Real Relationships 8th Edition

Dr Uvoh Onoriobe Editor-in-Chief

STATEMENT OF

PURPOSE is about lives torn apart by life’s many experiences. It is our vision to provide an avenue (through the print and electronic media) where the hurting, the depressed, the frustrated and confused can find love acceptance, healing, hope, help

forgiveness

and

encouragement. It is our vision to

Content 2.

Editor’s Letter

18. Issues of the Heart

3.

Letters

20. Growing Up Without Daddy

4.

Ukraine’s Orange Revolution 22. Somebody Help

8.

I love you in 82 Languages

24. When Infidelity Creeps In

10. Donnie Mcclurkin

26. Whose Smile Is The Best

12. Sista Sista

30. Resolving Marital Conflicts

15. Long Distance Relationships 32. For Guy’s Only 17. I had to let go 1

36. Events

Editor’s I Letter

used to f e e l terribl

for their lives. Just as Pastor Sunday Adelaja did when he commenced his ministry in Ukraine. Today, his church is one of the fastest growing in Europe with white majority.

This is no mean feat which am sure could not have been achieved without his obeying God and believing that HE CAN! The story of Pastor Adelaja goes a long way to show that there is nothing unattainable.

So many mind boggling life transforming stories in this edition of Real Relationships. Taking up the magazine is sure going to be a delight.

Tinuke Alli-oke

Real

Relationships Rebuilding Our Generation

EDITOR -IN-CHIEF Dr Uvoh Onoriobe ( uvohdee@yahoo.com) EDITOR Atinuke Alli-Oke ( allioke@yahoo.com) SUB-EDITOR Eshe Asale (a_eshe@hotmail.com) MANAGING EDITOR Egerton Idehen (egertoni@yahoo.com) SERIES EDITOR Dr Okugbo Stanley SENIOR WRITER Dr Omokhoa Adeleye WRITER Halima Tanko

y inferior to others and this feeling I must confess was exasperating because things I loved to do, I couldn’t because I felt inadequate. At the end of the day, I see some one else executing that same idea and making a success of it.

People say illiteracy is a disease, but I say inferiority is worse than illiteracy! Ever since I realised that first I am ME, and there is no 2 of me, I began to look at myself differently realising that if I remain in this state of complex, I will not go far.

Today I feel so good about myself. I feel like touching the sky! Do not get me wrong, am not in anyway patronising myself. What I am simply saying is that there's is nothing a good as knowing who you are and doing things that give you optimum satisfaction which eventually marks you out as different from others. This is what those two wonderful people, Essie and Rhema realised in their tender ages. Essie (now 17) had started participating in marathon with hundreds of people and Rhema can play a wide range of instruments. A feat that got a recommendation letter from President George Bush of the United States!

And I stopped to ask myself, ‘what if they had stopped in their tracks and they said they could not do it, would not go on because they feel others are better than them?’ Then Essie would not have been a super star that she is today, so also Rhema. All I am saying is whatever you are planning to do, DO IT because YOU CAN!!!

Our generation needs people who can think ahead, see what others can not see, and follow God’s ordained plans

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CORRESPONDENTS Dr Tochi Okeke,Dr Ayamma Umanah,Kome Omu,(England), Belief Emadamerho(Michigan).

OPERATIONS MANAGER Chichi Onoriobe ADMIN MANAGER Jafeh Ehabahe PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER Oby Nzenwa PRODUCTION MANAGER Igho Efekemo CIRCULATION MANAGER Sam Etaderhi MARKETING / ADVERT EXECUTIVE Charles Okwa PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS Peter Okofu, Uju Okwudarue, Emonena Onoriobe CIRCULATION Stanley Abiri (Arkansas), Omoefe Onoriobe (Chicago), Igho Onoriobe (UK), Osasco Nosa-Oviasu GRAPHICS AND DESIGN Aiq Okoye Samson Nnah PUBLISHERS Plumbline Communications Company Ltd. 25 Marconi Road, Palmgrove Estate Lagos P.O Box 53037 Ikoyi, Lagos Tel: 08033915856, 08023274333 E-mail : realrelationships@hotmail.com LONDON OFFICE 17 Lindley House, Lindley Estate, London SE 15 2UN Tel +44 207 635 8142

kudos to you all. I would like to get the past issues for my library if possible. I would also like to subscribe for subsequent editions.

Okeke Francis, Port Harcourt

Le t t e r s Dear Editor, I came across your magazine at a conference in Abuja and I made up my mind to write and congratulate you on the well written and edifying articles. It was very refreshing and I enjoyed reading almost every piece. Where can I get a copy in Ibadan? Keep up the good work and God bless you and the entire team.

Dr Adedapo, Ibadan I want the Real Relationships magazine crew to know that God is really using them to impact our generation in a very special way. I appreciate what the Lord is doing through your magazine. I need to get more details about subscription. I will be grateful if you can get back to me as soon as possible because I will not want to miss any edition of the magazine. Thank you and God bless you all.

Sharon, Abuja I am most delighted to write you this letter. I confess that your Real Relationships Magazine has been life transforming and destiny moulding for me. I thank God almighty for raising men and women of vision to impact our generation positively.

I commend your effort in publishing such a highly educative magazine. This magazine is ver y timely considering the state of our y o u t h t h e s e d a y s. T h e professional touch in all your editions is truly marvelous. I say

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Greetings to you all in the name of the Most High and I believe you all are doing wonderfully well. I came across one of the editions of Real Relationships magazine and enjoyed it tremendously.

Please can you send me the necessary details on how I can be getting a regular supply.

Thank you.

Dennis Ibrahim, Samaru- Zaria I really commend your efforts on this inspiring and educative magazine. I came across volume 7 of your magazine and it was simply fantastic. You are doing a great job because of the thousands of lives that are being blessed by your publication. I enjoyed and cherished ever y column.

Special thanks to Dr. Uvoh for the articles on "overcoming distractions" and "the preachers' kid�. Please, can you include a column on riddles, jokes and cartoons?

Thanks.

James, Ogbomoso Calvary greetings to you in Jesus name. I am a regular reader of your magazine "Real Relationships" but due to the fact that I have not come across any distributor here in Port- Harcourt, I have not been buying it for a while now. The last edition I came across was

vol. no. 6, so I will like to have the one sequel to it.

Emmanuel Mfon Eduat, Port- Harcourt Compliments of the season to you over there. Certainly I know that God has been good and merciful to you and your crew.The main issue for writing this letter is to commend you for your efforts in producing and publishing Real Relationships Magazine with the focus of "Rebuilding Our Generation" which is in ruin and rubbles. A friend of mine came from school with a copy of the magazine and I simply fell for it.

The particular edition was "Tales of Excellence" and every feature in the magazine mightily blessed me.I have made up my mind to be a regular reader of Real Relationships Magazine but it is shocking that this magazine is not popular in this part of Nigeria.I want to be a major distributor or marketing agent for this magazine because as a person I have settled it with God that I want to impact my generation for God. Rotimi Adeleye,Akure I had the wonderful privilege of coming across a copy of your m a g a z i n e , " R e a l Relationships". Having gone through the copy and digesting the content, I want to request for a copy of the subscription form and a catalogue of previous editions.

Ajewole 'Kemi, Ilorin I mainly write to appreciate your magazine that I came across some few months ago which has been a source of blessing and inspiration to me.

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By Uvoh Onoriobe

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Prophecy

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ccording to ancient history, in 40AD, Apostle Andrew, one of the Apostles of Jesus, after preaching around Byzantium and the Black Sea, traveled north, reaching the River Dnipro in the land of Russia. He halted on the shore beneath the hills of Kiev, the future site of the city of Kiev and the great monastery of the Kiev caves. “Believe me”, he said to the disciples who had accompanied him: "on these hills the grace of God will shine forth. There will be a great city here, and the Lord will raise many churches in this place and enlighten all of the Russian land with holy baptism." Ascending the hills, he blessed them and planted a cross, foretelling the conversion of the people and land of Russia.

As the day of the fulfillment of this prophecy drew close, God stirred the heart of one of His choice servants, H u d s o n T a y l o r, a missionary to China and founder of China Inland Mission. In 1855, during one of his furloughs to England, Taylor was preaching when suddenly, he stopped. He stood speechless for a time with his eyes closed. When he began to speak again, he explained: “I have seen a vision. I saw in this vision a great war that encompassed the world. I saw this war recess and then start again, actually being two wars.

After this, I saw much unrest and revolts that will affect many nations. I saw in some places, spiritual awakening. In Russia, I saw there will come an allencompassing national spiritual awakening so great that there would never be another like it. From Russia, I saw the awakening spread to many European countries” To further continue this prophecy a few years ago, Dr. Lester Sumrall, during his visit to Ukraine gave the following prophecy: “I am giving a new vision to my people in this country about my visit. It is not about the revivals that you have read in the books. It is not about strong waves that I have poured on churches.

What, I will be doing in this place has never happened before in the history of any country but it is

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going to be like the days I founded my church. It is not only going to be a spiritual revival, it will be reorganization in political, and economic spheres.

First of all, the doors will be closed and my people will only depend on my help; Secondly, the church will be fully secure and will be provided with everything required to feed the hungry and thirsty that will be coming to my people when the famine will grow stronger.

Thirdly my sheep will know my voice and will obey my Holy Spirit and there will be unified thoughts, words and actions among them: I will open the doors of this country but not for people to come in as it was before, but to release this fire from this country to the whole world…..”

Present day Slavery comes in many forms. It can be physical, political or economic.

All three of these came to be when nations were subjugated by the Russian Empire and then the Soviet Union.

Ukraine was one of such nations under the communist tentacles of Russia. With the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1990, Ukrainians clamored for independence and became a sovereign nation. Yet efforts by Russia to continue political and economic exploitation remained as the same corrupt people remained in power.

In the words of Taras Shevchenko, “With stark injustice all around, the shackled people silent wait”.

For many years the Ukrainian people have humbly waited while the evangelicals have prayed and constituted themselves as the most dominant force advancing democracy and freedom in the nation.

The opportunity for Ukrainians to choose their own free way of life and determine their future and destiny came in Nov. 21, 2004 when the presidential election was conducted. The unofficial polls indicated that eighty percent of the population was in support of the opposition leader, Viktor Yushchenko who is democratic, Pro-West and a Christian.

When the results of the elections were announced, Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovich was declared winner. This resulted in widespread protests in the entire nation as the results were viewed as fraudlaced, tainted, outrageous and massively rigged.

