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WARNING: USE CAUTION... APPROACHING
STUPID LEGAL WARNINGS! by Lindsey Harrison
SNIPPETZ GALLERY 2009
ISSUE 932 • SEPTEMBER 9, 2019
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f you are a fairly logical adult, you understand why we need legal warnings. People need to be told that the hot coffee we just purchased from out favorite coffee shop is hot and could scald us should we choose not to wait to let it cool down before drinking it. But, do we REALLY need to be told that? If you’re a fairly logical adult, you probably don’t need to be told. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Not everyone has a logical side that kicks in at appropriate times to keep them safe. To be fair, it’s less likely that people need those warnings and more likely that companies think we need them, so they don’t get sued. Maybe if we’d all stop suing each other over common sense things, we’d see less and less of these stupid legal warnings. But that’s about as likely to happen as this incredibly talented writer, whose article you’re reading right this very minute, winning the lottery without every buying a lottery ticket. There’s
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Stupid Legal Warnings... Continued on Page 2
Chuck Maher, CFP® Financial Planning for the Life You Want to Live PO Box 39 Monument, CO 80132-0039 Phone: Office: (719) 481-0549 Cellular: (303) 748-6352 Toll Free: (800) 873-9705 E-mail address: chuck@chuckmaher.com www.chuckmaher.com
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SNIPPETZ™ WEEKLY MAGAZINE
THIS WEEK IN SNIPPETZ COVER STORY WARNING: USE CAUTION... APPROACHING
STUPID LEGAL WARNINGS! Sudoku... 2 Strange But True... 3 King Crossword... 3 THE DINING GUIDE... 4 “Peachy Pecan Crumb Pie” Good Housekeeping One THE BUSINESS DIRECTORY... 5 THE CLASSIFIEDS... 5 “Could My Family Benefit from a Family Limited Partnership?” Financial Planning For The Life You Want To Live Presented by Chuck Maher, CFP®.. 5 “Dr. Ron Ross’s Lexicon of Life-Giving Words STOUTHEARTED” Ron Ross... 6 PUZZLES, TRIVIA... 6 “No End to Summer Heat” Senior News Line... 7
Stupid Legal Warnings... Continued from Page 1
something intriguing about the idea that there must have been a legal team that sat around and discussed all the various ways people could hurt themselves with the products developed by the companies they represented. Honestly, we wouldn’t mind being a fly on the wall in one of those meetings. Until that happens, we at Snippetz will just have to settle for laughing (obnoxiously, probably) at these stupid legal warnings. And yes, these are real!
“Warning: Do not use if you have prostate problems” or similarly, “Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate.” Why are those similar, you ask? Perhaps because each (or some variation thereof) can be found on a box of menstrual relief tablets. For those of you who aren’t completely sure why that’s an issue, menstrual relief tablets really only work for people who menstruate, i.e. women. And women don’t have prostates.
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GUESS THAT PRODUCT! Considering how ridiculously silly these legal warnings are, we’re sure they would be plenty entertaining if we just wrote them down for you to read. We know we certainly got a few chuckles out of them. But let’s play a game instead: see if you can guess what product the warning label is from . . . you’ll probably be surprised!
“Avoid death.”
Again, for this product, if it didn’t cause drowsiness, you should certainly ask for a refund, because this super helpful warning can be found on a bottle of sleep aid tablets. “ . . . not for newborns.”
“This product may contain eggs.”
This one could be on a multitude of products and make tons of sense. In fact, it probably is. But there’s one product in particular that we feel really doesn’t need it. Like, seriously, the company that makes this product must think we consumers are completely devoid of any common sense. Have any idea what it is? Viagra. Yep, that ol’ erectile dysfunction pill. Whatever kind of nutjob parent is out there trying to give their newborn Viagra should very strongly reconsider their acceptability as a parent.
Guys, hold on. This product may contain eggs. And since this warning is on a carton of eggs, we’re pretty darn lucky someone warned us, otherwise when we open this carton of eggs, we’d be shocked to see that it contains eggs!
“Keep pet birds out of the kitchen when using this product.” This one really threw us for a loop because
“Some assembly required.” If you’re a parent, this warning label is the bane of your existence, especially late on a Christmas Eve when you’re frantically trying to get all your children’s presents set up before finally getting some rest. And if you saw it on a bicycle or a doll house, it would totally make sense. But this gem is found on the side of a 500-piece puzzle. If there wasn’t some assembly
it seems as though there would probably be lots of other similar pets you should keep out of your kitchen when using said product. Why are we consumers only warned about birds? And this particular warning is found on a set of nonstick pans, which brings up another question: what is it about nonstick pans that makes them so dangerous to birds? What about a blender? That seems significantly more dangerous, but what do we know?
