Sophie Woman's Magazine Oct 2011 Issue

VOLUME 7 - ISSUE 8 / OCTOBER 2011

Wo m a n ’ s M a g a z i n e INSIDE: Girlfriends In God ~ Silent Longings | Page 19 Reaching Your Full Potential ~ Unlock Your B.O.P. | Page 12 Is Fearful Thinking Holding You Back? | Page 31 shutterbuggerz pg 43

INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION

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You know how much I love inspiring, motivational quotes. Let this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson really sink in......”To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to leave the world a better place, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived: this is to have succeeded.”

What an amazing truth. If we could sear that in our brain so it would just come naturally to us and every one of us did our best to live up to that, well, I can’t even imagine how much better our world would be. Even if that was what we wanted to do ourselves, every day, I don’t think any of us could do it. We would mess up at least part of the time, don’t you agree? So often, we say things or do things that we just wish we hadn’t done and most of the time it is directed at people we love the most.

In my heart, I know I don’t want to hurt anyone at any time but it happens, no matter what my heart knows. Why is that? There are so many different reasons. Sometimes it is our defenses going up when our feelings have been hurt or when we feel wronged, especially when we didn’t deserve it. There are times when we just don’t feel good, or times when we are really tired. Those are the times when every little thing can become an annoyance, if we are not careful.

There doesn’t sound like we have any hope at all of being this kind of person, does it?

The really great thing we have to realize is that no one is perfect. Every one of us makes mistakes that we wish we hadn’t, but once it is done, you can’t reverse it. The hope is, though, that we don’t just give up trying to live our life the way Ralph Waldo Emerson so vividly painted a picture of with his words. To win respect....we all want that. To have affection of children...is there anything more precious? To make someone’s life just a little bit better....that is a worthy goal and one that we all can do every single day.

With all honesty, I can say that I pray that is what some of the articles in Sophie Woman’s Magazine will do. There sure are lots of opportunities for that. Then finally, to laugh often. We might just need to “let go and let loose” like the old saying goes or maybe we just need to buy a giggle ball. I bought one for one of my grandchildren one year and we just couldn’t stop laughing. Not only at the ball, which rolled all over the floor with laughter coming from it, but from everyone else laughing. Just start laughing and see who laughs with you. It might just be the smile someone needed to get through the day.

Much love to you all!

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com

Pro Winner: Tonya Lowman Photography

Amateur Winner: Sarah Gosnell

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phie Woman’s Magazine

21 East A Street Newton, NC 28658 (P) 828-466-0122 (F) 828-466-0123 Editor: Judy Smith Sales: Judy Smith Terri Ferraguto Susan Sterling Graphic Design: Scott Hansley Production Manager: Scott Hansley Printing: RT Services rtservices01@gmail.com

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Designed to be a great read, Sophie Woman’s Magazine is written for and about women who are the key decision makers for the family in virtually all business categories. We regularly address matters of importance to women including health, education, home, and charitable events. Our advertisers appreciate the value of this loyal readership.

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Terri Ferraguto Account Representative (P) 828-228-2812 terri@sophiewomansmagazine.com ******************************************************************** Disclaimer: Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC is published monthly. The articles published in Sophie do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the publisher. All articles are intended for informational purposes only, and none should serve as a substitute for doctor’s advice and orders. Advertisers are solely responsible for the content and validity of information published within their ads and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Deceptive or misleading advertising is not knowingly accepted by the publisher. Advertising is accepted with the understanding that all liability for copyright violations is the sole responsibility of the advertiser. All material submitted for publication is considered to be the sole property of the advertiser.

Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC’s publishers, staff, and other persons involved in the creation, production, or delivery of the magazine (in whatever format) or ti’s content, do not assume any liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information provided in the magazine, nor shall they be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of the use of the magazine. ********************************************************************

7| Misadventures

16| Diva

Poo Fighters

by Mandy Thomas

8| Fabulous

How To Be

11|

...with Cancer

by Gracie

The Front Porch

We Won!

by Judy Smith

Girlfriends 19| In God

23|

Silent Longings

by Gwen Smith

Autumn Artistry

by Marilyn Nutter

Is There A Doctor 28| In The House?

How Ms. Black Charlotte USA 2011 Is Raising The Bar on Being Beautiful Dr. Susan Flowers PhD

pg 3 | Message From The Heart pg 24 | Wedding Planner pg 37 | Truth & Beauty by Teresa Pope

Stress Eating

by Leanne Ely

20| Fitness Tips Health &

How To Stretch Properly

by Sharon Rashidi

33| The Holidays

Organizing For

Written by Jennifer Burnham

35| Inspirations Different

...One Goal Written by Susan Guest

39| The Future Of A Planning For

Special Needs Child

Written by Casey W. Pope.

12| Full Potential

Reaching Your

m o t i va t i o n

The Dinner

education

INSPIRATION

Mandy’s

Unlock Your B.O.P

by Kim Fletcher

15| FlyLady The

Driving In A Fog

by Marla Ciley

27| Women...

Sophisticated

Are Master Communicators

by Nicole Greer

31| Inc.

Me, Myself, &

Is Fearful Thinking Holding You Back?

By Sherré Demao

32| Box

The Male

My Little Secret

By Wayne Deloria

pg 41 | Celebrate Rionn’s Birthday pg 43 | Shutterbuggerz Feature

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pg 6 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

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s e r u t n e v d a s i M ’s

Mandy

by Mandy Thomas

Poo Fighters

I’m starting to think that the same part of your brain that forgets all about the whole “labor is a battlefield I will never revisit” also holds the memories of potty training. Why else would I see other people’s babies, all plump, nice, smelling and gummy, and have the immediate reaction of “I must have another one right now” instead of the more reasonable pat the sweet baby’s head before moving along?

In any case, here I am, spending the waning days of summer reacquainting myself with the steps of the Dance of the Porcelain Throne. In Addison’s defense, I will say that her training has been less... violent than Savannah’s.

Where Savannah aggravated me so much that I was ready to hurl that stupid plastic toilet with its stupid looking smiley faced frog on the front of it’s stupid lid out the window and laugh maniacally as it stupidly rolled into a ditch, Addison has been slightly less melodramatic.

Only slightly.

Getting her motivated to sit on the toilet was easy enough at first, but actually having her use it for its intended purpose was a totally different thing. I floundered for a while, trying to find something that would get the whole point across, but the only thing she’d really get excited about was when she passed gas on the toilet.

“I DO IT!” she’d scream, pointing in the bowl like I should be proud of her. Then, she’d hop down and ask me for another diaper.

The second thing Addison decided the potty was for was reading. I’d been told that if I gave her something to do while she was sitting on the toilet, that she might get distracted and just pee in there. Could y’all remind me who it was that told me this, because I sure would like to talk to that person.

Instead of using the bathroom, Addison would pick out a book and spend fifteen minutes reading, only to pee in her diaper as soon as I took her off the potty.

I don’t remember how we finally got her to do it, but one day she went, and it was like magic. I was so excited! The worst of it was surely over now, and we were on to better, easier potty training days, right?

Why do I do this to myself?

In her little mind, she’d done it. She’d done what Mommy had asked of her and now she could go back to her lovely diapers and never look at a toilet again. It became a battle of the wills to get her to go sit back on that thing. I bribed, begged, and pleaded, all to no avail.

i n s p i r at i o n

I forgot about potty training, y’all.

It wasn’t until she’d kindly allowed my husband to sit her up on the potty and we all screamed and danced for joy that she actually decided she might like this, after all. Still, it’s been a battle to get her to do it regularly - one that she wins more often than not.

The only thing that I’ve had success with so far has been candy something I can’t help but worry about. I mean, yeah, I’m getting her to use the potty, but at what cost? It terrifies me to think that in three years she’ll be rolling into kindergarten and demanding candy for getting to the toilet in time.

I’ve decided that I’m going to give it another week, and then I’m just going to let whoever she ends up marrying teach her. I mean, that’s what they make Depends for, right?

