RR 6th Edition

Way Back W

ay back there existed a very thin line between feasting and fasting. This meant that boundaries where often crossed at will. For some low spiritual brethren, they cross the borders with ease and tell God that it couldn't be helped. For the medium spiritual ones, they owed their allegiance to time rather than God and therefore, time determines how often they will cross the borders. For the highly spiritual ones, well, they have something to prove, some respect to earn and goal to achieve.

Brother EmEm struggled off his bed and lustfully considered the bread and butter that lay on his table, hissing, he went for his toothbrush, he checked the Time, "Jeeez," he seethed. The time was just eleven thirty am in the morning. He mumbled some incoherent words as he left the room. I sat there, wondering what the matter was with Emem, was he complaining about something or was he speaking in tongues?

He had been rather quite all morning, almost lifeless, except for some occasional jerks and some mumblings, which sounded strange.

My thoughts where interrupted when he stepped back into the room. He went straight for his bed and collapsed into it. Not being able to contain myself, I moved up to him and asked him what the matter was. There was no answer. I peered closer nearly fearing something. I heard what sounded like a snore.

The guy is sleeping? I touched him lightly, calling his name. His whole body started to jerk and for the first time I was sure that he was speaking in tongues. He waved his hand in a manner indicative of the fact that I was disturbing his communion with God. "Lord knows I tried!" Was my only consolation as I left the room for a shower.

I came into the room to meet Emem relishing the last crumb of the buttered bread. He reached for a cup of water, gulped and wondered why I was staring at him. With what seemed a miraculous agility, he sprang up and belched. I was still staring.

"By the way why were you disturbing me?" He asked. "Didn't you know I was fasting?"

It was only ten minutes past twelve in the afternoon.

"Fasting?" I screamed, "You were dead!"

For brother Charles, fasting was all about beating the deadline set by God. If only he could make it to six o'clock then a crown awaits. His fasting tools were a bed to lie on; a pillow to hold is stomach, a cup of water as a standby in case duty demand switch from dry fasting to wet fasting, a bedside clock with alarm set for six o' clock and finally the much needed assurance of some food awaiting consumption as soon as the battle is over.

This was way back, years later brother Charles was to admit that he hardly met the deadline and had had to approximate to the nearest whole number which was usually six o'clock hoping that God understood mathematics to still give him his laurel.

Alex packed his baggage, not that there was a much in it by way of worldly possessions; just a shirt and a trouser, a bible and some Christian books. Where was he going? In his own words, "to the mountain." Alex for some time has been practicing to be like Christ at least to impress God and earn respect from some of us. He figured that

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By Egerton Idehen

The Beauty of

there was no better way to do this than to go on 40 days fast, and to the "mountain" he went. The mountain turned out to be a disserted friends room in the outskirts of town. The first day saw Alex praying like he never did all his life and the first night taught Alex what it is to be hungry; and the day and the night was the first day. With thirty-nine days to go, Alex knew if he didn't compromise his standard, he'd probably be meeting the lord soon. So he drank some water, a shift from the originally proposed dry fast. By afternoon of the second day the relief rendered by water became purely academic in the light of the twinge he felt in his stomach. Why not break the fast with light food like custard every evening? He questioned. This suggestion was appealing; thanking the Holy Ghost for the inspiration he went outside to buy custard. By the third day custard had become morning, afternoon and evening meal.

By the fourth day the can of custard was completely exhausted!

Brother Alex came down from the mountain. The night and the day was the fourth day, without the much-desired zero.

Pastor Emeka was duly reminded that he was the one preaching in an hour's time. This reminder came from Elder Timothy, who had had a hard time understanding why a preacher who was due on the pulpit in an hour's time would be the last to let go of the pounded yam. Fine, it has been a long fast, but why in the world would pastor Emeka not let go, after all, everybody fasted. He had a very bad feeling about it. For an important crusade like this everybody must be physically and spiritually alert, this he had learnt from experience.

Pastor Emeka was not to be hurried. He carefully signed out of the food and had enough time to belch. 'It is not by power and not by might it is by spirit of the lord,' he thought disregarding the concern of the other brethren.

The whole crusade ground was packed full and Pastor Emeka was trying his best to move up and down the platform to no avail. He was feeling so heavy. He decided on trying some of his old joker, " We're going to shout seven loud hallelujahs," he told the crowd.

"Praise the Looorrrrd…" he screamed. He almost passed out. He being too aware that before it gets to the seventh hallelujah the sound would have petered into a mere whisper, especially when he lacked the breathe to reinforce each hallelujah, decided to use the first hallelujah as a cover to save the day. He moved back stage towards where the other ministers where sitting and whispered to them, making sure that the microphone was far from him, "pray for me" Elder Timothy whispered back to him," No, Pounded yam" So was the anointing licked that day in so much that little was achieved even though so much was prayed for.

I came into the prayer ground heavily decked with food. The strength I exuded that day could have won me the greatest prayer

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Marriage Dr Uvoh Onoriobe Editor-in-Chief

STATEMENT OF

PURPOSE is about life torn apart by life’s many experiences. It is our vision to provide an avenue (through the print and electronic media) where the hurting, the depressed, the frustrated and confused can find love acceptance, healing, hope, help forgiveness and encouragement. It is our vision to help believers discover, develop, and maximise God’s purpose for their lives.

2 3 4

Editor’s Letter Letters

Content

How Can I Know What God Wants Me To

Do?

8 10 12 13 14 19

Bill Wilson-Committed to the Salvation of Children Issues Of The Heart Story-Tamara Sista, Sista Raised from the dead

What Is Wrong With Living Together Before Marriage?

21 Clean Talk

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Cont’d on page 52

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Cover Story - The Beauty of Marriage Let’s Talk About Sexual Addiction 35 Possible Places of Meeting Your R E A L

Spouse 28 Gospel Beats- Commissioned

30 32 34 36 38 39 41 43 44 46 47 48 50 52

Story-That Night 70 Questions you must answer...

Lady to Lady Somebody Help!

Love Story Health Matters For Guys Only Praise Fiesta Unmarried Men In the Church Under the Shadow Table Manners Reflections Protect Your Sexual Health Single and Dignified

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Editor’s Letr

I

love T.D. Jakes! His power of description of love, lovers, and marriage is beautifully intoxicating. You can't read these descriptions and not look at your spouse in a new light or renew your relationship with your spouse or even with your friends. In his book, The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord, he describes a woman of virtue as …a fragile decanter…envy of the ordinary and the object of the connoisseur…timeless as a concerto in C minor…rich composite of many precious potentials…lady of majesty and elegance…adorned with diamond in her eyes and rubies in her smile…jasper of the day and the rich onyx of the night…She is in a moment a treasure to be admired. In a lifetime she is an investment paying dividends to all whom she is exposed… harbour where he docks his fears and finds shelter in the storm of life…she will never do her man harm…

I could go on and on. Men, don't think I am biased but frankly, when you find a woman with all these qualities, will you not climb seven mountains, cross seven seas, go to the deepest depth, if possible, just to get her? And when you finally get her and she says the magic words 'I Do', will you not be on top of the world, a world higher than astronauts could ever reach?

A whole man and a whole woman will definitely produce a whole marriage. And that is what the focus of this edition is on-Marriage.

It is not uncommon to hear ladies say, 'I am waiting for Mr. Right.' Let me disabuse your mind a little-be Miss Right!

You must be established and strengthened economically, spiritually and in your personality before you think of going into a relationship so that when the offer comes you will know that you are in love and not in need (T.D. Jakes again!). Don't make the mistake of getting married because the guy is rich, more spiritual than you are or is more emotionally balanced than you. If this happens and tomorrow you acquire all these qualities by yourself, you will discover that you no longer have need of the man. What next? Trouble.

As a woman, you are the homemaker, the deputy priest and decision-maker of the home, the help-meet, the wife, the mother, lover, best friend. Our role is awesome and it is a woman who is balanced who can maintain equilibrium in her career in the morn, mummy at noon and lover at night.

I think it's high time we stopped waiting for Mr. Right. Don't be on the look out for a man who will be the Mr. Right. Don't wait for the perfect, knight-in-shining armour.

Women, men do not want liabilities, they don't want to carry the baggage all the time. They want, desire assets. Be an asset.

If you are still single, this is an opportunity for you to learn

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how to perfect your role as a wife. Read books, listen to tapes, attend seminars on marriage. Develop yourself, your potentials, learn anything and everything that will spice your marriage, be an entrepreneur, be balanced. Let your man see you and see an asset!

If you are already married, it's not too late to learn. Someone said a man who does not read has no advantage over a man who cannot read.

Please men, these issues raised are also applicable to you. You need to do your part to make your marriage heaven on earth. With God, nothing is impossible.

I think I've said more than enough on this issue. Let me allow you enjoy the wonderful articles, true-life stories on marriage, relationships, packed into this edition. Pastor Adelaja, who with his lovely wife is doing wonders in Ukraine, wrote the Beauty of Marriage. It is a must-read for everyone.

This edition of Real Relationship, like always, is rich and am sure you will learn a lot.

A big THANK YOU to all our ardent readers, who send mails, letters just to tell us how much they appreciate Real Relationships.

I want to assure you that we can only get better with your unflinching moral and financial support.

Once again, thank you for being there and we promise to always be there for you.

Truly Yours Tinuke Alli-Oke RR

Real Relationships Rebuilding Our Generation EDITOR -IN-CHIEF Dr Uvoh Onoriobe ( uvohdee@yahoo.com) EDITOR Atinuke Alli-Oke ( allioke@yahoo.com) MANAGING EDITOR Egerton Idehen (egertoni@yahoo.com) SERIES EDITOR Dr Okugbo Stanley EDITORIAL CONSULTANT Dr Omadeli Boyo SENIOR WRITER Dr Omokhoa Adeleye CORRESPONDENTS

Dr Tochi Onwuachusi,Dr Ayamma Umanah,Kome Omu,(England), Belief Emadamerho(Michigan),Chichi Nwanne ( Arkansas) ADMIN MANAGER Jafeh Ehabahe PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER Oby Nzenwa PRODUCTION MANAGER Igho Efekemo CIRCULATION MANAGER Sam Etaderhi MARKETING / ADVERT EXECUTIVE Charles Okwa PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS

Peter Okofu, Uju Okwudarue, Emonena Onoriobe CIRCULATION

Stanley Abiri (Atlanta), Omoefe Onoriobe, Osasco Nosa-Oviasu GRAPHICS AND DESIGN

DEEFAKS&WAILOR PUBLISHERS Plumbline Communications Company Ltd. 83 Makinde Street, Mafoluku, lagos Business Office 25 Marconi Road, Palmgrove Estate Lagos P.O Box 53037 Ikoyi Lagos Tel: 08023116621,08023274333 E-mail : realrelationships@hotmail.com London Office 17 Lindley House, Lindley Estate, London SE 15 2UN Tel +44 207 635 8142

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THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE cont’d from page 25 It is essential that husband and wife discuss sexual issues freely and without embarrassment. The husband should know how to satisfy his wife sexually; he should know what arouses her and what gives her pleasure. Likewise the wife should know the same. If you fail to discuss sex, you will not have a fully healthy family life. One partner may be satisfied but the other may not be. One may experience orgasm, but the other may not have an inkling of what orgasm is all about. But we are Christians. We are building our families on the foundation of sincerity and honesty. So then, never be embarrassed to talk to about your sexual needs.

Marriage partners should also discuss each other's behavior in the family. The wife should tell her husband what she dislikes about his behavior and actions or what irritates her, and the husband should tell his wife the same. Each marriage partner should be aware of his or her respective duties. For example, the husband and wife should agree on who will do the washing, ironing and house-cleaning. The majority of divorces take place because of trivial things like: "You always put the toothpaste in the wrong place", "you didn't do the washing-up the right way", "you didn't buy bread", "you didn't fix supper on time" and so on. It is essential that loving spouses learn to be above all these. They should openly discuss their lives together right down to the most trivial details and try to change the things they don't like.

Another important issue for couples to discuss is their children's upbringing. The husband and wife should frequently discuss their children's lives, plan their future and pray for them.

Love Getting married presumes a readiness to take responsibility for the family, a willingness to develop a deep relationship with the person of your choice, and an ability to show love. The most important thing in the family is love. Without love, it is not advisable to get married.

There can be no marriage without love, for love is the foundation of marriage.

You do hear cases of people who live together for many years and later 'fall out of love' with each other. This happens when people live without God. Few years together without God is enough to inflict each other with deep emotional wounds. They hurt each other to such a degree that their love just vanishes without trace. Of course it is possible to 'fall out of love', but when we come to Jesus, God can help us to overcome our difficulties.

'And hope makes not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.'

(Romans 5:5) The moment you come to God, He gives you the Holy Spirit who is the only one who can replenish this deficit in love. When we come to the Lord, He begins by His Holy Spirit to pour out a new love into our hearts -- God's love. If you feel that you have lost the love you once had for your partner, make an effort to love that person again and then God will give you His love. He will rekindle that love you once had and make it stronger than before. God's love has already been poured out in you, it has been shed abroad in your heart, and it is springing up like a fountain towards that other person, more so if that person is your former husband or former wife. God will give you the strength and ability to love again in a new and real way.

So if you have 'fallen out of love' with someone, don't despair.

Rather, repent and God will give you a new love for that person. It is very difficult to live without love. You know that love is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. If you are growing in God, then you will have the fruits of the Holy Spirit, one of which is love. This means that you will have the ability to love people.

'For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision avails any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which works by love.' (Galatians 5:6) What does '…faith which works by love' mean? It simply means that when we believe in God, our faith will only work if exercised in love.

So if a husband does not love his wife in the way that is expected of a Christian, his faith will not work and his prayers will not be answered.

He will be surprised and wonder why God is not answering his prayers. But really the answer is very simple- he is not walking in love.

Real faith in God will only be activated when you have love. God's

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faith only works by love.

For example as I am in Ukraine, if I refuse to love the Ukrainians, I can pray and fast for as long as I like I will get no results. My faith will start working when I learn to love these people. That is what it means: In Christ Jesus faith works only by love. If you don't learn to love it will hinder your prayers, it will hinder your faith and it will hinder your Christian walk.

Decide that you are going to forgive everybody, love everybody and respect everybody, then you will find it easier to get on in life.

Making a decision like this is particularly important if there is a problem in the family.

'Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.' (1 Peter 3:7) God wants husbands to respect their wives and treat them as weaker vessels. When this happens, you can count on your prayers being unhindered, and you will have no problems with God. You know already that love has been given to all Christians therefore a Christian is capable of loving anybody if he decides to. Our capability to love is dependent on this one condition- making the decision to love. After you have made the decision, God gives you the ability to love.

Besides that, you know that true faith can only work where there is sincere love. If there is no love in your family that will hinder your faith and God will not hear your prayers.

There is also one more truth that will help you in your marriage: 'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.' (Colossians 3:18) Wives should submit to their husbands. Disobedience is no credit to a woman nor does it add to her beauty, it only abases her. The Bible tells us that the husband is the head of the family and the wife is required to submit to him. When the wife loves her husband she will submit to him. This same principle also applies to the husbands: 'Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.'

(Colossians 3:19) There are some husbands (even believers and pastors), who try to control their wives to such an extent the wives become bitter towards them. They speak harshly to their wives as though they are their servants. This kind of husband needs to be reminded that his wife is not a servant, she is not even a personal secretary, she ranks a lot higher than that and that is why the Bible tells husbands to love their wives and not to be bitter against them.

Honor your wife and love her. God says that our wives are heirs together with us of the grace of life. God honors them, so that gives us no right to put them down.

'Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covers all sins.' (Proverbs 10:12) 'Hatred stirreth up strifes…' If there is strife in your family, it means that there is no love. I have lived five years with my wife and we have never quarreled once. Some people might object and say that five years is too short a period of time to make any valid assessment of one's family life. But when Dr. T.L. Osborne was in our church, he mentioned that he had never quarreled with his wife, and they have lived together for 54 years. All those years their hearts were knit together in love. There was never any hatred and so, there was no cause for divorce. Ask God to fill your heart with love for your husband or for your wife.

Love covers all sins. That is what the Word of God says but in some families, when the husband does something not quite right or not on time, his wife almost certainly starts reproaching him for it. It happens the other way round too. This becomes the reason for quarrels and strife. God tells us this kind of behavior is not a demonstration of love. Love covers everything. Even if one of the marriage partners does see the other person's weaknesses or something he or she is not doing quite right, that should be tackled delicately and talked through very tactfully and kindly to help the spouse get free from the shortcomings. This is how true love should operate in a marriage.

Love covers all sins, love forgives and helps a person overcome all his problems. True love defends the wife, protects the husband, helps both partners solve their problems together.

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be foolish to buy the first home he saw listed in the newspaper without seeing it, or without getting sound advice from experts in home sales. In such a decision, the advice of others is invaluable. It can mean the difference between getting stuck with high mortgage payments for a piece of decaying junk and buying a wellconstructed affordable home that will increase in value.

Solomon wrote, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise" (Prov. 12:15). Others can see what we cannot, and they can be more objective in their evaluation of issues that to us are highly charged. They can point out errors in our judgment and add valuable insights.

Do I have to take advice when it is given? Of course not. Human advice is not a command from God. Some advice is better than others.

Some people who give advice are more knowledgeable. And simply because more people advise one course of action over another is not enough reason to move in that direction. Many other factors may be involved. In fact, we may receive contradictory advice. Then we have to decide who is worth listening to.

Whose advice should I seek? If you want some tips on how to navigate a submarine, it wouldn't make much sense to ask a person who has never even seen one. And if you are trying to decide how to choose a marriage partner, you don't ask someone who has been divorced 10 times. We need to seek out those people who have reliable information.

Not only do we need information, but we also need godly counsel from people who are in tune with God, who are sensitive to the spiritual issues, and who know how to apply the Lord's wisdom to the many aspects of life.

The first two verses of Psalm 1 remind us of the need for the right kind of advice.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night.

Rehoboam was the grandson of David, Israel's greatest king. He should have learned from his grandfather where to go for advice.

When his father Solomon died, Rehoboam became Israel's king. But instead of following the wise and mature counsel of his father's friends, he went along with the advice of his young contemporaries who lacked the godly wisdom of the elders (2 Chr. 10). As a result, Rehoboam lost a large part of his kingdom.

He made the mistake of looking for someone who agreed with his opinion instead of listening to wisdom. People today continue to make the same kind of mistake.

When we seek out advice, we must do so with openness to being corrected or to having our initial choice rethought. It does little good to ask for advice when our mind is already made

up.

Thinking It Over. Why would it be dangerous to base your decision on a majority vote of your advisors? Have you made wise use of counsel in the past? Do you take advice well?

Why would it be profitable to do your own research first before seeking out the suggestions of others?

Should you be deeply concerned about whether you wear red socks or blue? Is it necessary to pray about it, search for a biblical theology of colors, and seek the advice of your pastor? If you say yes, your life must be miserable! God did not intend for us to be frozen in anxiety each time we have to make a choice.

How free are we? God gave freedom to use our own heads to decide what to do.

Consider Adam, for example. God put him in the Garden of Eden and told him to name the animals (Gen. 2:19-20). Did Adam get all flustered and say, "But Lord, I want to make sure I name them exactly what You think they should be named"? No, God gave Adam freedom to choose the names that pleased Adam, and it was fine with God. Another example from Genesis 2 was Adam's choice of food. God had said that Adam could eat from any tree he wanted, except for one. That gave Adam great freedom--even though later he and Eve overextended their freedom and disobeyed God. And therein lies the key. Our God-given freedom extends to those decisions that God's commands and principles have not addressed.

For example, a fish in the ocean is free to swim anywhere it wants to flap its fins. But if it chose to flip up onto land, the decision would be fatal. As human beings, we have freedom to choose among good options that conform to God's standards and His ideas of wisdom.

Once we "jump out" of God's standards, however, we make a major mistake.

How does this work in real life? Will it violate a biblical principle if I buy a Cadillac instead of a Ford? It would if I trampled all over my wife's feelings on the matter (violation of the principle of Ephesians 5:25-33), or if my decision meant that my children wouldn't have food on the table because my loan payments were too high (violation of the principle of 1 Timothy 5:8). On the other hand, my choice of cars could be an area where I have a great deal of freedom without violating a biblical principle. There could be several good choices that meet God's standards and reflect a wise use of my Godgiven mental ability.

If in doubt, is it wise to wait? If you are standing in line at a fast-food restaurant wondering whether to have a hamburger or a cheeseburger, the outcome of your decision isn't likely to be life-changing. But when the person behind the counter says, "May I help you," you have to come up with a decision or else get out of line. It would be ridiculous to agonize over such a choice. But what about bigger decisions like proposing marriage, choosing a vocation, deciding whether or not

to have risky surgery, or determining how to care for a relative who is terminally ill? At times it may be wise to wait--if you have the luxury of extra time and if waiting will allow you to find valuable new information or allow for a better analysis of facts already available. Haste is not a virtue (Prov. 21:5).

If we are extremely uneasy about a decision, we should take time to evaluate why we feel that way. In some cases, such lack of peace may indicate that our choice is "not from faith" and is a sinful violation of our conscience (Rom. 14:23). Or a lack of peace may indicate that we have not expressed our trust in God to meet our needs (Phil. 4:6-7).

We should remember that although God can use our feelings to direct us, what we "feel" may be a result of our emotional makeup rather than a message from God's Spirit. And watch out for the paralysis of analysis, a decision-crippling disease affecting those who procrastinate or who continually fear that some bit of information is yet to be found that will help them know what God wants them to do.

Could I flip a coin? In some cases, yes. Does that sound a bit unspiritual? It isn't if you have acknowledged the Lord, looked for principles in His Word, used common sense, and listened to good advice. Flipping a coin, though, or making an arbitrary choice should be a last resort, and only when you are choosing between good options.

In Proverbs 16:33, Solomon said, "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD." Casting lots, drawing straws, or flipping a coin fall into the same category. In the Bible, God worked through such techniques to reveal what He wanted done.

For example: ·Aaron cast lots on the Day of Atonement to select a goat to sacrifice (Lev. 16:8-10). ·Nehemiah used lot-casting to distribute work responsibilities (Neh. 10:34). ·Solomon said that casting lots could stop people from fighting (Prov. 18:18). ·Jonah was discovered as the villain when a ship captain cast the lot (Jon. 1:7). ·Matthias was chosen by lot as an apostle when a replacement was needed (Acts 1:2326).

When all available information yields no clear direction and a decision is needed, use your God-given freedom of choice, or if paralyzed by indecision, simply flip a coin. God can use either choice for His glory. He is in control and He is at work in the lives of those who earnestly desire to please Him. It is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13).

Thinking It Over. What kind of decisions do you make every day without prayer and study to find out what to do? What kind of decisions gives you the most anxiety and tends to paralyze you? Are you exercising your freedom responsibly and in dependence on the Lord?

How does our freedom fit intoSeries the of bigger from Discovery C Adapted Radio Bible Class Grand Rapids MI

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Letters Dear Editor My name is Phyllis Russell and I live in Detroit, Michigan. Belief Emadamerho has allowed me to read your magazine several times and I would like to become a subscriber. Also, I would like information on how I can purchase past issues. I have found this magazine to be very insightful and foundationally sound in the area of relationship between Christian men and women. Also, I have basic wisdom in holiness that so often is not taught in the churches here in America. I usually purchase a copy from Brother Belief, but he has not had any in quite a while, so I would like to receive them directly from the publishing house. Thank you so much!

Because Of Christ, Phyllis E. Russell Michigan.

I must confess that I have been blessed through your publication, but the problem is how to get it here in Benin City. I came across Vol. 1 no 5 and I liked it. My observation however is that your publication lacks bible passages. I mean you need to quote bible passages to buttress your points because this is what will differentiate you from secular magazines.

Thank you and God bless.

S.O. Kehinde Benin City.

For sure you can't know me but you have really blessed my life, as I'm sure you have others. When I came across your magazine I never knew it was that loaded. You guys simply blew my mind and ever since I have always wanted to read it. The problem now is that I don't get the magazine around. In my school, Lautech Ogbomoso, I have not come across any copy. I wouldn't mind helping you out by being a distributor here as I'm sure many others are also hungry for it. I look forward to hearing from you soon to know what to do.

Bye and God bless.

Oyelakin Emmanuel Ogbomoso.

My effusive thanks goes to you guys for a job well done. You guys are hitting the nail right on the head. Your heads are teeming with bright ideas. I came across your magazine (Vol. 1 No 5) at Sword of the Spirit Ministries Headquarters Ibadan and bought a copy. Men, it was something else. Please I would like to know how I can get the past editions (except Vol. 1 No 5). And also how to get every edition as soon as it comes out.

Kindly send me the subscription form.

Yours in Christ, Olumuyiwa Adebayo Ibadan.

I really want to commend your magazine.

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The information in it is rich and life-transforming. Please send me your subscription form so that I could be sure of having each edition as soon as it comes out.

Etop John Owerri.

Greetings in Jesus name. Words are not enough to express my happiness for the good job you guys are doing. I came across your magazine accidentally and it was just marvelous. Please send me a subscription form and keep up the good work.

Abimiku Livinus Nassarawa.

This is to say well done! I have enjoyed reading your magazine. I think the circulation of the magazine is not yet total. More of God's help Funke Taylor Lagos.

I use this medium to commend you guys for bringing so many youths out of the shell of inferiority complex and making them visionaries through your great magazine.

You guys are doing excellently well. Keep it up.

Apu Gloria Warri.

I greet you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I came across your magazine, which I so much enjoyed. I was richly blessed.

Please how can I be getting your publication regularly?

Thank you.

Dennis Ibrahim Ondo.

I was opportuned to read a copy of your magazine from a friend and I got a lot of wisdom from it. I want information on how to get copies regularly.

Thanks in anticipation.

Caroline Ahimie Benin City.

My desire to continue reading your magazine increased immediately after reading one of your publications. I strongly desire to read other editions hence am writing to inquire about the possibility of getting directly from you. I am a young single man who needs to be equipped with the kind of information contained in your magazine.

Ebbah Otovwe Warri I would like to get your magazine regularly. I got a copy from a friend and I was really blessed. It has transformed the way I relate with people. Do send me a subscription form.

Beatrice Favour Ayo Gombe.

I was joyful when I came across your magazine. It is a magazine that blesses,

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encourages, corrects, enlightens and nourishes not just the heart but also the soul.

Well done for a good job and more grace to you.

