Rebirth of the Total Woman by Rebirth

a feeling or belief in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s abilities, qualities and judgement

Psalms 139:13-14 You made my whole being. You formed me in my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s body. I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. body. I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful.

FROM THE FOUNDER Dr. Vanessa N. Williams Happy and Blessed Fall!!! Welcome to our Fall 2020 Edition of Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine… Embracing Change...The New Norm. 2020 has been a challenging year for all us. We have had to deal with a pandemic, protests against social injustices, all while on the brink of the most important election of my lifetime. Rebirth of the Total Woman wanted to bring you and edition that will encourage, empower, enlighten, and edify you, our reader. WE have We are excited about what is happening here at RBTW. Issue #10 deals with life after...COVID-19… what’s next or what now? How do I navigate this new phase?

Let’s face it, most of us have been in the house for 5 1/2 months. And although we have had lots of family time, others have dealt with isolation and loneliness. Depression has accompanied this loneliness. Working from home has become the new norm. Home schooling was once a choice now its become a necessity. Because of this the home landscape has changed. New mindset, a new outlook, a new perspective, there is NEWNESS all around us. At the center of that NEWNESS is God’s plan for our lives. And here at RBTW we are changing the game plan. We have been graced to have so many wonderful women to contribute over the past three years to our family. It has been an awesome experience working with you all. And now here we grow again!! From inception RBTW has always chosen to highlight and showcase ordinary women that have triumphed over adversity and walking in their transformation. With this edition, we’ve called on Life Coaches, Ministry Leaders, Business Owners, and more to instruct, empower, and guide us through the steps of transformation. But more importantly how to maintain healthy lifestyles once transformation takes place. It is vitally important for us to understand that God is still speaking even in the midst of a pandemic. God is still

speaking in the midst of protests, killings, and there is a Word from the Lord. As we’re moving forward through transformation we’ve developed new patterns, new habits and new paradigms that will enable us to maintain our new life. This includes everything from a new mindset, to new environments, new relationships, and even new locations in some cases. We here at Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine and Nana’s Girls’ Foundation endeavor to be a resource to aid you in that change, in that growth, in that shift that is necessary for your NEW NOW!! The women in this Fall 2020 Edition have come together to speak to the heart, minds, spirits and souls of every woman on the brink of that change. We endeavor to uplift your spirits and empower you for living beyond the change. The Fall 2020 edition is designed to help you in every area of life. Filled with articles, stories and other information to inspire change. Inside the pages of RBTW; the Lord our God is shifting us from Glory to Glory, we must shift in our thinking and ways of doing things. There is greater in store for you. And as you embrace your NEW NOW, we urge you to embrace it with freedom, and with joy. I speak prophetically to you today, that as you read through the pages of this edition expect to never be the same again. Expect Rebirth. Rebirth in your personal, professional, family, financial, spiritual, emotional, private and public lives. For you are more than a Phenomenal Woman, you are a Proverbs 31 Woman. You are a Daughter of Zion; with that comes a great inheritance but also a great responsibility. That responsibility is to train up our daughters to recognize the greatness within them, to recognize the beauty within them, and to evolve into the Queen they were created by God to become, and with all the benefits of Queendom. Daughter, TODAY BE MADE WHOLE!!! Embrace your REBIRTH as you encounter these pages. Join us inside the Fall Edition of Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine.

Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook 11

Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine has done it again. You are holding in your hands the Fall

2020 Embracing Change...the New Norm Edition. We are both pleased and excited to bring to you Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine, featuring women that are LIVING THEIR BEST LIVES. It is our sincere prayer that you are able to take away from this edition knowledge and wisdom for every day life situations and apply it as well. We hope that you will be empowered to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!!! We are celebrating women that have overcome lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s challenges and are now resting in the reality of those SHIFTING PARADIGMS. These women serve in different capacities but each with the same agenda...that is to change the lives of other women by the telling of their life experiences and by telling of how God intervened in their lives setting them on a journey of discovery. This is a season to celebrate you as the beautiful women you are and to thank you for the many sacrifices youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve made to ensure that others not only realize their full potential, but that they may also reach their destinies.

RBTW Magazine

Not defined by what was done to you Or what was done by you The essence of a woman is much more than this Made to captivate all around her Standing out, never fitting in She gives her grace to all she touches With her hands, words and love Healing hurts, life restored to all that feels Fierce lioness if the one she loves is threaten Be warned no one will survive this storm called Whohellrue Lovely atmosphere given freely to those close enough Blessed enough Lucky enough to receive her heavenly aura

My friends let me tell you this If you could find riches You will not find any amount sufficient to replace her kiss Beauty to behold, but not by sight alone The soul of a woman is worth the highest cost and by that I mean war Place her higher and higher For she is merely a reflection of what is provided to her But more than a mirror a multiplier and doer So given to her goodness and grace alternative of pain and grief Her heavens will open and she will lay her universe at your feet The angel she was purposed to be Will shine through with colors of love Sent down from the creator above This is what she was made for And if you know this oh how happy you will be!

Rebecca Maiese 13

APOSTLE ANGELA J. HOLMES

38 Women In Leadership (The Strategy for Change)

4. From the Founder

5. Learning to Rest in God 6. Our Note to You 7. The Essence of Being a Woman By: Total Woman Today 12. NGF, Inc. 14.

Phenomenal Woman By: Maya Angelou

16. Health and Today’s Busy

Woman By: Dr. Vanessa N. Williams 28.

Keys to Maintaining Your New Norm By: Total Woman Today

32 Renewing of the Mind By: Apostle Deleshia Jemison 44.

Faith & Family Michelle P. Jones

Beauty From the Inside-Out Total Woman Today

72. My Journey By Fatima Smith 80. Coping with Divorce ...Lessons

From the Veil By: Alicia Randolph 84. The 4 B’s of Success By: Obioma Martin

PEGGY L. CLEMONS

20 The Original Intent

88. Your Gift Will Make Room for You By: Jean Toney

62 RAMONA STILLWAGON Inspirational Speaker & Advocate 16

SHANNON L. MCRAE

91 RESILIENT WOMEN RECOVER QUICKLY

NANAS GIRLS FOUNDATION, INC. The nonprofit, Nana's Girl Foundation (NGF), was formed for the primary purpose of aiding and assisting women in the reinvention of themselves, spiritual development, reeducation, through life coaching and counseling, NGF will offer its clients an opportunity to volunteer with the foundation through our various programs and community events. These ladies will receive life skills training, assistance with continuing education, job readiness and search. NGF, Inc. cater to women of all ages. They are required to complete a 612 month training program, using the curriculum designed by Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook, which though designed for all women; caters to the need of each individual person. Upon completion of their individualized training program, each participant will receive a certificate of completion, and assistance with job placement; to include the possibility of work-

ing with the foundation in some capacity. In 2020 NGF, Inc., will open, The Annie Ruth DeLaney Home for Young Women, which will serve women ages 13-40, and provide them with a place of safety, a haven, and home for them if needed. Although not required to live in the home, client will be expected to complete their training program through the home-based program, structure, discipline, and special offerings from the foundation. And 2021 we will open the Genesis Healing for both men and women. 18

Smile Like You Mean It Get Outside Spending

time

outdoors,

even close to home, is linked to better well-being. You're in a natural setting, and you're usually doing something active, like walking or hiking. Even a few minutes can make a difference in how you feel.

Don’t roll your eyes the next time someone advises you to

“grin and bear it.” In times of tension, keeping a smile on your face – especially a genuine smile that’s formed by the muscles will help to relieve pressure and even ease headaches. Smiling also helps lower heart rates faster once your stressful situation ends.

Focus

the hodgepodge of other medications, so if you’re tak- through your nose, letting

Put multi-tasking to rest. entrepreneurs.

You may ing either, check with your your chest and lower belly

Focus on doing one thing need to revisit your brand to doctor before use.

rise and your abdomen ex-

efficiently and proficiently at make sure that it is cutting

pand. Breathe out just as

a time. Focus on items you edge to give you a sharp,

Tune In—

slowly, repeating a word or

need to complete now. Pri- sleek, and unique display. For Heading into a stressful sit- phrase that helps you relax. oritizing is essentially in this those of you that love col- uation? Music can help you To reap the most benefit, season. You will be better lecting prepared

and

those

conference calm down. In one study, repeat

for

least

accomplish bags of goodies to include people had lower levels of minutes. informational manuals, if you the stress hormone cortisol

more.

have not implemented it or when they listened to a reBreak Out the Bubble Gum

Be Kind to Yourself—

tried to use at least 20% of cording of Latin choral music We all have a constant

Next time you’re at the end what you learned, you need before doing something stream of thoughts running of your rope, unwrap a stick to clear that mental space, stressful (like doing math out through our heads, and of gum. According to studies, thereby uncluttering the cre- loud or giving a speech) than sometimes what we tell ourchewing gum lowers anxiety ative process as you grow in when they listened to a re- selves isn’t so nice. Staying positive and using compasand eases stress. Some re- business. In the home, chil- cording of rippling water. searchers think the rhythmic dren are constantly growing. (Wondering what that choral sionate self-talk will help you act of chewing may improve Adults are constantly chang- piece was, music fans? Try calm down and get a better blood flow to your brain, ing. Holding onto unneces- Miserere by Gregorio Alle- grip on the situation. Talk to while others believe the sary items for more than six gri.), Antonio Vivaldi’s Sea- yourself in the same gentle, smell and taste help you re- months will create“ environ- sons, or try listening to in- encouraging way you’d help lax around your eyes as well mental havoc” in your home strumental hymns from Ma- a friend in need. “Everything ranatha. will be OK,” for instance, or as your mouth – reduces and personal space. "I'll figure out how to handle

your body’s stress responses, even if you don’t feel happy.

Sniff Some Lavender—

Reboot Your Breath—

this."

Certain scents like lavender Feeling less stressed is as 6-Month Rule

may soothe. In one study, close as your next breath.

If you haven’t used it in six nurses who pinned small vi- Focusing on your breath months, throw it out. This als of lavender oil to their curbs your body’s “fight or

applies both professional and clothes felt their stress ease, flight” reaction to pressure personally. Update files eve- while nurses who didn’t felt or fear, and it pulls your ry 6 months. As an entrepre- more stressed. Lavender may attention away from negative neur branding is essential as intensify the effect of some thoughts. Sit comfortably in a you look to gain visibility in painkillers and anti-anxiety quiet place. Breathe in slowly

Write Your Stress Away-

Prayer & Meditation—

Writing will help you to resolve your issues.

