Tenerife Weekly Issue 25 by Tenerife Weekly

Tenerife Weekly TENERIFE’S LOCAL FREE WEEKLY NEWSPAPER

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30th March - 5th April 2012

Issue 25

Unions Claiming General Strike “Was Successful”

Yesterday’s (29th March) general strike in the Canary Islands was observed by between 70 and 80% of workers, according to unions, without any important incidents occurring in the archipelago and with minimal services still running normally. A spokesman for the CCOO and UGT has confirmed that the transport sector has been supported by between eighty to one hundred per cent of the workers; so only minimal services were running. Metropolitano de Tenerife, which was running the tramway strike, also had a one hundred per cent turnout, according to unions; leaving only one tram every half hour; in compliance with minimum services. “Most of the outdoor markets have not been affected by the strike, despite the presence of picket lines, although there was a delay in the distribution of goods,” reported the Workers’ Commission. According to data from CCOO the strike was supported by 70% of the Canarian populous during night shifts, by 70% of the cleaning sector, 90% of refuse collections, 90% in healthcare and 80% of postal workers. The Canary Islands Government Office stated that there had been no significant impact and that minimum services had not been disrupted. CCOO general secretary, Ignácio Fernández Toxo, and UGT, Cándido Méndez, said in a joint statement that there has been a great act of affirmation and added that, “although there have been some isolated incidents, the majority of the protests passed off without incident.”

Both Toxo and Méndez have stressed that they will not “let up” in their efforts for the government to open negotiations to modify the labour reforms, stating that their focus is on the impoverishment of the population, job losses and the country delving deeper into recession. In order to work for a fairer re-

form bill, CCOO and UGT have given the government a different option; to seek a consensus from the country and revive economic activity and reduce the very high rates of unemployment, with priority attention to the younger generation. “You have to turn the strike into an impulse,” assured Toxo, while announcing the intention of both un-

ions to deliver the new proposals to the Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, and all othr parties and business organizations. “We hope that today has given the signal that the government needs to sit down and negotiate with unions and turn the strike into an opportunity,” added Toxo. Continued on page 3

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 editorial & legal

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40 HEALTH/BEAUTY/FASHION 42 WHO RATTLED YOUR CAGE? 43 CALDERS CONFESSIONS 44 PHYCHE/HOROSCOPES PETS’ PAGE 45 47 GARDENING/LOCAL INFO FOOD 48 TECHNOPHILE 49 CLASSIFIED SECTION 50 52 MOTORING/DIY SPORT 54

LOCAL NEWS BUSINESS NEWS WORLD NEWS IRISH NEWS NATIONAL NEWS TV GUIDE TIME OUT SHOWBIZ OUT ON THE TOWN SHARPLES IN SESSION COMMUNITY

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Editorial Hello readers, Did the general strike affect your daily life on Thursday? Personally, it hardly registered on my routine. Driving into the office I was expecting empty roads and deserted offices. None of it: busy cafés, commercial vehicles clogging up the TF1, etc. Although there has been some trouble in the mainland, it seems that the majority of the marches, here in the Canaries, have gone off without a hitch. Thank goodness for that. The unions are quoting almost 100% observance of the strike, while the government suggest that 2010’s strike saw a bigger turnout. Obviously, both sides of the fence are going to exaggerate wildly about who was where and what disruption was caused. Send me an email (info@tenerifeweekly. es) to let me know how the protests affected you. Ryanair are adding a 6 Euro charge to their Spanish routes. Are they having a laugh?! You have to hand it to Michael O’Leary; he’s a shrewd businessman. He chips away at our pocket linings with just the right frequency to allow us to cool off from his latest blatant profiteering before he has another rummage in our change jar. Such serendipity that this latest price hike is exactly offset by the 6 Euro discount if you use the newlyintroduced Ryanair bankcard. I imagine that the board of directors at the airline break out in hives every time Mr O’Leary strolls into the boardroom, rubbing his hands like Open All Hour’s Arkwright. Los Cristianos are to start receiving

cruise liners. What a fantastic opportunity for the area. Los Cristianos/Las Américas have so much to offer our seafaring visitors. After the bottom fell out of the tourist industry a few years ago; it’s great news to find a new source of income. Were you one of the lucky ones to be picked out for the big screen when Wrath of the Titans was filmed here last year? Now the film is on general release, we can all bore our visiting family/ friends by shrieking “I know that rock!” midway through the film. Maybe you’ll see your neighbour saunter across the background; helping to slay a monster in nothing but a loincloth! It seems that dodgy builders have built a school above a dry well in Las Zocas, San Miguel. The parents of the kiddies are, understandably, concerned about the growing cracks that are appearing in the walls of the building. The build quality of the structure was brought into sharp focus when the roof blew off in 2010. The local council think that the residents are over-reacting to the situation, by keeping their kids out of school. I wonder if any of the councillors’ kids attend that particular school. Congratulations must go to Olaf Opril, in Adeje, who scooped 22 million euros on the lottery. What would you do with that sort of money? The mind boggles. Finally, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish all of our Indian readers a Happy Navaratri! Until next week,

Colin Taylor.

The travel company helping you enjoy more for less !

Tel : +34 922 751867 EXT1 E-mail : info@tenerifesunshine.com

Occasional rain and drizzle

A couple of showers

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Editor in Chief

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Leah Farrell Editor

Stephen Eade

Colin Taylor

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While Tenerife Weekly makes every realistic effort to inspect the contents of all of our advertising, it cannot be held responsible for any assertions or declarations they may make. The opinion of the owners or staff of Tenerife Weekly is not necessarily mirrored in the opinions or assertions made by any of our contributors. The material contained within Tenerife Weekly may not to be reproduced unless permission has been received from the Editor.

Contributors Carlos Hernández John Hatrick Dave Michaels Phil West Janet Anscombe John Sharples

Ken Cumming Liana Mẽ aly ah Pete Quilty Karen Clack Ray Wilde

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 LOCAL NEWS

Ryanair Adds Six Euro Surcharge To Tickets Purchased In Spain

Ryanair is finding itself in people’s bad books once again as the low cost carrier introduces a six Euro surcharge on all flights purchased in Spain from April 15. This will appear as ‘coste de gestión’ (management charge) and will be added

to the final ticket price with the rest of the charges. The charge is a strategy to promote the airline’s new Ryanair Cash Passport, a MasterCard debit card which will give passengers, yes you got it, a six Euro discount.

The card also can be used to take money out of cash machines and to make purchases in stores. Michael O’Leary used the launch of the card to encourage Spanish consumers to get a card ‘As quickly as possible to save the management costs’.

Gran Canaria Beach Introduces Smoking Ban

The first smoking ban to affect beaches has hit Mogán, Gran Canaria. The restrictions came into force following a meeting of council officials on Tuesday (27th March.) Critics have said that the ban will have a detrimental effect on tourism in the area, whilst anti-smoking campaigners have welcomed the move. More bans could come into force, if anti-smoking lobbyists have their way. They say that smokers are well catered for; with a quarter

of the beaches in Gran Canaria designated at smokefriendly zones. The pro-smoking camp see the measure as draconian, stating that the ban affects an outside area, not an enclosed room.

Residents Fear Pylon Construction

Locals living between Candelaria and Granadilla are up in arms about plans to erect a chain of electricity pylons through their neighbourhoods. Some of the land for the expected works is considered as greenfield, and the potential impact on the natural beauty of the areas, plus the possible associOnly in the event that the Government take this opportunity, he added, can we “redirect conflict to other areas” while failure will cause a growing social conflict in a country that is already “on edge”. They have also insisted that it is no longer “the excuse of Brussels,” referring to pressure from the European Union for economic reform in Spain. National Reaction In the mainland, the most serious incident occurred in Torrelavega (Cantabria), where a female member of the police was stabbed in the hand. The attacker has been arrested and the woman has to be treated at hospital. Police have also arrested seven people in various areas of Madrid for disorder and destruction. In one of the areas,

Professions In Future Demand With Spain in economic crisis and unemployment rising to frightening levels, a think tank has compiled a list of professions that will be most in demand over the coming months and maybe years, and the areas, therefore, where skills would be most usefully developed. The list included: Recycled energy: the skills most in demand are organisers, engineers, economists, geographers, and environmental specialists;

ated health risks, have been the main bones of contention. The controversial plan is being proposed by Red Eléctrica de España (REE) and would involve a 220 kV line between Candelaria and the Granadilla industrial estate. More than 100 angry protestors attended one of the first meetings in Arona and unanimously agreed to fight the project, together with five other municipalities. They want the power lines to go underground. Arona has called for everyone to “unite” and collect signatures of objection. REE says there is no risk to health but this is a campaign which is only just starting.

Solar panel installers: particularly new ecological energy systems, as well as solar, in new construction and renovations; Corporate trainers: businesses with reduced productivity will want trainers for their staff; Language teachers: in an uncertain market, those in work as well as the unemployed will want to improve language skill, particularly English;

Continued from page 1

Coslada, two national policemen were injured. In Murcia, a police patrol car has been hit by a Molotov cocktail, but there have been no injuries. Several banking institutions have received damage to their façades and many urban schools were locked. The police and the strikers maintained a very tense situation in Santander, when a squad of over a hundred people prevented the entry of officials who wanted to work. In Catalonia there were six detainees for vandalism. A group of protesters

burned tires on the approaches to Mercabarna (Barcelona), to prevent the entry of trucks. In Mercazaragoza (Zaragoza), the National Police faced an informational picket and have arrested Juan Urdániz, the secretary general of the Federation of Health of the CCOO, in Aragón. In Málaga (Andalusia), eight people were arrested for throwing tear gas into town centre bars and burning a container. Five of the detainees were from Seville; who were also seen to put silicone sealant and nails into locks to prevent people from entering their vehicles.

Export professionals: businesses will be looking for foreign markets as the home market stalls. A Business Studies or Economics degree will be needed; Sales specialists: reductions of sales and client losses mean businesses will want to improve their prospects. Marketing is often cut back but investment in increasing sales tends to be maintained; Survey takers/pollsters: businesses carry out surveys to discover new products and areas of work to compensate for fall in demand. As well as experts to design the polls, there will be demand for survey takers; Business analysts: experts in reducing costs and improving productivity while not losing competitively will be in high demand; Internet promotion and publicity specialists: community managers, chief social media officers, experts in usability, specialists in search engine optimisation and virtual marketing.

2010 General Strike The Director General of Political Affairs, Cristina Díaz, explained that the impact of the general strike is “clearly lower” than that recorded during the strike of 2010. During her appearance at the headquarters of the Interior, Díaz highlighted two key aspects to support the statement: that there was “more electricity consumption” and “department stores saw no drop in sales.” “Normality in the Spanish workplace is very high,” she underlined. Finally, Díaz wanted to express “satisfaction with the responsibility and respect” that “Spanish citizens have shown” when it comes to exercising their right to strike.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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local news

Callao Learning Centre has opened as a small British school in Callao Salvaje This multinational school encourages pupils to learn at their own pace, using structured individual education plans to develop their English and Maths skills. The UK based curriculum is delivered through a topic based approach, to fire enthusiasm and increase self-confidence in the learners. Mrs Jean Simpson, a fully qualified teacher with many years’ experience in the UK, including nine years as a Head teacher, creates learning plans for pupils in a family setting, to develop their basic skills, increase their self-confidence and to give them an ability to take the best advantage of the opportunities life offers them. Mrs Elaine Yates delivers specialist PE and Dance lessons, whilst also helping to support the teaching and learning of the whole curriculum. Miss Rhiana Whately also supports the pupils in their learning and delivers the Spanish lessons. In their school life, many pupils find they come to a sticking place and need specialised help to regain control of their learning. By careful analysis of their present achievement, a programme is devised for each pupil, to develop their skills further. The small, mixed age group provides a setting for pupils to work without the peer pressure of a mainstream school and for

individual targets to be achieved without external expectation of results or league tables. High standards of individual work however are expected and the children are given clear guidelines as to their own personal targets. The daily curriculum includes specialized PE sessions, Spanish lessons, opportunities to join in with creative activities and develop social and technical computer skills. Reading skills are taught with a phonic based approach that is compatible with systems in use on the island and in the UK. The broad based curriculum is designed to reflect and develop the children’s natural curiosity and wonder at the world around them. The teaching day runs from 9.00 a.m. – 3.30p.m, but children may stay in the centre until 6.00pm. There are 3 teaching terms from September to June, but to help parents who are working, the school remains open for a range of fun activities in the school holidays. For further information please contact:

Mrs Jean Simpson Callao Learning Centre 7 & 8 CC Albatros, Calle La Lava Callao Salvaje 38678 Adeje

Electricity Bills to Go Up From 1st April Minister of Industry, Energy and Tourism, José Manuel Soria, has advised that household electric bills will increase by approximately 5% and 7% from 1st April. Soria stated that this increase “is imposed” by a Supreme Court ruling, which requires re-invoice the consumption of more than 20 million customers since October last year, to collect the actual costs to the electrical system.

The minister has indicated that the cost to collect all the updated facturas could go up by 40%, which he says is because consumers “cannot bear the entire burden of the mismatch between revenues and costs of the electricity system.” “I imagine that you can expect that we will be in the vicinity of 5% to 7%,” announced Soria, who has also confirmed that the Cabinet will take steps to reduce the tariff deficit.

