Bos Mag Dec 09

Boscombe Mag DEC 09-2 print

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A L L

A B O U T

BOSCOMBE AND THE SURROUNDING AREA

sue 2 s i his FOR In tBRUNCsHcanova

o ife WI N Café B at L xist? k at o Lo yE ter a Reall h g i t L n s Sa e to Doe com lia l e W ume Ro ane L

Your free bi-monthly mag for everything in and around Boscombe

Boscombe Mag DEC 09-2 print

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In this issue . . .

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WIN! Brunch for 2 at Café Boscanova

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In the Community The Bourne Spring Centre

7

Welcome to Roumelia Lane

8-9 Town News Parking Refund Scheme/Ashley Road 10 The Green Room Surfing Update

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11 Date for Your Diary Inspierational Get Together 12 Little Gems Gifts with Ethics 13 Town Map Where to Find our Advertisers 14 Get Gardening Winter Wonderlands 15 Editor’s Choice Rosie’s Mediterranean Café 16 Just For a Giggle:-) The problem with Christmas:-) 17 Food Bites Easy Christmas Baking 18 What’s On Lots Going on This Christmas!

20 A Lighter Look on Life Does Santa Really Exist?

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22 Services and Useful Contacts Stunning main cover image of Boscombe Beach and small inset cover image of Boscombe Pier courtesy of Sean Gardiner ~ thanks Sean!

It’s All About Boscombe is designed and published by Gazelle Design, Tel: 01202 599077 Advertising enquiries Sue Peck, Tel: 01202 599077 Email: sue@gazelledesign.co.uk Gazelle Design wish to express their appreciation for the help and assistance provided by various organisations and individuals in the production of this magazine. Every effort has been made to ensure that the information contained herein is correct at the time of going to press. Neither Gazelle Design, its employees and agents shall be liable for any inaccuracies or omissions, or for any loss, however arising, from the use of, or reliance on any information contained. No part of this publication, including advertisements designed by Gazelle Design, may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without the written permission of Gazelle Design. ©Gazelle Design 2009

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WIN

BRUNCH FOR TWO AT CAFE BOSCANOVA

To have a chance of winning just email us the answer to the following question: How many reindeer are said to pull Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve? Email your answer to: studio@gazelledesign.co.uk by midnight on 31 December 2009 to have your chance of winning a fabulous brunch for two people at Café Boscanova on Boscombe’s high street All entries must be received no later than midnight on 31st December 2009. Entries received after the closing time will be invalid. Employees and members of their immediate families of the Promoter and any of their subsidiaries and/or agencies associated with this competition, including the provider of the prize are ineligible to enter. E-mail entrants must supply their address details to allow for postal delivery of the winning brunch voucher. The prize is subject to the terms and conditions of the prize provider. No cash equivalent or alternative prize will be given. The winner will be picked at random from all valid and correct entries on Monday 4th January 2010. The winner will be notified by e-mail and the brunch voucher will be sent via first class post the same day. Brunch voucher valid until 31st January 2010.

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Welcome . . .

As I write this issue’s welcome I’m sitting listening to the howl of 70+mph winds! Winter is now definitely upon us:-) As ‘It’s All About Boscombe’ enters its second year of publication I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of the advertisers and contributors to the magazine who over the past year have shown their support and great enthusiasm ~ without you the magazine would have probably faded into a distant memory!

So, Christmas is very nearly upon us . . . what are we to expect from the festive season? Well, some things you can be almost sure of . . . the X-Factor winner being number 1 in the music charts, “The Gringe” on TV, far too many brussel sprouts on your dinner plate, not a flake of snow falling in Boscombe and a few extra inches on the waistline to start off your Happy New Year:-) We at ‘It’s All About Boscombe” hope that whatever Christmas brings for you that you have a peaceful and content Christmastime and a healthy and happy New Year!

We look forward to bringing you the February edition of the mag from our new home at Studio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane and welcome everyone to come and visit us anytime with news, views or just for a chat. Come and meet the team and see what else we do . . . websites, graphic design, fax and internet services, rent-a-desk, printing and so much more . . . the kettle will always be on:-) Til next year then, have a good one!

Helene Bowman-Brown, Editor Email: studio@gazelledesign.co.uk TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

Photo courtesy Paul Godier

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Welcome to Roumelia Lane When I made the decision to move my company, Gazelle Design (publishers of this mag), into the heart of Boscombe, I must admit, Roumelia Lane was not the first area that jumped to mind.