In the meantime, if you see me so much as look at another baby, do me a favor will you? Tell me to walk away.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 7

HOW TO BE F BULOUS! ...with Cancer

pg 8 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

Cancer is nothing but an opportunity. An opportunity to show what you are really made of. Maybe it’s Gods way of saying “Show me you can conquer...show your family and friends...but, most importantly, show yourself”. Succeed in beating what they tell you you can not, smile when they tell you it’s time to be more aggressive, and if they say to ‘prepare’ for the worst...give ‘em hell...because you can. I don’t say all this pretending that cancer doesn’t kill...it does. What I can say is it gives you a chance, an opportunity to fight.. and there is no better feeling than knowing you gave all you got. Everyone is going to die. When it’s my time, I’m going out with dignity, pride, and my self esteem through the roof (Can you imagine that!!??). I think of it very simply...Cancer has given me an OPPORTUNITY to be amazing... And even more fabulous. xoxo

Photo courtesy of www.nichollancasterphotography.com

Yes...I have had Cancer. I was diagnosed with breast cancer almost four years ago at the age of 37 (YIKES...did I print that??!!). The following is my story, my feelings...and it may offend some. But then again, when have I ever given a darn?? lol. I am also inserting some humor, ‘cause we all need to laugh...even on our worst days. I am a positive person, yet I have an attitude, am a little loud, and, ya, I fight like a girl.

I was supposed to write about “How to look and feel great while fighting Cancer”. That would have been a great article, because I have a lot of suggestions! I personally had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. It was like going through puberty all over again!! I started out as a DD, had the mastectomy...then went from an A cup to a C. I hate to admit it, but I kind of enjoyed wearing the sporty little tanks while I was rockin’ the little ta-ta’s...then watching them grow! I felt the need to torment my poor sister (my caretaker, shoulder to cry on, and best friend) by singing “I must..I must...I must increase my bust!!!” She would cry!!! Until I looked at her and said “They are boobs...I’m alive...it’s ok.” Anyway, while I was contemplating the subject matter, I realized that I had found actual BENEFITS OF CANCER. You heard me girls, I am a better person because I have/had Cancer. So, that’s what I will write about.

When you are diagnosed with Cancer, you will NEVER feel younger, stronger, or love as deeply. Period.

At 37 I felt like a toddler. I had soooo much more to do!! What???

Wait..I have two babies to take care of (not to mention graduations, weddings, and grandbabies), I wanna take my mama to Italy, spend a Christmas in Colorado, skydive!!!! I am WAAAYYY too young to have this. Until I was diagnosed, I complained about how old I felt.

Not anymore...I have so much more life to live. I have never felt so YOUNG. Everyone told me how ‘brave’ I was. Hmmm, actually I didn’t have a choice. Given the choice, I would have prefered to not have Cancer and sit on my back porch with a huge glass of Cabernet. Although I did LOVE the encouragement. Ya, I laminated my “Cancer Card”. I use it frequently ;). I will say that while laying in that hospital bed, wrapped in bandages, I have never felt stronger or more alive. I had taken my first real punch at my enemy...and it was a knockout. As my sister crept into the room (later telling me it took her a long time to compose herself), I felt STRONG. Cancer is like an epiphany. “Good Lord, I only have 40 more years with my family!” Ha! Fabulous AND optimistic!! Seriously, as cliche as it may be, money doesn’t make you happy...love does. Ok, well, money does too (medical bills, anyone??). However, when you realize that life could end, you re-evaluate your priorities. You make life changing decisions (even when they tell ya not to) and forget about that ugly word ‘procrastination’. Funny how your worst problems from yesterday seem insignificant today. A cancer patient has the opportunity to reeeeaaally feel love...given and received. Just the look in my moms’ eyes, or the squeeze of your childs hand before you go into surgery...undescribable. I have truly experienced emotions beyond what many ‘healthy’ people will never know! I feel LOVED.

by Gracie

Gail Sommer Germain, aka “Gracie”, is wife to Bob, mom to Sydney (15) and Robbie (11), and a Statesville, NC resident. She starts her day at her barn… but finishes by being a boutique owner and personal fashion stylist to some incredibly fabulous women!

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 9

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pg 10 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 11

i n s p i r at i o n

Front Porch The

W

e finally got a vacation and was it ever needed. My husband was scared to death that the place we reserved was not going to be there. We sometimes like to stay pretty close to home and when we do that we usually take off to Myrtle Beach. This year, though, we decided to go more toward the North Carolina coast and do some exploring, since we had not been there for a number of years. So we made our reservations at a resort in New Bern, home of Pepsi Cola.

Now we had booked this vacation a long time before Hurricane Irene was ever on the scene and, well, it just sort of picked that area to make landfall. When my husband called down there the day before we left, I can tell you he was doing the happy dance. Well, that might be a little bit exaggerated, since he really doesn’t dance very well, but don’t tell him I said that. None the less, he was very happy....until we were invaded by the giant mosquitoes! Let me tell you, they were some blood sucking monsters!

Even though our place survived without a lot of building destruction, the nasty, standing water was everywhere. So, not only did it smell bad but it was perfect for breeding those horrible creatures. One thing I didn’t know about mosquitoes and that is how fast they can grow to enormous size. They were super-sized and we did not order them.

Don’t misunderstand; our place was nice as long as you don’t take into account the things that were wrong because of the hurricane. I love to read when I am on vacation, and I took my arsenal of books along for that quiet time my mind and body had already scheduled.

One of the features of our place was a quiet screened porch overlooking the golf course that I figured would be too drenched for golfers. All night, I envisioned getting up, pouring myself a fabulous cup of coffee, grabbing my book and just relaxing the morning away, enjoying the beauty of God’s handiwork. You can just see that can’t you....maybe even relax just a little reading those words? I surely hope you can because right after grabbing my book and approaching the door, well, let’s just say that was as far as my vision became reality.

Thankfully, I opened the blinds on the door before stepping out. I am not exaggerating, there was an army of commanding mosquitoes lined up, bibs on, just waiting for my blood. Again, thankfully, I did not open that door. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how those huge creatures got through those screens. There went my glorious solitude but worse, I think I made them mad so they just regrouped.

I said that New Bern was the home of Pepsi-Cola but we did not know that till we got there. We decided we needed to go to the historic downtown area and check it out along with some other things. Ready to leave, with maps, camera, drinks in our cooler, my husband opens the front door, only to be attached by the same band of commanding mosquitoes, but this time with a strategy. Knocking us to the floor, some of them held us down, while each one took turns filling their bellies. When it was all over, we barely had the strength to make it to our car, wondering if we needed to call 911 for a blood transfusion.

Deciding that we didn’t want to take the chance of putting EMT’s in harm’s way...can you imagine what would have happened if a blood mobile came rolling in? Why, they would have thought we ordered room service for them. Nope, we figured it out ourselves, by thinking what they do when you go to “give” blood. Hey, we were going to the Pepsi Home anyway, surely they would give us a Pepsi and we could buy some cookies. All you have to do is mention the word “cookie” and my husband’s face lights up like a Christmas tree!

I cannot close this without telling you this one last thing. We WON! Before heading back, we bought bug spray. We were armed and ready. Yes, they were there waiting for their second meal of the day when we returned but this time we had the strategy. When they charged, we quickly drew our weapons from our holsters and took them down. They never knew what hit them.

REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL: Unlock Your “B.O.P.”

by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Author, Speaker

“Whatever we do, it has to be BOP – Best on Planet.”

m o t i va t i o n

Tim Oulton

This week, while waiting to meet a friend for lunch, I relaxed with an international design magazine. I was quickly captivated by an article on Tim Oulton, British Rugby player turned worldclass furniture designer.

Mr. Oulton is considered by many to be one of the world’s leading craftsmen, taking old wood from reclaimed antiques and breathing new life into it by crafting ‘new’ pieces of furniture.

What began as an article on one-of-a-kind reproductions ended up feeling as if I was reading a formula for reinventing life and vision.

I was intrigued when Mr. Oulton stated his mantra to be the BOP – echoing his determination to be the Best on the Planet in his industry. He is taking something that has lost relevance – antiques – and is reinventing them by turning the old wood into modern-day masterpieces.

Right there, I felt as if this athlete turned artist was calling to me all the way from England, compelling me to search what I might reinvent in myself to give my own life, personally and professionally, greater relevance and influence in today’s world and marketplace.

The article continued to draw me in… “Oulton is the master of reinvention. He can look at a single broken down steamer trunk and envision an entire line of furniture. And it’s that talent, along with boundless energy and a deep understanding of the family antique business that’s fueled his success. (emphasis added) Success for each of us could easily be crafted of the exact same elements: (en)Vision, Talent, Boundless Energy, and an Understanding of our own history and identity.

Oulton’s passion came with his revelation that astonishing furniture could be honed from the simplest of tools made over 100 years ago. His team crafts pieces that take weeks and months to build as they use hand tools such as chisels and mallets.

Oulton shares that the hundred year old wood used for many of his creations gives a depth of character that is impossible to find in ‘new wood’. This old wood is ‘reclaimed’ from places across Great Britain. When speaking of the condition much of this old wood is in when it arrives in his workshop, Oulton shared, “To be honest, when you see the timber arrive from the UK, the fact that we ever make a table out of it is a miracle.”