Protesters, numbering over a million from every part of the country assembled at Kiev's Independence Square and in the front of the parliament building to express their disgust over the elections result and pressed for a re-run of the elections. The much desired rematch between Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovich was set when the Ukraine Supreme Court threw out the balloting on the grounds that authorities had systematically inflated Mr. Yanukovich's official total to give him a narrow victory. The ruling was made in the midst of 30 days of protest by countless numbers of Yushchenko's supporters all decked out in his campaign colororange. Some people had orange plastic strips on their belts and lapels. Others wore orange scarves, hats, ribbons, bows, coats, wraps or shirts. Thus it became easy to dub the wave of the rallies that have taken place in every city and town-The Orange Revolution.

Some of the protesters who defied the winter

perseverance in midst of the subzero temperatures was amazing. They did not fizzle out but grew by the day. They were united by songs of freedom and change. One of the chants of the protesting crowd was “We are together, we are many, and we are not overcome�. Exemplifying the fact that when we pray together, when many of us pray, if is so true that we are not overcome.

The most unreported aspect of the revolution was the It was a non-violent, jubilant, fact that it was primarily people-powered movement. On advanced by the the surface the revolution had a Evangelical Churches in A deeper look at the secular outlook. There were the Ukraine. At the very broad based movement musical concerts, fire works edge of the movement was displays and political rallies. A revealed that it was truly Embassy of the Blessed deeper look at the broad based Kingdom of God for all a spiritual movement revealed that it was Nations Ministry being awakening. truly a spiritual awakening. pastored by Nigerian-born Each day's protest opened and Sunday and Bose Adelaja. ended with a two-hour prayer They have for 11 years led session (9-11am & 8-10pm) for the people of Ukraine in God to heal the land. Church intercessory prayers for leaders held worship services reformation of the country. amongst whom were Eastern Rite Catholics, The church has raised several ministries one of Orthodox Christians, Protestants, Jews, Mainline which reaches out to the political sphere. For the Baptists and Evangelicals. Never in the history of first time the church produced a presidential Ukraine has there been this kind of unity. Their candidate that later formed an alliance with Mr. Yushchenko's opposition group.

Pastor Sunday Adelaja played an active role in bringing about comprehensive unity of all the Christian denominations in the country, standing for truth and righteousness against corruption and despotism. He enjoined every member of his 26,000 strong congregation to be actively involved with the demonstration. The church erected a tent with a cross right in the heart of the Independence square, where they were able to give out daily 10,000-50,000 newsletters and tracts .The team from the church were also able to pray for and counsel onlookers, bringing an average of 50 people to the Lord with Pastor Adelaja and some of his associates at President Yushchenko’s inauguration numerous healings every day.

Contd on page 33

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B i o g r a p h y

B i o g r a p h y IJEBU- ODE 1966 and at the end of his secondary education, he got ola was born into the Adelaja royal family of admission into the then University of Ife. It was at this Idomila, a village situated around Ijebu-Ode in time that he gave his heart to Jesus through the TV Ogun state. She grew up in this quiet and scenic ministry of W.F Kumuyi .About this same time, he got village enjoying all the privileges of a princess. She wind of plans by the Nigerian Government to offer was a pampered child and wanted for nothing. She scholarships to young aspiring students to study grew up to be the cynosure of all eyes as she was very abroad. He promptly applied and with God's help, he beautiful and very soon caught the got the opportunity to either study in heart of young Titus. He wanted the United States (Columbia State none other than the princess Sola University) or the Soviet Union. He so he did his best to outmatch her was torn between two choices. He other suitors. Sola, it appeared also took time out to pray to God for had a soft spot for him and it was leading and then consulted his pastor, therefore not surprising that some who told him that if he survived in months later, the people of Idomila Russia, he would survive anywhere. came out en-mass to witness the Armed with counsel, filled with union between Sola and Titus and curiosity and pregnant with a witness to celebrate with the newlyweds in his heart, he chose the Soviet offer. and to wish them happiness. In a Though there was not much short time, Sola took in and she information about the country then, nurtured this precious gift to term. he made a resolve to live for Christ A few months after their marriage, and not allow his faith to suffer The Adelaja family Titus started showing some traits shipwreck. He took up the challenge that she never got to know of while to be God's ambassador in a strange they were still courting. This caused the marriage to be land.

He left Nigeria in 1986. Arriving Belarus, his first dissolved as the differences were deemed challenge was to learn the Russian language. This irreconcilable. On a very beautiful day, the 28th of necessitated his enrolling in Language school for a May 1967 to be year. Two weeks into his stay at Belarus, he longed for precise; the cry of a In fact there was a a place of worship. Christian worship was prohibited baby was heard in provision in the law (article 35) at that time. In fact there was a provision in the law the palace. Sola had that offered a stiff penalty (article 35) that offered a stiff penalty for anyone given birth to an for anyone professing professing and worshipping Christ openly. adorable baby boy, and worshipping Christ openly.

Contd on page 35 Sunkanmi Sunday.

He grew up not knowing his father.

Time, they say, heals all wounds and so it was that Sola's broken heart, although not without scars to show for it healed in time and two years later, she remarried and gave birth to three more children, Doja, Tunde and Funmilayo.

At the age of six, a few days into his primary education, at St.Paul's Primary School, Ilese, calamity struck the Adelaja family. Three members of the family died in quick succession. Finances cut off abruptly; Sunday who was used to being driven to school in a car, now had to go by foot (barefooted). It was a drastic decline.

Sonday & Bose on their wedding day Undaunted by life's harsh treatment, Sunday forged on

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Saying

in 82 languages 1.

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Afrikaans Ek is lief vir jou Albanian Te dua American Indian (Navaho) Ayor anosh'ni Arabic Ana behibak (female to male) Ana Behibek (male to female) Armenian Yes kez guh seerem (Western dialect) Bangladeschi Ami tomake valobashi Bolivian Quechua Qanta munani Bosnian Volim te Brazilian (Portuguese) Eu te amo (pronounced "eiu chee amu") Bulgarian Obicham te Burmese Chit pa te Cambodian Kh_nhaum soro_lahn nhee_ah Canadian (French) Je t'adore (I love you) Chinese Ngo oi ney (Cantonese) Wo ai ni (Mandarin) Creol Mi aime jou Croatian (familiar) Volim te (used in common speech) Czech Miluji te Danish Jeg elsker dig Dutch Ik hou van je

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Equador Quechua Canda munani Estonian Mina armastan sind Ethiopian ewedishalew (Male to Female) ewedihalew (Female to Male) Farsi (Iran-dialects in Afghanistan/Pakistan) Tora dost daram Filipino (Phillipino) Mahal ka ta Finnish ("Ma") rakastan sinua French Je t'aime (I love you) Gaelic (Language of Ireland) Ta gra agam ort German Ich liebe dich (classic & conservative) Swiss (German) Ch'ha di ga"rn Greek S'ayapo (spoken s'agapo) Greenlandic Asavakit Hawaiian Aloha wau ia oi Hebrew Ani ohevet otcha (female to male) Ani ohev otach (male to female) Hindi (language of northern states of India) Mai tumase pyar karata hun (male to female)

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Mai tumase pyar karati hun (female to male) Hungarian Szeretlek Icelandic Eg elska thig (pronounce "yeg l-ska thig") Indonesia Saya cinta padamu Italian Ti amo (relationship lover or spouse) Irish (see also Gaelic) Taim i' ngra leat Japanese Kimi o ai shiteru Korean Dangsinul saranghee yo Kurdish Ez te hezdikhem Lao Khoi hak jao Latin Te amo Latvian Es tevi milu (pronounced "es tevy meelu") Lebanese Bahibak Lithuanian Luganda (language of Uganda) Tave myliu (pronounced "ta-ve mee-lyu") Nkwagala Nyo Luo (language of Kenya)Aheri Luxembourgish Ech hun dech ga"r Macedonian Te ljubam (I really love you) Malay (Indonesian) Saya cinta pada mu Moroccan Kanbhik Norwegian Jeg elsker deg (Bokmaal) Pakistani M u j h e t u m s e muhabbat hai Polish Kocham cie Portuguese Eu amo te (pronounced "eiu amu chee") Punjabi (language of N. Punjab,

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India) Main tainu pyar karna Romanian Te iubesc Russian Ya tyebya lyublyu Samoan Ou te alofa outou Serbian (familiar)Volim te Slovene Ljubim te Slovak Lubim ta Somali Waan ku gealahay Spanish Te amo Te adoro (I adore you) Srilankan M a m a o y a t a arderyi Swahili Naku penda (followed by the person's name) Swedish Jag a"lskar dig Syrian/Lebanese Bhebbek (male to female) Bhebbak (female to male) Tagalog (a dialect of the Philippines) Mahal kita Tahitian Ua here au ia oe Thai (language of Thailand) Chan raak ther Tunisian Ha eh bak Turkish Seni seviyorum Ukranian Ya tebe kokhayu Urdu (spoken in Pakistan and India) Main tumse muhabbat karta hoon VietnameseAnh ye^u em (male to female) Em ye^u anh (female to male) Welsh (language spoken in Wales, UK) Rwy'n dy garu di Yiddish Ikh hob dikh lib Yugoslavian Ja te volim Zulu Mena tanda wena

Donnie McClurkin's

Victory Over

Homosexuality

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he name Donnie McClurkin for many is simply the "hands down" favorite male Gospel artist on the planet. He has sold millions of records and soared to the top spot of "Gospel's most notable and quotable" via appearances on the US Republican National Convention and his outspokenness against the gay lifestyle. The contrast of his meteoric rise

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to national and international renown is most amazing and to some - perhaps even McClurkin - most ironic. His life has been riveted by sexual dysfunction, abuse, brokenness, ridicule and pain. But he rises above it to be a blessing and keeps on soaring. Perhaps that's what makes him simply phenomenal.

Raised in a violent and abusive home, Donnie McClurkin watched as his parents lives were ravaged by drug and alcohol addiction. He found a safe haven in his church, Bethel Gospel Tabernacle, Assemblies of God. It was there at the age of nine, when, he made a commitment to Christ. Because of a God given gift of music that ran in his family, Donnie formed the McClurkin Singers with his siblings and a few close friends in 1979. He went on to meet Gospel Legend, Andrae Crouch, who became a mentor to him. He encouraged him to play the piano and eventually sing. Through that relationship, grew a friendship that would shape the entire course of Donnie's future.