Well, thank goodness somebody told us to avoid death when using this product. If they failed to mention that, we might be tempted to go ahead and die using it. This product is a small tractor, like a real tractor used on a ranch or farm. And we couldn’t agree more with the warning: please, at all costs avoid death. But wouldn’t it be more helpful to have some tips on how to avoid death?
“May cause drowsiness.”
“10 Steps to Optimize Your Website” Web Chat by Robyn... 7
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required, you should probably ask for your money back.
Expires: 9/30/2019
“Contents may catch fire.” When using this product, please be so very careful because the contents are flammable and may catch fire. Yes, thank you. We’re so glad you told us the contents of a blow torch, a device literally filled with flammaStupid Legal Warnings... Continued on Page 3
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ble gas that is intended to be ignited, may catch ďŹ re. Sheesh. We could have had a disaster on our hands without that warning. “Not for human consumption.â€? OK, this one certainly has its merits. There are times when people need to be reminded not to eat something, especially if it has a particularly tasty name or picture on the packaging. But this warning is found on the side of a container of powdered fox/bobcat urine. What about that product description sounds appetizing to anyone ever? “For best results, remove cap.â€? Fair enough. There are products that have caps that still function completely ďŹ ne when said cap is in place. And sometimes those products really do work best without the cap on. But this product, a container of spray cheese, literally assumes you’re going to try to spray the stu into your mouth (wait, not everyone does that?) with the cap still on? Have they ever even tried to do that? The sprayer quite literally isn’t accessible with the cap on. Oy.
right? Second o, pepper spray is intended to hurt your eyes, otherwise it wouldn’t work as a self-defense item. So, why in the world is this warning necessary? We still haven’t ďŹ gured that out yet.
STUPID WARNING LABEL SNIPPETZ
• It was Canadian journalist, editor and poet Mark Abley who made the following sage observation: “Modern English is the Walmart of languages: convenient, huge, hard to avoid, superďŹ cially friendly and devouring all rivals in its eagerness to expand.â€? • On any given day, Google conducts approximately 63,000 searches per second. • The next time you get a chance, you might want to check the pressure of your car’s tires; if they’re not inated to the correct pressure, you’re contributing to the $9 million in fuel that is wasted due to improper tire pressure, according to the Department of Energy. • Those who study such things report that the average lifespan of a tree in the metropolis of New York City is only seven years. • In all likelihood, you’ve never run across a moirologist -- in fact, they prob-
My Usage
Bill & Pay
Service Status
•
Found on a washing machine: “Do not put any person in this washer.�
•
Found on a clothes iron: “Do no iron clothes on the body.�
•
Found on a dishwasher: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.â€? (Children are a no-no, but adults are just ďŹ ne. Kidding, of course.)
•
Found on a baby stroller: “Remove child before folding.�
•
Found on a toaster: “Do not operate or place the toaster in a heated oven or a microwave oven.� Wait, what?
•
Found on a “wooden library ladder�: “Not for use as a ladder.�
•
Found on a carbon monoxide detector: “Carbon Monoxide detectors are not a substitute for life insurance.� Again, what?
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Here’s a few others to give you a good laugh.
“May irritate eyes.â€? Here’s another warning that could be placed understandably on any number of products and make complete sense. But when it’s placed on the side of a container of selfdefense pepper spray, that’s going a bit far. First o, people buying pepper spray are usually pretty smart since they are concerned about their own safety, otherwise they wouldn’t be buying pepper spray,
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ably don’t even exist in the United States today. However, professional mourners -- which is what moirologists are -- have a long history, dating back to ancient Greece. Even as recently as the early 1900s, there was a report of a moirologists’ strike in Paris. • The small Central American country of Costa Rica has more species of mammals and birds than are found in all of the contiguous United States and Canada combined. • An 18-year-old Austrian named Helmut Mezer got his driver’s license and a new BMW with the license plate DEAD1. One week later, with Mezer behind the wheel, the car skidded around a curve at 100 mph, hit an embankment and was thrown 200 feet, landing on its roof in a ďŹ eld and killing Mezer. *** Thought for the Day: “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.â€? -- Mitch Hedberg
Š 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.
