Sophie Woman's Magazine Mar 2014 by Sophie Woman's Magazine

VOLUME 10 - ISSUE 1 / MARCH 2014

phie Woman’s Magazine

INSIDE: Girlfriends In God ~ A Fresh Brewed Faith | Page 15 Reaching Your Full Potential ~ It’s Never Too Late! | Page 6 Me, Myself, & Inc. ~ Is That “Lost Hour” Enlightening You? | Page 29 shutterbuggerz pg 37

torybook eginnings pg 24

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essage M

Heart

from the

From The Editor: Judy Smith

Have you heard about the movie that is being released on March 21st? If you have not, let me tell you about it. The movie is titled God’s Not Dead and the trailer has already been shared over One Million times. God’s Not Dead is about faith and the limits one young man will go to in order to defend his belief in God. A freshman college student, enrolls in a philosophy class taught by a dictatorial professor who demands that all of his students must sign a declaration that “God Is Dead” in order to get a passing grade. The student needs to take this class to meet his academic requirement but he states that he CANNOT do this assignment because of his beliefs. So the professor strikes a bargain: he must defend his position that “God Is Alive” in a series of debates with

the professor in order to stay in the class. If he loses, he flunks. When the student accepts the challenge, he gets more than he bargained for…jeopardizing his faith, his relationships, and even his future. I had the privilege to participate in a screening of this movie. It is not the first movie I had ever screened but it is the first movie that I left believing it was an incredible tool to start conversations with believers and non-believers alike on the existence of God. Not only about what you believe but how to have the strength and courage to stand up for it. To see the trailer or to share it go to www.Godsnotdead.com or find it on Facebook at GodsNotDeadTheMovie . Share it with friends to share with their friends. If you have not heard of it at your church, then share it with them. Since the Census Bureau tells us there are over 317 Million people in the United States, we sure have a lot of sharing to do. One very troubling question faced by parents with children in public education is: Does my child have the freedom at school to live out the values we’ve worked so hard to instill, or will he or she be told that they have to leave their faith at home? We need to understand that much of what our children have been taught, and what we often believe, about religious freedom in public education is not true. If this a concern of yours, you can download a copy of the Student Right Handbook by going to: www.AllianceDefendingFreedon. org/Education. You might be surprised to find that, while attending public school, your child can: • • • •

Pray at school Talk about God in class assignments Start a religious club on campus that receives the same rights and resources as other clubs Freely share his or her faith with other students

And as a parent, you can opt your child out of curriculum that requires the student to violate your family’s religious beliefs. ONE MILLIION….Not nearly enough!

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 3

phie Woman’s Magazine

P.O. Box 1393 22 South Main Ave. Newton, NC 28658 (P) 828-466-0122 (F) 828-466-0124 Editor: Judy Smith Production Manager & Graphic Design: Scott Hansley Sales: Stephanie Daulton Ledford 828-729-8353 stephanie@sophiewomansmagazine.com Tammy Moran 704-996-3316 tammy@sophiewomansmagazine.com Stefanie Hutcheson Executive Assistant stefanie@sophiewomansmagazine.com For General Advertising Inquiries, Please Email Or Call Us At sales@sophiewomansmagazine.com 828-466-0122

A Special Thanks To All Of Our Distributors Please be sure to visit all of our participating advertisers and remember to support area local small businesses. How to place an ad: Call our office at (828)466-0122 and leave a message. One of our sales representatives will return your call as soon as possible. You may also fax material to (828)466-0124. We reserve the right to refuse to run any ad we deem to be controversial or in bad taste. For more information about advertising or to view Sophie Woman’s Magazine online, visit our website at www.sophiewomansmagazine.com.

Message From The Heart......................................pg 3 Reaching Your Full Potential................................pg 6 Sophisticated Women............................................pg 8 The Front Porch......................................................pg 11 In The Midst Of The Mess.................................pg 12 Girlfriends In God................................................pg 15 How To Let Someone Else Have YOUR Way....pg 17 Cover Your Eyes Against A Scary Life.............pg 19 Cancer And The Benefits Of Yoga.....................pg 20 Why Women Build?...........................................pg 22 Storybook Beginnings..........................................pg 24 Me, Myself, & Inc................................................pg 29 Space Planning 101..............................................pg 30 Recipes For Life...................................................pg 33 Eyes That See And Ears That Hear......................pg 34 Shutterbuggerz.....................................................pg 37

*Now Available* SUBSCRIPTIONS

We have been asked by many of our readers to offer a subscription to Sophie Woman’s Magazine. If you would like more information about a subscription, please visit our website at:

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com You can also find more information on page 10 of this issue.

********************************************************** Disclaimer: Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC is published monthly. The articles published in Sophie do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the publisher. All articles are intended for informational purposes only, and none should serve as a substitute for doctor’s advice and orders. Advertisers are solely responsible for the content and validity of information published within their ads and are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher. Deceptive or misleading advertising is not knowingly accepted by the publisher. Advertising is accepted with the understanding that all liability for copyright violations is the sole responsibility of the advertiser. All material submitted for publication is considered to be the sole property of the advertiser. Sophie Woman’s Magazine LLC’s publishers, staff, and other persons involved in the creation, production, or delivery of the magazine (in whatever format) or it’s content, do not assume any liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information provided in the magazine, nor shall they be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages arising out of the use of the magazine. **********************************************************

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It’s Never Too Late!

65+ vendors, various screenings, mobile mammography 65+ Vendors • Various Screenings FREE ADMISSION ~ OPEN TO THE PUBLIC Mammography Unit Provided by Novant Healthwith • unit• Mobile provided by Novant Health, blood drive Wednesday, MarchBlood 26, 2014 10am-3pm • Blood Drive with Community Center of the Carolinas • Community BloodCharles CenterMack of the Carolinas, safe medication • Safe Medication Disposal OnsiteCitizen for Unused Prescription Drugs • Center disposal onsite for unused prescription drugs. “You

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pg 6 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

Several years ago, after being together almost 45 years, my parents separated. The details are their story to tell, but suffice it to say that today they would both be willing to shoulder part of the responsibility for the demise of their relationship. I willingly admit that my hope of restoration between them dwindled as the months apart turned into years... but then the miracle took place. Shortly after they separated, I had two friends visiting from out of town. We invited my mother over for dinner. This was early on and the pain was still very real for both she and my father. My friends asked to pray with her before she left that evening. As she was about to head home, one of my friends told her that they saw a vision of them reuniting. She went on to say that she did not know the day or time, but she encouraged my mother to go home and make a sign bearing the date of that day, 11-07-07. She further instructed her to place the sign in a visible place and keep herself positioned where reconciliation would be a viable possibility. She went home, got a large piece of cardboard and inscribed the day’s date and placed it strategically where she could be reminded of the promise daily. Back in early winter, my parents had gotten together to spend the day. At the end of the day, my father asked my mother if she would consider reconciling their relationship. He specifically instructed her to not answer him at the time, but to take time to pray over her decision. Later that night while home alone, she prayed for God to give her a sign so she would know if this was His desire for their marriage to be restored. This long-awaited day carried with it the weight of the importance of making the right decision. They had no desire to return to their old relationship, but were only willing to move forward if it could be new and fresh. When asking for a sign, she “heard” the word, “Closet”. Not understanding, she asked again, once again hearing the reply, “Closet”. The reply expanded the third time to, “Go into your closet”. Believing God was leading her to go into her closet to pray, she entered only to be faced head on with the SIGN. Hanging there in her closet was the old cardboard sign... it was in that moment that she realized the day’s date. Knowing NOTHING of the SIGN, my father had asked her to reconcile on 11-07-13, exactly six years to the day after they had originally separated. I feel now as if I am watching newly-weds in action. They have