22 Million Euro Lottery Win in San Eugenio A resident of San Eugenio, Adeje, has scooped a huge win on the Spanish national lottery. Olaf Opril, 44, was contacted by the lottery operator last week. Opril said , “I am overwhelmed by shock, I still cannot believe it”. In a recent interview he said that he had kept the lottery ticket in safe place until he was ready to claim the prize ”I really don’t know how I will use it, but most probably I will invest it”. Olaf’s father also won the jackpot on this same lottery four years ago, winning 740,000 Euros. Opril thinks it’s God’s will

and that he will donate some sum of money to the charity. The win is the second largest in last 3 years.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 LOCAL NEWS

“NAV” means “nine” and “RATRI” means “night”. Thus the name “NAVARATRI” means “nine nights”. here are a handful of legends related to the conception of NAVARATRI, like all Indian festivals. All of them are related to the Goddess of “SHAKTI” meaning strentgth – Hindu Mother Goddess and her nine forms. It is one of the most celebrated and awaited festivals of the Hindu calendar, it holds special significance for the Gujratis and Bengalis, and one can see it in the zeal and fervour of the people with which they indulge in the festive activities of the season, the old ones and the young ones alike. Dandiya and Garba Rass are the highlights of the festival in Gujrat, while the farmers sow their seeds for plantation and thank the Goddess for her blessings and pray for a better and more prosperous harvest. There are two types of Navaratris in a year- one is the Chaitra Navaratri which falls during the onset of spring and also marks the beginning of the new year for the Hindu calendar in various parts in India, and the second one is the Sharad Navaratri which falls anytime in between the months of October or November, so obviously at this point we are celebrating the former one. he nine-day festival honours the role of the principal female Goddesses – DURGA, LAKSHMI and SARASWATI. The period of Chaitra Navaratri concludes with Ramanavami- or Lord Rama’s birthday on the tenth day of the festival. The nine day period is marked as a pe-

Navaratri - The Nine Night’s Festival

Ingénico, the leading worldwide provider of payment solutions, has announced the Canarian deployment of wireless terminals for payments with contactless Visa cards. More than 5,000 clients of Cajasiete will be able to benefit from the advantages of payment with the “SIN contacto” card in more than 500 stores throughout all the islands, putting the Canaries at the forefront of this technology in Spain.

to more clients throughout the Canary Islands over the next few months. All the cards and stores which enable the use of this technology will be identified with the “Wave” icon to facilitate their recognition. To start with, 645 Ingénico terminals are being installed in more than 500 stores in all geographic areas of the islands. They are wireless terminals belonging to the iWL220 family, the most compact on the market.

Jyoti Prakash Udhwani

riod of fasting and abstinence by all the devotees. The Durga Chalisa- a forty lined prayer is chanted with great resilience, every evening during this period. The festival is marked on the eighth day or ASHTAMI by honouring a group of NYARIS OR KANJAKS - pre-pubescent girls in a group of five, seven or nine; the young girls are given a respected and warm welcome into the household and treated as Mata Durga herself or even considered as her “swaroop”. The person who is fasting first washes their feet, and then they are fed lavishly to their heart’s content with a sumptuous meal of halwa, puri, black chana, jaggery, kheer and a lot more. They are also gifted a chunni, a well decorated- red cloth and a small amount as a cash gift to bring about “bharkat” or prosperity in the household. ere in the island, this festival is also celebrated with the same zeal and fervour by the Indian community as in India, they unite at their respective temples - there are two by the way, one in Playa de las Américas and the Indian Cultural Centre situated at Torviscas alto, near Villa Tagoro. They gather all nine days for bhajan; chanting, worship, and singing and dancing as well, and to top it all up, one get to savour the different Indian delicacies, and to further add zest and excitement to the celebration a different colour theme is also kept for every day. Those of you who would want to check it out you are most welcome and cordially invited.

Canary Islands Go Contactless Cajasiete intends to extend this type of payment system to other stores and

Tour operators warn of major threat to Canary Islands tourism

Tour operators have written to the Spanish government urging it to block plans to drill for oil off the Canaries, which they warn would harm tourism to the islands forever. Repsol, the Spanish oil and gas giant, has been given the go ahead to prospect for oil less than 40kms off the coast off Lanzarote and Fuerteventura. The regional govern-

ment of the Canaries has mounted a legal challenge to the decision because of the damage it will do

to tourism, which is the islands’ main source of income. ABTA and the Federation

of Tour Operators have also written to the Spanish government to protest. Repsol intends to drill its first exploratory well in 2014 and if findings are positive to start commercial extraction in 2019. Last weekend, several thousand people took part in demonstrations in many parts of Lanzarote, Fuerteventura and Tenerife against the proposed plans.

Compliant with the most demanding security standards, such as PCI PTS v2 and v3 for contact transactions or PayPass and payWave for contactless, the iWL200 range ensures the integrity of operations in every circumstance. Equipped with several card readers (swipe, chip and contactless), the iWL range also has the advantage of the numerous applications and services available on the Telium2 platform, facilitating card payments in all types of situations.

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LOCAL NEWS

Los Cristianos to Host Cruise Ships Antiquities Tenerife THE port in the south of Tenerife is to start inviting cruise ships to dock there, in the hopes of attracting more business to the region. The president of the Port Authority of Tenerife, Pedro Rodríguez Zaragoza, announced that the port will start accepting luxury cruise ships from November. The deal comes after an agreement was reached with a Miamibased tour operator and various other companies engaged in the industry. Zaragoza, accompanied by the mayor of Arona, Jose Alberto González Reveron, Alberto Galván, commercial director of the Port Authority, and Marta Melo, councillor of Los Cristianos, said the addition of the south to the cruise route is a good bet for the future. The first cruise ship, Sea Cloud, will arrive on the 10th, 16th and 18th of November, Alberto Galván said. Other boats will follow in 2013, starting in April. Mr Galván also said that, following discussions with Royal Caribbean and other prominent European cruise companies, more boats will be built of the same type as Sea Cloud. The ships will accommodate approximately 1,000 holiday-makers each. They won’t be coming into the dock, but will be anchored in the harbour while small boats will ferry the travellers to platoons on land. It is expected that, in principal, the passengers will spend

the day in Los Cristianos; re-boarding in the evening. The mayor described the project as “historic”. Mr Reveron said that the plans for the project have been in motion for the past three years and the conditions are not right to start work in earnest. Despite the good news, Reveron spoke of “having to re-double our efforts” in reference to the role of traders, taxi drivers, infrastructure, neighbours, cleaning and the whole city in general. Marta Melo also spoke in the same line of “hard work” to raise awareness that “we must keep up.” A press conference was attended by various businesses and groups in the area. The president of the Southern Association of Businessmen (EST), Miguel Ángel Galindo, considers it a

“great idea” and is convinced that there are sufficient facilities in the region to host this type of tourism. Ángel Bello, president of the Commercial Zone Open Christians, expressed his “full support” to the project, because “it will be a joy for all.” The President of the Circle for Tourism Initiatives (CIT) South, Mary Rosales, was “absolutely thrilled” with the project and recalled that it has been “many years fighting for this. When the port was planned, residents complained that the beach would disappear, but the opposite is true.” The City and the Port Authority say that the introduction of cruise tourism will have no adverse effects in normal trading and fishing.

Come and view our 2,800m2 showroom at Muebles Antiquities SL, in Las Chafiras. Antiquities has a wide selection of furniture from Asia. We always have special offers; including 50% discounts off most of our stock. We can deliver the same day, if possible. We aim to please our customers. Antiquities is opening a children’s’ section for the first time: for babies, toddlers, school children and young teenagers. There’s so much verity and choice so your child can have a bedroom of their dreams. We have a good range of outdoor furniture: rattan furniture, synthetic rattan

and bamboo .We have supplied our furniture to bars hotels and restaurants all over the island We have a big selection of dining tables and chairs, corner sofas , 3-seater sofas , coffee tables, sofa beds , selection of leather beds, teak beds, iron beds and head boards. We also stock good quality mattresses. We have excellent quality bedding in different patterns and colours. A variety of mirrors, lamps, paintings vases, carpets and curtains. Our staff, who are trained in home design, speak Spanish, French, German, Italian, English and Russian We can advise you in everything you need to make your house a home.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 useful information

Equity Release and Raising Capital on Real Estate in Spain (Part Two) By Michael Rhodes Spanish Succession Tax The advantages which the lender’s broker puts forward are that you can reduce your Spanish inheritance tax. But this isn’t always true. In order to avoid succession tax using a mortgage, you must follow certain rules, and the broker/adviser often doesn’t bother to get this right: For Spanish tax residents, by taking out a mortgage against your property, the mortgage will reduce your net assets in Spain. The loan proceeds must be invested outside of Spain AND either be in trust for your beneficiaries (who may include Spanish residents), or willed to non-Spanish residents. The Trust is a simpler method, and of course you can have Span-

ish residents as potential beneficiaries, and the settlor of the Trust (you) can remain a beneficiary as well. For non-Spanish tax residents, the mortgage proceeds should be invested outside of Spain, and should not pass on your death to any Spanish tax residents. Note that if you die a UK domi-

cile, the mortgage does not save UK inheritance tax; it is a device only applicable to Spanish succession tax, though it may reduce the tax in Spain on the death of the first spouse. What happens if someone wishes to sell their property? In the event of someone wishing to sell their property (for whatev-

er reason) the loan would need to be repaid. The loan is therefore not transferable from “property to property”, which is a feature of a true lifetime mortgage as available against UK properties. Guaranteed Investments Some schemes invest the money with a fund which offers a guarantee on capital. This guarantee means that it will pay back a minimum of the original capital after, say, a 10 year period. So, if you invest say 500,000 Euros, this being 75% of the value of your property, then you are guaranteed to get this back as a minimum after 10 years. However, lets look at a scenario whereby the fund does not grow at all over this period of time, you would get back 500,000 Euros (assuming the guarantee is met) but you would have run up interest payments on the loan taken against the property. Let’s say at 4% interest only, compounded monthly, the interest amounts to a total of 50% i.e. another 250,000 Euros on top of the original loan. On the other side it may make money and cover the costs of the loan which is what it is intended to do along with alleviating Spanish IHT. However guaranteed investments can struggle to perform well over such a long period.

Will the loan be deductible for Spanish Succession Tax (“SST”)? Simply having a charge against a Spanish property may be inadequate since SST precludes the deduction of a mortgage against Spanish real estate in arriving at the market value of the property liable to SST. However, a non binding tax ruling (dated 13 November 2002) allows Spanish situated debts to be deductible against SST, but it doesn’t define “Spanish situated”. Article 1171 of the Spanish Civil Code states that where principal and interest are payable in Spain then the debt is likely to be Spanish situated. To prove this, it is advisable that the loan agreement not only says it’s repayable in Spain, but that the leader has a bank account there to receive all repayments. Suitability If you are wealthy and have a definite short life expectancy, and your life style wouldn’t be affected even if both house prices and investments fell in value, then a scheme correctly implemented would be suitable, as it can reduce your Spanish succession tax. You can contact Michael Rhodes on; Tel: 0034 922 796 744 Web: www.tenerifelawyer.com Email: info@tenerifelawyer.com

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San Miguel School Building Cracks Cause Concern

Parents with children at IES San Miguel in Las Zocas say they’ve had enough of the school building for 3rd and 4th years showing cracks and moving alarmingly. The parents met last week and decided that they won’t risk sending their children to school again until they get official safety guarantees. They say that everyone knows that the building, whose roof flew off in high winds in November 2010, was constructed in the boom years on top of rubble-filled caves, on which they suspect a pozo negro (dry well) was placed that could be weakening the foundations. The parents say they don’t believe a word of technical promises that there is no danger, and agreed to meet again at 8.30 on Tuesday morning with their children at the school gates to demand clarity and information down to the last detail. The Consejería de Educación del Gobierno de Canarias has ordered tests to be carried out to determine the origin of the cracks and to discover what is happening to the building’s foundations. The Director General de Centros e Infraestructura Educativa, Demetrio Suárez, was

Illegal Lettings

Clampdown

at the school in person on Tuesday with a technical team to speak to teaching staff and parents to explain what the department would do to guarantee security. One of the mothers of the children affected, Manuela Rodríguez Mora, suggested that children should be kept away until the problem was resolved, and insisted that this view was shared by the majority

of parents, but Mr Suárez said that works to guarantee safety had, as of Tuesday, now started, and that the tests would be carried out as soon as possible in order to have the results back within a week. Meanwhile, the 3rd and 4th years will share the other building on the site, which has not presented any apparent structural problems.

A lobbying association to protest against the “illegal letting” clampdown has been set up by a local consortium. The association consists of: Maria Ereza Blasco, ex Turismo, now with Clear Blue Skies (President), Santiago Saenz, lawyer (secretary), José Escobedo, lawyer (secretary), Paul Ruane, Los Gigantes Properties and Janet Anscombe. If you would like to join the lobbying team, go to www.janetanscombe.com to download the form. Simply click on the link, print off the form and fill it in. (The dirección/domicile box is for your address – the Tenerife address if you have one). You’ll then need to scan it and email it back to Janet. The Spanish underneath the form says that you are joining the asociación, and that your details are protected by Data Protection legislation. You also have the right to correct or remove those details, and withdraw from the asociación, at any point.

Wrath of the Titans On General Release

After filming the remake of Clash of the Titans in Tenerife in 2009, Warner Brothers filmed the sequel, the Wrath of the Titans, here last year. The call for extras was greeted with delight, and huge queues, with auditions held in April. Shooting took place over May and June, and the film is now to be released. A preview, screened in 3D, was shown in the Yelmo cinema in the Centro Comercial Meridiano in Santa Cruz last week. It is on general release in Spain from 30th March. No doubt eagle-eyed Tenerife-based audiences will be hoping to spot familiar scenes and landmarks, and those lucky extras.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 LOCAL NEWS

Michael Jackson Tribute Show in Tenerife

Joint Action to Combat Drought

The renowned Michael Jackson tribute show, Moonwalker, starring the acclaimed Frederick Henry, will be in Tenerife for three performances in April. The show will be performed at the Teatro Guimerá on 20th, 21st and 22nd April, moving on from rave reviews after four weeks in Teatro Nuevo, Alcalá in Madrid. Frederick Henry performs live, and is considered one of the best Michael Jackson impersonators. Among other hits, he’ll be singing Bad, Thriller, Billie Jean, Man in the Mirror and Black or White. Tickets are priced at 22, 25 and 30 Euros.

Antiques and Collectables Fair in La Laguna The islands antique dealers “Colectivo Almonedas de Tenerife” will be organizing an antiques fair in May. The venue for the event will be El Kastillo, which can be found at 9-11 Avda. de la Universidad, Camino Largo, La Laguna. The fair will open at

7.00p.m. on Thursday 3rd May, with a welcome cocktail for those present, and will continue over the next three days, Friday 4th through to Sunday 6th, and will be open to the public between 12.00 and 9.00 p.m. The “Feria” will showcase a range of antiques, col-

lectibles and vintage fashion items from bygone days. So for something a little different take a trip to La Laguna and visit El Kastillo, you will not be disappointed. For further details contact Aladdin’s Cave on 922 720 493 or call into the shop.

