QSaltLake Magazine | Issue 338 | August, 2022

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

designer Christian Allred sales Michael Aaron, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com Rivendell Media, 908-232-2021 ext 200 sales@rivendellmedia.com NATIONAL NEWS editor Craig Ogan contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Roger Cox, Stephen Dark, Jennifer Dobner, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Ashley Hoyle, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Sam Kelly-Mills, Craig Ogan, Peter Reynolds, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Roger Cox publisher

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6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

news The top national and world news since last issue you should know

BY CRAIG OGAN

Hot Take equals hot water Bette Midler’s “Hot Take” on a newspaper article landed her in hot water with the transgender community and allies. She went exclamation mark-berserk on Twitter, “WOMEN OF THE WORLD! We are being stripped of our rights over our bodies, our lives, and even of our name!

They don’t call us ‘women’ anymore; they call us’ birthing people’ or ‘menstruators,’ and even’ people with vaginas!’

Don’t let them erase you!

Every human on earth owes you!” She got 100,000 likes but was also inducted into the “Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist Hall of Shame.”

She joins J. K. Rowling and Martina Navratilova in that ignominy. “The Divine Miss M” took fire from writer Arielle Tschinkel who wrote, “trans women existing doesn’t make me any less of a woman.” Queer artist Ro Salarian tweeted. “Bette Midler being a TERF despite getting her start playing at gay bathhouses is a reminder that being progressive is like doing the dishes. You’re never really *done* with it.” Even TV’s Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, appeared to criticize Midler’s remarks without naming names. Midler later tweeted, “There was no intention of anything exclusionary or transphobic in what I said; it wasn’t about that.”

Qsaltlake.com |

Social media LGBT protection is sub-par The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has been rating social media anti-harassment performance for two years. GLAAD’s second annual Social Media Safety Index shows major social media platforms still do a subpar job protecting the safety of LGBT users. The five platforms’ scores: Instagram, 48%; Facebook, 46%; Twitter, 45%; YouTube, 45% and TikTok 43%. The platforms were rated on: 1. Whether the company discloses a policy commitment to protect LGBT; 2. Discrimination, harassment, and hate on the platform; 3. Option for users to add pronouns; 4.

Policies prohibiting targeted deadnaming and misgendering. 5. Options users have to control the company’s collection, inference, and use of information related to their sexual orientation and gender identity. 6. DIE training for content moderators.

has chided the U.S government for not doing enough.

Grievance spokespeople in the U.S. claim homophobic sexism is involved and that cis-male star, LeBron James, would be out by now.

A restrained Ricky Martin Puerto Rico courts issued a restraining order against Ricky Martin. Police in his hometown of Dorado attempted to serve the order, but they could not contact him. Authorities could not reveal who had filed for the order. Local news reports Martin and the party that requested the order had dated for several months. It also reports that the order states the two had broken up two months ago. However, it claims that Martin wouldn’t accept the breakup, and the petitioner fears for his safety. Martin’s representatives said the allegations against him aren’t true.

No Norway Pride An attack that left two dead and 21 wounded in a gay bar in Oslo, Norway led authorities to cancel Pride activities throughout Norway. Norway raised its terrorism threat assessment to its highest level. A suspect in the attack is a 43-year-old Norwegian citizen of Iranian origin.

A pox on monkeypox Brittney Griner cops a plea WNBA champion Brittney Griner pleaded guilty to drug charges in Russia. Griner has been in Russian custody since February, when she was arrested with hashish vape liquid in her luggage at the Moscow airport. Russian media speculates that she could be “exchanged” for an arms dealer the U.S.A. has detained for spying. Griner’s wife

As cases of monkeypox virus surge in the U.S., the federal government is releasing 56,000 doses from the over one million dose inventory of vaccines for the disease.

Demand is quickly outstripping supply with vaccination appointment websites crashing from too much traffic.

A Salt Lake County Health Department event saw over 500 people vaccinated, with vaccines running out before the scheduled end. The focus

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will be on the most impacted locales with the highest numbers of cases. The target demo is “men who have sex with men.” The infections, normally seen in Africa, showed up in Europe at raves and fetish festivals this Spring and now at brunches and pool parties in the United States. California, Florida, and the northeast state account for the bulk of reported infections.

Mexico marriage equality mixed results Despite the popularity of Mexican beach resorts for gay and lesbian revelers from the U.S.A., most of Mexico is still a dangerous place for openly gay relationships by Mexican nationals. In Acapulco, samesex marriage is not allowed.

However, Mexico City does allow marriage equality, and the city government is hosting a mass wedding for same-sex couples as part of celebrations of LGBT Pride Month.

Pride celebrations in “rural” U.S. A writer for Los Angeles-based “The Advocate” looked down at “fly over country” and wondered if Pride celebrations occurred in rural areas. A grad student at the University of Oregon had the answer: There were at least 330 Pride festivals held in 2022 in the United States, almost half in towns with fewer than 50,000 people.

There is no national database of Pride festivals. The Human Rights Campaign reports celebrations have spread from larger cities to suburbs and small towns across most states.

For instance, HRC reports that Mississippi has experienced an increase from one to about a dozen events over the past few years. It also reports that suburbs of large metros have Pride celebrations.

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Disney’s struggle “Lightyear,” the newest Disney spinoff of “Toy Story,” is enmeshed in controversy and bad box office. It was banned in 14 Middle Eastern and Asian Countries for a same-sex kiss by computer-generated female-presenting characters.

China censors are requesting some edits before exhibition.

Disney is resisting. Producer Gayle Sussman said, “We’re not going to cut out anything, especially something as important as the loving, inspirational relationship” between computer-generated, fantasy characters. China is the biggest in-person cinema market in the world now but is somewhat hampered by draconian COVID shutdowns. As soon as Chinese theaters open, Disney may join the National Basketball Association in kowtowing to the Chinese censors by chasing box office receipts.

Romantic Summer films “LGBTQ Nation” movie writer John Russell has released his list of “5 queer movies to give you romantic summer vacay vibes.” ”FIRE ISLAND” is a new release with a contemporary retelling of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” taking place in the ultimate gay beach town: the Fire Island Pines. Russell says the cast, including Bowen Yang and Margaret Cho, “Are an utter delight, and they use the specificity of Fire Island’s gay scene to brilliant effect.”

“THREE MONTHS” is

another new release that stars pop star Troye Sivan as Caleb, a high school grad who spends the summer between senior year and college waiting to find out whether he’s contracted HIV after a one-nightstand. It’s apparently a sweet, feel-good movie with summer love and bicycling scenes as an allegory for coitus.

“PRINCESS CYD” is a 2017 film where 16-year-old Cyd (Jessie Pinnick) spends the summer in Chicago with her aunt. She meets a queer barista who makes Cyd question her sexuality as the two grow close.

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“SUMMER OF 85,” a 2020 French-Belgian film, is set in Normandy. Again, a teen meets and falls head-overheels for the handsome and reckless type. Their love affair begins well but devolves into … gasp … a melodramatic gay relationship. Russel writes.

‘It’s worth it for a beautiful European setting, 80s nostalgia, and a short-lived gay romance. Think of this as a campier, down-market “Call Me by Your Name.”

“CALL ME BY YOUR NAME” may have aged a bit and Armie Hammer, who is the older, married guy in this “March to June” coupling, has gotten creepy in real life. Russell calls this straight-washed adaptation of André Aciman’s 2007 story, “A gorgeous film that transports you to a languid summer “somewhere in northern Italy, where two young men fall in love.” Q

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And then there were none

For the first time in 24 years, Utah will not have an openly gay or lesbian lawmaker on Capitol Hill For the first time since 1998, there will be no LGBTQ legislators on Utah’s Capitol Hill when newly elected leaders are sworn in January of 2023.

Sen. Derek Kitchen lost his bid for reelection by 61 votes. Pediatric emergency department doctor and opioid mitigation advocate Jennifer Plumb earned 4,383 votes to Kitchen’s 4,322.

Plumb’s support mainly came from the east side of the Senate district, which runs from Redwood Road on the west to the foothills on the east, Fourth North on the north to 17th South on the South.

Plumb lives in Emigration Canyon.

During the race, Kitchen attempted to differentiate himself, saying he was the only queer person in the senate and the only Millenial. Plumb shot back that Kitchen was being ageist and that he wasn’t an effective lawmaker. Plumb touted her success at pushing naloxone access and syringe exchanges.

Kitchen was unceremonially removed from the Utah Senate Education Committee by Democratic Sen. Karen Mayne in the last legislative session.

Plumb will face a write-in candidate, but is expected to sail through the November election.

Since 1999, when Jackie Biskupski was sworn in after being elected to the Utah House of Representatives, there has

always been at least one openly LGBTQ representative in the Utah Legislature.

