Healing Issue

4 Ways to Manage Jealousy

Healing Through Friendship: Arnya T.M. Davis & Fancy

Heal Your Relationship w/ Money MECHELLE MCCAIN Talks Healing After a Divorce

Healing Through Seduction

@swaghermagazine

theoriesandthoughts@ladiceo.com

Theories & Thoughts Deep Dive Explore friendship and sisterhood with Arnya T.M.Davis and Fancy as they host girl talk and get into businesses’ business!

Co-hostesses: Arnya T.M. Davis & Francheska “Fancy” Felder Executive Produced and Directed by Francheska “Fancy” Felder & Arnya T.M. Davis #tatdd #theoriesandthoughtsdeepdive

Watch live on ExposureTV App on the WYSP TV Channel.

Letter From the Editor FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

Healing is not something you do but rather something you are. The definition of the word heal is “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again,” and it can be used as a noun or an adjective (like in marketing).

Before we could move forward with another issue as a team, I had to heal from one of the worse experiences I have had as an entrepreneur because I was too broken to lead. I still do not know how to describe it, but we were working with a client and their publicist on a project, and it was horrible.

I had not been treated that way since the first job I had. My anxiety went through the roof. I talked to my therapist and business coach about it, and they advised me to either drop the client or take control of the situation.

However, I was not in the position to drop

in the process, I began to read the excellent

the client, and each time I had to engage

stories that our journalists wrote for this

with them, I felt worse. By the time the

issue, and it helped too.

project was completed, I wondered if I ever wanted to offer that service again

But another healing occurrence that

and questioned my work.

happened this year- this month (October)was I received custody of my youngest

So it was hard to pick up my mantle and

daughter. For years, I’ve shared my pain of

get started on this issue, but I healed over

losing her in my writings; many times, it’s

time. I journaled and wrote my

been expressed here when we did issues

affirmations until I believed in myself

about mothers, so I felt it was only right to

again. I looked at my past successes and

share about this with you all.

thought about how many others had been pleased with our service. And later

That healing process took years. It was

seven years before I could forgive my daughter’s dad, and it ended with me finally deciding that I no longer wanted to carry that hurt with me anymore. I sat my bag down. But I still had to continue living without my daughter with me, which still hurt. It still made me question myself as a woman and think I had failed as a mom.

On October 7, 2022, after some negotiations, I was awarded my daughter again, and there is no bell to ring when that happens, but if so, I would have rung the hell out of it. It was another bag to sit down, but it was also like the last piece of my puzzle had been solved or added. I now feel complete.

I’ve achieved some things over the years, but none of them compare to this accomplishment because it was really something that I thought would be impossible. I feel like a woman again.

But I know there is still more healing that will take place.

That’s the thing about healing. It’s an ongoing process. You may heal from one thing and then discover something else you need to heal from. So in this issue, we discuss healing from many angles.

We also touch on domestic violence and breast cancer awareness. Plus, this month is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so we gifted our back cover to the SAILS organization to help raise awareness.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS CONTRIBUTORS SABRINA ESPERE CARRINGTON KIM CROSS ARNYA T.M. DAVIS JANET DOWNS FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER CIARA HORTON OBSESSION SHEVONNE PERKINS JASMYNE SEED NIJIMA SMALLS ANGELICA WILLIAMS CHRISTINA WOODARD

COVER PHOTO PHOTOGRAPHER: LISA DAVIS HAIR & MAKEUP: AUTUMN HERRING- BROWN

ARNYA AND FANCY’S INSIDE PHOTOS PHOTOGRAPHER: LISA DAVIS HAIR & MAKEUP: AUTUMN HERRING- BROWN

OTHER PHOTOGRAPHY PROSTOCK-STUDIO VYASPHOTO STEPHAN AMER PEXELS

MARKETING FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

JARMEL ROBERSON

VP OF MARKETING

CHRISTINA WOODARD

MANAGING EDITOR

BRIANA BROWN ASHLEY MUBIRU KETLIN ALIAJ FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

SOCIAL MEDIA COUSIN JR. PUBLICIST LAYOUT & DESIGN COPY EDITOR

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Contributors Page

07

Is Silky Straight Hair Putting You At Risk

10

BREAKING FREE: How to Heal from Parental Toxicity

12

Jehovah Rafa- HE is My Healer

15

Latonia Daniels is Improving Women’s Beauty With R2bnaturally

17

4 Ways to Manage Jealousy

21

Mechelle McCain: Healed and Creating Her Own Path of Inspiration

24

Men Can Be Victims Too

26

Healing Through Friendship

29

Death is So Final…Healing is a Journey

35

Author Spotlight: Dr. La'Quita Monley

39

Heal Your Relationship with Money

43

We Interrupt Your Programming

46

Author Spotlight: Dr. LaNysha Adams

49

Healing Through Seduction

53

The Fall Focus

56

Contributors Arnya T. M. Davis, a native of New Orleans, now living in Dallas, Texas, has been an entrepreneur since the age of 23. She has owned businesses in six industries to date. At present, she is the CEO of LadiCEO, LLC, a media, fashion, and brand consulting and management company. LadiCEO was birthed in 2012 to help up-ncoming small business owners and entrepreneurs find their voice and determine how they want the world to view them. She created a mentoring group named Gyrl Group in 2019 for 20 and 30-something-year-old women to have a safe place to talk. Davis is a co-host of the weekly podcast, Theories & Thoughts, which can be viewed on her YouTube channel, LadiCEO Media, SwagHer YouTube page, and Spotify.

Along with all of her other businesses, she is also a Confidence Coach, she mentors women on how to be their best selves. She has dedicated her life to promoting women and youth by being affiliated with LEAP and volunteering for other organizations around the DFW metroplex. Her goal is to uplift those connected to her and her community, she lives by the thought, “You don’t have to subscribe to what people think of you; be you genuinely.”

ARNYA T. M. DAVIS

Christina Woodard was born and raised in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She attended Dillard University in New Orleans, Louisiana, and received a Bachelor of Arts in Mass Communication. She is passionate about all things related to writing, investigation, family, and crime and hopes in the future to put those passions to good use by becoming an author and paralegal. She is currently the Managing Editor at SwagHer Magazine and Media. You can find her on Instagram @cstina.nicole.

CHRISTINA WOODARD

Janet Downs is an instructor with over 20 years of experience, having worked with Fortune 500 companies and non-profit organizations. She volunteers and is a resource for the homeless community and is working towards starting her own non-profit. She’s passionate about mental health and seeks to bring more awareness to the black community. She is active in church ministry, a writer, and loves music, hiking, and travel.

JANET DOWNS

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Kim is the owner and Happy Skin Formulator at Zhi Bath & Body, a natural skincare shop based in Charlotte, NC. She has been in the beauty industry for the last 30 years; working both as a stylist and skincare formulator. Having dealt with severe psoriasis for over 20 years, she knows the hardship of finding products that are gentle, good for the skin, and smell amazing. 16 years of research and formulating has resulted in a goat milk skincare and soy candle line that is simply amazing.

Helping you love you...naturally.

KIM CROSS

Obsession is a romance and erotica author, blogger, photographer, and artist from Chicago, IL. Her favorite topics to write about are relationships, emerging artists, and books.

Social media handles: Instagram: Obsession_theprettywriter Facebook: Novelist Obsession Twitter: @writerobsession Tik Tok: @authorobsession Snapchat: Obsession_theprettywriter

OBSESSION

Sabrina Espere Carrington was born and raised in our nation’s capital, Washington, D.C., Sabrina Espere Carrington has always been around creatives, writers, artists and powerful women in business. As a little girl, Sabrina enjoyed writing poetry and even short stories. Little did she know that she would grow to love writing and have the desire to become a columnist/magazine writer. In addition to her writing, Sabrina is also a motivational speaker and Women’s Empowerment Coach. She has been featured on numerous podcasts, live talk shows, and radio broadcasts. Since the pandemic, Sabrina has been a sought after expert- giving advice and encouragement to listeners around the world. She has been interviewed by some of the best hosts in the media.

SABRINA ESPERE CARRINGTON

Author of The Black Girl’s Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds Series and CEO of virtual healing space theblackgirlsguidetohealingemotionalwounds.com, Nijiama Smalls is a writer, emotional coach, and speaker. She has written for local, national, and global publications and spoken on numerous platforms on the topics of healing emotional wounds, emotional intelligence, self-love, and destroying generational patterns.

NIJIAMA SMALLS

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08

Shavonna Perkins, Founder of The Bougie Wealth Group™, is a mother, wife, sister, and friend. Most importantly, as an instructor, she is gifted to help others excel and succeed financially. With over 15 years of experience in the financial industry, consulting, coaching, and training, Shavonna is passionate about helping women and Christians obtain financial freedom by changing their mindset and assisting with a plan to create their desired lifestyle. As a Certified Financial Education Instructor who holds a degree in Accounting, she has conducted 1:1 and group sessions teaching finances and the importance of financial literacy. Shavonna has helped lead people towards homeownership and out of over $100,000 in debt and money towards savings.

Find more about Shavonna and The Bougie Wealth Group™ products by visiting her website, www.thebougiewealthgroup.com.

SHAVONNA PERKINS

Always passionate about reading, Ciara Horton-Stevenson created She Is E Magazine in 2016. Her creation was something that God gave her and she took it and ran. Watching her mother and other female family members' journeys to becoming great entrepreneurs, she knew she had to share their stories. 4 years later, she’s featured countless women and celebrity women in business. She is now the creator of He Is E Magazine as well. Now coaching other creatives to launch their own magazines and books, Ciara’s passion is to see everyone win. In her free time, she enjoys being a wife, mother, and creating, as she’s called to do.

CIARA HORTONSTEVENSON

Host and executive producer of The Chocolate Diva talk Show.

ANGELICA WILLIAMS

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BY: KIM CROSS

Is Silky Straight Hair Putting You At Risk?

Many of us grew up with our natural locks until

In recent years, it has become more apparent

someone made the decision that our natural

that chemicals in our skincare could be doing

coils were just too much to handle and said,

more harm than good. Parabens, sulfates,

"Put a perm in it!" From that day to this one,

phthalates, and other preservatives in skincare

silky straight hair that was easy to comb and

products can disrupt the hormonal balance;

did not get us picked on at school was the

products that now include relaxers.

norm. That was definitely the case for me. By the time I was eight years old, my afro was so

Boston University conducted a study by

big I looked like that Addam's Family character

following 59,000 African American women

from behind…you know the one.

Life went on. It was relaxers five to six times per year until 2011. My last relaxer was on June 10, 2011, two days before my wedding, and my skin has thanked me ever since.

As a cosmetologist for over 20 years, I have always been keen on protecting the overall health and integrity of my client's hair and scalp. Overprocessing is easy; my job was to avoid that by protecting the scalp, working quickly and effectively, and creating a followup routine to prevent breakage. I loved creating beautiful, healthy heads of hair. I am no longer behind the chair, but I do keep up with the industry. This leads me to the point of this important piece. Is silky straight hair putting you at risk? That, beautiful people, is a real possibility.