Mary Hwyere Jos. I came across an edition of your magazine of January-march 2001 and found it to be rich, profiting and above all inspiring. I want to be a subscriber. So please furnish me with all the necessary details.

Dauda Henri Garki-Abuja.

It is with utmost joy I write you. I came across a photocopy paper with 20 questions you must answer when choosing a partner. It has been a tremendous blessing to my numerous friends and me. I would like to know more about Real Relationships and how to get it regularly.

Thank you.

Oladimeji Ogunleye Ogbomosho I came across your magazine in my aunt's house and when I read it I was excited. It is awesome to know that God is using wonderful magazines like yours to bless the hearts of youths. Please do not relent in your effort. Stay blessed.

Suzzy Iruonagbe Garki-Abuja.

I must commend you guys for this move.

Real Relationships is one magazine I truly appreciate. I am highly impressed that fellow Christians have chosen such a channel of communication. I pray that He who has begun this good work will be faithful to complete it.

Okpokpor Omone Lagos.

I was opportuned to read your magazine at a friend's place. I can tell you it was an interesting and refreshing read. Furthermore I'd like to know if I could fill in the gap in P.H. I don't mind being a distributor as it were.

Cheers and God bless.

Emeana Udoka (Mrs.) Port Harcourt.

I read a copy of your magazine and I enjoyed it tremendously. I'll love to have my own copy because I realize it's not a magazine you read once and let go. I really want to appreciate you for the good job. You are a blessing to this generation.

God bless you.

Akinleye Daniel Abeokuta.

Thank God for what He is using you to do in our generation. Almost everybody here wants to get a copy. You are indeed Rebuilding Our Generation.

Iheanacho Odichinaka Lokoja.

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Cont’d on Page 11

ow Hcan I Know

What God W

Wants Me to

ill He send me a clear signal? Will I get some kind of special feeling? How much should I rely on good old common sense? What if the Bible doesn't seem to have anything to say that applies to the matter? Why does God seem to leave me hanging in limbo when I want so desperately to hear a direct word from Him? And what about those times when there seem to be several good options, or perhaps no good option?

FLEECES, FASTING, AND FLIPPING COINS It was 5:30am and Francis Schaeffer had an agonizing decision to make. Before his father walked out the front door to go to work, he wanted to hear what his 19-year-old son was going to do.

Francis was a year out of high school and struggling to know God's will. He had put his trust in Christ as Savior the year before, and that decision had turned his life upside down. His parents wanted him to stay home and become a mechanical engineer--something Francis had wanted to do as well-but now his heart was pulling him in another direction. He sensed God leading him to go away to college to prepare for ministry.

He told his father that he needed a few more minutes to thin, then he went off to the cellar to pray. He wept as he asked God for help. Finally, in desperation he took out a coin and said, "Heads, I'll go." It was heads. Then he pleaded, "God, be patient with me. If it comes up tails this time, I'll go." It was tails.

"Once more, God. Please let it be heads again." It was heads.

Francis went back upstairs and told his father, "Dad, I've got to go." Although later he said he would never advise anyone else to use the same method of finding God's will, Francis felt that his decision was right (The Tapestry by Edith Schaeffer).

That decision was a crucial one in the life of Francis Schaeffer (1912-1984) who went on to become a pastor, the founder of L'Abri Fellowship, a philosopher, a lecturer, and an author of 24 books.

The anxiety is understandable.

Even grocery shopping can be frustrating. Other decisions like whether to rent an apartment or buy a home, seem more important. Still other actions like selecting a college, choosing a career, picking a church to attend, and deciding who to date or who to marry, cause greater anxiety.

Then there are the heart wrenching decisions. What should you do when your spouse admits to infidelity? When a young

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HOW CAN I KNOW WHAT GOD WANTS FOR ME cont’d from page 7

By Kurt De Haan

Do?

mother is told that the infant in her womb will be severely handicapped? What should an employee do when he is told that if he doesn't overlook an unethical business practice he will lose his job?

Our lives can be changed forever by one decision. Add to that the tension of wanting to please God--of desiring to make the most of our lives for Him. No concerned Christian wants to choose something other than God's best. Is there a way to find out what God wants us to do in a particular situation?

The methods have been many.

People have tried all kinds of tactics to determine what God wants them to do.

Fleeces (asking God for a supernatural sign) · fasting (giving up food to seek out God) · flipping coins (leaving it up to the toss) · feeling (obeying feelings in spite of logic) · floundering (fishing everywhere for answers) · defaulting (letting events decide) · dipping (random Bible readings) · delegating (letting others decide for us) · dreaming (asking for a vision or a voice) · drawing straws (letting the length decide) · sitting (procrastinating) · sliding (taking the path of least resistance) · thinking (using logic and ignoring feelings) The confusion has been multiplying.

The consequences of our decisions are often complex.

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will help us discover the biblical guidelines we should implement in our lives.

Thinking It Over. Brainstorm some additional examples of God's clear commands and principles. What are some specific biblical guidelines you have applied to your life during this past week? Are you "feeding" your thoughts with God's Word? If you are not already doing so, set aside a daily time to search out instruction from the Bible.

Obviously, some options are not too wise. Trying to kill the shark, attempting to be its pal, or ignoring the approaching jaws probably wouldn't work. The best option would be to head quickly for shore without attracting its interest.

Granted, in such a situation you wouldn't take time to list all available options, even the absurd ones. But you would quickly assess the situation and determine an escape plan based on your existing knowledge of sharks.

Knowing your options is important for making all kinds of decisions. Although the first option you come across may seem right, other choices must be considered.

First impressions do not necessarily give you an accurate picture (Prov. 18:17).

What are the consequences of each alternative? It is not enough to lay out the options. We must also consider the probable results of each action. If the problem is an approaching shark, the consequences of each alternative would help determine your decision. In other matters, like trying to decide what college to attend or what job to take, listing the implications of each choice can be very helpful. For example, if choosing one job means having to move away from family and friends or means a dramatic pay cut, that may be a significant reason to pursue another job opportunity. And don't forget to consider the spiritual impact your decision will have on you and those around you.

How can God use our minds? It may not seem as spiritual to say that you chose job opportunity "A" over job "B" because of social and financial reasons as it is to say "the Lord led me" to job "A." But it is probably just as true--and a little less presumptuous.

God often does lead us through the use of good judgment. After all, He did give us a brain to use and a lot of available information. If you already have the information close at hand, why should God drop a road sign from the sky?

For example, if you are trying to decide what kind of shoes to buy, God expects you to use your head. It wouldn't be wise to waste money on shoes with an inflated price, nor would it be wise to buy shoes in

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some wild color that you would never wear.

You would be wise to choose shoes that are comfortable, durable, and affordable.

A biblical example of this principle can be found in the life of the early church. In Acts 6:2-4, Luke told of the apostles' wise decision to look for help in taking care of food distribution when the task was distracting them from accomplishing their Christ-appointed ministries. It made sense to choose godly men who would be able to share the workload.

In 1 Corinthians 2, the apostle Paul spoke of how the Spirit of God works in the minds of believers to give them the ability to grasp God's truths. In verse 16, Paul said of believers, "We have the mind of Christ." The Spirit guides us in understanding the Bible, but He also transforms us in action and thought to be more like Christ. We can be sure that as we obey the Lord and depend on Him, the Spirit of God will assist us, even in developing a godly common sense about life's decisions.

Good judgment, then, is a tool God expects us to use in making decisions, whether simple or complex. When joined with a daily dependence on the Lord, our God-given reasoning ability can be a helpful guide as we choose between alternatives.

What are the unique aspects of your situation? No two people are the same, nor are the situations in which they must make decisions. Granted, in those areas of life spoken to directly by the Bible's commands, it doesn't matter who you are.

The right choice is always to obey what the Bible says to do. But in those decisions of life about which the Bible does not clearly address the issues, and when the principles don't seem to apply, a different approach is necessary. In those situations it is important to list the options and alternatives and to take note of the unique aspects of your situation. For example, Joe may have decided to ask Marianne to be his wife, but that certainly doesn't mean Bob should too! Simply because Fred thought State U. was the best place for him to go to school does not mean it would necessarily be best for Sam or Sandra. Just because a mature Christian you highly respect has chosen to attend a particular church does not mean you should go to that church as well.

Every person is different. If we fail to recognize those differences, we will make decisions on the basis of what others have done instead of what would be wise for us to do.

What are your abilities, gifts, talents, and weaknesses? If you have never learned how to use a typewriter, would it be wise for you to apply for a job as a typist? If you have never driven a car over 55 miles per hour,

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would it be advisable to apply as a driver for the Indianapolis 500? If you break out in hives when you have to speak in front of people, would it be smart for you to run for political office? If you don't know the difference between a socket wrench and a spatula, would it be smart for you to interview for a job as an auto mechanic or a chef? If you have a weight problem and have difficulty refusing the temptation of chocolates, should you take a job in a candy-bar factory where employees can eat all they want? Or if you don't enjoy teaching the Bible or counseling, should you pursue a church pastorate?

The answer to all these questions is no. It only makes good sense that what God wants you to do He has equipped and prepared you to do. For example, a person who does not fit the requirements of 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9 and shows no evidence that he has been divinely equipped by God to be a pastor-teacher (Eph. 4:11) should not think that God wants him to be a church pastor. Likewise, in any opportunity that comes your way, evaluate your abilities, interests, and even your weaknesses to find good information for deciding what God wants you to do.

Thinking It Over. Evaluate a major decision you have made. List each of the alternatives and their consequences. Did your decision violate biblical principles? Did it violate good judgment? Which alternatives would have made a positive impact on your spiritual well- being? Which of the remaining ones would you be inclined to select? Why? Driving a car through a maze of unfamiliar streets can be unsettling. But it can also be a challenge to one's ego and a test of the strength of a marriage or friendship. Many drivers (including me) dislike stopping and asking for help--even when it is obviously needed. Often, though, a passenger (wife, husband, or friend) pleads that the driver to stop and ask someone for directions. Many headaches, many extra miles, and many strained relationships could be avoided if the driver simply followed good advice and asked for help. The same is true spiritually.

Why do I need to listen to others? The answer seems obvious, but we often fail at this very point. Whether it is an over-inflated ego, overconfidence, "adviceophobia," or simply failure to understand the wisdom others have to offer, we foolishly refuse to ask for directions. And we suffer the consequences. We can learn so much if we are just willing to listen to others.

What can I learn from other people? Firsttime home buyers can experience much anxiety trying to decide what home to purchase. What is a good deal and how should it all be financed? A person would

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WAY BACK cont’d from page 56 warrior in my time.

Even when the strength of every body had failed, mine was still waxing stronger.

The prayer leader said, "praise the Lord" and there was hardly any noticeable response except mine.

"Brethren I know we are fasting but lets still pray," he continued.

They were fasting? I didn't know. My! I had to recline to corner and entered the general mood before they understood that my strength was being renewed by food and not because I had waited upon the lord.

"Praise the Lord," he crackled; there was no single response! And boy did I escape with my reputation intact.

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FOR GUYS ONLY cont’d from 42 For the closest possible shave, use a razor with a double or triple blade cartridge. You may protest for the reason that more steel means more irritation, but if you've taken the time to properly moisturize your face it shouldn't be the case. Change the blades regularly; two or three shaves should be the lifespan of your blades if you have a thick beard. Others will need to make a replacement every four or five days. Dull edges will favor irritation.

Don't dry shave. Use a good shaving lotion. so that the razor can glide across your face with a minimum of effort and pain.

Use a brush Not only does it look fancy and distinguished, but using a brush to apply the shaving cream also has its utility. What it does is spread the lotion evenly across your face and lifts the hairs for a systematic shear.

Direction doesn't matter As long as you don't shave horizontally, feel free to use the technique of your choice. Some claim that going against the grain will provide for a closer shave, but it can damage your bristles. If you practice going with the grain, your shaving will get smoother with time. Go with what feels good for you but don't be afraid to experiment new things.

Men with strong beards often find themselves shaving twice a day.

The short-term benefits are readily appreciated only you should know that this merely encourages your facial hair to grow even stronger.

Rinse the blade After each pass, bring the razor through the running water to wipe off the fruit of your labor. This will allow each stroke to be as productive as the one before. Simply shaking the blade into the sink is not enough as the hairs have a tendency to stick to the knife. Don't use a cloth to do the wiping as it can blunt the cutting edge.

Blade control Always keep in mind that you're not brandishing a weapon. You must be composed and calm. Pay attention to your movements and breathe peacefully. Don't press too hard to avoid injuries. If you're new at this, take the time to practice shaving a party balloon without bursting it.

Have a game plan A good trick to avoid forgetting any nooks is to follow a flight chart.

Start with the sideburns, and move over to the cheeks. Slide along the jawbone, down to the neck, up to the chin, and leave the upper lip for last. You can leave the most difficult parts for the end.

Also, keep the trimming around your facial design as your final act. Remember to take your time; it's not a race. You don't want to forget those hard-to-reach places. Like on the road, speed causes accidents.

Single

Dignified Ify Omeni

I am a MAN The mockers term me PLAYBOY BACHELOR A woman I am called MISERABLE SPINSTER (Ms) I am single I know Alone at present I agree Lonely and frustrated no!

For my companion Jesus breathes still I am no Stigma to Society I'm not a Suffering Single I am Single and Dignified I care more for affairs of the spirit For I have no husband to please No wife to pander to her every wish No yelling children tugging at my clothes Making my resolve to do Spiritual Study An exercise In Futility I am the Crown of Society The Strength of Humanity I am Dignified, Beautiful, Qualified Sanctified Purified. A Certified Conqueror Free to Fellowship at Will Not despised for my Talents Blaze Forth, Like Stars crisscrossing the sky Less are my thoughts Fewer my worries I am Single, Yet Dignified No time for games of Compromise My body is a Temple Of Purity My Mind Renewed and Tuned to Jesus I am still single My Dignity is intact My Righteousness No Question The World testifies of The Beauty of my salvation Single I am today Matrimonial clothes I wear tomorrow It is no possession I seek to grab With cunning craftiness I look ahead To times of Marital Fulfillment But for Today I walk with Jesus.

Trusting, Touching LIVES, Of A Teachable Spirit Truthful to all I AM SINGLE, NOT CURSED But Single and Dignified

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Therefore, we need to gain a clear understanding of how God expects us to find our way through life. And because the Bible doesn't always give a clear answer to every question, we have to be careful how we seek solutions. But one thing is sure. We will find nothing but desperation, frustration, guilt, and uncertainty if we resort to mere human methods in our attempt to find God's will for our lives.

Some people have the idea that God has their lives all mapped out but He won't show them the way. Other Christians feel guilty for past mistakes and they resign themselves to what they think is a second-rate life. Some people tiptoe nervously through life as if they were on a tightrope. With every step they wonder if they are going to continue to receive the approval of God. The solution is liberating.

God does not intend for us to be forever frustrated and defeated, nor to have a "tightrope" mentality. There is a better way. The Bible shows us that as we do what God has clearly told us to do, He will, in His own time and way, make sure that we do not miss what He has planned for us.

HOW CAN I KNOW WHAT TO DO? How do you know that what you think you should do reflects God's wishes and not your own human desires? It can get confusing. Doing God's will isn't something that comes naturally. In Galatians 5:17 the apostle Paul wrote, "For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish."

Some of our confusion could be because we do not understand how God guides us. We could be giving up our own responsibility, or we could be underestimating God's involvement in our lives.

This booklet will show that we can know as much of God's will as we need to know, if we focus our attention on five basic principles. If we truly desire to know what God wants us to do, we cannot afford to ignore them.

GO TO THE LORD Begin right. Don't wait until you are desperate or hurting before you do the most important thing. Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." The phrase "He shall direct your paths" can be translated more literally as "He will make your paths straight." To understand what that means, we need to look at the surrounding verses. The context (vv.1-10) describes what God will do for the person who trusts Him and follows His principles for living. Verses 5 and 6 promise that if we are living in dependence on the Lord, He will make sure that we keep on course and receive His approval.

In Psalm 5:8, David prayed, "Lead me, O LORD, in Your righteousness because of my enemies; make Your way straight before my face." David knew that God was able to show him what to do.

Why do we have to acknowledge God? Too often we may foolishly think we are competent to make wise choices without God's help. We reason, "If God gave us brains, why is it so important to ask Him for help in making decisions?" The answer becomes obvious as we understand who God is. Because He created us, He knows us better than we know ourselves (Ps. 139:1-16). He knows everything about

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everything, and He understands what we will never understand (Isa. 55:8-9; Rom. 11:33-36; 1 Cor. 1:25). He is in control of everything that happens (Ps. 115:3). He is all-powerful (Jer. 32:17), and He holds us accountable to Him for our actions (vv.18-19). He wants to help us and will help us as we honor Him (Ps. 37:3-6,23-24,28). He will provide all we need now and in the life to come if we have sought Him first (Mt. 6:33). He will judge all those who thought they did not need God (Rom. 1:18-32).

How do we acknowledge the Lord?

Do we have to live at the top of a mountain, shave our heads, live in a monastery, or pray for 8 hours a day to show God that we recognize who He is? No, but there are some special ways we can acknowledge that He is in control of life's situations. We acknowledge God when we demonstrate trust, practice submission, give ourselves to prayer, and live in obedience to Him. Let's look at each of them.

What does it mean to trust Him? Trust means that we will not depend on our own understanding (Prov. 3:5). A 2-year-old child doesn't realize how wise his parents are. He may think he knows how to operate the kitchen stove. He may wonder why Mom and Dad don't let him determine his own bedtime. But his parents "know better."

As the child grows up, he would be wise to ask for their advice.

King David realized the value of trusting God when he wrote, "The LORD is my shepherd" (Ps. 23:1). Like a sheep whose life and safety depend on the shepherd, David saw that his life was in God's hands. David knew that as he followed like a sheep, the Lord would lead like a shepherd.

What is this about submission?

We could use the words humble, reverent, or fearful to describe the attitude we should possess if we want to be confident that God is leading us in our decision-making.

Proverbs 1:7 reads, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction." Psalm 25:9 says, "The humble He guides in justice, and the humble He teaches His way." The person who is willing to be taught will learn to please God with all decisions.

Submission is also shown through a voluntary giving up of our own desires in favor of God's desires. Romans 12:1-2 states: I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living s a c r i f i c e , h o l y, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is Is there a way to find out what God wants us to do in a particular situation? t h a t

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good and acceptable and perfect will of God. This "sacrifice" of oneself is the practical outworking of an inner attitude of submission to God. The believer who fears God will recognize His lordship over all areas of life and will relinquish any claims to self-rule. The "transformed" mind thinks in line with God's thoughts about right living. Such a transformation takes place as a believer fills his mind with the truths of God's Word.

The resulting life proves that God's way is the best way to live.

How can prayer help?

The believer who trusts God and is submissive to Him recognizes his need for divine help in making decisions. The apostle James, when talking about how to handle difficulties and trials, said this: If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him (Jas. 1:5).

James recognized that it is not easy to know what to do when the going gets rough. So he explained that we must ask God for the needed wisdom. Decisions are often necessary as our faith is tested or as we endure a trial. In a wider application, James 1:5 promises that God will give help to all who ask Him. Failure to ask for God's direction can be a sign of arrogance.

Although we may feel confident in ourselves, God knows the bigger picture. The danger of not consulting God is illustrated in Joshua 9. When Israel was in the process of conquering the land of Palestine, the Gibeonites tried to trick Israel into making a peace treaty with them. Israel rushed into a decision without asking God. Verse 14 states that the men of Israel "did not ask counsel of the LORD." They didn't think they needed to ask God about something that seemed to make so much sense--yet they were wrong. They ended up making a treaty with people the Lord had ordered Israel to kill.

An example of the value of prayer in seeking God's will is found in Colossians. The apostle Paul prayed for the Colossian believers, asking that they "may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that [they] may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God" (1:9-10).

God does reveal His will to us. Through His Word and through the indwelling Spirit we have all the resources we need. But first we must pray.

What if we don't do what we know we should?

Why should God give a person guidance on some specific

situation in life if that person shows contempt or disregard for God in another area of life? The central issue is whether or not we are walking in obedience to what we already know God wants us to do. Why should we expect God to show--through circumstances, people, or the inner work of the Holy Spirit-what He wants us to do, if we do not fully intend to obey Him? Consider the example of Jonah. He was clearly told by God to go to Nineveh, but he ran the other way. Would you expect God to give Jonah direction on a new career choice? I doubt it.

What can we expect if we acknowledge Him? We can certainly expect God to honor His promise to help us.

He will give us everything we need in order to know what to do.

That doesn't mean God will spell out everything for us when in fact He has already given us the scriptural principles to use in making our decisions. Or He may expect us to use our ability to reason as a guide in choosing a path that would be in keeping with His general guidelines. In any case, we can expect God to give us the direction we need. He is in control of all of life (Eph. 1:11). As we seek His will, He will work out His plan through us (Phil. 2:13).

Even if we have failed to acknowledge Him in the past, we can fulfill His will for us today and tomorrow as we learn to acknowledge Him in our lives.

What does the Holy Spirit do for us?

Jesus promised that the Spirit would live within believers (Jn. 14:15-18; 16:7-15). But what is the Spirit doing to lead us in our decision-making? His main role is to help us understand what God has already revealed in the Bible (see 1 Cor. 2:6-16).

There are also several New Testament examples of how the Holy Spirit can work through inner impressions (Acts 8:29; 11:28; 13:2; 21:11; 1 Cor. 14:30). A word of warning though is needed. Impressions can be deceiving. And impressions can come from questionable sources: our selfish desires, mental baggage from the past, or even satanic delusion. So we can't put all our hope for guidance on subjective feelings. That's why it is so important to look for biblical principles that the Spirit can use to give us unmistakable direction.

Thinking It Over.

Have you acknowledged the Lord in all areas of your life? Why would it be foolish to ask God to guide you in making an important decision if you are currently ignoring what He has said about some other matters? If in the past you have not prayed as you know you should, begin right now to talk to God

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) PID causes damage throughout a woman's reproductive system. It can lead to sterility and chronic pain that does not go away.

Hepatitis B (HBV) In some cases, this disease can destroy your liver and even kill you.

A vaccination can protect you against HBV, but that's not true for any other STD. MONSTER NUMBER One out of four people who gets an STD is a teen.

'Don't say it won't happen to me' Unless you choose abstinence. In that case, go ahead and say it.

Pregnancy is not a pillow under a baggy shirt. It is a lifetime commitment.

It is also a health risk.

Younger women tend to have more health problems during pregnancy. And, babies of teens are more likely to have serious health problems.

That disaster could be your future if you and your partner have an unplanned pregnancy. You might have to !leave school !find a job, maybe two jobs right away !get married or pay child support !forget about college or your dream career.

There is a lot of sex on TV, in ads and in movies. But Hollywood endings don't show those people dealing with STDs or a baby for the rest of their lives.

Protect your sexual health it is your responsibility.

Get health exams

Girls need gynecological exams starting at the age of 18( or earlier if they have been sexually active even once) Guys should learn about testicular exams.

Everyone should seek help if they have symptoms of STDs

When a man has the word and a message from God, He will not have to promote himself on the rear of Danfo buses.

Were John the Baptist to walk through the streets of Lagos today or any of the other cities where Pentecostalism has taken root, he would be amazed at the level of self advertisement, hype and self promotion on display.

Pure and Simple -Abstinence is the best way to protect your sexual health Courtesy of Centre for Communication Programmes School of Public Health Johns Hopkins University

Maryland USA

-Tony Rapu 6

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Your Sexual Health take steps to protect it

You want freedom?

Then take care of your sexual health. That means not getting trapped by:

STDs Otherwise known as sexually transmitted diseases. STDs are passed mainly during sexvaginal, anal or oral sex.

An unplanned pregnancy Having a baby before you are ready can wipe you outphysically and mentally. Not to mention financially. And then, there's this baby you are responsible for…

Good sexual health frees you to plan your future no strings attached.

Never say never but do say not now to sex It is called abstinence.

It means waiting to have sex until you are married. In the heat of the moment postponing sex may be a challenge. But would you really trade that one moment for a nasty disease? For pregnancy or parenthood?

Abstinence defeats aliens!

That is abstinence helps keep STDs from invading your body. If you protect yourself this way, it can mean you will have:

More freedom to learn about relationships and to find the right person !More time and energy for a good education !A better chance to go for the career you want !Confidence in the strength of your values

Abstinence is the only 100% guaranteed way to protect your sexual

STDs can get ugly quick. Here are just a few dozens of STDs out there: Herpes It stays in your body for life. A rash of sores keeps coming backusually around your genitals, or on your lip. The sores burn, itch and blister.

Chlamydia This is a parasiteit lives off your body. It can cause burning, itching and leaking from your genitals. The infection could spread and leave you sterilenever able to have children.

HIV HIV is a virus tha causes AIDS, and AIDS kills. HIV is the most dangerous STD, and there is no cure.

Genital warts This STd can give you lots of warts on your genitals. A virus called HPV causes it. HPV can also lead to cancer of the cervix, vulva .

Sometimes an STD has no early symptoms

Too often we may foolishly think we are competent to make wise choices without God's help. and request wisdom from Him. UNDERSTANDING HIS PRINCIPLES If you didn't know how to play a board game like Monopoly, how would you learn? You could ask someone to explain it to you, or you could go directly to the rulebook yourself, because rules can be misinterpreted or forgotten by other players. The final word is always the rulebook, written by the inventor of the game.

But what about something much more complex--like life itself? As the Inventor of life, God has spelt out how we are to "play the game." And we aren't allowed to make up our own rules to fit our own preferences. In life, the rulebook is the Bible and it covers all the big issues. It contains everything we need to know about right thinking and right living (2 Tim. 3:16-17). But it does not speak directly about many issues that come up as we encounter complex situations. So what do we do? We need to understand (a) what the Bible clearly says, and (b) how its principles can apply to all situations of life to give us guidance. But we have to be careful that we do not misuse God's Word.

How is the Bible misused? A classic story is told of one way the Bible has been misused to find guidance. It's about the young man who used the "flip and point" method of reading the Bible. One day while wondering what to do with his life, he flipped his Bible open and pointed to Matthew 27:5. He read, "[Judas] went and hanged himself." He thought maybe he should try again. So he flipped and pointed, this time landing on Luke 10:37, "Go and do likewise." He tried flipping one more time and arrived at John 13:27, "What you do, do quickly." We may laugh at the absurdity of such a method of trying to determine God's will, yet we are often guilty of treating the Bible in a similar way. The Bible, however, is not a Christian Ouija board.

