OUR EXPERT ADVISORS
Matthew Barnes-Smith. Coach and Mentor for Young People. www.lifecoachdirectory.org.uk/lifecoaches/ matthew-barnes-smith
Marie O’Sullivan Teacher, Counsellor and I.T. Trainer https://anokhalearnin g.com/register-yourinterest/
Izabella Natrins Nutrition and Lifestyle Health Coach www.izabellanatrins. com
Cath Lloyd Life Change Therapist and Stress Relief Consultant www.cathlloyd.co.uk
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WELCOME Hello Welcome to Issue 6 of Positive Kids Magazine. We’ve lots to celebrate as this edition means Positive Kids has been going for over a year. As always the magazine contains great ideas and advice for you as well as inspiring personal stories and two chances to win. With the festive season upon us, there’s also a fabulous gift guide with wonderful products to help you and the children in your lives check out pages 16 - 19. Don’t forget you could also buy a magazine subscription as a present for yourself or someone you know via www.positive-kids.co.uk Positive Wishes
Susan Brookes-Morris (Editor) susan@positive-kids.co.uk www.positive-kids.co.uk Facebook: www.facebook.com/PositiveKidsMagazineandEvents Twitter: @PositiveKidsUk
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MUM’S INSPIRING IDEA Children tend to bounce back quite quickly from the cocktail of germs they inherit at school, nursery or from general interaction with other children but for us, the adults with the added stress of being a grown up sometimes our own immunity can take a bigger hit. These suggestions are great for the whole family to enjoy to give you all a much needed additional dose of vitamins and minerals! In my book ‘How Food Shapes Your Child’ I use my helpful team of characters (my 4 year old son assisted the design of these!) to encourage knowledge of food and involve children. By Louise Mercieca
Here’s some tips from Dr Bertha Carrot to eat for immunity for the whole family: -
It can be difficult to avoid coughs and snivels as the seasons change and children seem remarkably good at picking up germs then sharing them with us! How can we make sure we boost their immunity through the colder months? Well for me it starts with the foods we eat. I think of food as nourishment and fuel, i.e. what can it do for us? When we consider eating for immunity that link is no different, how can food make us stronger and indeed, make us feel better (or worse). Often though as seasons change, people begin to want more comfort foods, whilst they don’t need to be, comfort foods can often be unhealthy. So, do we just need to eat an extra orange a day for vitamin C or as the old saying goes “An apple a day keeps the Doctor away”. Well, there’s a bit more to it than that but the basic theory is , support your immune function to perform at its’ best and it will do its’ best to protect you from illness.
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Hide vegetables! We have generic guidelines about how many portions of fruit and veg we need each day, basically take that and double it and then add some more for winter! Children may eat some vegetables willingly (some may not) but not many will eat enough. Hiding them, is a great way of you knowing they are there. I have included a recipe for hidden veg pasta sauce. Soups and stews with pulses and veg are also a great, economical and easy way to eat lots of veg and protein. Boost nutrients at breakfast time – I talk a lot about how a good breakfast can aid concentration, mood and learning throughout the morning but it can also be a great way to add in nutrients via jazzing up your breakfast! Try chocolate banana porridge, its actually raw cacao (1 tsp), 1 banana, almond milk and oats yet this is full of antioxidants and slow release energy. Drinks – in older children the majority of added sugars comes from the drinks they
TOP TIPS FOR EATING FOR IMMUNITY consume, in winter this can mean hot chocolates full of cream and marshmallows but it doesn’t need to be that way! Drinks are great for hiding nutrients for adults and kids alike. Try berry, banana milkshake – simply use frozen berries, 1 banana and a cup of nut milk, blend and enjoy. If it’s really cold why not try a hazelnut chocolate drink – simply heat up some hazelnut milk, add a teaspoon of raw cacao and whisk, adding a tiny drizzle of pure maple syrup before serving! Exercise - no, not food related but spending some time outside even in winter can help with vitamin D and the mood enhancing properties of activity. Children love stomping in leaves or jumping in puddles, getting a bit cold and mucky can be a good boost to the immune system rather than spending all day in central heated buildings. Here’s a recipe to help you and your kids eat for immunity. You can use this sauce to make a number of pasta dishes. It’s much healthier than the ready made jars you can buy at the supermarket. Hidden vegetable pasta sauce 1 butternut squash 1 aubergine 1 red pepper 1 red onion 2 courgettes approx 8 mushrooms 1 bag spinach fresh or frozen 2 carrots 3 tins tomatoes Bunch basil Black pepper 1 tablespoon Olive oil/rapeseed oil 2 garlic cloves
● Chop all vegetables into chunks ● Put in a roasting tin with the oil (except the spinach, basil and tomatoes) ● Grate the garlic (or press) and rub over the vegetables ● Roast on a low temperature (150C/130C fan/300F/gas 2 for about an hour ● Remove roasted vegetables from oven and transfer to the blender ● Add the tomatoes, basil, spinach and pepper to the blender ● Blend as much or as little as you need (if very fussy blend everything to a smooth consistency, otherwise leave a few lumps) ● Transfer to freezer containers, or if using straight away, just warm up gently Louise Mercieca is an award winning author on Children's nutrition and an advocate of preventative nutrition. She shares her knowledge via her book 'How Food Shapes Your Child' and her on line modular based courses. To get 10 per cent off Louise’s book quote PosKids at the checkout. www.louisemercieca.co.uk
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EDUCATION
By Sam Ashraf – Deputy Head of Sixth Form and Curriculum Leader of Psychology at The Westgate School in Slough With the added pressure of the new specification GCSE's and A levels I set out to try and give the students some strategies to support them.
