SEVEN PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
MEN / GOD / LIFE
FINISHING WELL FINDING FOCUS IN LATER YEARS
THE FAMILY OF GOD THE VALUE OF INTERGENERATIONAL CHURCHES
AGE-TO-AGE HE STANDS YOUNG OR OLD—ALL ARE CALLED TO CHRIST JAN / FEB 2017 ISSUE 52 NEWSSTAND PRICE CDN $4.95
CONFERENCES FOR MEN
OTTAWA, ON FEBRUARY 24–25 WINNIPEG, MB MARCH 10–11
EDMONTON, AB MARCH 17–18 REGINA, SK MARCH 24–25
Don’t walk the journey alone—REGISTER TODAY!
promisekeepers.ca/quest 2 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
CONTENTS
16
COLUMNS 6 // PK Podium The Stories We Tell 8 // Lives Worth Leading Called to Lead at Any Age 30 // Sports Scene Strong and Courageous
FEATURES 16 FINISH WELL BY LETTING GO Making sense of retirement can be a daunting task. After all—haven’t you earned this? As tempting as it may be to focus on ‘Number One’ at the age of retirement perhaps there’s more to ‘finishing well’ than tuning out responsibility.
32 // The Single Life Single In Time 33 // Out of My Depth Arguments That Kill Your Marriage
DEPARTMENTS 20 GENERATION TO GENERATION
20
The Church is a family—or so we say. The age gaps that plague many modern congregations paint a different picture. Chuck Stecker explains the need for churches to adopt a greater intentionality towards being intergenerational.
10 // The Pulse Bits. Blips. Beats. Blurbs. 14 // Music Reviews Giants of Worship Take Centre Stage 34 // Power Play Toys. Tools. Technology.
26 STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
26
Just when you think you’re out—you get pulled back in. Bill Farrel shares his experiences in caring for parents and adult kids at the same time, and the joys that can occur at this unique, and sometimes peculiar, stage of life.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 3
ON THE COVER
SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.
AGE TO AGE HE STANDS Have you ever felt as though people just don’t get you? Whether it’s trouble with the ‘kids these days’ or not feeling as though you’re being taken seriously, everyone’s been there. At any stage of life, there are always challenges. This issue, we seek to share stories and encouragement for folks at different points in the journey. Whether you find yourself starting over, trying to finish well, or somewhere in between, we hope you find the spark you need to take that next step.
The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. 1 // A promise keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit. 2 // A promise keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. 3 // A promise keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically and sexually. 4 // A promise keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values. 5 // A promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources. 6 // A promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate that power of biblical unity. 7 // A promise keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.
Publisher PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD
EDITORIAL
PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
Editorial Director JEFF STEARNS
KIRK GILES
Questions and comments
Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills
Managing Editor ROB HORSLEY
Promise Keepers Canada
regarding editorial can be sent
Burlington, ON L7P 0A4
to rhorsley@promisekeepers.ca,
(905) 331-1830 info@promisekeepers.ca
ADVERTISING
JEFF STEARNS
or mailed to Promise Keepers
RICK VERKERK
Promise Keepers Canada
Canada at the address provided.
rick@promisekeepers.ca 1-888-901-9700
MATT BREIMER
Postmaster, please send DESIGN
address changes to:
DEVON WAGENAAR
Box 20099 RPO Brant Hills,
ROB HORSLEY
Devon J Andrew Design Inc.
Burlington, ON L7P 0A4
Promise Keepers Canada
djadesign.ca
ISSN 1916-8403
Promise Keepers Canada
The PK Canada logo features a maple leaf, indicating our dedication to serve the men of Canada. An arrow breaks into the maple leaf symbolizing the impact we believe God wants to see Promise Keepers and men making in our nation. A special thank-you to all the pastors who continually encourage us to communicate God’s truth with grace and love.
4 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
EMPOWERING THE ONLINE GENERATION WITH STORIES
THAT MATTER
WATCH FULL EPISODES AT
THISISMETV.COM JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 5
PK PODIUM
THE STORIES WE TELL EVERYONE’S GOT SOMETHING TO SHARE BY KIRK GILES
W
hat is the best story your mom or dad ever told you about their life? As a dad, I love to tell stories about how hard my life was compared to how easy my kids have it. I’ve told them how I actually had to get up to change the channel on the TV, and how I had to wait for two minutes for my phone to dial in to the internet. My kids have heard stories about the times I almost died drowning in a pool or in a lake. They’ve heard about my finest moments, and my lowest moments. Story is a powerful way to help generations learn about their ancestors. As much as we love to tell the stories of our life to our children and grandchildren, I wonder how many of us have told the story of God in our life to our children and grandchildren? Psalm 78:4 says: “… tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.” In this edition of SEVEN, we’re seeking to celebrate the gift of generations—but first, I want to lay the foundation by suggesting that the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift we are commanded to give, is to tell our children and grandchildren the stories of the work of God in our lives. Psalm 78:5 goes further to clarify what we are actually to tell: God has given us a testimony and God has appointed a law. In other words, we are to teach the next generations of our own families our own sinfulness, how Jesus has changed our life, and what it looks like to follow Jesus every day. Here are some simple steps to help you tell those stories: Do it naturally in everyday conversation—don’t make a big production out of it. Every other story you tell just happens in the context of every day life, so make your God stories the same. Always be ready to be honest about your own sin and failures—and how the grace of God has impacted you in the middle of that. Think about stories of when you experienced God work a miracle or moments when He provided in simple ways. In every discussion and in every problem your children or family faces, talk about what it might look like to respond in a way that shows how much you love and want to follow Jesus. As a father, my greatest desire is that future generations of my family will walk with God. Psalm 78:7 tells us why we need to tell the stories of God—“so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.” Men, what are the stories your children and grandchildren will remember you telling?
6 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
KIRK GILES is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.
GOD HAS A PLAN GOD HAS A PLAN GOD GOD HAS HAS A A PLAN PLAN FOR YOU! FOR YOU! What will be your legacy? FOR FOR YOU! YOU! What will be your legacy? What Whatwill willbe beyour yourlegacy? legacy?