re-united with a mutual desire to EXCEL in their relationship. As Jim Rohn stated in the quote above, “you don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to get started to become great.” What is keeping you from the decision you know you need to make? What is causing you to procrastinate on the change that is needed in your life or in your key relationships? Sometimes, we need a sign... evaluate where you are and compare it to where you desired to be at this point in the year as 2014 began. Are you progressing toward your goals? Have you moved out of those old ways of thinking and living, leaving them behind for the new? My parents are a great reminder of a couple of key realities: 1. Miracles STILL happen! 2. It is NEVER too late to do the right thing. 3. Commitment and compassion may require patience, but they yield far GREATER REWARDS than instant gratification. Start again today... re-assess your life and goals and invite those you love to join you on your quest toward greatness. Write your vision and place it where you can stay committed to it coming to completion... and refuse to give up!

About Kim... Kim Fletcher is the Vision Keeper for Kim Fletcher Associates, a committed team of Professional Life Coaches and Speakers who seek to bring inspiration and lasting strategies for success to their clients world-wide. Kim welcomes your stories and your feedback. Email: Kimfletchercoach@aol.com / www.kimfletcherassociates.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 7

Sophisticated Women... Do Habit Work By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then is not an act but a habit.” -Aristotle Excellence is a habit the world needs. What would our world be like if everyone strived to live at their best? I imagine a world where families are strong. I imagine a world where individuals are energized to action around their ordained gifts. I imagine a world where the healthcare system is not overwhelmed. Unfortunately, we do not live in this world. I can dream! Unfortunately, that won’t be enough. Changing the world begins with you and me. It won’t be a dream that takes us to this fabulous new world. No, it’s a matter of breaking old habits or forming new ones. It’s a matter of choice. It’s my choice. It’s your choice. It’s choice that requires a willingness to think of what is wanted right now or what is wanted later. Let’s join Margaret Mead’s perspective. She stated, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” I believe Margaret. If the world’s habits changed, the world would change. If I am healthier, then health care is only needed for those with illnesses that couldn’t be prevented. If I am doing the work I am called to do, then people are served as I am energized to achieve more than I ever thought possible. If I love greater, serve more and communicate everywhere I go I will have a strong world family. We must believe our individual actions add up collectively. I can’t make other people change. However, I can make a change in my own life. How about you? For me (and I imagine for you too!), that you’d like your relationships to be solid, your life’s work to be fulfilling, and your body to be healthy. Am I right? Ask yourself: What’s working? I can tell you what’s working; Some good habits. I can tell you what’s not working; Some bad habits. It’s really that simple. Change only comes about when we have consciousness about the realities in our behavior. Starting now, begin to work through the habit change exercise. My coaching work has demonstrated that people have three areas of habit work that need attention: time, money, and energy. Habit Work Exercise: • Step One: Choose only one area to work on. Choose to work on either time, money or energy. • Step Two: Look closely at the habits you currently have in place with regard to ONE of these: time, money, or energy. Write out the habits acknowledging the good and the bad. • Step Three: Stop and celebrate the good habit you have around time, money and energy. No one person is completely inept in these areas. Most likely there is a little dark area that needs some light shined on it! So, look to see what you are doing right. The habit of ________ serves my life by providing me with ___________. Because I have instilled this behavior in my life, my life is ____________. Since I started this habit, I have gained ____________ and I have lost ______________.

pg 8 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

Notice how powerful your heart, mind and will were to put this habit in place. Notice that you stood in choice and you have the capacity to choose wisely. Finally, recognize you already have the capacity to do habit work. Awesome, right? • Step Four: Look at the bad habit that you want to change with regard to time, money, or energy. Look closely. What is really going on with this habit? Answer these questions: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

I started this when: I do this when: I feel like _________ after I do this. I’d rather feel like ___________. The behavior that needs to stop is _____________. The behavior that needs to start is _____________.

• Step Five: It’s time to set a goal for thirty days. Write out your goal as a “S.M.A.R.T.” goal. Make it specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time sensitive. • Step Six: Find an accountability partner to help you. Create a daily, YES, daily habit to check in. I suggest that you choose someone who will be impacted by your new behavior. They have ‘skin’ in the game and you’ll feel awesome creating a new habit that gives you and them a better future. Let’s get started! At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to identify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might as well turn them over to me, and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed— you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great women; and alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures. I am not a machine, though, I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for a profit or run me for ruin—it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I?

I am habit. -Anonymous

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Fun Stuff Girls Love!! www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 9

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pg 10 | Sophie Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Magazine | March 2014

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Front The

Porch by Judy Smith

I just want to say that whoever keeps praying for snow…would you please stop. You have heard me talk about where I live and that I absolutely love how beautiful the area is. How wonderful to be so close to town but yet have the feel of living out in the country. Every season brings it’s own gloriously painted landscape. It is no different when it snows. From the porch, looking out at the undisturbed beauty of pure snow, catching a glimpse of the red robin…..I can only say that I wish I could paint. However, getting in and out of our little “peace of Heaven” is, well, most hazardous. Let’s just say you take your life in your own hands. When the winter rain starts falling, we start migrating toward home. Usually, Mama Bear (me) is first and even though all the cubs are married and on their own, I don’t stop pacing till I know all are safely in. I advise them all to make a cup of hot chocolate to warm themselves and then they better darn well stay put! A little bossy, I know, but Mama Bears can’t help it. Once we are in, we are stuck, at least from our viewpoint. Road crews and snowplows never wander our way and we cannot see any of the main roads from where we live. Life may start back up for others but for us, what we have is each other. Not until we have run out of milk and bread and start looking at each other only to see visions of baked chicken, do we begin to panic. How in the world did I not “know” to go to the grocery store? I think I started believing it myself when I kept telling everyone that the weather people didn’t know what they were talking about. Reminds me of a time when I was a young girl and it snowed every Wednesday for at least two months….well, maybe not quite that long. Maybe you have heard this story…… One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, ‘We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today You must park your car on the evennumbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.’ So the wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, ‘We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.’ The wife goes and moves the car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, ‘We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ..........................’ Then the power dies. Now the wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, ‘Norm, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?’ With the love and understanding in his voice that some men who have been married for years exhibit, Norman says, ‘Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?’ Next time they call for snow, I am going to the grocery store!