The number one way to unplug and relieve stress

Putting your thoughts on paper gives you an avenue of release, and enable you to picture the resolution as you think through the resolution. It doesn’t matter whether you prefer pen and notebook, a phone app, or a file on your laptop. The important thing is that

of any kind, is to spend quiet time praying and meditating upon the Word of God. Focus on certain Scriptures that are sure to relieve stress, such as: Isaiah 26:3; John 14:7; 16:33; Proverbs 3:5-6; 16:7; and Philippians 4:6-7 are just to start with. Always remember these two things from the most prolific writer of the New Testament-Paul I

you’re honest about your feelings. This is

Thessalonians 5:17, 18 Pray without ceasing. Give

also a good place to practice “dumping the

thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will

brain.” Find a way to jot down important in-

for you in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:10-12 Now I

formation such as appointments, birthdays,

rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have

phone numbers, daily tasks, special gift ideas

revived your concern for me. You were indeed

Something you don’t do every day). This

concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.

keeps you brain from suffering OVERLOAD,

I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned

and reduces forgetfulness. Tell a Friend— When you’re feeling overwhelmed, seek out the company of a friend or loved one. Have a

to be content regardless of my circumstances. I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. I am accustomed to any and every situation—to being filled and being hungry, to having plenty and having need.…

friend who’s dealing with the same worries

And finally, wisdom from the first Pope-Apostle

as you? Even more reason to open up. You'll

Peter himself, 1Peter 5:7 Casting all your care up-

both feel less alone.

on him; for He careth for you. Self-care is im-

Get Moving—

portant to your success, and to optimum health.

When you work up a sweat, you improve

Don’t be afraid to take a time out for a personal

your mood, clear your head, and take a

mental health day. After all, you may be every

break from whatever is stressing you out. Whether you like a long walk or an intense workout at the gym, you’ll feel uplifted after-

woman to everyone else, but who are you to yourself. Take time to rest, to renew, to restore, to reinvent, to replenish, to reeducate, and refocus.

ward.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and be- Peggy has also been ordained as a Minister and Evange-

fore thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified list. Peggy, the Prayer Strategist and Speaker, helped thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. conceive the National Day of Prayer for New York state Jeremiah 1:5

and in 2014 she ministered through word and prayer for the Supreme Day of Prayer at the Martin Luther King Jr.

Peggy Clemons (born in Virginia Beach, Virginia) is a prayer strategist, psalmist and dynamic speaker

monument in Washington, DC. Peggy is known for delivering power-packed prayers that transcend current cir-

whose gift inspires and motivates others to reach cumstances and reach into the realm of faith to deliver their fullest potential. Her illustrious career spans over results. She has been sought both near and far for pray40 years of achievements and accolades as an educa- er and inspiration. In 2015, she was featured as a speaktor and actress, but her greatest achievement is ush- er and solo artist on Atlanta Live TV. In November 2016, ering in the power and presence of God through song she received the Obama Presidential Lifetime Achieveand prayer.

ment Award for lifetime commitment to building a

Peggy began singing in public at age 5. She has gone stronger nation through volunteer services. She also was on to produce a gospel CD entitled “Spirit Song”. Peg- ordained by Dr. Cindy Trimm into Cindy Trimm Minis-

gy cultivated her gift by enlisting a few vocal coaches tries International, Inc. as a member of the Global Allisuch as Mark Singer, opera coach for the Metropoli- ance of Christian Leaders at the Georgia World Congress tan Opera Company and minister/recording artist Dar- Center on November 12, 2017. win Hobbs. Among other positions, for 6 years, Peggy served as the Praise and Worship leader at New Birth Peggy is the loving daughter and caretaker of Virginia Missionary Baptist Church, a megachurch in Atlanta, Harvey, her greatest friend, role model and confidant. Georgia. She opened in song for the “Queen of Gospel” Pastor Shirley Caesar and gospel artist Ben Tankard, as well as performed as a guest soloist on Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN), an international Christian television network. For 45 years Peggy, the Psalmist, has blessed audiences as large as 30,000 people through her ministry all over the country performing at world-renowned venues such as Carnegie Hall, the

Her spiritual mentor of 25+ years is Apostle Michelle

Johnson, by which she shares a special bond of prayer and wise counsel. She now is a member of Influencers Church of Atlanta under the awesome & dynamic leadership of Pastors Ashley and Jane Evans, and serves as one of the leaders of the Prayer and Intercession Team. Peggy currently resides in Oxford, Georgia with her loving husband of 29 years, and is also the mother of one

daughter and grandmother of three.

Apollo Theater, and Madison Square Garden in New York City. In 1999, she was honored in Brooklyn, New York as a Woman History Maker for “Outstanding Upcoming Gospel Artist.”

PEGGY L. CLEMONS In His Presence Broadcast

The definition of CHANGE is to make or become The unexpected emergence of the COVID-19 Pandemic has caused many individuals to expe-

different; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the act of having or becoming rience psychological trauma, loss, loneliness, undifferent, the substitution of one thing for an- expected challenges, and social disparities. We other, an alteration, modification, or a new re- find ourselves submerged in a new world padfreshingly different experience.

locked to our old memories. It is here that life

A NORM is an authoritative standard, also anew took a seat at the door of change. It found patterns or traits taken to be typical in the be- the key and proceeded into the residence of our havior of social groups.

FOCUS ON THE ORGINIAL INTENT

hearts, souls, and minds. And, for many, it knocked on the door of our human spirit.

During this season, I have personal- changed.

I would begin a Life original intent for my life. I knew

ly experienced my own sense of Anew without the heartfelt encourthen that I must refocus and make loss. The sudden passing of my agement, guidance and earnest, the shift necessary to continuously mentor,

friend,

Prophetess

and

Apostle

confidant genuine love of my mentor and pursue my God-given destiny.

Carmen friend. This amazing prophetic knew that the call must take prece-

Michelle Johnson. Apostle Michelle voice of love, wisdom, reason and dent over the crisis. There had to was a woman whose unprecedent- sometimes rebuke was forever si- be a shift in my mindset, as I was ed, deep abiding love for her fami- lenced.

I was stirred with the admonished to remember that I

ly, myself, my family, and humanity memories of hundreds of transfor- served were authentic and unforgettable. mational, life-giving prophecies, knowing),

Omniscient Omnipotent

(All(All-

Above all else, her love for God which the Lord had allowed her to powerful) God. This was the beginwas exemplary. Apostle Michelle unselfishly spent years, months, days, and countless hours at a time praying, counseling, and pouring into my life over the past 25 years. She intentionally pushed and inspired me to go higher in the pursuit of Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kingdom principles and righteous living. Her goal and mission was to consistently teach others the practical appli-

speak into my life, some of which ning of my recovery. are still, even now, unfolding. I was confronted with the reality of re-

leasing this portion of my life. I realized that I had become comfortable at receiving this phenomenal, gifted, anointed oracle of God. I had always been profoundly grateful

Amongst COVID and the chaos of the world, as the world grappled with crisis after crisis, I felt the unction of the Holy Spirit.

He was

pushing and pulling me into a new place in Him. And, He was calling me outside of my comfort zone.

to God for allowing me the

privilege to sit at her feet and receive revelation from Him.

I have spent the majority of my ca-

reer and life as a guidance counselor, both privately and publicly.

cation of the Word of God. Sud- In my struggle, I was comforted to Like Apostle Michelle, ministering denly, on an ordinary Monday know that she has not suffered for to people and spreading the love of evening, she sweetly slipped into a moment. It was not COVID, but Jesus Christ brings me joy. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve the portal of Heaven. her Christ who had ushered her been especially gifted and called to Hit with this stunning reality that home. I know this struggle did not pray. As a prayer warrior and stratjust belong to me; many were with this tremendous loss of this egist, prayer is my answer to every mother, sister, and friend, and with touched by her life. question. It is the beginning and this enormous deep hole in my In the midst of the sorrow, grief, ending of every day. It is the key to heart, my life would be forever and pain, God reminded me of His my intimacy with Christ.

As I begin to think of all the

media became an invaluable

From the beginning of time, the essence of an empowered woman has been her ability to be impactful, flexible, and resilient week. Every Thursday at 2 p.m., I have through any change that would been blessed by the testimonies of com- arise. Remember, Eve was the first mother to deliver a child plete strangers, who are touched by the without a gynecologist, message and prayers. And, I am encourthen nurture this child without a aged that at the â&#x20AC;&#x153;young ageâ&#x20AC;? of 70, God parent manual. Eve was the first is still using me in new and powerful woman to meet the needs of her

platform to share the Word of

husband without a romance

God. But, I was unfamiliar with

novel. Eve was first female to set

its tools, besides checking in

up and maintain a manageable

with old friends and family

structure and order in her

from time to time or com-

household without modern ap-

menting on a post or two. It

pliances or a Better Homes mag-

was a daunting task to get re-

azine. And, if that was not

acclimated with a platform that

enough, she was the first mother

I never thought I would need

to encounter the murder of her

for this day and age.

son and experience the grief for

times I have prayed for churches, pastors, world leaders, family members, etc., the grief from the lost of my friend and witnessing the grief, anxiety, and pain of others spurred me to reach out like never before. During

the

lockdown, social

the loss of her child, as her heart Slowly and surely, I began learn how to share the Word of God through Facebook. At first, I was nervous (which is not my character). What should say? How do I set up my camera and

was gripped with agonizing pain, without a counselor or therapist in sight. ways to reach the world. Many times, Evicted from the only familiar change can be challenging, even scary. place of residence because of an

But, if we trust God, He is faithful to act of disobedience, Eve was bring forth greatness in us, beyond our forced to embrace this â&#x20AC;&#x201C; New What Word is needed for this wildest imaginations. He will reinvent us Norm. Like Eve, we have been hour? As I allowed the Spirit of and mold us closer to His image daily, as brought to a place in our lives the Lord to guide and use me, we seek His face. where change looked , her in the He was giving me a fresh reveface and demanded a response. lation, Word, and prayer for the sound? What should I wear?

