Cookies and Cache by Berk Hi. No. Down here. That’s better. Before you start asking weird questions, or making rude comments, or calling me squirt, which I hate, So, FORGET IT. First of all, I have a growth disorder called ######### ( To long and confusing to write here) It basically means I am very short. I like it, being called short. Nice and short. Nothing offensive like vertically challenged. My house is weird, but nothing like I see living in Silicon Valley.
On daily strolls I see things from electric toilet paper to Facebook’s meditation room, which is a real thing. No. Really. The reason I am living here is that my family of unusually tall people ( strange, I know,) is because of my dad, who had a really strange idea after I barfed up a store bought cookie. Unknown to him, it was bacon flavor. UGH. His idea was that he would make better cookies. So now we’re in good business, with a company called Better Cookies. The recipe is in a safe that’s in a safe that’s in one of two safes. The family's storage is on a shelf and my mom says that I can take one whenever I want, when my dad isn’t looking. My dad is on a business trip to meet a fastfood company to sell to, and my mom is out on an errand, and I am starving. The fridge is locked so no one can get into the emergency stash. The only manageable thing that I can reach is the compost. Ugh. I would be desperate
and crazy to eat junk like that. My stomach growls with hunger. Option two: the family stash. Without anyone to help me reach it, I was stuck at the bottom, while the shelf was (customly) made for my tall parents.
There was a wooden ladder propped against the wall outside. I go out to grab it. Somewhere in the distance, someone... or something howled a ghostly howl in the distance. Also, someone was sawing. Creepy. I quickly dragged the ladder into the house and slammed the door. Unknown to me at the time, I shut it a little too hard, and it bounced partially open. I dragged the ladder over to the shelf and started to climb. My stomach was rumbling. I was almost to the top... when I heard sawing at the base of the ladder.
Cookie Monster Cookie smell something good! Yummy thing Cookie eat! Cookie chew! Cookie love smell! Eat! EAT! Blah! AROOOOOOOOOO! WOOF! It was definitely not human. It was... I gulped and looked down. It was Billy’s Robot Lumberjack Beaver! It was a test robot designed to help the lumber industry. They went kaput after their controls got damaged. I heard that a dog peed on it, but you can’t really believe the source I got this from. The beavers ran wild and terrorized people, but nobody could catch them. The beaver sawed at the base of the ladder, and the ladder wobbled, and it tilted. The
robot then finished sawing at it and the ladder fell over completely. There was the sound of crunching metal as the ladder toppled onto the robot. I flew through the air and fell onto the floor, thankfully not hurt. “So much for the cookies,” I said out loud. Wait! I had another idea! A grappling hook! I went outside only to hear the howl. Only, it’s source was closer. I (quickly) found a tennis ball sized rock and hurried inside. I tied the rock to a utility rope and threw it at the rafters. I started to climb. The rope was not close enough to reach. I swung, but misjudged my aim I slammed into the fridge. And unlike in cartoons, I did not peel off. Or slide off. Or turn into a human pancake. Or become vertical roadkill. I bounced off. And It hurt. Bad.
Cookie Monster Cookie smell something! It get closer! Cookie run fast! smell get closer! AROOOOOOOOOO! ARRRRRFFFFFFFFFFF! Right there! Before I could recover, there was a crash of glass behind me, and whatever broke the glass was making the howl. I turned around in pain and saw a flying... thing going through the air. It was definitely an animal of some sort. It was more of flailing then flying. It was muddy and smelly, and I realized this reeking thing was a dog, and not just any dog. The dog is a stray that roams our neighborhood. This dog is infamous for his exploits involving cookies. This dog did a full out assault on a little kid, and the only thing the dog came out with was the cookie the kid was holding. The dog has a large bump on his head, probably the reason he behaves so strangely. This dog became known as Cookie Monster. Fitting.
This muddy missile flung itself through the air toward the jar of Better Cookies. Cookie Monster instead hit the shelf edge. He (or she) yelped in pain and fell the the floor dazed. The whole shelf wobbled, then the entire shelf came down, and a chunk of the wall fell with it. The jar shattered on impact and the cookies slid all over the floor. I forgot about everything and started to munch on one. Then a taxi pulled up outside. I forgot. My dad is coming back from his business trip today. He hates me eating them because we have to make them by hand, and we have a lot of customers. Also, a chunk of the wall was missing, and a smelly dog was sprawled on the floor.
UhOh.