Fall 2017 Issue Speak Woman Magazine

Time to FALL in love

Fall is great time to reflect on our accomplishments so far this year and set goals for the upcoming year.

It is easy to focus on the negative… what we could’ve, would’ve, should’ve done. Instead I urge you to love on yourself! Appreciate and celebrate the small and large accomplishments and set future goals.

Love is powerful, so I dare you to love YOURSELF!!

Be Blessed, Shanda Campbell Founder of Speak Woman

Empowerment

is encouraging someone by my testimony and my actions that they too can overcome any obstacle or opposition that is set before them! Instilling in them hope, positivity and showing them that they have the power to be successful no matter what!!”

LaShawn McLemore

Woman To Watch

LaShawn Denise McLemore of Dayton, Ohio grew up a preacher’s kid who began singing and playing the drums at the age of 8. She would later become an Associate Minister, National Recording Artist, Founder Anointed2Dance Ministries, and Author of “From the Prison to the Palace”!

After her release from Prison in 2005, she obtained her Criminal Justice degree. Her mission in life is to empower those that have made mistakes, to give them hope that your past doesn’t define who you are!!

It is strength and it is confidence, something we can give to others, and to ourselves. I love the ability to empower others, but empowering myself takes priority. Keep uplifting others, but also make time for you. Affirm yourself. Give yourself permission. Give yourself the power. And, you will find that your own empowerment will empower others.”

Laneshia Lamb is a writer, coach and discovery enthusiast; she prides herself on helping others identify and share their voices. A writer since the age of 5, her childhood is where she discovered her own.

Laneshia creates web content, offers ghost writing services, and contributes to several online platforms. Her educational background in Finance and work experience as a manager has given her a broad base from which to create topics and curate relatable online content. Connect with her by visiting www.laneshialamb.com

“Empowerment is precisely it's root word, POWER!

Laneshia Lamb

Domestic Violence Warning Signs

Shanda Campbell

When most people think of domestic violence they picture an angry monster. Someone who is always mean, constantly screaming, and physically abusive. This picture leads most to believe that domestic violence victims are ‘weak’for even beginning a relationship with their abuser. The truth of the matter is that there is a domestic violence cycle (tension, violence, honeymoon, calm). Many domestic violence victims have many fond memories of their abuser before and after the act of abuse. Domestic Violence does not occur because the victim is weak, uneducated, or any other negative adjective. Domestic violence can happen to anyone; it can be physical, psychological, emotional, sexual, and/or financial.

While the physical signs of abuse may be most obvious there are many victims who suffer severely with unseen scars. Victims often recall the abuse beginning with hurtful words, and controlling actions. This destroys one’s self-worth and often leads to depression, and anxiety. Before you know it you are in too deep and feel as if there is no way out. If you or someone you know is in a toxic relationship and need assistance contact Artemis Center 24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline at (937) 461-HELP(4357) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) they can assist in preventing, identifying, and/or safely exiting a toxic relationship. Here are some "red flags" that serve as warnings that abuse may occur: Does your partner:

 Humiliate, or yell at you?

 Put you down or diminish your opinions or accomplishments?

 Blame you for their controlling and abusive behavior?

 Treat you as property?

 Have an unpredictable temper?

 Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?

 Threaten to harm family/friends?

 Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

 Force you to have sex?

 Destroy items that are important to you?

 Act excessively jealous and possessive?

 Control where you go, who you are with, or what you do?

 Keep you from seeing your friends or family?

 Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

 Constantly check up on you?

 Make you feel afraid, emotionally numb, and/or helpless

If you answer yes to any of these questions call National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Chandi Rae

“Empowerment is the ability to find your strength in your weakest moments. I have been empowered through the pain I've overcome in my life. The power I possessed was revealed when I chose to make a mental shift. Empowerment starts with knowing who you are from the inside out.”

Chandi Rae is a native of Indianapolis, Indiana and a self-made entrepreneur with two decades in the beauty industry as a managing cosmetologist.

