

8. If you had three quarters, four dimes and four pennies in your pocket you would have $1.19. You would also have the largest number (11) and combination of coins possible without making exactly a dollar in change. 9. Why isn’t it funny when you hit your funny bone?

10. Why do you have to click Start to stop your computer? 11. Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg? 12. What does a bald person put for hair color on their driver’s license?

13. Why are pants, shorts and underwear solds as a pair when you only get one item?

14. If you are an insomniac, dyslexic and agnostic, do you stay up all night wondering if there is a dog? 15. If you don’t like bigots, does that make you one? 16. If tuna is the chicken of the sea, what is beef?

17. If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his pants?

18. What was the IQ of the inventor of the IQ test?

SHORES OF MAUI Vacation Condo Rental Terry & Loretta Embling terryloretta@hotmail.com Cel: 604-418-8782

Inquire Online:

www.shoresofmaui.net February 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Clones are people two.

PIFFLE PUZZLE SOLUTIONS NUMBER BLOCKS

MATH MADNESS

SUDOKU!

PIFFLE’S

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.36)

4 1 8 6 3 2 7 5 9

5 3 7 9 2 6 4 1 8

9 8 1 7 5 4 6 2 3

6 4 2 3 1 8 5 9 7

3 6 5 8 4 1 9 7 2

8 7 9 2 6 3 1 4 5

1 2 4

BY ROSS HOOD

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

Each column must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same column of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

Each row must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same row of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

PUZ ZLE #43

HINT: STICK-EM-UP

1 8

8 6

2 8

6 8

1 1 7

1 2

4 12

1 5 4

2 6 3

3 8

Each block must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same block of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

5 3 15 14 8 8 8

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. TWO GUYS

What year did Tony Antonias create the $1.49 Day jingle?

The corn stalk says, “I’m all ears!”

A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wanna hear a good joke?” I’M LISTENING A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your type here!” SANS SERIF My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

*Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.

MOM

Piffle Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Jesus is coming. Look busy!

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Dec 5 23:13:37 2017 GMT. Enjoy!

Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing”

LOOK USEFUL

Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y

I can’t get enough minimalism.

❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too!

I LIKE LOTS If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

City Province Phone Email

NOPE Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. REACH HIGHER

Postal

Name Address

Avoid alliterations always.

Subscription Form

AAA 20. If a mayfly was born in June would it become a junebug?

19. How do vampires have such well-kept hair if they can’t see themselves in the mirror?

NO CHOICE

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

Hale Old Mighty Fraser

You have thundered down black rock mountain in the Rockies for centuries, Many have tried to muster against your raging force of nature and failed. As you forcefully traverse, canyons as deep as 5,000 meters, continuing west in your life’s journey of 1,375 km before emptying into the Strait of Georgia, in the city of Vancouver, becoming the longest river in B.C. You are the symbol of life flowing placidly across the alluvial plane; the greatest, salmon providing river in the world. In Autumn, you are filled with a natural wonder, one of earth’s great migrations “The Salmon Run” when salmon return to the river to spawn. You have witnessed the Gold Rush of 1858, the construction of New Westminster, the Royal City the first capital of B.C., The fire of 1898, the destruction of the Golden Mile known as Columbia Street. As years and seasons change, so does the city with a small-town feel. Your banks now dotted with industrial sites, sawmills, towering bridges, container ships, delivering automobiles from abroad. Redevelopment of high-rise and low-rise accommodation, ever expanding. City lights, shimmer and reflect on your surface, electric sky-trains whiz by, the changing of box cars on diesel locomotives grind and rattle. Early morning fog depict eerie silhouettes against tall buildings, as silently moving tug boats glide by. If you could speak, I wonder what both you and Simon Fraser, whom you were named after, would say about the changes on your banks, the once small city of New Westminster, now awakening to big city lights?

A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Do

you want a long neck?” The giraffe says, “Do I have a choice?”

DARTS A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you

want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit

one, you get to take them home and I’ll give you a free drink.”