Donnie went on to form the New York Restoration Choir in 1989. In 1996, he released his self-titled project on WarnerAlliance Records as well as a re-recorded Speak To My Heart, which garnered him two stellar awards as well as Grammy and Dove award nominations.

Live In London and more released in August 2001, quickly became a best-seller with its Dove award winning song, We Fall Down and held the number one spot on all the Gospel charts. In six months, it achieved gold status with 500, 000 records sold and by nine months platinum (1,000,000). This project opened doors around the world including the UK and

the Caribbean. After being an associate Pastor to Marvin Winans for nearly a decade, Donnie became ordained and is Senior Pastor at Perfecting Faith located at Freeport, New York.

He owes everything to God who chose him in spite of his frailties. He is humbled when he sees God's mighty hand in his ministry and this causes him to fall down daily in worship.

Donnie concludes that his purpose in life is to worship God and to minister to people. History records that whenever anyone worships unreservedly and is really anointed, it is a pointer to the fact that he has been through a personal experience that has caused him to "lay aside his garments". Every adverse effect

seed was sown - a seed of homosexuality. He explains "I was not born with these sexual tendencies. It wasn't chromosome‌ and had nothing to do with my DNA. These tendencies surface because a broken man thrust an 8-year old boy into a whirlwind. An eight-year-old mind can't handle such level of perversion".

A year later after this incident, Donnie finds an answer of some sort at Amityville Gospel Tabernacle 1969, where the minister told the congregation that Christ died 'because he loves us' Could God help him? The answer was yes.

After he answered the call and gave his life to Jesus, his world changed. The church became a place where he felt peace and felt like he

I Did Not Want To Sensationalize And Glorify The Pain Of Those Experiences, Nor Cause Pain To Those Involved In These Recollections. leaves sweet nectar behind. It is this bitter sweet honey that allows us to enrich the lives of others through our testimonies.

In 2001 Donnie decided to tell his life testimony in a book titled Eternal Victim, Eternal Victor. "I have been asked for many years to put my real testimony to text, yet I have not done so because of the delicacy of the situations. Further more I did not want to sensationalize and glorify the pain of those experiences, nor cause pain to those involved in these recollections. It was only after starting to write a book of another title that the Holy Spirit changed my direction and led me back to finally bring, closure to the events of my past but also to lend a face to those types of covert, tumultuous happenings, and show that through the guilt, the pains, the fears and the loss, there is forgiveness, there is healing, there is restoration of confidence and joy, there is great gain, and there is a victorious you!"

Remembering and recounting those ordeals resurrected feelings of hurt and pain that had long been forgotten. It caused him to reveal scars from wounds that had already healed and explain how it happened, how it was endured and his family came out delivered."It all started when all of is children were sent to a family member's house to be watched and cared for. What he had no way of knowing was that he was a pedophile" Donnie was 8years old at this time. He was repeatedly raped by his uncle before he could ever know the purpose or pleasure of a woman, have his first date or even his first kiss, a wound was inflicted and a

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belonged.At that time also his love for music was kindled, as music filled him with joy and replaced the pain. What he would not verbalize, he would express musically. It was an escape.

His peace was truncated when another relative sexually violated him at the age of 13. Thus a pattern was developing, and he struggled against it, prayed over it, and refused to accept Contd on page 34

Sista

By Chinyere Ibori

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h I enjoyed that side dish they made with marrow at the restaurant the other night" gushed Marion "Its absolutely gorgeous with butter and herbs. I'll try it at home today.

Perhaps Brian will just fall in love with the lush mellow …mmm… Feel me girl?" Yeah I feel you girl said Ruby. Gotta run now. Talk to you later.

Ruby is gone, now Marion is alone with a healthy marrow, a block of butter and herbs. How will all this form the medley of flavours she is aiming at. Yeah Ruby is right finding the marrow is not the end of the recipe.

Hi girls it's me again. Now let's learn something from Marion's kitchen today. Remember when the aim was to start that relationship or marriage. To pick the right man, have the right rings and of course the right ceremony? Now how is that recipe coming? Love takes much more than that to stay alive.

When a commitment is made, we both heave a sign of relief. Oh finally I am marrying this prince charming… Can you believe it? The brother finally noticed me. He even gave me this rock you see on my finger. The prize is won. What now seems to be the end of the walk now heralds the beginning of a journey.

Usually we start off at a level where our souls are in total accord. A symphony of souls. A state of rapture in one another. No pretence, total transparency, an emotional freedom where the one breathes as the other exhales. Gen.2:25. The effort of making the sporadic dates culminates into an engagement or marriage has birthed that level of communication.

"It's gotta work so I can marry him. I better give it my all".

What happens after the target has been met? Life takes its toll and unconsciously, we may just begin to take advantage that there were things that draw us to one another. The very things that kept love alive

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while the target loomed ahead. The time spent together on a regular basis. The long walks and phone calls.

How about the love note and the times when both of you said every thing together like your reading from the same script?

So now you are married, in with the old Kaftan. After all he is only eating rice at home so why dress for him like before. Yeah I know he is not such an angel too. So he forgets to call you when he says he would. He skipped the flowers on Val's day so you get the maid to serve his meals. Serves him right but soon, the symphony of souls turn into an exchange of carefully mapped ideas.

Only what need to be said is said. The emotional freedom is gone and the sting of arguments and tangle of blames blend well with busy schedules to drive home the point. Love is adrift. Suddenly the garden of Eden you once knew is like a pit with steps and you wonder how can I climb out. How can I leave behind these stings and tangles? Or do I just turn tail and run?

Like Marion's Marrow sauce, the butter is burnt and the marrow has lost its mellow smoothness. Now our jist is down to reporting facts and stating the obvious.

That's when he says "what do you think? And she says "it okay what my business anyway." Or "you have the say in the matter so sort yourself out" You are hurting

Life takes its toll and unconsciously, we may just begin to take advantage that there were things that draw us to \ one another.

but the nonchalance is only a way to shield yourself and add to the wall already growing between both of you. The larva is brewing beneath.

When we allow everyday events and schedules to rule after our walk begins slowly we loose the smoothness once had in our relationship. Mike Murdock said "the proof of respect is the investment of time" Everyone of us sisters crave quality time. But since it takes two to tango, we must find a way to get it willingly from our sweet hearts. How about praying? When we hammer too much on the issue without praying, we nag. Our beloved is our king, so lets God rule his heart for us right? 1st John 4:7-8. Pray for your man.

Sow into his life Luke 6:38. Give him time and attention; keep on doing the things that endeared you to him in the first place. Loose weight if you have to.

House wives do your hair a bit more often and retain the classy chick he fell for. Working ladies go the extra mile to personalize his personals. You know, cook for him more often, and do his undies and more to show he is your husband or sweetheart to keep not the maid or steward responsibility.

Just like you need to spend time with God to grow

spiritually, you need to spend time together, communicating and being friends like before to keep your love alive. Yes we need to succeed as sisters at work, home and business but its all based on a relationship with God and the man we love.

But beware as the devil seeks to destroy God picture of Him and us. The wholesome love between a man and a woman. We need to know that our relationship is our charge. Let us not be too busy to fan the embers but still crave the sparks. A good relationship does not just happen it takes effort. Don't take love for granted.

Now Marion has made the sauce. Now she knows that the chef is not just a college drop out but a craftsman. It takes more to make that marrow‌ mmm‌ melt in the mouth. Work at it sisters. Pray more, but above all sisters forgive whatever it is that made you clam up in the first place. Let it go. Be the first to love so that healing can come for your relationship. Borrow a leaf from the one who loved us first. Lets be the ones to stop the devil onslaught on marriage and relationships.

Ciao

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14

Long Distance

Relationships Do They Work?

I

By Segun Olulana

At the same time the word God gave me had just graduated from medical school and popped up and in my heart I had a reassuring, was three months into my internship program unwavering witness that she was the Eve I had in a cosmopolitan town 300km east of Kano always dreamt about. I had found the promise. where I'd schooled. The first thing I did on The Spirit whispered to me that I would see the assuming my duties in the town was to locate a fulfillment of the promise when I was fully good bible believing church to attend. I soon prepared. Little did I know that preparation was found one filled with the young and upwardly to take five solid years sustaining long distance mobile with lots of single people.

It was a fresh start for me. I began thinking relationship.

We kicked off with much enthusiasm. One thing seriously about a relationship that would lead to we could not do without was communication. In marriage. I prayed often at that time for God to a short while I learnt to be versatile with the use of bring my wife to me the way He brought Eve to t h e c o m p u t e r i n s e n d i n g e - m a i l s.

Adam. My heart longed for companionship.

Communication Oh, how fervent my meant talking about prayers were!!

As I prayed I looked, what was going on in Communication meant talking hoping every day to find our lives and how we felt about what was going on in our my Eve. I looked through about everything on a my church but did not daily basis. It meant lives and how we felt about find. On one of those listening to each other everything on a daily basis. days of waiting on God, daily. The days I did not these words were hear from her were It meant listening to quickened in my heart miserable days. Relief each other daily. “All that the Father giveth only came when I read to me shall come to me� a mail from her. At that These words brought time I did not have a hope and peace. I knew then that I had to wait phone she could call me on. I had to do most of for her to come. I settled in my mind that the calling using internet phones. I became patience would be a very good virtue to have. I well-known in various cyber centers in my learnt patience indeed. locality. We chatted most times using Yahoo It was Christmas of 1999. I got an e-mail reply and MSN Messengers. It really helped to shorten from a female friend of mine who had the distance. Hand written letters and cards 'for relocated to Germany for studies. We had not no reason' went a long way to keep our love been in touch for two years. I was really surprised. alive. We talked for hours on the phone every

15

day. We had prayer sessions, wept, argued, made up -name it, all on the phone. It told on our finances but we could not help it for love's sake.

At a point it seemed as though I was wasting my life- time, money etc. When some people learnt that my love was miles away they would advisewhy bother? It never works. They also raised the issue of trust. Do you know what she is doing over there? I did not allow the opinion of others to deter me. I had a lot of trust in my partner. It really kept me from wondering where she was and who she was with. One thing that I did not have that helped me to live through those seenothing-years was insecurity. It isn't a good attribute to drag into a long distance relationship.

Seeing each other again was our everyday dream. Our dreams developed into traveling plans and see each other again we did! Though distance and our financial situation limited that a great deal. So did availability of visas.