After viewing one of the units currently available, I spent hour-upon-hour looking at various other options including serviced units, shops and offices in and around other parts of the town.

Some of the options appeared to me to be ‘in a crowd, but all alone’ ~ long corridors with doors leading off, almost no audible sound of life and devoid of any ‘personality’. Some premises had outside toilets or were at least a little walk away and others offered very little or sometimes no parking at all. All seemed to have no sense of community, no real feeling of being welcome ~ I’m sure we would have been welcome in some of the areas we looked at but unfortunately that didn’t come across to me on the viewings.

So, after all that, Roumelia Lane became a real option to consider. After a number of visits to potential units, emails to and fro with the landlord (who I’m sure we came close to driving to distraction), I decided to take a morning out and visit the businesses and meet some of the residents of Roumelia Lane, and am I glad I did?

Never before have I been privy to such a passionate community spirit. The businesses and residents of the lane work together so well. Upon meeting some of them I was made to feel so welcome! Based upon the people we met and the true feeling of community that oozes from every corner of the lane, the decision was made

that this is where Gazelle Design and “It’s All About Boscombe” will make its new home. We hope to be in our new premises at Studio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane early December, complete with inside toilet and a parking space:-) We hope to make a regular feature of ‘Welcome to Roumelia Lane’, highlighting the businesses and keeping you up-to-date with news . . . so watch this space:-) I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the businesses and residents that I have had the pleasure of meeting over the past few weeks and look forward to “It’s All About Boscombe” being able to give the lane the positive exposure that it so rightly deserves.

Dave Wells Properties BUSINESS UNITS TO LET IN ROUMELIA LANE 25a St Clements Road, Bournemouth BH1 4DU Tel: 01202 301224/394507 www.davewells.net

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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In the Community

Take a break from Christmas Shopping and visit Rosie’s Fantastic home-made Italian food including all-day breakfasts, pasta, salads, cakes, smoothies, italian coffees and speciality teas and much more!

Shop 4, Roumelia Lane Tue - Sat 9am ~ 5pm Tel: 01202 398100

The Bourne Spring Centre

Rent-a-Desk Complete with free internet access, tea and coffee. By the hour, AM/PM, day, week or month. A sociable alternative to working from home.

1, Roumelia Lane

01202 599077 Studio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane, Boscombe, Dorset BH5 1EU

T: 07887 777 107

For truly affordable Christmas Gifts Bracelets - Earrings - Necklaces - Pearl Jewellery Open: Mon & Thu: 12-5;

Tue, Wed, Fri: 1-5;

Sat: 10-5

The Bourne Spring Trust are a great group of people dedicated to bringing resources to the people of Springbourne who are willing to work within the centre to keep it open and help maintain the building.

The centre aims to ensure people use the centre and benefit from the activities we and other groups provide.

To support the development of more enterprise within the Bourne Spring Centre and encourages more people to learn new skills, make new friends and do something for the local community.

The doors are open to all members of the community, providing fun and exciting workshops, activities and events held at the centre all year round.

For more information or to book a space for your event call them on 01202 392288 www.thebournespringtrust.com

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Town News Parking refund scheme Boscombe is setting the trend when it comes to a bargain for your car parking with the introduction of a refund scheme when you shop.

The 15th of September saw the launch of a parking refund scheme which means when you park in a council owned car park or the Britannia owned car park in the Sovereign Centre in Boscombe you will receive a refund when you shop. Simply take the parking refund section of your ticket to one of the participating shops and on purchase they will refund an amount for your parking ticket.

13 stores have already agreed to take part and the Traders Association is in discussion with a number of other stores within Boscombe. Participating stores so far include Baraka, Book Extra, Cherish, Clair de Lune, Dazzle, Down Under, Island Café, Moontree Gallery, Simoni’s Florists, The Catalogue Shop, The Salad Centre and Whistons. All stores taking part in the scheme will clearly display a sticker in the window and a leaflet will identify the level of refund which each store will offer.

For further details see: www.boscombetraders.co.uk Mike Holmes, Service Director for Planning & Transport, commented: “In a bid to support local trade and encourage more shoppers into Boscombe, the Council and Britannia Parking are leading the way in offering a unique refund scheme for Boscombe.