The Tenerife Cabildo and 31 municipalities of the island have agreed to fix into place a joint action strategy that will address the “extraordinary situation” of agricultural drought that has ravaged the island, considered the worst in 1968, and could get worse in the coming months. In a press conference, the island’s Minister of Agriculture, Jose Joaquin Bethencourt, along with the Island’s Minister of Water, Jesús Morales, explained that the aim of this strategy is to “achieve a balance in meeting the various demands in the island “, so that in planning the purchase of water by each municipality is taken into account for agricultural demand. To do so, according to the counsellor, “we must adopt a joint strategy that includes measures related to the supply and demand, and should also be possible to adopt administrative measures to achieve that balance.” The Minister of Water,

Jesús Morales, pointed out that agricultural drought and hydrological - is significantly affecting farmers in the island, especially in the midlands and highlands of the region of Acentejo and the La Orotava valley. Jesus Morales noted that, in principle, no problems are foreseen in the urban water supply, for both groundwater resources and desalination plants are operating. Moreover, it has also ruled that mishaps will occur in tourist areas, since the largest desalination plant supplies the island municipalities of Adeje and Arona.

The move was considered necessary to “implement administrative measures in the face of supply and demand, since there must be solidarity from the government and responsibility by the society to make rational use of water.” Mr Bethencour has said that the full extent of the damage to the agricultural areas caused by the drought has not been fully assessed, but its effects are being felt in potato and cereal crops, and in the vineyards, which will soon need water resources for the coming summer.

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The Municipality of La Victoria de Acentejo An Insightful Guide By Carlos Hernández

Dear readers, welcome back to our journey across Tenerife. This week we visit the small municipality of La Victoria de Acentejo. Guanche Kingdom The area has a Spanish history stretching back to the 15th century. Predating the Spanish invasion of the island, the area was formally part of the “Taoro Menceyato”, one of nine native kingdoms of the Guanches in which the island of Tenerife was divided at the time of the arrival of the conquering Spaniards. The original Guanche kingdom spanned

fan. The second battle resulted in a victory for the Spaniards, in which the town of La Victoria de Acentejo was founded. La Victoria is located on the north coast

processional cross and a picture of Gaspar de Quevedo (a much celebrated 15th/16th century painter from La Orotava, Tenerife.)

of Tenerife. It is approximately 12km East of Puerto de la Cruz, about 26km SouthSouthwest of the capital, Santa Cruz, and 15km from Tenerife North Airport. La Victoria is linked by the TF5 Motorway and the old road to Icod de los Vinos and the capital. The valley area is mostly farmland and urban areas cover much of the coastline. Today, the majority of the population live in cities, and the major industries are agriculture and tourism. La Victoria has a road sign with the words “Ruta del Vino” and a map showing that this region is full of vineyards and where a lot of wine-making goes on.

A Church has been located at the site since 1495. The Centennial Pine, located in the rear of the temple, witnessed the defeat of the Guanches and served as a belfry for the first Mass celebrated at the end of the battle. A strong Mudéjar (Moors) influence can be seen in some of the architecture and it is said to be some of the finest in the Canary Islands.

The town hall for La Victoria is by the church and it has steps leading up to yet another square.

the existing municipalities of Puerto de la Cruz, La Orotava, La Victoria de Acentejo, La Matanza de Acentejo, Los Realejos and Santa Úrsula. Its mencey (King) at the time of the Spanish arrival was Bencomo. The Conquistadores The first and the second battles of Acentejo took place in 1494. The Spanish, under Alonso Fernández de Lugo, suffered a terrible defeat at this first battle; when the Guanche warriors had successfully trapped the Spanish soldiers, at the place now called La Matanza (“The Slaughter”). It occurred in present-day Barranco de San Antonio, which the Guanches called Far-

Church of Nuestra Señora de la Victoria The temple was built in 1537, at the behest of Fernández de Lugo, who had promised to end the above mentioned battle. The church suffered a fire in 1589,after which it was rebuilt, with subsequent reconstruction in the 18th century expanding the site to its present size.

Inside is an interesting coffered ceiling; the most outstanding in the Canaries, Mudéjar style and lavishly decorated. The image of Our Lady of the Angels (Nuestra Señora de los Ángeles), belongs to the Italian school of the late sixteenth century painters, with a seventeenth century silver monstrance by Alonso Sosa (1748) and another sent from Mexico (1739 ), a

The main town has a traditional Spanishstyle square right next to the Church of Nuestra Señora de la Victoria.

La Victoria has all that you would expect of a busy modern town with plenty of shops, bars, restaurants, garages, banks, and other local businesses. La Victoria has regular bus services running to and through it with the TITSA service number 101, from Puerto de la Cruz to Santa Cruz, as well as the 062, from La Orotava to La Laguna, both stopping at the town. The coat of arms for La Matanza depicts two sticks above a crossbow, symbolising the victory of the Guanches against the Spanish. Three bunches of grapes are an illustration of the main crop grown in the area. Among the many craftworks in the area, the “victory chairs” and the ceramics are well worth noting.

Calendar of Popular Festivities in La Victoria de Acentejo Festivity of the Cross. El Calvario May 3rd Viejo Sunday closest to June 24th San Juan Bautista. San Juan Santo Domingo and Our Lady of August 7th Rosario July 17 – 26th Santa Ana. Tosca Ana María Patron festivities of Our Lady of End of August - Beginning of La Encarnación. Pilgrimage of San September Isidro Labrador. Trial and Burning of the “haragán”

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 business news

EU Looks Into Spanish Finances Brussels is to send a new mission of experts to supervise the economy in Madrid. The European Commission will examine the measures put in place to reduce the deficit this year from 8.5% to 5.3%, and will study the 2012 State Budget which is published on 30th March. After the publication of the Eurostat deficit figures, and the provision of the Commission’s economic forecasts, in May Brussels will decide if Spain will face any sanctions. Spain currently exceeds the thresholds in six of the ten indicators of economic risk. Also wanting to visit are technicians from Angela Merkel’s party in Germany who want to carry out their own audit of Spain’s reforms and deficit objective. A delegation from Germany is expected to visit on April 2. The stock market has been falling by about 2% on Monday but recovered later, and the Risk Premium, the difference in price between German and Spanish ten year bonds, has fallen down to 340 points, following the results of the regional elec-

Merger Produces Spain’s Largest Bank CaixaBank and Banca Cívica have finalised their merger and will be the largest bank in Spain for assets, it will have 340 billion, and overtakes the BBVA. The two entities have been maintaining meetings for weeks, and the principle of an agreement was reached on Friday. Banca Cívica needed the deal to meet the Government’s demands for 2 billion Euros to clean up its real estate assets. The merger is expected to be formalised this week. Meanwhile a merger between Unicaja and Caja España-Duero will need as much as 1.5 billion Euros of public money. The total assets of a merged bank would be about 80 billion Euros.

tions held in Andalucía and Asturias on Sunday. The Town and City Halls have presented 1.9 million facturas with a total value of 9.584 billion Euros in what the Deputy Prime Minister says are provisional figures. Sáenz de Santamaria has called on the Town Halls to ‘comply for once and for all’.

Game Enters Administration

Business Briefs

FUNCAS the Spanish savings banks association has warned that the adjustment against the deficit should be 55 billion Euros. They consider simply changing company tax will not be enough to meet the target of reducing the public deficit to 5.3% by the end of this year. Iberia and the SEPLA pilots’ union have failed to reach an agreement at arbitration and the shadow of more strike action has returned. The dispute is over the creation of a low-cost airline, Iberia Express, which started flying on Sunday. The arbitrator, Miguel Pimentel, presented proposals from both Iberia Express and from the union collective. SEPLA union called for an assembly on Tuesday and Thursday (27th and 29th March, respectively) when it was expected a new list of strike dates will be drawn up. We now know that Iberia and Air Nostrum have cancelled 358, about 60%, of the flights planned for 29th March, the day of the General Strike. Fortune Magazine has described Emilio Botín, Chairman of Santander Bank, as ‘the most astute banker in Europe’. The magazine notes his habit of buying foreign banks at low prices, remodelling them and then putting them on the stock market. Botín has revealed in an interview that they are considering names for his succession. The Santander profits will grow by 50% in the next two years according to Botín who says they are to expand in Asia and Latin America. The number of mortgages signed in Spain in January was down 41.3% on the same month last year, and now has seen 21 consecutive months of falls. The National Statistics Institute published the data which shows 29,167 mortgages were signed in January. The average mortgage was 107,217 Euros. Total capital lent reached 3.127 billion Euros. Car manufactures have managed to open a ‘line of dialogue’ with the Government on possible new taxes on diesel. The Secretary of State for the Environment announced a possible increase in diesel taxes last week. The dealers say that 70.3% of cars sold last year were diesel. The profile of a cleaning worker could now be a Spaniard with university studies. The on-going economic crisis has resulted in more qualified Spaniards accepting jobs previously done by immigrants, and a marked reduction in absenteeism has also been seen. The observation comes from a study of the professional cleaning industry in Madrid and was based on 150 companies with more than 20,000 workers. The average spend during the Easter holiday in Spain will be between 250 and 400 Euros per person for four of the five days. Spanish tourists will be heading to the coast where the preferences are Alicante, Las Palmas and Mallorca, or to European capitals; led by Paris, London and Portuguese cities. New York remains the long distance star destination.

UK High Street retailer, Game, is now in administration with store closures and redundancies coming with immediate effect. The company’s survival depends on finding a buyer who can deal with its £180m debt. 277 of the company’s 609 UK stores will close as of right now with 2,119 employees to be made redundant. The fate of the rest of the outlets remains undecided. The company’s website is down, previously placed online orders are being reviewed while stores will no long offer refunds or exchanges, and neither will it honour gift cards or reward points. The company owes £85m to a number of banks and a further £95 million to suppliers, bringing its total debt to an astonishing £180m. The company is unable to manage the debt any longer and could not make the due rent payment of £21m this quarter, leaving 6,000 jobs in total under threat. Now Game is in the hands of administrators, the future of the remaining 400 or so stores remains in question. The company may be taken over by a consortium led by the state-owned RBS - one of 7 banks owed money by the Game group. American retailer GameStop is also reported to be interested as well as the OpCapita group, which owns Comet. Mike Jervis, partner at one of the joint

administrators PwC said: “Game Group had two fundamental problems. First of all there was a very ambitious overseas expansion into seven territories in addition to the UK. “On top of that the UK store portfolio is very extensive. That footprint and that high fixed cost is very difficult to maintain.” Game’s problems came into the public eye in the couple of weeks after EA declared it would not be allowing the retailer to stock its new titles, meaning gamers had to look elsewhere to get their hands on Mass Effect 3.

12 Paris Hilton in Prada Store Fracas

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April Mess, a buyer for Aldi Stores, UK started a fight in a New York Prada store on Sunday. The incident started when Paris tried to take a shoe form April’s hand. Ms. Mess then took a baseball bat from a display case and hit Paris in the face. Ms. Mess was arrested, but shortly after the incident she was released. After beating Lindsay Lohan and Pink, this is the third incident involving Ms Mess.

Petrol Strike May Cause Easter Headache

Paris reels from attack Paris received some light injuries to the upper lip and nose. April didn’t sustain any injuries. After the incident Paris said that she will sue April and that “every lawyer in the UK will be after her.”

Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude has suggested that people should fill up jerry cans of petrol in case of a strike by fuel tanker drivers over the Easter weekend. Despite insisting there was no need to panic, Mr Maude advised people to stock up on fuel in case of a walkout at what is one of the busiest travel periods of the year. “When it makes sense, a bit of extra fuel in a jerry can in the garage

is a sensible precaution to take,” Mr Maude said. He added: “People need to be aware that there is a risk to fuel supplies”, although he insisted it should not be a “mad dash” or a “panic”. “It’s not for us to give advice on what people should do. It is our obligation to tell them what is going on so that they can make their own decisions,” he insisted. Tanker drivers at five of the seven main supply companies have voted in

favour of industrial action over terms and conditions, as well as safety standards. Conciliation service ACAS has invited both sides to enter talks in the hope of brokering a deal and avoiding a walkout on one of the busiest travel weekends of the year. The Government is already contingency planning in case there is no agreement and considering training military personnel so that they are ready to replace drivers.

Victory for Families in Pilot Tackled By Asbestos Claim Fight Plane Passengers

housands of people, whose relatives died after developing an asbestos-related cancer, have won a compensation fight at the Supreme Court. The families of workers who died from mesothelioma, after inhaling asbestos fibres during their employment, wanted to make claims on insurance policies covering periods from the late 1940s to the late 1990s. Judges ruled that insurance liability was “triggered” when employees were exposed to asbestos dust - not when symptoms of mesothelioma emerged. It can take up to 50 years for signs of the disease to be detected. Legal experts say the ruling by the UK’s highest court means that employers’ insurers will have to pay compensation claims. The Supreme Court ruled

the disease could be said to have been “sustained” by an employee in the period when it was caused or initiated, even though it only developed or manifested itself later. ord Clarke said: “The negligent exposure of an employee to asbestos during the policy (insurance) period has a sufficient causal link with subsequently arising mesothelioma to trigger the insurer’s obligation.” An estimated 6,000 families are affected by the judgment which could lead to hundreds of millions of pounds being paid out. The lead claimant in the case, Ruth Durham, said the ruling would bring justice for her father, Leslie Screach, who died in 2003. She said: “I am delighted to hear of the court’s decision which will now see justice done for my father and the other meso-

thelioma sufferers. Britain and Ireland’s largest trade union, Unite, welcomed the latest “landmark” ruling, which it said will affect “many of the 2,500 people who are diagnosed with mesothelioma each year”. Unite’s appeal was on behalf of the family of Charles O’Farrell, a retired union member who died in 2003. His daughter, Maureen Edwards, said: “All I ever prayed for was the right decision. This is the right decision. I am delighted for all those families who have been awaiting this result. y dad worked all his life and was hoping to enjoy retirement before mesothelioma took him away. There was never any question about who was to blame; all this long battle was about was insurers wanting to get out of paying..

