BLOG spot “I’m fine thank you”! But are you really?
By Will Fennell
I have become very good at saying this to my friends, family and colleagues during this Covid-19 lockdown and restrictions nightmare. But I am not alone. Did you know research has shown that we say “I’m fine” at least 14 times a week, yet only 14% of us mean it? This means most of the time, many of us aren’t being honest about how we are truly feeling. This most certainly applies to me. I am both a salon owner and a skincare distributor and have been, like many of us, deeply affected during the past 18 months. Loss in income was only the tip of the iceberg for me. Add to this, having to let staff go, uncertainty about when this horror all ends and the fear that it will happen again, has led to, if I am honest, depression and anxiety. Hopefully, with vaccinations, we will open and live more freely, but I know the struggle with the pandemic has reinforced in me that everyone should look more closely at their everyday mental health, not just when we are hit with a devastating blow. We need to be honest with our feelings and have the tools to guide and help us when we feel ourselves unravelling. Therapy, and in more extreme situations medication, can both form a part of a holistic approach to helping mental health. But as someone who lives with bipolar disorder, I know that this is just part of the picture. Three years ago, when faced with the ending of a long-term relationship, I took control and decided to take on a life/business coach. Her approach was simple with me. I had most of the pieces of the life pie under control, work, family, money, friends, but I was not practising any sort of wellness routine. We quickly changed that, and she encouraged me to begin doing three quite small things, that would all work together to help strengthen my mental health
MEDITATION Starting to meditate every day was where I began my wellness journey. And oh my gosh, this was the most difficult one to do and then to also adhere to. I tried all sorts of meditation before I found what worked for me, and what finally clicked was “guided meditation”. This is when you have someone guiding you through breathing techniques and the clearing of the clutter in your mind. I personally love the very popular app “Calm”. After a lot of false starts and not adhering to a regular routine, I began to look forward to “taking time out” each day to just be present. Now I do 20 minutes of guided meditation before I begin my day, seven days a week. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t a quick fix and didn’t help me instantly, but as I continued my practice each day and improved my technique, I found I was going back to one of the foundations of meditation, which was focussing on your breath when I began to feel anxious. My advice is to start simple. Begin with just 10 minutes each day, preferably at the same time, so you get into a routine. Remember this is not a competition, no one masters meditation, instead we practice each day to just stop, take a breath and be present in the moment.
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Beauty Biz Year 14 Issue 4
GRATITUDE This one seemed simple to me. Each morning when I woke up and finished my meditation, I was to write in my journal three things that I was most grateful for today and how each one made me feel. The first day I began, I just sat there staring at the pages. Simple things like waking up to my rabbit Rocco waiting at the fridge for breakfast seemed silly and trite, but when I stopped to describe how that made me feel, the practice was very powerful. Here is an example. What I am grateful for? I am grateful for Rocco each morning. How does this make me feel? Seeing him run towards me and then skip around and around my feet with excitement until I cuddle him makes my heart swell with the warmest of love. He is my best little mate. At that very moment when you are feeling grateful, it is impossible to still be feeling “poor me”. Gratitude is powerful stuff.
ME TIME I remember smirking the first time she suggested this as a way of aiding my mental health. I mean, I do have “me time”, I am alone at work all the time. Yes, in theory, you might be alone, but this is certainly not “me time”. The plan was for me to schedule into my diary a certain amount of “me time” and make it a firm date and time. For me, it was one afternoon and evening of the week to just switch off my phone altogether. Not put it on “do not disturb”, or on ‘Airplane mode”. To switch the phone to “Off”, take a breath and spend time with just myself (reading, walking, taking a bath, bingeing Greys Anatomy). This was the one I think I struggled the most with but ultimately has become a powerful part of my relationship with myself and my mind. Now I switch my phone off every evening at about 6 pm without anxiety or guilt. I feel better, I sleep better, and I am less restless. Meditation. Gratitude. Me Time. Three very simple changes you can make to your daily life and push you towards better mental health. Yes, I do still feel like the world is imploding sometimes, but now instead of crumbling, I fall back into my breathing, my gratitude and I take time out, without my phone, to live in the absolute moment. Ultimately this helps me to just accept what is and learn to love it. I wish you luck on your wellness journey and remember don’t say “I’m fine”, instead, reach out to your people when you need help, they love you. If you are experiencing depression and anxiety and need to reach out, go to https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ Learn more about Will Fennell @Leskinbar_bywillfennell www.willfennell.com.au