She accredits her innovative trailblazing nature to her experience as an "Army Brat" where she lived amongst diverse cultures in Europe.

Chandi's passion for personal development has taken root as she is inspiring others to tell their story and live the life of their dreams through her companies Edge Luxe Image Consulting LLC, Vanish Board™ Workshop, Image Is Inside Out™ Women's Empowerment, virtual coaching, and A Grown Conversation™ Talk Show.

Her mission is to change negative self-perceptions!

www: chandirae.com

Love; the greatest feeling- loss of love; the worst feeling.

Dawn Montgomery; the widow of the Legendary Producer “Moe Beats”; Mr. Moses Montgomery, and Malika Austin the widow of one half of the Legendary “Funkenstyne” and “Darkhorse” Production duo “Stephano”; Mr. Mike Austin know the feeling of loss.

Both women lost their husbands to cancer. So, what happens when you lose the love of your life? How do you keep the musc playing and find the strength to keep going? These women share their stories of love and loss for the first time publicly

Tell us about your love story.

Dawn Montgomery: Moe and I were actually good friends before we ever dated. We first crossed each other’s paths when I was managing a local artist, and we discussed the music business. We always liked to say that Hip Hop brought us together. I called him my best friend before I ever called him my boyfriend, fiancé, or husband. We had both been through a lot on the romantic side of things and swore we didn’t want a relationship, but God knew better. We basically could not resist getting closer, and then crossing that friendship line. It took for me to have a health crisis for us to finally admit how serious we were.

Malika Austin: Wow! Where do I began?

From the first time we saw each other it was a love story. He was my everything and I was his!! God blessed us with each other because he knew we were ready for love. I asked God for him, and my promise was that I would take care of him no matter what; for better or worse and I did exactly that.

Tell us about the proposal & wedding.

DM: Well, the first time Moe asked me to marry him was completely spur of the moment. He didn’t get down on one knee, he didn’t have a ring yet, but it was on his heart so

he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and asked if I wanted the same. We were actually at the Cedar Point water park in the lazy river of all places. We were so relaxed and happy, and out of his mouth it came. It was probably a year later before we decided to go ring shopping. We decided to get him an engagement ring as well. It has faith inscribed inside it, and I haven’t taken if off of my necklace since the day in ICU that they had to take it off of him. It will always be a symbol of our love and faith, and when I’m at my worst I hold on to it.

We chose to get married in the same church as my grandparents on Moe’s parents wedding day. We loved and admired their marriages so much. The wedding was beautiful, if I do say so myself.

MA: Mike and I picked out my ring together, so there was no surprise. He said I had to wait until the right time for him to propose. We didn't have a wedding we just went down to the City County Building and got married. It was so funny because I got really nervous and he said “Why are you nervous? I’m not going anywhere I’m right here with you for life”. On March 11, 2011, I married my best friend… Thee Michael Angelo Austin.

Nikki Webb

How did you learn that something was wrong ?

DM: It started with what we thought was a severe toothache. Even the dentist thought it was an abscess. After the fourth round of antibiotics, the dentist was out of options and sent us to the emergency room. There, we got the shock of our life. They did a CT scan that indicated that it was a tumor in his jaw. We were devastated. We saw an ENT doctor the next day, and she said that she did not believe it was cancer because of how rapidly it had developed. She referred us to the James Cancer Hospital at OSU for what she believed would be an extensive surgery to remove a benign rapidly-growing tumor. So up to OSU we went, where we received the bad news. Squamous cell carcinoma, or head and neck cancer. Still, the prognosis was hopeful. The doctor scheduled us for surgery and ordered a PET scan. When we received the PET scan results, the entire outlook changed. Moe had numerous spots of cancer on his lungs. It was then that the doctor told us that Moe’s cancer was “incurable”. Incurable is a nice way of saying fatal.