The man says, “No thanks, the steaks are too high.”

HELICOPTER CHIPS A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, “Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?”

The barkeep says, “Sorry, we only have plain.” NEED THE CAN? A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, “Don’t you need to know where the bathroom is?”

The pig says, “No, I go wee wee all the way home.”

ALE FOR THE ASPHALT A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.” HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and

asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?” The

bartender asks, “I don’t know, what does he look like?” $10

Una Bruhns left South Africa in 1969 during the apartheid years. She now resides in New Westminster. A member of RCLAS, Una is a published poet, a Sakura Haiku award winner, Community Ambassador 2015 (North Vancouver), an avid photographer and videographer. Some of her work can be viewed on YouTube, and North Van Library and Lynn Valley Archives. She is a member of the North Shore Writers Association & West Van Photography Club.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.rclas.com for all the latest events. February 2018

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, “That’ll be $10.

You know, we don’t get many kangaroos coming in

here, you know.”

The kangaroo says, “At $10 a beer, it’s not hard to

understand.” EH?

A Canadian guy walks into a bar, on the stool next

to him is some footwear. The says to the bartender, “What’s this — a boot?”

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

IT’S A CODE An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welsh-

man, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan),

an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an

Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a

New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a

604-517-1230

Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri

oktirenw@shaw.ca

Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an

WE HAVE MOVED!

Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panama-

nian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian,

a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander,

WE ARE NOW AT 641 LOUGHEED HWY

a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Is-

1958

lander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban,

a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede,

a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Sin-

gaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans, walk into a bar.

After scrutinizing the group, the bartender says “I’m

sorry, but I can’t let you come in here without a Thai.” A GIRAFFE WALKS INTO A BAR The bartender says, “Why the long face?” TEN SHOTS

A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, “Give me ten shots of your best whisky.”

The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man

starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them.

The bartender asks, “Why are you drinking so fast?” “You’d drink fast too, if you had what I have.” The bartender asks, “What do you have?”

THE NEW WESTMINSTER ROTARY CLUB IS 90 YEARS OLD! COME JOIN OUR CELEBRATION FEATURING OUR KEYNOTE SPEAKER

ROTARY INTERNATIONAL PRESIDENT IAN H. S. RISELEY Sunday, February 11, 2018 10:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. The Inn at the Quay 900 Quayside Drive, New Westminster Parking is complimentary with your parking pass. Business attire.

Please contact Richard Prill: 778-998-5748 or any rotary member or go online at www.newwestrotary.org to purchase your brunch event ticket for only $48 per person.

“Seventy cents.”

Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

STRATA LIVING

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DECK MEMBRANES?

By Tony Gioventu, Executive Director, Condominium Home Owners' Association of BC

ear Tony: Our strata is having a dispute over who is responsible for the deck membranes on our balconies. We have a bylaw that requires owners to maintain limited common property, and the council insist that this includes replacing the decking membranes, many of which are damaged and long past their due date. Is there an easy method to understand how to determine who is responsible? ~ Gloria G. Langley Dear Gloria: The process to determine who is responsible for limited common property is in 2 parts. First obtain a copy of the registered strata plan and the strata general index from the Land Title Registry. If the area was designated as limited common property by the owner developer or the strata by three quarters vote at a later date, the designation of limited common property would show up on either document. If the area is common property, the strata is not permitted to make an owner responsible for the repair and maintenance of common property, so problem easily solved. If the area is designated as limited common property, the next step is to review the bylaws. The Standard Bylaws of the Strata Property Act define the responsibility of limited common property to only those duties that occur once a year or more frequent. Basically that is custodial duties such cleaning, washing, keeping drains clear. Next check your strata bylaws filed in the Land Title Registry. It is possible that the bylaws have imposed a higher obligation on the owners, such as painting, membrane repairs and replacement. This will help your strata understand who is responsible.

