Piffle Magazine 2018-05 by Sargent's Piffle

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LOCALLY PUBLISHED SINCE 2000

CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

May 2018 Issue #212

Join the Sikh Community for an evening in celebration of Mother’s Day. See story on page 8 and poster on page 39.

Photos by Jason Vanderhill

“Let’s Get Ahead Together”

“Good clean cars, reasonably priced!”

Roveen Kandola & Associates

301-12th St, New West

604-377-5889

2015

604-644-7653(SOLD)

Re/Max Real Estate Services N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave. Independently Owned and Operated.

New Clients Welcome! • 20+ Years Experienced Agents! • Best Prices Guaranteed! • Shop Local!

Ph: 604.522.3020

VIP Travel Est. 1989

Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca

Imperial Pharmacy Community Page �� 7 Locally Published Since 2000 Fourth floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

Chris Sargent 604-525-9027

Owner & Publisher chrissargent@piffle.ca

Verne Siebert 604-763-6304

Sales Representative vernesiebert@piffle.ca Graphic Design: Cliff Blank Email: production@piffle.ca

www.piﬄe.ca

The Fifth Annual Mother’s Day Simran Event hosted by Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen �� 8

Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 11 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 12 A-Maze-In �� 12 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 13

We Can and Will Beat Cancer by Walter Leech �� 14 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �� 15 NO DOG BARKED — Who Killed the MacLauchlans? �� 16 Sargent’s Word Search �� 16

Sargent’s Sudoku! �� 17

Sargent’s Math Madness �� 18 Sargent’s Crossword �� 18

Shirley Temple Days by Evelyn Benson �� 22 Pictograph by Ross Hood �� 24 New Westminster Fire and Rescue Services �� 27

Puzzle Solutions �� 29 Piffle Quiz �� 29 Horoscopes by Liza �� 30 Piffle Quiz Answer �� 31

Strata Living by Tony Gioventu �� 32 Piffle Business Directory �� 34

Tales from the Bellie of the Salmon by Bruce MacDonald �� 36

Judy Darcy MLA

A Strong Voice for New Westminster

judydarcy.ca May 2018

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca

604.775.2101

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FREE PRICE REPORT - APRIL 2018

APRIL 2018

APRIL 2018 Report on Hearing Aid Prices Each quarter, we research and reveal the prices of hearing aids from five random local hearing aid providers. The prices are clearly listed in this report - covering a variety of technology levels with an easy to use reference chart. With this information you'll be well equipped with market data to know the price range for a variety of different options.

To receive a free copy of this report by mail, call the number below 24 hour recorded hotline - you will not need to speak to a live person

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Call: 604-229-8844

www.vancouverpaddlewheeler.com | #150-810 Quayside Drive, Westminster Quay

New Westminster Lions Club

Meetings 2nd & 4th Mondays, 6:45 pm

Happy Mother’s Day from the New West Lions! “We Serve” Proudly serving our community since 1946

“Spend a little time with Lions” Meet us at Boston Pizza 1045 Columbia St (Tenth St & Columbia) New Westminster

Louisa Lundy 778-791-1633

E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com May 2018

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Community AUTO SALES

Jason

Serving the Burnaby & New Westminster community for 25 years. Trades Welcome.

Rent to Own! 2004 Acura MDX

2007 Chevy Equinox LT

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7777 Kingsway, Burnaby | PH 604-777-9737 Visit our NEW website www.CommunityRent2own.com Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.

YOUR DIABETES RESOURCE CENTRE Review Us on

✔ FREE In-Store Blood Pressure Monitoring ✔ FREE Blister Packing Most Extended Health Plans accepted. Easy transfer of prescriptions. Serving New Westminster since 2003. We thank all of you for your continued support over the years!

PHOTO: Gabor Gasztonyi

NO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH TOBACCO WE CARE ABOUT YOUR KIDS HEALTH WE ARE PROUD TO NOT SELL TOBACCO

More Space + More Products + More Services HOURS: MON TO FRI 9AM–6PM SAT 9AM–2:30PM • SUN 9AM–1:30PM

981 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

604.523.6767

May 2018

sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past

Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca

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IMPERIAL PHARMACY A SPRING EVENT AT KNOX PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH May 5, 1:00 p.m.–2:30 p.m. 403 East Columbia St, Sapperton Strawberry Tea with strawberry shortcake and tea or coffee.

Tickets available at the door: Adults $ 7.00, child under 12 years $5.00 Enjoy a relaxing time with musical entertainment, a bake sale, and door prizes.

GROUP OF FIVE & FRIENDS BENEVOLENT SOCIETY FUND-RAISING LUNCHEON

May 4, 11:30 a.m., Centennial Lodge, Queen’s Park Lunch will be served at Centennial Lodge in Queen’s Park. Doors open at 11:30 a.m. Free parking available. Tickets are $30.00 per person. Tickets will need to be purchased prior to April 27. Silent Auction items will be available to purchase. Monies being raised will purchase Vascular Dopplers for Royal Columbian Hospital. More information contact Betty McIntosh 604-619-8455 or Gerda Suess 604-522-7196.

FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES HANGING BASKET SALE

Saturday, May 12, 9:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m. Terminal Pub parking lot, 12th St and Royal Ave For more information email Joan Nelson jnelson2110@shaw.ca.

ANNUAL QUEEN’S PARK GARAGE SALE

May 12, 9:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m. Queen’s Park Neighbourhood 23rd Annual Queen’s Park Garage Sale in Support of Canuck Place.

WALK30 BURNABY NEW WEST CHALLENGE CELEBRATION May 12, 10:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Edmonds Community Centre, 7433 Edmonds St, Burnaby Walk30 Burnaby New West is a spring walking challenge to inspire people to walk more, to increase wellness, to make connections to the local community, and to re-think how we get around. You can

use either a watch, or a fitness device to keep track of daily walking minutes, then post them online, and watch them add up over the course of the challenge! This year, we will celebrate the end of the Walk30 Challenge on May 12 at Edmonds Community Center, with food, music and prizes.

