From the Ed: Summer has arrived. How did I know you're probably wondering? You must be a weatherman I bet you're thinking! Nope, I saw the looks on all the parents faces this month, you know, the 'oh s#@t!' kinda look, 'here we go again'. The summers can be long and hot and even longer if your kids are driving you up the wall. Well we have a few tips for you that can make all the difference on pages 52/53. They won't break the purse strings and they might just save you from insanity, can you afford not to? Talking of summer activities, I found myself playing Tennis doubles the other Sunday morning (that'll teach me for opening my big mouth in the pub). After the guys had managed to get over their fits of laughter from me going over 'arse over tits' in the warmup, we actually managed to complete a set. By the second set the blurred vision had kicked in, unfortunately the second wind hadn't! So it was almost a relief to see Rick hit the ground in pain (a bit of a breather I thought). I didn't know I was gonna have to carry him to the car, well that pretty much finished me off. Turned out he wasn't so good either, a snapped archilles tendon, ouch!! One and a half hours of tennis, Rick was on his way to hospital and me, well I must be fitter than I thought cos 4 days later I was back on my feet walking again. So next time someone says, 'come on the exercise will be good for you', remember, 2 out of 4 tennis players wouldn't recommend it! I did manage to score the most double faults though, a record I think I will be holding for some time (don’t ask, we lost count). Finally, I must mention June the 7th as JK's are holding a STREET PARTY in aid of CHAIN. There will be live music from 2pm with Costa Rock and Im & Er. There will also be plenty for the family with face painting, bouncy castles, games and lots of prizes to be won! For more information see advert page 7 or call Duncan on 951 318 516 / 654 396 651. Happy reading, Geof We received the following letter this month: Dear readers, Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.' One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, iPod, etc. Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too. I've included a photo (see bottom of pg52) of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique. Sincerely, Your Friend
website agreed to cancel the sale and refund the seller's listing costs. Tot, 3, buys ÂŁ8,000 digger A three year old New Zealand girl bought a mechanical digger for ÂŁ8,000 while her parents were asleep. Pipi Quinlan, logged onto the family computer and got on to an online auction site her mum had been using earlier. She then submitted what turned out to be a winning bid of 20,000 New Zealand dollars for a massive Kobelco digger. When her mother woke up and logged onto the computer, she saw a series of emails from the Trade Me auction site. "It wasn't until I read the emails that I saw $NZ 20,000 and got the shock of my life," Ms Quinlan said. "I called my husband over to make sure I wasn't seeing things. The only other person in the house is our 18-month-old son. That's when we realised it must have been Pipi. "I think she was just clicking on the computer to see what happened," Ms Quinlan said. She called Trade Me and told staff that her daughter had accidentally made the bid. The
Record fingernails broken A US woman with the world's longest fingernails has lost them in a car accident. Lee Redmond, 67, of Salt Lake City, Utah, had been growing her fingernails since 1979. They were the longest in the world according to Guinness World Records and were last measured at 33 inches long. But a Salt Lake County sheriff's spokesman confirmed they were broken off in a four-car pileup. In a 1995 article, she revealed that she once turned down $10,000 to trim her nails on Japanese TV.
In The Spotlight: Stylish Lady STYLISH LADY has been selling jewellery and clothes for several years on the Costa Blanca via trade shows and exhibitions, and has supported many local charities at their regular events. We are now in the Costa del Sol also, with a brand new web site that’s already getting busy – www.stylishlady.co.uk. We stock the latest styles in jewellery, personalised gifts and this month sees the introduction of a new hand painted range of glassware. We are looking for fairs and events to display and sell our products, and in particular charity events, where our contribution also helps a worthy cause. If there are any charities out there who have any forthcoming events then please contact us. We will be very willing to offer our support. We have worked together with many bars in the Costa Blanca and Costa Cálida displaying our products, which has not only helped expand our business but has also brought more custom for the bars. If there are any bar owners here who may want to work with us to help boost both our businesses then please contact us. Additionally, we have business opportunities for anyone looking to sell our products, maybe via house or office parties etc. We have great products to sell and the ladies most certainly enjoy the atmosphere that such social gatherings always bring. Be your own boss and work when you want to! If anyone would like to contact us about anything here then please speak to Rosemarie on 650 394 816. See also our advert on page 67
In The Spotlight:
EuroGlaze Make EuroGlaze first choice for all your glazing needs. With over 25 years experience and the finest products money can buy, we specialize in the manufacture & installation of a variety of quality products. Our Glass Curtain system breaks down the traditional division between exterior and interior space. The benefits of this system include: • Utilization of your balcony/terrace all year round. • Noise Reduction. • No more wind, rain, dust or dirt. • Enjoyment of the winter sun all year round. • Easy Cleaning from inside. • Expansion of you living area. • Increasing the saleability of your home. It is a unique bottom running system which can be utilized with a flush bottom track for a seamless threshold. This stylish sliding system gives you unobstructed panoramic views while protecting you from the elements. Using advanced technology, innovative materials and quality stainless steel fittings, our glass curtain system is master crafted in elegant clean lines with a superb finish. With all our Glass Curtain projects we will only use 10mm toughened safety glass as standard and we offer all our clients a 10 year guarantee. Our product range includes: • Glass Curtains for interior or exterior separations. • Unique flying door and locking solutions. • Aluminium windows and doors. • Conservatories. Manufacturers of: • Double glazed sealed units. • Glass Cut to size. EuroGlaze continually rises to the challenge of producing high quality products to satisfy the most demanding customers. We have a solid and ever growing portfolio of discerning customers. Our company is well suited for forging sound, long standing supplier relationships with all its customers, whatever their specific needs. All trade enquiries are welcome.