Biskupski ran for the Utah House District 30 when Gene Davis decided to run for state senator. (Davis lost his re-election bid this year.)

In her early years, some legislators refused to look her in the eye or shake her hand. Utah Eagle Forum President Gayle Ruzicka fought hard against her at first. But over the years, she began to consider Biskupski a friend.

Biskupski went on to win six more elections, serving for a total of 12 years, through 2011, before she decided to move to a larger house outside her district as she began to raise a family.

She fought hard to remove a ban on adoptions by same-sex couples as well as remove unconstitutional language making sodomy illegal in the state.

Scott McCoy entered the Utah Senate in 2005 when Paula Julander announced she would leave her seat because of health reasons. Political experts expected her husband, Rod, to take her seat, but a heavily LGBTQ turnout at a Salt Lake County Democratic Party meeting to vote on Paula’s replacement elected McCoy.

Ben McAdams, who was elected as Salt Lake County Mayor in 2011.

Dabakis served through 2019 and endorsed Kitchen to replace him.

Kitchen won the seat in 2019, becoming the lone LGBTQ person on the Hill.

For three years, from 2006 through 2009, Utah boasted three LGBTQ representatives in the state legislature. For eight years there were

´99´00´01 ´02 ´03´04´05´06´07 ´08´09´10 ´11´12´13´14 ´15´16´17´18´19´20 ´21 ´22

JACKIE BISKUPSKI SCOTT MCCOY CHRISTINE JOHNSON BRIAN DOUGHTY JIM DABAKIS DEREK KITCHEN UTAH HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

Christine Johnson, a year later, ran for House 25 when Ross Romero decided to run for the Senate.

McCoy left his seat in 2009 and Johnson left hers in 2010, both to pursue their respective careers.

Brian Doughty won Johnson’s seat and served from 2011 through 2013 when he lost his seat to redistricting.

Jim Dabakis was appointed by a Democratic committee to replace

UTAH SENATE

two, and since 2014 just one.

“When LGBTQ elected leaders are in the room, they humanize our lives, impact policy and legislative debates and influence straight lawmaker colleagues to vote in favor of equality. LGBTQ elected officials are our best defense against anti-LGBTQ efforts at all levels of government, and are best positioned to advance equality for our community,” writes LGBTQ election group Victory Fund. Q

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Hundreds of Salt Lake gay, bisexual men vaccinated for monkeypox

The Salt Lake County Department of Health held a day-long event to vaccinate the most vulnerable target of the monkeypox virus: sexually active men who have sex with men. Hundreds of men showed up to receive the vaccine, about 80 of which were turned away because of lack of supply. A total of 525 doses were delivered at the event.

Those who received the doses will have to return for a second shot in August.

The Utah Department of Health and Human Services determined that the state’s very limited supply of monkeypox vaccine should be reserved for men who have sex with men and who have had multiple partners in recent weeks in the state who are at the highest risk.

Salt Lake County Health Department officials reached out to organizers of such events and asked them to notify their members that the vaccine would be available at a one-day event.

One of those leaders was Michael Sanders of blackBOOTS, who has headed up many sexual health programs in the past decade is Salt Lake.

“I have, in the past, engaged the community in many public health efforts, and I tend to have a lot of success because I have a large social network here in Utah and I’m just grateful that I could

be a part of that process,” he said.

Salt Lake County Health’s event was to run from 2 to 7 p.m. People started to show up at the event at noon. The vaccines supply ran out by about 5:30 p.m.

About 80 people who had arrived before they closed the event down were placed on a wait list. They will receive emails when a new supply is made available by the federal and state departments.

“So when we have more monkeypox vaccine available in the state, we will be holding future clinics for additional higher risk groups,” said Nicholas Rupp, communications director of the Salt Lake County Health Department. “We don’t know when those will be yet because we don’t know yet from the federal government when we’ll get those additional doses of monkeypox vaccine.”

Rupp made it clear that the county currently has no monkeypox vaccine available and no additional names will be added to a waiting list.

He also noted that the monkeypox vaccine is not available from other

providers or elsewhere in the county and will not until the federal government allocates more to the state and county.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services ordered an additional 2.5 million doses of the vaccine from the manufacturer on July 1.

The county health department does ask you to call them if you notice a new rash or know you’ve had close or skinto-skin contact with someone diagnosed with monkeypox. Call 385-468-4242.

According to the CDC, Utah has 13 cases of monkeypox as of July 19.

Monkeypox is transmitted through extended skin-to-skin contact and contact with the clothing or linens of an infected individual.

You can stay current on vaccine eligibility and availability by clicking on the “Monkeypox Info” banner at SaltLakeHealth.org. Q

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Qsaltlake.com |

State school board set to release policy on book complaints before school year Members of the Utah State Board of Education are struggling to reach consensus on a model policy on how schools should resolve complaints about books in school libraries and classrooms.

Parents and conservative activists are targeting books which contain LGBTQ characters or themes and those centered on race relations.

After months of work and a two-hour debate late June, leaders have yet to find middle ground on the spike in complaints against books with “sensitive topics.”

Book challenges in America aren’t new — but over the past year, they’ve reached a fever pitch. A majority of the books that have been targeted nationwide focus on sexual orientation, gender identity, race, and racism.

The situation is “unprecedented in its scale, and in the proliferation of organized groups who are trying to remove whole lists of books at once in multiple school districts, across a growing number

of states,” says Jonathan Friedman, director of free expression and education at PEN America, an advocacy group.

According to an April report from PEN America, there were 1,586 instances of individual books being banned during the nine-month period from July 1, 2021, to March 31, affecting 1,145 book titles.

Utah had 11 bans in two districts, according to the report. In Canyons School District, nine library books removed last year went back on the shelves in January, following an investigation into their removals launched by ACLU of Utah.

UTAH ATTORNEY GENERAL’S OFFICE The Utah Attorney General’s office, and Sean Reyes himself, released guidance for the school board relating to the constitutionality of banning books from schools.

“The United States Supreme Court has an extremely long history of recognizing that students have their own First Amendment rights in school. The removal of books from a school library can consti-

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tute an official suppression of ideas, in violation of the First Amendment. In Tinker v. Des Moines, SCOTUS held that ‘School officials do not possess absolute authority over their students. Students in school as well as out of school are ‘persons’ under our Constitution. They are possessed of fundamental rights which the State must respect.’ The vigilant protection of constitutional freedoms is nowhere more vital than in the community of American schools.” Ashley Biehl, Assistant Attorney General, wrote in the memorandum.

State law delineates “harmful to minors” as “nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement, or sadomasochistic abuse” but only when it “as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest in sex of minors,” “is patently offensive to prevailing standards in the adult community as a whole with respect to what is suitable material for minors,” and “taken as a whole, does not have serious value for minors.”

“Books may not be removed because they contain ideas that local school boards disagree with based upon: politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion,” the memorandum states. Q

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Provo Pride Aug. 20 Provo Pride will hold its annual festival with the theme, “More Than Ever” on Aug. 20 from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Memorial Park, 800 E. Center Street in Provo.

Details are still being worked out, and sponsors, vendors, entertainers, volunteers, are asked to text 385309-0697 for more information.

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14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Q mmunity Q Lagoon Day 2022 The annual Q Day at Lagoon, which draws thousands of red-shirted lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender and other queer thrill-seekers to Farmington, happens Sunday, August 14.

This year, we are at the beautiful Honey Locust Terrace. Bring a picnic or just come take a break with us.

At 4 p.m. at the Honey Locust Terrace, we will have a group photo, which will be printed in the next issue of QSaltLake.

Petunia Pap Smear and other Matrons of Mayhem will be on-hand to play bingo toss with prizes worth dollars.

Official t-shirts will be available at the pavilion for $15 for S–L and $18 for 2X–5X Discount tickets will be available online Aug. 1 at ­lagoonpark. com/buy-tickets using promo code 22QSALTLAKE.

Sing with the Salt Lake Men’s Choir The Salt Lake Men’s Choir will come back from its summer break on Aug. 4 and singers are welcome to join.

The choir rehearses each Thursday at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 East, kitty-corner from East High School. No audition is necessary. Show up early to get a guest music book. Info at saltlakemenschoir.org or facebook.com/slmenschoir

Equality Utah announces annual Allies Gala The annual fundraiser for Equality Utah, the Allies Gala, will return to the Eccles Theatre on Aug. 27. The keynote host will be transgender actor, comedian, and political advocate Eddie Izzard.

More information at Allies2022.org.