Photo by Stephan Amer 10

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over the course of 25 years and collecting data

popular for hair growth. The possible issue

related to aspects that impact their health and

with Estrogen or Estrogen-like chemicals in

new cancer diagnoses. What's the conclusion?

haircare is that it can alter the

Lye-based relaxers, when used at least seven

development of mammary glands, making

times a year over the course of 15 years, were

you capable of forming breast tumors—

at an increased risk of ER+ breast cancer. Stiel

with good and bad breast cells.

et al., in a 2016 publication at the NIH's National Library of Medicine, indicate there is

As Black women, we are more likely to develop

potentially a role that chemicals in our haircare

aggressive breast cancers and are more likely

products play in increasing breast cancer risk,

to die for a variety of reasons—the chemicals

particularly chemicals that mimic estrogen

in our haircare and skincare products do not

and/or disrupt the endocrine system. In short,

have to be one of them. Again, being mindful

chemicals are messing with our hormones.

of the chemicals we put on our skin is just as critical as what we put in our bodies.

As with other products, the key is to be familiar with the chemicals causing harm and be

The chemicals are absorbed, and as more

purposeful about reading labels. For clarity, it's

research is conducted and revealed,

not necessarily the lye that is disruptive (it is a

manufacturers must be held accountable to

light metal, not a heavy metal that is harmful).

remove the harmful chemicals to protect both

More research needs to be conducted on the

us and the planet. Taking charge of and

effects of lye. However, in haircare products,

making changes to the products we use is key.

estrogens, phthalates, and parabens are chemicals to pay attention to.

Parabens are preservatives that extend shelf life by preventing spoilage. If your relaxer contains Ethylparaben, Butylparaben, Isobutylparaben, or Propylparaben, please consider another way. They also induce the growth of more breast cells—the good and the bad ones.

Phthalates are used to make plastic flexible but also stabilize the fragrances that make our products smell amazing.

They can be identified by three- or fourletter acronyms; for example, DBP and DEHP are phthalates and have no place in relaxers or skin care.

Estrogen that is mimicked in products is

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BY: OBSESSION

BREAKING FREE: How to Heal from Parental Toxicity We're born to people who are supposed to

If your daily schedule consisted of scolding,

love, nurture, guide, and protect us; our

criticism, physical aggression, condemnation,

parents. We trust them. We look up to them

being ignored, and walking on eggshells, you

and go to them for comfort when we're hurt,

were subjected to parental bullying and

but what are we to do when they are the ones

toxicity; therefore, this is for you. Your

hurting us? The world is cruel and

mother's or father's parenting style has left you

unpredictable, but there's nothing more painful

insecure, crippled with anxiety, and always in

or scarier when that cruel unpredictable world

the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. You

is inside your own home.

can't take a compliment, can't handle criticism, have low self-esteem, and are constantly

Toxic parents; nobody speaks on this until

second-guessing your worth and purpose on

someone is in therapy, jail, or the morgue. It is

earth. You spend every wakened moment

understood that parents make mistakes just

trying to earn their approval and warmth at

like everyone else; they're human, too, but toxic

your big age. Aren't you tired? Aren't you ready

parents are a different breed. They do not

for a change?

desire to be accountable, right their wrongs, or take the necessary steps to improve their parenting. Don't get it twisted; decent, even great parents have some hiccups with their children, but those hiccups aren't as souldamaging as toxic parents' behavior.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING, CHANGE IT. IF YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT, CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. -MAYA ANGELOU

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NOTHING WILL WORK UNLESS YOU DO. -MAYA ANGELOU

You know how you were raised wasn't okay,

you brought some things with you. Take a

but damn, if it hasn't been hard to unlearn all

minute and think about how you operate.

the things that were instilled in you. Our love

-Do you have a temper?

for our parents will make us carry around the

-Do you over-compromise?

weight of their shortcomings to the point that

-Are you low-key manipulative?

we're mentally, emotionally, and physically

Whatever it is, fixing it is mandatory to

fragile. It's time to fight the good fight and be

make it to the finish line.

the apple that fell far from the tree. It's time to put in the work and stay prayed up. It's time to

Forgive- Maya Angelou said, "It's one of

heal.

the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to

Here are five ways to kick off your healing journey: Prioritize your worth- Being loved, respected, and cared for are all things you deserve. Positive self-talk is imperative.

You are not exempt from kindness and generosity; therefore, if your parents can't offer that, then stepping away until they're ready is the healthiest thing you could ever do. Your worth should be at the top of your list forever.

Anchor your emotions- Toxic parents are equipped with many destructive ways.

From verbal attacks to fabricated rumors

forgive. Forgive everybody." Forgive everybody, including yourself. It wasn't your fault, none of it. Self-blame and shame are poisonous, and the sooner you recognize that you and your parents are victims of intergenerational trauma, the easier it will be to stop carrying a burden that doesn't belong to you.

There are several other ways to recover from parental toxicity. I've shared the steps I've taken myself on a path I'm still walking. I'm in a much healthier space in life because I chose to set boundaries and actively work toward not being a product of my environment. If I can do it, you can too.

to childish taunting and teasing, these chaotic creatures will stop at nothing to get under your skin and set you off. You have to set boundaries to remain emotionally regulated. Removing yourself will show them that being bullied or attacked is no longer an option. You're grown now; respect is in demand.

Be aware & accountable for your own toxic

DO THE BEST YOU CAN UNTIL YOU KNOW BETTER. THEN WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, DO BETTER. -MAYA ANGELOU

behavior- You didn't survive this battle unscathed;

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POWER INFLUENCE RADIO Lady Tiffany Nicole

Do you have the power? https://powerinfluenceradio.com

Download the app today! @powerinfluenceradio

powerinfluenceradio@gmail.com

6829001745

BY: JANET DOWNS

Jehovah-Rapha – HE is My Healer For many, and depending on one's belief system, healing of the mind, body, soul, and spirit comes through many different avenues. I could research the varying ways and write about them, but I decided to speak on my own experiences. Allow me to tell you about my father and my own healing journey.

My dad is one of the strongest men I know,

It didn't happen right away, and he needed a

and I'm not just saying that because he's my

few more surgeries, but I began to see God's

dad. He was rarely sick, and he bounced back

hand moving on his behalf. Things were slowly

quickly if he was. In the winter of 2017, he was

starting to turn around for him. The doctors

diagnosed with renal cancer, and surgery was

were astonished, and those furrowed brows of

scheduled for the beginning of the next year.

worry and concern that would occupy their

During the procedure, the surgeons ran into

faces when they entered my dad's room had

problems when they discovered the cancer had

changed to positive and hopeful expressions.

progressed outside of that area. What should

My dad was deemed the "miracle man." His

have taken approximately three hours took

transition from hospital to home took almost

almost eight! Even after the surgery, additional

three months, but my prayers were answered.

complications occurred, resulting in more

My dad is still here. Psalms 30:2 says, "I cried

surgeries. He received multiple blood

out to Him, and He healed."

transfusions. IV tubes were running from practically every part of his body. He was in

I've personally experienced physical healing

and out of the surgery room, from the heart

many times, but the biggest impact on my life

center to ICU. I'd never seen my dad in such a

was my mind being healed. I battled with

sickly and weakened state, and it scared me to

depression off and on for years. The smile I wore

death. His prognosis was not good. I honestly

did not match the battle inside my mind. I

thought I was going to lose him.

thought the worst about

My faith in God was taking a hit and had a few cracks. I was a mess mentally and emotionally because I am a daddy's girl. I'd already lost my mother and both brothers.

Photo by Pexels

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myself and contemplated suicide a few times.

Since then, I've experienced such peace in my

Yes, the person who loved God and was active

life. The term "Jesus and Therapy" is not just a

in church ministry was battling depression.

cliché for me. "Jesus and Therapy" saved my

Over the years, I would go to therapy and stop

life.

shortly thereafter because I wasn't ready to face my childhood trauma. It wasn't until the

Now, I promise I wasn't trying to give a

pandemic hit, and I began to immerse myself

sermon. I don't want any parts of that (LOL!),

in the Word of God, truly pray and consistently

but I believe in the power of faith and healing. I

go to therapy, that I began to heal from the

believe that God's healing is for physical,

inside out. Slowly, I began to see myself as

emotional, mental, relational, and whatever

God saw me and believe what the Word of God

else needs repair. God loves us, and I believe

said about me. In my childhood, I used to hear

healing and wholeness is His will for our life.

older mothers in the church talk about God

Blessings!

being a mind regulator and a heart fixer.

My current pastor says the same thing. Yes, God is indeed all these things and more. I added consistent therapy to the mix, and I'm better for it.

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH! Rich Relationships Refuge is a singles and couples camp in beautiful Talladega, Alabama.

Empowering couples to build, repair, and restore their families by applying biblical principles is the mission of the Rich Relationship Refuge.

404-936-1642 richrelationshipsrefuge@gmail.com @richrelationshipsrefuge www.richrelationshipsrefuge.com

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BY: ANGELICA WILLIAMS

Latonia Daniel is Improving Women’s Beauty With R2bnaturally

Latonia Daniel is the owner and creator of

a healthy respect for natural plant-based

R2bnaturally. This innovative skincare

ingredients and rediscovered some of the oils

company makes handcrafted bath and body

her mom used on her skin when she was

products using natural and organic ingredients

growing up. Vitamin E and cocoa butter were

for people who want a natural approach to

two of her favorites.

their skincare needs without additives. The use of harsh creams and ointments to combat dry

Latonia Daniels is beautifying women with one

itchy skin took her out of the drugstores and

skincare product at a time. Read on to learn

into her kitchen, and after eight years, she has

more about the entrepreneur in our exclusive

not looked back. Latonia Daniel has developed

interview below.

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Angelica: Who is Latonia Daniel?

simplicity, developing healthy skin habits, getting to know what our skin likes before

Latonia: I am a nurturer. I have worked in

giving it more and building from there.

Social Services for more than 25 years.

Naturally caring about the well-being of others

Angelica: Why did you choose to start your

is something I am passionate about and

own skincare company, specifically one

R2bnaturally is an extension of that passion.

tailored to Black women’s skin?

When I develop a product, I am mindful of its use, ingredients, and how I’d like it to make

Latonia: As a Black woman, there is a sense of

someone feel. In the past eight years, my DIYs

comfort and familiarity knowing that the

have evolved into simple, beautiful,

creator of a particular brand or product is

formulations designed to love and nourish your

someone that I can relate to, and perhaps may

skin.

have experienced similar skin challenges.

Angelica: What drove you into the

Angelica: What are the main goals of your

beauty/skincare industry?

skincare business R2bnaturally?