Most of the favorite methods of Bible misuse fall into the general category of taking verses out of context. Whether the method is flipping and pointing, taking for yourself messages directed toward someone else, or the more simple "reading into the text" a message that is not really there, the problem is the same--mishandling the Scriptures.

What does the Bible clearly say?

Too many times we are guilty of not considering what the Bible says on an issue. For example, you don't have to wonder if God wants you to leave your spouse to marry another person you find attractive. Jesus said that marriage is a lifetime commitment (Mt. 19:6).

God has spelled out all we need to know. The Old Testament people of God were told, "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law" (Dt. 29:29). The Israelites were not to occupy their time trying to find out God's secrets about His future plan and purposes in the world, but they were responsible to obey what God had clearly revealed. The same truth can be applied to us. We cannot know or understand all that God is doing in our world. But we can understand our responsibilities before Him. Those duties are spelled out in God's Word. The Bible clearly tells us:

·Worship God, not idols (Ex. 20:3-4). ·Honor your parents (Eph. 6:1-3). ·Do not murder (Ex. 20:13). ·Do not commit adultery (Heb. 13:4). ·Do not lie (Ex. 20:16; Eph. 4:15,25). ·Do not covet (Ex. 20:17; Rom. 7:7-8). ·Do not lust (Mt. 5:27-28). ·Forgive others (Mk. 11:25; Eph. 4:32). ·Love God and your neighbour (Mk. 12:28-31). ·Be holy (1 Pet. 1:16). ·Do not marry an unbeliever (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14-15). ·Help a brother in need (1 Jn. 3:16-19). ·Don't take a Christian to court (1 Cor. 6:1-8). ·Do not steal (Eph. 4:28). ·Be reconciled quickly to the person with whom you have a dispute (Mt. 5:23-24). ·Tell the truth (Prov. 12:22).

The list could go on and on, but the point is this: The Bible is full of God's clear commands that offer us direction for most of life's decisions. The more we know of God's written Word, the more quickly we will know what God wants us to do.

Ephesians 5:17 states, "Do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is." The Lord's will is clear, as Paul stated in the preceding verses: "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil" (vv.15-16). God's clear will for our lives is that we live for Him and obey Him in all we do. We are not to live as unbelievers but as children of God who obey His commands for holy living (Eph. 4:17--5:17).

What if the matter isn't so clear? Many areas of life are not addressed by the clear commands of God's Word. The Bible doesn't tell us which television programs are acceptable viewing. It doesn't tell us what kind of music to listen to. It doesn't have a command that tells us what to do on Saturday nights.

There isn't a specific command that says, "Don't buy lottery tickets." If you are looking for guidance on whether to buy granola or jelly-filled donuts, the Bible doesn't say which to buy.

And it doesn't tell us specifically how to spend our paychecks.

But that doesn't mean that we are left entirely on our own. It is in those areas that God offers general guidelines in His Word. For example, the Bible offers these principles: ·Don't try to get rich quick (Prov. 28:22). ·Put your treasures in heaven (Mt. 6:20). ·Don't follow the crowd (Rom. 12:1-2). ·Be subject to authorities (Rom. 13:1-4). ·Choose the best (Phil. 4:8). ·Work for God, not your boss (Col. 3:23). ·Be faithful (1 Cor. 4:2). ·Don't be enslaved (1 Cor. 6:12). ·Treat your body as God's temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20). ·Glorify God in everything (1 Cor. 10:31). ·Live by grace, not legalism (Gal. 5:1-6). ·Don't give Satan opportunity (Eph. 4:27). ·Use your tongue to edify (Eph. 4:29). ·Seek the good of others (Phil. 2:3-4). ·Work hard (1 Th. 4:11-12).

These are only a few of the many principles that come from God's Word. Personal study and learning from gifted teachers Cont’d on page 53

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R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Bill Wilson-

B

committed to the

ILL WILSON is best known as the Pastor of the largest Sunday school in the United States.

He is the Pastor/Founder and Director of Metro Ministries International reaching over 20,000 children each week with an inspiring message of hope.

When he began reaching the inner city of New York in 1980, no one was taking the message of hope to the ghettos--not churches, not the government, not the City--no one. Everyone had given up on them.

That marked the beginning of his mission to the inner cities of the world. Then, as well as now, Bill Wilson lives with a "Whatever It Takes" attitude. This can-do attitude, coupled with what he believes is the key to ministry-longevity, earns one the "right to be heard."

He and his team have earned that right over the years. They've persevered despite burned-out buildings, Sunday school buses blown up, staff mugging, and brutalizing rapes of those within the ministry. Wilson has personally been stabbed twice and must endure the rigors of weekly travel to support the ministry. For over two decades he has lived in a converted warehouse in New York's inner city. He has proven what it takes Bill Wilson to change the world- one child at a time.

His passion for reaching kids without hope is fueled in part by his past:

SalvationOf

Children

One Person Makes the Difference Bill was twelve years old, walking down the street with his mother, when she stopped and told him, "I can't do this anymore. You wait here."

What was she talking about? he wondered. What is it that she can't do anymore? The young boy sat and waited...and waited, choking back his fears. For three days in the hot Florida sun, he waited. But his mother never came back.

Finally, a man stopped- just one man-who made an eternal difference in Bill Wilson's life. "I saw you sitting there the first day and didn't think much about it," the man told Bill years later.

"When I saw you sitting there the second day with the same clothes on, I thought it was strange. But when I saw you sitting there the third day, I had to stop."

The man, an auto mechanic and deacon in his church, paid Bill's way to youth camp, where Bill gave his heart and life to Christ.

Love Is the Key Bill was alone-just one person-when he moved to Brooklyn, New York, twenty-three years ago to start an inner-city children's ministry.

The first thing he did was to throw out the old rulebooks on how to bring change to the inner city. He knew they needed to make progress by inventing new ways of communicating a

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message of hope to children in order to save a generation.

This was a struggle that could only be won with the power of God. They began a fast-paced children's program that had to work in the chaos of the ghetto because most of them came from broken homes with shattered dreams.

Since that beginning, every Saturday Metro workers drive ministry buses to pick up about 6,000 children for Sunday school. The children participate in a time of joy, positive role models and, most importantly, they are given hope for the future. The fast-paced program is comprised of energetic songs, fun-filled games and contests, followed by a powerful Bible lesson and serious straight talk. Unafraid to tackle crucial urban subjects, kids are taught: The value of life; the consequences of right and wrong decisions; the peril of drugs; respect for authority.

They were also encouraged to work hard in school.

As time went by, it was obvious that more had to be done.

Metro pioneered Sidewalk Sunday School. Now Metro takes Sunday school to the furthest parts of New York's vast inner city every day of the week. This army of Sidewalk Sunday School pastors use cube trucks that are brightly painted with the Metro logo and renovated with a side-pull-down stage and sound system. They pull up into parks, housing projects, anywhere hundreds of kids can gather safely for Sunday school.

What makes this ministry so impressive is the sheer number of children Metro reaches with such a small staff. Metro touches the lives of over 20,000 children each week with 160 staff and 400 volunteers making Metro the largest Sunday school in the United States. Their progressive mission is to find and rescue the children left behind in this battleground of drugs, violence, abuse, and filth.

Send a cartoon and win N500 IF PUBLISHED.

Personal Visitation in the homes is the key to the relationships shared between the families, volunteers and staff of Metro.

Each child receives a visit in his/her home every week. As a result of these consistent visits, the relationships are firmly established and community rapport grows even stronger.

Metro's high visibility in the communities has a stabilizing force, especially in troubled times. When tragedy hits, a family's first contact is often with one of Metro's staff. They know Metro is the place to go for help and support.

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All entries should be sent to P.O. BOX 53037 Ikoyi, Lagos

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Reflections

By Irene Uti

I

hear echoes in my heart; wailings in my soul, I see reflections in my mind's eye; reflections that speak the heart……

Take a step from where you are and look back, look around, look inward, you just may bear witness to what I see, hear and feel….

For I believe in our oneness, our oneness in experience, feelings and emotions ……… "For, there is no problem that is not common to man". Where you are, someone has been, where you are coming from, someone is trying to get there, where you are going, someone has been, and moved on. So there is a trace of everyone in everyone, but we look unto Jesus who was the author and will be the finisher.

I hear this voice within, voices of experience and encounter.

How does it feel to lose someone you really love? Someone you love but can't keep. Someone you invested so much love in, an investment you thought would last for life, but your turn over after years of long relationship was a broken heart.

Here are the voices I hear from a broken heart……… Life!

What has my turned into? What turn has it taken and in what direction am I headed. Why do things feel so mumbled up now, there's no clarity on the future now.

"How could I have lost her, he says, why did she leave me? I was so sure she was my wife, He says; I love her so much but she doesn't want me no more. It hurts, the pain is killing me".

I hear you brother, I understand how it feels; especially when you're alone, when all have left your side, you stand and stare at the emptiness you feel or at night where grief is deeper when the sun goes down and memories of the past rise up with the moon and stars…….. I feel you.

I also hear her broken heart wail …. "I just need someone to hold me, to make me feel loved. There's a hollow in my soul, an emptiness that I've clouded with so many friends, people and things, but everything else seems to dissipate faster than vapour but I know its an emptiness only you, Jesus can fill".

So she opts to using others to drown the emptiness she feels for losing him. She even gives herself to be used, just to feel loved ……… wrong move sister! It's amazing how in the affairs of the heart, even the greatest hero can be a consummate idiot.

She feels like she missed out on true love. No matter who she keeps around her, it still doesn't feel the same. "Why did he leave me feeling so empty, broken and shattered"? I hear her cry …….

Destiny! Your destiny is too great my friend, too great to be

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jeopardized. You ask "can a broken vessel be used, do I mean anything to God in the state I am in now, am I of any use in His hands "?.

Even in your brokeness, God takes delight in you. Let Him take every part of you and mould you, you are His responsibility please submit. No one can treat you better than He can. He wants you, yes you, just as bruised, shattered, broken and frustrated as you are; you are all He is interested in.

You know when the Word says, "without faith it is impossible to please God", well let me bring it to where we are now. Two words describe faith: confidence and certainty. These 2 qualities need a secure beginning and ending point. The beginning point of faith is believing in God's character. He is who he says He is. Everything He said He will be to you, a father, friend, companion, comforter, shepherd, teacher.

And the end point? Believing in God's promises. He will do what He says, even in your relationship, your marriage, your ministry and every area of our life. His thoughts for you are good, in all you go through, His thoughts for you are for good and not evil to bring you to an expected end.

When we believe that God will fulfill His promises even though we don't see those promises materializing, yet we demonstrate true faith.

He will take perfect care of you and destiny, He has reserved His best for you and just you. With God, every step is a step in the right direction.

RR and sisters and remember ……… we're Shalom, my brothers in this thing together.

UNDER THE SHADOWS Cont’d from page 46 man or being submissive to any one.

I have followed up on Tessy and thirteen years have gone by, she remains unmarried. I believe she is yet to look deep within her to see what is wrong and approach God to whom she pledges allegiance, for healing. I am persuaded that without this, there would never be true joy in her life.

I am still praying for her and so should you. Not just for her but for every woman or man who is living under the shadow of unresolved hurt and pain of the past instead of under theRRshadow of the wings of Jehovah Rapha, The Lord our Healer!

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There's a Little Boy in Heaven Because One Person Cared Bill recalls one particularly touching story about a woman who visited Metro and accepted Christ shortly after arriving in New York from Puerto Rico. She spoke no English but she approached Bill and told him, through an interpreter, "I want to do something for God. I'll do anything."

"I didn't know what to say," he said. "I knew the language barrier was going to be a problem, but I told her, 'just ride a different bus every week and love the kids.'”

Within a couple of weeks the woman had learned two sentences in English: "I love you. Jesus loves you." Every week the woman sat a child on her lap and repeated those two sentences all the way to and from Sunday school.

A few months later the woman asked if she could ride the same bus every week because she had made a special connection with one of the children, a six-year-old boy who never uttered a word. For several months, the boy sat on her lap and heard one person say, "I love you. Jesus loves you."

Then one day it all came together. Usually, when the bus pulled up in front of his tenement house, the boy would hop off her lap and jump off the bus. Instead, he went up real close to the lady and tried to say, "I...lu- lu- love...you too."

Then he put his arms around her and gave her a big hug.

That night his alcoholic mother beat him to death and stuffed him in a garbage can a few blocks from our church. One of the last things that little boy heard was, "I love you. Jesus loves you." There's a little boy in heaven today, nobody will ever convince me otherwise because some lady who couldn't even speak English loved a little boy that nobody wanted.

And she made a difference!

Can one person make a difference? Given everything that Bill Wilson has experienced, his answer is an emphatic Yes! Yes, today he's the Senior Pastor of America's largest Sunday school but still drives the bus to pick up the children. "Why do you think I still drive the bus?" Bill asks. "Because every week when I drive, do you know who I'm picking up? I'm picking up me."

Twenty years ago, no one ever knew the impact this program would have in helping to curtail drugs, crime, poverty, and violence. National news network, ABC's NIGHTLINE program did a feature on Bushwick's Drop in Crime. They presented Metro as one of the positive key factors in the redevelopment of the City. (Bushwick is the precise location of the Metro Ministries' h e a d q u a rters.)

M e t r o ' s projects and services are all built on t h e philosophy, "Prevention rather than i n t e r v e ntion" and "It is easier to build boys and girls, than it is to repair men and women." And underlying it all, "Whatever It Takes!"

The principles of Metro are being duplicated worldwide and today, there are over a thousand "Metros" in cities and towns all over the world. These works are in: England, Northern Ireland, The Netherlands, Australia, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Mexico, Argentina, Chile, Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, and of course all across the United

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States.

As Bill Wilson and his dedicated staff remain in this urban human wasteland, people are beginning to truly listen. They are hearing that the power of perseverance, the courage of vision and the strength of faith is what compels Metro Ministries to reach the children of the world. Their prayer is that this vision comes alive in the heart of every Christian across the globe. The following excerpt is from a sermon that is the essence of Pastor Bill Wilson's vision for ministry to the hurting children of the world.

"IS IT ABOUT KAIROS OR CHRONOS?" By Bill Wilson In my opinion, the real 10/40 window that we hear so much about is not really a geographical location. By 2010, 66 percent of Uganda's population will be younger than 15.

Yemen, Congo, Mali, Ethiopia, Madagascar come just under that percentage with Niger coming in at 60 percent.

It's a people group--children.

Nearly 50 percent of the people in these unreached 10/40 countries are 15 years old and under. The largest Sunday school in the world should be in Africa or India. It seems that children aren't very important in some parts of the world.

When I was with Pastor Sunday Adelaja at his church in Ukraine, we wept as we prayed for Nigeria that God would raise up another 'Bill Wilson' of Africa.

Look at the illustration. This is what motivates me and drives me now more than ever. How do we reach these kids? How can we give them some kind of a future in a world plagued by violence, disease and injustice?

There is a very small window of time to effectively influence the mind of an individual child with the gospel while it is still being molded. Not only is it good common sense, but it's been statistically proven over and over again.

In Greek it's called a Kairos moment-a divine moment. This is the small window of time in which you and I can make a difference with the blessings God has given us.

The long-term answer to the issues of society and the things that plague this world are very simple. Reach kids with the gospel! This is the age when they'll listen. I've always said, "It's easier to make boys and girls, than to repair men and women."

That's why we have begun sending out Mobile Bakeries into regions that need food and spiritual food. Our "on-the-edge" Mobile Bakery team of four led by Thomas and Tanja

The long-term answer to the issues of society and the things that plague this world are very simple.

Reach kids with the gospel!

Fankhauser drove two mobile bakery trucks into 11 villages, baked over 5000 loaves of bread on site, held 14 Sidewalk Sunday schools and ministered to over 4000 people, including 400 gypsies living in a garbage dump. And that's just what happened at one of their outreaches last year.

It's really that simple. If we really believe that He makes the difference, then what are Christians willing to do so that every child has the opportunity to hear the gospel and experience the love of Christ?

Every church leader, every Christian--man or woman--needs to ask, "What am I willing to do in order to make the investments necessary to turn this thing around?"

There's a battle going on for the lives of children in the "other" 10/40 window. I've been in the battle for over 35 years because we believe in changing one life at a time.

RR

For more information on Metro Ministries International, please visit this website: www.metroministries.org

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Issues of the Heart

Dear Auntie Julie, 1. My fiancé and I were cohabiting and secretly went to the registry to legalize our union. I know deep down that we have erred but seem trapped now as we are married under the law. I do not have peace about the whole affair. Help me.

There is always a way out of whatever situation we find ourselves. The question is whether or not we are sensitive and vigilant enough to see that escape route. Dear, the only reason why you don't seem to have peace over the whole affair is because your heart yearns to do what is right. You seem to have so cheapened yourself by giving yourself away "secretly". You know, as I read your mail what kept ringing in my mind was "Where are your parents?" How old could you possibly be? If you are matured enough to marry, why do it secretly? If anything goes wrong in this relationship, you'd be worst hit. Why don't you go ahead and formalize your marriage openly no matter how 'little' a ceremony it is and be glad to be with the one you love? If your fiancé is truly committed to you, he'll be more than willing to take you to the altar. Marriage is too sacred to be contracted secretly, too interesting to be hidden and too great an institution to be over-looked. It is never too late to do right. When you find yourself coming to the realization of the truth, go for it and do what's right. The consequences of remaining in your wrongdoing might become too grievous for you to bear. Let him go pay your dowry and get God's blessings.

Remember, you have a root and didn't just appear from the blues. I wish you the best as you do what is right. God will surely bless you and your new home.

2. I was jilted 3 years ago and ever since I have not been able to find another, where do I start?

Relax! Put the past behind you and

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make yourself accessible by not shutting up your bowels of compassion. Now, because you were jilted once, there will naturally be a tendency to put off anyone who would want to get closer to you for fear of being betrayed a second time. Talking about being 'once beaten and twice shy'.

It is important that you let God heal your wounded heart and make it ready for the one who would appreciate and love you for you. Sincerely speaking, that person who jilted you is obviously not worthy of you. Think of it that way and look forward to having a wonderful relationship with one who you will be glad to have and to hold you till Jesus comes. Remember, God has a future and hope for you. You can trust Him absolutely.

It could also be that if you are male, you are afraid to make another move. Don't you know it will be too bad for you to just sit back? There may be that sister who's just waiting around the corner for you to say the word. You therefore need to be bold, don't let the enemy deny you of a bright future because of yesterday's failure. You can't really say you have failed until you stop trying, you can find love again. Give it a try again, and you'll be glad you did. Success is never ending and failure is never the end. I look forward to hearing good news from your end. Stay blessed.

3. I have noticed that my wife has violent tendencies. The last time we had a misunderstanding, she destroyed my gadgets and tried to stab me with a broken bottle. She is always full of remorse after each incident. If we had not gotten married under the law, I would have pulled out of the relationship. I am living in constant fear and am convinced she is mentally unbalanced.

The contradicting feeling is that I still love her somehow. What do I do?

You must look up to God for a breakthrough. Your story is a pathetic one because from the look of things, even your wife does not seem to be in control of the situation if she is always full of remorse after every violent misunderstanding. You should seek assistance from the pastor of your local assembly where you fellowship (I do hope you're born again) and see a psychiatric doctor to actually verify your conviction.

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By so doing you can then be specific about the particular line of action to take. In all, you must remember that Christ came to set the captives free, your wife will not be an exception. God will give you the miracle you need, set your wife at liberty and make yours a lovely and peaceful home in Jesus name. Amen.

Table

Eating -When you have some food in your mouth that you don't want to swallow, move the food forward with your tongue onto your fork and place it back on the side of your plate.

It is considered good manners to wait until you have you have finished chewing and have swallowed your food before taking a sip of your drink.

If you spill beverage on yourself while dining, clean up the spill at the table or excuse yourself to the restroom if needed. Apologize to anyone your slight mishap may have inconvenienced.

In a social setting, it is always appropriate for a male to stand when a female is taking her leave. However, in a business setting, it is not always necessary for a male to rise whenever his female coworker(s) leave the table.

Noises - Turn off your beeper and cell phone until the dinner is over. Do not slurp soup or blow on hot foods and beverages. Do not speak with food in your mouth. If you must blow your nose, excuse yourself from the table.

Whether you are invited to dine in a friend's home or a restaurant, bringing your best table manners along is a good idea. Practising at home makes this an easier and enjoyable experience.

Leaving - After the dinner or party, keep the host/hostess in mind, and leave at an appropriate time. Do not ask for a take-home bag of food.

Manners

4. I made a promise to marry Bayo but due to the distance between us and the pressure from a suitor close by, I had to break my promise. I know I have wronged Bayo and guilt is grinding at my heart. How do I get out of this emotional turmoil?

If distance could becloud the love you had for Bayo, I tell you, you never really loved him. Please do me a favour, I want you to try and pinpoint what you really want. This will help you take stock and decide whether or not to continue in the new relationship because if you're not able to get over this emotional turmoil, you sure will not be at your best in your relationship with your new suitor. Once you're able to identify what you want, see if it tallies with what God desires for you then you will have a sense of direction and be able to take a decision that will yield a fulfilling result. There are two sides to this issue: * What is your desire? Were you 'managing' Bayo before the new suitor came around, making it very easy to do away with him with the excuse of distance?

Was it a mistake making a promise to Bayo as in, you never thought you could get someone who will love you more?

The fact remains that you are not married to either of the two so, you must decide fast for either one based on the answers you give to these questions. Be sincere with yourself so you will really know the one who truly deserves your commitment, loyalty and love.

6. My fiancé and I have been sleeping together for 2 years now. We plan to get married soon. I feel bad that I am unable to uphold my Christian testimony. It is so difficult to stop. Please help.

It is great pity that you got it all wrong from the onset and now you are almost being strangulated by your emotions.

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Guest Etiquette

Gifts - When you are invited to someone's home, bring along a token of your appreciation. It can be as simple as box of biscuits or as elaborate as a fine bottle of wine. The host/hostess will be grateful that you care about them.

Clothing - When you receive an invitation, ask about the style of dress. Of course, if it is an outdoor barbecue, this is not necessary. Consider the purpose or type of party and the time of day when choosing the appropriate outfit. Never wear a hat at the table or a casual sleeveless shirt.

Turn off your beeper and cell phone until the dinner is over.

Grace - Wait for the host/hostess to pick up their fork before you start to eat. If it is their custom to say a prayer before eating, you are not embarrassed.

Posture - Relax and enjoy time with others. Do not rock back in the dining chair and do not prop yourself up with your elbows on the table. Placing the forearm on the table edge is okay. When cutting the food, keep your elbows close to your body.

They should rest comfortably near your side.

Napkin - Always place the napkin on your lap when you first sit down. Fold it so that a quarter is folded over at the top. This provides you with double protection from spills.

Place your napkin on the chair seat or arm when excusing yourself during the meal as it is not appropriate to place a soiled napkin on the table while people are still eating.

At the completion of a meal, carefully place the napkin at the left of your place setting or if the plates have been cleared, place the napkin in the center without actually refolding to original state.

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Follow-up - Always send a "thank you" note the next day. If you just cannot find the time for this, call the next day and express your appreciation.

Restaurants - When entertaining a guest, such as when out for dinner or cocktails, the person who extended the invitation (regardless of gender) is responsible for paying the bill.15% of the bill total is the usual tip, however, for excellent service 20% or more is the norm.

When dining out, it is okay to share your food with others at the table for tasting purposes. However always request RR additional small plates and utensils for dividing the shared food.

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Underthe

Story

By Ayamma Umanah

Shadows A

lot of people struggle through life with the scars left on them by their childhood experiences. Even when they become Christians, these experiences prevent them from fulfilling their destiny in Christ. Apostle Paul said, "Forgetting those things that are behind, reaching forth unto those things which are before (or ahead), I press towards the mark of the price of a high calling in Christ". You can break free only if you take up Christ's command and arise, leaving behind the grave clothes of misery, regrets, bitterness and unforgiveness towards yourself, and those who hurt you. You can be free but only by your decision will it be possible. Burying pain never solves the problem; it will only wait for an opportune time to rise up again. Deal with it in the light of God's truth and you will totally be set free.

This story is that of someone who never did and is still paying the price.

Tessy and I attended the same university. In fact we were in the same campus fellowship and we happen to have the same interest i.e. singing which was how we met.

The first impression which I had of her was that of an aloof, cool, calculated person and I put this down to the fact that not only was she a beauty, she always had droves of suitors besieging her which I assumed made her proud. I was wrong. Some months after we met, we were chosen to perform a duet at a music festival. I almost refused but finally agreed since the opportunity for such exposure was not easy to come by and as the weeks flew by and rehearsals went on in earnest, I was glad I did.

Tessy was nothing like I thought! I mean she was still classy, beautiful and aloof but I discovered that a warm and caring personality lay behind this formidable lady. The discovery was like a gleam into a treasure box, making me want to own it.

The remaining years in school found us as inseparable twins. People could not forget the magic that changed Tessy, but I believe she found me as 'non-threat' since we were just good friends, a friendship she could relax and be herself in. It was then I finally unveiled the mystery behind her aloofness.

Tessy's mum had married a man who took everything and gave nothing in return. Besides this, he abused the kids and his wife. To add insult to injury, after the mother single handedly built a house, her father drove her out and took in another wife. Tessy was ten years old when this happened, too young to be handed such treatment, yet old enough to understand the rejection.

Years passed, a lot of water went under the bridge and Tessy kept every thing hidden inside her. She never discussed her father, and whenever she was asked, "he is

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dead", would be her abrupt reply. It wasn't a lie because her father died when he threw her mum out.

That Tessy never dealt with the pain of rejection and abuse is not exactly true. Rather she dealt with it by building walls of security around herself, never allowing herself to love or depend on anyone especially men. I was an exception and that in itself should have been a warning.

Youth service came and went, and we both started our respective jobs but we couldn't get along emotionally. I mean we were mature individuals but we were not involved in any relationship. It was at this point I knew I had to marry Tessy. In fairness to God I cannot say He led me to it but I believed it was the right and only thing to do and so did Tessy.

My pastor who knew us well enough countered the decision and so did my parents and Tessy's Mum but all their reasoning fell on deaf ears. We felt we knew what we were both doing. After all we were friends, confidants and most importantly now madly in love with each other. One thing we did not reckon with was the power of the ghosts of unresolved conflicts in Tessy's life.