NEW WESTMINSTER SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA PRESENTS PIANO CONCERTO May 13, 2:00 p.m.—4:00 p.m., Massey Theatre, 735 8th Ave The NWSO is home to dedicated musicians from all backgrounds and training, providing them with an opportunity to perform with a professionally-directed symphony orchestra. The orchestra will perform Light Cavalry Overture (Lehar), Piano Concerto (TBD), Symphony No. 9 (Dvorak). Admission by donation.

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM 981 Carnarvon Street, New Westminster | 604-523-6767 Friction can be a drag sometimes.

THE FIFTH ANNUAL MOTHER’S DAY SIMRAN EVENT HOSTED BY GURU NANAK’S FREE KITCHEN

other’s Day is a special time of year celebrated by people who extend messages of love and affection to their beloved mothers. During this time, we honour and give special recognition to all the mothers for their selfless love in raising and caring for children and families. This is a wonderful way for communities to come together and show gratitude on this Annual Mother’s Day Event hosted by Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen. Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen operates monthly, weekly and special outreach programs during the year, serving 3,500 meals every month, along with donations of clothing and other items to residents in need who live in the Lower Mainland. “Sikhs believe in Guru Nanak’s philosophy to love all and feed all”, said Navneet Kaur Bains of the Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen.” It’s important that we bring all communities together to celebrate motherhood.” “We invite people to bring their mothers and entire families to this event. Mothers, attending this event, will be honoured with a gift by GNFK”, said Tej Kaur, of the Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen. People of all faiths are invited to attend this evening of soulful simran meditation at the Annual Guru Nanak’s Free Kitchen Mother’s Day Event. Free vegetarian meals will be served. SA ! S I EN T I TH EV EE FR

Come join the Sikh Community for an enlightening

evening in celebration of Mother’s Day!

Friday, May 11th, 6:00 p.m.–7:30 p.m. SIKH TEMPLE GURDWARA SAHIB SUKH SAGAR 347 Wood Street, Queensborough, New Westminster May 2018

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SOLID GOLD AT MAPLE LEAF SINGERS 50TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW

NEW WESTMINSTER FAMILY MUSICAL LEGACY GOING STRONG

here were you in the 1960s? In 1968, the Maple Leaf Singers were just getting started! This year, the chorus, a registered charity, celebrates 50 years with a very special fundraising show. Solid Gold, featuring the best of the best plucked from five decades of unforgettable performances, will play on May 26 and 27 at New Westminster’s Massey Theatre. Known for their varied repertoire, the Maple Leaf Singers perform with full-on enthusiasm and lively choreography. Songs by the Hollies, the Beatles, the Doobie Brothers, Elton John, and Billy Joel will get toes a-twitchin’, while Rock This Town and You Can’t Stop The Beat will have ‘em dancing in the aisles! Rousing gospel Hallelujah! By And By and Swinging With The Saints along with haunting You’ ll Never Walk Alone, Shenandoah, and The Water Is Wide will bring hand to heart! The Maple Leaf Singers originated in 1968 with 24 members under the creative leadership of New Westminster couple George and Marie Gillis. After 33 years devoted to their music, the pair retired in 2000, passing the baton to Wilson Fowlie, who has expertly led the group’s voices ever since. But the Gillis’s still hold the chorus dear to their hearts — Marie still runs up custom-made show costumes and George occasionally guest conducts. In 2017, Rob Gillis, son of the founding couple, stepped up as assistant music director of the group and, with the recent announcement that Fowlie will retire as director, will assume full leadership in September 2018. With music in his blood, Rob started playing percussion for the chorus when he was just eight years old. As a founding member of Vancouver band The Blue Meenies, he sang and played bass guitar for over 25 years. In 2007, Rob and his wife Josie joined the Maple Leaf Singers as full-time singing members. Now eager to carry on the family legacy, Rob says, “The Maple Leaf Singers are an important part of the arts community. We love to sing and have brought the joy of music to tens of thousands over the last 50 years. I’m honoured to help perpetuate this beautiful legacy.” As one of Vancouver’s oldest choirs and the longeststanding member of the BC Choral Federation, the Maple Leaf Singers are a choral treasure in the GVA. (continued on page 12)

11 Poetic Justice/Poetry New West meets every Sunday afternoon at The Heritage Grill, 2–4pm (except holiday weekends).

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

Quayside Migration © Janet Kvammen

Slowly day sings a twilight song crow rests while river flies We watch how the purple sky encompasses the black bird how it fades into itself— an echo of more to come Feathers coloured by night a lustrous ebony in the nesting sun Perched above Quayside crow nods and takes a bow Time swept away on burnished wings Another May Day passes and still the Fraser flows… your name a whisper on the river breeze Vice President of the Royal City Literary Arts Society and New Wes t Ar tis t s, Janet Kvammen is a poet , photographer and visual ar tist. Living an artful life in this unique little corner of the world, a city where she was born one May morn, she loves long walks on the Quay, river gazing, and purple.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

12 PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

(continued from page 11)

The group’s history includes being the official choir of the Canada Summer Games (1973), entertaining Princes Philip and Andrew during a royal visit (1978), singing at Expo ’86, performing a salute to the troops in Afghanistan (2006), contributing to the Vancouver Paralympic Games (2010), and musically celebrating Canada Day in various communities over the years. As a registered charity, the Maple Leaf Singers perform over 12 times a year, striving to include music in as many lives as possible, no matter the age. They deliver professional, upbeat, no-fee entertainment across the GVA at special events, fundraisers, and senior residences and care homes, in many cases taking their show to those who could not otherwise see such a performance. To those who have enjoyed the Maple Leaf Singers before or those who have yet to have the pleasure, Solid Gold promises to get memories stirring, blood pumping, and feet itching to move. In this special 50th anniversary show, the chorus brings life to music and music to life. Massey Theatre, 735 Eighth Ave, New Westminster Saturday, May 26, 7:30 p.m., Sunday, May 27, 2:00 p.m. Tickets: General Admission $25/Youth & Students $15 For tickets, call 778-245-4445 or go to www.mapleleafsingers.com