www.reachbeyond.ca www.reachbeyond.ca Be the voice and hands of Jesus www.reachbeyond.ca www.reachbeyond.ca Be the voice and hands of Jesus
BeBethe thevoice voiceand andhands handsofofJesus Jesus
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 7
LIVES WORTH LEADING
CALLED TO LEAD AT ANY AGE
GOOD THINGS CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOUNG AND OLD COLLIDE BY COLIN MCCARTNEY
W
e sat in the greasy spoon diner, surrounded by an overflow crowd of hungry breakfast lovers. The smell of freshlybrewed coffee, bacon, and eggs hovered over our table. Across from me sat a young man, presently in the midst of planting a church in a troubled, low-income neighbourhood in Toronto. As we discussed issues facing his church, I was aware of the incredible burden he had to face daily in his parish—violence, poverty, racism, and gang activity pressed in on him from every angle. A challenge indeed for a young man and the baby church he is nurturing into existence. As we talked over breakfast, I felt the need to ask him about his marriage. Both he and his wife never had an active father in their lives. In fact, pretty well everyone who attended his wedding was in the same boat—a gathering of the fatherless. So this young man and his wife did not have a blueprint of how to make a marriage last. As he opened up about the struggles they were facing, I quickly realized God was changing the purpose of our meeting from church planting to marriage counselling. As the young man spoke, I began to smile and then laugh. “What’s so funny?” he asked. “I’m sharing serious stuff here and you’re just smiling and laughing!” I apologized, let him continue, and at the right time I began to share with him some of the many lessons I have learned through 27 years of marriage. I assured him what he and his wife were experiencing was normal. We concluded our breakfast
8 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
with the goal of going on a double date with our wives. There was more work to be done. Our churches need to be safe places where all ages gather together to share life. Old dogs like me need to be pushed and prodded by the young to see things in a different light and learn new tricks. The young also need the counsel of older folks who can share wisdom acquired from our triumphs—and our mistakes. Sadly, we exist in a society of churches that have slowly allowed the disintegration of inter-generational living. We have developed good programs shaped to meet the needs of specific age groups—children, youth, young adults, seniors—but in doing so we have lost the blessings that a variety of ages offer one another. In The Netherlands, university students were offered free accommodations on one condition— they would live in a seniors’ home. Financially challenged students took up the offer and in time incredible things took place. Friendships formed and it was a common sight to see students helping their elderly friends with groceries or running errands for them. Seniors loved making new, younger friends, hosting them for meals, and taking time to see how they were doing. Quickly, an environment of genuine care was birthed between young and old. The quality of life for everyone in this community improved based on the relationships taking place. Many tears were shared between friends when a student would graduate and move out of the residence.
On a practical level, the medical system saved money as the health of seniors improved greatly. Depression rates for young adults dropped below the average for their age bracket. By living together something magical took place—all ages had a renewed purpose for their life and an understanding of their mutual value to one another! Love, care, wisdom, and practical acts of kindness were shared in such a manner that emotional and physical health was restored through a true intergenerational community. As one of the young students said; “To share in each others’ lives is one of the best experiences I will carry my whole life as a young person. We bring today’s life to people who otherwise, without us, would still live in the past. In return, I learn from people who lived in the past, so I don’t make certain mistakes in the future.” It may sound marvellously strange to have intergenerational retirement homes or counselling sessions taking place in dirty, run down, greasy spoon, breakfast haunts. But they please God when friendships are made, love is shared and life is lived together. A perfect model for our churches today!
/ COLIN MCCARTNEY is an ordained minister, speaker, and a bestselling author. He is also the founder of UrbanPromise Toronto and now leads Connect Ministries in Toronto where he, his wife Judith, and their two children reside. You can reach him at cmmccartney@mcec.ca.
THE FAITHLIFE FINANCIAL DIFFERENCE
A lot is riding on your shoulders... Have you PROTECTED your family’s financial future? FaithLife Financial is a financial services organization that helps Christians blend faith and finances to be wise with money and live generously – strengthening families and communities.
LIFE INSURANCE
INCOME PRODUCTS
INVESTMENT PROTECTION
MEMBER BENEFITS
CHARITABLE OUTREACH
Our Financial Representatives make it easy to have a conversation about money. They offer insurance and investment solutions with sound financial guidance to help Christians protect their financial futures and feel confident about their finances. With FaithLife Financial it’s not just about making more – it’s about doing more to build a better world for Members, families and communities. We invite you to be part of a financial services organization that blends faith, finances and generosity.
Take the online FINANCIAL FITNESS Do I have enough life insurance to protect my family’s financial future?
Do I have enough savings in case of an emergency or job loss?
Will my current savings plan meet my needs in retirement?
Visit faithlifefinancial.ca to learn more! PROTECTING YOUR FINANCIAL FUTURE
•
LIVING YOUR CHRISTIAN VALUES
•
BUILDING A BETTER WORLD
THE PULSE
BITS / BLIPS / BEATS / BLURBS THE LATEST NEWS FROM PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
BITS / BLIPS / BEATS / BLURBS
CONFERENCES
10 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
SURPRISED BY THE QUEST / IS IT POSSIBLE to become bored with miracles? If Jesus had stayed with his disciples for longer than three years, would they have become numb to the healings? “Do we have feed another CONFERENCES FOR MEN 5,000? Where did that kid go? Can we order pizza instead?” As staff at Promise Keepers Canada, we have the privilege of seeing the Holy Spirit change lives time and time again. It hasn’t become ordinary and I hope it never does. Kirk Giles attended the Toronto Quest conference with his sons and was reminded how special these moments can be when men responded to a call to come out of spiritual hiding. “I was sitting beside two of my sons as men filled the front of the auditorium and aisles— all the way to the back. It was so powerful to see men being honest with God and with each other. They gathered as groups and began to pray for each other—many staying together in prayer for quite some time. I looked at my sons and both of them were in awe of what they were witnessing. I explained to them how God was working in the lives of these men, and that they would never be the same again.” Like Kirk, a growing number of past attendees have been coming to the events and going out of their way to bring the next generation. “On a personal level, my life was stirred as I once again encountered the life changing power and grace of our Heavenly Father,” he says. “As a father, I’m forever grateful. My sons who attended this conference were profoundly impacted.” Seeing Jesus transform lives and watching the next generation encounter movements of the divine is a special privilage we hope we never tire of. >> Upcoming Quest conferences can be found at: www.PromiseKeepers.ca
PODCASTS THE FAITH NEXT DOOR / ABDU MURRAY is North American Director with Ravi Zacharias International Ministries and is the author of two books, including his latest, Grand Central Question: Answering the Critical Concerns of the Major Worldviews. For most of his life, Abdu was a proud Muslim who studied the Qur’an and Islam. After a nine-year investigation into the historical, philosophical, and scientific underpinnings of the major world religions and views, Abdu discovered that only the historic Christian faith could answer the questions of the mind and the longings of the heart. Abdu shares some of his conversion story and talks about how to live in a society that often seems to tolerate every religion other than historical Christianity. He also explores how we as Christians should embrace people of other faiths and love them as Jesus does.
WHERE FORGIVENESS IS FOUND
What David has to say will bring great hope to the worst of sinners as we read in this study of Psalms 32 and 51.
/ IN A WORLD where we want to throw sinners and failures away, God stretches out His hands and bids sinners to come to Him. In this podcast, we’ll find out what David did when he sinned in such a way as to cause the death of one man, create disruption in his family, and harm to his nation. What David has to say will bring great hope to the worst of sinners as we read in this study of Psalms 32 and 51. After 35 years behind the pulpit, Dr. John Neufeld became the first Canadian teacher at Back to the Bible Canada. John and his wife Kathy have been married for 36 years. They have three adult children and five grandchildren. >> Find these and other podcasts at: www.promisekeepers.ca/podcast
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 11
THIS IS ME TV
CAPITAL KINGS DOCUMENTARY / THE SEARCH for purpose, choosing a path that has meaning, can be overwhelming. We caught up with Capital Kings on tour and talked about their journey so far. The joy of creating something, and being a positive voice drives Capital Kings to overcome their struggles and make music that celebrates the life God has given us. >> Visit www.ThisIsMeTV.com for this exclusive interview
WORKSHOPS
We are surrounded by a culture full of mixed messages and false ideals that can lead to confusion and frustration.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR IDENTITY / EACH OF us longs to truly understand who we are and our place in the world. As Christians we know a man’s true identity is found only in relationship with Christ. Even with this knowledge, we often wrestle with the question of how to live as godly men. We are surrounded by a culture full of mixed messages and false ideals that can lead to confusion and frustration. The identity workshop helps men to see who they are in Christ and deals with the issues that can crush a man’s identity. Properly grasping your identity in Christ is the basis for living with real confidence and affects all areas of your life. Attending the Promise Keepers Canada Identity Workshop will give men teaching to help them move from an unhealthy view of their identity to a healthy view with a strong practical and biblical foundation. >> Find a workshop in your area or bring this workshop to your church Visit www.promisekeepers.ca/events for more information
12 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
It’s why we do it. It’s simple really . . . We do it because others can’t or won’t. We do it because liking something on Facebook just won’t get it done. And we do it because we’re serious about fulfilling the Great Commission.
