REBIRTH OF THE TOTAL WOMAN by Rebirth

Inside this Issue From the Founder

Our Note to You

NGF. Inc.

NGF, Inc. Board of Directors

Faith and Family

12 Life in the Segregated North

By Michelle P. Jones

Beauty from a Black Perspective

Cover Exclusive by: Darlene Mingo Facing America

By; Aisha Guiles

By: Rev. Dr. Rene Minter

19 Unblocking Barriers to Success (Reprint)

By: Leslie Wright

28 Hair Care Tips (Reprint) by Hair All Down my Back

Incomplete Woman

A Message to our Daughters

By: Lo Brown

By: Rebirth

The Black Blueprint

By: Kyia Mobley

Motherhood Today From Rebirth

Your Gift Will Make Room For You (Reprint) By: Jean Toney

Embrace Your Skin By: Samantha White

FROM THE FOUNDER Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook Welcome to our Spring Edition of Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine...BLACK BY DESIGN. It is vitally important that as we move from Transition to Transformation that we develop new patterns and new paradigms that will enable us to maintain our new life. This includes everything from a new mindset, to new environments, new relationships, and even new locations in some cases. We here at Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine and Nana’s Girls’ Foundation endeavor to be a resource to aid you in that change, in that growth, in that shift that is necessary for you NEW NEXT!! The women in this Winter 2019 Edition have come together to speak to the heart, minds, spirits and souls of every woman on the brink of that change. This edition was inspired as I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed ne day. I saw a post of a NFL player with his Caucasian wife. Basically the post said something reference to a group of NFL player that celebrate light skinned babies over dark skinned babies. Now that may not seem like much to some. And I’m not particularly dark toned myself. However, the post as I continued to read basically said that these men don’t like black babies although they themselves are black. To add to this there are so many ads on social media, TV, and across the internet promoting blackness but putting the fair skinned, light skinned sisters on display. To God Be the Glory for the celebration of blackness. But what about the dark skinned sisters, very dark skinned beautiful sisters with long locks that ae being told that they need to brighten their skin? Or the little very black girls made to feel inferior to their bright skinned sisters because they are dark. Now this is not new to s as a

people. Division has always been a major factor in our treatment of one another and our treatment of self. Now if this sounds too pro-black to you, you may want to pick up a copy of a different magazine. But this edition dares to defy the racially acceptable version of black beauty. We celebrate all of our sisters from the light bright to the purple, from the sable to the mocha. As it was in the Garden of Even hen God presented Eve to Adam ...He declared t Very Good!! And so e at Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine and the Movement. As the Lord our God is shifting us from Glory to Glory, we must shift in our thinking and ways of doing things. There is greater in store for you. And as you embrace your NEW NEXT, we urge you to embrace it with freedom, and with joy. I speak prophetically to you today, that as you read through the pages of this edition expect to never be the same again. Expect Rebirth. Rebirth in your personal, professional, family, financial, spiritual, emotional, private and public lives. For you are more than a Phenomenal Woman, you are a Proverbs 31 Woman. You are a Daughter of Zion; with that comes a great inheritance but also a great responsibility. That responsibility is to train up our daughters to recognize the greatness within them, to recognize the beauty within them, and to evolve into the Queen they were created by God to become, and with all the benefits of Queendom. Daughter, TODAY BE MADE WHOLE!!! Embrace your REBIRTH as you encounter these pages. Join us inside the Winter Edition of Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine.

Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook Editor-In-Chief & Founder 5

OUR NOTE TO YOU Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine has done it again. You are holding in your hands the Fall Edition of this wonderful publication. We are both pleased and excited to bring to you Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine, featuring women that are living their best lives. It is our sincere prayer that you are able to take away from this edition knowledge and wisdom for every day life situations and apply it as well. We hope that you will be empowered to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!!! We are celebrating women that have overcome life’s challenges and are now resting in the reality of those SHIFTING PARADIGMS. These women serve in different capacities but each with the same agenda...that is to change the lives of other women by the telling of their life experiences and by telling of how God intervened in their lives setting them on a journey of discovery. This is a season to celebrate you as the faithful servants you are, and to thank you for the many sacrifices you’ve made to ensure that others not only realize their full potential, but that they may also reach their destiny. The Staff of Rebirth of the Total Woman Magazine & Nana’s Girls’ Foundation, Inc.

NANAS GIRLS FOUNDATION, INC. The nonprofit, Nana's Girl Foundation (NGF), was formed for the primary purpose of aiding and assisting women in the reinvention of themselves, spiritual development, re-education, through life coaching and counseling, NGF will offer its clients an opportunity to volunteer with the foundation through our various programs and community events. These ladies will receive life skills training, assistance with continuing education, job readiness and search. NGF, Inc. cater to women of all ages. They are required to complete a 6-12 month training program, using the curriculum designed by Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook, which though designed for all women; caters to the need of each individual person. Upon completion of their individualized training program, each participant will receive a certificate of completion, and assistance with job placement; to include the possibility of working with the foundation in

some capacity. In 2020 NGF, Inc., will open, The Annie Ruth DeLaney Home for Young Women, which will serve women ages 13-40, and provide them with a place of safety, a haven, and home for them if needed. Although not required to live in the home, client will be expected to complete their training program through the home-based program, structure, discipline, and special offerings from the foundation. And 2021 we will open the Genesis Healing for both men and women. 8

NANAS GIRLS FOUNDATION, INC. Founder & Executive Director: Dr. Vanessa Williams-Cook Board of Directors & Constituents: President: Kisha J. McRae Vice President: Aly Johnson Director of Organizational Structure: Jean Toney Educational Coordinator: Tanya Bankston Global Market Liaison: Anita Duah Prempeh

Hospitality Coordinator: Sadiemae Deas

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW...wait but how? TANYA BANKSTON, CHANGE DOULA & EDUCATIONAL COORDINATOR FOR NGF, INC. 12

FAITH & FAMILY GIRLZ TALK...REAL TALK INTERNET RADIO SHOW

MICHELLE P. JONES My life has been interesting but not for the reasons

Let me clarify and quantify why I said I never felt like I

most people could imagine. I am the youngest child of fit in anywhere. My Dad, Reverend Cooper L. Bledsoe, four (4) born to Reverend Cooper L. and Evangelist

was a giant of a man who was dark skinned, tall and

Marva E. Bledsoe. I was raised in a Christian home

who had a presence that demanded attention when he

with Christian values, parental rules, chores and high

entered a room. My Mom, Evangelist Marva E.

expectations of me. The middle-class African American Bledsoe is a strong light-skinned woman who walks village that imparted into and raised me is also the

quietly but carries a huge and powerful personality

place that I called home. Growing up I never felt like I

and presence. She is one of those people who have

fitted in anywhere. It was as if I was a foreigner that

the innate ability to make you feel secure and at home

could not find their place. Believe me, I know how this just by coming into her presence. Together they prosounds especially to the people who had an outside

duced me, a milk chocolate little girl with kinky hair, a

view of my family and our dynamic.

gap, a coca cola shaped body and an intelligence that is off the charts. The issue I had was that

no one in my immediate family looked like me, acted

onymous with being selfish and means being con-

like me nor was I able to relate to. So, I began to seek

cerned exclusively with oneself; their own advantage,

what I felt I lacked from sources outside of my family.

pleasure and/or wellbeing without regard for others.

See, I am one of those super talented brainiac kind of

Selflessness is defined as being concerned more with

people who have so much going for them that they

the needs and wishes of others more than oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own.

find themselves serving people for acceptance and

God showed me the importance of making me a priori-

love instead of serving God. Why? Because I just want- ty in my own life and gave me permission to be selfish.

ed to fit in somewhere! I was so desperate that I decid- I had to learn how to love on me by transferring the ed fitting in anywhere is better than fitting in nowhere! care and attention I lavished on others to myself. It In my case, that anywhere left me bruised, battered

was during this time that I learned how to look to God

and right back where I was hating the skin I am in,

for my value, my worth and my self-esteem and not to

hating my gap and not knowing who I am! I wanted to the NOUNs in my life. I had to stop my spiral journey be loved, appreciated, desired and needed by some-

down the rabbit hole and utilize the tools I had been

one who really saw me. Saw who I really am outside of taught, the lessons I learned from the Word of God the roles I play and the masks I learned to wear to try

and life experiences, and my prayer life to begin my

and fit in. Most days I felt like I wasn't worthy of the

journey to self-discovery and acceptance. I am the

things I needed because of previous poor choices. I

woman I am today because of what my parents down-

felt like people never really saw me, they only saw

loaded into me as a child, the Spiritual foundation that

what benefited them and made them feel as if their

was started while growing up in the Church, the poor

life has a purpose and/or meaning by judging my mis-

choices that got me caught up on more than one occa-

takes and finding me unworthy to be accepted and/or

sion and the good choices that have helped me build a

get to know!

bridge to self-awareness, honesty, acceptance, and

Then in 2012, I experienced a life-changing and Spiritu- purpose. Everything I have experienced has ALL been ally revitalizing season that literally changed the trajec- necessary for me to learn the importance of selfishtory of my life, my future, my Spirit-man and how I see ness, self-love, self-worth and unapologetically living the woman looking back at me in the mirror. I went my life intentionally and purposefully. What I have

through a season of change that forced me to establish learned has come at a cost but has also me living an who I am, set boundaries and limitations in my rela- amazing life full of wisdom, love, peace, joy, and actionships with others and begin to walk in my purpose. complishments! It was during that season that I learned one (1) of the Let me introduce you to Michelle P. Bledsoe-Jones! I most valuable lessons of my life: the difference be- am the exceptionally proud and divorced mother of tween selfishness and selflessness. Selfishness is syn- three (3) adult children and the loving Maw-Maw to

ing back at me in the mirror! I love every curve, every extra pound that makes me a full-figured woman, the gap that I proudly display with every smile, the skin color that is all my own and the intelligence that opens doors daily. I am a woman whose spirituality and prayer life sustains her, and whose family keeps her grounded. With all my flaws, idiosyncrasies, failures,

success, issues, discarded baggage and new found freedoms, I have realized that God has provided me with all the tools, skills and abilities I need to walk on water in my stilettos regardless of the weather conditions, life

happening situations and the unexpected. And, finally, I am THAT chocolate skinned woman who has learned how to celebrate the life sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been given and expect nothing less from the people in her life!

