Tenerife Weekly Issue 24 by Tenerife Weekly

Tenerife Weekly TENERIFE’S LOCAL FREE WEEKLY NEWSPAPER

23rd March - 29th March 2012

Issue 24

It’s Official: Madrid Authorises Oil Prospecting In Canarian Waters

Following our report, two weeks ago, with regards to the prospective oil exploration plans off the coast of the Canaries; authorisation has been received from Central Government to proceed. The news comes far earlier than expected with the publication in Wednesday’s (21st March) BOE (Boletín Oficial del Estado). Repsol has now been given official permission to carry out oil prospecting in the sea between Lanzarote and Morocco. This official announcement has been coming for a few days and has resulted in great consternation in the Canarian Government, with President Rivero (our superhero pictured right) saying he’ll fight this tooth and nail. Suspicions are rife, too, that this has been rushed through by Madrid in order to pre-empt any legal measures the Canaries could initiate to stop the prospecting before it had started. The Canarian President, backed inevitably by green groups and political parties of other hues as well as Greenpeace, says it will have an adverse effect on tourism and that any oil spill would spell the end for the Canaries. Repsol YPF, SA, intends to carry out the drilling in the waters very close to the islands of Lanzarote and Fuerteventura. The oil company hopes to begin drilling within two years. Ben Magec, from Ecologists in Action has asked protesters to participate in the demonstrations. The most significant events will take place on the 24th March, with demonstrations being held in different parts of the archipelago. Mr Magec was reported as saying, “To achieve its objectives, Repsol has t the area in serious danger.

Continued on page 3

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 editorial & legal

CONTENTS

3 11 12 14 16 19 34 35 36 37 39

40 42 43 44 45 47 48 49 50 52 54

LOCAL NEWS BUSINESS NEWS WORLD NEWS IRISH NEWS NATIONAL NEWS TV GUIDE TIME OUT SHOWBIZ OUT ON THE TOWN SHARPLES IN SESSION COMMUNITY

HEALTH, BEAUTY & FASHION WHO RATTLED YOUR CAGE? CALDERS CONFESSIONS PHYCHE / HOROSCOPES PETS’ PAGE GARDENING / LOCAL INFO FOOD TECHNOPHILE CLASSIFIED SECTION MOTORING / DIY SPORT

Editorial Hello, readers.

So, Repsol have now been given full government sanction to drill for oil off the coast of the archipelago (front page.) This could be bad news for the islands. A (possibly spurious) report suggested that the topography of the ocean floor in the area is more mountainous than the Gulf of Mexico, where the disastrous Deepwater Horizon oil spill happened. As a layperson I can only hope that this is not a bad omen. Expect many more protests in the future regarding this political hot potato! Many employees are scared to take sick days, in case they lose their jobs (page 9.) Unfortunately, this is a situation that can only get worse since the passage of the reform bill. In one of my previous lives I worked in a hotel here in the south. I saw first-hand the way people would drag their half-dead bodies into work, rather than use a “baja”. Personally, I think it stinks that you should get your baja paperwork into your work on the day you fall ill. Madness. If you’re too ill to get into work, then, I would assume, you’re too ill to get into work to satisfy a

paper-hungry jobs worth. The Canarian Government is to start charging for “frivolous” uses of the emergency services (page 5.) I think this is probably a good idea. Too many times I’ve heard of abuses of the much stretched services; such as an anecdotal story someone recanted to me about calling the emergency services because their iPad wouldn’t charge up! I kid you, not. Our friends in the north (Icod de los Vinos) have been told that they have too much fluoride in their drinking water (page 6.) Personally, I have in-laws who live in one of the affected areas. Here’s a word of advice to them: beer. El Médano are waiting for their smelly drainage system to be repaired (page 9.) I have personally witnessed the awful stench that emanates from the ground on certain days. With the heat of summer approaching fast we can only hope the situation gets better. It’s a real shame, because it’s a beautiful area with a fascinating mixture of cultures and some great eateries. Until next week, have a great week.

Colin Taylor.

Friday

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Editor in Chief

Production

Leah Farrell Editor

Stephen Eade

Colin Taylor

Tenerife Weekly

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 LOCAL NEWS

Sunderland man cleared of Tenerife murder after “Four-Year Hell” “MY four-year hell is finally over.” These are the words of relieved Stephen Johnson after being told the nightmare that started in January 2008, when he was accused of murdering a Moroccan in Tenerife, is finally over. After spending three years unable to leave the island while he waited for a trial, businessman Stephen, known as Stepy, was found not guilty of murder in July. But just weeks later he was told he was being fined 1,190 euros after being found guilty of participating in a brawl. Prosecutors then decided to appeal against the not guilty result and took their fight for a retrial to

three High Court judges in Gran Canaria. Grandfather Stephen, of Hetton, said: “I was absolutely destroyed when I found out. “My life was turned upside down yet again and me and my family were living on a knife edge again. For the last five years now I have been living not knowing what’s going to happen and the thought of a retrial through no fault of my own was awful.” However, last week, despite not being told the appeal hearing was going ahead, the 56-year-old was told the High Court judges had thrown the bid out of court as there was no fresh evidence. Stephen, who runs Stepys Coaches, said: “I’ve been

on a massive high since then. I’ve slept well for the first time in years and it’s just unbelievable.” “Being charged with murder then, knowing I’ve never been in a fight in my life and being found not guilty, having to go through all this again has been hell. “Now, I’m completely a free man and it’s great for me and my family to finally be here.” Stephen said his nightmare has taken its toll on his health, and has hit him

Continued from page 1 The enormous natural wealth and biodiversity of the area and the tourism industry are at risk. These are, undoubtedly, the main sources of income for our Autonomous Region, especially the islands of Fuerteventura and Lanzarote. The demonstrations are planned as follows: Arrecife (Lanzarote): Demonstration at 19:00. From the old Cabildo building to the esplanade in front of the new Cabildo; Puerto Cabras or Del Rosario (Fuerteventura): Demonstration at 19:00. From the Plaza de la Iglesia, Calle León y Castillo to the Church Square; Las Palmas de Gran Canaria (Gran Canaria): Demonstration at 19:00. From the Santa Catalina Park to the Plaza del Pilar by the Paseo de Las Canteras. Santa Cruz de La Palma (La Palma): Demonstration at 11:00. From The Alameda to the Government Office near the port. Sebastián de La Gomera (La Gomera):

Demonstration at 11:30. Plaza Las Américas. Santa Cruz de Tenerife (Tenerife): Demonstration at 17:00. Government Delegation. Madrid: Demonstration at 12:00. Ministry of Environment Barcelona: Demonstration at 18:00. Government Delegation. Spain, which produces about 2,000 barrels a day at the moment, is almost entirely dependent on oil imports. Although a fifth of its energy comes from wind, rising oil prices have raised pressure on the economy, which is expected to slide into recession this quarter. Repsol might be able to extract 140,000 barrels a day, meeting 10 per cent of Spain‘s oil needs, according to estimates quoted by Industry Minister, José Manuel Soria. The Spanish travel agencies‘ and tour operators‘ association CEAVYT said on Tuesday (20th March) that the plans are not likely to affect tourism in the archipelago.

hard financially with him having to fork out thousands in legal fees. In January 2008, Stephen was arrested by Spanish police after a Moroccan

in Playa de Las Américas, known locally as the Patch. He argued he had stepped in to try and break up the fight and was himself left badly injured as a result.

man was stabbed to death in Tenerife, but Stepy fought for his innocence and strenuously denied any involvement in the attack, which took place

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 local news

INDIA PLUNGES INTO A GLOBAL THRESHOLD

umours, facts and figures – all have the same to say that India is no doubt on the verge of converting itself to be one of the great superpowers, economically speaking, though the year 2011, has been a roller coaster ride of sorts, with the initial topping of the authoritarian regime by the Tunisians, which later on went to be proven to be a catalyst for what many have labelled the ´Arab Spring´. What we then saw was unprecedentedthe power of collective action inspiring a suppressed generation across the Arab Nations. Egypt overthrew their dictator- Hosni Mubarak. Libya witnessed a hostile armed struggle for months, before Muammar el Qaddafi- was eventually captured by rebels. Japan was struck by successive disasters, namely the devastating Tsunami, followed by the equally devastating Fukushima nuclear disaster. Financial markets presented a very bad image in 2011, across major world indices, the numbers are mostly at a lower level than what they were at the onset of 2011. The United States though slightly upsurged, the economic vital stats for the world`s largest economy are mostly showing signs of recovery, the increasingly high unemployment rates continue to plague the country.

As we get towards, the rest of the continents- Europe for example, the debt crisis of the government saw the PIGS crumble, wherein the Italian and Greek political leaders were ousted from their respective offices due to failure of adequately managing their nation’s finances. s German chancellor- Angela Merkel recently called the situation as “Europe’s worst crisis since the Second World War”. While there has been a setback in the Eu-

ropean economy situations- a further investigation reveals the growing strength of Asian and African economies. India too, is looking forward to a good year in 2012. GDP is forecasted at $1.858 trillion, a 7.82 per cent increase from 2011. Home to the second largest population of the world, Goldman Sachs predicts that India would become the third largest economy in the world by 2035, just following the footsteps of United States and China. Globally speaking, modernization, and

Multi-national companies have their eyes se on India as a continuously growing nation that is full of flourishing opportunities, the obvious scale of development needed could drive growth for many years. “India has the advantage of size, the scope of growth and excess capacity present in terms of resources would drive growth in the future” said Madam Sabnavis, chief economist at CARE. In recent developments, IMF chief Christine Lagarde has also commended the government’s decision to cap subsidies at two per cent of GDP. In the 2012-13 Union Budget presented last week, Finance MinisterPranab Mukherjee had said that subsidies would be capped at two per cent of GDP. “We are encouraged to see that there is a continued path towards fiscal consolidation. That there is a determination to improve the tax code”.

o sum it all up in a nut shell, India’s strong domestic demand story means that it remains an attractive investment destination for the long- term investor, and that we have a lot to look forward to this country nurtured and cherished to be the “land of prayer”.

Jyoti Prakash Udhwani, our correspondent for the local Indian Community

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 LOCAL NEWS

6,000 Euro Charge for Improper Emergency Callouts

The Canarian Government is to follow Cantabria, Catalonia and the Basque Country and introduce a charge for emergency rescues for those undertaking “risky” sports like surfing, climbing, and paragliding. The so-called Ley de Tasas has already been outlined by the Dirección General de Emergencias y Seguridad and will be put before the regional Parliament in the near future. The fee will be up to a maximum of 6,000 euros.

The law will not only set the charge when a search or rescue is made as a result of the practice of recreational or sporting activities that involve risk or danger, but also when it is through failure to observe warning signs, instructions or bans. It will also be imposed when a rescue is due to activities banned in natural spaces or which lack the required authorisation, or when those requiring rescue have not provided themselves with suitable equipment, and for prank emergency calls.

Police Arrest Three Drug Smugglers

Narcopateras, which are small zodiac-type drugssmuggling boats have often been found around the coast of Tenerife. They are regularly abandoned after the drugs are successfully brought into the island. Last week, the Policía Nacional arrested three smugglers after receiving reports from a member of the public that such a craft had been spotted on the north Tenerife coast at Punta de Hidalgo. The three had abandoned the drugs and tried to flee but after a police search involving a helicopter, they were located in a nearby plantation and arrested. A large quantity of drugs has also been taken into custody, as well as the boat, and two vans that the smugglers had been about to use. Owners of businesses located in the Las Verónicas area are slowly developing a facelift for this area. “No government aid is being granted to the project,” said Victor Sánchez, president of the Association of Playa de Las Americas Costa Adeje. Public notices have been displayed in the area to inform holidaymakers and residents of the proposals. Mr Sánchez has been reelected as president of the

Local Businesses To Give Las Verónica A Facelift association, which currently has 73 partners, whose businesses are located in the two municipalities of Arona and Adeje. One of the hardest parts of the work will involve the eradication of street traders, the reduction of PRs

(people hired to entice passers-by into bars) and prostitution. With regard to the street traders, Mr Sánchez said that regular patrols by the Policía Local will help curb their activities. Some of the street trad-

ers have complained about the plans, but local business owners counter-complain that they are paying their taxes and the illegal street trading is harming their businesses. Mr Sánchez has said he will not do away with the PRs, but put measures in place to be sure they are properly identified. He says that this particularly important at night time, to make it easier to spot pickpockets and other burdens to tourists strolling down the street.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 local news

San Andrés Will Get Facelift Before The Summer The seaside town of San Andrés is finally going to have an effective system to protect it from the ravages of the sea, after decades in which residents have been resigned to withstand continuous damage caused by storm surge and rough weather. The solution will be in three phases: the first phase, recently completed, has been the strengthening of the pier and repair of the damage caused in August, which cost 490,000 euros. The second, is a comprehensive reform of the promenade and the road section. And the third, and most importantly, will the construction of a semi-submerged dam about 100 meters from the coast, to be financed by the State. The sum of these three phases will give San Andrés protection it has never had. The steps are being taken and commitments are being met, stressed Mayor José Manuel Bermúdez. He hopes to achieve the objective “because for the first time there is a road map for the works that has been agreed upon with all administrations, and with the consensus of the neighbours, who have endorsed the progress of the works.”

Icod de los Vinos Bans Consumption Of Tap Water

The Ayuntamiento in Icod de los Vinos has banned the consumption of water in nine areas of the municipality because of excessive levels of fluoride; four times the recommended maximum. The areas affected are El Amparo, La Vega, Cueva del Viento, Lomo Las Lajas, La Patita, El Pedregal, Los Piquetes, La Florida and Fuente de la Vega.

Agenda for public protests over south hospital Mayor Bermúdez has stated that within a month work will commence on phase two, with a cost of around 400,000 euros. “This work is very important,” the mayor explained, “ because we will double the current number of parking spaces with the creation of 80 more spaces, which was one of the main demands of the residents and traders. The phase also includes a seven-meter wide walkway and a cycle lane. He added, “These changes will increase the comfort and appeal of this

corner of Santa Cruz and will make a major recovery for the entire commercial sector and the restoration of the area.” The new pedestrian pavement of the avenue, about 300 meters long, will be asphalt and decorated in large letters. Apparatus for physical exercise will also be installed, for seniors. The works are estimated to take about three months; with the mayor hoping to have the area open to the public by summer.

There will be a public march in Los Cristianos on 21 April to protest against the continued delays and unfulfilled promises over many years concerning the southern hospital. “Hospital público ya” (public hospital now) have organized the march for Saturday 21 April, and call on everyone to participate who is interested in the completion of the hospital in the south for treatment in our own region, without forcing patients and visitors to travel to the north. The protest starts at 4pm

from the Auditorio Infanta Leonor in the centre of town near the cultural centre, and will end at Avenida de Suecia and the harbour. Further protests are planned throughout the whole of south Tenerife, these include a protest today, 23 March at the plaza de Playa San Juan, Guía de Isora; 1 April at the plaza de El Médano, Granadilla; 8 April in the plaza de San Pedro in Vilaflor; and 15 April in the plaza de la Pescadora in Los Cristianos and simultaneously in the plaza de Valle San Lorenzo.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 useful information

Equity Release and Raising Capital on Real Estate in Spain

(Part One) By Michael Rhodes Introduction There are schemes available whereby an individual can take out a mortgage (supposedly without capital repayments) against his/ her property to reduce Spanish succession tax on death. The mortgage proceeds are then invested. We consider these arrangements potentially dangerous. Dangers Unlike the UK, these mortgages are NOT real lifetime mortgages (if they were, we’d welcome the product). Unlike the UK you really can lose your home or the monies advanced, or both, in certain circumstances. So it could end in disaster, exactly as happened in the UK before they introduced true lifetime mortgages. If you were told otherwise by the salesman/

adviser, you have no come back in Spain against mis-selling as the adviser is not regulated for advice over mortgages. So how can you lose your home? The products vary, but they will have one or more of the following risks: (a) The loan is repayable after a certain time period, and the bank can simply recall the loan. This is more likely to happen at a time the value of your property has fallen, or if the bank’s management wish to pull out of all such loans. Of course, you’ll be assured this is highly unlikely, but they would say that, wouldn’t they? And/or (b) You may be required to invest most of the monies into certain funds which are then made over as additional security to the

lender, as well as the mortgage charge over your house. If the investments fall in value, or the currency moves against you, you may find that the lender sells your investments without any notice to you (but even if they were to give you notice, they don’t have to receive your agreement). In the UK schemes, the homeowner can apply the proceeds to anything he/ she wants and not set aside into investments under the control of the lender. And/or (c) If you skip any interest repayments the loan can be recalled. Some products now roll up the interest BUT that’s only for the first few years, not your lifetime. Interest rates may not be capped, and can increase at any time.

Mis-selling Schemes such as this were prevalent in the UK in the 1980’s and led to considerable mis-selling. The mis-selling may arise because: (a) The financial adviser is keen to sell such schemes as it is an easy way to earn commission. (b) The worst case scenario can happen and the longer the arrangement is set for, the more likely this might occur. That scenario (which happened in the UK in the late 1980’s) is: (i) House prices fall (ii) Interest rates rise, so the

amount payable each year IN-

CREASES.

(iii) Investment values and returns collapse, so you have less income to meet interest payments. (iv) You can no longer afford to repay the interest on the mortgage and are forced to sell your home to repay the mortgage, sell your investments at a loss, and cannot now afford to buy another house of that value. You can contact Michael Rhodes on; Tel: 0034 922 796 744 Web: www.tenerifelawyer.com Email: info@tenerifelawyer.com

8 P

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 local news

otential buyers of property in Spain were [on 21st March] warned to avoid cutting corners when purchasing a home or holiday apartment. Estate agents, lawyers and property developers who offer ways to save money and speed up the Spanish conveyancing system may lead to purchasers ending up with hugely expensive headaches later on, the British Embassy warned. Despite the well-known problems facing thousands of past purchasers of property in Spain, the Embassy is aware that there are still property industry representatives who are trying to tempt future buyers with apparently attractive methods to secure their dream homes more quickly or cheaply. Such offers may in fact be very bad value. “You should exercise extreme caution if an estate agent, promoter or lawyer

Buyers warned to avoid cutting Corners on their property Purchases

urges you to cut corners to save money or time”, said Embassy property adviser Alex Brown. “The Spanish property conveyancing system is different to the UK. When you choose an estate agent, promoter or lawyer to help with your purchase, check that they are qualified, reliable professionals and have significant experience of operating in Spain and expert knowledge of how the system works.” Although the vast majority of British property owners

enjoy life in Spain and have had no problems, thousands of British expats are facing some kind of legal problem with their homes, some because they were advised to cut corners during the purchasing process. Many others are facing difficulties through no fault of their own, caught up in the complexities of Spanish planning regulations. “There is a wealth of information on the Embassy’s UKinSpain website“, said Alex Brown. “We strongly urge people to check the

advice in full, make sure they use fully qualified, reputable advisers throughout the purchase process, and avoid any kind of ‘dodgy deal’ that could end up costing huge amounts of heartache and hard-earned money later on.” The advice comes as

thousands of Britons head for the annual ‘A Place in the Sun’ show in London from 30th March until 1st April, aimed at potential purchasers of property abroad. The show’s website www.aplaceinthesun.com offers information about legal and tax issues when

buying overseas. Further Embassy advice on buying property in Spain can be found on the UKinSpain website at: http:// ukinspain.fco.gov.uk/en/ help-for-british-nationals/ living-in-spain/property-inspain.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 LOCAL NEWS

Smell of Drains Causes New Complaints in El Médano Neighbours in Calle Tenerife and Calle Suecia, El Médano, who complained about the bad odours coming from the drainage system, are growing increasingly impatient with the local council. In October they told the Diario de Avisos newspaper of their situation; that some homeowners affected by the smell are withholding rent from their landlords, and those who bought property in the area, attracted by the landscape and the warmth of the coast, are now thinking of selling up and leaving. Five months have passed and the situation, far from improving, worsens by the day, and the neighbourhood is looking with apprehension at the arrival of another summer, when foul odours intensify, especially for the 60 families who live in the La Ladera and Oeste buildings. The reason for the escalation of the problem in the heat wave is very simple: the tainted water that causes bad odours coming from La Tejita, an area in the summer months whose population increases. The origin of the problem is in the sewerage connection between La Tejita and El Médano; passing Avenida de Chasna.

The residents are still waiting for an official response from the Council on their complaint, although a report published in October’s Diario de Avisos stated that the municipal government recognised the problem. In the report the councillor of Public Service, Juan Rodríguez explained that: “The City Council is aware of this problem, which arose in connection with works done along the coastline, but we are working with the Consejo Insular de Aguas (Island Water Board) to find the best solution as soon as possible.” The victims hope that the solution will not be delayed indefinitely, as they have been denouncing the malodorous emissions since August 2010. One affected neighbour said that the root of the problem is that the sewage system from La Tejita to El Médano joins the storm drainage system, which, in his opinion, is highly irregular. Dry weather and daytime temperatures higher than normal this winter have not helped, and the atmosphere becomes unbreathable several times a day. “We’ve had two years of torture,” the residents lamented.

Prohibited From Getting Sick

A common thought amongst many employers in Spain is that one of the causes of the financial crisis, that has hit this country so hard, is the abuse of the sick note system (baja.) According to a study by The Workers’ Commission (CCOO) in the Canary Islands, 25% of workers suffer from work stress, but are “afraid” to ask for a baja, despite being ill, because of the risk of losing their jobs. In the past 10 years, the number of consultations in the occupational health office concerning stress at work has risen from 19 in 2001 to 107 in 2010, representing an increase of 563%. This increase was “more intense” when coinciding with the economic crisis. The Secretary of Health and Labour (CC.OO.)for the Canary Islands, Carmen Marrero, noted that in the years 2008 and 2009, “we saw an upward trend in consultations.” Marrero also said that the consultations meted out by the CC.OO. regarding “psychosocial risk” were 8.3% of all visits in 2001, but reached 20.74% in 2010. This means that five out of ten consultations, reaching the occupational health office were related to psychosocial risk. In terms of sectors of activity, hotels where of the highest percentage of consultations, 24%, followed by civil servants (23%) and miscellaneous activities (18%). Marrero explained that this increase was not only because workers feared losing their jobs if they

took time off work, but being unable to find a new job, also. Likewise, the reduction of the workforce, especially in the hospitality industry, “increases job stress and tension” in the workplace. Another issue is the common practice of hiring ones family members. “The employee cannot take vacation or any other time off without upsetting a family member, therefore, this creates conflict at home as it becomes more difficult to reconcile work and family life,” said Marrero. The situation is likely to be exacerbated by the new labour reforms, which were approved in February. The reforms state that an employer can dismiss an employee of they miss 20% of their working days within two consecutive months. This equates to an average of 9 or 10 days.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 local interest

The Municipality of Santa Úrsula An Insightful Guide By Carlos Hernández

Calendar of Popular Festivities in Santa Úrsula April Hermano Pedro. Tamaide End of May Pilgrimage of La Corujera May Festivities of the Cross. La Vera July 17 – 26th Santa Ana. Tosca Ana María August 2 – 10th San Luis. El Calvario August 24th –September 2nd San Bartolomé. La Corujera October 21st Patron Festivities of Santa Ursula November 30th San Andrés December 5 – 8th Immaculate Conception. La Corujera Dear Readers, welcome once more to our journey across the Island of Tenerife. As we edge closer and closer to the capital we visit one of the least known municipalities; Santa Ursula. Geography. Located on the northern part of the island with a surface area of 22.59 Km2, at an altitude of 290 m, it has a population of 11,959. It is 31 Km from Santa Cruz de Tenerife by road. To the east it borders the municipality of La Victoria de Acentejo, to the west we find La Orotava and to the south the municipalities of Candelaria and Arafo. History Three temples were built here in 1883; San Luis, in El Calvario, San Bartolomé, in La Corujera and San Clemente, in Malpaís. Its population is much dispersed and is one that has grown the most in recent decades. Several urbanisations have been established as well as residential areas such as La Quinta and La Quinta Roja. It was in this municipality that, in the twenties, banana plantations began to be developed by the establishment of the Fyffes House and the opening of galleries that supply the necessary water for its cultivation. Places of Historical Interest Historical Quarters San Luis House El Calvario Temple of San Bartolomé . La Corujera Temple of San Clemente, finished in the year 1683 Temple of San Luis, 1680 Temple of San Salvador. La Corujera Los Lavaderos Located in the Willow Tree Canyon (Barranco de los Sauces), in the Santa Úrsula highlands. Captain’s House. La Vera Bencomo’s Cave San Clemente Farmstead Church of Santa Úrsula Moresque roofing, baroque altarpiece from the 18th century. Among the local celebrations the most outstanding are the Patron Festivities dedicated to Santa Úrsula and the Virgin of Rosario, in October.

Its wines have won a well-deserved prestige, mainly the red wines which have a lively colour and are light to the taste.

Cultural Interest Centres The Guildhall’s Municipal Archive Phone: 922 301 640 La Corujera Cultural Centre. Library Phone: 922 304 471 Multiple Uses Centre. Urban area Farrobillo Socio Cultural Centre Municipal Cinema Theatre Phone: 922 370 906 Cultural Information Office. Guildhall Council Phone: 922 301 601 Popular University Phone: 922 300 058 For walkers

is cultivated by the local dwellers. The Santa Úrsula Natural Park, Los Organos and the highlands of the Güímar Valley encloses the whole summit sector, that has a great wealth of ecology and landscape. There are examples of faya trees and heather, Canary Island pine, Spanish broom and codesos. There is a great number of endemic botanical species as well as interesting fauna.

Along the coastline there are also endemic botanical species and it is a refuge and nesting place for marine species such as the little shearwater. Ancient Royal Road of Santa Úrsula: La Victoria – La Orotava Belvedere Route: Lomo Román – Charco del Negro Cruz de La Lajita Belvedere. Altos de Santa Úrsula La Quinta Belvedere Los Polos Tamaide Belvedere

Flora & Fauna We can find species characteristic of the lowlands and also mountain, expanses of pine, both natural and replanted, which alternate with chestnut trees, a species that

of Berber origin and they developed a culture on the island, which includes their own language, art and religion. They also created their own social structure divided into several strata in a pyramidal form. They also lived in this area of Tenerife and left a rich and varied legacy. In the course of the colonisation, a part of its culture became integrated with the Spanish culture and even today there are holidays celebrated in Tenerife that correspond to Guanche celebrations.

The Drago, a tree and symbol of Tenerife, was sacred to the Guanches, which used it to manufacture medicine. Certain words of their language also remained, mostly used by the shepherds and in the names of places, including the word Tenerife, which was the name of a great Guanche king named Tinerfe.

They left many legacies that can still be seen today in different spots on the island. The Guanche sites include many elements, from caves and pyramids to clay pots and engravings on the rocks.

Carlos.

Natural Protected Spaces Acentejo Coast Las Lagunetas Las Palomas Special Natural Reserve

The Guanches are the ancient inhabitants of the island of Tenerife before the Spanish conquest of the 15th century. They were

The view of Mt. Teide from Santa Úrsula

11 El Mundo’s Parent Company Goes Into Bankruptcy Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

business news

Unidad Editorial, which edits Spanish newspaper, El Mundo, lost a record amount of money in 2011. The Italian group RCS, which owns Unidad Editorial, is being forced to invest more money in the paper following record losses.

El Mundo lost 330.8 million euros in 2011 before interest and taxes in what was the 5th year of losses and which leaves Unidad

Editorial technically bankrupt. The poor results in Spain have pulled the RCS down to losses of 322 million euros last year, and they directly blame their Spanish subsidiary for that. They have carried out a study and will pay an unusual payment

of 321.8 million euros to clean up the accounts. Unidad Editorial saw a 6.7% fall in income last year at 495.6 million

euros as sales fell in both El Mundo and Marca and income from advertising fell. There is a 25 million euro cut back plan now in place. Given the situation Unidad Editorial has called a shareholders meeting for April 16.

Film’s Poor Reception Will Cost Disney Studios $200m

Walt Disney has said it expects to lose $200m (£126m) on its movie John Carter, making it one of the biggest flops in cinema history. The film, about a military captain trans-

ported to Mars, could result in an $80120m loss for Disney’s movie business during the current quarter. Disney shares fell 1% in after-hours trading after the announcement. The firm is still likely to make a substantial quarterly profit, though, thanks to its TV businesses. It is estimated that John Carter cost $250m to make and it is likely that Disney spent another $100m on marketing. But the film, starring Taylor Kitsch, received average reviews, with New York’s Time Out magazine describing it as “deadly dull”.