"The mind is a flexible mirror; adjust it, to see a better world."- Amit Ray Blood coursing through your veins, dry mouth, and heart pounding, sweaty palms, light headed...sound familiar?
After taking part in a MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) course, I realised that this is just what some of our sixth form and Year 11 students needed. I put together a series of 6x one hour sessions based on the MBSR to deliver to very small and carefully chosen groups.
We have all experienced this physiological arousal at some point in our life otherwise known as the fight or flight response. What was once a necessary response to aid our survival in our ancestral past has not disappeared even though humans no longer face the same survival challenges.
All students who participated, volunteered to take part. They did online stress questionnaire to assess their current stress scores. (www.bemindfulonline.com/test-y... this uses the Perceived Stress Scale - PSS) Each session involved meditations, e.g. guided body scans, eating meditations and some clear strategies to combat acute stress, such as the starfish hand meditation and other breathing techniques, e.g. seven - eleven
The difference now is that we no longer face wild animals but rather we are faced with modern day stressors like exams, relationship difficulties or financial hardship. Unfortunately, our students will often respond to exams in this way and some may even become completely overwhelmed.
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MINDFULNESS technique.
students feel empowered to manage their own stress and that they know there is help at school if they find it too overwhelming.
Students explored a range of issues 1. Doing versus being. 2. The fight or flight response. 3. Knowing your stress triggers and its associated physiological responses. 4. The pressure performance curve and how it can affect your performance (understanding that some stress is a necessity for optimal performance). 5. The inner judge and understanding our critical voice and how to counter it. 6. Exploring the difference between responding and reacting. 7. Compassion for both self and others. 8. Keeping positive (using a positive events calendar) 9. Learning how to be more present.
It is not always easy to deal with our negative mind-set but with a little support, we can make a positive change to the way we think and respond
Research shows that teaching mindfulness to young children, can improve their concentration, listening skills, ability to manage emotion and deal with stress and anxiety.
In the very last session students had to develop an action plan of three things they would do when they recognised the triggers. Some students used breathing techniques whilst others preferred the mini meditations to ground them. All students identified a reliable adult that they could turn to for support should the stress become unmanageable.
For a chance to WIN a copy of ABC Mindful Me which is aimed at ages 3-6, simply email: competitions@positivekids.co.uk by 20 January 2019
All students completed the original stress measure and then completed anonymous feedback regarding the feelings around the six-week support. After all the data was collated findings showed that students had felt that they had benefitted from attending and had taken away useful strategies to help them cope under pressure. A majority of
Put ‘ABC’ in the Subject Line and your name and postal address in the body of the message.
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CELEBRATING KIDS DOING POSITIVE THINGS
Celbratingkdsfl
Joe from Grantham is now 17 and a fitness instructor and motivational speaker- whilst also studying for his A Levels.
This is Joe Hill aged 13 before he became ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ myalgic encephalomyelitis.
Don’t forget to send in photos and details of Kids Doing Positive Things, for the next edition. Email: susan@positive-kids.co.uk
Joe has spoken at the year 11 assembly at his school in front of 200 students. He received brilliant feedback from teachers and students. He then spoke at Lincolnshire Wellness Network. Then he did a live BBC Radio Lincolnshire interview with Melvyn Prior. He also has the end of year assembly too, where he will talk to 1,200 students. Joe is also in contact with a school in Norfolk about talking to their students. Joe speaks about the effects of his illness and how he realised that he had pushed himself too far. Then how to work towards your goal so that it doesn't cost you your health. Find out more overleaf.
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MUM AND SON’S STORY I was thinking ‘why me’ and ‘what is happening to me,’ as I was clueless. I lost my friends due to not being able to contact anyone and I couldn’t even walk out of my room let alone go to play football or train. However, through all of this I still had my competitive drive and I refused to lose myself and my life and who I wanted to be.
My name is Joseph Hill and I am a fitness instructor and motivational speaker. I am looking at furthering my career to train in supple strength classes and yoga. I am also close to finishing my A Levels to a good standard, but my life and getting to where I am now has not been easy at all.
With terrier like research and support from my mum, I turned my focus into getting fit again. We changed my diet, my stresses, we cut down my GCSE’s and we got me enjoying life again no matter my condition. I began to move little by little, took baby steps. After a few weeks my sleep got so much better. It went from only 2 hours a night to close to being back to my normal 8 hours. Eventually, after a year I was back to Joe, I became myself again just with slightly new aims and goals. I did have my worries about how others would respond to me. This caused me not to go to my school prom as I was scared I wouldn’t fit in anymore or that people didn’t like me anymore. But as I got well I discovered this didn’t matter.
I am currently 17 years old but at the age of 14 I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ M.E. and this left my life seemingly over forever. Up to this point, I was incredibly sporty and was a high achiever in school. I would play football or participate in fitness training every day or even multiple times a day and I was predicted A* in every subject coming out with 16 GCSE’s. This condition crippled me. I was unable to attend lessons as I could not cope with light or screens. I could not read without it causing migraines and dizziness. Overtime my condition deteriorated further until my previous high performing body turned into a body that could not see, think, hear, walk, or crawl and was just in overwhelming pain constantly. I was broken. It was like my mind was trapped
Now a year and a half into recovery, I have created a FB business page (JH Fitness & lifestyle) as a gym instructor and motivational speaker. I have great fitness and am enjoying school life again. Not giving up but being willing to change, allowed me to find what I consider my true healthier life where I still aim high but to a more focused goal in an area I love.