nications equipment; chemicals, plastics, fertilizers, wood pulp, timber, crude petroleum, natural gas and electricity. Life Expectancy: years (woman). This month’s ‘around the world’ takes us to ‘Oh Canada!’ Population: 33,657,000 Total Area: 9,984,670 km2 (Second largest country in the world, Canada is over 40 times bigger than the UK and 18 times bigger than France. With only three people per square kilometer). Location: North America Languages: English and French Capital City: Ottawa Largest City: Toronto Currency: Canadian Dollar Main Exports: Motor vehicles and parts, industrial machinery, aircraft, telecommu-
77 years (men) and 84
Famous for Inventing: Trivial Pursuit, Basketball, Television, the Telephone, Instant Mashed Pototoes, Insulin, Paint Roller, Washing Machine, Roller Skate, Frozen Food, the Blackberry, Push Up Bra (Wonder Bra). Biggest Celebrity: Jim Carrey and Avril Lavigne. Some real Canadians: John Candy, Dan Ackroyd, Mike Myers, Martin Short and Leslie Nielsen are all Canadian-born. Also famous actors Keanu Reeves, Donald and Kiefer Sutherland, Pamela Anderson, Matthew Perry, Jason Priestly and Michael J. Fox are all Canadians. National Sport: Hockey & Lacrosse
World’s Biggest: Canada is the largest country in the Western Hemisphere. Has the longest coastline border with one other country (the United States - 8890 km’s long). The Trans-Canada Highway is over 7604 km’s in length and is the longest national highway in the entire world. Canada has the world's highest tertiary education enrolment. Canadians are guardians of one-fourteenth of the world's land, one-tenth of the world's forest and one-fifth of the world's wilderness. Big Bubbles: Canada's largest gum manufacturer, O-Pee-Chee Co., sells more than 7.5 million pounds of chewing gum annually - enough to blow a bubble twice the size of the earth! Amazing but True Laws: In Beaconsfield, Canada it's considered an
offense to have more than two colours on your house; and you are not allowed to own a log cabin! In Uxbridge, Ontario it's illegal to have an internet connection faster than 56k! In Kanata, Ontario, believe this, it's illegal to have a clothes line in your back yard! In Oshawa, Ontario it's illegal to climb trees! The Canadian law states that every 5th song on the radio must be by a Canadian born citizen? Well believe it or not it is true! There's a law on the British Columbia books that states if you're a bankrupt drunk who got thrown into jail, the law requires the jailer to bring you a bottle of beer on demand. Nuts! And in Toronto you can't drag a dead horse down Yonge St. on a Sunday. Things that Canada are good at?: Ice-breaking, Snow clearing, Staying warm, Peacekeeping, Aerospace Engineering, Making oil out of sand, Recycling & Music that always stops just short of making you want to kill yourself.
There is a city called Rome on every continent. About 80% of women wear the wrong size bra. Cats spend about 70% of a day sleeping. There are 10 times more iron in Camel's milk than cow's milk. Perth is Australia's windiest city. Flies jump backwards when they take off. More money is spent on gardening than on any other hobby. Toilets use about 30% of indoor water use. Asia consumes over 19 million barrels of oil daily. You're born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day! A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. The average person laughs 10 times a day! If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. Mexico City sinks several inches every year. Bratislava and Vienna are the two closest capital cities in the world, only 40 miles apart.
noodles but without the flavouring).
Crunchy Asian Salad You can never have enough salad I reckon so here’s another tasty one for you this month. Some of the ingredients may be a wee bit hard to get but it really is worth the effort – Enjoy! Preparation time: 5 minutes Cooking Time: 15 minutes Serves: 4 – 6 people
Base:
Dressing:
Toast above ingredients at 150 degrees C for 15 minutes, stir frequently.
½ cup oil ¼ cup wine vinegar 2 tbsp soy sauce 3 tbsp sugar Chopped garlic to taste Seasoning sachets from the 2 minute noodles (if you have them).
½ cabbage, shredded 1 cup snow peas 1 bunch spring onions, chopped
Put all ingredients into a screw top jar and shake well. Keep in the fridge until ready to use.