We came to a point where we had to concretize our plans to come together and close the distance. This opened a new world of burdens added to the relationship. Who should move? When? On my part I tried several times to get a visa but was denied at every attempt. It was frustrating. For her moving to Nigeria was like embarking into the unknown and the unknown is man's greatest fear... She had job concerns, new rules of society and culture. All these caused a bit of confusion and misunderstanding and ended up creating a turbulent sea of emotions that threatened our love. It got to breaking point and she called it off.

For a year there was no word shared. What happened to our love? What happened to all our promises to wait for each other? All I wanted to bring me back to sanity was an explanation.

When it started I did not quite get it. I tried to rationalize. If her studies, or job are keeping her busy, or if she was sick, it would be easier to understand why she had not emailed in a while or why she seemed moody. I could not believe my love was slipping out of my hands my hands.

It is of great importance in long distance relationships to be honest about how you feel about the relationship and what is going on in your lives. Do not leave each other in the dark

16

when you have a change of mind. This however does not mean being rude or thoughtless. For a year the word God gave me was tried and tested.

I gave up hope when I got wind that she was soon to marry another. I told myself I would wait for that wedding before I finally threw in the towel. I prayed for her. I prayed for us. I turned to a recluse when I was informed that the suitor had presented drinks and kola nuts and her family accepted! I thought her parents would speak for me. Was I hurt? To numb my hurts, I tried to get into another relationship. But it would not just work out. I could not love another. It was a time of great solitude for me. I got busy with work and ministry and established my own identity. Her bid to get married to someone in her country proved abortive.

Now I believe in true love and destiny. After about eighteen months we got back together and today we are happily married. She moved from Germany to Nigeria amidst pleas from friends and family to quit that kind of foolishness.

We currently work and live in South Africa.

For those in long distance relationships I want you to give yourself a pat on the back! When it seems like hard work, remember it is. Give yourself a break by reminding yourselves that what you are doing is very difficult and some never even try. Even regular relationships take a lot of effort, understanding, commitment and patience; and long distance relationships require even more.

Can long distance relationships work? The

For those in long distance relationships I want you to give yourself a pat on the back!

When it seems like hard work, remember it is. Give yourself a break by reminding yourselves that what you are doing is very difficult and some never even try. answer is a resounding yes. I am a living witness.

Distance is not the end of the world in a relationship. Distance cannot and will not hurt a

I Had To

Let Go -Story

By Halima Tanko

I

stepped into the room, night had fallen and the only illumination in the room came from the moon light that spilled in through the curtain-drawn windows.

I paused for a while till my eyes became accustomed to the darkness. I made out a figure on the bed. It was him. He was unaware of my presence as I stood some distance away from the bed. I hadn't seen him since that fateful morning when I'd threatened him with a knife. He was my father. He was supposed to be my protector, but now, he is the one I should have been protected from.

I could still remember: would I ever forget?

Standing in the room the searing pain rushed through my body and the shameful

seemed like it took all of his strength to speak.

He coughed again, trying to speak. This time I heard what the words...three little words, yet powerful...impossible...

"Please forgive me" he said in a raspy tone.

Forgive? Didn't he know how much pain he had caused me? Didn't he care? Once, I'd tried to forget and move on with my life...I got born again, joined a church and got engaged to this nice Christian guy. For a while, I was happy, for a while I forgot; but like a bad dream the memories and the pain soon returned. Old wounds re-opened and the demons from my past haunted me day and night.

He didn't understand. How could he? He hadn't been raped over and over by his father; he didn't have to live with the torment and anguish I had grown up with. memories washed over me. My breath caught as I felt my chest constrict. The pain and the shame were my constant companions. How many people would accept me if they knew that I had been sexually assaulted by my father as a child?

No one. So I hugged my secret close to my chest, licking my wounds in private.

He coughed. He looked so frail, so sick!

Even in the poor light I could see how pale he was. If I didn't hate him so much, I would've pitied him. He turned and saw me.

For a moment, he just looked at me and I could see in his eyes pain and regret. I made no move towards him. He was saying something. I had to strain my ears to hear. It

17

My fiancĂŠ had been as supportive as he could be but he soon got tired of my mood swings and he was exasperated by my unforgiving spirit. He didn't understand. How could he? He hadn't been raped over and over by his father; he didn't have to live with the torment and anguish I had grown up with. His life was not a living nightmare.... so how could he understand? Someone once told me that I would never find true happiness till I let go, but would I ever be able to do that? As I stood there and looked at the man who had almost ruined my life, I wondered if I would be ever free of the pain.

My fiancĂŠ had left me, the few friends I'd Contd on page 33

Issues of the Heart Dear Auntie Julie, I must confess I am not happy with myself. Since I was 14, I have had unpleasant experiences with guys. They always try to fondle me and stuff like that.

Sometimes I blame myself but at other times I wonder if all men are like that. What can I do to ward off these men of prey?

I must say I feel for you my dear, that is a very unpleasant way to feel about men. Let me start my dispelling your wonder by saying not all men are like that, I hope that helps. I dare say there are still men of honour and good reputation around, it's a pity you've only met with those who choose to take advantage of you. Well, I am hoping that what I am about to tell you will help you to ward them off. Your disposition to these men I must say, matter a lot. It is very difficult to meet a man for the first time and what he would want to do is fondle with you, so, I suppose these men must have been some type of friends or perhaps acquaintances even though that does not in anyway give them reasons to want to fondle with you. I would advise first that you set godly principles as far as your relationship with men is concerned. Although you did not say how old you are now, I should think you are now in your mid or late twenties. Give them an air that you place great value on your person and you are not a "toy" to fondle with. Your blaming yourself sometimes makes me think you kind of give them the go ahead to do it based on your disposition.

Take for instance, a man touches you in a place that obviously shows he is going beyond boundaries and all you do is smile somehow not showing any type of remorse or disapproval, the next time you can be sure he will go an inch further because to start with, you did not let him know that is a "no go" area. You must let your moderation be known to all men like the Bible says. Yes, men are moved by what they see, so, how do you package your beautiful self? "Dress as you should be addressed", my father said that to me long before he was called home, I still maintain that principle, no one will place a greater value on you than you place on yourself.

18

with Julie Akhimien

People, not just men have a way of sizing you up by the way you carry yourself and the things you say and do, so, go girl, check out your "value level", trust God to bring your way, someone who loves you for you and not a passer-by if you know what I mean. I really wish you the very best.

Everyman that indicates interest in me always end up wanting to sleep with me. They all appear innocent at the onset but as time progresses their real motive comes to the surface. I am 31 this year and the pressure to succumb is getting at me. What should I do?

You should not succumb, I dare say. If all those who have shown interest have only that motive, you must then continue to wait for your man.

When he comes, you will know because he will seek your good and how to protect and not take advantage of you. For all I know, knowing that you belong to him will give him enough courage to wait until "that night". I'll tell you what, if you succumb once, you will always succumb and what is the guarantee that man will marry you? if you bow my dear, you will burn. Yes, time seems to be running out but that is not enough reason to succumb to the selfish desires of men who I can boldly tell you are really not interested in marrying you, for if they are, they will marry you for keeps and be yours till Christ comes. Your birthright is too precious to trade for a morsel of bread or the pleasure of sin for a season, wait on the Lord and He will honour you, the bible says, great peace have them that love God's law, your miracle I believe is around the corner, didn't someone say in a song, that the darkest hour of the night is just an hour to morning? You are a carrier of God's blessings, you cannot afford to displease God to please men, it pays rather to please God and displease those men, for when your ways please the lord‌, your miracle is guaranteed. I wish you God's surprising miracle, amen.

On two separate occasions, my parents have refused to hand me out in marriage. 2members of my suitor's

family had a peculiar disease and my family felt the disease would run in my home if we got married. The 2nd one was rejected on the grounds that to the 6th generation we are related. I really loved him and I'm tempted to go against my parents wish. Right now, I don't communicate with my parents and am really put off relationship wise.

There is hope. Your life is in God's hands and He knows just how best to take you from where you to where He wants you to be. You must be persuaded beyond any reasonable and unreasonable doubt that NOTHING can stop God's counsel for your life. It's amazing the way He does His things, we would never be able to tell or understand until we meet Him face to face but cheer up my dear, there is an end, yes to unfulfilled desires. Can I ask you a favour? To please leave the past behind and trust God for a beautiful future. When your miracle does appear, no one will be able to deny it, it will be so tangible, as a matter of fact, you will not need to speak for yourself, God will go ahead of you. He does have a way of keeping us from dangers which we do not see but time gradually unfolds them to us, rest in His love and find a place in your heart to forgive your parents, when you understand the fact that God is the one in charge, you will smile away your tears and give your fears to the wind, read Jer.29:11, I am certain that you would testify soonest, for the sun of righteousness is just about dawning upon your situation, receive it in Jesus Name, amen.

A man proposed to me and really wants to marry me but am older than him. I get these fears that later in life, we may have problems in terms of him feeling I'm not submissive because I'm older and what will happen if I end up being in the limelight where he is not?

The Bible says there is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear.{1John 4:18}. Do you love this man? Does he love you? Do you have peace concerning your relationship? The tune of your question suggests to me that you do feel you may not be able to submit to him. Well, though I cannot tell how much older you are than him, I suppose if you agree to marry him, you have made up your mind to let him take the lead. If you do not sincerely feel you can submit to him, have a second thought then, because there will be times when for sure certain decisions have to be taken and he will have to take the lead. It is not so much of your age difference as it is your disposition to one another. I have seen women

whose husbands are far older than them and yet they do not submit to them and I have seen other women whose husbands are younger than and they are absolutely unbelievably submissive you could never tell who is older than who. So, you see, it is in the person not the age. Whether you are in the limelight or "golden sun", I suppose you know your success is your husband's success and his is yours, should that then matter to you so much considering the fact that you are one? Lets face it, there is more to the success of your marriage than what each of you can count on as your achievement, your strength is your unity and oneness, that is where the beauty of marriage lies. So, can you take a moment to consider your intents and what your future goals are for your home, decide to do only what will bring glory to the one who gave you the gift of life and love and I can assure you of an abiding joy that will last till Jesus comes. All the best.

I have a good job where I'm paid well more than my fiancĂŠ and he wants me to move to his own location so as to stay together. I don't have a problem with staying together but since he's not well paid in his own location, I thought it will be wiser for him to move and there is ample opportunity for him to get a job where I am staying. Really don't know what to do?.