NUMBER BLOCKS 2001 PONTIAC MONTANA

$999 PRIVATE SALE 604-900-0766 Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

May 2018

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MLA’S REPORT

By Judy Darcy can’t wait for the spring sun to make a prolonged appearance in the Royal City! I’m looking forward to long walks along the Fraser, attending many community events, and loading up on scrumptious local produce at the New West Summer Farmers’ Market. The Spring Session of the BC Legislature has been very productive. Several bills have been introduced and many announcements made that will make a real difference in people’s lives in our community. Our government reduced MSP fees by half in January and we are fully eliminating MSP premiums by January 2020. We have taken the first bold steps towards a universal childcare plan, with fees for parents reduced by up to $350 a month right away. And we have introduced legislation that strengthens renters’ rights in the face of renovictions and demovictions. Seniors who receive Shelter Aid for Elderly Renters (SAFER) will see their average payment increase by more than $930 per year. And we have restored the Monday–Thursday 100% fare discount rate for senior passengers on BC Ferries! We have also announced

major investments to shorten wait times for MRIs and surgeries like hip and knee replacements. In the Ministry of Mental Health and Addictions, we have established Community Action Teams in communities hardest hit by the overdose crisis that continues to claim four lives a day. Their goal is to save lives and connect people to treatment and recovery as soon as possible. We have also teamed up with the Vancouver Canucks on an anti-stigma campaign to break down the walls of silence around drug use, encourage courageous conversations with loved ones, and connect people to the resources and supports they need by visiting www.StopOverdoseBC.ca. If you have questions about any provincial programs and services that may be available to you, please contact my office at 604-775-2101 or visit us in person at 301-625 Fifth Avenue, New Westminster.

If you aren’t signed up yet, send an email to Judy.Darcy.MLA@leg.bc.ca to sign up and make sure you don’t miss out on the next newsletter! SURPRISE I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

THAT’S NOT HOW THE JOKE GOES Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says, “I think we got this joke wrong.” FLAMINGO My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

MATH TEACHERS SHOULD GET THIS ONE RIGHT AWAY I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. HIPPO & ZIPPO Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

NOT EVEN CLOSE My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” I said, “No it doesn’t.” A FRENCHMAN’S SANDALS Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? A: Phillipe Phillope. IT’S MAGIC Q: What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A: A labracadabrador. 80 YEARS Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? A: Aye matey. THE THESAURUS I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

WE CAN AND WILL BEAT CANCER

By Walter Leech am a cyclist, have been since a kid growing up in South Burnaby. Back then it was a means of getting to school, to Saturday morning skating and delivering papers. Later I was privileged to be able to cycle at my job as a bike patrol police officer. Now I cycle for a cause. In 2009 I signed up to pedal in The Ride to Conquer Cancer. I do this to raise awareness to and help fund research for the fight against cancer. I have been doing this Ride ever since. The Ride is a 2 day event covering some 260 KMs and to date has raised over $82 million. That’s right, this is year 10 for me and also the 10th anniversary of the event. The 1st 9 years we pedaled Vancouver to Seattle. This year we are doing an all BC Ride. We are doing a 2-day pedal to Hope and over nighting in Chilliwack. Because this is the 10th anniversary, it was decided to keep it in BC and I got to say, I am stoked. This is going to be a special event with recognition for us 10year veterans. Cancer is such an indiscriminate killer, attacking some 3 out of 5 in BC. It doesn’t care your age or your gender, it just attacks. In the last few years some great strides have been made in research here in Vancouver that other parts of the world are sending their people here for training and experience in our labs. That has come about due to funding by the likes of the BC Cancer Foundation and it’s corporate partners. It is also a result of the efforts of a lot of cyclists pedaling to raise funds and $82 million is only the start. You are reading this and might even be a little bit intrigued and wondering, “How can I help?” It is as simple as signing up to ride. It happens August 25 and 26 and promises to be a great weekend. Come and be a part. Maybe cycling is not your thing. No problem, we take donations. You can be a supporter of those of us who do cycle. Use the link below to cycle or donate. www.ride.conquercancer.ca/vancouver Thanks so much, Walter Leech

COUNTRY, BLUEGRASS AND SOUTHERN GOSPEL MUSIC SERVED…

with your host

RAY SARGENT

www.sundaysideup.org May 2018

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TIME A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. “Yes?” “Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?” The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15”. The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. “Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?” “8:25!” The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!” Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. “Sir, sir? It’s 8:45!.” WHAT A CHANGE An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.” While the boy and his father were watching wideeyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your Mother.”

KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Do you have a joke you want to share? Submit them at

www.piffle.ca/ contact

Knock, Knock.

Radio!

Lettuce!

Who’s there? Radio who?

Radi-o-not, here I come! Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Needle!

Needle who?

Needle a little money! Knock, Knock. Who’s there?

Who’s there?

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in, we’re freezing! Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Leaf!

Leaf who?

Leaf me alone, I’m busy! Knock, Knock.

Some bunny!

Who’s there?

Some bunny has been eating all my carrots!

Orange who?

Some bunny who?

Knock, Knock.

Orange!

Orange you going to let me in?

Who’s there?

Knock, Knock.

Sherwood Who?

Beets!

Sherwood.

Sherwood like you to open the door! Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Mikey!

Mikey who?

Mikey doesn’t fit in the lock!

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

Who’s there? Beets Who? Beets me!

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Tank

Tank who?

You’re welcome!