Michelle P. Jones is an ordained minister, teacher, mo-

tivational speaker, workshop facilitator, published author and an entrepreneur who lives and works in Indiana. Michelle seeks to provide the foundational tools and the knowledge base for women to learn to love the woman looking back at them in the mirror through her organization, RestoHER, Inc, and her DIVAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (Divinely Inspired Virtuous and Anointed Sistas) Curriculum. Michelle has self-published two (2) books: Grasping Your Success: Six Steps to Starting and Legitimizing Your Business and Walking on Water in my Stilettos: How God Strengthened my Faith-walk.

In her spare

time, Michelle can be found reading, writing, watching Sci-Fi and action movies and spending time with her family and her circle of friends. 15

THE MANY DIFFERENT HUES OF THE AFRICAN-AMERCIAN “BLACK” WOMAN 18

A MESSAGE TO OUR DAUGHTERS!!!!

great-great-grand-mother Eve in

all is the “God” talk. Why?

the Garden of Eden and perpetuat-

It is imperative that we understand

ed through generation upon gener- who God is and who He is I our ation. Was it slavery; which did not lives. It is most crucial at this begin in America until the 1800’s.

young age because until our sons

Was it ghetto living which is more of and daughters understand by a mentality than a reality. Is the whom, and for what purpose they

miseducation of an entire culture by were created, understanding and those endeavoring to make themcoming into the knowledge of selves more superior? Is the hip-

“WHO AM I?” can not fully be com-

hop culture that demeans and de-

prehended. Image is EVERYTHING!!

moralizes the woman to the point Being different is not a curse. We

of servitude and whoredom more

as African American women have

than empowering the woman for

for centuries been the epitome of

success?

beauty, grace and elegance. This beauty has been both a blessing

Whatever it may be, we have an obligation to our daughters and

Yes, I said that!! And some may not and a curse for black women world- sons f this generation to retrain agree with my theology right now, wide. It goes back to ancient Egypt. their brain, and reeducate them for but let me finish. You se, ladies Yes that’s right Egypt, and not the success. We often ask the question your self-worth nor your beauty are Hollywood rendition of Cleopatra what is wrong with today’s genera- in your hair, your figure, your with Elizabeth Taylor, but the origi- tion? Well being the mother of clothes, your car, your house, your nal Cleopatra with her rich, deep, three ages 29, 13 and 12 I have money or your education. Neither and dark complexion that estabseen many differences between my is it tied to your DNA. Let’s not get lished or began to instruct women children. Now I am the mother of it twisted. DNA plays a big part in in the art of beauty. Even further boys. I find myself having the same your physiology. Some have genes back it goes to the Queen of Sheba, conversations with them, that my that produce good looking people, rich in substance and in beauty, in- parent had with me. The “sex” talk, and then there are those whose triguing and captivating. So how did the “drugs/alcohol” talk, the “most genes well...are less than attractive we arrive to this place we are in as important thing right ow talk, the to the eye that is. But that is not black women. “future” talk, and in my house, the who you are!! We were graced by God with beau- “GOD” talk. All of which are imty and strength that began with our portant, but the most important of 20

A MESSAGE TO OUR DAUGHTERS: TEACH THEM TO LOVE THEMSELVES REBIRTH OF THE TOTAL WOMAN A few years ago (ten to be precise), I Our young people struggle with is-

dorm room. My sophomore year a

conducted a workshop among col-

sues ranging from insecurity to sex-

well-known Islamic brother on cam-

lege females. These16 ladies were

uality while trying to please others

pus was found dead in his dorm

between the ages of 17 to 21. I

and please God. For some, they are room hanging from the ceiling. Alt-

asked the question “Have any of you unable to reconcile that. They strug- hough it was ruled it was never ever suffered from or dealt with de- gle with the idea of failing to sucpression? All 16 of these young la-

proven that it was suicide.

dies raised their hands. About an

ceed, failing to become a productive So how do we combat this problem? member of the 21st century black First, we must get to the root of the

hour prior to this session, I sat

South, failure to perform well in

problem. We are a visual society,

among both young men and women school, on the job, in the home,

and what we see oftentimes influ-

once again the age ranging from 17

maintaining successful relationships, ences our thinking and our behavto 21 in this Christian organization. I and trying to understand this thing ior. We’ve become more technolistened to the fears and challenges

called Faith, failure to live up to

logically-advanced but spend less

that these young people faced on a

standards set by their parents,

time talking face-to-face. We com-

daily basis. One of the most preva-

standards set by the church, failure

municate through Facebook, Insta-

lent and common was the “fear of

to land a solid career or at least a

gram, Direct message, or Twitter

failure”. The second fear among the good paying job in order to care for

young man was being a good father their children; and in the black fami-

just to name a few. Even email is becoming obsolete. Because of

and provider. I was extremely dis-

ly is not uncommon for the eldest

turbed to see our young people struggling with such grown-up is-

child or an aunt even a grandparent derstand that image is everything to take on the responsibility of rais- and unfortunately what we see is

sues, for many of them their child-

ing of small children who by reason

hood innocence having been

of some unfortunate circumstance

snatched away due to adult circum- has lost their parents. stances causing many of them to

what we see before us we must un-

not always the truth. For instance in the beauty industry which is a multibillion-dollar industry, the average

My freshman year in college a

Estee Lauder models’ age ranges

never know what it is like to simply

young lady in our dorm committed

from 17 to 21 unless of course, the

be a teenager.

suicide by hanging herself in her

model is a well-known celebrity, 21

otherwise the person you see on

God's existence. Who we are is al-

Son, that he might be the firstborn

the billboard or in the magazine ad

ready laid out in the heavens. We

among many brethren.” The word

looks to be 25 to 28 years old but

just have to lay hold to it by coming foreknow this verse is equivalent to

indeed no more than 17 to 21 and

into a right relationship with the El

in some cases even younger. We

Shaddai himself. Then and only then of “to set loving regard upon” or to

ourselves dress each day covering

will we truly experience FREEDOM.

come to “bestow love upon from

up the scars and bruises that life

King David wrote it this way in

eternity.” “Foreknowledge” means

“fore love” and is used in the sense

has inflicted upon us, but thanks be 139th Psalm and verse 13 “For you

that God purposed from eternity to

to God for restoring our youth like

formed my inner parts; you wove

love and redeem the human race

the eagles.

me in my mother's womb. I will give through Jesus Christ (John 3:16). thanks to you for I am fearfully and

The recipient of God's fore-

wonderfully made; wonderful are

knowledge or “fore love” is stated

we spend too much time creating

your works and my soul knows it

in the plural and refers to the

our own image when God said in

very well. My frame was not hidden church. That is, God's forelove is

Genesis 1:26-28 “Let us make peo-

from you, but I was made in secret,

primarily for the corporate Body of

and skillfully wrought in the depths

Christ ( Ephesians 1:4; 2:4: I John

of the earth.”

4:19) and includes individuals only

We were created in God's image and likeness. Our problem is that

ple in our image to be like ourselves. They will be masters of all life, the fish in the sea, the birds in

Apostle Paul writes further in Ro-

as they identify themselves with his

the sky, and all the livestock, wild

mans 8:29 “For whom he did fore-

body through abiding faith and un-

animals and small animals. So God

know, He also did predestinate to

ion with Christ (John 15:1-6)

created people in his own image.

be conformed to the image of His

God patterned them after himself

male and female, he created them. God blessed them and told them to multiply and fill the Earth and subdue it. Be Masters over the fish and

birds and all the animals. (New Living Translation) We cannot discover who we are and what our purpose is in this life here in the earth

except we get and stay connected to God. Who we are is wrapped up in 22

This is what the enemy tries to keep ed anything less than my best. the believer from knowing. He bogs Whatever job or assignment, class the believer down and holds power or task I was given the one requireover them and controls much of the ment was not perfection, but inactivity of this present age. Satan is stead excellence. the god of this world. (John 12:31,

Too often we accept mediocrity

14:30, 16:11; Ephesians 2:2, I John

and settle for second best. We do

1. Develop a life of prayer-prayer is how you communicate with

5:19). He continues only by the per- this in our pursuit for a career, in missive will of God until the end of our relationships and in other areas.

God and He with you. Daily

this world. Those who do not sub-

relationship with our Heavenly

Enough! Teaching our daughters to

Devotion-Fostering a personal

mit themselves to Jesus remain un- love themselves goes beyond physider Satan's sway. He blinds their cal appearance. Appearance eyes to the truth and glory of the counts in that when people first

Father God is key.

Gospel in order that they might be

meet you they are either attracted

with the Father.

might not be saved.

to what they se or not. So impres-

This walk

requires a lifestyle of holiness through daily communications

2. Develop a routine of Self-Care-

sions are important. How you carry

Bring everything to everybody

to teach our children to love them-

yourself will speak more than you

can become

selves. We can only do this if we

can ever say. It’s not in exposing

You must take care of yourself.

As parents it is our responsibility

overwhelming.

ourselves have learned to love our- your self that makes you pretty.

Take Time for “Self”- We spend

selves. The makeup, the hair, the

so much time as women caring

jewelry are all accessories. But the greatest accessory a girl can have is

her confidence; which only comes with the knowledge of knowing who you are. I am forever grateful to God. My mother an grandmoth-

er along with other beautifully confident Women of God constantly poured into me. They consistently reminded me of who I was and would become in this life. They never held me back from reaching

Look, me personally

for others that we fail to take

I like heels, eyelashes, long hair or

time for ourselves. It is imper-

a sharp cut, I like nails and makeup.

ative that we practice self-care

But if I don’t wear my make up or

to be productive and healthy.

put on my wig, I don’t feel less than

We get lost in daily activities,

confident. Where does confidence

family, children, spouses, and

come from? Confidence, true confi-

even work/ministry. We must

dence comes from the Scriptures.

make it a habit to do some-

The Word of God builds your confi-

thing special for ourselves.

dence and gives you the strength to

Read a book, get a manicure/

stand in the face of adversity

pedicure, get a massage, go for

Here are some “Loving the Me I

a walk, take a class, or whatev-

my full potential and never accept- See” tips:

er you need to for relaxation 23

and empowerment.

smell good. And feeling good

can’t go wrong. There is more,

3. Practice saying “No” - We all

about

but get these in your closet and

ourselves

linked

have limitations. Establish those

closely to our appearance.

boundaries early in your rela-

Although beauty is vain, we

tionships and never be afraid to

should always want to be

let people know when the

attractive to our spouses and

want to represent the King-

boundary has been breached.

dom well. 4. Develop an exercise routine

So, dump the

grandma hairdo and cotton

Join a gym, do Yoga at home,

stockings and get pretty.

go for a run/walk, do some-

7. Get a “New Do”— spring’s here a ponytail is simple, reliable and all-purpose.

Get a new

color, a new cut, do something that fames the face and adds

height for us short people.