We are the version of Eve, who must now realize which have been set in the social realms of the earth and discover the beauty of the God’s love to em- has been misaligned and has sort to unravel and alpower us with the ability to accept and in fact, max- ter our belief. But, so richly endowed by an unimize this change. The kind of change that requires changing, loving, magnificent God, we have the powus to focus on our family, identify our priorities, es- er and the authority to continue to fulfill the original tablish, or reestablish our relationships, fortify our intent by redirecting our focus on the Sovereign Crefaith, refine our character, and determine Who or ator of all mankind who has crafted and determined

what we believe. Ladies, it is inevitable that with the strength, powerand authority gifted to us on Calvary’s cross we will and shall function with a spirit of excellence to the new norm. No matter the condition we en-

our destiny. He is Alpha and Omega. He knows our beginning and our ending with all the changes, trial, and test in between. He has declared us more than conquerors, victorious, overcomers, and, yes, Champions of Change.

counter, the change must begin on the inside of us. So, as we seek His direction, the path is made clear, This new norm requires us to re-evaluate our priori- the wisdom is unwrapped, the gates of opportunity ties and pursue our divine appointment for which are granted access, the road of revival in our lives we were chosen. We snatch back the veil of confu- are rebuilt and we navigate with a spirit of assursion, uncertainty, and regrets, where we reveal the ance, innovation, creativity and excellence into this significant purpose for which we were so dynamical- new norm. Amid these winds of change, we may be ly, wonderfully, intentionally created, fashioned, and unfamiliar or uncertain of what the future hold, but formed. Journeying through our usual daily habits of the Ruler of Heaven and earth does, and he has se-

everyday existence, we have grown accustomed to cured our destinies. To Him be the glory and the “our normal routines.” Then came the awaking and Honor for the things He has done and will DO !! the shaking that catapulted us into the new norm. As we lean in to hear the sound from Heaven and Whether we find ourselves ready or not, we must commit to become experts at hearing the voice of come into the realization that it is time to rebuild God, we are once again assured that all things are upon the power source of our Omniscient God with possible through Christ who strengthens us for every our faith and trust totally dependent upon Him.

change that invades our lives. I declare and decree

The new norm is to identify the change so that we that we will fortify our faith, forge forward, and navican embrace that which would permit us to function gate this new norm as we begin A New Victorious in a defining purpose as ordained in the original plan Life in Him. of God. We live in a world where the standards

Daily Devotion- Fostering a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father God is key.

This walk requires a lifestyle of holiness

through daily communications with the Father. Take Time for â&#x20AC;&#x153;Selfâ&#x20AC;?- We spend so much time as women caring for others that we fail to take time for ourselves. It is imperative that we practice self-care to be productive and healthy. We get lost in daily activities, family, children, spouses, and even work/ministry. We must make it a habit to do something special for ourselves. Develop an exercise routine- Join a gym, do Yoga at home, go for a run/walk, do something to foster healthy habits that you may be physically fit for the fight. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Let us do good to watch over our temple daily.

Develop a Skin Care/Beauty Regimen- Face it, we women love to look good. We love to smell good. And feeling good about ourselves is linked closely to our appearance. Although beauty is vain, we should always want to be attractive to our spouses and want to represent the

ponytail is simple, reliable and all-purpose. Get a new

color, a new cut, do something that fames the face and adds height for us short people. Check with your stylist for something NEW this season. Meditation- The key to peace in all your relationships, is peace with yourself and with God. Spend time meditating to relieve the stress and pressures of daily life. Maintain positive influences- a supportive and positive network is key in all relations.

You need people

around you to push you, encourage you, whip your butt if necessary, and pour positive feedback into your spirit. You don’t need anyone tearing you down. You can do that all by yourself. Educate yourself-Finish high school, get a degree, learn a new trade. It will increase your income and give you’re a sense of pride. Maintain an Open line of communication- No man is an island. We need people in our lives. Good people to keep us good, and the other to keep us humble. Kingdom well. So, dump the grandma hairdo and cotton stockings and get pretty. Refresh your wardrobe- Okay it’s not easy shopping these days. But every woman’s closet should have the basic, a pair of black pumps or nice flats that compliment, a pair of jeans, a white blazer, a black suit pants/skirt, a crisp white shirt, a colorful scarf, and matching accessories. With these items you can’t go wrong. There is more, but get these in your closet and you can go anywhere. Get a “New Do”— summer’s here a 35

Deleshia Jemison is a forerunner, intercessor, and broken, hurting, abused, and neglected. Deleshia author who hosts women conferences to edu- has more than 20 years of experience in ministry, cate, equip, and empower others in knowing their which includes serving the homeless, displaced true authenticity in the Kingdom of God. She is youth, elderly, abused women, and children. She the founder of W.W.I.P. Women Win In Prayer has been the founder of a group called Young LaGlobally, Intercessors Awakening Chamber, and dies of Zion, which works with young women aged VOICE Ministries. In addition, she travels abroad 11-18 years. She mentors, empowers, and encourto speak & host prayer conferences and revivals in ages the young ladies in building love, character, different cities, states, & nations. Some of these confidence, and self-esteem. Deleshiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passions prayer conferences include Intercessors Realm of are winning lost souls and building the Kingdom of Authority, The Call of the Intercessor, Fire on the God. She walks boldly as an Ambassador of Jesus Altar, and Intercessors Awakening Chamber. De- Christ. Over the years, she gained expertise and leshia values the power of prayer and the Word of knowledge to assist culturally diverse communiTruth. She believes prayer is the foundation to ties. She has been employed with the University of build, birth, and establish every ministry. She has Florida for several years and completed education been called, anointed, and equipped into Apostolic and training that gave her the skills and strategies

Prophetic Deliverance Healing Ministry.

She in relating to relationships with broken families.

states that the Holy Spirit has revealed in these During her employment with the UF as a parent last days that the Body of Christ should have pray- educator and family support worker, she offered er deliverance chambers where people are deliv- support in different resources to educate, motiered healed and set free As a seasoned prophet to vate, and teach positive parenting skills. She enthe nations, Deleshia has humbled herself to un- joys offering love and support to others with a derstand the importance of Servanthood in the passion to continue to build strong families, com-

Kingdom of God. She ministers to the needs of the munities, and nations.

We are seeing more depression, homeless families, teen-

BE YE TRANSFORMED â&#x20AC;&#x153; be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.â&#x20AC;? Romans 12:2

age pregnancy, & drug addictions. We live in a society when pain, lack, & deficiency is the norm. People live in fear daily, because of the violence that's upon us. It has become a nation that's broken and in need of restoration from God. We are in need of a Savior and Deliverer. Let's go back and discuss where the destruction began.

We are living in a time of prominent grace, favor,

The Seed Was Planted From the Beginning:

& restoration. The Spirit of the Lord continues to speak to

us in a beautiful time of planting & blooming. This Timing Deuteronomy 22:9 says, " You shall not sow your vineyard has been ordained for us to know more of God's Glory. To

with two kinds of seed, or all the produce of the seed

birth us in a place of refreshing & renewal, that we contin- which you have sown and the increase of the vineyard will

become defiled."

ue to hunger and thirst for more of his presence. The Seasons & Times has changed in our favor. The Holy Spirit has prepared and positioned us to receive the Power of His Restoration. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made eve-

rything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart." I've learned through the years, the more I seek after him... I desire to be more like Him. Eternity has been planted in my heart. Open your eyes. Something beautiful is happening. Isaiah 60:1, Shall Proclaim God's Glory! As we look at our society and see things happening in the

world, it has captivated some people to become distracted and live in fear in thinking that there is no God. It has captivated the mind to become focus on false presumptions of life. We see the mind of many that are full of illusions & false lies. I remember the saying, the mind is a terrible thing to waste. I also remember the saying, an idol mind is the enemies work-shop. Violence has become something that we deal with on a day to day basis, as a

result of incorrect thinking. Violence is happening all over the world. There's no reverence for the beautiful gift of life, that God has given us. Our young adults are in lack and void of not knowing their true identity. Gun violence & abortion as become the world major discussions .

God had spoken to mankind in the beginning by given Him specific instructions on how we should live. In the beginning when Adam and Eve left their communion with God, this caused them to be separated from God. According to Jewish teachings, Adam and Eve were the first human beings and the progenitor of human race. Their decisions caused the fall of mankind. They didn't follow the 1st instructions in the garden. The serpent spoke the lie in the beginning and disobedience of mankind caused the curse to separate us from God. For this reason, we have to be reborn back into the Kingdom of God. Our position from falling, produced lack and deficiency of not knowing who we are in God's Kingdom. tion

with

God.

Adam lacked communicaresult

him

sowing

the incorrect seeds, we are seeing the manifestations of people trying to accomplish things outside of God, that will never bring them any fulfillment or peace. I remember growing up as a little girl, and blooming into my teenage years in high school. I was broken, hurt, and full of pain. I would experience major depression from my early teenage years. I became pregnant at the age of 15. By the time I was in my early twenties, I would try to

commit suicide, which landed me 3 cell of life that has been set up to things." When we think on beautiful

days in a mental institution. I was destroy mankind. I have compassion things by the Holy Spirit, it sets the broken and full of pain from things when I see individuals experiencing mind free of impurities. from

dysfunctional

child- deep dark places of depression &

hood. Many things I couldn't under- brokenness, because that was me in

THE WILL TO LIVE:

Jeremiah 29:11 says," For I know the thought that I think toward you, saith or even myself. I was confused about wanting to end my life. It started in the Lord, thoughts of peace, & not of life, and the sin of mankind. The lies the beginning. The enemy had plant- evil, to give you an expected end." stand about my mother, my father, my past life. I lived my life daily

that the enemy had planted in my life ed seeds of lies and deception. My God had me on His mind before I

had caused me to be in a state of mind and heart was captivated from was conceived in my Mother's dark depression & confusion. My pain, lack, brokenness, & emotional womb. As I began to bloom into a mind was captivated. I began to bondage from childhood and the Woman, my heart began to ask think, feel, and act out what I had decisions I had made through out my questions regarding who I was. My experienced as a child. I followed an life. Living in the world is confusing pain began to push me in a different emotion that was planted from the at times. Things that happen often place. I began to surround myself pain of the generational curse that don't make sense. At times when around positive things and positive was upon my family. It started from things don't make any sense we be- thinking. I was not going die, but

the beginning. The seed had been come vulnerable to opening up to Live! God knew the things in life that planted to destroy and bring de- listen to the wrong voices. As a result we would encounter, that would try struction to my destiny. SPIRIT OF CONFUSION:

of listening to the wrong voices, the to destroy our purpose and destiny. spirit of confusion comes in to con- God loves us. The world lacks love. fuse our thought pattern. When the As I experienced years of fasting and