He goes on to say that he leaves his new pieces unfinished, allowing the raw wood to “proudly display the patina that could only come from decades of weather and use. In pursuit of character, there’s no cutting corners.”

Taking the discussion one step further, he shared this powerful point: “There is a character, a soul, to what we do. There is

pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

authenticity in the product because of the materials we use, the design we have, the link to heritage… it is completely unique.

Is it cheap? No. It’s not cheap. It’s actually bloody expensive.

But the goal was never financial, the goal was to make the best product on the planet.”

These are the words of a rare type of craftsman, surrounded by a rare team of artisans. Are you seeing what I am seeing? Sure, there are exquisite armoires and tables, but I see much more. I see a pattern for building a life.

If a piece of furniture produced out of antique wood deserves such attention to detail, how much more deserving is your own life of a master builder? When was the last time you stopped to consider that, day by day, you are building a life with your time, your influence, your choices, and your priorities?

Perhaps you feel a bit like hundred year old wood that needs a miracle. Hmmmm… what if that is the birthplace of your masterpiece? Start by seeing yourself today as a rare element with the potential of being reinvented into the Best on the Planet.

I am committed to becoming the best Kim Fletcher on the planet, trusting that my life brings even greater beauty and uniqueness on the scene than a ‘bloody expensive’ piece of furniture.

Let me leave you with a couple of thoughts to ponder. Are you ready to be the Best ____________________(your name here) on the Planet?

Begin by asking yourself these key questions: 1. Like wood harvested from across the UK, what would you like to ‘reinvent’ about yourself?

2. What aspect of your life have you considered broken and beyond repair? What if the lessons awaiting you there could propel you to greater joy and influence?

3. Imagine paying the price to own an original by Oulton.

What are you willing to pay for a life of vision and purpose?

4. What one simple step can you begin taking today to become “BOP” in any area of your life? Ex. Best Parent, Best Supervisor, Best Friend, Best Spouse.

Take time to write down your answers, as they will prepare you to take the Four Element Challenge with me in November… you just may begin 2012 as a brand new YOU! As a Life Coach and Speaker, Kim coaches individuals and groups to break free from all that holds them back, while pressing in to reach their full potential.

Kim’s newest book takes you deeper as you coach yourself to becoming your best: The Tension Point: Breaking Through to Where You Want to Be (October 2011 release). We would love to hear your story: kimfletchercoach@aol.com, 828 327 6702, creativelifenavigation.com.

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Call Today: Hickory: 828.485.2833 Huntersville: 704.987.8446 www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 13

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FlyLady THE

by Marla Cilley

What happens to us is that when we get overwhelmed our brains keep trying to play catch up and in the process, this brain frenzy short circuits our actions. Now don’t get me wrong we are working like crazy but we don’t seem to be accomplishing much because we are trying to do too much too fast.

We can even feel the CHAOS start to build. So why don’t we stop the avalanche before it comes sliding down on top of us!

It is because we think if we just keep juggling we can keep all those balls in the air. We are not perfect and let’s face it; we are never going to be. But that is just fine with me. I don’t have to be perfect to be loved. My home does not have to be perfect to be lived in. Housework done incorrectly still blesses my family. I can do anything for 15 minutes! What doesn’t matter, just doesn’t matter!

When you feel the pressure start to mount then that is the time to let off some of the steam so you will not explode and the avalanche suffocate you! I can hear you now! HOW DO I DO THAT! Let me tell you what I do when I start to feel overwhelmed. I stop dead in my tracks when I first realize that I am beginning to feel antsy and SIT DOWN! Then I take a few deep breaths and get out a piece of paper.

Automatically my heart rate slows down and that antsy feeling subsides. The reason it is hard for us to recognize that we are feeling overwhelmed is because we have been living on adrenaline most of our lives. We have to practice slowing down when we feel antsy instead of speeding up! Think of it this way. You are going to love this one.

When you are driving and you see a problem way up ahead; do you drive faster to get there quicker. No you slow down and become more cautious. Imagine that all of a sudden you are driving in a fog and you can’t see where you are going. You have to slow down. Now you can’t just stop (crawl in bed) on the highway because there will be a major pile up (the house will fall apart). You have to proceed slowly and cautiously; being aware of everything going on around you. You even turn off the music so you can concentrate more. If you have a phone call you ignore it.

Your mind has to be focused. That fog represents what is going on in our heads when we are trying to do too much at one time!

We can do this with our driving! So let’s start practicing it with

our race though our day. Your day doesnt have to be one pile up after another!

Slow your brain down by sitting down with a piece of paper.

Put on some calming music and examine what is happening to you. Ask yourself these questions.

Have I had any food today?

Have I had any water?

Am I angry?

Am I tired?

Am I dressed to shoes?

What are the priorities? Write them down on your paper and put first things first.

Set your timer for 5 minutes and take care of yourself so you can think.

Then use your timer to keep you focused. I call it a 15 minute day! It is kind of like crisis cleaning for your head. I take my list of priorities and start at the top and spend 15 minutes on that one. It doesn’t matter that it is not finished then I set my timer again and go to the next item on the list. I do this three times then I sit for 15 minutes and collect my thoughts and rest at the same time. After my timer goes off; I start again!

Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Try this! It doesn’t matter if you are at work or home? Your timer eliminates the fog in your head! Use it!

Are you ready to FLY in a Fog-free area?

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at www.FlyLady.net or her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon and Schuster. Copyright 2011 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

FlyLady Let’s Go For Seven in 2011 www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 15

m o t i va t i o n

Driving In A Fog

The Dinner Diva e d u c at i o n

by Leanne Ely, CNC

Stress Eating

If life is overwhelming and ice cream is your comfort, you have fallen classically into stress eating. Is your job weighing you down? Do your family’s needs seem endless and way too much? And is that chocolate bar you stowed away behind other pantry items starting to call out to your subconscious? That, my friends, is the influence of stress. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Done that. Got the t-shirt. Realized it was two sizes larger than before and something had to change!

Eating just because stress begs you to can actually become a serious problem. Psychologists have studied stress eating and have concluded that it can lead to eating disorders. Skip that, right? So here’s a simple plan, just 3 steps that’ll help you release yourself from stress eating.

1) Get out a pen and piece of paper. Write down a list of what is burdening you. Putting pen to paper and writing out our problems is a great mental release for us -- now you have a record of it.

2) Look over the list. Instead of looking at the negative, see if you can find something positive. Here’s an example -- kids are overwhelming in their demands. Stop and be thankful you have children -- remember your friends that don’t and wish they were in your shoes. Don’t let the negativity hold you captive; gratitude sets you free.

3) Now look at how you’re eating.

Stress eating usually doesn’t root in actual hunger as much as it does in trying to avoid a situation or make yourself feel better.

Those feelings tend to lead us to foods that aren’t going to do us any good. So, the next time one of those tempting cravings dances across your brain, take a minute to ask yourself if you’re truly hungry. If your stomach answers, “no”, then don’t entertain stress’s pressure!

I know these steps sound too easy, but after you practice them you’ll see a difference! Don’t let that devil called Stress sitting on your shoulder tempt you with stress-filled cravings anymore!

Follow Aretha Franklin’s voice belting “FREEDOM” and fight for your liberation!

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 17

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pg 18 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

Silent Longings Today’s Truth

She (Hagar) gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’ (Genesis 16:13, NIV).

Friend To Friend

Everyone wants to be noticed, to be cared for, to be loved. How my heart breaks with David’s words, “No one cares for my soul” (Psalm 142:4). He is crying out during one of the darkest times in his life and felt all alone in his struggle to survive. We might expect to hear those words from the crowded city streets as men and women scurry about in their power suits off to make the next deal. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear those words from a vagrant huddled under a bridge with all his worldly possessions stuffed in a plastic grocery bag. But would we expect it from the person sitting beside us in the church pew, the co-worker in the next cubicle, or the mother of three next door?

While flying from the east coast to the west coast, I watched an in flight movie, a cleaned up version of What Women Want staring Mel Gibson.

Mr. Marshal (Mel Gibson) worked at an advertising firm with a host of busy men and women bustling about in their own little self-absorbed worlds. In a strange twist of events, Mr. Marshal is “electrically altered” when he slips in the bathroom and falls into the bathtub, along with a hair dryer. When he regains consciousness after his shocking experience, he has the ability to read women’s minds and hear their thoughts. With his new perceptive powers, he lands a huge Nike advertising account and wins the heart of the leading lady…of course. But there is one poignant sideline of the movie that grabbed my heart.