MA: I knew something wasn't right while we were living in Georgia and he kept hurting his foot, it seemed at the time, without even moving it. He also had dramatic weight loss. He would be laid up in the bed for weeks at a time, and he just kept saying “It might be Gout don’t worry about it”. He said he “would be fine just needed to rest”. So, when we went to Detroit to take care of some business concerning my father after he passed away November 2015, I just started noticing that he wasn't walking like he used to, it got to the point that my baby stopped being able to walk due to the excruciating pain he was in.

Tell us about the feelings and emotions and how you dealt with them.

DM: We were completely devastated. We absolutely could not accept that cancer was going to take Moe’s life. We instantly decided to fight it in every way we could. Moe asked for the strongest treatment possible, as soon as possible. He literally said, “Bring it on, I’m ready to fight”! So we started three different types of chemotherapy simultaneously the next week. Moe and I had always been extremely close and supportive of each other, but this made us closer. Nothing was left unspoken. It was a horrible time, but our love provided comfort for us both. We relied on our faith in God and our faith in each other. We prayed together, daily and often. I researched cases in which patients beat so-called “incurable” cancer. We went to Cleveland Clinic for a second opinion. We got on lists for clinical trials. We both started on a specialized “anti-cancer” diet of all whole foods, full of cancer-fighting fruits and vegetables. We found so much joy in preparing those meals together. “Made with love,” as Moe would put it. We never gave up hope or faith in God.

MA: The first emotion was sadness and wondering how was I going to handle it. I just tried to keep him as comfortable as I could. When the doctors came in the room and told us that he had stage 4 colon and liver cancer we grabbed hands, I looked at him and he looked at me and I told him “no matter what I’m with you baby until the end”, he looked at me and started crying while we were holding hands, and said, “I just don’t want ya’ll to forget about me”. I said, “baby how on earth can I forget about my best friend in the whole wide world?” We cried, and so did the doctors that were in the room.

Cont. Keeping The Music Playing

Tell us about the day he passed.

DM: I found myself in a position that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Moe was in ICU on a ventilator. He was completely unresponsive. The doctors were pressuring me to make the decision to take him off life support. I didn’t know what to do. In my heart, I felt that he was no longer in his body. I felt him there, but not attached to his body. But still, making that decision was unbearable. Every time I left his hospital room my phone would jump to our text conversation. Moe had been on a ventilator for 12 days, unable to text, so our text conversation was pushed all the way down below all the texts of many people checking on him. I felt his texts showing up was his way of showing me that he was free of the body that had caused him so much pain. So early on May 8th I made the decision to have the ventilator turned off at 9pm. I wanted to change my mind. The doctors said that it may not make a difference anyway because he may pass away on his own at any time.

It turns out the doctors were correct. That evening, Moe’s blood pressure continued to drop and his breathing slowed. Our children, myself, and some other family members were in the room. When he was taking his last breath, I put my forehead up against his and put my hands on his cheeks. I talked him through his final breaths. I told him to go to God. I told him it was time for his reward. That’s how he had helped me cope with the loss of my grandparents. He would say that they had lived a good life, and that it was time for their reward. So that’s why I told him it was time for his reward, because he is one of the best men that I have ever known.

When he was gone, I whispered to him. I said, “Thank you baby, for not making me make that awful decision.” I don’t think I could have told those doctors to turn the machine off. It would have just hurt too badly, but Moe made it so that I didn’t have to.

MA: Mike passed away in the morning about an hour before I woke up. He was still warm to the touch and I could tell that he was fighting to stay here with me because he had dried up tears stains on his face. I got up, turned on the light and got confirmation that God had called him home. I said to him “Baby you’re free! Now, you can fly”!!!!

Tell us how you are coping?

DM: Grief is a journey. It’s mostly ugly and deeply painful, but there are small amounts of beauty. Some people say I am strong. They’re wrong. I have to keep going, for my two wonderful children. There is no replacement for Moe. Since he is not here in the flesh we feel a gaping hole in our lives. We want to make him proud. On the good days, I can focus on that and smile just a bit. Unfortunately, there are more bad days than good, and on those days it is difficult to accomplish even the smallest things. Keeping the studio running is difficult. Some days I don’t know if it’s me keeping the studio going, or the studio keeping me going; either way, it’s all for the best.