Local/Regional Prides The following dates have been announced for upcoming Pride celebration in the region: July 23 Aug. 3–7 Aug. 7 Aug. 14 Aug. 20 Sept. 9–11 Sept. 10 Oct. 7–8

NORTHERN NEVADA PRIDE in Reno, Nev. RENDEZVOUS PRIDE WYO., rendezvouswyoming.org OGDEN PRIDE, Ogden Amphitheater ogdenpride.org Q LAGOON DAY, Lagoon Park, Farmington, Utah PROVO PRIDE, Provo, Utah, fb.me/ProvoPride BOISE PRIDE, Cecil D. Andrus Park, Boise Idaho LOGAN PRIDE, Willow Park, loganpride.org LAS VEGAS PRIDE, LasVegasPride.org

We will update this story as other dates are officially announced.

Qsaltlake.com |

Trans & Non-Binary Pool Party Cool off this summer, meet the Utah Pride Center staff, and make some friends while you’re at it. Party at the White Towers pool in Sandy on July 29th from 6:30–8:30pm.

Your ticket includes dinner from the grill, access to the pool, and other activities.

This is an 18+ event.

Tickets are $10 online at bit.ly/transpool through July 28 and at the door for $15 (subject to availability).

Project Rainbow’s Big Gay Barbie-Q Project Rainbow’s Big Gay Barbie-Q and Volunteer Appreciation Party is Saturday, Aug. 27 from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Jordan Park, 1060 S 900 W. Get to know your Gayborhood, find out about local LGTBQIA+ , QTBIPOC resources and community programs and partners.

Music, games, hot dogs.

For more information email ­robertolopezPRU21@ gmail.com

Matrons of Mayhem Drag Queen Bingo for Street Dawg Crew — Prizes worth $5,720 The Matrons’ charity for August is Street Dawg Crew of Utah, a nonprofit serving the pets of Utah’s homeless and other low-income and vulnerable populations through providing free pet food and supplies, promoting positive and responsible pet ownership, including spay and neuter. Details at fb.me/matronsofmayhem

Damn These Heels queer film festival slated for October In response to many festival fans saying July is just too filled with events, the Utah

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Film Center announced they will move the week-long Damn These Heels queer film festival to October 14–16.

The event will take place at the Eccles Black Box Theater.

More details will be announced at damntheseheels. org as they become available.

Rendezvous, Wyoming’s LGBT Camping Event Rendezvous is Wyoming Equality’s annual camping weekend, that raises funds so they can advocate for and support the LGBTQI+ community in Wyoming.

The funds raised at Rendezvous support LGBTQ youth across Wyoming, it helps us provide travel and larger connections for the students as a respite from their often small communities, it supports suicide and substance use prevention work. Rendezvous also helps the group defend and advocate for LGBTQ Wyomingites rights during legislative sessions and beyond.

The 2022 event will be held Aug. 3–7 near Laramie, Wyoming. Day passes are $50, and the entire event is $150.

Info at bit.ly/3Et6wIo.

2022 Affirmation International Conference Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends are hosting their annual international conference at the Salt Palace Convention Center, Oct. 7–9.

After two years of being virtual, the conference is returning in person.

More information at ­conference.affirmation.org.

Asexual Awareness Week Utah Asexuals will be hosting Asexual Awareness Week Oct. 24–30. A planning meeting will be held online on July 12. More information at facebook.com/UTAces Q

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Affirmation turns 45

BY JOEL MCDONALD

On June 10 and 11, 1977, the Salt Lake Coalition of Human Rights hosted a Human Rights Convention in Salt Lake City. Kenneth Kline, a student at Brigham Young University, was one of the principal organizers of the convention. Originally scheduled to be held at the LDS Churchowned Hotel Utah (now the Joseph Smith Memorial Building), the convention had to be moved to the International Dune Hotel (now a Holiday Inn Express) after Hotel Utah realized that the event would feature prominent homosexual speakers.

Speakers included Leonard Matlovich, a former Mormon and decorated Air Force sergeant best known for his tombstone in the Washington D.C. Congressional Cemetery that reads, “When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”

Victor L. Brown, the Presiding Bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, signed the cancelation notice.

It was during the Saturday of the convention that, during caucus breakout sessions, Stephan Zakharias (a.k.a. Matthew Price) and about nine other men and women organized Affirmation: Gay Mormons United. In the ten to fifteen years before the organization of Affirmation,

many groups met secretly at one time or another in Salt Lake City, Los Angeles, and BYU to socialize, discuss, and provide mutual support. These groups were primarily gay men. Price was a convert to the church, and one of these young men meeting secretly at BYU. He knew two gay men lost to suicide following their participation in electric-shock therapy at the university. He became enthusiastic about the idea of a national organization for gay Latter-day Saints, and he began promoting the idea. Under his guidance, a constitution for the organization was written and Affirmation was organized during the Human Rights Convention in Salt Lake City on June 11, 1977.

Between 1977 and 1978, Affirmation groups in Salt Lake City, Dallas, and Denver were meeting sporadically. The organization was struggling to achieve a firm foundation. Then, after seeing an article about Affirmation in The Advocate, Paul Mortensen reached out to Matthew Price to organize Affirmation in Los Angeles.

With only a handful of people, the Los Angeles chapter became the preeminent chapter within Affirmation, especially after Price had to step away from the organization due to illness. Efforts to organize chapters around the United

States and internationally were led by Mortensen and the Los Angeles chapter.

The Affirmation newsletter, Times and Seasons (later, Affinity), was generated and mailed out from Los Angeles.

1979 was a banner year for Affirmation.

The organization decided to publicly proclaim itself by marching in the Los Angeles Gay Pride Parade and the March on Washington for Gay Rights.

Affirmation and gay Mormons received national mainstream news coverage.

Five chapters of Affirmation organized by the end of the year and Affirmation held its first national meeting, a precursor to the Affirmation International Conference, where leaders from the various chapters came together to coordinate with and support one another.

By 1984, there were eleven Affirmation chapters organized throughout the United States. By 1990, there were fifteen chapters and areas. By 1995, there were twenty-five, and specific groups were organized to serve fathers and women. In 2000, there were twenty-three, and Affirmation began serving families and youth.

Today, Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends serves over 30,000 community members organized into three geographic areas, fifteen regions, and thirty-two chapters in addition to a number of faith-and-experience-based affinity groups. Q

16 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

views

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

quotes Roe and LGBTQ rights “For that reason, in future cases, we should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell.”

—Justice Clarence Thomas

“I emphasize what the Court today states: Overruling Roe does not mean the overruling of those precedents and does not threaten or cast doubt on those precedents.”

—Justice Brett Kavanaugh

“If the rationale of the decision as released were to be sustained, a whole range of rights are in question. A whole range of rights.”

—President Joe Biden

“Our decision concerns the constitutional right to abortion and no other right ... Nothing in this opinion should be understood to cast doubt on precedents that do not concern abortion.”

—Justice Samuel Alito

“No one should be confident that this majority is done with its work. The right Roe and Casey recognized does not stand alone ... They are all part of the same constitutional fabric, protecting autonomous decisionmaking over the most personal of life decisions.”

—Justices Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan

“With sorrow—for this Court, but more, for the many millions of American women who have today lost a fundamental constitutional protection—we dissent.”

—Justices Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan

AUGUST, 2022

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Issue 338 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Peer-to-peer

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

The summer

before my junior year in high school, my parents sent me on a theater trip to Los Angeles with students from around the state.

We hit the beach and Disneyland, saw the handprints at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, and strolled along the Walk of Fame. Since we were all drama geeks, we also got to see three plays — including Evita and Camelot, starring none other than Richard Harris himself (whom we got to meet backstage while he kindly signed every single kid’s program).

One of the kids on the trip was from Duchesne County and lived on a dairy farm. Although he never said anything about it, he was pretty obviously gay. At that age, at that time, people didn’t admit it. Over that summer, we exchanged a handful of letters. He wrote a lot about life on the farm. I remember thinking it seemed isolated and lonely, especially for a kid I knew deep down was gay.

Today, young LGBTQ+ people are accepted by family and friends in far greater numbers than back when I was a teenager.

But many still feel lonely and isolated.

Thankfully, technology not even dreamed of when I was in high school, can help.

Give Us the Floor, a San Francisco-based nonprofit, helps LGBTQ+ teenagers in distress by offering peer-positive human connection through the peer Supportive Group Chats available on its app. This app allows for anonymity in a safe, teen-only space.

Kids can get help for a range of issues from domestic violence and body image to relationships and isolation.

And this app seems to be helping.

According to the CDC, young people who feel connected to their peers or an adult are significantly less likely to have “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness.” A whopping 85 percent of

the young LGBTQ+ users of the GUTF app say they felt less lonely after just one month, and 89 percent feel the program has helped them with their struggles.