Business Briefs

The IMF boss, Christine Lagarde, has said that she has seen improvements in the world economy, although she added it is still vulnerable. As part of these vulnerabilities she mentioned the large public debt which is persisting in Europe, and also the price of petrol. Argentinean President, Cristina Fernández, has said that she intends to launch a hostile takeover bid to make Repsol YPF, Argentinean again in the spring. Apparently she made the comment to someone in the presidential circle. YPF is currently controlled by Spanish company Repsol, which has a 57% share. The price of liquid petroleum gas used in homes and urbanisations will rise by 10.64% before tax this month, following a resolution from the Ministry of Industry, Energy and Tourism. The Ministry of the Interior has reduced the number of private bodyguards being used in Euskadi and Navarra by 55%. From tomorrow the number goes from 789 to 364. The Association of Active Bodyguards has said that their professional collective is ‘on the road to extinction’. Minister for Hacienda and Public Administrations, Cristóbal Montoro, has assured there will be no IVA/VAT increase in the State Budget which is released on March 30. He also said that would be no reduction in the provisions for the unemployed and say ‘no special tax which could prejudice the weak would be increased’. He also criticised the election campaigns, saying they produce fear. A bad start to petrol prices this year as consumption falls by 4%. Petrol saw a 4.5% fall in demand compared to January and February last year, and diesel use was down 3.6%. Filling an average tank of 50 litres now costs 72.50 Euros, while a diesel costs between 63.25 and 59.27 Euros. Spain has asked for EU payments to help with the scrapping of the fishing fleet to be extended. The Minister for Agriculture, Foodstuffs and the Environment, Miguel Arias Cañete is also looking for a less harsh veto on fish which returned to sea after being caught. It’s all part of the reforms of the EU Common Fishery Policy and the talks continue. Unions in Spain have promised to call more strikes if the General Strike set for March 29 is a failure. They say they will ‘paralyse consumer spending’ and have called on the citizens to defend their ‘dignity and labour rights’. Juan Corominas, honorary president of the Banco Sabadell has died. He was 87. He managed the international expansion of the bank, and his great grandfather, Juan Bautista Corominas, was the bank’s first Chairman.

The film has taken no more than $184m at box offices worldwide, with cinema owners receiving around half of that total.

It is difficult to compare losses on films as studios reveal little financial detail, and as allowances have to be made for inflation. But the Hollywood Reporter says that last year’s biggest flop was Mars needs Moms, which cost $150m to make and only took $39m at the box office. Disney will be hoping for success from other big budget movies due for release later this year. The list includes The Avengers, due to be released in May, and Brave, set to be released by Disney Pixar in June.

12 7,600 Years in Jail for Thatcher to Receive a State Funeral Guatemalan Massacre When She Dies Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 world news

Five former Guatemalan soldiers have been sentenced to 7,600 years in prison for their role in a village massacre that left more than 250 men, women and children dead. The men were charged with leading a group of soldiers in the attack on Plan de Sánchez in the Baja Verapaz region as they searched for leftist guerrillas in 1982. According to authorities, the men entered the rural area with heavy arms and explosives during the height of the civil war and killed hundreds of villagers. “The accused, Luca Tecu, Mario Acoj Morales, Santos Rosales Garcia, Julian Acoj Morales, and Eucebio Grave Galiano are respon-

sible as the material culprits of the crime of murder committed against the lives and integrity of the people of Plan de Sanchez,” Judge Jazmin Barrios said in court. “For that crime they are sentenced to 30 years of prison for each person, totalling 7,600 years in the penitentiary.” Defendant Lucas Tecu said there had been no justice in the case. “This body might be dying in prison, but my soul is safer than those who made this justice,” he said after the sentencing. Nearly a quarter of a million people were killed in Guatemala’s 1960 to 1996 civil war and many thousands are still missing. In recent years, Guatemala’s ruling governments have been under

increasing pressure by human rights organisations and international tribunals to bring war criminals to justice. Juan Francisco Soto, director of the Centre for Legal Action for Human Rights (CALDH), said the sentences were a step forward for the nation. “We feel placated with the resolution of this sentence that was given today,” he said. “It’s a sign that the Guatemalan justice system is beginning to take steps to address the things that took place during the internal armed conflict.” Last week, a Guatemalan court sentenced elite soldier Pedro Pimentel to over 6,000 years in prison for his part in another civil war massacre.

Margaret Thatcher is to be given the ultimate accolade of a State funeral when she reaches the end of her days – the first British Prime Minister since Winston Churchill to be afforded such an honour. But the possibility of a formal procession could be jeopardised by fears that there are insufficient troops available to line the route because the Armed Forces are so overstretched in Afghanistan and Iraq. Although Lady Thatcher is currently in good health – she was with the Queen at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday (20th March) –plans are under way for her funeral, when the time eventually comes, to take place at St Paul’s Cathedral. The Queen and Gordon Brown are both in discussions with Lady Thatcher’s private office concerning the arrangements. This does not reflect any concern over Lady Thatcher’s health, but simply the prudent long-term planning necessary for any event involving the Queen. It has not yet been decided whether the 82-year-old former Conservative leader will lie in state in Westminster Hall. To date

the only Prime Minister in the 20th and 21st centuries to be given this honour was Churchill. There were four non-Royal State funerals in the 19th century – Nelson, Wellington, Palmerston and Gladstone. St Paul’s was chosen at Lady Thatcher’s request. The Queen is expected to be among the many world leaders, Royals and other dignitaries who would be in attendance. Overall arrangements for the funeral are being led by Sir Malcolm Ross, the Queen’s former Master of the Royal Household, who has managed every Royal funeral since 1997, including those of Princess Diana and the Queen Mother. A source said: ‘Sir Malcolm has been brought in because he has an excellent track record and is considered the best man for the job.’ Sir Malcolm is renowned for his discretion and kept the plans for the Queen Mother’s funeral in his briefcase for 17 years. His plans have also been discussed with Lady Thatcher’s daughter Carol and son Mark in conjunction with Mark Worthington, her senior adviser.

Passing out ceremony

On Tuesday (20th March), during a wreath laying ceremony in Oslo, Norway, a soldier collapsed while waiting for Camilla and Prince Charles. This is not the first time a soldier has passed out during an official ceremony; it’s actually a fairly common event. The soldiers are up early in the morning polishing their uniforms, weapons, rehearsing, and then they’ve got to wait for hours in the cold, in the heat, without moving, drinking, eating, blinking.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 world news

UK Budget 2012: Key Points

The UK Chancellor has delivered his spending plans for the next year - cutting the “uncompetitive” top rate of tax from 50p to 45p. George Osborne said it was a Budget that “rewards work” and “unashamedly backs business”. He promised to deliver a “simpler tax system” which will be more competitive, help lift low-paid workers out of paying tax and increase the amount of money the Treasury gets from the rich. As widely anticipated, he scrapped the 50p rate of tax for workers earning more than £150,000. “It raises at most a fraction of what we were told and may raise nothing at all,” he told MPs, citing a report he commissioned from HM Revenue and Customs. He accused the rate, introduced by the last Labour government, of causing “massive distortions” as the wealthy raced to shift their earnings into the previous tax year. But he insisted the rest of his Budget would ensure the richest still bear the brunt of the burden. The Chancellor also confirmed the tax allowance would increase to £9,205 by 2013. Here are some of the key points of the Budget: UK ECONOMY Independent Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) revises up UK growth forecast for 2012 to 0.8% - from 0.7%. Forecast for 2013 is 2%, for 2014 is 2.7%, and in the two years after that 3%. Eurozone growth forecast for this year revised down by 0.8% to -0.3%. BORROWING

Borrowing this year to be £126bn - £1bn less than forecast in the autumn. Forecast to fall to £21bn by 2016-17. INCOME TAX From April 2013, the 50p top rate of tax will be cut to 45p. Personal income tax allowance raised to £9,205 from April 2013, making 24 million people £220 a year better off. New general anti-tax avoidance rule to be introduced. Age-related allowances for pensioners to be simplified over time, starting in April 2013, creating a single personal allowance for

all but ensuring no pensioner loses in cash terms. CHILD BENEFIT Will be phased out when someone in a household has an income of more than £50,000. It will fall by 1% for every £100 earned over £50,000. Only those earning more than £60,000 will lose the entirety of the benefit. HOUSING From midnight, Wednesday 21st, a new stamp duty level of 7% for homes worth more than £2m. Any such homes bought through companies will pay 15%. Extra funding to help construction firms building new homes. HELP FOR BUSINESS Corporation tax cut to 24% from next month. By 2014 it will fall to 22%. Enhanced capital allowances for businesses setting up in new Scottish enterprise zones in Dundee, Irvine and Nigg. A Welsh enterprise zone to be created in Deeside. Simplified tax system for small firms with a turnover of up to £77,000. Government support for £150m of tax increment financing to help councils promote development and an extra £270m for the Growing Places fund. Tax relief for the video games, animation and high-end television production sectors. Government considering enterprise loans for young people to start their own business. PUBLIC SECTOR Government evidence to be published on the case for regional public sector pay. Option for government departments to move to regional pay structures for civil servants when current freeze ends. ENERGY “Major package of tax changes” to boost oil and gas extraction in North Sea, along with £3bn new field allowance west of Shetland. JOBS AND SKILLS

OBR forecasts unemployment to peak this year at 8.7% before falling each year to 6.3% by 2016-17. One million more jobs to be created in the economy over five years, OBR says. FUEL, CIGARETTE AND ALCOHOL DUTIES Duty on all tobacco products to rise by 5% above inflation from 18:00 Wednesday - the equivalent of 37p on a packet of cigarettes. No change to alcohol duty. New duty on gaming machines at a standard rate of 20% and a lower rate for low-prize machines of 5% of net takings. No change to existing plans on fuel duty. Vehicle excise duty to rise by inflation, but frozen for road hauliers. PENSIONS Automatic review of state pension age to ensure it keeps pace with increasing lifespans. New single-tier state pension for future pensioners to be set at about £140 and based on contributions. TRANSPORT AND INFRASTRUCTURE Extend electrification of the Transpennine route between Manchester and Sheffield. Further improvements to the lines between Manchester and Preston, and Manchester and Blackpool. Funding for superfast broadband and wi-fi in the UK’s 10 largest cities. OTHER TAXES AND ALLOWANCES Bank levy to be increased to 0.105% from January 2013 “to ensure that corporation tax cuts do not benefit the banks”. The levy will raise £2.5bn a year. New cap on tax reliefs set at 25% of total income for anyone claiming more than £50,000 in a year, but no significant change to pensions relief. ARMED FORCES Family welfare grant and council tax relief for armed forces doubled. Extra £100m to improve military accommodation - funded by £2.4bn savings from ending combat operations in Afghanistan.

New iPad Sales Hit 3m In Four Days Apple CEO, Tim Cook

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shows that Apple, as new boss Tim Cook said at its introduction, ‘has only just got started’. However, the UK launch of the tablet was marred by black market gangs who were paying people to join the queue before shipping them to India at a profit. Customers who have ordered the device online also face waits of up to three weeks to get their hands on the gadget following its sell-out success. Apple’s sales figures come as the world’s most valuable brand paid its first dividend to shareholders since 1995.

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in sales, while the new iPad has done it in just four. Ahead of the new iPad’s release, Apple had already sold 55million tablets and completely dominates the tablet market. The new iPad’s sales figures will cement their place as market leaders well into next year and beyond. Respected tech reviewer Mark Prigg commented: ‘The new iPad is a stunning example of just how far ahead of the competition Apple is. ‘While competitors have still got nowhere near the ease of use and range of apps for the original iPad, this third generation

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The new third generation iPad has exceeded sales expectations after Apple sold more than 3million units of the new tablet across its launch weekend. Apple claims it is ‘the strongest iPad launch yet’ as tech fans around the globe queued for hours on Friday to get their hands on the new tablet. The new iPad launch has been a huge success for Apple with their impressive sales figures being matched by critical acclaim from the international media. ‘The new iPad is a blockbuster with 3million sold the strongest iPad launch yet,’ said Apple marketing executive Philip Schiller. ‘Customers are loving the incredible new features of iPad, including the stunning Retina display, and we can’t wait to get it into the hands of even more customers around the world.’ Apple’s sales figures are particularly impressive; with the original tablet taking 80 days to surpass 3million

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 IRISH NEWS

Vatican admits sex abuse ‘shame’

The Catholic Church has acknowledged “with a great sense of shame” that “innocent young people were abused by clerics” in Ireland. Those “who should have exercised vigilance often failed to do so effectively”, it said. Its acknowledgement of this “terrible phenomenon” came on Tuesday 20th March, in a summary of reports prepared by seven teams sent by the Vatican to conduct an unprecedented examination of the island’s four Catholic archdioceses, seminaries, and religious congregations. They made several recommendations and said it was up to the Irish church to implement the findings of the visitation teams, whose work “should now be considered completed”. They called on Irish church authorities to continue to devote time to listening to and providing support for victims and their families. The 7½-page report was published in Maynooth at a press conference

Archbishop Charles Brown

attended by the Catholic primate Cardinal Seán Brady, the Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin, the papal nuncio Archbishop Charles Brown and the secretary general of the Conference of Religious of Ireland Sr Marianne O’Connor. The visitation report called on the Irish church to update its child protection guidelines in accordance with those published by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in Rome last May. It said the Irish church’s child protection watchdog, the National

Board for Safeguarding Children, should be supported by “bishops, religious superiors and the whole community of the church in Ireland”. Where Irish seminaries were concerned “the seminary buildings [should] be exclusively for seminarians of the local church . . . to ensure a well-founded priestly identity”. There should be “more systematic preparation for a life of priestly celibacy . . . more consistent admission criteria . . . greater concern for intellectual formation” including “an academic programme [of] in-depth formation on matters of child protection”. It advised religious congregations to focus over the next three years on their “fundamental sources, particularly the following of Christ as revealed in the scriptures”. Archbishop Martin said the extent of abuse that had happened in the church was “shattering” and those who were abused “should be foremost in our minds”.

Family Pet Rescued From Ravine

A dog has been rescued from a ravine on the north coast by the Northern Ireland Fire and Rescue Service. ‘Pepper’ fell into the ravine near Fairhead on Monday afternoon. Firefighters from Ballycastle were called out to rescue the dog and managed to successfully winch him to safety. Once safe, Pepper was returned to his owners. They thanked the fire and rescue service for their hard work

in saving the faithful family pet. Watch Commander Hugh McGill and his team posed for a photo with Pepper after the rescue. The area near the ravine is popular with dog walkers and was busier than usual because of the good Bank Holiday Monday weather.

Cannabis Plants Worth 520,000 Euros Seized In Cavan A large quantity of being cultivated in a vacannabis plants, with an estimated street value of 520,000 Euros, have been found following a search of a house in Coothill, Co Cavan. Gardaí discovered over 1,300 cannabis plants

cant property on Church Street at around 2pm on Tuesday, 20th March. The area remains sealed off pending a forensic examination and the investigation is on-going. There have been no arrests.

It’s Official: Obama is Irish

US President Barack Obama hosted a party at the White House last night at which Taoiseach Enda Kenny gave him a bowl of shamrock and a certificate of Irish ancestry. Mr Kenny concluded his five-day visit to the United States on Wednesday (21st March). US President Barack Obama hosted a party at the White House on Tuesday night at which the Taoiseach gave him a bowl of shamrock and a certificate of Irish ancestry. President Obama thanked Mr Kenny for the gifts and spoke fondly of his visit to

Ireland last May. He pledged to be a steadfast friend of Ireland when needed and seemed genuinely pleased to receive the gifts. Mr Obama joked that he will put the certificate on the wall beside his birth certificate. It was a reference to the campaign by some of his political opponents challenging his birth in the US. It was also a reminder that this is an election year and that Mr Obama has a ferocious battle ahead as the economy remains fragile and his opponents get ready to challenge him on all fronts.

Tribunal upholds dismissal for Facebook comments

An industrial tribunal has ruled that a Belfast call centre worker who was sacked for posting obscene comments on Facebook was fairly dismissed. Daniel Joseph Teggart was sacked from TeleTech in 2011 for sexual comments he made about a female colleague. He told the tribunal he had not intended to harass his colleague.

However the tribunal ruled that TeleTech had behaved reasonably in dismissing Teggart. He had been employed as a customer service representative by the firm, which employs almost 800 people in Belfast, from July 2007 until January 2011. He was dismissed from the firm for gross misconduct. The letter informing him of his dismissal stated that: “The

reason for dismissal is gross misconduct in that on your own admission you made multiple postings on a social media site regarding a fellow employee, one of which made reference to TeleTech.” Mr Teggart appealed his dismissal with TeleTech but was unsuccessful. As well as stating that he had not intended to bully his colleague, he also claimed that the firm’s code of conduct did not cover internet use outside of work. The industrial tribunal found that it was reasonable that the firm had dismissed Teggart for an “act of harassment”.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 irish news An action for contempt of court being taken by the Irish Bank Resolution Corporation against Seán Quinn, his son, Seán Quinn Junior, and his nephew, Peter Quinn, has begun at the Commercial Court. IBRC alleges that the Quinns breached court orders preventing them from interfering with multi-million euro property assets in several different jurisdictions. The bank alleges the Quinns were involved in a conspiracy to put assets beyond the reach of the bank. It says the Commercial Court in Ireland granted injunctions in June and July last year preventing them from interfering with the

Seán Quinn et al. Sued For Contempt Of Court assets, but it alleges the Quinns took considerable steps after those orders were granted to strip assets from some of the international companies. The bank says that these are assets over which it has security in the form of share pledges provided by various members of the Quinn family. It says if the Quinns are

Brothers’ Feud Threatens Job

Two brothers who, built one of Ireland’s biggest construction groups, have had a bitter feud which threatens their business. Kevin and Michael Lagan grew the Lagan Group into a business with 1,000 staff and an annual turnover of £400m. Details of the falling out were revealed in a High Court judgement which concerned Michael’s attempt to have the business wound up. Delivered in 2008, it could not be reported until now for legal reasons. escribing how “increasing and unresolved differences” between the brothers developed into a “serious conflict”. In a joint statement issued on Thursday (22nd March), the brothers said they now have separate businesses but are working together on areas of mutual interest. In affidavits filed in 2008 as part of the court case Michael Lagan accused his brother of seriously undermining their “relationship of trust and confidence”. He claimed Kevin’s behaviour involved reneging on agreements and trying to exclude him from the management of the group. Michael also said Kevin undertook a “tactical manoeuvre” which involved pressuring him to invest £9m of his personal money in the group’s house-building operation and breaching fiduciary duties in respect of a £31m deal to buy a Welsh slate company. He said the attempt to have the business wound-up was taken as a last resort after Kevin failed to make “a fair and reasonable offer” to buy his 42.5% share of the business. In responding affidavits Kevin Lagan rejected those claims and said Michael’s attempt to have the group wound up had caused it “substantial damage”. He said the act of filing a winding-up petition had, at that time, put the company in technical

not restrained in these actions, its security will be worthless. Lawyers for IBRC said that if it were to win the case being taken against it by the Quinns over 2.8bn Euros in loans, the underlying security against which the loans were given would be stripped of any value. The Quinns deny the allegation that they breached

default of bank loans and PFI contracts. Another Lagan director gave evidence that had the petition become public it would have had “catastrophic” consequences for the business. In the event the court ordered that as the case was essentially a dispute between the two men, and the business was solvent, the petition should not be

made public. The case was settled in 2010 and the order removed in 2011 which cleared the way for the details to be published. The judgement suggests that the roots of the dispute go back to 2001 when there were efforts by the two men to agree on the re-organisation of the group. From around 2004, there was an “informal demerger” which saw the management of one company division report to Michael and the other four divisions report to Kevin. However, Michael complained that in 2005 Kevin had “frustrated” the agreed sale of the group’s building materials and clay business. Then in 2006 they reached what the judge described as “at most an agreement in principle” on a “partition” which would have seen each of them take exclusive ownership of different parts of the business. Michael later complained the Kevin had “reneged” on this deal with a view to getting him to sell his shareholding for a reduced price. atters appeared to reach a head in 2007 when a company in which Kevin was the majority shareholder paid £31m to acquire Welsh Slate. Mr Justice McCloskey described this deal as “the impetus for a major rift between the brothers”. There were then further unsuccessful negotiations before Michael filed the petition as what he described as “a last resort”. That could have led to the group being broken up and its trading companies sold.

court orders. They say any steps they took were taken before the Commercial Court granted its injunctions. The case is expected to last eight days. The court heard 20 sworn documents have been submitted on behalf of thebank. It heard that the bank intends to cross-examine Mr Quinn, his son and his

nephew. The bank says Seán Quinn senior and Peter Quinn were the prime movers in breaching the court orders,

but it also makes one allegation of contempt against Seán Quinn Junior in relation to a Ukrainian company.

by bank staff in the Permanent TSB, Mr Ahern and his associate, Tim Collins, failed to truthfully account for 50,000 Irish punts lodged into this account between 1992 and 1994. In the introduction to the report, the judges say a number of senior cabinet ministers made sustained and virulent attacks on the integrity of the tribunal members.

They say there is “little doubt” the objectives of these extraordinary and unprecedented attacks on the tribunal were to undermine the efficient conduct of the tribunal, erode its independence and collapse the inquiry. The tribunal held public hearings over 15 years, gathering evidence from more than 600 witnesses and the final report runs to 3,270 pages. Fianna Fail TD Thomas Byrne described the Tribunal’s findings against Bertie Ahern as “very serious”. He said it was “difficult to see” how Mr Ahern could continue as a member of the party, but he said that was a matter for the party’s officer board, which is due to meet at 19:00 GMT on Thursday (22nd March) to discuss the matter in detail.

Bertie Ahern failed to account for money

A report into corruption in the Republic’s planning process has found that former Irish Prime Minister, Bertie Ahern, failed to truthfully account for a number of financial transactions. But the Mahon Tribunal does not make a corruption finding against Mr Ahern. However, it rejects the former Taoiseach’s evidence about the sources of money in his bank accounts. The tribunal, which ran for 15 years, makes several findings of corruption against a number of witnesses. It found that Mr Ahern failed to truthfully account for a total of 165,214.25 Irish punts passing through accounts connected with him. It also found that in relation to the B/T account, known as the Bertie/Tim account

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 national news

Three Dead In Helicopter Crash

Three men died on Tuesday (20th March) when their helicopter crashed in a mountainous area between the towns of El Cuervo and Lebrija near Seville. The accident happened early in the morning in a notoriously inaccessible area known as “Chercos Hundidos”. Initial reports from the emergency services suggest that the helicopter was very old and had not been regularly and properly maintained. Two of the men are middle-aged and the third is believed to be just over 20

years old. Police were alerted to the presence of helicopter parts from the crash adjacent to the AP-4 motorway just after midday, and the three bodies were found as the crash site was investigated. A similar accident occurred last year in the area close to Médina Sidonia, Cádiz, which forms part of a wellused drug-running route to southern Andalusía.

St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations Bring Thousands to Costa Blanca Spain’s only official St. Patrick’s Day parade was celebrated in Cabo Roig, Costa Blanca, where an estimated five thousand people lined the streets to cheer on the more than 300 participants, 20 floats, 25 motorbikes, a couple of trikes and over 30 cars on the almost 2.km route. Following Torrevieja Pipes and Drums, St.Patrick and former members of the

Irish Forces on route were Grand Parade Marshall Paudge Connolly, Brian Kiernan representing the Cabo Roig Traders Association and Orihuela Councillor for Tourism Pedro Mancebo. With temperatures in the mid-20’s, a fun time was had by one and all, with local bars enjoying the occasion and already plans are underway for an even bigger event for 2013.

Conjoined Sisters Will “Lead A Normal Life” Following Separation SIAMESE twins joined by the liver and abdomen have been successfully separated by Barcelona’s Vall de Hebrón hospital. The surgeon who performed this long and delicate operation says he does not expect the two girls to suffer any complications. Núria and Marta were born via caesarean section on 10th August, and their mother had known they would be joined at the liver after her 12-week scan revealed the devastating news. To prepare for the separation operation, their mother (pictured with the

children’s grandmother) had to wait until they were six months old and had acquired a joint weight of 12 kilos. They were in the operating theatre

for seven hours on 27th February, but are now expected to live a completely normal life, save for periodic checkups. This pioneering operation is only the fourth of its kind in Spain which has led to the survival of both babies. One case was in Seville and the other two were in Madrid. Siamese twins account for approximately one in 200,000 births, and their survival rate is between five and 25 per cent. If they survive long enough after birth, around 53 per cent come out of a separation operation alive.

Ex-politician from Balearics convicted of fraud

Former regional premier of the Balearics, Jaume Matas, was sentenced on Tuesday (20th March) to six years in prison by the region’s High Court, after a threejudge panel convicted him of fraud, influence peddling, embezzlement, falsifying documents and dereliction of his public duties for paying nearly 500,000 euros to businesses set up by a former columnist at the Spanish daily El Mundo. The ex-newspaper journalist Antonio Alemany, who wrote glowing articles about Matas’ administration, was given a jail sentence of three years and nine months in the case. Anti-corruption prosecutors, who had called

for higher sentences, demanded that both Matas and Alemany immediately be sent to prison. Matas has been out on a 2.5-millioneuro bail since probable cause to go to trial was found against him in 2010. His palatial home in Palma de Mallorca, which is reportedly worth four million euros and was used as collateral for a loan to pay his bail, will go on the auction block on 25th April, given his failure to pay interest on that loan. Matas, once a highly influential member of the Popular Party (PP), is the fourth regional premier, since democracy was restored in Spain in 1975, to be given a jail sentence. The judges’ panel also barred him from holding any type of elected

office for nine years after he is released from prison. Matas, who governed the Balearic Islands from 1996 to 1999 and from 2003 to 2007, and in the interim period served as environment minister in the government of former Prime Minister José María Aznar, will also lose all the benefits and hon-

Email Scam in Madrid

Con men are using emails to trick people into sending them money via Western Union. Their modus operandi involves sending an email with the message, “I hope this reaches you in time. I was visiting Madrid and I was mugged. I lost my wallet with passport, credit cards, cash, the works. Physically I’m OK, but I need

Mayor To Walk 400 Kilometres In Protest Over Green Energy Funding Cuts

money urgently to get out of this situation. I’ll return it as soon as I get home…” The email is sent from a hacked email account of a genuine contact, but once you reply to the email all other correspondence is filtered through the crook’s address. One unlucky victim, who didn’t want to be named, said that when he received the

A Mayor is walking from Extremadura to Madrid to protest over cuts in grants for green energy. Ángel Vadillo (PSOE) will walk 20 kilometres a day from his home town of Albuquerque (Badajoz) to the capital, stopping off in Mérida, Cáceres and Plasencia on his way to the Ministry of Energy, Industry and Tourism. Funds to help finance renewable energy projects have been cut by the central government, and this could have a profound effect on employment in the Albuquerque

ours he earned while in office. The High Court also handed down an 18-month jail sentence to Matas’ former director of communications Joan Martorell, and gave another co-defendant, Miguel Romero, head of the public relations firm Nimbus, a term of 13 months and 15 days.

email that he answered: “Of course. Give me further instructions and I’ll help you as much as I can.” His “friend” answered that he needed 1,000 euros. It wasn’t until later that it was discovered that the emails the victim was receiving were coming from a “ymail.com” account, not the expected “gmail.com” The chief inspector of the Technological Investigation Brigade (BIT) of the National Police in Madrid, Enrique Rodríguez stated that they are powerless to stop the scam.

area, says Vadillo. He currently has five plans on the table for huge solar panel parks to fuel public buildings. Albuquerque presently has a high unemployment rate in the green energy sector, which Vadillo says would benefit from his projects. He hopes to reach Madrid by just after Easter, and has been accompanied in the first leg of his journey by people from his town.

17 Court Sentences “Perfect Crime” Killer To 22 Years In Jail Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

national news

The Barcelona High Court on Monday (19th March) sentenced María Ángeles Molina, known as “Angie,” to 22 years in prison for the killing of her friend Ana Páez in an apartment in the Gràcia neighbourhood of the Catalan capital. The trial became known as the “perfect crime case” on account of Molina’s elaborate attempts to cover up the murder. Sentencing Molina, the court noted that the businesswoman took advantage of her friendship with Páez to steal identity documents with “the intention of gaining economic benefit.” Molina disguised herself in order to take out several bank loans and insurance policies in Páez’s name worth more than one million euros. The beneficiary of these transactions was one Susana B., a woman “completely without knowledge of the criminal plan,” who left her identity card in a photocopy shop. The court concluded that Molina was the perpetrator of a premeditated killing. The crime was “especially perverse,” the ruling

read, as Molina had gone to Páez’s apartment under the pretext of inviting the victim to dinner. Molina received 18 years for the murder and a further four for falsification of documents with a view to fraud. Molina formulated the plan and “decided to kill” Páez, the ruling read. On 19th February 2008, she invited Páez to dinner at an apartment she had rented for just three days, using Páez’s name. That morning, Molina had withdrawn 600 euros from an account in Páez’s name. Video recordings from the bank showed Molina entering wearing a wig. “With the intent of forming an alibi,” the court said, Molina travelled to Zaragoza in a Porsche and recovered the ashes of her father, who had died a year earlier. In the evening, she returned to Barcelona. Once in the apartment, she anesthetised Páez with a “product the nature of which has not been identified.” Then, she placed a plastic bag over Páez’s head and sealed it with several strips of insulating tape. In order to simulate a sexual crime, Molina injected semen into

the mouth and vagina of the victim. She had procured the semen at a male brothel, where she paid two prostitutes to masturbate in front of her into a jar. When police searched Molina’s home they found an unopened bottle of chloroform and an insurance policy from Carrefour in Páez’s name. Molina’s then-boyfriend

handed the police diverse documentation he had found hidden behind the bathroom cistern, including Páez’s original passport and ID card. The Barcelona High Court considered it “unquestionably proven” that Molina took out policies and loans using Páez’s identity, based on police reports and witness testimony from employees at the banks who identified Molina during the trial. Molina denied the charges and said that at the time of the murder she was out shopping. First, she claimed, she had gone to El Corte Inglés department store to buy a watch. Afterward, she claimed to have visited a convenience store. “Without yoghurts or condensed milk I am nothing,” she announced to the magistrates and the watching family of Páez. “The amount and the relevance of the evidence, amply accredited,” the court ruling concluded, left no doubt as to the identity of the killer.nd all victims are equal.”