Latonia: I landed in this space by addressing a

Latonia: We want people to fall in love with a

need for my own skin and believing there is

natural approach when caring for their skin.

room for my voice. When it comes to basic

We encourage others to become intimate with

skincare we need to start from a place of

their skin, get to know what their skin likes,

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how it responds to a particular ingredient, and

Our soaps have amazing cleansing properties

takes time to nourish their skin. Our basic

that won’t strip your skin of its natural oils. Our

motto is: start simple and build from there.

body scrubs rid the pores of the “gunk” that can lead to problem skin. Lastly, our body

Angelica: How does your brand contribute to

butters and oils nourish your skin.

helping women, particularly Black women, improve their skin health?

Angelica: What are the main ingredients that you like to incorporate into the majority of

Latonia: We offer simple, effective

your skincare recipes, and why do you like

formulations that clean, hydrate, and

consistently using those ingredients? How are

moisturize the skin.

those ingredients beneficial to Black skin?

Angelica: Why is skin health so important?

Latonia: A few of our staple raw ingredients

Latonia: Our skin is our canvas and when it looks and feels its best so do we.

Angelica: What skincare products does your company R2bnaturally contain, and how do your products help heal skin ailments?

Latonia: We offer an array of products that will cleanse your skin, aid in hydration, lock in moisture, and create barriers that protect your skin from the elements.

are oatmeal, Himalayan salt, apricot kernel oil, grapeseed oil, shea butter, avocado oil and coconut oil. The conditioning and nourishing properties of these ingredients soothe and soften your skin, and helps to combat fine lines and dryness.

Angelica: How has using your products benefitted you and your current consumer base?

Latonia: Using these products my skin feels moisturized throughout the day, it is soft and has a glow about it. Hearing from customers I am told that when using our soaps their skin does not have that dry tight feeling that they experienced with other soaps. They have also shared that their skin looks and feels better after using our body butter and oils.

Angelica: Why is it important to use skincare products that are all-natural?

Latonia: Using natural skincare products is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. I love the idea of using less on my skin while being more intentional about what my skin needs.

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Angelica: Why is it important that there are

this natural movement in skincare expanding

Black-owned skincare brands available to

our product line and customer base. We want

Black women?

to be the catalyst for anyone who may be on the fence about trying natural products. I have

Latonia: Having Black-owned skincare brands

developed “The R2B Self-care Experience” and

lets Black women know that what our skin

my goal is to encourage you to be intentional

needs matters and that there are

about caring not only for your physical needs

brands/creators out there who are thinking

but also for your mental and spiritual needs as

about us. This is reassuring

well. Please listen/subscribe to our Being

Angelica: At what age should Black women and girls be establishing a skincare regimen?

Why is women establishing a skincare regimen crucial?

Latonia: The earlier we start a skincare

Intentional Podcast by R2bnaturally to help recharge and create intentional moments in your day: www.anchor.fm/r2bnaturally Angelica: How can someone purchase your skincare products?

regimen, the better. R2bnaturally is a great

Latonia: You can find our products on our

place to start! The ingredients are

newly updated website at

straightforward and the products are

www.r2bnaturally.com

uncomplicated. Establishing a routine early could prevent skin problems later in life,

Angelica: Where can readers connect with

especially as our girls enter adolescence and

you?

possibly begin applying makeup Latonia: Angelica: Where do you see R2bnaturally growing in the future?

IG: instagram.com/r2bnaturally FB: facebook.com/Return2Basics/

Latonia: We want to continue to be a part of

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BY: NIJIMA SMALLS

Four Ways to Manage Jealousy Recently, I spoke with a good girlfriend who

huge heart and is a giver. I look at her, at

shared that she was jealous of her ex-

times, out of my chaotic life and think,

boyfriend's new girlfriend. She and her ex-

"gosh....she has it all together." I can admit

boyfriend had been in a long-term relationship

that I'm often jealous, but I never take action

and conceived a son together. For my friend,

on that emotion. Now, if I began to treat her

after their break-up, her boyfriend moved on a

differently, gossip about her, compete with her

bit faster than she anticipated. So my friend

or even go as far as to harm her, that would

did what many of us have done-- she looked up

mean that I have allowed jealousy to take

the new girlfriend on all social media channels,

control.

read her bio, and looked at her pics. My friend admitted that she was jealous, and the mere mention of her name made her angry.

Ladies, here is the naked truth--jealousy is an emotion that we have or will experience in our lifetime. If anyone tells you they have never

Since we know we will be faced with jealousy, let's look at a few steps to managing our jealousy.

1. We can manage and control the jealous moments in our life.

experienced a jealous emotion, they are either

The first step is admitting it. My friend, whom I

a toddler or flat-out lying to you. Jealousy is

mentioned above, knows that she is jealous of

certainly not a healthy emotion, but it's natural,

her ex-boyfriend's new romance and that this

and many of us know it all too well. The

emotion is not healthy or helpful to her. Those

problem, however, lies in how we act on that

who do not have the confidence and power to

emotion.

A beautiful woman is a member of my chapter of Mocha Moms. She is intelligent and balances being a wife, mom, and BOSS so well.

She dresses ever so stylishly every time I see her (girlfriend is always fly). She and her hubby have a fun life together, as they travel around the world often with their three super cute kids. Her kids eat healthily and are so wellbehaved. More importantly, she has a Photo by Prostock-Studio 21

SWAGHERMAGAZINE

admit how they truly

insecurities. Those insecurities are the issues

feel often allow it to

that I need to resolve. I recognize they can

take over because

possibly damage my relationship, and I care

they are not

too much for her to allow that to happen.

managing it or

When we feel jealousy creep upon us, we must

attempting to rid

manage it by esteeming the other person.

themselves of the

Congratulate them on their successes. Ask

emotion.

them for tips. Recognize they are human as well with their own issues. Don't let jealousy

2. Proverbs 14:30 ESV "A tranquil heart gives

take over.

life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot."

4. Jealousy Breeds More Drama.

We must recognize that jealousy is a reflection

Whenever there is drama between women,

of the condition of our hearts. It is always

typically, there lies some form of jealousy at

rooted in much larger issues. For me, being a

the core. And jealousy causes chaos and

wife and a mom is hard. And balancing

disorder. I've seen relationships destroyed,

motherhood with all of my other

women slandered, and people physically

responsibilities is a challenge for me. So when

harmed because of jealousy.

I see someone doing it well and looking sharp while doing so, I think, "why can't that be me?"

If you feel you can't manage jealousy, please

But, I've learned to be content in my own

take steps to talk about it with a therapist.

chaos. I love my family, and God trusted me to

They can guide you through it and provide a

be their wife and mom. I may fail and struggle,

safe space to share your feelings. Prayer

but I would not change my lot in life for the

always helps, along with internalizing

world. Through all of my mistakes, they still

scriptures that help you understand who you

love and adore me.

are. Focus on all the positive things in your life and spend time with people who genuinely

3. Admire the strengths of others.

value you. There is no need to suffer when

My family and I often run late for activities,

resources are available and people that care.

double-booked for events, and eat Chik Fil-A more often than we should (the struggle is real

Love, Blessings & Healing to you!

over here). I am also known for forgetting when it's my turn to bring the cupcakes to the school function. I can admit that my fellow Mocha Mom is far better at balancing wife, mom, and work than I am. I watch and take notes from her while maintaining my own style. I refuse to rival against her, try to harm her, or put her down for the sake of my

SWAGHER MAGAZINE

22

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BY: ARNYA T.M. DAVIS

Mechelle McCain: Healed and Creating Her Own Path of Inspiration As a rising actress and influencer, Mechelle McCain began acting alongside A-listers long before her public divorce. Those A-listers included Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr. and multiple Grammy winner Beyoncé in the film “The Fighting Temptations,” as well as Kevin Hart in “35 & Ticking;” along with guest appearances on “The Bold and the Beautiful,” “The Game,” “Love That Girl” and “Survivors Remorse. The Houston-native started writing, producing, and starring in her own short films, including “The Hoodling,” “Basketball Wives The Movie,” “Misadventures of a Hollywood Housewife,” and #Instacouple.

As a philanthropist, McCain founded her nonprofit organization—Kids Love and Health Foundation—dedicated to teaching health and wellness to the youth. She strives to give underprivileged youth opportunities to succeed and live a healthier lifestyle through a variety of programs within her organization.

Healing is not pretty; you have to fight to get past what was built to keep you down. Being an actress and producer and being involved in a high-profile divorce takes much healing and self-assurance to continue to grow and glow.

In this interview, you will learn what she did to heal and what inspired her to create her own paths in her career and philanthropy.

Arnya: Mechelle, in your own words, please tell our audience who you are.

Mechelle: I am a mother, actress, producer, and philanthropist who lives in the Los Angeles, CA, area. I enjoy cooking, traveling, working out, and living a healthy lifestyle. I love to have fun and laugh.

Arnya: I can appreciate a woman that loves to

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laugh, have fun, and travel. Those are things that I love and that make me happy as well.

Being a black female actress in Hollywood and coming off a high-profile divorce, please describe what your healing journey looks like.

Mechelle: I took time for myself. I stepped away from society and focused on myself to see what I needed to heal and become a better me.

Arnya: In regards to healing, what is one thing you would tell a person to do when they start their journey?

Mechelle: First, you must identify the hurt/problem. Getting help is okay if you can’t figure it out yourself. Allow yourself to LET IT GO! Arnya: Do you see yourself getting married again?

keep her asthma at bay. After research, I discovered asthma and allergies were connected. Many people don’t know this.

There was a lot more information I discovered, and I knew I needed to share with others.

Health is wealth!!! My program teaches kids what a healthy meal looks like and how to prepare them. We also teach kids how to live a healthy lifestyle overall so they can then go teach their family members in their household.

Arnya: You are also an influencer. Did you ever think you would be in such a position, and to what do you attribute your social media growth?

Mechelle: I did not think I would be considered an influencer. You never know if people going to connect with you. I attribute my growth to being authentic and consistent.

Arnya: Are there any projects that we should be on the lookout for?

Mechelle: Yes, I do.

Arnya: Switching gears, when did you decide you wanted to not only act but also be a producer?

Mechelle: I am writing a self-help book to help women going through a divorce. I also have a short film, “Footprints,” which I starred in and produced about human trafficking. I am currently shopping it as a tv series.

Mechelle: I was tired of waiting to be hired as an actress. I wanted to work. I decided to create my own job. Producing comes naturally to me, as well.

Arnya: What is your SwagHer? What makes Mechelle, Mechelle?

Arnya: I see you are a philanthropist and have an organization, Kids, Love and Health Foundation. Tell our audience how you developed this foundation. What was your reason why, and how do you help youth?

Mechelle: At a young age, my daughter was diagnosed with asthma. One day she had a terrible asthma attack, and I had to rush her to the hospital. They kept her for three days and gave her steroids three times a day for the duration of her stay. I had to figure out how to

Mechelle: I am a straightforward person that keeps it real. I am consistent and a fighter. I don’t give up. What you see is what you get!

Connect with Mechelle below.