Refresh your wardrobe- Okay

Check with your stylist for

that you may be physically fit

it’s not easy shopping these

something NEW this season.

for the fight. Our bodies are

days. But every woman’s closet

the temple of the Holy Spirit.

should have the basic, a pair of

Let us do good to watch over

black pumps or nice flats that

our temple daily.

compliment, a pair of jeans, a

thing to foster healthy habits

you can go anywhere.

white blazer, a black suit pants/

5. Develop a Skin Care/Beauty

skirt, a crisp white shirt, a color-

Regimen-Face it, we women

ful scarf, and matching accesso-

love to look good. We love to

ries. With these items you

8. Spend some time alone-you will never know what you are capable of if you are always surrounded by people. Cultivate a

relationship with your self and lean to like you. You are your first Best Friend. Meditation24

The key to peace in all your relationships, is peace

you down. You can do that all by yourself. Edu-

with yourself and with God. Spend time meditating to

cate yourself-Finish high school, get a degree,

relieve the stress and pressures of daily life.

learn a new trade. It will increase your income

9. Maintain positive influences- a supportive and posi-

and give youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a sense of pride.

tive network is key in all relations. You need peo-

10. Maintain an Open line of communication-No man

ple around you to push you, encourage you, whip

is an island. We need people in our lives. Good

your butt if necessary, and pour positive feedback

people to keep us good, and the other to keep us

into your spirit. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need anyone tearing

humble.

BLACK BY DESIGN REBIRTH OF THE TOTAL WOMAN

THE BLACK BLUEPRINT EVENT PLANNER, SPEAKER, AUTHOR & ENTREPRENEURER LESLIE WRIGHT

Growing up in our household I was taught very vividly

could be anything, and not just because I was black but

about the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I

because I was Leslie.

remember putting together a project for school where we had to interview someone that we would love to meet for Black History Month. I knew my dad could pull off Dr. Kingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s voice and when the interview played in class, I remembered my teacher tearing up as he sounded so much like him. I remember one of my fa-

vorite pass times was watching hit shows like Moesha, and the Cosby Show. Later I would watch Martin, A different world In Living Color, and Good Times with my mom. The essence of being black, and that black was

bold creative and beautiful was the framework of my

Later as an adult those images didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so much fade away as my inner circle just became more colorful. I

attended the University of North Carolina in Greensboro, NC and was encouraged to grow my circle beyond my backyard. I was encouraged to network and to be respectfully curious about other cultures, and nations.

That hunger stayed with me even after graduation. I wanted to work for one of the most diverse publications of the decade, Essence magazine. I knew black was innovative and resilient. I saw women like my cousins, my great grandmother, grandmother and mom be

life. I was told I was beautiful growing up. I was told I

pausing me, and questioning myself like, “what is this”? I casted it off as a misunderstanding. But then “misunderstandings” similarly kept happening just like that. It was my mother who had to explain to me what was really happening. I wouldn’t say the shock is what got to me as so much rage. I couldn’t believe that God could put all different types of people together on one

globe and yet we warped ourselves into such ignorance. From then I began praying for my nation, but more importantly what I could do change it. How I could keep hands on doors regardless of color but in-

stead of simple respect. I believe that we all have choices, in letting this world define us, or to create new definition. I started companies and launched companies that began showing people of all colors that success, dreams, diligence, reprominent figures of hard working, articulate, God fearing women in society, and I wanted to be that too. While I didn’t have the pressure to go into a certain profession, I was told to be responsible, and to figure out what God was calling me to do with my life. I made my upbringing and amazing exposure at college my epic-center.

spect, and knowledge was colorless. With my event planning company, my speaking career, my books, and

countless other industries I work in I reverted to what I was brought up to know and embody. My mission is to speak to people to remind them that we are beautiful together. We can be more powerful together, but that

regardless of how you feel, I will wake up and go to

Though like most, I graduated and left the safety of col- sleep Black. My skin doesn’t change, my DNA doesn’t lege campuses, I left home, and began figuring out the

change, but our treatment of one another can always. I

life I wanted for myself. I became comfortable with be- realized all of my upbringing and life experiences was

ing my own woman in society. I can say I lived a color-

carving out a documented story. That my story could

less life. I didn’t experience racism, and colorism until

empower instead of breakdown communities. My

my late 20’s. I remember going towards a door in a

Black will remain beautiful, and so will yours…never

movie theatre and an older, beautifully dressed white

forget that you have the power to create a new ripple

woman literally rather have let the door close in her

in the world, in essence a new blueprint. I know Dr.

face than to grab the handle with me. I remember it

King would be proud.

INCOMPLETE WOMAN AUTHOR & ENTREPRENEUR KYIA MOBLEY, 32

I grew up as an only child in the 70s in Bronx, NY to a two-parent household was fun as my parents spoiled me with love and material things. Life was far from perfect so I always kept a vivid imagination of what my adult life would be like. I was going to graduate college, get a high paying job, travel the world, marry the man of my dreams, have 2 kids (boy & girl) and have a cat

and a dog while living in a fabulous house in New Rochelle, NY. Well, so much for a vivid imagination because my reality went all the way to the left and down a bumpy road. Growing up as a kid in the 70s was great because I enjoyed freedom that unfortunately, most kids won’t know today. When my father wasn’t on drugs both of my parents worked normal hours during the week and had the weekends off. I played outside at the park with my friends unsupervised if I answered when my mom

band as the dog….Ha. So, I married a man, but he was-

yelled my name from our 19th-floor balcony. Weekends n’t the one from my dreams so thank God we are now divorced. I’ve always had a family history of fibroids as were spent cleaning the apartment and hanging with my parents although mostly my mom. We would go

my mom had a fibroid the size of a large grapefruit

shopping, to the movies and out to eat. During the

which caused her to menstruate for almost a whole

warm months, we spent every other weekend in City

month until her body got exhausted and made her

Island eating seafood which is our favorite past time.

have a stoke. When she recovered from the stroke, she

Life was carefree and simpler, and we could do things

received a full hysterectomy at the age of 50. After I

that kids can’t do today. We rode our bikes with no hel- graduated from Bennett College at the age of 22, I began having mild cramping and was told that I had 4 fimets, rode in the back of pickup trucks, rode in cars

with no seat belts and no car seats and was able to

broids the size of a pea. The doctor said I had nothing

trick or treat without adult supervision. Life was good

to worry about but to make sure I get an annual check-

but I had to grow up.

up to monitor their growth or non-growth. My fibroids were manageable until I hit the age of 35 and the poop

A few bits and pieces of my imagination came to pass as I graduated from college, traveled the world, got 2 cats minus the dog unless you want to count my Hus-

hit the fan. My abdomen increased outward and my pain quadrupled to the point that I started taking 8 Advil tablet per day. Although I wasn’t married, I was des33

.whether he knew it or not. One late July 2017 Saturday be severely punished like this is all I could think on a

night, I’m laying in my bed in tears after taking the 12th daily basis? I experienced prolonged feelings of regret, Advil tablet for that day thinking that I need to call 911. sadness, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, fatigue and Somehow, I feel asleep and woke up with the thought

battled thoughts of suicide. I was simply useless since

that I’m 41 years old with a lying cheating Trinidadian

both of my parents had previously passed from cancer,

boyfriend who I truly don’t want to be my baby daddy,

I was unmarried, dating a cheat, suffering from alope-

so I’ll just give up. That Monday morning, I called the

cia areata, overweight and now can’t have kids. I was

doctor to schedule a consultation. After the full exam,

convinced God hated me and was cursing me for some-

the doctor quickly recommended a partial hysterecto-

thing that I had no idea about. On top of that, I read a

my so I can keep my ovaries and cervix and I said sign

Facebook post that said, “You are not a woman unless

me up with tears in my eyes.

you had a baby” and that almost sent me to my grave. I

Wednesday, November 15, 2017, was the 4-hour hysterectomy surgery that left me feeling like I was run over twice by a Mack truck. Oh, but the joy of that sweet liquid hospital grade Morphine. Sweet baby Jesus, that’s some good stuff. During the surgery, the doctor discovered that I also had endometriosis along with the 32 fibroids and one so big that it pushed my

organs back up against my rectum. My family provided me such loving support while in the hospital for 2 nights. My Auntie Peggy flew up from NY and took care of me for 2 weeks after I was released on the 17th.

cursed out the idiot who posted such a cruel post and then deleted them. Now 2019, I’m fully recovered from the surgery but not fully recovered emotionally and I’ve accepted that a part of me will always feel like an

incomplete woman. Recently a lady told me “Everything is always in God’s perfect will and timing, with proper healing of what caused you to view as misfortunate, you can and will create beauty and love in this world. Unceasing love and blessings to you, Goddess” After this statement, who knows maybe I’m not an incomplete woman after all.