NO DOG BARKED — WHO KILLED THE MACLAUCHLANS?

his book tells the story of a long unsolved March 1966 double murder in New Westminster. Written by local authors Rod Drown and Ken McIntosh, it tells of a Mafia-inspired murder of thrice-married abortionist and heroin smuggler Dr. Robert Henry MacLauchlan and his wife, Woodlands School teacher Margaret Ann “Nan” MacLauchlan. The former “Nan” Herring, Margaret Ann MacLauchlan was a daughter of one of New Westminster’s most prestigious pioneering families. Graduating in 1919 as a prizewinner from Montreal’s McGill Medical School was probably the best thing Robert Henry MacLauchlan ever did. The greatest tragedy he ever inflicted was when, late in the 1950s, he seduced and misled Margaret Ann “Nan” Cunningham, a quiet and modest teacher from New Westminster’s Woodlands School for the Handicapped. She died alongside him when MacLauchlan was murdered in cold blood

X G F K P C C Q M W Q W Y G X Q P F R O

Y Q Z D R M S O O M Y P G U S E Y C I B

May 2018

Q V F Q E K O W T A D T M Z B R R G S U

C M Y V S L V T B S D B D I Z A G E O T

Q E C N B Z U F H S R Y H P I B V F Z J

K G N A Y H H Y T E L T T N F C G B H N

X B U T T E R F L Y R L B A L K O K N R

M B A S E B A L L I D O F F A D F R I F

E E H N R N A E B W W C X Q Y K C I R W

Q S M Y I E N E L S U E D O I O B H R S

V M Y M A T R I A R C H E S N V T G H Q

D K Y G N X U D A E H L H C K K S T M N

K P L B M L N L F L O W E R S Z P E Z B

U E J B Z Z U T I P Q R H V I I C R O E

S D X R B C K G Y P T L S N C B Y O G E

E K C Z S P I A N O O M A R P A O R S E

X N I A S E M Y E D X T Q G M O J D B I

V X V T D W C J G Z K J O J S O H X K T

P M U X W F N E M Q L U E S O V J X W P

T Z W R G C O X K G R K G A P N N Y C T

WORD SEARCH BASEBALL

MASSEY

BLOOM

MATRIARCH

BUTTERFLY

MAYPOLE

CENTENNIAL

MOTHER

CONCERTO

PIANO

DAFFODIL

PRESBYTERIAN

DOPPLERS

RAINBOW

EAGLES

REBIRTH

FLOWERS

TULIP

KNOX

UMBRELLA

LODGE

VASCULAR

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You will become acquainted with MacLauchlan’s little crew: fallen Sechelt socialite Thelma Mosier, lifetime loser Joe Sperling and the others who existed on the fringe of the Lower Mainland Underworld. You will hear of tough 1960s prosecutors William Heffernan and Oscar Orr. Police Officers like RCMP Drug Squad Sgt. Steve Bunyk will cross your path. And, last but not least, let’s not forget those wife-swapping swingers of the late 1960s Karl and Lieselotte Weber. All of them and many dozen more are mentioned in this well-researched and deeply conceptualised book. This book comes in two versions — a Basic Edition and a Library Edition. The former tells the basic story of the MacLauchlans’ demise and comes with footnotes, photographs and charts. The Library Edition has the same information as the Basic Edition but also has a 100 page “Succinct Directory to Certain Crimes, Criminals and Interested Observers with an emphasis on Vancouver and the Province of British Columbia during the decades of the 1950s, 60s, 70s and early 1980s.” The Basic Edition sells for $25 per copy and the Library Edition for $30. Don’t miss it! www.archivesnewwest.com.

Authors Drown and McIntosh have spent six years thoroughly probing the murders and the drug trafficking underworld of Vancouver during the 1950s, 60s and 70s. Following his initial academic triumph at McGill, MacLauchlan’s life had taken a much less heroic path involving drug addiction, illegal abortions and heroin smuggling. Along the way he charmed and philandered his way through 1920s San Francisco, 1930s Shanghai (the “Paris of the Orient”) and the exotic settlements of the French overseas community. After his first wife Montrealer Mamie Hoy died, the doctor hooked up with a prominent Calgary stage actress, Evelyn Hambly. She dumped him when he was arrested in Calgary for performing abortions in the late 1950s. After serving jail time in Alberta, MacLauchlan showed up in New Westminster, where Margaret Ann first passed him off as her “uncle”. Meanwhile the RCMP had him tabbed for several years as a heroin smuggler operating between Hong Kong and Vancouver. Thus shock rippled through placid New Westminster twice — first, when a few days before Christmas 1965, the doctor and “Nan” were arrested for heroin smuggling and again when, on March 21, 1966 in the couple’s small 5th Street bungalow, MacLauchlan was executed Mafia style — a shot in the face just to the side of the nostril and another in the stomach. Nan, who he had recently married, met the same fate. Newspapers called it a Mafia hit, speculating the underworld had silenced him just in time for his upcoming trial, a suggestion undisputed by the police. Dead men tell no tales. Authors Drown and McIntosh have spent six years thoroughly probing the murders and the drug trafficking underworld of Vancouver during the 1950s, 60s and 70s. They have tried to answer certain important questions: just how high up in the international drug trade was MacLauchlan, with his award for a “million miles of flying” from United Airlines? Was “Nan” something more than a modest schoolteacher? (After all, her former husband was rumoured to have had her tailed by a private investigator). Who were the likely suspects in their murders? Reading this book, you will get to meet 1960s and 70s Vancouver underworld luminaries like Joe Gentile, Fats Robertson and the Palmer Gang. You will become somewhat familiar with local hit men like Mickey Smith and Murray Allan Boyd. You will shake your head over basic tough guy Andy Bruce.

SUDOKU!

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.31)

3 7 8 2 9

9 4

2 4

3 4

2 9

8 5

7 1

9 3

7 Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku Tue Decmust 5 23:15:07 2017 GMT. Enjoy! Each column must Eachon row Each block must contain all of the contain all of the contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers and no two numbers and no two numbers in the same column in the same row of a in the same block of of a Sudoku puzzle Sudoku puzzle can a Sudoku puzzle can can be the same. be the same. be the same.

He has a face like a Saint. A Saint Bernard.

MATH MADNESS

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction.

IT’S ALL NEGOTIABLE A hunter raised his rifle and took careful aim at a large bear. When about to pull the trigger, the bear spoke in a soft soothing voice, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let’s negotiate the matter.” Lowering his rifle, the hunter replied, “I want a fur coat.” “Good,” said the bear, “that is a negotiable item. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and negotiate a compromise.” They sat down to negotiate and after a time the bear walked away, alone. The negotiations had been successful. The bear had a full stomach, and the hunter had his fur coat! THE WAKE UP CALL Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back.

