"In a perfect world we would all be queer": Interview with Sergej Kjartan Artamonov

Victoria Bakshina (she/her)

Sergej Kjartan Artamonov was born in Mariupol, Ukraine, and has lived in Iceland since 2010.

Victoria Bakshina: We both come from Slavic countries, where the attitude towards non-heteronormative relationships and the LGBTQ community is hostile. So, I would like to ask: when have you realized that you are a part of this community and how did others react to this?

Sergej Kjartan Artamonov: There was no clear realization of it as such. When I was younger, I was interested in girls, and I even went on dates with them. But I was interested in guys , too. At a certain point in the pre-Internet era, I found cards with pornographic images, and that was quite a shock, I spent a while under my blanket looking at them. A couple of months before turning 18 I took a bold step: had my first date with a guy offline. I was so nervous, running around trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. I had to transfer all my heteronormative experience onto a non-heteronormative ground. My first experience was bad, even abusive to a certain extent. I went to a party, I was not attracted to a guy, but felt guilty to refuse him. But with the second one I fell in love. That is how it all started.

As far as the reaction from others is concerned, I have always been the one that is never at a loss for words, I knew how to create healthy personal boundaries and I have been socially active. However, one day in a computer class at the university a girl walked in, greeted me, and called me a wrong name. I realized: I had a profile on one of the dating sites with that name. I had a problem with that girl for a long time for exposing me. It is water under the bridge now, but that is how the homophobia started for me. Of course, looking at it now, in 2022, I understand that this girl might have been my savior because I would have remained working at the university, would have been a subject of constant gossiping and would have been drafted to defend the borders of Ukraine. Thankfully, I stopped thinking of a university career as my priority and moved on with my life.

VB: And what about your parents?

SKA: That is quite funny. With my dad we have a very typical post-perestroika non-aligned relationship, and I have not had a well-developed relationship with my mum either: I was with her until the age of 6-7, then I went to school and my grandmother and great-grandmother supervised my extracurricular activities. But they are from a different world. That is why I have the mentality of an early era Queen Elizabeth, as my husband jokes. My mum told me that I liked to dress up like Verka Serduchka 2) ,I did a good impersonation of them, until one day a neighbor, who happened to belong to a Baptist church, came and said that boys were not supposed to dress like girls. This old bat almost exposed me!

VB: So, the whole family did not suspect anything?

SKA: They were saying: ah, he is an artist, that is his creative outlet. Then when I came to Iceland, where all types of gay people existed, they immediately told me: relax, we will help you adapt. They knew the minute I entered the room. They told me to forget all the nonsense about my sexuality and just be myself. Without labels.

But my mum still would not clock me. She thought that my university friend was my girlfriend. And I did not try to prove her wrong. I had to be careful. I have thick skin, and no one has ever said anything offensive to my face, but I also know of more sensitive people that were driven to the edge by it. When I got married to my husband, she did not take it seriously, would just say something like: stop it with your jokes, you are not being funny. When we showed her our matching rings, she thought it was a prank and called us clowns. When I evacuated her from Ukraine to Italy during the war, she got to experience a different reality, things have slightly changed. She started sending greetings to my husband more often. But she is a calm and stubborn, even phlegmatic woman. So, I expect a few more coming-outs with her.

VB: You came to Iceland in 2010. What was your first impression like?

SKA: It is like being on a gay cruise ship. You just come as you are, and everyone is fine with it. Iceland and my hometown Mariupol are like heaven and earth. The political system with multiple decision centers, Jón Gnarr, the Pirate Party, a lesbian Prime Minister – all of it was new and exciting. I saw the pride flags on state buildings and businesses! The Peace Tower! The technological advancement of Iceland and its open-mindedness.