George Garrett, Vice-President

I checked both your strata plan and the bylaws, and in your strata, the balconies are limited common property, but the duty to maintain and repair balconies and membranes is specifically the obligation of your strata corporation. There is some logic to this result. Exterior maintenance and repairs of building components is always best left to the collective ownership. The strata can directly control the standards of maintenance and repair and by negotiating multiple contracts and service at the same time greatly benefits from the quantities of scale for price and project construction. Overall, individual costs are significantly reduced and the strata is not spending their time trying to enforce maintenance bylaws or dealing with damages caused by deferred maintenance or construction.

This publication contains general information only and is not intended as legal advice. Use of this publication is at your own risk. CHOA, the author and related entities will not be liable to you or any other person for any loss or damage arising from, connected with or relating to the use of this publication or any information contained herein by you or any other person. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced, blogged, or distributed in any fashion without the explicit prior consent of the writer. Direct office phone: 604-515-9683 Office email: tony@choa.bc.ca Mobile: 604-323-6458

Condominium Home Owners Association of BC

VOLUNTEER DRIVERS URGENTLY NEEDED FOR NEW WESTMINSTER! Formed to fill an urgent need for cancer patients to have free transportation to and from treatment facilities. To learn more, phone 604-515-5400 or visit www.volunteercancerdrivers.ca

February 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

We create great SMILES and Piffle gives you a reason to smile!

Welcome to Sapperton Dental in New Westminster Our patient-centered practice offers comprehensive dental care with an equal commitment to preventive, restorative, and cosmetic dentistry. At our clinic, our patients are our top priority. We value personalized attention and long-term relationships with our clients. Dr. Sandeep Sachdeva and Dr. Sarika Sachdeva perform a full range of dental services, from simple fillings and teeth whitening to full smile makeovers all performed in a warm care caring environment.

To Book your next appointment please contact Serena or Shelley

604-544-0894 #105-301 E. Columbia St, New Westminster Right across the street from Royal Columbian Hosptial

www.sappertondental.com Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Missing an issue of Piffle Magazine?

THE NAME AND AGE A man walks into a bar and brags that he can guess the name and age of any drink without looking. Another guy says, “I bet I can stump you!” The guy closes his eyes and takes a drink. “This tastes like pee!” The second guy says, “Yeah, but can you tell me how old I am?” WE DON’T SERVE YOUR KIND A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind.” The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, “Weren’t you just in here?” The rope replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.” THE PEARL NECKLACE A crow walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace. He orders a drink. “I’ve never seen a crow wearing a pearl necklace before”, says the barkeep. “What do you expect with basic black?” says the crow.

IMPERIAL PHARMACY 981 Carnarvon St New Westminster 604-523-6767

IMPERIAL PHARMACY is pleased to carry many of the back issues from the past years. February 2018

SIGN OF THE TIMES SIGN ON A PLUMBER’S TRUCK: “We repair what your husband fixed.” SIGN ON AN ELECTRICIAN’S VAN: “We’ll remove your shorts!” SIGN IN A VETERINARIAN’S OFFICE: “Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!” SIGN ON THE DOOR TO A PROCTOLOGIST’S OFFICE: “To expedite your visit, please back in.” SIGN ON A SEPTIC TANK BUSINESS: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.” SIGN IN A MALL: “Ears pierced, while you wait.” SIGN ON A RADIATOR REPAIR GARAGE: “Best place to take a leak.” SIGN ON A FIXIT-SHOP: We can fix anything! (Please knock loudly, doorbell broken) JUST GO Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please? ALLMOST THERE I’m one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

VERY BUSY I’m busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-thecob eating contest. MERGE Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs. STILL POPULAR Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

A HEALER Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.

EVERY

MEAT BINGO AT 6PM KARAOKE AT 8PM

MEAT DRAWS

EVERY FRIDAY & SATURDAY 5PM, 6PM & 6:45PM

EVERY SUNDAY

CRIBBAGE AT 2PM

MARRIAGE Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. GOOD QUESTION If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed? PENNY

other penny? SMILE

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? I AM “I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the

English language. Could it be that “I Do” is the longest

MY INTENTION I intend to live forever — so far so good.