The captain of a US airliner was tackled by his own passengers after he ran up and down a packed jet screaming about bombs and al Qaeda. The jetBlue plane, en route from New York’s JFK airport to Las Vegas, was forced into an emergency landing in Amarillo, Texas, as the pilot was pinned down. Alarmed passengers became aware of the incident when the co-pilot, seemingly worried by his colleague’s erratic behaviour, locked him out of his own cockpit when he left to use the toilet. The pilot, Clayton Osbon, responded by banging angrily on the flight deck door, before running up and down the aisle screaming “say your prayers”, according to the New York Post. A Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) statement said: “The co-pilot became concerned that the captain exhibited erratic behaviour during the flight. The captain had exited the cockpit during the flight, after which the co-pilot locked the door. When the captain attempted to enter the locked cockpit, he was subdued by passengers. After the flight landed safely, local law enforcement secured the pilot and he was transported by ambulance for medical evaluation.”

The captain was seen being treated after the plane landed A jetBlue statement said that, roughly three-and-a-half hours into the flight, “the pilot in command elected to divert to Amarillo, Texas, for a medical situation involving the captain”. Another captain, travelling off duty, entered the flight deck prior to landing at Amarillo, and took over the duties of the ill crew member, who was taken to a local medical facility in Amarillo,” the statement said. Grainy YouTube footage, taken by a passenger after the plane landed, showed a scrum at the front of the aircraft. In the footage, an attendant reminds people to stay seated and scolds them for taking video, saying: “We don’t need pictures of this, please.”

Pope Holds Meeting with Castro Pope Benedict has met Cuban President, Raul Castro, on the second day of his visit to the communist-run island. Meanwhile, former President Fidel Castro has written that he is “happy” to meet the pope, in an article on the government’s website. After arriving in the capital, Havana, the pope told a crowd he prayed for a Cuba “advancing along the ways of renewal and hope”. Cuban officials have insisted that political reform is not on the agenda. The pope’s visit marks the 400th anniversary of the discovery of a statue of the Virgin of Charity of El Cobre - also known as the Mambisa Virgin - which was found floating in a bay by fishermen. It was revered by Cuba’s independence heroes. Pope Benedict XVI knelt for several minutes before the wooden statue, where he said he had prayed for those who “suffer” and are “deprived of freedom”.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 world news

Susan Boyle Musical Opens in Newcastle

A musical based on the life of singer Susan Boyle has received its premiere in Newcastle, with fans travelling from as far as Australia to attend. Boyle is played by Rab C Nesbitt actress, Elaine C Smith, before the star herself comes on stage for the finale. Pam Cleggett, 68, travelled from Adelaide, Australia, to watch I Dreamed A Dream with the Susan Boyle fan club. “Tonight there are 20 states of America represented,” she said of the fan club. “And Switzerland, Slovakia, Ireland.” The show had its official opening night on Tuesday at the Newcastle Theatre Royal following several previews. It follows Boyle’s life story from her childhood in West Lothian to her breakthrough performance on ITV1’s Britain’s Got Talent in 2009 and the subsequent media frenzy. “I liked it because it’s a modern-day fairy tale,” said the musical’s producer Michael Harrison. “But it’s a true story

Madonna in Online Spat

Susan Boyle alongside Elaine

because Cinderella did go to the ball.” The moment from her original talent show appearance was watched online an estimated 500 million times and made her a global superstar virtually overnight. Speaking after Tuesday’s performance, Elaine C Smith said: “All too often, particularly because of class or poverty or learning difficulties or health difficulties, people are written off, and Susan for me represented the other side to that. One audience member, Pat Lyon, 71, from Hartlepool, described Boyle’s appearance as “very emotional”. “She looked great,” she said. “She’s not pretentious; she’s a true ordinary Scottish lady who’s never forgotten her roots, which is lovely.” Early reviews have been broadly positive, with the Daily Mail’s Patrick Marmion opining there is “much fun to be had” from this “cocktail of schmaltz and hyperbole”.

Madonna has denied claims by a Canadian DJ that she glamorised drug use during a concert in Florida. Dance DJ, Joel Zimmerman, known as Deadmau5, branded the Queen of Pop an “idiot” after she asked the crowd at the Ultra Music Festival in Miami how many of them had “seen Molly” - a slang term for MDMA, a chemical better known as ecstasy. The music producer, 31, vented his anger on Facebook, accusing the 53-year-old singer of “reaching an entirely NEW level of idiocy”. His comments triggered a Twitter spat between the pair. He said: “You’re a role model to 100’s of

Transformers Theme Park Opens In China Hordes of film fans have visited the park in Jiaxing, located in China’s Zhejiang province, which features giant replicas of live-action favourites including Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Megatron.

The towering model park has recently been opened for the first time to the viewing public, and is believed to be China’s first-ever Transformers theme park. It was created by local artist Zhu Kefeng and a group of friends who transformed the former abandoned warehouse. They have been building Transformer figures at the site since 2001, using bits of scrap metal to make the astonishing creations. The group have built over 600 steel sculptures covering a wide variety of different themes and are now showing them off to the public. Despite mixed reviews from critics, Transformers is currently the seventh highest-grossing film series of all time. Last year crowds flocked to see 13 similar structures which sprung up overnight at a park in north-east China following the release of the series’ third instalment, Dark of the Moon. In 2011, Transformers: The Ride opened at Universal Studios in Singapore, with a similar amusement set to open in Hollywood later this year.

millions. You have a powerful voice, EDM could use your positive influence, not “molly” talk”. Madonna, whose new album is called MDNA, responded by posting a picture of herself wearing Minnie Mouse ears, saying: “From one mouse to another, I don’t support drug use and I never have. I was referring to the song called “Have You Seen Molly” written by my friend Cedric Gervais who I almost worked with on my album.” Deadmou5 then conceded: “fair enough, i was just voicing my concerns as i usually do. +1 respect for cleaning it up personally.”

Madonna replied: “Communication is always best. You should have called me first, we could have cleared it up “privately.” ;) See you on the road.” The DJ responded: “sure. regardless, just be a little more aware of what you *should* represent at EDM events, and ill watch my mouth.” Madonna has also been courting controversy with a raunchy video for her new single Girl Gone Bad. YouTube has given the music video, which features semi-nudity and shows the singer dancing with scantily-dressed men, a viewing age restriction for being too racy.

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IRISH NEWS

Taxi in Fatal Meath Crash Stolen Half an Hour Earlier

A Taxi involved in a horrific road crash near Slane in Co Meath, early on Wednesday, had been hijacked in Dublin a short time beforehand. Two men in their twenties travelling in the Toyota Avensis taxi were thrown from the vehicle and suffered very serious injuries. One man was later pronounced dead at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital, Drogheda and the other man is being treated there for his injuries. A couple travelling in a white van in the opposite direction on the N2 Collon to Slane Road at 12.10am today, were also injured. Neither the man nor woman is believed to have life threatening injuries. It is understood that two men hijacked the Toyota Avensis taxi at Kilmainham in Dublin at 11.40pm. The front seat passenger threatened the

driver with a knife and demanded to be taken to a particular location. The taxi man jumped out of his vehicle and the two men then sped off in it. The taxi was involved in the fatal collision on a straight stretch of the road about three miles from Slane, just half an hour later.

Woman Held Over 16-Year-Old Murder Detectives investigating tacked and robbed outside the murder of a Chinese businessman in Co Antrim almost 16 years ago have arrested a woman. The 53-year-old suspect is being questioned about the death of Simon Tang, 28, in Carrickfergus. The father of two was at-

his restaurant business in the town in June 1996. The cold case was recently featured on BBC`s Crimewatch programme. The woman was arrested in Carrickfergus and has been taken to the Serious Crime Suite in Antrim town.

Two Arrested Over Cannabis Find

Two men have been arrested after cannabis with an estimated street value of 2.1 million Euros was discovered during searches in Naas and Carlow during Tuesday 27th and Wednesday 28th March.

The two men, aged 47 and 35 year old were arrested under the Misuse of Drugs Act and detained under Section 2 of the Criminal Justice (Drug Trafficking) Act 1996. They are being detained in Naas and Carlow Garda stations.

Aer Lingus Forced To Cancel Flights Due To Spanish General Strike Aer Lingus has cancelled four flights due to a general strike in Spain. The cancelled flights are round trips from Cork and Belfast to Málaga, according to a spokesman. All other Aer Lingus flights to and from mainland Spain, the Balearic Islands and the Canaries Islands are scheduled to operate as normal, he added. Earlier Ryanair said it was monitoring the situation and that its website will be

updated with information on any cancellations. As a result of the strike, numerous flights between Spanish and other European airports will be affected. The strike is also expected to affect train and bus traffic. It was called by trade unions to protest against high unemployment levels and changes to labour laws which will make it easier for companies to lay off staff.

Dáil Continues Mahon Report Debate The Dáil today continues its threeday debate on the findings of the Mahon tribunal report as another member of Fianna Fáil today resigned from the party. Former councillor Finbarr Hanrahan formally resigned his membership of the party, a Fianna Fáil spokesman confirmed on Wednesday, 28th March. He was the last of six party members that leader Micheál Martin recommended for expulsion following the publication of the planning tribunal report. The others who have already relinquished their membership following Mr Martin’s proposal to the ardcomhairle are former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern; former European commissioner Pádraig Flynn; former TD GV Wright; former senator Don Lydon and sitting councillor John Hannon. Fianna Fáil’s national executive still intends to meet on Friday to discuss Mr Martin’s intention to restructure the party branch in Mr Ahern’s former Dublin Central constituency and to transfer the branch’s assets, including

the headquarters at St Luke’s, to the party’s general secretary. Speaking during the opening of the Dáil debate last night, Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin said evidence uncovered by the tribunal is available to the DPP. He said it is “more than sufficient for a number of people to face serious charges” and called for prosecutions. He also said “no credible explanation” had been given by anyone in Government why the independent, “expert and low-cost investigations” into planning decisions in six councils had been closed down and replaced with administrative reviews. He said if the Govern-

ment was “sincere in its response to the Mahon report then it will reinstate the independent planning investigations”. During his speech, Mr Martin praised former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern’s role in the peace process. He said it was a “real and enduring” achievement, “but it cannot absolve him”. And he rounded on the Government parties, their fundraising practices and their response to the Moriarty tribunal report last year, claiming they had a strategy of “deliberately seeking to minimise” its significance. Mr Martin said Ray Burke, Liam Cosgrave, Liam Lawlor and others had already been through the courts. People had to be “careful” what they said to prevent the collapse of cases. But there was “more than sufficient” evidence to prosecute a number of people on serious charges. He said he accepted the findings about former EU commissioner Pádraig Flynn and they should be followed up by the appropriate authorities.

Vion Announces 164 New Jobs

A food processing company in Co Tyrone is to create 164 jobs after it announced a £11.5 million expansion of its factory. Vion Foods UK Ltd has the largest pig processing site in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland at Cookstown, where it makes pork, sausages, bacon and cooked meats under its Cookstown brand. The Dutch company’s investment will enable it to install new equipment, which will improve animal welfare and increase processing capacity. It is also investing in improved chilling technology, as some of the existing

methods date back to the original construction of the plant in 1938. Invest Northern Ireland has offered Vion £960,000. Seamus Carr, managing director of

Vion, said: “Our strategy is to build on the success of the Cookstown brand by investing in our people and in our processes. We anticipate a substantial increase in productivity and sales as a result of this investment. “Invest NI’s support has meant we can move forward quickly with the project and ensure the continuing viability of the facility in Cookstown.” Enterprise Minister Arlene Foster said it was a tremendous boost. “The enhancements to the company’s processing facilities will allow it to become more efficient and increase profitability as well as ensuring that

the pigs are handled in the most humane way possible,” she said. “Vion anticipates a significant increase in sales as a result of this investment and will ensure the company continues to play a strategic role in sustaining the important Northern Ireland pork sector.” As well as selling its products under the Cookstown brand the company, which employs more than 700 people, supplies major customers such as Marks & Spencer, Tesco, Sainsbury, ASDA, Henderson Group, Musgrave, Samworth Bros and Dew Valley.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 irish news

Former Garda commissioner Noel Conroy has been questioned at the Smithwick Tribunal about a previously unknown investigation carried out into allegations of collusion by members of the Garda with the IRA. The investigation and report into alleged collusion in the Donegal Border region was carried out by Mr Conroy in 1991 when he was a chief superintendent. It was not mentioned by him when he gave previous evidence to the Smithwick tribunal in September 2011. The tribunal is investigating allegations that members of the Garda leaked information to the IRA that facilitated the killings of RUC officers chief supt Harry Breen and supt Bob Buchanan in south Armagh in 1989.

SMITHWICK TOLD OF ‘UNKNOWN INQUIRY’

But Mary Laverty SC for the tribunal said it had only become aware of Mr Conroy’s 1991 report entitled “Alleged leaks of Information to the IRA” in recent weeks through references made by a former deputy assistant chief constable of Northern Ireland, identified only as Witness 68. Witness 68 said he had carried out a contemporaneous investigation to the Conroy report. This parallel RUC report had expressed “grave concern” and “established beyond doubt” there was a leak of information to the IRA from a number of Garda stations in Donegal. Mr Conroy’s report had

Judge, Peter Smithwick

concluded it could not be established there were leaks from the Garda. He told the tribunal he had not ruled

this out, but had been faced a lack of co-operation from potential witnesses and had nothing definitive to go on.

Mrs Laverty said the Conroy report was a report into collusion between gardaí and the IRA and the tribunal may never have known of its existence had it not been for the information supplied by Witness 68. She asked if Mr Conroy was aware of any other reports which the tribunal did not have and of which he may be aware. Mr Conroy said he was not aware of any other reports. Mark Robinson for the PSNI asked Mr Conroy if it was the case that information might not be offered by him unless it was specifically asked for. Mr Conroy said he was “not trying to hide information from the tribunal. Far be it from the truth”. Jim O’Callaghan, SC for former Dundalk det sgt Owen Corrigan, put it to Mr Conroy that his 1991 con-

cerned alleged leaks in the Donegal Border area. The investigation had happened after his client had left the force and were unrelated to the Dundalk area. Mr Conroy agreed this was the case. In his evidence Mr Conroy said he had been asked to investigate claims by the IRA that it had illegal documents. This followed the killing of a loyalist volunteer Ian Sproule, who was wanted by the gardaí in connection with bombings in Ballybofey, Co Donegal, in February 1987. Garda had circulated a “fogra tora” (information booklet) to Garda stations, the RUC and Interpol naming Sproule as a suspect. Demonstrating it had copies of the Garda fogra tora, the IRA had claimed to media in Derry that it had killed Sproule.