CROSSWORD

DOWN 2. Make thick.

4. Briefl y shut the eyes. 5. A horse’s headgear. 6. Garden barrier. 7.

ACROSS 1. Description of a particular instance.

3. Special line of work. 8. Another word for “variety”. 12. Cleverly escape.

May 2018

Groceries carrier.

8. Lessen the strength.

13. A skill or boat.

15. Apprehend; detain.

9. Pressing one thing on the surface of another.

17. One who keeps watch.

11. Striking protesters.

16. A type of whisky.

18. Cut with a hacking tool.

10. Make changes.

14. A method of etching.

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

“Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don’t have a dog.” FRIENDLY CONVERSATION Leaving Toronto for Vancouver, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went to the second stall. I’d just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall. Hi there, how’s it going?” Now I’m not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say, but finally I said, “…Not bad…” Then the voice said, “So, what are you doing?” I thought that was kind of weird, but I said, “Well, I’m just going to the bathroom, then I’m going back home.” The voice interrupted, “Look, I’m going to have to call you back. Every time I ask you a question, this goober in the next stall keeps answering me! THE TEXAN IN LONDON A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!” Next they passed the House of Parliament — started in 1544 and completed in 1618. “Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!” As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent. “Whoah! What’s that over there,” asked the Texan. The cabbie replies, scratching his head, “Now that, I don’t know; it sure wasn’t there yesterday!”

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Polynesia… memory loss in parrots.

Signs & Printing

WON’T YA BE MY BABY Q: Why is a bees hair sticky? A: Because… he uses a honeycomb! SENIOR PERSONAL ADS Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Not in running condition but walks well. Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy. Sexy, fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, 80s, slim, 5’4” (used to be 5’6”) searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. I usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together. I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

Ed Goss

Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion

Serving You Since February 1984

604-644-0141 edjgoss@gmail.com www.EdGoss.com WORK ING FOR YOU May 2018

MOMMY, I HAVE TO PEE A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.” The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.” The father looked at him and said, “Okay, just whisper in my ear.” LAUNDRY DAY One day a woman was washing her family clothes. She took her shirt… wishy washy wishy washy. Looks clean feels clean, sniff smells clean. Then she took her pants… wishy washy wishy washy. Looks clean feels clean, sniff smells clean. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Then she took her husbands underpants… wishy washy wishy washy. Looks clean feels clean SNIFF!!! Ewwwwwwww!… wishy washy wishy washy!! THIS WILL MAKE YOU GROAN A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter. The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That’s because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp. THE BIGGEST JERKS GET THE MOST ATTRACTIVE WIVES While reading a newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was noted for his IQ. “I’ll never understand,” he said to his wife, “why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.” His wife replied, “Why, thank you, dear.” 50 SHIPS There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, “Bring me my red shirt”. So, the servant did as the captain said. After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt?” The captain said, “If I get shot, they won’t see the blood.” The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, “There are 50 ships on the horizon.” The captain said, “Bring me my brown pants.”

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SHIRLEY TEMPLE DAYS

By Evelyn Benson s May Day approached back in the 1940s when I attended Herbert Spencer Elementary School, new clothes and new shoes were the order of the day. In my case, a new hair-do was also a must. My hair was naturally straight, so early in May I was dropped off for a dreaded “permanent wave” to affect a stylish “Shirley Temple hair-do” of bouncy ringlets. Throughout my years of schooling, every home-room Attendance List contained AT LEAST three “Shirleys” named by their parents in honour of the world’s most popular movie star of the day — Shirley Temple. Isobel Sell’s beauty salon was set up in two rooms of her home at 514 Sixth Avenue. The house is still there with two shops now tacked onto the front. Mr. Sell, a chiropractor, ran his practice out of the same house, which meant that an interesting assortment of townsfolk rang their front doorbell on any given day. At nine o’clock on the morning of the first Saturday in May, my mother left me at Mrs. Sell’s with a sandwich for my lunch as I would be there until mid-afternoon. In those days, a “permanent wave” took several hours! The “instant” home-permanent had yet to hit the mar-

Evelyn Sangster Benson

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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

tached she threw the switch, Pack a picnic hamper and join and I swear the house lights us at the historic Armoury for dimmed! the free Each of those dangling wires with the metal clamps was suspended by an individual pulley. And as time passed, the weight of all that metal caused poor-little-me to slide further and further down, until Mrs. Sell would rescue me by giving each wire a sharp tug and UP IT WOULD GO, like a window blind, hauling my poor little scalp with • Applaud the 2017 and 2018 it. The pain in my neck would Royal Suites and their Royal be temporarily relieved until, inevitably once again, the Lancer partners as they weight would slide me down. dance the historic quadrilles When all the clamps and of the Victorian era wire were finally removed I felt so light I held onto the • Hear the Royal Knights chair for fear I might float up tell triva tales from past to the ceiling! But the intense May Days heat and the neck-ache from the weight of the clamps and • Share our history with even the occasional scalpfriends and neighbours burn were all worth it when Mrs. Sell began brushing out Pre-register: my hair, forming individual fat Shirley Temple ringlets around her finger. Come Join the Fun and To this day, I can still reshare our history! member the feel of those ringlets bouncing like a head full of coiled springs as I skipped home The Good Ship Lollipop”. NOW I along Sixth Avenue humming “On was ready for May Day!

Fourth Annual May Day Community Heritage Picnic Sunday, May 27 2:00 p.m.–4:00 p.m.