The peers facilitating these confidential group chats are extensively trained to help lead the discussions appropriately. Training includes a series of video modules that explain the role of a facilitator, the community rules, and how to navigate difficult and crisis situations — that includes when they should escalate to someone on the adult advisor team.

But what happens if a kid is in real trouble? The GUTF app includes an extensive list of resources that the peer facilitators are trained to use. More importantly, GUTF repeatedly reiterates to facilitators and participants alike the importance of reaching out to the adult team if a kid indicates they’re struggling — whether that struggle is the threat of being forced out of their home, suicidal ideation, or self-harm. In those cases, the adults not only provide the teen a list of relevant resources but — and this is really important — follow up with the kid to ensure their safety.

Valerie Grison-Alsop, the founder and executive director of GUTF, says, “Our proprietary app makes it easy for our facilitators and participants to anonymously report any troubling issue, even if it’s a minor rule-breaking incident. Our adult team is highly trained to evaluate incidents that indicate an immediate safety situation and are mandated reporters and poised to get a teen in crisis help if the situation calls for it.”

Once school started again, that kid from the theater trip and I stopped writing, and we faded from each other’s lives.

I hope that for a brief time, I made his life a little better. Even if we couldn’t say it, deep down, we knew we were peers. Q The GUTF app is available free on all iPhones and Androids.

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

creep of the month

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

Brett Kavanaugh

BY DANNE WITKOWSKI

I am sure

by now you have heard the devastating news about Brett Kavanaugh, a credibly-accused sexual assaulter/Supreme Court Justice/man who likes beer.

It’s hard for me to even write this. But you need to hear it. On July 6, Kavanaugh was dining at a restaurant called Morton’s The Steakhouse in Washington D.C. He was minding his own business, just trying to eat some steak tartare (I actually don’t know what he was eating, but steak tartare sounds expensive and gross, so) when protesters gathered outside the restaurant.

These protesters were/are mad that Kavanaugh recently helped overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that said that, yes, abortion is a right and the government can’t just go rooting around in uteruses and private parts.

Kavanaugh, of course, thinks that what goes on inside of a uterus is totally the government’s business and that the most personal of health care and life decisions should be left up to the whims of the white, cisgender, misogynist, heterosexual Republican men who comprise way too many of our legislators. Guys like, you know, him.

Anyway, the protesters, who clearly have no respect for the incredibly personal decision of when and where to eat steak tartare, demanded that the manager of the restaurant kick Kavanaugh’s ass out.

As I am sure you can imagine, this was absolutely devastating to Kavanaugh who, according to Politico, “did not hear or see the protesters and ate a full meal but left before dessert.”

I want you to read that again: Just because he was instrumental in a decision to strip away a fundamental right that has been in place since 1973 — a right that is supported by the vast majority of Americans — and just because that decision will result in very real harm to

pregnant people and leave essential health care up to the whim of state legislators, some of which are working on legislation to not only completely ban abortion but to also prevent their residents from crossing state lines in order to access abortion care, just because of THAT, Kavanaugh had to leave using the back door and was unable to order dessert.

What is this country coming to when a powerful white man who uses that power to cause real, measurable harm to the majority of the population can’t even enjoy a Morton’s Legendary Sundae ($19 and 2,230 calories) in peace?

Morton’s was, understandably, very upset. In a statement, they whined that “Honorable Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh and all of our other patrons at the restaurant were unduly harassed by unruly protestors while eating dinner at our Morton’s restaurant. Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner. There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.”

You tell ‘em, Morton’s! And thankfully none of the employees of your 56 U.S. locations are of child-bearing age or ability! Whew! Close one.

Following Morton’s Kavanaugh kerfuffle, Chasten Buttigieg, husband of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, tweeted, “Sounds like he just wanted some privacy to make his own dining decisions.”

GET IT? You get it.

And, because we live in a nightmare upside-down world, Pete

Buttigieg was asked about the appropriateness of his husband’s tweet

by Fox News host Mike Emanuel.

“Since I’ve been alive, settled case law in the United States has been that the Constitution protected the right to privacy and that has now been thrown out the window by justices, including Justice Kavanaugh, who as I recall, swore up and down in front of God and everyone including the United States Congress that they were going to leave settled case law alone,” Buttigieg responded, because he is a professional grownup. “So yes, people are upset. They’re going to exercise their First Amendment rights.”

Emanuel tried several times to cut in, but Buttigieg just kept talking.

“Remember, the justice never even came into contact with these protesters, reportedly didn’t see or hear them,” he said.

“And these protesters are upset because a right, an important right that the majority of Americans support was taken away.”

I am 100% OK with every justice who voted to overturn Roe v. Wade never being able to eat a meal in peace in a restaurant ever again. And for them to NEVER EVER get dessert for the rest of their lives.

Anyway, in closing, fuck Brett Kavanaugh. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a writer living with her wife and son.

She has been writing about LGBTQ+ politics for nearly two decades. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

ILLUSTRATION BY DONKEYHOTEY

20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | GUIDE TO OGDEN PRIDE

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

Ogden Pride headliner Suzanne Westenhoefer is the first openly lesbian everything

QSaltLake Guide to Ogden Pride In its eighth year, Ogden Pride is now a mainstay in Utah’s regional prides. Packed with high-end entertainment and local enthusiasm, it is well worth the short drive from across the Wasatch Front.

Friday Aug. 5

Drag Queen Bingo

The Pride Weekend kicks off with Drag Queen Bingo at No Frills Diner on 25th. Doors are at 6 p.m. Tickets are $15 and include a spaghetti dinner, your first bingo card, prizes and opportunity drawings. Held in collaboration with the Imperial Rainbow Court of Northern Utah.

Saturday Aug. 6

FUNNYraising Evening with Suzanne Westenhoefer Help keep Ogden Pride Festival a free event by supporting them with this “FUNNYraiser.” Held at Ogden’s Own Distillery Amphitheater, 615 W. Stockman Way, this 21+ event is $50 in advance and $65 at the door. Tickets at OgdenPride.org.

Hors d’oeuvres, cash bar, and silent auction.

Sunday Aug. 7

Kick-off Rally for Community At 11 a.m. at the Main Stage, the free, all-ages rally sets the tone for the full day of festivities. Entertainment, food and fun at the Ogden Amphitheater and Municipal Gardens on Historic 25th Street.

See page 22 for a full schedule of stage entertainment.

Suzanne Westenhoefer is the first openly lesbian comedian with an HBO special; the first openly lesbian comedian on ‘Late Night with David Letterman;’ and the first openly lesbian comedian to appear in 1991 on an episode of Sally Jesse Raphael entitled “Breaking the Lesbian Stereotype...Lesbians Who Don’t Look Like Lesbians.”

For over three decades the openly lesbian comedian has been entertaining audiences with her very own brand of humour and her original take on life.

Ask her, though, and she is the firt openly lesbian smart ass.

Others call her daring, precocious, fearless, and unapologetic. To her, life is funny and no one is off limits.

She’s had trials and tribulation in her life just like everyone else — multiple back surgeries, terminally ill family members and a divorce. She still manages to come through smiling and laughing and making her audience laugh in the process.

Born and raised in AMISH country Pennsylvania, she got the acting bug early and the comedy bug in 1990, because her bar regulars told her she was funny.

“I wanted ‘being openly lesbian’ to be a huge message in my act and that made me controversial. Now people call me iconic or a pioneer. It was more fun being controversial,” she laughs.

Westenhoefer is the Mistress of Ceremonies of the Ogden Pride Festival August 7. She is also performing at a “FUNNYraiser” at the Ogden’s Own Distillery Amphitheater on August 6.

Tickets are available at OgdenPride.org for $50, or $65 at the door. There will be hors d’oeuvres, a cash bar, and silent auction.

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GUIDE TO OGDEN PRIDE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

Garrett Potokar is determined to help queer students feel represented and safe. As Weber State’s first LGBTQ+ student senator, he has already passed two pieces of legislation to make it easier for students to change their names and identifying pronouns, and to provide easier access to LGBTQ+ resources.

#EverUpwardAtWeber For details and more stories! weber.edu/EverUpward

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | GUIDE TO OGDEN PRIDE

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QSaltLake Guide to Ogden Pride

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presented by Wasatch Hollow Animal Hospital

presented by Weber State University

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Community Rally

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Cheer Salt Lake 8th Annual Pet Parade Alter Egos Bomba Marile Silence the Critic Tribal Love No Clear Ending Kory Edgewood Shecock with a Vengeance Ginger & the Gents

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Kat Furr Karaoke w/Kevan Haus Dance Imperial Rainbow Court Karaoke w/Kevan Hot! Take Burlesque Zaza Historia Vandyke

2022 Ogden Pride Festival Map

NO VENDOR PARKING 153

AUGUST, 2022

Festival Main Stage

NO PARKING - Kiesel to Grant is Closed to thru traffic F

Issue 338 |

Security Checkpoint

27 28 29 30

Restrooms Reserved Parking Entertainment Stages Attendees Entrance/Exit Gates

Friendly Reminder:

We are an inclusive organization, and we do not police our festival attendees in their needs for public accomodations no matter their identity. ASL interpreters upon request.

