5 minute read
Excellence, not perfection
What is about women that makes it so difficult for us to ask for help? Gill Donnell gives her opinion
Advertisement
Sometimes, I think hearing a woman asking for help is about as uncommon as hearing a man ask for directions! No one is going to reward us at the Pearly Gates because we did one more chore, cooked one more meal or fi nished one more load of washing. I say, delegate as much as you can and don’t get into the no-win position of playing the martyr. Please, stop trying to be the perfect mother, wife, daughter or lover – trust me, excellence is far
easier to achieve than perfection. I frequently hear women bemoaning the amount of time it takes to do all those essential chores after their full day working, yet many seem genuinely astonished when I suggest they might invest some of that hardearned cash in a cleaner, gardener or ironing fairy.
The same happens in the world of business, where many female solopreneurs wait until they are almost at breaking point before they accept that help from a virtual assistant, bookkeeper or social media assistant might actually free them up to do what they’re really, really good at.
But at home, in particular, there seems to be all manner of reasons why these ‘pink’ jobs can’t be franchised out. The most common, often unspoken, reason is that it won’t be done as well as they would do it themselves. (This applies in business too.) That may well be true, but is the rest of the family really going to be aghast if the shower screen has a few smudges? Will they even notice if the vacuum cleaner isn’t pushed around as regularly? Interestingly, in my experience, the belief of many women that they must personally fulfi ll their responsibilities in terms of these so-called ‘female’ household chores doesn’t necessarily extend to their busy male partners. Their responsibilities might typically extend to mending cars, plumbing, decorating, cutting grass and hedges. Certainly in our house, and in many others, a number of the ‘boy’ jobs are contracted out to others with no guilt at all. Of course, if you do invest in help and give
up on that perfectionist gene, don’t fall into the trap of cleaning up before the cleaner comes!
So why do some of us set ourselves standards that Mother Theresa would struggle to reach? Our upbringing can have a great impact on in-built personal expectations and unrealistic standard setting, often passed from generation to generation. Although some inherited traits will be of great benefi t to us in our professional lives, such as ‘strong work ethic’ or an ‘ability to work well under pressure’. As with anything, it’s the extremes that can lead to an unhealthy outcome, such as
feeling that it’s necessary to work a 60-70-hour week to be successful.
There are many things we can do to help achieve a healthy balanced outlook and to develop, learn and succeed without putting ourselves under too much pressure. Many of these are outlined in my book Celebr8 Success, which this article is extracted from, but my favourite tip is probably to learn to ‘fail brilliantly’. There is no shame in failure, if we take the opportunity to learn and embrace the process. So embrace excellence, don’t push yourselves to achieve excessively high standards, whether set by yourself or others around you. To quote Winston Churchill: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
Celebr8 Success – How to be a Successful Working Mum without the Guilt was written by Gill Donnell MBE and can be found on Amazon in Kindle or paperback format.
About Gill Donnell MBE
Gill is an experienced leader, motivational speaker and personal development coach, who has spent much of her working life promoting the role of women in the workplace and supporting individuals to achieve their full potential. Having worked in a variety of different sectors, Gill is able to draw on an extensive knowledge base to promote personal and organisational learning and development.