The Rain In Spain With Orange alerts already having been issued, much of Spain woke on Tuesday (20th March) to a torrent of rain on the coast and a blanket of snow inland, paralysing much of the east of the country, as students were unable to attend schools and colleges and workers couldn´t find routes from their homes, unable to move and even facing recommendations to not even attempt to take to the roads.

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For the 24 hour period that the rain lasted, from 5pm on Monday night until 5pm on Tuesday night, Torrevieja registered as being one of the most affected areas in Spain, with a total of 127 litres per square metre of rain falling on the city, resulting in over 200 calls being received by the emergency centre, which then implemented a partial action plan. Emergency services rescued the occupants of 12 vehicles trapped in flood water, including an elderly

couple who were trapped in their vehicle at the cemetery. They also cleared over 15 rural roads which had become isolated and assisted in rescues and extractions from 19 homes in Torrevieja and the Orihuela Costa alone. A number of vehicles lay abandoned, including a four wheel drive car that had attempted to pass another vehicle, not realising it was to drive straight into the storm drain that was hidden by the surface water.

In Orihuela, 41.6 litres per square metre fell, and on the Orihuela Costa, the picture was much like that of Torrevieja, with residential areas finding themselves isolated by rainfall, as water flooded through the streets, cutting off parts of La Zenia, Campoamor and Playa Flamenca. The councillor for tourism and beaches at Orihuela, Pedro Mancebo, made himself personally available to deal with the crisis on the coast, perhaps unaware of the longer history of flooding in

the areas. Stating that the infrastructures are not ready for this type of inclement weather, and that “this is a situation inherited from the

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previous government, and the new government will certainly try to remedy the situation as soon as possible to avoid a flooded road as we found today”.

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Tenerife Weekly Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

tv guide

tELEVISION & ENTERTAINMENT guide

TITANIC -

Titanic is a four part serial created by BAFTA-winning producer Nigel Stafford-Clark (Warriors; The Way We Live Now; Bleak House) and written by Oscar and Emmy winner Julian Fellowes (Gosford Park; Downton Abbey) to mark the hundredth anniversary of the world’s most famous maritime disaster in April 1912. It sets out to tell the story not just of a single ship, but of an entire society – one that was heading towards its own nemesis in the shape of the First World War as carelessly as Titanic towards the iceberg. All human life is on Titanic as she sets out on her maiden voyage. The upper-class family with their suffragette daughter and their warring servants; the wealthy elite of American society; the Irish lawyer in Second Class with his embittered wife; the

young cabin steward and the impetuous Italian waiter who falls for her; the Catholic engineer fleeing Belfast with his wife and family to escape the sectarian conflict; the mysterious stranger in Steerage fleeing who knows what. And then there are the officers and crew. As their stories interweave and we find our first impressions are often undermined by what we learn, there is one thing that we know for certain and they do not. That not all of them will survive. We briefly encounter a number of our characters, from all walks of life, as they ready themselves for their fateful voyage on the Titanic. London, April 1912. Hugh, Earl of Manton uses his government connections to free his daughter Georgiana, who has been arrested in a suffragette demonstration. To

ITV1 - Sunday 25th - 9:00pm

keep her out of trouble, he also uses his influence with Bruce Ismay, chairman of the White Star Line, to obtain a passage for Georgiana on the maiden voyage of the new liner Titanic, accompanying Hugh and his wife Louisa to New York. On the train to Southampton the Mantons encounter Irish lawyer John Batley, who works for Hugh’s law firm, and his wife Muriel. They will be travelling in Second Class. Hugh invites them to tea in First Class, although it’s clear that Anglo-Irish aristocrat Louisa and Muriel have taken an instant dislike to each other. Southampton, Wednesday 10th April 1912. Amongst those boarding are young Italian crew members Paolo and Mario Sandrini and Irishman Jim Maloney, intent on smuggling his wife Mary and their children into a single steerage cabin to avoid them

being split up. That evening the Mantons are served at dinner by Paolo, and joined at their table by Captain Smith and other First Class passengers, including the American multi-millionaire John Jacob Astor and his pregnant young wife, Sir Cosmo and Lady Duff Gordon, film star Dorothy Gibson and the nouveau riche Grace Rushton and her husband. Meanwhile their servants, Barnes and Watson, are dining with the other First Class servants in their own dining room, served by the young cabin steward Annie Desmond. There is some friction between the English and American staff, and during some after-dinner horseplay started by Barnes, Watson’s book, a present from her father, is accidentally torn, much to her distress.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

f r i d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am �� Crime and Punishment 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm �� Escape to the Country 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��The Big Sport Relief Warm-Up Following her Antarctic exertions, Helen Skelton is live from TV Centre with top shows and some of the big night’s stars to get the UK in the Sport Relief mood. 3:10pm �� David Walliams’ Big Swim: A Sport Relief Challenge Documentary looking back on the eight day swim that comedian David Walliams undertook for Sport Relief 2012. 3:35pm ��The Big Sport Relief Warm-Up 3:45pm ��Helen’s Polar Challenge for Sport Relief 4:10pm ��The Big Sport Relief Warm-Up 4:20pm ��The Million Pound Bike Ride: A Sport Relief Special The story of how, in 2010, David Walliams recruited Miranda Hart, Davina McCall, Jimmy Carr, Russell Howard, Patrick Kielty and Fearne Cotton to attempt a non-stop cycle relay between John O’Groats and Lands End. 4:45pm ��The Big Sport Relief Warm-Up 5:00pm ��Sport Relief 5:05pm ��The Big Sport Relief Warm-Up 5:15pm ��Sport Relief Does Glee Club Sport Relief Does Glee Club reaches its climax in this the Grand Final. 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� Sport Relief 2012 Sport Relief 2012 is back and it is bigger and better than ever before. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm �� Sport Relief 2012

6:00am ��Children´s TV 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Poetry Pie 8:50am ��Lulu Zipadoo 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Guess with Jess 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am ��Mama Mirabelle’ Home Movies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� BBC World News 12:00pm ��The Daily Politics 1:00pm ��My Life in Books 1:30pm ��Living Dangerously 2:15pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm ��Antiques Road Trip 6:00pm ��Eggheads 6:30pm �� Britain’s First Photo Album 7:00pm �� Coast 7:30pm �� Mastermind 8:00pm �� Mastermind 8:30pm ��Gardeners’ World 9:00pm �� Reverse Missionaries 10:00pm �� Sport Relief 2012 10:40pm ��Newsnight 11:10pm ��The Book Review Show 11:50pm ��The National Lottery Friday Night Draws

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm.............................................Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm �� The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders Jean Wildacre, a grandmother and magician’s assistant, drops dead during a stage show, poisoned by a deadly tropical frog. 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Adam struggles to hold it together. Concerned about Zak, Sam confides in Lisa. Ali is fed up with Dan - and Ruby suggests it is time for a divorce. 7:30pm ��Coronation Street Is this the end for Dev and Sunita? Gail is disgusted when Audrey’s secret affair comes to light. Steve tries to distance himself from Tracy - but with little luck. 8:00pm ��Safari Vet School It is the last day of the course at the school and Rebecca is desperate to prove she can keep her cool under pressure. 8:30pm ��Coronation Street A drunken Sunita is left red-faced when she misreads the situation. Sally and Carla make amends. David and Gail resolve to rid Audrey of Lewis. 9:00pm ��Benidorm The British Olympic Synchronised Swimming team are in town to practice and Joyce persuades them to stay at the Solana. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten and Weather 10:35pm ��Air America Lighthearted action tale about a pair of maverick US pilots who smuggle anything and everything for a covert CIA operation during the Vietnam War.

6:10am ��The Hoobs 6:35am ��The Hoobs 7:00am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:30am ��According to Jim 7:55am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am ��Frasier 9:00am ��Undercover Boss USA 10:00am ��The Renovation Game 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News Summary 12:05pm ��Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm �� How to Cook Like Heston 1:05pm �� Drums Along the Mohawk 3:05pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks Mercedes confronts Mitzeee and Riley following her discovery. Riley is worried about what Mercedes will do and is thrown by her calmness, unaware that a storm is brewing. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Come Dine with Me Battling it out in Basildon are advertising sales exec Antonia Price, self-confessed loud-mouth and hairdresser Vicky Hilton, gym-fanatic web developer Ryan Brown, and career coach and local councillor Andy Baggott. 9:00pm ��Sahara Matthew McConaughey steps into Dirk Pitt, the intrepid marine explorer’s shoes. This time around the scientist from NUMA (the National Underwater Marine Agency) tackles the Sahara. 11:30pm �� Rude Tube Alex Zane continues the run of six top 50 Rude Tube countdowns celebrating the funniest, strangest, and most outrageous clips from the world wide web.

Sahara

Channel 4 - 9:00 - 11:30 pm When master explorer Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) finds a fabled coin linked to a historical legend, he takes on the adventure of his life as he embarks on a treasure hunt through some of the most dangerous regions of West Africa. As they search for what locals call the “Ship of

Death” -- a long-lost Civil War battleship that protects a secret cargo -- Dirk and his wisecracking sidekick, Al Giordino (Steve Zahn), meet Dr. Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz), a beautiful and brilliant doctor who believes that the hidden treasure may be connected to a larger problem that threatens the world around them.

Hunting for a ship that no one else thinks exists, Dirk, Al, and Eva must rely on their wits and their daring heroics to outsmart dangerous warlords, survive the threatening terrain, and get to the bottom of both mysteries. Sahara was only the second of Cussler’s Dirk Pitt adventures to be adapted for the screen

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

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tv guide

r d

7:00pm ��Doctor Who Donna is determined to find the Doctor again - even if it means braving the villainous Miss Foster and her hordes of sinister Adipose. 7:50pm ��Doctor Who Confidential Catherine Tate returns as the unstoppable Donna Noble. In her search for the Doctor, Donna finds herself face to face with the mighty Miss Foster and a larger-than-life threat against mankind. 8:00pm ��World’s Craziest Fools 8:30pm ��The Real Hustle Blue Peter star Konnie Huq joins the Hustlers in a get-rich-quick scam that seems just too 6:00pm ��Home and Away good to be true. 6:30pm �� 5 News 9:00pm ��Russell Howard’s Good News 7:00pm �� Revealed 10:00pm �� Pramface 8:00pm ��Eddie Stobart: 10:30pm............................... White Van Man Trucks and Trailers Ollie is unable to celebrate his birthday 9:00pm �� The Mentalist when he is dropped from his Saturday 10:00pm �� Castle league football team before an important tournament. 11:00pm �� Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:55pm �� Inside Hollywood 11:20pm �� Family Guy

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am ��My Place in the Sun 10:30am ��My Place in the Sun 11:05am �� River Cottage Bites 11:15am ��Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 1:25pm �� Grand Designs 2:35pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:05pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:10pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:25am ��Emmerdale 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am................................................... Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Coronation Street 12:30pm ��Emmerdale 1:00pm ��Emmerdale 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy

6:15am ��The Professionals 7:05am �� Police Stop! 7:55am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 8:55am ��The Fall Guy 9:55am �� Quantum Leap 10:55am......................................The Professionals 11:55am �� Police Stop! 12:55pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:50pm ��The Saint 2:55pm ��The Fall Guy 3:55pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 4:30pm ��The Man with the Golden Gun

6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm.....................................5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��Emergency Bikers 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��NCIS 3:15pm �� Ice Twisters 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours

7:00pm ��Love in the Wild 8:00pm �� You’ve Been Framed! 8:30pm ��Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9:00pm ��American Idol 10:00pm ��The Devil’s Advocate

6:00am ��Heartbeat 7:00am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:00am ��The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 9:10am....................................George and Mildred 9:40am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:50am ��Inspector Morse 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:10pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:10pm ��Daily Cooks Challenge 5:10pm....................................George and Mildred 5:50pm ��Heartbeat 6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote 8:00pm ��The Darling Buds of May Charley accidentally discovers that Pieter is German, and suddenly he finds he is no longer welcome. 9:00pm.......................... Midsomer Murders 11:10pm ��The Towering Inferno Classic 1970s disaster movie about a fire that breaks out in a high-rise building.

6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm �� Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 9:00pm �� In Her Shoes 11:30pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under

7:00pm �� Border Security USA 8:00pm �� England’s Greatest Tournament Games Matt Smith takes a look back at some of England’s greatest ever victories in major tournaments including their finest moment -winning the World Cup in 1966. 9:00pm �� The Spy Who Loved Me 11:30pm ��Tightrope

m a r ch 7:00am �� The Towering Inferno 10:00am �� Monsignor 12:30pm �� An Unmarried Woman 2:45pm �� Waiting to Exhale 5:00pm ��Soul Food 7:00pm �� Living Out Loud A woman on the rebound from a difficult divorce forms an emotional bond with a lift operator who has a history of tragic personal relationships, and their friendship helps them endure the pitfalls of life. 8:49pm ��FXM Presents A script to screen exploration of the movie making process. 9:00pm �� In Her Shoes Sisters Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette have little in common, one a financially irresponsible flirt and the other a mature and staid lawyer. However, the pair are brought together when they learn of a dark family secret. Curtis Hanson’s witty drama, based on a novel by Jennifer Weiner. 11:38pm ��FXM Presents

7:30am ��Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous 9:30am �� Linewatch 11:30am ��Proof Of Life 2:00pm �� Starsky and Hutch 3:30pm ��The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus 6:00pm ��Meet the Fockers Having given permission to male nurse Greg Focker to marry his daughter, ex-CIA man Jack Byrnes and his wife travel to Miami to Greg’s parents, who this time around are Mr. and Mrs. Focker. 8:00pm................................. Jurassic Park III Eight years after the InGen incident, Dr. Alan Grant is happy with his life far from any dinosaurs other than fossilized. Unfortunately, he is extremely short in research money. 10:00pm �� Batman Begins Eight-year-old Bruce Wayne falls into a cave where he encounters a swarm of bats. Bruce develops a fear of bats, and later urges his parents to leave an opera featuring bat-like creatures.

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

s a tu r d a y 6:00am ��Breakfast 10:00am ��Saturday Kitchen 11:30am ��The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 12:00pm �� BBC News 12:10pm ��BBC London News 12:15pm �� Football Focus 1:00pm �� F1: Grand Prix Qualifying Malaysian Grand Prix - Qualifying Highlights. Jake Humphrey introduces the best action from qualifying in Sepang as the new season enters its second race. 2:15pm �� John Bishop’s Sport Relief Hell 3:15pm ��Sport Relief 2012 4:30pm �� Final Score 5:10pm �� BBC News 5:20pm ��BBC London News 5:30pm ��A Question of Sport: Extra Time 6:00pm ��Winter Wipeout Celebrity Special. A field outside Buenos Aires plays host to a celebrity edition of the world’s toughest and silliest winter sportsbased, knockabout game show. 7:00pm ��The Voice UK Blind Auditions. Music superstars Sir Tom Jones, Jessie J, will.i.am and Danny O’Donoghue take on the role of coaches on a mission to find and nurture the UK’s next great voice. 8:20pm ��The National Lottery: In It to Win It 9:10pm ��Casualty Sam throws herself into helping an old soldier and his son in an effort to distract herself from the GMC interviews. 10:00pm ��BBC News 10:20pm �� Match of the Day Manchester City head to Stoke, searching for their first away win in the Potteries since Tony Pulis’s side returned to the top flight in 2008. Elsewhere, Bolton entertain fellow strugglers Blackburn at the Reebok Stadium. 11:45pm ��The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights and analysis from the Football League. It has been an extraordinary 2012 so far for Reading coach Brian McDermott.

6:00am �� Bob the Builder 7:05am ��Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 7:30am ��Dennis and Gnasher 7:45am ��The Scooby-Doo Show 8:05am �� Pixelface 8:35am........................Prank Patrol Down Under 9:00am ��Ultimate Sports Day 9:30am ��Helen’s Polar Challenge for Sport Relief 10:30am ��My Life 11:00am ��Hacker Time 11:25am �� Ooglies 11:45am �� MOTD Kickabout 12:00pm ��Anchors Aweigh 2:15pm ��Camelot 5:05pm �� Escape to the Country 5:50pm �� Flog It! 6:50pm ��Dad’s Army Mainwaring and Wilson are in the bank when an unexpected guest drops in. 7:20pm �� The Story of Light Entertainment Music had always been at the heart of variety, encompassing everything from operetta and balladeers to big bands and crooners, but in the 1950s rock’n’roll and pop arrived on the scene, the concept of the teenager was born and things became more divided. 8:20pm �� How God Made the English Professor MacCulloch challenges the commonly held assumption that the English have a long and glorious tradition of tolerance. 9:20pm �� Bright Star Drama based on the doomed love affair between Romantic poet John Keats and the young Fanny Brawne. 11:10pm �� The Sarah Millican Television Programme In this episode she’s looking at survival and food programmes and meeting Saturday Kitchen wine expert Olly Smith, adventurer Charley Boorman and Great British Bake Off’s Paul Hollywood. 11:40pm �� Synecdoche, New York 12:00am ��F1: Grand Prix

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6:00am ��Signed Stories 6:10am �� Engie Benjy 6:20am ��Pocoyo 6:30am �� Fluffy Gardens 6:40am �� Fluffy Gardens 6:45am ��The Hive 6:55am ��The Hive 7:05am �� Soli and Mo’s Nature Show 7:10am ��Sooty 7:25am ��Monk 7:30am �� X-Men 7:50am �� Fleabag Monkeyface 8:05am ��Almost Naked Animals 8:30am ��Hannah Montana 9:00am ��Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 9:25am ��ITV News 9:30am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show US 10:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show US 11:20am ��This Morning 12:25pm ��Murder, She Wrote 1:25pm ��ITV News and Weather 1:40pm ��Planet’s Funniest Animals 1:55pm ��The ‘Burbs 3:45pm...........................................Land of the Lost 5:30pm ��London Tonight 5:45pm ��ITV News and Weather

6:10am ��The Hoobs 6:35am ��Paralympics Extra 7:30am �� Mobil 1 The Grid 7:55am ��The Morning Line 8:55am ��Koko Pop 9:25am �� T4 Movie Special 9:55am �� The Album Chart Show Introduces... 10:15am ��Charlie’s Angels 11:15am ��The Big Bang Theory 112:45pm �� The Simpsons 1:15pm �� The Simpsons 1:50pm ��Channel 4 Racing 4:10pm �� Come Dine with Me In Stoke-on-Trent, the first to host is self proclaimed princess Tracey Durrant. Tracey’s approach to cooking is simple: only use the finest ingredients and the prep has to be quick to leave more time to pamper herself and her two pet dogs. 4:45pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:20pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:55pm �� Come Dine with Me

6:20pm �� Come Dine with Me 6:50pm �� 4thought.tv 6:55pm �� Channel 4 News 7:25pm ��River Cottage Veg The second episode in his series is all about the garden. Hugh and the team revel in the 6:00pm ��You’ve Been Framed! first sweet roots of summer. 6:30pm ��All Star Family Fortunes 8:20pm ��Big Fat Gypsy Weddings In this edition, Coronation Street’s Katy This episode finds a community at a Cavanagh goes up against model and crossroads, as the battle to preserve the presenter Jessica-Jane Clement. gypsy and traveller way of life intensifies. 7:30pm �� Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9:20pm ��The Million Pound Drop Live 8:00pm �� Britain’s Got Talent Filmed in a highly secure location, contestants are given their prize of a million pounds at Ant and Dec host the brand new sixth series the start of the show, but are then faced of Britain’s most varied talent competition. with eight tough questions that are linked 9:20pm ��Take Me Out to four trapdoors, each representing an 10:20pm �� The Jonathan Ross Show answer, in order to hold on to the cash. On the final show of the series, Jonathan 11:05pm ��Jennifer’s Body welcomes Hollywood star Danny DeVito, Megan Fox stars in director Karyn Kusama’s comedian Dara O’Briain and Britain’s Got horror satire, from a script by Juno writer Talent judges Simon Cowell and David Diablo Cody. Student Jennifer Check is the Walliams. stereotypical cheerleader: beautiful, bitchy 11:20pm �� ITV News and Weather and adored by all at her school in Devil’s 11:35pm �� The Cube Kettle.

The Voice UK BBC1 - 7:00 - 8:25 pm With millions of viewers around the world, The Voice is one of the biggest international TV formats of the past few years - and now it’s arrived in the UK. It all begins tonight with the first of the blind auditions and a spectacular group performance by the four coaches - Jessie J, will.i.am, Danny O’Donoghue and Sir Tom Jones. The premise is simple: the search for the UK’s next

great voice. Only people with real vocal talent will be invited to blind auditions, where each artist auditions on stage for the four A-list coaches who sit with their back towards them. The coaches hit a button on their chair if they are impressed with their voice, coming face-to-face with the artist for the first time. Unconcerned with appearance, their auditions are about one thing and one thing only: the voice.

Each of the coaches has only ten places on their team, so has to select carefully the voices they want to work with. If more than one coach turns their chair, the power shifts to the artist and the artist then has the choice of which of the coaches’ teams he or she wants to join. The artists are selected, mentored, and trained by their coaches who are four of the most successful figures in the music industry.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 4 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Mr Men Show 9:30am �� Roary the Racing Car 9:40am ��Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10:00am ��Inside Hollywood 10:05am ��Movie Special 10:35am ��Megastructures 11:35am ��Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 12:40pm ��Short Circuit 2 2:45pm �� Contact 5:25pm �� Daddy Day Care 7:20pm ��5 News Weekend 7:25pm ��NCIS 8:10pm ��NCIS 9:00pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm �� CSI: NY 10:55pm �� Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11:50pm �� Inside Hollywood

6:00am ��The Hot Desk 6:10am...................Coronation Street Omnibus 8:15am.................................. Emmerdale Omnibus 11:10am �� Take Me Out 12:25pm �� Take Me Out - The Gossip 1:10pm ��Love in the Wild 2:05pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 3:05pm.................................................American Idol 5:00pm ��American Idol 5:55pm ��Flipper Remake of the classic 1960s family adventure in which a city boy spending the summer with his uncle in Florida befriends a tame dolphin. 8:00pm �� Homes from Hell 9:00pm �� Planet’s Funniest Animals 9:20pm �� Britain’s Got More Talent 10:20pm �� Take Me Out - The Gossip 11:05pm ��Celebrity Juice 11:50pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records

7:00pm ��Doctor Who Psychic powers and stone beasts run riot in old Pompeii, but can Donna dare the Doctor to change established history? 7:50pm ��Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson travels to Belfast to conduct a test of the Renaultsport Twingo 133. Meanwhile, Richard Hammond investigates ways to speed up your next summer holiday through the crucible of motorsport as he invents the brand new sport of airport vehicle racing. 8:50pm ��World’s Craziest Fools 9:20pm �� JLS Sing for Sport Relief Aston, Oritse, JB and Marvin aka JLS host this special show, which is dedicated to Sport Relief, from the O2 in London. Join the boys as they perform many of their biggest tunes in a spectacular all singing-all dancing live show. 10:50pm....................................... Family Guy 11:10pm �� Family Guy 11:35pm �� American Dad! 11:55pm �� American Dad!

6:00am �� Carry on Laughing 6:25am ��The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 7:35am ��Goodnight Sweetheart 8:10am ��Goodnight Sweetheart 8:45am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 9:55am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 11:05am ��Carry on Girls 12:55pm ��Lewis 2:50pm ��Murder in Three Acts 4:50pm ��Rosemary and Thyme 5:50pm �� A Touch of Frost 8:00pm ��Doc Martin Louisa is a candidate for the head teacher’s job in Portwenn, but thanks to Martin the odds seem stacked against her. 9:00pm �� Foyle’s War In June 1940, Foyle is preparing for a German invasion when he is called on to investigate the death of a conscientious objector. 11:00pm................................ Those Who Kill

mon Cowell is joined on the exciting new panel by actor and comedian David Walliams; singer, songwriter and dancer Alesha Dixon; and returning Judge, Amanda Holden. This year the winner will not only have the opportunity to perform at the 2012 Royal Variety Performance, they will also receive a life changing £500,000 £250,000 of which will come from Simon Cowell’s own

8:55am �� Time Team 10:00am �� Time Team 11:05am �� Time Team 12:10pm.................................. River Cottage Bites 12:20pm ��Hell and High Water 2:25pm............................................... Grand Designs 3:35pm �� Grand Designs 4:40pm ��Location, Location, Location 5:45pm ��Location, Location, Location 6:50pm �� The Restoration Man 7:55pm �� Grand Designs Australia 9:00pm ��The Secret Millionaire Forty-year-old celebrity hairdresser Adee Phelan shot to fame after giving David Beckham his iconic World Cup Mohican. 10:05pm �� Undercover Boss USA Joe DePinto, president and CEO of convenience store empire 7-Eleven, is an exmilitary man who believes in management systems. 11:05pm �� One Born Every Minute USA

6:00am ��Police, Camera, Action! 6:25am ��The Professionals 7:20am �� The Sweeney 8:20am �� Quantum Leap 9:20am �� The Big Match Revisited 10:15am ��UEFA Champions League Weekly 10:50am ��Police, Camera, Action! 11:20am ��The Alamo 2:20pm ��The War Wagon 4:25pm �� The Spy Who Loved Me 7:00pm �� Whisker Wars West Coast Showdown. A light-hearted and quirky documentary series about professional beard-growers in the US as they prepare for the world beard-growing championships. 7:30pm �� Whisker Wars 8:00pm ��Rookie Builders 9:00pm �� Moonraker 11:30pm ��The Game

m a r ch 7:00am ��Among Giants 8:45am ��Punch and Jody 10:00am �� Great Guns 11:30am �� Hurricane 1:00pm ��Mother, Jugs and Speed 3:00pm ��Bad Girls 5:00pm ��Big Trouble in Little China 7:00pm ��First Strike 8:40pm ��FXM Presents 9:00pm �� Simon Sez Former basketball star Dennis Rodman stars in this action adventure. A bumbling private eye is called in to rescue the kidnapped daughter of a wealthy American executive, but soon finds himself in over his head and forced to enlist the aid of interpol agentturned-arms dealer Rodman. 10:40pm ��FXM Presents 11:00pm ��First Strike Courageous kung-fu cop Jackie Chan delves into the murky world of international arms theft to track down a missing nuclear warhead - but the bad guys try to get him out of the way by framing him for murder.

8:00am �� Starsky and Hutch 9:45am ��28 Days 11:40am ��Batman Begins 2:00pm........................................Meet the Fockers 4:00pm ��Jurassic Park III Eight years after the InGen incident, Dr. Alan Grant is happy with his life far from any dinosaurs other than fossilized. 6:00pm ��Blue Crush Nothing gets between Anne Marie and her board. Living in a beach shack with three roommates including her rebellious younger sister, she is up before dawn every morning to conquer the waves. 8:00pm ��The Hottie & the Nottie Nate moves to L.A. to track down Cristabel, the woman he’s been in love with since childhood, only to discover that his plan to woo her only has one hurdle to overcome: what to do with June. 10:00pm �� Righteous Kill Turk and Rooster, two aging NYPD detectives who have been longtime partners are faced with a serial killer who is murdering sociopathic criminals.