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 11

In the Midst of the Mess... by Jackie E. Perry, MS, LPCS, NCC

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pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

Growing up in a bilingual home I did not assimilate many common clichés until much later in life. The first time I heard the saying “a place for everything and everything in its place” I was actually married with kids. I was counseling a grumbling teen who was tired of hearing this nagging phrase coming from her mother. I clearly remember the first thought that popped into my mind. “I agree with your mother.” Nonetheless, I dug deep, empathized with the perturbed kid sitting across from me while deep within I totally identified with her mom. I am not ashamed to admit it. I like order. And I am not just talking about spatial order. I like emotional order too. I remember the first time I walked into an IKEA store. I think my gasp was audible when the arrows on floor directed me into the first showroom. Containers, canisters, and crates of every size were neatly placed in every corner of the room. Closet systems and shelves of every size and color neatly displayed these beautiful and surprisingly inexpensive organizational products! This was heaven for someone like me. By the time I toured the entire store I was ready to redo, redesign, and reorganize every single closet and cabinet in my entire home. I realize now that my longing to radically restructure the secret spaces in my home were probably linked to a growing desire to gain order in the midst of the emotional messes that were beginning to increase in my home full of tweens and teens. If you just sarcastically snickered, then good for you. You know that there is nothing that any parent can or really should do to completely rid our homes of either the physical or emotional messes that exist there. In fact, wouldn’t you say that the word “messy” accurately describes just about every teen you’ve ever met? While their backpacks and bedrooms may be completely organized, the reorganization occurring in every aspect of development causes them to be very messy people-both internally and externally. Even though disorder for most of us is undesirable, the messes that happen

in our homes give kids and parents alike plenty of opportunities to prepare everyone for the next season in life. And, even if stores like IKEA could devise something to help minimize relational and physical chaos, anything that contains or conceals these moments rob each of us from what we can all stand to gain from our messy moments with teens. So, what exactly are messy moments? These are the collisions, conflicts and clashes that occur whenever two imperfect people reside together. Since both teens and adults demand that their opinions and perspectives be heard, messy moments happen all the time. They happen in the private spaces as well as the most public places imaginable. They often cause us to feel distressed, demoralized, and disheartened as the mud splatters all around you. While messes differ from family to family, typical scenarios include teens verbally or physically lashing out toward a family member or a friend. Or, teens who are caught engaging in a behavior that is completely inappropriate, destructive, or illegal? Or, even teens that misrepresent or malign a sibling or parent? Because our teens are imperfect and immature, they will surely make mud pies that will do more than mark up a wall. They will surely wound your heart. And nothing you do can completely mop away some of the damage that may occur as you both deal with the aftermath. Instead of trying to figure out a clean-up strategy, perhaps, we are better equipped to sit in the mess, surrender the mop and replace it with the mindset of the Master. His perspective alone allows us to recognize our own needs in the midst of our imperfections. These opportunities allow us to reflect powerful truths that can be used to mold a marvelous relationship with us and possibly with the God who works through us. This mindset helps our kids see that even though I am mom, I am also an imperfect human being. In the midst of the mess our words and actions can say many things like…

• “I am a mess too.” • “I can offer you grace, mercy and forgiveness because He offers it to me.” • “I will lovingly and relentlessly approach you, the creator of the mess, instead of avoiding, dismissing, or disowning you.” • “I can humbly own my own messes and model healthy interpersonal skills in the process.” • “I am not you. You are not me. And that is okay.” There is no formula to this process and no step by step manual exists that can tell you exactly what to do and what to say to your teen in the midst of these murky moments. Instead, this Masterfilled mindset is accompanied by a posture and principles that invite you to remain authoritative yet completely surrendered to a God who is committed to guide you in your relationship with your teen…if you’ll allow Him. This process, indeed, is messy. And though I don’t like disorder, and I can’t stand chaos, I have learned that when we sit in the mess with our teens His love, His grace, His mercy and His forgiveness radically molds something beautiful out of the mud. Jackie E. Perry, MS, LPCS, NCC is a North Carolina Licensed Professional Counselor. For the past 20 years her primary focus has been working with adolescents and families to address a myriad of problems typical of this season in development. Jackie is also a frequent speaker and writer who is passionate about using her experience to equip and encourage parents and professionals through her seminars, articles and blogs. You can follow her weekly blog, LifeGiving Streams, check out her next speaking engagement or learn more about her work at www.jackieperry.net. She is married to John and together they are parenting three teens of their own.

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pg 14 | Sophie Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Magazine | March 2014

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A Fresh Brewed Faith by Gwen Smith

Today’s Truth

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:2931, NIV).

Friend to Friend

Every morning I walk straight to the coffee pot and push the ON button. I’m a total coffee girl. I like a piping-hot, extra dark roast with half and half, and I struggle to function without my first cup of coffee. I crave that first sip and relish the warmth of the mug in my hands. I jokingly call it my “warm, happy friend.” My mornings just wouldn’t be the same without coffee! We should have the same attitude about our faith. We should wake up each morning bursting at the seams to be with God, to be in His presence, to listen for His still small voice, to savor Him. A faith that is brewed fresh daily strengthens us, renews us, and enables us to mount up with wings like eagles, to experience the power of God in our lives, to run and not grow weary, to walk and not faint. This energizing, percolated faith is readily available to all who ask, seek and knock (Matthew 7:7-8). How can you experience this power in your life? By getting alone with God, reading the Bible, and listening for His voice each day. “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17, ESV). Like a morning with no coffee, there are times when we are sluggish in our faith. Times when trusting Him doesn’t come easily. Times when we need a shot of God-caffeine in our day, a spiritual espresso. What can we do at these times? Are there things in the Scriptures that tell us how can we strengthen our trust-muscles and jump-start our faith? Absolutely! One practical way to build your faith is by remembrance. When David was just a shepherd boy, he had courage to face a giant partly because he remembered the previous victories the Lord allowed him to experience. He approached King Saul with great confidence, saying: The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine (1Sam 17:36, NIV). His past victories fueled his faith and helped him to trust God for his present deliverances. Ours do the same. We can face our giants with equal confidence when we pause to remember how God has worked in our past. Corrie Ten Boom said, “Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.”

What has God brought you through in the past? Think on these things, and choose to trust Him to bring you through all you face today and tomorrow. When you trust God with a fresh brewed faith, He will be your Strength, your Sustainer, and your Hiding Place so you can run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Fill up your faith cup right now.

Let’s Pray

Dear God, You have brought me through so many challenging times. Please remind me of Your faithfulness in the past so that I may have a fresh shot of faith that equips me to live today in Your strength. Help me to trust You, and keep me from leaning on my own understanding. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

• Read 1 Samuel 17. • Consider a specific time that God has moved in your life. Grab a journal and write about it, or swing by my blog or my Facebook page and tell me about it! • Pray for God to increase your faith and give you the strength you need for today.

More from the Girlfriends

If you are struggling to see how you can get your faith from sluggish to fresh brewed, be sure to get a copy of our GiG book, Trusting God, A Girlfriends in God Faith Adventure. (This devotion is an excerpt from Trusting God by Sharon Jaynes, Gwen Smith and Mary Southerland.) Gwen’s website is filled with videos, posts, songs and resources that will be a deep well of encouragement to you. Click here to visit her site. (Get a FREE song download when you sign up for her newsletter!)