Please respect all who are here to celebrate pride!

Zone A VENDOR PARKING

The following is not allowed at the festival: No Outside Food or Drink No Smoking/Vaping in the festival grounds No Weapons

AUGUST, 2022

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | Q&A

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

Loving Victor

For the Last Time Michael Cimino and George Sear on end of ‘Love, Victor’ and how their characters changed them

BY CHRIS AZZOPARDI

For now,

at least, it’s the end of “Venji.” Many watched Victor (Michael Cimino) and Benji (George Sear), the romantic heart of “Love, Victor,” to find a much-needed love rush amid pandemic weirdness. The series launched on Hulu in 2020, just months into lockdown when we were all looking for some lighthearted teen romance (for some, to see themselves; for others, to revel in nostalgia), and now, after three seasons, the spinoff of the 2018 film “Love, Simon” is stepping off the ferris wheel. That is, until the very fans who made it the gay talk of Twitter inevitably insist on a Venji film.

In a recent chat, Cimino and Sear talked about their next possible collaboration (could we finally get a recorded song?), what mementos they kept from the set and whether they’ll continue to represent the LGBTQ+ community in future roles.

I don’t know how many tears you shed during the shooting of this, but based on the face you’re making right now, Michael, it looks like you shed some.

MICHAEL CIMINO: Yeah, I definitely cried quite a bit. I love this show, and I love this cast. It’s been such an amazing experience. And yeah, it was emotional, dude. I love these people. So even though

it’s not a goodbye, it definitely felt that way, especially in the moment. And it was a goodbye to Victor, and that in itself was really hard, just [saying] goodbye to Victor. I loved playing Victor.

GEORGE SEAR: It’s such a big part of your life, you know? It was emotional. Especially as a Brit, like us being much more [transparent] with our emotions. That final night everybody was just so… there was just so much love there. Yeah, a lot of tears.

What was your first impression of each other when you met, and how has your relationship changed from the first shoot to the last?

CIMINO: The first time I met George was in the cam read, and I knew that George was the guy. Immediately I was like, “This is our guy, for sure.” Our relationship has just grown since then, and I would consider George one of my really good friends, one of my closest friends, and I know I can call George and chat to him about anything.

SEAR: A hundred percent.

CIMINO: I don’t think that you get that often, to be honest. Sometimes you become part of a cast, and you’re not really vibing with everyone, but with this cast, I love everyone so much.

SEAR: Yeah, honestly. From the get-go there was definitely, like you said… it felt really

right. So I was really grateful that I got to be a part of this experience. Everybody was lovely, but Michael was just so genuine and wanted everybody to feel good on set and brought such good energy. I do feel like our friendship really has evolved from Season 1 till now, and through jamming together. So much growth in this time, and sharing that with you bonded us.

CIMINO: You can’t really describe it. George would call me when his car broke down, and we had to push it...

SEAR: A hundred percent. And he lent me his truck for, like, over a month.

You mentioned music, George, and you’re both musically inclined, and fans are really hungry for a collaboration between the two of you, a recording that we can just enjoy for the rest of our lives. Is that something you talk about?

CIMINO: Yeah, actually, I don’t know why we haven’t talked about it.

SEAR: That’s something we definitely should [do]. We have played music together before. We used to host these jam sessions where everyone would switch instruments, and it was very fun. Maybe we can have a go at writing a little something. Funny that we both have our guitars, like, next to us [right now]. Let’s do it now. What key?

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Q&A | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

Qsaltlake.com

You’ve spent three years with these characters. What have you learned about yourself by playing them?

CIMINO: Dude, I feel like Victor’s inspired me so much just to be brave, and I know I keep saying this, but [that’s] because it’s true.

Victor has inspired me to just be who I am.

And he has this big speech at the end about bravery, and that has been a really incredible inspiration [to] me for how I navigate life.

SEAR: There’s been so much that I’ve taken away from Benji: his confidence, and this season learning that he wasn’t always confident, and he had these struggles, and he was doing a lot of work on himself. It was kind of cathartic to play that, because there’s just parallels between things I’ve gone through. But then, other things, like the love of coffee. They gave me barista training and now I’m obsessed with that.

When they got me in the studio to do that, a song in Season 2, and that just was so fun.

Have you delved into Venji fan fiction? I mean, it would be hard not to; there’s a lot of it on the internet.

SEAR: I see a lot of memes and things like that on Twitter.

CIMINO: Yeah, I haven’t dived into the fan fiction. We should actually, George.

We could do a day where we link up, and we just read fan fiction online.

SEAR: We should actually. We need some direct links.

So a very shameless fan had this question for Michael, which is: Out of all the people that Victor has kissed, who is Michael’s favorite kisser?

CIMINO: You know, listen… I think…

SEAR: Don’t be shy.

CIMINO: Yep, tread carefully. Um, I think everyone’s great in their own regard. And I feel like that’s all I can say ’cause any way that I answer this question, I’m so screwed.

SEAR: But there is an answer!

Do you think that you have interest in playing other LGBTQ+ characters in the future?

CIMINO: Yes, for sure.

SEAR: Definitely, yeah.

CIMINO: I’ve had some interest in some stuff that is LGBTQ-skewing. I’m never going to shy away from a role because it’s LGBTQ-skewing. I think that’s really dumb. It’s a part of our world, and people that are part of the LGBTQ+ community need to be seen.

SEAR: I’m kind of back to the drawing board, auditioning quite a bit. And if a

good part is a good part, and it’s a good character, then yeah. Of course. Absolutely.

What did you take from the set as a memento? And by “take,” I mean borrow, not steal.

CIMINO: Yeah. I didn’t steal anything.

SEAR: You got away with something quite hefty, didn’t you?

CIMINO: No, no! I don’t know what you’re talking about! I took some stuff from Victor’s room that I felt like I needed to have.

SEAR: I got this bracelet that I love, and it’s sort of a memento of the character.

And I also got the… I’m just looking at it over here. It’s the tamper, for the espresso, where [Benji’s] tamping the coffee. I got the tamper for that. So, I use that every day ’cause I make coffee at home every day.

If a “Love, Victor” movie comes your way, would you say yes to it?

CIMINO: Yeah.

SEAR: Definitely. Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. Love to work with Michael again, and everybody else. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editorial director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Judy, Judy, Judy

40 To be in Rimbaud’s arms 41 With 43-Across, ACROSS Judy Garland musical 1 Christmas threewith “Get Happy” some 43 See 41-Across 5 Stew cooker 45 Queen’s “We ___ 10 Mail carriers at the Champions” Hogwarts 46 Useful hint 14 “Six Feet Under” 48 TV trigram creator Ball 49 Do-over for Maures15 Fruit at the bar mo 16 Future queen of 50 Middle ears “Star Wars” 17 Shakespeare, for one 52 Dorothy and Sarah Jessica 18 Fictional Italian 54 Judy Garland musical town in which she played 19 Cold-cock Vicki Lester 20 Judy Garland musical 56 ”Diana” singer with “Get Happy” 58 Dayan of the land of 23 Blow, as a game the cut 24 Where Dick Button 59 Place for Young won gold men?

25 Nation once known 62 Diana Rigg’s Mrs. as Zaire 63 “Cats” was based on 28 Calculator button his poems 30 “___ Children of 64 Elizabeth of “TransaHeterosexuals” merica” 34 Personal lubricant 65 Wall of earth ingredient 66 Lets out 35 Blair, who kissed 67 Rib donor in a Cukor Gellar film 37 Eat beaver-style 38 Blood line DOWN 39 “Family Matters” 1 Queen in “Romeo and Juliet” nerd PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 23

Qsaltlake.com |

2 Home st. of Jim Nabors 3 Long-jawed swimmers 4 Like 10 Down to a young man 5 Doesn’t squeal, with “up” 6 Christ the ___ (Rio landmark) 7 Linc portrayer in _The Mod Squad_ 8 “A chicken’s only good for ___” (“Funny Girl”) 9 Ship speed units 10 Chickenhawk, for example 11 Lacking potency 12 Nickname that Taylor disliked 13 Motor oil can letters 21 Utterance at a gay rodeo 22 Suffix with schnozz 25 “As is,” e.g.

26 “Arsonist” cow owner 27 Mardi gras gadget 29 “Horny” animal 31 Not like Mr. Ripley?