Jeremiah 17:19 says," the heart is de- thought pattern is contaminated, the praying, spending time in the presceitful above all things, and desper- spirit of deception over rides our ence of God. I would experience revately sick; who can understand it".

positive way of thinking. There's a elations of the Love of God. It was an war that goes on daily in our mind. experience that would change my

Everyone of us are born separated This is why the mind has to mind set and eventually change my from God. With a deep void of not be renewed daily by prayer, fasting, destiny. Pain, hurt, brokenness, & knowing who we are. As we look in and consecration. God created us for emotional trauma had me captivated the world. Mental anguish that has this specific purpose that we dedi- for years, but I decided to hunger over taken many people, young and cate our members to Him daily. Phil. and thirst after something different. I old. Pastors are committing suicide. 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatso- decided I wanted to mature as a The suicide rate for teenagers com- ever things are true, whatsoever woman. As a single parent raismitting suicide has grown tremen- things are honest, whatsoever things ing her children, I decided to fight for dously with the last 3 years. We live are just, whatsoever things are love- my children in prayer and fasting. I in a world that's confused, and the ly, whatsoever things are of good decided that I would allow God to mind is in a battle- field trying to fig- report; if there be any virtue, & if destroy the yoke ure out how to break out of a prison there be any praise, think on these

and curse that had come to destroy my desti- church, but was deceived from not knowing my ny, and the destiny of my children. The Will To identity as a Woman. God spoke to my mind & Live birth forth out of my womb. Romans 8: 28 heart concerning my relationship with him. I had says, "And we know that all things work togeth- to make a decision to follow him wholeheartedly. er good to them that love God, to them who are The enemy tells us lies to keep us bound. Many called according to His purpose." I speak to the brokenness of your heart and

command it to be healed and whole in Jesus Name. I command your mind battle to cease. I command the Holy Spirit to rest and abide, as you are reading. You shall live! Come Alive! You Shall Go Forth! You are Free! Be Healed! By the Power of the Blood of Jesus, "You belong to God!"

women are bitter because of brokenness. Many are in a place of bondage of not knowing their true identity in the Kingdom. When we are uncertain about who we are, we choose to settle for less than what our Heavenly Father has for us. I had unforgiveness in my heart towards people that had hurt me. The Holy Spirit revealed it to me as I was in prayer. He gave me a choice to forgive those that had hurt me. That day changed

RETURN BACK:

my life. I repented and forgave those people im-

Isaiah 61:7 says, "Instead of your shame you will

mediately. God spoke to me, He said, " You Are

receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace My Diamond!" "Diamonds Are Forever!" I never you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you

forgot those beautiful words of life, he spoke to

will inherit a double portion in your land, and ev- me. As I began to make up in my mind, I would erlasting joy will be yours." In order for the world to experience Restoration, it has to return back to God. There becomes a time in us, we have to decide to continue in pain, lack, & brokenness or go back to God that He began to mend us from hurt and pain. As I stood in the mirror one day to brush my teeth. I was full of pain. I had been in broken relationships, abusive marriage, suicidal, & low self esteem. My mind was twisted & manipulated from being in contaminated relationships. The way I thought was dark with blindness. The enemy had deceived me for many years. There were even times I attended

continue to serve God totally and fully with no compromise, my Destiny began to spring forth

speedily. Acts 3:19 says, " Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord." Every benefit comes from the presence of the Lord. Healing, deliverance, & wholeness, comes from the presence of God. Let the past go, & trust God, that the

Times of Refreshing come upon you! To give you a double portion of his Grace & Glory! God has given us a double portion, & an everlasting inheritance. Glory to God! Hallelujah!

THERE'S POWER IN A CHANGED MIND:

ity, by pursuing her destiny. A Woman of Power,

Isaiah 43:18-19 says, "Remember ye not the former Purpose, & Destiny. She has met her King!! There's things, neither consider the things of old. Behold I no turning back! Heb. 11:6 says, "But without faith it will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to not know it? I will even make a way in the wilder- God must first believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." By the

ness, & rivers in the desert."

Power

the

Holy

Spirit

are

enabled

A seed cultivated properly in it's time, produces a to understand the power of his Glory, by being harvest. A Word cultivated & nurtured by the Spirit transformed. We will no longer think as we think , of obedience, Produces Power in Season. There's because we take on the Mind of Christ. As we think Power when we decide to Obey the voice of God. His as Christ, by allowing him to transform our mind & voice speaks life into our Purpose & Destiny. Pain heart. We will understand the importance of Rom. does not last forever. Nothing lasts forever, but eter- 12:2 that says " And be not conformed to this world: nity and the Love of God. Everything has an expira- but be ye transformed by the renewing of your

tion date. We get tired of old things on a regular ba- mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acsis. Some days we don't want to eat the left overs. ceptable, and perfect, will of God." We can appreciThere's nothing like fresh manna. There's nothing like ate the opportunity of life and being a total surrena sweet smelling aroma when you walk inside your dered vessel for Jesus Christ. home after a difficult day away from home. Trouble does not last always. The bible says, today when you hear my voice, harden not your heart. God not only

wants you to hear His voice, but He desires for you to obey His voice, by doing His will. Then you will receive Power. I became empowered when I obeyed His Voice. My life changed. I wasn't the same. He delivered me. I began to see myself differently. I began to know my Purpose and Destiny. My mindset changed miraculously. I began to see miracles performed upon my life. My body was healed. I began to see God heal my children. God had become Lord over my life, as I walked in obedience. The little girl doesn't cry over spilled milk any longer. She had to mature

into

accountability

and

responsibil43

Born and raise in the city of Chicago, Angela J. gifted and specifically chosen for such a time as Holmes graduated from Chicago Vocational HS and this. attended Bethune Cookman College where she majored in Business Administration and minored in For bookings contact via email: music. apostleajholmes@gmail.com or 224-760-1835. Angela J. Holmes received her Evangelist license in 2001 and has been ministering through the power of the Holy Spirit in all of Chicago land and the surrounding suburbs. Angela J. Holmes was called by God to a higher calling in the year 2004 as Founder and Sr. Pastor of Outreach Fellowship Christian Center in Schaumburg, IL. Pastor Holmes was consecrated as Apostle and received a Doctorate of Divinity from St. Thomas Christian University in 2014.

Outreach Fellowship Christian Center www.ofccchurch.com,

The art of motivating and achieving common goals do not seem to be at the top of the agreement table amongst our world leaders. There is so much division amongst our jurisdictional leaders, state leaders,

Apostle Holmes is the Founder and President of Apostle Holmes Café “Gaining Wisdom” Through God’s Word, the President and CEO of MAC Ministries (Making A Change) where she help those who have been incarcerated get back into society and become productive citizens in their neighborhoods. Current Projects: Northwest Christian Women’s Inc., Founder & CEO - Empowering women spiritually, naturally and universally to be better equipped to handle life extremities. “Confessions of the Soul” Domestic Violence Program, Founder & CEO – A program to help prevent Domestic Violence against Women. Apostle Holmes is highly intelligent,

Today many woman are making their mark in various callings, and inspiring and last but not least our spiritual leaders. No one wants to “come let us reason together” for the sake of the people (Isa. 1:18a KJV). Men have led our world and country for many years, I believe that because back over 3000 years ago men were always the dominant factor in leadership. But, today is a different day and dispensation, where many women are moving upward and taking their place in

women everywhere. In our disparity to make our world better, women in leadership must prepare a strategy for change. We have the power to set direction, build inspiring visions, and create something new.

leadership. There were so many women who pave the way for us,

In 2004 God called me to pastor the

and thanks to the U.S. civil rights movement and the push for wom-

Outreach Fellowship Christian Cen-

en’s equality, African-American women now have opportunities that

ter, ten years later I was elevated

an earlier generation could only dream about.

and consecrated as Apostle. “God what are you doing” was my cry! I 46

grew up in the COGIC and their task. I remember I was invited to constitution states that they do a church to speak for their womnot ordain women to pastor so to en’s day, and when the pastor

be an apostle was not as they put found out that I was a pastor he it for women, so I was like “oh said I could not preach in his pulGod” ! I will never forget I had so pit. Very disturbing and I was much opposition from those in very hurt and discouraged. I the church and my family who wanted to give up and I felt like

the right to be responsible for oth-

said that a woman cannot be a maybe I should have never took

ers' success in the church and out-

Pastor. It was never my desire or on being a pastor, but God said

side the church. Leadership is about

thought to one day be a pastor, to me that, “if you preach willing-

mapping out where you need to go

but God had a plan for my life, ly I will bless you, but if you don’t

to "win" as a team, never as an in-

(“For I know the thoughts that I woe unto you” so of course I said

dividual. What do we win? We win

think toward you, saith the LORD, yes to the will of God.

the rewards of our labor in the

thoughts of peace, and not of Effective leadership includes exevil, to give you an expected end” hibiting a strong character, hon-

Kingdom and down here on earth.

Jeremiah 29:11) and I had to an- esty, integrity, trustworthiness, swer the call. Being a pastor for and ethics. Leaders act in line

than authority and recognition

17 years has not been an easy with how they speak and earn

church. Instead, leadership is all

Being in leadership is much more

from the outside world and the

about developing people and helping others reach their full potential.

Reverend Cooper L. and Evangelist Marva E. Bledsoe. I was raised in a Christian home with Christian values, parental rules, chores and high expectations of me. The middle-class African American village that imparted into and raised me is also the place that I called home. Growing up I never felt like I fitted in anywhere. It was as if I was a foreigner that

could not find their place. Believe me, I know how this sounds especially to the people who had an outside view of my family and our dynamic.

