Excellence, not perfection What is about women that makes it so difficult for us to ask for help? Gill Donnell gives her opinion
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ometimes, I think hearing a woman asking for help is about as uncommon as hearing a man ask for directions! No one is going to reward us at the Pearly Gates because we did one more chore, cooked one more meal or finished one more load of washing. I say, delegate as much as you can and don’t get into the no-win position of playing the martyr. Please, stop trying to be the perfect mother, wife, daughter or lover – trust me, excellence is far
“No one is going to reward us at the Pearly Gates because we did one more chore, cooked one more meal or finished one more load of washing” easier to achieve than perfection. I frequently hear women bemoaning the amount of time it takes to do all those essential chores after their full day working, yet many seem genuinely astonished when I suggest they might invest some of that hardearned cash in a cleaner, gardener or ironing fairy. The same happens in the world of business, where many female solopreneurs wait until they are almost at breaking point before they accept that help from a virtual assistant, bookkeeper or social media assistant might actually free them up to do what they’re really, really good at. But at home, in particular, there seems to be all manner of reasons why these ‘pink’ jobs can’t be franchised out. The most common, often unspoken, reason is that it won’t be done as well as they would do it themselves. (This applies in business too.) That may well be true, but is the rest of the family really going to be aghast if the shower screen has a few smudges? Will they even notice
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if the vacuum cleaner isn’t pushed around as regularly? Interestingly, in my experience, the belief of many women that they must personally fulfill their responsibilities in terms of these so-called ‘female’ household chores doesn’t necessarily extend to their busy male partners. Their responsibilities might typically extend to mending cars, plumbing, decorating, cutting grass and hedges. Certainly in our house, and in many others, a number of the ‘boy’ jobs are contracted out to others with no guilt at all. Of course, if you do invest in help and give up on that perfectionist gene, don’t fall into the trap of cleaning up before the cleaner comes! So why do some of us set ourselves standards that Mother Theresa would struggle to reach? Our upbringing can have a great impact on in-built personal expectations and unrealistic standard setting, often passed from generation to generation. Although some inherited traits will be of great benefit to us in our professional lives, such as ‘strong work ethic’ or an ‘ability to work well under pressure’. As with anything, it’s the extremes that can lead to an unhealthy outcome, such as
“Many female solopreneurs wait until they are almost at breaking point before they accept that help from a virtual assistant, bookkeeper or social media assistant might actually free them up to do what they’re really, really good at”
#SWIBTRIBE | ISSUE 3