Lawd, that woman deliciously cooked for me 3 times a day, took care of me, did all the house chores and took care of my 2 cats. I thank God for her loving kindness every day. I didn’t want her to leave but she had to go

back home to her family, and I had to put on my big girl draws and take care of myself again. Tuesday, November 28 after my Aunt left to go back home, I fell into a pitiful depression because I now had time to realize that I can never carry a child and I was mad at God again. What in Jesus name have I done to 34

Growing up for me was the best era of my life; if you want to compare being a kid, to being an adult. I watched my mother and grandmother cook while I practice piano. My grandmother was a domestic worker. Every summer, beginning at age 8, I would go to work with her. I developed a strong work ethic early in life. I learned what it meant to work, responsibilities of work and the rewards of working. And not just getting paid. That was NICE!! But working gives you a sense of pride and builds confidence, it teaches and enables you to be self-sufficient, while providing for your family. I discovered at 8-years old that I liked that and now an adult, I liked not

having to depend on others for my basic needs and those of my children. This comes with a price, but well worth it in the end. 36

MOTHERHOOD TODAY FROM REBIRTH CELEBRATING AFRICAN-AMERICAN MOTHERS

Of course, growing up in the 70s 80s the city and on weekends they

the south.

was so much different from

would come out in the country and

now. But why, let me continue. My

we'd all go to church together as a

family wasn't rich, but we weren't

family. That was a major part of my the Supreme Court handed down

poor either. To everyone outside

upbringing. Our family life was cen- Brown v. Board of Education which

Mr. Paul and Miss Mabel had it go-

tered around our faith in God; a

I was born in 1970, 15 years since

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;til this day is still described as the

ing on. We lived in a brick house on missing ingredient in today's family

day that launched the modern Civil

the hill, we had electricity, running

formula. We had a healthy balance

Rights Movement. Dr. Martin Lu-

water, and our yard was fenced

of church and family. Now to com-

ther King Jr. died April 4,1968 at the

in. Daddy (Mr. Paul as he was affec- pare my childhood with that of oth-

St Joseph's Hospital in Memphis

tionately known by all the neigh-

ers would be unfair. Why? Not all

Tennessee just two years before I

bors) was a local Minister and re-

children grow up in healthy environ- was born. That was a time when we

tired. He built us a swing in the back ments. Plus there were others in our were proud to be black or to be a

yard under the pecan tree that

community and surrounding neigh-

negro. Malcolm X died February

gracefully provided shade over the

borhoods that were in similar fami-

21,1965 at the Audubon Ballroom in

back stoop. Nana aka Miss. Mable

lies to mine. But, I was extremely

the Washington Heights neighbor-

was the ultimate BOSS LADY!! She

blessed and somewhat of a very

hood Manhattan, New York City, 5

was no nonsense and very meticu-

privileged child. And to be black in

years before I was born. In 1966 the

lous in every way. She was a Dea-

the South made us far removed

biggest movement in the African

coness at the church and sang in the from what was normal for oth-

American Community at large was

Senior Choir, that girl was BADD!!

ers. This was at a time when we

born, the Black Panther Party for

My mom didn't live in the house

were just beginning to know and

self-defense in Oakland California by

with us. She and my brother lived in walk in our new rights as blacks in

Huey Newton and Bobby Seale, 37

whose original purpose was to pa-

One of our problems as a people is

trol African American neighbor-

that we tend to forget where we've

hoods and protect residents from

come from. But the real point of this

police brutality. And in 1968 the

article is to help us understand what

first African American woman was

is going on with our children and

elected to the US Congress repre-

how we as mothers today can be-

senting New York's 12th congres-

come whole. What does this really

sional district Shirley Chisolm.

mean?

Then there are those in the middle. Here’s a page from my book. My weekdays begin at 5:30 a.m. and

usually ends at midnight. I am a school teacher, minister, church administrator, entrepreneur, mother of 3 male children daughter of aging parents and going through my sec-

This landscape set up the next gen-

As I was preparing to write this arti-

ond divorce. My eldest child lives in

eration for the greatest possible fu-

cle at first, I couldn't decide what

Queens New York, while my two

ture we could have. Our parents

aspect I wanted to explore. I began

younger children ages 12-13 play

were in support of the political land- my research and popping up right scape of blacks in Congress, City

before my very eyes was already in

football and basketball. My NBA bound child is my hard core gamer

Council, School Boards, and in Com- my spirit . Why is parenting so diffi- and also the church drummer. My munity Affairs; and yes with the

cult today 20 to 30 years ago? Ac-

NFL bound child is my outdoorsman

hopes of one day seeing someone

cording to Motherly, a publication

and lover of animals. I work mostly

like Barack and Michelle Obama,

redefining motherhood, 88% of par- with middle School aged chil-

who look like us, gracing the finest

ents say being a parent is harder

dren. My schedule is tight, packed

house in the nation with their pres-

than ever. On one hand there are

with work, after school activities,

ence, the White House as the first

those people trying to be the

church functions, meetings, and my

elected African-American president

‘perfect parents”, as if that’s possi-

parents. Most times I don't even

and first lady of USA. Nevertheless.

ble. . They limit the amount of TV

find time for myself. So I can under-

my childhood was both a fascinating that children get to watch, they limit stand why parenting is hard. Life in and challenging time. I didn't even

game time, they only use organic

experience racism however as we

ingredients when cooking, no sugar, deeper.

know it to be, until years later after no salt, vigorous school schedules, I went to college. Whites in our

Luvs vs. Huggies, the perfect car

neighborhood were in support of

seat, the perfect day care, ABC

black movements and black events

Mouse, no cartoons, no milk prod-

more than one would expect. Why

ucts, it's crazy! On the other hand,

is this important and what does this children do what they want to do, have to do with motherhood today

play games until 1 a.m., stay home

well I'm glad you asked.

alone and the list goes on and on.

general is hard, but let's dig a little

According to a BPI Network survey of 2,000 parents in the United States and Canada, the leading reasons parenting feels harder than ever include: social media distractions, challenges with two working parents. 39

emotional or behavioral dysfunc-

erland, @ANNAMS59 she writes

nancy, what painkillers (if any) to

tion, peer competition or bullying,

that “Only in recent decades has be- accept during childbirth, whether or

and violence and safety concerns in

coming a parent truly been a choice. not to let your infant cry himself to

schools. "Parental burnout is a state For most of history, it was a given:

sleep, how to potty-train her, at

of physical, mental and emotional

You were a child, you grew up, you

what age he should enter kindergar-

exhaustion," says Neil D. Brown,

got married, you had kids, you grew ten, whether and how to pass on

LCSW, author of Ending The Parent- old, you died. Now the "having kids" your religious faith to her, at what Teen Control Battle. "It leaves par-

stage is totally optional (even if a

age he can stay home alone, how

ents feeling chronically fatigued…

stigma is still attached to declining

much time she should spend watch-

and it can lead to depression, chron- or not being able to do so). And the ic anxiety and illness."

downsides of our choices seem to

"It is staggering to look at the inci-

weigh more heavily on us than the

dence of [parental burnout] symp-

downsides of inevitabilities. Con-

toms among working parents in

trast parenting with, say, working.

America and understand the impli-

For most Americans, having a job is

ing TV, exercising, reading. . .”

cations this has for added employee not an option: it is a necessity. You burden, cost, concern and down-

may find work boring, frustrating, or

time," Murray says, adding that

exhausting, but it's unavoidable. Its

counseling services to promote

downsides are just about universal,

healthy parenting should "certainly" and when you complain about work, be among the benefits employers

you know that most of the human

look to offer. He continues saying

race could make similar complaints.

that while employers have a stake in The proliferation of parenting phi-

Sutherland continues, “There was a

addressing this issue, there's also a

losophies, health guidelines, educa-

time when mothers just did things

lot that individuals can do—like

tional options, and more. Being a

the way their own mothers did, and

starting by cutting ourselves a break parent today doesn't just mean hav- that was that. There are plenty of on self-imposed expectations. As

ing a baby and raising him or her to

downsides to that kind of cultural

research has shown, the more grace become a reasonably healthy, lit-

environment, but I’d imagine that

we give ourselves and others in the

erate adult. From the positive preg-

one huge upside is that you don’t

ways we parent, the less prone we

nancy test onward, it means navi-

burn up half your mental energy

ultimately are to burning out.

gating a dizzying array of contradic-

questioning everything you do. Ulti-

tory advice on just about everything: mately, I’m glad that we live in an In the article Why Parenting Has

what to eat and avoid during preg-

age where we’re all free to break

Gotten More Difficult by Anna Suth40

tional survey by the Pew Research Center, conducted Feb.16-March 14 among 2,020 Americans, finds a widespread belief that today’s parents are not measuring up to the standard that parents set a generation ago. Mothers are seen as having the more difficult job, but they are also judged more harshly than are fathers. More than half of Americans (56%) say that mothers are doing a worse job today than mothers did 20 or 30 years ago. By comparison, somewhat fewer people from tradition and do things our own way. But I have to (47%) say fathers are doing a worse job than fathers did draw the line somewhere, and I’m drawing the line

20 or 30 years ago.

with our fairy traditions.”

Beyond societal influences, other perceived challenges

I agree with Ms. Sutherland here: “Of course parents should put some thought into how they feed, educate, and raise their kids, even if today's multiplicity of choices means those decisions are harder to make than they were for previous generations. Maybe the best option is simply to realize that most parents really are trying to

do what's best for their kids, and to extend a little more grace to the parents who raise their kids differently than you raise yours.

in raising children include teaching morals and values, maintaining discipline, handling the financial aspects of childrearing, and dealing with the educational system.

The views of mothers and fathers are similar when it comes to the challenges parents face today. Societal factors – including drugs and alcohol, peer pressure, and entertainment media – are the top concern for mothers and fathers alike. One mother writes, When I was born, my grandmother flew from Texas to California to stay with my mother

In Motherhood Today, the article titled Tougher Chal-

for a week to take care of me, my older sister, and my

lenges, Less Success, Mom's Biggest Critics are Middle-

mother. My ex-mother-in-law (who had 4 kids)

Aged Women https://www.pewresearch.org/ states the following: “From managing busy schedules to dealing with outside influences, mothers have their hands full these days. There is broad agreement among the public that it is harder to be a parent today – especially a mother – than it was in the 1970s or 1980s. Fully 70%

of the public says it is more difficult to be a mother today than it was 20 or 30 years ago, while somewhat fewer (60%) say the same about being a father.” A na41

MEET THE LADIES OF FROM TRANSITION TO

TRANSFORMATION: THE PROJECT

TOP ROW: SADIEMAE DEAS, MYIA MOBLEY 2ND ROW: CARIS L. REED, ALYSSIA JOHNSON, SAMANTHA WHITE AND CONSUELO BRYANT 3RD ROW: LEKIDA P. HRIAM, IVONNE F. CAMERON, TASHIA BENSN AND LYNNE MIFFLIN BOTTOM ROW: BRITTANNEE SLACK

also told me how each time she had a child, her moth- mom talks about. There’s not as much playing in the er-in-law would take her kids for a week so she could

street and coming home when the street light comes

bond with her new child and get the rest she need-

on. Long gone are the afternoons and evenings dedi-

ed. And I’ve heard this type of treatment wasn’t re-

cated to family time. Now we are driving to sporting

quested, it was assumed. This is what a lot of parents

events, working extra hours to afford said events, wor-

did, without question.

rying about work projects and deadlines — oh, and don’t forget self-care!”