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Britain´s Got Talent ITV 1 - 8:00 - 9:20 pm ITV’s hit entertainment show is back with a bang for a sixth series as Simon Cowell and Amanda Holden are joined by Alesha Dixon and David Walliams on a new-look judging panel. Britain’s Got Talent is back on the road with the Judges trawling the length and breadth of the UK in search of Britain’s best talent. Hosted by award-winning TV favourites Ant & Dec, Si-

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pocket. Expect the unexpected on Britain’s Got Talent, anything goes from dance troupes to acrobats, magicians to comedians and dancing dogs to mind-blowing contortionists. The show is open to any performer of any age, from any background, with any talent - all they need is a skill and star quality which they think will impress the Judges.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

sun d a y 6:00am (BST) ��Breakfast 7:30am ��Match of the Day Gary Lineker presents another opportunity to see highlights from Saturday’s Premier League games, with analysis from Alan Shearer and Lee Dixon. 9:00am ��The Andrew Marr Show 10:00am ��The Big Questions 11:00am............................................Country Tracks 12:00pm ��Sunday Politics 1:00pm ��Sport Relief 2012 The Mile Show. The biggest ever Sport Relief reaches a climax as the nation goes the extra mile by taking part in the Sport Relief Mile. 2:45pm ��F1: Grand Prix Malaysia. Highlights. Jake Humphrey presents highlights of the Malaysian Grand Prix from Sepang, the second race of the 2012 Formula One season. 4:40pm ��Food Inspectors 5:10pm ��Songs of Praise 5:45pm ��Land Girls Danny threatens to hurt Henry if Connie doesn’t submit to his will. Ellen considers if she can trust the man she loves. 6:35pm ��BBC News 7:00pm �� Countryfile 8:00pm ��Antiques Roadshow Yorkshire Museum. A second visit to York, where the team of experts discover more family gems as hundreds descend on the Yorkshire Museum. 9:00pm �� Upstairs, Downstairs On the eve of war, Beryl and Harry face a race against time to get married. Meanwhile, Mr Pritchard makes a decision which throws the running of the house into chaos, until an old face lends a helping hand. 10:00pm ��BBC News 10:15pm ��BBC London News 10:25pm ��We Won’t Drop the Baby Comedian Laurence Clark and his wife Adele both have cerebral palsy. Six years ago when they had a baby boy, Tom, they were criticised by doctors for being irresponsible. 11:15pm �� Sport Relief 2012 Sport Relief 2012 is back and it is bigger and better than ever before.

6:00am (BST) �� Bob the Builder 6:25am ��Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 6:40am �� Octonauts 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 7:30am ��Dennis and Gnasher 7:40am ��The Scooby-Doo Show 8:05am ��Paradise Cafe 8:30am ��Wingin’ It 9:00am ��Friday Download 10:00am �� Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11:30am �� Escape to the Country 12:30pm ��The Sheriffs are Coming 1:15pm ��EastEnders Omnibus 3:10pm ��Carry on Again, Doctor 4:35pm ��Carry on at Your Convenience 6:00pm ��TOTP 2 7:00pm ��Sandhurst First Encounter. Three-part observational documentary series shot at the Royal Military Academy over the course of a year. 8:00pm �� Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May star in a compilation of their finest moments from the last year featuring amazing challenges, spectacular stunts and a small amount of bickering. 9:00pm �� In Orbit: How Satellites Rule Our World Although satellites make a vital contribution to our daily lives, most of us barely give them a second thought. 10:00pm ��Match of the Day 2 Colin Murray introduces highlights from the day’s Premier League fixture between West Bromwich Albion and Newcastle United at the Hawthorns. 10:50pm ��Mr Rich and the Terriers Documentary about American billionaire Bob Rich’s involvement with the northern league football club, the Bedlington Terriers. 11:20pm ��The Football League Trophy Final It is a date at Wembley for Chesterfield and Swindon Town as they meet in the final of the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy.

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6:00am (BST) ��Boblins 6:10am ��Fireman Sam 6:20am ��Babar and the Adventures of Badou 6:35am ��Special Agent Oso 6:45am ��Special Agent Oso 7:00am �� Olly the Little White Van 7:05am �� Olly the Little White Van 7:10am ��Tati’s Hotel 7:25am ��Monk 7:30am ��Matt Hatter Chronicles 7:50am �� Fleabag Monkeyface 8:05am ��Horrid Henry 8:20am ��Horrid Henry 8:30am ��Victorious 9:00am ��My Phone Genie 9:25am ��ITV News 9:30am ��Ade in Britain 10:30am ��May the Best House Win 11:30am ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 12:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 12:35pm ��Britain’s Got Talent 1:55pm ��Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle 3:35pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:35pm ��Planet’s Funniest Animals 5:50pm ��London Tonight 6:05pm �� ITV News and Weather 6:20pm �� Harry Hill’s TV Burp 6:50pm ��Dancing on Ice Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley present the grand final of this year’s competition. 9:00pm �� Titanic Epic four-part drama by Julian Fellowes marking the 100th anniversary of the maritime disaster. 10:00pm �� ITV News and Weather 10:15pm ��Perspectives David Suchet follows in the footsteps of his grandfather, the famous Fleet Street photographer Jimmy Jarche, in a quest to capture on camera how Britain has changed in the past century. 11:15pm �� Rugby Highlights

6:15am (BST) �� The Hoobs 7:05am ��The Paralympic Show 7:30am ��Sailing 7:55am �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:25am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am ��Frasier 9:25am ��Frasier 10:00am ��Sunday Brunch Hosted by Tim Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer, Channel 4’s brand new Sunday Brunch show is packed to the brim with celebrity guests, super tasty cookery and all the wit, chat and banter needed to see you through the day. 12:00pm ��The Big Bang Theory 12:30pm ��The Big Bang Theory 12:55pm �� The Simpsons 1:25pm ��Failure to Launch Tom Dey’s romcom stars Matthew McConaughey as Trip, a 35-year-old professional layabout who’s happy to stay at home, where he’s waited on hand and foot by his mum Sue. 3:10pm �� Deal or No Deal 4:10pm ��Time Team The Roman legionary fort of Caerleon in South Wales is one of the most famous and best preserved Roman sites in Britain. 5:15pm ��Channel 4 News 5:45pm ��4thought.tv 5:50pm ��Avatar Twelve years after the hugely successful Titanic, James Cameron returned to filmmaking with another spectacular, this time set in outer space and part-animated. 9:00pm ��Homeland The director of the CIA berates Saul and Estes over Hamid’s suicide and the fact that he managed to smuggle a razor blade into the safe house. 10:00pm ��The Million Pound Drop Live 11:30pm ��The Illusionist Neil Burger’s period mystery-romance starring Edward Norton, Jessica Biel and Paul Giamatti. In 1900s Vienna there’s only one show in town - and that’s the one featuring mesmeric entertainer Eisenheim.

Dancing On Ice - The Final

ITV1 - 6:50 - 9:00 pm After months of gruelling training and eleven weeks of competing live to the nation only three celebrity skaters remain and tonight one will be crowned Dancing on Ice Champion 2012. The three remaining stars will battle it out as they perform their final show stopping showcase routine, which allows the celebrities themselves to have their very own creative input. Plus our three finalists will

be performing one of their favourite routines of the series again. They will then close the lines and have to say goodbye to one couple, the final two will then skate to their very own version of Bolero, which they choreograph themselves. The judges will be on hand to give their expert critique on the performances, however tonight it’s the viewers only who will decide who should win.

But what will Jayne and Chris think of their attempts? And will the judging panel’s comments influence the viewers’ final verdict? Presenters Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley will be overseeing proceedings, and as the grand final comes to a close, the votes will be counted and one celebrity will have made it through the blood, sweat and tears and skate away as winner of the series

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 5 6:00am (BST) �� children´s TV 8:15am ��The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 8:30am ��Angelina Ballerina 8:45am �� Rupert Bear 9:00am ��Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15am ��The Mr. Men Show 9:25am................................. Roary the Racing Car 9:40am ��Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10:00am ��Meerkat Manor 10:25am �� Grey’s Anatomy 11:20am ��Stansted: The Inside Story 12:20pm........................................Cowboy Builders 1:25pm ��The Shootist 3:20pm ��Tunes of Glory 5:20pm ��The Battle of Britain 8:00pm �� The Battle of Britain 8:55pm ��5 News Weekend 9:00pm ��Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines 11:10pm ��Timecop

6:00am (BST) �� Gossip Girl 6:45am................................. Emmerdale Omnibus 9:35am...................Coronation Street Omnibus 12:00pm ��Winners and Losers 12:55pm ��The Cube 1:55pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 2:25pm ��The Neverending Story 4:20pm.....................................Britain’s Got Talent 5:40pm ��Britain’s Got More Talent 6:40pm �� E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial Heartwarming sci-fi fantasy. 10-year-old schoolboy Elliott befriends and shelters a gentle alien stranded on Earth. 9:00pm �� Benidorm The British Olympic Synchronised Swimming team are in town to practice and Joyce persuades them to stay at the Solana. 10:00pm �� Waterworld Big-budget action fantasy about the battle for survival in a world where dry land has disappeared with the melting of the polar ice caps.

7:00pm ��The Secrets of Everything The last episode sees self-confessed science geek and adrenaline junkie Greg under pressure as he and an inflatable friend attempt to dig to Australia. 7:30pm �� Great Movie Mistakes 7:40pm �� The Voice UK During the blind auditions, hopeful artists take to the stage while the coaches listen with their backs turned. 9:00pm ��Being Human In this bold series climax, the Old Ones have arrived. The only thing between them and global destruction are our heroes. What needs to be done to save the world? 10:00pm �� Pramface Laura is settling in well at Jamie’s place - a bit too well. Keith is sick of her being there, Jamie is tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mike and Beth have had enough of not being able to see their mate. 10:30pm �� Family Guy 10:50pm �� Family Guy 11:15pm �� American Dad!

8:55am (BST) ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am ��Scrapheap Challenge 11:00am ��Four in a Bed 1:50pm..........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 2:20pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 2:55pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 3:30pm..........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:00pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:35pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:10pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:40pm �� Come Dine with Me

6:00am (BST) ��The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 7:05am ��Carry on Girls 8:55am ��Heartbeat 9:55am ��Heartbeat 10:55am ��Foyle’s War 1:00pm ��Calamity Jane 3:00pm ��Torvill and Dean: Dancing on Ice Tour 2011 Highlights from the Dancing On Ice Live Tour. The top three skaters from the 2011 series -Sam Attwater, Laura Hamilton and Chloe Madeley - join a host of other skaters including Johnson Beharry VC, Denise Welch, Vanilla Ice and the 2010 champion, Hayley Tamaddon. 4:05pm ��Smokey and the Bandit 5:55pm ��Poirot

6:10am (BST) ��Greatest World Cup Matches 6:25am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 7:05am �� The Sweeney 8:00am ��Tommy Cooper 9:00am ��Border Security USA 10:00am �� Cycling Highlights 11:05am ��Police, Camera, Action! 11:40am ��The War Wagon 1:45pm ��Moonraker 4:15pm ��Spartacus

6:55pm ��Poirot 9:00pm �� An Audience with Freddie Starr 10:00pm ��The Green Mile

reeling - and a cataclysmic turn of events changes the landscape of 165 Eaton Place forever… Downstairs, as war approaches, Harry and Beryl face a ticking clock to get their affairs in order. Meanwhile, after his behaviour the previous

6:15pm �� Come Dine with Me 6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:20pm ��The TV Book Club 7:55pm ��River Cottage Every Day 9:00pm ��River Cottage Every Day 10:00pm ��How to Cook Like Heston 10:35pm �� Father Ted 11:40pm �� Obsessive Compulsive Hoarder

8:00pm ��Rugby Highlights Aviva Premiership. Craig Doyle presents all the best action from round 18 with just four rounds to go and everything to play for at both ends of the table. Martin Bayfield provides expert analysis. 9:00pm �� For Your Eyes Only Spy thriller in which British agent James Bond is dispatched to recover a strategic communications device before it finds its way into the hands of the Russians. 11:40pm �� Full Metal Jacket

m a r ch 6:00am (BST) �� Simon Sez 7:40am �� FXM Presents 8:00am �� Jumpin’ Jack Flash 9:45am ��Thirteen Fighting Men 11:00am ��Heaven Can Wait 1:00pm ��Kipps 2:30pm....................................................Home Alone 4:30pm ��Home Alone 3 6:30pm �� Home Alone 4 Young Kevin McCallister (Mike Weinberg) decides to spend Christmas with his dad in a luxury mansion. 8:00pm �� Cheaper By the Dozen 2 Tom and Kate Baker and their 12 children are enjoying a final holiday together at their lakeside summer cabin before the last of the kids fly the nest. 9:50pm ��FXM Presents 10:00pm �� Big Momma’s House Actor and funnyman Martin Lawrence is obviously keen to become a Hollywood heavyweight - but this probably wasn’t what he had in mind.

8:00am (BST) �� The Hottie & the Nottie 10:00am ��Tango & Cash 12:00pm ��Bottle Rocket 2:00pm ��Blue Crush 4:00pm �� The Hottie & the Nottie Nate moves to L.A. to track down Cristabel, the woman he’s been in love with since childhood, only to discover that his plan to woo her only has one hurdle to overcome: what to do with June. 6:00pm �� True Crime Steve Everett, Oakland Tribune journalist with a passion for women and alcohol, is given the coverage of the upcoming execution of murderer Frank Beachum. 8:00pm �� The Spiderwick Chronicles Once upon a time, upon moving into the rundown Spiderwick Estate with their mother, twin brothers Jared and Simon Grace, along with their sister Mallory, find themselves pulled into an alternate world. 10:00pm ��Bangkok Dangerous Joe is a professional hit man who picks someone off the street to do his errands, and after he is finished kills that person. His next assignment takes him to Bangkok.

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Upstairs Downstairs BBC1 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm Lady Agnes returns home determined to heal the rift in her marriage. Sir Hallam, too, is desperate to make amends and does all in his power to rectify his personal and professional mistakes. But a shocking revelation leaves the pair

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evening, Mr Pritchard leaves 165 Eaton Place in shame and Johnny is left to run the household. But when Mr Prichard’s absence becomes more prolonged the house is thrown in to chaos and Johnny seeks counsel from a familiar face.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

m o n d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��The 1952 Show 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm ��Secrets and Words 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Jedward’s Big Adventure 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��12 Again 4:30pm ��Prank Patrol Down Under 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm �� Bang Goes the Theory Cyber Security. Science series. Liz asks how safe digital storage formats such as DVDs and memory sticks are, and whether The Cloud answers all our problems. 8:00pm ��EastEnders Emotions are running high in Walford as the locals react to news of last night’s tragedy, while a grief-stricken Shirley battles to deal with the loss of her best friend. 8:30pm ��Panorama Murdoch’s Tv Pirates. As Rupert Murdoch faces accusations of law-breaking and corruption at his British tabloid newspapers, Panorama reveals fresh hacking allegations at the heart of News Corporation’s pay-TV empire. 9:00pm ��Empire In the final part of his personal account of Britain’s empire, Jeremy Paxman tells the extraordinary story of how a desire for conquest became a mission to improve the rest of mankind, especially in Africa. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm �� One Night 11:35pm ��Late Kick Off

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am.............................................................. Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am...............................................................Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am ��Lulu Zipadoo 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Mike the Knight 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am ��Cloudbabies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� BBC World News 12:00pm ��The Daily Politics 1:00pm ��My Life in Books 1:30pm ��Living Dangerously 2:15pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm ��Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Wonderland 8:00pm �� Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 8:30pm �� The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 9:00pm ��The Tube 10:00pm ��Watson and Oliver 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� In Orbit: How Satellites Rule Our World

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Aaron faces a dilemma as he realises how vulnerable Adam is. Ashley is ashamed when Sandy starts to concede. Lisa worries that alcohol is at the root of Zak’s odd behaviour. 7:30pm ��Coronation Street Audrey stands her ground when the backlash begins. Sunita’s eye wanders as her relationship with Dev deteriorates. 8:00pm ��The Dales Adrian Edmondson meets the Wildman family from Kirkby Malham, who have a rich heritage of farming in the area dating back generations. 8:30pm ��Coronation Street The Platts are shocked when Audrey reveals her plans. Ken packs his bags after failing to reason with his family. 9:00pm �� Scott and Bailey Gill and Rachel go to Bristol to advise on a rape and murder case which bears striking similarities to an infamous case from 13 years ago. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten and Weather 10:35pm �� The Agenda 11:05pm �� Mayday Mayday In this episode, an 82-year-old pensioner has to be rescued after falling into the icy waters in Helensburgh, Scotland. 11:35pm �� Piers Morgan’s Life Stories In a rare interview, David Hasselhoff talks to Piers Morgan about his amazing career.

6:00am �� The Treacle People 6:15am �� The Hoobs 6:40am �� The Hoobs 7:05am ��Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am ��Frasier 9:00am................................Undercover Boss USA 10:00am �� The Food Hospital 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm �� Channel 4 News 12:05pm ��Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm �� Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm ��Deal or No Deal 5:00pm ��Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm �� Hollyoaks When Jacqui finds Phoebe begging with her stolen dog, all hell breaks loose. It’s awkward between Annalise and Rob in Halls, and as they all head to the Spring Fling it’s about to get a whole lot worse. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm ��4thought.tv 8:00pm �� China: Triumph and Turmoil In the final programme of the series, Niall asks what China’s growing global presence and aggressive nationalism mean to all of us. 9:00pm ��Embarrassing Bodies Dr Christian helps a patient with a vasectomy. Dr Dawn meets a woman whose bowel condition has left her with shocking stomach scars. 10:00pm �� Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA This week, Gordon is in New Jersey to try to snatch Italian restaurant Leone’s from the jaws of failure. 11:00pm.........................................Homeland The director of the CIA berates Saul and Estes over Hamid’s suicide and the fact that he managed to smuggle a razor blade into the safe house.

One Night BBC1 - 10:35 - 11:35 pm Bespoke kitchen salesman Ted - a man who considers nothing too trivial to worry about believes that at 50 his future might be the dole queue. So to impress his boss Kenny he is throwing a barbecue - and it has to be a complete success. When a teenage girl with a gang of her mates from the estate nearby refuse to

pick up a piece of litter and hurl abuse at him outside his house, Ted takes action. He reports her to her head teacher and the girl is suspended. But that evening at the barbecue Ted starts to believe that he is being targeted for revenge. He shares his suspicions with his guests who at first are amused by this ‘typical Ted’ behaviour - but events escalate and the house is

attacked and his wife Sally injured. Ted catches a young teenage lad from the nearby estate whom he believes is responsible and drags him into his garden to wait for the police. However, Sally thinks that it will be Ted who will face prosecution for false imprisonment and assault and put them at risk of real revenge from older members of the boy’s gang.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 6 6:00am ��Children´s TV 8:30am �� Roary the Racing Car 8:40am ��Bert and Ernie’s Great Adventures 8:45am �� Bananas in Pyjamas 9:00am ��Hana’s Helpline 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm.....................................5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��Emergency Bikers 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��The Mentalist 3:10pm ��Nora Roberts’ Northern Lights 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm................................Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm �� Inside the Titanic 9:00pm ��Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:50am ��Emmerdale 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am................................................... Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Coronation Street 12:30pm ��Coronation Street 1:00pm ��Emmerdale 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 7:00pm ��The Cube 8:00pm �� Gossip Girl 9:00pm �� Hellboy II: The Golden Army 11:20pm................................Celebrity Juice 12:00am �� Waterworld

7:00pm ��The Real Hustle Blue Peter star Konnie Huq joins the Hustlers in a get-rich-quick scam that seems just too good to be true. Paul, playing the owner of a beautiful Scottish castle, is offering timeshare deals to private individuals. 7:30pm ��World’s Craziest Fools 8:00pm ��Don’t Tell the Bride Josh and Stacie. Another brave bride is ready to take a back seat and let her groom organise their big day. Gloucester rugby lad Josh is desperate to please his demanding bride-to-be, Stacie. 9:00pm �� My Murder A chance meeting with a girl leads to murder as a teenage boy is engulfed by a web of lies in this innovative and gripping factual drama. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm �� World Series of Dating Brand new and exclusive comedy reality series with special guest, Rob Riggle. 11:00pm....................................... Family Guy 11:45pm �� American Dad!

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am....................................My Place in the Sun 10:30am............................ Relocation, Relocation 11:35am ��The Day Will Dawn 1:30pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under 2:35pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:10pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:00am ��Heartbeat 7:00am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:00am �� Jeeves and Wooster 9:10am ��On the Buses 9:45am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:50am ��Hornblower 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm..................................... Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm................................Daily Cooks Challenge 5:10pm ��George and Mildred 5:40pm ��Heartbeat

6:00am ��Film File 6:10am ��The Professionals 7:00am ��Police, Camera, Action! 7:25am ��Police, Camera, Action! 7:50am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 8:45am ��The Fall Guy 9:50am �� Quantum Leap 10:50am ��The Professionals 11:50am ��The Saint 12:50pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:50pm �� Quantum Leap 2:50pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 3:20pm �� For Your Eyes Only

6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote 8:00pm ��Rosemary and Thyme The picturesque village of Rowfield is a hotbed of turmoil and dissent as the Garden Open Day Scheme approaches. 9:00pm ��The Seasons with Alan Titchmarsh 10:00pm �� A Touch of Frost

Hitch MBC2 - 8:00 pm A man who teaches dateless wonders how to become irresistible to women learns just how hard it can be to do it yourself in this romantic comedy. When a guy in New York City wants to make the right impression with a certain lady, Alex “Hitch” Hitchens (Will Smith) is the man he calls. Hitch has made a career out of coordinating a man’s first three dates so that they’ll show him to his best advantage (for a price, of course), and

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more than a few have taken women to the altar they first started courting with Hitch’s help. But Hitch discovers his own romantic limitations when he falls for Sara (Eva Mendes), a journalist who has her own ideas about romance, and might just expose Hitch’s underground business to the world. In the midst of all this, Hitch has his hands full with Albert, a sweet but socially inept man who has enlisted Hitch’s services.

6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs 9:00pm �� Grand Designs Australia 10:05pm �� Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare 11:10pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under 12:00am �� The Big C

6:00pm ��Rugby Highlights 7:00pm �� England’s Greatest Tournament Games 8:00pm �� Whisker Wars 8:30pm �� Whisker Wars 9:00pm ��Octopussy 11:40pm �� Firefox

m a r ch 6:00am ��Rebound 8:00am ��Home Alone 4 9:30am ��License to Drive 11:00am ��Forever Amber 1:30pm ��Kipps 3:00pm �� Star! 6:00pm ��Bye Bye Love Three divorced men face up to the trials and rewards of fatherhood as they juggle the demands of their children during one hectic weekend. Comedy. 8:00pm �� In Her Shoes Sisters Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette have little in common, one a financially irresponsible flirt and the other a mature and staid lawyer. However, the pair are brought together when they learn of a dark family secret. 10:39pm ��FXM Presents 11:00pm �� Mystery, Alaska Residents of a small town pour all their enthusiasm into the local hockey team, so when they’re challenged to beat a formidable and wealthy New York side, expectations are high.

8:00am ��The Matador 10:00am ��Norbit 12:00pm.........................................................Meet Bill 2:00pm �� True Crime 4:00pm ��The Spiderwick Chronicles Once upon a time, upon moving into the rundown Spiderwick Estate with their mother, twin brothers Jared and Simon Grace, along with their sister Mallory, find themselves pulled into an alternate world. 6:00pm �� The Marine A group of diamond thieves on the run kidnap the wife of a recently discharged marine who goes on a chase through the South Carolinian wilderness to retrieve her. 8:00pm ��Hitch A smooth-talking man forges a career as a professional ‘date doctor’, offering advice to lonely single guys. When a shy and retiring businessman asks the relationship guru to help him woo a gorgeous and wealthy it-girl. 10:00pm �� Death Race In the North African desert in World War II, a crippled American fighter plane that is unable to take off tries to evade and destroy a pursuing Nazi tank.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

tu e s d a y 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��The 1952 Show 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am....................... The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm........................................BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm ��Secrets and Words 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm.........................Jedward’s Big Adventure 3:35pm.............................................. Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��12 Again 4:30pm �� Pixelface 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm ��EastEnders Shirley is comforted by news that George can stay with her until Darren is tracked down - but his presence at the Mitchells serves as a painful reminder of Heather. 8:00pm ��Holby City Michael and Alex clash over a case, but will they find a way to work together in order to save their patient in time? 9:00pm �� The Syndicate A supermarket in Leeds is threatened with closure, sending its five staff - Bob, Stuart, Denise, Leanne and Jamie -spiralling into an uncertain future. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm �� One Night It is the day of Danny’s funeral, following his death at the hands of a rival gang. 11:35pm ��The Estate Fly-on-the-wall documentary series following the real-life dramas of the residents of Ballysally in Northern Ireland, one of the most deprived housing estates in the UK, as they cope with life in the teeth of a harsh economic storm.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:35am �� Octonauts 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am......................................................................Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am....................................................... Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am..........................................Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am ��Lulu Zipadoo 9:05am..........................................Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am............................Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Mike the Knight 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am....................................................Tree Fu Tom 10:20am.......................................Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am...................................................Cloudbabies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� BBC World News 12:00pm ��The Daily Politics 1:00pm ��My Life in Books 1:30pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm ��Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� This World 8:00pm �� Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation 9:00pm ��Horizon 10:00pm ��Never Mind the Buzzcocks 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� Wikileaks: The Secret Life of a Superpower

6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Ashley loses his temper with Sandy and causes an accident. Aaron is determined to sacrifice his own happiness to support Adam. 7:30pm ��Countrywise Kitchen Paul Heiney and chef Mike Robinson are in Lancashire to discover some of the county’s culinary specialities from hotpot to wild rabbit and faggots as well as a very posh cheese on toast. 8:00pm ��Homes from Hell Stories from the people whose lives have been ruined by property adventures, including the tale of the couple who invested nearly a million pounds in a designer home only to find a minor fault had such disastrous consequences that they had to rebuild the house. 9:00pm �� Fraud Squad Documentary following detectives from the City and Metropolitan Police as they tackle organised crime gangs making millions from cash machine crime. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten & Weather 10:35pm ��Benidorm The British Olympic Synchronised Swimming team are in town to practice and Joyce persuades them to stay at the Solana. 11:35pm �� Ladette to Lady It is the third week of term at Hereford Hall, and six girls remain. Their challenge is to host an afternoon tea party and fashion salon, but the teachers are despairing of their abilities.

6:10am ��Children´s TV 7:05am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am ��Frasier 9:00am ��Undercover Boss USA 10:00am ��The Food Hospital 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News 12:05pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm ��River Cottage Bites 12:45pm ��Darby’s Rangers 3:05pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm..................................................Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks There’s fallout in Halls as the students figure out who Annalise brought home last night. In the heat of the argument, Ash collapses and her condition looks very serious. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm................ Supersize v Superskinny Head to head in the Feeding Clinic is 27-yearold Supersize serial-snacker Jo Palmer from Staffordshire, and 20-year-old Superskinny Emma Hughes from Lincolnshire. 9:00pm ��Big Fat Gypsy Weddings While the traditional way of life is evolving, the large extended family unit remains at the heart of the Traveller community. 10:00pm �� Facejacker Kayvan Novak, star of BAFTA winning Fonejacker, returns for a second series of the ground-breaking BAFTA-nominated Facejacker. 10:30pm ��Hit the Road Jack In this new series Jack Whitehall takes his show on the road visiting a different UK city each week. 11:05pm ��Random Acts 11:10pm �� Desperate Housewives

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 7 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:15pm ��Emergency Bikers 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��CSI: NY 3:15pm ��The Perfect Teacher 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm ��Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 8:00pm �� Revealed 9:00pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm �� CSI: NY 11:00pm �� CSI: Miami 11:55pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:50am ��Emmerdale 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 112:00pm ��Coronation Street 1:00pm......................................................Emmerdale 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 6:30pm ��The Cube 7:30pm �� You’ve Been Framed! 8:00pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 8:30pm ��Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9:00pm �� The Vampire Diaries 10:00pm �� Perez Hilton Superfan 11:00pm ��Winners and Losers

7:00pm �� Stormchaser: The Butterfly and the Tornado Documentary which follows tornado researcher and weather fanatic Sam Hall on an epic road trip across the US in search of some of the planet’s most violent storms. 8:00pm ��Don’t Tell the Bride Cameron and Sarah Jane. Another brave bride is ready to take a back seat and let her groom organise their big day. It was love at first sight for car sprayer Cameron and teaching assistant Sarah when they met in their local pub two and a half years ago. 9:00pm ��Reggie Yates: Teen Gangs As a kid growing up on a council estate, government benefits and negative distractions were a huge part of his childhood. Today, Reggie Yates is a successful TV and radio presenter. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm �� Pramface 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:45pm �� American Dad! 12:00am �� Family Guy

6:10am ��Heartbeat 7:05am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:05am.................................. Jeeves and Wooster 9:15am ��George and Mildred 9:50am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:55am ��Hornblower 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:10pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:10pm ��Daily Cooks Challenge 5:10pm....................................George and Mildred 5:45pm........................................................Heartbeat 6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote 8:00pm ��Wycliffe A body with shotgun wounds to the head is washed ashore. Although the corpse is virtually unidentifiable, two women each claim that it must be their missing husband. 9:00pm ��Taggart 10:00pm.....................Trial and Retribution 11:40pm ��NUMB3RS

Facejacker Channel 4 - 10:00 - 10:30 pm Kayvan Novak, star of BAFTA winning Fonejacker, returns with a second series of the ground-breaking BAFTAnominated Facejacker. Novak, who recently won the Best Comedy Performance in a British Film plaudit at the British Comedy Awards (for his role as Waj, in Four Lions), once again dons elaborate prosthetics to showcase his amazing array of characters and

voices, ably demonstrating his sublime improvisational skills and deft comic mind. His arsenal of comic creations include the charismatic and multi-divorced car salesman Terry Tibbs, who this series tries out various new TV show formats; scamster Augustus Kwembe, who finds new intriguing ways to scam members of the public out of their bank account details; irritating complainer

and pedant Dufrais; charlatan art critic Brian Badonde who this time tries his hand at slam poetry and cheese tasting; plus a host of new characters. Novak takes his characters into real-life situations where they sometimes charm but often baffle members of the public. And this time he’s going global by also unleashing some of his best-known characters in America.

tv guide

9:55am �� Relocation, Relocation 11:05am �� ’Pimpernel’ Smith 1:25pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under 2:25pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:05pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation 6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs Kevin McCloud joins John and Eleni Flood as they attempt to turn their cluttered and cramped Victorian terraced house in Hackney into a cool, contemporary, light and roomy living space. 9:00pm �� The Restoration Man Clive Bolton and his wife Jane dream of retiring and making their new home in a Grade II listed windmill in Anglesey. 10:05pm ��One Born Every Minute USA 11:05pm ��The Good Wife

6:00am ��Film File 6:10am ��The Professionals 7:00am �� Police Stop! 7:50am �� Minder 8:50am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 9:50am �� Quantum Leap 10:45am ��The Professionals 11:50am �� Minder 12:50pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:50pm �� Quantum Leap 2:45pm ��The Fall Guy 3:45pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 4:20pm �� Octopussy 7:00pm ��Deadliest Season in the World 8:00pm ��Rookie Builders 9:00pm �� Johnny Vegas Live at the Benidorm Palace 10:30pm ��Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life

m a r ch 6:00am ��Beloved 8:30am ��True Lies 11:00am ��The Girl Next Door 12:45pm ��Sandcastles 2:00pm...........................................Orchestra Wives 4:00pm ��The Incredible Hulk Returns 5:30pm ��True Lies Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a seemingly boring computer salesman who leads an amazing double life as a suave superspy embroiled in international terrorism. Jamie Lee Curtis co-stars as his naive wife, who remains unaware of his day job and tired of her seemingly dull husband, goes in search of adventure. 8:00pm �� Jane Austen’s Mafia! An Italian immigrant gradually takes over a powerful crime cartel in America, working his way up the chain of command by any means necessary. 10:00pm �� Meet the Spartans A fearless warrior king finds his daily routine of throwing people into pits disrupted by Persian invaders, giant robots and random celebrities. Leaping into action, he vows to muster an army to defend his kingdom.