Kids Love and Health www.kidsloveandhealth.org www.mechellemccain.com IG: @mechellemccain FB: Mechelle McCain

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BY: FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

Men Can Be Victims Too While we have published whole issues on domestic violence in the past, this October we wanted to do things differently and talk about intimate partner abuse among men. I was able to sit down with Alphonso Nathan aka Phonz the Therapist, (the culture’s therapist). Phonz is a black male therapist, author, and Vice President of Brightside Counseling and Psychiatric Private Practices in the Philadelphia Area. As a speaker, he focuses specifically on trauma, healing and self-care methods, and cultural appreciation in the workplace. Recently, he has become a regular guest on Philly's Power 99 radio station.

According to the CDC, 1 in 10 men in the United States experience intimate partner abuse.

However it is not common for abused men to come forward, so we talked with Phonz to learn what signs to look for.

Fancy: How common is male domestic violence or intimate partner abuse?

Phonz: Male domestic violence is more common than we think. It just gets reported a lot less due to the stigmatization of men being abused by their female partners. Men, in particular, decide not to report domestic violence to law enforcement for fear that they won't be believed.

Fancy: Is it more prevalent in heterosexual relationships than in homosexual relationships? relationships are under an immense amount of Phonz: It is more prevalent in same-sex

scrutiny from society. Stress, anxiety, and

relationships. According to

being a minority group is a dangerous

domesticshelters.org, about 2 in 5

combination that results in abuse.

gay/bisexual men will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Same-sex

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Fancy: What are signs of a man being abused?

Phonz: 1. Heightened aggression in an argument:

partner abuse, but what options are there for men?

Displacement of anger towards others without warrant. A lot of times, partners

Phonz: Unfortunately, there are a lot fewer

take their feelings of not being accepted

shelters for men because of the lack of reports

out on their partners. They might be upset

and the stigma. There is help. Call the

because their parents or families don't

domestic violence helpline at 800-799-7233.

accept them. They might be holding in anxiety because they are living with this secret.

2. Change in overall mood: Look for the change in the man's overall mood. He might become depressed or even anxietyridden. A more sociable person may start to pull away from friends and family.

3. Reactions to quick or sudden movements: A man that is being abused can develop PTSD. This looks like someone flinching when another person raises their hand, sensitivity to loud and sudden movements, cowering, or avoidance when it comes to conflict.

4. Drug & alcohol abuse: Abuse can cause alcoholism and drug use. When a person doesn't know how to deal with their emotions, they are more likely to try and mask their feelings and escape their reality.

Fancy: What are the chances of men reporting their partners?

Phonz: Men don't have the emotional support system like women do. Women confide in their friends during tough times. Unfortunately, a man might feel embarrassed that they are asking for help to get out of a relationship and

Fancy: For our brothers who may be dealing with this situation, what advice would you give for them to free themselves?

Phonz: You are not alone. It is ok to ask for help. We must break the stigma that men must always be stronger than women. It's not healthy and puts an unmanageable expectation on the man. You are not less masculine because you are being abused. We should want our men to be emotionally available and intelligent enough to seek resources to heal. There is help out there for you. Talk to a therapist, and don't suffer in silence.

Fancy: How should one respond if an abused man who is seeking help confides in them?

Phonz: 1. Listen.

2. Don't judge them.

3. Validate their feelings.

4. Let them know you are proud of them for coming forward.

5. Allow them a safe place to talk and share their feelings.

6. Help them find a licensed professional counselor to work through their trauma.

will avoid asking.

Connect with Phonz below.

Fancy: We know there are shelters (though not

www.phonzthetherapist.com

enough) for women escaping intimate

IG: @phonzthetherapist

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BY: CIARA HORTON

Healing Through Friendship According to Franklin Covey, life is better with friends is one of the seven principles of a Highly Successful College Student, and our cover ladies would have to agree.

What started as a work friendship blossomed into a beautiful friendship when Arnya T.M. Davis became a correspondent for SwagHer Magazine and met Francheska "Fancy" Felder. As Arnya moved across magazine positions, the two continued to bond and have daily conversations.

These conversations would go on to inspire the Theories & Thoughts Podcast because the two felt that more Black women should be having these types of discussions.

Their tagline, "Witness the magic that happens when Black women and sometimes men come together," and share is based on the two women's experiences with learning how to navigate life by learning from each other.

But there was a time when the podcast almost ended due to a disagreement between the cohostesses. Fortunately, they resolved it, resulting in a more solid friendship. Dive in below as Arnya and Fancy talk about healing through friendship.

Ciara: Who are you outside of your bio?

Fancy: I am a socially awkward type of person and a former teen mom. I decided to start with those because oftentimes, people have this impression of me that's not familiar with my persona. My online persona can be a little more outgoing, but I'm an omnivert.

Arnya: I'm quirky and fun-loving and the "Rich Auntie." I am in "Rich Auntie" mode most of the time. People will think I am really conservative or just wild, and others may think that I am really churchy, etc. I am a chameleon.

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Ciara: What's your definition of a friend?

Arnya: 2017, and I could probably find it to see when I first started working with SwagHer. I

Fancy: That's a hard question because I don't

didn't know Fancy, but I knew SwagHer and

call many people "friends." I would have to say

started working with them in 2017, so I would

it's a connection to someone you feel like you

say we really got closer the following year.

can trust but that you can also be yourself with. You don't have to have your guard up all

Ciara: Life has so many changes dealing with

the time. I say that because oftentimes, people

friends, and we go through those ups and

end friendships because someone may have

downs just like regular relationships. What

said something that could be interpreted the

happened to make you get to the point where

wrong way, as opposed to seeing that

you were considering ending the podcast?

someone is being honest with them.

Arnya: It was me that was like, 'F--- k all of It's also someone you can depend on because

this!' I felt like Fancy didn't have my back in the

everyone has their own lives, and to say

situation that happened, not considering that

someone is a friend and that they are

Fancy had a lot on her plate. She really couldn't

somebody you can depend on in hard times

take sides in the situation, and I was pissed

says a lot to me. When I look at people, that's

because I was like, 'You're my friend. Listen to

more so what I am looking at because I know

what I am saying and listen to how she

they are willing to make a sacrifice, whether

offended me and how this happened.'

big or small. I also think that distance doesn't play a factor in things. Sometimes you may not

Fancy was like running the business; I had my

talk a lot, and then times when you do talk a

own stuff, but I also managed the magazine.

lot, but there is that understanding that this

So at that time, I wasn't being considerate of

person is still there in your corner.

this as her employee. I just was like,' I am not fooling with it.' It was me. Fancy never once

Arnya: A friend is a step above an

said let's cut it. It was me.

acquaintance, so they are a step above a person you have found trust in. A friend is

Ciara: Fancy, when she was like, 'let's kill it,'

someone who can tell you the truth in love, and

what kind of emotions were you going

you capture it in love. It's someone that you

through?

can trust and say that person has your back.

Also, we have a connection because an

Fancy: I was like, 'You know what?!' Because

acquaintance is just someone you know, and

that's kind of how I am with things. I don't

you can be like, alright, but a friend is someone

recall ever being like, well, we don't have to do

you have a connection with. There is

this anymore. The reason why is that I feel like

something that binds you together.

that was extreme. I was mad, and I felt like, in some ways that Arnya wasn't looking at it from

Ciara: How long have you been friends?

my standpoint. I understood where she was coming from because it wasn't really a lot that

Fancy: I think it's been since 2018, but that

I could do because it would've been like I was

seems so short.

taking sides. As a Libra, that was really hard

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31

for me because I hate being in between

we talked about it before, and I knew she didn't

people.

just call anybody her friend.

Arnya: At that moment, I was like, 'Shut her

When we started the podcast, part of our

down and make her shut up!' because it was

message was that two people do not always

stupid. The girl got on my nerves about it. She

have to agree, and you don't always have to be

kept on, and it was annoying the s–t out of me,

in a good place, but women can work together.

and I just went off and said what I said, and I

That was the premise of it. However, when we

was like, 'Fancy speak up. Tell her to shut up!'

got to this point, I was like I don't care what happens. But when your friend is like I am not

Ciara: When this was happening, did this put a

trying to lose you as a friend, I had to think

strain on your friendship?

about how I wasn't trying to lose Fancy over this stupidity either. It was a valued friendship.

Fancy: It definitely did because we stopped

It's quality, and that's what Fancy taught me-

talking for a minute. I was hurt because I hated

the quality of friendship.

being placed in that situation. We didn't speak for a few days.

I once had a friend tell me that I didn't honor my friendships because I was so used to being

Arnya: It was for a few days, and with the

a loaded cannon. Then I meet someone like

podcast, it was like, 'Are we going to do this

Fancy, who is not a runner like I am or a

still?' We would end the podcast and say,

firecracker, and she tells me that she

'Alright, bye!' whereas we normally talk

appreciates our friendship long before our

afterward. Then I felt betrayed because this

disagreement. Then she comes back, doubles

was my friend. I wanted her to tell me that she

down on me, and says we don't have to do the

understood what I was talking about, but

podcast, but we can still keep our friendship. I

initially, she didn't understand my point of

didn't want to lose her in my heart of hearts

view.

either.

Ciara: How did you get back to a good space

Ciara: Sometimes we struggle with being

in your friendship?

friends with women, but since you, all have mastered friendship together, how has that

Fancy: Who texted who? One of us texted each

opened up the door for you to be friends with

other- I think I texted you, Arnya.

other women?

Arnya: It was you, and you texted, 'Can we

Fancy: Arnya is one of my closest friends and

talk?' I was the type of person who, if you make

someone I talk to regularly. That was just

me mad, I don't want to deal with you anymore.

teaching me how to be friends with other

Fancy said she wasn't willing to let our

women. I tried it in my 20s when I was an

friendship go because of the situation.

exotic dancer, and it did not go well, but we were pitted against each trying to make

I am normally the person that is like I am going

money. We all had that mindset, and that was

to shoot you the deuces, I don't want to be

the last time I was around many women. I had

your friend anymore, and I am good at life, but

grown to be a loner; having another woman SWAGHER MAGAZINE

32

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friend in my life was different and opened me

but it's not to the point that we want to cut

to other same-sex friendships.

each other off. Just this May, she was going through a lot, and I had to ask do you want

I think it's essential for women to have other

this? Understand how each other

women in their lives because we learn so much

communicates. Know that when the other

from other people. I feel like I missed out on a

person is giving constructive criticism, it is not

lot because I didn't have that. Arnya was really

a dagger to you.

a Godsend to me. That just helped me to be more comfortable and open to other women.