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CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME
By Haley Hill Being a parent has been a wonderful experience for me. It was something I never thought I would be, but my son Joe made it easy. As a baby and child Joe was always very busy, intuitive, sensitive and with an old head on his shoulders. As a teen he was very hard working, kind and parents evening was always a proud occasion. He was very caring, always putting others first and gave everything he did 100%. I couldn’t have wished for more. However, what we didn’t see was the cost this high functioning, sensitivity was having on his body and mind. He began to show unusual symptoms when he was 13 years of age. He would flake out after food, go a grey colour and be very tired.. We approached the GP who did tests that were inconclusive. This continued for a further 5 months.
until the day Joe came home devastated with his first F. He was mortified. He said he found it difficult to sit still, his body wouldn’t rest, the words began to jump off the page and he was being told off for fidgeting. We went on a few more months and the headaches started, eye tests came back clear. Body shakes, pain, vomiting, weight loss (2 stone) awake all night, coughing fits and chest pain, A&E trips in the night, still nothing came back with answers. He began to struggle with his sports, devastatingly as football captain the strain was so much he eventually had to miss his first match. Then he missing school. After 10 months of school absence, we finally got an answer. CFS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. During this period, I struggled to keep it together. The frustration, emotional turmoil, distrust and dead ends began to take their toll on my business, finances,
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Joe recovered week by week, month by month
marriage, relationships and body. I eventually had to request support from my GP just to be able to speak without crying. I was grieving for a life lost, dreams lost, expectations shattered. I was not prepared to allow him to fall into that deep hole of someone who missed years of their life laying in bed. With the support of our local NHS Chronic Fatigue Clinic (not all are as helpful or holistic) we were able to access NHS schooling, liaise with the school systems and support Joe to let go of some of the unnecessary educational expectations that had been set upon him due to his previous achievements. What I couldn’t save him from was the isolation, loss of peers and friendships. Highlights of the week became movies at home, trips to the café, family visits for a few hours. All of which were followed by several days of rest to recover. I absorbed myself in recovery stories. Avoiding all the awful stories and groups which only seemed symptom focus and ‘cure’ driven. I searched for the root cause so I could understand the why and how. A multi-faceted illness required a multi-faceted recovery and this is where we began. Change was required, everywhere. This included a lot of soul searching for myself and his father. What was our role? Genetics, epigenetics, A.C.E, ( adverse childhood experience) unresolved trauma, high expectation of self, human doings not human beings, so much needed to change, emotionally, physically, historically. I put all my remaining energy into understanding the holistic approach to recovery, both for my son and also for myself.
Now we live life differently. We prioritise health, happiness, emotional well-being, self-care. We understand our individual needs, sensitivities and intuition. We look inside not outside for our answer. Chronic Fatigue came into our lives and turned it upside down, putting us back on a better path for all of us. As a result of this experience in our lives we now strive to support other young people to avoid the same pitfalls to CFS & fatigue. We support families and young people on a path to recovery. You can find more information at www.rebalancinglife.biz or email rebalancinglife@yahoo.co.uk
Some of the research I found most helpful; The Chrysalis Effect Recovery Programme The Body Keeps A Score, Bassel Van Der Kolk Reset Your Childs Brain – Victoria L.Duncley The Highly Sensitive Child – Elaine N.Aron
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Do you want to feel more in control of your life and what happens to you? Do you wish your head would stop spinning so that you could think calmly and clearly? I'm Jo Howarth, I run The Happiness Club and my 6 week Online Happiness Programme will teach you the tools and techniques you need. http://thehappinessclub.co.uk/the-happiness-club/happiness-online/ or contact me: jo@thehappinessclub.co.uk 07913 176064
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TRY THIS will avoid risks. They need to make detailed plans, so being given accurate information frequently is highly motivating for them. They like routine and to be informed of what is happening, especially if it is to impact on their routine or involves a significant change. They need supporting to enable them to widen their comfort zone. Motivation is a key skill. If we are motivated we are more creative, we learn better, we achieve more and our mental health and well-being are improved.
Those children with a need for freedom and independence (Spirits) need something very different. They value working autonomously, making their own decisions and having choice, freedom & independence. They like seeing the bigger picture and having clear & specific objectives.
Understanding motivation: Understanding what motivates our children or the young people we work with is crucial. It is the key to unlocking their potential. If we understand what motivates them intrinsically, we can provide the right extrinsic motivators. All children have so much potential but if the environment isn’t one which motivates them they will struggle to achieve it. 9 Intrinsic Motivators: There are 9 different intrinsic motivators. Every one of us have all 9 motivators however the strength and importance of each one, varies for all of us. Our motivators affect how we react to change, our attitude to risk and even the language we use. For example children who are strongly motivated by routine and stability (the Defender motivator) want to be safe and protected. They like to be reassured and, when making decisions,
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How can it make a difference: Developing your children’s understanding of these motivators is crucial too. It enables them to see why we all need different things. A recent client, whose son Joe was struggling with school, had a high Spirit motivator. During our session he told me he was frustrated with his Mum always telling him what to do and especially getting him up in the morning. We discussed the importance of him showing his parents that he take could responsibility for getting to school on time in the morning and that if he did this there then there would be no need for his Mum to do this. Following our session, both his teachers and his parents saw a
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MOTIVATES YOUR KIDS? difference. “His attitude re. life etc has been so much better and I credit that to your advice. I definitely give Joe more flexibility over things and it has worked really well. There is far less grunting! “
right areas. Children’s reports include a report for teachers, parents as well as one for the child.
It is highly likely that all your children will have different motivators and also that those motivators will be different to yours! By understanding which motivators are important for you and your children you can begin to support them in the right way for them.