We did marry with all pomp and ceremony and settled down to married life. Having come from a stable home, I could not understand Tessy's constant need for reassurance and some moods occasioned by very unimportant decisions. I felt it was the normal readjustment of married couples until 6 months into our marriage, my darling wife decided she wanted out because she couldn't cope!

"Cope with what? I asked" "Everything, she replied".

My fear knew no bounds as I pleaded for a chance to change what ever was wrong with me if only she would say and reconsider, but she would have none of it. My pastor and parents stepped in and to their credit, they did not say, "we told you so". Yet all their mediation did nothing to solve my problems. My wife left.

A year later, I was back single and divorced through no fault of mine even though I spent nights thinking about how, if I had done things differently, my wife would have stayed. Suffice to say I spent the next two years in self-pity and sorrow and this progressed to anger towards God then to my finally parting ways with Him. However, God who always in His infinite mercy never forsakes us followed and finally got me back on track again. Three years after my divorce, I met a wonderful woman to whom I am now married with three kids. It was a turning point. I now know I wasn't a bad husband. Maybe I was not meant for Tessy but we would have made it if Tessy had resolved and dealt with her past especially her anger towards her father that made her incapable of trusting any

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Unfortunately you have misused your courtship period and opportunity by doing exploits with and for your emotions rather than for God. It is not by feeling bad that you'll escape but by your determination to stop the act that aches God's heart. I hope your marriage plan for soon will be soonest. The painful thing about this sexual entanglement is that no one ever wants sex once. When you marry you'll discover that sex is not all that makes marriage work, its just a factor though important, BUT not as important as laying a solid foundation that will help your home stand the test of time.

Let me tell you the truth, it won't be difficult to stop if you consider your salvation important and realize that sex becomes your covenant right once you're married. You don't have to drink of the stolen waters no matter how sweet. If you decide to stop and you mean it, God will give you the grace. Don't plug yourself into a relationship that ends in distrust. You will find it very difficult to trust each other when you marry eventually if you do not stop exploring your emotions now. For goodness sake there are a thousand and one healthy things you can do together without piercing God's loving heart. Consider the pain you

cause Him each time you defile yourselves. If your Christian testimony is important to you, you will zip up your trousers, try and keep a distance, meet in places open and safe enough. Look for a couple whose lives inspire you and make them your mentors, people you can talk to. You mustRRbe determined to help each other make heaven. One more thing: You can restore your testimony through your determination to keep off pre-marital sex! True Love protects; if you love each other you would protect rather than destroy yourselves. Marriage is for life, your only ticket into an unending sexual relation-

LETTERS cont’d from page3

I was so thrilled when read the vol. 5 of your magazine. The magazine is so rich and enlightening for this generation. I am very impressed because it deals with burning issues and still give God's standard for us to follow. I would love to subscribe. I will be delighted to have the subscription form.

Odiaua I. Olore Jos. I must confess that you are doing a very good job and I want to commend your effort. This magazine has really been a great blessing to me personally and even to my friends. I'll like to formally apply to be a distributor here in Jos. Yours in His vineyard, Daniel O. Osinlu Bukuru.

Kudos for your faithful and informative magazine. I got a copy from a friend's fiancĂŠ at Ibadan. I'm buoyed by the miscellany. I will certainly subscribe soon. Please rush guidelines for contributing writers. You've increased my hunger for pro-Christian media where behaviour germane to sanctification & believers' growth can be enhanced. I would appreciate a reply from you.

GBEMI TIJANI Ibadan RR

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Send your entries (Name & Location) to realrelationships@hotmail.com

Cont’d On Page 48

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R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Tamara Story

By Esosa Oviawe

T

amara stared in disbelief at the man in the grey suit sitting behind his desk with that slightly uncomfortable look on his face. He couldn't at first tell her that she wasn't getting the job. She stuttered as she tried one last time to clear up the mistake, because it had to be a mistake. She pasted a smile on her face.

'Uh, I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake sir. I was made to understand that I had done well in the interview and that the position was mine". Her voice sounded shrill in her ears.

The man looked even more uncomfortable.

"You're right, there has been a mistake. But the mistake was in someone not calling you to explain before now. I'm sorry, but we filled that vacancy this morning. We apologize for any inconvenience". He couldn't quite meet her eyes.

Tamara closed her eyes against the tears she could feel stinging them. This was the third time this was happening. This was the third time she was being passed up for a job at the very last minute. She couldn't believe it. She looked up to see his eyes on her. She swallowed "Thank you for your time," she said as she stood up slowly. She started to walk out of the office and was clearly halfway through the door when she heard him say again, " I'm sorry".

She shut the door quietly.

Three hours later she smiled at her little sister as she delivered the news that her fiancĂŠ was downstairs waiting for her. " Tell him I'll be right down" Tamara said. "okay!" her sister threw over her shoulders as she skipped out of Tamara's bedroom.

Tamara quickly brushed her hair and checked that she looked aright. Kunle was a wonderful man and her best friend.

She was glad that he was here. Maybe he'd have some good news about the jobs. She hadn't been able to tell her parents about it yet.

"Kunle!' She said excitedly "Hi! How has your day been?"

"Hm... fine .And yours? " He kept looking at his feet. 'You don't want to know. Guess what? I found the perfect hall for the wedding. I'm sure we'll both agree on this one!" She smiled broadly. Tha... thats what I came to talk about Tamara " Kunle said haltingly. " The hall? You found one too? Okay lets..."

He interrupted her. " No Tamara the wedding" I... I came to tell you that ....

She suddenly understood. And in the moment that understanding came, she passed out. It was blissfully black and there was no pain.

Three weeks later, Tamara sighed as her friend Eni tried to convince her to come with her to church. "Eni, give it up. I've told you. I don't need converting, I 'm born again." She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. " I'm not trying to say you aren't". Eni said patiently. " I'm just trying to explain that you need to deal with some issues properly" she continued.

"Tamara, have you ever talked to anyone about the abortion?' Eni asked her gently. " I told you. And we agreed never to bring it up again!" Her eyes were flashing. " I know. I know, but we need to " she said to Tamara pleadingly.

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"Why?" Tamara asked defiantly. " Because you need to break this cycle Tamara".

"What has this cycle got to do with the abortion?"

At the mention of the word, her eyes misted, and she felt a pain in a place she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"You'll see Tamara, you'll see". Eni touched Tamara's arm lightly. " That's why I want you to come with me. There's something you need to hear" Tamara finally agreed to go with Eni partly because she needed to do something and partly because she could feel a stirring inside her.

As she listened to the preacher, she was infinitely grateful that she had come.

The preacher recounted his own experiences. He told the congregation how he had come so close to so many breakthroughs, and they had all been snatched away at the last minute. He told how so many of his dreams, aspirations and projects had just seemed to be aborted before they could be developed or actualized. He told how he had gone on, from day to day, in a haze of confusion about his misfortune.

'How could this all be?' He had asked. He was a child of God. Then one day, he had an encounter with the Holy spirit in which it was revealed to him that the cycle of events he had been living through was as a result of an abortion he had been party to.

His dreams and plans were being aborted just as that little baby so many years before. The preacher realized that it wasn't 'settled'.

He thought it had been "taken care of at his conversion". That as he gave his life to Christ, all of those things had passed away.

Tamara was at the edge of her seat as he went on. She had thought the same thing!

The preacher explained how he had dealt with it all, finally, in the place of prayer. He had finally understood that the blood of the innocent body had cried out over the years. But now, he announced, there was silence. It was over. By prayer, understanding and the blood of the lamb, he was free.

Tears streamed down Tamara's face as she listened. She could feel the bonds of guilt beginning to break. As the preacher gave the call to prayer, she jumped to her feet. She had to end it. Now. No more guilt, no more broken dreams, no more of all the set backs.

RR And she prayed. And prayed........

Tamara said a very warm " thank you" to her new boss three weeks later as he told her that she could start work the next Monday. At home, the phone rang.

To be continued

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has known me for years. YES, this is my ordained mate. I just know it. And in Sister Red Shoes' House......... Hey, mom! Guess what! My future husband smiled at me today in church! Yep, it's that guy I told you about. He's been coming to church for the past few weeks. I knew he was my husband the moment I looked at him but today he actually smiled at me on our way out of the church. Can you believe that? All those gorgeous women in church but he did not smile at any of them. ! He smiled at ME!!!!!!!! And in Sister High Heels' House...... Sister High Heels: Hey Prophetess Angie, I stopped by to speak to you because something serious happened today! Do you remember about a year ago you prophesied to me that I would meet my husband when I least expected to? Guess what? I met him today. You were right!!! Prophetess Angie: Yes, as a matter of fact, I believe you are going to be married within the next year! What happened, girl? Sister High Heels: The next year???!!! Lord, I need to sit down because I'm so overwhelmed I might fall out! Prophetess Angie: Let me get you some juice. Just calm down. Sister High Heels: For the past several weeks a very handsome gentleman has been sitting in the section of the church that I always sit in. It's funny because as big as that church is, why is he sitting in my section, way up there in the balcony? Prophetess Angie: You don't even have ! to finish your sentence. As I was praying for you last weekend, I sensed that you were about to meet your husband. You met him, didn't you?! Sister High Heels: YES!!!!

Prophetess Angie: As I was praying for you, I saw his face. He has medium brown skin, is handsome, and under 6 feet tall, right? Sister High Heels: Girl, YES! He is about 5'10" in height, slender, dresses in really nice suits, is very clean cut. You saw him? Prophetess Angie: Sure did. I saw him in a vision. He was walking beside you... Sister High Heels: What! Girl, that is exactly what happened in church! Your vision was right. Of all the women he could have chosen to walk to their cars, he walked me to my car. I cannot even remember what we talked about because my heart was beating so fast. And I did not even ask him his name... Prophetess Angie: We are going out tomorrow looking for wedding dresses. We claim him for you! Don't te! ll anybody else because they will think you are crazy but we are going to start your wedding plans tomorrow!!!!! Sister High Heels: Get me some tissues. I am about to cry.... Meanwhile, in Brother Unmarried's House .......... Brother Unmarried: I cannot wait for you to get here in town. I just miss you so much......... Sister Chosen: I look forward to seeing you too. Thank God I'm almost through with medical school. We then can proceed with our life plans... Brother Unmarried: Yes, ma'am! I hope our future children look just like you. You are the most beautiful woman on the entire planet......

The Following Sunday, in Church ...... Sister Blue Shoes, Red Shoes, Black Shoes, and High Heels all scurry to their seats, each hoping that Brother Unmarried will arrive soon. Although they have seen each other in passing, none of the women know each other. None of them have even a clue about the fact that each one has! set their "aim" on Brother Unmarried and that they each have "claimed" him as their husbands.

They also have no idea that he is engaged and very much in love with Sister Chosen. Praise and worship service begins but none of the women can concentrate. Each are checking, waiting, hoping that Brother Unmarried will arrive soon. Praise and worship ends and still no sign of Brother Unmarried. Pastor says the morning prayer, service officially begins, the sermon is uplifted, the altar call, the benediction....what happened to Brother Unmarried? Sister High Heels has an idea. Maybe he decided not to attend the 8:00 service this week. Perhaps he's attending the 11:00 service. Hmm....she decides to stay until praise and worship for the 11:00 service has ended. If he's not here by then, she decided, she will go on home.....

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Meanwhile, at the church across town..... Brother Unmarried decided to visit his uncle's church this week---the 10:30 service. As he enters the sanctuary with his aunt and uncle, he sees a woman smiling at him. She nods her head at him. He smiles back, sits down beside his uncle, and enjoys the service, not knowing that the sister who just nodded is secretly aiming and claiming him as her future husband! For the next 3 weeks..... Over the next several weeks Brother Unmarried visits several other churches with various friends and relatives. He has decided to take his fiancĂŠe's advice. She told him not to make any rash decisions about joining a new church just yet, but to visit several.... Tortured Minds at the original church... All

There is a man shortage but that does not mean that women need to set their aims and claims on any available brother whom they happen to see. of the sisters are confused about what's going on with their future husband. Sister Blue Shoes, Red Shoes, High Heels, and Black Shoes all have been looking out for Brother Unmarried...having problems concentrating on the services because they just don't know where their future husband could be. Week 8..... Brother Unmarried did go back to the church but none of the women saw him because he attended the 11:00 service and sat downstairs instead of in the balcony.....after all, his mind is on nothing but the church service and he finds that he concentrates better downstairs.

Sister Black Shoes..... Dear Diary, It's been several months since I saw Brother Unmarried. The devil is hiding my husband from me. I'm going to continue to pray and stand for him to return.......maybe I should fast for a few days. Sister Red Shoes....... Mom, I don't know what's going on. I have not seen my future husband in months! I am keeping him uplifted in prayer. Sister Blue Shoes...... I am confused. I don't know what happened to Brother Unmarried. I think I saw him coming into the church as I was leaving but I'm not sure that was him...One thing I do know though: He is definitely my husband! He'll be back. Sister High Heels..... Sister High Heels: Thanks for stopping by, Prophetess Angie. It's now been 11 months and I've only seen Brother Unmarried a few times in church in all this time.

What's going on? Prophetess Angie: Just stand. Your patience is being tested by the Lord. Don't waver. Keep the faith. We already have that gorgeous gown picked out and hidden in your closet. I know you are going to be wearing that gown and those lovely shoes soon. We've picked out the caterer that you will use, etc. Just be still. Just concern yourself with the guest list!

Meanwhile, on a beach in Mexico... Brother MARRIED: Our wedding was so beautiful! Sister Chosen: Yes, it was! Can you believe this? We've been together since we were in junior high school and now we finally are man and wife. I'm so happy! The Newlyweds Arrive Home.... Brother MARRIED and Sister Chosen walk into the church, hand-in-hand. They have a seat. This! is Sister Chosen's first time visiting her new husband's church but he told her that of all the churches he has visited, this is the one he likes the most. In the balcony Sister Red Shoes, Blue Shoes, Black Shoes, and High Heels peer over, looking downstairs.

Each of them squint their eyes. They all think the same thoughts. NO, that guy looks like him but it can't be him because Brother Unmarried is always alone when he comes here but there is a woman beside him---and he's holding her hand! Sister Red Shoes cannot stand the suspense. She gets up and goes downstairs and seats herself directly behind the two. She needs to know if this is really him, her future husband.

As the pastor instructs the church to stand and greet one

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Unmarried

MenatChurch...

B

agreed that after she completed medical school they would marry. So Brother Unmarried decided that he would go ahead and get his two-year Master's degree while the love of his life, Sister Chosen, completed her four-year medical degree. After getting his Master's he started to work and wait for Sister Chosen to complete her studies. Fortunately she will graduate in just 7 more months. Wow. Time's flying. He already has purchased the ring and will present it to her on her graduation day. The wedding plans are complete! Hello .... The sound of Sister Chosen's voice awakens him from his daydream. He goes on to tell her about the fact that he is enjoying his new job and that he has found a good church. In fact, he is thinking about joining but wants to wait for her to come to town so she can visit the church and see whether or not she likes it. They talk for another half hour and they end the conversation. He smiles to himself, thanking the Lord for such a wonderful woman!

MEANWHILE in Sister Blue Shoes' House........ Sister Blue Shoes has been excited for the past several weeks. She just cannot stop thinking about Brother Unmarried. And she cannot stop meditating on the fact that out of all the women in the church whom he could have hugged, he actually hugged her! No, that could not possibly be coincidence. No way. That was fate! The Lord led him to sit in front of her that Sunday and it must have been the Lord who led him to turn around and hug her! Sister Blue Shoes cannot contain her excitement a moment longer. She calls her best friend. Check out the conversation: Sister Blue Shoes: Girrrrl, you are going to be a maid of honor soon! Best Friend: What's going on, Blue Shoes?

Sister Blue Shoes: That brother I was telling you about---the single brother who's been attending church every Sunday.

Girl, he was sitting beside a single woman in church today. In fact he was surrounded by single women but when the pastor said for us to hug our neighbor, he hugged me. Can you believe that? He could have hugged the sister who was sitting right beside him but he chose to hug me. ME, girl!

Sister Blue Shoes has been excited for the pastBest Friend: Now, that is nobody but the Lord! Sister several weeks. She just cannot stop thinking aboutBlue Shoes: I know! And the strangest feeling went through me as I was hugging him. I felt like I was Brother Unmarried. And she cannot stop meditathugging my husband! It's God. He spoke to me and ing on the fact that out of all the women in thetold me that I was hugging my husband! Best Friend: church whom he could have hugged, he actuallyI stand in agreement with you on that! Sister Blue Shoes: He's mine. I claim him in the name of Jesus. I hugged her! No, that could not possibly be coinciknow he's mine! Meanwhile, in Brother Unmarried's house.... Brother Unmarried is still thinking about his dence. No way. fiancĂŠe, Sister Chosen. He wants to call her back and talk some more but it's getting late and the neighborhood. Of course, it really excited him that from day phone bill is going to be astronomical again this month! He one, she made it clear that she liked him too and they officially thinks about it and....oh, well. Fifteen more minutes won't hurt. became girlfriend and boyfriend within weeks of her arrival.

Before he knows it, he's calling his future queen yet again! And They have been inseparable ever since. When they were in Sister Black Shoes' House, An! other Scenario... Dear Diary, I teens they joined the same church , same choir and all the just met my future husband this week. I had been checking same youth groups. While many of their friends pre-teen him out for the past several weeks. I had a feeling in my spirit crushes ended, theirs endured. They attended the same high that he was my husband when I first laid eyes on him but it was school, went to the prom together, and attended the same confirmed today. As we were exiting the church, he looked college. They completed their four years of college and she me right in the eyes and waved at me!!!!!!!!!!! Whew! Now, of went on to medical school while he went on to graduate all the women in that church, he waved at me. It's interesting school. That was the first time they had been separated but because he waved in a very familiar manner, as though he the distance only drew their hearts closer together. They rother Unmarried walks into the church, goes into the balcony and sits in a certain spot. Several unmarried women notice him at the same time but none say anything. The women in question are Sister Blue Shoes, Sister Black Shoes, Sister Red Shoes, and Sister High Heels. All are single, over 25 and quite available and hopeful for a husband. The next week they look up and notice him again. The brother is alone again---, and no ring on his left finger. And he's not bad to look at either. On top of that, he's toting a bible that looks quite worn. He must be serious about the Lord! Week three, he appears again, Bible in hand, eyes focused on the pastor. Week four.......he must be a new member of the church and he sits in the same general area week after week after week. But there is only one problem. He's not very sociable. He just keeps his eyes on the service! Church is over and the pastor says, a s you depart, hug your neighbor. And wouldn't you know it, he turns around and hugs Sister Blue Shoes. Then as he heads for the door, he smiles at Sister Red Shoes and waves goodbye to Sister Black Shoes. As he heads out towards his car, he politely begins a conversation with Sister High Heels who is walking in the same direction and wishes her a pleasant day as she arrives at her car. Brother Unmarried gets into his car, turns onto his favorite gospel station, and heads home. He arrives home, walks through the door and immediately calls his fiancĂŠe (Sister Chosen) who is presently in her last year of medical school in Alabama. He loves her dearly. They have known each other since 7th grade.

The brother starts to reminisce as her telephone rings. He remembers the first day he ever saw her. She was new to the school and she walked in with her hair in a pony tail, braces, and a beautiful smile. Everyone loved her bubbly personality and she became popular instantly. And he was so surprised how quickly she transitioned in the new school and new

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R E L A T I O N S H I P S

By Chinyere Onwuachusi

Sista

Sista T

he bible describes women as the weaker vessels. Weak pered. There is hope not in terms of strength or intellect, rather because we are for the ones whose created with an innate need to be completed and hearts have been fulfilled by another. Ideally, we are to answer to a man's broken time and time again. And there is hope for all of us who authority while he in turn answers to God. Our very existence is crave that 'something' more but cannot find it or even lay a centered around relationships. finger on what it is we want and miss so much.

As complex as our make-up is, we, unlike the man cannot Despite the fact that we stand below a man's authority in be easily satisfied by any relationship. We often seek the God's hierarchy, we are still "sons" of God. He wants us to let perfection that God brings with Him in relationships. The man Him personally meet our needs. That space is one that He enjoys this freely especially when he is in right standing with his designed for Him alone to fit. We have the task of being maker. Yes, he enjoys the perfection of this relationship but he "women" on one hand, and "sons" on the other hand. Now is still human and he, like the woman, cannot be so perfect. that is a task that God Himself has taken time to equip us for.

Now how can we be satisfied by this authority that can We are accountable to two men- our Lord and our Lover. prove to be a total disgrace in the face of the perfection we Sometimes, because we are human, we highlight the seen crave? Fine, we try our best in relationships but the truth is that and neglect the unseen of these two. The truth is we must tend even when things could not be better in the relationship, there to these two well enough if we are to ensure a balance. remains this void on the inside. Sometimes it is pronounced The escape route is simple. Turn to Jesus. Focus on Him as but sadly many live with it as a thorn beneath the skin. And for if you have no sweetheart and on sweetheart as He comthis, many people's needs may never be completely mands you to do. In time you will learn to leave the inner void satiated. to Jesus to fill and love sweetheart as a person who could fall The desperate need often compels us to squeeze every drop of juice from the orange we have. But the But the truth of the matter is that it is often easier truth of the matter is that it is often easier to squeeze oranges for breakfast than to have a man become to squeeze oranges for breakfast than to have a whom you think he ought to become to suit your need. man become whom you think he ought to When we fail to get the desired response we often start become to suit your need. to feel this gnawing sense of emptiness, a loneliness that strums louder than an off key guitar even in the abundance of seemingly normal human relations. The short sometimes. He too has a void that he needs Jesus to fill. confused brother may keep trying but the need only deepens Sweetheart is human therefore he can fail sometimes. But if it is satisfied-for a while.

Jesus is our bridge over troubled waters. Even when sweetheart fails, He never will. More so, He can take care of Some of us can be quite vulnerable at this stage sweetheart when he falls out of line. because if matched with not-so-tender and gifted mates, we could easily take them for granted or get driven further into the Let us as women focus more on our relationship with depth of need. Before long we could lash out with hatred and Jesus. He alone can make us complete so that we can bring bitterness or even create a diversion for ourselves outside ourselves whole and complete in Him into our relationships.

God. The need may soon grow complex and eat up the He alone can fill that void. He sees those tears that fall in the bridge beneath our emotional lives. dark. His love begins where sweetheart's love "humanly" ends.

Only when we acknowledge his Lordship, our sweetheart's But God has equipped women with even more emotional 'humanness' and equal need of Him can we be well on the strength than we are eager to admit. Remember, He said He road toRR basking in the warmth of the magical unity of the Lord will not give us a burden too great to bear. He said He will in it and the Lover's love in our hearts. all, make a way of escape for us.

There is hope for all women who are facing emotional turmoil whether it is as a result of reversed role that made you the one to do the pampering instead of being the pam-

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Raised from the Dead

The Daniel Ekechukwu Story

Here the story begins‌ It was mid November 2001. So many Christian meetings were holding.

Daniel Ekechukwu, pastor of Power Chapel Evangelical in Onitsha had a scheduled crusade in a nearby town. Some hours before the commencement of the program, his wife informed him that one of their kids was not feeling well and insisted that he went with her to hospital. On getting there, it was found out that the child was anaemic and needed an urgent transfusion.

Pastor Dan who was on a fast at this time had second thoughts about The day he came back to life donating blood considering the fact that he had to drive down and minister at the crusade. He however put his child first, donated his blood, gave his wife some money, and left for the crusade. His wife was not too pleased that he left seeing the state of the child.

On his return, she expressed her displeasure and this resulted in a quarrel in which she allegedly hit him inadvertently. Dan was very wroth but held back himself. She immediately was full of remorse and pleaded forgiveness but Dan gave her the silent treatment and thought of how best to bring discipline and order into his home. Some many thoughts were flying through his mind at that time.

According to him, he decided to go home and settle with some members of his family who had attacked him some weeks earlier without the knowledge of his wife. Of course, he knew she would not approve of the trip as they had both reasoned it was too early to do so. He had not forgiven his wife.

Crossing Death's Path In the morning of November 30th 2001, Daniel with his friend Kingsley Iruka took a goat as Christmas present to his father in

a village near Owerri. Daniel drove his 20-year-old Mercedes 230. On the way back home, traveling down a steep road, the car's brakes failed.

Daniel could do nothing. Gathering speed the vehicle hurtled downhill, unstoppable. Daniel's life ended as the vehicle smashed into a stone pillar.

Without a seat belt Daniel was catapulted violently forward. His head hit the windscreen and the steering wheel and knob punched into his body. Daniel's friend Kingsley Iruka, shocked though not badly hurt, turned to Daniel hoping all was well. But the sight appalled him. Blood was pouring from Daniel's nose from a head injury, and then he began vomiting blood from heavy internal hemorrhage. Rescue came moments after the accident.

Miraculously, Daniel held up until he was placed in the local hospital's intensive care. His wife, Nneka was sent for. She found Daniel still alive but only just. He hung on to life to ask her to have him taken to his family doctor's hospital in Owerri - a very serious mistake. It meant anything but a smooth ride of one and half hours. Within minutes of being lifted into the ambulance Daniel felt himself dying. He tried to whisper his last words and instructions to Nneka. He partucularly begged her to ensure the work of their church continued. He also tried to inform her about one or two church situations she ought to be aware of but his speech became slurred, incoherent and stopped as he drifted into unconsciousness. The ambulance driver pushed on however, at full speed, warning sirens blaring. Reaching the Owerri Regional Hospital they ran in shouting, "Emergency! Emergency!" However, Daniel's doctor was not on duty. Instead a member of the medical staff took charge and checked Daniel's now limp form. He turned to them with a sad face. He could only certify that Daniel was already dead. His wife Nneka naturally was shocked. But a Bible verse had been ringing in her mind from Hebrews 11 "women received their dead raised to life again."

An irrational conviction seized her. This passage was talking about her. She would see Daniel alive and well again.

In what follows, Nneka was the key figure.

Evidence of things Hoped For The text in Nneka's head made it impossible for her to accept the plain evidence that Daniel was dead. Her agitation dictated that something must be done. They hurried to see Daniel's uncle, Okoronkwo Emmanuel living near the hospital and asked if he knew where their own family doctor was. He did not know, but led them to see his own doctor, Dr. Jossy Anuebunisa at the St. Eunice Clinic. Daniel was taken there and seeing Nneka's determination again the doctor L-R: Kingsley Jademi, Dr. Uvoh, Daniel Ekechukwu and Jafeh Ehabahe.

