Will they be... fame? Hey guys, I know the only reason you're reading this is because i’m in one of the most famous bands in the world, because fame is how to get fame... But anyways let me tell you how I got fame. Let me just say that when I say fame, you guys are gonna think that i'm talking about fame, but i'm really talking about FAME. Fame is the name of my band. And without the name fame I wouldn’t have FAME. But all of this “fame” stuff is probably
confusing you enough, so i’m just gonna tell you about how I got fame. I was walking home from school in the most beautiful place in the world, Beverly Hills. Earlier in the day, I was talking with my friend Freddie Simpson and he plays the drums. I sing and know how to play the electric guitar, but I don't have one, so I said “if i ask my mom and dad, they might let me get one, so i'll ask them!”
I walked in the door of my house, and said “Mom, do you mind driving me to the music store?” “Well hon,” my mom said, “are you gonna buy a violin?” I’ll stop you right there to tell you that my mom has always been wanting me to play a violin. I mean, how does she expect a fifteen year old punk rocker from Beverly Hills, with a red streak of hair dye to be a violin player?
Maybe its the fact that I have an incredibly stupid name. Don't ask me why my parents gave me the stupidest name ever, but they did. My name is Lenny lenlen. Go ahead laugh. But anyways, my mom said “I am not going to pay for you to play a “rock” instrument!” “Why are you being so persistent?” I asked. “Look lenny,” mom said “i’m done with this! if you want a guitar, buy it yourself...!” That was a surprise! Mom never gave me money in my whole life, except for school lunch, which for the record, tastes like dirt, and costs 50 cents. “When you are in college...” My mom started. Uh-oh... here we go again, I thought. “You can buy a guitar... unless you earn money until then! ha, you earn it ho ho ha.... ha ha... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HA AHA HA HA.” Mom was hysterical with laughter. “HEY, MOM...” I screamed. “Shut the heck up! I will earn the money, you wait and see! I will be in the most famous band in the world one day!!!” I was right though, I was gonna be in the most famous band in the world... My parents are terrible, and I mean TERRIBLE. One time for dinner, they just gave me a some plain toast, and went upstairs in their room. On my birthday, the desert was two TABLESPOONS of fat free frozen yogurt. For my birthday present, all they gave me was a pack of six guitar picks, and an amplifier. I still remember that night. “Here you go honey!” mom said. “Your first amp and guitar picks!”. Uh, news flash, you need a guitar to find ANY use for these! I thought. And its not like we don’t have enough money to buy these things. We live in Beverly Hills. Our house has a pool, we have three really nice cars, and we have a Xbox 360, two flat screen tvs, and three computers. Have i made my point? If I haven't, here it is. We are rich, but my parents still won’t buy me this one guitar! Anyway, its saturday morning now, and i’m gonna go over to rake leaves. I raked Mrs. Simpson’s lawn, and she paid 25 bucks! But I need to get one hundred fifty dollars! I still have to make a lot of money. But it was getting late, so I went home. “Lenny lenlen, its time for dinner,” mom said. “Hey mom,” I said “plain Len is just fine, get the picture?” “Well Lenny lenlen is your name,” mom started “and if...” “News flash mom, everyone, including me thinks Its a stupid name! Why did you give me
such a dumb name anyways?” I asked. “Well, I don't care if other people think its stupid!” She said. “You should be proud of having a... um. unusual name.” Right mom, this is coming from the person who always says If you give her money, it would help her live longer. My mom is the most selfish person you’ve ever met, and if you haven't met her, you are the luckiest person on earth, and you should pray that you don't. This past weekend, I made 75 dollars! I just need 25 more. It was 8 in the morning, and it was November 14th. I had a job at Mr. Lee’s. He was paying me 30 dollars just to mow his lawn! 30 dollars would be enough for me to buy a guitar, and have five dollars extra. I walked over to Mr. Lee’s house. He said, “Oh hi, len, are you ready to mow my lawn?” “Yeah!” I said. “I have my mower. Should I start?” “Okay!” he said, and he gave me my money! I went to mow the lawn. A half an hour later, I came out, pouring sweat. I never knew that mowing a lawn could be SO hard. But... I had enough money to buy that gibson guitar. I raced home, and since I was so excited, I got there in 2 minutes, when on a normal day, it would take me 10 minutes. When I got to my house, I got on my bike, and raced to the music store. When I got to the music store, I found the gibson I wanted, I brought it to the cash register, And paid. “Dude,” The cashier said “do you play guitar?” “Yeah,” I said. “Thats cool! what kind do you have?” “Well,” I said, “This is my first one.” I took the guitar, put the strap on, and then rode off.