Michelle P. Jones is an ordained minister, teacher, motivational speaker, workshop facilitator, published author and an entrepreneur who lives and works in Indiana. Michelle seeks to pro-

vide the foundational tools and the knowledge base for women to learn to love the woman looking back at them in the mirror through her organization, RestoHER, Inc, and her DIVAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (Divinely Inspired Virtuous and Anointed Sistas) Curriculum. Michelle has self-published two (2) books: Grasping Your Success: Six Steps to Starting and Legitimizing Your Business and Walking on Water in my Stilettos: How God Strengthened my Faith-walk. In her spare time, Michelle can be found reading, writing, watching Sci-Fi and action movies and spending time with her family and her circle of friends My life has been interesting but not for the reasons most peo-

Let me clarify and quantify why I said I never felt like I fit in anywhere. My Dad, Reverend Cooper L. Bledsoe, was a giant of a man who was dark skinned, tall and who had a presence that demanded attention when he entered a room. My Mom, Evangelist Marva E. Bledsoe is a strong light-skinned woman who walks quietly but carries a huge and powerful

personality and presence. She is one of those people who have the innate ability to make you feel secure and at home just by coming into her presence. Together they produced me, a milk chocolate

ple could imagine. I am the youngest child of four (4) born to 51

and not knowing who I am! I wanted to be loved, appreciated, desired and needed by someone who really saw me. Saw who I really am outside of the roles I play and the masks I learned to wear to try and fit in. Most days I felt like I wasn't worthy of the things I needed because of previous poor choices. I felt like people never really saw me, they only saw what benefited them and made them feel as if their life has a purpose and/or meaning by judging my mistakes and finding me unworthy to be accepted and/or get to know!

little girl with kinky hair, a gap, a coca cola shaped body and an intelligence that is off the charts. The issue I had was that

no one in my immediate family looked like me, acted like me nor was I able to relate to. So, I began to seek what I felt I lacked from sources outside of my family. See, I am one of those super talented Brainiac kind of people who have so much going for them that they find themselves serving people for acceptance and love instead of serving God. Why? Because I just wanted to fit in somewhere! I was so desperate that I decided fitting in anywhere is better than fitting in nowhere! In my case, that anywhere left me bruised, battered and right back where I was hating the skin I am in, hating my gap

Then in 2012, I experienced a life-changing and Spiritually revitalizing season that literally changed the trajectory of my life, my future, my Spirit-man and how I see the woman looking back at me in the mirror. I went through a season of change that forced me to establish who I am, set boundaries and limitations in my relationships with others and begin to walk in my purpose. It was during that season that I learned one (1) of the most valuable lessons of my life: the difference between selfishness and selflessness. Selfishness is synonymous with being selfish and means being concerned exclusively with oneself; their own advantage, pleasure and/or wellbeing without regard for others. Selflessness is defined as being concerned more with the needs and wishes of others more than oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own. God showed me the importance of

life and gave me permission to be selfish. I had to learn how to

love on me by transferring the care and attention I lavished on others to myself. It was during this time that I learned how to look to God for my value, my worth and my self-esteem and not to the NOUNs in my life. I had to stop my spiral journey down the rabbit hole and utilize the tools I had been taught, the lessons I learned from the Word of God and life experiences, and my prayer life to begin my journey to self-discovery and acceptance. I am the woman I am today because of what my parents downloaded into me as a child, the Spiritual foundation that was started while growing up in the Church, the poor choices that got me caught up on more than one occasion and the good choices that have helped me build a bridge to self-awareness, honesty, acceptance, and purpose. Everything I have experienced has ALL been necessary for me to learn the importance of selfishness, self-love, self-worth and unapologetically living my life intentionally and purposefully. What I have learned has come at a cost but has also me living an amazing life full of wisdom, love, peace, joy, and accomplishments! Let me introduce you to Michelle P. Bledsoe-Jones! I am the exceptionally proud and divorced mother of three (3) adult children and the loving Maw-Maw to ing back at me in the mirror! I love every curve, every extra pound that makes me a full-figured woman, the gap that I proudly display with every smile, the skin color that is all my own and the intelligence that opens doors daily. I am a woman whose spirituality and prayer life sustains her, and whose family keeps her grounded. With all my flaws, idiosyncrasies, failures, success, issues, discarded baggage and new found freedoms, I have realized that God has provided me with all the tools, skills and abilities I need to walk on water in my stilettos regardless of the weather conditions, life happening situations and the unexpected. And, finally, I am THAT chocolate skinned woman who has learned how to celebrate the life sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been given and expect nothing less from the people in her life! 53

the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference

key to peace in all your relationships, is peace with yourself and with

1God. Spend time

meditating to relieve the stress and pressures of daily life. James 4:1-Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. 2. CONFIDENCE - the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. Maintain an Open line of communication. No man is an island. We need people in our

lives.

The Total Woman Makeover is three- woman which is spirit.

And that

Good

people

keep us good, and the other to

fold. We are Spirit, Soul, and Body. spirit is life. So, to really discuss the

keep us humble.

Therefore, we should care for our- development of a beauty from the

1:6-For I am confident of this

selves and develop routines that will inside-out here are ten tips to guide

very thing, that He who began a

fully

good work in you will perfect it

minister

in you through the process as we

Philippians

the same way. It would be easy to women are taking back our personal

until the day of Christ Jesus.

develop new makeup application power, regaining confidence, walk-

techniques or discuss the latest in ing in love, and being the women

moderate in the estimation of

skin care. It would be great to write that God himself designed us to be,

one’s abilities, avoiding over

discourse on a certain line of cos- and not being whom life has caused

exaggeration in one’s appear-

metics or even to tell you the ins us to become. Clothe yourself in the

ance and abilities. Take Time for

and out of creating your very own following:

“Self”-We spend so much time

skincare line. But more importantly

1.. HUMILITY-True humility is a mod-

as women caring for others that

than topical solutions for eye care, est or low view of one’s own imand fine lines, is how to clothe one- portance. Biblical humility is not self with humility and how to find thinking of one’s self, higher than

we fail to take time for our-

the inner beauty, the essence of a you ought to think. Meditation-The

ductive and healthy. We get

MODESTY—Unassuming,

selves. It is imperative that we practice self-care to be pro-

lost in daily activities, family, children,

spouses, and even work/ministry. We must make it a habit to do something special for ourselves. Read a book, get a manicure/pedicure, get a you not know that your body massage, go for a walk, take a class, or whatever you need to for relaxation and empowerment. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 do is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So, glorify God in your body. 4. BEAUTY -a combination of qualities,

such as shape, color, or form, the please the aesthetic senses, especially sight; loveliness. Develop a Skin Care/Beauty Regimen-Face it, we women love to look good. We love to smell good. And feeling good about ourselves is linked closely to our appearance. Although beauty is vain, we should always want to be attractive to our spouses and want to represent the Kingdom well. So, dump the grandma hairdo and cotton stockings and get pretty.

shirt, a colorful scarf, and here a ponytail is simple, reliamatching

accessories.

With ble and all-purpose. Get a new

these items, you can’t go color, a new cut, go natural with wrong. There is more but get a new braided look, or take the these in your closet and you can task of growing dreads; do go anywhere. Develop an exer- something that frames the face cise routine-Join a gym, do Yoga and adds height for us short at home, go for a run/walk, do people. Check with your stylist something to foster healthy for something NEW this season.

5. Refresh your wardrobe-Okay it’s not habits that you may be physical- Proverbs 31:25-She is clothed

easy shopping these days. But every ly fit for the fight. Our bodies with strength and dignity, and woman’s closet should have the basics; a are the temple of the Holy Spir- she laughs without fear of the pair of black pumps or nice flats that it. Let us do good to watch over future. Psalm 139:14 I praise compliment, a pair of jeans, a white blaz- our temple daily. And finally, you because I am fearfully and er, a black suit pants/skirt, a crisp white

get a

“New Do”—summer’s wonderfully made. 61

5. GRACE -elegance or refinement diligently seek Him.

knowledge, experience, or good

of movement; Esther 2:16-17 And 7. MEEKNESS-quiet, gentle, submis- judgment, soundness of an action when Esther was taken to King sive, or easily imposed on. Maintain about application of experience, Ahasuerus, into his royal palace, in positive influences-a supportive and knowledge, and or good judgment. the tenth month, which is the positive network is key in all rela- Proverbs 4:6-7 Do not forsake wismonth of Tebeth, in the seven- tions. You need people around you dom, and she will protect you; love teenth year of his reign, the king to push you, encourage you, whip her, and she will watch over you. loved Esther more than all the your butt if necessary, and pour The beginning of wisdom is this: women, and she won grace and fa- positive feedback into your spirit. Get wisdom. Though it cost all you vor in his sight more than all the You don’t need anyone tearing you have, get understanding. virgins, so that he set the royal down. Face it, as women we do a 10. Spirituality-the quality of being crown on her head and made her pretty good job of that on our own. concerned with the human spirit or queen instead of Vashti. So be careful of your influences soul as opposed to material and

6. FAITH-complete trust or confi- that we allow in our inner circle. physical things. Become interested dence in something or someone. James 4:6 But He gives a greater in something other than yourself. Daily Devotion-Fostering a personal grace Therefore it says, God is op- There is a connection between all relationship with our Heavenly Fa- posed to the proud, but gives grace living things as a part of the greater ther God is key. This walk requires a to the meek.

creation as was in the days of Eden.

through 8. KNOWLEDGE-facts, information, To adopt the disciplines of Spiritual daily communications with the Fa- skills, acquired by a person through living will prove to be a great benefit to you in your endeavor to rether. It’s through prayer, study, experience or education; the theofasting and consecration that retical or practical understanding of main connected with the Father of strength is renewed, wisdom and a subject. Educate yourself. Finish our creation. When you are corknowledge are gained. Fifteen high school, get a degree, learn a rectly aligned spiritually, it causes minutes a day with Jesus can lead new trade. It will increase your in- everything else around you and to daily manifestation of His pres- come, build confidence, and give about to become be correctly ence and His Glory. Hebrews 11:6 you a sense of pride. Proverbs 2:6 aligned. Beauty is never skin deep. For without faith it is impossible to For the Lord gives wisdom; from his Beauty begin with the soul and is please him: for he that cometh to mouth come knowledge and under- exemplified outwardly. When the soul is beautiful, even when frusGod must believe that He is, and standing. trated, angry or otherwise out of that He is a rewarder of them that 9. Wisdom-the quality of having sorts—beauty still shows. lifestyle

holiness

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Audrey Hepburn

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It was difficult to raise young ladies who are the spitting image of your brokenness. The attitudes, anger, make up and boys; the mere frustration of when they say they are grown but we think they still have a lot more growing up to do. Too often do I hear that some

mothers have very distant relationships with their daughters, no relationship or they just cannot seem to connect. And often saying to yourself, what am I doing wrong? How can I make this right? We spend so much time trying to have a healthy balance of right and wrong and then

comes this one teenager who makes you think you got it all wrong. Then you have one that makes you think you got it all right. We second guess every decision we made. We overcompensate for our mis-

takes trying to mask true issues. We tend to overlook the root issue of the problem in the first place. The thing is, there is no right or wrong way to parent. There is a healthy way, however. Moms seem to be 71