THURSDAYS

ments.

and you put your two cents in, what happens to the

EARLY BIRD The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

VIDEO DJ NIGHT

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of pay-

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,”

ATHEISM… …is a non-prophet organization.

FRIDAY & SATURDAYS

SOMEBODY CARES

sentence?

631 SIXTH STREET, NEW WESTMINSTER

SUNDAY FEB 4 L BOW ER IZ SU P ILI ARDS, PR ES AND CH

POOL BO

FEB 23 & 24 6:30PM –10:30PM

PRESENTING HONG KONG COWBOY

FEB 24 COUNTRY & WESTERN MEMBERS DAY APPRECIATION FO CALL FOR MORE IN

Royal Canadian Legion No. 2 | 604-522-4522

MEMBERS & GUESTS WELCOME! Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

BUSINESS DIRECTORY

604-525-9027 chrissargent@piffle.ca THIS IS YOUR I N V I TAT I O N !

MOON CONSTRUCTION

New Westminster

Additions • Renovations New Construction

Join Us Sundays: 4:00 pm

604.299.9538 info@lhohcf.ca lhohcf.ca We are a multi-cultural community church where everyone is welcome— AND WE REALLY MEAN IT!

301-12th St, New West

604-377-5889

Eye Expressions

Optical

463-B E. Columbia St New Westminster BC V3L 3X6 (Braid St & E. Columbia St)

604-299-8699

$79

www.EyeExpressions.net

Complete Pair of Single Vision Eyeglass

(Some restric�ons apply. Please call or see store for more details)

FREE Sight Tes�ng with Purchase (19-64 years old Only) Please call for Appointment

/issue

Contact Chris today!

726 12th Street (Near 8th Avenue)

“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!”

Specializing In

• Concrete • Forming • Framing • Siding

604-218-3064

All your carpentry & handyman needs

Quinn Waddington, CFA

Investment Advisor, Portfolio Manager FPSC Level 1® Certificant in Financial Planning Canaccord Genuity Wealth Management T: 604.699.0874 E: quinn.waddington@canaccord.com www.waddingtonwealth.ca

Sunday School & ESL Bible Study 9:00am Sunday Service 10:00am 930 Cumberland St New Westminster

604-521-0120

www.mtzionlutheran.ca

GOT A BURIED OIL TANK OR NOT SURE? SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY 325 6th Street New Westminster, BC Tel: 604-521-0363 Service at 11am See you at church!

The City of New West has new regulations. For info or a free detection call SPEEDY SOLUTIONS at

778-893-1806

oiltankremovalmanager@shaw.ca

www.aspeedysolution.com

RENAISSANCE

BOOKS 604.525.4566

• Honest & Reliable • Careful & Efficient • Fully Equip 3 or 5 Ton Truck • Reasonable Rates

New Westminster

604.562.4637

712B 12th St

renbooks@telus.net renaissancebookstore.com February 2018

laramoving.ca

Affordable mobile, telephone and video counseling. Our counselors can help you with: · Depression · Anxiety · Addictions and more…

604-798-4075

Learn how to create through the power of intention:

www.cyfnlp.com/blog | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

GNFK would like to invite you to Celebrate

In the Spirit of the Sikh Tradition of Langar, Guru Nanakâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Free Kitchen will provide flowers, cookies and womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sanitary items to women, men and children living in Community Outreach Centres and Shelters across the lower mainland to spread the message of love and equality.