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Events

Warri City in Praise T he people of Effurun/Warri moved the hand of God through praise a few days ago.

The programme tagged 'City Praise' saw people from all walks of life coming together in one gigantic gathering. The two cities virtually stood still for the one-day event.

For a city known for it's unenviable record of crises and violence, it was welcomed refreshment. The programme was the brainchild of Mr. Godwin Orubebe, a church leader with a passion for the Lord.

According to him, he (Godwin) had a vision from God to sponsor a gospel music concert in the twin cities of Effurun/Warri that will achieve the following objectives,

-Unite the already polarized body of Christ in the cosmopolitan city -Praise God and thank him for establishing peace in Effurun/Warri -Win souls into the kingdom of God through music -Provide godly entertainment to the recreation-starved cities.

The vision brought together 28 churches in and around Effurun/Warri led by pastor Leo Buluks of Rainbow Christian assembly, all united on the singular task of unifying the body of Christ.

The event featured artists from different parts of the country. They include,

Nkem Owoh (Lagos), Kingsley Ike (Abuja), Minister Osene Ighodaro(Lagos), D C Envoys (Warri), Mike Aremu (Lagos), Spirit of David (Port Harcourt), Joan Paul (Benin), Delvan Gwamna ( Ka d u n a ) , R e x a ( U g h e l l i ) , Splendour (Warri) and a 300-plus mass choir.

God honoured the prayer of His people by giving fair weather on the D-day.

An estimated crowd of over 10,000 people attended the concert, while a harvest of over 200 souls was recorded.

The concert was the first of its kind in the city, breaking the barriers of doctrines and church politics, uniting the body of Christ, winning RR drawing an unprecesouls and

SNAPSHOTS FROM THE PROGRAM

LOVE STORY

cont’d from 38

her so much if she wasn't the one for him? Why did she raise his hopes so high only to dash them? Did she not realize that the higher the height, the greater the impact and devastation of the fall?

So what do you do when you don't know what to do? This particular brother decided to shift gear to a higher one. He wrote letters he had never written before, saying things that would make any right thinking sister to reconsider her stand, but not this sister.

Now out of options, he was compelled to reconcile himself to his helplessness. This sister had made up her mind, there was nothing he could do about it. Yet this silent hope that things might turn to his favour kept him going. And for more than a year, he refused to look elsewhere hoping that this sister would come back to him by some act of God. Even though he began again to trust God to bring her type of person his way, he sometimes found himself indulging in thoughts that her new relationship would break so that he could have her. Unfair as that may be, she married the other brother in June 2002. She even

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invited him to the ceremony but he got the card a day after the wedding.

One of her last prayers for him was that when he finally met the queen of his heart, he'd wonder if the way he felt for her wasn't meant to prepare him for that queen. What a prayer! The thought that she was that queen lingered in his heart. It wasn't a crush he had on her. He really loved her. Maybe it was a divine plan to meet a few "wrong" people before meeting the right one.

Time and chance just refused to smile on him. Or so he thought.

He wished he'd never met her. If he never met her, he wouldn't have had to worry about losing her. But then, he realized that some people live their whole lives and never fall in love. At least he had achieved that feat even though it didn't work out quite to his expectations. That he couldn't deny. This brother has learnt his lesson the hard way.

But he also realized that: If you love something, let it go RR If it comes back to you, it's yours If it doesn't, it was never meant to be

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enough to properly overlap your trousers.

Choose one or two button styles, and avoid doublebreasted coats.

Slit instead of flap pockets are a particularly good choice for you. ·

Stay with matching coat and trousers. A white coat and

black trousers will visually accentuate your weight · Wear adjustable waist trousers or suspenders. · If you are generally large, use larger button and cuff jewelry.

TALL MEN ·

Make sure your clothes are not too short. Sleeve lengths

should be adjusted to fit perfectly. ·

Double-breasted styles are ideal, especially if you are on

the thin side. · If you are generally large, use larger button and cuff jewelry Getting Below the Surface For a long time, it seems, men took the statement that "beauty is only skin deep" to mean they needn't muss and fuss over something as superficial as skin care.

"There's no argument that men traditionally were reluctant to buy grooming products," says William Lauder, a top-notch in Estée Lauder's subsidiary company. "It took them a while to get over the self-consciousness of buying self-care products in the same way women have been doing for a long time. But once they realized that grooming could be a fun-not a tedious-chore that, by the way, made them look and feel great, they jumped on the bandwagon."

It has taken a bit of savvy marketing, macho names, and rugged guy-oriented packaging but men have indeed jumped, turning men's grooming products into an industry that some estimate is worth $3.3 billion in sales.

No matter how old you are, if you haven't already jumped, put on your parachute and say hello to the squeaky-clean world of men's skin care!

About Face A man's face is his business card today," says Uri Ben-Ari, president of a Cosmetics company that markets skin care products containing minerals from Israel's Dead Sea. "It's what they see first, what they judge you by first, and what they remember last-hopefully it's a good memory."

When you are in your twenties, many unless-like every other self-conscious young man-you consider oiliness and acne serious problems. Meanwhile, by your late twenties, collagen, the substance that helps skin maintain its elasticity, begins decreasing by about 1 percent a year (especially in areas exposed to the sun). Solutions: This is basically a maintenance and prevention age. You're insuring against problems that will crop up later. On your face, use mild soaps that are glycerinbased, nonabrasive, and nonirritating (Dove, Neutrogena). It is advised that you use soaps that are "allergy-tested" and "fragrance-free." That means no smelly chemicals added, making them good shower soaps to wash your hairy partsunderarms, groin, buttocks-but bad for the sensitive face area.

To help prevent acne, use alcohol-based topical antibiotics.

Rather than pimple creams, light astringent (a drying agent

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that removes surface debris and whose active ingredient is usually alcohol, witch hazel, or propenyl glycol) will do the trick. For acne blemishes, Retin-A, a prescription cream containing Vitamin A is recommended. It also does wonders for wrinkles.

Elasticity keeps stretching the skin in the thirties and wrinkles begin to appear around the eye areas. The solution is for you to return to that Retin-A to remove the dead outer layer of skin.

This will slowly get rid of discolorations like brown spots, and it helps improve and prevent fine lines.

There is a popular myth that moisturizers get rid of wrinkles.

Research shows that moisturizers just fill in and hydrate the wrinkle-a deft camouflage technique women have long known.

AHA has become the acronym of anti-aging agents.

Researchers found that after 22 weeks of twice-daily use of creams containing alpha hydroxy acids (AHAs), 70 percent of users noticed overall improvement on their face and significant reduction in roughness on their arms. Look for face moisturizing creams containing 8 percent glycolic acid or 8 percent lactic acid.

By middle-age, sleep lines-deep ravines-form in the forehead. The lines at the corners of the nose and mouth increase. Skin gets drier and even more elastic. Double chin may appear. To control this, continue to religiously apply the moisturizer. To combat facial wrinkles, sleep on your back (practice breathing through your mouth so that you don't snore). Maintain body weight. If you yo-yo diet, the skin will stretch to accommodate your heavier weight, but it doesn't always return to its previous state when you drop those pounds.

SHAVING Before Warm water Shaving should be performed once your face has been in recent contact with some hot water. That's why shaving just after you've come out of the shower is such a popular time slot. The warm humidity will open up your pores and soften your fuzz. The water needs to be hot but not scorching, since we wouldn't want people thinking you've run into a flamethrower. Comb your bristles up while you moisten your face to make sure your blade picks up everything.

Exfoliate your skin You should take the time to remove dead skin from your face on a regular basis. Not only does this allow you to stay clear of ingrown hair, but it will also leave your skin much cleaner. The consequence that interests us the most here is that you'll be able to achieve a much closer shave.

Moisturize Sure, water is great to hydrate the pores but you need to go one step further. There are scrubs that clean the face, remove dirt, enliven the skin, and softens the hairs. The end result is that you'll be able to kiss those nasty razor burns goodbye.

Proper environment Shaving involves sharp instruments being swung near vital organs, so it's imperative that you perform the deed under suitable conditions. First, you need appropriate illumination.

Shaving with a flashlight or by candlelight is to be prohibited.

Unless, of course, you're going for the "I was attacked by a bear" look.

As well, it's necessary that you use a mirror. You might be confident of your wielding abilities but it's easy to miss a spot. A three-mirror setup is ideal to cover all angles.

Multiple blades

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To be continued

checked. He could only confirm death had taken place. The time registered was 11.30pm on the day of the accident. The doctor then wrote out his report on the demise of his patient and asked if they wished to have Daniel laid in the clinic's mortuary. They declined.

Instead they again moved the body to Daniel's father in the village and from there to the Ikeduru General Hospital Mortuary, not far away. The resident mortician, Barlington Manu, also carried out the normal checks and by then it was after midnight, one o'clock Saturday morning.

The mortuary having no cold storage facilities, the mortician administered the usual chemical injection and prepared the body for embalming the following morning.

With the help of a member of staff he laid the body out on a mortuary slab between two other dead people. Everyone then retired for the night

permission to get the body into the building, but it would have to be only into the children's department. The children were ushered into the lower hall, and the corpse brought in the upper room and laid on a table. Pastor Paul Jr and another pastor in the church, Bathcomery Nkwando, attended to this and found rigor mortis had stiffened the limbs

Life Returns!

Two other staff pastors, Lawrence Onyeka and Luke Ibekwe joined them to guard the body.

Meanwhile Reinhard Bonnke knew nothing of this and was preaching and praying upstairs in the main auditorium.

After a while the pastors noticed a slight twitching of the stomach of the corpse. Then the corpse drew a breath, and presently irregular breathing took place in "short bursts" as they reported. Encouraged, the pastors threw themselves into powerful prayer, stripped the body of the mortuary gloves, Faith: The Turning Point socks and shirt and began massage from Meanwhile Daniel's wife, convinced her head to foot, Daniel being was "as stiff as an husband would live again, wanted his body iron rod". They asked for fans to be brought in taken to the church in Onitsha where to give Daniel more air to breathe. As this Reinhard Bonnke was to speak at a news broke out in the sanctuary above, it dedication ceremony of the Grace of God created hysterical pandemonium.

Ministries. Daniel's father was a Mormon and Then, said Pastor Lawrence, at 5:15 on the declared he would decide. He said he Evang. Reinhard Bonnke Sunday afternoon, nearly two days after would go and "hit him with the Bible seven times", and if death had taken place, Daniel opened his eyes, sat up and Daniel did not rise, then Nneka must accept the fact that he leaned on Pastor Lawrence. People began crowding into the was not going to rise from the dead, and that must close the hall to see this resurrected man. Pastor Lawrence was worried matter. He did go and struck the corpse as he said seven Daniel would not have enough oxygen, so he times with no result whatever. carried him into the church sanctuary. Daniel Nneka, being a Christian, considered a Mormon would not spoke for the first time saying, "water, understand. His performance meant nothing except to put water." They gave him sips and tepid her off. She would not give up. She pestered her father-in-law. tea.

Daniel must be taken to the Bonnke's meeting.

To give him a clear space they seated Realizing that if he refused her demand, she would rememhim on a chair on the platform where ber all her life that he denied her request on behalf of her hundreds of people saw him slowly husband. Eventually he gave in. On the next day, Sunday, recovering. He had not yet collected December 2, they went to take the body from the mortuary his thoughts and for a while could not but the mortician was worried about their intention. To hide recognize anyone, not even his own the fact that a body was being taken away on a one and half son who came up to see his hours drive to Onitsha, as a pretext he dressed the body as for d a d . H o w e v e r, h e a funeral, placed it in a coffin and shut the lid. They set off with progressed, Daniel in the coffin. Arriving at the Onitsha church comand within only pound, the State Security officer and the ushers saw them hours, during entering with a coffin and ordered them to turn round and the evening, he leave immediately. Nneka however was determined. She had full consciouspleaded and persisted not only for the coffin to be allowed in ness and coherthe church compound but brought into the church itself. ence. He became a Seeing her agitation, the officer checked that the coffin did wonder and crowds contain a body and was not a terrorist trick to plant a bomb. besieged his home. He Finding only a pallid corpse he allowed them to proceed. was later taken away to a However the idea of bringing a coffin or a dead body into a secret location for two days crowded church brought consternation and upheaval. for physical invigoration. The Finally the Head Bishop's son Pastor Paul Jr. sought his father's once-dead man not only rose from

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his coffin but the serious injuries, which had brought about his death, were also healed without the slightest trace.

Reinhard Bonnke meanwhile had left the church for the airport. Any doubts? Here are some hard facts that won't go away. For two days Daniel did not breathe, his heart had stopped beating. It was in a hot climate, not suspended animation in an ice chamber. He had been injected with a harsh chemical to keep back mortification. As a corpse he was carried around for hours, pulled about, and laid in an airless narrow coffin for hours. He should have had severe brain damage, but he is alive now without any ill effects. This was no unsupported claim of bringing someone to life privately, as in a house.

Here was a public event, an open demonstration of revival from death. If anyone has to be named, it is Nneka. Her incurable faith alone prevented Daniel's burial by taking him to where she was convinced God could bring him back The Ekechukwus to life. She regarded Reinhard Bonnke as a man of God and that in the atmosphere of faith where he ministered this miracle was possible. The faith of Nneka dictated the whole event and her faith was honored. By who? Who honored her faith? If not God, who else?

It was reported that when members of the church learnt about Daniel's resurrection, a woman who had been on crutches threw them away and started running, and her husband ran to the church altar to ask God to forgive him his sins.

Pastor Daniel Ekechukwu recalls meeting two angels when he was in an ambulance after the car accident: “They handed me over to another angel. He told me that we were going to visit paradise. I saw multitudes of those looking like the angel who was with me. They were singing praises. They did everything simultaneously. It was as if there

It was reported that when members of the church learnt about Daniel's resurrection, a woman who had been on crutches threw them away and started running, and her husband ran to the church altar to ask God to forgive him his sins. was one force controlling them. There was lots of music, but I never saw any instruments.

“Everything was beautiful; there are no words to describe it. Even the flowers were like gold and silver. Everything was white. Then the angel said: 'Let us visit hell'. We have to show you hell, because the prayer of the rich man will be answered today. And you are chosen to return from the dead and to go back to earth to warn the heedless. He said he stood in front of a gigantic gate. The angel lifted one hand and as he put it down, the gigantic gate opened. He said he couldn't see fire, but it was filled with people, and they were in torment as if they were burning. He said people were screaming. One of them he said, shouted he said, 'I have stolen money from the church I want to give it back, I want to give it back, help me to give it back.' He said, 'they saw me, but they didn't see the angel next to me. The angel let him know that the prayer he prayed before he gave up the ghost for God to forgive him was not answered saying that but for the second chance he was being given, his portion would have been in hell. His prayers were hindered because he was not at peace with his wife. This was in consonance with 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye

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For Guys Only

Casual

Friday

T

husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. ' And then, the angel turned around and said, 'we are bringing you together with Reinhard Bonnke, and through him, this will be made known in the whole world.

I was jotting everything I saw down in a file. That is why when I came back I was looking for it," Ekechukwu said.

Ekechukwu is alive and well. He and his wife are now traveling Nigeria, telling about his experience.

Friends the end of all things is at hand and like Apostle Peter said, be ye sober and watch unto prayer. We need more than ever before to pay heed to the scriptures.

Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip by.

For if the word spoken by angels was steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just recompense of reward; How shall we escape, if we neglect so great a salvation; which at first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by them that heard him Heb 2:3 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that has promised;) And let us consider one another to provoke unto good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much more, as ye see the day approaching. Heb 10:23-25 The Rich man in Luke 16:26 said, " I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father's house; For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.

RR your eyes, and look on the fields; for they The Bride says " Lift up Reprinted with permission from Christus fur alle e.V Postfach 60 05 74 are white already to harvest" Nationen Jn 4:35b 60335 Frankfurt Germany For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

How shall they call upon him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe on in him of whom they Doheard? you have an issue in your have not And how shall they hear relationship without a preacher? or marriage?

Rom10:14 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches Rev 3:29 Send your prayer request

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to us and our intercessors will join faith with you.

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hanks to Casual Friday, corporate dress has really become a problem. People say that Casual Friday is a new way of dressing, but it isn't license for sloppiness and that's what may be happening. There are some workers who take the liberty of Casual Friday to wear unpolished, dirty looking slip-ons, tee-shirt and pants that would be better doing house chores in.

Casual Friday has changed the rules about what's appropriate to wear to work. And if you want to be Joe Friday, you need to understand what the new style standards are.

A Casual Acquaintance In many companies, Casual Friday got its sneakered foot in the door via charities or in-house publicity/advertising. In some offices, especially banks, you could see most members of staff wearing tee shirts with the company's name and logo vividly emblazoned on them.

The world's largest aluminum manufacturer, US-based ALCOA, went totally casual in 1991. Managers permitted employees who pledged early to a fund-raising to dress casually for the remainder of the campaign. Response was so overwhelming-and productivity and morale so noticeably improved-that the company made casual dress a permanent policy.

Casual dress can have clear advantages, at virtually no cost, for most corporations and industries but Casual Friday has caused considerable consternation, too. However, just because you're dressing casually doesn't mean that there aren't standards.

What is the bottom line for bosses? Casual dress improves morale, is perceived as an employee benefit, saves employees money, and attracts new workers, survey shows.

According to the survey, here's what most men wear on a designated casual day at work: Polo shirts, short-sleeve shirts Casual slacks, jeans Leather shoes As a general guide, that's a pretty safe standard for a dressdown day. But does that make it the official uniform for Casual Friday? Not necessarily. Here are some tips to help you make sense of the new office anarchy.

Watch the boss What might cut it at your company probably won't make it past the security guard at another company. What's appropriate varies from city to city, region to region, company to company.

Your office might be more conservative, therefore, the easiest thing to do is to look around and see what the bosses are wearing. If they're not wearing sneakers, neither should you."

Be a trailblazer You'll never go wrong with a blazer. They jazz up even the most casual outfits, including jeans. And if it's too dressy, you can always take it off. Along with a coordinating shirt and trousers, it's a definite cornerstone to a corporate casual wardrobe

Select a shirt Safe shirts for casual wear include collared polo shirts, solid colors or muted prints, banded-collar shirts, denim shirts, linen shirts, neatly pressed oxford buttondowns.

Pick the right trousers You can't go wrong with dress slacks, khakis, or chinos. Even a nice pair of jeans might be okay, as long as they're not the kind you'd wear doing the laundry and as long as they're dressed up with a nice shirt and blazer.

Err on the side of fashion If you're not sure what goes in your office, dress up more than you need to.

It's safer to dress up. You can always dress down-remove your jacket, roll up your sleeves, and loosen your tie. You can't go the other way.

Style Checklist for Body Types SHORT MEN ·

Make sure your clothes are not too long. Sleeve lengths

should be adjusted to fit perfectly. Avoid large or long shirt collars. ·

Avoid double-breasted styles that accentuate width, not

height. · Stay with matching coat and pants. A bright coloured coat and black trousers will visually make you look shorter.

HEAVY MEN Always make sure your wardrobe is large enough, never tight.

Pay particular attention to shirts-you may need to wear a half size larger or use a button-extender for a neat, well fitting collar.

Tee off T-shirts most often are a no-no on casual day, so think twice,

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even if your company allows them. If you opt for a T-shirt, make it plain and solid-colored, perhaps with a single breast pocket. And it doesn't matter whether your musical tastes run toward Kirk Franklin or Kush. Save the concert T-shirts for the weekend.

Wear vests cautiously, they add fabric layers to

your midsection. If you do wear a vest, it should be long

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women are. When present, symptoms may be similar to those of chlamydia and include burning urination and penile or vaginal discharge. Untreated gonorrhea can cause PID in women. Babies born to mothers with gonorrhea are at risk of infection during childbirth; such infections can cause eye disease in the newborn.

Physicians diagnose gonorrhea by testing penile or vaginal discharge specimens for the presence of Neisseria gonorrhoeae. Typically, for men the symptoms are; pain on the passing urine; yellowish discharge from the penis; frequent urination an a pus discharge.It is treatable with several antibiotics.If not treated in time, the germs will spread and infect other parts of the body, causing general ill health and can even stop a man from being able to father a child. However, for women, there are often no symtoms. She may experience; increased vaginal discharge; frequent or painful urination; high temperature and abdominal pain.If treatment is not administeredthe tubes become affected; any may become permanently blocked and the woman may never be able to have a baby.

Syphilis, a potentially life-threatening STD, is caused by a thin corkscrew- like bacteria called Treponema pallidum. In the early stage of syphilis, a genital sore, called a chancre, develops shortly after infection and eventually disappears on its own. If the disease is not treated, the infection can progress over years, affecting the vertebrae, brain, and heart, and resulting in such varied disorders as lack of coordination, meningitis, and stroke.The symptoms are the same for men and women. It is easily treated with penicillin. During pregnancy can be devastating to the fetus, causing deformity and death. But the good news is that it can be treated before the fetus is harmed.

Genital herpes is caused by infection with the herpes simplex virus (HSV) which infects the genital tract. Most cases of genital herpes are due to HSV type 2. Some cases, however, result from genital infections with HSV type 1, a common cause of cold sores. Genital herpes causes recurrent outbreaks of painful sores on the genitals, although the disease often remains dormant with no symptoms for long periods. In men, it appears as small sores or blisters on his penis and probably burning feelins when urinating. In women, the blisters may be around the virgina or in the cervix, with fever or headaches. The symptoms usually show 2 to 20 20 days after contact but can be treated with antiviral drugs, such as acyclovir. Without treatment the symptoms disappear in a week or two but may flare up later. Herper does not leave the body. It is incurable.

AIDS, the result of infection with the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), is an incurable and deadly STD. AIDS attacks the body's immune system, leaving victims open to a wide range of infections. While HIV can be transmitted by other means, sex is the most common means of transmission. It also transmited via heterosexual, homosexuals acts. Women who are infected with HIV can pass the virus to their infants during childbirth or, less frequently, in breast milk. Treatment options for people infected with HIV include protease inhibitors, which can markedly increase survival.

Certain types of hepatitis virus can be spread through sexual contact. One hundred times more contagious than HIV, hepatitis B is spread sexually and during childbirth: Between 90 and 95 percent of all babies born to infected mothers will contract the disease during birth. Hepatitis B attacks liver cells, leading to cirrhosis and possibly cancer of the liver. In most cases hepatitis B is incurable, but arduous chemotherapy can eliminate the virus in some patients. There is a safe, effective vaccination for hepatitis B, and most states are developing or already have initiated public school immunization programs.

Genital warts, transmitted by the human papilloma virus during sexual contact, grow on the penis and in and around the entrance to the vagina and anus.

Although they are relatively painless, genital warts significantly increase the risk of cervical cancer in women. Genital warts are treatable with topical medications and can be removed with minor surgical procedures.

ITCHY INFECTIONS viginal itching, burning upon urination and unusual discharge do not always mean that one has veneral disease. It could well mean a vaginal infection. there are bacterial in the viginal that should normally be there; however, there are other bacteria that are harmful to the vagina and cause infections. These are more harmful bacteria are more likely to attack the genital tracts when the body is run-

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down; when there are infections in otherparts of thebody; or when there is lowered resistance to diseases becauseof lack of sleep, poor diet or emotional upset.

There are three types of itching infections that occur most often. They are:TRICHOMONAL INFECTION: This is a common infection and is due to the organism trichomonas vaginalis which is yellow or white and has a noticeable smell. it also causes the virgina to be red and burning, itching, discomfort and irritated. The germs can survive for a few hours outside the body. A woman can became infected if her vagina comes in contact with a wash cloth or some object used by an infected person. But sexual transmission is far common. In men, trichomoniasis may cause similar problems in the urethra, called urethritis.

Trichomoniasis is usually easily treated with a single dose of antibiotics.

VPREVENTION AND CONTROLUnlike many serious diseases, STDs can be prevented by taking simple measures. The most effective prevention method is abstinence-that is, refraining from sex completely. No sexual contact means no risk of developing an STD. Practicing monogamy, in which two partners do not have sexual relations with anyone but each other, also greatly reduces the risk of spreading and contracting STDs. Latex condoms are an effective, although not perfect, form of protection from STDs. These plastic sheaths, worn over the penis or inserted into the vagina, act as a physical barrier to organisms that cause STDs. However, condoms do not cover all of the genital surfaces that may come into contact during sex, and the possibility of transmission of some STDs, especially genital herpes and warts, still exists.

Early diagnosis and thorough treatment prevent the more serious consequences of infection, while halting the spread of STDs from person to person. This is most critical in STDs that do not cause symptoms, because those infected often do not know they risk infecting their sexual partners. Drug treatment programs must be completed, even if early doses of drugs appear to alleviate symptoms entirely. The infection may still persist in the absence of symptoms, leading infected individuals to unknowingly spread the disease. Furthermore, exposure to small doses of RR antibiotics that do not kill the infection may enable the infecting agent to develop resistance to the drug.

Abstinece is advicable during the period infection and treatment; avoid scratching - it irritates and spreads in fection; wear cotton underpants; donot stop

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THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE cont’d from page 55 Mutual forgiveness There is no point in even thinking about marriage without mutual forgiveness. Right from the time you start making plans to get married you need to make that decision to be a forgiving husband or wife, decide not to pay any attention to any of those things that irritate you or that you don't like in your partner.

As a rule, unforgiveness is the main reason for most divorce cases. ' A n d b e k i n d o n e t o a n o t h e r, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.' (Ephesians 4:32) 'And be kind one to another…' This is God's commandment. Kindness is an integral part of Christian marriage. You need to be kind and tenderhearted to each other. To be tenderhearted means to feel with your spouse in whatever he or she might be going through. It means to understand one another to such a degree that you are willing to go through any mess or trouble together.

'Be kind to one another, be tenderhearted and …forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven us.' (Ephesians 4:32) If Jesus had not forgiven us, we would not be a part of the church. Worse still, if God had not forgiven us, we would have no chance of getting into the Kingdom of Heaven and

having eternal life. Thanks to God's forgiveness, which we have in Jesus Christ, we can inherit the Kingdom of Heaven and enter paradise. Isn't that wonderful?

God has forgiven us and our lives are no longer without hope. We are no longer afraid of death because we know that after death eternal life in paradise is awaiting us.

I know that after death I will throw my arms around the One who is dearest of all to me. I will embrace Jesus and He will say to me, "Well done. You have overcome; you tried hard and did not give up. I know, when things were really hard for you and I prayed for you not to give up and you did not. Well done.