“When we heard Britannia Parking was looking to implement this we immediately looked at the logistics of matching the offer and that is what we have done. Now we are in discussions with the Chamber over implementing something like this in other areas of Bournemouth such as Westbourne.

“We’re a premier tourist destination and parking services are a vital part of the overall customer experience. Offering visitors deals like the refund scheme is an obvious step and one I think businesses will appreciate.”

Steve Kent, Chair of Boscombe Traders Association commented: “Boscombe is a great place to live, shop and visit and this is a fantastic scheme which can only help to benefit shoppers and traders alike in these difficult times.”

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Town News Ashley Road bridge works and park ‘n’ ride scheme Drivers are being urged to use the correct diversionary routes when travelling to and from Boscombe during Network Rail’s bridge closure (October 19th to December 19th inclusive).

Drivers who are caught using Kings Park will be issued with a £60 Penalty Charge Notice.

With shops, restaurants and other local businesses in Boscombe open as usual the Council has implemented a number of diversionary routes: ▼

From the west go via Wessex Way to St Paul’s and St Swithun’s Roundabouts and on Christchurch Road

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From the north and east leave the A338 Spur Road at Cooper Dean and follow the ‘Boscombe’ signs to go via Iford then onto Christchurch Road and through Pokesdown

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From Bournemouth Town Centre or Christchurch, the normal route via Christchurch Road is not affected.

Working with the ‘Friends of Kings Park’ and in line with the Five Parks Act, the Council has opened the park up to buses only.

And to encourage more people into Boscombe a park and ride scheme has been introduced, which will mean shoppers, residents and workers can park for free at Kings Park (in the council car parks) and pay 10p return to hop on the bus into Boscombe; there are eight buses an hour.

Boscombe Precinct Merry Xmas & Happy New Year

01202 309867

to all our customers TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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The Green Room Welcome to round two of The Green Room and your next update on all things surf in Boscombe in October and November (sadly at the start of November my dawn patrol dreams came to an end as I moved back to Southampton!).

The end of September and beginning of October were pretty much flat here, so the author decided to cheat and head to the warm azure waters of the western Algarve to satisfy his addiction to waves. But what welcomed him back to the UK?

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Photo courtesy Oli Smith

Short days and drizzle, the British autumn had finally arrived! Wave wise the start of October was once again uneventful and, combined with the darker mornings, the author's dream of dawn and dusk surfing was being hit by a few lay-days (surf speak for ironing board flatness!). Salvation came towards the end of the month when the clocks rolled back and Neptune decided he would send a bit of swell our way.

A messy three foot rocked up for the last weekend of October, even cleaning up a bit late on the Sunday afternoon to provide some good rides on the banks next to the pier. The last week of October saw the remnants of this swell slowly die, although it was just big enough for the author to take advantage of the lighter mornings and get his last pre-work surfs in of the year.

Photo courtesy Oli Smith

Right then, onto to more pressing matters ~ what about the reef?

The autumn season should have brought the epic Atlantic swell that would set our new baby alight, but it was yet to appear. Speculation in the press was mounting, and concerns were even raised over its safety (ridiculous ~ it is a wave in the middle of the sea, how safe do they want it to be?).

Luckily come launch day the reef decided to show its finer colours.

With the south coast basking in a meaty swell and offshore winds the reef turned it on. It is definitely not a wave for beginners and it won't be long before someone snaps a board, but in the author's opinion it is definitely a success. Granted it may not be quite as good as some of the other more fickle naturally occurring south coast reefs, but when it is located 200m away from a surf shop, a bar/café/restaurant and a car park it should definitely prove a success. Regional classic? That is still open to debate, but the coming months should prove that Weight's Reef was money well spent!

Contact Oli at greenroomsurfing@googlemail.com

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Date for your Diary Boscombe’s Inspierational Get Together All readers, friends and family are invited to join Inspieration (The Friends of Boscombe Pier) and their sponsors at the pier entrance on Sunday 13th December at 3pm for their carols and music event down by the Pier.

They hope it is a fine, crisp evening, but if a little of the wet stuff should fall from the sky, they will huddle under the windbreak on the Pier so please go well wrapped up against the wet and cold just incase!

They are hoping to retreat to Urban Reef after the singing for a glass of something warming and a chat.

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If you’d like any further information please contact : E: admin@inspieration.org W: www.inspieration.org

HOUSES The Bourne Spring Centre exists to promote a community spirit in the Springbourne, Boscombe and nearby areas by offering a scheme, at reasonable rates, to hire facilities to new and emerging community groups.