My dear, both of you need to set your priorities right and decide what you really and truly want. If the sole reason for his wanting you to come over to his end is so you can be together despite the fact that you are yet to be married, that doesn't sound to me like a very good idea because when you eventually get married you sure would need a source of income to keep you both going, after wedding comes marriage, so, to trade the good source of income you have at the moment for wanting to be together before you are married is not good and to think of wanting to stay together before you are married, I think you should have a problem with that too, because God does not approve of living together before marriage. First, you both need to go to drawing board, and plan what you want for your home. I would not advise that you move if you have no job already waiting for you where he is, except you have a solid financial base to fall back on when you marry before you get a job.

You must both prayerfully decide what is best considering the fact that God wants the best for you and He deserves to have a good testimony from your union, let each of you seek the good of the other and more importantly what will bring Contd on page 34

19

Without

Daddy - a true life story

By Halima Tanko

W

hy do bad things happen to good people? Such is the mystery of life.

One thing I do know is that the heart of man is desperately wicked and I know the depth of this wickedness. I have gone through the hurt of betrayal and I know what it feels like to be a victim. Things don't always turn out the way we plan them to. The vanity of man is laughable, we stretch out our hands and reach out to touch things that are way out of our reach, forgetting that we need the help of our Creator. It seems like I'm trying to re-write the book of Ecclesiastes, right? Actually, all I'm trying to do is to tell my story.

If you ask me, I don't think my parents were ever married, even though my mother insists that they were. I never knew my father and I guess he either didn't know about me or he really couldn't be bothered. Growing up without my father would have been a whole lot easier if my mother wasn't always so bitter all the time. If she wasn't ignoring me, she was either yelling at me or hitting me. At the tender age of four I had already learned how to shield my face from her sometimes unexpected slaps. It was at this age that my mother got a new job which was so demanding that she had to employ a maid to take care of me while she was away at work.

That was the starting point of my troubles. Aunty

20

Kate, the maid, was pleasant enough. She played with me and bought me sweets. I thought that she was a breath of fresh air from my mother's angry words and slaps. But that was before she started making me touch her in very private places. I didn't think much of it; I was four years old for crying out loud. I didn't even understand it. Soon, she started inviting her boyfriend over and she made me watch them have sex, after which she would make me touch them...……………., I'm sickened at the memory. This went on for a long time till one day, Aunty Kate was very rude to my mom and she was sent packing.

By the time I was 9 yrs old, my mom told me that it was time to earn my keep. Everyday after school she would put a tray of oranges on my head and send me out to sell them. I couldn't return home before selling all the oranges if I did, all hell would break loose. In a funny way I found solace on the streets. The streets were a haven that ensured that I could get away from my mother and her incessant ranting. Her salary at work was never enough, not even when she got a raise. Most times when I sat alone in bed, unable to sleep, I wondered what it would feel like to have a father to provide for me. Would I have to go out to the streets to sell oranges?

Would my mother be so angry all the time? I

through with school and was waiting to get into didn't think so. Mentally, shook my fists at God law school. As soon as I got home, I went to see that would let me be born into such a miserable Bello, he no longer lived in the uncompleted life.

Two days after my 16th birthday, I walked home building but in a sell contained apartment. I met clutching the empty tray that had contained him in a very joyous mood because he had just oranges earlier. Night had fallen and I had just gotten a new job. He took me out to a popular sold off the last of the oranges. My stomach pepper soup joint. He talked excitedly about his rumbled violently, I was so hungry. I had just new job. He was on his second plate of pepper finished my final exams in secondary school soup when two unruly looking guys picked a fight and I needed to save up money to buy a UME with him. He tried to placate them but one of JAMB form. I was still deliberating on this when them, the one with a jagged scar running from suddenly, I was grabbed from behind. I was his left eye to his lip, drew out a knife and dragged in to an uncompleted building, a stabbed him. Right before my very eyes, I hand over my mouth to stifle my screams. There watched as my best friend slid to the floor, were three guys in all, they all took turns holding gasping for breath. He lay in a pool of his own me down and raping me. It was a most blood. For a while, I was shocked. I just stood agonizing experience. I couldn't believe it was there. By the time I snapped out of my shocked happening. When I tried to scream, all that state, and rushed to his side, it was too late. The came out were soundless tears. I just lay there, only person that ever cared about me in the not moving, tears sliding from Sometimes I scrubbed myself so hard that I bled. my face onto the floor.

After they had gone, leaving me I felt so dirty. So used up. So unclean! I knew, battered and bloody, I huddled though, that no amount of scrubbing would cleanse at a corner of the building, my me because the dirt came from within. Afterwards, knees pulled up to my chin, rocking myself back and forth. I I'd curl up and cry myself to sleep. felt like crawling into a deep dark hole and dying there. In just a whole world was dead.

Well, that's my story. No, I'm not in some asylum few seconds, I had been stripped of all my tearing out my hair and I am not a bitter angry dignity as a woman.

Just then I heard a voice and looked up. I shrank woman. What I am is a product of God's grace. back in fear, afraid that they had come back for There were times when I thought I would go more. crazy with grief and there were times that I had "What're doing here?" he asked, looking so many nightmares that I avoided sleep like a irritated.� This is my space and I'm not sharing" plague.

I realized then that he wasn't one of them but I became a successful lawyer because I threw that he lived in the uncompleted building. He myself into my work. Nobody knew of my pain saw the state I was in and helped me clean up, because I hid my weakness behind a mask of taking me home afterwards. My mom wanted strength and I drowned out my tears with sounds to know why I was late. She had thrown my of laughter .But when I was alone, I would spend dinner away. I couldn't care less. I went straight hours in the shower trying to rid myself of the dirt to bed but didn't sleep. and filth. Sometimes I scrubbed myself so hard No one knew about what happened except my that I bled. I felt so dirty. So used up. So unclean! I new friend, Bello, the guy that had helped me knew, though, that no amount of scrubbing out. He was so wise for one so young. He had would cleanse me because the dirt came from been through a lot and I learned a lot from him. I within. Afterwards, I'd curl up and cry myself to never would have gotten through those terrible sleep. days without him. He was like my mentor and my I have been victimized and I have felt guilty only friend. about being a victim, like it was my fault Two years passed and I got admitted into The somehow. But now I know better. I know that I'm University to study law. By my 22nd birthday I was

21

Somebody Help THE PROBLEM WITH

SIN AND SINNING

BY DR. STANLEY OKUGBO “This was the third time he had been caught and reported. The inevitable reprimand and discipline by the church committee loomed over him like a dark cloud. He could not tell if what he was feeling was remorse for his mistake or pain from the embarrassment of exposure.

Maybe it was also colored by a feeling of self disdain. Whether this was for his repeated mistakes or for naivety at thinking he could get away without exposure; it didn't really matter now……..”

“Every time that he voiced his dream for their yet unborn children, she couldn't help feeling queasy and uneasy! Could she still bear children? She remembered the different abortions she had had performed by both quacks and obscure health workers!

The memories always left her feeling defiled, mutilated and violated. Now their wedding was fast approaching. She constantly felt rapprochement for not telling her fiancé or at least letting him in on some of her past. She

22

knew she wouldn't be able to bear him discovering by himself and then thinking her a dupe. She really did love him and knew that theirs was a love that was mutual. But what could she do now? .......”

Sin and sinning are ubiquitous in the world. As long as the church is in the world, sin and sinning will continue in her. In fact most of her actions in the ages have been a direct or indirect reaction to sin. So much so that many Christians today believe it is greatest problem facing the believer, and have nurtured the idea of a personal besetting sin to the level of a crutch.

But is sin that much of a problem?

First in the bible, it's clear that sin as a principle and act not a human experience is what God is against. For example if you steal a piece of cake, ate and enjoyed it. God does not condemn you for enjoying it, but stealing and depriving its owner of his property. So feeling

sorry that you enjoyed it is simply unimportant!

Secondly, sinning does not make you a sinner.

You were born a sinner! In the same way you are not righteous because you have not sinned. This is the essence of the gospel!!!

2 Cor. 5:21 'For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him'.

Righteousness is therefore a gift not an attainment! (Eph 2:8) Romans 5:17 'For if by one man's offence death r e i g n e d b y o n e; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of

I could go on and on but it is clear that God relates first towards us on the basis of mercy and grace.

Jonah's account shows that God is more willing to forgive than men can fathom. Jonah 4:2 If there is a problem with sin is not with God, angels or even the devil! Even the devil knows that sin is not the problem. Getting the Christian to sin is not his main aim. He's been too long in the business to know better. For with just a n a c t o f repentance the believer or sinner is restored back as though he had

"A baby learning to walk may fall many times but that does not keep him from trying to walk!"

righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.'

Thirdly God separates the sinner from his sin. Even when the sin is the reflection of the sinner, yet God separates the sin from him in dealing with the sinner. This is because He relates with us as a father. The first and primordial thought and desire of a father towards a naughty erring son is not to kill, maim or destroy him, but to change, reform, correct and place him on the right path. Failure in this usually leaves the father feeling somewhat responsible. God is no less a father, fact is He is the best there can ever be! His first desire as revealed in the scriptures is to help not punish. This is well exemplified in the prodigal son. His father was on the lookout! And before hearing the words of penitence, had already rushed out to welcome, embrace, and receive and celebrate his sinner son. In heaven there is great rejoicing at the repentance of one sinner, how much more for the saints that remain!

23

never fallen. The intent of the devil is to keep the believer sin conscious! Sin consciousness produces guilt, poor self esteem (feeling o f u t t e r unworthiness) and a desire to run away. Away from the light-the light of God, His word, fellow believers and the church! Cf: Adam after he sinned.

When he is not in sin, he understands that God relates with him based on grace and mercy, but because of sin he now is mislead by his feeling of guilt to think that he cannot approach God. He must now merit anything he expects from God or else he cannot receive it. His faith short circuited by his fear.

When does God forgive us? When we repent!

Not when we feel it, or others tell us we have been forgiven but as soon as we repent.

Therefore there is no besetting sin that the believer cannot put aside. Trying to feel sorry is not repentance. Repentance is turning away from. The prodigal son did not need to cry or

When

In

Creeps In

ty

barely has time to love my husband, no look good for her doubt about that, but husband, not that he was always so he'd notice anyway. busy and frankly I was He was always tired of the hum-drum working and even routine of taking care of when he was home, the house and the kids. I he was either needed some sleeping or his nose e x c i t e m e n t. . . s o m e would be buried in a attention. When one of newspaper. She feels my old flames came n e g l e c t e d , knocking, it didn't take unappreciated and much persuasion to get unloved. She begins me under the covers to think "If only with him. The affair someone would give

By Halima Tanko lasted for a month but me some attention". even after it ended, I Her feelings of felt so guilty that I abandonment make couldn't look my husband in the eye. When I he easy prey for infidelity. When someone comes couldn't stand the guilt anymore, I told him of my along and says "You look beautiful and I care adultery and he forgave me. We are presently about what you have to say", she is very likely to undergoing counseling. When I think of how I fall.