born with superpowers, “Don’t worry I got it.” No, no I’ll take care of it.” “I’m on my way.” “I’ll do it for you.” “How can I help you.” We spend so much time in service mode for our sons and daughters. But today, we are just talking about our girls. We tend to miss the signs when our temple needs service itself. I ran on fumes trying

to keep a smile on their faces hoping to help them avoid the pains I felt growing up. I was mentally drained because I chose to make myself available trying to buy the affection, I longed for from them. Eventually I learned that they loved me all along, whether good and bad. My kids looked up to me. They loved me unconditionally. What I failed to realize was the broken parts of me was also the parts of me trying to raise these girls. During my brokenness I kept putting bandages on the pain in hopes to wear the facade of I GOT IT ALL TOGETHER. I failed greatly in so many

ways. My sexual abuse as a child and lack of relationship with my mother and father greatly affected me, which eventually affected my girls. This familiar behavior resulted in my own bitterness and anger which I displayed when I became older. Not only the physical but the emotional side was shown in the relationships that I fought to keep, just to feel whole for the moment. It kept me in a circle of emotional pain living out an extremely popular saying, “Hurt people hurt people” I think you know the rest. I didn’t know how to be gentle with them nor their feelings. I thought they just had to suck it up like I did. They didn’t have a voice, because I didn’t have a voice. My silence poured into the hearts of these innocent little girls and unknowingly it silenced them. I taught them how to 73

be silent without saying a word. I purpose. Even when it does not edged the pain I had caused in allowed my fear to become a driv- make sense and we want to throw their lives, how my choices resulting force to my strength. Every- in the towel. God can and will still ed in a prison sentence and the thing I was afraid of was the very use us for His purpose. I made trauma that it caused. They were thing I used to keep me going. I plenty of mistakes as a mom and alone and scared. I was all that moved out of fear instead of faith from those mistakes I learned val- they knew.

The wedge was so

because I really did not know what uable lessons. Today my relation- deep I did not think we could ever it meant to have faith.

ship with my girls has flourished be close again. Moms play a very

I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to be gentle tremendously. I am still growing, important role in the lives of their with them nor their feelings. I and they continue to grow with daughters. What we do is weighed thought they just had to suck it up me. Sometimes as parents we more heavily than what we say like I did. They didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a voice, must understand that we do not and is embraced more easily. because I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a voice. My always have the answers, and Though what we say is important, silence poured into the hearts of when we do, they are not always they want and need to see us in

these innocent little girls and un- right. Give our girls a chance to action. knowingly it silenced them. I grow up and make their own mistaught them how to be silent with- takes. Experience is truly the best out saying a word. I allowed my teacher. Let go of their hands and fear to become a driving force to allow them to soar. Be open to my strength. Everything I was listening without reacting but reafraid of was the very thing I used sponding to understand. Ask if ad-

to keep me going. I moved out of vice is even an option. We can not fear instead of faith because I real- always force our thoughts and ly did not know what it meant to opinions. Our daughters can in fact have faith. As I looked back, I realized my childhood struggles and being sen-

tenced to prison may have been painful but as I grew into the woman God had created me to become, I learned that everything that happens in our lives has a

have open honest relationships with their mothers. You both must be willing to try. Forgiveness sets the foundation for this relationship to develop. I decided to rid myself of the victim mentality and focused on my healing so that I could be better as a woman and

My name is Ramona Stillwagon, a mother of 2 young women who have conquered so many fears and opened their heart to love and forgiveness. Who chose to hit the reset button on our relationship giving us a fresh start. Forgiveness is a daily task. We must be encouraged to forgive even when it hurts. It is important for us as mothers to be healed and show them that it is ok to heal and be whole. Being a

mother will never be easy, but it can be healthy. Just remember Your Healing will touch Her Heart Ramona Stillwagon

mother to my girls. I acknowl74

Fatima Smith-Executive Producer FSmith Productions 919-434-6254 fsmithproductions@gmail.com

My name is Fatima Smith. Originally from Springfield, Massachusetts, but have been a NC resident for nearly 30 years. I moved "down south" as a young woman, 20 years young with a seed growing in my belly. I had no clue as to what life would bring, I just knew I could no longer stay where I was. I did not know how I was going to make my own way in a strange and foreign place, but I was certain that the Lord would guide me along my way. I was in love. I met this tall, dark, fine young man while attending Junior College. We talked, we hung out, he was in school being sought after for his basketball skills and sure enough became one of our school's top scoring athletes. He was from NY, the Bronx at that, but not a bad boy. He was funny, smart, driven and "Cool Peo-

ple". It did not take long for us to become in-

Being with him rescued me. Rescued me from a world that was unknown to me in my own household. My mom started keeping strange company, doing strange things that were out of what I considered to be "her norm" or as I knew it. I was very naive to what was REALLY going on, but I knew that I no longer wanted to be at a home that did not feel quite like HOME to me anymore. I had spent the last 10 years

there. 89 Walnut Street to be exact, and now our 4th floor apt was infiltrated with PEOPLE. People doing only God knows what up in there. I would leave and stay gone for periods of time. One time living with my best friend whose family took me in as their own during high school. Then, not long after graduation, I

moved to Jacksonville, FL with my aunt in

separable. He was not only my "boyfriend", but my "best friend".

hopes to pursue a degree move to Greenville, NC same viewpoints as a lot never worked one since.

Florida

M. shortly thereafter, to be of the locals. I gravitated The pregnancy was tough,

Ummmm, yeah, no, THAT with him.

toward people that were but my love for my man,

did not happen. I was My girlfriend had a fight from "Up North" because I my baby and my future young, dumb, lived on a with her boyfriend the could relate more to and were strong. Until we beNavy base (Mayport), boy night I was due to be driv- with them. They under- gan to argue. Then argucrazy...well,

THEY en down south. He be- stood me, my style, and ing turned violent. While I thought and did not want came enraged and violent my language. I had to use was carrying my son. He to follow or obey rules...so with her and when I spoke my intelligence and com- saw another side of me. I I was sent back home to out to protect her, he mon sense to look for was the perpetrator. If I Springfield, MA. I began threw my belongings out work, figure out the bus felt disrespected or if staying here and there... in the middle of the road systems, sign up for pre- something that really from one of my aunt's to and sped off. The clothes natal care and literally bothered me did not realone of my very near and on my back and in that fend for myself. But I had ly bother you, I wanted to dear male friend's and bag was literally all that I my BFF by my side, so alt- fight. I can recall needing then with my God sisters had. and anywhere else that I I caught a ride to NC from could escape to in order one of my Sisters in Christ to not have to deal with that I had gone to church what was happening at with (RIP Lisa Pohome. lite). Coincidently, they At age 20 and pregnant, I were going to Greenville,

hough alone without the money for something one help of my immediate time and him telling me friends and family, I was he did not have it. Then not alone because WE finding out that he had a were going to be a family. savings account all along I was sick EVERY SINGLE DAY, ALL DAY. I did not

in NY, so to me, he had it.

I start an argument if I felt

left Springfield to be with SC and I was going to know that there was such WRONGED and then from there it would lead to a my Love, my Best friend, Greenville, NC. They a thing, but I had Hymy FiancĂŠ. He was award- dropped me off in October peremesis Gravidarum-a physical fight. I grew weaed a basketball scholar- 1990 and I have been here severe type of nausea and ry of the fact that I was ALWAYS sick, working ship to East Carolina Uni- ever since. vomiting during pregnannights, and all HE had to versity and we had made cy. I slept all day and was I really had no sense of do was go to school and a vow to be one another's up all night, so I took a direction, I did not look make his grades. Back forever. It was only fitting night shift at Hardees. like anyone here, talk the then, I did not understand that when he moved to That was my third time way southerners talk, act that THAT WAS his job, so Greenville, NC back in ever working for a fast like them, or share the I felt 1990, that I would also food restaurant and I have 82

neglected and sometimes thing I was always familiar lock...with someone else, and again, I fell in love with

lonely even though he and I with, was going to church. I and yes, I was sick yet him because he was "good were all we had down am reared in Holiness/ again... the ENTIRE nine people". I attract good peohere. When the baby came, Pentecostal, so that was months. So, here I am at ple because of who I am things did not get any my preference, but I had twenty-three years of age and WHOSE I am, but how better. I felt like I was the strayed away from God and with two kids, by two many of us know that it provider, caregiver, nurtur- the things of Christ since different men, no family, takes more than being er, everything to everyone moving "down south".

I no

babysitters,

(at

the "good people" to maintain

and just couldn't seem to had been saved since 16, time), and relying on Social and sustain a nice, loving, get my best friend to step but I was in a back-slidden Services for help. I moved God sent relationship? IF IT up to the plate, not realiz- state. THANK GOD for be- to Durham, NC with my IS OF GOD, and NOT of ouring how stressful it must ing married to the BACK- then FiancĂŠ', my baby girl selves (flesh). have been for him trying to SLIDER. When he says he and me. I was forced to study, maintain his scholar- will NEVER leave you nor leave my 3 yr. old behind ship, play great ball and forsake you, HE MEANS IT, for reasons that I cannot

father a child at the age of even when YOU have left share in this particular sto21.

and have forsaken him.

I eventually moved out and I had vowed not to EVER got my own place. Not too get pregnant again. I felt long after that, he moved like if THAT'S what pregin with me and the baby. nancy was like the first Things were good at times, time around, I don't EVER and not so good at other want any more kids, but times. When they were two years later, I had annot, I would seek out a other child out of wedchurch to attend. Some-

ry. We were told that the jobs were higher paying and that the lifestyle in THE TRIANGLE was better and different from Greenville, so we bounced and never

turned back. Now me and her dad had not always

Well, after a couple of years of a good honest try at us being a family, planning a wedding and the whole nine, I called the wedding off. It just was not meant to be. Again, I felt like I was doing all the taking care of everything and everyone (we had a combined household, 5 children between the 2 of us)

gotten along either, but he was a constant in our lives

and I didn't feel like he wanted a wife, but someone carved, shaped, molded and made from past misto take care of him and his kids. I am very BIG on be- takes, hurts, issues, trials, tribulation and TRIUMPHS. ing responsible.