Crunch:
Pour small amounts of dressing over base and crunch and mix well. Don’t be too heavy handed with the dressing as it’s quite strong. You can always add more if required.
½ cup slivered almonds ½ cup sunflower seeds ¼ cup sesame seeds 2 packets of 2 minute noodles (like pot
Enjoy!
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again. ANTIQUE: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again. AVOIDABLE (uh-voy'-duh-buhl'): What a bullfighter tries to do. BARIUM: What we do to most people when they die. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mum to be self-cleaning. BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, Fire Department and Places that deliver. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. GROCERY LIST: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. HAIR DRESSER: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid. POLYGON: A dead parrot. SCHOOL TEACHER: A disillusioned person who used to think they liked children. STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. VEGETARIAN: Old Indian word for bad hunter.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service. In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
- Safety around the pool
green (all chlorine having been depleted by the blood in the water), the pH rose and the walls of the pool and the sandfilter became badly calcified.
Pools can be dangerous places, and regular readers of this column will be aware that we install the Katchakid Pool Safety Net here in Spain, but pool safety goes a lot further than the prevention of drowning. F’rinstance. I’m forever advising our clients to keep glasses and bottles away from the pool area and here’s why.
We carried out the repairs to the pool; we acid-washed the walls, replaced the sand in the filter and arranged for the pool to be re-filled by the same tanker driver – at a further cost of €660 for the water. Perhaps in total the whole affair cost the owners somewhere around €5-6000 including the private medical bills. Quite an expensive party, all in all!
A couple of years ago we were called out to a pool where an accident had taken place. There had been a pool party the previous evening and, somehow, a glass had been left on the steps. When the pump started the morning the jets washed the glass off the steps and it rolled into the pool. About 11a.m. the teenage son jumped into the shallow end and landed on the glass. The glass shattered under his foot, lacerating his sole and slicing the tendons of his foot. He was hospitalised for emergency surgery and spent the rest of the summer hopping about. ‘Not a good start to ze ‘oliday’, as the French might put it. Like so many ex-pats, the family was not covered by Medical Insurance. That was just the start of their financial troubles.
Never take glasses or bottles, or glass ashtrays, or lamps, etc. near the pool. The biggest problems in that little list are the glasses, because the chances of dropping and breaking a glass rise as the contents are drained! Use unbreakable barware near the pool.
PoolSchool
Clear glass is invisible in water and so, wishing to avoid further accidents, the parents agreed, over the phone, with our advice that the pool should be emptied to ensure that all remnants of the broken glass were removed. The pool was on an Urbanisation without main drains and so the pool had to be emptied by tanker lorries at a cost of €520. The tanker company could not begin the work for a week or so and in that time the pool went
The advantage of Polycarbonate is that it is unbreakable in normal use and is therefore safe to use around the pool, it looks and feels like traditional glass, is microwave-safe and good for 2000 dishwasher cycles. Click-Clack, who make their elegant polycarbonate ‘glasses’ in New Zealand, guarantee their hand-finished products for 5 years. We have a supply of Polycarbonate Barware in stock and a page of our website dedicated to them. It’s not cheap but it’s a lot less expensive than the scenario outlined above! Swim safe. To receive our free, monthly Email Pools Newsletter, containing tips and seasonal pools advice, send an email, subject ‘Subscribe’, to: newsletter@deep-blue-pools.com Ken Walker is the Director of PoolSchool and Deep Blue Pools. Phone 952 499 059 Copyright remains with author.
Street Party On Sunday June the 7th, JK’s are holding a Street Party in Aid of Chain. The fun kicks off at 12pm with live music from 2pm, featuring Costa Rock and Im & Er. Jk's promise a fun day out for all the family with face painting, bouncy castles, kids games and lots of prizes to be won! There will also be a BBQ, Tapas and a Spitroast aswell as an outside bar (with normal bar prices). Tickets are now available from JK's (€5 Adults / €3 Children / Family Ticket 2 Adult 2 Children €12) with the money raised to go to CHAIN – Charity for animals in need. To book your tickets call 951 318 516 or 654 396 651. Jk's, Poligono La Trocha, Coin. Plenty of parking close by. The Age Care Association is a fully registered, non-profit making organisation staffed entirely by volunteers. The majority of our work concerns helping older British people living in the Province of Malaga, though persons of other nationalities who speak English are of course helped. We provide welfare information, practical support and a help line (Telephone: 691761088). The Association also has a visiting team for persons in hospital or at their own home. Volunteers also visit people in Care Homes when necessary. As part of our work we have also helped repatriate people to the UK, where there are more facilities for care and access to benefits unavailable in Spain. Some of our volunteers have had careers in nursing, education, psychology and other caring professions and are accustomed to listening in a sympathetic and kind manner. The Age Care Association are having a raffle to raise some much needed funds. The raffle will be drawn on the 8th of October 2009. Further details will be published next month. Anyone that would like to donate a prize please call 952 567 065 or 691 761 088. www.agecarecosta.org
We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake... It was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off. Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He later became her husband.