Ciara: What's next for both your friendship and

I've healed from past experiences and become

business-wise?

more accepting of others' differences. I do not mind admitting when I am wrong or when I

Arnya: Our friendship is going to continue

care about something or someone.

growing because I'm not letting her go. I love her too much. I love Fancy so much that I know

Arnya: I have healthier friendships. Fancy and

there is nothing that Fancy would do to hurt

my best friend are my closest people, and

our friendship, and I pray there is nothing I

Fancy and I used to talk daily. That made us do

would do to hurt our friendship. It wouldn't be

the podcast together because we were like,

intentional to hurt each other. You have to

'these are conversations that need to be had.' I

come back to the quality of your friendship.

have genuine relationships now. Growing up,

Business- I would say that we are continuing

there used to be people who didn't want me

the podcast, and we are three years strong. I

around because I had this big ball of energy

love doing the podcast with her. It was Fancy's

and talked a lot. I just wasn't liked, and I felt it.

idea. We have projects that we are thinking

So becoming a woman, I sometimes held on to

about doing, and we are partnering on my idea,

toxic friendships. Now, I have genuine

Rich Girl Weekend, next year. I am looking for

relationships. We do for each other; we look

more clients and getting more quality

out for each other, but it's not a dependency.

collaborations.

That's what I learned in this relationship because I can say, "No, I don't want you out of

Fancy: I love you, Arnya, and I also value you.

my life, and I want you to stay right here." It's

As for the future, I am considering moving to

helped me with my old relationship, and now

Texas. I know more people in Texas, and Arnya

it's a healthier thing.

is there. I feel like that move will bring about more opportunities for the magazine and the

Ciara: Since you have healthier relationships,

podcast. We can start live recording instead of

what advice would you give business owners

virtual recording and things like that. I don't

who are starting a business with their friends?

have any major projects planned for 2023. I am just trying to make it and graduate, but I also

Fancy: You definitely have to practice patience

appreciate Arnya supporting my decision to

and understanding because you may not agree

return to school. Hopefully, we will get some

on everything.

husbands in the new year!

Arnya: Remember your role and understand each other's strengths. We have arguments,

Catch the Theories & Thoughts Podcast live every Tuesday at 7 PM CT or listen to the replays on Spotify and watch the recaps on swagheronline.com. Follow us on Instagram at @theoriesandthoughtsbrand.

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BY: ARNYA T.M. DAVIS

Death is So Final…

Healing is a Journey Death 1 The time was 4:15 am, and the phone rang. I knew it was the call that I had been expecting.

On the other line was a nurse telling me he had transitioned smoothly to the other side. I was told that he left this side peacefully. For two years, I think I had been holding my breathing, awaiting a call like this. I knew it was coming sooner than later that December morning because we had decided it was time to stop all meds and make him comfortable.

I spent the whole weekend thinking about where I would be and what I would be doing when they called. I celebrated life with my friends and even stepped out to cover a fashion show. I didn't want to sit at home; I

Photo Credit: stu99

needed to get out. I was trying to start the healing process before the heartache came.

of days after his birthday. I remember it being so unexpected. My brother called to tell me

When I got the call on Monday morning, I was

that our other brother had transitioned. This

told that my daddy had transitioned that

brother, who was actually my stepbrother, but

Sunday night. Life felt different at that

we don't say step, had been in a vegetative

moment. I no longer had both of my parents to

state for seven years. That still doesn't make it

run to. Despite my dad’s condition, he was still

easy.

always there when I needed him before. Now he was no longer physically there for me to

I immediately felt guilty because, as his sister,

touch, smile, and laugh with.

I should have gone to see him when I went home to visit. I guess I was just too busy to

Death 2

check in on my loved one. Now it was too late.

It was Tuesday morning, March 8th, a couple

Now he was in Heaven with my daddy. I

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remember it being so unexpected. My brother

It takes time to heal from one family member's

called to tell me that our other brother had

transition but to have three within a year, and

transitioned. This brother, who was actually my

the year is not over yet-it is pure hell.

stepbrother, but we don't say step, had been in a vegetative state for seven years. That still

I sat and closed my eyes as they let the lid

doesn't make it easy.

down on my father. I could not watch for my brother and my grandmother, either. Death

I immediately felt guilty because, as his sister,

feels so final.

I should have gone to see him when I went home to visit. I guess I was just too busy to

As Christians, we are taught that we will see

check in on my loved one. Now it was too late.

them again. In my heart, I don't want to wait. I

Now he was in Heaven with my daddy. I

want them here, right here, right now. I want to

remember my daddy always saying my brother

be selfish, but all three had, had health issues

would outlive us all. He did outlive my daddy,

for years. My sibling and I had played phone

and we had to go back down that road again.

tag and sat in conversations about whether we should go to New Orleans many times because

Death 3

of it. There were several calls saying this may

As I prepared to support my friend at the

be the time and that we need to come down. It

homegoing of her mother, my phone rang; it

takes a toll on you, yet you never want your

was my brother. I think I had also been waiting

loved one to go. I don't care about the stress

for that call for some time. My cousin had told

of it all. You don't want them out of your life on

us that the time was drawing near. She had

this side.

stopped eating and drinking. I didn't know how she would feel this close to her son's

My blood relatives have not been the only

transition, but it was possible that she could

people whose deaths have affected me. I have

not live in this world without her child.

experienced other people passing in my life as well. My best friend's daughter. Guys I had met

It was July 20th, about 9ish, when my brother

and held conversations with, my friend's mom,

called to tell me that my grandmother had

co-worker's parents. With each loss, I felt a

transitioned. I had to be strong because I still

reoccurrence of grief.

had to get through the service I had been preparing to attend that morning. I had to save

Grief is weird and comes in waves, and I didn't

face and deal with my stuff later; right now, I

understand it until I was dealing with it myself.

had to be there for my nephew and his mom.

It will hit you at the most inconvenient time.

You will, at times, feel it in your body. You

At the close of 2021, my daddy left. My brother

wonder why you can't move out of bed and are

left in March, and my grandmother left in July.

irritated by everything around you. You wonder

How do you heal from the pain of your loved

why you just want to be left alone. This can be

ones, leaving you to learn to live without them?

a sign of grief.

I am honestly still trying to figure that part out.

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1. I allow myself to feel. So many times, we

myself beating myself up because I was still

feel we have to be strong for others and

grieving. I felt like I should be over this already.

brush our feelings under the rug. Nope, I

My therapist reminded me that it had not been

feel it, and I deal with it. I feel so much

a year since my dad transitioned and to give

better when I do this because it is not

myself grace. She said it was OK that I was

lingering.

grieving and that each grief process looks like

2. I don't live in regret. I know I did everything

its own.

I could and loved my loved ones. Sure I

As you can see, I am still in the development

could have seen my brother more, but I still

stages with #3. However, I allow myself that as

loved him. When he was around me, he

well. Healing from the passing of significant

knew it. I looked back at my text to my

people in our lives does not happen overnight.

grandmother from time to time. They are

It takes time, tears, and talks. I speak out loud

filled with love. I tell her that I love her and

to my dad when I am handling anything for

check to see how she is feeling. I look at

him.

pictures of my daddy from the times that I went to visit him. I have a photo from my

Remember to be kind to yourself because this

last visit of him sitting in his wheelchair

is a traumatic experience that you are dealing

and watching a movie with me. I know I

with. Heal on your time and find ways that help

was the best daughter I could be.

you cope.

3. I am learning to give myself grace. I found

www.ladonnamarie.org

LaDonna Marie

LaDonna Marie Books

info@ladonnamarie.org

@LMB_poetry

@Iamladonnamarie

LaDonna Marie Books, LLC Discover the Champion in You

37

SWAGHERMAGAZINE

"Dedication, Determination, and hard work will feed life into your dreams."

BY: CHRISTINA WOODARD

Author Spotlight: Dr. La’Quita Monley

Dr. La’Quita Monley is a serial entrepreneur,

being a devoted wife, mother of five, and

international speaker, and minister who

grandmother of five, she also operates in

believes the foundation of personal

purpose and expertise as a savvy real estate

development and business growth rests in

investor, business coach, mentor, and

possessing the right mindset. As a sought-out

international speaker. From the United

keynote speaker in the United States and

Kingdom to Kenya, Germany, and back to the

abroad and a business coach, Dr. LaQuita

United States, Dr. LaQuita’s mantle is to charge

challenges others to transform their thinking

others with the task of progressing into the

to revolutionize their spheres of influence.

best version of themselves. After years spent

Leaders and entrepreneurs alike tune into her

compartmentalizing her gifts, she was

weekly live broadcast, Create Your Future Self

challenged by executive coach Marques

Live, for inspiration and implementable action

Ogden. “Why not translate your ministry

steps to realize their full potential.

teachings into practical messages as a coach and motivational speaker?” After much

Dr. LaQuita wears many hats. In addition to 39

SWAGHERMAGAZINE

deliberation, she realized it only made sense to

broaden her reach. Now, LaQuita seamlessly

Christina: What is your SwagHer? What makes

shifts from ministry to the marketplace with

LaQuita, LaQuita?

transformative messages on mindset and leadership that produce real-life growth

LaQuita: My SwagHer is confidence in who

struggles.

God is and who I am in Christ, embracing my God-given assignments on the earth.

Not only does this serve as a clarion call for

Being a wife, mom & grandmother are by far

change, but it is also the title of Dr. LaQuita’s

the things that truly define me. In this stage of

weekly live broadcast in which she and her

my life, I have fully embraced the power and &

lineup of stellar guests dive into the ups and

authority that comes with these roles; I desired

downs of business ownership. Their candid

to walk successfully in these roles that began

discussions empower entrepreneurs to reach

a journey that would result in me becoming a

greater heights in their personal lives and

minister, international speaker, and coach.

business. Let’s face it; there is no advancing in one area without the other. No matter the

Christina: Tell us a little bit about your weekly

platform, her message always points to how

broadcast, Create Your Future Self Live.

mindset and leadership are inseparable. As we

Where can our readers go to listen/ watch?

think, so we are, and so will we lead. Those who rightly direct their thoughts will redirect

LaQuita: I co-host this event every Monday at 6

their lives into the future they envision and

pm CST. We have weekly guests discussing

lead others to do the same. At heart, Dr.

topics related to entrepreneurship, real estate,

LaQuita is most passionate about igniting a

credit, success mindset, wealth-building, and

fire in individuals that causes them to think

more. This show was birthed out of our desire

anew and live with intentionality.

to provide a platform that aspiring entrepreneurs and start-up entrepreneurs can

LaQuita Monley’s undeniable zeal for life

view to gain access to industry experts that

change is just as personal as it is purposeful.

can help them build their brands. Viewers can

Her deeply rooted faith and disciplined thought

watch/listen weekly via Facebook and

patterns helped her persevere through the

YouTube.

hardships of teen pregnancy, navigate life as a military wife, overcome the unique challenges

Christina: You've spoken all over the world.

of living abroad, and arise as a multi-faceted

Have you always wanted to be an international

woman of influence. Time and time again,

speaker? Which country or city was your

LaQuita has pressed in to pull on the inner

favorite?

strength, wisdom, and boldness needed to continue putting one foot in front of the other

LaQuita: Honestly, becoming an international

when naysayers let their doubts be known.

speaker was not even on my radar. My desire

Because she overcame, LaQuita has no

was simply to do what the Lord desired for my

reservations about others’ ability to do the

life. Walking in my purpose as wife, mom, and

same. Her life’s mission is to guide, motivate,

the minister was my focus, and at the time, I

and equip individuals, small businesses, and

believed that to be right in my local

corporations to soar to greater heights.

community. My grandmother always says,

SWAGHER MAGAZINE

40

"Man can plan, but God unplans" she is so

results-driven, then successfully move

right. In doing what God desired for my life, he

forward.

blessed me with unexpected opportunities that opened the door for me to speak

Christina: Who or what inspires you?

internationally.