We do it BECAUSE WE CAN.
Learn more about Mission Aviation Fellowship and our vision of seeing isolated people physically and spiritually transformed in Christ’s name.
www.mafc.org 1.877.351.9344 JANUARY MARCH / APRIL / FEBRAURY 2015 2017 SEVEN 13
MUSIC REVIEWS
BY STEVEN SUKKAU
CHRIS TOMLIN
TENTH AVENUE NORTH
STEVE BELL
NEVER LOSE SIGHT (sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records)
FOLLOWERS (Provident Label Group LLC)
WHERE THE GOOD WAY LIES (Singpost Music)
ONE OF the biggest names in worship music, Chris Tomlin, returns with Never Lose Sight. While the album holds no surprises for fans, the stirring worship tracks will likely find their way into church services across the country. Opening with what may be many people’s signature version of ‘Good Good Father’, the cover is an understated, but refined interpretation. Some may still prefer the raw, acoustic original by Pat Barrett and Tony Brown, but Tomlin’s is a welcome addition. The second track, ‘Jesus’ is quickly becoming another staple on Sunday mornings with great liturgical lines like, “Who walks on the water? Who speaks to the sea? Who stands in the fire beside me?” Elsewhere, ‘Home’ speaks lovingly and longingly of heaven: “Where the streets are golden, every chain is broken, oh I wanna go home.” However, while another interpretation of ‘Come Thou Fount’ may not be the most original inclusion to the album, the stripped down acoustics and Tomlin’s flawless voice make for an easy home run. Rounding out Never Lose Sight are a pair of songs featuring guests vocals, including standout track, ‘Impossible Things’ with Danny Gokey whose voice pairs nicely with Tomlin’s. Ending the album, ‘First Love’ pulls on back-up vocals from Kim Walker-Smith that likewise adds a welcome harmony to the album’s sound.
WHEN TENTH Avenue North came on the scene, they made a splash with singles that enjoyed a long stay at the top of the charts, and sunk deep into pop culture. Singles like 2008’s ‘By Your Side’ or 2010’s ‘Healing Begins’ are still instantly recognizable in the CCM world. However, past albums were often marked by two or three mega hits sandwiched between some mostly forgettable tracks, leaving an unbalanced experience for the listener. Followers feels more well-rounded in that regard, pulling together a more even quality of strong songs. ‘What you want’ is an upbeat dancepop, that pairs perfectly with Donehey’s falsetto while ‘I have this hope’ beautifully employs strings, potent with with Donehey’s range from a lower register during the verses to soaring chorus. Elsewhere, ‘Control (somehow you want me)’ is a striking declaration of surrender: “I’ve had plans shattered and broken, things I have hoped in, fall through my hands… you have plans to redeem and restore me… The King of Heaven wants me, so this world has lost its grip on me.” However, despite a more even offering, long time Tenth Avenue North fans may miss the the stripped down guitar melodies and alt rock. In its place a solid, but somewhat overproduced pop record.
STEVE BELL has released his 20th, and perhaps best album yet. Instead of taking time off after 2014’s huge landmark four-disc project, Pilgrimage, Bell says he was surprised to find a dozen songs coming down the pike. “I guess we’re on for another one... the songs showed up,” he explained during a recent concert. For longtime fans of the singersongwriter, Where the Good Way Lies likewise feels like Bell’s most confident and effortless offering. Weaving together a myriad of styles the album is the sum of many musical periods in Bell’s long career. However, overall the album strikes out deeper into jazz territory than his previous works. The shift is in part thanks to Bell picking up the trumpet again. A horn player as a kid, Bell says he originally meant to find a career as a trumpet player. Instead a crisis of identity after high school caused him to sell his trumpet and buy a guitar. The shift fits well with the album’s theme, which comes from Jeremiah, “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths.” We have a fascination of all things new, Bell says, but instead he hungers for the more ancient contemplative Christians traditions that he says, “we need to recover as we move forward.”
/ STEVEN SUKKAU works for Golden West Radio and resides in Winkler, Manitoba.
14 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
THE FAITHLIFE FINANCIAL DIFFERENCE
All of life is ministry
“I think every believer is called to be in fulltime ministry whatever their life situation.”
A lot is riding on your shoulders... Caleb Courtney [MTS] is a husband, father Have you PROTECTED your family’s financial future? of four, high school teacher, worship leader and just completed the Master of Theological FaithLife Financial is a financial services organization thatStudies helps Christians faithhe andcould finances program. blend He knew only to be wise with money and live generously – strengthening afford families and communities. a one-year leave to complete his
masters, so he began planning a few years ago. Caleb has seen God open every door the BENEFITS way. A percentage of Caleb’s salary LIFE INSURANCE INCOME PRODUCTS INVESTMENT PROTECTION along MEMBER CHARITABLE OUTREACH was saved tooffer fundinsurance a leaveand from his teaching Our Financial Representatives make it easy to have a conversation about money. They investment solutions job, and he received scholarships and with sound financial guidance to help Christians protect their financial futures and feel confident about their finances. With awards. also world took for advantage of flexible FaithLife Financial it’s not just about making more – it’s about doing more to buildHe a better Members, families and course modes such as online, evening and communities. We invite you to be part of a financial services organization that blends faith, finances and generosity. one-week intensives. This made it possible for him to still put his family time first.
Take the online FINANCIAL FITNESS
Caleb is now returning to work and plans to take on more of a teaching role at his church. “People have this idea of full-time ministry Do I have enough Will my current being he says. savings inas case of full-time in a church,”savings plan “I think be inmy fullan emergency or every believer is called tomeet needs job loss? time ministry whatever their life situation.” in retirement?
Do I have enough life insurance to protect my family’s financial future?
Tyndale offers flexible full-time part-time Visit faithlifefinancial.ca toand learn more! study options to meet your needs. Learn more. Visit Tyndale.ca or call 1.877.TYNDALE. PROTECTING YOUR FINANCIAL FUTURE
•
LIVING YOUR CHRISTIAN VALUES
•
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 15
BUILDING A BETTER WORLD
FEATURE
FINISH WELL BY LETTING GO ADVANCING AGE BRINGS NECESSARY CHANGES BY DOUG KOOP
16 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
hen he was still in his twenties, singer Jimmy Buffet had a big hit with a song about “changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes,” where “nothing remains quite the same.” While it’s nice to know that Jimmy is still bringing joy with his music, there’s something a bit sad about the sight a 70-year-old man singing the same sorts of songs to many of the same fans. The entertainer may well be content to waste away in the Margaritaville he created. After all, much of his most popular music is about escaping responsibility or relationships and living for solace in the moment. But it can’t really be like it was for him in the early days. The young man had it right when he observed that nothing remains the same. Everyone’s situations change, and attitudes do morph. Relationships wax and wane. As the years roll on, we pursue new interests and shed old pastimes. We acquire different stuff and, if we are wise, don’t let too much of it accumulate. Our bodies (and brains) also become more likely to let us down. If we are not adapting to and learning from these inevitable changes, we simply stagnate—which is just another way to lose touch with reality and watch our spirits wither. Something deep within us will always yearn for a more abundant life. Few things are sadder than to see aging men living in the past, as if the embellished accomplishments of years gone by are sufficient for the current day. Sad too to see men of
FEW THINGS ARE SADDER THAN TO SEE AGING MEN LIVING IN THE PAST, AS IF THE EMBELLISHED ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF YEARS GONE BY ARE SUFFICIENT FOR THE CURRENT DAY. means investing their “golden years” in five rounds of golf a week, as if advancing age entitles one to drift into selfishness. Isn’t life worth more than that?