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2. Meanwhile, make crumb topping: Place foil-lined rimmed baking sheet in oven and heat to 425 F. In ------------------------------------------medium bowl, with hands, combine rown sugar, rolled oats flour, oats, brown sugar, pecans, and ripe peaches taste like lemon zest and salt. Add butter and sweet summer -- especially squeeze to form small clumps. Rewith a scoop of vanilla ice cream. frigerate until ready to use. Use homemade or store-bought pie dough. 3. Reduce oven temperature to 375 F. In large bowl, combine ingredients Crumb Topping for filling. Add to chilled pie dough, 1/2 cup all-purpose flour spreading in even layer. Place pie 1/4 cup rolled oats on preheated baking sheet and bake 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 35 minutes. Sprinkle crumb topping 1/4 cup chopped pecans over filling. Bake another 25 to 30 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest minutes or until filling is bubbling 1/8 teaspoon salt and crust is golden brown. 3 tablespoons butter, softened
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4. Cool pie on wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature with vanilla ice cream. Serves 8. For thousands of triple-tested recipes, visit our Web site at www.goodhousekeeping.com/recipefinder/. (c) 2019 Hearst Communications, Inc. All rights reserved
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What Is a Family Limited Partnership? A family limited partnership is a partnership agreement that exists between family members who are actively involved in a trade or business. The partnership divides rights to income, appreciation, and control among the family members, according to the family’s overall objectives. Under family partnership rules, the “family business” can include real estate or investments. How Is This Arrangement Achieved? Under the most common form of family partnership, you would begin by creating general and limited partnership interests in your business. Once the partnership is established, you then gift the limited partnership interests to your children. By holding the general partnership interest, you are considered the “general partner” and maintain control over the enterprise. Your children are the “limited partners,” and the limited partnership interest lets
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maximum advantage of the annual gift tax exclusion. The exclusion duobles if you’re married and if each spouse elects to give the maximum amount. The gift tax exclusion is indexed for inflation. In addition, “minority discounts” — allowable reductions to the value of the gift because it is a minority interest — can lead to greater leverage of the annual exclusion and the unified credit. For instance, you may be able to discount the value of the gift up to 30 percent or more. However, in order for the discount to be valid, there must be a legitimate business reason for the partnership.
COULD MY FAMILY BENEFIT FROM A FAMILY LIMITED PARTNERSHIP?
E
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ffective estate planning should address wealth transfer from a practical and cost-effective approach. One estate planning strategy that families with closely held businesses should consider is the family limited partnership.
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them share in the ownership of your business as well.
Generally, your wish to keep the business in the family is a legitimate reason to set up a partnership agreement — as long as you are joined together for the purpose of enterprise and not just to avoid taxes.
A Sound Strategy for Transferring Ownership A family limited partnership enables you to provide your children with an interest in your business while achieving many goals. First, you can gauge whether or not they possess suitable ownership abilities by involving them in the business. Second, it removes the asset from the parents‘ estate, thus lowering the estate tax liability, if properly executed. In addition, you can transfer the limited partnership interests in increments over time, resulting in a gradual, systematic transfer of ownership. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, there may be immediate income tax benefits.
Income Tax Benefits Aside from the estate planning advantages, the family limited partnership can result in substantial income tax savings. By including your children as partners and sharing partnership income with them, total family taxes may be reduced. You should be aware, however, that if the income is unearned and the recipient is under age 14, “kiddie tax” rules will apply. Other Opportunities Can Serve Your Family
Estate Tax Savings The interests transferred to your children, including all appreciation since the transfer, escape inclusion in your estate when you die. Only the value of the taxable gift(s) will be included. This can result in estate tax savings down the road.
In addition to family limited partnerships, there are other arrangements that can serve family interests: Family partnerships are arrangements under which each partner must play a role in the management and day-to-day operations of the business. Many of the benefits are similar to that of a limited partnership, but the family members accept more liability and will be more involved in the business.