8:00am �� Hitch 10:00am ��Judge Dredd 12:00pm �� The Marine 2:00pm �� The Matador A chance encounter between a travelling salesman and a lonely hitman triggers a strangely profound relationship which provokes each to act in ways neither would have imagined possible. 4:00pm �� Hitch 6:00pm ��The Game Nicholas Van Orton is a very wealthy San Francisco banker, but he is an absolute loner, even spending his birthday alone. In the year of his 48th birthday (the age his father committed suicide). 8:00pm �� Extraordinary Measures 10:00pm ��The Forbidden Kingdom An American teenager who is obsessed with Hong Kong cinema and kung-fu classics makes an extraordinary discovery in a Chinatown pawnshop: the legendary stick weapon of the Chinese sage.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

w e d n e s d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��The 1952 Show 10:00am...................Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm.................................................Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm ��Secrets and Words 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Jedward’s Big Adventure 3:35pm.............................................. Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��12 Again 4:30pm ��My Life 5:00pm...................................................... Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm........................................Cash Britain Observational documentary series examining how customers of a family-run pawnbrokers are coping in the current economic climate. 8:00pm �� Waterloo Road On the day of the fun run Jez’s life starts to unravel as his star athlete, Mercedes, makes a huge error of judgement and Sian admits her true feelings about their relationship. 9:00pm ��The Apprentice Household Gadget. Lord Sugar calls the teams to the Victoria and Albert Museum. Their task is to invent a new household gadget, create a prototype and pitch for orders to some of the country’s biggest retailers. 10:00pm.............................BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm ��The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10:45pm �� One Night This is the day that Carol intends to fulfil her secret ambition. 11:45pm �� Poltergeist Chilling horror in which a suburban family’s life is turned into a nightmare when vengeful spirits invade their home.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am ��Lulu Zipadoo 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Mike the Knight 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am ��Cloudbabies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am ��Here Comes Mr. Jordan 1:00pm ��See Hear 1:30pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm ��Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Escape to the Country 7:30pm ��Watson and Oliver 8:00pm �� The Fisherman’s Apprentice with Monty Halls 9:00pm �� Wikileaks: The Secret Life of a Superpower 10:00pm ��The Apprentice: You’re Fired! 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� Storyville

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover Caroline gave up nursing to look after her son, who has cerebral palsy. The family moved to a bigger house to accommodate his needs but there has never been the time or money to decorate. 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders Trouble seems to be brewing in the pretty village of Ford Florey when a tract of waste ground dubbed ‘the Swamp’ becomes the focus of a land dispute between two old agricultural families and a band of travellers. 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Lisa worries that Zak might be having an affair. Ashley and Sandy are awkward around each other at the hospital. Aaron gives Ed a decision about France. 7:30pm ��UEFA Champions League Adrian Chiles introduces live coverage of a Champions League quarter-final first leg. For the teams that have battled through to the last eight of football’s biggest club competition, the final in Munich is now one step closer. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten & Weather 10:35pm ��UEFA Champions League Extra Time. Matt Smith presents highlights from the first legs of the Champions League quarter-finals. Eight of Europe’s top teams are battling it out for a place in the semifinals, so the stakes are high. 11:35pm �� Road Warriors In this episode, cameras follow Lance Corporal Lisa West and her fiance Lance Corporal Karl Cracknell as they join a supply convoy into a dangerous area of Afghanistan known as IED Alley.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:15am �� The Hoobs 7:05am ��Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am ��Frasier 9:00am ��Undercover Boss USA 10:00am �� The Food Hospital 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm �� Channel 4 News 12:05pm ��Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm ��River Cottage Bites 12:40pm �� Action in the North Atlantic 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm ��Deal or No Deal 5:00pm ��Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm �� Hollyoaks Jacqui takes Phoebe to work with her at The Dog - that way Phoebe can repay Jacqui. As meningitis-struck Ash fights for her life, Lacey is convinced she’s to blame. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm ��4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Four Rooms The new series continues as more members of the public look to sell vintage treasures for life-changing sums of money. 9:00pm �� One Born Every Minute A celebrity adds a touch of glamour to the delivery suite in this episode. TV presenter Myleene Klass opens a new birthing pool and causes a stir on the maternity ward. 10:00pm �� 10 O’Clock Live This week’s edition of the live comedy and current affairs show hosted by David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Charlie Brooker and Lauren Laverne. 10:55pm ��Facejacker Once again Novak dons elaborate prosthetics to showcase his amazing array of characters and voices. 11:25pm �� Hit the Road Jack Newcastle. An extended edition of yesterday’s show with added extras.

Four Rooms Channel 4 - 8:00 - 9:00 pm The new series continues as more members of the public look to sell vintage treasures for life-changing sums of money. Four of Britain’s top dealers in art, antiques and collectibles wait in separate rooms, each prepared to spend their

personal fortunes if the right item comes through their door. The public have come to sell their prized possessions, hoping to walk away with a fortune. But to do so, they have to work out when to sell and when to see the next dealer, because once they

leave the room the offer is off the table for good. This episode features a dress worn by Amy Winehouse, a bottle of champagne signed by the Ashes-winning cricket team, a waxwork autopsy, a slice of the Queen and Prince Philip’s wedding cake, and Kate Middleton’s car.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 8 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am..........................................LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��London: The Inside Story 1:15pm............................................Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��CSI: NY 3:10pm �� Mary Higgins-Clark’s Remember Me 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm ��Police Interceptors 8:00pm ��Big Body Squad 9:00pm ��NCIS 10:00pm �� Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm �� Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

6:00am ��Emmerdale 6:25am ��Nanny 911 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Emmerdale 12:30pm ��Nanny 911 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 6:30pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 7:15pm �� Take Me Out 8:15pm �� Take Me Out - The Gossip 9:00pm �� The Shawshank Redemption 11:50pm ��Harry Hill’s TV Burp

7:00pm ��Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May take over an entire modern art gallery in Middlesbrough and fill it with motoring-related works, including some remarkable creations of their own, in a quest to prove that cars can be more popular than traditional art. 8:00pm ��Don’t Tell the Bride 9:00pm �� I Never Said Yes A woman is raped every ten minutes in the UK yet thousands of rapes go unreported and conviction rates remain low. 10:00pm �� Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Knockabout comedy set in the sexist world of 1970s newscasting. Ron Burgundy, San Diego’s top-rated anchorman, reigns supreme in the all-male world of television news, until the arrival of an ambitious female reporter upsets the status quo. 11:30pm �� World Series of Dating Four distinctive and especially selective girls govern the ‘datezone’ as a number of guys try to last as long as they can over a dinner date.

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am �� Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard 10:05am �� Relocation, Relocation 11:15am �� The Way Ahead 1:30pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under 2:35pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:05pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:10pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:00am ��Heartbeat 6:55am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 7:55am �� Jeeves and Wooster 9:05am ��George and Mildred 9:40am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:45am ��P. D. James 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm ��Daily Cooks Challenge 5:05pm ��George and Mildred 5:40pm ��Heartbeat

6:00am ��Film File 6:10am ��The Professionals 7:00am ��Police, Camera, Action! 7:25am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 8:15am.....................................................The Fall Guy 9:20am �� Police Stop! 10:15am ��The Professionals 11:15am ��The Saint 12:20pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 12:50pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:50pm ��Deadliest Season in the World 2:55pm ��The Fall Guy 3:55pm �� Batman 5:00pm ��The Professionals

6:50pm �� Murder, She Wrote 7:55pm ��The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes Holmes’s older brother, Mycroft, needs help solving the mystery of a young Greek forced by a gang to interpret for a man they are holding prisoner until he signs an important document. 9:00pm ��Poirot 11:00pm �� Cracker

One Born Every Minute Channel 4 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm A celebrity adds a touch of glamour to the delivery suite in this episode. TV presenter Myleene Klass opens a new birthing pool and causes a stir on the maternity ward. Delivery suite manager Gail Wright has to rehearse her speech and gets all in a dither about how to coordinate the grand opening. Meanwhile, life in the hospital goes on as normal with

tv guide

three very different couples. Air hostess Helen (38) and her boyfriend Alan (34) are about to surrender their lifestyle of partying and travelling. She suffered kidney failure after binge drinking in Thailand but is now ready to become a mum. They’re having twins - two boys - so the transformation in their daily life is going to

be doubly dramatic. Natalie (24) and lorry driver Trevor (38) are having their third baby, but their relationship has been rocky. Four years ago they had a fling and when Natalie said she was pregnant Trevor refused to acknowledge baby Chelsea as his own. Two years later he saw his daughter’s photo on Facebook, realised his error and asked Natalie to take him back.

6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs 9:00pm �� Undercover Boss USA David Rife, an owner of White Castle, the oldest fast-food chain in the US, wants to improve the business his grandfather founded 88 years ago with the motto ‘happy employees mean happy customers’. 10:00pm ��The Secret Millionaire 11:00pm ��Half Ton Dad

6:00pm �� Quantum Leap 7:00pm...................Police, Camera, Action! 7:30pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 8:00pm �� Border Security USA 9:00pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 10:00pm ��Smokin’ Aces

m a r ch 6:00am ��Jane Austen’s Mafia! 7:45am �� FXM Presents 8:00am ��Porky’s 9:40am ��Wild on the Beach 11:00am �� Raiders From Beneath the Sea 12:15pm ��Thirteen Fighting Men 2:00pm �� Emperor of the North Pole 4:01pm ��Tough Enough 6:00pm......................... Courage Under Fire Meg Ryan stars in this promising but ultimately rather predictable drama about a female helicopter pilot killed in the 1990 Gulf War. Denzel Washington plays the American military official who investigates her death to decide whether she deserves a posthumous Medal of Honour. 8:00pm �� The Gift A clairvoyant woman’s life is turned upside down when her sixth sense allows her to unravel the mystery behind a girl’s disappearance. However, a dramatic series of events forces her to wonder whether she’s led the police to the right man. 10:12pm ��FXM Presents 10:30pm ��Freedomland

8:00am ��The Forbidden Kingdom 10:00am ��Extraordinary Measures 12:00pm.................................................. Mad Money 2:00pm �� The Game 4:00pm ��The Forbidden Kingdom 6:00pm �� The Darjeeling Limited A year after the accidental death of their father, three drug-addicted brothers -- each suffering from depression - meet for a train trip across India. Francis, the eldest, has organized it. 8:00pm ��The Dukes of Hazzard Bo and Luke Duke are southern cousins. In Hazzard County, Bo and Luke help their Uncle Jesse and their sexy cousin Daisy run the Moonshine business and always getting into trouble with Sherriff Roscoe. 10:00pm ��Blindness A city is ravaged by an epidemic of instant “white blindness”. Those first afflicted are quarantined by the authorities in an abandoned mental hospital where the newly created “society of the blind”

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 tv guide

thu r s d a y 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��The 1952 Show 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm ��Secrets and Words 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Jedward’s Big Adventure 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��12 Again 4:30pm �� Leonardo Leo and Lisa are summoned to the Medici Palace to undertake a special commission. 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm ��EastEnders As Phil desperately fights to hold his fractured family together, Jay’s whereabouts alarm him. Lucy arranges a lavish night out for Lauren’s 18th, leaving Whitney fretting that she may not be able to afford her extravagant plans. 8:00pm ��Watchdog Anne Robinson and the team investigate how private parking companies can buy your personal details. 9:00pm �� The Honeymoon Murder With exclusive access to CCTV footage never before seen publicly, this Panorama special examines in detail the hours leading up to the death of Anni Dewani while on honeymoon in Cape Town. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm ��Question Time David Dimbleby chairs a debate from Portsmouth on the big stories of the week, with a studio audience and panel of guests. 11:35pm ��This Week

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:20am ��Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 6:35am �� Octonauts 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am......................................................................Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am ��Lulu Zipadoo 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Mike the Knight 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am ��Cloudbabies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� BBC World News 12:00pm ��Return of the Bad Men 1:30pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm ��Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation 8:00pm ��Natural World 9:00pm ��White Heat 10:00pm �� The Sarah Millican Television Programme 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm ��The Tube

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Ashley is anxious when social services come to visit. Zak is determined to fight his demons. Jimmy decides to play Nicola at her own game. 7:30pm �� Tonight Bamber - The New Evidence. Jeremy Bamber, one of Britain’s most notorious killers, was convicted in 1986 of the mass murder of his entire family. 8:00pm �� Emmerdale Laurel lays into Rachel for calling social services. Ed has finally had enough of Aaron putting Adam first. Zak struggles to pretend everything is OK. 8:30pm ��Coronation Street Audrey teaches David a lesson as they fight for the salon. A tearful Eileen comforts Lesley when things get out of hand. Steve regrets putting Ken up as the Barlow feud continues. 9:00pm �� Love Life Last in the series of the drama following a young couple’s relationship. Lucy is shocked when Joe tells her that he is leaving for Argentina. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten & Weather 10:35pm �� The Jonathan Ross Show On the final show of the series, Jonathan welcomes Hollywood star Danny DeVito, comedian Dara O’Briain and Britain’s Got Talent judges Simon Cowell and David Walliams.. 11:35pm ��Take Me Out

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:15am ��The Hoobs 7:05am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am ��Frasier 9:00am ��Undercover Boss USA 10:00am ��The Food Hospital 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News 12:05pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm ��River Cottage Bites 12:50pm ��The Electric Horseman 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks When Martha hits the bottle, Callum is forced to tell George the truth about her drink problem. Jacqui discovers her wedding ring is missing. But is Phoebe to blame? 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Get Your House in Order Sylvia Stewart is struggling under the remnants of decades of out-of-control shopping. The 59-year-old widow is a selfconfessed bargain hunter who estimates that she has spent around £100,000. 9:00pm �� Mary’s Bottom Line It’s all hands on deck in the last episode of the series as Mary and the factory workers gear up for the launch of Kinky Knickers at the high-profile London store Liberty. 10:00pm �� Death Row Over the period of a year, Werner Herzog has interviewed inmates in America as they await their death and uncovered brutal stories of rape and murder. 11:00pm ��Random Acts Channel 4’s nightly short-form arts strand, showcasing specially commissioned threeminute films chosen for their bold and original expressions of creativity. 11:05pm ��Embarrassing Bodies

Death Row Channel 4 - 10:00 - 11:00 pm Death Row tells the fascinating and controversial story of crime and the death penalty. Over the period of a year, Werner Herzog has interviewed inmates in America as they await their death and uncovered brutal stories of rape and murder. The second portrait is of James Barnes. Sentenced to life in prison for the murder of his wife, Barnes had already spent eight years be-

hind bars when he became a practising Muslim. During Ramadan, he called in homicide detectives, and confessed to a previous murder of a woman. He broke into her apartment, naked. For hours he hid in her apartment and watched her watching TV and taking a shower. His intention was to rape and kill her. He failed to strangulate her and subsequently killed her with a hammer, then set her bed on fire.

From his youth on, he was an arsonist. He killed the family cats. He committed numerous crimes. He is repentant, and accepts full responsibility. In conversation, he does not appear a monster at all. Death Row is not so much about capital punishment but a deep and intriguing insight into the limits of human experience to discover what it feels like to know how and when you will die.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

2 9 6:00am ��Children´s TV 8:15am �� Peppa Pig 8:30am �� Roary the Racing Car 8:45am �� Bananas in Pyjamas 9:00am ��Olivia 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��London: The Inside Story 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��CSI: NY 3:15pm ��The Nanny Express 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm ��Holiday Heaven on Earth 7:30pm �� UEFA Europa League 10:15pm �� The Glimmer Man

6:00am ��Emmerdale 6:25am ��Nanny 911 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Emmerdale 12:30pm ��Nanny 911 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 7:00pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 8:00pm ��American Idol 10:00pm ��Celebrity Juice 10:45pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 11:15pm �� The Matrix

tv guide

m a r ch

7:00pm �� The Apprentice Blank Canvas. Sixteen candidates begin their fight for one-life changing opportunity - a quarter of a million pounds to start up a business with Lord Sugar as their partner. 8:00pm ��Don’t Tell the Bride 24-year-old Harry and his 28-year-old fiancee Mel live in a beautiful seaside village called Manorbier on the Pembrokeshire coast in south Wales. 9:00pm �� Pramface Laura is very pregnant, very bored and cannot stop thinking about Jamie. So she asks him to take her out -but it is definitely not on a date, it is just a casual shopping trip -casual that is until Laura goes into labour. 9:30pm �� White Van Man The series finale sees Darren betray Ollie with severe consequences. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm �� Angry Boys 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:20pm �� Family Guy 11:50pm �� American Dad!

9:55am �� River Cottage Bites 10:15am �� Relocation, Relocation 11:20am ��Operation Amsterdam 1:25pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under 2:30pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:05pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:05pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation 6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs 9:00pm ��The Good Wife A couple whose divorce was overseen by Lockhart and Gardner have now reconciled and are suing, claiming that the firm deliberately split them up in order to make a commission on the liquidation of the company they started together. 10:00pm �� The Big C 10:35pm �� Saving Grace 11:30pm �� Shameless USA

6:00am ��Freedomland 8:30am ��Grand Canyon 11:00am ��Ramona 12:30pm ��Shock Treatment 2:01pm ��Five Gates to Hell 4:00pm ��Garden of Evil

6:00am ��Heartbeat 7:00am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:00am �� Jeeves and Wooster 9:05am ��George and Mildred 9:35am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:50am ��P. D. James 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm ��Daily Cooks Challenge 5:05pm ��George and Mildred 5:40pm ��Heartbeat

6:00am ��Uefa Champions League Hat-Trick Heroes 6:05am ��The Professionals 6:55am �� Batman 7:55am ��Police, Camera, Action! 8:25am ��Police, Camera, Action! 8:55am ��The Fall Guy 9:55am �� Quantum Leap 10:55am ��The Professionals 11:55am �� Police Stop! 12:55pm..........................Police, Camera, Action! 1:25pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 1:55pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 2:50pm ��The Fall Guy 3:55pm �� Batman 5:00pm ��The Professionals

8:00am ��The Dukes of Hazzard 10:00am ��The Darjeeling Limited 11:35am �� Blindness 1:30pm........................... Artificial Intelligence: AI 4:00pm ��The Dukes of Hazzard Bo and Luke Duke are southern cousins. In Hazzard County, Bo and Luke help their Uncle Jesse and their sexy cousin Daisy run the Moonshine business and always getting into trouble with Sherriff Roscoe.

6:50pm �� Murder, She Wrote 7:55pm ��Poirot The detective is asked to attend a masquerade ball and advised to come as someone famous - so he decides to go as himself. During the party, Lord Cornshaw is murdered and only a fragment of a costume is left to help Poirot unmask the killer. 9:00pm ��Wycliffe 10:00pm �� Those Who Kill

6:00pm �� Quantum Leap 7:00pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 7:30pm.............. UEFA Europa League Live 10:35pm �� American Gangster

6:00pm................................Only the Strong Drama about a soldier who attempts to sort out a crime-ridden school by rounding up its worst offenders and getting them involved in a strict martial arts course - without the authorities’ blessing. 8:00pm �� The 13th Warrior A disgraced nobleman exiled from his Baghdad home joins forces with Norse warriors at the end of the first millennium, and ends up battling seemingly invincible attackers during an epic journey. 10:00pm �� Dark City A man wakes up with no memory and a dead body in the same room. As he tries to work out who he is - and if he is a killer - he realises something is wrong with the strange city he finds himself in.

6:00pm ��Rush Hour 2 Det. James Carter is on vacation in Hong Kong, but Inspector Lee is too busy doing police work. After an explosion at the American Embassy, Lee attempts to track down the man who may be responsible. 8:00pm ��The Young Victoria 10:00pm...................................Blade: Trinity Blade finds himself alone surrounded by enemies, fighting an up hill battle with the vampire nation and now humans. He joins forces with a group of vampire hunters whom call themselves the Nightstalkers.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 time out

Take a little Crossword

TIME OUT

Across 1. Islands in W Atlantic Ocean (7) 5. Spouse (4) 8. Flapjack (7) 9. Christen (7) 10. Remainder (7) 12. Man (6) 15. Coarse (5) 18. Unit of time (6) 20. Car shelters (7) 23. Very small fish (7) 25. Incident (7) 26. Steering wheel (4) 27. Morning (7)

2. Musical instrument (4) 3. Sailor (7) 4. The highest degree (5) 5. Floating bombs (5) 6. Back and forth (2,3,3) 7. Insurgent (5) 11. Ova (4) 13. Free of evil spirits (8) 14. Cloak (4) 16. Chief (4,3) 17. Leers (5) 19. Mock (6) 21. Dimness (5) 22. Paces (5) 24. Son of Jacob and Leah (4)

Down 1. Bug that infests beds (6)

This week’s clever quote

“What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary” - Mark Twaine

Solutions to our puzzles can be found on page 46 The brain train

MATHS CHALLENGE Try to fill in the missing numbers.

Sudoku

Fill in the black squares so that each row, each column and each 3-by-3 block contain all of the digits 1 through 9.

Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations.

An easy one

Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Work from left to right. Each column is a math equation. Work from top to bottom

Word search

The dotted lines indicate areas which also contain a non-repeating set of digits. These squares can be added together to produce the sums shown in the clues. A little tougher

Can you find the hidden Solar System words? They may be horizontal or vertical.

Asteroid Comet Earth Jupiter Mars Mercury Meteor Moon Neptune Orbit Planet Pluto Saturn Star The Sun Uranus Venus

Spot the 5 differences

Give the grey cells a work-out with our quick quiz.

Question One: Which fruit gave its name to a desk top computer in 1984? Question Two: What type of animal was Babe in the film of the same name? Question Three: Who’s slogan is Put a tiger in your tank? Question Four: What colour are Superman’s shorts? Question Five: What is the unit of currency in India? Question Six: What is the closest planet to Earth?

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 showbiz

Jenna-Louise Coleman is new Doctor Who sidekick

Doctor Who’s new companion has been unveiled as Jenna-Louise Coleman, with the Titanic and Emmerdale star having been chosen as Karen Gillan’s replacement - she will first appear in the BBC show at Christmas. The 25-year-old performed well in her screen test and displayed good chemistry with the Doctor – currently played by Matt Smith – leading her to be offered the job as the Time Lord’s new companion. Show creator Steven Moffat said: ‘We saw a lot of brilliant actresses. But Jenna was the only person going faster than Matt - he had to keep up!’ Coleman is best known for playing Jasmine Thomas in Emmerdale. She said of her new appointment: ‘I want to get started already, I’m a huge fan of the show.’

Adele’s Health Drive Following ‘Fat Jibes’ Grammy-winning singer Adele has employed a personal trainer and is taking up Pilates as part of a new health kick. The Rolling in the Deep singer was forced to quit smoking last year after she developed a problem with her vocal chords. Now the 23-year-old is keen to use the new-found energy that she has after quitting the fags to get healthier. German fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld sparked outrage last month when he described the north Londoner as being ‘a little too fat’. However, the Someone Like You singer insists that her new exercise regime is about being healthier, and has nothing to do with her figure. Adele insists she is not interested in becoming a ‘skinny mini’ and is proud to represent the majority of women.

One Direction Make US Chart History

One Direction made history this week as the first British group to go straight to the top of the US charts with their debut album Up All Night. Niall Horan revealed the band were ecstatic after finding out that their debut album had sold over 176,00 copies in the States. He said: ‘We just found out that we are

No.1 in America and as you can imagine, we are over the moon! ‘We are so grateful to everyone who has supported us in the US.’ Niall has been busy celebrating with bandmates Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, who have been mobbed by fans during their promotional tour in the US. The Spice Girls scored the previous highest entry from a UK group’s first album with their 1997 debut Spice, which hit number six. One Direction seem to be having a good week - on Monday Nickelodeon confirmed on Twitter that they would be starring in their own TV show.

Strictly Stars Harry and Aliona Make Waves Barlow’s Back for the X Factor

Gary Barlow has reportedly agreed to sign on for another series of The X Factor. Good news for us, but not so great for his pregnant wife, Dawn. Who knew it was possible to be even more impressed with Strictly champ Harry Judd? As part of a special stint for Sport Relief, the McFly heart-throb is taking his fancy footwork under water along with dance partner Aliona Vilani. While you may have been hoping to catch Gary and Dawn are expecting their fourth child together in August, but Gaz’s X Factor commitments could cause some slight scheduling problems (to put it mildly,) as he’ll potentially be busy filming the judges’ houses round of the ITV singing competition when his wife is due to give birth. A source has told UK papers, “There’s no ink on the contract, but he’s good for his word.” “He was being a bit sheepish about his decision though because the diary has kicked up some problems. Gary has promised he’ll be present for the birth, but Simon Cowell is a tough task master. It could be very tricky.” We’re glad we’re not in your shoes Gary!

Katie and Alex’s 55 Second Divorce

Katie Price has divorced Alex Reid in a ‘quickie’ hearing that lasted just 55 seconds, with a decree being given on the grounds of ‘unreasonable behaviour’. Price, 33, was granted a decree nisi on the grounds of Reid’s ‘unreasonable behaviour’ during their short-lived marriage. District Judge Anne Aitken granted her a decree after ruling the marriage had ‘irretrievably broken down’, and that Price now found it ‘intolerable’ to live with him. Mother-of-three Price announced their

split in January 2011 less than a year after the pair married in Las Vegas after just seven months together.

a glimpse of Harry’s hot body, we’re afraid the 26-year-old was a true gent as he danced about in full ballroom attire. Due to be aired on Friday 23rd, the clip also sees runners-up Pasha Kovalev and Chelsee Healey strutting their stuff. Whatever happened to sporting a simple red nose?

OMG! S Club 7 reunion is true!

Following the hype surrounding Steps’ comeback tour, we reported that there was to be another pop band revival on the horizon and now it has been confirmed that S Club 7 are reuniting. Band members Hannah Spearritt, Paul Cattermole, Rachel Stevens, Jon Lee, Tina Barrett, Jo O’Meara and Bradley McIntosh have signed a seven-figure deal to play a series of concerts across the U.K. this summer – and, if they prove popular, there could also be two new albums on the way, too. The band racked up four number one singles and, following their split in 2003, have pursued a variety of different careers. Jon has starred in musicals in the West End, Hannah starred in ITV drama Primeval, Rachel pursued a solo musical career and came second in Strictly Come Dancing, whilst Jo made a controversial appearance on Celebrity Big Brother. Despite talks of a reunion in the past, it seems that this time it’s actually going to happen. “The guys have been inundated with approaches and offers over the past three

years, but always said no,” an insider told The Mirror. “But following a series of talks and meetings, they decided to go for it. What with the Olympics coming up and the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee concert, there’s a real British feel-good factor at the moment.” We can’t wait – after all, ‘there ain’t no party like an S Club party’!