Whiskey Returns to Its Roots

One of the world’s best-selling whiskies is returning to its roots with a distillery reopening near the site where it was originally made. Fifteen permanent jobs will be created when Tullamore Dew production returns to the Midlands town of Tullamore for the first time since 1954 in a 35 million euro investment. Brand owner William Grant & Sons will build a new, state-ofthe-art pot still whiskey and malt distillery on 58 acres at Clonminch just outside the town. Stella David, chief executive of William Grant, said the investment underpins the company’s long-term commitment to Tullamore Dew, to the town and to Ireland. “It represents an important next step in the long-term growth and development of the Tullamore Dew brand, one of Ireland’s food and drink export success stories which is now the second largest selling Irish whiskey worldwide,” she said. “We’re excited about bringing whiskey distilling back to Tullamore Dew’s roots for the first time in almost 60 years.” The company said the development will create a new and emotional home for one of the world’s most popular and fastest growing whiskies which has almost doubled its worldwide sales to 700,000 cases since 2005. About 100 construction jobs will created during the twoyear rebuild which is due to start later this year. The distillery will complement the Tullamore Dew visitor centre due to open in September employing 10 people.

The new distillery will tap into natural spring water from the nearby Slieve Bloom mountains for its the triple distillation process. Maurice Doyle, William Grant’s group marketing director,

Spall and Saunders Film at Crom Castle

Historic Crom Castle in Fermanagh is to play host to a new comedy series starring Timothy Spall and Jennifer Saunders. The historic castle, set on the picturesque shores of Lough Erne, is to be the home of PG Wodehouse’s Blandings, based on his fictional stories on Blandings Castle. Filming for the series, set in 1929, began

this week and is expected to last for six weeks, with manager of Crom Castle Noel Johnston stating it was an “honour” the estate had been chosen as the setting for the high-profile venture. Describing it as a “huge boost” for Fermanagh, Mr Johnston said: “The whole county is buzzing and loads of people have been cast as extras” and that even the residing Lord and Lady Erne were “more than happy”.

said: “Irish whiskey is a major growth story internationally and with this investment we’re looking forward to putting Tullamore Dew and the Midlands region back on the map as one of Ireland’s premier whiskey producing regions.”

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national news

White House Extends Invitation to Rajoy

Mariano Rajoy and Barack Obama now know each other personally. The head of the Spanish government and the president of the United States have spoken on two occasions at the Nuclear Security Summit, in Seoul. The first meeting took place in the morning, away from the cameras, prompting the Moncloa prime-ministerial office to request a second encounter, in order to get a photo opportunity. As such, the leaders met for a second time just before one of the summit

meetings, chatting for a couple of minutes on their way to the session. According to Moncloa sources, Obama apparently jokingly apologized for not being able to speak Spanish, saying that his daughters were studying and were going to teach him. “My children study English, and I do too,” Rajoy responded. Obama is reported to have said that he was aware that the two countries’ teams were working very well together. “I’d like you to come and see me soon in the Oval Office, in the White House,” Obama

apparently said, adding that they would soon lock down a date. That first meeting is likely to be in September, when Rajoy is due to travel to New York for the United Nations General Assembly. After his meeting with President Obama, Rajoy was the first speaker at the second session of the summit. The South Korean president, Lee Myung-bak, reminded the assembled dignitaries that the 27th was Rajoy’s 57th birthday, and called on the attendees for applause. “Getting a year older is never good,

Judge Garzón’s Supreme Court Appeal Falls on Deaf Ears Suspended High Court Judge, Baltasar Garzón, saw his appeal against a sentence of 11 years’ disbarment rejected by the Supreme Court on Friday 23rd March. Garzón was found guilty of ordering illegal wiretaps of conversations between jailed members of the Gürtel corruption scheme and their lawyers on 9th February. The judge’s appeal was turned down by the same magistrates that handed down the sentence,

Joaquín Jiménez, Miguel Colmonero, Luciano Varela and Manuel Marchena, who pursued two separate cases against Garzón. The first was regarding the legality of Garzón’s investigation into Franco-

Spanish police on Tuesday arrested a suspected member of al-Qaeda who was key to the terror group’s internet propaganda and recruiting operations, officials said. The suspect arrested in the eastern city of Valencia “administered one of the world’s most important jihadist forums”, dedicated to recruiting and indoctrinating Islamic terrorists, Interior Minister Jorge Fernández Díaz said. The name of that forum and the suspect’s name were not given, only his initials, M.H.A. He is Jordanianborn with Saudi citizenship. “He was known within the organisation as al-Qaeda’s

librarian,” Fernández Díaz said, without specifying what that term meant in this case. The suspect worked at home “8 to 15 hours a day” for al-Qaeda and for two offshoots, al-Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb and al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, the minister said. “He spread jihadist ideas and worked to recruit and arrange transportation of possible jihadists to Afghanistan and other countries where terrorism is very active,” the minister said. He was arrested as part of a probe that determined the man used the internet to distribute videos designed to encourage terrorist acts, the ministry said in

era crimes and the second probed whether the judge had received payment from Banco Santander for giving lectures in New York in return for shelving an investigation into its chief, Emilio Botín. In its report, the court said Garzón’s conduct in the wiretap case “is completely unacceptable in a democracy,” rejecting his claims that his actions did not constitute a crime. Garzón had also argued that the court had “preconceived ideas” against him.

but not getting a year older is much worse,” joked Rajoy. During his speech, which lasted around five minutes,

the prime minister said that Spain has “a long and bitter experience in the fight against terrorism,” and called on all the coun-

Eyebrow-Raising Promotion for Tax Fraud Investigator When Finance Minister Cristóbal Montoro appointed Pilar Valiente as the number two in the tax fraud investigations division at the internal revenue agency (AEAT) last month, many did a double take. 11 years ago, Valiente was forced to resign her post as chairwoman of the stock market watchdog CNMV after she became enmeshed in a fraud scandal involving the dodgy brokerage firm, Gescartera. But what raised eyebrows the most is that Valiente,

according to the SER radio network, reportedly asked her Popular Party (PP) superiors to get rid of all of the workers at the National Office of Fraud Investigations (ONIF) who took part in uncovering the Gürtel contracts-for-kickbacks scheme in PP-controlled regions. The squad replaced was also responsible for investigating the businesses of indicted royal son-in-law Iñaki Urdangarin and his non-profit Nóos Institute, which is at the centre of a diversion of public funds court inquiry in the Balear-

al-Qaeda Suspect Arrested by Spanish police

tries present to “dedicate resources and efforts” to avoid nuclear material from falling into the hands of terrorist groups.

ics. Chief investigator Víctor de la Morena, who was in charge of many criminal probes, was among those replaced. The firings come at crucial times in both investigations. Before being made number two at ONIF, Valiente was a regular tax inspector. In September 2001, she resigned from the CNMV - a position given to her by the previous PP administration of José María Aznar - after the so-called Gescartera scandal broke and the agenda of the brokerage’s manager was leaked to the press. a statement. Fernández said the raid in which he was arrested was not linked to the case in Toulouse, France, in which a self-proclaimed jihadist killed seven people before being killed last week after a long standoff with French police. The minister said the alleged killer in France, Mohamed Merah, became indoctrinated thanks to the work of people like the Valencia suspect but the cases were not related. Spain says the Valencia arrest stemmed from a probe that began in February 2011. The suspect was arrested at home on orders from an investigating magistrate in Madrid.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 national news

A Diamond Idea Fuelling anger in Gibraltar

Gibraltar has launched a Diamond Jubilee Trust Fund to raise money for a number of projects on the Rock. The initiative will look to individuals, businesses and organisations to contribute to the fund, which aims to create a lasting legacy for Gibraltar residents.

Money raised from the scheme will be distributed among projects covering

a number of areas including education, health, culture and the environment.

Alicante Province has the highest fuel charges in Spain, says a report issued by the industry, energy and tourism ministry. On Sunday (25th March) the average price of a litre of fuel at petrol stations in the province was 1.508 euros for petrol while diesel was registered at 1.450 euros per litre.

These prices place the cost of fuel 4.6 per cent higher than in Murcia and a massive 13% higher than Teruel, where fuel is the cheapest in Spain. One of the factors pushing up fuel prices in the province is the so called ‘Céntimo sanitario’ which in effect places a surcharge of 4.8 cents on each litre of fuel purchased.

Private motorists are being hit hard by the high fuel charges but self-employed workers and those in the transport sector say that they are in dire straits.

Eyesore Ruins View 35 Forest Fires Over Spanish Lake Still Burning

In Asturias

Expat residents are demanding action after a court order to demolish an illegally built property was ignored. The home – on a hill overlooking Iznajar Lake – was built without planning permission in 2007. But despite losing two court cases, its Spanish owner has continued to

ND BRA ! NEW

develop the eyesore, adding a swimming pool, garage and extension. Residents of the Pueblo Blanco development, who have had their view ruined, complained to the town hall but were told the council did not have the money to go ahead with the demolition. “Any work that friends

of mine have had done has always required a license from the council, yet it seems this man can build whatever he wants without reprisals,” community president Jeff Parkes told the Olive Press. “It seems it’s not what you know it’s who you know here in Spain.”

A total of 35 forest fires are still burning in different areas of Asturias, but firefighters working in the region have managed to bring many more under control. The fires are affecting 24 different towns and villages across the principality, but no lives are under threat, nor are any vast expanses of woodland though to be at risk at the moment, as the fires are currently confined to higher scrubland. Emergency services brought in additional support yesterday, calling for aircraft to help extinguish the almost 100 fires that were raging across the region. Faced with a weather forecast predicting clear skies, light southerly and easterly winds and temperatures over 20ºC, regional authorities took the decision to activate the emergency plan and bring in additional support to get the fires under control. Emergency services have warned the public that the risk of forest fires is at level 4 and that consequently any type of bonfire is currently prohibited.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 tv guide

tELEVISION & ENTERTAINMENT guide

silent witness

One of the BBC’s most popular and long-running dramas Silent Witness is back for its 15th series, promising to be as sexy, cerebral and suspensefilled as ever. Forensic pathologists Dr. Harry Cunningham (Tom Ward), Dr. Nikki Alexander (Emilia Fox) and Professor Leo Dalton (William Gaminara) painstakingly examine the bodies of the deceased to search for vital clues that may reveal the cause of death. A bold, challenging and exciting drama with viewing figures regularly above eight million, Silent Witness continues to explore contemporary issues through clever and thrilling crime mysteries. This time around they must tackle the sex grooming of

BBC1 - Sunday 1st & Monday 2nd - 9:00pm

underage girls, confront a female serial killer, uncover a family annihilation and investigate an exorcism. The new series sees the addition of an exciting guest cast - including Shelley Conn and Vincent Regan in the opening episode, plus Sanjeev Bhaskar, James Cosmo, Gillian Kearney, Leo Gregory, Adrian Dunbar, and husband and wife Tamzin Outhwaite and Tom Ellis playing alongside each other in episode six. Death Has No Dominion Sunday Part 1, Leo is in emotional turmoil when old friend Professor Lizzie Fraser commits suicide. It’s a double tragedy as Lizzie’s sister, a forensic scientist, was stabbed to death at a crime scene ten years ago.

After Nikki attends her father’s memorial she joins the team at the scene of a violent triple murder at a farmhouse. But soon Detective Superintendent Tom Byrne takes charge. DNA at the farm matches that of mysterious female serial killer, The Wraith. But Nikki starts to question the investigation after she meets the parents of a murdered policeman. Monday Part 2, Harry persuades Detective Inspector Connie James to disobey police orders and secretly test DNA evidence from the original investigation. Leo is still troubled by the suicide of old friend Professor Lizzie Fraser and Nikki learns more about the circumstances surrounding the death of Lizzie’s sister.