32 Storage room 33 Sounds of baby eagles

35 Dutch Guiana dweller, now 36 Queues with Q’s 42 Colorado, to Cocteau 44 Frizzy hair style 47 Early release

48 Bottom line 51 Reading at Metropolitan Community Church 53 Drummer Gene 55 “Beauty ___ the eye...”

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AUGUST, 2022

56 PD’s Invitation to a manhunt?

57 Born, in gay Paree 60 Latina writer Castillo 61 It may be cured or smoked

AUGUST, 2022

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Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku Level: Medium

7 1 8 2

5

5 9 1

8 9 5 1 1 6

5 6

8

1

5 2 8

4

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

Issue 338 | Qsaltlake.com

3

9 7

9 3 5

3

2

4

5 7 4 1 9 5 1 9 4 6 4 7 1 1 3

3 9 1

9

6 4 6 5 9 4 9 1 3 6 3 8 4 5 3 7 9 9 6 3 7 3 5 1 9 7 8 2 6 2 1 6 4 5

2 1 8 3

6 4 7 5

2

7

1

3 4 5 5 4 8 7

5

9

1 3 5

4

3

5 4 3 7 6

First-time Exam, Bite-wing X-rays, Cleaning

8 7 2 4 3 6 8 2 1 5

Dr Josef Benzon, DDS www.alpenglowdentists.com

Salt Lake 2150 S. Main St 104 801-883-9177

Bountiful 425 S. Medical Dr 211 801-397-5220

New patients only. Limitations and exclusions may apply.

Not valid with any other offers.

To schedule an appointment, please call 801.878.1700 Evening and Saturday Appointments Available Most Insurances Accepted

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups BUSINESS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce  utahlgbtqchamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com LGBT & Allied Lawyers of Utah  lgbtutahlawyers.com * lgbtutahlawyers@gmail.com Utah Independent Business Coalition  utahindependentbusiness.org 801-879-4928 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood  bit.ly/ppauslchiv 654 S 900 E 801-322-5571 Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242

umen.org

Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323 Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250 HOMELESS SVCS

VOA Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s 801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org  fb.me/ utahstonewalldems RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921

Qsaltlake.com |

Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah  1to5club@

utahpridecenter.org blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Flaming Man  menwhomove.org OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists  umen.org

 info@umen.org

Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 Venture OUT Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah SPORTS

QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Sports SLC  fb.me/SLCStonewall  stonewallsaltlakecity. leagueapps.com 385-243-1828 Utah Gay Football League  UtahGayFootballLeague.com  fb.me/UtahGayFootballLeague Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah SUPPORT

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, All Saints Episcopal Church, 1710 Foothill Dr Tues. 8p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 1159 30th St , Ogden Wed. 7:30p, Sober AF, Zoom mtg ID 748 896 1508, Password SLQ2020 Fri. 7p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 2:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight Alano Club, 5056 Commerce Dr, Murray

Genderbands

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

 genderbands.org

Youth Support Group ages 10-14, 14-20

fb.me/genderbands

 utahpridecenter.

LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Sat. 11am, How was your week? First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * robin@lgbtqtherapists.com Men’s Support Group Tues, 6pm  utahpridecenter.org/ mental-health/mens-sg/  Therapy@ utahpridecenter.org Parent & Caregiver Support Group Mon 6:45pm  utahpridecenter.org/ youth--programs/ Survivors of Suicide Attempt  utahpridecenter.org/ mental-health/sosa/ Trans & Nonbinary Adult Support Thurs, 6pm  utahpridecenter.org/ programs/lgbtq-adults/  tnbsupport@ utahpridecenter.org TransAction Sun, 1:30pm  utahpridecenter. org/adult-programs/ transaction/ Sundays 2–3:30pm Women’s Support Group Wed 6pm  utahpridecenter. org/mental-health/ womens-sg/  womensupport@ utahpridecenter.org

org/youth-programs/ YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr  encircletogether.org

fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, 190 S 100 E, St. George 331 S 600 E, SLC Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org

The OUT Foundation  theout.foundation  fb.me/theOUTfoundation

Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/

University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu

200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409, M-F, 8a-5p 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU  usgabyu.com  fb.me/UsgaAtByu

Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  inclusion.usu.edu/

lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/

groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/

lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271 Westminster Diversity Center Bassis 105, M-F 8a-5p  estminstercollege.

edu/diversity Youth Activity Night ages 10-14, 14-20  utahpridecenter.org/

youth-programs/

AUGUST, 2022

|

Issue 338 | Qsaltlake.com

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

‘Fire Island: A Century in the Life of an American Paradise’

BY JACK PARLETT, C.2022, HANOVER SQUARE PRESS, $27.99, 272 PAGES

Ugh, it’s been a week.

Two hours into Monday and your brain was already screaming for something fun, something far removed from work, a get-away that lets you play. You need to dance this weekend. You need to feel the sun on your face and sand between your toes. And you may need to bring “Fire Island” by Jack Parlett with you, too.

Geographically speaking, Manhattan and Fire Island are a mere 60 miles apart.

Sixty miles — and half

the bookworm sez

a world. Stretched out and very narrow but walkable, the island is home to several vacation communities. Two of them, Cherry Grove and Fire Island Pines, located in about the middle of the island, feature prominently in LGBTQ history.

Parlett says that Native Americans sold Fire Island to White Europeans for a pittance, after which activities there were shifty and possibly illegal. By the 1820s, conversely, it was a hot vacation spot for the elite; in certain places, it was the place for finding romance, too, which Parlett says was a sign of the future.

Famous men like poet Walt Whitman were big fans of Fire Island and over the next century, a then-quiet queer subculture began to grow.

Sometimes, it grew with families and children in the picture, the latter raised by nonconformists and theater people.

Even so, despite these many

BOOK REVIEW | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

changes, Parlett says that Fire Island wouldn’t be what it is today were it not for a hurricane that hit the island on the afternoon of September 21, 1938. It devastated Fire Island and resulted in a real-estate bust. Cottage prices fell significantly, and vacationing there suddenly became affordable for gay New Yorkers.

Throughout the twentieth century, Fire Island became a playground for performers, thinkers, and writers such as James Baldwin and W. H. Auden. It was a source of controversy for locals who objected to nude bathing. It was a source of embarrassment for Noel Coward. It allowed everyday gay men and women to dance, drink, and party freely.

And later on, it was a place to mourn…

Considering that this is a book about a getaway destination, “Fire Island” isn’t much of a vacation-y read. It’s actually pretty dry, in fact, and filled with

people who were once very famous but aren’t exactly household names anymore.

Their drama and the love triangles they struggled with are mildly interesting, in the way that you might perceive great-grandma’s old Confidential magazines in the attic.

And yet — the history.

Author Jack Parlett offers a lot of solid information beyond those tired scandals to further show how Fire Island came to be a gay hot-spot and why that was important.

These tales envelope the rest of the island, as well as current events in America, as a whole, and the impact those outside influences had on LGBTQ life, even today.

More scholarly than not, this book also includes a fair bit of memoir for readers who are looking for something less frivolous. If you want a book for fun, though, “Fire Island” is weak. Q

q scopes AUGUST

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

There’s something going on that is making you giddy.

Don’t forget to save some time for a friend or partner who isn’t on your level. The best way to feel the joy is to share it. Have fun!

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

Even in the darkest times, there can be light in your heart. Take a few moments to lose yourself in the simple pleasures and find inner peace. You may find that the darkness isn’t bad at all.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

There could be a jerk or anxiety-inducing person in your life. It is best to ignore them.

You can’t change people and it is

best not to try. But if things get out of hand, stand up for yourself.

CANCER June 21–July 22

Take time to get focus on financial matters.

There are a lot of temptations and carefree spending could end up coming back to bite you. A little pain is okay but know your limits.

LEO July 23–August 22

It is probably best not to get into an argument at work. Take a little time to make the world a better place by simply being in it. You are more liked than you realize but don’t get arrogant.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 2

Do not shy away from someone who shares a mutual attraction. While defenses serve you well, they can also stop you from having a good time. Figure out what you really want to express.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

Find a way to deal with a stressful situation. If you can’t change the circumstances then take the time to see the good.

Someone you love is causing a little tug-of-war and letting go is okay.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

Hardships are bound to get you down. The universe is trying to get you out of a place you do not belong. Friends and family are there more than you realize.

Try something new and enjoy.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22–December 20.

However you look at it, a workplace change is a nice thing to explore. You could find you want to move on or end up staying put. Take some time to look at what could be and then decide.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

Status isn’t everything, so relax. Stop trying to impress.