FROM WORK TO WISDOM As we age, our needs change. When the allure of partying and ceaseless activity begins to fade, younger men are typically eager to develop their careers and establish families. This is their season to invest in real estate and primary relationships—a time of building social identity and revealing character; the phase to develop the face they’ll show to the world. As we approach “middle age” (which shows up at different ages for different men), something shifts inside, and the work that so occupied us in the previous decades becomes
less satisfying. Even if we have the identity we desire—the home of our dreams, a decent job, and a wonderful family—we may well wonder if this is all there is. Many men respond to this “crisis” in immature ways, seeking to recapture some of the vitality of fading youth and layering the exercise with the advantages of money and experience. Sports cars and flings are the stereotypical signs of the inner displacement men of a certain stage are apt to encounter. Learning to recognize these feelings before they emerge unhealthily is an important first step on the road to greater maturity. The antidote to this latent sense of lost youth is to pursue less, not more. New relationships and fancier cars will not solve the inner crisis. Doing more of the same (albeit in flashier style) is no cure. This is the stage of life where it is necessary to start dismantling many of the constructs we’ve developed so far. The fact is, our children no longer depend on us in the same way. Nor does our spouse. Nor, for that matter, does our workplace. Our first impulse is likely to refuse to go along with these unwelcome developments. If we persist in resisting, however, we condemn ourselves to living with increasing discomfort in our old skins. Lassitude will set in. None of this is new. The ancient psalmist sensibly captures a universal anxiety about human existence, observing how “the days of our life are seventy years, or perhaps eighty, if we are strong; even then their span is only toil and trouble; they are soon
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 17
gone, and we fly away” (Psalm 90:10). What’s the point of it all? It is, however, possible for us to float with the changing tide, to embrace the apparent reversals and flow into a next stage where we encounter new meaning and purpose for our lives. There is a great role in life for men who never stop learning, never stop growing, never stop letting go of the fleeting things of life in order to embrace matters more enduring.
HEART OF WISDOM “So teach us to count our days that we may gain a wise heart” (Psalm 90:12). How do we order our days to achieve this “heart of wisdom” in our advancing years? What does it take for men to finish well? What will attune us to our true purpose, align us with our best role, keep us appropriately active, and healthy in mind, body, and spirit? It begins with a willingness to be, or become, intensely self-aware. This is the opposite of egoistic selfabsorption. This is the self that is willing to peer hard at the core of identity and pare away anything unnecessary. This involves letting go of behaviours, ideas, stuff, ambitions, self-deceits—anything superfluous to the person we were created to be. It means we must be open to new possibilities, not trapped in old habits. It requires a generosity of spirit that many men find so difficult to allow. It means being willing to jettison our formulaic responses, and to open our hearts and minds to new ideas, ambitions and activities. This is what it takes to become more truly ourselves. Obviously this will look different for every individual. A man who was a stranger to the kitchen may learn the joys of cooking (and make others happy in the process). A semi-retired custodial worker may transfer his
18 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
IRONICALLY, BECOMING MORE FULLY YOUR TRUE SELF MEANS SETTING SELFINTEREST ASIDE IN SERVICE TO OTHERS. skill sets from the factory floor to a church building. A veterinarian might travel to Africa and care for cows in some remote village. Board work for charities is a place where the wisdom of years can be a valuable contribution. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren are reservoirs of joyful opportunity. As age advances, activity levels will necessarily ebb. Our bodies do wear out. Yet the possibilities for enriching service in declining years are manifold. All it takes is a concerted effort to desire to allow oneself to recede, and to seek to elevate those around you.
HUMBLE SERVICE Ironically, becoming more fully your true self means setting self-interest aside in service to others. This requires humility, which has been aptly described as “the noble choice to forego your status, deploy your resources or use your influence for the good of others before yourself.”
Humility is wonderful virtue for aging men to model. It is not selfdiminishing. As business writer Ken Blanchard observes, “People with humility don’t think less of themselves; they just think of themselves less.” This is wise. True humility has a way of attending to matters more important than our own ego-driven sense of well-being. None of this comes easy, of course. Yet letting go of a false sense of self and laying hold of what is ultimately true is the work for men in the second half of life. It’s a holy calling, one made much easier when not only do we cultivate self-awareness and attend to the needs of others, but when we reach deep in our hearts to connect with the transcendent—to cultivate a relationship with the God who brought us into being. It’s profoundly encouraging when men can fully embrace the fundamental truth that we were created in God’s image. This enables us to look beyond the mundane activity of our lives, and the frightful fact of so much that’s gone wrong, and to see these realities as distortions of the image of the holy that is implanted in every person in God’s world. Men who finish well are those who trust God enough to let loose of their egos and cling to their faith that God is good and God is love. Such men will discover healthy opportunities for service, and will not waste the time God gives them. Older men are called to imbue this world with the wisdom we all so sorely need. May their tribe increase.
/ DOUG KOOP was the founding editor of SEVEN magazine, and longtime editor of ChristianWeek newspaper. He currently serves as a Spiritual Health Practitioner (chaplain) in a major downtown hospital, and continues to write on a freelance basis.
BACK TO THE BIBLE CANADA is a Bible teaching and engagement ministry dedicated to connecting people to God through the power of His Word right across the nation! Using a multimedia approach to ministry, we are absolutely committed to faithfully and creatively teaching the truth of God’s Word in such a way that engages those searching for God, while also empowering the spiritual growth and maturity of believers.
FIND OUT
MORE VISIT BACKTOTHEBIBLE.CA OR CALL US AT 1.800.663.2425
DR. JOHN NEUFELD
Bible Teacher | Back To The Bible Canada JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 19
GENERATION TO GENERATION FINDING FAMILY IN CHANGING CHURCH CULTURES / BY CHUCK STECKER /
FEATURE
F
amilies are not struggling because there are weak churches. Churches are in a great battle for the lives of all generations because the family structure has become weak and disconnected. The church is reflection of the families within the church. Sadly, we frequently use the term “family” for our church but in many cases our churches do not represent and model the family, as God intended for us.
GOD STATES WE ARE HIS FAMILY. IN EPHESIANS 3:14-21, IT IS WRITTEN: For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 21
“
There is a huge difference between vibrant family life and an extended family getting together for a reunion. When family comes together for a reunion, they present their best side to the larger family… Real family knows the struggles because they are there day after day…Real family knows each other inside out. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they still love each other and work as a unit to encourage each member. We can be ourselves in a family. There is no test to pass; we are included simply because we are family.