In the movie, one young nondescript woman in his office had thoughts that stopped Marshal in his tracks. What if I just jumped out the window?

Would anyone notice? I could be gone for days and no one would notice…until the files started piling up. Then they’d say, ’Where’s the geek with the glasses who carries the files?’

No one did notice the errand girl who refused to make eye contact with her fellow employees, except Marshal, who could hear her thoughts.

One day, the young woman (who we learn is named Erin), doesn’t show up for work?

“Where’s Erin?” Marshal asked as he notices a pile of files sitting on her desk.

“I don’t know,” someone replies. “She didn’t show up for work today.”

Fearing the worst, Marshal locates Erin’s address and dashes out to stop her from ending her life.

Bursting into her apartment Marshal sees a suicide letter lying on the table and his heart sinks. A startled Erin walks into the room.

“Mr. Marshal, what are you doing here?”

“I’m glad I got here before you hurt yourself?” he replied.

“What makes you think I was going to hurt myself?”

“I just sensed it,” he answered.

“Really? You sensed it? That’s not good.”

Then Marshal brilliantly changes course. “The real reason I’m here is to offer you a job. You know we got the Nike account and we were wondering who would be a real spitfire to work on this project…”

Marshal offers Erin a job and rescues her from the despair of feeling unwanted, unloved, and unimportant.

I’m not suggesting that you watch the movie. After all, it was a cleaned up airline version. However, I am suggesting that you ponder the situation. I believe that men and women walk past us every day, just like Erin in this movie, who feel that they have no significant purpose in this world. Like Erin, I know that there are many who feel that their sudden disappearance would cause little fanfare or concern. It might be the woman who passes you in the hall at work, the rebellious looking teen who shuffles by you at the mall, or the businessman dashing to his next appointment. It takes so little to let someone know that they are significant. We have the ability to give someone hope by offering a simple word of acknowledgement.

Dr. David Jeremiah wrote, “We are shaped by those who love us or refuse to love us, and by those whom we love or refuse to love” (Dr. David Jeremiah, The Power of Encouragement (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah, 1997), p. 13) .

It is an amazing opportunity given to each of us as we walk through our day to shape and mold those around us with a simple word of encouragement, acknowledgement, or appreciation. The world is crying out for love - a positive word, a tender touch, a morsel of praise.

Sometimes a simple “hello” can be a boost to someone starving to be noticed. Many people are so lonely that any token of attention is like a drop of rain on dry parched ground.

Jesus met a woman who felt very insignificant – bone weary and bone dry. As he talked to her by a well, He said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13, 14 NIV). Yes, Jesus is the living water that people need. Isn’t it amazing that He allows us to hold the cup - to offer the only drink that will satisfy.

Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You that you always see me and notice what I’m going through. You know every hair on my head! Help me to never loose sight of the fact that I am very significant in Your eyes.

You loved me so much that You gave Your Son, Jesus, so that I might have eternal life with You. I praise Your Holy Name.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Now It’s Your Turn

Let’s go back up to today’s truth. Hagar was a woman who felt ignored and all alone. But then God showed up.

Go back and read her amazing story in Genesis 16.

What do You learn about God from this story?

Hagar was not one of God’s chosen people, and yet, He cared for her.

The Hebrew name that she gave God was El Roi, the God who Sees.

Remember today that God sees you! .

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 19

I N S P I R AT I O N

by Sharon Jaynes

by Sharon Rashidi B.S. Health Education

e d u c at i o n

Rules of Thumb for Safe Stretching We have all seen this before: a runner stretching behind his car getting ready to hit the track. He stands there with one leg up onto the trunk, his knee straight and locked. Then he reached out towards his toes, bounce, hold, bounce, hold. Next, he grabs his calf and pulls himself lower towards his toe, bouncing along the way. Success and now ready to run! Right? Wrong!

Only a relaxed muscle will allow itself to be stretched.

When a muscle is stretched with bouncing and pulling, it will contract and tighten which sets the runner up for injury. Also, by putting one leg up on the trunk, he is tightening up all the muscles in his body from his ankle all the way up to his neck.

Well then how should a person stretch?

The following are good rules of thumb for keeping your body safe when you are stretching: Warm your Body Up: Always increase the temperature of your muscles before stretching, by performing light aerobic activity such as walking. Another good time to stretch is after a warm shower/ or bath.

Timing is Everything: After your muscles are warmed up, try to perform each stretch 2 to 5 times and hold each stretch 15 to 30 seconds. You can always progress up to holding your stretches for longer periods of time. Listen to your body- it will let you know how long to hold the stretch for. Do not stretch to the point of pain. Some discomfort or tension is ok, pain is not.

Think Functional: Stretch those joints that you need in everyday life. For example, keeping your knees flexible so that you can climb up and down stairs without difficulty.

Do it Right: It is safer and more effective to go slow.

Bouncing does not increase flexibility bur actually causes the muscle to contract and shorten which may induce micro tears or strain the muscles.

Every Day is Different: Flexibility varies from day to day and from person to person. Do not compete with any one else.

Be patient and remember this is your time.

Sharon Rashidi B.S Health Education Owner of The Perfect Workout

pg 20 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

Stretching Exercises Exercise #1-Standing Side Stretch- This side stretch will increase the flexibility of your spine, arms, and rib cage as it stimulates the liver, kidney, and spleen functions. It will also help realign your spinal column and will aid the lungs to take in more oxygen.

Step 1- Start with your feet together standing tall and shoulders relaxed and away from the ears.

As you inhale, raise your left arm, making a line from your left foot to the fingertips. Place your right hand on your right hip.

Step 2- As you exhale, bend your upper body to the right. Hold for several breaths. Inhale, and bring the body back to the original position. Repeat the pose on the other side.

Tips: If the Standing Side Stretch Pose is properly done without forcing the bend, it will give you a different but wonderful feeling as it bends the muscles and the spine to the side. If you feel unstable in the position, feel free to slightly put your feet apart.

Exercise #2 Half-Spinal Twist- This lateral stretch loosens the back, spine and also tones the spinal nerves and ligaments to help improve digestion.

Step 1- Kneel and sit on your feet with your heels pointing outward. Then sit to the right of your feet by leaning to the right side. Next lift your left leg over your right, placing the foot against the outside of the right knee. Bring your right heel in close to your buttocks. Keep the spine straight.

Step 2- Stretch your arms out to the sides at shoulder level, and twist around to the left.

Now bring the right arm down on the outside of the left knee and hold your left foot with your right hand, placing your left hand on the floor behind you. As you exhale, twist as far as possible to the left. Look over the left shoulder.

Tip - Keep your spine erect and your shoulders leveled in the position. Breathe steadily. Twist a little more each time you exhale. Twist first to the left, and then repeat the sequence twisting to the right.

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 21

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Autumn Artistry

by Marilyn Nutter Last month, my husband and I took a cruise to Alaska. On the heels of an unusually hot, humid North Carolina summer, and then spending over a week in Idaho visiting family in their hot, dry climate, Alaska was a shock to my system. Fortunately, I consulted an extended weather forecast and went prepared with proper dress—a windbreaker, hooded sweatshirt, umbrella and gloves. Despite cooler and rainy weather, the scenery was amazing.

As we walked around the streets of Skagway, AK, I stopped and froze, not because I saw a bear , but because I set eyes on a colorful maple tree. It was August and I saw my first maple! I love the changing seasons and I can’t wait to see the fall colors. For me, nothing compares to the aromas and bright colors that appear.

Pumpkins, cranberries, and spices fill the air at this time of year.

I always enjoyed seeing my children play in a pile of leaves, and hear their hilarious laughter. I enjoy burning fall scented candles in my home, decorating with mums and pumpkins, baking apple and cranberry desserts, and when I lived in PA, I anticipated the sequence of color changes of the trees as I drove the same route to work during the course of a week. It seemed as if an artist gently swept over the green trees with a paintbrush and in succession, added new hues of yellow, red, and orange for our enjoyment. One day the yellows were emphasized, the next day oranges displayed their brilliance, and sometimes a red maple appeared and stood out apart from the others. The results produced a spectacular painting that gradually emerged against the backdrop of the sky and became more beautiful each day.

Psalm 19 opens with “the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” If you read on, you’ll

see that the writer (David) switches gears and begins to speak about the greatness of God’s Word to guide us, make us wise, give us joy, and provide light for every path. The Master Artist speaks to us, not only through His power in creation, but in His word. His work in us—His Word in us-- declares His glory and His artistic work in our lives.