Seeking God? Girlfriends in God P.O. Box 725 Matthews, NC 28106 info@girlfriendsingod.com www.girlfriendsingod.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 15

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pg 16 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

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How to Let Someone Else Have YOUR Way.... Mastering the New Art of Negotiation Like it or not, you are a negotiator. As a parent, colleague, business partner, teacher and entrepreneur, you are always negotiating. The question is, are you effective? Are you persuasive? Have you mastered the science of influence? You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. The old style of negotiation employed manipulation tactics to gain control. While strategies of influence and persuasion are essential to the process of successful negotiation, business savvy people detect and delete such power plays. Learn how to get to “yes” without giving in, and how to say “no” without losing the relationship or the deal. In their book, Getting to Yes, Fisher and Ury state that conflict is a growth industry. Democracies and dealing with differences have increased conflicts world-wide and thus there is an urgency for all of us to master the “new” art of negotiation as a decision-making process that is based on cooperation, not competition. Whether you are dealing with domestic or business partners, your children or employees, blind obedience fortunately is becoming extinct and giving orders is no longer effective no matter what your power or position may be. To get what you want, you must effectively negotiate. (Your children might be your best teacher!)

By Edie Raether

Recognize emotions as legitimate. It is important to understand emotions, both theirs and yours, for your emotions trigger the response you get. It is important to allow the other person to let off steam. If you become a threat to their identity, all possibilities of an agreement will come to a screeching halt.

Build rapport by respecting the following universal values: • Autonomy: The desire to make your own choices and control your destiny. • Appreciation: The desire to be recognized, respected and treated fairly. • Affiliation: The desire to belong to a selected peer group. • Purpose: The desire to have one’s role and work recognized as meaningful. • Identity: The desire to be seen as lovable, capable and as a good person.

Stay calm and in control. Never react to their emotional outbursts. Slow things down to stay on task and solve the problem. To establish rapport and alignment, acknowledge their anger with the same level of energy, but without negativity. You can then reduce tension by speaking more slowly which will shift the other person to the Alpha brain-wave state which creates a positive mindset and behavior.

Communicate effectively by talking less and learning to listen. Expect some misunderstanding to prevent a breakdown in the problem-solving process. Cultural differences create an even greater challenge. Negotiation is not a debate and thus you can understand the other person without agreeing. To avoid a defensive reaction, always use “I” language when sharing what impact the problem has on you. Often perceived as an attack, the word “you” immediately puts the other person on the defensive. Sometimes less is more and some thoughts are better left unsaid when emotions are high. Disclosing your flexibility may create obstacles to finding agreement so choose your words wisely and speak with purpose.

Change the Game: Do’s and Don’ts of the Negotiation Revolution 1.

Separate people from the problem. Focus on what matters. First recognize that you are dealing with “people” who have emotions and sensitivities, and not obstacles representing the other side. People will become the problem if you don’t first acknowledge the potential people problem. If your child’s bedroom or a shared office is a mess, keep that problem separate from the person. If perceived as a personal attack, the relationship will be lost. The real people problem may be your own. Put yourself in their shoes. Perceptions, not reality, are the problem. Fears, although not based in reality, and hopes that are unrealistic have caused most wars, divorces and bad business deals. Selective attention and biases create and confirm our delusional thinking. We tend to only see the merits of our case and only the faults of the other. How you see the world depends on where you sit and the noise in your head. To be effective, you must “try on” their view to gain an understanding of their perspective and come to an agreement.

Don’t confuse your fears as their intentions. A suspicious interpretation is the result of your perception. When based on your fears, great ideas and creative resolutions are lost in the shadows of doubt. Fear-based perceptions often lead to blaming which is unproductive, even at times when it may be justified. Blaming never has a positive purpose.

Dance with them to dissolve polarity. Invite them to participate in the process to reduce resistance and find common ground. Get them involved immediately to encourage ownership. Ask their advice and don’t take all the credit or you will sabotage potential alignment. Make fair suggestions that support their principles and are in sync with their values. Create options that are facesaving so the other side can maintain a positive self-image and agree with dignity. The process is the product.

Effective negotiation goes beyond the win/win model and simply getting to “yes.” While proper preparation is essential, optimal influence requires improvisation where you continually learn and adapt to their response and the changing circumstances. You may need to alter your approach or your style. Never expect reality to conform to your blueprint, but rather transform your blueprint to adapt to the ever-changing reality. You are continually negotiating how to negotiate and when you don’t see eye-to-eye, together create a third option that only two differing points of view could make possible.

Edie Raether is a Change Strategist, international speaker and world-renowned authority on negotiations, brain-based performance, and pride-inspired motivation. Edie is a coach, consultant, hypnotherapist and a bestselling author with seven books in over a dozen languages. To learn more about the art of negotiation, visit www.raether.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 17

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Cover Your Eyes Against Scary Life

by Connie Davis Johnson The amusement park’s jungle cruise boat captain entertained us with silly jokes and warned us to watch out for the waterspitting elephants. At seven years of age, I was enjoying myself immensely as I sat between my mom and dad in the full boat. However, the captain’s voice suddenly turned serious. He warned we would have to go through a dark cave full of headhunters in order to get back home. There was no other way. The captain shared there was no need to worry since the headhunters mostly attack little blonde-haired girls. This presented a dilemma since I was a little blonde-haired girl who wished to keep her head. I covered my eyes to avoid seeing my fate. However, I realized by covering my eyes with my own hands, I could not see if my dad was still there to protect me. So I covered my eyes with his hand instead. And with that move, I upstaged the captain as our fellow passengers dissolved into laughter. Over the years I have often turned to my dad when I was scared or upset. My dad was always available when I needed him. He would “cover my eyes against the scary” with words of encouragement and promises God would be with me even when he couldn’t. Fast forward 35 years from that jungle boat cruise. A different scary outcome lay ahead. The cave replaced with my parents’ house. The boat for a hospital bed. I longed for my dad to cover my eyes against the “scary,” but his hand lay limp at his side. My dad was dying. Although hospice provided a book to inform us what to expect, living it was much worse than reading about it. Each stage much more horrible than the last. I heard the death rattle in my dad’s chest and throat. Not being able to draw in much breath, he fought for air. The hospice nurses had promised he would feel nothing as he neared the end. However, even though he was sleeping, it seemed to me he was suffering. My every instinct warred within me to help. But I knew there was nothing I could do. He was ready to go so I was forced to helplessly stand and watch. There was no other way home. My dad was about to enter heaven and this was the only way. As I watched my dad take his final breaths in this life, my body