”
22 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
In addition to family, another recurring theme in the Bible is the command from God that His word and heart should be passed from one generation to the next. In Psalms 78:6-7, God tells His family “The children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children.” As difficult as it may be to imagine, we are accountable for even generations yet to be born. Now, more than ever in recent history, churches seem to be separated by age, gender and special needs. As a church grows, it has the tendency to become more divided into separate groups or ministries for every age, gender or affinity group. I am not suggesting that we should cancel of all specific ministries of the church, such as youth, seniors groups, or men and women’s fellowships. There are clearly needs and justification for multiple ministries in the church. But in many cases the ministries become a church within the church. While we call the church a family, in reality our ministries are stratified by age groups or special needs. And the special needs often relate to a portion of an age group— for example, special needs within the sector of the seniors, Baby Boomers, or Gen-Xers. Typically, all the generations of the church are brought together for one worship service throughout the week, and even on that occasion, in many churches the children and teens are removed for a separate worship service away from their parents. Mark DeVries, Associate Pastor for Youth and Families at First Presbyterian Church in Nashville, Tennessee, identifies the problem well. Several years ago I had the opportunity to visit with Mark, and he gave me a copy of a book he wrote in 1994 entitled Family Based Youth Ministries. It has since been revised and is well worth the time to read.
IN THE FIRST CHAPTER HE STATES: “What I am calling ‘traditional youth ministry’ has little to do with style or programming or personality. It has to do with the place of teenagers in the community of faith. Over the last century, churches and parachurch youth ministries alike have increasingly (and often unwittingly) held to a single strategy that has become the most common characteristic of this model: the isolation of teenagers from the adult world and particularly from their own parents.”
The idea of true family can often mean those identified as adults are engaged in an activity in the sanctuary or fellowship room; the youth are in a different room or facility, and the children are in their part of the building. Often we think that because we’re heading to the same place together, we’re really involved in each other’s lives. Most church functions would resemble a reunion rather than a true family gathering. Larry Kreider, founder of Dove Christian Fellowship International, puts it this way: “There is a huge difference between vibrant family life and an extended family getting together for a reunion. When family comes together for a reunion, they present their best side to the larger family…Real family
knows the struggles because they are there day after day…Real family knows each other inside out. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they still love each other and work as a unit to encourage each member. We can be ourselves in a family. There is no test to pass; we are included simply because we are family.” We must look at our churches and ask a simple question: are we doing more to separate our children and teens from their parents and grandparents than we are doing to help them grow stronger together? In the church, as in life, we need each other. All generations are important elements of the church family. Churches, which are now comprised of primarily older Christians, are dying. Churches that focus on attracting only younger men and women will need to adapt as their congregation grows older otherwise the church will see many depart when their lives and family structure changes. There are several conclusions I have reached in more than two decades of reading and studying the value of intergenerational cultures and organizations: • Young children are drawn to older men and women in their presence. • Young men and women hunger for older men and women who will invest in them as a person. • There is a significant shortage of mentors and coaches for men and women. • The impact of older men and women in the life of a young person often has a lifetime impact. • Older adults live longer and healthier lives when they have significant relationships with children, teens and young men and women. • Rarely do I find churches that have too many volunteers.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 23
A true “intergenerational” environment does not mean all generations are simply in the same building at the same time. It means that we are intentionally bringing people together for the purpose of developing intergenerational relationships. Often the question is, “Can anyone tell us what are the characteristics of a truly intergenerational church?” Consider three characteristics: • Every generation has a “seat at the table.” • Every generation has the opportunity to serve and is served. • Every generation has value. Having a seat at the table simply means we are all doing life together. In our family we have never had an adult table for meals and a separate children’s table. I have often told parents, if you seat your children at a separate table when they are young, they will put you at a separate table when you are old. Every generation has value. Many churches are failing to connect with incredible young men and women, as well as phenomenal older men and women who have so much to offer “the Body.” This is often because we feel someone must look and think like us for them to be a contributor. The “talent drain” in most churches is one of the most destructive inhibitors to growth. The real question is; “How do we create an intergenerational church?” Here are a few tips:
FIRST We must understand that being intergenerational is not a program or system. It is a core value that is reflected in the culture of the Church. A core value of any organization should be a critical element of all programs and is woven into the fibre and fabric every system.
The environment of the church will intentionally create opportunities for intergenerational relationships to be formed through activities and service to others.
THIRD An intergenerational culture is easily identified by a leadership development process that includes men and women of all generations. Young men and women are looking for opportunities to lead in circumstances beyond their own age group. They are looking for places where they can be developed as leaders and also trusted to lead. There are many who might be wondering what they have to offer to the younger generations. The answer is simple—they can offer themselves. Young men and women have questions and they are looking for safe places to ask their tough life questions. They are looking for safe people who will allow them to ask their tough “God” questions. In conclusion, revealing studies in church growth and decline indicate two clear trends: There is a clearly a significant loss of young men and women from the church when they leave their parent’s home. Similarly, the number of seniors in many churches is also in decline, possibly because they are feeling disenfranchised and no longer valued in many cases. Simultaneously, while some churches continue to face losses in congregants, other churches are experiencing significant growth, in both the younger and older generations. These churches have at least one common factor—intentionality towards being truly intergenerational. In churches such as these everyone gets to serve. Everyone gets to be served. We all bring something to the table. We all offer something that is valuable. And we all carry a spirit of being needed.
SECOND An intergenerational church will be marked by the life relationships across generational lines.
24 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
/ CHUCK STECKER is the President and Founder of A Chosen Generation.
More info:
promisekeepers.ca JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 25
FEATURE
K C U T S
E L D D MI M
OF T E S N E S G A K IN
H
S R A E Y H C I E ‘S A ND W
’
BY BILL FARREL
W
ith bleary eyes I saw my dad’s phone number on the screen of my phone as it rang early in the morning. “Hello, Dad. How are things?” “Well, I’m not sure.” This is how he now begins conversations when he needs help figuring something out. “Are we still on for the conference call?” “What conference call, Dad?” “The conference call with the suppliers. Jim, you and me are supposed to talk with the supplier.” “Dad, there is no conference call and no supplier. It must have been a dream.” My aging father is one of the smartest, sharpest men I have ever known. His engineering mind helped put men
26 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
on the moon and his memory holds 13 generations of our family, including dates, places of residence, careers and accomplishments. His retirement and mobility issues, however, provide too much time for that active mind to sit around and think. As a result, he periodically needs to talk things out to regain perspective. Later that same day, my schedule was interrupted by a call from one of my sons. He is grown now with a family of his own. I was excited to see his name on the screen. Since we are both busy, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. “Dad, do you have a few minutes? I need some advice.” For the next hour we talked about family life and home buying. He was considering a career move and a home purchase and needed someone to help him evaluate his
choices. He was old enough to have moved past the “I don’t need my parents” phase so I was becoming a trusted resource once again. I was honoured he asked and enjoyed the conversation—even even if it meant losing another hour of productivity for the sake of dispensing advice. Still that same day, I realized I needed to make a change in how I was doing things physically as my regular exercise routine was being interrupted by shoulder pain. I needed to decide if this was just a minor irritation, or something serious—and worthy of a doctor visit. I thought to myself, Who could help me diagnose how critical this is? The obvious choice was one of my sons, who just-so-happens to work in the strength and conditioning field. A thirty-minute conversation with him resulted in some new exercises that
proved the pain was a preemptive message from my body to avoid injury. I find myself in a phase of life I never thought to prepare for. I thought once my kids were grown, that’d be it—I’d be free! I assumed my parents would be healthy enough to be independent. I assumed my kids would be busy with their lives and determined to rely on their own wisdom. With few interruptions and lower expectations, Pam and I would be free for a while to just be “us” again. Instead, I find I have just as much responsibility—but the priorities are shifting. My dad never talked about this season of life because his dad passed away when he was 17 and he stopped seeing his mom when he was in his thirties. He never took care of care of an aging parent, and as such, he had no training to
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 27
give. He didn’t know what to expect and he didn’t know what to tell me about the kind of relationship we would have during his latter days. A few verses have gained new focus for me as these important relationships are changing.