You will see that you are admired already. Home life is feeling a tad stale so shake things up by proposing new ways to entertain.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

A change of attitude is in order. It is not that you don’t feel well but others might mistake your exhaustion for aggression. Be happy and display the calm you wish to feel. Others reflect mood.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

The time for enjoying the season is now. While it has been a rough patch, you are ready for a sense of normalcy. Spread hope and others will respond. A romantic matter can flourish well. Q

30 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

Qsaltlake.com |

on the street

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

Ice cream, you scream

BY JOSH JONES

We’ve got

the inside scoop on not one but TWO ice cream opportunities to help break this heat wave.

As previously mentioned, EVA’S BAKERY has expanded into McKay Diamond & Jewelry. (Don’t worry McKay, moved .01 miles to Regent Street. Even better: Eva’s plans to keep and refurbish the iconic neon sign). This charming shotgun space will be transformed into a gelato shop, and owner/chef Charlie Perry tells us we can explore our flavorites come July 14.

In the meantime, wander up to City Creek Center where THE CHURRO COMPANY has opened a location tucked between Kneaders Bakery and Johnny Rockets.

This is the third location for the Utah County-based business that offers up ‘dipped’ Churros — think Nutella or Fruity Crunch. Upping the ante, these guys offer the option to have your churro ‘dunked’ into creamy BYU ice cream. Churri-on over soon!

Owner Lisa Ward reports FENICE on Regent Street has finally launched lunch service! From 11 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, wander over for a sophisticated two-drink lunch.

Looking for a recommendation? Start with fire-roasted sherried grapes over housemade burrata, move on to the Italian sausage and agrodolce pizza covered in FOUR cheeses. Finally, if you have room, and you like the

theme of this story, Fenice also has a rotating selection of luxuriously-smooth gelato.

We first broke the news that Bourbon Group would be opening FRANKLIN AVENUE COCKTAIL & KITCHEN across the street from Brick & Mortar on Edison Avenue.

We’ll pause to answer your questions. (Franklin Avenue was originally Edison.)

(Edison was one of the first streets in the world to be electrified, rightly warranting a name change.)

As with all of Bourbon’s restaurants, this space is gorgeous and comfortable. The menu is evocative of White Horse and Whiskey Street and we can’t wait to try all of it.

Eggs are having a moment and newly-hatched EGGSBURGH is not yolking around.

Seven benedicts (smoked salmon benny over here, please), four omelets, five breakfast bowls, four french toast options, three wraps, five pancake flavors (including banana crunch pancakes), and a bunch of burgers and sandwiches. We’re going to head over there before the Farmers Market this week, check it out, and report back — follow us on social media. We’re already hearing eggstraordinary reviews.

Tristan, the discerning owner of the delightful CAFE JUNIPER on 400 south, next to Green Pig, is moving into Church and State. Follow him east for delicious baked goods and exotic small-batch coffees.

Do you like your coffee

‘strong’? Head to ALPHA COFFEE, which just opened in the 111 Building! Female- and veteran-owned, Alpha is proud to donate more than 10 percent of its profits to the planet,

veterans, and community through its Grounds for Good program. The sausage croissant and bacon burrito are legit… now, please open on Saturday and Sunday… please? Q

LGBTQ-owned restaurants in Utah We get asked all the time to suggest an LGBTQ-owned restaurant in the area. Here is our list of those we know.

Don’t see your favorite LGBTQ+ owned restaurant?

Please let us know and we will add it to our list.

Salt Lake City: CAFE JUNIPER 29 E 400 South, Salt Lake City  cafejuniperslc.com Toasts, snacks, and coffee

COFFEE GARDEN 878 E 900 S, Salt Lake City  coffeegardenslc.com Pastries, macarons, quiche, sandwiches ant coffee

FILLINGS & EMULSIONS 1475 Main St, Salt Lake City  fillingsandemulsions.com International pastries

LAZIZ KITCHEN 912 S Jefferson St, Salt Lake  lazizkitchen.com Modern Mediterranean

THE MED 420 E 3300 South, S. Salt Lake medslc.com Old-world Mediterranean

RAWTOPIA LIVING CUISINE AND BEYOND 3961 S Wasatch Dr, Millcreek  rawtopia.com Organic, glute-free

PIG & A JELLY JAR 401 E. 900 S., Salt Lake City 1968 E Murray-Holladay Rd  pigandajellyjar.com Southern-inspired cuisine

PORCH RESTAURANT 11274 Kestrel Rise Rd, S. Jordan  porchutah.com New American cuisine

AUGUST, 2022

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FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Issue 338 | Qsaltlake.com

Come join us at our original and only location for your fresh Lebanese favorites!

WWW.mazzacafe.com | OPEN MON–SAT 4 –9PM | 1500 E 1515 S SWEET HAZEL & CO 167 W 4500 S, Murray  sweethazelandco.com Vegan bakery

ZEST 275 S 200 West, Salt Lake City  zestslc.com Healthy, plant-based

Green River TAMARISK RESTAURANT 1710 E Main St, Green River  tamarisk.restaurant Breakfast, lunch, dinner, American, Southwestern

Huntsville THE SHOOTING STAR SALOON 7350 E 200 S, Huntsville  shooting-star-saloon.business.site Burgers, beers, soda, and chips.

NO fries

Ogden KAFFE MERCANTILE 1221 26th St, Ogden 930 Chambers St, S. Ogden

 kaffemercantile.com

Breakfast, pastries and coffee

NO FRILLS DINER

Fabby Award Winner

195 25th St, Ogden  fb.me/NoFrillsDinerOn25th

Breakfast, burgers, sandwiches

PIG & A JELLY JAR 227 E 25th St, Ogden  pigandajellyjar.com Southern-inspired cuisine

WB’S EATERY 455 25th St, Ogden  wbseatery.com Wine cafe and coffeehouse

Food Truck/Catering

2020 BEST PIZZA

FRY ME TO THE MOON

Fabby Awards

 FrymetothemoonSLC.com

Navajo tacos, food truck faves

MAKAYA CATERS  MakayaCaters.com

Haitian Food

NOEMIS CATERING  fb.me/noemiscatering

Chilean style empanadas, steaks, desserts

801-582-5700 275 S 1300 E SLC

801-582-5700 1320 E 200 S SLC

801-466-5100

3321 So. 200 E SLC 801-233-1999

7186 S Union Park Ave Midvale

thepie.com

801-495-4095

10627 S Redwood Rd. South Jordan

801-627-1920

4300 Harrison Blvd Ogden

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

positive thoughts

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

The state of HIV and aging

BY JEFF BERRY

By now

we’ve all heard the statistics: 50% of people living with HIV are over the age of 50, and by 2030 it will be 70%. When we talk about HIV and aging it always tends to sound like a laundry list of everything that can possibly go wrong as we get older.

But please indulge this old-timer as I ponder a few things for us to consider.

Today, thanks to advances in treatment, older adults with HIV are faring better, but we tend to have an average of three or more comorbidities than our peers without HIV, and these occur more frequently and at an earlier age.

Things like frailty, bone and neurocognitive issues, cardiovascular disease, cancers, kidney and liver disease — and inflammaging, the idea that chronic inflammation is the driver of many of these co-occurring conditions.

But what about invisibility as a co-morbidity? Stigma is still a huge issue for PLWH, and for those of us who are aging, we face the dual stigma of aging and HIV. Our society does not value our elders, and the wisdom that can come with aging. How do we tap

into that wisdom and begin to turn the tide of this impending silver tsunami?

We hear about trauma, too. Many long-term survivors (LTS) have experienced multiple traumas — trauma from our childhood, the trauma of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and the trauma of losing entire support networks of lovers, friends and family members to AIDS early on in the epidemic. People who acquired HIV around birth or at an early age and have been living with HIV 10, 20, 30 years now are also long-term survivors. We need to include them in the con-versation and pull up a chair for them at the table.

Along with these co-occurring conditions we see increased rates of isolation, depression, sub-stance misuse, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other psychosocial issues.

We know that HIV disproportionately affects Black, Indigenous and other people of color (BI-POC). And then issues such as unstable housing, justice system involvement, poverty, food inse-curity and other social determinants of health all affect the quality of life of people aging with HIV, and often can change the trajectory of the lives of PLWH, for better or for worse.

As advocate Jules Levin likes to point out, our healthcare system is broken and ill-equipped to deal with an aging society, let alone people who are aging with HIV. We’ve heard stories of older LGBTQ+ people and PLWH having to go back into the closet when entering into long-term care facilities, for fear

7pm, most third Fridays First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

of being outed, ostracized and stigmatized — and still being stigmatized and receiving suboptimal care.

Not only is our healthcare system broken, the entire system is broken. But, I promise, there is some good news.