The facilities range from small meeting rooms to a large hall suitable for parties, music events and theatricals.

www.thebournespringtrust.com

01202 392288

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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FOR AN OPEN, HONEST AND TRANSPARENT SERVICE Please Call McKinlays on 01202 64 69 64 www.mckinlays.co.uk

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Little Gems ~ Gifts with Ethics Health Centre. A visit to BARAKA would not be complete without a trip to the Basement where there are more unique gifts to be found.

Adults will fall in love with their range of winter clothing which includes, party dresses, winter coats and jackets, hats, bags, scarves and the latest arm warmers from Nepal.

Gift vouchers are available, which are valid for 12 months and there’s even a free gift wrapping service.

Even better news, Baraka are open Sundays in December from 10am until 4pm.

You can find Baraka at 16 Sea Road, Boscombe For workshop bookings call: 01202 394949 or visit www.baraka.uk.com

Looking for something different this Christmas? Want gifts that don’t cost the Earth? Then it’s time to visit BARAKA! BARAKA is an Aladdin’s cave full of unique, handmade, unusual gifts and treats for everyone.

They have many items from £5 to £20 perfect for Christmas giving and living. They stock silver and crystal jewellery, fairies and dragons, tarot and angel cards, throws, quality incenses, candles, oils and burners. Just follow the scent down Sea Road and you’ll find them on the corner.

Why not give a gift with meaning that could change someone’s life this Christmas. Treat your loved one too, positive and inspirational books, music, DVD’s, Crystals or a treatment or readings downstairs, at The Moontree Gallery and Holistic

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Map index of advertisers 7

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5 6

14 15

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TO SOUTHBOURNE

TO CASTLE LANE & PARLEY

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POLICE

2 8

12

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WC WC

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1 16 TO HENGISTBURY HEAD

WC

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TO CHRISTCHURCH

Map not to scale TO BOURNEMOUTH

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2.

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5.

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Streamline Warren Taxis B’mth Vehicle Repairs Bourne Spring Centre B’mth Boarding Cattery Singleton Motors Cutwise Flooring McKinlays/Abacus Financial

8. Armour Plate Security 9. Bonmarché 10. Dorset Contract Flooring 11. Apple Blinds 12. NorthwoodUK.com 13. LINks 14. Alpha Dental Repairs

15. Southbourne Blinds 16. Spritual Healing 17 Baraka 18. Rosie’s Café 19. Bunty’s Beads 20. Urban Beach 21. Urban Reef

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

KEY Parking Doctors WC Toilets

P +

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Get Gardening ~ Winter Wonderlands Get into some winter 'lipstick gardening' and pep up your patio or doorstep. With just a couple of well chosen, well placed planters you can make a new addition to your outside space that will put a spring in your step throughout the winter.

Euonymus fortunei cultivars are the ideal evergreen shrubs for the job with their bright, beautiful leaves and attractive growth habits. Choose a couple of these and some matching pots to give your patio an instant eye-catching makeover or make your shrub border glow.

November is the perfect time for tree planting, even better than spring, because trees planted now will have all winter to settle in to their new homes before bursting into life when longer days and higher temperatures return. Try to pick a time when the ground is drier because although trees (like all plants) need to be watered in, most don't like to be waterlogged!

Celebrate Christmas with plants this year! Use them as decorations inside and out give living gifts to friends, family and neighbours. Spruce (Picea) and Christmas rose (Helleborous) make perfect partners for creating Christmas magic in the garden or on the patio. Most of all, enjoy plants and nature this winter.

For all your gardening needs, visit Golden Acres Nursery at 359 Christchurch Road, West Parley BH22 8SJ Tel: 01202 570033 W: www.golden-acres-nursery.co.uk

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Editor’s Choice Like everyone, we’ve eaten out many times over the years. Pubs, restaurants, cafés and bistros ~ some good, some not so good, some were big and some not so big ~ some made you feel welcome others made you wish you’d stayed at home!

how the lasagne had been made.

You could tell she really cared!

When it was suggested to me that I visit Rosie’s in Roumelia Lane by a friend I was surprised ~ surprised because it’s pretty rare for us Brits to make such an outspoken statement of appraisal . . . it’s really not in our nature . . . so, I thought, I must make the effort to see what Rosie’s is all about and find out why the place had made such a good impression on my friend.