PROVERBS 17:6 “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” MATTHEW 23:11 “The greatest among you will be your servant.” DEUTERONOMY 5:16 “Honour your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” 1 TIMOTHY 5:8 “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” In a Jesus-pleasing lifestyle, servanthood is the path to greatness. My natural inclination is to conclude I need to work hard for the benefit of others. While being a servant often involves that kind of sacrifice, the essence of serving is to do the bidding of the Master, no matter what He requests. In this season of life, the main theme appears to be “honour your father and mother.” This means, “providing for them,” which in my case means helping them think through decisions and assisting them in establishing new routines to deal with the aging process. It also means being proud of my dad as he adjusts to having an active mind that attempts to direct an uncooperative body, which creates embarrassing moments and awkward situations. Serving in the season also means setting an example for my kids so they are better prepared for this transition in their life— when it’s my turn to be the aging parent. I find myself asking, “What do I wish my dad (or someone else) had told me about preparing for this season of life?” I like the fact that I have a relationship with my parents and with my kids but my expectations of this time of my life are playing catch-up with my reality. Some of the advices I wish I had been given include: • Focus on your legacy rather than the hassle. Aging parents are time-consuming. Unexpected calls from your kids are time-consuming. Living as an example to both generations can be
28 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
inconvenient and intimidating. However, in the midst of all of it God is building a legacy with an eternal reward. • Prepare for your parents’ decline. When you talk with dad or mom: ° Discuss first. Sometimes all they need is a sounding board. They talk with you because they trust you but they don’t really need advice. They just need to think out loud. ° Remind second. Age is often accompanied by loss of memory or simply over-thinking. Your parents will increasingly need to be reminded of what they already know. ° Decide third. It is quite possible that as your parents age, some decisions will need to be made for them. Practice now having the compassion to grant them every freedom they can manage and the courage to make choices for them when it is necessary. • Start the discussion early. It never occurred to me, or my dad, to talk about the kind of relationship we would have as he aged. It’s easier to have this conversation when your parents are healthy and lucid. • Encourage your parents to tell the family story. Their words are indelible in their 70s and beyond. If they are willing to reveal how God has been at work throughout the generations and discuss the trends (both positive and negative) that impact your family, their later years may be their greatest time of influence. Their insight provides wisdom for every member of the family and adds dignity to their lives as they watch their bodies decline. • Embrace humility. Serving is, by nature, a selfless act. Unexpected calls are inconvenient. Dispensing advice is a compliment at first but can become a burden. Parenting your parents (if they live long enough) is frustrating for everyone involved. It will be worth all the effort when you hear your Heavenly Father say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things…” (Matthew 25:23).
/ BILL FARREL, along with his wife Pam, has been speaking on topics such as faith, family, and marriage for more than 25 years. He is the co-author of several popular books, including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, Red-Hot Monogamy, and The Marriage Code. He has three children and live in La Mesa, California. Visit love-wise.com to learn more about Bill and Pam’s ministry.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 29
SPORTS SCENE
STRONG AND COURAGEOUS
JOURNEYMAN NETMINDER BUDAJ CONTINUES TO FIND THE RIGHT TRACK BY CARTER BROOKS
L
ife as a goaltender may not seem like much fun. No matter the sport, the netminder’s job is to put himself in front of flying objects, and prepare to stop them with whatever means necessary. In hockey, a one-inch by threeinch, black rubber disc that travels upwards of 100 miles per hour is the object of focus for goaltenders across the National Hockey League. For Los Angeles Kings’ goalie, Peter Budaj, his job consists of far more than shielding the 24 square foot net on his end of the ice surface. Although stopping rubber is how he earns his paycheques, for Budaj—a devout Christian—goaltending is just a minor part of his life. “When I was 16, I came to Canada from Slovakia to play junior hockey in the OHL [Ontario Hockey League] in Toronto, and I was on
Photos courtesy of Will Borys
30 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
my own,” Budaj says. “But because of my upbringing I continued to read my Bible, and stayed involved at my private Catholic school. Being raised as a Christian, my parents made sure to lead me in the direction of Jesus, but parents can only show you so much. Once you become a young adult, it becomes your choice. But I am so glad I have a personal relationship with Jesus.” By no means was Budaj’s journey to the NHL an easy undertaking— physically, emotionally or geographically. According to Budaj, once all travel, layovers and airport tasks are complete, his hometown, Banska Bystrica, of the former Czechoslovakia, is approximately 24 hours away from his North American home. It is fair to say that he doesn’t get home too often. “Before I met my wife I used to go back home in the off-season for the summer every year,” he says. “But right now I have a family—two healthy boys—and have a nice place here in the States. I try to bring my parents every year at least for a month or so. We went as a family to Slovakia once, and are hoping to go again soon. Obviously I would like my parents to see the kids more, but they are getting up there in age too, so the travel is not as easy for them.” As a 34-year-old professional hockey player, Budaj has a wealth
of experience behind him, but as he says it is not all fun and games as a professional athlete. “A year and a half ago I didn’t have a contract,” Budaj says. “I was on a professional tryout, and I was coming off of my worst season ever. I had zero wins in St. John’s, and I just couldn’t play. I mean I was playing okay, but I couldn’t get a win; I couldn’t catch a break. Nobody wanted me at all.” But, as a the story goes, the Los Angeles Kings hockey program and affiliate teams had multiple goaltenders battling health and legal issues, and sure enough Budaj was offered a PTO with the Kings’ farm club in Ontario. Saying that he ran away with the starting job would be an understatement. Budaj then ultimately earned a call up to the big leagues when star netminder, Jonathan Quick, went down with an injury early into the 2016-17 season. “God led me to get that PTO in LA, and somehow everything worked out,” Budaj says. “I ended up playing 62 out of 68 games and I had the best statistical season of my career last year. Obviously you never want to go in the net when somebody gets hurt, but it was just exactly what I needed. Sometimes when you’re down you think that nothing is going your way, but it is at those hard times when you just need to stay faithful. We don’t always see the final picture; we just see the work that is usually not making any results, and we don’t know what is going on. We are very shortsighted as a people. Many times I ask God, “What is going on, where are you leading me?” and he slowly shows me the way he wants me to go. It is always very humbling, and I am very thankful that he is always with me.” In hockey—or any professional sport for that matter—there tends to be a lot of temptation for the participating athletes. But as a Christian, Peter Budaj has found a
way to keep his eyes on the right track—on and off the ice. “When you are playing at the top level, there are a lot of doors open for you,” he says. “But usually, they are not the right doors, and it is up to you to take them or not. That is why I think it is very important to have a guide. Sometimes you go through a dark tunnel and you don’t know where you are going. But if you don’t have a guide you are going to trip and
AS A 34-YEAR-OLD PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER, BUDAJ HAS A WEALTH OF EXPERIENCE BEHIND HIM, BUT AS HE SAYS IT IS NOT ALL FUN AND GAMES AS A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. fall, so you have to keep the right perspectives.” So what is Peter Budaj’s guide? With team chapels, help from Hockey Ministries International, a solid upbringing and encouragement from friends and family, many areas stand out for the veteran goalkeeper, but right now it is a Bible verse on his goalie mask that keeps him going in the darkest of times. “Back in my country, we have a tradition that at the start of a new year we each pick a verse out of a big box at the church,” Budaj says. “It just so happened that this verse was very relatable to me. It was at the time where Moses died and the leadership was being passed over to Joshua. He
was afraid and he was worried, but as written in Joshua 1:9, God says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I strongly relate to that as there are so many times that I am scared and afraid, but I know that my Lord is with me.” After already having played more than 300 NHL games in his career, Budaj has been able to go from being a young rookie in a learning phase, to a veteran leader both on the ice and in the dressing room. “I once had a very good conversation with a teammate of mine,” Budaj says. “He said to me, “You always go to chapel like you’re without sin,” but I said “No, no, I go to chapel because I need saving. I don’t go to the chapel because I think I am without fault, and everybody else is under me. I go there because I am a sinner and I want to take my sins to Jesus Christ. That is why I go there and that is why I follow that life.” It’s not easy sometimes, but guys know… teams know—and you just have to reflect Jesus’ light through you.” After already making stops in Colorado, Montreal, Winnipeg and Los Angeles in his 12-year professional career, Peter Budaj has currently found a home with the Kings. But as the hockey business works, trades, injuries and signings happen, creating many open doors. But by grasping tightly to his guide, it won’t be hard for Budaj to choose the right door going forward.