My steps were ALWAYS ordered of the Lord, I just did

I also have my own notion of what a man is, sup- not always walk in them. posed to be and do in a relationship and he was not I have turned away from the things of Christ often, meeting my expectations. I later found out that MY yet he loves me. He walks with me, he talks with me, lack of relationship with My father was why I hold he tells me that I'm his own...STILL, and even when I

men at such a high standard. I was looking for some- don't deserve for him to even speak to me or call my thing in THEM that I did not have in HIM. My idea of a name, he does, I know my father's voice when I hear REAL man was a provider, protector, one who does it. Now at the age of 50, with both parents sleeping WHATEVER it takes to make sure that ALL needs are until the Lord comes back for his people, I must rely met in his household, forsaken ALL others because on him and only him because I know from whence that's just what a man's supposed to do. I wanted a my help has ALWAYS come from. I thank and praise man after God's own heart, yet I did not seek him him for keeping and sustaining me when I could not

when choosing one.

keep myself.

Fast forward to today. I am Extremely PROUD of the I thank him for life and that much more abundantly woman that I have become since being that young EVEN at such a time as this DURING a PANDEMIC. His naive lilâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; girl at times that moved down here to be promises to me are YEY and AMEN and have always with who she thought was the love of her life. I have been so, even when I make mistakes in my flesh and led a very rewarding (for the most part life) in need his forgiveness. He rebukes me, yet he STILL Durham, and the move to NC has proven to be the loves me. He chastises me, then picks me up, wipes best thing (outside of not going to FAM-U) that could my tears and continues to love on me. I call those have happened to me. I do have my son's father to things that are not as if they are in the natural. Then thank for that. We are now estranged, but cordial it manifests because of my unwavering faith in my when we do see one another. We are family regard- redeemer. THIS IS MY NEW NORMAL. Although I've less and will forever be bound not just because of my had some trying and tumultuous times these past son who is now 29, but also due to HIS 7-year-old thirty years with failed relationships, being the ag-

"mini him" Parker Jayden.

gressor and inflicting Domestic Violence, experienc-

These past thirty years of becoming a mogul, mother, ing financial drought, lack and homelessness, (some woman, a more productive person in the community of these within the last 5 years), all have not been and in society, one that is forever selflessly giving and lost. I have had MANY successes as well. I have been affecting change within herself and others were all successful as a professional model, owning my own 86

model and production company- last "job" for I am positioning myself alongside of them, but my heart is

FSmith Productions. I have been re- to be the entrepreneur and business- even the more blessed because they markably successful with scouting, woman that I am and not have to too will leave a legacy for their chiltraining and developing talent and work for anyone else. I no longer dren. I thank them both for the gift helping them to get to their next lev- have the desire, heart, passion, or of being a grandma. It is EVERYel in their careers. My work as a pho- patience for someone else to dictate THING that you ever heard that it tographer has had its fair share of my finances, nor my future. My lat- would be and then some and

rewards and profits (although in that est endeavor is being a Travel Busi- daughter's son is Phillip Michael and

arena, I am a tadpole amongst ness Advisor. I am an Independent they are both truly the love of my life sharks). I have also been very instru- Travel Owner and it is through THIS and the joy in my heart. mental as the Creative Director on vehicle, that I am afforded to Level various platforms including TV/Film UP my lifestyle, live life abundantly sets and other projects and I am ob- and travel like a rock star while ensessed with doing ALL THINGS ART. couraging, empowering and literally My love for the ARTS industry goes Inviting others to do the same not

back as far as age 5 for me and that because of a pandemic, but despite innovative, creative, talented side is of a pandemic. one of many gifts that my God has given and continues to bless me with. My work in the community includes being an advocate against Domestic Violence, (something that I

once was first partaker in) but has since been delivered from the violence and the madness. It is a fact.

In closing, I am being Reinvented. Through my business, I am being coached, trained, developed, and am reading...which aids to my Reeducation. I have been and continue to be Restored and am currently also undergoing a RENEWAL. At age 50, I

I am Blessed. I am better than feel a Re-birth. I KNOW, that I blessed, and I am blessed to be a KNOW, that I KNOW that it's MY blessing. I do not take this opportuni- TIME. I am Reembracing change and ty to share for granted and I know the NEW Norm and in this period without a shadow of a doubt that and time in the midst of my New there is purpose in EVERYTHING in- Norm, a NEW home will come forth, cluding having shared all that I have a NEW life, NEW money, a NEW love with you in this article.

(sent straight from the Heavens this

HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE and the

I'd like to give a shout out to my time) and a NEW ME which symbolvictims of such do not deserve to daughter Akierra Sherrice and my izes a Rebirth. reap the ugly, evil transferring of Son J.P. who are fellow business #thanksforlettingmeshare spirits that THEY had ABSOLUTELY owners as well. I have raised them NOTHING to do with. up in the way that they should go In Corporate, I have had fruitful posi- and have taught them entrepreneurtions in Executive Administration, ial principals. It gives me GREAT deClinical Research, and in the Call Cen- light to work this as a family business ter industry. The latter shall be my 87

My lungs exhaled a sigh of relief. It’s finally over. As Afraid? Initially, you may be so thrilled with the newquickly as I exhaled, the purity of the idea, the hope ness of freedom that you say – “Me? Not anymore!” for a loving ever-after, and the struggle to save my The transition from once married to single again is a

marriage brought a vivid sense of loss. The vows spo- simply, complex process. It’s like being on a roller ken were altered with the stroke of a pen and the tap coaster with a safety bar that never releases you to of a gavel. I struggled for years to navigate this diffi- get off the ride. You’re willing to go through the excult new reality and finally learned the steps to real hilaration the first or second time. The 3rd, 4th, or freedom. Here are four of the steps (inspired by the 5th time, the reality of being trapped sets in. Now torn veil) to help you begin to recover and rebuild.

you’re nauseous and afraid, looking to end the mad-

Get clear on your why.

ness and contemplating actions that might hurt you

The veil in the tabernacle in Exodus was created to mark the holy place from the Most Holy. Why gives us context and a foundation for understanding. There are so many whys that cross your mind when you realize your marriage is slowly dying. Why can’t I stop it? Why are we at this cross road? Why didn’t the counseling work? Once you go through divorce, it’s easy to think that the whisper of whys will go away. Like Celie on the Color Purple, “I’s free now!” Don’t be disillusioned. There are still whys that bind you to

or someone else. How can I start over again when I can’t get it together? Maybe I should go back – it wasn’t that bad. I believe the intent of the veil was not to keep man out but to keep out the irreverence for the holiest. Your life is a holy gift, but you won’t recognize or value the sacred when fear is in the driver’s seat. Make sure you are not allowing the fear of losing, being misunderstood, or even success to bring irreverence into your life. It’s a silent killer to who you are called to be.

what occurred long after the divorce. Understanding Know when and what to let go. why is essential to understanding you. Not just the The folds of the veil’s ornate tapestry were only person you fight to be but the thoughts and the be- touched by the priest during his annual entry into the haviors that brought you to this space. If you don’t Holy of Holies during atonement. Thousands of years reconcile your why, you will recreate the same out- later as the spear punctures the flesh of a crosscome with a different face.

hanging Christ who declares it is finished, the

Kick fear out of the driver’s seat. 89

symbolic curtain of testimony was torn from top to bottom in one day – after one culminating act. It had to be torn. The veil represented an obsolete paradigm. Now, God is in us to perform powerful things in and through us. Ignoring the traumatic impact of divorce can cause you to settle for what’s good but not God and limit your ability to discern and grow. What symbols are you holding on to that no longer serve you? Release the trappings and decide the life you want to live.

Be careful of going places where you’ve been. When life changes happen, we tend to rely on previous places of comfort – eating with your girlfriends, going to spiritual worship centers, enjoying children’s events with the gang or the same neighborhood gatherings. A tear in the veil represented thousands of years of tradition and perception torn with it. The person you’ve always been known as and associated with has shifted. Everyone isn’t willing, ready or able to accept you in the integrity of the process. You don’t have to hide or trade married loneliness for single loneliness. Find and connect with others that can sup-

port the person you are becoming now.

Alicia Randolph is the owner of Ascend Advantage, Randolph Consulting.

She helps pastor’s wives

who are afraid to openly admit the pain of failure, decode the traps that keep them bound, reclaim their beautiful identity and create a new life of joy and freedom.

When I think about beautification I think about how beauty it's not just Skin Deep. The very process of Beautification entails making visual improvements to a person, place or thing. In my experience beautification goes down to your soul, goes down to your inner being, it goes down to your self-confidence, your selfworth, who you are, who do you see yourself to be. Beautification is the journey that I am on right now. My journey began around 2010 with self care. Taking time for me, making me a priority. Treating my body to a massage, facial, pedicure, and manicure as my budget afforded me. There was a time when my world was wrapped around taking care of my children, and my husband. There was a time when I could not wrap my mind around self care. One of my mentors told me years ago to make myself a priority. I did not understand what she meant until 2010. 2010 was a year of boldness, and bravery for me. This was the year that I said enough is enough. I was broken, scorn, tired, bitter, and resentful. I was mad, and hurt. I wanted

revenge for all the wrong, neglect, and abuse that I had endured over the years from multiple people. One of the first things that I had to do was face my fears, forgive, and fall in love with me. I could not just make visual improvements to my skin. I needed a complete makeover, mind, body, and spirit. As time passed, as I faced the hard things in my life it was easi-

er for me to make visual improvements because the transformation had begun on my heart. My mindset began to shift. I had to focus on being the victor and not the victim. I had to stop inviting people to my pity parties. 92

I had to look in the mirror and ac- time in the morning to relax, oh God and will listen to Les Brown, Allyson cept who I had become in order to I'm nasty, like my demeanor my atti- Byrd, Dr. Mike Murdock, Tai Lopez, transform into who God destined for tude my disposition is crazy, as a re- TD Jakes, Bill just to name a few this me to be. Relax, renew, recharge, release, rebrand.. I realize that I have to renew my mind everyday, Lord Jesus I have to renew my mind every single day I have to really take the time to relax you know. I am the type of person that will work all day and all night until I’m sick. I'm very driven and I'm so conscious of making sure that my family is taking care of my husband my children that they are good that for so many years taking care of myself was never a thought. I make a conscious effort to relax and do the things that relaxes me and renew my mind.

sult of me feeling rushed. When I is really really important. It helps me have not taken the necessary time to renew my mind because I am to get up before my children and pouring out all day long. I'm conhusband, or before my phone start stantly all day long giving of myself ringing, before anybody can ask me for and to other people helping oth-

anything, I need to meditate, pray er people. I had to figure out what take a shower, and wash my face. relaxes me I had to figure out what The little things matter and we must those triggers were to help me get focus on the things that matter. to a place where I could relax and Awaking early in the morning has renew my mind. How can I get rebecome a part of my morning regi- filled, recharged and renewed everymen. I had to really learn how to day if I don’t make an effort to? It is

take care of myself in the morning, so important that I take the time to oh my goodness it makes such a big pour back into myself so that I can difference to my attitude my dispo- be recharged after I have spent eight sition to my everything first thing to ten hours of my day talking, and first I get up in the morning I gotta teaching. Don't wait for someone to have my gospel on that's my thing pour into you because that does not