Then came time to pay, two teas and a generous plate of lasagne ~ a £10 note handed over the counter and still got some change back!

“Is great to see you, what can I get?” was the welcome from the friendly face behind the counter.

A beaming smile and an amusing Italian accent, Rosie made us feel totally at ease from minute one.

We ordered a couple of teas and found ourselves a seat and it wasn’t a minute before the gentleman next door struck up a conversation with us.

Seemed everyone was just as friendly. As people came in and out of the café Rosie introduced everyone to us and within no time at all we were made to feel like regulars!

We felt peckish so we ordered Lasagne ~ homemade Lasagne at that! When the food came Rosie was eager to give advice as to which dressings should be used on the salad in order to bring out the best in the specially imported Italian tomatoes and peppers and she was happy to tell us

The lasagne was fabulous ~ no doubt that this was homemade and totally fresh, even the tea tasted really good!

Next time we’ll try some of her homemade cakes, or, maybe we’ll give one of her Gut Buster Brekkies a go ~ either way it’ll be a pleasure to spend another hour at Rosie’s:-) Why don’t you take a trip to Rosie’s Mediterranean Café at 4, Roumelia Mews, Roumelia Lane Tel: 01202 398100

Mortgage & Financial Advisers

01202 646960 www.abacusfinancialoptions.co.uk 305 Holdenhurst Road, Bournemouth

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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Just for a giggle:-) The weather's getting colder, the nights are getting darker so that can only mean one thing. The festive season is nearly upon us.

Yes, Christmas ~ the time of year when we are all cajoled into “eating, drinking and being merry”. And therein lies my biggest problem with Christmas.

by Pete Granger

As a fitness fanatic, I don't want to be encouraged to eat more than usual (although surprisingly I don't mind being encouraged to drink more than usual, especially if someone else is paying!) and I positively hate being told I've got to be cheerful just because it's Christmas.

If I want to be miserable, I will.

spend seven hours of your life with every day anyway.

And you're charged handsomely for the privilege, with an extra premium added “because it's Christmas”. It wouldn't be so bad if offices still had typing pools ~ at least then there was the chance that you might get a kiss from young Tracy under the mistletoe. Nowadays, with the advent of computers, we all do our own typing, so the only kiss we're likely to get will be from ourselves.

No wonder I hate Christmas:-)

There are so many reasons to be miserable at Christmas: decorations and cheesy music in the shops seemingly from August onwards; prices of quite normal foods inflated because there's a sprig of holly on the packaging; traipsing around shops for hours on end buying presents for people you don't even like; having to eat Brussels sprouts with your dinner, which of course has to be turkey; having to play games with your family instead of watching that good film on the telly. The list is endless.

Perhaps worst of all is the office party.

The pressure's on to spend your precious leisure time with the same people you are forced to TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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Food bites ~ Easy Christmas Baking Christmas Friands (Free-ands) with Mince Pie Topping Makes 12 muffin or cupcake size cakes

Seasonal Friands Christmas can conjure up the Domestic Goddess in all of us. People who rarely plan a meal in advance are suddenly drooling over magazine articles and cookbooks, fretting about the best kind of mince for their pies, and learning how to roll out marzipan.

Come January, many of us find ingredients in our cupboards that we barely recognise, all of them bought for the Christmas Baking Frenzy. Things like Pistachio nuts, dried cranberries, and jars of mincemeat. Intentions are always good but sometimes, as much as we try to create a picture-book Christmas, real life gets in the way.

Friands, an Aussie take on a French classic, are light and easy-to-make cakes that can be dolled up for Christmas.

The recipe here calls for mince pie topping but you can make friands with all kinds of variations. Try them with pistachio nuts and stem ginger, or cranberry, orange and walnut. If you want to try before you cook, Seasonal Friands will be available at CafĂŠ Boscanova throughout December.

250g of icing sugar

6 egg whites

125g of ground almonds

Zest of 1 orange

75g of plain flour

1 jar of organic mince pie filling

180g of melted butter

A few fresh cranberries

Method Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Grease the tins thoroughly. Sift the first three ingredients into a bowl.

Separate and beat the eggs, discarding the yolks.

Add the melted butter and orange zest.

Fill the muffin cups tablespoon of mince of cranberries. Bake dust generously with

3/4s full. Top each one with a pie filling and top with a couple for 15-20 minutes. When cool, icing sugar.