/ CARTER BROOKS is a news writer and sports columnist situated in Winnipeg, Manitoba. On top of reading and writing, coaching hockey is his favourite pastime. Carter can be reached at carterbrooks1994@gmail.com.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 31
THE SINGLE LIFE
SINGLE IN TIME
TRUTH CAN COME FROM ANY VESSEL BY PAUL BOGE
A
ge knows no boundaries when it comes to giving and receiving wisdom and encouragement. But are we willing to hear and give godly advice when it involves people in a different age group? In the book of Exodus, Moses’ father-in-law Jethro comes to visit him. Jethro observed how Moses spent the entire day listening to the people of Israel.
“What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you!” // Exodus 18:17b – 19a Jethro instructs Moses on how to organize his time and his efforts to serve God and the people of Israel
32 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
better. And how does Moses respond? Verse 24 says: “So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he said.” Moses humbly accepted the advice. An older person took the courage to point out in a loving way a mistake in a younger person’s life. And the younger person accepted the criticism and in a humble spirit made the corrective change. Even a great leader like Moses
could not recognize a problem in his own life. The older advising the younger is reversed when David, a young shepherd, says to Saul concerning Goliath: “Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.” It seems hopeless. A shepherd boy against a giant. But the older Saul later replies to David: “Go, and the LORD be with you.”
When God puts something on a young man’s heart, he should be encouraged to go forward in humility and strength. “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” // 1 Timothy 4:12 As a man who was single, Paul provided God’s wisdom to older people, younger people and even married people. His being single did not exclude him from speaking into people’s lives whose marital situations and age were different than his own. It should serve as a reminder to us that God speaks truth through the vessel He chooses. In His providence and wisdom God uses us to speak into people’s lives, and He also uses others to speak into our lives. Are we humble enough to listen, and are we bold enough to speak, even when it is between different age groups? One of the dangers of individualism is that we can contain our lives and even church life within our own age groups. The generational togetherness can get broken down—to everyone’s detriment. But different age groups can be a blessing through the different perspectives God gives. Younger people like David can be used by God to break through with a new perspective. Older people like Jethro can be used by God to see danger and point the way through. And we can grow together as we see the blessings God provides through us throughout our years.
/ PAUL BOGE is the author of Father to the Fatherless: The Charles Mulli Story and five other books. He is single and works as an engineer in Winnipeg.
OUT OF MY DEPTH
ARGUMENTS THAT KILL YOUR MARRIAGE
TIPS FOR FINDING BETTER THINGS TO FIGHT ABOUT BY PAUL CARTER
I
n a marriage there are good arguments and bad arguments. Some arguments are necessary. An argument that settles an ongoing issue can be helpful. But not all arguments are created equal. Some are unhelpful and some are downright deadly. From my experience, here are four to avoid:
1. ARGUMENTS ABOUT ARGUMENTS Generally speaking, when you find yourself arguing about how you argue its time to seek pastoral or professional counsel. This is a bad road to go down. If these arguments aren’t shut down they will destroy the dialogue within your marriage. Try working out the rules for marital dialogue when you’re not already fighting. When you are both in a good state of mind agree on some basic ground rules. It might even be a good idea to write your rules down. This can save you a great deal of emotional energy.
2. ARGUMENTS ABOUT FEELINGS, REACTIONS AND RESPONSES All people are entitled to instinctive and natural feelings and responses. If you startle them they may jump; you can’t hold people accountable for instinctive responses. This comes up more often then you might imagine in marriage. A wife might accuse her husband of being attracted to the waitress; the husband might accuse the wife of being disappointed that he didn’t get the promotion. These arguments can be devastating because they feel
unjust to the person being questioned. Martin Luther said something helpful about the difference between reactions and settled thoughts. He said that you can’t keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair. Therefore, for the health of your marriage ignore the birds and only argue over nests.
3. ARGUMENTS ABOUT IDENTITY Good arguments focus on actions and words. Bad arguments target identity and essence. In a good argument a wife might say to her husband: “When you didn’t stand up for me yesterday when your mother criticized my parenting style I was really upset. Why didn’t you step up and protect me?” In a bad argument the wife says: “Why are you so passive? Why can’t you act like a man? Why are you so scared of your mother?” Do you see the difference? Arguments about identity are devastating because they communicate an essential dissatisfaction with the other person. It sounds like you are saying “I wish I wasn’t married to you. I don’t respect you. I want out.” That’s a marriage killer. People view their own actions and words from a bit of a distance. Most of us are aware that we frequently do and say dumb things and therefore it is far less stressful to speak about the things we’ve said or done than it is to speak about who we are.
4. ARGUMENTS THAT NEVER END There are two common varieties
of the never-ending argument. The first variety is the “merry-go-round” argument. In this argument the stimulus is ongoing but there is no chance for resolution because of underlying disagreement. (Example: child discipline.) This cannot continue. The second type of never ending argument is the “infinite sidetrack” argument. In this argument any time one individual feels threatened he or she introduces a sidetrack or a red herring. There are so many twists and turns in this argument that both parties decide it isn’t worth the bother. This can quickly leads to a sense of defeatism. There is no point in talking about anything because the arguments never go anywhere. Sidetracking is generally a defense mechanism used by a person who feels rushed, overwhelmed and accused. Such a person usually does better with advance notice and a clearly defined agenda. All four of these arguments can do serious harm to an otherwise healthy relationship. The good news is that a marriage is a living thing. And like all living things if we stop doing what is harmful we should see healing, life and growth once again. Marriage is a gift. Guard it. Feed it. Grow it. Weed it.