People have different reasons for infidelity. I'm almost lost my husband because of my infidelity, not trying to justify it; I'm only trying to understand I realize just how blessed I am to have such a it. The truth is that it's not in our nature to be forgiving husband."

Infidelity. That is what the story illustrated above monogamous so don't expect to be inclined is talking about. Society frowns at it but sadly towards monogamy, rather we should decide to enough, it is a fact of everyday life. It's happening be monogamous, When we are infatuated with everywhere...in offices, in schools and, oh yes, someone, it's just a stage in the beginning of don't get shocked, even in churches. With the relationship that's destined to end. We get all way sex is being promoted in our society , it caught up in the romance and expect it to last should hardly come as a surprise that people are forever and so when new love settles into the into it so much. For example, check out the week in, week out routine we think there's a advertisements on TV. What does a pair of jeans, problem and we begin to seek that same a bottle of beer or a bottle of perfume have to do euphoric feeling in someone else. Monogamy is with sex? The truth though is that sex sells, ask porn really about the choices we make on our morals movie makers. and commitment. Studies show that nearly a But that's just one of the reasons for adultery. quarter of married women-compared with 40% What about the housewife who cleans house all of married men-will cheat during their marriage. morning and takes care of the kids all day. She If you include other forms of intimacy, such as

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emotional intimacy without sexual intercourse, the figure rises by 15 to 20% for both men and women.

kissing or oral sex is still a violation of your commitment to your partner and emotional affairs are far more dangerous than brief sexual flings.

What's Wrong With Infidelity?

Apart from the fact that it is a dirty sinful act and God hates it? Well, for one, it deprives us from achieving the highest level of marital and family satisfaction. Affairs drain marriages of time, emotional intimacy, economic resources and sexual exclusivity. This kind of environment makes it difficult for parents to produce a good home fop their kids and it undermines their ability to give the kids a secure future. Studies have shown that very few people use protection and so the risk of disease and unwanted pregnancy is high.

What Does God Say About It? I put this last because ultimately, God has the final say on this. The Bible is not silent on this issue, Ex.20; 14 says “you shall not commit adultery”. Can it get any clearer than that? The book of Proverbs in the bible mentions the sin of adultery a lot. The Bible puts a new twist to it, however by going beyond just the act to the very root of the problem-impure thoughts.

How to Prevent It? Let's face it, it doesn't help that our careers and overscheduled lives put a strain on our relationships, and also bring us in contact with very attractive people. Don't fret; there are ways around the temptation to sink our teeth into forbidden fruit. · Check in with each other. It really wouldn't hurt to ask about each others' day and what your partner is feeling. Steal those moments alone or someone else will come and steal them. · Never exchange sexual fantasies with anyone but your partner. · Don't eat lunch privately or go on coffee breaks with the same person all the time. · Keep that old flame from re-igniting! Think twice about having lunch with an old flame. · Surround yourself with people who don't believe in fooling around, that are committed to their relationships.

Couples that have made a decision to be committed need not feel ashamed or guilty when they are attracted to someone other than their partner. Rather, they should see the attraction as a red flag and avoid that person.

We need to understand that a happy marriage isn't a guarantee against infidelity. Also, in most cases the person having the affair may be the one not giving enough at home rather than not getting enough. What most people don't know is that you don't have to have sex to be unfaithful. Passionate

Get Your Minds Out Of The Gutter!!!

Matthew 5:28 says that even when you look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery with her in your mind. When we secretly indulge in lustful thoughts, we are more likely to openly yield to temptation and these thoughts deeply stain and pollute the soul. We need to fill up our minds with healthy subjects. What's bad can only be kept out by filling our minds with what's good beforehand. Watch what you read, watch and listen to. Remember; garbage in, garbage out.

What Did You Just Say? Adultery may be committed in words...yes. Picture a group of young guys in a bar, drinking and laughing. As the evening wears on, the conversation tends to wander on forbidden ground. Profanity in speech should not be found among God's children because as we all know, once you keep saying it; very soon you'll become it.

Did I Do That?

Finally we come to deeds. To sin alone is bad enough but when you include another in your sin, now that's diabolical. We all have sexual appetites, true, but they're given to us for restraint and not just for mere indulgence. If we surrendered ourselves, without restraint to our natural impulses, then we would be beasts, it's our ability to master our impulses that set us apart as human.

Christian rules of chastity may seem harsh but its young man's worthiest dream to find him in a marriage full of virtue. This is the true earthly

WHEN CHRIST IS IN YOU, NO SIN CAN PERMANENTLY RESIDE IN YOUR HEART.

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A

WHOSE SMILE

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B

D

IS THE

BEST? E

F

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Send your entries (including your name and location) to: realrelationships@hotmail.com

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Jokes A

black man and his son are on a plane heading home back to Africa. During the plane flight theres a problem, the plane is overweight. On the overhead an annoucement comes on. "We are having overweight problems so we are going to have to throw some people off of the back of the plane, we'll start in alphabetical order. Will all african americans please stand up and move to the back of the plane". The Son stands up and the father says "sit down." "Will all black people please stand up and go to the back of the plane." The Son stands up father says "sit down." "Will all cloured people please stand up and move to the back of the plane." The Son stands up the father says "sit down." The son then says "But dad, if were not african americans, blacks, or coloured, what are we?" "Today were Zulus son."

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here were three guys that got lost in the Pacific Ocean. Fortunately they landed on a small island...but they met a cannibal tribe. The three guys were: one brasileiro, one american and one Senegal man . At that time, the men of the tribe said: Today we are quite angry.

We`re gonna make boat with your skin!!!, but if you ask for us something we can't bring, you are free! The american asked for the Statue of Liberty..in a few minutes there was the Statue of Liberty ; they cut off the american's skin. The brasileiro asked for the head of the president of Brasil...they brought the head and killed the brasileiro , making boat with his skin too. When the Senegal man spoke, he asked for a fork, just a small and stupid fork...nothing special... A fork? replied the people. -Yes! Just a fork. .When they brought the fork, the Senegal man picked the fork up and started making holes on his skin saying: Nobody is gonna make boat with my skin no longer...

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Tanzania guy having seen blisters in both of his friends's ears asked him what happened to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes, the telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the receiver. So the first fellow asked him what happened to his other ear, and the reply was - ‘That fool called me again’ !

The Recruit Office, Universe Teach Hospital, Lusaka.

My Dear Sir, Re: APLICATION FOR MY JOB I am aply to my job of security guard to you boss in you company of UTH. I complete to Grade 7 examination certificate in 1997. I am 27 years to be born of age and no mallied and no childish. My father is dead long time ago and my mother mary in Swaziland country there 10 years now no see she so nobody known to help me. My certificate is just sitting home but passes in Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subjects but fail in English because of Tonga teacher teaching me is jelos of me. I here people you want security guards to you company and I tell you I am one of that job experience for 2 years. I want to join the company of you. Please consider my application careful and call me any time because I am red for interview. I am very hornest and can speak English free.

Please also great your wife.

I am your hornest servant.

Hamainde Choongo Muzyamba

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n expatriate -some white from Britain - was in charge of a government owned company in Zambia. One day this expatriate fired a Zambian worker at the company. The worker happened to be well connected in the UNIP party. He went straight to report the matter to the UNIP head Office. Soon Kenneth Kaunda had been told about it. "What!!!" exclaimed KK. "How can an expatriate fire a Zambian on Zambian soil. Bring this expatriate here rightaway. I want to see him." In a few minutes the expatriate was brought to the State House by some security men. The fired Zambian was there also. "Can you explain why you fired this man?" Kaunda asked the expatriate.

"I fired him because he is stupid," answered the expatriate.

Everybody was astonished.

Kaunda rose to his feet and said "Now you are insulting us. Are suggesting that Zambians are stupid?" "No, sir," said the expatriate. "But this one is really stupid." "Well prove that he is stupid" retorted KK. "OK." replied the expatriate. He turned to the Zambian he had fired and said "Go to my home and see if I am there." The Zambian went. He came back about half an hour later and said. "No. You are not at your home."

"You really are stupid," said Kaunda, "You should have used the phone instead of going there to find out." Everybody was utterly amazed.

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man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge grass field. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field.”

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little boy wanted 100 dollars badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the 100 dollars. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, ZIMBABWE, they decided to send it to President Mugabe. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a bill. President Mugabe thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the 5 dollards and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through the State House and, as usual, those crooks deducted 95 Dollars.

Send your jokes to the Editor P.O.Box 53037 Ikoyi Lagos.

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Cross word puzzle 1

2

3

2

4

5

3

4

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7

5

7

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1. across - To prepare the ground for planting 2. across - Energy 3. across - Being both male and female 4. across - Type of fine smooth material used to make dresses handkerchiefs & shirts.

5. across - A state of being (ill health) 6. across - Primp and preen 7. across - Foolish in an amusing way 8. across - Common people (derogatory)

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1. down - a note on the tonic solfa 2. down - rise 3. down - a mythological creature 4. down - a type of bird 5. down - a town in North East Nigeria 6. down - to yield 7. down - female animal

Among Friends

BY VICTOR M. PARACHIN

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oday, our psychologists confirm what saints and sages have known for centuries: Cultivating good friendships has a positive impact on your overall well being, and having good friends is effective in fighting off feelings of depression, isolation, and despair.

Long before the rise of social sciences, the Bible recognized the power of friendships as a healing and helping factor for living. It takes some effort to cultivate quality relationships, but it's energy well invested. Here are five tips to enrich yours.

Be Selective: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” (Proverbs 18:24).

Choose friends who are enjoyable, supportive, and affirming. A “friend” who constantly belittles, betrays, or hurts you isn't your friend.

And remember, to select a good friend you have to be one as well.

Be Willing to Communicate: “Do not forsake your friend” is the advice of Proverbs 27:10.

Pick up the phone and call a friend you haven't heard from in a while. Take a few minutes to write a letter a letter to someone you've been thinking about. A neglected friendship can quickly become stagnant. Even in a busy world where people move around a lot, you can still keep lines of communication open and flowing.