Evelyn and her father, Lewie Sangster.

ket. The quick and easy new “cold wave” which didn’t require electrical heat, was disdained by Mrs. Sell who called it, “new-fangled”. After shampooing, Mrs. Sell sat me on a board laid across the arms of a barber chair, then began winding strands of my hair onto twoinch long metal curlers. She then daubed on an evil-smelling solution that hinted of ammonia and skunkcabbage. Next, she wheeled over a tall electrical machine that looked like a prop from a Frankenstein movie. She positioned this contraption over my head. The many dangling wires with metal clamps on the ends were then attached to each of the metal curlers on my head. When all the wires were at-

www.hyackfestival.com

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Last summer, a fan alerted me to the display window of a Front Street Antique Store. There in the window sat what I described in my book as “a prop from a Frankenstein movie” — the dreaded permanent-wave machine with all its dangling wires and clamps! A shudder ran down my spine! I looked at the price tag: $1000.00! It had graduated from a useless commercial machine to a Genuine Antique. The phrase, “You’ve come a long way, Baby” floated across my mind. ~ ESB

This story is from Evelyn Benson’s award-winning book, A CENTURY IN A SMALL TOWN — One Family’s Stories. Both Book 1 & Book 2 are available at Renaissance Books, 712 – 12th St, New West and www.amazon.ca. Watch for more stories in next month’s Piffle. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

YOU’RE AN 80S CHILD IF… • You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members. • You wanted to be on Star Search. (Come on, we all did) • You wore a banana clip or one of those slap on wrist bands at some point during your youth. • You know the profound meaning of “Wax on, Wax off.” • You can name at least half of the members of the elite “Brat Pack.” • You can remember watching Full House and Saved by the Bell for endless hours!! • You have seen at least 10 episodes of Fraggle Rock. • You know that another name for a keyboard is a “Synthesizer.” • You hold a special place in your heart for “Back to the Future.” • You know where to go if you “Wanna go where everybody knows your name.” • You know what “Sike” means. • You fell victim to 80s fashion: big hair, crimped, combed over to the side, and you wore spandex pants. • You wanted to be a Goonie… (Hey u guyz!!) • You owned an extensive collection of Cabbage Patch Kids and trolls.

BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #46

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

HINT: GONNA DIG A FEW HOLES 3

2 5

4 12

2 12 20

May 2018

12 12

• You could break dance, or wished you could. • You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system. (Remember Pong) • You know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby”. • You remember MC hammer well. • You can still sing the rap to “Fresh Prince of Bel Air”. • You own any cassettes. • You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we’d all be living on the moon. • You remember and/or own any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut. • Poltergeist freaked you out. • You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox. • You wanted to have an alien like Alf living in your house. • You wore tights under shorts and felt stylish. • You ever had a Swatch Watch. • You had Wonder Woman or Superman underwear. • You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween. • Partying “like it’s 1999” seemed SO far away!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can identify with at least half of this list then you, my friend, are a “Child of the 80s.” SUGGESTIONS FOR ALCOHOL WARNINGS ON LABELS • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an goof. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Call or email us today for a quote! • WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an

influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WAYS TO GET RID OF TELEMARKETERS If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why

do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I’m so glad

you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting

up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…” When

they get try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems.

If they say they’re Joe Doe from the XYZ Company,

ask them to spell their name, then ask them to spell

the company name, then ask them where it located. Continue asking them personal questions or ques-

tions about their company for as long as necessary.

If they clean rugs: “Can you get blood out, you can?

Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a

telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, “Oh, my goodness!!!” and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will

give you their phone number you will call them back.

If they say they are not allow to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home. After all, they are call-

ing you at home, (This is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers).

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HOW IS SHE? Submitted by Ray Sargent

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular “Ask Jeeves” site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy’s mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, “It’s true, Mom. Think of something to ask it.” As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy’s mother thought a minute, then responded, “How is Aunt Helen feeling?” TONGUE TWISTERS • Randy wondered why Willie really wasn’t well. • Sam saw six shiny silver spoons. • Giddy gophers greedily gobble gooey goodies. • Slippery slimy snakes slide slowly. • Six shiny snails sighed sadly. • Pretty Patty Piggy pickles plump pink peppers. • Cheryl say Cher’s sheer shawl Sunday. • Six seals slick sick seals. • Sheep shouldn’t sleep in shacks. • I wish I had an Irish wrist watch to watch on my Irish wrist. • Stick a sticker where its sticky where a sticker once was stuck. • She sells sea shells by the sea shore • Sure, the ship’s ship-shape sir! • Does the wristwatch shop shut soon? OXYMORON’S • Act naturally

• Near miss

• Found missing

• Advanced BASIC

• Holy war

Inquire Online:

www.shoresofmaui.net

May 2018

• Resident alien

• Minor Catastrophe

• Great depression • Genuine imitation • Death benefits

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• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Everything except Civil War Sanitary landfill Alone together Silent scream Living dead Small crowd Soft rock Butt Head New classic Sweet sorrow “Now, then” Passive aggressive Taped live Clearly misunderstood

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Peace force Extinct Life Temporary tax increase Plastic glasses Terribly pleased Tight slacks Definite maybe Pretty ugly Twelve-ounce pound cake Diet ice cream Rap music Working vacation Exact estimate Freezer Burn Jumbo Shrimp Loners Club

RANDOM NUMBERS The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance. THEREFORE I don’t think, therefore I am not. MONET MONEY When the Impressionist was a kid he ran a Le Monet stand.

PLAN YOUR ESCAPE!

Your ability to get out of your home during a fire depends on advance warning from smoke alarms and advance planning. Fire can spread rapidly through your home, leaving you as little as one or two minutes to escape safely once the smoke alarm sounds. ESCAPE PLANNING TIPS • Pull together everyone in your household and make a plan. Walk through your home and inspect all possible exits and escape routes. Households with children should consider drawing a floor plan of your home, marking two ways out of each room, including windows and doors. • A closed door may slow the spread of smoke, heat and fire. Install smoke alarms in every sleeping room, outside each sleeping area and on every level of the home. The BC Fire Code requires interconnected smoke alarms throughout the home. When one sounds, they all sound. • Choose an outside meeting place (i.e. neighbor’s house, a light post, mailbox, or stop sign) a safe distance in front of your home where everyone can meet after they’ve escaped. Make sure to mark the location of the meeting place on your escape plan.