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tv guide

f r i d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��The 1952 Show 10:00am...................Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� The Sheriffs are Coming 11:45am.........................................Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm ��Secrets and Words 3:00pm......................................................... BBC News 3:05pm.........................Jedward’s Big Adventure 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��12 Again 4:30pm �� Blue Peter 5:00pm...................................................... Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm................................... The One Show 8:00pm ��EastEnders Jean does her utmost to ensure that Heather’s tribute night goes smoothly, but the evening takes a disastrous turn after the arrival of an unwelcome guest. 8:30pm.............Titanic with Len Goodman Len Goodman marks the centenary of the Titanic disaster with a three-part series examining the ship’s legacy. Before becoming a dancer, Len worked as a welder at Titanic builder’s Harland and Wolff’s yard in east London. 9:00pm..........................................New Tricks When dangerous criminal Mark Johnson was killed in a fatal fire at London’s Union club in 1996, a wall of silence among witnesses and associates plagued the investigation. 10:00pm.............................BBC News at Ten 10:25pm...........................BBC London News 10:35pm......................................... One Night It is Alfie’s 13th birthday and, if he passes his initiation test, he will get to join the Lakemead T’ugs, the people he most respects and the gang who rule the neighbourhood. 11:35pm ��The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 11:45pm ��Man on Fire

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:35am �� Octonauts 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am.............................................................. Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am...................................Bear Behaving Badly 8:25am..........................................Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am...............................................................Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am............................................The Pingu Show 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Mike the Knight 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 10:30am ��Cloudbabies 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� BBC World News 12:00pm......................................... A Stitch in Time 1:30pm ��The Weakest Link 3:00pm........................................Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm ��Flog It! Ten of the Best 4:30pm........................................................Breakaway 5:15pm ��Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Coast 7:30pm....................................... Mastermind 8:30pm..............................Gardeners’ World 9:00pm....................... Reverse Missionaries 10:00pm................................Twenty Twelve 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:00pm �� The Review Show 11:50pm �� The Year of Living Dangerously

Editor Recommends

6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm.................................. 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm........................................ Emmerdale Adam panics when he discovers the garage fire is being treated as arson. Ashley confides in Jude about his frustrations. 7:30pm............................Coronation Street Tracy panics after Lesley disappears with Amy. Audrey is furious as David ups his game. Sean cannot hide his jealousy as Marcus and Maria grow closer. 8:00pm �� Poms in Paradise New documentary series following some of the expat Brits who have settled in Sydney, Australia. 8:30pm ��Coronation Street Eileen wonders about her future with Paul as reality sinks in. The salon war takes its toll and Audrey sacks David. 9:00pm ��Benidorm Madge is preparing for her wedding to Mohammed, the wealthy son of Mel’s old business partner. But when Mick and Michael come across Mohammed in a sports bar, they suspect that he is not quite what he seems. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten and Weather 10:35pm ��Words of Captain Scott Dramatised documentary which uses readings from the diaries and letters of Captain Scott, his companions, and those of his Norwegian rival Roald Amundsen to tell the story of their epic South Pole expeditions. 11:35pm �� When Ali Came to Britain

6:00am ��Sali Mali 6:05am �� The Treacle People 6:15am ��The Hoobs 6:40am ��The Hoobs 7:05am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am................................................................Frasier 9:00am............................... Secret Millionaire USA 10:00am ��The Food Hospital 11:00am �� You Deserve This House 12:00pm.........................................Channel 4 News 12:05pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 12:40pm ��Ice Cold in Alex 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons A chauvinistic remark from Principal Skinner to a female ex-pupil results in his demotion and the school being split between the sexes. 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks The awkwardness continues between Mitzeee and Riley; will they own up to their feelings? Will keeps vigil at Ash’s bedside praying that she’ll wake up. 7:00pm................................ Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Come Dine with Me Going head to head for the £1000 prize in Wolverhampton are traditionalist Deborah Green, tattoo-lover Kat Whyton, community worker Nick Bassett, and Italian Francesco Ceccarelli, in a week of competitive dining. 9:00pm ��The Million Pound Drop Live 10:35pm �� Rude Tube Rude Tube brings you the people who have risked life and limb for a moment of internet immortality, with hilarious results. 11:40pm �� The Mad Bad Ad Show The Mad Bad Ad Show is a comedy entertainment series hosted by Mark Dolan.

Poms In Paradise ITV1 - 8:00 - 8:30 pm “If you could pick your family and friends up and bring them here then it would be perfect. It would be paradise.” Chris, moved to Sydney 3 years ago. Year round sunshine, a relaxed, outdoor lifestyle and beautiful beaches lure nearly thirty thousand Brits to the golden shores of Australia every year.

In addition Australians earn, on average, 20 per cent more then their UK counterparts. Of the six million British expats living abroad, almost a quarter have decided to settle down under. Moving on from the Gold coast to Sydney, Poms in Paradise is back with more inspirational and entertaining stories from people who

have given up everything for a new life on the other side of the world. Moving your life to the other side of the world is no mean feat and takes a certain amount of courage. Many think about it but far less actually take the plunge. Poms in Paradise is back with 10, brand new, half hour episodes all set in the vibrant city of Sydney.

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3 0 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��London: The Inside Story 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm......................................................Neighbours 2:15pm ��NCIS 3:15pm ��Wandering Eye 5:00pm.....................................................5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm................................Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm �� Revealed 8:00pm ��Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 9:00pm �� The Mentalist 10:00pm �� Castle 10:55pm �� Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:50pm �� Inside Hollywood

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:25am ��Emmerdale 7:15am.................................................Loose Women 8:10am..................................................... Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Coronation Street 12:30pm ��Emmerdale 1:00pm ��Emmerdale 1:30pm............................. The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 6:30pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 7:15pm �� You’ve Been Framed! 7:40pm ��Britain’s Got Talent 9:00pm ��American Idol 10:00pm ��The Bourne Identity

tv guide

7:00pm ��Doctor Who The Doctor takes Donna to her first alien world -but the Ood-Sphere reveals some terrible truths about the human race. 7:45pm ��Doctor Who Martha Jones summons the Doctor back to modern-day Earth, but an old enemy lies in wait. 8:30pm ��The Real Hustle Guest hustlers, boxer Joe Calzaghe, and EastEnders star, Sid Owen, get involved in a crazy con set in the world of vintage stamps that turns out to be the strangest scam in the history of the Real Hustle. 9:00pm �� Stand Up for Sport Relief Sports personalities Michael Vaughan, Ben Cohen, Gabby Logan, Tyson Fury and Neil Ruddock face their toughest challenge to date - performing a stand-up comedy set to a packed audience. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm �� White Van Man 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:50pm �� American Dad!

9:55am.............................. Relocation, Relocation 11:05am �� Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard 11:25am ��Hell and High Water 1:25pm �� The Landscape Man 2:30pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm �� Coach Trip 3:35pm ��Four in a Bed 4:10pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:10am........................................................Heartbeat 7:05am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:10am.................................. Jeeves and Wooster 9:15am.....................................George and Mildred 9:50am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 10:55am ��The Turn of the Screw 12:55pm.....................................................Heartbeat 2:00pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:00pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:00pm ��Daily Cooks Challenge 5:05pm ��George and Mildred 5:40pm ��Heartbeat 6:45pm �� Murder, She Wrote 7:50pm ��The Darling Buds of May 9:00pm...................................Case Sensitive Two-part detective drama based on the novel Point of Rescue by Sophie Hannah. When the bodies of a mother and her young daughter are found in the bathroom of their luxury home. 10:00pm.................................Case Sensitive 11:05pm ��The Green Mile

6:00am ��Greatest FA Cup Final Goals 6:10am........................................The Professionals 6:55am �� Batman 7:20am �� Batman 7:45am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 8:40am....................................................The Fall Guy 9:40am �� Quantum Leap 10:40am......................................The Professionals 11:40am ��Police, Camera, Action! 12:10pm ��UEFA Champions League 2:55pm ��The Fall Guy 3:55pm �� Batman 4:25pm �� Batman 5:00pm ��The Professionals

6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs Ben Law is a woodman who’s spent ten years living in a caravan in a West Sussex forest. It’s taken him that long to gain planning permission to begin work on a self-sufficient, handmade, cruck-framed wooden house. 9:00pm �� Sense and Sensibility 11:40pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under

6:00pm �� Border Security USA 7:00pm �� UEFA Europa League Highlights 8:00pm ��Best of Brazil 9:00pm �� The Quest 11:00pm ��Play Misty for Me

ma r ch 6:00am ��The 13th Warrior 7:49am �� FXM Presents 8:00am ��Capone 9:45am ��Dressed to Kill 11:00am ��Black Sheep 12:30pm ��Chad Hanna 2:00pm ��Call Northside 777 4:00pm �� The St Valentine’s Day Massacre 6:00pm ��Working Girl Melanie Griffith stars in this zesty comedy about a naive but ambitious secretary who plots revenge on the conniving and unscrupulous boss (Sigourney Weaver) who stole her idea - and soon finds the perfect way of getting her own back. 8:00pm ��54 Aspiring entertainer Ryan Phillippe tries to make his mark on the club scene, but finds that success has its price - especially at the famous Studio 54 nightclub, where wouldbe stars will stop at nothing to get ahead. 9:48pm ��FXM Presents 10:00pm �� In Her Shoes

8:00am �� Artificial Intelligence: AI 10:30am ��Rush Hour 2 12:15pm ��Balls Of Fury 2:00pm ��Stark Raving Mad 4:00pm ��The Young Victoria 6:00pm ��Payback Val Resnick and Porter, two small time bandits, hit a Chinese gang together and manage to get $140,000. But Val Resnick needs 130 grand alone to buy himself back into his syndication. 8:00pm ��Wanted A young man finds out his long lost father is an assassin. And when his father is murdered, the son is recruited into his father’s old organization and trained by a man named Sloan to follow in his dad’s footsteps. 10:00pm �� Babylon A.D. A few decades in the future, a mercenary named Toorop (Vin Diesel) accepts a contract from a Russian mobster, Gorsky, who instructs him to bring a young woman only known as Aurora.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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sat u r d a y 6:00am ��Breakfast 10:00am ��Saturday Kitchen 11:30am..........................The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 12:00pm �� BBC News 12:15pm �� Football Focus 1:00pm ��British Olympic Dreams 1:30pm ��World Olympic Dreams 2:00pm ��Bargain Hunt 3:00pm...........................................Cash in the Attic 3:45pm ��The Weakest Link 4:30pm �� Final Score 5:10pm �� BBC News 5:20pm ��BBC London News 5:30pm...................................A Question of Sport 6:00pm................................... Total Wipeout Among those making the journey to Buenos Aires are TV host Terry Christian, model Sophie Anderton and footballing legend Peter Shilton. 7:00pm......................................The Voice UK Blind Auditions. Hopeful singers face the second round of blind auditions as the search for The Voice continues. Music superstars Sir Tom Jones, Jessie J, will.i.am and Danny O’Donoghue take on the role of coaches. 8:20pm ��The National Lottery: In It to Win It 9:10pm..............................................Casualty Jordan’s date with Yvonne is put on hold when a former ED patient nearly dies in the cells, but who is at fault, and can Jordan and Yvonne’s relationship survive the investigation? 10:00pm ��BBC News 10:20pm �� Match of the Day Gary Lineker introduces the best of the action and reaction from the Premier League, with studio guests Alan Hansen and Alan Shearer providing expert analysis. Title challengers Manchester City face a Sunderland side that beat them on New Year’s Day courtesy of Ji Dong-won’s stoppage-time winner. 11:45pm ��The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights from a vital afternoon at Upton Park, as West Ham take on Reading in a game with a significant bearing on the promotion race.

6:00am ��Harry and Toto 6:10am ��Lunar Jim 6:20am ��Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 6:35am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 6:45am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 7:30am ��Dennis and Gnasher 7:40am ��The Scooby-Doo Show 8:05am �� Pixelface 8:35am ��Prank Patrol Down Under 9:00am...................................Ultimate Sports Day 10:00am ��Animals at Work 10:30am ��My Life 11:00am ��Hacker Time 11:25am �� Ooglies 11:40am �� MOTD Kickabout 12:00pm................................................................Coast 12:20pm ��Becket 2:45pm �� All For Love 4:10pm �� Flog It! 5:10pm ��Match of the Day Live Jake Humphrey introduces live coverage from Bloomfield Road of the Championship encounter between promotion contenders Blackpool and Southampton. 7:30pm ��Dad’s Army Captain Mainwaring is horrified to discover that he is not a commissioned officer, so Sgt Wilson is put in charge of the platoon - with disastrous consequences. 8:00pm �� How God Made the English The final programme examines the idea that there is an ethnic core to Englishness. Is there any basis for the claim that to be truly English you have to be Anglo-Saxon? 9:00pm ��Have I Got Old News for You 9:30pm ��Arena 11:00pm �� The Zoo in Winter 11:45pm �� The Sarah Millican Television Programme In her brand new comedy series award winning comedian Sarah Millican talks television. Sarah combines stand up inspired by what she has seen on screen and unique interviews with television people who have impressed her.

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6:00am ��Signed Stories 6:10am �� Engie Benjy 6:20am ��Pocoyo 6:30am �� Fluffy Gardens 6:40am �� Fluffy Gardens 6:45am ��The Hive 6:55am ��The Hive 7:05am �� Soli and Mo’s Nature Show 7:10am ��Sooty 7:25am ��Monk 7:30am �� X-Men 7:50am �� Fleabag Monkeyface 8:05am...............................Almost Naked Animals 8:20am ��Almost Naked Animals 8:30am ��Hannah Montana 9:00am �� Fort Boyard - Ultimate Challenge 9:25am ��ITV News 9:30am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show US 10:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show US 11:25am ��This Morning 12:25pm ��Murder, She Wrote 1:25pm ��ITV News and Weather 1:40pm ��A Cinderella Story 3:35pm ��Forever Young 5:25pm ��London Tonight 5:40pm ��ITV News and Weather 6:00pm ��You’ve Been Framed! 6:30pm �� Harry Hill’s TV Burp 7:00pm ��All Star Family Fortunes In this edition, comedian Ed Byrne goes head to head with Downton Abbey’s Lesley Nicol. 8:00pm �� Britain’s Got Talent The auditions continue in Birmingham and Blackpool, with judges Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, Alesha Dixon and David Walliams deciding who will make it through to the next round. 9:05pm.......................................Take Me Out Attempting to woo the ladies with their cheeky banter are a company manager from Huntingdon, a motorbike enthusiast from Bristol, an events consultant from Leamington Spa and an athlete from London. 10:20pm................. ITV News and Weather 10:35pm �� Forgetting Sarah Marshall

6:00am �� The Treacle People 6:10am.......................................................The Hoobs 6:35am.......................................................The Hoobs 7:00am �� Mobil 1 The Grid 7:25am �� FIM Superbike World Championship 2012 7:50am �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 7:55am ��The Morning Line 8:55am ��Koko Pop 9:25am �� The Wanted Backstage in Brazil 10:00am...........................................Charlie’s Angels 10:55am �� Come Dine with Me 11:55am ��The Big Bang Theory 12:55pm �� The Simpsons 1:25pm �� The Simpsons 1:55pm ��Channel 4 Racing Doncaster, Kempton Park and Meydan. The flat turf season is back and, as the stalls spring open, the battle for supremacy in the Jockeys’ and Trainers’ Championships starts in earnest once more. 4:05pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 4:10pm.................................... Come Dine with Me The West Country plays host to the culinary clash where the first host is Kenyan-born Sarah Hillman. 4:40pm.................................... Come Dine with Me 5:15pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:45pm �� Come Dine with Me 6:15pm �� Channel 4 News 6:45pm �� 4thought.tv 6:50pm �� Avatar When disabled ex-marine Jake Sully replaces his recently killed brother on a mission to the distant world of Pandora, he discovers that the mining company Resources Development Administration plans to drive off the planet’s native inhabitants, the Na’vi, for the precious mineral unobtainium. 10:00pm ��The Million Pound Drop Live 11:35pm ��Alfie In an update of the 1966 Lewis Gilbert version, Jude Law plays the eponymous Alfie, transposed to Manhattan and working as a chauffeur in Charles Shyer’s film.