Be Generous With Praise: Master the art of affirmation. Train your eyes to see the positives in the people around you. This is what Paul had in mind when he wore: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, think about such things,” (Philippians 4:8). Feasting on heartfelt, genuine praise can go a long way toward deepening

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friendship.

Be Loyal: People with rich friendships that span decades and cross generations are individuals who know how to be loyal. They weather stormy times in their relationships and stay close when f r i e n d s a r e e x p e r i e n c i n g d i f f i c u l t y.

Do not barrage with Criticism: This is the real advice, “let your conversation always be full of grace, and seasoned with salt.” (Colossians 4:6).

Sometimes confrontation is necessary, but nothing destroys a friendship faster than a barrage of criticism. Don't expect perfection in others. Like you, they are works “in progress.”

When you feel the need to confront a friend, a good rule of thumb is, if it's painful and awkward for you to criticize a friend, you are probably safe in voicing your concern. However, if the criticism brings you the slightest pleasure, check your motives. It may be wise to delay saying anything.

Cultivating deep, lasting friendships is a worthwhile endeavor. Not only do friendships enrich life, they also deliver a healing power for a bruised spirit. Centuries ago, Cicero eloquently stated a truth that has survived the ages: “Friendship renders prosperity more brilliant, while it lightens adversity by sharing it and making its burden common”

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Keys for

and grenades or land mines?

Husbands and wives are usually one or the other when it comes to dealing with conflict in marriage - we tend to either explode immediately or bury our feelings to be triggered at a later date. Some of us are quick to throw our anger and pain right back at our spouse when a conflict surfaces. Some of us avoid conflict at all costs, burying our hurt deep in the recesses of our hearts until our spouse inadvertently detonates the pain.

Resolving

If you are married and are two hand grenades, explosions are probably frequent.

Rather “spot on” in nature but sadly, they'll only leave scars on your souls.

If you are married and are two land mines, explosions are rare, but huge, leaving craters in your hearts.

If you are married as a hand grenade and a land mine, watch out, you never know when the explosions will come and they inflict all kinds of damage.

Which one are you?

Conflict is a reality in all marriages. How you deal with conflict is the ultimate test of your ability to communicate as a couple. Fortunately, scripture provides us with meaningful insights into effectively resolving conflict. The following five exhortations, founded on Scripture, are vital to accomplish redemptive conflict resolution.

1. Approach Each Other with Kindness and Concern “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for the building up of others according to their needs that it may benefit those whose listen.” (Ephesians

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4:29) Rejection, fear, and bitterness destroy communication, and conflicts cannot be resolved in threatening environments. Therefore, couples must seek God's perspective in establishing an environment of kindness and concern. We are to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave” us and to “clothe [ourselves] with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:12).

These positive attitudes form the “door” to marital communication through which husbands and wives must enter if they hope to resolve their differences.

2. Establish an Atmosphere of Mutual Vulnerability and Transparency “For I wrote out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.” (2 Corinthians 2:4) Vulnerability is the ability to share one's innermost feelings, thoughts, concerns,

and aspirations without fear of rejection. Before differences can be resolved, both spouses must be able to trust each other enough to openly share without being put down or scolded. This requires transparency - showing an honesty and openness in disclosing events, opinions, and feelings. If one spouse is truly transparent, the other will feel trusted and loved as well as respected.

Being vulnerable says, “I respect and trust you enough to be transparent.” Transparency says, “I love you” and “I need you.”

3. Become Effective Listeners “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19) When trying to resolve our conflicts, rather than listening we often tend to fall into one of these traps: · Planning our answer before our spouse is done talking · Selectively hearing what only sounds right to us · Coming into the conversation with our judgments already made However, proper listening resolves differences by clarifying what our spouse is really feeling and saying. Consider these characteristics of effective listening: ·Creating a non-threatening environment of understanding · Shutting our mouths and opening our ears! · Seeking clarification · Providing more empathy rather than merely sympathy · Demonstrating a teachable spirit 4. Speak the Truth in Love “Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”

(Ephesians 4:15) Speaking the truth in love requires discipline and a true desire for redemption. Here are a few points to keep in mind when speaking the truth in love: Your goal should be to restore your spouse.

Your motivation should be to gain understanding.

Avoid cutting remarks that could start the “insult cycle.”

Try to keep your emotions under control.

Be a good listener by stopping and restating your spouse's argument.

Make sure to pick a private place and optimal time for communicating.

Work toward prompt resolution and do not let the conflict linger.

5. Be Willing to Forgive

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“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

(Matthew 6:14) Giving and receiving forgiveness is a nonnegotiable issue in resolving conflict and creating better communication with your spouse.

Your ability to forgive your spouse is directly related to your spouse's ability to rebound from conflict and sin and also to forgive you.

When you say, “I just can't forgive you for what you did,” what you really mean is, “I choose not to forgive you.” Forgiveness is an act of the will based on faith in Christ. When your spouse wrongs you, immediately entrust yourself to the Lord. Seek His perspective on the matter. Revenge should be the last thing on your mind as a couple. Aim for restoration. Let God be the one to chastise a straying spouse not your mouth.

Remember, every marriage encounters conflict.

In this conflict we have an opportunity to choose to trust God and His principles - leading to redemption and resolution - or to trust our own human instincts - leading to continued pain and desolation.

Staying in Focus See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that Which is good for one another and for all men. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 If you've read this far, then it's time we shook things up a bit with a “Quiz on Marital Conflict!" C'mon, be honest and discuss your answers with your spouse.

1. Do you stick to one issue during a conflict or do you focus on many issues?

Don't save up a series of complaints and let your mate have them all at once.

Deal with one thing at a time.

2. Do you focus on your spouse's behavior rather than attack his or her character? Don't try to make your mate feel like an enemy or the bad guy. And avoid sweeping statements like "You are so forgetful" or "This is just like you!"

3. Do you focus on the facts rather than judging the motives? If your partner forgets to make an important call, deal with the consequences. Talk about what you both have to do next, rather than saying, "You don't really care about this, do you?"

4. Do you focus on understanding your mate rather than on who wins or loses? When your mate confronts you, listen carefully to what is said and what isn't said. It may be, for example, that your spouse is upset about something else that happened during the day and you're just getting the brunt of that pressure. In other words, you may not be the problem. Your mate may just need to

For

GUYS

only

Let's Talk About Integrity

by Kelechi Ajoku

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thank God for the so-called “modern day men's movement”, which has impacted Christianity across the globe. Different ministries now appreciate the need to reach out specifically to men. The days are far gone when the brothers hid behind their insecurities and chose to believe that only the ladies in God's house had serious issues to deal with.

One aspect of this men's movement that really got my attention is Integrity. Men of integrity are fast becoming extinct in the 21st century.

So, let's talk about integrity, especially as it relates to how brothers deal with our sisters. I will not bore you with the familiar, but permit me to take a slightly unusual approach. We cannot be men of integrity if we as single brothers do not relate with our sisters based on the integrity of God's word. You may ask, 'What do you mean by dealing with our sisters with integrity?' To understand this let's look closely at a man in scriptures who dealt with a virtuous maiden in integrity. His name was Boaz…

perform the duty of a close relative for yougood; let him do it. But if he does not want to perform the duty for you as the Lord lives! Lie down until morning." Ruth 3:8-12 There are two ways Boaz showed Ruth he was a man of integrity: 1. He chose not to prey on her moment of vulnerability: 2. He made no commitment until he was 100% certain of what he wanted and what he could do.

Let's look more closely at these two ways: Choosing not to prey on a moment of vulnerability Boaz was well aware of the young lady's situation. Ruth was a young widow who lived with her motherin-law Naomi in a land foreign to her, in a society that did little to favour women.

On the other hand Boaz was a single and successful brother. She went to him in trust at a time she was vulnerable emotionally and economically. As a man of integrity Boaz did not take advantage of vulnerability by using her to satisfy his sexual desires.

God did not make sisters to satisfy our selfish whims and desires. They are not made by God for random sampling and experimentation. They are God's daughters, which they confer a huge responsibility on us brothers not to take advantage of them.

Ruth said to Boaz: "…I am Ruth, your servant girl. Spread your cover over me, because you are a relative who is supposed to take care of me." Ruth 3:9 NCV Notice that she believed Boaz would do just

God did not make sisters to satisfy our selfish whims and desires. They are not made by God for random sampling and experimentation.

"Now, it happened at midnight that the man was startled, and turned himself; and there a woman was lying at his feet. And he said, 'who are you?' so she answered, 'I am Ruth, your maidservant under your wing, for you are a close relative.' then he said, 'blessed are you of the Lord …do not fear. I will do all that you request for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman. Now it is true that I am a close relative; however there is a relative closer than I. Stay this night, and in the morning it shall be that if he will

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that. I'm sure she would have been shocked when Boaz told her in clear terms he would not do as she asked him. Nowadays, the likes of Boaz are fast becoming limited to the bible age! It is terribly awful to see brothers manipulate sisters and dump them like garbage.

Picture this: A sister goes to a brother for counsel over a crisis, or a broken relationship.

Unfortunately, he sees this as an opportunity of her vulnerability to make his long-awaited move.

He quickly forgets about his role as a counselor and immediately begins to manipulate her into dancing to his tune.

Like Boaz we ought to make no commitments until our motives are clear and we are sure to keep our promises. We must not, because of immediate gain such as the desire to be in a relationship, make commitments we cannot keep.

If we'll exemplify integrity, then we must watch ourselves before we make a commitment.

We need to ask ourselves these questions: Hath the Lord indeed said? Which of these emotions is at work, love, lust or fantasy?

Boaz wanted to ask for the sister's hand, but he held his peace for a while. He did not bother to impress her with spirituality, big visions or dreams.

He followed the customs of his people to the letter in order to marry Ruth.

Why is this important? Brothers of integrity have no time to play with sister's emotions. Why play with a sister's emotions? If you're not sure of what you want to do, or what you think the Lord is saying then please hold your peace and remain a good friend or brother.

Don't make a demand on or promises to a sister that is more than you are willing to keep or that you can cope with. Today the Lord said it's Bola, Continued from page 6 - Ukraine’s

Orange revolution

Every night they took in 1000 people, providing food, clothing, medical care and a warm bed.

During the elections, the church supplied 1,500 people for the electoral commission and 4,000 volunteer observers to ensure that there was no malpractice. The moves by the church to bring about reformation did not go unnoticed by the government. On two instances during the protest, the parliament stopped proceedings to discuss plans to deport Pastor Sunday and to stop the church from functioning. They resolved to send a parliamentarian mandate to the Attorney General to investigate the church.