For more info: gurunanaksfreekitchen@gmail.com or call 604.644.7653

2050 SQ. FT. BEAUTIFUL DUPLEX HOME

Open Concept with a View of the Fraser 1408 SIXTH AVENUE NEW WESTMINSTER, BC

1408 Sixth Ave, New Westminster

1408 SIXTH AVENUE DRYER

NEW WESTMINSTER, BC BEDROOM 2

WISH

WINDOW SEAT

11’6” X 12’10”

LAUNDRY ROOM 6’0” X 9’4”

BEDROOM 1 11’8” X 9’4”

TUB A/C

WINDOW SEAT

DRYER

WISH

BEDROOM 2 11’6” X 12’10”

LAUNDRY ROOM 6’0” X 9’4”

BEDROOM 1 11’8” X 9’4”

OPEN DECK

TUB

Features:

A/C

OPEN DECK DECK 12’10” X 4’6”

BEDROOM 4 12’0” X 12’0”

ENSUITE 7’0” X 12’6”

BATHROOM 5’0” X 8’0”

BEDROOM 3 14’6” X 12’0”

UPPER GROSS FLOOR 1,084 SQ.FT. OPEN DECK 68 SQ.FT.

ROOFTOP OPEN DECK 293 SQ.FT.

BEDROOM 3 14’6” X 12’0” COV'D PORCH

UPPER GROSS FLOOR 1,084 SQ.FT. OPEN DECK 68 SQ.FT.

ROOFTOP OPEN DECK 293 SQ.FT.

COV'D PORCH

MAIN GROSS FLOOR 1,237 SQ.FT. GARAGE 231 SQ.FT. COV’D PORCH 34 SQ.FT.

TOTAL

MAIN GROSS FLOOR 1,237 SQ.FT. GARAGE 231 SQ.FT. COV’D PORCH 34 SQ.FT.

TOTAL

W.I.C. 5’0” X 3’8” DECK 12’10” X 4’6”

BEDROOM 4 12’0” X 12’0”

WINDOW SEAT

SHELF

W.I.C. 5’0” X 3’8”

BATHROOM 8’0” X 5’0”

COAT CLOSET TELE. DESK

GREAT ROOM 18’10” X 12’10”

BATHROOM 8’0” X 5’0”

SHELF ELECTRIC FIREPLACE GREAT ROOM 18’10” X 12’10” DINING ROOM 14’0” X 12’6”

COAT CLOSET PANTRY BREAKFAST AREA 8’8” X 12’6”

TELE. DESK

WINDOW SEAT

ENSUITE 7’0” X 12’6”

BATHROOM 5’0” X 8’0”

UNIT A GARAGE 10’6” X 20’0” R/F

ELECTRIC FIREPLACE KITCHEN 15’6” X 12’0” PANTRY DINING ROOM 14’0” X 12’6”

UNIT A GARAGE 10’6” X 20’0”

BREAKFAST AREA 8’8” X 12’6” R/F KITCHEN 15’6” X 12’0”

UPPER

1,084 SQ.FT.

MAIN

1,237 SQ.FT.

TOTAL

2,321 SQ.FT.

GARAGE UPPER OPEN DECK MAIN PORCH TOTAL

231 SQ.FT. 1,084 SQ.FT. 361 SQ.FT. 1,237 SQ.FT. 34 SQ.FT. 2,321 SQ.FT.

GARAGE

231 SQ.FT.

OPEN DECK

361 SQ.FT.

• • • •

4 Bedroom 4 Bathroom High End Finishing Professional Chef’s Kitchen • Rooftop Patio • Available Fall 2018

RK & ASSOCIATES 604-644-7653 PORCH

34 SQ.FT.

2700 SQ. FT. HOUSE | $1,588,000 337 E. Eighth Ave, New Westminster

Features:

• 2700 sq ft House with a Mortgage Helper • Gorgeous Panoramic Views of the City • 6 Bedrooms • 5 Bathrooms • High End Finishings • Vaulted Ceilings, Outdoor Fire Pit, Himalayan Stone Columns

February 2018

BUILT BY:

PRESENTED BY:

Building dreams into reality.

Let’s Get Ahead Together.

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

We Take Your Clean Concrete for Free

Happy New Year!

Historically the best time to list your property is right before the ChineseÂ NewÂ Year. Please give me a call NOW at 604-644-7653 to see what your home is worth!

Re/Max Real Estate Services N410-650 W 41st Ave, Vancouver BC, V5Z 2M9. Each office independently owned and operated.