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 out on the town

This is a funny, funny man: guaranteed to put bums on seats and for the straight guys in the audience, they stay seated, nervous, but seated. Billy is gay and proud of it, he deals with the subject hilariously and talks about his relationship of 14 years with Paul openly and frankly, but with a humorous slant and a wicked edge, “I hate guys with hairy chests, they give my back a rash”: strong men actually wince. Billy and Paul are getting married soon and we at Coast FM and the Tenerife Weekly wish them both all the best. He had actually stopped for a sabbatical and performed in the Market Tavern when more and more bars asked him to do a spot resulting in a full diary yet again, pop along and watch him and you will soon understand why. The comedy is fresh and original with a tendency to drift with his audience resulting in no two shows being the same,

the repartee is sharp and hecklers tend to be wary as Billy is quick. Having moved to Tenerife three and a half years ago when he told me he and Paul were into badminton the shuttlecock references started flashing through my warped little mind, but Paul has been doubles champion two years running, this keeps them fit. This is a show with a difference; I really liked it, funny, quick and every time I have seen it he has changed his material. I first watched him in Beverly Hills in the downstairs Inferno with a mixed audience then recently in the Market Tavern with a more mature bunch, shall we say. Both times the man played to what he had and handled them well, if you see him advertised, take your granny, she will love him.

Till next time, Gordon.

Chronicle (PG-13)

Starring

Showing daily at 15:30 83 min - Action/Drama/Sci-Fi

Dane DeHaan as Andrew Detmer Michael B. Jordan as Steve Montgomery Alex Russell as Matt Garetty Michael Kelly as Richard Detmer

SYNOPSIS:

New technologies and social communities allow us to record, post and comment on every second of our lives, sharing our every emotion and opinion with the world, no matter how mundane. For three high school classmates who suddenly gain superpowers from a mysterious substance, the chronicle of their ordinary lives is about to take on extraordinary turn. Initially they use their powers to play innocent pranks on each other and people around them, but soon they gain confidence and learn to control their powers better to take on more difficult tasks. Their newfound sense of immortality and impunity will force them to evaluate their own morality to ultimately decide where to draw the line about how far they should go.

THE GOOD GIG GUIDE Mon 26/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Act Becky

Tue 27/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Frank Farrow Cabaret Luke Carey

Wed 28/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere John Ashford Cabaret Ged Bolton

Thu 29/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret Helena

Fri 30/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret Michaela

Sat 31/3

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Claudio Cabaret Jasmin

Sun 1/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret John Ashford

Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races with Dave Michaels

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Frasier

All Football Shown

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Cabaret Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Rick Gothard Cabaret Alexander McRae

Grandee O’Donnells With Gordon King later in Shenanigans

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Charlie Hodge at 10 Johnny Kelly at 11

Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Frasier

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night With Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Dion

Beverly Hills Los Cris Gordon King With The Rat Pack

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Robbie Williams

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night with Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Dion

Beverly Hills Los Cris Gordon King With The Rat Pack

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Robbie Williams

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Sparky Marky

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Film Night Plus Quiz

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Michael J Grant

Beverley Hills, Inferno Los Cris Compere Gordon King Cabaret Eclipse

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Dion at 10 Cy Benson At 11

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Fraser

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night With Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Freak Boutique

Beverley Hills, Piazza Los Cris Gordon King later in Shenanigans after Loony Toons

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Ged Bolton At 10 Johnny Kelly

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay With Avril Taylor

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Dave Tracey + Cabaret

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac With Elaine Alexander

Beverley Hills, Piazza Los Cris Gordon King with Blues Bros

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Cy Benson

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Sunday Roast Special.

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Rick Gothard Cabaret Shiel Campbell

Shenanigans Gordon King After, Loony Toons, Freddy Kay, Dave Dean

Bay View Cy Benson, Frankie Rocket Ronnie, Dave Varley 2pm till 2am Plus Guests

St Eugenes With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Adeje Beach Hotel Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races with Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels

Good Pub Grub

All Football Shown

All Welcome

GOOD GIG GUIDE. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CALL GORDON KING ON 693 732 536

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

Sharples in Session By John Sharples HELLO DUCKY

I don’t know where the week went, but it went and here I am again. One story that made me laugh this week was the one of a shipload of 29,000 toy rubber ducks that apparently were involved in a shipping accident 20

years ago. These ducks fell overboard and are still to be seen 20 years later, bobbing up and down across the globe! They have been of great use to scientists who plot the ocean currents. In fact they have been of more use than the usual methods they use, simply because of their bright colour which has made them easier to spot. In the coming weeks, a large batch of them are making their way to the south west shores of Britain and some of them may land up on a beach in Blighty, after a bit of ducking and diving!. They are supposedly in good condition, although the sun has bleached them. They have turned up on beaches all over the world and have even been found frozen in ice at the poles. I know it sounds quackers, but it’s a true story! ART FOR ART’S SAKE My friends and I decided to go to the cinema and see the movie “The Artist”. It has won a number of Oscars and so it must have something that other movies of the year don’t have. We were discussing our impending visit with our Cuban friend, Leo. He had never heard of the movie and asked about it. I said that it had done well in the academy awards and that it was a silent movie. He replied, “I would like to come, but is it in Spanish?” We all howled with laughter, him included. A couple of days later I went to see the film. What a great movie, it was superb. It made me laugh and cry. Some of us even applauded at the end. One thing though ....... the few captions that were put into the film were in Spanish. Leo was right and we all have egg on our faces! WARNINGS ON BOOZE I’m getting so fed up with the “nanny state”. The UK has lost most of its appeal for me.

Cigarettes are shortly to be sold in plain brown packs and the latest scheme to put warnings on bottles of alcohol is extreme. That is how the cigarette thing started.

First of all it was a tiny warning. Then it was two warnings, then it was a photograph of damaged body parts etc etc. Drink will go the same way as tobacco and I predict “prohibition” by 2057. Surely we all know that cigarettes are bad for us. I gave up smoking 11 years ago. I didn’t give up because of a warning on a packet. I gave up because I wanted to. I had always known that it was potentially bad for me and decided to do something about it. The same goes for drink. If I think I have overdone it, I will lay off for a while. I think the warning should read ... “Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk” or “Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers”. Do the powers that be really think that a warning on a bottle of Smirnoff Ice is going to make any difference at all? I can just see people reading the label before they take a swig! MEET PEOPLE ON-LINE

I’ve been a member of www.thetenerifeforum.com for a number of years now. It is a friendly place where you can exchange views with other residents here in Tenerife. Angus and Sal set up the forum to help bring residents together and it has certainly worked. Over the years there have been ladies days, quiz nights and Christmas lunches. On-line, you can exchange views on any topic you wish and it is a fantastic source of information for people. There is always someone who knows what is going on, whether it is theatre shows, Spanish law, local news or just chat. It’s a great way to make new friends, why not give it a try?

John.

sharples in session

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 advertisment

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 COMMUNITY MATTERS

Community matters

Written by Ken Cumming Pastor of Callao Salvaje Community Church

Overcoming the fear Of loneliness

To overcome the fear of loneliness you must: (1) Understand who you are. Let scientists argue about whether or not there was a ‘big bang.’ If there was, you were not the result of it! Nor did you descend from an amoeba in a pond. You are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:14-15). Made ‘in his own image’ (Genesis 1:27). God didn’t assign your creation to His most powerful angels. You’re a hands-on, made-toorder, one-of-a-kind product. As a redeemed child of God you are His ‘workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works’ (Ephesians 2:10). Believe that and stand on itregardless of your feelings or your social status. (2) Understand who God is. He calls Himself your ‘Heavenly Father,’ not just your creator and designer. Your creator and designer refer to what He does; your Father refers to who He is. ‘He will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace’ (Isaiah 9:6). These aren’t His roles, they’re His proper names. They are capitalized in Scripture because they are what you are to call Him! When Jesus taught us to pray He didn’t begin with ‘O, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God.’ Yes, He’s all of those, but when it comes to us He wants to be recognized

and called ‘Father’ (Matthew 6:9). That’s how He thinks about us, and wants us to think and to feel about Him. ‘Father’ is meant to convey warmth, security, acceptance, concern, compassion, protection, assurance, provision, etc. He’s your Father-when you grasp the truth of that you will begin to overcome the fear of loneliness.

‘Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.’ Romans 8:38 Overcoming the fear of loneliness requires understanding God’s commitment to you. His fatherhood isn’t based upon mood, sentiment or emotion; it’s based on His unchanging character and reputation. Everything He is, and claims to be, stands or falls apart, depending on His faithfulness to you. ‘For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own’ (1Samuel 12:22). Notice two things in this Scripture: Concern for His good name, and the pleasure He takes in being your Father, are why He will never turn His

back on you. Your problems don’t mean that God is judging or disowning you. Satan would love to convince you of that. He will tell you that you’ve failed God, or that God has failed you in order to make you feel unworthy, hopeless, disowned by God and abandoned. No, generations of believers have sung through their soul’s dark night, ‘Great is thy faithfulness, O God, my father.’ In your circumstances and suffering, ‘God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!’ (Lamentations 3:22-23). Suffering and adversity don’t cancel His faithfulness, He’s ‘the same yesterday, today, and forever’ (Hebrews 13:8). He can’t love you once, and not love you always. ‘After you suffer for a short time, God, who gives all grace, will make everything right. He will make you strong and support you and keep you from falling’ (1Peter 5:10). Today declare, ‘Nothing can ever separate me from God’s love.’

If the big question interests you why not come along this week to start to find out the answers. Every Sunday at 7.30pm (FREE) Why not attend on Sunday night, the Alpha course is being held in Silencio Church.?

Some of the Local Church Sunday Morning Services Las Americas Anglican Church Pueblo Canario 10.15am Los Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 11:00am Los Cristianos International Church Princesa Dácil Hotel 11:00am Costa del Silencio Silencio Church Coral Mar Square 11:00am Callao Salvaje Community Church Sueño Azul 11:00am Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Assembly Eng / Spanish 11:00am

SPANISH CORNER Welcome to our next issue of the Spanish corner. I hope you found last week’s words useful. Let’s continue with our progress.

Some of the Local Church Sunday Evening Services Los Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 6:00pm Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Deutsch Bi Lingual Eng/Ger 6:00pm Las Americas The Living Room Veronica’s 6:00pm Some Other Church activities Many of the local churches also hold mid week services and Bible studies So phone the numbers below or check out the information on their websites. Songs of Praise Every Tuesday evening in the Scandinavian Church at Puerto Colon(first Floor Overlooking the marina).

7:30pm

Tuesday Little Angels Mums & Tots Silencio Church 10:30am Tuesday Play Zone Mums & Tots STCF 11:00am Wednesday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00am Friday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00am The Living Room (Christian drop-in centre) Veronicas Las Americas 922 75 23 64 (above Burger King) Tue – Fri 4-7:00pm Saturday Market Free Literature stall at the Las Américas market. SHE Europe (Confidential HELPLINE for women in crisis) 690 964 145 Also if visiting the North of the Island Puerto del la Cruz Anglican Church North Tenerife Christian Fellowship, next to Post Office 11.30am

More details on all the above can be found on the following websites: www.christiansintenerife.co.uk covering most of the churches www.silenciochurch.org 922 78 40 17 / 609 565 528 www.tenerifechurch.com 922 74 20 45 / 679 660 277 www.callaosalvajecommunitychurch.com 922 78 48 77 / 654 932 541 www.stcf.org 922 79 00 07 / 660 183 760 www.caictenerife.com 922 73 16 91 / 628 107 316 www.ntcf.org 922 35 10 11 / 677 349 088

Spanish

Phonetically

English

El armario

El Arm-ah-reeoh

The Wardrobe / Closet

El cuarto de baño

El Quart-oh De Ban-yoh

The bathroom

La cocina

La Cos-ee-nah

The Kitchen

El comedor

El Com-eh-dor

The dining room

El dormitorio

El Dor-mit-oree-oh

The Bedroom

La entrada

La En-tra-dah

The hallway / Entrance

El garaje

El Ga-ra-hay

The garage

El salón

El Sal-on

The living room

El trastero

El Tras-tair-oh

El lavadero

El Lab-a-dareoh

The box room / junk room The washroom / utility room

See you next week!

Carlos.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 health, beauty & fashion

Your Hair & Beauty Advice Column by Jade & staff at The Perfect Gift Salon

Dieting made simple! If we spent time working out the calories we consume, to prevent going over our daily quota, not only would we drive ourselves crazy, but we would give up on our diet very quickly, So let’s look at a way to make things easier. The importance of water Drinking at least 2/4 pints per day is the best way to reach your goals, Not only is it a natural product, which suppresses appetite, flushes toxins and excess sodium, but is also contributes to an increase in the metabolic rate. Think of water as a drainage system for our bodies, like when our sinks waste pipes get blocked with fat, and when cold leaves a lump that doesn’t want to shift, But if we poured hot water down it melts away, this goes the same for our body’s waste pipes. We should keep flushing, and drink it at either room temperature or even hot, cold water will have the same effect as our sinks, causing the fats we consume to clog, and the blood that we need to pump around our bodies, to slow down at a considerable rate, holding the fat stubbornly. The importance of fruits and vegetables

We should have our five a day, not only for our health, our skin, for giving us extra energy, but also for a great diet aid. Not only are they extremely low in calories and filling, there are certain fruits and vegetables that burn calories while we are eating, these include: Foods that are rich in Vitamin C they act as fat burners. Limes, lemons, oranges, grapefruit, broccoli, cabbage, celery, carrot, watermelon and apple fall into this category. Vitamin C dilutes the fat and renders it less effective, it also makes it easier for fats to be flushed out of the system. Pectin is found in apples and most fresh fruits, this substance limits the fat that is absorbed by the cells, it helps in the absorption of watery substances on the cells which help it release fat deposits. So a good tip that helps with the burn-

ing of fat, is squeeze some lemon juice over your food, cook with garlic and exchange a little of the high calorie foods for some salad or vegetables. Avoid salt Salt attaches itself to the water and pulls it back into the bloodstream so try exchanging salt for pepper for taste. Alcohol Alcohol is not the best move if we want to lose weight, but we all like a little indulgence. There are many misconceptions about alcohol, and we tend to believe that larger has a lot more calories than shorts such as vodka and gin, and this is true, but lager actually flushes through your system more easily, shorts are less digestible and stay a lot longer, hanging on to your insides like a glue, this is why you stay drunk longer, and more often have a dizzy hangover in the morning, because the alcohol is still in your system. Fat contents We should be aware of the fat contents that are in our foods, there are good and bad fats and we should cut down on the saturated

fats. These fats are heavy and stick to our insides like putty, clogging up our digestive system and arteries. These fats will not be digested and you would not have LOST any weight. Try to keep them under 1.0g per 100g serving. The importance of breakfasts It is crucial to your diet that you eat a breakfast; it is a way of getting your metabolism kick started, so that it can begin to burn your food through the day. Wholemeal toast or hardboiled eggs are a good way to start your day, just a drink is not enough to assure that you lose weight. Green tea is an antioxidant which will detox your body, it will clean your system, give your body a fresh start for the day, and aid with the brake down of fat, helping with weight loss and reducing cellulite. Exercise The most effective way to burn calories is to exercise before you eat. Eating first will just give you a cramp! You need to get your metabolism up to a high to burn away the fat as you eat, and that’s possible for up to an hour after a good work out. For beauty and hair advice, email us at: the.perfect.gift@hotmail.com

Top 5: Sexiest Soap Actresses Of All Time She may have gone on to achieve fame and fortune in Hollywood but, to some, Isla Fisher’s defining role remains her portrayal of Shannon Reed in Home and Away. 3. Kara Tointon

5. Samantha Womack EastEnder Samantha Womack is the only star in our top 5 currently plying her trade in a soap opera. 4. Isla Fisher

Before she became a Strictly superstar, Kara Tointon made her name in a four-year stint in EastEnders as the stereotypical ‘tart with a heart’ Dawn Swann. She left Albert Square two years ago. 2. Holly Valance

Six years on Ramsay Street as Flick Scully not only gave Holly Valance a career as a globetrotting pop star, model and actress, it also made her our second favourite female soap star of all time. 1. Kylie Minogue She’s an international pop star, a style icon and one of the most desirable women in the world but between 1986 and 1988, Kylie was the very essence of the ‘girl next door’ when she played mechanic Charlene Mitchell.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 health, beauty & fashion

THE GAIA APOTHECARY QUALIFIED MEDICAL HERBALIST THE SKIN by Meg Glaister T he skin is the largest excretory and protective organ of the body. Waste products that are not excreted by the lungs, kidneys, bowels etc., are excreted through the skin. It protects the body from chemicals, light, injury, extremes in temperature and micro-organisms. Skin problems like eczema and psoriasis can be caused by suppressed asthma, possibly from a previous generation where a weakness can occur in the lungs. The cause can be emotional as well as physical therefore in order to treat a long standing disease, the root cause needs to be eliminated and as such requires professional help. Acne is a common problem during ado-

Amy Childs’ spring/summer 12 collection

lescence and can be healed with herbs and diet. A decoction of 20 grams each of sarsaparilla (zarsaparilla) dandelion (diente de león) and milk thistle (cardo mariana). Take 60ml 3 or 4 times a day and can be sweetened with honey will help clear the blood and also help the liver and kidneys to purify the blood. ften in girls, acne can be caused by an imbalance in hormones. The most effective herbal product is Vitex Agnus Castus. Unfortunately this cannot be bought in Tenerife as a dried herb, only in tablet form which is very expensive. The cheapest option is to purchase the tablets on the internet or ask a friend or

relative who is coming to visit from the UK to bring some for you. An infusion of witch hazel (hamamelis) makes a very good rinse for the skin as it is a gentle cleanser and astringent (closes the pores). Follow with calendula cream to help heal the damaged skin. A well balanced diet with a good variety of fruits and vegetables and low in sugar and saturated fat is also very important for a healthy skin. hen you realize that the bad foods you put into your body have to be excreted, usually through the skin I hope it will make you think twice about what you eat.

Sunburn can be quickly cooled by using aloe vera. This is available all over Tenerife and can also be used directly from the plant if you have one. Just break off a leaf (it doesn’t damage the plant) split the outer part of the leaf and apply the gel where needed. It will soothe sun burnt and irritated skin immediately. ou can also add a few drops of lavender oil to your bath to help any type of skin irritation.

If you have any health topics you wish me to discuss on this page or would like information or a consultation please feel free to contact Meg Glaister DBTh MIRCH on 649 529 703.

Stop Acne: Eat Healthier So let’s go to the most important part, to the list of foods that may cause the acne problem:

The reality star launches her second clothing collection

The bubby beautician launched her second clothing collection on Monday (19th March.) Her first collection, which launched last October, was such a huge success that her website crashed within five minutes of the collection going online as so many fans tried to get their hands on the figure-hugging frocks and skirts. Amy is hoping for the same success with her spring/summer 12 line - with a whopping 80 pieces in the collection. Let’s take a look at some of the dresses from her second line.

If you have acne-prone skin, you have to take care what you eat, because certain foods may aggravate acne problems that we all try to get rid of. In this article we will talk about certain types of foods that cause acne, so it’s better to not include them when having acne-prone skin type. It may be not easy to quit eating foods you may love, however it’s worth doing so, or at least trying..., one day you will succeed. Besides eating properly, you have to remember to take good care of your skin, by cleansing your skin properly, following skin care routine for oily skin and by incorporating some healthy activities into your lifestyle. You should remove all of the listed foods (below) from your diet, switching to good eating habits and, after first month, you should see positive changes. It’s good to take a picture of yourself every 2 weeks - you will see the big difference in your appearance. Later on you will be able to add to your diet some of the foods listed near the end of this article.

List of foods you should remove from your acne diet: Nuts - and products that are made with nuts: such as peanut butter; Chocolates - in any form; Cola and other dark drinks - it’s ok to drink light coloured soft drinks; Spicy foods; Salty foods - example: French fries or chips. If you want to eat salt, use it while cooking; Pizza; Dairy products; Less sugar - it may cause problems, so consume less sweet products - I know it’s hard; Less fried foods - again something with “less”. So enjoy fried foods, but not all the time. In the list you can find “less sugar” and “less fried foods” - it is recommended to remove sugar and fried foods from your diet for some days and see how your body reacts, and you need to decide after if you want to include sugar in your diet or if it’s better not to. Feel that there is nothing left to eat? Well it’s simply not true. I will give you the list of foods you can eat and it’s just as long!

List of Foods to Help Get Rid of Acne Problem: Meat, Chicken, Fish, Vegetables and fruits, Cereals and grains, Coffee and tea, Bread. Don’t forget to read about herbs for acne - but before using them it’s recommended to consult with your doctor about good vitamins for acne. How fast will this method take to get rid of acne? It’s a hard question with no answer; follow a good routine and the results will come. Don’t forget that after getting rid of acne, you will be able to add foods from your “not to eat” list, however, for now, enjoy eating food from the second list “foods to help get rid of acne problem” and one day you will find it tastier than unhealthy foods that may cause acne.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 WILDE’S WORLD / WHO RATTLED YOUR CAGE?

WILDE’S WORLD

Another issue and another look into the weird and more unusual news stories of the week.

Another week of the bizarre and crazy news stories begins in the UK where all eyes have been on the budget and yet again drivers have been hit with more taxes on petrol, vehicle tax and even talks this week of toll roads being introduced. One driver in Hull had a novel idea to reduce costs. Instead of forking out £7 on a hands free kit for his car he literally used his head. Using a 2p elastic band from the stationary cupboard he strapped his mobile phone to his head and instant hands free, not sure if he was left with a red mark, but one smart phone....one daft driver.

When text pranks backfire When a 15-year-old girl from Arkansas decided to send a prank text message to a complete stranger she had the shock of her life. The unnamed girl sent a text saying “I hid the body...Now what?” to a random number. The number belonged to a police detective who then found her address by tracing the mobile number. She was arrested and later released with a warning. She said she got the idea from a website.

Flintoff fluffs challenges

Monday saw former cricket star Andrew Flintoff aiming to bag 12 bizarre world records as part of a sports relief challenge. He got off to a bad start as he failed more than he set. He achieved a series of near-misses, narrowly failing a reverse bungee jump attempt and a three-point-turn challenge. However, ex-England captain Flintoff did manage to set a record for downing a cup of hot chocolate in 5.45 seconds, and he added a further record by travelling 100m in a pedalo in under two minutes. He eventually finished his 12 hours charity stint with 14 records under his belt. Just some of his amazing sporting feats. • Popping the most party poppers ever popped in one minute (52) • Most Facebook likes in one hour (52,719) • Fastest 100 metres on a pedalo (1 minute 58.62 seconds), with fellow cricketer Steve Harmison • Most kisses in 30 seconds (40), a record he broke live on air in the Loose Women studio • Most peas eaten with a cocktail stick in 30 seconds (38) Bizarre......

Green Sheep And finally ... Saturday saw many landmarks change colour as part of a marketing stunt to mark St Patricks day. A flock of Scottish sheep joined in along with the London Eye, Niagra Falls and the Empire State Building. The Bathgate flock took to an emerald hue to celebrate the popular day. The activity is part of a global initiative by Tourism Ireland which will also see other Scottish landmarks including the Clyde Auditorium, the Wheel of Glasgow and the Camara museum change colour. Looks more like camouflage to me.

Vermont-based ice cream maker Ben & Jerry’s is supporting gay marriage in Britain this week by repackaging an apple pie flavour as Apple-y Ever After. The subsidiary of the global food and cosmetics conglomerate Unilever is issuing the newly labelled ice cream in the United Kingdom as Parliament begins debating legislation that would allow same-sex couples to marry.

By Dave Michaels

Puffs, who needs em!! With another general strike on the cards across Spain and its communities, it seems that the people of a nation are yet again fighting to be heard. And although once upon a time, the people of England would rise to a similar degree, in a world of gagging orders and compliance it seems that all people can hope to do nowadays is to ‘chunter’ on Facebook and twitter. Maybe these will be the new forums of true expression, a place where globally we can truly make a change. With this in mind I think we should test the power of the people in 2012: can we really “make a change”. Nothing dramatic! Something that a nation could get behind. My suggestion: “BRING BACK BURTON’S CHEESE & TOMATO POTATO PUFFS” What a simple thing!.......... It may seem random, but this is how the conversation started: “Things you ate on the way to school”. Now there were of course the ‘beef and tomato’ people, and your sweet chewers, those with refreshers, drumstick lollies, wham bars, and Texans. Then your pick ‘n’ mixers….. Fruit salads, black jacks, mojo’s and pair droppers! It is always lovely to reminisce over the things that can bring back some school memories. How amazing that just the thought of your favourite childhood sweets can still practically rekindle the flavour in your mouth so many years later. With it returns a whole wealth of sensations, the cold frost of the walk to school, the feel of your

school bag handle as it was tossed over your shoulder, digging in with the weight of your PE kit, the random ingredients you need to make scones in home Ec, and the tapes you copied for Chris (including that weeks’ charts and a copy of manic miner for his spectrum). Just typing away here, I can still smell the form classroom. You could put me in a time machine, blindfolded, and take me back to any one of a thousand places from my childhood, and I could tell you exactly where I was standing. To be honest, this is probably where the conversation really started. A discussion with a friend regarding recent bullying episodes in the newspapers. This may seem like a far cry from potato puffs, but, from all the memories and emotions you leave behind from your youth, you can still remember the school bully. Whether you had direct contact with them, or looked on helplessly as a friend was the ‘victim of the day’. If time really is a healer, then why do these (probably very few) episodes still stick in the back of your mind. Sometimes it good to have non-linear conversations. Like the puzzles you find in magazines telling you to get from one word to another by changing just one letter…….. Bullying – loss of school bag – inability to make scones – hungry at lunch – lunchtime sweets – “how did you eat yours?” A slogan Cadbury’s adopted for their cream egg adverts, but what a clever idea, something everyone can relate to. Whether you bit the edges off your ‘Wheelz”

When the US state of Vermont passed such a law two years ago, the ice cream company celebrated by briefly repackaging its Chubby Hubby flavour as Hubby Hubby. More crazy stories from Ray every Saturday 12 till 3 only on Coast FM

and then the spokes, ate the biscuit part of your Jammie dodger before the jam bit…….Or how about insisting on having a chip, with a fish in every mouthful of ‘fish n chip crisps’. Then actually believing that you weren’t allowed to chew your fruit pastel but if you DID drink enough ‘Top Deck limeade and lager’, you would get drunk!! These were some of the things that were VERY important to me as a child, before I knew about Governments, civil liberties, poverty, even love!! When parents were just parents and friendship was the biggest relationship in your life! And even a friendship could be formed over a 2p giant cola ice pop. Maybe ignorance really is bliss? I certainly wouldn’t change anything that has happened in my life, for better or worse, everything that has happened has shaped me into the person I am today, in the place I am today, doing what I do today! But if a taste of those Burton’s cheese and tomato potato puffs could bring back all the memories and sensations of carefree innocence…………. then I can’t think of a better way to use social networking. Sure, different childhood sweets will work for different people, but the idea remains the same. In a forum discussing the matter (yes there really is one), somebody emailed the Burton Food Group (yes they really did) to ask where the puffs had gone. It seems, in a response, that sales no longer made the product viable……… But……………. I believe the time has come once more for the mighty puff!!! I could no longer tell you the relevance of a cosine, or why mathematical sets and valances were so important, but I can tell you exactly how it feels to crush up your puffs, lick your finger, and stick it into the crumbs on a frosty February morning. It is a simple thing, but if it has taken your mind off the bills, job hunting, or daily worries by reading this, and maybe brought a little smile, and the odd memory back…………. Then the cheese and tomato still live on, even if it is just in a wondrously happy thought.

43 The four year itch

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

My brother beats me up

Calders Confessions Calder spent twelve years working as PA and Co-presenter with Jeremy Kyle on various radio stations and has now joined the team at Coast FM where he answers listeners´dilemmas each Sunday night on the airwaves. We are also very grateful to have him here, answering your questions and queries as part of the Tenerife Weekly team. If you have an issue you can`t overcome or just need general help and confidential advice, why not email Calder: calder@coastfmtenerife.com

I’m not sure where to turn as I’m not sure if my problem is really a problem at all. My 18-year-old brother is often physically abusive towards me and will hit or push me so hard that it’s really painful and I bruise. I know brothers and sisters are supposed to fight, especially teenagers but he always takes it too far. I’ve asked him to stop and he just teased me. Am I just being stupid or should I tell someone, and who? Kirsty

CALDERS CONFESSIONS I can categorically tell you that this is a problem. No human being should have to suffer physical violence and to be honest, the fact your brother is the perpetrator here is an absolute disgrace. Tell this little thug that the next time he so much as waves his hand at you you’ll call the police. Let me tell you, the police will take a very dim view of his behaviour. In the meantime, perhaps explaining things to your parents and asking them to have a word with him would be a good idea. Whatever the reasons for your brothers behaviour, you have every right be safe in your own home haven’t you? Have a chat with him and explain in no uncertain terms that this needs to stop right away.