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The Banner placed by the church during the inauguration

On the 26th of December the re-election was held and Mr. Yuschenko won and the entire nation erupted with shouts of joy. This has strengthened the fact that nothing is capable of defeating a people's desire for freedom. The citizenry now see how important her voice is in deciding the destiny of the country. The orange revolution has instilled in Ukrainians hope and faith in a brighter future. This victory in the political sphere serve as a model worldwide. My prayer is that body of Christ in every nation will stretch from border to border, proclaiming the truth of the Great Commission of Mathew 28:18-20 to all spheres of life- sports, politics, fashion, entertainment, banking and finance, industries etc.

Continued from page 17 - I

HAD TO LET GO made found my company depressing because I felt miserable all the time. All because I couldn't forgive.

I once saw an episode of TURNING POINT where this woman's fiancĂŠ slept with her, knowing he had AIDS and condemned her to death, but she forgave him. That got me thinking. I realized that it is too expensive to hold a grudge against somebody. It cost me my relationship with people and more importantly, with God. Being unforgiving is like throwing God's forgiveness of my sins (and I know I've done some nasty things) back at his face. My father, who had been so strong, now lay dying. It reminded me of the frailty of man, the shortness of life. We all were as frail as breath...

When I think of what they did to Jesus, I realize that if he, as God could forgive the beatings and humiliation, then who was I not to forgive my father? I want to be free, free to live a normal life, free to just hang out with my friends without that huge chip on my

Continued from page 11- Donnie McClurkin

it or resign himself to it.

Temporarily overwhelmed, Donnie became shy and reclusive and avoided people, pulling all his energy, all his hurt into church and music.

The time he put into music paid off when in 1983, while working with the choir, he met with Rev. Marvin Winans, who invited him to Detroit to help start a ministry. 6 years later he became an Associate Minister at Perfecting Church and began touring and singing at different churches across the country. As it were after his time of trials, the pendulum swung to the other end with a major contract, and a promising relationship with a good looking lady. But was it was too much too soon, and one night on a plane ride from Los Angeles to Detroit, Donnie broke down. The traveling, the touring, the relationships that fell apart because he was so consumed with ministry. It was too much and McClurkin asked God, once again "why me? Why did you choose me for this?"

And God asked me, "McClurkin recalls "What do you do when you have done everything?

How do you handle the past and that guiltiness, preaching to everyone else but still remembering what you have done? How do you deal with the shame? 25 minutes later, Donnie finished the lyrics to "Stand". The song became a gospel hit‌" No longer a victim, in full control of his life the 42 year old Gospel Singer/Songwriter/Minister says he decided to tell the truth about his life because he is a teacher and "a teacher has to lend himself to the message because other people need to find it and realize that they are not alone in what things they have gone through". He was influenced seeing young people, where being totally decimated in their sexuality. "It is amazing how we turn a blind eye to the fact that our children are directly influenced by what they see and what society portrays as normal living. Homosexuality has really ravished our children. It started in my generation. I was touched by it and I struggled with it and all that for years and there was nobody to deal with it. I started dealing with it in my sermons and even when we do our concerts.

Right now I have over 1600 emails on my computer that I have not answered back yet and 90% are from young people writing me about their struggles with homosexuality. Married men, with wives and children, who have had this problem for years and are still acting out in secret are writing to me. These are church people, I have got ministers that write me and they can't tell anybody else. They never had an

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outlet to talk about it, I get a good 80 - 100 mails a day and I have to sit up at one or two o'clock in the morning replying emails. I tell them that everything that they do, God has made provision for. I refer them to listen to the song We Fall Down. The song is really meant for those that believe that their situation is so bad that they can't get up, they can't be forgiven, they can't go on into any success, that they will have to deal with living in mediocre states-quo because they have messed up their future. But what the song tells them is that the greatest of saints from the Pope to Mother Theresa to Pastors and Bishops, whoever we consider to be that holy reverent person, has messed up this walk up with Jesus since they accepted Him. So the greatest saint is nothing more than a sinner who fell down and had enough sense to get back up again. The song deals with situations in my life where people say, Donnie, you are so anointed. "You are so powerful" that is nice but the truth of the matter is I've fallen many a time and gotten up and that's been what separates me from a sinner, having enough sense to get back up again.

Donnie continues to log million of miles ministering to broken lives and needy souls across the world in word and song. He says he is leaving the Gospel Music Industry at the end of 2006 and making a transition to the next place where purpose is leading him. He believes it is pastoring and establishing churches in different places. "There are two many people" McClurkin says "that need to be helped. Right now, it's all about how many people I can affect, impart into and help become greater them myself.�

Continued from page 19 Issues of the Heart

glory to God and you will be able to put your finger just where it is you should be. I trust God to help you through, so lean on and trust Him for direction.

My elder sister married a man from a certain tribe and the man treated her badly and drove her out. A friend of mine married from the same tribe and the same thing happened. Now a man from that tribe wants to marry me and I have these fears because of these other examples, what do I do?

You should pray. I must tell you this, it is not so much of the tribe as it is of the people involved.

Though you did not say whether the people involved in the failed relationships were Christians, I am assuming you are. You must be careful not to live in other people's experiences

but go by what God leads you to do. If you are already being overwhelmed by the fear of the same thing happening to you, I would strongly advise that you stay away from this relationship because you must be able to stand tall on your convictions before you go ahead or else any small wind will blow you off because your foundation as it were is not firm enough, you will be living on the edge and watching out for what misdeeds this "poor man" will show or express even if they were things he would naturally have done because of the prevailing situation, you will find yourself attributing it to what you have thought would happen. So, my dear, you must be quiet in your spirit to go by what gives you peace, I mean the peace that God gives, then you can be sure that no storm will be able to sink your matrimonial ship. God bless you.

I have someone who wants to marry me, he is SS and am AA but so many issues keep coming up about the marriage and I don't know what to think again or do?

I salute your courage my dear. I can best imagine what situation you are in because of the circumstances surrounding the genotype of your fiancé. Of course we all know the risks involved in marrying someone with this peculiar genotype and though you did not mention anything about your parents I do know they might be a major cause for concern in the matter because everyone is ever so scarred about what the future holds for such a relationship especially parents. The good news though is that you are AA, at least non of your children will be SS. I must start by saying you have ventured into a very controversial relationship and I think you have thought carefully about the risks involved. Somehow I also feel you must be resolute about God's leading, if so, you must not be afraid. Life is in God's hands and only Him can sustain it. There are risks involved in every endeavour of life but some are more risky than others. The only thing that will keep your head above the troubled waters of uncertainty is your unflinching faith in God, He is over and above all things and He is able to make you a victor over your circumstance. The situation is somehow pathetic because for God's sake, your fiancé Continued from page 7 - Sunday Adelaja’s Biography

But a dogged few defied the law and met in the underground church. It was a congregation of six from Nigeria, Congo, Kenya and Ghana. The leader was Paul Dahunsi from Ondo State of Southwestern Nigeria. Sunday's first visit was an exciting one. Paul in his sermon that day enjoined them to locate the purpose they were meant to fulfill in Russia and waste no time in accomplishing it. This message left a heavy burden in Sunday's heart. He sought God's face in prayer

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and fasting for two weeks during which Jesus appeared to him for 3 nights consecutively revealing to him things He will accomplish through him. Sunday saw himself in a vision ministering to Caucasians (hundreds of thousands). When he considered the fact that he was in an atheist society, it all seemed impossible. All these frightened him and he sought the counsel of Paul. Paul told him that the Lord woke him up at 2am that morning and gave him a word (which he wrote down in a book) for someone who will come to him for counsel. In the book he saw a confirmation of the same things the Lord had shown to him and exactly the things He spoke to him in the vision. This was indeed a thrilling confirmation and assurance that God would perform all He had showed him.

He nursed the vision in his heart for four years while studying Journalism at the Belarusian State University Minsk, Belarus. During this period he won only few African students to Christ. In 1990, Mikhail Gorbachev brought about Glasnot and Perestroika (Openness and Restructuring) epitomizing freedom, democracy and economic revival. Communism collapsed. Sunday became all the more emboldened to preach openly. He started Bible Study classes and eventually started two churches which to his dismay, the Lord led him to hand over other ministers.

Upon graduation, in 1993, he moved to Kiev, Ukraine to work as a journalist for a Television Company. It was then the Lord spoke to him about starting a church in Kiev. He wrestled with this for a while, remembering how He made him hand over the churches he had spent is time and energy nurturing. He waited on the Lord to get a clear word. The Spirit of the Lord ministered to him great lessons during his time of waiting. He told him that the ministry belonged to God and that he was just a laborer whose responsibility was to love the Lord with all his heart and feed His sheep. The Lord spoke further thus: “Raise up for me mega churches in Europe and train up missionaries to evangelize the world especially Arab countries and China. I want the people of Ukraine and the former Soviet union to take the Gospel to other nations.”

On the 16th of February 1994, Embassy of the Blessed Kingdom for all Nations (then known as Word of faith Bible Church) started in his apartment with 7 members in attendance. By the end of the first year they had multiplied to 1000 members. The membership increased to 2000 by the second year and 3000 by third year. True to the scriptures a great door had opened for the ministry and there many adversaries. He experienced difficulties in registering the ministry a process that normally took one month. The ministry was registered seven months after they applied. By the third year the Government was observing his activities with utmost scrutiny. One thing the government frowned at was mass meeting because they felt that could lead to a revolution. He was prompted arrested during one of the church meetings. He was accused of destroying the minds of young people, forming a cult that alienated people from the society and telling them to sell their properties and bring the money to the church.

As the news of the signs and the wonders being wrought got out a committee of medical doctors was set up to investigate the miracles. He was accused of hypnotism and they could not understand what it meant to fall under the anointing. In all twenty-two lawsuits where filed against him by various arms of government. There was also an onslaught by the press. In all God has been faithful to His word and the ministry is at the epicenter of the Reformation of the nation of Ukraine.

Events

Dr. Uvoh Onoriobe took Miss Chimenim Nwanne to the altar at Christian Gospel Church Lagos

Henry Mgbemena took Chika Egbuna to the altar at Holy Cross Chapel, Lagos.

Adorable Baby Ujiri Daisy Onoriobe was born the on 16th February 2005

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Steve & Alice Osuji on their wedding day at Living Faith Church, Jos.