/ PAUL CARTER is a husband, father, and the lead pastor at First Baptist Church in Orillia, Ontario. For more from Paul Carter, visit www.adfontes.ca/blogs/rmm or check out www.blueletterbible.org.
JANUARY / FEBRAURY 2017 SEVEN 33
POWER PLAY
TOYS / TOOLS / TECHNOLOGY BIG BUCKS AND BIG SCREENS BY SANDY MCMURRAY
MODEL S FOR KIDS
// canada.radioflyer.com
The latest little red wagon from Radio Flyer is a miniature electric car. The Tesla Model S for Kids is a battery powered ride-on that comes with high-end features similar to its adult-sized counterpart. It has working headlights and horn, push button controls to go forward or backward, and a charger for the battery. Recommended for kids ages 3-8, this sells for about $500.
34 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
CARDIO AND MUSIC
// tomtom.com
TomTom Spark 3 is a fitness tracker and music player you wear like a watch. It’s designed to measure and monitor your daily physical activity, especially running, cycling and swimming. Spark 3 is equipped with a built-in heart rate monitor and onboard music player, so you can see your progress and enjoy music while you exercise. Spark 3 adds a new compass sensor to TomTom’s GPS and mapping technology, so you don’t need to worry about getting lost. You can go off the beaten path or immerse yourself in the music and still find your way home later. Rival products including Apple Watch have more features, but they also cost more and require you to carry a connected phone for mapping and music. Spark 3 lets you leave your phone behind while you exercise. TomTom Spark 3 comes in two sizes to ensure a good fit for most wrists. It sells for about $300.
LOOP CONNECTED PHOTO DISPLAY
// joinloop.com
Loop is a simple appliance for sharing photos and video. You send your stuff from any smart phone and it shows up instantly on the high definition screen. The control dials on the side make it easy to scroll through the content on the device and select what you want to see. Loop also supports video chats between Loop devices or between one Loop and one smart phone. It’s a digital picture frame and a digital communicator in one. Loop sells for about $200, with discounts if you buy two or more Loops at the same time.
SURFACE STUDIO
// microsoft.ca/surface
Surface Studio is a new computer from Microsoft designed for creative professionals. The all-in-one design looks like Apple’s iMac when it’s standing up, but you can also fold it down into a shape like a drafting table. The big touch screen gives you a huge canvas for all kinds of creative work. Surface Dial is an accessory that lets you interact with Surface Studio in a whole new way. When you press it against the screen, you get contextual menus and tools that work with the dial controller. The Surface Studio is a premium computer. Prices start at $3,000.
BUCK BUCK MOOSE
// amazon.ca
Buck, Buck, Moose is not a game. Deer no. It’s a recipe book for people who ‘eat’ game. Author Hank Shaw is an expert on cooking deer, elk, moose, antelope, and other antlered things, and he wants to share his knowledge with you. If you’re interested in wild food, whether it’s venison, wild mushrooms, freshwater or saltwater fish, upland game birds, waterfowl, wild edible plants, or small game, Hank is your man. Previous books include Hunt, Gather, Cook and Duck, Duck, Goose. Game on. Speaking of game...
BIG SCREEN TV
// epson.ca Every year around this time some men get a strange urge to buy a new TV. This seems to be related to a popular football game that’s broadcast in early February. For big screen on a budget, it’s hard to beat a video projector. You can start out at 50 inches and go as big as 300 inches. To make the screen bigger you just move the projector farther away from the wall. Home theatres used to be confined to dark basements but new models like the Epson Home Cinema 1440 are bright enough to use in any room. With 4,400 lumens of brightness, this big screen provides a bright, crisp picture even when all the lights are on and sunshine is beaming through the windows. The Home Cinema 1440 is available for about $2,200 from Epson.ca and Best Buy.
KRAZY KARPET
// canadiantire.ca Ah, the Krazy Karpet. So many memories. So many scars. For just a few bucks you got a sheet of plastic with holes for handles. It was smaller and lighter than a wooden toboggan. Sure, the plastic would tear around the handles, but duct tape fixed that. Any school with a good snowy hill had rows of Krazy Karpets lined up in the hallway, waiting for recess. One gust of wind could send it flying, rolling across the ice and snow or whacking you in the face without warning. That didn’t stop most of us from spending hours on the hills. The original K-Tel Krazy Karpet is long gone, but you can still buy a ClassicTurbo Carpet from Canadian Tire or a Pelican Snow Flite from Sportchek.
36 SEVEN JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2017
WHIRLEY-POP POPCORN MAKER
// leevalley.com The hand-cranked popcorn maker from Whirley-Pop is one of my favourite things. It makes perfect popcorn every time—much better than microwaved or air-popped. You just pour in fresh popping corn and some oil, then close the lid and turn the handle slowly and steadily. As the kernels heat and explode, vents in the top allow steam to escape. When the popping action stops, remove from the heat immediately and pour into a bowl. The latest version of the Whirley-Pop is the Sweet and Easy Snack Machine. This heavy duty model is designed for making sticky treats like caramel corn. It has a stronger hand-cranked stirring paddle to coat the popcorn evenly. It can also be used to roast and coat nuts. The stainless steel pan withstands high heat and allows every kernel to pop up to 42 times its original size. Sweet or salty, this is the best way to make popcorn at home.
TESLA SOLAR ROOF
// tesla.com/solar Would you like a roof that looks better than a normal roof, lasts twice as long, costs less and—by the way—generates electricity? This is the latest dream from Elon Musk, maker of the Tesla electric car: tiny solar panels designed to take the place of traditional shingles. From most viewing angles, they look just like ordinary shingles, but they allow light to pass through from above onto a flat solar cell. The captured energy can be used immediately or stored in a big battery (the Tesla Power Wall). The roof is designed to take a lot of abuse from the elements. “It’s never going to wear out,” says Musk. “It’s made of quartz. It has a quasiinfinite lifetime.” It can also be fitted with heating elements to melt snow in colder climates. Price-wise, the new shingles will be a premium product, similar to slate and terracotta roofing, not the cheap asphalt shingles that cover most of our homes. As hydro prices continue to increase, this type of power innovation is looking better and better.
/ SANDY MCMURRAY writes about games, toys, and gadgets at funspot.ca.
NEXT ISSUE
Eyes on the World Our planet is crying out. Its people are hurting, and we, as followers of Christ, are obliged to step up and lend a hand. Knowing where to start can be difficult. After all, you’re just one man. Understanding the issues takes time, an open ear, and a willing set of hands and feet to get to work. Next issue, we take a look at people who are already making a difference, as well as offer some starting points for those looking to take the plunge.
Impact lives with the gospel Join the movement!
gideons.ca/join
WE promise To give you great service and competitive insurance pricing
special INSURANCE rates for members of an evangelical church Please give us a call and see if you qualify for special rates on your AUTO-HOME-CONDO or TENANT insurance through the Evangelical Group Insurance Plan.
1-800-240-5283 www.deeksinsurance.ca Available in Ontario/Alberta/New Brunswick D.L. Deeks Insurance is a proud supporter of Promise Keepers
THE EVANGELICAL GROUP INSURANCE PLAN