Enter into thy Father's rest!" Isn't that wonderful? Can you imagine what a sight it will be, what a breathtaking event, what a celebration it will be! And this will happen because of His forgiveness.

God has forgiven us so that we might forgive one another. The Lord asks us to forgive one another and more so in marriage. For if a husband and wife don't forgive each other, their family life will soon become hell on earth.

Anyone who wants to succeed in marriage should learn to forgive his/her partner, regardless of what has happened or what the other person has done.

'Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do

ye.' (Colossians 3:13) The Bible says that forgiveness should be twoway. Do not wait for the other person to forgive you before you forgive him. Begin with yourself. You be the first to forgive. Forgiveness is like a seed that you sow into your family. If you planted a seed, sooner or later it will produce fruit. It will be the fruit of your forgiveness. The person, who does not forgive harms himself more than anyone else.

Unforgiveness is a trick of the devil. If you don't forgive it means you choose to remember the hurt somebody has caused you. It is just the same with treating a physical wound. You know when somebody gets wounded he tries to treat his wound as quickly as possible.

Unforgiveness is also a wound, except that it is a spiritual one. Unforgiveness is like a festering wound in a person's soul. If you are not able to forgive somebody, you will have constant spiritual turmoil and distress, simply because you have not forgiven.

'And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him'.

(Luke 17:4) If you act in this way and forgive like this, then you will have a clear conscience and peace in your life.

But you might protest and say: RR "Well, I keep forgiving and forgiving. How many more times must I forgive?"

Let us see what the wisest Book of all has to

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Tel: 08023116621, 08023274333. E-mail: realrelationships@hotmail.com

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Health Matters

What do you know

about Sexually Transmitted Diseases

M

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ANY people are ignorant that Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), passed between people who share formerly known as venereal diseases, infectious diseases are passed infected needles or received through a from one person to another primarily during sexual contact.The chances transfusion of infected blood. Some of picking it up and of passing it on increases where casual sex occurs. Moreso, it people mistakenly believe that STDs can can be contacted by anyone at any age and there are no vaccines. be transmitted through shaking hands or Some STDs, such as gonorrhea or chlamydia, may cause no symptoms. People other casual contact, or through contact who do not know they are infected risk infecting their sexual partners and, in some with inanimate objects such as clothing cases, their unborn children. If left untreated, these diseases may cause debilitator toilet seats. Such transmissions are ing pain or may destroy a woman's ability to have children. Some STDs can be extremely rare. cured with a single dose of antibiotics, but many, such as acquired immunodefiCOMMON STDs ciency syndrome (AIDS), are incurable. People with these diseases remain infectious to others for their entire lives.

Statistically,Chlamydia, caused by the Those most at risk for contracting STDs are people who have unprotected sex-that is, Chlamydia trachomatis bacterium. sex without using a latex condom; those who have multiple partners; and those Chlamydia may not produce noticeable whose sex partners include intravenous drug users who share needles.Young symptoms, it often goes undiagnosed, people may be more likely to have unprotected sex and may be embarrassed to and the CDC estimates that the true tell their sexual partners they are infected. Young people may also be embarrassed incidence of chlamydia is nearly ten or unable to seek treatment for STDs. This means that they are not only more likely to times the number of reported cases. pass the disease to other young people, they also have a greater risk of suffering People who do not know they are the long-term consequences of untreated STDs. infected may not seek medical care and IITRENDS IN STDSAt any time in history, the prevalence and significance of different they may continue to have sex, unknowSTDs mirror changes in science and society. For example, in many countries of the ingly spreading the disease. When world, the incidence of STDs increased during and immediately after World War II symptoms do develop, men may (1939-1945), when soldiers spending extended periods of time away from home experience painful or burning urination or engaged in unprotected sexual relations with different partners, many of whom a discharge from the penis. Women may carried STDs. When the antibiotic penicillin became widely available in the experience burning urination, vaginal following years, the same countries experienced dramatic reductions in STD discharge, or mild lower abdominal pain. incidence. Beginning in the 1950s, however, the incidence of gonorrhea began to If left untreated, chlamydia damages rise as American sexual mores changed. Strains of the disease developed reproductive tissue, causing inflammaresistance to penicillin, and by the 1970s and 1980s the disease reached epidemic proportions in young adult populations. Introduction of HIV into the human population led to an international crisis that began in the Some people mistakenly believe that STDs 1980s and continues to this day. Today record numbers of people are can be transmitted through shaking hands or infected with genital herpes, and experts suspect that this incurable other casual contact, or through contact with disease is quickly surpassing chlamydia as the most common STD in inanimate objects such as clothing or toilet the United States. seats. Such transmissions are Cases of STDs are increasing in the late 20th century, even though the use of condoms has increased since the onset of the AIDS epidemic. extremely rare.

Public health officials feel that many factors are probably responsible, tion of the urethra in men and possibly among them trends in sexual behavior. In the last several decades, the age at pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) in which people have sex for the first time has shifted downward, while the average women. PID can cause chronic, number of partners a person has sex with during his or her lifetime has increased. debilitating pelvic pain, infertility, or fatal Together, these trends increase the risk of exposure to an STD. pregnancy complications. Chlamydia HOW STDS ARE TRANSMITTED infections are diagnosed by testing STDs are transmitted by infectious agents-microscopic bacteria, viruses, parasites, penile and vaginal discharge for the fungi, and single-celled organisms called protozoa-that thrive in warm, moist presence of the bacteria. environments in the body, such as the genital area, mouth, and throat. Most STDs are spread during sexual intercourse (vaginal or anal), but other forms of sexual Gonorrhea, caused by the bacteria contact, such as oral sex, can also spread disease. Some STDs are passed from an Neisseria gonorrhoeae or Gonococcus, infected mother to her child before birth, when the infection crosses the placenta infects the membranes lining certain and enters the baby's bloodstream; during childbirth, as the baby passes through genital organs. Like chlamydia, gonorthe birth canal; or after birth, when the baby consumes infected breast milk. rhea is often symptomless, and men are Some viral STDs, especially AIDS, may be transmitted by blood. Such STDs may be more likely to develop symptoms than

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T

hey first met in November 1997 shortly after his return from Industrial Training. He was in his final year in the university while she was a fresher. After a friend introduced them she said, "so you are the so and so I've heard so much about". He said no, he was only his brother. They all laughed and left it at that. She later confessed to enjoying his sense of humour and

all the leg pulling.

Her name is withheld as a mark of respect for her status as a married woman. His has the Biblical meaning of 'Jehovah is my salvation'. He was twenty-five, she had just turned nineteen and not in any way fitting his idea of the "perfect woman". If only she was prettier, fairer and a bit more sophisticated. That was the type of woman he would love to have. It would indeed be a big joke for anyone to think he would later see in her in a way he had never seen her.

While in school, he was the 'big brother' she could always run to for advice and encouragement. First was about her conviction that she was reading a course she believed was wrongly chosen. Later it was her troublesome kid brother who wouldn't allow anybody rest at home. There were other occasions when his big brotherly role was sought for, found helpful and appreciated. They remained such good friends but without any emotional attachment. They could even discuss other peoples relationships freely without thoughts of starting one themselves. It was something of trust and mutual respect that existed between them. He still could not understand how they could relate at such a level without taking the next step of being committed. Maybe he was too blind to see what was right before him; maybe he was too slow to make a move since the man is the one society placed the onus on to make the first move; maybe he was too insensitive to realize that he loved her.

Many months came and went. He graduated in 1998 and was posted to the North for his NYSC. Afterwards, they lost contact.

He wasn't bothered because she was just one of his very good friends and he had quite a number of them at that time.

Then came the moment of truth. Each time he was feeling depressed, he would withdraw into his shell and meditate.

He'd lie down and reflect on life, his faith, family and many other issues. This time, his thought shifted to finding the ideal partner among his scores of female friends. The thought of which among them he would end up with for the rest of his life dominated his mind. Each time a name came up, it disappeared after a short while of contemplation. When hers came up, he tried frantically to dismiss it because she did not fit his idea of what the woman of his dream should be. The more he tried, the more he failed to convince himself that she was not the one. Coincidentally, he slotted in a tape of Myles Munroe's teaching that he had listened to times without number. Yet it made such meaning to him this time like never before when the speaker said, "since God has given the male man the ability to cultivate (make things better than when they were given him), He will never give him that perfect woman of his dreams. She only exists in his head and that's where she will

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remain. All God will do is give him the raw material to work with".

His eyes suddenly opened like lightening. He blamed himself for being so shortsighted all this while. How could he not have seen that she was the rib he lost in Eden?

Another coincidence occurred which convinced him that she was the one for him. That same week, she phoned him. Since leaving school in 1998, he had not set eyes on her. This time he swore to himself that the second chance he had been given would not slip away. He'd make sure that he did not act naĂŻve.

After much effort, he was able to find out where she stayed whenever she was in Jos to visit her cousin. It was through this cousin's colleague, who happened to be his fellowship president at school, that he located her.

He will never forget the warmth of their embrace. He did not even want to. They saw a few more times after that. He remembered the joyful experience of an evening out with her.

They had dinner in an exclusive restaurant after which they took a long walk that didn't seem long after all because of the excitement of being together again. That was the day she told him that she was still not attached to any man. Reassured by that, he resolved to make the most of their time together.

No need to rush . . . not at all. Besides, her beauty was not the too obvious type. At least not at first sight. What made her different was what made her more beautiful to him. She was a latent, a raw material requiring that God-given touch from a man who would cultivate her. He saw in her eyes all the love he'd ever need. He sensed no immediate threat from any intruder. More so, he felt nobody knew her like he did, nobody could possibly see all the hidden treasures waiting to be explored. Only the very sensitive and observant men could and he alone was that man. No loose ends would be allowed to botch this chance of a lifetime that had been so long awaited.

Alas! How wrong of him to think that way. How very shortsighted of him.

By April of that year, his mind was made up about her and there was no turning back. She was the one. He had found the queen of his heart. He must propose to her in the most romantic way. Her birthday was coming up the next month.

Joyfully, he started collecting the best of cards that would express his heart to this queen. He also got her his kind of perfume. Other gift items she would cherish followed. The fact that he worked in Sokoto made it a bit difficult for him to see her as often as he wished. Yet he tried his best to do what he could and leave the rest to God. Up till then he felt no sense of urgency to rush anything. In fact, one of her friends rightly described him as being "Kool, Kalm and Kollected" while in school.

When he traveled to Jos to put finishing touches to his birthday plans for her, he decided to see her to be sure all was well since she had not replied his last letter. He could not help noticing her tensed mood. After blaming herself and wishing he were not the one she would have to tell what was on her mind to, she finally let it out. He could see the hurt in her eyes even as she spoke. There was someone in her life and she had just consented to marrying that person. This someone was her cousin's colleague and who incidentally was his fellowship president at school. Knowing the kind of person she had become (he believed he played a part in molding her), he knew she meant it when she said YES to someone he knew and held in high esteem. They both had learnt to be sure of what they said. The devastation in his inside was so much that it seemed the world was spinning at such speed that ridiculed the speed of light. For him, life came to a halt at that moment.

That was the last time he saw her.

What do you do when you don't know what to do? What he did not understand was why he could have grown to love

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Livingtogether before Marriage S

ome call it living in sin, others call it living in bliss, but these days it's almost expected that a couple will live together before tying the knot.

Only some years ago, this wasn't the case. The number of unmarried couples living together, or lets say the girlfriend or fiancĂŠe going to spend days in the man's house, has increased dramatically, even among Christians.

What's behind this sweeping social change? The rationale for this is simple: "I would never commit to spending my life with a man without living with him first," someone might say. "You get to know a person's private face this way, rather than the public face that he presents to the world." "By living together before marriage, we'll know how compatible we are." Presumably, if a couple can get along living in the same apartment before marriage, they will be able to get along with each other after marriage.

It's a tempting argument. After all, a date tends to be artificial.

Each person is "high" for the occasion, and they make an effort to have a good time together. But marriage is quite different from dating. In marriage, couples are together when they're "low" too. Wouldn't it make sense for a couple to live together for a while, just to see how they react to each other's "low" times? If they discover that they can't adjust when they live together, they don't have to go through the hassle of a getting married, which may end up in divorce or breaking up.

The problem with those arguments is that marriage changes everything. If couples that live together think that after marriage everything will be the same, they don't understand what marriage does to a couple, both positively and negatively.

In surveys conducted, chances of a divorce after living together are huge, much higher than for couples who have not lived together prior to marriage. If living together were a test of marital compatibility, the statistics should show opposite results -- couples living together should have stronger marriages. But they don't. They have weaker marriages.

Why did you choose to spend days in your boyfriends home?

First, you wanted to see if you still loved him after you cooked meals together, cleaned the apartment together and slept together. In other words, you wanted to see what married life would be like with him.

But what you don't seem to realize is that you will never know what married life is like unless you're married. The commitment of marriage adds a dimension to your relationship that puts everything on its ear. Right now, you are testing each other to see if you are compatible. If either of you slips up, the test is over, and you are out the door. Marriage doesn't work that way. Slip-ups don't end the marriage, they just end the love you have for each other if you don't work at it.

What, exactly, is the commitment of marriage? It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life's ups and downs. You will stick it out together through thick and thin. But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.

Habits are hard to break, and couples who live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-

month rental agreement. In fact, when they decide to marry, most times, its not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.

Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-tomonth rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.

Lets look at the Policy of Joint Agreement: When in the state of Intimacy, this policy stipulates that both spouses want the other to be happy, and neither spouse wants to see the other hurt. In the state of conflict, both spouses want to be happy and neither wants to see themselves hurt.

In this state of intimacy, your interests and your spouses interests should be considered simultaneously. If you both care about each other, you will not let the other suffer so that you can have what you want. When you are willing to let the other sacrifice for you, you are momentarily lapsing into a state of selfishness that must somehow be corrected before damage is done. The Policy of Joint Agreement provides that correction.

This policy, for example, doesn't make much sense for a couple living together prior to marriage. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your friend," it is thought, would not be a fair test of your compatibility. A better test would be for each of you to do whatever you please, and then see if you still get along.

But a newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other, because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. So the policy makes all the sense in the world to a couple who has set out to live their lives together. Marriage has a very

But the commitment of living together is simply a month-to-month rental agreement.

As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around. positive effect on a relationship for those who have not lived together, because they tend to follow the policy without having ever heard of it. They know that they will be together for life, so they make an effort to create a compatible lifestyle from day one.

It's true that a couple that lives together can follow the Policy from the day they move in. They can commit themselves to each other's happiness as if they were married. They can overcome love busters that could destroy their love for each other. But couples who live together lack motivation to put

Cont’d on page 43

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each other first in their lives because they are testing the relationship. They're not sure they want each other for life, and so they are usually not willing to make the all-out commitment that the policy demands.

When a couple has lived together without the policy, it's very difficult to apply it once they are married. What they usually do is stay the course. They figure that their month-to-month agreement got them that far, so why change it.

But marriage has a very negative effect on those who have been in the habit of following the month-to-month agreement.

The commitment of marriage is seen as the "other guy's" commitment. Those who have lived together prior to marriage feel that their own behavior has passed the test, and any further accommodation should be unnecessary. Worse yet, they think they don't need to be on their best behavior because their spouse can't leave now that they're married.

Habits are hard to break, and those who have lived together develop habits that work only when they're not married.

Marriage ruins it all.

Now, it not being suggested that you and your spouse-to-be or boyfriend avoid marriage because you have been living together, but unless you break out of the habits that come from a month-to-month rental agreement, your marriage will be a disaster.

Despite the rise in cohabitation and its growing acceptability in our society, studies show that living together before marriage holds the following risks: Higher Divorce Rate: Perhaps the most compelling and widespread argument against living together before marriage is that several researchers say it increases the risk of breaking up. Virtually all studies of this topic have shown that the chance of divorce is significantly greater for married couples who lived t o g e t h e r f i r s t .

2. Lower Quality of Life: When it comes to living together, research suggests that the quality of life for unmarried couples is far lower than for married couples. Researchers say cohabiting couples report lower levels of happiness, lower levels of sexual exclusivity and sexual satisfaction, and poorer relationships with their parents. Annual rates of depression are more than three times higher. And, finally, cohabiting women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse.

3. Living Together Doesn't Necessarily Lead to Marriage: there countless cases of people who live together without eventually getting married.

Living together before marriage, according to the bible, is FORNICATION "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 & 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 The dictionary meaning of the word "fornication" means any unlawful sexual intercourse including adultery. What constitutes unlawful sex? Whose laws do we live by? Worldly standards or laws many times do not always line up with the Word of God. Today, moral standards have fallen so drastically that many people even see sin as a way of life. Society has embraced sexual standards that are sinful. Fornication is not just tolerated

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in our society but is actually being encouraged. And it is being committed even among Christians, as many couples "live together" and have sex before marriage. The Bible tells us to flee this sin.

"Abstain from all appearance of evil. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:22-23 Our lives as Christians are a living witness to others and we cannot break the laws of God without hindering others from coming to Christ. We must live our lives in purity before a sinful and wicked world. We should not be living according to their standards but according to God's standard in the Bible. No couple should live together outside the bonds of marriage.

Many say they live together before marriage to see if they are compatible as they don't want to divorce. This may sound like a justifiable reason for committing the sin of fornication, but in God's eyes it is still sin. Living together shows a total lack of trust in God and a failure to commit to Him the choosing of a mate.

Christians who are living in this situation are out of the will of God and need to repent and seek God as to whether this person is the right one for them. If it is God's will for them to be together they should marry. Otherwise, they need to change their living arrangements.

As Christians, the goal of any relationship should be to cause the people in our lives to love and know the Lord better. Living together is shameful and selfish, as the parties do not care what others think or how they might affect their families and others. They are living to please their own lust and selfish desires.

This type of life style is destructive and especially so for children whose parents are living a bad example before them. No wonder children today are confused about right and wrong when parents degrade the sanctity of marriage by living together out of wedlock. How can living together cause children to love and honor God when their parents break the laws of God before them because they are lustful?

Young people today need to be taught to abstain from sexual intercourse and remain pure virgins before marriage (even if you were not a virgin before you became a Christian, your acceptance of Jesus as your Lord and Saviour has washed you and made you pure again). So many problems in marriages today stem from the fact that many have satisfied the lust of the flesh over and over again. Young people are bringing wounded emotions and diseased bodies into their marriages because of prior promiscuous affairs. STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) are so widespread that the statistics are shocking.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake, which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Revelation 21:8 All prostitutes and pimps are fornicators. Couples who just "live together" according to the Bible, are committing the same sin that whores commit. Singles who "make love" fall into the same category. Just because society has accepted this type of living does not make it right. The Bible must be our standard of what is right and wrong. We must change our standards if we do not want the wrath of God to fall on us. God hates sin but He loves the sinner. If anyone repents and calls on Jesus today He will help them to come out of any illicit relationship and heal them of all past hurts and even heal any disease that they may have contracted.

It may be difficult for you to break the habit of living together but you know you can because you must. It is for your own good. Do you know how it feels when a spouse proudly boasts of you in the presence of his/her friends that he was the 'first to taste the bud'? You know how much respect you will garner as a RR man/woman of honour, dignity and integrity? You can make a

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and a bad cake may result. Find something to do in church work. A brother in church described finding the right person as two people approaching God, as they get closer to God, they become closer to each other till they meet at the master's feet. This illustration is revealing. It shows us that when we busy doing the right thing we are most likely going to attract the right kind of people because they are the people we will most likely come in contact with. Secondly it shows that our relationship with each another mirrors that with God. This is the only way to ensure success in marriage. Thirdly it illustrates the point that God should be the source of our inspiration in marriage.

He should be our guiding influence and focus. Not our folks or background.

Well you think the problem is a generational curse, but try these simple principles and see if a change will not result.

Besides there is no curse or enchantment against Jacob (Num.23: 23), No weapon fashioned against you will proper (Isaiah54: 17), In my name those who believe will cast out devils (Mark.16: 17).

Whatsoever you shall bind on earth is bound in heaven (Matthew16: 19).

When you have begun to enjoy service to God and yet the years roll by without finding a mate, care and anxiety may arise but never focus on them for they will only lead to fear; which is a negative faith. Fear means you believe that God's word may be untrustworthy. It presupposes that God either lied or did not mean what He said. We are admonished to cast all our care on God. When they are with God, we should not retrieve them by worrying. The battle is over!

You are not in a battle, the war is over and the victory is yours, you are more than a conqueror!!!

Do not live depressed or oppressed, shake off discouragement and fear. Being single is not bad neither is it evil or else why is there no marriage in heaven?

Marriage is not synonymous with happiness or joy or fulfillment else it would exist in heaven; for every good thing is there.

35 POSSIBLE PLACES

Some people have emigrated from city to city in search of the right partner, from country to country, church to church, club to club. All that energy is better expended serving God and staying focused to your ministry, life ambition and dream. wisdom, it will only display it and it will not give knowledge, it will only expose it.

Its not that you have not been noticed if anything, it is that you have not noticed yourself. God prices you dearly do not cheapen yourself. Do not talk your fears and anxieties; talk God's word and faith. Guard your heart from all wrong thinking and assumptions; stay focused on your spiritual growth.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things will be addedRR unto you. What you feel is, just a passing phase, it will come to pass!!

cont’d from page 31

required. There are many formal events where every man looks great in a tux, even if he doesn't like getting all dressed up.

Women get a chance to shine when they dress up.

30.

Baby sit for friends and take a stroll with the child(ren). Women are particularly attracted to a man who can care for a child.

Everyone is attracted to a baby and feels free to start a conversation.

31.

If you like formal dressing, indulge yourself in casuals.

32.

If you are always very organized and plan out your time, once in a while, don't follow your schedule, rather follow your instincts and do things or go to places you never thought you could. Instincts sometimes can't be wrong because as you do things you ordinarily would not have thought 37

Never allow yourself to be fixated on the idea of marriage, it make you both morally and spiritually irrational. Going on the net to look for a date, dressing up attending social events are not bad in themselves, but you are most likely to meet other desperate people like yourself. Running around unfocussed and confused is one step towards self-disillusion and destruction.

Some people have emigrated from city to city in search of the right partner, from country to country, church to church, club to club. All that energy is better expended serving God and staying focused to your ministry, life ambition and dream.

Marriage is a partnership that works for only those who understand its essence, it will not give vision or ambition, it will only aid it, it will not give fulfillment, it can only augment it. It will not give happiness it will only promote it. It will not by itself give offspring; it will only provide a protective cover. It will not give

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of, you may be heading your soul mate's way.

33.

If you are always hanging out with your friends, try going out alone. When we are alone, we tend to feel our need for support more and are more receptive to meeting other people. Others are more inclined to offer assistance when you are alone.

34.

If you are not interested in computers or high-tech equipment, then go to a computer fair and ask a lot of questions. People will love to help you. Men particularly love to be experts and in charge.

35.

If you don't like weddings, this is the time to start going. Spinsters and bachelors mostly don't miss weddings because they RR always hope it would be their turn and of course, what other place to meet a partner

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Somebody Help!

I Desperate Thirtyand

By Dr Stanley Okugbo

W

hy do we get married? Has it ever occurred to you that many married without ever giving a thought to this question?

Marriage has become a societal norm that anyone seeking to live in this milieu must follow. It is a pathway that if not followed may signify that there is something wrong with us. Either we are ugly, unattractive, inferior or worthless, cursed or plain stupid.

Not to marry for a lady, would mean that the very essence of her creation is worthless.

She has become a failed project, a useless good. For the man it means dumbness, a captain without a ship; a ship that never sailed. Whether we want to or not; society expects us to get married on attaining adulthood. This may be earlier or later depending on cultural prevalence, training, expectation and education. So when this age is passed and marriage has not resulted we feel pressured.

The first pressure is from within.

It starts from a feeling of failure, unfulfillment as the years roll by.

I remember a brother telling me when we just entered our final year in the university one evening that we should start organizing prayers every evening about finding the right partner and getting married. There was urgency in his voice and manner like someone who has just awakened to an impending doom.

Secondly we are pressured by peers.

Either verbally or by their "successful" actions in getting married when we haven't.

All sorts of counsel come from all sorts of quarters. Everyone wants to show us where we are lacking. Its your dressing, it's your comportment, it is your financial state, it is your beauty, it's

Never rush into marriage and engagement.

Baking a cake in a rush will cause you to leave out some ingredients and a bad cake may result. your character, the list, the list is endless. We are forced to bear and receive "words of wisdom" from everyone. Nothing pressures like a close friend who gets married while we are still single. Every anniversary, child dedication, family program places so much pressure. When you are there everyone pities you and ask why you are still unmarried. When you are not there everyone talks about you. "It's inescapable".

Thirdly we are pressured by parents who do not want people to

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believe they delivered a defective product, besides they want to see their progeny (children' children}. They visit often and begin to match make or even force you into marriage. They will fight anything they perceive as the enemy, your friends, your career and even your church.

They are desperate to see you show concern. They worry if they see no anxiety on your part. Even when they see you worried and anxious, they just help you to become more worried and anxious.

Even the very word single has come to signify loneliness and lonesomeness. Thus many now begin to rush early because they see people ahead of them in this problem, and the picture they get is very bad. Why are there so many singles who want marriage and yet unable to get a mate?

Most people between 16 and 25years of age are carefree.

They just want to enjoy their youthfulness. They want to meet and enjoy company with diverse kinds of people.

At this time the fantasy for an ideal mate for some is solidified and everyone that dates them is compared with this standard. So potential suitors may be disdained and rubbished. Is the uncut diamond not just another stone? The raw gold is just a stained rock? People are not just all they appear at first.

Some may need sharpening. After all God accepts us as we are and then sharpens us according to his good pleasure and will. The poor brother today might become a millionaire tomorrow; the ugly duckling today with care and attention will turn into a swan. Never judge by sight only; look to the spirit for guidance.

Marriage is a house in which those outside wants to get in and those within want to come out. It is not a panacea for all our problems. Low self worth will not be cured by marriage, neither a sense of failure or self esteem. In fact carried into marriage these will bring unrelenting pressure on the marriage and birth problems repeatedly. You must find some measure of self worth. Nowhere in the bible does it say the single is not incomplete, nor is it in marriage that we become complete.

We are only complete in Christ. God alone determines your worth, and His verdict is that you are worth the blood of Jesus.

Now place a financial value on Jesus!! How much do you think He is worth? That's how much value God places on you.