Here is proof that the ‘World Is Nuts’! In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death (like THAT makes sense). In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror (do they look different reversed?). In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired (Ah! Justice!). Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores (but of course!). In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act (makes one shudder at the thought). In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises' (Is this a great country or what?). Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times (A brick?).
The month of June and the important task being to dead head the flowers, roses and geraniums. The removal of dead flower heads has many benefits, a continuity of flower buds and flowers as the plant attempts to produce seed only to be thwarted by your efforts. This is particularly important with roses, daisy flowering plants, annuals and perennials, Gazonas, carnations and geraniums. Gardens look so much tidier when plants having been dead headed. In the case of bulbs leave the stem to die back before cutting off, although it will look a little untidy. Plants will be stimulated to put all its energy into developing a good bulb for the next year, daffodils, tulips, gladioli, iris and lilies. Also take the opportunity during June to lightly prune any plants which have grown a little wild during the flowering weeks and increase watering as the temperature increases, checking the watering system regular for leaks and to ensure that all drip heads work. MARGARITA, (Paris daisy) is a perennial spreading 1x1 metres which likes full sun and requires little irrigation. A pretty flowering evergreen shrub with white, yellow and pink daisy flowers in winter, spring and autumn. A much liked plant, ideal in borders and rockeries, but do not
plant in the shade as this will produce a poor weak plant susceptible to disease. Propagation cuttings can be taken spring or summer. Dead head regular to promote continuous flowering and lightly prune but be careful not to cut back into the old wood. When pruning snip out tips frequently to maintain the neat rounded shape. MARGARITA AFRICANA (African daisy) an extremely colourful and tough daisy plant which can be planted into any corner of the garden. Excellent for sloping bank, rockeries or just ground cover. This perennial can spread some 1metre x 0.5 and again prefers full sun and is drought tolerant making it an ideal evergreen plant. The silvery grey to grey/green leaves have a little furry appearance whilst the beautiful flowers in yellow, orange, pink, russet and cream have contrasting black or golden eye producing masses of flowers during spring and summer. Propagate from small offshoots or by seed during autumn and spring. Again dead head regular to promote healthy continuous flowers. Finally the rose bushes, a few minutes each day snipping the old roses off makes way for another making perfect yield of perfect roses. However watch out for pests and diseases that can appear as the heat and humidity rise, so ensure weekly spraying and health checks. Happy dead heading. Til next month....
Rosie
Peter Kay's Universal Truths 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 3) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 5) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 6) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 7) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 8) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 9) Old women with mobile phones look wrong. 10) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 11) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 12) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 13) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 14) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
Amazing Animals - this month we adventure into the weird and mysterious dark world of bats! There are over 1000 known species of bats. In fact, bats make up a quarter of all mammals species on earth. Bats can be found almost anywhere in the world except the Polar Regions and extreme deserts. They are the only mammals that can fly. Vampire bats adopt orphans, and are one of the few mammals known to risk their own lives to share food with less fortunate roost-mates. The world’s smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand which weighs less than a penny. There are 27 species of bat found in Spain.
Bats are more closely related to humans than they are to rodents. Several studies indicate that the Old World fruit bats and flying foxes may actually be descended from early primates. Most bats give birth to only a single pup each year, making them very vulnerable to extinction. They are the slowest reproducing mammals on earth for their size. Giant flying foxes that live in Indonesia have wingspans of nearly six feet. A single little brown bat can catch 600 mosquitoes in just one hour! There are a few bats that are carnivorous, meat-eating bats. These bats, like the Asian and African False-Vampire bats, eat mostly insects, but have been known to eat fish, frogs and even small birds. Bats are very clean animals, and groom themselves almost constantly (when not eating or sleeping) to keep their fur clean.
CAPRICORN - Your personal magnetism is high and the love life is speeding up along side. It is moving so fast that you now seek to put your relationships first and appreciate the support of a partner in your upcoming plans. Pay attention to the details when it comes to signing documents, as a business arrangement will be hard to get out of once the deed is done. Mid June the social part of your nature seeks attention and you will get in touch with those you haven’t seen for a while or family members that may need your support. AQUARIUS - Curiosity killed the cat – well that isn’t your motto this month, you want to know how things tick and are interested in discovering different ways of doing things. Travel is highlighted and it is just what you need to take you out of your mundane world – a bit of an adventure to stimulate the senses. Domestic issues need attention and that may take up a lot of your energy, ranging from repairs, decorating and generally sorting out bills and finances. This is all coming from an urge to clear the decks and sort things out.