I would encourage you to figure out what relaxes you. One of the things that I do is go to bed when I'm tired. I don’t try to stay up when my body and mind is tired. I get up between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. every morning and I am up all day sometimes until 10 o'clock at night due to my work schedule. I'm an educator, accountability coach, transformational speaker, mother, and wife. I get up early just so that I can have an hour or two hours for myself for my mental

because it's positive and I have to always happen. Learn how to pour

listen to positive music positive mu- into yourself! ladies I highly encoursic relaxes me. If I'm not listening to age you girls, sisters everywhere gospel, I'm listening to smooth jazz. take the time to relax your body reWhen I want to get recharged I lis- lax your mind just let your spirit rest. ten to house music on Pandora. Sometimes we just get so caught up When I'm working and I'm doing my and we begin to focus on the wrong administrator stuff or just planning things, Instead of taking

and prepare my week, I need to listen to music that gets me moving. I don’t watch TV, Don’t own a TV. I love listening to motivational speakers and so I will tune in to YouTube

health. I noticed that if I don't take 93

emotional state is so important in helping you to breathe every day. I'm on this journey with you girls. I'm not writing you because I have achieved anything, I am writing you from my experience. I'm

writing you from what I have learned to do everyday. This is not something that I've read, This isn't something that I heard, this is my personal Journey that I'm sharing with you. This is what has helped me,, and is helping me to get through. I deal with a whole lot of different things every day. I am a mother of five children, four boys, and one girl. Zion is four, Paul is eleven, Joshua is fifteen, Jael my only daughter is twenty one, and Aaron is twenty four. It's not easy being a mothour time and focusing our energy on thing, people, and places that

er, and if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t learn how to

really matter. I used to be a very emotional person and what that

B.R.E.A.T.H.E. YOU CAN LOSE YOUR

means is that I use to be temperamental that also means that my

MIND, end up in jail for harming your

moods change often and that I deal with people based on my emo-

children, or your children being taken

tions and that is not good that is not good at all and I am learning as I

away from you as a result of abuse and

am on my B.R.E.A.T.H.E journey. I am learning how to not allow my

or neglect. Your mental health and sta-

emotions to control me.

bility is vital to your ability as a mother

I am learning how to control my emotions, you know a lot of times

to maintain balance, continuously nur-

when people hurt us, hurt our feelings, upset us, and anyway offend

ture your children, love them uncondi-

us, those emotions can cause us to respond or react irrationally.

tionally, be patient, pray for them, and

Those emotions can cause us to do things that we normally wouldn't

consistently be positive, supportive, and

do. Those emotions can cause us to lose some relationships and miss

optimistic.

out on some opportunities. Your emotions and your 94

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ability to recover quickly. Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, There are many stigmas attached to the female gender.

tragedy, threats, or significant sources of

We are labeled many times as difficult, emotional, pas-

stressâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;such as family and relationship prob-

sive-aggressive, intimidating, forward, indecisive, and

lems, serious health problems, or workplace

the such like. We are mothers, wives, businesswomen,

and financial stressors. Women wear many

politicians, ministry leaders, and we have an innumera-

hats, some of which was put on her to wear.

ble host of different job descriptions. These positions

There is an expectation for her to fulfill the du-

and titles sometimes force us to assume the responsibil-

ties of the hat she adorns. Women are also vul-

ity of being all things to all people all the time. As ridicu-

nerable and susceptible to attacks. She strug-

lous as it seems, people expect women to do a lot, take

gles to be who she is for herself because of the

a lot, but not say a lot about what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re experiencing.

pull in many directions to provide coverage for

Many women pretend as if nothing is wrong, as if

others. She reports for duty while juggling man-

theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not affected by what has happened to them. It

datory tasks and cannot let it affect her produc-

takes a lot to break a resilient woman because of her

tivity. She may cry in private but squares her 103

shoulders and presents her best foot forward. Resilient Women Are Confident. When confident women rise, they perform well in difficult situations. Women show an unexpected skill in dealing with a difficulty that arises.

Confidence is a belief in oneself, the conviction that one can meet life's challenges and to succeed—and the willingness to act accordingly. Being confident requires a realistic sense of one's capabilities and feeling secure in that knowledge. A confident woman uses positive words in her conversations to build herself and others up. Generally, when women are cast down, talked about, or threatened by another women’s success, they “clap back” with negativity. There is an inner conflict that usually manifests through the emotional release of unnecessary drama. A confident woman, on the other hand, understands who she is. She is secure in her ability to be who she is and do what she is called to

do. She doesn’t bow down to negativity but quickly rises and empowers herself. A strong, faith-filled woman knows how to move on despite fear. She lives a victim-free life. It is quite easy to fall into the “woe is me” trap when experiencing tough times. As we’re navigating through life, we never really know what to expect. We don’t have to fall prey to our environment but should remain confident in our God to always see us through. Being confident is knowing that you can handle what is thrown at you and bounce back. You develop an inner knowing that you can manage the emotional outcomes of

104

105

what you’re facing. Begin by acknowledging every en somehow find a way to rise above it all. We have emotion, including difficult emotions, rather than learned to become solution-driven. Whenever there avoiding them. Speak up for yourself, limit self- is a problem, there must be a solution, a Godcriticism, and use other positive strategies to help solution. An incredibly strong woman doesn’t operbuild your emotional strength and confidence.

ate off human strength but God’s power. As women

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I re- of faith, remember, we are not our own. When life’s fuse to be reduced by it.” challenges are forced upon us, it is God’s design to ― Maya Angelou Resilient Women Find Solutions. As women in ministry, marketplace, and on the home front, we don’t point fingers; we find solutions. Problem-solving is the act of defining a problem; determining the cause of the problem; identifying, prioritizing, and selecting alternatives for a solution; and implementing a solution. Our “worlds” are full of problems. Sunup to sundown, we experience difficulties that sometimes don’t just go away. Rather than focusing on the issue, focus on finding a solution. One problem we face is we are expected to compete with other women. There is a harmful idea that only one woman can suc-

create a solution through us. As far back as Genesis 2:18, when there was a problem, God provided a solution. When the realization that it’s not good for

man to be alone, God provided a solution, a woman. Out of all the things God created, there was nothing satisfactory to meet the “physical and emotional”

needs of man other than a woman. So not only do we find solutions; in this case, we are the solution. Stop seeing yourself as a problem and consider yourself a solution. For every obstacle that comes your way, you’re an overcomer. Don’t get stuck in the obstacle course; solve the mystery, create the roadmap for others to follow. Take the problem and create a

path to the solution.

ceed in a thing. The media portrays women being pitted against one another and willing to do anything Resilient Women Find Strength in Community. It is to rise to the top. So, we get caught up in trying to do imperative as a woman to understand you don’t have it better than her; that’s a huge problem. The real to be strong alone. Having a trusted community of question isn’t how many women are doing it; the sisters is essential. Surround yourself with others problem lies in your ability to believe you can be suc- who empower you to experience self-love, assurance, cessful too. Find a way to be the best version of you; and wellness. Women need the ability to express that’s true strength! Amongst bigger challenges such as sexism, racism, and economic inequality, women are facing more than just surface issues. Amid these hardships, wom-

their fears, stressors, and relationship concerns without being ashamed of what they are “growing” through—having a tribe of sisters to share with will result in positive outcomes.

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True sisterhood helps us to share both the light and other options during this global pandemic, we’ve dark parts of our journey. Sisterhood is appreciating done it gracefully. We’ve experienced the fear of losand acknowledging someone for who they are, but ing clientele, which in turn meant losing money. consistently pushing them to their highest potential Women have had to multitask and take on more reand God's will for their life. It is very tempting to iso- sponsibilities in the home, such as homeschooling late to avoid being vulnerable. Staying connected is a their children. Women in ministry and other nonkey component of building resilience. Find opportuni- profit sectors have had to shift quickly to find a conties to talk about what you’re experiencing. While tinuum of what they’ve worked so hard to accomplish progressing through the toughest seasons of our lives, before this crisis. The COVID-19 quarantine was a malet’s remember to:

jor blow, but through it, we’ve managed to bounce

To the resilient woman, what was meant to kill you back. Slowly, we are progressing into a new way of

made you stronger.

living. Sure, it’s been emotionally, psychologically,

Learn how to cultivate positive emotions.

financially, and physically draining, but through it all,

Celebrate each other; it extends life.

we’re surviving.

Kill the spirit of comparison and competition.

building upon it.

We’re taking what we have and

Be open-minded; your sister needs you just as We can expect setbacks to happen, but we must conmuch as you need her.

sider mind renewal in our recovery process. The bus-

Forgive yourself and forgive others.

yness and uncertainties of life can be seriously over-

Have a girls' night; virtual gatherings are just as whelming. We must learn what does work and what fun.

doesn’t work for us. It would be absurd to believe what works for one will work for all. What we can

Resilient Women Recover Quickly. The year 2020 has certainly presented us with challenges. We’ve had to shelter in place and figure out how to do what we’ve

been doing in a new way. From deciding to close our brick and mortar businesses and operate solely online, to working from home because there were no

lean on is that there are proven strategies to help with bouncing back. Seeking the help of a licensed counselor, trusted ministry leader, or a certified life coach may assist with identifying strategies to assist in bouncing back. It doesn’t make one weak; it is a symbol of strength.

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Sometimes you must take a break and rest. Rest is one of the body’s best recovery mechanisms. Rest can be defined as a combination of sleep and time spent not “doing”, whereas recovery can be defined as actions and techniques implemented to maximize your body's repair. Rest and recovery aim to enhance the process and improve performance. A break is what some of us need to replenish. It’s about a shift in perspective. While many have

overworked, having little-to-no family time,

and can barely get any rest, let taking a break be a part of your recovery. It’s not always how “fast” you recover, but how well you recover. Let go of your burdens and reset. Renew your energy. Focus on what really matters. To the resilient woman, what was meant to kill you made you stronger. “The threat of harm is a human constant, but by

any reasonable measure, American women are among the safest, freest, healthiest, most opportunity-rich women on Earth. ” Christina Hoff Sommers.

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