was wracked with sobs. I needed my dad to cover my eyes and encourage me everything would be okay. But he couldn’t. My dad would no longer be here for me to turn to when I was facing something scary. Then I remembered the principle my dad taught every chance he had. My Heavenly Father would always be with me even when my own dad could not. So I turned to God and begged Him to help me get through this horrible scene playing out in front of me. I was reminded of Stephen in the bible who was stoned to death for his faith. Before he took his final breaths, he saw heaven open up before him and saw Jesus standing at God’s right hand. There was no suffering as he took his final breaths and entered heaven. If God could open Stephen’s eyes to heaven and “cover his eyes against the scary,” then He could do the same for my dad. This became my prayer. And I choose to believe it was answered. Just as Stephen died peacefully amidst being stoned, my dad died peacefully amidst straining for breath. And now He does the same for me day by day, moment by moment. God opens my eyes to the knowledge my dad is with Him. Unable to walk in the last 3 years of his life, he now runs the streets of heaven probably playing a pick-up game of basketball with Joseph. He is visiting with his own mom and dad, many other relatives, and the people in the bible he studied much about over the years. These reminders allow God to hold me up with His right hand and “cover my eyes against the scary.” As I continue to travel the “valley of the shadow of death.” He strengthens me, gives me wisdom when I ask, and comforts me. Although my dad’s hand is no longer available to me, God’s hand will always be there. God’s there for you too. What “scary” are you facing? Pick up God’s hand and cover your eyes. Allow Him to hold you with His right hand as He soothes you with words of encouragement and provides strength to face what lay ahead. Trust Him. Connie Davis Johnson Christian Women’s Speaker and Writer ConnieDavisJohnson.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 19

Cancer & the Benefits of Yoga

Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Focus. Stretch. Relax.

sense of well-being, clarity and possibility may be achieved.

Will this help cancer patients? For some individuals, the benefits of yoga may help ease suffering from the pains and stresses of cancer.

Yoga instruction has been offered for breast cancer survivors at various locations such as FryeCare Outpatient Imaging. Katheryn Harlan, herself a breast cancer survivor, became passionate about the cause some years ago after successfully beating the disease. “I have found that the body responds to yoga instruction in amazing ways,” stated Katheryn. “But it’s not just the physical benefits that I notice, I see the men and women that take my class growing psychologically and spiritually as well. These are vital aspects to wellness.”

Yoga is an ancient Indian practice designed to focus on posture and breathing as a way of uniting the mind, body and spirit to further understand one’s inner self. It is used by many as a form of deep relaxation. For some it brings about physical and mental strength. For others, it is a way of pursuing spiritual oneness. Yoga works toward the goal of learning total body control. Postures, breathing techniques and stretching movements help to allow muscles to relax, circulation to improve, tension and anxiety to diminish. The idea is to bring about a feeling of wellbeing and relaxation. It is this idea that causes some to believe that yoga may benefit cancer patients. The American Cancer Society recognizes using yoga as a complementary therapy for those suffering from chronic pain, fatigue and anxiety of the unknown. Stress, especially chronic stress, depletes the body’s natural ability to fight off infection. Relaxation of the mind and body may help to revive and heal the spirit, which may make it easier to manage and confront the sickness. For some patients, yoga helps them how to work with a diseased body instead of hiding from it or surrendering to it. Physical bodies, as weak and frail as they may be, become engaged in the practice, allowing the mind to follow. Focus is on the positive moment being created, not the anxieties of what may be ahead. A

pg 20 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

Katheryn is a 240 RYT (Registered Yoga Teacher) and will complete her 500 RYT in May of this year. She received her training in Yoga of Awareness for Cancer at Duke Integrative Medicine in 2010 and has been teaching yoga to students healing from cancer for the last 7 years. Katheryn was recently recruited to teach Yoga of Awareness for Patients with Metastatic Breast Cancer for a research trial being conducted at Duke University Medical Center. While it is recognized that yoga is not a cure for cancer, it may aid in the quality of life for those suffering from the disease. For more information, or to sign up for yoga at Frye, please call 3153391. In 2013, Frye earned a full designation as a Breast Cancer Center of Excellence from the National Accreditation Program for Breast Centers, which demonstrates its commitment to the highest quality of breast cancer care. Explore the road to recovery with Frye’s accredited Cancer Center at www.fryemedctr.com.

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Confidence… Fabulous friends… Leadership development… Construction skills… Giving back…

Why Women Build? by Jessica Grantham

pg 22 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

These are a few of the reasons I’m involved with Our Towns Habitat (OTH) Women Build program. I began volunteering with OTH about 10 years ago through the company I worked for at the time. Meeting new people, learning new skills and most importantly, seeing the joy on a families face when they cut the ribbon across their door on the day of their home dedication, are the motivations that kept me involved year after year. Working side by side with homeowners, hammering shingles to their roof and seeing their excitement as their home comes to life before them, is an amazing feeling. While there are many different ways to give back to the communities that enrich our lives every day, I’ve always felt that Habitat is one of the few organizations where you can have a hand in creating something, be there to witness the final results and even continue relationships with homeowners over time. Home ownership is the ‘American dream’ and helping others achieve such a huge milestone that they put their own sweat and tears into is very fulfilling. Habitat is truly a ‘hand up’, not a ‘hand out’. What has made the last 7 years of my Habitat experience even more rewarding has been my involvement with the Women Build program. After leaving my former employer, I wanted to figure out a way to stay involved. That’s when someone recommended that I volunteer with the Women Build group. Let’s face it, as strong and confident of a woman as we may like to believe we are, when you have no construction background and show up on a worksite to help build a home, it can be a bit intimidating. While there are many fabulous male Habitat supervisors and volunteers that are always patient and more than willing to help, there is just something about being surrounded by a group of strong females that helps give you confidence to do things you’ve never done before. It is hard to put into words why this is, perhaps it’s the approach to organizing and teaching, or the attention to detail, that we tend to share as females. Or just seeing other women who are so confident in what they do making it seem easy

and achievable, and who are willing to help us fix our mistakes. Whatever it is, it’s contagious; it’s our Habitude. I’ve seen Habitude spread to women of all walks of life; that’s what makes it so special. It doesn’t matter what your background is, how much money you have, how old you are or what level of construction skills you have….if you walk onto a Women Build worksite, we will find you a task you are comfortable doing (or teach you to be comfortable doing it) and build friendships along the way. The confidence and leaderships skills I’ve developed by volunteering for Women Build over the last several years are what led me to say ‘yes’ when the previous program leader asked if I’d be willing to take the ‘toolbelt’ from her and be the lead volunteer for the program. Beyond the fact that I now have my own ‘fancy’ tool belt and the confidence to fix things around my own home, I have met and developed long lasting friendships with some of the greatest women I know through Habitat. I can easily say I’ve gained so much more than I’ve given to Women Build during my years of volunteering. One of my favorite things is to get an email or call from someone who has heard about the program and wants to get more involved. Not only do I continue to volunteer to give back to those working so hard to achieve their dream of home ownership, I also do it because I love seeing new volunteers walk onto the worksite feeling a bit nervous and out of place and walk away at the end of the day with a spring

of confidence in their step, going back into the community to spread their own Habitude. It’s paying it forward, spreading the Habitude, and it fills my heart every time. That’s why Women Build is important to me. Women Build is a program of Our Towns Habitat for Humanity, which was founded in 1988 as an independent affiliate of Habitat for Humanity International. Our Towns Habitat provides decent and affordable homes for families in Mooresville, Davidson, Cornelius and Huntersville. The next Women Build will begin in May. Please contact us to learn how you can get involved at www. ourtownshabitat.org or 704-896-8957.