The Benefits of Leverage By giving the partnership interests in increments over time, you can take
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As managing partner, however, you must always receive a minimum income share that is proportional to the value of your services. In addition, minors typically cannot be partners unless there is someone who controls the interest for the minor. Investment partnerships are partnerships that hold nonbusiness assets such as securities and real estate that are likely to grow in value. Families can base a limited partnership on an investment partnership. In some cases, however, the arrangement would be considered an investment company, and gains and losses will be realized on the transfer of property to the partnership. Normally, under partnership rules, gains and losses are not realized when transferred to the partnership. Seek Professional Guidance The benefits of the family limited partnership can be significant. But they can only be realized if the arrangement is valid under the requirements of the IRS. There are costs and expenses associated with the creation of these legal instruments. Consult a qualified legal or tax advisor if you think your family could benefit from a family limited partnership. The information in this newsletter is not intended as tax, legal, investment, or retirement advice or recommendations, and it may not be relied on for the purpose of avoiding any federal tax penalties. You are encouraged to seek advice from an independent professional advisor. The content is derived from sources believed to be accurate. Neither the information presented nor any opinion expressed constitutes a solicitation for the purchase or sale of any security. This material was written and prepared by Broadridge Advisor Solutions. © 2019 Broadridge Investor Communication Solutions, Inc
Lexicon of Life-Giving Words Dr. Ron Ross’s
THIS WEEK’S LIFE-LIFTING WORD:
“STOUTHEARTED” by Ron Ross
“Give me some men who are stouthearted men, who will fight for the right they adore. Start me with ten who are stouthearted men, and I’ll soon give you ten thousand more.” It must have been in my high-school choir when I first sang the song “Stouthearted Men.”
offensive, they assault their offender, complain to authorities, and often retreat to their mother’s basement — where they hope to find healing for their fitful frenzy of fear that injured their thin-skinned heart. Arising around us today is an expanding flock of chicken-hearted victims. It’s a new and expanding “village of victimology” that has its origins on many college and university campuses. For a time, they enjoy substantial success as they bully their “antagonists.”
The mission of victimologists is the abolition of self-reliance, the elimination of logic, and the renunciation of divinely directed virtue. Instead, anyone for any reason at any time can claim victimhood. Immediately, the offender is at fault and intimidated Research reveals the song comes into silence. No matter the idiocy of from an operetta titled “New Moon,” the claim, no intelligent explanation written by Stuart Romberg and or logical debate is allowed. Oscar Hammerstein II. The show debuted on Christmas Eve, 1927 It has not always been that way. and failed. It was reprised a year In the 1960s, the Rev. Dr. Martin later and ran for 519 performances. Luther King, Jr. led an army of In 1930, it was made into a film, victims who not only changed the snippets of which you can see on laws of the land but also changed YouTube. The title song has since the hearts of their oppressors. been sung by such stars as Nelson Eddy and Barbra Streisand. For a These victims did not lead with great rendition of the song, watch their weaknesses or whine about on YouTube the performance by their powerlessness; instead, they peacefully marched, sang, and The Vocal Majority. spoke to all who would listen. They Though written nearly 100 years did not surrender to a so-called safe ago, the message is for today: As space; rather, with a stouthearted the song calls for, we need men spirit, they fought for “a right they (and women) who are bold, brave, adore” — and changed the world! and determined to stand “shoulder to shoulder and bolder and bolder.” This is no time for wimps. The When they do, “They grow as they traditional American culture based go to the fore, Then there’s nothing on biblical truths is under full in the world can halt or mar a plan, attack. Your muscle, your passion, when stouthearted men can stick your stoutheartedness is needed today; thus, I add “stouthearted” to together man to man.” my Lexicon of Life-Lifting Words. When hearing the song, you grasp quickly the message: the world needs stouthearted men who “fight for the right they adore.” The implications are that stouthearted men are needed to advance righteous and worthy causes that make their world safe, friendly, and A CHILDREN’S STORY OF peaceful. They must fight because misguided or chickenhearted men and women hold on to and promote what is false, vile, and chaotic.
PEACE AND LOVE
Today, wimpy men cover their ears and cry for a safe space. If someone “triggers” them with anything that is slightly
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TRIVIA TEST
SPORTS QUIZ
1. ANATOMY: What is a more common name for “deciduous teeth”? 2. GEOGRAPHY: In which country would you find the Lynden Pindling International Airport? 3. MATH: How many different combinations of tic-tac-toe games are possible? 4. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Which nation’s flag features a six-pointed blue star? 5. LITERATURE: Which 19th-century novel features a character named Phileas Fogg? 6. GAMES: Which game promises to “tie you up in knots”? 7. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: Which 19th-century writer/philosopher once said, “One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter”? 8. PSYCHOLOGY: What fear is represented in the condition called gamophobia? 9. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a group of alligators called? 10. THEATER: What does Dolly do for a living in the play “Hello, Dolly!”