Moms today give birth, come home from the hospital the next day, and are back in action right away, making What I'm going to say next going to sound racist. It's lunches and getting their other kids ready for school.

going to sound as my kids would say like I'm Throwing

Moms today try to squeeze in as much time as they

Shade. No race of people is superior over anoth-

can with their kids before they have to go back to

er. However, excuse me, there are strengths that

work. Moms today have parents who are more con-

come with being Jewish women and Black women,

sumed with their own lives — working, traveling, or

that some of our more delicate white sisters do not

dating — and don’t have the time to simply come stay possess. Be mindful that here in this passage we are

with you for a week after you’ve given birth. As Dr.

referring to women of color. Here are biblical and his-

Harvey Karp said, “No woman has ever had to do as

torical truths to support my stance. So don't hate the

much, on her own, as the modern mother. We don’t

messenger. In Exodus 1:7-19 (KJV) you find the follow-

have the same family structure or the same neighbor-

ing:

hood structure anymore…It’s really hard, and every woman needs to give herself a break.” None of that means that the generations before us

didn’t have a difficult time. It means things are different, especially the expectations we put on ourselves to build our career, keep up with our kids’ activities, and be the person who oversees it all for our family.

And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them. Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph. And he said unto his people, Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we: Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they

Throw in the pressure of everyone else watching and

multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there falleth

judging, and you are left with feeling like you need to

out any war, they join also unto our enemies, and

do more without help. It all feels impossible.

fight against us, and so get them up out of the land.

Not to mention, it’s making mothers feel alone and

Therefore they did set over them taskmasters to afflict

isolated.

them with their burdens. And they built for Pharaoh

Many women don’t have the supportive village my

treasure cities, Pithom and Raamses. 44

But the more they afflicted them, the more they multi- on the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if plied and grew. And they were grieved because of the

it be a daughter, then she shall live. But the midwives

children of Israel. And the Egyptians made the children

feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt command-

of Israel to serve with rigour: And they made their lives ed them, but saved the men children alive. And the king bitter with hard bondage, in morter, and in brick, and in of Egypt called for the midwives, and said unto them, all manner of service in the field: all their service,

Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men

wherein they made them serve, was with rigour. And

children alive? And the midwives said unto Pharaoh,

the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of

Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian

which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the of the other Puah: And he said, When ye do the office

midwives come in unto them.

of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upAnd...

In Africa, the woman's primary so-

could usually expect more food and

ed on top of her usual duties. For

cial role was that of a mother. In

fewer working hours. Because prov- the love of their children, slave

slavery, this aspect of African wom-

en fertility made her more valuable

anhood was debased. Whereas

to her owner, she was also less likely bondage, while their male counter-

mothers often chose to stay in

childbirth in Africa was a rite of pas- to be sold away from friends and

parts attempted escape. The female

sage for women that earned them

slave was, moreover, faced with the

family.

increased respect, within the American plantation system that developed by the mid-eighteenth century, it was an economic advantage for the master, who multiplied his labor force through slave pregnancy. The

average enslaved woman at this time gave birth to her first child at nineteen years old, and thereafter, bore one child every two and a half

years. This cycle, encouraged by the master, was not without benefits to the mother. While pregnant, she

prospect of being forced into sexual Of course, the burdens, both physical as well as psychological, that came with childbearing were enormous for enslaved women. She was

relationships for the purposes of reproduction. Perhaps more harrowing, she might be witness to her daughters suffering the same fate.

expected to put the needs of the master and his family before her

Whenever possible, black slave

own children, the slave mother on a women manipulated their unique large plantation returned to the

circumstances in the struggle for

fields soon after giving birth, leaving their personal dignity and that of her child to be raised by others. On

their families. As often as black men,

a smaller farm, the slave's mother-

black women rebelled against the

ing responsibilities were simply add- inhumanities of slave owners. Like 45

Africa, most slave women took their motherhood seriously. They put their responsibilities for their children before their own safety and freedom, provided for children not their own, and gave love even to those babies born from violence.

whom this Edition is dedicated the

Day. Whatever facet of mother-

job and privilege of raising children

hood you may be in-expectant,

is vast but ordained by God. Though working, single co-parenting or dichallenging and heart wrenching at

vorced, maybe you even adoptive,

times; motherhood is still a beauti-

there is something for you. Our

ful thing, to hold that tiny human

prayer and goal is to help you be-

For their experience and knowledge being in your arms for the first time come the best mother you can be, as caregivers, elderly women were

is truly a gift from God. My grand-

by becoming the best you, you can

among the most revered slaves on

mother for whom Nana's Girls'

be.

Southern plantations. For enslaved

Foundation is named, suffered four

men, escape to freedom was the

miscarriages. Unable to carry a baby "As mothers we give birth, we pro-

most promising avenue for preserv- full term and experience giving

duce life. In the natural, the crown-

ing masculine identity and individual birth, they adopted my mom from humanity. For the slave woman, within her family and my aunt Lillie

ing portion of birth is the most pain-

faced with the double onus of being from within my granddaddyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s famiblack and female and the added ly. The raised two very special and

er. Great women, reclaim dreams,

burden of dependent children,

beautiful women. Although moth-

pose. Push and believe in yourself

womanhood and personhood were

erhood does not go without its ups

and your God given potential. You

easier gained within the slave com-

and downs. So we here at Rebirth

are a miracle, designed for great-

munity.

of the Total Woman have put to-

ness!" Rev. Dr. Rene Minter

For the African American mother to

ful, but we push our way and deliv-

unfulfilled destiny or find your pur-

gether a gift to you this Mother's

10 Self Care Tips for Mothers 5. Make a ‘Gratitude List.’ Every time you find yourself 1. Make you a priority in YOUR own life. Remember

complaining about something or in a bad mood, write a

you are the bedrock and the glue that holds your family Gratitude List of at least ten (10) things you are grateful together. When you take care of YOU by default you

for. It helps you to refocus your heart and mind.

are taking care of your family while teaching your daughter the importance of taking care of herself when 6. Speak positivity into your life daily. I have always she becomes a mom.

been told that life and death is in the power of the tongue, so speak life into and over yourself. Whenever

2. Create a Sisterhood of friends that you can hang out

I am not loving me, I look at my face I the mirror and

with once a month. It will give you that much needed

tell her that I love her a minimum of ten (10) times. It

break to just be a girl and to have fund while doing it. It gives me a change to appreciate and love on the womallows you to connect and maintain relationships with

an looking back at me in the mirror.

other women who value you as a sister-friend. 1. Make your bathroom time SACRED. Don’t allow any 7. Write daily affirmation and read them out loud to

interruptions or respond to any ‘mommy calls’ when

yourself. Daily affirmations empower and motivate us

you are in the bathroom. Respect your time and your

to accomplish goals and/or make our dreams come

downtown. Just like at work, even a Mom needs a

true. It is best to put them on a sticky note and place

break.

them where you can see them and read them out loud to yourself daily (and several times a day to keep you

3. Allow for “Creative Time,’ either daily or week-

motivated and focused).

ly. Do something that allows your inner creative-side to come out. Discover what excites and ignites your

8. Give yourself a break, so what you messed up or you

soul. It can be writing, cooking, sewing, doing crafts,

made a poor choice! Realize that it is through failure

taking a drive, gardening, singing, etc. It must be some- that growth happens and purpose is revealed. Forgive thing that makes your heart sing.

yourself for the part you played and forgive others for the part they played, and then put it in the rearview

4. Take time to appreciate your surroundings (nature’s

mirror of your life! Give yourself permission to let it go

beauty). I have a friend who runs daily. It isn’t about

and move past it. It may be the very thing that forces

the run for her, but about the scenery she takes in

you to make much needed changes in your life.

while running. She is able to see the beauty of nature and breathe in its freshness.

9. Schedule a weekly family night. Choose a night of

with your family. The key to this is take care of you so

the week that works best for your family and have a

you can take care of them. You are an individual who

“Family Game Night.” It allows everyone to have fun,

had a life before raising kids and will have one after

blow off some steam and laugh. Allow everyone to

raising kids. Don’t loose yourself while being a Mom it

have feedback on what the game night will consist of

is only a part of who you are. Nurturing yourself is just

and in the planning of it. It will bring you closer as a

as important as

family and leave you with some wonderful memories

nurturing your

when your children grow up and move out.

children.

10. As you can see the last tip is focused on interacting

Self-Care Tips provided by Michelle P. Jones Talk Show Host of Girlz Talk ,,,Real Talk on Thursdays 6:30-7:30 pm EST

life coach and minster just to name a few. Probably, the most demandingly challenging is the role of mother. I have the opportunity to look at motherhood from

both a personal and professional perspective. One thing I can say with absolute certainty is the process of motherhood starts before we are holding our precious bundle in our arms. Perhaps like many, you grew up as

a little girl playing house and dreaming of motherhood and living a perfect life. As we become adults our experiences may prove what we fantasized of in childhood does not align itself with our reality. Rev. Dr. Rene Minter-Carr

5 Mental Health Tips for Moms It is impossible to pour into someone else if

Motherhood is not an exact science and although there are many books written there is no cookie-cutter approach. For each of us we learn by trial and error, family customs, the internet, even YouTube and whatever

your cup is empty!! As women we often wear many else we can find along the way. Motherhood, with all hats. I am a mother, grandmother, psychotherapist,

the joys is presents with a wide range of challenges, 48

There is one concept that stretches across all the chal-

If you need help, ask. You may not have all the an-

lenges and that is to “be the best you that you can be.” swers. Motherhood can be challenging and an emoThink about when you fly with your family. The flight

tional roller coaster. Which can affect our mental

attendant performs a series of informative exercises

health. Find the support you might need in the commu-

prior to take off. Yes, we have probably heard and

nity be it a psychotherapist or a support group, help is

seen it so many times we don’t really pay attention but out there. there is a primary take away from the demonstration.

Do not forget your support system and relationships.

They always say, “should there be an emergency and

When times are rough our husbands, partners, friends

the oxygen mask drop down to apply it to yourself first or family can assist in stress reduction and offer a before attempting to help anyone else”. Exactly, you

warm shoulder.

have to take care of yourself before taking care of any- Play time. Recreation should be factored into you’re

one else.

your schedule. Meeting up with friends, going to the

Yes, as Moms we probably make sure all the basic

gym or the movies can be an excellent way to enhance

needs for are families have been taken care of. We

your mental health.

want our family to be healthy on every level but what about yourself? How mentally and emotional fit are

Mental Health Tips for Expecting Women

you? I would like to offer a few tips on emotional self-

Monitor changes in mood but don’t worry. Understand

care that might be beneficial on your road to be the

there are many contributing factors during pregnancy

best version of your true and authentic self that you

that lead to mood changes. It is not uncommon to feel

can be.

the blues or anxiety during pregnancy. Mental Health Tips for Moms

Create a balance in your life. You can be a great Mom and still have interests outside your children. To prevent burnout and resentment there needs to be a balance which allows for rejuvenation. It is ok to take a baby break as it will help you feel more like yourself again. Sleep! Yes, our sleep cycle had to adjust with the child, but you need rest as well.