Avatar Channel 4 - 6:50 - 10:00 pm Twelve years after the hugely successful Titanic, James Cameron returned to filmmaking with another spectacular, this time set in outer space and partanimated (and originally released in cutting edge 3D). When disabled ex-marine Jake Sully replaces his recently killed brother on a

mission to the distant world of Pandora, he discovers that the mining company Resources Development Administration plans to drive off the planet’s native inhabitants, the Na’vi (a tribe of 12-foot-tall blue humanoids), for the precious mineral unobtainium. With orders to infiltrate the Na’vi, Jake finds himself falling in love with beautiful

alien Neytiri, but complications soon ensue. An immersive visual experience, Avatar’s imagery is often breath-taking (the film won three Oscars for visual effects) and the battle scenes brilliantly staged. An awe-inspiring cinematic experience and, without question, the most successful blue movie of all time.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

31 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Mr. Men Show 9:30am �� Roary the Racing Car 9:40am ��Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10:00am ��Animal Rescue Squad 10:15am....................... Holiday Heaven on Earth 10:45am �� Mirror Mirror 11:15am ��Police Interceptors 12:15pm ��Revealed 1:15pm..................................The Battle of Britain 3:50pm �� Operation Daybreak 6:15pm ��5 News Weekend 6:20pm ��NCIS 7:10pm ��NCIS 8:00pm ��NCIS 9:00pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm �� CSI: NY 10:55pm �� Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11:50pm �� Inside Hollywood

7:00pm ��Doctor Who As the Sontarans choke the Earth, the Doctor battles to keep both Martha and Donna alive. 7:45pm ��Doctor Who Confidential The Sontarans are back and, with their invasion plans threatening the Earth, the Doctor is forced to face his enemy one more time. 8:00pm ��Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson makes a film about the BMW X6 and ends up conducting one of the most expensive road tests in Top Gear history. 9:00pm �� Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Ron Burgundy, San Diego’s top-rated anchorman, reigns supreme in the all-male world of television news, until the arrival of an ambitious female reporter upsets the status quo. 10:35pm �� World Series of Dating 11:05pm....................................... Family Guy 11:50pm �� American Dad!

6:00am ��Coronation Street Omnibus 8:05am �� Emmerdale Omnibus 11:00am �� Take Me Out 12:00pm.................... Take Me Out - The Gossip 12:45pm..................................Harry Hill’s TV Burp 1:15pm.......................... All Star Family Fortunes 2:00pm ��The Cube 3:00pm.................................................American Idol 4:50pm ��American Idol 5:45pm ��E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial

6:00am ��Film File 6:10am �� Jeeves and Wooster 7:20am ��Goodnight Sweetheart 8:30am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 9:40am..................................Upstairs, Downstairs 10:45am................................The Railway Children 12:45pm ��The History of Mr Polly 2:40pm................................................Calamity Jane 4:40pm ��Rosemary and Thyme 5:45pm......................................... A Touch of Frost

8:00pm ��Celebrity Grimefighters John Sergeant presents a special episode in which a group of celebrities experience first-hand what it is like to wage the daily war on the nation’s grime. 9:05pm �� Britain’s Got More Talent 10:05pm �� The Hot Desk 10:20pm �� Take Me Out - The Gossip 11:05pm................................Celebrity Juice 11:50pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records

8:00pm.........................................Doc Martin Martin is forced to visit a strange family who are suffering from chronic stomach disorders. 9:00pm �� Foyle’s War A stabbed body in a bombed house provides Foyle with a difficult challenge. 11:00pm �� Those Who Kill After reconciliation with his ex-wife, Thomas Schaeffer decides to resign from the police to take up his former post at the University.

Arena: Jonathan Miller BBC1 - 9:30 - 11:00 pm The BBC’s flagship arts documentary strand Arena returns with the first ever documentary exploring the extraordinary life of Sir Jonathan Miller CBE. Jonathan Miller is usually described as a polymath or Renaissance Man, two labels he personally dislikes. But no-one quite like him has made such an impact on

British culture through the medium of television, radio, theatre and opera. He has straddled the great divide between the arts and the sciences, while being a brilliant humorist, a qualified doctor, and even a practising artist. With the man himself and a host of distinguished collaborators, including Oliver

Sacks, Eric Idle, Kevin Spacey (who owes his first break to Miller) and Penelope Wilton, this Arena profile explores Miller’s rich life and examines through amazing television archive. Mostly from the BBC, how he makes these connections between the worlds of the imagination and scientific fact.

tv guide

8:55am �� Time Team 10:00am �� Time Team 11:00am �� Time Team 12:05pm.............................King Solomon’s Mines 2:05pm �� Grand Designs 3:05pm �� Grand Designs 4:10pm ��Location, Location, Location 5:15pm ��Location, Location, Location 6:20pm ��Channel 4 Racing 7:00pm �� The Restoration Man Clive Bolton and his wife Jane dream of retiring and making their new home in a Grade II listed windmill in Anglesey. 8:05pm �� Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare Can the queen of TV property save a stately home from collapse and finally make it pay for itself? 9:10pm.....................The Secret Millionaire 10:15pm �� Undercover Boss USA 11:10pm ��One Born Every Minute USA

6:00am ��Uefa Champions League Greatest Goals 6:10am ��The Professionals 6:55am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 7:40am �� Police Stop! 8:40am �� The Big Match Revisited 9:40am ��UEFA Champions League Weekly 10:10am...........................................Tommy Cooper 10:45am �� The Singer Not the Song 1:25pm ��Support Your Local Sheriff! 3:20pm.........................................................Spartacus 7:00pm �� The Sweeney An antique shop is used as a point of access for a bank robbery, and it looks like an inside job. But Regan thinks otherwise, and tries to prove that a convict on parole was framed. 8:00pm ��Rookie Builders 9:00pm �� An Audience with Billy Connolly 10:10pm �� Full Metal Jacket

ma r ch 7:00am ��Rebound 8:45am �� FXM Presents 9:00am �� Jumpin’ Jack Flash 11:00am ��Banjo on My Knee 12:36pm ��Cluny Brown 2:30pm ��Hello, Dolly! 5:00pm ��Two of a Kind 6:30pm ��Silent Movie 8:00pm �� Cheaper By the Dozen 2 Tom and Kate Baker and their 12 children are enjoying a final holiday together at their lakeside summer cabin before the last of the kids fly the nest. 9:50pm ��FXM Presents 10:00pm �� Ice Age 2 Sid the sloth, Manny the mammoth and Diego the sabre-toothed tiger realise their happy existence is about to come to an abrupt end thanks to rising temperatures. Hearing news of a boat that could be the key to survival the three friends set out to the other end of their valley. 11:47pm ��FXM Presents

8:00am ��Stark Raving Mad 9:45am ��The Pelican Brief 12:00pm �� Wanted 2:00pm ��Payback 4:00pm ��Babylon A.D. 6:00pm ��Next The film is about a Las Vegas showroom magician, Cris Johnson who has a secret which torments him: he can see a few minutes into the future and afraid that all sorts of frightening demands will be made. 8:00pm �� Mr. Deeds When Longfellow Deeds, a small-town pizzeria owner and poet, inherits $40 billion from his deceased uncle, he quickly begins rolling in a different kind of dough. Moving to the big city, Deeds finds himself besieged by opportunists all gunning for their piece of the pie. 10:00pm �� Rambo IV In Thailand, John Rambo is living peacefully capturing snakes and transporting people and cargo in an old boat. He joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma.

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tv guide

s u n d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 7:35am..........................................Match of the Day Title challengers Manchester City face a Sunderland side that beat them on New Year’s Day courtesy of Ji Dong-won’s stoppage-time winner. However, City boast a formidable record at the Etihad Stadium and have won all seven previous Premier League meetings with Sunderland at home. 9:00am ��The Andrew Marr Show 10:00am......................................The Big Questions 11:00am............................................Country Tracks 12:00pm ��Sunday Politics 1:05pm ��EastEnders Omnibus 2:55pm ��Bargain Hunt 3:40pm............................. Escape to the Country 4:40pm ��Songs of Praise 5:15pm ��Titanic with Len Goodman 5:45pm..........................................................Land Girls Events spiral out of control for Connie when her shady past catches up with her. Iris makes a shocking discovery, whilst John is given some crushing news and Esther decides to face her critics in the village. 6:30pm............................................BBC News 7:00pm �� Countryfile Countryfile is in County Durham. Matt Baker visits the family farm, where his children give him a hand with lambing. 8:00pm ��Antiques Roadshow A Roadshow first as the team descends on one of the UK’s most famous sporting institutions, Wimbledon’s All England Lawn Tennis Club. 9:00pm................................... Silent Witness When Leo’s friend commits suicide, Harry and Nikki are called to the scene of a violent and calculated murder, which is thought to be the work of an apparently dormant serial killer. 10:00pm..........................................BBC News 10:15pm...........................BBC London News 10:25pm ��Room 101 - Extra Storage 11:05pm �� The Syndicate A supermarket in Leeds is threatened with closure, sending its five staff - Bob, Stuart, Denise, Leanne and Jamie -spiralling into an uncertain future.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:20am..............................Raa Raa the Noisy Lion 6:35am.....................Chuggington: Badge Quest 6:45am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 7:30am ��Dennis and Gnasher 7:40am ��The Scooby-Doo Show 8:05am ��Paradise Cafe 8:30am ��Wingin’ It 9:00am ��Friday Download 10:00am �� Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11:30am.............................................Four for Texas 1:20pm �� Ill Met by Moonlight 3:05pm ��The Wind and The Lion 5:00pm �� Flog It! 6:00pm ��TOTP 2 7:00pm ��Sandhurst A Matter of Life and Death. Three-part observational documentary series shot at the Royal Military Academy over the course of a year. 8:00pm �� Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May star in a compilation of their finest moments from the last year featuring amazing challenges, spectacular stunts and a small amount of bickering. 9:00pm �� The Falklands Legacy with Max Hastings 30 years after the Falklands War, journalist and military historian Max Hastings explores the conflict’s legacy over the past three decades. 10:00pm ��Match of the Day 2 Colin Murray presents highlights of the day’s Premier League fixtures between Newcastle and Liverpool, and Tottenham against Swansea. 11:00pm ��Twenty Twelve The documentary cameras continue to follow the men and women responsible for delivering the London Olympic Games as they paddle increasingly hard to keep the games on track and on budget. 11:30pm ��Michael Collins Biopic of the rise and fall of one of the most important and controversial figures in Ireland’s struggle for independence.

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6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:20am ��Babar and the Adventures of Badou 6:35am........................................Special Agent Oso 7:00am �� Olly the Little White Van 7:10am ��Tati’s Hotel 7:25am ��Monk 7:30am ��Matt Hatter Chronicles 7:50am................................... Fleabag Monkeyface 8:05am ��Horrid Henry: The Movie 8:20am ��Horrid Henry 8:30am ��Victorious 8:55am ��Monk 9:00am ��Fort Boyard Ultimate Challenge 9:25am ��ITV News 9:30am ��Ade in Britain 10:30am ��May the Best House Win 11:30am.................................Dickinson’s Real Deal 12:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 12:35pm �� You’ve Been Framed! 1:05pm......................................Britain’s Got Talent 2:05pm ��Columbo 3:40pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:40pm ��London Tonight 5:55pm ��ITV News and Weather 6:10pm �� Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Harry and the gang confront the terrifying truth that Lord Voldemort is back and Hogwarts is in danger. 9:00pm �� Titanic Political strife in Belfast interferes with the construction of the new liner Titanic, but White Star Line chairman Bruce Ismay is dismissive of designer Thomas Andrews’s concerns. 10:00pm................. ITV News and Weather 10:15pm ��Perspectives Lenny Henry - Finding Shakespeare. Lenny Henry tells the story of how he fell in love with Shakespeare and how, once he broke through the language barrier, the experiences and emotions Shakespeare wrote about spoke to him. 11:15pm �� Rugby Highlights

6:10am.......................................................The Hoobs 7:00am ��The Paralympic Show 7:30am �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 7:35am ��Sailing 8:00am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am................................................................Frasier 9:25am ��Frasier 10:00am ��Sunday Brunch 12:00pm ��The Big Bang Theory 12:30pm ��The Big Bang Theory 1:00pm �� The Simpsons It’s Christmas, and when Homer doesn’t get his Christmas Bonus and Marge spends all the gift money on removing Bart’s new tattoo. 1:30pm �� The Simpsons 2:00pm ��The Addams Family Values Black comedy sequel. The Addams family has two new members - baby Pubert and sunny nanny Debbie Jellinsky. 3:45pm ��Aliens in the Attic A kids’ sci-fi comedy-adventure from director John Shultz, penned by British screenwriter Mark Burton. Teen maths whiz Tom Pearson is on holiday with his extended family at a remote lakeside cottage, where he and the other children make an unexpected discovery. 5:25pm ��Time Team 6:25pm �� Deal or No Deal 7:25pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm ��Disasters at Sea Why Ships Sink. On the 100th anniversary of the sinking of RMS Titanic, this new documentary examines the disaster and the safety of passengers at sea. 9:00pm ��Homeland Having escaped the shooting at the motel where Faisel was killed, Aileen continues her escape by buying a bus ticket to Mexico. 10:10pm �� Sorority Row Stewart Hendler’s grainy remake of the cult 1983 slasher horror The House on Sorority Row tells the tale of a university prank gone wrong, and the terrible revenge that the act provokes.