1. Willie Mays was the first player in majorleague history to have 300 career home runs and 300 stolen bases. Who was the second player to do it? 2. In 2018, Mookie Betts became the all-time leader in Boston Red Sox history for most three-homer games in his career. Who had held the mark? 3. When was the last time that the Tennessee Titans reached the NFL playoffs in consecutive seasons? 4. How many times has the Southeastern Conference had four men’s basketball teams in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament? 5. When was the last time before 2019 that the Colorado Avalanche won an NHL playoff series? 6. Since 2000, how many drivers have won the Daytona 500 more than once? 7. Name the last Australian player before Ashleigh Barty in 2019 to win the French Open women’s singles title.
(c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.
(c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.
FLASHBACK
BIBLE TRIVIA
1. Who originally released “I’m Leaving It Up to You” in 1957, and then who made it popular in the ‘60s?
5. Name the song that contains this lyric: “I really think you’re groovy, Let’s go out to a movie.”
1. Is the book of Labor in the Old or New Testament or neither? 2. From Ecclesiastes 4, how many are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor? Two, Three, Five, Seven 3. In 1 Kings 5, how many thousand men comprised the labor force that King Solomon raised? 1, 5, 10, 30 4. What son of Abda was in charge of the forced labor in David’s kingdom? Baal, Adoniram, Cyrenius, Phaneul 5. From Exodus 20, how many days shalt thou labor and do all thy work? Two, Four, Six, Seven 6. Proverbs 14:23 states, “In all labor there is ...”? Love, Hope, Light, Profit
(c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.
(c) 2019 King Features Synd., Inc.
By Chris Richcreek
By Fifi Rodriguez
By Wilson Casey
By Mick Harper
2. Why was the Cavern Club important? 3. Name the Steppenwolf song used in the film “Easy Rider.” (Shock hint: It was kept out of the No. 1 spot on the chart by “People Got to Be Free” by the Rascals.) 4. How did radio deejay Dr. Demento get his name?
SUDOKU
TRIVIA TEST 1. Baby (or milk) teeth 2. Nassau, Bahamas 3. More than 250,000, excluding symmetry 4. Israel 5. “Around the World in Eighty Days” 6. Twister 7. Henry David Thoreau 8. Fear of marriage or commitment 9. A congregation 10. She’s a matchmaker.
CROSSWORD
SPORTS QUIZ 1. Bobby Bonds, in 1979. 2. Hall of Famer Ted Williams accomplished the feat of three homers in a game three times. 3. It was the 2007-08 seasons. 4. Three times: 1986, 1996 and 2019. 5. It was 2008. 6. Five -- Michael Waltrip (2001, ‘03), Dale Earnhardt Jr. (‘04, ‘14), Jimmie Johnson (‘06, ‘13), Matt Kenseth (‘09, ‘12) and Denny Hamlin (‘16, ‘19). 7. Margaret Court, in 1973.
BIBLE TRIVIA 1) Neither 2) Two 3) 30 4) Adoniram 5) Six 6) Profit
FLASH BACK 1. Don and Dewey, the songwriters, recorded it first. Dale and Grace released their own version in 1960 that shot to No. 1 on the charts. (Methinks Don and Dewey’s is better.) 2. The Cavern Club, in a wine cellar basement, was where the Beatles were first spotted by manager Brian Epstein. 3. “Born to Be Wild, released in 1968. 4. He played strange records, weird comedy and novelty songs. Dr. Demento started in 1970 and can still be found today -- online streaming his weekly show. 5. “Elenore,” by the Turtles in 1968. The song was a parody of the happy pop songs they’d done previously. Intended as a joke, the band was shocked when it was so well-received.
NOTE
Sudoku and King Crossword puzzles can be found on pages 2 & 3.
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5. SEO Ready: The all important on-page SEO tags and elements, including schema and XML sitemaps. 6. Conversion Optimized: These are tools for clients to create campaign landing pages with conversion in mind.
Series 17 Article 29
Too many website owners have been led to believe that they can attract thousands of users and convert them into customers, despite having no backend functionality. A goodlooking website is very important, but completely useless if the search engine functionality isn’t set up properly.
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10 Steps to Optimize your Website To perform well online, a website needs to be more than just some drag and drop photos and wording. There is a very important list of functionalities that have to be developed.
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