Eat well. Motherhood is busy with few breaks but find a time to sit down and eat nutritious meals. Oh, and don’t forget the water.

Getting help if needed is important. Seeking the assistance of a support group or psychotherapist can help

you realize you are not alone. Don’t forget about you. Make time to do the things that are fun and important to you. Enjoy! Yes, pregnancy can be challenging with a range

of emotional and physical changes all happening at once. Take time to stop and enjoy the miracle growing inside of you. Dr. Rene Minter, DMin, LCSW-R Director Community House Residence 357 Ninth Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 Telephone #: 718-965-9462 x14 rminter@lssny.org 49

BEAUTY FROM A BLACK PERSPECTIVE AWARD WINNING RADIO PERSONALITY & MASTER STYLIST TALKING KINGDOM

The perspective of beauty in our community has been

opinions and perceptions of others. I say sister, Embrace

tainted with the depictions that we see on television.

your texture and your tone!!! The world also tried to tell

Growing up in the 70’s, what was representing beauty

us that our hips were too wide, our lips were too big, our

didn’t look like me. My hair wasn’t long, blonde and sun

hair was too nappy. But do

kissed. At the age of four years old, my hair began to fall out. My mother took me to doctors, tried treatments but

It would still fall out and wouldn’t grow. According to my

you see that in 2019, people are frequently visiting the plastic surgeon to obtain those things that we have natu-

rally.

mother, it was because of my nerves due to being exposed to some explosive situations at a young age.

Sister continue to embrace your blackness. As I stated earlier, I was made fun of as a young girl within my own

But growing up, I was made fun of because my hair was

short. You see where I grew up, if your hair was long, you were labeled as pretty. I was made fun of by those in my immediate community and it hurt. I would wonder to myself, “So if I had long hair, I would be pretty huh? After

many tears, I found myself becoming numb to the ridicule. But, who would have thought that I would become a Master Hairstylist with over twenty years of experience today. I now have eyes to see past the outer and can see

into the inner struggles of beauty that many women in our community struggle with.

lack of knowledge of self and others. Now in my adulthood, I wear my hair short if I want to, long if I choose to, my afro with a smile and not a care in the world. I now have confidence in my uniqueness because I am not my hair. My beauty is my essence. One of my favorite movies is called Avatar and in that movie, there is a Swahili saying, “ “Sawubona” which means , “ I see you”. But are we seeing each other today? Are we seeing the true beauty of our essence? Beyond the hair, beyond the mask.

The decision to go natural or to get a relaxer. To either cut it short, or to get a weave. To dye it blonde or to leave it dark. So, what is the influence today? Are we really aware of our TRUE beauty?

community but I now understand that is was due to their

As a hairstylist, life

coach, minister and entrepreneur. I find that the confidence of the black woman is emerging again such as it did In the mid 60’s when our parents or grandparents were younger, to have an afro was a sign of strength, a sign of community, a mark of beauty and not shame.

Let us not contribute to one another’s scars and pains and begin healing them with love and understanding, this is beautiful. Our communities, and our sisterhood have to heal from the divisions, the divide based on external viewpoints from people that attempt to define us. Let us not forget our roots literally and figuratively. We were created in his image and I say to my sisters, “ Swabian”. My insight is better than my eyesight. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in his image and you are

Although the world would like to continue to shame our called, God’s BELOVED. Fix your Crown Queen!!! This is beauty by saying certain natural styling is unacceptable in Kingdom !!! the work place. We then also become entangled in the 53

Minister Darlene Mingo is a Certified Mindset Strategist and CEO of TalkingKingdom Transformational speaker, Licensed Educator & Cosmetologist, Kingdom Ambassador, Mentor and, CEO and Host of “The Situation Room-Kingdom Edition” 2017 Winner the ACHI Magazine Radio Personality and Winner People’s Choice Award, author of “They Didn’t Tell Me I was Beautiful “coming this fall, and “D. Mingo Hair Solutions”. For over 20 years she has made transforming women’s selfesteem a daily work of service. In 2016, she added to her experience and became a Certified Life/Purpose Coach through the P4 Coaching Institute. As a Stephens Minister and Cosmetologist, over many years she has been a confidant to many. Hearing, Counseling and personally understanding the areas of struggle for many women she now helps them to not only recognize their beauty on the outside, she walks with women during the process of discovering their true beauty WITHIN. Teaching how to awaken, discover and reunite with the powerful women that has been waiting for her big reveal and the POWER of who she really is. Join her Monday Evenings FB Live 8pm.

BLACK BY DESIGN REBIRTH OF THE TOTAL WOMAN

LIFE GROWING UP IN THE SOUTH AISHA GUILES, AUTHOR Aisha, an Afrocentric and Arabic

al historical suppression of defor-

his own clarification of learning the

name derived from the Swahili lan-

mation and demoralization based

truth of the power of redemption

guage of an African tribe meaning

upon not fully grasping the full gos-

through salvation. Aisha discovers

life, to live, alive. Aisha's story is not pel of Jesus Christ who invokes the only a story of happiness and of

this philosophical wisdom nugget

power of love throughout His entire through her lifetime and by her walk

pure joy but nostalgically has been a walk both in heaven and in the

with God. What is love or what does

driving force of spiritual knowledge

earth. His commandment is to love

love have to with this; has been ex-

along with worldly hurt, shame,

thy neighbor as thyself, to love Him

pounded upon through a series of

mixed with unashamed and unapol- unconditionally and to love your fel- sermons and questions asked while ogetic discovery of her culture's stig- low brothers without hesitation,

facing harsh criticism and rhetorical-

matized Afrocentric cultures and

without judgment on the basis of

ly disdain from those who chose to

trauma coming from the distant

skin color, origin, heritage, decent,

misuse their own authority not

shores of Africa still today resurfac-

content, or intellectual or socio-

knowing that the implications of

ing due to the unerased pain of ha-

economic status.

abusing the terminology of love

tred and bigotry reformed in Ameri- Love is pure, love is kind, and love

without recompense causes a vio-

ca. America prides itself with the

lent disruption in the heavenlies.

sees no wrongdoing that is unwor-

reformation of keeping old tradition- thy of finding the grace of God for 56

This means that when innocent blood is out of your soul, and murder your innoshed at the hands of which we consider cence before true life begins. evil, God sees this as injustice and he reacts.

This battle has been ongoing as Americans learned that we can have a presi-

There are several ways to have the gen- dent of the United States named Barack uine Mercy of God come to your rescue Obama and a mayor in Atlanta named which does not always means death but Keisha plus numerous accolades that go

persecution of those he considers his

unpublished, unnamed, and undocu-

beloved children who were wronged

mented. So to justify that we all can

ic influences, and from anyone who has

unmercifully facing racism or brutality

celebrate that God can and will bring

no love for his fellow brother at all. The

in any shape or form. The church espe-

the mockers and scorners to public

Cain spirit in a biblical sense will die."

cially should also preach against and

shame. All mockers and revilers who

strongly oppose with open rebuke

are under the negative influences will

those who feel that this type of behav-

be reduced to public shame, and scruti- where Atlanta decided to branch away

ior is justified. While standing with

ny. And at the end, God's hand is in this from using basic generic names into

those prophetically declaring that the

from heaven. We stand on the word of

Islamic, Arabic, and African names to

Word of God stands against the preda-

God and we constantly reflect on his

combat racism as stated above. I too

Aisha, a representation of heritage as to

tors, preying upon the innocent and we wisdom to continue forward connecting decided to carry on the legacy of my will force our judicial system to follow

with those of like faith and crossing

parents whose simple names derived

the necessary systematic ways to seek

over to others who face similar mocker- from slave masters. I named my own

justice so this clearly understood.

ies throughout all regions of the earth.

kids Afrocentric, Arabic names not

We as devout Christians will cover their knowing that all of us would face racial Of course, when the world's ways do

tough issues of life of demoralization

persecution early on. My father chose

not work, we will learn Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will as we through fervent prayer and fire protests his own battle of being racially targeted stand in unity, in prayer and call upon

of justice. Can you imagine the great

and persecuted in a predominantly Afri-

the loving grace of God to fight this

feats we can accomplish with using

can American metropolitan bustling

battle believing the victory is won.

some of our ancestor's ways of scream- freeloading city with too many options

Amen! How long will this cycle of dis-

ing "let justice ring forevermore no

for a country guy raised on a farm line-

dain go on? This question I personally

matter where I derived from or have a

age. He was a member of the African

failed to ask myself, not understanding

heritage from or my origin or decent? I

Methodist Episcopal Church and fol-

my own generation would the next tar-

cry out for mercy to have the right to

lowed the path of his own ancestors

get. Many who can not see how cyclic

live in peace, love, and unity in my

who were apostles, called "church

this is and want to break the cords of

neighborhood, community, workplace,

planters & workers", moving on to lead

this strenuous demonic pull to rob you

and church without continuous harass-

civil rights activism in South Carolina

of your destiny, steal the peace and joy

ment from hatred derived from demon- and in Washington DC. 57

History often repeats itself in a way

try mimicked leaders in order to escape to anyone who worships another reli-

that the next generation can walk in the their own journey to safety following

gion should reflect Elisha in the Bible as

same path blindly having the strong

Sojourner Truth's methodology of

to when God heard that others decided

sense of reckoning from life's circum-

"Trust and Obey." She exclaimed to

to call on their false gods to send fire

stances. I'm a Christian and believe in

"Set yourself free because help is on

down from heaven and The Almighty

the totality of the Word of God fully,

the other shore." "How distant is this

Father tested their own false sense of

but self-discovery allowed me to ex-

shore?", I asked myself.

security.