Find fulfillment in your worth and ministry. Being single live unfettered and undistracted before God. Serve Him completely for is it not true that he that is faithful in little shall be so in much? When you place a value on yourself and the things you do people will gradually accept you and access you by your standards. Never rush into marriage and engagement. Baking a cake in a rush will cause you to leave out some ingredients

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Talk

Clean

am

I

t feels G-R-E-A-T to be back!!! I sincerely apologize for depriving you of Clean Talk. Now we are back together!

COLOURS: What About Them?

They tell volume about the user. It is indeed a medium of communication. There are over one hundred and fifty colours and derivatives available to pick from but each has its specific message.

One has to be discreet in choosing colours for any occasion because so much could be said about your choice. Not only your mood and attitude could be deciphered from your choice of colours, but also the level of your exposure and your values.

Little wonder white is the traditional colour for marriage because it symbolizes purity, peace, fidelity, harmony and unity. These attributes are definitely indispensable for a successful marriage.

Though white is the traditional colour for wedding, other colours complement white, for what these other colours signify and symbolize, in subsequent articles, I will treat several colours, their significance and variations.

TO GET THE BEST FROM NIGHT REST, Make sure you_____ 1. Sleep in a well-ventilated room.

2. Sleep with clean beddings and pillows.

3. Sleep in a room devoid of mosquitoes and other insects.

4. Use solid mattresses to avoid backache.

5. Eat at most one hour before retiring for the day.

6. Take a warm bath before going to bed.

7. Brush your mouth or gaggle with mouthwash just before sleeping.

8. Do not sleep with tight-fitting underwear and clothes.

9. Take off jewelry and wristwatch.

10.Sleep with the least possible amount of light.

4. GREEN PEPPER 5. SPRING ONION 6. WHITE ONION 7. TUNA FISH 8. BAKED BEANS 9. MAYONNAISE 10. SALAD CREAM 11. OLIVE OIL METHOD 1. Dice the cabbage, carrot, green pepper, spring onion and white onion to medium sized cubes after you washing and sterilizing with salt.

2.Boil macaroni with a pinch of salt.

3. Pour the boiled macaroni into a sieve to drain excess water.

4. Mix the tuna fish, baked beans, macaroni and diced vegetables with mayonnaise, olive oil and salad cream in a salad bowl till evenly mixed.

5.Put in the refrigerator to cool and it is ready to be served.

LEMONADE RECIPE 1.Lemon 2.Lime 3.Sugar 4.Water 1.Squeeze the lemon and lime to extract the juices.

2.Use the dry blend of the domestic blender to blend the sugar till it is smooth.

3.Add water and sugar to juice according to taste.

4.Stir thoroughly and sieve.

5.Place in a refrigerator to chill.

6.Serve in long glasses with slices of lemon.

NOTE: GOOD FOR RELEIF OF COMMON COLD.

COOK TO YOUR HEART'S DELIGHT MACARONI SALAD. RECIPE 1. MARCARONI 2. CABBAGE 3. CARROT 21

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By Uju Okwudarue

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

RR

Cover Story

The Beauty of

Marriage

At the end of the second 7th year, Jacob, after much discomfiture, possible frostbite & sandstorm, eventually married Rachel.

Because he loved Rachel more, he openly displayed affection for her while Leah was relegated to the background.

The Lord saw this and made Leah very fruitful and Rachel's womb was closed. Then came the intrigue and power play between the two sisters. Rachel became extremely jealous of Leah's fruitfulness and demanded that Jacob gave her children or she would die. Eventually, she gave her handmaid Bilhah to Jacob with the hope that the children Bilhah bore would become hers. Seeing that she had reached her menopause and could no longer bear children, Leah, after four children, offered her handmaid too to Jacob.

Much later, Rachel had her own son. However it is pretty interesting that two sisters, married to the same man, became jealous of each other all in the name of trying to win a man's affections.

Love, jealousy, envy and strife are factors, which still destroy relationships today. While times have changed, emotions

LADY 2 LADY

which lead to these acts have not. We may not experience sharing the same man with our sister, but what about our friends, co-workers or even strangers? There have been cases where sisters have fallen in love or been attracted to someone else's husband-to-be. Sometimes, it remains an attraction and fizzles with time but at other times, the chemistry refuses to go and the brother and sister eventually make it to the alter.

And you ask, why are some people bent on chasing someone else's man or someone who would not reciprocate the love showered on him? Despite what society dictates to us, a woman should uphold her dignity by allowing the man make the move. It is ignominy when a man who may not be interested in you, know that you are attracted to him and fighting tooth and nail to get him!

Sisters who go after their friend's fiancĂŠe always reduce themselves to ridicule and make people question their Christianity. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, 'is a man truly worth losing the sisterhood and reputation for?

Bible tells us that he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, so RR in actuality, it is not our responsibility to look for a man.

Are you willing to devote that same precious time you spend

UNMARRIED MEN IN CHURCH cont’d from page 45 another, Brother Unmarried turned around and spoke to a man shortage but that does not mean that women need to several people, including her--- but.....there was no recogniset their aims and claims on any available brother whom they tion in his eyes. Doesn't he remember smiling at her in church happen to see. That needs to stop. Have you seen a brother in last year? Then the unthinkable happened. Sister Chosen church whom you believe is your husband? Guess what? You turned and spoke to her and Sister Red Shoes caught a are not alone. Several other women see him as a husband glimpse of the breathtaking diamond ring on Sister Chosen's also! You heard from God about him? Several other women finger. have heard from "God" about him also! A prophet confirmed Determined to get to the bottom of things, Sister Red Shoes it? Guess what? Other women also have had it confirmed decided to take action: Sister Red Shoes: Oh, what a lovely through various prophets. Are you following my line of ring! Sister Chosen: Thanks! My husband designed it himself thought? I heard a preacher preaching once about when a and surprised me with it! I'm a newlywed. This is my husband, woman in his church had approached him and informed him Jeff. My name is Rayna and this is my first visit to this church. My that the "Lord" told her that he is her husband (this was before husband had been telling me about this church while I've he met and married his wife). He said he looked at the been away at medical school. Now I see why he loves it so woman. She had none of the physical qualities that he much. Everyone's so friendly! Sister Red Shoes: [heart sinking desired in a mate and he was not attracted to her on any and forced smile] Oh, congratulations and welcome to the level. He said that he immediately told her that the Lord had church! You two make a beautiful couple---and girl, that heart not told him any such thing and ended by telling her that he shaped rock is going to blind someone. It's huge and just was not interested. He later met the woman of his dreams and gorgeous! he has now been happily married to her for over 25 years. I Over the next several weeks the other women all see Rayna heard another preacher say that in his church a woman and Jeff entering and exiting the church together, holding approached a man, put her hands on the man and hands. It is obvious that they are newly married and happily exclaimed, "I claim you as my husband in the name of Jesus." so. Oh, well. Another false alarm. Another disappointment.

The man was shocked, to say the least (especially since he Another unanswered prophecy. Another shattered dream. did not want the woman!) Last month I wrote an article titled, Another wasted hope. And the moral of the story? Ladies, stop Familiar Spirits and I made it clear that such a spirit can "aiming and claiming" men. Let the men set their aims on you. mislead a woman into believing someone is her future Let them target you. Keep your mind focused in on the husband. However, in the majority of cases it's not a spirit. It's service. Don't assume th lo y.g rine ic sh rsH iith w a c n d e o rn ise d nro u yo fla tsu lyn p c a stilH e j.G o d e tlua d n o g e tls,ite rSu ic re .tp sth a ith w ro g n w tish o e g in tm Sife .w e rth isib -Soiste in rSh ta a g yin sn ro d u a ig n u re m nn ya d in f'to w n o u yc H ,e rvo w e m a .nu s'e Jn iu d n a sb hrth e ia sa e n m g n im a c le o w m n d in fu ilo w u y,se c a e h to fs9 .% n It.itb o e u a kT?e in h n m ith w e tio sa lvre n h stsh ree a rvna o tlm sH eu ,hrh d n a sb e itre a rc u hine n m b a th o e w m n e g lin tsi"G o d ile h w rth a e g n tra so td h -rig n w d n a icd p u s,o ,oa e th ritin d fo u yh'tD o n:tio e u sq n istith h w d e nI'l.o G d o tnh t'sTife a .w rh ise b tosih e sth a to uig re u ftoa n m ta o rfsrye a d n a rse a yo rfslyim e a g itn a w o w n a m a ve a h'to n w H eth a sia te rm e h to fxtru hh e Ta ?m n e h tlteH eld o 'tw n uh yw o sta o w n m e h to rho p a c te p c d txe o nh e tsia n m e h Tlso .a n a m e h tlse tH esn le uu d n a sb he rhsia n m a ta a h o n m w a o th ro p e c yo tnilw hH es.io te n m o 'se m n w ith w yp la e o rse tp ,a t,e m o tno d e sH e.ito sp d n w e sio ra u sho a G d .m n a c e im "a lo d etb th o u a e sh ro tn ifid e c o n m o w e nu c h stim fsn e O te a .m e rhsa im ha sc im la d n ese ilb va d m e h sh o m w n a m a o nim a se th e s'o w sh a fle sn d a d in m n you or smiles at you, or befriends you---that he is interested in you. More than likely, he is not interested in a relationship. He is Author unknown simply being friendly, which is what brotherly love is all about!

All over the country, unsuspecting men are being "claimed" as husbands. These brothers would be shocked to know that anywhere from 5 to 10 women in their churches have possibly targeted them as husbands. All of the women have the same story. They KNOW in their hearts, souls! , minds and spirits that the man is their husband because "GOD" told them so. How many wives can one man have? And most of the men probably have girlfriends who either attend other churches or RR who are out of town at the moment. If the truth be known, many of the men in church have unsaved girlfriends who they keep on the side so that they can fornicate when the feeling hits them. Yes, I'm talking about saved Christian men! There is

By Sunday and Bose Adelaja

D

ifferent people have different views, feelings and understanding about marriage. Marriage to some is a mystery, too volatile to hold, too complicated to understand. The word 'marriage' reminds some of past or present sorrow and grief, of unaccomplished joy and dreams, and of shattered hope. Due to different opinions on marriage, we see different approaches to it.

Some approach it with the trial and error method hoping that something will come out of the unknown.

Others go into it with great hope. No matter your view on marriage, the principle of marriage is forever settled. It's sad to say that most people were not prepared for marriage before going into it, many go into it with very little, obscure and limited understanding because for generations, the blind has been leading the blind and both are patriotically falling into the same pit.

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R E L A T I O N S H I P S

2Lady

Lady

By Kanetra Coleman

VESSEL UNTO HONOR (Meet for the Master's Use) And the lord said, it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him….. And the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept and he took one of his rib and closed up the flesh instead thereof: And the rib, which the lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Genesis 2:18, 21-22 Woman came into existence when God saw that it was not proper for man to be alone, He saw that man needed a helpmate. Notice that woman was not created from the head of a man, which meant she could not rule over him; she was not created from his feet else her role would have been that of a footstool. Rather, God created woman from the man's side, a position where the woman would always be beside the man, serving as a source of provision for things the man would be unable to provide for himself. This role in no way degrades a woman but reveals her grace, poise, dignity & indispensability But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and of earth. … AND SOME TO HONOR. EVE First woman created. Wife of Adam. Mother of Cain, Abel and Seth. Uniquely created to be a help meet. Weaker vessel.

Honoured as the mother of all generations.

While walking through the Garden of Eden one day, she saw a serpent which struck a conversation with her. At this time, she had not yet been instilled with the wisdom of God as to the devices of the wicked one. Her biggest mistake was responding because in so doing, she was beguiled by the serpent thereby causing her husband to disobey God. Through Adam's disobedience and eve's participation, sin entered into the world and as a result of this, God ordered that man would eat by the sweat of his brow and that woman would suffer during child birth.

However, in the first messianic prophecy which is recorded in the book of Genesis 3:15, God promised redemption through the seed of a woman. Knowing this promise made to the woman, the enemy often attempts to destroy a woman's womb in order to prevent her from giving birth. Satan realized that the woman not only has the ability to labour at childbirth but also to labour in the place of prayer.

Jeremiah 9:17-18, 20-21 calls for the women who are skilled and who are able to labour in prayer. Why? 'Because death has come up into our windows; and has entered our palaces to cut off the children from without and the young men from the streets'. Since Eve was the mother of Cain and Abel and Cain committed the first murderous act, it is highly probable that Eve learned to cry unto God for the sake of her children.

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RUTH Moabite married to Mahlon. Widowed and was childless.

Abandoned family, country and faith to accompany her mother-in-law, Naomi, to Bethlehem. Her obedience to her mother-in-law made God to favor her and bless her abundantly.

Ruth, living the in the midst of the Israelites (a self-seeking nation renowned for disobedience to God), was a loyal and faithful woman. Despite the fact that her husband had died, she followed her mother-in-law to Bethlehem because she loved Naomi and was interested in the God her mother-in-law served. Her concern for Naomi was bound by a strong oath, which was made between two of them and before the Lord.

She was diligent in her care for her mother-in-law and recognizing that Naomi had lost her husband and her two sons, her firm commitment brought a rich reward to the family, nation and ultimately to all of mankind. Following Naomi's instructions, Ruth found favour with Boaz and through her humility and thoughtfulness, she became his wife. The women of Judah exalted and respected Ruth as a loving daughter-inlaw to Naomi. Ruth, a Moabite from an accursed nation, through obedience and humility had a child, Obed, who became the father of Jesse, who became the father of David. Ruth entered the pedigree of Jesus In today's generation often times, women like Eve are found in the wrong places at the wrong time. When this happens the enemy tries to manipulate the woman's mind into acting contrary to God's will. But if we, as women, will extol & follow the steps of virtuous & faithful women who walked with God, we will be able to resist temptations brought by the enemy.

Obedience is better than sacrifice and as in Ruth's story, a commitment to obey God and follow Him will cause Him to bless us as recorded in Joel 2:25. "And will restore to you the years the locust hath eaten"

…………AND SOME TO DISHONOR RACHEL Youngest daughter of Laban. Beautiful and fair to look upon.

Highly favoured. Recognized by Jacob, son of Laban's sister Rebekah.

LEAH Elder sister of Rachel. Unattractive. Went unnoticed. Not favoured.

Jacob married the two sisters, one he loved, the other he did not love. Jacob was madly in love with Rachel and was willing to work seven years for Laban just to marry her. At the end of his duty, Jacob, to his rude shock, was given Leah instead of Rachel.

His father-in-law said that traditionally, it was not proper to marry the younger sister first and therefore, Jacob had to work another 7 years before he could marry Rachel. For love, Jacob in all spent 14 years slaving for Laban in order to marry Rachel.

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Sex was a taboo in some communities for years, the equality of marriage partners was not emphasized, there was no balance in marital relationship, hence the joy, beauty, fruit and the equilibrium in marriage was rarely attained.

Marriage is a union with equal rights and collective results. It is meant to give life. Marriage is an investment, it is another chance of getting into the garden of Eden. Matrimony started in Eden and every marriage relationship should be in Eden. It's a common saying that when purpose is not known, there will always be an abuse. Often the purpose of marriage is not known and there is a lot of abuse on both sides. When this happens, the foundation is shaken and the whole structure later collapses. No matter your view on marriage, your knowledge about it, I'll like to tell you that it is possible to be happily married. You may be in a relationship or be single but you can start enjoying the blessings of a happy married life.

Marriage is a mini heaven on earth; a place where the inner beauty could be reflected on the outside; a haven of harmony, of everlasting love and communication; a place to serve and care for the man of your choice; a place to sow into lives; an internship; a place to prove you love humanity and you can be in harmony with people with whom you fall in love and with whom you have tight ties. Marriage is a place where you give and take, marriage is where you go through the tests of life, where you try others and you are being tried, it's a place where you demand and demands are placed on you.

Marriage is a place where you are required to put off all masks, where you are required to keep to your word, where you are a part of a system and you are to play your part well for the common good. The beauty of marriage stems from the diligent input of both parties.

Successful Marriage Demands Hard Work Why do certain couples who at one time made vows to each other in love, later get divorced? How is it that people who earlier could not live without each other end up hating the very person they previously could not manage without within a

Marriage is a place where you are required to put off all masks, where you are required to keep to your word, where you are a part of a system and you are to play your part well for the common good. short period of time? The reason for this is that when they got married, they were not properly prepared for marriage.

Well, what can we learn about marriage? Who should prepare us for marriage? The only one who can do that is the One who knows more about marriage than any of us does. That is the Creator of marriage, the Lord Himself!

For instance, if an inventor has constructed some kind of device, he is the one who understands it thoroughly, far better than any technician or anyone who operates it. The designer of marriage and founder of the family is God. So we need to learn about right family relationships from Him. If people get married without knowing the elementary obligations a husband and a wife have to each other, which are essential for successful family living, then that kind of marriage will break up sooner or later. But more than just knowing what their obligations are, people getting married need to realize that to produce a successful marriage is hard work.

It is an enormous task for both the husband and the wife. They need to work together on their marriage and individually on their characters. And it is only after both partners have understood what the essential ingredients of a happy life

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together are, that their marriage will ever be successful.

Let's look at the following example. Maybe some of you have eaten borsch (a traditional Russian and Ukrainian beetroot soup) at some time, and know that different people make it differently. The way one person makes it tastes more delicious than the way another person does. But what does it depend on? More than anything else it depends on the ingredients used, i.e. what is put into it. If certain basic ingredients (for example, meat, beans or garlic), that are an essential part of the recipe, are not put into the soup, of course it won't taste as good. It's just the same with marriage. If you want to have a successful marriage, a marriage that is based on God's principles, then it should have all the ingredients of a successful marriage included in it. If you fail to include them, you can hardly expect to have a happy family life. That is why we need God to teach us how to build a family in accordance with His Word. When I say that producing a successful marriage is hard work, I mean that a marriage, in order to be successful, has to be worked on by both the husband and the wife. '...Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.'

Ephesians 5:21-33 A successful marriage is not something that just happens by chance; it is the result of hard work. Let us consider the essential things to be worked on, and what constitute the basis of a successful marriage.

Commitment Before getting married you must be absolutely sure that you are ready to commit yourself to your partner. So then the first component of marriage is commitment. This involves making a decision.

I make the decision: "That no matter what happens - for as long as we are both living together - to love him (her) at all times. I commit myself to him (her) and ask God to help me to keep to my commitment." We commit ourselves to our marriage partner in exactly the same way we commit ourselves to God. When we receive Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, we tell Him: "Lord, I give myself wholly to You- my family and my house, my money and everything I have. You are my God, You are my everything". The same thing happens when we get married. We say: "I commit myself completely to my wife (or my husband)". The decision to commit yourself to your marriage partner in marital union has to come from your heart. Commitment is important in every area. If there is no commitment, for example, in the area of business, you will have lots of disappointments. It is the same with your family.

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There may be a lot of reasons for being discouraged in your family but if there is commitment, you will be able to overcome all the barriers, rise above all the disappointments and continue loving your marriage partner despite everything.

God compares the relationship between a husband and a wife with the relationship between Christ and the church: 'For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ' Ephesians 5:23,24 The relationship between Christ and the church is the best example of commitment. Jesus committed Himself to the church to such a degree that He even gave His life for the church - He died for her. He loved mankind so much, and He loved the church so much, that He even endured great sufferings for their sake.

You probably know from church history how people were martyred for their faith because they were Christians, but despite all these, the church is still standing! In fact, if it were not for those people who gave their lives for Christianity during times of persecution, it is doubtful whether Christianity would have ever survived up until the present day and reach us. God gives us an example of commitment - the commitment between Christ and the Church. When we go to church we constantly hear the name of Jesus, and we constantly praise the name of Jesus. There is constant fellowship between us.

We are committed one to another.

God wants the husband and wife to be committed to each other in the same way. This commitment has to be mutual, the husband committed to his wife, and the wife to her husband.

You must make that firm decision that work and friends will not take the first place in your family, rather your common interests and love one for one another should top the list.

When I was a bachelor, friends who had nowhere to live often stayed in my flat, but when I got married and my wife moved in with me, my friends still continued to come to stay with me. I found it inconvenient to suggest to them to find somewhere else to stay. But at that time I had no idea what terrible pain this was causing my dear wife. At that time my friends were taking the place that I should be giving to my wife. My friends and I (we are pastors) knew this was not right, had taught others not to do the same, found ourselves not practicing what we preached. I should have sensed that my wife needed me to be with her more than my friends and co-workers did. No one should stand between my wife and me. My relationship with my wife always has to take first place.

Marriage partners should remember that bad relationships in the family hinder prayers. God does not hear your prayers if you don't relate properly with your partner.

I would like you to make the decision not to allow either relatives or friends to come between you and your partner. The Bible says that a man should leave his parents, how much more his friends.

To be committed means to move everything out of the way that could possibly come between husband and wife so that the two of them can be as close as possible to each other.

'If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.' (Numbers 30:2) In addition to that, marriage partners should remember that bad relationships in the family hinder prayers. God does not

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hear your prayers if you don't relate properly with your partner.

'Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.' (1 Peter 3:7) Self-sacrifice This is another component of a successful marriage.

'Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.' (Ephesians 5:25) What does self-sacrifice mean? Let me give you an example. I waited to get married until I was 27. I did not get married earlier, first because I loved my freedom, and second because I wanted to serve God and preach the Gospel all over the world. I did not want anyone to stand in my way. I knew that if I got married I would not be able to do all that anymore, so I did not even want to pray about it. You know, when a man lives on his own as a bachelor, there are certain privileges he enjoys. He can go where he wants, return home when he wants and spend his money how he wants. He has complete freedom to do what he wants. But when he is married he cannot retain that freedom. A married person has to fulfill certain obligations.

When a man decides to get married it means that he is making a conscious decision to sacrifice the privileges he has as a bachelor. It means that he is preparing himself for a different kind of life style - a life where he will be together with a wife, where he will be a family man. That is essentially what selfsacrifice is all about.

Here is another example of self-sacrifice. If before you got married you loved spending your time out with your friends, you will find that after you get married this kind of life-style will need to change. It then becomes essential to sacrifice your friends so that you can spend all your free time with your wife. If you are a good family man, you will not be coming home after eleven o'clock at night! That is quite irresponsible. If you really love your wife and want to care for your family properly, then you will do all you can to come home early and spend time with your wife, watching TV and discussing whatever problems you may have together.

If for example, you decide to have a baby, then you will have to sacrifice your time and sleep. Previously, I never used to wake up at night but when our son was born I was forced to get up in the night to help my wife take care of him. We took it in turns, I got up in the night, not because I did not want to sleep but I had to sacrifice my sleep as a consequence of wanting something better, having a child. For my baby's sake, I gladly sacrificed my sleep.

In marriage there are a lot of sacrifices to make to get a better, beautiful and happy marriage.

When I receive money I hand it over to my wife. I will explain it this way: If my wife and I decide I need a suit and something crops up that my wife needs, I will gladly sacrifice buying the suit in order to meet my wife's need. My sacrifice will make her feel loved, appreciated and cared for.

Before marriage, the man and the woman did things in different ways, but during the wedding ceremony, when the groom takes the bride's hand and she takes his and they make their vows before God to always be together, everything changes in their lives. When God joins these two lives together, these two independent individuals who have different ideas and background become a family.

Marriage transfers the exclusive rights of the man to the woman and the exclusive rights of the woman to the man.

Both will lose their rights to do things their ways. When a man marries his life is divided into two halves, one half of his right and his very self is given to his wife, and in place he receives her half. The same happens with the wife. This takes place in

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26. How generous are you?

27. How will you handle misfortune in your marriage?

(Debt, Illness, Unemployment, etc)

51. Is there anything in him/her that you would love to change?

52. Are you ready to give each other to God?

28. Where will you live?

29. Do you know the difference between love and sex?

30. Have you had any intimate relationship with him/her?

53. Do you understand that according to the Bible, one who has the position of the head must be gentle, understanding, loving? How do you act at home?

54. What is the reaction of your parents and friends about this marriage?

31. What books have you read about marriage?

32. Do you pray together? What do you pray about?

33. How often do you pray together?

55. How do you know that it is the will of God for you to marry him/her?

56. What plans have you made towards the engagement and wedding?

34. When you pray or are together, are you tempted to touch intimately?

35. Have you given in to sexual temptation? What did you do afterwards?

57. What will be your reaction if God gives a negative answer concerning your desire to marry him/her?

58. Do you have any secret that needs to be shared with him/her before getting married?

36. Do you know about his or her past sex life?

37. When do you want to have children? How many?

38. What do you know about contraceptives? Is your knowledge sufficient?

39. What will you do if you discover that you are attracted to someone else?

40. Do you have similar interests? Books, Music, food etc

59. How do you know that all your plans are in God's will for you?

60. Is it difficult for you to avoid getting intimate before getting married?

61. Are you ready to wait in purity? Do you see the necessity to wait?

62. Should you abstain from seeing your future mate for an extended period of time to avoid gossip?

41. How good are you at house chores?

42. What do you expect from him or her?

63. Who have you informed about your wedding plans?

43. How would you treat shocking inconsistency in his/her character?

64. What is essential to ensure the happiness of your future spouse?

44. Are you a good listener?

65. What is your calling? His/her calling?

45. Do you consult each other or do you make individual decisions?

66. Is there any contradiction in your calling?

46. Is it easy for you to share your possessions?

67. If you offend someone in the family, who should apologize first, you or your spouse-to-be?

47. What are your short-term goals?

68. How do you plan to provide for your family?

48. What are you long term goals?

69. Explain the importance of mutual understanding in marriage?

49. When was your last physical checkup? What were the results?

70. Do you know that marriage is eternal?

50. How would you treat spiritual problems that may arise?

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Things to Consider Before Saying

“I Do�

1. Why do you want to get married?

2. What makes you so sure you are ready for marriage?

12. Do you realize if you make a wrong choice, it could affect the rest of your life? Remember Solomon, Ahab, Samson and Herod.

13. How do you love him/her? Is your love enough for marriage?

3. Why have you chosen this particular person?

14. Do you have conflicts with his/her family?

4. What is your perception of matrimony?

15. What irritates you most about his/her character?

5. How long have you been discussing potential problems that would arise after you are married?

6. Are there any obstacles to you marriage? (Exfriends, pregnancy, family members). If yes, what step have you taken to resolve them?

16. What type of character do you have? (Choleric, Melancholic, Phlegmatic, Sanguine) 17. How do you treat his/her attitudes? (At the table, in talks, dressing etc) 18. How do you treat his/her parents?