Whether we have challenges, decisions, or a routine day, Psalm 19 gives us confidence that God uses His Word to paint colors in our lives, one stroke at a time. With careful brush strokes, new patterns and designs emerge—renewed faith as a prayer for guidance is answered; confidence as He gives us strength to face a challenge; grace as He accompanies us working through a tough decision; power revealed as a seemingly impossible situation is resolved; or encouragement and joy by reminding us of His promises. Like the hues and fragrances of autumn, each of these adds color to our lives.

Especially in autumn, God, the Master Artist paints our landscape and makes it spectacular. As you approach the beauty of autumn, be reminded that He desires to do the same with us.

Marilyn Nutter is the author of three devotional books including Diva Delights which focuses on finding extraordinary treasures in ordinary and challenging days. She is a contributor to on-line sites and compilations such as Chicken Soup for the Soul. She is available to speak to women’s church and community groups. Contact her at marilynnutter@gmail.com and visit her website at www.marilynnutter.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 23

Common Signs You Might Be A Bridezilla Few brides-to-be want to be tagged as a “bridezilla.” However, engaging in certain behaviors just might earn them that dubious distinction.

It is believed the term “bridezilla” was coined in a Boston Globe article in June 1995. Since then, it has been widely used for an overbearing bride who is difficult and often a perfectionist.

A woman who is obsessed about every detail of the wedding might turn into a bridezilla. There are several traits that many bridezilla’s have in common. If a bride-to-be sees her own behaviors on this list, she may want to make some changes quickly or risk alienating friends and family members. * Talking about the wedding nonstop. Getting married is exciting and stressful at the same time. It is good for brides to have enthusiasm about the big day, but speaking incessantly over every little detail, especially when the conversation often veers to complaints about vendors and other arrangements, can be offputting to people. Remember, the world is still turning outside of a bride’s wedding realm.

* Extreme dieting. It’s understandable when a bride wants to look her best on her wedding day, and this can create a desire to shed a few pounds. However, if dieting becomes extreme, including dramatic calorie control, binging or purging, it can be unhealthy and dangerous. Putting appearances before well-being may constitute bridezilla behavior. * Failing to spend time with a fiance. When wedding planning and meetings take precedence over spending time with your fiance, it can set a poor course for the future marriage and strain the current relationship. * A “me-first” attitude. It’s unproductive for a bride-to-be to think that her family, bridemaids and others involved in the wedding will drop everything for the sake of the event. Although it is expected that a bridal party will partake in some tasks and responsibilities, they are not the property or employees of the bride. Also, diva behavior and meltdowns -- where all the attention is directed toward the bride-to-be -- is not beneficial as well. * Going well over budget. At its core, a wedding is the union between two people who pledge to spend the rest of their lives together. While many people want to have the perfect wedding, fixating on every detail and spending excessively to achieve what is perceived as perfection is bridezilla behavior. Entering a marriage already in debt can put a strain on newlywed bliss. * Fighting with friends and family. Oftentimes brides- and grooms-to-be mask apprehension about starting a new chapter in their lives by getting into disagreements with others. Brides may bicker with their moms over seating arrangements and hairstyles, but they might just be glossing over their evolving mother-child relationship. Fighting just to fight and draw attention to oneself is bridezilla behavior. * Expecting preferential treatment. Many bridezillas are rude to wedding vendors and think that they deserve something extra.

Individuals should remember that florists, dress shops, musicians, and photographers work very hard in their lines of work and often with couples who are emotional and feeling the stress of spending large amounts of money. Adding even more animosity to the situation could result in less-than-stellar results on the big day.

There are things every bride should do in preparation for her wedding. Then there are things that should be avoided for fear of transforming into a bridezilla.

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Sophisticated Women...

Are Master Communicators

By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching

People are different. Throughout the course of our day, we encounter individuals that we must communicate with to achieve our goals. Whether we need our children to get out of bed, our spouse to help us with an errand, or we need to negotiate a business contract, communication is the one and only tool that creates success or if done ineffectively will ensure our failure, frustration, and frenzy!

To be a master communicator, we must get an objective view of ourselves before we stand back and judge the behaviors of others.

Personally, I can admit that I have encountered individuals and thought with a judgmental slant, “Whoa! This person is different.” Their style, their approach and their demeanor seems odd. I can’t relate! My judgmental attitude creates an immediate block to getting my message delivered to them. I doubt I’ll get my point across. Subconsciously, I decide that this encounter or opportunity to communicate is just not going to work. Period. We all do this. We get in our own way.

In 2007, I had the opportunity to attend a Women’s Leadership Conference. An author, Laurie Beth Jones, presented the concepts found in her book The Four Elements of Success. I am an extrovert. I love people. I am curious about others. Her breakout session promised to give me insight into the elemental make-up of individuals, tips for communicating more effectively, and most importantly clues to how I show up in the world. These concepts spoke to me and so did Laurie Beth. It was like she spoke directly to me although there were over a hundred women in the audience. As she moved through her presentation, I thought to myself everyone needs to understand and embrace this teaching. If you consider the cost of communication, knowing what makes people tick, speaking their language, and changing your approach to meet others where they are is priceless. The cost of communication is enormous. Millions of dollars each year are spent on divorce proceedings.

Companies squander good ideas and creativity because they don’t hear the voices of their associates. And think about the war in the world that comes out of our lack of skills in getting past our differences and finding a thread of similarity?

We need a tool that helps us see others with clarity. Something that is simple, sticky, spreadable, and scientific that explains our communication style. The Four Elements of Success is the tool you need. This tool takes the characteristics of the elements and creates rich metaphors for how we show up in the world.

The four elements are part of our physical makeup. We have earth in the form of calcium in our bones, potassium and magnesium in our organs. Just think every morning you wake and take your vitamin and minerals to ensure your health. Our physical form also consists of water.

We are 70% water. Each of us has a breath, a wind that flows in and out of our body oxygenating our cells. And finally, we have heat or fire that is essential to our survival. The synapses of our brain cells is our spark of creativity. Within the four elements of our creation…EARTH,

WATER, WIND and FIRE, are the four communication styles. Read the descriptions of these elements to determine your communication style.

Identify your element. Think about the beautiful ways you communicate and areas you need to improve.

Earth is terra firma. The foundation of all we do. Our home. Our grounding point. Our anchor. It is steady. Supports all life forms. It is solid. Earth is aware of the “gravity” of every situation. Operates on predictable laws. Earth knows that everything “matters”.

Water is the most vital and necessary of all the elements. Without water, nothing lives. It works quietly and invisibly to nurture and sustain life. It pours itself 100 percent into whatever it does.

The wind is swift, uplifting, whirling, motion oriented, and refreshing.

It can be silent or howling, and is itself invisible. It is mysterious, unpredictable, energetic, and global. It supports butterflies and hummingbirds. It can sweep the old away in a single breath.

Fire is purifying, hot, illuminating and passionate. It is dancing, sizzling, radiant, freeing, and captivating. It needs oxygen, new possibilities, action and change.

Let’s get started!

At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to indentify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. Join me on the PATH to move forward with authenticity, skill and confidence. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www. thelydiagroup.com

Nicole Greer, PPCC is a professional life and business coach. At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to indentify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. Join me on the PATH to move forward with authenticity, skill and confidence. www. thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 27

m o t i va t i o n

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. -George Bernard Shaw

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE? HOW MS. BLACK CHARLOTTE USA 2011 IS RAISING THE BAR ON ‘BEING’ BEAUTIFUL! Dr. Susan Flowers has been competing in pageants for 15 years.

However, this year was the first time she ever competed in a pageant specifically for black women. She knew they existed. Some have even called this reverse racism. However, in the beauty industry today, the U.S. pageant system has made the least strides forward in the world concerning standards of beauty. Being Caucasian, blond with blue eyes still holds the lead advantage in American pageants. It was as recent as 1970 that black women were allowed to compete in the Miss America Pageant System and not until 1984 had there been a black win. Therefore, out of need, pageants that embraced beauty of all ethnicities began to form. However, despite the many challenges of race that still exist in beauty pageants today, Dr. Flowers was never one to be defined by her color or avoid opposition. In fact, she relished the challenge. Dr. Flowers chose the Black USA system for the first time this year because of what their crowns represented.

Her current crown stands for something that is greater than race.

It’s purpose is to “support and encourage involvement in social and humanitarian causes across North Carolina, be of service to humankind and to empower and enrich lives.” That was a challenge Flowers could not resist and spoke to the very spirit of when she began competing originally. The mission made sense in any setting and for all people.