We also offer motivational mapping for adults, so if you are struggling with your own motivation, or if you know your child could achieve more or if they are struggling with school or unsure of what GCSE options to take etc, talk to Sarah Stones to find out more. She works with young people from age 8 upwards, adults and also does family and team sessions so that everyone understands what motivates each other. For more information visit
We use a highly accurate Motivational Map® tool. It takes around 10 minutes to complete an online questionnaire.
Adults too:
The resulting report not only identifies which motivators are important for you or your child right now, it also provides simple ways you can support them to improve and maintain their motivation.
www.plainsailingmotivation.co.uk or you can contact Sarah on 07816178616 or by email sarah@plainsailingmotivation.co.uk
Importantly the reports also tell you how well each motivator is currently being met enabling you to identify any concerns and provide support in the
Anyone mentioning Positive Kids when booking a 1-1 detailed feedback session will receive a 20% discount . Reports are also available separately.
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GIFT GUIDE
MAKE MATHS FUN Great game which improves children's maths skills and reduces maths anxiety.
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GIFT GUIDE
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GIFT GUIDE
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GIFT GUIDE
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Whether the exam is this year, next year or a little way away, Tutor In A Box is aligned to the national curriculum, meaning they’ll cover topicsthey need for their exam. Suitable for both the foundation tier and higher tier, this box is aimed at students hoping for a grade 4 / 5 / 6. We’re em powering s tudents to learn on their own term s – in their bedroom , in the lounge or on the train. Tutor In A Box can be us ed as a teaching aid or revision aid, providing freedom to s tudy wherever, whenever. With regular us e this flexible, fun yet targeted m ethod of s tudying helps s upport better grades for your child.
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EXPERT VIEW into thinking that it’s still daytime
By Marie O’Sullivan When it comes to keeping children safe online, it’s important to think about our own online behaviour. What are we modelling? Do we limit our time online? Do we keep our activity online positive and constructive? Do we put our own phones aside when in the company of others? Children are very clued in to whether we are walking our talk. Equally, it’s important to show an interest in what children are doing online. One simple tip is to keep the lines of communication open about favourite websites/games/apps/social networking sites. Maybe you could ask your child to teach you about their favourite tool. Another important aspect is to set boundaries about the use of devices. For example, you could have a “no phones at the dinner table” rule (and make sure that you stick to it yourself!). Talk to your child about devising family rules and involve them in generating a list of what is and isn’t acceptable. For example, you might decide together that it would be a good idea to limit the use of technology an hour before bedtime. This could be helpful because technology can interfere with our body clocks and fool us
A huge concern for parents is Cyberbullying. My first recommendation is to try and keep calm if your child indicates that they have experienced Cyberbullying. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but we need to keep the lines of communication open and find out what is actually going on. If we barge in all guns blazing, then the child might shut down or be resistant to sharing what is happening. Often, children worry that if they disclose a disturbing incident, that they will be “punished” by having their internet access curtailed. We want to cultivate the conditions that make it easy for a child who is already upset to be able to access our support. If at all possible, it is a good idea to arm your children with the tools to respond to a Cyberbullying incident before it occurs. “Stop, block and tell” is a handy way to remember the best way to handle this. Stop engaging, block the sender and tell a trusted adult/peer. Sometimes it is easier for children to tell a supportive friend first and to have their backup to help them to approach an adult. I came across a handy tweak to the “stop, block and tell” concept from another teacher. She suggested it should be “stop, block, shot (screenshot) and tell”. Children might instinctively delete upsetting content, so it is a good idea to remind them to take a screenshot to retain the evidence. Again, this is something that we can be proactive about. We can teach them how to capture an image on their device (this can vary depending on whether they are using an Android/iPhone, desktop computer/tablet, etc). It is very easy to Google this and
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CYBERBULLYING there are lots of free videos on YouTube that will show you how if it’s an area you aren’t confident in. If an incident of Cyberbullying occurs during term-time, make the school aware. This is really important even if the originator of the content is not a child attending the school. When children are cyberbullied, they can experience huge anxiety and this can impact hugely on academic performance, self-worth and mental and emotional well-being. Make sure that the staff are aware that your child might need a boost and a watchful eye. School can be a safe haven for these children as there are very strict protocols about phone usage and what the children can access online. It can provide a welcome respite from the fear of being subjected to Cyberbullying as the child can’t check their messages while in the building.
Helpful Resources https://www.childnet.com/resource s/know-it-all-for-parents https://shop.barnardos.ie/home/77get-with-it-aboutcyberbullying.html (Free eBook)
Remember that despite the pain that Cyberbullying can cause, it is possible for children to recover. Children are resilient and with the right supports, they CAN overcome the huge pain associated with the phenomenon of Cyberbullying. As a parent, you can encourage your child to tap into the support networks available clubs, hobbies, peers, family members. It’s a good idea to empower them to develop friendships in the “real” world. Don’t be afraid to access additional supports such as play or talk therapies to help your child to process what has happened to them. Also, make sure that you look after your own well-being and lean on others to help you to help your child if that is what you need. Marie O’Sullivan is a qualified teacher, counsellor and IT trainer. She is passionate about sharing actionable well-being tips for you and your family. To find out more about her forthcoming internet safety online course for parents and guardians, go to: https://anokhalearning.com/registeryour-interest/
https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/8_1 0/cybercafe/cyber-cafe-base/ https://www.oyoty.com/ Free app that guides children to make informed decisions about the information they disclose about themselves online
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EXPERT VIEW majority of households, where children as young as 1 or 2 are able to unlock the nearest smartphone or IPad, scroll to, and then play their favourite game. Many of our adolescents have not experienced life without having technology at their fingertips, and if you walk through a school during break time, you will see young people sitting around in groups, often choosing to communicate via social media rather than talking. The reality is we are not going to move away from this online world, and it will in fact grow even bigger then we can currently imagine, before a generation who knew and experienced otherwise will no longer exist.