I followed after God after seeing the

If you think that God only supernatural-

others would turn me down for assis-

ly answers prayers in biblical times, my

tance again including the NAACP who

book titled "Heavenly Father, Will You

stated that "this so iron clad that your

Teach Me How to Pray?" It answers

plore what stigma Africans Americans

endured living in the south as a target from white supremacy and the fight to push forward. Like my father who was murdered at 28, I too have been in this

tough battle with no real end in sight,

only bet is to run and ignore." Because some of these questions. Flashback, My your family neglected you again and

grandmother quickly redirected my

refused to see the truth, the real truth

faith into learning the "Our Father's

of hatred and bigotry falsified through

Prayer" easily and without hesitation

every attack, I'm in a new category of

after I embarrassed her with reciting

Spiritually speaking and hiding from a

activism. After meeting with a pioneer

the Nation of Islam prayer during wor-

pragmatic stigma of a shameful child-

of the greatest movement of two civil

ship service innocently. I struggled with

other than hearing the words, "40 is your pivotal year of tragedy to target your family again." Prayer works!!

hood ranging from domestic violence to rights leadership, both soothed me in-

prayer then and I'm struggling now

social racial jeering, my walk with God

cluding my kids that they were im-

after my attack, so I recite the Our Fa-

turned into enlightenment forcing the

pressed with my ways of capturing his

ther's Prayer outside out loud asking

necessity to follow after the AME tradi- ways to fight. My words exactly rallying for mercy now during my daily walk tion or Christianity from many denomi- for innocent kids being targeted in a nations. Like freed slaves of the past

hymnals such as "Where He leads me I will Follow or Precious Lord, Take My Hand" which set the foundation that guided me into strengthening my walk

with the Lord God Almighty. My grandmother's teachings were monumental. Her impartation into my life was passed on to my children. My family maternally

was the exact same as "apostles and church planters" whose faith was so strong until it guided them to intently listen to the voice of God. Their ances-

massacre.â&#x20AC;? Aisha, Atlanta born as a Grady baby, prominent for Fulton County, African American pride, is now a new target. I have flashbacks of my childhood memory sitting mosques watching leaders pray on mats on their knees humbly in a way that started my own prayer life early. I found out that I can go to God

myself in prayer speaking in tongues and can shift heaven in my behalf in a way to destroy false ideas. My response

with God. Iwanted to keep up the Islamic tradition in my father's behalf,

but God had another idea. My grandmother knew that I was struggling with grief after enduring the pain of losing my father from white supremacy and

listening to taunting over and over that he deserved his mistreatment, she quietly slid me a hymn book and a bible. My sisters grieved inside in their own

way not knowing what to do next so we ignored the pain and took on church full force following the leadership of while worshipping in SC. 58

our grandmother and aunts while still

visitations and the feeling the power of

lously and unrelenting in making my

watching hatred & bigotry flourish I came

his supernatural healing. Aisha,

point clear. Of the love of Jesus

back to the metro of Atlanta after 20+

screamed inside, "you will hear this

Christ. You, Satan, stole my childhood

plus years after making a vow never to

voice" her own ways to law enforce-

but you will not steal my children's

return from a broken and damaged

ment after being heinously taken down childhood like mine. I will not give up

childhood. I lost my father here and

after connecting to a target against

nor give in. I will let everyone know that

now I have to help others pull through

white supremacy, a truly random

you have rights as African Americans, a

their own methodologies of being har-

"prominently persecuted" who rational- human embracing the totality of Christi-

assed in some form or fashion come

izes evil is the true way to survive. I'm

anity.

from hatred. The devil will not win here mad at God was both stances. Covin the state of Georgia, I decree and

erups, schemes, plots, cons, decoys,

declare!! God always has a different

unfavorable, true to stigmatism. Hear

Listen, fighting against white supremacy to get a Georgia ID was worst than liv-

plan and a different mindset. Aisha, the My voice and hear me clearly, You will

ing temporarily in a purgatory named

African American female in whose own

facility. My heart goes out to the mis-

not win this battle!!! Good always over-

father was brutally murdered while still comes evil!!

treated misogynous hurt of not being

employed by the United Postal Service

deemed a human being and demoral-

in Georgia, without hesitation stepped to assist many wholeheartedly knowing the feeling of hatred and housing her own detrimental downfall of grief battled this God-given assignment. Job lost his wealth, family, friends, health, fortune, and rational ways of thinking. So did I after having a stroke a TIA and having to learn how to walk perfectly again, permanently disabled now. "Where are you, Lord?"

My great uncle fought and founded the

NAACP in Florence, SC in the early 1900s while fighting in the court system to integrate the Florence, SC school system from segregation. I found out that

my aunt was assistant to several mayors including the mayor Andrew Young and infamous Maynard Jackson who pushed through the civil rights

movement after Dr. Martin Luther King assassination. Being true to Christianity, hatred & bigotry does not rule my

My family ignored my limp and my con- own heart, no! Only peace, love, & unity rules my heart after forgiving the tinuous trips to the hospital and near death experiences for an entire year in

murderers from law enforcement who

2016. I heard God beckon for me to

stole my own father's life in which my

come on home on the day that a rela-

grandfather never recovered from. I

tive passed away and I begged to stay

learned from the civil rights movements

here with my kids. I went and out the

even in the marketplace having the

realms of heaven enjoying heavenly

right to vote. I'm an ordained unli-

ized severely such as the immigrants in Texas. The church world has shaped my world, "Precious Lord take my hand, lead me on and let me stand. I'm am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the night. Precious Lord, lead me on." But then I will flip to and scream inwardly "stand on what, hatred & big-

otry against Caucasians and my own relatives, No!!." I love so many individuals regardless of background is the stance that claims indefinitely wanting

to see King Jesus's face at the end of life.

censed elder of the church unscrupu59

God soothes my doubts and calms

prayed with us over and over for

my fears continuously by providing God for strength. You will be be-

stay and offered to anoint with oil for healing? You who are right in

a plethora of opportunities to min- lievers that the true lights and ves- your darkest places should focus on

ister to the whisperers who

sels that God assigned to use to

paying it forward instead of pro-

charged to the arenas in disbe-

rescue you from devastation are

phetically defaming your life

lief. Places such as Wal-Mart and

sometimes unrecognizable. Many

through words that manifest such

all of my extracurricular jobs, I was came to rally from near and far

as "mission impossible" to with

greeted by other influential

God "all things are possible". I

since the media hid this while we

wealthy individuals who rallied and got together and prayed in unity

messed this up fumbling and falling

silently repeated, "I'm sorry, your

not focusing on who's better but

listening to " I need you, Oh I need

friend told me about your mishap

who has voiced that should not be

you every hour I need you." What

and your other friends(the church)

"prominently persecuted." Good

Christianity is infamous for is that

is still jeering." I checked as I al-

Samaritans do not always look like

your situation is just not for you

ways do, "not everyone hates us

you especially in the church scene

but for someone else.......May his

Aaliyah, Malik, and Makaela, niec-

one more time. Do you remember

peace be with you until we meet

es, and nephews." I and my kids

the Levite passed by but God will

again. A letter to God from Aisha.

met with so many prominent ones

use the least likely who took the

Selah!!

along this civil rights path and

man to the hotel and paid for his

I grew up in a place where the

protestant work ethics. He, a prod-

place and situation the odds were

uct of the harsh south told stories

against me not due to socioeco-

of prejudice beyond what I had

nomic deprivation but instead due

watched in television clips. Pos-

to the racial segregation and bigot-

sessing a fourth-grade education,

ry. It was the height of the civil

he was the smartest and most suc-

rights movement with bus boy-

cessful man I knew. He taught me

cotts; March on Washington much

about faith and perseverance. Just

of the attention was focused on the

as God expects excellence from His

south. As we watched the news

children, my grandfather was a God

clips of the south and the injustices

-fearing man who expected nothing

the sting of bigotry and segregation identified as a student needing ad-

short of excellence from his line-

were a very real portion of my daily ditional support services because it age. Through the countless tears I existence growing up.

was presumed, I could not possibly

I was that black girl in an all-white possess the intellectual aptitude neighborhood who was desperately astute as my classmates. It was a

cried over being so mistreated in school, although both my Mom and Dad tried to comfort me, it was my

trying to find her way. It was like

cruel game I was forced to play un- grandfather that gave me the cour-

my neighbors and classmates lived

til my teacher could no longer deny age to never give up. Failure was

in a protective bubble with all the

my intelligence. Despite the con-

never an option. He told me that

privileges. No matter how hard I

stant overt and covert smacks of

God sees all things, to have faith,

tried I could not find my way nor

prejudice, the environment afford-

never mistreat those who mistreat

was I offered entrance into their

ed me academic opportunities for

me and to hold my head up never

bubble. I was keenly aware of the

which I will remain grateful. There I seeing myself through the eyes of

disdain others just based on my

was walking through the storm of

darker hue. I was humiliated again prejudicial adversity that the fruits and again by the 5th-grade teacher of academic excellence, tolerance,

telling me in front of the class my

and patience blossomed. I learned

those who misjudge me. As I excelled academically, he diligently taught me the importance of God

in my life. My grandfather taught

ancestors had no place of origin but education was the great equalizer for which no one could take the instead came from dirt unlike my

me the importance of prayer,

classmates of European ancestry. It knowledge I had acquired.

fortunate. These lessons remain

did not matter that I had always

My grandfather, my hero, and pa-

succeeded academically until relo-

triarch of the family was a highly

cating to the school, suddenly I was disciplined man with strong

thanksgiving and helping the less

with me today as the mantle of whom I have become as a woman of faith and accepting the call to 62

LIVING BY FAITH IN THE SEGREGATED NORTH DR. RENE MINTER CHRISTIAN PSYCHOTHERAPIST 63

ministry.

ability and not devalued by my

globally. My ministry has taken

As serendipity would have it the

skin color. I studied social work

me to West Africa and provided

very thing that others choose to

which fit me like a glove. At the

opportunities to empower women

try to destroy you (prejudice) be-

age of 21 and a BS degree, I off to

and girls. I teach mental health to

comes the conduit the catapults

save the world. Working with

clergy and work with orphans and

you into a conditioned response of drug addicts, abused women and

the underserved. I thank God for

success. Soon the prejudice of

children, the mentally ill and the

teachers and the white students

elderly my faith was always part of desire to serve Him. “My talents

no longer impacted my thought

the process and practice. Upon

have made room for me and

process. The bubble I so desper-

obtaining my master’s degree in

placed me before great men.” Yes,

ately wanted to become a part of

clinical social work, I became a

I have survived the segregated

was no longer my desire. My rela- Christian Based Psychotherapist, tionship with my Lord and Savior

college professor and an adminis-

had become my bubble. My faith

trator for several non-for-profit

in God propelled my dreams and

agencies.

His love for me protected me. I

The Bible instructs us to “Study to

innately understood the calling of

show ourselves approved unto

God on my life to the ministry.

God, a workman that needs not be

the gifts He has placed in me and a

north and come this far by faith.