PISCES - This is the time to be determined, if something is bugging you, then it is important to bring it into the open and talk it through. In fact to be determined in all areas of your life will enable you to progress at great speed. At the end of this you will be surprised at how much you have achieved and how different the land now looks. New friendships are possible as you reach out and express your self clearly and with gusto with long conversations ensuing. Established friends / family also become important and you will set aside time to be with them. ARIES - The community and you share an affinity this month and you could be presented with many opportunities to initiate changes in your local area. Looking at what you need and the areas of your life that could do with some changes can help. Romance is on the cards towards the end of June and you will have a few wild, intense and lively days. Beautiful objects will catch your eye and there could be a desire to take hold of all that you see – basically keep an eye on you’re spending particularly around mid June.
TAURUS - Money matters may be the subject of conflict or stress in your life at the moment and could interfere in the steady domestic harmony of the home. This is a month of high energy for you where you will feel light spirited and full of vitality. Your powers of attraction are strong and you exude animal magnetism, so let your passionate side out towards the end of the month and show a loved one just how much they mean to you. You could put all this energy to good use and use this time to get fit or maybe to get on with jobs around the house.
GEMINI - There is likely to be a lot of re-evaluating going on in your life this June with plenty happening behind the scenes to keep you occupied for a long time. If there were misunderstandings with those close to you last month, then June is giving you the opportunity to clarify points and make your self understood, with more clarity. Some one could be quite emotional and you will need to tread cautiously if you don’t want your head bitten off particularly around 7th. By the end of June you will be firing on all four cylinders as your energy returns.
CANCER - There may be many plans and seeds being planted for the future in the areas of business and career options. The main theme for June is a return to the past, where you will be reviewing what is working for you, what needs changing and what you need to leave behind. Looking at what you have undertaken and seeing where there are room for improvements will allow you to move ahead quicker. Networking and spending time with friends will bring you many social opportunities that lead onto greater things for you. LEO - June is the month to listen to your instincts, they are your greatest ally, and stop rationalising your inner feelings, let them out and speak from your heart; it will do you the world of good. There could be someone that you need to chat things over with but have been reluctant to do so, find that courage within and take the ‘bull by the horns’ and just do it – you will feel much better. You are full of creative and artistic vision and can use this energy to achieve something really astounding; you will perhaps be spurred on by a competitive friend.
VIRGO - A sense of adventure abounds when you wish to explore and venture into places that you haven’t been to before. Your playful and fun attitude is infectious and you may make more plans than you usually would, finding that others get caught up in your enthusiasm as well. Try not to be too tempted to spend as glittery things may catch your eye, giving you the impulsive desire to ‘have to have them’ and then regret splashing out after. Relationships feature strongly mid-month and you will be becoming very intimate with a loved one.
LIBRA - The key is not to take things at face value this month as there may be a lot more going on behind the scenes than you are giving people credit for. There is a strong urge in you to have far more meaningful interactions with people, superficial contacts just don’t cut the cheese. Spend as much time with the elements as possible, this will recharge your batteries, and make you feel more grounded. An old flame or an old friend my re-appear and there may be the chance of a re-union that could lead to intimacy and romance.
SCORPIO - A close relationship heats up a notch and you become closer, more intimate and creatively expressive. There are tough decisions to be had and one of the best ways to make those choices is to write them down on paper so they become a lot clearer. Thinking out of the box is easy for you to do right now and even if something seems a really crazy idea – it is likely to work. By 30th you see your craziest plans come to fruition. Studying or book work may be causing you a bit of tension so do your best to relax and take it easy in-between.
SAGITTARIUS - If someone is giving you a hard time or just generally driving you nuts then the advice is to stay away for now. You need to preserve your own sanity. Other people may have you wrapped around their finger and then others may genuinely need your help – it is therefore up to you to figure out the ‘wheat from the chaff’ and once you do life will seem to calm right down. There is competition on the work front but this only encourages you to excel in that area of your life as you always rise to the occasion with panache.
The kids are back and this month it’s all about the sea. 1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7) 3) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) 4) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 5) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)
Attention to all parents!! Yes the 3 month school holidays are just around the corner! Are you thinking about things for the kids to do? Hiring an inflatable castle or game could be your saving grace. Available for parties, communions, weddings or just because! Here at 'Trumps' we have castles for children from age 0 - 101! Our castles start from 3.6 metres square up to 5.5 metres square. If you have a pool why not a GIANT waterslide. This is fantastic for the hot days and evenings that are coming. Quotes are available on request or via the website www.trumpsfunhire.com or call Kerry on 667-242-193, always happy to help. Our prices are cheapest anywhere. Our professional service will have you coming back time and again, guaranteed!!