MA: I’m doing great! I have my moments, but for the most part I’m ok. I just think about all the things that we talked about. We talked about making it happen no matter what, so I am taking action.

What advice would give to other women who cope with losing a spouse?

DM: The advice I’ve been given is to be kind to yourself. Losing your spouse is such an unbelievable shock to your system. It becomes so hard to do the simplest things. You can’t focus mentally, you can’t remember things, and you’re always so tired. You feel like a stranger in your own life. This left my self-confidence shattered. Every time I’m not up to doing something or don’t complete something in time or at all, I feel like an awful failure. Reminding myself that I must be kind to myself, and give myself some slack is helpful.

I also highly recommend grief counseling. Don’t be surprised if the people that you thought would be there for you the most are not. If this happens, try not to take it personally. It’s hard not to, but you’re already experiencing so much pain, so try not to add to it. God has brought others into my life that have been incredible supports...literally lifesavers. Accept the love and support from these kind people and hold on to it. It’s what will get you through the hardest times.

MA: You must remember that God makes no mistakes and that we all have to go through this. Know that God will guide you through this. Believe in his word, and when I tell you that He will work it out for you, He will because he’s working it out for me. The love that you two shared together is something that is so amazing and special; always go back to

that. Remember the love that brought you two together in the first place.

Final Thoughts….

DM: This probably sounds corny, but I feel so much more connected to nature now. When I’m walking outside and I feel the breeze on my cheeks, it makes me feel as if my husband is gently touching my face. I notice the smallest things. It’s like the world is somehow quieter now. I notice the clouds most of all; whether its a storm or as sunny as can be, they are more beautiful than ever. Every time I see a rainbow, I am convinced it is specifically for me. I feel all of this is my connection to my husband, and that it is because he is now free and part of everything. He would always say, “I am always with you and you are always with me”. I know that is true, because he has never broken a promise to me.

MA: I just want all of those who have lost a love one to know that there is still life after death and you must be strong and hold your head up high and LIVE! Never stop living. Never stop loving. The hurt will subside in a little while. Continue to live for you and them keeping the legacy alive. Even though he’s not here in the physical he’s here in spirit and I know that he walks with me every day, that’s what keeps me going. I feel his presence all the time which lets me know that he’s very pleased with the path that I’m on. “Thank You Baby! For sharing your love with me.” He was the best husband ever!

Love is a wonderful experience that lasts forever, even if our physical bodies don’t. Thank you lovely ladies for sharing your stories.

Your worlds have changed forever because you fell in love. Keep the music of love playing.

Fall is finally here! Days are shorter, the air is crisp, and the football games have begun. It becomes so easy to cuddle up with a bowl of soup and a hot drink. Then to think of the upcoming holidays… most of us will enjoy hearty meals and many desserts.All of that is great, but we must keep our health in mind. Here are a few tips for a fit fall!!!

Fuel Your Body

Load up on tons of fruits and vegetables that are high in calcium and vitaminsA, E, and C. These strengthen your immune system giving you more energy to do the things you love.

***Don’t forget to drink water and sleep well!!***

Fuel Your Mind

Your mental health is just as, if not more, important than your physical health. Take time each day to breathe, meditate, and focus your thoughts on healthy things that bring you joy. Positive thoughts bring positive results. If you are unhappy with certain areas of your life focus on the positive things you can do to change those things, but be careful not to beat yourself up.

Get Moving

We live in a fast paced world and it may seem we have no time to ‘exercise’, so take advantage of what you can do. Take a face-paced walk after lunch and dinner, park further from the grocery store, dance, and/or get out and play with your children. These small things add up! The key is to GET MOVING!

SWM Speak Woman Magazine