GETTING TOUGH My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little

boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and

shoulders muscles. He said he would stand outside

behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, he would extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile, he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then

50-pound potato sacks. Finally, he got to where he

could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and

hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

PUT YOUR PLAN TO THE TEST • Practice your home fire escape plan twice a year, making the drill as realistic as possible. • Allow children to master fire escape planning and practice before holding a fire drill at night when they are sleeping. The objective is to practice, not to frighten, so telling children there will be a drill before they go to bed can be as effective as a surprise drill.

New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

GUIDE TO BURNING CALORIES AT WORK WITH THE NUMBER OF CALORIES THE ACTIVITIES CONSUME PER HOUR

Guy Quesnel 604-524-2922 771 6th Street New Westminster, BC Email guyd.quesnel@shaw.ca

A UNION BARBER SHOP

• Beating around the bush… 75

• Jumping to conclusions… 100 • Climbing the walls… 150

• Swallowing your pride… 50 • Passing the buck… 25

• Throwing your weight around… 50-300 • Dragging your heels… 100 • Pushing your luck… 250

• Making mountains out of molehills… 500 • Hitting the nail on the head… 50

• Wading through paperwork… 300 • Bending over backwards… 75

• Jumping on the bandwagon… 200

Tues to Thurs 8:30 a.m.–5:00 p.m. Friday 7:30 a.m.–5:00 p.m. Saturday 8:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m. Closed Sunday and Monday

• Balancing the books… 25

• Running around in circles… 350 • Eating crow… 225

• Tooting your own horn… 25

• Climbing the ladder of success… 750 • Pulling out the stops… 75

• Adding fuel to the fire… 160

• Wrapping it up at the day’s end… 12 To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including: • Opening a can of worms… 50

• Putting your foot in your mouth… 300 • Starting the ball rolling… 90 • Going over the edge… 25

• Picking up the pieces after… 350

• Counting eggs before they hatch… 6 • Calling it quits… 2

GOD DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TOLD HER “I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine… I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.” May 2018

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Drilling for oil is boring.

PIFFLE PUZZLE SOLUTIONS NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

MATH MADNESS

SUDOKU!

PIFFLE’S

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.31)

4 7 3 6 8 5 1 9 2

Each column must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same column of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

6 8 1 5 2 3 9 4 7

7 2 9 8 4 1 6 5 3

3 5 4 9 7 6 8 2 1

Each row must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same row of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

8 3 7 4 6 2 5 1 9

5 4 2 7 1 9 3 8 6

1 9 6

BY ROSS HOOD

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

PUZ ZLE #46

HINT: GONNA DIG A FEW HOLES

8 2

3 1

2 2 1

3 3 1

3 1 1

3 4

2 1 2

8 1 2

1 5

12 12 2

7 2 2

6 4

5 4

4 1 2

3 4

2 1 1

2 5

Each block must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same block of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

3 4 5

11 4

12 2

2 12 20

104 My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.

Who was the founder of the Sikh Religion?

TOP SHELF This guy walks into a butcher and asks, “Can I have those from the top shelf please”. The butcher replies, “Sorry, the steaks are too high.” IT’S THE BEST A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

*Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.

Piffle Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

HOW TO PREPARE CHICKEN A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there’s nothin’ special… we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die…

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Dec 5 23:15:07 2017 GMT. Enjoy!

Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing”

Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y

❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too!

COFFEE “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

City Province Phone Email

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern. Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor. The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table to eat my pizza.

Postal

Name Address

Subscription Form

Submitted by Ray Sargent

THE TEST

For Personality Proﬁles/ Transit Report/Relationship Compatibility visit www.astrologybyliza.com HOROSCOPES by LIZA

MAY 2018

ARIES: Your fi nancial situation is not a sign of your personal wealth. Others adore you due to your personal integrity and energy. Remember that this month. TAURUS: Show the world what you are capable of this month. Your personality and energy will have a huge effect on others. Just avoid arguments. GEMINI: Past behav ior pat terns may be catching up with you during this time. Avoid self assertion and look within for answers. Your dreams are powerful all month. CANCER: This is a time to formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. This is not a good time to be a loner. Get out there and mix with others. LEO: You have great ambition to achieve so work hard and the results will come quickly. Coworkers may feel threatened by your need to get ahead. Keep the peace. VIRGO: Share your beliefs and ideas with others during this time. Expansion of the mind will be done either through study or foreign travel. Avoid legal disputes. LIBRA: If struggles with partners arise, use your charm to smooth things out. All grievances should be brought out into the open; in a peaceful manner. SCORPIO: Your ego may either create confusion or a powerful transformation. Issues concerning shared resources come into play. Something fades away in order for something new to come about. SAGITTARIUS: Throw all your energies into working hard and getting things done. Being a team player may not be in your best interest. Watch for health issues. CAPRICORN: Your in a playful and sporty mood. During this time you know what you want and will go after it with gusto. Enjoy group activity. AQUARIUS: Shirk oﬀ that irritability and throw yourself into home improvement. Authority figures may get on your nerves during this time. Keep a low profile. PISCES: Your everyday life will pick up and energies will be high. Disputes with neighbors/ relatives may arise; maybe over possessions. Don't force your belief system onto others. May 2018

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I WON! A lady walked in a diner and orders a cup of coffee. When she gets her drink, she notices that it has a “contest game piece” on the side of the cup. She peels off the sticker and instantly starts screaming, “I won a motor home!” She continues shouting, “I won a motor home!” until the waitress decides to get her boss. “What’s the problem here?” the manager asks. “I won a motor home!” she shouts again. “That’s impossible!” he replies. “We didn’t give out motor homes.” She says “Well, it says so on this sticker.” The boss takes the sticker and reads it. It says: “Win a bagel”. FREE SPEECH, YOU SAY I thought this was a country of free speech. So why are there phone bills? MORNING BREATH The War on Morning Breath finally ended, with a declaration of a.m. nasty.