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 23

Planning the Perfect Reception by Mackey S. Carpenter

One of the major decisions you will make while planning your

wedding concerns the food. And whether it’s going to be BBQ or filet mignon, hors d’oeuvres or a sit-down dinner, it takes planning. Lots of planning. Here are some tidbits to get you started. 1. If your reception is on-site, ask to see everything, even the kitchen. Unless an event is going on at the time, there is no reason they can’t show it to you. Keep in mind that some private venues may not be inspected by the health department. So you need to see if the kitchen has updated equipment, ample prep space and is reasonably organized. And the floor should be really clean. If they say they haven’t had time to clean since the last event or ask you to come back later, leave quickly. And beware if you see appliances like you would use in your home kitchen. 2. Sniff when you walk into the venue. Does it smell clean and fresh or musty and stale? If it’s the latter, it probably hasn’t been cleaned in a while. Look to see if the carpet is full of stains, the chairs are dusty or if there are cobwebs in the corners. Also check around for insect activity.

Sophie Woman’s Magazine

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pg 24 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

3. Ask the person in charge of the venue if they will be there that day? If not, ask that the one who will be present at your meetings. That way there will be no lack of communication. Also you want to make sure that the staff is insured and bonded. This is important for the safety of your guests. 4. Ask to make sure the staff working your event is dressed properly for the occasion, even if it’s a buffet service. If they’re going to be seen at all, the one in charge of the venue should know this. They should dress appropriately for the theme of the event. 5. If the event is off-site, meet the caterer there. And probably more than once, even if they are familiar with the venue. Get a list of what they are responsible for and what they are not. Do the same with the one in charge of the venue, even down to the spoons, forks and knives. Compare lists and see the difference. You don’t want the caterer to drop off food and have no one there to serve it. Also, make sure you know which one is supplying tables, linens, etc. And that there is space allowed for the DJ or band.

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6. Find out the price per person, and what is included with that price. Most caterers won’t give a final price if the event is more than 3 months away. Food prices do change and when everything is being finalized, you want a guarantee in writing of the final charges. And that there will be enough food for your guests to go through the line at least once. Allow for extra guests, and tell the caterer not to disassemble the food line until they are sure that all the guests have been served. Make sure there are going to be table(s) set aside for the bridal party. 7. I can’t stress enough the importance of getting a contract from not just the caterer, but from all the vendors involved in your wedding. It would be nice to think that you could take someone’s word on how things are going to be done, but that ship has sailed. Ask family and friends who have married recently about recommendations. 8. If you don’t have a wedding planner, put someone in charge of tipping the staff. The charge that most caterers add to your bill is not meant as a tip for the staff. Although this can be added to your bill, it is better to do it separately. That way the staff will feel that their work has been appreciated. Mackey S. Carpenter www.mscdesigns.net www.lovemybrides.net

Andrew Rostan &

Hailey Earp

Hailey Earp and Andrew Rostan of Hickory, NC became happily engaged on December 18, 2013 at the Biltmore Estates in Asheville. Hailey is the daughter of Stephanie and Todd Earp. Andrew is the son of Jim and Gayle Rostan. Hailey just graduated from University of North Carolina Wilmington with a degree in Communication Studies in December of 2013. Andrew currently works at Fitness Plus as a Personal Trainer. They are to be married in the Spring of 2015 and plan to live happily ever after in Hickory, NC.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 25

Brandon David Rufty

Mandy Regina Hardwick

Mr. and Mrs. Bobby Hardwick of Newton, NC announce the engagement of their daughter Mandy Regina Hardwick to Brandon David Rufty, son of Garry and Tina Rufty of Newton, NC. Mandy works as a Surgical Technologist at CaraMont Health in Gastonia and Brandon works as a Screen Printer at ASR Graphics in Maiden NC. They are to be wed on June 14th 2014 at Rock Barn Country Club.

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pg 26 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

When Love Looks Like Toilet Paper by Kate Motaung printed with permission

It’s the morning after Valentine’s Day, and some single women and even couples are waking up with the lingering hangover of disappointment, crumpled tissues littering the floor next to the bed and swollen eye bags greeting them in the bathroom mirror.

might show the extent of their love by scouring the aisles of the grocery store for the right brand of toilet paper after working late on a Friday night in the middle of a freezing cold winter. The world will tell us that love looks like chocolate and roses. Ann Voskamp eloquently reminds us that sometimes love looks like a sagging mattress that meets in the middle. Lisa-Jo Baker would be quick to say that love doesn’t always run through the airport.

But it’s not only the single ladies waking up to a clouded dawn of disappointment. A handful of wives threw away all hopes of a romantic evening with the middle-of-the-night dirty diaper.

God says that husbands ought to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ did not show His love for His bride with chocolate and scattered rose petals. He demonstrated His love through the ultimate sacrifice — Himself.

This year was my tenth married Valentine’s Day, and per my request, I opted to spend it at home with a few single girls from church. My husband was laboring late into the night, and would only get home after the kids had to be tucked into bed.

Men who love Christ and seek to imitate Him will go beyond the champagne and candles. They will show their love by imitating their Master, who laid down His life for His bride. And sometimes that looks a lot like buying toilet paper.

As we sat around the table laughing and playing games, my attention kept shifting to my watch, as the minutes ticked later and later into the darkness. Eventually I picked up the phone to call my husband, as I expected him to be home much sooner from work. Much to my surprise, he was at the store, looking for the toilet paper I had asked him to buy. Husbands who love their wives like Christ loves the Church might take their brides out for a candlelight dinner. But they

Morgan Williams & Rachel Monroe

Kate Motaung is the wife of a South African pastor and homeschooling mom of three. She has contributed to Ungrind, Radiant Magazine, (in) Courage, StartMarriageRight.com, Thriving Family, MOPS and Young Disciple magazine. You can read more from Kate at her blog, Heading Home or on Twitter @k8motaung

Will and Pam Monroe of Sherrills Ford, announce the engagement of their daughter, Rachel Monroe, of Conover, to Morgan Williams of Hickory, son of Terry and Pam Williams of Hickory. The bride-to-be graduated from Fred T. Foard high school in 2004, UNC-Charlotte in 2008, and earned her Masters in Reading Education from Appalachian State University in 2011. She is currently a teacher in the Catawba County School system. The groomto be graduated from Fred. T. Foard in 2005 and UNC-Charlotte in 2009. He is currently employed with Catawba County Schools as a Health and Environmental Coordinator. Rachel and Morgan were high school sweethearts and remained best friends for many years. Morgan proposed at Hart Square on October 20th, 2013. They are very excited to spend their lives together and are planning a wedding for May 10th, 2014 at Cline Farm in Lincolnton, NC.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 27

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Is that “lost hour” enlightening you? I recently discovered a fabulous quote by Tom Hopkins, a success guru, who stated, “Today, you have 100% of your life left.” Think about this for a moment. Yes, every minute counts, but too often we allow life to dictate how our time is spent instead of embracing each moment with guarded intention and impassioned focus on the things that matter the most to us personally. Whenever the Daylight Savings time change in Spring would roll around, I would always feel cheated, as if an hour of my life was being taken away because of moving time ahead an hour. On the other hand, in the Fall, I would feel like I was given an extra hour. Do you feel the same way? I still view the hour in Fall as a gift, but now I also view the Spring time change as a gift as well. It reminds me to assess how I am doing at keeping my priorities straight in how I am spending my time.