Leicester, UK & Nairobi, Kenya are my favorite

LaQuita: Watching the lives of my clients

places to speak. I love the energy of the people

change is what inspires me. There is nothing

and their desire to learn, and ask questions.

more rewarding than experiencing that

They are very authentic and simply desire to

moment when the "lightbulb" goes off, and you

grow. Both cities are also an amazing

know that the person has locked in, and their

experiences strictly from a traveler's

mindset is shifting. It is such an honor to be a

perspective.

part of their journey. My passion is to ignite people's visions and introduce them to a place

Christina: What are three things people can do

of courage, destiny, and power.

to change their mindset?

Christina: Define leadership in your own LaQuita: We will never elevate above our most

words.

dominant thoughts. To shift our lives, we must shift our minds.

LaQuita: "The essence of leadership is the

Commit these steps to memory:

exercise of influence "(Dr. Myles Munroe).

1. Think.

Leaders create a vision; leaders inspire &

2. Say.

motivate.

3. Do.

"Leadership is the art of accomplishing more

To transform into the individuals we want to be

than the science of management teaches you

or accomplish our wildest dreams; we must

is possible, this requires a vision, that can take

first conceive it in our minds, believe it in our

you from where you are to where you want to

hearts, and confess it with our mouths.

be" (Sheryl Sandberg).

Leadership is the ability to influence others

What thoughts are you thinking?

through passion and determination.

What confessions are you making?

Leadership is resolution-oriented and result-

What actions are you taking to be and do on

driven.

another level?

Leadership cannot be put into a definition, but it is expressed in character traits.

What we think, we will say; what we say, we will do; what we do defines who we are.

Christina: Is there anything else you would like to share?

To prepare for success, have an EVER FORWARD AND NEVER BACKWARD MINDSET.

LaQuita: Each of us is POWERFUL! It took me

The human mind is an amazingly malleable

years to embrace this life-transforming

thing! Declare the desires of your heart rather

message. My hope is that those the Lord

than the heaviness of your reality. Set your

allows me to influence will embrace this and

mind (and heart) to be resolution-oriented and

let this fact catapult them into their destiny.

SWAGHER MAGAZINE

41

Lao Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher, said

your destiny."

the following: "Watch your thoughts, they become your

Your thoughts are POWERFUL. They dictate your

words; watch your words, they become your

words. Your words are POWERFUL. They shape

actions; watch your actions, they become your

your life. As beings created in the image of God -

habits; watch your habits, they become your

the One who spoke the world into existence - we

character; watch your character, it becomes

possess creative word power as well.

Connect with LaQuita below: Website: www.laquitamonley.com Instagram: @laquita_monley Facebook: LMMonley LinkedIn: LaQuita Monley

SWAGHER MAGAZINE

42

BY: SHAVONNA PERKINS

Heal Your Relationship with Money For the most part, we understand that we will have many relationships in our life. Our parents, siblings, spouse, and friends; however, our relationship with money continues to be one of our biggest struggles. Just like our relationship with family and friends can become rocky and requires healing, so does our relationship with money.

The reality is that wealth is deeper than money. It's tapping into and healing from any childhood drama, environmental factors, stress from earning money, or simple mistakes that we've made. Before starting the hands-on process, I ask my clients to discover the root of their money issues. Until financial healing

financial healing:

Photo by Prostock-Studio

happens, we continue to create unhealthy cycles of living and spending.

A - Accept: Accepting responsibility is often very hard for

Money is connected to your mindset, and your

us to do. Accepting the reality of what was or

mindset carries everything you've been taught,

is sometimes produces guilt and shame and

lived, and what has shaped you. If you were

fuels the fear of being inadequate. We must

raised in a home where finances were

accept where we are on this financial journey,

unstable, your parents were probably afraid to

even if that means low bank accounts, bad

look at their bank accounts. You may have

credit scores, astronomical debt, or even

been taught that money is evil or even been

bankruptcy. Remember accepting it isn't

told that you had to work impossibly hard to

confining you to your current position. It's

earn what you want.

simply acknowledging where you are to know where to start. Acceptance is one of the most

So how do you start this journey to financial

original forms of forgiving, thus the first step

healing? You can find these tips in the ABCs of

to healing.

43

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B - Believe:

budget, ensures you get the most out of your

Do you believe that you can become wealthy?

finances. When you create a budget it:

Or do you think the floor is your ceiling,

1. Informs you of what's coming into the

meaning you believe where you are, is where

household,

you'll forever be? We cannot heal from

2. Tells you what's leaving the household,

financial issues and trauma when we think

3. Reveals any gaps, shortcomings, or areas

less of our capabilities or believe that creating

of improvement.

and living our desired lifestyle is impossible.

Imagine if you took the limits off what's

Be honest with what concerns you. As you are

possible and just lived. Whether you're in debt

building this plan, design a realistic plan. Ask

or want to take your wealth journey to the next

God to show you any obstacles or challenges

level, you must believe it's attainable. There is

that could prevent you from achieving your

great peace knowing that you believe your

goals or old habits and mindsets you must

provider will always provide and that He's

remove. Consistently review and reassess to

given you the means to manage your money.

feel more confident about your plan.

God has made multiple promises to his children, and our only job is to believe and

Remember, your past doesn't define you, but

receive.

the steps you take today determine your future. Once you've identified what may be

C - Create:

holding you back from living in abundance, you

As simple as creating a plan sounds, your

change your mindset; once you change your

financial healing continues here. A clear

mindset, you change your narrative; once you

success plan, such as financial goals and a

change your narrative, you change your future!

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CONFIDENCE BUILDHER

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NINA MATA www.lidyacrivera.com

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Lidya C. Rivera

We Interrupt Your Programming DAWN MICHELLE IS A PHILLY NATIVE WHO SPENT MOST OF HER 20'S & 30'S LIVING IT UP IN NEW YORK CITY. SHE NOW CALLS ATLANTA HOME. SHE IS A WIFE, BONUS MOM, HR PROFESSIONAL, EVENT MODERATOR & COORDINATOR. SHE HAS A PASSION FOR MODELING AND VOICE-OVER ARTISTRY. DAWN’S SHOW, “SUNDAY SET UP” AIRS ON SUNDAYS AT 7 PM CT.

Chrisnatha Derosier @chrisnatha

TRISH STANDLEY IS THE HOST OF “STYLE WITH TRISH” A TV SHOW WHICH STREAMS ON AMAZON PRIME, YOUTUBE, AND HER PERSONAL WEBSITE. TRISH BEGAN HER MEDIA CAREER IN 2016 WHEN HER JOURNEY BEGAN AS A SYNDICATED RADIO SHOW AND THEN A TELEVISION SHOW. “STYLE WITH TRISH” BROADCASTS ON THURSDAYS.

Keshia "K.B." Green @prguru

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Dawn Michelle @innerbeautyatl CHRISNATHA DEROSIER IS A CERTIFIED LIFE COACH, AUTHOR, SPEAKER AND MEDIA CORRESPONDENT. SHE IS THE FOUNDER OF THE MASTERPIECE COACHING & CONSULTING FIRM AND THE MASTERPIECE INSTITUTE. THROUGH HER COMPANY AND ONLINE SCHOOL, SHE HELPS AUTHORS, SPEAKERS AND CREATIVES. CHRISNATHA’S SHOW, “THE MASTERPIECE LOUNGE” AIRS ON WEDNESDAYS AT 11 AM CT.

Trish Standley @trishstandleytv

KESHIA "K.B." GREEN IS A WIFE, MOM, RETIRED ARMY VETERAN, AND PUBLISHED AUTHOR. SHE IS A PROUD HBCU GRADUATE OF CLARK ATLANTA AND OWNER OF THE BRITTON GROUP PUBLIC RELATIONS AND AN ACCOMPANYING ONLINE UNIVERSITY BGPRU. K.B.’S SHOW, “VIEWS FROM SWAGHER TOWER” AIRS ON EVERY OTHER MONDAY AT 5 PM CT.

TANISHA SHANEE “MISS INSPIRATION” IS AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER, PURPOSEFUL LIFESTYLE STRATEGIST, AUTHOR, AND E-LEARNING SPECIALIST. AFTER EMBARKING ON HER OWN JOURNEY, SHE ESTABLISHED HER COACHING PROGRAM HEALING FOR PURPOSE & INSPIRATIONAL TRAILBLAZERS LIFESTYLE GROUP. TANISHA IS THE HOSTESS OF “LIFESTYLE & THINGS”, WHICH BROADCASTS ON WEDNESDAYS AT 6 PM CT.

Dr. Sharon Porter @iamdrsharon

KHADIJAH PHILLIPS IS A HIGHLY DRIVEN WOMAN WHO WAS BORN TO BREAK BARRIERS, SHE PROVES THAT WHEN POWERED BY PURPOSE, WOMEN ARE UNSTOPPABLE. KHADIJAH INSPIRES. SHE EMPOWERS. SHE UNLEASHES. SHE ALSO HOSTS “CONVERSATIONS WITH BLACK WOMEN IN TECH” ON FRIDAYS AT 7 PM CT.

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LARHONDA MARIE IS A FORMER R&B GOSPEL SINGER, SONGWRITER AND PRODUCER. FOR YEARS TRAVELED THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES BRINGING SOULS TO CHRIST THROUGH HER MINISTRY OF MUSIC. LARHONDA IS THE HOSTESS OF UNDER CONSTRUCTION WITH LARHONDA, WHICH AIRS THURSDAYS AT 7 PM CT.

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DR. SHARON H. PORTER (DR. SHARON) IS PRESIDENT OF SHP ENTERPRISE, THE UMBRELLA ENTITY FOR PERFECT TIME SHP PUBLISHING, VISION & PURPOSE LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE AND MEDIA, AND SHP MEDIA AND GRAPHICS.DR. SHARON IS AN EDUCATOR, PUBLISHER, AND HOST. DR. SHARON HOSTS “STEP IN THE NAME OF LOVE”, WHICH AIRS EVERY 1ST SUNDAY OF THE MONTH AT 5 PM CT.

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CLAIRICA RECEIVED THE TITLE OF MRS. LOUISIANA UNIVERSAL 2019, SHE HAS USED THAT TITLE TO SPREAD POSITIVITY ACROSS LOUISIANA. SHE IS CURRENTLY AN ASSOCIATE PUBLICIST FOR MEET THE WORLD IMAGE SOLUTIONS, TALK SHOW HOST, AND ACTRESS. SHE IS THE HOST OF “SWEET & REAL” WHICH AIRS ON THURSDAYS AT 8 PM CT.