Recipe courtesy of Tansy Austin, Head Chef, CafĂŠ Boscanova, 650 Christchurch Road, Boscombe Tel: 395596 E: cafeboscanova@googlemail.com www.www.cafeboscanova.com

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

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What’s On

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Sun 24 Jan ‘10 Pavilion Theatre

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© Derek Grant Organisation

In and Around Town For Christmas only ◗

Late Night Shopping in Boscombe Except Primark: Thurs until the 17th

Christmas Craft & Gift Fair Highcliffe Castle Ice Skating BIC. Pre-booking recommended.

Ray Froggatt & His Band Regent Centre, Christchurch Puttin' on the Christmas Ritz Highcliffe Castle. 2.30 & 7.30pm Bournemouth Symphony Chorus - The Joy of Christmas St John's Church, Boscombe. 7.45pm Puttin' on the Christmas Ritz Regent Centre, Christchurch

Wed’s

Every week ◗ ◗

◗

Youth Club Mon’s St John’s Centre, Shelley Road. 4.30-6.30pm Community Football Project Thur’s Boscombe Chine Gardens 8 - 13 years: 5-7pm; 13 - 21 yrs 7-9pm Art on The Pier Weather permitting Sun’s Boscombe Pier. 11am-4pm

December ◗ ◗ 18

Pantomime ~ Snow White Pavilion Theatre Carols for the People BIC. 6pm

Sat 5 Sun 6

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Sun 6 Sat 5 Dec ~ 21 Feb Sat 5 Wed 9

Thur 10 Fri 11

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Carols by Candlelight Sat 12 Start Christchurch Rd entrance to Chine Gardens and walk through gardens to the Neptune. 4.30pm Inspieration’s Christmas Carols Sun 13 Boscombe Pier. 3-4pm Coffee Morning Fri 18 Boscombe Library. 10.30-11.30am Extravaganza Fri 18 A celebration of how the Bourne Spring Centre came to be.

Bourne Spring Centre Abeng Kwanza Xmas Celebration Sat 19 Bourne Spring Centre. 2-11pm Carol Concert Sat 19 Boscombe Precinct. 12noon Boscombe Market Mon 21 ~ Thur 24 Additional market days in the run-up to Xmas with children's’ rides and family fun entertainment New Year's Eve 2009 Gala Ball Thur 31 Pavilion Ballroom One Nation - The End of Year Finale Thur 31 O2 Academy, Boscombe

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February 2010 ◗

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A Lighter Look on Life Does Santa Really Exist?

We all know the story about Santa don’t we?

He lives on North Pole along with his wife, elves and reindeers. Elves help him to process the requests of millions of children who write letters to Santa every year requesting toys.

On Christmas Eve, Santa wears his famous red suit with snow-white trimmings, puts all the toys on his sleigh and nine reindeers are attached to the sleigh to pull it. The bright red nose of Rudolph the Reindeer acts as an indicator to lead Santa and the other reindeer in the right direction. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock, but, I have reasons to doubt this:

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept),we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,

1. There are no known species of reindeer that can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer (which only Santa has ever seen.)

2. There are 2 billion children (under 16) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total ~ 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

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3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second-a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload-not even counting the weight of the sleigh-to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison-this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second.

Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity.

A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's surely dead now.

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Services

Useful Contacts

To advertise your business here call

General

01202 599077 Complementary Health Care The Alexander Technique

The Alexander Technique has been tried and tested since the 1890s, and teaches you how to 'use' yourself correctly. It is also an effective way of removing aches and pains associated with 'misuse', and helps to improve smoothness of movement.

John Edwards LTCL LRAM MSTAT gives lessons in Boscombe.

Tel: 01202 293917

E: joved45@yahoo.co.uk

Carpentry & General Maintenance Luke Phillips

Reliable and conscientious, fully qualified, carpenter and general handyman for all of your general household repairs and maintenance.

Tel: 07590 677454

Boiler Breakdown Gas Boiler Services

Heating and plumbing engineers.

Tel: 01202 253968

M: 07926 039137

Cleaning Services Rebecca Walsh

Household and office cleaning. Reliable service.

One-offs, ‘as and when’ or regular cleans welcomed.

Tel: 07545 565117

Pet Services Bournemouth Boarding Cattery

The caring cattery FAB listed. Open all year.

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