6) When ships had sails, they used the winds to cross the ocean. When the wind didn't blow, they would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7) 7) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6) 8) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7) 9) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) 10) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8) 11) On holidays my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her ass. (Jule age 7)
In the race for a UEFA place finish MALAGA entertained fellow contenders DEPORTIVO... In a keenly fought match MALAGA took the lead on 33 minutes from a wonderfully taken kick on the edge of the box. Deportivo however equalized on 50 Min's from a great cross and running header. Both sides had chances to win with DEPORTIVO having a goal disallowed and MALAGA hitting a post, the bar and also missing a penalty for the game to end in a 1-1 draw. Away to NUMANCIA came next and a shock start saw the home side score from a spectacular volley after only 35 seconds. MALAGA never recovered and NUMANCIA scored another great 20 yard goal on 63 Min's to secure a 2-0 win. A tough RACING SANTANDER side were the next visitors to the LA ROSALEDA STADIUM and with both sides going all out for a win it was only fine saves from both keepers that kept the score to 0-0 at half time. It was more of the same after the break but with MALAGA pressing harder as the game went on. The match was settled however in the 87th min when a totally unnecessary rash RACING challenge gave MALAGA a penalty kick.
Luque calmly stepped up and cooly slotted the ball home for a 1-0 victory. MALAGA next travelled to SPORTING GIJON and an entertaining game produced three great headed goals. The first came from a corner kick where a nicely timed run saw a bullet header from SPORTING'S Gerard hit the back of the net on 24 Min's. Before half time MALAGA were level when a beautifully flighted free kick into the box was met by Weligton who stole in to guide the ball past a stranded keeper. The deciding goal came on 53 Min's when a dangerous ball into the MALAGA box was met by a diving header from Rosario who in a desperate attempt to clear the ball could only send it past his keeper for an unfortunate own goal and give SPORTING a 2-1 victory.
The honorable mentions: 10. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 9. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 8. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 7. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15 (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?). 5.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 4. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 3. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5a.m, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER ) 2. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
away from the meat while cooking. Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic. Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the shop. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster. Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminium foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mould!
Don't know if this is just a coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates partsof Asia. 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimatesAustralian racing. 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds ofpigs around the globe.
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
Has any one else noticed this? It gets worse, next year......
Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?
The Solution Dear Mr. Darling, Please find below some suggestions for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan. There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them ÂŁ1 million a piece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed. 4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed 5) They must buy ÂŁ50 of alcohol / tobacco a
week there's your money back in duty / tax etc. It can't get any easier than that! P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances!
Technological Park in Campanillas. Bamboo Telecom is a registered Trade Mark of (Costa del Sol Online S.L.), a local Telecommunications company with offices for Sales and Tech Support in the Polígono La Rosa in Alhaurín el Grande and Administrative offices in the Technological Park in Campanillas, where also the technical heart of the company is located in a professionally equipped Data Center. Bamboo Telecom provides wireless broadband internet access and Voice over IP telephone service in areas where the conventional operator does not reach. The company was created in 2001 and has all the necessary legal authorizations from the CMT (Telecommunications Commission) to operate as a Telecom Operator in Spain. The wireless mesh network of Bamboo Telecom covers a total of 1.900 km2 in the Guadalhorce Valley and the area of Antequera, with expansión in progress to the coastal areas of Nerja down to Estepona. Bamboo Telecom works with the latest technology in the 5 Ghz range from well known companies such as Skypilot Networks in California and Motorola, in order to guarantee high speed internet access and a good telephone quality via the internet. The primary clientele are residential customers and companies located in rural areas where ADSL , nor regular landlines cannot reach. Bamboo Telecom also offers solutions for Urbanizations, Apartment Buildings, Hotels, Universities, Campings and Marinas, not just for internet access but also for telephone solutions such as Virtual PBX systems for companies. Since January 2006 Bamboo Telecom is the official provider of internet access for the buildings of the Junta de Andalucia in the
In today’s world and especially at times of international economic crisis, companies and private customers need more and better communication means at a lower cost, wherever they are located. The innovative services of Bamboo Telecom provide this advantage. Bamboo Telecom’s internet connections are symmetric broadband connections and start at a basic speed of 512k which is sufficient for home or small office use and will also work with Skype. To provide the 24hour and 7 days a week service (without any download restrictions and without a minimum contract term), only a small antenna has to be installed at the clients property. The installed equipment is not sold to the client, it remains the property of Bamboo Telecom and with this the client does not have to worry about warranty on the equipment in case of technical fault. Bamboo Telecom will maintain and change the equipment if necessary. With the Voice over IP telephone service the client receives a fixed local number and has the option to also choose numbers of other countries. VOIP allows calls at low cost which are billed to the second and without any call establishment fee. In addition, calls between Bamboo Telecom customers are free. Bamboo Telecom offers high quality products and always strives to provide the best customer support, as well as multilingual office staff. Sales and Tech Support: Bamboo Telecom/Costa del Sol Online S.L. Pol. Ind. La Rosa, C/ Guadalmedina 14 29120 Alhaurín el Grande Tel. 952 563 021 Web: www.bambootelecom.com E-mail: sales@bambootelecom.com
1. A Salopian is a native of which English county? 2. In 1979 Greenland gained its independence from which Country? 3. Can horses catch Foot and Mouth disease? 4. Which type of camera did Edwin Land invent in 1947? 5. Where are the biggest and busiest McDonalds? 6. How often can one see Halley’s Comet? 7. How many people were on Noah's ark? 8. How many lines are there in a sonnet? 9. What was the Tin Donkey, which in 1915 was the first of its kind? 10. Who wrote the musical Can Can? 11. Which outlaw was killed by Bob Ford? 12. What was the unit of currency in Poland? 13. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, which herb is said to be 'for remembrance'? 14. Who had a hit with Rebel Rebel? 15. In which 1960s sitcom would you see a horse called Hercules? 16. Which wedding anniversary is associated with China? 17. Which element has the symbol U? 18. Who invented jeans in 1872? 19. How many players are there in a hurling team? 20. What are a group of hedgehogs called? 21. Which Football Club’s nickname is The O’s 22. Who had a horse called Black Bess? 23. Who was the third wife of Henry V111? 24. In Monopoly how much does Pall Mall cost? 25. Which country hosted the 1960 Olympic Games? 26. What is Cynaphobia the fear of?