Although she is undoubtedly beautiful physically, her choice of pageant involvement has always been those that promoted personal growth and individual development, educational advancement and service to community rather than ‘glitz’ and superficial glamour. Flowers always wanted her reign to advance women in the world, not set them back to the Stone Age where female intelligence had no value. She wants to encourage her two daughters to be their Personal Best always, through higher education, entrepreneurship, citizenship, leadership and personal presentation. It wasn’t too long ago that women were not recognized for such qualities. The pageants she chooses embrace and promote these characters, so when asked, “Why pageants?” Dr. Flowers states, “Why not?”

Whether she is interviewing winning guests on her broadcast radio shows such as Oscar Winner Louis Gossett Jr. and Grammy Winner Maya Angelou or simply contributing expert advice to thousands of viewers on an NBC morning talk show, Dr. Susan Flowers is a rising media icon.

With her sharp journalistic flair and unrelenting skillfulness at uncovering what her listeners most want to know about celebrities, Dr. Flowers has consistently landed interviews with some of today’s industry leaders. Other recent interviews to her credit are:

pg 28 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

• • • • • • • • • •

Peabody Team Winner and CNN Anchor – Soledad O’Brien America’s Next Top Model Judge - Nigel Barker Oprah Show Relationship Expert & Renowned Coach - Iyanla Vanzant TV One’s Washington Watch Host & Political Analyst - Roland Martin Legendary 70’s sitcom beauty and role model Bern Nadette Stanis of Good Times Good Morning America’s Financial Expert – Melody Hobson The renowned Ernest ‘Raj’ Thomas of What’s Happening and Everybody Hate’s Chris Grammy winning reggae artist Shaggy The undisputed King of Calypso, “The Mighty Sparrow” Reggae Dance hall Pioneer “Yellowman” and many more.

Susan Flowers, PhD., was formerly a proven executive in the health care industry for over 20 years. She has been a fierce leader and strategist all her life. Through the development and implementation of RISE®, her own proven success techniques, Dr. Flowers became a record-setting retiree from her corporate career at an accelerated age. In her community, she is a philanthropist and activist as a founding board member and former Chair of Charlotte Secondary School, a public middle school of choice, born out of the need for quality education in Charlotte’s ailing school system. After losing several family members to cancer, including her spouse in 2005, Flowers’ pageant platform is Cancer Awareness & Cure. In 2011, she teamed up with seven dynamic men and women to raise over $174,000 in eight weeks for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of Charlotte. Blood cancer is the #1 disease killer of children in the U.S. She was subsequently nominated as a candidate for Woman of the Year.

Now a sought after speaker, voice-over talent, radio host and Conflict Resolution Specialist for her company Positively Powerful Presentations, Dr. Flowers integrates over 20 years of business acumen and personal success into her work, coaching and mentoring business owners and organizations. Her breadth of knowledge and challenging background allows her to relate to any audience. Dr. Flowers is a Toastmasters’ trained speaker and educator on a wide variety of topics that include Personal Growth, Relationship Building, Diversity and Leadership. Through her seminars, radio shows, articles and books, Dr. Flowers affects countless lives each year with messages that instruct, inspire, entertain and motivate.

As a freelance columnist and author, Dr. Flowers has written for several newspapers, national magazines and Internet publications. Currently she is a writer for the inspirational Sophie Woman’s Magazine.

She is the author of three books, including A Balanced Woman’s Pocket Book on Amazon.com and her latest body of work, Get Out of Your Own Way… Your Life is Waiting scheduled for release in 2012.

Over the past 11 years, Dr. Flowers has been featured in the Charlotte Observer, Charlotte Post and the Black Pages for her work. She has appeared as an expert guest on countless television and radio programs as well, including Spiritual Lifelines, Time Warner’s News 14 Carolinas Train for Life Series, CBS Radio’s Front Page and Straight Talk and Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs on PBS. She is currently an NBC Charlotte Today Contributing Expert and an On-Air Personality for the Caribbean Connection, 103.3 WGIV in Charlotte.

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Me, Myself, & . c In

By Sherré DeMao

Is there an underlying fear that exists within you that is keeping you from achieving or going after something you would love to happen in your life or your work? Or could it be that you can’t quite understand why you are not able to make strides in what you are trying to achieve, as if something is holding you back or keeping you from what you truly desire. Could you be suffering from wishful thinking or fearful thinking? In this month’s column, we are going to explore fearful thinking.

Real or imagined, an excuse or reality, imposed or predisposed, whatever is occurring that seems to be keeping you from where you want to be personally or professionally is all a matter of what you believe and accept. The ability to look inside yourself and acknowledge those aspects that keep you from making progress toward your goals is the first step toward finally realizing your ultimate life.

The following are seven different fearful thinking traps that could be sabotaging your efforts, both consciously and unconsciously. Do any of these fears sound like they could be trapping you?

Fear of Letting Go: You hold yourself to higher standards than most. Your high expectations of yourself and what they represent to you also results in you not letting go of responsibilities, tasks or even relationships. While you wish for more freedom to do what you really want to be doing, you fear that letting go will make you less of who you are or not result in the outcome that you desire.

Fear of Success: You are a high achiever and set out to accomplish whatever you set out to do. As a result, you have been exposed to many people, some of whom were viewed as successful, but not of the character or level of integrity that you believe is important to possess. This concerns you to the point that you fear success would change you in a way that you don’t want to be.

Fear of Failure: You have accomplished much and still have so much more you want to achieve. You are driven by an underlying need to prove you are worthy and capable. You also continuously remind yourself of others who were not able to do or achieve as they had hoped and you secretly worry you might end up being one of them yourself. You are your own worst critic to the point of not being able to truly see and appreciate what you have overcome.

Fear of Losing Control: You tend to micromanage everything

that you do and must know all that is going on in detail. You also find it difficult to disconnect with computer and phone always close by so that those you are relying upon can reach you for decisions and answers in order to keep things moving. You have a very specific way you like things done and expect them to be done exactly as you expect.

Fear of Being Ordinary: You love a challenge and especially love going against the grain. You are a creative thinker who enjoys being stimulated with a variety of interests, constant activity and many irons in the fire. You have many ideas and inspirations that excite you but they also can distract you to the point that nothing seems to move forward at times as you bounce from one thing to another.

Fear of Taking Risks: You are meticulous in your actions and take pride in how you think things through and plan what you are going to do with attention to all the details. You are most comfortable knowing exactly what to expect and what is going to happen next. Or you have grown comfortable in your life and work and do not want to take the chance of it being lost, yet feel something is missing and cannot explain why.

Fear of Making the Wrong Choice: You continuously seek the opinions of others including friends, family, and even complete strangers for anything you are considering doing. You tend to procrastinate on big decisions and are easily swayed and then swayed again by others’ opinions.

One of the first steps to overcoming fears is being able to see them, know how they exist in you and then confront them.

Seeing yourself and how you think in a new light will help you release your fears once and for all. You will begin to approach things in a different way. You will better understand what motivates you and what holds you back. This kind of wisdom can only mean one thing — utter and total success, your way and in an empowering way. Now that is exciting, isn’t it?

Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing.

An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must reads.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 31

m o t i va t i o n

Is Fearful Thinking Holding You Back?

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by Wayne DeLoriea

I have received more emails this past month than any other since I started writing for Sophie Woman’s Magazine!!!

All of you have been incredibly nice and complimentary.

The overriding question that I have gotten is, “Will I be going back into racing?” Well if Sophie will be so kind…I’ll let you in on my little secret.

October is setting up to be a busier month than usual for me… and I love it! A couple of weeks ago I was contacted through my website www.deloriea.com by a team in the American Le Mans Series. This is the series that does the 24 hours at Daytona, Le Mans, 12 Hours at Sebring, 10 Hour Endurance at Road Atlanta and various races internationally. This team has asked for my help with their pit stops, so I had them send me some practice videos…boy oh boy! Are these pit stops different. I will be traveling to Road Atlanta at the end of September to watch practices and just get to know the guys. I am very excited about this new and blank canvas upon which I can create, if not faster stops, then more consistent pit stops. You see, fast is always good…unless you hurry and cross over into disaster.

What most teams would give anything for is consistently good stops. What good is a 12 second pit stop in NASCAR or a 6 second stop in AMLS if it’s followed by a 14 or 8 second stop?

Most Crew Chiefs and Team Strategists would opt out for 13’s and 7’s all day long. Consistently Good, is the key to success… in business as well as relationships. Beat your competition with consistency.