7. Are you baptized in the Holy Spirit and When?

19. How do you react when offended?

8. Are you a dedicated Christian? Why do you think so?

9. How do you understand Christian marriage?

Study Ephesians 5:21-31; Matthew 19:3-12: 1 Corinthian 7; 1 Peter 3:1-7; 1 Corinthians13; Romans 7:1-3 10. Do you know your responsibilities in marriage?

What are they? Are you ready to fulfill them?

Study Numbers 30:1:16

20. Do you have a sense of humour?

21. Do you think that people must help you with finances?

22. How do you hope to make budgets and not run into deficits?

23. How do you treat debts?

24. Are you flexible in relating with people?

11. Do you realize that you are responsible to God for every thing you will do in this marriage?

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25. Will your opinion be similar to that of your future spouse, or will each of you have divergent views?

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the spiritual realm during the wedding ceremony.

Every marriage partner makes a sacrifice which should not bring any regret because as he gives a part of himself, he receives a part of the other partner. Self-sacrifice is an inherent part of marriage. For Jesus, in loving the Church sacrificed his own self for her sake. Be prepared to makes sacrifices for each other and your marriage will be a success.

Mutual Understanding How can mutual understanding be reached in a family? Every one wants to be understood.

This is especially true of women who often talk a lot in order to get others to understand and sympathize with them. It is very important in the family for a husband to understand his wife, and for a wife, in turn, to understand her husband. If the husband comes home from work and wants to share his cares and problems with his wife, she should listen to him attentively, and only after that should she tell him about her day. Caring and attentive marriage partners will always try to The Beauty of Marriage understand each another as they cultivate the habit of putting themselves in the other's position.

The Bible says that we are not to please ourselves, but first to seek the benefit of the other person.

'Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.' 1 Corinthians 10:24 This principle has to function in the family as this will enhance mutual understanding between a couple. This will lead to better understanding of each other.

Understanding of course will never come if the husband and the wife are not learning to listen to each other. Our wisdom should teach us that learning to listen to each other is essential in attaining mutual understanding. We need each other. So, if the wife begins to tell her husband about something, he should listen carefully to her, even if he already knows what she is going to say, until she has finished without interrupting her. This is a frequent problem that recur in families- this inability to listen. If the husband and wife don't solve this problem, their family life will never be successful. If you sow lack of understanding in your family that is exactly what you will reap after some time.

Mutual trust You cannot live without trust in the family. Trust is required at all times in everything. The husband has to make the decision to trust his wife in every area. There are husbands who never tell their wives anything. Two people live together and the wife does not know what her husband is doing and nor the husband what the wife does. For example, the wife does not know how much money her husband earns, and the husband does not know what his wife spends money on. If you want to have a successful marriage, make up your mind to trust each other in every area. That may not happen overnight but pray and ask God to help you. The wife might object by saying, "How can I trust my husband if he has been betraying my trust? " But if you keep on trusting him, you will help him become worthy of your trust. It will aid his change.

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If your husband has shortcomings, you can use your trust to help him overcome them. That way he will understand that despite what he is not doing quite right, his wife still trusts him.

He would want to justify her trust and will surely change.

Proclaim what you are expecting him to become, how you will like to see in him. "I believe you will not be unfaithful to me; I believe God will set you free; I trust you and believe God will change you". And believe me, God's Word will change him.

The power of confession will change him.

Fellowship It is very important for a husband and wife not to have deficit in fellowship and communication. God created the family for fellowship in the first place. He does not want man to be lonely or not to have somebody to talk to, or get depressed. This is the reason God gives a wife or a husband for companionship, fellowship a n d s u p p o r t. M a r r i a g e partners need to learn to talk things out with each other, they need to tell each other about themselves and about their problems. While doing this, husbands should remember that women are more sensitive and have a more refined psychological make-up, they therefore have a greater need to share things with others.

God made a woman in such a way that it is absolutely essential that her husband is by her side, and that he is her friend and companion in everything she does. Therefore it is very important that husbands give more attention to their wives, spend more time with them. Husbands and wives must make time to be together. They should talk to each other about anything and everything. The husband needs to know how much money his wife is earning, and vice-versa. They should be open and sincere with each other, trust each other and understand what the other is trying to say. Why do I talk about money? This is because many families have serious problems in this area.

Another important question that has to be discussed by marriage partners is their sexual lives. Young people should know that Christians do not have sex before marriage because it is a sin. A sexual relationship is permissible only between a husband and a wife. God created sex and the Bible tells us that it can only be enjoyed by married couples.

Sex is designed to bring joy into a relationship.

Since God gave the commandment to procreate before sin came into the world (Genesis 1:27,28), sex cannot in itself be anything sinful nor is it something to be ashamed of or something that must not be discussed. Sex is a gift from God that man should learn to enjoy.

By having sexual intercourse, two people who love each other are joined together, and express their mutual commitment and faithfulness to each other.

'The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.' 1 Corinthians 7:4,5

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Let's Talk about

By Dr. Uvoh Onoriobe

Sexual Addiction

Addiction is the most powerful psychic enemy of humanity's desire for God

G

od is in a wild, passionate pursuit of our hearts. We are God's beloved, designed for intimacy with Him. He whispers of His great love and longing for us, but the world's pain, travail and chaos drowns out the voice. Although life separates us from our true destiny - a deep satisfying relationship with God - our hearts still yearn. Even while we are frustrated by our earthly journey fraught with failure and disappointment, we know we are for something more. We seek flourishing of soul, a magical moment of romance.

Somewhere along life's bumpy road, we begin to resign our selves that we will never find the romance we desire. We disconnect, forget whose voice is whispering to us and harden ourselves against disappointment. But we can't totally silence the voice, and so we compromise by taking for ourselves what Brent Cutis and John Elbridge in their book The Sacred Romance, call 'less-wild lovers". We seek substitutes that are less passionate, less potentially painful and in short less wild than a love relationship with God. We put our hope on meeting a lover who will give us a form of gratification, a taste of transcendence that will place a drop of water on our parched tongue. This taste of transcendence, coming as it does from a non-transcendent source - an obsession with sports, pornography- has the same effect on our souls as crack cocaine because the gratification touches us in that heart, place made for transcendence communion without itself being transcendent, it attaches itself to our desire with chains that renders us captive.

Whatever the object of our addiction is, it attaches itself to our intense desire for eternal and intimate communion with God and each other in the midst of paradise - the desire that Jesus himself placed in us before the beginning of the world.

Nothing less than this kind of communion will ever satisfy our desire or allow it to drink freely without imprisoning it and us.

Once we allow our hearts to drink water from these less-thaneternal wells with the goal of finding the life we were made for, it overpowers our will, and becomes, as Jonathan Edwards said " like a viper, hissing and spitting at God" and us if we try to restrain it Nothing is less in power than the heart and far from commanding, we are forced to obey it," says Joan Rousseau. Our hearts will carry us either to God or to addiction.

Addiction is the most powerful psychic enemy of humanity's desire for God", says Gerald May in Addiction and Grace, which is no doubt, why it is one of our adversary's favorite ways to imprison us. Once taken captive, trying to free ourselves through will power in futile. Only God Himself can free or even bring us to our senses.

The real question isn't, " Are you sexually addicted?" The real question is, " Are you living your life by demanding that you fulfill your desires and avoid all pain?" A sexual fantasy stems from a desire to gain more in a relationship than is possible. It's an attempt to gorge ourselves with the passion and move into a state free of any chance for disappointment. Simply put, we want to enter the Garden of Eden again.

But the very desire to know the bliss of the garden here on earth

is skewed by our obsession with self. In demanding the bliss of someone's real or imagined warmth, we become consumed with ourselves, which destroys the very ecstasy we seek. There is no way out. We are locked in reality always wanting and therefore always destroying what we want. The process is insane. Until we become consumed with the love and the desire to give for the good of another, all joy is an illusion.

Many of the illusions we design to find fulfillment are sexual. We believe that if only someone attractive will touch us with warmth, everything will be okay. God wants to strip us of our illusions. God wants to deprive us of anything that is meaningless or counterfeit. He wants us to experience isolation when we need it, to be pushed to the point of discovering that we can't fulfill our selves, to face the reality that life in this world will never be fully fulfilling: emptiness and disappointment are chronic realities. We naturally (and wrongly) scream when we are forced to face this reality says Dr. Schaumburg in his book, False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction.

The process of dealing with sexual addiction is the process of repentance. For some the word repentance conjures up images of preachers pounding on pulpits, demanding that we get right with God and flee our sins. Consequently, it can seem more like an act of shaming than a challenge to move towards God. Yet, repentance means essentially to change direction. It means to turn away from a focus on yourself and your own autonomy and toward God. Repentance is not simply a decision or an act of your will to stop addictive behaviour. It is not just a new effort you make. Rather, it is an act of God and his grace that occurs as you open yourself to God and the deep work of His spirit in your heart. Through repentance you can begin to understand that you are not in control in discovering the source of true fulfillment or protecting yourself from pain.

Once you acknowledge your helplessness and dependence on God, real change can occur. Imagine yourself looking courageously into God's eyes, which are not vengeful, bored, patronizing. Refuse to depend on yourself or to justify your behaviour. Face the gravity of your sinful heart.

Like David in Psalm 51:12, you can admit that you have failed to love God, that you have run from Him and others into your own illusion. Search your heart before Him for the pervasive unmet needs that, above all else, pushed you into the horrors of your double life.

Acknowledge before Him; praying that you are helpless, weak and frail. Confess your sins before the Lord who promised in 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness''. If you have never asked God to come into your life, invite Him in. He promises to respond to your invitation. "Here I am," He says. " I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me'' (Rev. 3:20). Paul writes, 'if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised Him RR from the dead, you will be saved" (Rom. 10:9)

begin again.

When the news of the Resurrection came to Peter, he had mixed feelings. On one hand, he was happy to know that the master was alive again to forgive him of his failure and yet apprehensive, not knowing how He would receive him after he had denied him thrice. But Peter would not allow his last hope to be dashed, he made way for the last ray of hope to shine through his heart when the Master appeared and said, "Peace be unto you". He saw Peter's trembling hands and heart, but love filled His eyes when He said, "Peace be unto thee" and as my father has sent me, so send I you".

That love penetrated through Peter and he felt it so strong on him but he scarcely could find himself believing it. He felt he did not deserve to be forgiven so easily and so he went fishing.

How important it is for us to accept God's overwhelming love and forgiveness! That is why He alone is God and we are but frail humans. His ways are not our ways neither are His thoughts our thoughts. He takes our mistakes and wrongdoings from us as far as the east is from the west. His mercy is ours for the taking and we remain forgiven, never to go back to the yoke

35 POSSIBLE PLACES

of bondage. Peter went a-fishing not accepting the Master's "easy forgiveness" as he thought. In very many ways, we will rather take Peter's option and punish ourselves. How unnecessary! Still, the Master came calling, willing more to show the authenticity of His unfailing and undying love. The love that proves the reality of a "real relationship". The love that keeps no record of wrongs. The love that conquers. He came, showed them again where to get the best catch, got them to catch enough fish for dinner and after feeding them, turned again to Peter, asked him a question that went a long way to determine his place in the Kingdom. "Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these"? Peter answered, "y-e-s, Lord, you know I love you". He knew he did not sound as confident as he would have loved to. Yet in all this, the Master knew his frame.

Thrice denied Him, Thrice the master made him to reply His million dollar question and confess his love for Him, so that Peter would be reassured of the Masters forgiveness and of His unfailing love. His love that x-rays the heart. His love that RR reassures when we are truly determined to put our past behind

cont’d from page 27

may be handy to educate you and be of help.

16.

Volunteer to handle the seating or name tags at the school, church, or community celebration. This way you get to make contact with almost everyone present.

17.

If you always buy books, try hang out in the library where people read but don't buy

18.

you are not even interested in one, that's all the more reason to go on one and meet someone who loves it.

23.

If you hate standing in lines, then your soul mate may be the patient one waiting in a line somewhere. If you just can't bear the line go to openings of popular events, walk up and down the line as if you are looking for someone.

24.

If you don't take breaks at work, take one. You may meet someone new.

If you are not a morning person, try wake up early and go for a walk or jog. Many people will be on the street doing the same thing.

If you eat out a lot, spend a lot of time in your local market. Your soul mate may just love to make dinners.

19.

26.

If you rarely walk, start walking around your neighbourhood at the same time for a week. Then change the time the next week. Continue to change the time.

Repetition of contact creates a familiarity that can stimulate friendship.

20.

If you don't go to the openings of big events because you don't like crowds, then, your soul-mate is probably there missing you.

21.

If you love to cook, never miss an opportunity to cook for your friends. Let it be known to all what a good cook you are.

22.

If you have never been on a cruise or

25.

If you generally like formal and fancy entertainment and food, try going out with friends to simple, relaxed, and less expensive places.

27.

If a woman always wears a lot of makeup or jewelry, she should try wearing less and sometimes none. Her soul mate may love her just the way she is.

28.

If a woman always dresses seductively to attracts attention, she should learn to dress simply. She is bound to attract the attention of more discerning guys.

29.

If you don't like dressing up, then pick an event each month where dressing is Concluded on page

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Story

That

By Julie Akhimien

Night

I

t's been quite hectic for Peter lately and the strange thought of something unusual happening to him has not made things easier at all. Added to all these is the very unfamiliar undertone with which the master addressed certain salient issues. The other day, he suddenly came up with this saying that He'd soon be delivered up and be killed and he would rise up the third day; that was strange to Peter. He thought it wise to rebuke Him immediately but the Master's reply was even more astonishing, He called Peter "Satan". Waaaooh! I mean, that was strange. To this great disciple, who the master just acknowledged as been very spiritual and even called a "stone", connoting a strong man, "what could be wrong dear Lord?" Peter seemed to ask. He could not understand, no, until that night.

It was an unusual night. This Passover seemed strange! It was to be the Last Super and the Master had not stopped uttering those strange words of His. They were indeed strange to Peter. I mean, how could one who's been in a real relationship with the Master ever imagine betraying him? That couldn't be. No, never! Or how much astonishing could it be that many of the disciples {for so say the Master} should be offended because of this loving and understanding Master or theirs? No, never!

Even if that was going to be true, "not I Peter", he thought to himself. "I will never be offended at the master"! That was his bold declaration.

It was obvious that as far as Peter was concerned, he was too much in love with the Master, too much in love to be offended

by Him. Just as soon as he concluded and settled that in his mind, the Master made the strangest of all declarations that swept Peter off his feet, he least expected it. "Verily I say unto you Peter, this night, before the cock crows, thou shall deny me thrice!" Very much like the out spoken Peter, that was too much to swallow. He must prove to the master that his was a real relationship. Perhaps, he thought, "Master does not yet know how much love I, Peter, have for him".

Listen Master, he promptly replied, "Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee". The Master didn't seem convinced, "Peter, Peter", He said, "the enemy hath desired thee, that he might sift thee like wheat, but I have prayed for thee, that thine faith fail not and when though hath converted, strengthen thine brethren". Before Peter had more time to justify or reinstate his commitment, the multitude came calling with swords and staves. And like the Master said earlier, all the disciples fled, all save Peter truly willing to justify the singular fact that his, was a real relationship. However, he followed afar off! If only he knew how dangerous a trend that was, - following afarhe would have drawn himself closer. If only he knew how much of him the enemy desired, he would have stayed closer!

If only you know, beloved, that following afar gives room to the enemy of your soul to sow dangerous seeds that depict pitfalls to your walk with God. Following afar, depletes trust and breaks a relationship. Following afar makes you loose focus and weakens your commitment to the Master, to your friends and loved ones. Following afar, makes your ardent love grow cold.

It is safer, healthier and better to stay close. So, Peter followed afar off; he thought he was still keeping track of events!

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He followed until the walls of his confidence began to crumble. He couldn't understand why. All of a sudden his heart began to beat faster than he could control, fear suddenly gripped him, his feet seemed to lose their strength and it was as though they were going to give way under him. Peter, great Peter, began to lose the confidence he had built over the loving relationship he had with his loving master. He realized almost immediately that he was all alone. Even John the beloved was not here, no, not James nor Andrew. Where were Bartholomew and Philip? Oh no! This couldn't be happening to him. "Where are my brothers?" He asked silently. He started walking faster than his shaky legs could carry him. One could tell that his moves were suspicious. So, it was easy for even a little damsel to accuse him.

"I know you", she said, "You are one of His disciples". Peter was taken unawares; le least expected this confrontation, and he was apparently lost in his thoughts. Wanting to get rid of the seeming dangerous situation confronting him, he replied without thinking. "No", he said, 'I do not know him. Never met him since Adam". What! It all happened in split seconds, Peter couldn't believe it. Did he just deny his very own? No, it couldn't be, this must be a dream, certainly! He was still trying to get over it, considering that he might soon wake up from this scary dream when a young maid came up to him to confirm that he was, of a truth, one of the disciples of Jesus. This was too much for Peter as all eyes were on him. Having denied once, it was difficult to accept now. He tried to brace up and sound normal but his voice betrayed him, he shook uncontrollably as he denied his master a second time! What a nightmare, he thought to himself. A lie once told would lead to another and to another. Only the truth is constant.

Peter was already worn out and feeling terribly dejected. He couldn't explain why this should happen to him. 'Is there hope at all of getting out of this mess?' But there seemed not to be time, because, the third person came almost immediately, still affirming that he, Peter, was truly the disciple of Jesus. Again, he denied and so, for third time, Peter denied the Lord, and the cock crew …… 'This is unbelievable!' he thought to himself. "I certainly am dreaming'. But just then, the Master turned and looked at Peter. If he had thought he was dreaming, that look certainly woke him up! Only then did Peter realize that the Master's saying had come to pass, he counted on his fingertips, one, two, three, and ran out of the court yard, weeping bitterly.

"How could I deny my Lord"? "Where on earth did I miss it"? "How far did I go away from Him"? That night was indeed a strange night! Peter's strength failed him, his might left him and his senses were not at all coordinated. He knew he had goofed, he knew he failed, he knew he must find a way out of this guilt.

But how?

There are many people who feel like Peter felt, having certain wrongs they thought they could never get into and yet, before they knew it, they were neck-deep into them. Oh well, the good news is that the Master knows our frame and He sees beyond our comprehension. If only we'd give Him a chance.

He'd right the wrong no matter how bad. Like Peter, we can

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Possible Thirty-five

35 Places Right Person To Meet The

1.

Join a community cause or participate in service activities such as feeding the poor or helping children without parents. In the process, you will not only feel good but you will meet people who admire you and appreciate your good will. Mr. Right may be lurking at the corner watching you.

2.

Go to places where your expertise would be in high demand. This way, people will feel comfortable coming to you for support or advice. Do not hesitate to be of assistance.

3.

your interest may not be there. For instance, if you are not an art lover, you could visit an art gallery or museum. Mix with people there, ask questions.

8.

Wear a uniform occasionally even when you are off duty. It makes you more accessible to others and they feel more comfortable seeking your help.

9.

Call someone aside if s(he) is in a group.

It could be very intimidating for a man to approach a group of six women. If he is rejected, he knows all six would start talking about him.

Go to places where you need professional advise. You will feel comfortable going up to someone and getting to know him or her by asking for help. A man can charm a woman when he is open to getting advice from her.

When a woman moves around a lot at a party, it creates an opportunity for a man to approach her. Avoid getting stuck on the couch.

4.

11.

Go to school reunions. So many people meet again and fall in love.

5.

Become friends with the friends of someone you would really like to meet. Be upfront in your friendship by asking questions about their friends.

6.

Go to a town meeting. You can easily meet people and exchange views on issues being discussed. To hear and support a person's beliefs and convictions when that person is feeling challenged can make him or her a friend for life.

7.

Go to places of interest, even though

10.

People are always most comfortable talking and meeting in kitchens. Hang out where the food is.

12.

Participate in church or school fundraisers, gatherings, events and celebrations.

13.

Even better, help put in church, school, and community events.

14.

Join the support team in your church because it is always easiest to get to know people this way. They can offer to help and they ask for help.

15.

Go to places where you are not competent in the area of interest. Someone Cont’d on page 31

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GospelBeats With Phyllis Russell

We will look at the new, the old and the not so old. Songs that will aide you in entering into the presence of God and experiencing the fullness of joy! Chosen artists that have been anointed to minister the gospel of Jesus Christ through song.

I have been in the music ministry since I was a small child. And just like preaching I learned that the relationship I have in private with God, gives me the ability to lead the people of God into his presence when I minister in front of them. If you worship at home, it is second nature in front of the people. If your worship manifests the Spirit in private, He will show up in public. And of course the opposite is true. Private preparation always produces public results. So let's begin‌ My first review is on one of the pioneer super groups of gospel music, "The Commissioned Reunion-LIVE." This is the latest album of one

Songs of Deliverance Psalms 32:7 "Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance."

Oh Bless His Name!!

This being my inaugural (and hopefully not commencement) article, I have to tell you I am humbled at the opportunity to share with you. I will not only give you reviews of the latest in Gospel music that is coming from America, and especially here in Detroit, the Gospel Music capital of the world, but from around the globe. We will also talk about the music ministry in general and it's necessity and impact on the body of Christ today.

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of the renowned gospel music group Commissioned, and it is undoubtedly a musical masterpiece. Recorded at Bishop Andrew Merritt's Straight Gate Church in Detroit, USA and released in April 23 2002, the album encapsulates the essence of worship and praise. It manages to bring back the early days of 80's & 90's contemporary gospel in a way that only the group can. From the banging "King of Glory" to the introspective "Running Back to You" this CD never leaves you outside of the presence of God. The band is tight! The vocals are tight! Even the involvement of the crowd makes you feel as if you were there that night in Detroit. Many of the songs they chose to do were recorded well over 10 years ago, but the sound is as new and fresh as ever.

The success of this CD could be attributed to the group being distinctly unique. The anointed cast of personalities in the group is arguably the greatest assembly of gospel talent in one group.

Few, if any, recording artists can speak of a successful recording career spanning over 20 years and 11 original albums. Added to that remarkable feat is the means to persevere and succeed as a group, despite the loss of five of its lead vocalists during those years (Keith Staten, Fred Hammond, Marvin Sapp, Montrell Darrett & Chris Poole) and two of its key musical directors (Michael Brooks, Maxx Frank). Then you begin to sense a ministry (pardon the pun) commissioned by God. In fact, only Mitchell Jones and Karl Reid remain from the original cast members of Commissioned. Yet over its incredible tenure in the recording business, the group has never faltered in its role as a vanguard for contemporary g o s p e l m u s i c. I n d e e d , Commissioned remains the model by which most contemporary gospel groups are silently compared to.

With an intricate presentation and style that fluently sails through Soul, Pop, Rock and Gospel progressions, Commissioned sets themselves apart as musical giants.

And giants they are!

The music of Commissioned oftentimes measures larger than life through the help of some instrumental titans (Tommie Walker, Noel Hall, Luther Hanes, Earl Wright, Joey Woolfalk, Darryl Dixon, Marvin McQuitty, Michael Williams, Marvin Thompson, Clifton Brockington, Randy Ellis and the maestro - Fred Hammond). Added to this is the remarkable lyrical depth depicted in the songs. Michael Brooks, Fred Hammond and Mitchell Jones - the primary songwriters for the group - are poetic prophets and lyrical geniuses, who've nurtured their compelling compositions in the Word of God and added a seed of soulful integrity through listless testimonies.

Only a handful recording groups in gospel or main-

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stream music can boast of launching so many solo careers as they have. Yet, Commissioned has been the fertile ground and foundation for the solo careers of (in chronological order) Keith Staten, Fred Hammond, Michael Brooks, Marvin Sapp and Montrell Darrett. And with whispers of solo releases by the balladeer - Mitchell Jones - and the preacher - Marcus Cole - in the foreseeable future, Commissioned has been a well of good fortune from which all its members have been able to drink.

Unlike so many "live" recordings in gospel music, The Commissioned Reunion Live album successfully captures the spirit and energy of the artist, its funky orchestra and its diehard fans formed over a twenty-year relationship. The group's ministrations have seen young people recommitting their lives to Christ, sinners seeking to be saved and in general, expressing what music could do to and through lives, if guided under the supervision of the Holy Spirit. Even back then, Commissioned demonstrated that music was more than an _expression of creative artistry or exuberant praise, it was a tool used to usher in the presence of God. What enormous promise and power entrusted in mortal man!

Commissioned, like any ordained bishop, has demonstrated such a serious inclination towards their music and the business of winning souls for the Kingdom. And it still shows nearly two decades later. On The Commissioned Reunion Live CD, every note sung by the men, every bar played by the musicians and every meticulous arrangement crafted by Fred, Tommie, Noel, Luther, Marcus and Mitchell is a symbol of utter praise for their Redeemer.

It's very difficult to summarize into words what could be deemed as the ultimate release thus far in 2002. But one could clearly say that The Commissioned Reunion Live is a tour-de-force with twenty-nine memorable selections carefully chosen from its wealthy catalogue of songs and redone in such momentous fashion that is unequivocally unforgettable.

Songs like "Back In The Saddle"; "Lord Jesus Help Me (Help Somebody Else)" and "So Good To Know (The Savior)" will tease your boogey bones and jumping joints into uncontrollable praise. And then there are heartfelt favorites like "Ordinary Just Won't Do" tantalizingly toyed by Mitchell Jones and given the one-two praise punch by Marvin Sapp and Marcus Cole - that's an earful worth overdosing on; while the soulful ballad "Secret Ballad" given by Karl Reid will leave you crestfallen and suspended in spiritual ecstasy.

Other needful reminders are ole skool dimes like "You Keep On Blessing Me", seductive selections like "Everlasting Love" and Fred Hammond's tearful "When Love Calls You Home". The Commissioned Reunion Live is simply a rich treasure chest of songs that span over a two-hour plus music marathon. But the journey into the world of deja vu will be marked by jolts of memorable surprises and knocks of notable reminders. It's a splendid double CD release that will spend more time in your player than in the CD jacket.

But there's the question, "Why wasn't Michael Brooks, Montrell Darrett and even Chris Poole there for the reunion?" A Commissioned purist would sleep better knowing that all of the Commissioned alumni were available for this historic event. However, the album clearly stands on its own, leaving few to find fault with.

It's an award-deserving album that will continue to draw kind adulations in circles everywhere. The Commissioned RRReunion Live CD is nothing short of breathtakingly, soul-achingly superior in spirit

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