Answers on page 74
Find the words that fit. Example 1: 60 = S in a M Figure out what the "S" and "M" stand for. Answer: 60 Seconds in a Minute 1) 26 = L of the E A 2) 7 = D of the W 3) 1001 = A N 4) 12 = S of the Z 5) 54 = C in a D (with J) 6) 22 = M T in a P of T C 7) 88 = P K 8) 13 = S on the A F 9) 32 = D F at which W F 10) 18 = H on a G C
What does man love more than life Fear more than death or mortal strife What the poor have, the rich require, and what contented men desire, What the miser spends and the spendthrift saves And all men carry to their graves?
Answers on page 74
ACROSS 1 Yellow colour (4) 4 Curved structure (4) 6 Types of meat (4) 8 Public transport (4) 11 Fail to hit (4) 13 Solemn (7) 14 Primate (3) 16 Musical speed (5) 18 Lamp (5) 21 Coarse files (5) 22 Portals (5) 24 Tavern (3) 25 Aquatic bird (7) 28 Hold (4) 30 Attention (4) 31 Revise (4) 32 Pile (4) 33 Disparage (4)
DOWN 1 Flying mammals (4) 2 Phobia (4) 3 Entire range (5) 4 Donkey (3) 5 Gap (4) 7 Skinflint (5) 9 Hand in one’s notice (6) 10 Capability (5) 12 Drains (4) 15 Conifer (6) 17 Frantic (5) 19 Clique (4) 20 Lukewarm (5) 23 Shade of brown (5) 24 Unit of length (4) 26 Shout (4) 27 Close (4) 29 Agent (3) Answers on page 74
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Discover how to break a code: Every number in the codeword grid is 'code' for a letter of the alphabet. Thus the number '2' may correspond to the letter 'L', for instance. We have given you the first letter, 1 = A HINT: Letters not used: F,J,Q,V,X,Z
A true story from Mount Isa in Queensland. Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the
road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication. The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy". Three Old Ladies These three old ladies, Tillie, Maude, and Gertrude were sitting on a park bench with their dogs, having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Dear God... There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address or postcode. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is my birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.. Please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one
dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. A few days later, another letter came addressed to God and in the same hand. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office. Sincerely, Edna
Hearing Aid An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' Eating Out An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives
left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' ‘Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' Banana Split A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
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BED & BREAKFAST Casa 65 B&B, Heart of Andalucia. Weekend Breaks (Fri/Sat/Sun Nights) 120€ Includes Sunday Lunch Midweek Break (Mon/Tue/Wed/Thur) 120€ Prices or Per Room For 2. Tel: 953 570 089
BUILDER General Building Reforms: Security, Equestrian, Commercial & Domestic Fencing Perimeter & Swimming Pool Alarms Groundworks, Painting, Blockwork, Carports, Guttering & Drainage Services
Tel: 617 172 583 / 617 148 311
www.1calljmt.com CAR GUIDE Now available the 'import your own car guide' 69 euros. With this guide you will be able to re-register your own car yourself. No Gestor fees. No import duty to pay. For full details visit www.carimportinspain.com or call Chris on 606 554 048
CAR HIRE Rent a car 3000, delivery to & from airport / accommodation free of charge, Tel: 952 490 692, 639 682 081 Website: www.rentacar3000.com Email: info@rentacar3000.com
DRAIN SERVICES Euro drain services, cctv surveys, drain jetting, septic tanks, soakaway installations fast and efective. 24hr blocked drain clearance. Call Darren 629 640 754 all areas.
ELECTRICIANS 16th Edition BS7671 qualified, Apprentice trained, 21 years experience. Rewires, extra sockets, lights, fault finding etc. Pay as you go electric meters supplied and fitted, ideal for holiday lets, aircon etc.