Vitality Time: How are you physically nourishing your body with what you eat and with activities that enhance your fitness and overall wellbeing. Are you caught up in the “should” mentality, knowing getting some exercise or eating more healthily is better for your vitality, yet not taking the time or making the time? According to a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, small intervals of 10 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercise has the same impact as 30 minutes of the same activity. Breaking that 30 minutes up into chunks is not only more doable, but also raises your metabolism for a steadier amount of time. So, as Nike says, just do it!

Consider reflecting on the following areas when you Spring Forward your clock this year:

Passion Time: You’ve heard me talk about passion before in previous columns. The power of enjoying what you are passionate about can truly be the spark that helps you make more enriching and empowering decisions with how you use you time each and every day. Make a list of things that you are passionate about enjoying and build that passion time back into your life. Start with setting aside 10 minutes a day, then 15 minutes, and then 30 minutes to passionately lose yourself in something you simply love doing or experiencing.

Relationship Time: Are you fully enjoying the relationships that you want to be enjoying? Are you spending the amount of time you would like to be spending with the people who are most important to you? Are you feeling nourished, nurtured and invigorated during the time you spend with the different people in your life right now? If not, how can you shift your use of time to enjoy your relationships more?

I now consider the Sundays of the “Spring Forward” and “Fall Back” time changes as personal holidays, and look forward to each one. In the Spring, I focus on realigning, if necessary, or celebrating if I have stayed amazingly on track. In the Fall, I do another check-up, but add the treat of scheduling something just for me to use that wonderful hour that feels like a gift.

Energizing Time: Are you allowing time for yourself that you find energizing and rejuvenating? Vacation time? Relaxing time? Play time? Laughter time? Off-the-clock time? If you are feeling more drained each day than invigorated, chances are you are not honoring yourself with time to simply enjoy. There is a reason “laughter is the best medicine” and feeling joy in some special way helps you become more centered and energized. Laughter and feelings of joy have been documented to reduce physical tension, increase your immune system and infectionfighting antibodies, increase blood flow and promote relaxation. As a result, a new craze is laughter yoga classes.

What you will probably find, should you decide to make this month’s time change your own reflective personal holiday, is that where you need re-alignment the most is in how you are nurturing and enriching yourself. Use this time change to spring you forward with re-aligned excitement for your own wellbeing.

Brainpower Time: How are you stimulating your mind on a regular basis? What have you learned new lately to grow in your knowledge or insight about your work, yourself, the world, your community or about others? How are you challenging your brain to function outside of your normal everyday activities? Enhancing your brain power is not just an analytical activity. I recently learned that juggling as an activity is a good brain enhancer. Another interesting brain enhancer is doing something the opposite way you normally do it like brushing your teeth with the opposite hand or not taking the same route to a common destination. By doing the unexpected, you are making your brain more alert versus operating in autopilot.

Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing. An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must-reads.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 29

Space Planning 101 A Lesson in Furniture Arranging

by Susan Guest, ASID

furniture plan is the user of space. For instance, if you have small children who crawl on the floor and climb, you might omit the coffee table in the family room and have a large place for them to play in the center of the room. In a large living room where you entertain a lot, you might have two or more groupings of seatingmore like a hotel lobby.

I recently worked with some architectural students at CVCC on furniture placement in both commercial and residential settings. It was so much fun working with these bright and talented students and seeing the vision behind their projects. It was also nice to be able to use my art and design knowledge to offer suggestions to improve their spaces. Furniture arranging comes fairly easy to me since I’ve been doing it professionally for 2 years. (Just kidding, it has been 28 years). Some spaces are easy and some are difficult because of round walls or odd traffic patterns. Whether you are planning on rearranging your current furniture or starting over with new pieces, these are some hints that might help. •

•

Scaled Drawing- you can scale your room on grid paper where one foot is one grid. This helps you see an overhead view of your space. Some furniture companies have an area on their website where you can do a floorplan on your computer. Also, I’m sure there is an app for that! If you are not a visual person, you can either move your furniture around manually or make paper footprints of your pieces from craft paper and place them on the floor. Traffic Pattern- The most important thing when placing furniture is having a large enough pathway to move easily and safely through a space. I usually like to have three feet for major traffic lanesenough to get a wheelchair through. Also for clumsy people like me who frantically run through the house, make sure that they can get through in record time. In case of fire, have an action plan of escape and enough room to maneuver the space quickly. Work Triangle-in a kitchen, you should have a work triangle. This represents the most efficient way to work in your kitchen between major appliances such as the sink, refridgerator, and cook top. In some homes, the work triangle might include the microwave and wine rack! The maximum feet when you add all the sides of the triangle between the major appliances should be between 13 and 26 feet. Anymore, and you are not as efficient when you are preparing a meal. If you have a large kitchen with one or two islands and several sinks or prep sinks, you need more than one work triangle. End User- Another very important point to consider in your

pg 30 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

•

Focal Point- Technically, there should be only one focal point in a room. That is the point where your eye goes first when you enter the space. The old rule was that the fire place was the focal point. If there was no fire place, the focal point might be a window with a gorgeous view. Now, it is harder to determine a focal point because of large TVs that are out in the open. Many people no longer want to hide their widescreen wonder behind doors. It is easy to have a focal point if the TV is placed over the fireplace. If not, you can have the TV on an adjacent wall or close to the fireplace, and arrange your furniture to pay homage to both focal points. In a commercial space, the best focal point when someone enters your front entrance is a sign with your logo. Some fancier lobbies might have a water wall with the logo in the center or a wall of fame with awards and pictures of service projects and other things that represent the company.

•

Balance- Every space should feel balanced. This does not mean that it has to be symmetrical, but the furniture should feel like it is not heavier on one side of the room than another. If you have a tall piece on one side, such as an armoire or tall cabinet, you can balance the other side with more pieces or a tall mirror or art. The room should not look like an earthquake caused everything to slide to one side.

•

Avoid Lining the Walls- One of my pet peeves is lining the walls with furniture and having nothing in the center of the room. Try putting your sofa and chairs in the center of the room in a grouping with a rug underneath to tie them together.

•

Bedrooms- One question that came up in my time at CVCC, was if it is acceptable to put a bed in front of a window. I answered with my usual “It depends”. Of course, you don’t want to have the back of a bed showing from the outside of the house or blocking all the light. However, sometimes the best place to have the bed is under the window. Also in a bedroom, I like to have a bench, chair, or some place to put on shoes.

Hope these tips have helped you in your furniture arranging! There are always rooms that are ultra challenging. If you get stuck, call a professional for help. Susan Guest, ASID is an award-winning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. President of ASID Carolinas. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.

