My Love Zone

Heart Connections Are Where It’s At

Some people are more focused on looking their best rather than being their best. They think that if they could just hook the right person, then that union will bring out the best in them and everything else will fall into place. So, thinking that they know what their fairytale loved one would want, they re-shape themselves or prepare themselves in a way that looks appealing in their mind’s eye to the type of person that they want to attract. Yet, once they attract that someone, they usually find there’s no heart connection, and heart connections are what make love relationships last.

Heart connections are the places where we feel free to reveal our truths and be accepted and even enjoyed for who we are. When the façades, ornamentations, and pretenses are not around, when all of the externals have been removed and we are vulnerable and exposed as our authentic selves, and we find someone who is in touch with that, loves that, inspires us, encourages us, and enjoys us—our self-love joins with the love of that other to create something deep and magical. You are enjoying being you, they are enjoying being with you, they are enjoying being them, you are enjoying them, and you discover this blessed space of enjoying being together—that’s when real love with another is born.

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Know Your Love Model

Our models for love as we grow up matter tremendously. Some people are born into nuclear families with a mother and a father who love each other, love and care for their children, and provide a beautiful example of what a healthy, loving relationship can be in a family. Others experience different kinds of healthy love in their families from grandparents, close friends of the family who provide love through a strong support system, or other types of family units with two moms, or two dads, being raised by extended family members, etc. In any of these cases, a strong example of healthy types of love is present.

Many other children grow up in far more chaotic environments where healthy examples of love may be scarce or non-existent. Physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse may be present. Emotional detachment, neglect, and lack of nurturing or affection might be a part of their lives. Sadly, these experiences are much more common than many of us might like to admit. When you grow up with poor to absent examples of authentic love, self-love can feel impossible or at least very confusing. In these instances, a great deal of exploration and healing usually needs to occur before self-love and acceptance emerge in the fullness needed to experience a complete, loving life. I would highly recommend seeking out the help of a professional counselor or therapist for anyone in this position. There are people who will help you navigate through this work. I’ve worked with many individuals who have embarked on this journey of healing and self-discovery. It is hard work, at times, but it is valuable and can yield great results.

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