Debby

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TO START Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.” “Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other. “You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way — ‘Take a clean dish’.” NUDE TIPTOER A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom, only to find him sitting up in bed, reading. “Oh No!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose EVERYTHING?!?” HOW APPROPRIATE

604-517-1230 oktirenw@shaw.ca

WE HAVE MOVED! WE ARE NOW AT 641 LOUGHEED HWY

Submitted by Ray Sargent

Sign on the door of a church nursery quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:51: “Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed.” Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Guru Nanak

STRATA LIVING DOES SIZE MATTER?

By Tony Gioventu, Executive Director, Condominium Home Owners' Association of BC

ear Tony: We have had a bylaw in our Burnaby building for the past 25 years that limits the size of pets. Each owner is permitted one cat and one small dog. Over the years the question has arisen as to what is classified as a small dog. The council have taken a position that any dog over 10kg is a medium or large dog and prohibited. The problems that we are having however does not relate to the size of pets but the age of the pets, their owners, the noise and our carpets. The older pets frequently don’t make it to the outdoors before they have an accident, and our carpets are in horrible condition. The council is suggesting we change the hallways from carpets to vinyl so we can avoid the future problems. Our strata is divided 50/50 on this issue so we can’t seem to make a decision. Council now says the carpets are due for replacement on our depreciation report and it’s only going to take a majority vote to spend the funds from the contingency and replace them with vinyl? Is this possible. ~ Adelle Foster Dear Adelle: Most of the calls that the CHOA advisors receive that relate to pets are about noise, pets out of control, and pets doing their business in the building causing damages. Size is rarely an issue unless the larger dogs are a safety concern for the owners, either as a personal matter or pets that are aggressive. The size of the dog has no direct relationship to the behavior; however, pets that are neglected or do not get enough exercise may exhibit behavior that results in damages and noise disruptions. A dog’s anxiety will be obvious by the continuous barking, damage within the strata lot

George Garrett, Vice-President

and on common property, and behavior towards other pets and residents in the buildings. A strata may adopt a bylaw that limits the size of pets, but they should also be specific as to those limitations in the bylaw, otherwise future disputes are inevitable. The condition of a depreciation report under the Act is a separate issue, and the intention is that the current building asset/carpet is replaced with the same basic carpet. If the strata intends to make a significant change in the use or appearance of the hallway covering, they will require a 3/4 vote of the owners at a general meeting, to approve the change, allowing the recommended depreciation costs to be approved by majority from the contingency fund. While the change may be the right choice, remember that the sound proofing in the hallways, along with finishing materials and floor transitions may all change significantly. This publication contains general information only and is not intended as legal advice. Use of this publication is at your own risk. CHOA, the author and related entities will not be liable to you or any other person for any loss or damage arising from, connected with or relating to the use of this publication or any information contained herein by you or any other person. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced, blogged, or distributed in any fashion without the explicit prior consent of the writer.

Direct office phone: 604-515-9683 Office email: tony@choa.bc.ca Mobile: 604-323-6458

Condominium Home Owners Association of BC

VOLUNTEER DRIVERS URGENTLY NEEDED FOR NEW WESTMINSTER! Formed to fill an urgent need for cancer patients to have free transportation to and from treatment facilities. To learn more, phone 604-515-5400 or visit www.volunteercancerdrivers.ca

May 2018

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We create great SMILES and Piffle gives you a reason to smile!

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SERVING YOUR COMMUNITY 325 6th Street New Westminster, BC Tel: 604-521-0363 Service at 11am See you at church!

Sunday School & ESL Bible Study 9:00am Sunday Service 10:00am 930 Cumberland St New Westminster

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Eye Expressions

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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

ASTUTE VISIONARIES PART 1 “Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” ~ Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949. “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” ~ Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 “I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” ~ The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957. “But what… is it good for?” ~ Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” ~ Ken Olson, President, Chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 “There is no real need for sales people. Customers will be attracted to good products without assistance.” ~ Ken Olson, addressing a convention of DEC sales people. “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.

The device is inherently of no value to us.” ~ Western Union internal memo, 1876. “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?” ~ David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. “The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.” ~ A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp. “Who wants to hear actors talk?” ~ H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. “I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.” ~ Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.” “A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” ~ Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.

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NEW WESTMINSTER SALMONBELLIES

“TALES FROM THE BELLIE OF THE SALMON”

THE LACROSSE PLAYER WHO WAS MAYOR OF NEW WESTMINSTER AND VANCOUVER By Bruce MacDonald

red Hume served as New Westminster’s mayor from 1933 to 1942 and as Vancouver’s mayor from 1951 to 1958. While Hume’s stewardship of the preNHL Vancouver Canucks 1962–66 is well known, far less known is that he was a fine field lacrosse player and later, during his time as New Westminster’s mayor, was also the president and GM of the Salmonbellies lacrosse club. His determined rebuilding of the team led to a Mann Cup championship in 1937. At the same time he owned the Canadian champion New Westminster Royals soccer club. In the 1950s he owned the New Westminster Royals WHL hockey franchise. Born in 1892 in New Westminster’s east end, called Sapperton after the Royal Engineers or “sappers” who set up camp there in 1859, Hume left school to support his mother and siblings after the death of his father. He sold newspapers, worked as a store clerk, fisherman, teamster, millworker, fireman and telephone lineman, and still found time to play field lacrosse. With a tool kit and $50 he and his brother set up an electrical repair business that grew into Hume and Rumble, at one time the largest electrical contracting firm Canada. As a means to selling radio sets, he started B.C’s second radio station, CFXC (later CJOR), serving as co-owner, manager, and disc jockey. Two city mayor, Canadian Lacrosse Hall of Fame inductee, sportsman, businessman and Salmonbellie, Fred Hume died in 1967.

SALMONBELLIES VS. THE WORLD by W. B. MacDonald is available at www.amazon.ca

ROTTEN EGGS The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, “WHY?” The wife replied that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, “Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1.” REST IN PEACE One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small Canadian flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.” “Good morning, Pastor,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor McGhee, what is this?” Alex asked. “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’s voice was barely audible when he finally managed to ask, “Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service? HAM AND EGGS A day’s work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig. SKINNY & FAT Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat. CONFESSION Good for the soul, but bad for your career. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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