The updated national HIV/AIDS strategy includes people aging with HIV and long-term survi-vors for the very first time. Clear goals for improving the quality of LTS are articulated in the strategy — let’s hold our leaders accountable, and work together so that we may achieve them. Organizations and programs around the country and globally are already starting to address some of these issues.

We know that many LTS have developed resilience in the face of all these odds, so how do we help support and build models of resilience? Just as PLWH created a system of care and support where none existed early in the epidemic, we are the ones who will need to create new systems and models of care, from the ground up, because no one else is going to do it for us.

We need to advocate for policies and reforms that will improve the quality of life and deliver cul-turally appropriate services and care for people aging with HIV. We need increased research on HIV and aging, but we also need implementation science that will help translate that research into improved outcomes and quality of life.

And lastly, it’s imperative that we strengthen and harness the collective voice and power of net-works of individuals living and aging with HIV to achieve all of these goals, and provide people living and aging with HIV the support and dignity we all so richly deserve.

We’ve earned it. Q Jeff Berry is the editor-in-chief of Positively Aware magazine, and he is Director of Publications at Test Positive Aware Network in Chicago. This column is a project of TheBody, Plus, Positively Aware, POZ and Q Syndicate.

Visit their websites for the latest updates on HIV/AIDS.

AUGUST, 2022

|

Issue 338 |

Qsaltlake.com

deep inside hollywood

HOLLYWOOD | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

BY ROMEO SAN VICENTE

Thumbs up to Ian McKellen in ‘The Critic’

Pedro Almodóvar’s queer western is galloping your way

In the movies, critics are the people we love to hate. Critic characters get even less overall sympathy than Marvel Cinematic Universe villain Thanos after “The Snap.” And who better to play an imperious and widely feared critic than the king of queer elders, Ian McKellen?

In the upcoming period thriller “The Critic,” based on Anthony Quinn’s novel “Curtain Call,” the two-time Oscar nominee will play a mean drama critic in 1930s London, and the wonderful Gemma Arterton (“Their Finest”) will play an actress on a mission to win him over. Enter — stage left — some journalistic intrigue, blackmail, backstabbing and an actual murder, and now there’s a story. Anand Tucker (“Hilary and Jackie”) directs this one from a script by Patrick Marber (“Notes on a Scandal”), and production is already underway. And for the record, if McKellen’s critic is the murderer, we want him to get away with everything.

The legendary gay Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodóvar made a stunning short film during 2020’s lockdown, “The Human Voice,” with Tilda Swinton, and it was as deliriously gorgeous and satisfying as any of his full-length features.

So why not another one? In August he begins production on “Strange Way of Life,” starring Ethan Hawke and Pedro Pascal as middle-aged, same-sex-enjoying gunmen who meet again for the first time in decades. Plans are to shoot in the desert region of Spain where the classic western “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” was filmed. And in what will most likely amount to a third starring role, all the costumes will be from Saint Laurent.

The fashion house’s designer Anthony Vaccarello, who’ll also act as an associate producer on the film, will handle the cowboy duds in the way only Saint Laurent can. Quickly now, someone tell Sam Elliott so we can all laugh at his reaction.

Kal Penn joins ‘The Santa Clauses’ Nearly 30 years after the 1994 Disney hit film “The Santa Clause,” its particular extended cinematic universe keeps on paying Christmas bonuses. There have been three feature films based on the story of a regular guy, played by Tim Allen, who learns that he’s contractually obligated to become Santa Claus (hence the “clause”), and all of them are beloved by the adults who watched them as ’90s kids. Now that those kids have kids of their own, a Disney+ series that keeps the story going is in the works. Starring Allen and Elizabeth Mitchell from the original films, the series will also feature Kal Penn as a single father whose own visit to the North Pole changes his life’s direction. That’s all we know right now, but we’re making a Christmas wish that the star of “A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas” ascends to the reins of that sleigh.

Watch for it this fall on Disney+. Q Romeo San Vicente understands the cowboy fascination with chaps.

SHE SAID YES! Time to start planning the wedding

Will they do lesbian weddings?

Will they treat us well?

Will they listen to our wants?

Do they support our community?

YES! If they are part of

BY THE COMMUNITY, FOR THE COMMUNITY PUBLISHED BY QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE. GET LISTED AT SALES@QSALTLAKE.COM

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 338 |

AUGUST, 2022

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of breasticles and undies and bears, Oh My!

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to camping with bears is fraught with danger and excitement.

Last month I had the opportunity to go into the mountains of Idaho and conduct bingo at a camp with some bears (the human kind).

It’s no secret that I am a high-maintenance queen. If you have ever gone camping with me or even witnessed me prepare for a trip into the mountains, you will undoubtedly know that I do not travel lightly. I require all comforts of home wherever I go, including a kitchen sink, queen-size bed, and a spacious tent-a-minium capable of sleeping ten full-sized adults (but for me alone). Not to mention at least 17 caftans, complete with six different beehive wigs and matching breasticles. Thus, it would normally take at least three heavily loaded trips in Queertanic, my beloved 1975 Buick Electra 225 land yacht, to make any foray into the wilderness tolerable.

All of this hauling eventually became a prohibitive logistical nightmare.

Thus, a few years ago, I regrettably was forced to retire my precious Buick and switch to a minivan. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Rumors that due to my aging knees no longer being able to hoist my ever-increasing buttockus maximus from the low-riding comfort of the Buick have been greatly exaggerated! NOT!) Thusly, the current edition of Queertanic is a minivan, capable of containing both breasticles and wigs at the same time.

Back to our story. Even when I’m only going up into the mountains for just one evening, it’s still a major operation to move me and my hair. I loaded up Queertanic to the brim with all the necessary accouterments I would need to experience a sunset in the hills and headed north to Idaho, the land of my origins.

Much like my spirit sister, Godzilla, returning to menace Tokyo, I arrived at the campground. Upon hoisting my

fat-icus ass-icus out of Queertanic, and barely squeezing between two mountains, I began inadvertently stomping on things. I happened upon a tent from which came many happy and amorous sounds of a couple of bear cubs enjoying an “afternoon delight.” There was much squealing and shrieking. Accidentally, I stumbled over some ropes that were supporting the tent poles, and the tent fell on them. Suddenly the squealing turned into much consternation and swearing. I quickly ran away before they could emerge from the mess and identify who dun it. When I later saw them, I said that I saw a moose stumble through the camp and hit their tent.

In my haste to escape the collapsed tent and the confused and angry bears inside, I ran smack into a lovely hammock swinging gently in the shade of a willow tree filled with a hunky bear cub enjoying an afternoon siesta. I landed smack on top of him, with my left breasticle poking him right in the family jewels. Again, I fled in panic, stomping all the way as he groaned in pain, gasping for air. I’m sure that several endangered species of plants and small animals, not to mention bears, came much closer to extinction that day.

Finally, I made it to the dining tent.

I had arrived just in time for dinner.

Voila, timing is everything! I settled down to eat a scrumptious meal, resting my plate on my breasticles, thereby shortening the distance between plate and mouth for expedited feasting. Despite the close proximity to my gaping hole, I managed to spill some sauce on my breasticle. Is anyone surprised?

Time for bingo. Since we were in the mountains and there were no muggles about, I determined that we should spice up the bingo party fouls by having the bears remove one article of clothing for each foul. Of course, I kept fouling the cutest boys. Before long, several were au natural. There was one particular boy whom I repeatedly targeted, who

finally ended up stark naked. I turned to face the rest of the audience to call the next game, and suddenly his underwear came flying at me and hit me square in the face, and then dropped down. I wanted to hold up the underwear and make an example to the audience, so I looked at the ground around my feet to find the underwear and pick them up. I could not see them. I’m looking all over.

How could they have just disappeared?

Finally, one of the guys pointed out that they were hanging from my right breasticle. Holy crap! They were too close for me to even see. Just then, out of the blue, another pair of undies hit me right in the nose. It seemed to be raining men, well at least men’s undies. I gave them each a very swift perusal to check for any latent skid marks. I thought I noticed one, but upon closer inspection, it was just some of my eyeliner that had rubbed off onto them. I gave each pair a good sniff and then draped them on each of my breasticles while I played with my balls. Er, I mean called the next bingo game. It appeared as if I was a clothesline at a boy scout summer camp.

Eventually, bingo was over, and they sent me home. No bears were seriously harmed.

Like always, these events leave us with several eternal questions: 1. Does the next Queertanic need to be a Winnebago?

2. For the safety of everyone, should I install caution beepers in my breasticles to warn of my approach?

3. Can I play Godzilla in the next movie?

4. Should the movie be called Papzilla?

5. Would I stomp on beautiful downtown Magna?

6. Should strip bingo become a regular thing?

7. Will Idaho name a mountain range after my breasticles?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear. Q

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