5 minutes later, I was rockin’ out. I was totally unaware that it was only 9 in the morning, and my parents sleep in until NOON, and I was rockin’ out, full blast, and the volume was up ALL the way. I admit I got a little bit carried away, and if I knew that at the time, my life would have been totally different. My Dad came storming down in the basement “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ITS NINE! ITS SO EARLY!” He got my guitar, and smashed it on the ground. “DAD! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?” he snapped the handle off, and smashed my head! I screamed. My mom came down and screamed, “LEN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” She got my amp, and threw it at my head. My dad kept hitting me! They were assaulting me, and thats the last thing I remember, before I blacked out. When I woke up, I was in a music store where you could get anything for free! I saw my mom and dad at the top of the guitar shelf. I said to dad, “Do you mind coming down and helping me get a guitar?” Then suddenly, I was at a lake. No one
else was there. The guitar shelf was still there, on land, and my mom and dad were still on it. I started climbing it to get a guitar, but my dad said, “We don’t love you! Get away, fool.” “But your my parents,” I started. “You have to...” “You're a punk, and we hate you!” Mom said. She threw a guitar at me. It hit me, and then I fell that long drop, and into the water. “OW! WHAT’S YOUR GUYS PROBLEM WITH ME?? WHY DO YOU GUYS LOATH ME???” Dad picked up an amplifier. “Dad, don't throw it, i’ll die! Dad before you...” The amp left his hands and I died. “AHHH!” I woke up screaming. Oh, phew. It was just a dream. I woke up, but I was at a hospital bed. I said, “Why am I here?” “Apparently,” said the police officer “ your parents have been committing child abuse for 15 years. The police found you in a basement, with a house on fire. Your parents are in jail.” I couldn't believe it! My parents finally got what they deserved. “But wait...” I said. “I can’t be an orphan, I...” “Don't worry!” The officer said. “Some people by the name of Freddie And Mary Simpson are adopting you.” This is great!!! I get to live the rest of my life with my best friend! “Wait, how long have I been in here?” “Three weeks!” The officer said. “Its christmas in three days. I’ll have you home in two days.” “But why can’t I go now?” I asked. “Well, take a look in the mirror.” He said, while handing me a pocket mirror. There were burns all over my face. There were huge marks from where i had been hit with a guitar. Uh Oh... MY GUITAR! How am I EVER supposed to be in a band now? Two days later I had already had stitches, and two surgery’s. It was christmas eve, and I was eating a lovely dinner with chicken, mashed potatoes, and carrots. “You know,” freddie said, with his mouth full, “now we can start a band.” “Yeah,” I said, “except for the fact that my house is burnt to crisp, and my guitar was destroyed anyway.” Freddie, and his mom, whos now my mom, exchanged a look. I said, “You know, I just came back from the ER, and i’m a bit sleepy. Can I go to bed?” “Go ahead,” said mom. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was on the couch, next to a christmas tree! “Merry christmas, len!” Said Mom and freddie at the same time, and they gave me a new shiny black and blue guitar with a amplifier. And this is twenty years later, and i’m married, with two kids, and im in the best selling band
ever, called fame.