By Matthew Barnes-Smith In early 1999, Sugata Mitra (now Professor of Educational Technology at Newcastle University) and his colleagues, sunk a computer into the opening of a wall in a slum in Kalkaji, New Delhi. They sat back and witnessed children come and glue themselves to the strange object and teach themselves how to use it. During the first few hours, Sugata and his team observed the children surfing the Web, and within six months they had learned all the computer operations and were going online to download games, music and videos. The outcome of the wall experiment was, given the right environment, young people can learn to use technology safely. Using the findings, he created an educational program called ‘SOLE,’ Self-Organised Learning Environments, where educators encourage students to work as a community to answer their own vibrant questions using the Internet. Fast forward nearly twenty years, and this experiment can be seen in the
The concern is what effect is this having on the development and mental health of the young and impressionable? Unfortunately, not enough studies have been conducted that offer any concrete conclusions. Some believe that the rise in technology is having a negative impact on young people, others that certain online interactions can be a source of comfort and support through difficult times. The rise in cyber bulling and sexting are clearly distressing issues that have arisen from technology, yet the effectiveness of current Internet and social media awareness information doesn’t seem to be matching the impact these problems are having on society. It could be argued that it focusses more on preventing it’s use rather than encouraging positive engagement and safe interaction with the online world. With this in mind, what practical solutions can adults put in place to help educate and protect young people,
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EMBRACING TECHNOLOGY rather than fight against the use of technology?
yet one that empowers and integrates the safe use of technology rather discouraging it’s use. It is also a way for young people to Using Professor Sugata’s experiment play a part in answering the big questions and subsequent ‘SOLE’ program as inspiration, I have recently been trying a that prey on the minds of parents, teachers and adults, and help them to put their own group activity in Youth Clubs which is now showing encouraging results. Using healthy barriers in place to reduce the negative impact technology use can have. a breakout room, I have been writing open ended, important and relatable This is one of a small number of proactive, questions on a whiteboard and leaving rather than reactive, methods of educating young people to use the Internet and our young people how to teach themselves each other to answer the question. For to use technology safely. In a world where example, “how can young people protect every adult consults the Google oracle themselves against cyberbullying?” Or when faced with something they don’t know “what are the positives and negatives how to answer or make a decision on, it’s about the use of social media?” time to embrace technology to educate rather than discourage its use. The process has not been plain sailing and takes patience and belief, yet the young people have reacted well to being offered a non-threatening environment in which they are free to explore the Internet, with the learning path fuelled by these big questions, self-discovery, sharing, and spontaneity. After the time spent researching the questions, the young people present their ideas and findings back to the group for discussion. This process helps young people place an emotional attachment to the information they have found and how it relates to their life. It is most definitely a seed planting exercise,
Matthew Barnes-Smith. Coach and Mentor for Young People. www.lifecoachdirectory.org.uk/lifecoaches/matthewbarnes-smith
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MUM’S INSPIRING IDEA parents about this. I realised I was far from alone. Moving schools had only extenuated a problem that was already there. Parents lead busy lives and keeping up with expectations and timetables was tough. Other people were struggling to connect too. In our digitalised world it’s easy to feel lonely.
By Babita Devi As parents, we naturally want our children to feel settled and secure. But what happens when they have to move school? I saw the impact of this upheaval first hand. Due to the nature of my husband’s work we moved a lot, not just up the road but across cities and continents. There were many positives in this experience and it was a joy to see my child become a citizen of the world, but I also had to see her struggle. New school routines, rules, peers, clubs... I wanted her to settle but it was hard. I tried to help but I found myself in a similar predicament. A new school meant new policies and new parents. I was a working mum so it was hard to connect with others in the seconds I had at the school gate. If I had a question about clubs or homework, I had no one to ask, I found myself isolated. I started reach out and talk to other
Without knowing a thing about the tech industry, I decided to jump in the deep end and develop a parent communication app. MySircles.com has taken me 3 years and I have been through so many learning curves it’s almost felt like a full circle, but the journey has taught me so much. Technology is a hot topic for parents and we are constantly being told about its dangers but if we use it right it can bring us together in the most powerful of ways. They say it takes a village to raise a child and in the absence of this we have to create our own unique communities. When we connect and create our own ‘sircles’ of support, not only do we benefit but so do our children. Technology can facilitate this. With this new knowledge and passion I recognised that there are places around the world where the lack of technology actually becomes a barrier to full potential. This is why I was moved to set up a computer suite in India, in the province my own family are from. Now young people in this area can open the world wide web and their minds to possibility. Technology isn’t to be feared. It has the power to both set you free and bring your ‘sircle’ back together.