Ian: 650 151 569 FURNITURE Aquabeds, Tel: 952 112 563, 636 648 173 www.thesentinellamalaga.com/Aquabeds.html Email: mavis_spears@yahoo.co.uk Seconds R Us, Second Hand Furniture, Parque recinto ferial 7 (Feria Ground) Alhaurin el Grande. Tel: 952 112 563
HEALTH & BEAUTY Inner Yoga - Classes, meditation, retreats, therapies, healing. Alhaurín de la Torre. www.inner-yoga.co.uk info@inner-yoga.co.uk Tel: 952 649 266 / Mov: 663 179 518
HORSERIDING Rancho del Rio - Estacion de Cartama. Treks, riding lessons for beginners & advanced riders, trail rides and special needs catered for. Tel: 952 426 074 Mob: 659 696 535 www.horseridingandalucia.com
INTERNET SERVICES Riosat SL, No landline required. Internet and telephone services. Some areas free installation. Covering Andalucia. Call 951 239 310 / 626 679 018 Email:info@riosat.com
Website:www.riosat.com
KIDDIE HIRE Buggies, car seats, travel cots, highchairs and more from as little as €1 per day. Based in Alhaurin el Grande. Can deliver. Tel: 600 609 129.
PLASTERER / BUILDER
VETERINARY SURGEONS
Specialist in ceilings, walls and floors. 25 Years experience. For price and advice, call Frank at Casabermeja. Tel: 618 597 364 Or Email: frankinesp@hotmail.com
BRITISH VETERINARY SURGEON Home visits at no extra cost . First and second opinion work, vaccines, Id chip, blood analysis etc. Consultations in the comfort of your own home. Tel: 652 302 985 Mr Wayne Hockenhull BVMS MRCVS
VAN HIRE Man with Van & Trailer. € 20 p/h No job too small, Local & International. Call Dave 665 034 005 or 695 888 870
BOX IT IN FOR ONLY 95€ (12 ISSUES) All our advertisers are placed on our Online Business Directory
WEB DESIGN Web Design Malaga - Get your business a website from just € 150. Plus 6 months free web hosting. For details call Simon on 653 437 416 www.webdesignmalaga.es
EMERGENCY NUMBERS Emergency Ambulance Fire Brigade Local Police National Police Guardia Civil Helpline in English
112 061 080 092 091 062 902 102 112
HOSPITALS Carlos Haya Hospital Civil Hospital Maternity Hospital Costa del Sol Hospital Hospital Clinico Univ
951 030 100 951 030 300 951 030 200 952 102 112 952 649 400
MALAGA AIRPORT Information 952 048 771/952 048 484 Arrivals T2 952 048 844 Arrivals T1 952 048 845 Departures 952 048 804
TAXI Alhaurin de la Torre Alhaurin el Grande Benalmadena Coin Fuengirola Malaga Torremolinos
952 410 444 952 491 010 952 441 545 952 453 587 952 471 000 952 327 950 952 380 600
MARKETS DAYS Tuesday - Antequera, Fuengirola. Wednesday - Alhaurin de la Torre, Arroyo de la Miel, Saydo Hotel Mollina, La Cala de Mijas. Thursday - Alora Country Farmers Market (Los Caballos), Alhaurin el Grande - Feria, Pizarra, Torremolinos - Feria Ground. Friday - Arroyo de la Miel, Cartama Country Farmers Market, Mijas Costa. Saturday - Benalmadena - Los Porches, Coin, Fuengirola, La Cala de Mijas. Sunday - Benagalbon, Coin La Trocha, Estacion de Cartama, Fuengirola, Malaga next to the Stadium, Pizarra Car Boot, Torremolinos by Crocodile Park.
Get Quizzical: 14) David Bowie 1) Shropshire 15) Steptoe and Son 2) Denmark 16) 20th 3) No 17) Uranium 4) The Polaroid 18) Jacob Davis and 5) Moscow Levi Strauss 6) Every 76 years 19) 15 7) 8 20) A Herd 8) 14 21) Leyton Orient 9) An all metal plane 22) Dick Turpin 10) Cole Porter 23) Jane Seymour 11)Jesse James 24) GBP 140 12) Zloty 25) Italy 13) Rosemary 26) Fear of dogs Brain Benders: 1) Letters of the English Alphabet 2) Days of the Week 3) Arabian Nights 4) Signs of the Zodiac 5) Cards in a Deck (with Jokers) 6) Major Trumps in a Pack of Tarot Cards 7) Piano Keys 8) Stripes on the American Flag 9) Degrees Fahrenheit at which Water Freezes 10) Holes on a Golf Course Brain Teasers: Half Hearted Moral Support See Eye to Eye
Wrong end of the stick
Riddle: Nothing Codeword: 1=A, 2=U, 3=D, 4=O, 5=T, 6=G, 7=R, 8=L, 9=I, 10=C, 11=P, 12=S, 13=Y, 14=K, 15=W, 16=H, 17=N, 18=E, 19=B, 20=M