Ministry is a broader sense, caring ashamed, rightly diving the word for the needs of others emotional- of truth.” 2Timoythy 2:15. It was ly, physically and spiritually. Yes, I

time to emerge from the bubble

understood the spiritual aspect,

for approval. I accepted the life

yet I also recognized the call to

long call to ministry and enrolled

help those in need. I understood

in seminary earning a Doctorate in Rev. Dr. Rene Minter is a Christian the experiences of social injustice Ministry. The faith that was Based Psychotherapist n New York in my life would give me foresight taught to this little black girl by her and Director of not-for-profit agency. She provides charitable into the lives of the disenfrangrandfather remains indelibly em- support to women and children in chised. bedded in the core of my soul. I’m Africa. She has held NGO status at the United Nations. An Author, so thankful for my childhood expe- Blogger, Podcaster, Motivational While attending a northeastern college my educational experience riences and lessons in faith. Today, Speaker, Humanitarian and most importantly she is Meamawh to was the antithesis of my childGod has blessed me as He uses me her 4 grandchildren. in missions work and evangelism hood. I was valued for academic 64

The person that you were before you

of Lo Brown we will figure this out

relationships with other people in-

read this article, her time is up! Our

together because you are my Sister

cluding our children, please keep in

minds are in a state of emergency La-

and you are Worth It!

mind that you are the Mentor in your

dies, anytime we allow ourselves to

become stuck in a mental prison when there is no ball and chain physical holding us there. From the house wife to the degrees and pedigrees, Us

as Women must take self-inventory checks to assure our minds, bodies and souls are healthy as well as learning to love ourselves enough to know

when it's time to let go of something or someone that means us no good. I don't care if it's a person, drugs, alcohol, food, this is robbing you of pre-

cious time and moments during this life experience that God so graciously be-stowed upon you. People are in hospitals fighting for their lives beg-

ging God for another second, minute, hour while you take it for granted, so it time to Wake Up and with the help

Ladies a lot of times these mental

blocks could be due to our childhood experience and the inherited negative subconscious beliefs that were bestowed upon us and at that time, we

had no choice, but to believed also,

child's life, just like someone was the

mentor or role model in your life and it's up to you to make that change, stop those negative "I Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t" beliefs, routines and rituals and break that

cycle once and for all .

FYI, they were so untrue, but now

Step 1. Recognize that there is a prob-

they are becoming a problem in our

lem and become pre-sent the mo-

lives and creating barriers that keep

ment.

us stuck mentally trying to figure out how to remove them, so it looks like we do not have a problem, but a decision to make! Did you know a lot of

times people will tell you that you cannot do something because they don't know how to do it themselves and create FEAR. Fear is False - Evi-

dence - Appearing - Real! You see

Step 2. Revisit your past. Physically you cannot do this. So, engage through meditation, clean eating and prayer. You must consider your life and figure out the who, what, when, where, and why, about this problem that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re facing in your life today. Where did you learn this belief or behavior,

what then happens is we are missing out on op-opportunities such as Jobs, 66

A lot of times we wonder why we are not accomplishing

ness.

our goals and dreams and are stuck mentally that's because we need to revisit our life's blue print and change somethings, after all, your not twelve any more and I'm sure your beliefs, values and goals have changed, several times, so this requires a little tweaking. Two things will happen you will raise your standards or change your life's purpose meaning your goals or dreams either way at least you will know. If you choose the best case scenario and raise your standards in order to shatter the glass ceiling in life and get unstuck mentally, then you need to manage your time, surround yourself with like minded people, places and things and put forth effort, oh and trust the process. Keep in mind the only thing that separates you and any other successful person is they manage the 24 hours in their day wisely. For more info about turning your vision into reality in life and business by managing the 24 hours in your day wisely please pick up my book "MB7/30" 7 Steps and 30 Days that will change your Life and Busi-

Now on to Step 4. The future! Now that your unstuck by understanding where you came from and where your at in your life today, Its time to Shatter that glass ceiling in life, that I have been talking about! Are you ready, set, Go! In a nut shell, you must surround your self with like minding people places and things. You have to meditate for at least 17 seconds a day. Eat clean, meaning, give your body a break by eating light such as lean meats, fruits and vegetables, take a 20 minute walk, but get moving. Manifest your dreams. What the mind and conceive the body and soul can achieve. Repeat, what the mind can conceive the body and soul can achieve. You have got to see yourself in the future living in your wildest dreams and emotionally embody those happy feels and thought while manifesting your dreams and pray. Last, but certainly not least, EFFORT IS BETWEEN YOU AND YOU! God bless you Ladies. Keep persevering, but most importantly keep hustling!

1. Honor God with your Substance

While this goal will take time to achieve, it is im-

First and foremost, remember to honor God with your

portant to strive for it, so youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re prepared for most un-

substance, by giving back to Him as he gives to you.

expected emergencies.

Tithing is the first 10% of your income. Be it weekly, bi- 7. Plan for retirement weekly, twice monthly, or monthly, as you honor God,

Take advantage of interest and market upturns by sav-

He will rebuke the devourer on your be-half and see to ing for retirement early. Often your employer will help it that you have enough to not only meet your needs, you save for retirement with a 401 (k) plan. You can but more than enough. Malachi 3:10-12

also benefit from pre-tax contributions using this meth-

2. Know where your money goes

od of retirement savings.

Be aware of how you are spending your money. A $4

8. Get tax advice

cup of coffee five days a week costs you $80/month.

If you have circumstances that create tax dilemmas

Review some of the items you spend your money on to e.g., self-employed, own and/or lease property, etc.) find areas where cutting back can move your savings make sure to seek tax advice from a professional for account forward.

the best outcome.

3. Develop a budget

9. Protect your credit

Plan for your expenditures by developing a budget and You have the right to pull a free credit report form each live within your means based on your monthly income, reporting bureau once per year by going online to

adjust remain within your budget and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use a cred-

www.annualcreditreport.com. Keep in mind that late

it card to cover a shortfall or unnecessary purchases.

payments will adversely impact your credit, as will a

4. Include savings in your budget

failure to pay. You should immediately report any cred-

Pay yourself first. Treat your savings account like any

it issues or discrepancies to the reporting bureau. Use

other monthly bill by making a monthly payment to-

your credit wisely and ensure your re-ports are accu-

ward it.

rate.

5. Plan for major purchases

10. Keep good financial records

Adjust your budget accordingly to build savings or your next major purchase without using credit. 6. Save for emergencies A good rule of thumb is to have a minimum of six

Utilize online tools as well as paper copies of receipts to keep records of your paystubs, banking information, taxes, insurance, and other documents important to your financial situation.

A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things. Ecclesiastes 10:19 KJV

months of salary available in your savings account.

Hair care tips provided by Marsha Davis Owner and operator of Hair All Down My Back, LLC

INTERNATIONAL MEDIA MOGUL MINISTER DARLENE R. MINGO ALKING KINGDOM RADIO & TV NORTH CAROLINA

EMBRACE YOUR SKIN SAMANTHA WHITE, CONSLT POSITIVITY With all of the craziness going on the world with the

is the Lordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s.

black slayings and Black Death at the hands of the police it is hard not to be critical our current justice sys-

He has made us unique, beautiful, royal! Embrace your

tem. However, we must realize God has a plan for each beautiful skin and all of the various shades that come one of us. Even though, it seems as though we are an

with it! Our genes are dominant for a reason. The Bible

oppressed people in a foreign land, God sits high and

says the first (powerful) will be last (subservient). We

looks low. He sees all and knows all. He is the truth

may not feel as though He is in navigating our future,

judge and His justice is always just. We must not get

but the Bible also states the steps of a God man are or-

discouraged and grow weary. We must walk in the ex-

dered by the Lord and I believe this goes for women as

cellence that He bestowed upon us. Wear your crown

well our steps are ordered and we are walking in our

and hold your head up high for this battle is not yours it destiny.

Pray for your children, pray for your families, and most

This was the virus talking, I am here to tell you that hap-

importantly pray for our people. We should feel em-

py people do exist and you can make it! Life is what

powered and not depressed. Depression is a disease of

YOU make it and not what other people lead you to be-

the mind that attempts to hold us back from our future. lieve. Your brain is not to be trusted when it comes to It cripples and attempts to control us until we feel like

depression because in fact your brain is the thing that is

life isn’t worth living and we take our own lives. How do feeding the virus. I made it through depression and so I know? I suffered with depression for almost ten years. can you. I help women everyday make it through deI couldn’t shake it, it was like a straight jacket that I

pression, low self-esteem, and disgruntled relation-

could not escape. I wanted to die, I wanted to live, I

ships. I am now a Christian Wellness Coach and I have

wanted attention, I wanted to be left alone. I couldn’t

dedicated my life to helping my sisters be the women

decide and I “knew” people were tired of having me

God called them to be. You are beautiful, smart, and

around. However, the people in my life were so con-

important! Walk with me to beautiful pastures and

cerned that they tried to get me the help I needed.

walk out of those dark valleys. You got this hunni. I

They couldn’t help me so they tried their best to find a

would love to talk you through this dark time in your

professional that could.

life.

My brain was corrupted, it was like I had a virus that

Please believe me when I say that we can do this to-

was taking over my mainframe. I kept trying to reset it

gether please visit consulpositivity.com to book your

but it would not/could not remember a time that it ex-

consultation and start your process of transformation!

isted without the virus. It became something that I was You can get rid of depression without going through comfortable with something that was a part of my nor-

years of depression through my Chain Breaking ses-

mal everyday life. I couldn’t exist without being de-

sions! Be encouraged and stay blessed!

pressed, or so I thought. I really wanted to know why

people thought I was weird. I convinced myself that everyone was depressed and that depression was normal. It was part of everyone’s life and “happy people” did not exist. They were fairytales.

Love you with the love of Christ,

Samantha R. White, C.P.C. The Christian Wellness Coach Consult Positivity Consultpositivity.com

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The mission of the ABWA, established in 1949, is to bring together businesswomen of diverse occupations and to provide opportunities for them to help themselves and others grow personally and professionally through leadership, education, networking support and national recognition.

The mission statement of the EmpowerHer Chapter is: â&#x20AC;&#x153;To be the premier womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s business league that impacts, connects and empowers women personally and professionally in the greater Orangeburg, S.C., area through educational resources, professional development, community service and lifelong friendships in a

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REBIRTH OF THE TOTAL WOMAN

Articles inside

Unblocking Barriers to Success (Reprint

Your Gift Will Make Room For You (Reprint) By: Jean Toney

Life in the Segregated North

Motherhood Today

A Message to our Daughters

Facing America

Beauty from a Black Perspective

Our Note to You

Incomplete Woman

NGF. Inc

From the Founder