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YOUNG MINDS
By Shernova Abiona Who am I? I’m a 19 year old International Speaker and Entrepreneur who became an Amazon International Bestselling author whilst still being a fulltime student in Kent, England. My first book titled ‘First Steps to Business Success for Teens’ teaches young people simple and sustainable ways to start and grow a business. What prompted you to become an entrepreneur? From the age of 8, I was fascinated by the business world and started thinking seriously about it being my career choice. I checked on the Forbes rich list in my spare time and saw the top self-made millionaire and billionaires as inspirational. I did research and watched many YouTube videos and read articles on the life of many people who started businesses at a young age such as Mark Zuckerberg, Farrah Gray and Lauren Maillian. Once my parents realised I was interested in business; they encouraged me to go to business conferences, product stalls and webinars. Most of the time I was the youngest one in the room but I was able to soak up knowledge like a sponge and I loved it! Why did you choose Internet entrepreneurship? I had a school trip in
October 2015 I really wanted to go on but the cost was very expensive. My parents proposed that if I saw the benefit of going on the trip and paid half then they would match my contribution to cover the cost. As I have always been interested in business, I thought it would be a great opportunity to start up a new business and use that to make the money to go. However, I had to choose a field I could easily work around my commitments both inside and outside of school. I looked at using the Internet and online platforms for business, did my research after writing a list of lots of activities I enjoy doing and from there I decided to be a freelance voice over artist. Not only was I able to pay for the trip but 4 years on I am still a voice artist with clients in over 20 different countries. Who has been your greatest inspiration? My parents are my greatest inspirations. They work very hard in their respective careers and have always given 110% for their clients and the people they work with. They remind me that in business, school and my extra-curricula’s each have different characteristics in common but one main area stands out. In each one the relationships you build with those around you determine how respected you are and how far you go. They keep me grounded and focused through watching their lives , they embody being Strong Black people who stand firm in their beliefs and faith. Through setbacks- they rise, tears- they rise, hardship and unforeseen mistakes - they rise. Each day I am inspired to rise as they do and take up the mantle and legacy they leave for both my sisters and I. What motivates you? Dr Eric Thomas, says ‘I know my why and my why wakes
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YOUNG MINDS me up every morning .’ I live by this quote because there are days where I may feel down or overwhelmed but my why, my motivation, comes from remembering where I came from. I was born in Trinidad but I have lived in England for 18 years. My mother brought me to England to escape an abusive relationship with my biological father. I’m particularly motivated by the idea of seizing every opportunity that comes my way because not every young person in my situation got to move to a new country and start again. Therefore, I want to push and do good, teach those around me to go into business and support other young people in reaching for their dreams, no matter the circumstances. Have you ever wanted to give this up? I haven’t reached a point where I’ve wanted to give up being an entrepreneur. However, in my everyday life with all the different elements and activities I have going on, I do have days where I feel overwhelmed. I may feel like I haven’t done good enough as well if I haven’t achieved something to the level I anticipated and those moments are hard. I’ve felt low at times but that’s when I look for those around me who love and know me and after a discussion, having a short break , some motivating words and encouragement, I start feeling like myself again. I plug myself into motivation in these moments on YouTube and just have positivity and positive words being spoken into my life. How do you define success? Success is about fulfilling the 5 main elements of life for me; Positive Relationships, Healthy living, Spirituality, Wealth and Happiness. I believe to be successful all of these areas need to be in balance. It
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isn’t easy and things will tip you in different directions but keeping a focus on these core areas means I can measure my own success. For young people in business, I believe success is also being seen as breaking the glass ceiling. Going into an industry and crushing it to the point where people can do nothing but respect you for what you have accomplished no matter what age or background you come from. What is your advice to others? Go for it! Don’t think about it and wonder if you should do it. All you need to start is access to the Internet and a computer or laptop. From there do your research looking at areas that you are interested in online and jobs that won’t be too time consuming around your studies and extra- curricular activities. It’s all about finding the balance, which as you keep going you will learn to do. Lastly, don’t be afraid to put in the hard work in your pre-season. When I say pre- season, I mean the work that will be needed to set up your business, the courses you may need to do to familiarise yourself with platforms that you are looking at using and the time that will come with that. If you work harder in pre-season, setting up becomes easier for you as you feel more confident. Shernova is an Ambassador for Inspire Girls Rock, a platform that supports and mentors young female entrepreneurs in the UK and Internationally. Inspire Girls Rock is looking for more Ambassadors. If you know an amazing girl aged 5-19 who would like to get involved contact admin@inspiregirlsrock.com There will also be a a Mums & Daughters event on 13 April in Birmingham which Positive Kids is sponsoring.
COMMUNITY FEATURE
By Harriett Harland This Is Me is a Social Enterprise in Coventry which helps children who have been bullied, groomed, abused or who are suffering with mental health issues. We hold workshops to help these kids regain their self- esteem and confidence. They do this by gaining skills and making new friends with those who are in a similar situation whilst being in a safe environment. In the last year, we have helped 70 children and we are taking on another 30 more in January. At the moment our most popular course is hair, make up and special effects. We have also held an art class and are trying to get the funding to hold photography and fashion workshops. The course isn't just about the workshops, it’s about the children gaining new friendships. So, we go on days out
to help them bond. We’ve been to London, the cinema and also gone out for meals together. It's also about creating opportunities for the kids which they would possibly never get without us. We did a fashion show at Coventry cathedral which they did the hair and make up for, we have just done a film and made a minute- long anti bullying video. They were all involved in that. I take them on jobs that I have on any films or music videos as I’m a make- up artist. We’ve achieved a lot in our first year. 600 people came to the fashion show and the video was retweeted by Phillip Schofield and got 100,000 views. We've were on This Morning with Phil and Holly in March, we've been on the radio and the news a few times and the kids have just performed at the Coventry light switch on in front of about 10,000 people. People always ask me why I started the
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THIS IS ME charity and I genuinely never thought it would be this big or would even take off. A friend’s sister was bullied and committed suicide and my own son was bullied at school at ages seven and eight He was called names, and one boy pulled his trousers down and another boy pinned him on the floor, pushing his face into the mud and telling him to eat the dirt. As a parent its horrifying when someone is treating your child horribly and being so cruel. I did a pamper day at a pub in Coventry where people came got their hair and make- up done for free and had a free photograph taken to help them feel better. At this event I met one girl who had tried to take her own life from being bullied so badly at home physically and mentally.