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CAT

Recipes for ife

Why do we sometimes feel compelled to improve things that don’t need improving? Perhaps our human nature mistakenly thinks constant tweaking will create flawlessness. While most items indeed require adjustments in order to achieve top quality, absolute perfection rests in God alone. Yet sadly we often seek to improve God’s design for the church. Determining we “need” certain material goods, specific staffing, programs that meet every possible demand, and more, easily we can lose sight of God’s best. Granted we should represent Christ with excellence. The question is, in what ways?

Food for the Body Banana Muffins

(Adapted from Mrs. Isaac Plank’s recipe, Montezuma Amish Mennonite Cookbook, pg. 12)

Feeding on God’s Holy Word, fellowshipping with one another, praying together, and remembering Christ’s sacrifice by taking the Lord’s Supper formed early church activity. Jesus’ identity as the Christ resolutely was proclaimed, and the Apostle Paul distinctly instructed the preaching of God’s Word. All of these aspects remain essential today.

3 bananas 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp. baking soda ¾ tsp. salt 1 tsp. baking powder ½ cup canola or vegetable oil 2 eggs

Simplicity. The early church existed and operated in simplicity. Neither a program nor production, it consisted of God’s people enjoying Him and one another. In fact, church IS God’s people—not a physical structure. Masterfully, creatively, purposefully God joins living “stones,” Christians themselves. 1 Peter 2:5 clarifies, “you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” Incredibly God unites His people so we might worship Him through His Son, Jesus.

• Mash bananas in a large bowl and add sugar, stirring until thoroughly mixed. • In a small bowl, combine dry ingredients. Set aside. • Whisk oil and eggs together in measuring glass. • Add the dry mixture and the oil mixture to banana/sugar combination. Stir just until completely blended. • Spoon batter into a greased muffin tin and bake 12-15 minutes on 350 degrees. • Allow muffins to slightly cool in tin, then remove and place on a plate.

Honestly we sometimes grow weary of church activity. Perhaps we should reevaluate how we’re involved and ensure it’s truly what God specifies as essential. Unequivocally we don’t need to improve on God’s design by adding what we deem necessary. When we merely follow God’s plan for the church, we’ll find spiritual nourishment and genuine relationship. Delightedly we’ll experience refreshment, joy, the power of the Holy Spirit, and peace.

by Emily Wickham

Yield: 1 ½ dozen

A Prayer for God’s Blessing Father in Heaven, You are the ultimate Designer and perfect Planner. Despite Your matchless capabilities, I’ve desired periodically to insert my own expertise based on my wants rather than needs. Thank You for patiently revealing Your truth and ways that I might mature spiritually. Please teach me always to pursue Your purposes for the church so Your kingdom can flourish more abundantly. In Jesus’ beloved name, Amen.

Food for the Soul Recently I searched online for a better banana muffin recipe. Thinking I’d discovered an especially scrumptious version, I promptly mixed the batter and baked. Smiling as I served my family, I eagerly awaited their response. Strongly one son voiced displeasure. Absolutely he didn’t approve. The force of his negative reaction surprised me a little—especially because he’s particularly easygoing. But in his opinion, I’d failed big time by changing something he already enjoyed. As T. Bert Lance quipped, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

• “And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” Acts 2:42, NASB • “And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.” Acts 5:42 • “I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word…” 2 Timothy 4:1-2

When we sense the urge to improve our local congregation, let’s adhere to these basics. Perfectly God already has coordinated all we need: • • • •

Feeding on God’s Word Fellowshipping with one another Taking the Lord’s Supper Praying together

Practicing these activities with excellence promises satisfaction and strengthens us to share the Gospel with the world. Most importantly, God is glorified in and through us, the church. Until next time, that’s a Recipe for Life … Emily Wickham gently reaches women’s hearts as she teaches God’s Word. Through various writing endeavors, she encourages readers into ! close relationship with God. Additionally she hosts and speaks at the Connecting with Christ Conference. Visit www.proclaiminghimtowomen.com to read Emily’s blog devotions and to learn more about life in Christ. Connect with Emily on Facebook at www.facebook.com/emilywickham.author. Please contact Emily about speaking at women’s events such as retreats, luncheons, and conferences by e-mailing emily@proclaiminghimtowomen. com. Emily, who is grateful to God for His blessings, enjoys life with her wonderful husband and their four treasured children in western NC.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 33

Eyes That SEE and Ears That HEAR by: Lion Sylvia English

Have you ever walked into a pitch black room or tried to hear someone in a very noisy place? If you have then you have experienced just a small taste of what the blind and deaf live with on a daily basis. We see the blind and visually impaired, VIP, on the streets or in a restaurant with their white canes or Leader dogs. If you are anything like me you are amazed at their ability to maneuver around with such apparent ease. Or have you witnessed the deaf or hard of hearing carrying a conversation using The American Sign language? I have said many times “ I need to learn this” after all my daughter taught my grand daughters before they could even speak to sign. In the world of the sighted and hearing individuals these people stand out. I personally appreciate the ability that they have to function so well despite their disabilities. Unfortunately as we all age, I am 63, our ability to handle everyday issues decrease, and so do theirs, only magnified. Having a safe and secure place to walk, exercise, shop, dine and even meet our friends socially is something we all want for our lives. Retirement homes for the aging population are abundant, but what I didn’t realize until recently, is that in the whole United States there exist only eleven retirement facilities expressly for the Deaf and Blind. Here is the exciting news!!! There is a retirement facility for the deaf and blind that will be owned and operated by them being built in Morganton, NC. This will make number twelve in the United States. Currently the North Carolina School for the Deaf Foundation is working with the town of Morganton to make this happen. It is their hope to begin work by the end of this year and none to soon as they have had requests from people in Texas and Arizona about living here. I know that statistics are boring but I was floored to see the following. According to the American Federation of the Blind, at the 2012 census there were 238,068 blind and VIP men, women, and children in North

pg 34 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | March 2014

Carolina alone, and from the Hearing Loss Association of North Carolina, 10% of the population is either deaf or hard of hearing. (references below). As with any project of this magnitude hurdles must be surmounted. Funding for this is private donations, grants and through fund raisers. To maintain this retirement residence just for the deaf and blind it is necessary to do it this way. On March 13th we have the opportunity to help raise these funds. A benefit concert featuring The Tams and MC’d by Milton Bullock of The Platters will be taking place in Morganton at Comma, (City of Morganton Municipal Auditorium) located on 401 S. College Street. The music will be high energy and a dance floor will be provided for all of the shaggers and want to be shaggers, such as myself, to show your style. There will also be signing provided so that the deaf and hearing impaired will be able to enjoy it also. Our blind friends can enjoy the high energy music and feel the excitement of the crowd around them too.

Tax deductible tickets can be purchased. For information about that or If you have any question please contact Doug Shaw, email: dsnc1230@aol.com or 828-368-2256 SEE YOU THERE !!! 1) www.afb.org/info/blindness-statistics 2) www.hearingloss.org/article_demographics

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