Embarrassed about how I met my boyfriend

I met my boyfriend on an internet dating site and have since met up and become a proper item. When I first told people about the relationship I was too embarrassed to tell them how we’d met and told everyone we’d met in a pub. Now my friends want to meet him but if they do they’ll find out the truth, and that I was lying for so long. What can I do? My lie is going to ruin my friendships or my relationship, or both. Nadia

How about you just try being honest? People can be very forgiving once you explain your reasons you know! At the

end of the day, the important thing here is your happiness Nadia and your true friends know that. Hold your hands up to this now, before you have to lie on top of the lies and I think you’ll be ok. Telling the truth really isn’t that difficult and its not as if your lies were told to hurt anyone is it? Speak to your boyfriend first, tell him everything and then approach your mates. There may be a few raised eyebrows at first but it’s hardly the lie of the century. Think about the reasons behind the lies and try to be as open and honest as you can with people.If you do that, I don’t think you’ll go far wrong!

I got married four years ago and the honeymoon period has really begun to fade. I knew we’d settle down into normal life after marriage but I can’t help feeling I need more excitement, and passion, and my husband doesn’t give me that. I’m attracted to nearly every man I see, just like when I was single. I know I can’t act on any of these urges and it’s driving me crazy. Do you think my marriage is over already? Lisa

Your husband doesn’t give you the excitement and passion you crave eh? I wonder if he could say the same about you? For whatever reason, we can all be guilty of taking our eye off the ball in our relationships. The point is though, it’s a two way street! Too many people do exactly what you’re doing now Lisa, they look at their partners and blame them! Why not try to re-inject the excitement yourself rather than sitting and waiting for the old man to do it for you? Do something different for a change, maybe cook a romantic dinner and seduce the man you love? There are a million and one things you could do but unless you accept that you are just as responsible for this whole thing as your husband, I’m afraid you have next to no hope at all of changing things. Give my suggestion a try you’ll be pleasantly surprised, trust me.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 PSYCHE / HOROSCOPES

MIND, BODY AND with SPIRIT Liana Mẽ Aly Ah

• International Intuitive • Life Enhancement Coach • Spiritual Mentor

ALTERNATIVE HEALING II

Last week I discussed alternative healing and taking responsibility for our health. There are many different kinds of practitioners who can help you heal pain and disease, but firstly it shows up to warn you, that you have something on an energetic layer to deal with. This may come from past lives, or early years. We store the situations, and emotions to the situations in our tissues and energy bodies. This builds up until we are ready to let it go and heal on a vibratory level. Taking responsibility for our healing is the first step. Making the decision that we need change, will set the ball rolling to your healing path. So if you struggle to work alone there are other kinds of practitioners willing to help you. Our bodies are wonderful things and contain all the answers we need to heal. We are made up of tissue, bones, muscles, skin, and millions of cells all working independently to keep our bodies upright and functioning. As well as these things we see and feel; we have another energy system, built with Energy Meridian Lines which connect to Chakras which respond and work with different organs in our bodies. The ancient healing arts incorporated this energy system into their healing ways but not so here in the western world. Once again we are looking to ancient wisdom to give us the answers to heal, as a whole person. Many practitioners these days are using techniques passed down through the ages. Reflexologists, work with your feet, which have pressure points that when touched, show up where in your body you need to pay attention. Many small chakras are in the feet and hands, all connecting to various other parts of our bodies, and today, practitioners use them to aid their healing art. Massage is beneficial not just for the feel good factor, but lets toxins flow through your body to be eliminated and has many other beneficial effects. Acupressure and Acupuncture have been used for years and work on the Meridian lines and bring healing to the source of pain. Many other techniques are used to benefit the physical body. We can also work on an energetic level to clear unwanted baggage from our tissues

picked up from our past, and held onto and compounded over the years. Once you have made a decision to change, you will be drawn to someone who may be able to help you. A man here in Tenerife working with many of these healing arts is Russian born Eugeni Evsikov, a naturopath using Chinese medicine, a healer by nature and healer by education. He incorporates many of these skills in his Energetic Cure Massage, having travelled the world learning all he could, to heal and help people in distress. He assesses the whole body, and works on Meridian lines using massage, osteopathic, and chiropractic methods allowing the energy to flow through the body enabling it to heal. This week found me at his door when I moved inadvertently and found myself stuck, and in excruciating pain. His diagnosis was a slipped disc! After receiving treatment, I was able to stand straight again, and the pain was gone. My partner, who had similar, but more serious problems with his back, was told he would need surgery, and was in the System waiting for appointments when he found Eugeni. Not only has he fixed his slipped discs, but has removed the need for surgery. Alternative methods are being sought out, by many of us, who want to heal in a natural way: allowing our bodies to realign with their purpose. Eugeni Evsikov works in the Bitacora Hotel, Las Américas, afternoons only and can be found on FACEBOOK. 699 156 147 I am an Ascension Coach and work with people, to heal from past pain and old baggage, and old programming, causing negative experiences in their life Journey. If you need help, contact me on 672 994 666 for a private session.

NEW MEDITATION CLASSES Callao Learning Centre, Callao Salvaje. Wednesday Evenings 7-9 pm Vincci Tenerife Golf Hotel Golf Del Sur Thursday Evenings 7-9 pm Polercise Flamingo Club las Américas Friday mornings 10-12 am For more info and to register for each class. Contact me on 672 994 666 or lovieart@ gmail.com More info on www.liana.lovie.com

Until next week, LIANA MẼ ALY AH

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS I am Spiritual agony aunt, and will answer any concerns or questions anyone may have about their difficulties in life or curiosity into the spiritual field. Or if anyone wants to give me topics to discuss here, please contact me, liana@tenerifeweekly.es

Weekly Horoscopes

Aries - Mar 21 - Apr 19

It was the Equinox on Tuesday (excuse for a party) and, as last year, Uranus (planet of surprises) is prominently featured. That suggests your independent streak may be showing - and in a big way. If Aries is Tarzan then this is Tarzan wearing neon (or something that makes him stand out from the crowd). That’s sure to really attract some but totally repel others - fireworks are likely! A strong possibility is that you’ll have had enough of one situation (maybe it’s too ‘political’) and that you’ll be so, so tempted to walk out. Just before you take drastic action however, look around. It may be that you have allies and that you could effect change from within. Think carefully too about the full consequences of going it alone.

Taurus - Apr 20 - May 20 It was the Equinox on Tuesday and just four short weeks until your birthday period. This could put an extra spring in your step. You might then decide to ‘make things happen’ specifically complete a list of things you promised yourself on your birthday last year. Yes, this might require that you go out on a limb (temporarily) - and put you on apparent collision course with a system or large organisation that seems set in its ways. Yet your approach could be most helpful: by making full use of new technology, you could find a short cut that’s as helpful to others as it is to you. There was a time when others wanted you to take a prominent place on a team - this week you could find someone who would do that job so, so well - and so rid yourself of a pressure.

Gemini - May 21 - June 20

Last Tuesday’s Equinox marked the start of the natural year. There’s a slightly explosive, changeable, and dynamic quality to it this year and you could find yourself ‘all fired’ up within days. It may be that you have career plans you’re determined to implement - or perhaps you’re ready for a change of scene? Whatever, you may be just a little ‘itchy’ and determined to set things in motion. You won’t have to look too far for support. Difficulties are most likely to be financial - don’t spend what’s been promised until it’s arrived and is really yours. On the very considerable upside a creative storm should get you noticed. Interestingly, it’s likely to be someone born under Cancer or Capricorn who helps you make the most of this - assisting you in nurturing a talent you’ve barely explored.

Cancer - June 21 - July 22

It was the Equinox on Tuesday - when the Sun reaches the very apex of your solar chart. Uranus is already there of course, so perhaps you’ve already experienced unexpected developments in your working scene. Get ready for a few more! Before the end of the week you may be required to think out of your creative box yet again. Mercury is retrograde - and it may be that something that you thought was ‘done and dusted’ a few weeks ago comes back for review. This time though it appears there’s much more urgency (and to your mind an unrealistic deadline)! This though is where you could earn professional wings - showing a courage few would have imagined. Yes, you might also need to deal with ruffled feathers but if anyone can make a difference it’s likely you can.

Leo - July 23 - Aug 22

Last Tuesday’s Equinox marks a decided shift. There may be moments when you feel ‘hot wired’. It could be Spring fever or love in the air - or the exact opposite. Whatever, you may feel as though the world has been turned upside down. It might be as well to consider how you cope with crisis generally - and whether or not you over-react? Given that Mercury is retrograde and that you may not be in full possession of the facts - and that these might not emerge for a couple of weeks yet, you might consider that the cosmos is setting you a test in patience. You could view the period between Thursday’s New Moon and the next New Moon on April 21st as being a rehearsal period. By the end of this time you should be ‘good to go’, have mastered a technique and accomplished a task with ease. For now it’s back to preparation and rehearsal.

Virgo - Aug 23 - Sept 22

Crisis management may be needed this week - especially if you have a financial partner. At the very least having contingency plans in place should an emergency arrive would be wise. Matters which have felt prolonged - and at times painful - could be on their way to resolution. Though Mercury is still retrograde and you may be given a run around that lasts another few weeks yet, the sense that a matter is now being attended to should give comfort. Dealings with those born under Aquarius may be high profile. It’s possible you’ll be caught up in a campaign of some kind and that someone of this sign will be one of those acting as coordinator. Your own role may be to ensure that no detail has been left uncovered and that a task is held within budget (the really hard part!).

Libra - Sept 23 - Oct 22

When the Sun reached the Equinox last Tuesday it also reached the half-way point of your personal year. It’s usually the second half that’s the more dynamic - which is likely to be especially so this year as Thursday’s New Moon configures with Uranus. The big question is what will put the tiger in your tank: a new partner, a new idea or a crisis that’s not of your making? Bear in mind that Saturn is still in your sign and you may be taking responsibilities very seriously indeed. And then there’s another possibility: that you’ll be thrown a curve that leaves you happy to make decisions (yes, really) and that before the weekend you’ll have embarked on a journey that never in a million years would you have contemplated happening.

Scorpio - Oct 23 - Nov 21

By the end of what could prove a chaotic week you might feel the need to come up for air - and to spend time with those who’re less emotional and more practically focused. The big features this week are the Sun’s move into Aries (the Equinox) and the New Moon that follows a couple of days later and which is configured with Uranus (all in Aries - another Mars-ruled sign). Bottom line here is that you could get all wound up about emerging situations (which might even be emergencies) - but where others look to you to find solutions. You might not feel ready to take on the role of problem solver and yet others may be right that you are best placed to do so. By the weekend, joining forces with someone whose feet are firmly on the ground may be the best way forward - if only because that reduces the strain on your physical resources.

Sagittarius - Nov 22 - Dec21

They say that a change of scene is as good as a rest. Last week’s Equinox closely followed by a New Moon configured with Uranus and in another of the Fire signs suggests the playful side of you will be out to play - and how. Perhaps because you’re reminded of childhood activities or because you’re somewhere new there may be a feeling of refreshment. But yes, the opposite could occur: you might feel a sense of outrage (just as you did as a child) if you feel there’s been an injustice. The fact that people aren’t ‘talking straight’ could drive you crazy! Recall that Mercury is retrograde and that it might take a couple of weeks yet for lines of communication to be clear. And wonder too if the cosmos has set a test in patience. In being somewhere new (if possible), the vibration around you will surely be affected - which may be a major factor in returning you to thoughts you had as a child.

Capricorn - Dec 22 - Jan 19

This could prove yet another ‘heck of a week’. The Sun reached the Equinox (Tuesday), followed by a New Moon that configures with Uranus (Thursday). All this suggests a decided change of pace and very different dynamic. If you thought things were chaotic enough already, be prepared for more. Your world could be turned upside down both at work and at home (and the two things may not be at all related). True, you could be made an exceptional offer. It’s as likely you’ll sense the end of a road rising up to meet you and that you simply have to move on. The more you cling to the past, the more complicated matters become. What could set your pulse racing most is news brought by a relative that makes clear they’re now positioned within a team that’s really going places - and which might require them to travel more (and thus disrupt domestic routine).

Aquarius - Jan 19 - Feb18

Yesterday’s New Moon aligned with Uranus and occurs soon after Tuesday’s Equinox which itself promises a surge of energy. These two major shifts could coincide with a highly eventful period where you might wish you could be cloned. Though it’s said that those of your sign enjoy living life at the cutting edge, you can appear resistant to change. Soon after the Equinox it may appear to some that you’re in the process of making a u-turn (which you’d probably deny). By the end of the week you might concede that you are indeed adopting a very different approach to that which you intimated you’d take even just last week. It’s probable too that you’ll feel the need to get involved with a cause and accept greater involvement in a group who might really appreciate your ability to look at problems logically.

Pisces - Feb 19 - Mar20

The Sun left your sign last Tuesday (the Equinox). The Moon doesn’t leave Pisces until Thursday’s New Moon however. So this week appears in three parts: pre Equinox, then dark of the Moon followed by the New Moon phase. Think of this as needing to play the lead in three very different plays. The first might be romantic, the next a mystery and the third something dynamic, ironic or even political. The common thread running through all this is the need to adopt different costumes and to adjust to different characters. By the end of the week some will wonder what happened to your characters as in plays one and two. Take care over the next few days that you don’t give too many confusing signals. Perhaps you need to make clear you’re doing role play but that you intend to make clear exactly who you are and where you stand early next month.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 PETS’ PAGE

Pets’ Corner This Week With Waggytails

Welcome to the cute and fuzzy section of the Tenerife Weekly where we talk about all things animal! Remember that you can send your photos and funny stories to me! The pet section also offers information from Karen at the Accion del Sol Refuge and the staff at El Madroñal Veterinary Surgery.

Welcome to Tenerife Weekly’s Pets’ Page My name is Steph and some of you may have heard me on Coast FM each Thursday when I try to find good homes for fantastic pets. Each week this page will be filled with both useful and entertaining information to keep you up to date with the world of pets here in the Canaries. Can you help one of the featured animals? Have you an article of interest? Does your pet deserve a feature? Drop me an email at petpetcare@hotmail.com

Hello heat, goodbye excess pet hair! Well it would appear that FINALLY we are experiencing some summer-like weather here on the rock. Speaking personally, the heater has been switched off (not the one that died due to over-use somewhere around February time) and the curtains are open to allow the lovely warm sun to come flooding in. Of course, heat for us can be wonderful, but for our pets it can be very uncomfortable indeed which is why it is important to maintain regular grooming or invest in a good hair cut for your beloved four-legged friend. A surprisingly large number of dogs on the island have long, thick hair and so it is especially important to make sure that all knots are removed and prevented from returning and also that the hair is kept clean. If possible, brush or comb on a daily basis which will not only ensure a healthy coat, but also enable you to keep an eye on your

pet’s health in general; any lumps or bumps that might be new, a patch of eczema or a tick that has decided to latch on. But it’s not just the long haired dogs that need pampering – those with short hair benefit too, and don’t forget the cats! Sometimes a short back and sides is the best solution to keeping your pet cool in the warmer months, especially if you, for whatever reason, are unable to keep on top of regular grooming. Don’t forget their nails too! They often get overlooked until it is too late, by which time the nail has grown around and can cause problems with the pad. If you are in any way unconfident about nail cutting then get in a professional. We know exactly how short to go and for the sake of a few Euros you could spare un-necessary injury. If you need any help or guidance, then either I or your own groomer will be more than happy to help. I know that, certainly in my case, all pets are welcome; be they happy and willing or nervous or difficult, and there is an option to have a mobile service to make your lives easier. Get ahead of the heat and be prepared.

Acción del Sol’s weekly news

One of Marion’s, who is the manager of Acción Del Sol, main jobs is to find new homes for the many dogs at the refuge. This is a very hard job especially now with the current recession and most people like the smaller dogs which leaves lots of larger dogs needing new homes. Marion is always looking for people that travel to Germany with Condor, Air Berlin or Tui Fly that would like to help the dogs. It doesn’t cost you anything except a little bit of your time at the airport whilst Acción Del Sol staff check the dogs in, the reservation will be made and paid by the charity. You will be met by Aktion Tier staff in Germany who will then transport the dogs to there destination. If you are travelling to Germany and would like to help then please call the refuge on 922 778 630.

Acción Del Sols next fund raising event is on the 8th of April 11am , this will include a fun run with your dog, an Easter egg run for children, lots of fun and games for all the family, please call the number above for more information. There was one very lucky dog recently adopted from the refuge by Jade Ambers, they already have a Labrador so the new puppy will have company together. I’m sure the puppy will have a great new life. There really are so many gorgeous dogs looking for new homes so please do come and visit the refuge if you are thinking of adopting a new 4 legged friend. If you do have any spare time please do go and help at the refuge whether its walking a dog or two, playing with the puppies or just to visit the refuge.

Acción Del Sol is open Monday - Friday 3-6pm or call 922 778 630 for more information. The refuge is situated at Poligono De Industrial Estate, Granadilla, Exit 51 on the TF1, directly next to ITER the Parque Eolica where the windmills are.

Useful Numbers

Dog & Cat Grooming 628 859 973/938 023 000 24 Hour Vets: Fanabe - 617 483 707

El Medano - 607 346 183 Playa San Juan – 922 832 344 If you find an abandoned dog : Arona - 010 Everywhere else – 112

The Little Dogs’ Home

The Little Dogs’ Home are now online! If you have a Facebook account then type “The Little Dogs Home Tenerife” into the search bar and give them a “like”. You can keep up to date with the latest dogs at the refuge as well as any news or information which all gets added frequently. Remember, they could always do with an extra pair of hands so if you can spare some time please give them a call! They can be contacted on 672 917 193. Here is a photo of their latest resident!

gardening

ompost is a combination of organic matter and/or manure, which has decomposed until it resembles a rich soil. Compost is not gross, rotten, smelly or dirty. Compost is a beautiful, nutritious food for your plants and the key to a healthy organic garden.

In addition to being a great provider of nutrients, a well-done compost is able to hold water in the soil, thereby ensuring that plants are adequately watered. It is also one of the best soil amendments to assist in efficient drainage, which helps prevent rot and nutrient depletion typical of the poorer soils found in Tenerife. Furthermore, many of the components of compost actually bind to toxic chemicals, so that they do not enter into the plant through its roots. Compost can be purchased at the garden centre or made easily at home. Compost is made from things that would otherwise be thrown away. While making compost may seem daunting, just remember that compost makes itself! Compost is always being created; it always has and always will. There is a passive and active way to make compost and many stages in between. Compost: The answer to your gardening problems?

Emergencies

Emergency services (all) 112 National Police 091 Local police 092 Ambulance 061 Fire Brigade 080 Guardia Civil 062

Pharmacy information and locator (24 hours) 922 282 424 Citizen information 010 Lost property 092 Postal services 902 197 197 International operator 11825 Local operator 11818 Tourist information 922 605 590

Tour operators (in alphabetical order) Cosmos 922 793 802

Thomas Cook 922 757 409

Thomson

922 798 607

TUI

922 777 720

Transport

Buses TITSA (Tenerife’s public bus company) 922 531 300

Organic Compost: The Easy Way!

Adding compost to your garden or lawn can provide it with all of the Nitrogen, Potassium and Sulphur, and almost all of the Phosphorus that it needs. Along with these very important three ingredients, compost is filled with hundreds of other essential vitamins, nutrients, micronutrients and minerals including iron, zinc, iodine, cobalt, boron, copper, manganese and molybdenum. These ingredients are essential for the growth and survival of the organic plants you are growing. early all soil structure problems you may have can be solved by adding compost. Compost aids drainage, stores water well, allows for airflow and encourages earthworms and other helpful organisms and microorganisms. While compost may be just about the perfect consistency for successful growth, it still must be mixed with soil within your garden. How to apply compost To gain all of the benefits of compost, only a small amount is needed. Spread compost over your entire garden in a layer that is two to three inches thick. Do this only once, at the beginning of the planting season. Be sure to cover your beds with mulch in the winter to retain nutrients. Just as all of our daily-required nutrients can be found in the right combination and variety of foods; so can plant nutrients be found in the same place! Compost made

Useful Numbers

The “Bono-Bus” discount card can be purchased from all TITSA stations and terminals and reduces the cost of transport by up to 30%

National ferry services

Radio taxis 922 641 112 922 747 511 Note: taxi cabs display a “SP” (servicio público) plate on the rear of the car.

Tourist offices (in alphabetical order) Costa Adeje

TFS - Tenerife Sur Airport (Reina Sofía) For flights from Spanish mainland and nearly all scheduled international flights Flight information 902 404 704 (line open 24 hours) Airport information 922 759 000 Tourist information 922 392 037 TFN - Tenerife North Airport (Los Rodeos) For all domestic flights and some international and mainland services Flight information 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) General information 922 635 800

Armas 902 456 500 Fred Olsen 922 628 252

922 750 633

El Médano

922 176 002

La Laguna

922 631 194

La Orotava

922 323 041

Las Galletas

922 730 133

Los Cristianos 922 757 137

Los Llanos de Aridane 922 401 899

Playa de las Américas 922 796 668

Playa de las Vistas 922 787 011

Puerto de la Cruz 922 386 000

Santa Cruz de Tenerife 922 289 394

Santiago del Teide 922 860 348

Tenerife Sur Tourist Office (Main Tourist Office) 902 003 121

up of our kitchen scraps and is filled with vitamins and minerals! Just the kind that a healthy garden needs to grow and thrive. Just think of compost as a great big salad for your garden. Decaying matter is the raw material of new life. In an untouched forest, fallen leaves and debris provide the nutrients needed for the growth of the living trees in a perfect cycle of life. Bacteria and other living things in the soil break down the dead matter and convert it into food for the new plants. There are two ways to go about composting, an active way and a passive way. Merely throwing your kitchen scraps into a pile in your yard and covering them with hay is a compost pile, though you may not see results for almost a year. An active compost pile requires a little bit more work. Active compost pile An active compost pile means building a simple container; usually a three-sided wooden box. Be sure to balance the nitrogen and carboncontaining materials that you add to your compost pile; you can find help-

Multi-lingual police central office

902 102 112 Call this number and ask for an English operator to make an official report or complaint. Local police 922 757 006 Red Cross Emergencies and ambulances 922 281 800

Hospitals and Medical centres (answering machine)

094 Hospital Las Américas, Playa de Las Américas 922 750 022 Playa de las Américas Centro Médicos Del Sur 922 791 000 Candelaria Hospital 922 602 000

Irish Consulate 922 745 671

British Consulate

Address: Plaza Wayler, 8, 1o, 38003 Santa Cruz de Tenerife 922 286 863 Opening hours: Mon-Fri, 8:30am - 1:30pm British Consul: Matthew Vickers British Vice-Consul Helen Keating

ful charts for this in most organic gardening manuals. Keep your compost pile moist and turn often. The hotter your compost pile gets, the more likely it is to kill off diseases and unwanted weed seeds. A successful compost heap contains a proper ratio of carbon-rich and

nitrogen-rich materials. Some of the best materials to put into a compost include composted dairy manure, composted chicken manure, worm castings, bat guano, kelp meal and ground oyster shells. Also, kitchen scraps are generally nitrogen-rich and hay, straw, bark and black and white newspaper articles are examples of carbon-rich materials needed to balance the nitrogen levels. These are often referred to as the “green” and “brown” ingredients in a healthy compost heap. It’s important to remember, though, that a long list of popular plant food products actually derive their nitrogen content from petroSome plant foods leum. Not only is that contain petroleum gross, but it’s far from organic. hile almost any waste can ultimately be composted, some things should not go into your garden compost. It may seem obvious to many gardeners, but it’s worth mentioning that cat, dog and human faeces are big no-no’s in composting. That’s because they may contain unfavourable bacteria, which you do not want spread into your garden. In addition, bones and meat are unfavourable as they will attract rats. Dairy and highoil content wastes will take a very long time to compost and metal, rubber, glass and plastic may take decades to biodegrade! It is also important that you avoid adding pest or disease-ridden material to your compost as this will spread to the healthy plants in your garden. Animal manure (provided it’s not from cats or dogs) can be added to your compost as a means for activating the decaying process. Fresh, rather than rotted manure is best for this as it still contains the necessary living bacteria. Also, manure can raise the temperature of the compost pile, thus helping to activate the existing bacteria and further speeding the decomposition process. You will know your compost is ready to use when it is soil-like, odour free, moist (but not wet) and dark. Now it is time to add it to your garden. Only a little is needed, but it will make a world of difference. Compost not only adds nutrients to your garden, but aids with drainage, nutrient and water retention and disease prevention! With just a little work you will have an endless supply of compost and fully-renewing, mineral rich soil year after year for a successful and healthy organic garden!

Solutions to this week’s puzzles 1. Apple 2. Pig 3. Esso 4. Red 5. The Rupee 6. Venus

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 FOOD

Welcome to Karoline’s Kitchen Rabbit is on the menu this week. A very popular dish in Spain and The Canaries, but not so common in the British household these days. It used to be a regular dish served up as a stew because of its value for money and

2 whole rabbits or 2 packs of pre-cut rabbits Olive Oil Garlic, Onions and Chillies (if you like it HOT) Root Vegetables such as Carrots, Swede and Potatoes A couple of pints of chicken stock (Caldo de Pollo) Salt and Pepper to taste Either joint the Rabbits into back legs front legs and saddle cut the saddle in to two pieces. Discard the rib cage (or use for stock) or remove pre-cut rabbit from packaging. Peel and chop the root vegetables into large chunks. Leave the potatoes until later. Start heating the chicken stock.

being easy to obtain, then it seemed to lose its place on our tables, but now it is making a big comeback, most likely due to its low fat content, good source of iron and protein; and rabbit is still value for money.

Many supermarkets here will regularly have rabbit on their meat counters, either chopped into pieces or whole. So next time, be brave and put one in your trolley and give one of my selected recipes a go.

Rabbit Stew

Bring it to the boil and turn down to a very slow simmer. Using a heavy based frying pan, sweat the garlic (crush and chop it) onions (roughly chop them) and chillies (finely chop them) in a liberal splash of olive oil. Once tender transfer to a heavy based stew pot. Turn up the heat on the frying pan, add another splash of olive oil, and seal the rabbit joints in the frying pan until golden brown. Once sealed transfer the Rabbit joints to the stew pot pour the hot chicken stock over the rabbit. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Add the chopped root vegetables bring the whole lot back up to the boil.

Rabbit in a Tomato Sauce

1 rabbit, whole or pre-cut 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (ajo) 2 onions, sliced (cebollas) 1 can (16 oz.) crushed tomatoes 1 bayleaf (hoja de laurel) 1 sprig tarragon (estragon) 1 sprig thyme (tomillo) 2 stalks celery, finely chopped (apio) 1 cup white wine 1/2 cup water salt and pepper to taste 1 sprig parsley (perejil) extra virgin olive oil

Cut rabbit in small pieces (approximately 10 pieces). Chop onions, garlic and celery. Pour enough olive oil into the bottom of large, heavy frying pan and heat on medium high. Place rabbit in pan and brown the pieces on all sides.

Remove and set aside. Using the same pan, sauté the garlic, onion and crushed

Have a great week cooking and if you have any recipes that you wish to share or any tips or family cheats then get in touch by email on; karoline@tenerifeweekly.es Until next time,

Karoline Shovlar

Turn down the heat to a low simmer, stir the stew, cover and leave to simmer for about an hour. Then add the potatoes (cubed) bring the stew back up to a slow simmer then stir it and leave until the potatoes are tender. Served with crusty bread or green vegetables. tomatoes for about 5 minutes. (If ingredients begin to stick, add more olive oil if necessary.) Add the bay leaf, tarragon, thyme and chopped celery. Return the rabbit to the frying pan. Add the white wine and stir. Turn the heat up to bring to a boil and reduce the liquid by a half or two-thirds. Then, add the water and stir. Reduce heat. Cover the pan and simmer gently until cooked – an hour and a half to two hours. (If using chicken instead of rabbit, it will take only 30-45 minutes.) While the meat is simmering, chop parsley. Add salt and pepper. Sprinkle with chopped parsley and serve hot in bowls with fried potatoes and rustic bread. Why not make this week your week to try something new? Enjoy!

Veggie recepies Courtesy of Mark from Casa Tres

Mexican curry

25g butter 1 onion 1 red pepper 1 green pepper 6 flat mushrooms 2 avocado 1 tspn Thai red curry paste 1 shot Malibu 300ml Cream Salt Pepper Dice onion Slice peppers & mushrooms Skin & stone avocado Melt the butter in a thick bottom skillet, fry onions peppers and mushrooms with Thai red curry paste ( I use Aroy-d from 5 conti-

nents). Depending on how ripe the avocado will depend on when you add to the pan (more ripe the later you add it). Deglaze with Malibu Add double cream and reduce to a sauce, Season and serve over boiled rice.

Mushroom Stroganoff

25 g butter 1 lrg onion sliced 4 gherkins sliced 200g mixed mushrooms chopped 1 lrg courgette, seeded and chopped 1 tea spoon paprika (I use hot Picante) 1 shot brandy 1 tea spoon French mustard Double cream Lemon juice Salt Pepper

Melt butter in a thick bottom skillet, (this is to keep the pan hot and keep cooking consistent), Fry sliced onions until golden brown, Add mushrooms and courgettes until soft,

Fry gherkins and paprika, Flambé brandy, Add double cream French mustard and reduce, Season with salt, pepper & Lemon juice. Serve over boiled rice.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 TECHNOPHILE

Windows 8: The Race Is On

The launch of Windows 8 is now a matter of months away. The mobilefriendly OS is primed for life on tablets and Chinese manufacturer Lenovo wants to lead the pack. Lenovo is hoping to beat a host of bigname manufacturers to and get the first Windows 8 tablet to market. A source reports that the Chinese manufacturer wants to get the better of the likes of Nokia, Dell and Asus and get a tablet on sale when Windows 8 ships to customers.The source says that the company believes that to be October 2012.