I am also looking forward to visiting pit road during the upcoming NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race in Charlotte. It will be a good time to walk through the pits to see who might remember me, since it’s been almost 4 years since I took that walk. If any of my boys happen to read this article, I am looking forward to seeing all of you.

I will also be launching a new business, in addition to Coach’s Core Fitness Studio in Hickory, where I train folks in a private studio setting, just off I-40 at exit 126. This new business incorporates all that I have learned over my entire professional career. You see, it seems to me that, I have been on this wonderful journey to learn firsthand what makes us fall down and the systems in the body that help fight off falls and keep us from losing our balance. All that I have learned, working with severely and profoundly handicapped kids and some of the most gifted athletes in NASCAR, has come together

pg 32 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

in a National Certification in Fall Prevention.

• Did you know that falls, in the senior population, rose a staggering 65% in just 1 year? (2009-2010) • Did you know that 50% of all senior deaths have some link to dehydration and that dehydration is one of the biggest reasons people lose their balance?

• Did you know that elderly people lose the sense of thirst and that most elderly people lose the ability to know when they have to go to the bathroom and then have to hurry?

• The simple act of hurrying might be the # 1 reason for falls.

Not only do I go over these and many more physiological and environmental reasons for falling but I have also come up with an inexpensive line of exercise equipment and an exercise/ movement program for elderly people. I have posted all of this information on my website for you… FREE of charge. I hope you will visit my website and learn how and what to do to help your loved ones battle the effects of aging. If your loved ones are in an elderly care facility, I hope you will do all you can to have that facility contact my website for one of my personal seminars…

North Carolina has accredited my program for 8 Continuing Education Units (CEUs).

I hope my little secret excites all of you who read my articles and who have inquired as to what’s going on in Coach’s life…I love you all and I always look forward to hearing from you.

Coach, www.deloriea.com

National Director of Activity and Exercise for Meridian Senior Living, Owner & Operator of Coach’s CORE Fitness Studio, former NASCAR Coach, Master Fitness Instructor, Personal Trainer and Sports Nutritionist Wayne DeLoriea, one of NASCAR’s most successful coaches, certified in 80 countries around the world and author of “Coach Without A Whistle” and “$elling Your$elf…There’s Magic In the Approach”, joins nchealthylifestyles to help you realize and attain your nutrition and fitness goals.

You may contact Coach at: www.deloriea.com

Organizing For The Holidays

By Jennifer Burnham Fall is my favorite season…what is not to love about cool, crisp nights, apple picking, county fairs, hay rides, the list could go on and on. Back-to-school marks the change of seasons for me and I’m sure everyone else. It should have its own New Year celebration. Once school starts and all of the notebooks, glue sticks, and pencils are cleared off retailers shelves…in comes the Halloween decorations!

Does anything about that stress you out? Well it used to stress me out to no end…Halloween is just around the corner, then Thanksgiving, then “Hello” Christmas! I always had so many ideas and plans for such a short amount of time…how can I do it all, and decorate for each holiday, and see my whole family, and party with my friends… it was overwhelming! Then I came up with “The Holiday Binder”.

The binder was nicknamed “The dork book” by my friends. I understand my need to have everything planned and organized to a “T” is unnatural for others, but it makes me sleep better at night!

So on to “The Holiday Binder”…The thought behind it was to keep track of everything holiday related. There are five sections for Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Eve. Within each section are subsections for: • Recipes for Holiday Goodies • Indoor Holiday Decoration Ideas • Outdoor Holiday Decoration Ideas • Present Ideas & Budget Forms (Christmas) • Activities to celebrate the season • How to Host Great Holiday Parties (general for any holiday party)

The holiday section is separated from the other by a heading sheet I created in Microsoft Word (clip art & word art was my friend). The subsections are separated and labeled with index dividers. Where did I get the stuff to put in the binder? Mainly from my favorite magazines, but also from articles I read online or ideas from websites like Martha Stewart Living, Family Circle, and Better Homes & Garden.

Hears what you do: tear out pages of the magazine, cut out the portion that you want to keep (might be the whole page), tape to a white piece of paper (or colored for the holiday if you want to go crazy), and categorize accordingly. I also put everything in sheet protectors – it makes everything visually appealing, nice to touch (I love the slick surface), and easy to clean (I tend to drop food on my recipes when cooking).

I have added to the binder every year and I look forward to getting it out every September. I’ve been known to fantasize about the holiday binder well into July! It’s amazing how much I look forward to the holiday season rather than stress over it and all thanks to a simple binder that took a little love and effort to create!

Id love to hear from you – have you put one together – how does it help you and your family get through the holiday madness? Send me an email with your holiday organizing questions! Jennifer@ pureandsimpleorganizing.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 33

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Different Inspirations - One Goal

by Susan Guest, ASID Have you ever heard the quote “there are several ways to skin a cat”? Even though I really don’t like the phrase, it applied to the week of preparation for the Hickory Habitat ReStore Designer Challenge in September.

e d u c at i o n

Ten designers or design teams were given 10 x 10 feet spaces to create a vignette using donated items from the new store. Each space had to include either a table or chairs that were donated by a hospital.

The variety of rooms was amazing. One designer created a little girl’s room complete with pink and green polka dots and a fun tent full of stuffed animals. Another room featured lime green walls trimmed with silver nail head accents. A huge picture frame inspired a custom painting from a local artist. Windows complete with window treatments were used in one of the rooms.

Chandeliers were hung from the ceiling. Chairs were spray painted silver. Rugs covered the concrete floor. Creative juices flowed freely.

My vignette was named “Gabby’s Room” and was inspired by my prissiest dog, Gabby. I painted dog bone shaped treats and glued them to the top of the walls for molding. A baker’s rack top made a lovely headboard and focal point for the area. I placed the table top on four flower pots and set the table for a doggie birthday party. The look was styled with china from a thrift store, a cake, and dog treats from a local bakery.

Before the room was completed, two young girls sat down at the table and pretended to have tea (or water) with the dogs at the party. I was concerned that they would eat the dog treats, but thrilled that the room brought some emotion to the little girls. It was fun to see the room in use and that it could take someone away from the real world-even for only a few minutes.

All of the designers got along well during the week and helped each other brainstorm with the projects. We were all proud to be able to participate in such a worthy cause while using our God-given talents. Even though we each were inspired by totally different things; we all had the same goal of helping our neighbors and our community. Isn’t that what life is all about?

Susan Guest, ASID is an awardwinning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 35

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by Teresa Pope, Esthetician

Question: The Summer heat makes my hair look terrible, it is so dry and frizzy. What can I do to make my hair more manageable?

Answer: No, it isn’t deja vu. This is the same question as last month. However, last month I gave advice on how to handle the frizzies naturally with proper hair care and products. This month is about how to stop the frizzies; chemically. I’m sure you have heard of the newest straightening treatments known by several names, with the most common one being The Brazilian Hair Straightening System. Other names are Brazilian Blowout, Brazilian Keratin Treatment, Keratin Treatment, etc. As you can tell by the name, the system was pioneered in Brazil and has since been developed by American companies.

Whatever the brand, they all work the same, by sealing the hair with a liquid keratin. (a protein found naturally in the hair) The process starts with shampooing the hair with a special shampoo, hair is then towel dried and the keratin solution is added and combed thru, making sure all of the hair is saturated with the solution. Next the stylist may place you under a hood dryer, but this is a matter of preference. Your stylist will then blow dry the hair with a vent or flat brush and after hair is completely dry the stylist will use a special flat iron that reaches temperatures of up to 450 degrees to “seal” in the product. This process may be repeated several times until the hair has completely absorbed the straightening, keratin product and is completely sealed, but once is usually enough for most clients.

The blowout generally last about 3 months and it can be used on all hair types. It is safe for color treated, hi-lighted, permed or previously straightened hair. Since chemically processed hair tends to be a little frizzy, the keratin treatment will give those previously chemically treated stands a much needed boost of shine and manageability. Natural curly and thick coarse unruly hair will become tamed. The treatment will remove approximately 50-80% of curl depending upon the texture of the hair.

There are a few things to remember if you plan on receiving this treatment. First you cannot shampoo your hair for 48-72 hours, the longer you wait to shampoo the better the treatment will last. Second, you cannot twist, or clip your hair in anyway, such as tucking your hair behind your ears or wearing a ponytail or any type of clip or band, as this will cause a permanent crease in the hair. Third, and most important, the straightening system has received some bad publicity in the past.

Some brands contain high levels of formaldehyde. The appropriate level of formaldehyde for cosmetics is around 0.2% but some of the straightening products were found to contain up to 10%, according to a study by OSHA. (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) My advice would be to discuss the brand and formaldehyde percentage with your stylist before having the treatment.