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BY: FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

Author Spotlight: Dr. LaNysha Adams for students at every educational level to showcase their "me power" for achieving success as they journey through life.

The consultant loves to discuss all things "me power". Her first book, “Me Power" was published by New Degree Press in September 2022.

When she’s not running after her sons, Dr. Adams is in pursuit of quality espresso and visiting the last five states before she's seen all fifty. Let’s tap in and learn more about Me Power below.

Fancy: Towards the end of the book, “Me Power”, you said that it is the product of twenty years of research. Can you describe what it was like first coming up with the idea?

LaNysha: It’s truly a reflection of 20 years in LaNysha Adams, Ph.D., an award-winning

education research roles at the high school,

education consultant with professional

university, school district, and state levels. I

expertise in applied linguistics/TESOL,

started my career teaching English to speakers

coaching, and research methodology, owns

of other languages domestically in three states

and operates Edlinguist Solutions LLC.

(California, New York, and New Mexico) and internationally in three countries (England,

After teaching and conducting education

Spain, and Mexico). For ten years, I worked

policy research for more than 15 years, Dr.

full-time and laid the foundation for what

LaNysha was inspired to create a company

would become my coaching and consulting

that promotes educational freedom as a way

business. When I incorporated my company,

49

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Edlinguist Solutions, after all of these years of

unleashing the best in yourself and others. It’s

conducting training in K-12, designing

operationalized in activity, observed and

workshops, and teaching, I decided to capture

analyzed through a person’s knowledge of self

my outcome in a tagline: “The path from

and principled action in five areas: 1) Embrace

learning to empowerment” so that I could

Your Barriers, 2) Focus on Your Strengths, 3)

succinctly describe my approach to change.

Speak for Your Life, 4) Choose Your Guide(s),

I’m an avid journaler, so when I reviewed all of

and 5) Ritualize Your Reflection. Me Power

my thoughts on the topic, this tagline also

teaches you how to combine self-knowledge

reflected an answer to the poverty question I

and principled action to catalyze change for

had journaled so much about.

yourself and others.

To truly change one’s life, no matter what

Fancy: I love the principles and enjoyed the

station we’re born into, we need to be

interviews and storytelling. Did you come up

empowered individually and collectively. But by

with the principles first and then select your

whom? The definition of empowerment, to give

interviewees or vice versa?

someone the power or authority to do something, had always bothered me. If

LaNysha: Most of the interviews were

empowerment comes from within, how in the

conducted after I had completed the linguistic

hell does someone else GIVE it to you? My

analysis of the word, tracing its routes in

company’s tagline, The Path from Learning to

French and Latin. At first, I was more academic

Empowerment

and found educators and psychological

Ⓡ, was chosen to highlight the

power that comes from within once we choose

experts to break down its meaning in practice.

to take control of our own lives by believing we

I was really focused on the nuances of what

can achieve our deepest hopes and dreams.

the word means, literally, compared to what

My book is about two questions — What is “Me

people take for granted as its meaning. Once I

Power” and how do people manifest it? — and

understood these distinctions, I then started to

my search for answers that explain this notion

inquire about exemplars of Me Power. Most

of empowerment as we learn and grow over

people think of those who are famous or rich.

the course of our lifetime.

That’s when I started to look more closely at everyday people who have overcome

Fancy: So tell us, what exactly is Me Power,

something. In these interviews, I noticed the

and how did you discover it?

themes of the principles recurring. Once I recognized that the five principles were

LaNysha: Me Power is “empower.” I live it, but

guidelines driving the behavior of empowered

the craziest part is that I didn’t see it in me

people, a light bulb went off, and I started to

until I started to define and describe exactly

see how the puzzle fit. M.E. as an acronym

what Me Power is. Me Power is a term I coined

started to take shape, and it actually helped

to describe the ability to realize and exude

me to describe the patterns more clearly and

one’s authentic self to live a happy, productive,

see the relationships between the concepts.

and fulfilling life. When we tap into Me Power as a force of energy, we can use that energy to

Fancy: Can you share a little about one

create change in our lives and the world

principle without us giving away too much

around us. Me Power is a powerful tool for SWAGHER MAGAZINE

50

information?

they were sleeping, is how I made progress. I set up false deadlines for myself and really

LaNysha: The first principle of Me Power is

had to escape my day-to-day life, with my

Embrace Your Barriers. While obstacles are

husband’s help, to do final pushes to get it

sometimes seen as roadblocks impossible to

done. I had deadlines for the first draft, four

hurdle, they are often the very thing one needs

phases of revision, and then had to start the

in order to move forward toward a goal.

revision process all over again after I got out

Barriers cause one to have to think outside the

of the ICU. Talk about intense!

box, expand their knowledge, and embrace uncomfortability. These actions are all

Fancy: What obstacles did you encounter

associated with Motivated Energy, the process

while writing?

of looking at barriers as an opportunity instead of an obstacle. Embracing the hardships on the route to success is the key to using Motivated Energy, helping one stop internalizing barriers and begin to view them

LaNysha: So many! My first challenge was being trained as an academic and then spending my career writing education policy, reports, and write-ups analyzing policies. While

as an opportunity to excel.

a strength, all that researching and analyzing

Fancy: How would you describe your ideal

especially for nonacademic audiences!

reader? Who did you write this book for?

Thankful for my team at New Degree Press,

and overexplaining can be a burden –

and my outside team of editors, who really LaNysha: You will love this book if you: a) are

encouraged me to write in my speaker’s voice.

looking for a clear definition of empowerment,

My second challenge was one working

b) need a structure to either answer or help

mothers everywhere can relate to – finding the

others answer the perennial question, “Who do

time to juggle through the struggle! I’m

I want to be?” and c) are in the business of

grateful my husband was there to really help

empowering people to have agency in their

and step up in the childcare department. My

lives. The ideal readers are parents, high

last challenge was the greatest one I’ve had to

school teachers, and higher education

face in life so far – living through a health

professionals. When you apply (Our) Me

episode and having to manage a chronic heart

Power, you are achieving your goals in relation

condition.

to how your actions positively intersect the lives of others.

Fancy: You survived a heart attack earlier this year. Can you share more about that?

Fancy: What was your writing process like?

LaNysha: A heart attack and a cardiac arrest LaNysha: When at my best, I set aside time to

are medical terms that are often used

write every day using the Pomodoro technique.

interchangeably, but they actually have

That works well when you have a schedule. But

different meanings, which I came to learn after

I started writing Me Power with a 4-month-old

I went through this experience. The difference

baby and an almost 2.5-year-old with no

between these two conditions is that during a

childcare during the pandemic. So episodic

heart attack, the heart is still beating, so it can

writing, where I could do intense writing when

pump oxygen-rich blood throughout the body.

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51

During a cardiac arrest, the electrical signals

side of my nature. The fact that I am Samoan

that enable the heart to beat properly become

and Black, a lover of cultures and people, a

disrupted and stop pumping blood throughout

wife, a mother of two boys, and a friend to

the body. What happened to me is that I got

many makes me me.

COVID in a bad way at the beginning of 2022.

Turns out I had COVID-pneumonia but didn’t

Fancy: Do you have any other projects or

know it until I suffered a cardiac arrest. My

events that you care to share?

husband found me unconscious and started performing CPR. I spent a week in a coma and another week in the ICU. Since then, I’ve had many therapies, and in September, I received an ICD or pacemaker.

LaNysha: I’m a Mentor for College Bound, a nonprofit based in DC with a mission to prepare public school students for college entry, college completion, and success in life.

In December 2020, I co-founded BlackLinkedIn

Fancy: Most people who have near-death

is Thriving, a community of Black folks that

experiences usually go through a sort of

started in the digital space on Clubhouse, as a

transformation. Has your life or your outlook

hashtag, and as a private group on LinkedIn. It

on life changed in any way? If yes, how?

was created after reading Ashanti Martin’s article of the same name in the New York

LaNysha: Technically I died and came back, so

Times, a piece chronicling active voices and

I feel a renewed sense of life. I don’t have time

treatment of black people on the platform.

to waste. And my tolerance for foolishness has

Shoutout to my co-founders: Bianca Jackson,

declined tremendously. I’m so grateful to be

Martin Pratt, Kesha Kent, and Melody Rash. In

alive and to see what life has in store for my

these spaces, we come together to unpack

two boys for however long I’m going to be on

what’s going on in life, what’s happening

the planet. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of

professionally and recharge before going back

us, but that sentiment hits differently these

into the workspace. Since December 2020, we

days. I feel a quiet resolve about what’s ahead,

have met every Sunday at 9 AM Eastern on the

and I’m definitely not afraid of death, which I

Clubhouse App.

see as another kind of beginning.

Fancy: How would you describe your swagher? What makes Dr. LaNysha, Dr.

Fancy: Where can our readers connect with you?

LaNysha?

LaNyshe: Through my

LaNysha: I am staunchly independent, taking

where three times a month

the liberty early in my life to be who I am as I

on Wednesday, I explore

choose. Being raised by my teenage mother

(Our) Me Power with

and the village, including my great-

inspirational stories and

grandparents, grandparents, great-aunts and

provocative reminders that

uncles, Godparents, and aunties, helped to

we all have more power

create the conditions I came up in. Being from

then we think. Join me on

southern California, where LA and San Diego

social @edlinguist and my

are my stomping grounds, adds to the chill

website www.lanysha.com.

newsletter, The 3-31. It’s

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BY: FRANCHESKA “FANCY” FELDER

Healing Through Seduction Perle Noire is THE Black Burlesque Queen. A paragon of glitz and glamour, Perle is an intuitive healer, creative director, transformative coach, and the creator of The Healing Through Seduction program. She specializes in guided sensual touch, empowerment workshops, and burlesqueinspired healing rituals. Known as Mama Perle in the burlesque community, she's been blessed with the unique gift of embodying Josephine Baker and healing her audiences.

As a visionary, she is also an advocate for people searching for a community to reclaim their bodies and reclaim control over their sensuality. Perle has been featured in magazines and websites like Cosmopolitan, Curve, 21st Century Burlesque, L. A Times, Broadway World, MTV, Bustle, and Reflex.

Discover the art of healing through seduction as we chat with Perle.

Fancy: What does it mean to heal through seduction?

Perle: When I encourage women and femmes to heal through the art of self-seduction, I encourage them to protest with their bodies and redefine what it means to be a strong Black woman or femme. When we prioritize loving ourselves, I believe we can heal the energy living in our hips and womb seven generations forward and back through

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romancing ourselves with affirming words and

When you're dancing burlesque in the Healing

releasing any shame of healing through

Through Seduction program, you know that

sensuality. It's no secret that Black women

you're not being judged or seen as "too much"

have been taught to shrink ourselves, hate our

because you want to belong to yourself.

features, hate our natural curves, and so much

Glamour is also welcomed, and so is

more. We can trace it back to White men

uninhibited dancing and the acceptance of

dehumanizing our ancestors, sadly taking

your body. There's an invitation to be

away their right to use their hips, chanting,

vulnerable, and that's the genuine intimacy and

clapping, stomping their feet, and dancing to

seduction we're all looking for.

worship because they couldn't control their attraction to our powerful melanated bodies.