There was also another girl who I met who got bullied because she had an Instagram page with 36,000 followers. I took her on a music video job where I did hair and make up for it and she said she felt a lot more confident with someone taking her on the job and showing her what to do. This was where I come up with the idea of teaching hair and makeup and then doing an event for them to work towards. Now we are coming up to our third group and the kids now earn an ASDAN award which goes towards college and university credits. We have now found a permanent venue and its working brilliantly. We have lots more coming up for 2019. In particular, we hope to do six week programmes in primary and secondary schools.
To find out more, see: https://thisismecov.co.ukom https://www.facebook.com/Thisismecov
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PERSONAL EXPERIENCE of wine, antidepressants and pain killers. The following day was a bank holiday, a special one due to Prince William marrying Kate Middleton. No doubt 29th April was the happiest day of their lives, but for me, I was making the sinister decision of not being around. I didn’t take my life that night. Fortunately, the alcohol got the better of me and I fell into a deep sleep. The following day I took the first scary, yet major steps to a slow recovery.
By Sharon Bull www.acompassionatevoice.co.uk Watching 150 Year 8 pupils empowering each other through the words of one of my inspirational short verses was like music to my ears. It was a great, motivational finale, not only for the students, but for myself too. I had been booked to speak to the pupils about mental health. Sharing with them some of my own personal experiences with mental illness for better understanding and clarity. Not my first speaking engagement. Over the past five years working as an inspirational speaker, I have been booked for mental health seminars, AGM’s, well-being events and networking meetings, but being on this stage was important to me. Even during my darkest days, I was passionate about children and young adults, raising substantial amounts of money organising various fundraising events for the NSPCC. It was seven and half years ago, when I tried to take my life with a lethal cocktail
Diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety just after leaving school, this ultimately triggered a shopping addiction leaving me with £50,000 debt. Approaching my mid years and I was stripped bare of everything I had valued materialistically, but I gained so much more. After my suicide attempt in 2011, I began the very difficult journey of change, determined though to transform my life. I recaptured childhood passions and rekindled my love of nature, writing and poetry, each becoming an aid to my recovery and well-being. This, along with the inclusion of daily meditation and mindfulness helped to fill the void the addiction had left, while at the same time my increased awareness through these practices gave me much more control with my depression and anxiety. For 30 years, the genuine Sharon Bull played second fiddle to all the absurd distractions I associated with being happy. What baffles me the most about this time in my life is that despite having everything I thought would make me happy, I couldn’t see that I wasn’t. My mental health illnesses, growing debt, stress and low self-esteem were all painting a perfectly different picture. And it certainly wasn’t happiness!
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JUST FOR YOU We live in a society fixated by image, status and materialism. We are continually being persuaded by advertisers never to be satisfied with who are and what we have. People want bigger homes, faster cars, better bodies… whatever external entity they think will bring them instantaneous happiness will only ever be short term. We must be at peace with ourselves to find true happiness. Social media apps have increased the pressure on children and young adults to look and be a certain way. Heavily edited images shower Instagram. Perfect jawlines, broader shoulders, fuller lips and longer legs created by mobile phone photo portrait apps are shared across their online community seeking likes, love and follows.
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Kindness and compassion not only to others, but to yourself too. Help others – show understanding. And remember - NO ONE IS PERFECT!
Some excerpts have been taken from my recently released book published by Trigger called Stripped Bare – Swapping Credit for Compassion. Available from all bookshops including Amazon, Waterstones etc.
It is no surprise that there is a rise in mental illness. This is a sickness which has no boundaries or prejudice as it weaves its way into schools, workplaces, and other walks of life. This is why I feel it is so important to inspire our next generation and speak in schools about the importance of true values, compassion and kindness. Using my past experiences as a guideline, I share with them some of the recovery aids that helped to transform my life. A selection of which is… �� Talk to someone you trust about the way you feel. �� Write about your feelings, it’s both therapeutic and a release mechanism. �� Connect with nature. �� Exercise/walk. �� Embrace and nurture your passions.
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For a chance to WIN a copy of Stripped Bare simply email: competitions@positivekids.co.uk by 20 January 2019 Put ‘Stripped Bare ’ in the Subject Line and your name and postal address in the body of the message.
REKINDLE YOUR EMPTY NEST You’ve probably heard of the empty nesting syndrome. These feelings may pop up at a range of different stages in our family life such as when our children start: ��
Primary school Secondary school University Building their own home Getting married
We may have concerns about how they are managing at the next stage of their life, emotionally and physically. Each child is going to be different and will see this stage of their life as an adventure or torture. This may be especially prevalent with their recent departure to university. Speaking to a variety of mothers about their children I have been hearing contrasting responses.
they will not be able to get out of.” I remember when my children were starting primary school and were leaving the security of our home for a whole day. At that stage in my life I had a part time teaching job to go to or dogs to walk. I witnessed other parents struggling with the departure of their little ones and spent the next six years collecting them from school to have their lunch at home. The commitment from these parents made me feel guilty that perhaps, I wasn’t being a good enough parent. Perhaps I hadn’t got the commitment that is needed to be the perfect parent. At the other end of my empty nesting story, when we dropped our daughter off to University I struggled to leave her because it brought back all the memories of when I was left behind and how lonely I felt. I was anguishing over her having those same anxieties to the same levels and worried over how she was going to manage them.