But after the initial infatuation my vision slowly but surely cleared. I realized that my integration into society started when I began to notice problems. At first I was enamored with every gay person I met. Then I started noticing that some of them had issues: addiction, mental disorders, abusiveness. And for some it has become a lifestyle. The queer representation here is rather scarce. We only have one queer club, Kíkí, and one diversity bar, Gaukurinn. The image of a queer person translated through Pride here in Iceland is quite rudimentary. It’s safe, just flirting with the heteronormative society. It doesn‘t show all the facets of queerness and doesn‘t educate heteronormative society well enough. I’m all in for a radicalization of Pride, more representation and a stronger dialogue. Iceland, as a country with an ambition of a global village, can still learn a lot from bigger cities and countries.

VB: After having lived in Iceland for a while you gathered all these experiences and probably went to visit your folks in Ukraine at some point. How was it?

SKA: Well, it’s like traveling back in time. Because Mariupol, despite its size, is still a provincial town compared to cosmopolitan Kyiv, flamboyant Odessa or arty-farty Lviv. I returned yearning for homeland inside, but on the outside I still had the soft coating of the Blue Lagoon on my skin. Everyone was wondering: what happened, why are you glowing? I felt like a pop star. I was happy to share my stories, but at the same time I was roaming the streets of Mariupol holding my head high because I had overcome so many fears. Standing upright in my homeland ready to face anything. The words could not hurt me, they would ricochet. It was a feeling of strength that I have received from the Icelandic society that had squeezed out my internal homophobia and made me accept myself. But I am still learning a lot about myself, still evolving.

VB: You have not become your ultimate self, I understand. Let us discuss a less pleasant moment. The Russian invasion started in February 2022 and became the catalyst for the LGBTQ activism in Ukraine. In 2011 the law has been passed making same-sex relationships legal in Ukraine, in June 2022 the people of Ukraine started a petition demanding the legalization of same-sex marriage since “everyday could be the last one”. President Zelensky responded to this petition in August 2022 and instructed to consider this possibility. He recalled though, according to the Constitution, marriage is based on the consent of a man and a woman, and under martial law, it cannot be changed. What are your thoughts on that?

SKA: It is cohesive with the general trend for unity in Ukraine, no one gets left behind. It is also in line with the values of the European Union, which our president supports. But let us not forget that war can be a tool of manipulation since martial law gives the president unlimited powers. He could have been more assertive in promoting this law. In the current law there are still loopholes which might allow the same-sex couple to marry, it is just tricky. The proponents of this law try to educate people through different platforms, but so far it has predominantly attracted homophobes and the clergy, which talks about the wrath of God, and sin, which repeats the narrative of the Russian officials. But we, the queer people, reiterate that these are the values we choose: equality, diversity, inclusion, representation, and identity. There are also voices in our Parliament that are strongly against LGBTQIA+, specifically the nationalists from Western Ukraine. The majority is also moderate in their opinions, they go with the flow. The church is strongly against the same-sex marriages. We want to live with European values, but at the same time to keep ours, like the vertical of power. They think if they give gay people more rights other groups might be at disadvantage. They do not see it as a benefit for all. But overall, the LGBTQIA+ question best shows this discrepancy between the European values like acceptance, equality and inclusivity and the Russian narrative, which is extremely homophobic in its nature.

VB: In an ideal, warless world, what would you like the LGBTQIA+ community in Ukraine to be like?

SKA: I like the Icelandic example. You are just a human first. An artist, a writer and then a queer person. Your sexuality is pivotal but is not exhaustive. I know people, who are allies, who are a part of the community just because the soul wants it. Your queerness does not define you. But if we think globally, everyone should be queer, because that is who we all are. No strict boundaries, no labels. Free the concept of sexuality from all the extra hues. My dream would be to see Ukraine in all the queer colours. And we are already on the way to building it: before war, the queer life was blooming, we have a lot of musicians who are androgynous or publicly support gay people. All of it contributes to the visibility of the queer people. The caricature image of gay people like Boris Moiseev 1) is gone. Instead, a complex and more nuanced human version of it appears. The homophobia and stigmatization are still there of course, many are still against the LGBTQIA+ “agenda” in politics. But I think the president Zelenskiy can deal with it. But the queer people in Ukraine should not sit back and watch, they should work on themselves and fight both the external and the internal homophobia. This way everyone wins.