I have curly hair, which tends to get extremely frizzy, so I had the keratin treatment done myself. My personal opinion is that, I LOVE IT! However, my hair is thin so without my curl, my hair looks very thin and it is flatter than I am use to seeing, so it takes a little getting use to. These are things you may want to consider when you are deciding if you want to have the treatment done. Cost varies from salon to salon, and city to city, but you can anticipate a cost of between $125.00 $500.00

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 9

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pg 38 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2011

I am a planner. I admit that I love to make lists, organize, and have a plan in place for just about everything, from my future retirement, to my annual vacation, to my outfit for the next day. In fact, I’ve chosen a profession where my job is to help my clients create a plan for their families’ futures.

While I believe that planning is important for all families, it is perhaps most important for those with special needs children. These children depend on their parents throughout their lives, so it is critical that parents plan ahead to provide for and protect these children after they’re gone. Although mom and dad can never be replaced, by having a plan in place for their special needs child, parents can rest assured that their child will continue to live a happy, healthy, abundant life.

Caring for a special needs child is a tremendous job. It takes a lot of time and a lot of resources. An estate plan must ensure that the child is provided adequate financial support to sustain them for the rest of their lives. This must also be balanced with the need to maintain any federal or state benefits that the child receives. Many special needs children receive government assistance in some form, whether it is Social Security Disability, Supplemental Security Income, military survivor benefits, Medicare, or Medicaid. Eligibility for these may be based on financial factors.

The problem is, if mom and dad leave a large sum of money to the child as an inheritance, the child may then become ineligible for this government assistance. Many of these benefits cannot be replaced by private funding. But, at the same time, parents do not want to disinherit their child.

The solution is to create a Special Needs Trust to hold the child’s inheritance. A Special Needs Trust is a particular type of trust which will hold the money, life insurance proceeds, and/or real estate that the parent wishes to leave for the child. A trustee is named to manage the trust funds and make distributions for the benefit of the special needs child. The trust gives explicit directions to the trustee about the types of distributions that can be made. These directions allow the trustee to supplement the child’s lifestyle without the assets in the trust being considered for government benefit eligibility purposes. In other words, eligibility for benefits is not compromised as long as the trustee follows the directions in the trust document.

In order for the Special Needs Trust to work correctly and most efficiently, parents need to put it in place as part of their estate planning before they pass away. Although it is not impossible to do, it creates many more issues to create a Special Needs Trust after the parent has died and the money has gone to the special needs child. Once the Special Needs Trust is set up, the parents’ Wills and beneficiary designations should direct all assets they wish to leave for their child to the Special Needs Trust. Again, if any assets end up in the hands of the child at the parents’ death, rather than in the trust, it will be more difficult to correct.

As with most things in life, a little planning now will save a lot of time and money later. This is especially true when you’re talking about the future of a special needs child. Although you can’t be there to care for your child forever, with some advance planning, you can ensure that they live a healthy and comfortable life for years to come.

Casey Pope is an attorney at Patrick, Harper & Dixon, LLP in Hickory, North Carolina. She practices primarily in the areas of estate planning, elder law, and business and corporate law. Casey may be contacted at 828-322-7741 or via email at cpope@phd-law.com. Patrick, Harper & Dixon is Hickory’s oldest and largest full-service law firm.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 39

e d u c at i o n

Planning for the Future of a Special Needs Child

By: Casey W. Pope, Esq.

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Search By Find Local In Your Are

March of Dimes Celebrates Rionn’s Birthday at Signature Chef’s Auction

The day after Rionn was born his parents learned that something had gone wrong during pregnancy. Rionn was born with a cleft palate and other birth defects. He was admitted to the NICU, and less than 24 hours later, his condition became life threatening. He was bleeding internally. The weeks and months that followed were filled with admissions to the hospital for illness and surgery, feedings that each took hours, countless doctor’s appointments and massive medical bills.

As Rionn has celebrated each of his birthdays, his family has celebrated milestones in his development that most of us take for granted. For example, finally feeding himself with a spoon when he was 2 1/2. Every meal, every day, for 2 1/2 years he teetered on the brink of having to have a feeding tube reinserted. Every bite of food represents another day of freedom for him.

Since Rionn turned three his speech has improved dramatically and eating is becoming less of a burden and a battle. This year his baby brother was born healthy!

The March of Dimes is celebrating Rionn’s fourth birthday at

their fifth annual Signature Chef’s Auction on October 27th at Rock Barn Golf and Spa. The event features delectable tastings from the Foothills Area’s finest chefs and the opportunity to bid on unique auction packages.

Many babies never get to celebrate a birthday. Last year, approximately 1040 babies died before their first birthday in North Carolina.

Birth defects are the leading cause of death in the first year of life, accounting for nearly 1 in 5 infant deaths. The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.

Please join us at the event and help raise money and awareness for March of Dimes so other babies don’t have to endure what Rionn and his family have gone through! For more information or to order tickets visit www.marchofdimes.com/northcarolina or call 828-464-8905.

Rionn, seen here at his 3rd birthday party.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 41

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Our Monthly Feature

shutterbuggerz

Our September 2011 Contest “A Time To Remember “

Photo Submitted By: Elizabeth Sweet Photography

Local Photos of Everyday people, places, and events as seen through the eyes of the area's professional and amateur photographers!

s h u t t e r b u g g e r z . c o m www.shutterbuggerz.com

43

shutterbuggerz.com pg 38 Photo Submitted By: Erica Johnson

Photo Submitted By: Cheryl Yoder

Photo Submitted By: Viginia McLendon

44

Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

shutterbuggerz.com pg 39

Enter Your Photos At shutterbuggerz.com Local photos of everyday people, places, and events as seen through the eyes of the area's professional and amateur photographers!

how this works

Each month our readers submit photos to our web site via email, based on the “Montlhy Theme” (visit the website for a list of upcoming themes). During that month, visitors to our web site at shutterbuggerz.com will vote on their favorite photo(s). Each month, the winning photographer (professional and amateur) will receive a prize.

Submitted by Michael Lail

5

6

Photo Submitted By: Don Anthony

Photo Submitted By: Jennifer Hood

Prizes:

Professional photographers will receive a free 1/4 page ad space in the next issue of Sophie Woman’s Magazine. The amateur winner will receive a $25 Gift Certificate to a local restaurant of their choosing. Promotional apparel provided by:

7

Submitted by Capture Life Photography

Please read the submission guidelines and disclaimers on our web site at shutterbuggerz.com.

2010_Sophie_Ad_11-3-10.pdf

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Photo Submitted By: Amber Wiseman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Tonya Lowman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Capture Life Photography

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Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

Photo Submitted By: Tracy Chapman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Michelle Tomlin

Photo Submitted By: Amber Wiseman Photography www.shutterbuggerz.com

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Photo Submitted By: Amber Smith

Photo Submitted By: Angie Murphy

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Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

Photo Submitted By: Heather Noblin

Photo Submitted By: Carri Hurst

Photo Submitted By: Amber Wiseman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Heather Welch www.shutterbuggerz.com

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Photo Submitted By: Belinda Bentley

Photo Submitted By: Capture Life Photography

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Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

Photo Submitted By: Erin Annas

Photo Submitted By: Glenn E. Deal

Photo Submitted By: Don Anthony www.shutterbuggerz.com

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Photo Submitted By: Dorinda Orders Photo Submitted By: Lisa Sides

52

Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

Photo Submitted By: Tonya Lowman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Capture Life Photography

Photo Submitted By: Amber Wiseman Photography

Photo Submitted By: Elizabeth Sweet Photography

www.shutterbuggerz.com

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Photo Submitted By: Tracie Jo Wade

Be Sure To Visit

shutterbuggerz.com

To Submit, Vote, & View PHotos

Photo Submitted By: Nichol Lancaster Photography

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Visit the website to view all the photos and to enter your photo into next month’s contest.

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Woman’s Magazine

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VOLUME 7 - ISSUE 7 / SEPTEMBER 2011

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INSIDE:

INSIDE:

Girlfriends In God ~ The Power of Quiet | Page 19

“Changes”~ Dealing with My Postpartum Depression | Page 7

Reaching Your Full Potential ~ How you see yourself will determine who you become (Part 2) | Page 12

Reaching Your Full Potential ~ The Lazy Woman’s Guide To Achievement | Page 12

Sounds of Silence: The Lesson in the Loss | Page 28

A Mom’s Dream ~ How I was influenced by a teacher years after school | Page 23

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shutterbuggerz pg 37

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