Fancy: How did you discover this technique?

Our people dance to focus on spirituality and to connect to the highest power of all. So it

Perle: I discovered this technique when I

makes sense that I must return to everything

decided to heal from internalized racism. I'm

deemed too powerful before I was taught to

not only a client; I'm the Healing Through

hate myself and what comes naturally.

Seduction president. My career path started with my own body-positivity journey. Unlike

That's why I am on a mission to help women

most people, my journey of falling in love with

and femmes prioritize their self-care and

myself didn't start with loving my curves. On

sensual journey through the art of

the contrary, as a Black woman, I had to fall in

transformative burlesque. Especially women of

love with having a flat derriere and dark skin.

color who have been taught that staying in

No matter how much I worked out or with

abusive relationships with intimate partners

surgery, I couldn't change those two things.

and family members is a badge of honor. I want to redefine the definition of strength and

Luckily, I was introduced to Josephine Baker

resilience for women. The Healing Through

and the art of burlesque. I started my

Seduction Program is a space for women and

burlesque career in 2003, and that's when

femmes to be celebrated when they honor

Josephine Baker spoke to me. She told me I

their boundaries, explore their sensuality,

was born to honor her legacy and show the

practice consent, and offer community to other

world how beautiful and influential blackness

women by lifting them up.

in burlesque can be. To honor my assignment, I had to start seducing myself instead of

Fancy: How does burlesque dance play a part

waiting on society and emotional surrogates to

in things?

validate my worth hence, how my program Healing Through Seduction technique was

Perle: Burlesque is so powerful that no two

born.

people will describe it similarly. First and foremost, burlesque is one of the oldest art

Fancy: Who might this healing technique be

forms of theatre, so you have a place as a

for?

woman to honor any narrative about yourself that feels safe. Finding an alternative form of

Perle: Healing Through Seduction is for

therapy can be very healing and fulfilling.

anyone who wants to reconnect with

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54

themselves through dancing and burlesque-

reach new people today. Yes, glamour has

inspired rituals. But suppose you want to know

many faces. Burlesque has many faces.

what kind of people sign up. In that case, I am proud to say that my community is filled with

Fancy: Can you share what you healed from?

entrepreneurs, light workers, therapists, lawyers, creatives, sex workers, dancers,

Perle: Darling, I am afraid you may never

mothers, women who had to give up their

interview me again if I give you the complete

careers in dance, and femmes transitioning.

list of my rebirths. However, I will share my

The focus is on self-seduction so that you can

most recent transformation and rebirth. I

recharge to avoid burnout, and connect with

decided not to allow my mother to abuse me

your ancestors through movement meditation,

emotionally, financially, mentally, or spiritually

your inner child through uninhibited

anymore to break generational curses and

exploration. Of course, my technique is for

honor my assignment to help women heal

anyone looking for an excuse to be glamorous.

through transformative burlesque. I love my

When we start our day by seducing ourselves,

mother, and I forgive her for her past. However,

we can feel satisfied with our life and

I know that forgiveness doesn't mean access,

accomplishments regardless of our

and I deserve to be loved by my family. This

relationship status. When we seduce

decision has changed not only my life but the

ourselves, chances are high that we will ask

life of many other Black women that work with

for the raise or kill it at our next board meeting.

me in my group sessions or VIP Days. We

And lastly, when we seduce ourselves, we will

speak openly about absent fathers in the Black

allow ourselves to be celebrated for our joy

community, but it is time to honor that not

instead of our pain. There's a new Black

every woman is a natural caretaker. Mothers

woman in town, and she isn't burnt out or

are human beings that should be cherished but

waiting on anyone to validate her existence.

also held accountable for any neglect or trauma they cause to their children. I have

Fancy: How long have you practiced

healed from that hard decision, and every day I

burlesque?

wake up, I have to choose myself again until she is ready to love me. This probably isn't

Perle: I've been an icon in burlesque for over

what you or your readers had in mind, but this

ten years now. My journey started in 2003

is my healing truth. Thank you for allowing me

when I landed the role of Lotti Fedici in

to stand in it.

Backstage at Da Fonky B. The all-Black musical focused on burlesque and bringing awareness to Black burlesque legends. I had the honor of meeting many living Black legends, including Lotti the Body and Toni Elling, who was a muse to Duke Ellington. I will also go on record to say that I'm one of the most celebrated women in burlesque since Josephine Baker. I have honored her mission, and I'm honored that you're allowing me to

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BY: SABRINA ESPERE CARRINGTON

The Fall Focus Melanated Beauty Complimenting the Colors of Fall Agh! Fall is here! A wonderful time of year with

match patterns, add texture, and wear season-

climate changes and the intrinsic yet

approved accessories such as boots, hats, and

phenomenal transformation in nature. Yellow,

scarves. This is an ode to our culture as well,

orange, and red pigments that were already in

where for centuries, we have been the

the leaves now unmask their long-awaited

inspiration to so many fashion looks with our

inner beauty that was placed on "pause" during

creativity and sophistication.

the warmer months. Fall presents beautiful, bold colors that have become a seasonal color

The "Peacoat," a fall staple for years but

palette in fashion. As a fashion writer, I have

heavily worn in the '40s, was upgraded by the

observed over the years that the colors of Fall

Black race by adding layering effects with

undeniably compliment black and brown skin

scarves, vests, high-collared blouses, and

in such a heartwarming way. Without saying,

shirts, etc. In the 1950s, the sophistication

melanated skin can easily complement any

with complimentary hats and shoes added to

color hue. However, in the Fall, we mainly shine

the black style, with color saturation from head

with tones reminiscent of our heritage, the

to toe - a concept that many designers now are

lands we originated from, and the richness of

ranting and raving over. In the 1960s, we

our culture.

paired different colors and created the "color block scheme" that has made a necessary

Color is powerful, and according to Sikka.com,

comeback in the past few years. In the 1970s,

"In African culture, colors inherently have a

the era of many of our parents who rocked

symbolic nature in a variety of areas…Colors

different textures in the Fall, from corduroy to

can represent a variety of emotions, traditions,

leather, in such a high-fashion and influential

and victories in the wake of struggles." Most of

way created an inspirational path.

the natural colors of Fall coincide with the colors that are within our culture.

Years later, we have examples of our past to help us generate a brighter here and now as

Another beautiful thing about the Fall is the

well as a future. When it comes to what we

different styles and looks that can be

wear, it is a billboard for all to see. In

achieved. Fall is the only season when we have

continuing the legacy of those who have gone

the ability to layer articles of clothing, mix and

before us, let's show the beauty of our race

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and culture through style.

this designer created and spearheaded the "15 Percent Pledge", giving black businesses shelf

Introducing a few Fall Trends for 2022. Our

space in retail stores. For the fall season,

listing is a combination of trends reported by

thigh-high boots are a look, especially with a

major fashion experts and our personal

mini-skirt or pair of fall shorts in leather, suede,

favorites by Black-owned brands that we would

or corduroy. James created the "Brandy Over

like to recognize and patronize. This listing

the Knee Boot" in black and electric papaya.

also shows off the season's colors for our

For the fall season, consider the electric

"melanated selves" to celebrate, and

papaya. "An eye-popping neon hue accentuates

understand a much richer and deeper

the statement-making look of an over-the-knee

connection. Enjoy!

boot made of curve-hugging stretch fabric and lifted by a sculptural heel."

DESIGNER: AURORA JAMES BRAND: BROTHER VELLIES Aurora James, now serving us her amazing looks for Fall in Nordstrom, is an amazing, culture-centered designer of shoes, boots, and apparel. In response to "Black Lives Matter,"

DESIGNER: ROMEO HUNTE BRAND: ROMEO HUNTE SWAGHER MAGAZINE

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Romeo Hunte is a creative fashion designer

been dressed and styled by this

with an eye for unique color combinations,

young designer, who is still in his twenties and

textures, and prints. This black designer has

is taking the fashion industry by storm. For the

broken the mold and has proven that

Fall, you can find his collection in Saks Fifth

opportunities can and do exist - beyond our

Avenue, debuting a Two Piece Colorblock Rib-

wildest dreams. Michelle Obama, Zendaya,

knit Tank Dress and Bolero Set. This set

Beyonce, and Saweetie have been seen in

provides a great versatile look for the season,

Hunte's eclectic, chic outerwear. Hunte, in

displaying multiple Fall influenced colors such

collaboration with Tommy Hilfiger, has an

as green, blue, purple, and shades of orange.

Adjustable Trench Coat for the Fall. This multicolored beige trench has detachable panels and belted cuffs and is unisex. "It's Just a Trench" is printed on a panel on the back.

DESIGNER: CHRISTOPHER JOHN ROGERS BRAND: CHRISTOPHER JOHN ROGERS Fashion Award-winning designer Christopher John Rogers has made splashes worldwide with his unique style in the womenswear

DESIGNER: DUMEBI (ANDREA) IYAMAH BRAND: ANDREA IYAMAH

category. Michelle Obama and Cardi B have SWAGHER MAGAZINE

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Colorful, functional, high-fashion pieces best describe Dumebi Iyamah's "Andrea Iyamah" clothing line. Now available on Revolve through an exciting collaboration, Iyamah lends a very fashion-forward and couture look for Fall. Amongst her collection, Iyamah debuts the X Revolve Adu Bubble Sleeve Top in luscious ruby. A blousy bodysuit with a detachable puff sleeve and elastic cuffs for a weather-changing Fall. The color is a sheen, satin fabric, making a statement that will kindly complement any melanated complexion.

Along with a complementary mini, the X Revolve Adu Mini Skirt in wine is fully lined and delicately created with ruched satin fabric making these two pieces the perfect match.

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STILLBORN AND INFANT LOSS SUPPORT (SAILS) BRINGING LOVE, SUPPORT AND UNITY TO GRIEVING FAMILIES. Stillborn And Infant Loss Support (SAILS) knows the heartbreak and emptiness that grieving parents feel, and we want them to know they are not alone.

We are here for them during this unimaginable loss, one that no parent should ever have to endure. We understand and grieve alongside them.

SAILS' mission is to provide a platform of community, mentorship, education, and advocacy for families impacted by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby before their first birthday.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Facts Stillbirth in the United States is most commonly defined as a fetal death occurring at 20 weeks or more gestation.

Black women are more than twice as likely to lose their babies to stillbirth than white women.

The CDC estimates that 23,500 babies in the U.S. are born still each year, and nearly 7,000 of those babies are African American.

ssmiley@bornintosilence.org

www.bornintosilence.org

410-941-9061

Born Into Silence

@bornintosilence

@bornintosilence