Although the source wouldn’t be drawn on specific tech details, it seems fair to suggest that it may take the form of the intriguing Lenovo IdeaPad Yoga, which made its debut at CES 2012 in Las Vegas. The 13.3-inch device featured a full QWERTY keyboard and a hinge which allowed the device to morph into a fully-fledged laptop. The machine was shown running a developer’s preview of Windows 8 at CES, so may be an early contender for Lenovo. That device might also appease Windows loyalists who’re perhaps a little nervous about going all in on a tablet, regardless of how mobile-friendly the new Windows 8 operating system and its metro UI and apps may be.

In an attempt to avoid more lengthy and potentially reputation tarnishing legal disputes with Apple, Samsung looks set to redesign the Galaxy S3 For the second time this week claimed render images of the Samsung Galaxy S3 have leaked online ahead of the handset’s expected release later this year. Tipped to be heading for release in the coming months as Samsung’s next-generation flagship Android handset, the presumably Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich packed Samsung Galaxy S3 has appeared online with a flurry of new design features that are expected to protect against further patent infringement lawsuits with bitter rival Apple. Appearing online ahead of the handset’s official unveiling, the latest Samsung Galaxy S3 picture leaks have suggested the third-gen Galaxy S handset will sport an all new slimmer form factor with the handset to sport a lipped aesthetic similar to that of the Samsung Galaxy S Wi-Fi 4.3 personal media player. Other notable features included upon the latest leaked S3 offering include a two toned colour scheme and a dedicated camera button on the handset’s super slim side panel. Far from the first time the third-generation

Galaxy S handset has been rumoured and had its claimed specs and aesthetics splashed across the web, previous reports have suggested the iPhone 4S rival will land with a 1.5GHz quad-core Samsung Exynos processor and Google’s latest mobile operating system, Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich. Further marking the Samsung Galaxy S3 out as the leader of the smartphone market, the latest reports have suggested the handset will boast a 4.8-inch display with a stunning Full HD 1080p resolution and a film friendly 16:9 aspect ratio. Set to touch down in the first half of the year, a number of rumours suggesting the Samsung Galaxy S3 release date had been lined up for April have since been quashed by the Korean based tech behemoth.

derived from a pattern. The more random your starting point, the better. Step 2: Use Every Type of Character Available Now that you’re thinking outside the box, it’s time to add complexity. Each addition of multiple character types (i.e., upper case/lower case letters, numbers, symbols) complicates any sort of would-be pattern. So, you’ll want to use as many as possible. A good way to start is by taking a random string of letters, and then replacing some of the characters with numbers (“1” for “l” and so on). After you’ve got a decent letter/number mix going, go back and sporadically add symbols. If the end

result looks like gibberish then you’re on the right track. Step 3: Go For Length Committing 40 random characters to memory can be a daunting task. On the flip side, a five character password is a security nightmare waiting to happen. Ideally, you’ll want to find a middle ground when it comes to length. A password that you can’t remember is useless, but try to stretch your mnemonic boundaries. Taking the time to add a few extra characters outside your comfort zone can increase the number of possibilities exponentially. Step 4: Rotate Regularly Don’t get too comfortable with your

new creation. It’ll I wonder if the passonly be a matter word can be derived of time before it from the fading keys needs changing. Even though you’ve created the ideal ‘unguessable’ password, there’s the still a chance that the information can be gleaned through a keylogging program or social engineering. The best way to combat this is to keep your password changing. Choosing a set ‘rotation day’ every month should throw any would-be snoops off the scent.

Samsung Galaxy S3 leaked online

Tenerife Weekly Tip - Create Better Passwords

o one expects to have their password jacked. That’s why most people choose lousy ones to begin with. Below are the secrets to creating an impenetrable passcode for all your digital goodies: Step 1: Avoid the Familiar For starters, scratch the first cutesy, memorable password that comes to mind. As technology advances, so do the tools for password cracking -- so you’re going to have to pull out the big guns. Avoid any word that can be found in a dictionary. Other no-nos include using personal info (names, birthdays, etc.), or anything

Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 2 is the belated follow-up to 2010’s Episode 1, featuring four new stages inspired by classic Sonic levels. As well as fan-pleasing tweaks to its physics and art direction, a second player can join the fun as Tails through local cooperative play and online. While Episode 1 was praised for finally delivering a 2D Sonic adventure following years of competent to awful 3D Sonic games, it was also heavily criticised by its fan base for its strange physics and feel when platforming. Sonic Team has taken this on board for an adventure closer to the Sonic games we all know and love. Learning from past mistakes: Better physics, improved visuals Episode 2 addresses one of the core complaints of the first episode, and that’s the physics. While you had to really play around with Episode 1 to discover most of its oddities, you didn’t have to be the most hardcore Sonic fan to find that there was something a little off about the way Sonic controlled. Now it’s much closer to the Mega Drive originals, with a more weighted jump,

‘Sonic 4: Episode 2’ preview available

more natural movement from a standstill to a sprint (in both animation and speed) as well as when running around the environment. For example, you can no longer run up a wall with no momentum - you now must have some speed or a spin dash behind you to make it. Another change is that Episode 2 has been given a redesign. While Episode 1 was certainly a good looking game, its visual style was basic and bold, closer to the New Super Mario Bros. games than classic Sonic. Here, environments are far more detailed - instead of bright green blocks, platforms how have individual shards of grass - while Sonic himself looks less shiny and cartoonlike, matching the personality of his 16-bit days. The return of Tails Mirroring the progression of the original Mega Drive series, Episode 2 sees Sonic joined by a second character with the trustworthy Tails. Just like Sonic the Hedgehog 2, a second player can pick up a controller and join in the fun alongside you, and you can even have someone play online for a co-operative session. When playing solo, it’s also pleasing to

find that Tails’ behaviour is still basic and accident prone. He often leaps into spike pits without thinking and comically bounces off springs out of view, before dropping in alongside you with his tails between his legs. He does much more than add a bit of company, though. Tails adds three new abilities that change how you explore stages. The most obvious is flight; leap up into the air and tap X (or Square) and Tails will grab hold of you for a short amount of time, allowing you to reach distant ledges or save you from falling down a deadly chasm at the last minute. Doing this on the ground performs a large whirlwind of a spin dash that can break through specific walls (or in White Park Zone, through compacted snow) and in water allows you to swim faster, handy when you’re running out of air. Aquatic Ruin and Ice Cap return in spirit In terms of content, expect the same

amount of stages as Episode 1; four levels with three acts each, and presumably a boss for each one. A sample would be Sylvania Castle, a cross between Aquatic Ruin from Sonic 2 with its multiple moss-covered paths, one of which was submerged underwater, and Marble Garden from Sonic 3, with rock walls that must be moved by spin-dashing brightly coloured switches. The other was White Park Zone, a blend of Sonic 3 favourites Ice Cap and Carnival Night zones (without the incredible music, unfortunately) for a stage with several interesting ideas. Multiple points in a stage see you escape from a wall of snow on a snowboard, while snow caverns saw slower exploration and routes blocked off by giant snowballs that could be pushed away. Sonic Team appear really keen to placate fans who weren’t a fan of Episode 1’s foibles, from the changes to Sonic’s movement and momentum to its art direction. It’s essentially an adventure that’s far closer to the original Mega Drive games than any other Sonic game to date, and with some smart remixes of classic stages and added co-op, Sonic 4: Episode 2 looks to be nothing short of a superb follow-up. Sonic 4: Episode 2 will be available on Xbox Live Arcade, PSN, PC, iOS, Android and Windows Phone later this year.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 CLASSIFIED

• Legal Services

CALDERS CONFESSIONS

Real People, Unreal Lives

SUNDAYS EVENINGS FROM 10PM PLEASE RE-TUNE 89.2 TO 106.6 106.6 South 103.7 West 97.3 North www.coastfmtenerife.com • Delivery Services

• Cleaning Services

• Situations Vacant

Regency Resorts is one of Europe’s largest and most successful companies. They are looking for experienced Sales executives for their clients. You must speak English and have a positive attitude and be willing to work hard. Top commissions, high spiffs and quick payouts.

Send your CV to admin@regencyresorts.com or fax it to 922 712162

Customer relations required

For dinner show in Las Américas. Must have an outgoing personality, smart in appearance and fluent in English. Basic pay, bonuses and contract offered to the right person.

Call 603 391 256

International work from home

Full or part time

Contact www.expandworld.com or call 628567286 Are you money motivated? Do you want to work part time hours for full time wages? • Household Services

Looking for something different?

blue flag travel 673 478 920

recruitment@blueflagtravel.com

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 • Air Con

CLASSIFIED

• Electrical

FREE ADS

• Autos

• Property OFFICES FOR RENT 60m”2 air con AMPLE PARKING LAS CHAFIRAS TEL 669 787 468 Universal Exports S.L. has been instructed, by the owners, to offer for sale a unique 12 bedroomed rural hotel in Tenerife, situated just 15 minutes from the south airport: This delightfully appointed hotel comprises: 7 double bedrooms and 5 suites, all en-suite, as well as managers’ accommodation the property also includes: kitchens, restaurant, storerooms, bodega, swimming pool, etc. Ideally located for any number of specialised themes; gourmet, spa, holistic, golf, art etc., this recently refurbished premises comes with all necessary licences and permissions. To date the property has been marketed for €1.700.000 but due to other investment commitments the price has been drastically reduced, and priced to sell, at €1.200.000. Qualified interested parties should, in the first instance, contact: David Penny on 922 720711 or from the U.K. 08445 984 114.

Find Red Tomato: Pebble Beach Village, Amarilla Golf. Hours: Mon - Fri 10am -1pm

Short and long term rentals FROM JUST 230€ Tel: 922 738 410 Mob: 639 835 137

• Car Rentals

• Car Maintenance

• Technology BOUT A S K AS Y O U A PAY T E R N E T G O I ND W I F I AN OTS HOTSP

• GT MOTORS

RED TOMATO Satellite & CCTV Installation Private and Community. Also Repair Shop for Computer & Electronics.

Tel: 649 200 774

sales@redtomatoonline.com www.redtomatoonline.com

• Entertainment

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• Pets • Misc

Wall beach unit D38-L112-H 122 80€ White Roman blind L175 W150 30€ Black curtain pole with brackets and stoppers max 220 20€ 6ft xmas tree with lights and balls 50€ TV bracket for wall 15€ 2 telefonica routers 10€ Cloths size 10/12 and beach bags,towels,belts bikinis,jackets belts trousers etc total 135 items 50€ 13 candle holders in black iron beautiful 25€ 1 x Garden trees in pots very heavy 20.00€ 92 beautiful handbag hooks (ladies do not have to put their handbags on the floor they will attach to any surface all different designs) all for 250€ normally sell for 15€ each Stainless steel step ladders 25€ sewing machine excellent condition in box 100€ Heated rollers from boots uk good condition 30€ Contact Julie 692045460 Closed Salon products for sale 5 Mannequin heads for practise make up or lash extensions 30€ Beauty client cards and box 15€ Beauty nail mag lamp with bracket for table 35€ Body wrap system with gel etc 40€ 2 full unopened disposable gloves M size 15€ 4 unopened eyelash perming kits 30€ Manicure used products plus 53 nail polishes and bowls 45€ Pedicure products plus foot spa 45€ Nail products 100,s of French and natural tips acrylic liquid, powder, gel, brushes clippers lots more 100€ 6 full unopened waxing strips 10€ 18 unopened lipstick, pink browns, red, natural colours 20€ Stainless steel adjustable trolley for over bed or table 70€ Tele: 692045460 / 922712806 Teka cooking hob 2 gas and 2 electric rings €45. Wind surf board Starlight F2 no sail, €65 Wave Minstral 265 wind surf board no sail, €65 Tecno pro surfboard €10 21 inch television, silver with remote, €30. Television wall/ceiling heavy duty frame for 33 inch TV, new, ideal for bar €20 None folding wheelchair, light aluminium quick removable wheels, €150 Corner unit dark wood, cupboard and shelves, 1.8 mt high €65 Peg-Pergo detachable Car seat and base, 0 to 9months €40. Childs car seat up to 9 months €20 HESBA, pram push chair, four wheeled sprung, detachable body, adjustable handle, collapses flat, with hood and apron, €45. Silencio tel 629570945 Roof carrier 2 bows carrier lockable. 75 Euros Tel: 648 146 399 Unisex 3-Speed Folding Bike. 45 Euros. Gents 21 Speed Mountain Bike. Good condition. 85 Euros. Tel: 600 700 521.

Place you FREE ADVERT by email to freeads@tenerifeweekly.es by phone 922 790 388

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 MOTORING / DIY

MOTORING WITH The importance of keeping your MOTORWORLD personal information up date

I am sure that we all know someone who has had their bank account embargoed or received a final letter from the Tax office regarding an outstanding amount due. Quite often in these circumstances the initial starting point of the fine is a traffic violation or outstanding road taxes unpaid for earlier years. It is therefore vitally important that you keep all the authorities up to date with your current address and also check that they have your full and complete address. To change your address with the various authorities involves differing actions. We are going to give a brief outline of who requires what. Hacienda You are able to advise Hacienda of a change of address in person at their offices in Playa de Las Americas. You will need to take with you your NIE /Residencia and passport and it’s also useful to take your Escritura (if you have recently purchased a property) or a certificate of Empadronamiento from your local town hall. It is important that the address here is correct as most fines are eventually passed to Hacienda to administrate and collect and you will not receive Etiquetas on request (which are now posted directly to you) if the address is incomplete or wrong. Seguridad Social You may go in person to the Social Security Offices in Los Cristianos to advise them of

a change or correction to your address. You will find that if you are applying on line for example for a Tarjeta Europea for medical cover whilst abroad if the address you input does not EXACTLY match the records held on their system you will not be permitted to complete the process and a trip to the social office would then be required. We recommend that if you receive any post form the Social Security office you retain the letter and use the exact same address as is shown on there. Tráfico Many people arrange to have their address changed on their car papers in Tráfico but omit to change their driving licence address. The computer system in Tráfico will allow a change of address on car papers but in the event of there being any traffic infringements the address on the driving licence supersedes all else. This applies not only to those with a Spanish licence but also to those whose licences have been inscripted. To change address in Tráfico you are required to supply a certificate of Empadronamiento or in certain cases an in date or new rental contract or escritura or copia simple.

Motorworld are able to assist you with any of the above and much more. Contact us on emma@motorworldtenerife.com

Using a silicone sealant gun to seal a bath, sink or basin First, cut the end off the applicator nozzle. Measure the gap/joint to be sealed and cut the nozzle according to the size of the gap. For best results cut the applicator nozzle at a slight (30-45º degree) angle, this will allow you to keep the nozzle tight against where the two surfaces meet. Then, trim the end off the silicone sealant tube with either a pair of sharp scissors or a craft knife. Attach the nozzle to the tube by screwing it clockwise onto the thread of the tube. Take care not to cross-thread it. Loading the silicone gun Press the release tab on the gun, and pull the pressure rod back to allow you to insert the silicone tube. Load the sealant tube into the gun, then squeeze the trigger gently until the pressure rod goes into the base of the tube. Keep squeezing the trigger gently until the rod makes contact with the diaphragm. Don’t squeeze the trigger too hard or the silicone will leak out of the nozzle. How to Remove Silicone Sealant Removing old silicone sealant can be tricky depending on the surface. One method is to use the blade of a craft knife. Slide the knife blade behind and under the silicone with the blade against the surface. Take care not to scratch the surfaces. After slicing the sealant at both surfaces, use the blade to cut the silicone into sections. Place the blade back under the sealant and then lift it away from the surface. Grab the loose end of the sealant and pull it gently, you should be able to lift the section of sealant away fairly easily. You can remove any remaining remnants of silicone by gently scraping it off with the knife blade. Try using the whole length of the blade and sliding it along the surface scraping the sealant as you go. There are chemicals available to remove silicone but they can be very harsh. Visit your local DIY store for more details if you feel chemicals are required. Applying the silicone to the surface Always make sure that all surfaces are dry and free of any old silicone, debris or dust.

Trying to get silicone off your hands with water just makes things worse! Use soap and water to clean your hands only after you have got the majority off with the paper towel.

For best results, fill the bath with water before you apply the silicone, as some baths give slightly when they are in use. If you seal the bath without water in it, then when you use the bath, it may stretch the silicone and eventually lose its seal. Position the applicator nozzle against the surface, then gently squeeze the trigger until the silicone starts to come out. While applying gentle pressure to the trigger, move the applicator nozzle along the surface at a measured pace.

Try to cover the whole surface in one stroke. Putting a finish on the silicone sealant The simplest way to get a nice finish is to use your finger. Wet your finger first to stop the silicone sticking to it, use a bit of saliva or some washing up liquid. Run your finger along the sealant to leave a smooth even coat. You can also use a piece of rubber pipe or similar object. To remove the excess silicone from your finger, use a sheet of paper towel.

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Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012 sport

Hamilton Talks Up World Title Chances After Just One Race

Lewis Hamilton believes he is in the hunt for this year’s Formula One world title after coming to terms with the fact there will be bad days as well as good. Hamilton looked downcast after McLaren team-mate Jenson Button won Sunday’s opening grand prix of the season in Australia. Reigning world champion Sebastian Vettel was second, with his Red Bull team-mate Mark Webber in fourth place, behind thirdplaced Hamilton. But 2008 world champion Hamilton, who had started Sunday’s race on pole, said: ‘I know this is a car I can definitely challenge for the title with. Jenson proved it. He had a fantastic race and it’s definitely a good

start that both of us finished on the podium. ‘It’s still going to be a close season because the Red Bulls are massively quick and God knows where they came from on Sunday. As for me I feel as though I’ve got it in myself to go for the title. ‘I feel as ready as ever. I was ready on Sunday, it’s just some things didn’t go my way.’

Great Britain “do not deserve place at London 2012 basketball tournament”

Russia’s basketball coach says the Great Britain team do not deserve their place at the London 2012 Olympic Games. As host nation, Great Britain are given an automatic place at the competition. The only other time that the team competed in the Olympic basketball tournament was in 1948 - again, when the Games were staged in London where they lost all five pool games. They have not beaten any team ranked in the world top 40 in a competitive match, and they came 13th in last year’s Eurobasket tournament. Russia, by contrast, are

ranked 11th in the world but are not assured of an Olympic place as they must compete in a qualifying tournament in Venezuela in early July, alongside the likes of Lithuania and Macedonia. “Only because the Olympics are in London this year the British team received a free pass, and that was at our expense basically,” said Russian coach David Blatt. Asked if he thought Great Britain deserved to be in the tournament, he said: “Sports-wise, no. That’s the politics of the situation and that’s what it is. It’s part of the picture, not a whole lot that I can do about it.”

Dan Lydiate Voted Player of the Tournament for 2012 Six Nations

Wales’ flanker Dan Lydiate has been voted the Six Nations player of the tournament after his key role in helping Wales to their third Grand Slam in eight years. All players winning manof-the-match awards during the first four rounds of the Championship automatically went into contention for the award, with Lydiate’s Welsh team-mates Sam Warburton, wing Alex Cuthbert and scrum-half Mike Phillips also on the list. Lydiate, who won man-ofthe-match awards against Scotland and France, took 25 per cent of the 30,000 votes cast and came home ahead of Ireland’s Jonathan Sexton and Italy captain Sergio Parisse. Scotland pair David Denton

and Ross Rennie, French trio Julien Malzieu, Yoann Maestri and Imanol Harinordoquy and Ireland’s Donnacha Ryan were the other contenders. ‘It’s always nice to get pats on the back but I didn’t expect anything like this,’ said the 24-year-old. “It tops off an amazing competition for me and for Wales. To be part of such a talented Wales team and win the Grand Slam in Cardiff on Saturday was incredible in itself, but to then be voted player of the championship

is absolutely unbelievable.” “I looked at the trophy you have Shane Williams and Brian O’Driscoll on there. Legends of the game. It seems strange for me to pick up the award. It’s a massive honour to me.” Warburton was quick to pay tribute to Lydiate’s ‘lion-hearted’ performance, particularly in the 16-9 titleclinching win over France. “Dan in the French game was absolutely phenomenal,” he said. “His tackle count and work in defence is always the best when you look at the stats after a game. I’ve never seen anybody in so much pain after a game. Afterwards his body is in a mess. He doesn’t feel pain during a game - he has the heart of a lion.”

Tseng Storms to LPGA Triumph

World No. 1 Yani Tseng birdied five of the first six holes on the back nine after the second of three rain delays on her way to a one-stroke triumph at the LPGA Founders Cup. Taiwan’s Tseng on Sunday (18th March) fired a four-under par 68 in the final round of the $1.5 million event at Wildfire Golf Club to finish 72 holes on 18-under par 270, one stroke ahead of Japan’s Ai Miyazato and South Korean Na Yeon Choi. Thunderstorm delays of 74 and 66 minutes stretched the day for the leaders, all playing The International Cricket Council on Monday backed Saeed Ajmal’s controversial bowling action following reports that India had complained about the Pakistan off-spinner. Indian television channel NDTV, quoting unnamed sources, said the team management had spoken to the ICC about Ajmal’s action after Sunday’s Asia Cup match between the arch-rivals in Dhaka. ICC chief executive Haroon Lorgat, however, clarified that the governing body saw no problem in the off-spinner’s bowling style. “We have tested Ajmal, checked him and monitored him in match situations, and found he bowls within the allowed

in the final threesome. But Tseng responded after the second stoppage with birdies at the par-4 10th and par-5 11th. She ran off another streak of three in a row ending at the par-5 15th that was interrupted by a 42-minute storm delay, then parred the final three holes in a gathering gloom on the Arizona desert to take the victory. It was Tseng’s second triumph in four starts this year after a successful title defence last month in Thailand.

Cricket Council Clears Ajmal’s Bowling Action degrees of tolerance,” Lorgat told the Times Now news channel. “We must be careful at what the eye sees and what the reality is,” Lorgat said. Ajmal claimed the wicket of batting superstar Sachin Tendulkar as India produced their best ever one-day chase to surpass Pakistan’s commanding 329-6 with five wickets and 13 balls to spare. It was the first match between India

and Pakistan since the World Cup semifinal at Mohali in March last year. The 34-year-old Ajmal, who has played 20 Tests and 63 one-dayers since his international debut in 2008, has found himself under the spotlight several times due to his action. He was first reported by match officials during a one-day series against Australia in the United Arab Emirates in 2009, but was later cleared to play after remedial work was done on his action. Doubts about his action were again raised during the recent Tests against England at the same venue, but both the ICC and the Pakistan Cricket Board absolved Ajmal of any wrongdoing.

Tenerife Weekly - 23rd March - 29th March 2012

THE SPORTS SCENE WITH PETER QUILTY

SPORT

SPONSORED BY THE BUZZIN OF CALLAO SALVAJE FOR ALL THE BEST IN SPORT

Hi Everyone. As I sit down to write this Sports Scene I am so pleased to hear that Fabrice Muamba has been able to recognise family members and respond to questions appropriately. The 23-year-old can now breathe independently without a ventilator but remains in intensive care after a cardiac arrest. It was great news to hear that his condition was no longer critical but remained serious. As I left the Atlantis FM radio studio to drive home, my last sport report said I was looking forward to being able to watch the second half, with the score being 1goal each, with a nice cold pint of Shandy, but when I parked up in Callao Salvaje it seemed to be hauntingly quiet when normally the sounds of the bars showing the football can be heard. When I got to the Buzzin Bar I couldn’t believe it when Matt the barman told me what had happened, so to hear the fantastic news of today let’s hope this budding midfielder will back playing for Bolton. So, to football news of a lighter note. As I watched the Barcelona game the other Wednesday with the master class of Lionel Messi, which was just brilliant to watch.

Messi needs one goal to equal the Barcelona scoring record after Cesar Rodriguez’s total was revised to 232 from 235 by the La Liga club. Barca and La Vanguardia newspaper conducted a joint study to verify Rodriguez’s tally from the 1950s. The study showed he had scored three less than previously thought. The 24-yearold forward, who is in his eighth season with Barca, has scored 51 goals in all competitions this season. After studying all of Cesar’s matches, it has been confirmed that

Messi is only one goal behind. MAGICAL MESSI 2007-08: 16 goals 2008-09: 38 2009-10: 47 2010-11: 53 2011-12: 51 so far. Talking Barcelona, two of the best Under-14 Academy teams in the Barclays Premier League took on some of the finest players in Europe in a four-way tournament at Barcelona’s training complex last weekend. Arsenal and Fulham both qualified for the memorable trip to Spain after winning their respective competitions in the 2012 Barclays Premier League Under-14 National Tournament in London last month. The three-day visit was their prize and last weekend they faced teams from Barcelona and Catalan side Cornella, as well as taking in the sights and sounds of the city. Both Arsenal and Fulham impressed over the weekend, with both sides going unbeaten against Catalan giants Barcelona. Is there another Lionel Messi waiting in the wings. Lets have look at how we did last weekend, taking in to consideration the abandonment of the Spurs v Bolton game. Well we all scored the same 12 points out of a possible 21,that will get the tongues wagging in the village with Martin declaring that he got more right and Chris the chef making steady progress. Also, well done to the boys at the Red Lion. As for my predications for Cheltenham Festival week; I got one winner, a second and a 3rd but with Kauto Star there is talk of retiring double Cheltenham Gold Cup winner. I think that would be very premature, and I agree with the popular horse’s trainer Paul Nicholls. Kauto Star was pulled up by jockey Ruby Walsh on Friday, attempting a record third Gold Cup win at the Festival. Afterwards, owner Clive Smith said 12-yearold Kauto Star could be retired. But Nicholls said: “Clive and I haven’t even discussed it, and I daresay we won’t in any great detail until Kauto comes back in, in July.” Well said Mr Nicholls.

For the Ruby fans, well it couldn’t have

been a better weekend; even more so if you should happened to be Welsh: with a great Grand Slam win for Warren Gatland’s men, but not so much good news for England, as Dylan Hartley faces a lengthy ban after being cited for BITING Stephen Ferris’ finger. The hooker allegedly chomped on Ireland ace Ferris during Saturday’s 30-9 Six Nations win. Hartley, 25, will face a disciplinary hearing regarding the 23rd-minute incident, with bans ranging from 12 weeks to FOUR YEARS. The Northampton forward, 25, could miss England’s three-Test tour of South Africa in June if found guilty.

Stephen Ferris (L) and Dylan Hartley (R) A statement from the Six Nations confirmed Hartley had been cited for “acts contrary to good sportsmanship”. Hartley missed the World Cup in 2007 after being found guilty of gouging and banned for three months. An RFU statement said they and Hartley would make no comment until the hearing had been concluded. Stuart Lancaster has done a brilliant job of coaching England in the Six Nations, but, even after that fantastic 30-9 win over Ireland, I would still not give him the post full-time: at least not yet. Amid the euphoria of an excellent campaign it would be the easiest thing in the world to rubber-stamp Lancaster and his coaching team to take us through to the 2015 World Cup. But let’s just take time to draw breath and think about what the head coach’s job is all about. We need someone who can make England the best in the world when we host the World Cup in 2015. It was still terrific to

see England take full advantage of their supremacy up front. It is a long time since we destroyed an opposition pack so ruthlessly. But it will be a lot tougher in South Africa and when New Zealand and Australia also come calling later in the year. By the end of the Six Nations there was a strong case to say England were close to being the best team in Europe, although I admit Wales were worthy Grand Slam winners. Finally, in Cricket, former Pakistan bowler Mohammad Amir has blamed ex-captain, Salman Butt, for the spot-fixing scandal that led to both being jailed. Amir was released in February having served half of his six-month sentence. Butt, bowler Mohammad Asif and agent Mazhar Majeed remain in prison for plotting no-balls in England in 2010. He has said in an interview that he was so angry with Salman,” He took advantage of our friendship. He should have helped me instead of involving me in all this.” Amir, who was banned from all cricket for five years in February 2011; my thoughts are: if you are caught with your hand in the Cookie Jar don’t go blaming someone else. There is a lot of midweek football this week with Man City taking on Chelsea on Wednesday evening, should be a great game but for the weekend’s predictions I feel that there could be wins for Arsenal at Villa, Bolton to bounce back v Blackburn, Chelsea and Spurs to draw. At Anfield, Liverpool should win this against lowly Wigan, the Canaries to tweet against Wolves, Man City to beat Stoke, Martin O´Neils men to beat QPR, Swansea to beat Everton and finally Newcastle to win away at the Baggies, Sorry Ian!! So until next time, enjoy your sport and listen to the Saturday Scene on Atlantis and Coast FM 3pm to 6pm. Bye for now.

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