“The house is so much cleaner, I haven’t had to spend my time picking up wet towels from the bathroom floor. I’ve had Empty nesting syndrome is hard but as the odd phone call about the washing and then a cheery, see you at Christmas, parents we have choices too. Is it good for us or our children to be worrying from them.” continually over their welfare? Yes, there are going to be definite times when there At the other end of the scale, there are other concerns: “Is my child going to be will be grave concerns, when action safe. I am fraught with worry they will get needs to be taken. That is another into something they will not be able to get subject that can be talked about at a different time. The thing is our children out of.” pick up on our anxieties and will react to them. Depending on their age, their emotional intelligence and their ability to communicate their feelings, they will react in different ways. At the end of the day, as parents we want our children to grow up as bright, healthy, successful individuals who have a good grasp of what they want in life. As parents it is
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JUST FOR YOU
SELF ESTEEM our job to help them create that. So how do we manage? How do we continue with our life as healthy, successful individuals who have a good grasp on what they want in life. For most parents our children take up a vast amount of our time and consume our waking and sleeping thoughts. Do you want to be a parent who is continually anxious about their child? Do you want to be a parent who doesn’t trust their child to make good judgements about their welfare? Yes, I admit there may be times when they don’t make the right decision but isn’t that the same for all of us. It is easy in hindsight to see a better way to handle a situation, but we all have to learn from our mistakes. Only a very few make a terrible judgement call that cannot be reversed. In the ideal world on the run up to our children moving upwards and onwards spend some time for yourself to think things through: �
What have you been putting off for all these years because you didn’t have enough time for as a parent? How would you like to extend yourself? How many friends have you been meaning to get in touch with but parenting seems to have got in the way?
This is now time for you, so why not indulge yourself in some ‘me time’ for a while. You have earned it. Contact those friends who have taken a bit of a back seat. Start that hobby you have
been putting off. Start a new fitness regime that you didn’t have time for previously. Having a pet always changes the dynamics of a home. Perhaps it is time to get your career to the next level with a promotion, a new job or more qualifications. Travelling is often put to one side. If your child has moved to a different part of the country, then exploring that area of the world is a great way to extend yourself and tie it in with visiting your child. It is important to remember that changes like these will take time to adjust to. It will be like a bereavement process that you have to go through. The more you resist these feelings the harder it will be but it is also important to manage them and not play the victim. When our children are delivered to us we know it is only for a short time. It is healthy for them to go out into the world and make it their own. In this day and age, we are always at the end of the phone if your child needs you. If your child is ill or in desperate need go and see them and indulge yourself in the opportunity to fulfil your needs to be the great parent you are. By Cath Lloyd, Lifestyle Change and Stress Therapist. If you are struggling with the empty nesting syndrome and need further support Cath has a great ten-day mini e-course filled with tips which will help you manage this change more easily. To register for this simply go to: http://www.cathlloyd.co.uk/top-10tips-to-keeping-yourself-sane/
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REASONS TO PLAY feelings and experiences, and so can we! 3. Better teamwork and co-operation! Rather than being governed by rules and boundaries, children (and adults!) learn to work together to achieve mutual goals through sharing, negotiation and conflict resolution. 4. Better problem-solving! Play teaches us, through a concept called ‘divergent thinking’, to create ideas by considering many possible solutions, rather than choosing from - and fitting in with - a pre-determined outcome.
We adults think play is just for kids, right? Wrong, wrong, WRONG!! My friend and founder of Primal Play, Darryl Edwards says: "Play can be confusing for us adults; it is either seen as frivolous, deemed as foolish, or blanketed as childish activity related to relieving boredom with no well-defined goals…. when we play we kick our minds into imagination mode, and we tap into that powerful charge we get from positive experiences with other happy people."
5. Better work experience and better productivity! Play improves work (and life) outcomes - increasing numbers of companies (including the likes of Facebook) are including play in the workplace setting because it has been shown to have beneficial effects increased job satisfaction, creativity, boredom relief, reduced stress.
Play is an intrinsic human need which benefits body and mind and it has a ton of health benefits for parents, as well as for kids!
6. More creativity! Play encourages creativity - we can all be creative, despite the conventional wisdom that only a select, lucky few are blessed with such ability! Children can express emotions through their creativity, while adults - through play - can revisit latent creativity and it may encourage them to “think outside the box” in a work - or indeed personal - setting.
1. A stronger, healthier body! Children develop reflexes, motor skills and balance; outdoor play exposes us to sunlight, nature and fresh air; it builds muscle, improves heart and lung functions; and it helps prevent obesity and associated conditions. And so do we!
7. Less stress! Play helps to reduce stress in our lives - it’s a buffer which reduces the impact of stressful situations while regulating out responses and reactions to stressful events. In short, it helps us to ‘chill out
2. More self-esteem and emotional ‘intelligence’! Disputes in unstructured play help children (and adults!) learn how to feel and control their emotions. Less verbal children can express their
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JUST FOR YOU 8. Deeper social connections -as well as developing a sense of community and belonging play is considered vital for child development and has been recognised as a basic human right of every child by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights. Modern life and lifestyles leave kids with little time for creative, unstructured play, the consequences of which mean we grow up facing - potentially impaired brain and muscle development, poorer social skills, and compromised problem-solving abilities, far more disposed to becoming antisocial, socially awkward and worse, develop violent tendencies. Don’t forget to remember to play! Adults who have forgotten how to play experience narrow, rigid thinking and struggle to cope with stressful situations or events, whereas playful people are able to transform virtually any
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environment to make it more stimulating, enjoyable and entertaining for everyone. All work and no play make for a very dull parent! As we've seen, play is really important as part of a healthy mental and physical lifestyle and, while it comes more easily to some than others, we can all bring a bit more playfulness and fun into family life So, go ahead and schedule time in your calendar or diary and do things which bring you happiness and joy - what ignites your spark? Be a big kid and try to lose that ‘grownup’ self-consciousness: step out of your comfort zone - join a 5-a-side team, get into am-dram, do an open mic night, go for a walk somewhere different, when it’s raining outside dig out an old board game favourite. And remember: Christmas is a coming… so make it fun! By Izabella Natrins