Disasters At Sea: Why Ships Sink

Channel 4 - 8:00 - 9:00 pm On the 100th anniversary of the sinking of RMS Titanic, this new documentary examines the disaster and the safety of passengers at sea. In this modern age, huge, lavish and extravagant cruise ships tower above the ocean surfaces boasting state-ofthe art shopping malls, cinemas and tennis courts, and offering arrays of bars and restaurants. With a century of advanced design and new technology - and despite being built by

the world’s greatest expert marine engineers and scientists - lessons from the past are being constantly overlooked and these ships continue to sink. The Titanic embarked on her maiden voyage in April 1912 and was the largest, heaviest, most expensive luxurious man-made moving object on the planet, built by the world’s most skilled labour force. Regardless of this, the ship sank after striking an iceberg, causing cata-

strophic consequences, which shocked the world and prompted a thorough investigation into the dangers found at sea. One hundred years later, the world received a frightening reminder of such deadly events when luxury cruise liner the Costa Concordia suffered a similar impact. The ship was a palace of the ocean: it had a capacity of 3780 passengers and was an impressive 290m long and 31m high.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

1 6:00am ��Children´s TV 8:45am �� Rupert Bear 8:55am ��Milkshake! Show Songs 9:00am ��Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15am ��The Mr. Men Show 9:25am................................. Roary the Racing Car 9:40am ��Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10:00am ��Inside Hollywood 10:10am �� Grey’s Anatomy 11:05am ��Big Body Squad 12:05pm ��Emergency Bikers 1:05pm ��Cowboy Builders 2:00pm ��Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo 3:15pm �� High School Musical 3: Senior Year 5:25pm ��5 News Weekend 5:30pm ��Mrs. Doubtfire 8:00pm............................Once Upon a Time 9:00pm �� Rush Hour 2 10:40pm ��In Hell

6:00am �� Gossip Girl 6:50am................................. Emmerdale Omnibus 9:35am ��Coronation Street Omnibus 12:00pm.................................Winners and Losers 1:00pm............................................. Holiday Airport 2:00pm ��Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2:30pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 3:00pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 4:00pm ��Dennis The American comic strip character comes to life in this comedy about a troublesome six-year-old who is the bane of adults everywhere. 5:55pm ��The Cube 6:55pm ��Britain’s Got Talent 8:00pm �� Britain’s Got More Talent 9:00pm �� Benidorm 10:00pm �� Hellboy II: The Golden Army Comic book action fantasy. The big red demon with the stone hand returns.

7:00pm �� The Voice UK 8:25pm �� Streetdance A London dance crew training for the UK Street Dance Championships are forced to work with ballet dancers from the Royal Dance School in return for rehearsal space. 10:00pm �� Pramface Laura is very pregnant, very bored and cannot stop thinking about Jamie. So she asks him to take her out -but it is definitely not on a date, it is just a casual shopping trip. 10:30pm....................................... Family Guy Still out of work and now grotesquely overweight, Peter finally decides to find his true calling: fishing. 10:50pm �� Family Guy 11:15pm �� American Dad! Stan has a run-in with local law enforcement and the father-son roles are reversed, forcing Steve to become the man of the house. 11:35pm �� American Dad! 12:00am �� White Van Man

6:00am �� Jeeves and Wooster 7:00am ��Smokey and the Bandit 8:55am........................................................Heartbeat 11:00am ��Foyle’s War 1:05pm �� Goodbye, Mr. Chips 3:05pm..................................................On the Buses 3:40pm ��An Audience with Cliff Richard 4:45pm ��An Audience with Diana Ross 5:50pm ��Poirot Poirot and his old friend Captain Hastings arrive at the headquarters of an archaeological dig in Mesopotamia where an Arab worker has recently been found strangled. 7:55pm ��Poirot 9:00pm �� The Witches of Eastwick Offbeat comedy in which three frustrated female divorcees living in a quiet town wish for the perfect man to enter their lives. 11:15pm �� Cracker Another death pushes Fitz closer to the edge in his pursuit of the Trant family.

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am ��Scrapheap Challenge 11:00am ��Four in a Bed 1:50pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 2:20pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 2:55pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 3:25pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:00pm ��Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals 4:35pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:10pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:40pm �� Come Dine with Me 6:15pm �� Come Dine with Me 6:50pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:20pm ��The TV Book Club 7:55pm ��River Cottage Every Day 9:00pm ��River Cottage Every Day 10:00pm ��How to Cook Like Heston 10:35pm �� The Fabulous Baker Brothers 11:05pm �� Father Ted 11:40pm �� Father Ted

6:00am ��UEFA Champions League Greatest Finals 6:20am �� The Sweeney 7:15am �� The Singer Not the Song 10:00am �� Minder 11:00am ��MSA British Touring Car Championship 6:00pm.................................... The Sweeney An antique shop is used as a point of access for a bank robbery, and it looks like an inside job. 7:00pm �� Minder Arthur and Terry get involved with a smalltime crook who manages to steal a suitcase full of money. 8:00pm ��Rugby Highlights Craig Doyle presents the best action from the Aviva Premiership with just four rounds to go and many teams battling for the playoff positions. 9:00pm ��Play Misty for Me 11:10pm �� The Long Kiss Goodnight

tv guide

A P RIL

6:00am ��Shutter 8:00am �� Visiting Hours 9:50am ��The Cloning of Clifford Swimmer 11:00am ��Heaven Can Wait 1:00pm ��Fantastic Voyage 3:00pm ��Enemy Mine 5:00pm ��The Abyss When a nuclear submarine is attacked and becomes stricken in the ocean depths, the US Government calls on civilian divers from a nearby oil rig to come to their aid. 8:00pm ��Shutter Following a terrible accident in Japan, a newlywed photographer and his wife see ghostly images in the pictures they develop. 9:46pm ��FXM Presents 10:00pm �� Joy Ride A couple of all-American pranksters illadvisedly tease a trucker over a CB radio - but it’s only after incurring his wrath that they realise their victim is a relentless psycho, leading to a terrifying chase across the States as they attempt to escape his murderous attentions. 11:50pm ��FXM Presents

8:00am �� Mr. Deeds 8:00am ��Being John Malkovich 10:00am ��Criminal 12:00pm ��Next 2.00pm �� Mr. Deeds A sweet-natured, small-town guy inherits a controlling stake in a media conglomerate and begins to do business his way. 4:00pm ��The Bone Collector Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic homicide detective. He and his female partner track down a serial killer. 6:30pm ��Stealth Deeply ensconced in a top-secret military program, three pilots struggle to bring an artificial intelligence program under control ... before it initiates the next world war. 8:30pm �� Harsh Times A tough-minded drama about two friends in South Central Los Angeles and the violence that comes between them. 10:30pm �� The Omen A remake of the 1976 horror classic The Omen (1976), an American official realizes that his young son may literally be the devil incarnate.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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tv guide

m o n d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��Animal 24:7 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� My Worst Deal 11:45am.........................................Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm �� Escape to the Country 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Horrible Histories 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��All Over the Place 4:30pm ��Help! My Supply Teacher is Magic 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm............................................................Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm.................... Bang Goes the Theory This episode looks at the science of crowds. Dallas finds out how people in crowds can co-operate subconsciously, Liz sees how architects control the flow of crowds. 8:00pm ��EastEnders Ian finally tracks Mandy down and begs her to return home by offering back her engagement ring - but will she accept this proposal? 8:30pm ��Panorama The government has pledged to create more than a million apprenticeships by the end of 2012 in response to unemployment figures among young people, at the cost of more than a billion pounds of public funding. 9:00pm �� Silent Witness Harry and DI James deviate from the original investigation to secretly test DNA evidence from the rival Chesham laboratory to try to solve this stalled case. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm �� A Question of Sport 11:05pm ��Late Kick Off 11:35pm ��The Estate

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:20am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am ��Little Charley Bear 9:00am ��Buzz and Tell 9:05am..........................................Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 9:35am ��Small Potatoes 9:40am...........................Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am....................................................Tree Fu Tom 10:20am.......................................Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Dipdap 10:30am ��64 Zoo Lane 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am ��Hell Drivers 1:15pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��To Buy or Not to Buy 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm �� Flog It! 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm �� Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm.....................................Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm ��Castle Commando 8:00pm......... Chaplains: Angels of Mersey 8:30pm �� The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 9:00pm.....................................Modern Spies 10:00pm ��Mock the Week 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� The Human Factor

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am..............................The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm..............................ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale As the police close in on Adam, Aaron takes drastic action. Alicia is miffed to see David enjoying Rachel’s company. 7:30pm ��Coronation Street Eileen fears for Lesley’s safety. Steve is furious when Karl betrays his trust. 8:00pm ��The Dales Adrian Edmondson rejoins racing trainer Simon West as he breaks in a new horse from Ireland. 8:30pm............................Coronation Street The temptation proves too much for Karl. Paul is forced to make a heartbreaking decision. Fiz comforts a desolate Sally. 9:00pm �� Scott and Bailey The team investigate when the body of an eight-year-old boy is discovered but, as they search for the paedophile killer, they are unaware that the culprit has placed himself at the heart of the child’s grieving family. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten and Weather 10:35pm..................................... The Agenda 11:05pm �� Mayday Mayday In this episode, two friends find themselves cut off by the sea after they go exploring caves at a secret beach off Corbyn Head in Torbay. 11:35pm �� Piers Morgan’s Life Stories Piers Morgan talks to Coronation Street actress and former Hear’Say singer Kym Marsh.

6:15am ��The Hoobs 6:40am ��The Hoobs 7:05am......................................... Freshly Squeezed 7:35am ��According to Jim 8:00am ��According to Jim 8:30am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am ��Frasier 9:35am ��Frasier 10:00am...............................The Big Bang Theory 10:30am...............................The Big Bang Theory 11:00am �� Secret Millionaire USA 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News Summary 12:05pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:35pm ��River Cottage Bites 12:45pm............................................The Quiet Man 3:10pm..................................................... Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm.................................... Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm....................................The Simpsons 6:30pm............................................Hollyoaks 7:00pm................................ Channel 4 News 7:55pm...................................... 4thought.tv 8:00pm ��Damien Hirst: The First Look To coincide with the first major retrospective of his work in the UK, Channel 4 presents two Damien Hirst documentaries together with a multiplatform first: an exclusive 360? online video tour at channel4.com/hirst of his Tate Modern exhibition two days before it opens to the public. 9:00pm.......................Embarrassing Bodies Dr Christian helps a man whose rare genetic condition has left him needing new ears. Dr Pixie meets a patient with a leaky back passage. 10:00pm �� Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA This week’s episode is the first of a twopart special that finds Gordon in Los Angeles trying to save a family restaurant called The Burger Kitchen. 11:00pm.........................................Homeland Having escaped the shooting at the motel where Faisel was killed, Aileen continues her escape by buying a bus ticket to Mexico.

Damien Hirst: The First Look Channel 4 - 8:00 - 9:00 pm To coincide with the first major retrospective of his work in the UK, Channel 4 presents two Damien Hirst documentaries together with a multiplatform first: an exclusive 360° online video tour at channel4.com/hirst of his Tate Modern exhibition two days before it opens to the public.

One of the most important and influential artists of his generation, Damien Hirst provokes debate, and whatever you may think of his work, the original Young British Artist helped make art headline news and put Britain firmly on the contemporary art map. On the eve of his first

major retrospective in the UK, Damien Hirst takes surrealist comedian and fellow artistic maverick Noel Fielding on an exclusive walk through his new show at Tate Modern. Providing a behindthe-scenes look at this landmark exhibition and a body of work spanning more than two decades.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

2 6:00am ��Children´s TV 8:45am �� Bananas in Pyjamas 8:55am �� Milkshake Monkey 9:00am ��Olivia 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm.....................................5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��London: The Inside Story 1:15pm............................................Home and Away 1:45pm......................................................Neighbours 2:15pm ��The Mentalist 3:10pm ��Defending Our Kids 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm......................................................Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm................................................ 5 News 7:00pm ��Cowboy Builders 8:00pm ��Ultimate Police Interceptors 9:00pm ��Little Nicky 10:55pm �� Anger Management

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:25am ��Coronation Street 6:50am ��Emmerdale 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm....................................Coronation Street 12:30pm ��Coronation Street 1:00pm ��Emmerdale 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy 7:00pm ��The Cube 8:00pm �� Gossip Girl 9:00pm �� The Shawshank Redemption 11:50pm ��Celebrity Juice

7:00pm ��The Real Hustle Guest hustlers, boxer Joe Calzaghe, and EastEnders star, Sid Owen, get involved in a crazy con set in the world of vintage stamps that turns out to be the strangest scam in the history of the Real Hustle. 7:30pm ��World’s Craziest Fools 8:00pm..........................Don’t Tell the Bride 22-year-old Luke and 25-year-old Alex met ten months ago when working on Ibiza. 9:00pm ��Our Crime Robbed. Series exploring real-life scenes of violence, theft and mayhem, to unpack and re-tell the human stories behind the criminal act. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm................. World Series of Dating Comedy reality series in which four distinctive and especially selective girls govern the ‘datezone’ as a number of guys try to last as long as they can over a dinner date. 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:45pm �� American Dad!

6:00am ��Heartbeat 7:00am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:00am.................................. Jeeves and Wooster 9:05am..................................................On the Buses 10:10am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 11:20am............................................................Cadfael 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:00pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm..................................................On the Buses 4:40pm ��On the Buses 5:10pm ��Terry and June 5:50pm ��Heartbeat 6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote 8:00pm ��Poirot A team of international archaeologists in Egypt break the seal of the tomb of King Men-Her-Ra for the first time in 3000 years. 9:00pm ��The Seasons with Alan Titchmarsh 10:00pm �� A Touch of Frost

The Devil Wears Prada MBC2 - 6:00 - 8:00 pm In New York, the simple and naive just-graduated in journalism Andrea Sachs is hired to work as the second assistant of the powerful and sophisticated Miranda Priestly, the ruthless and merciless executive of the Runway fashion magazine. Andrea dreams to become a journalist and faces the opportunity as a temporary professional challenge.

The first assistant Emily advises Andrea about the behavior and preferences of their cruel boss, and the stylist Nigel helps Andrea to dress more adequately for the environment. Andrea changes her attitude and behavior, affecting her private life and the relationship with her boyfriend Nate, her family and friends. In the end, Andrea learns that life is made of choices.

9:55am.............................. Relocation, Relocation 11:00am �� ’Pimpernel’ Smith 1:25pm �� The Landscape Man 2:30pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm ��Four in a Bed 3:35pm ��The Renovation Game 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:40pm �� Relocation, Relocation 6:45pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs Kevin McCloud meets Helen Gould and Phil Reddy, who are building a home in the Cumbrian countryside. 9:00pm �� Grand Designs Australia Engineer Peter Riedel and his wife Mary, an interiors importer, bought an 1870s church which wasn’t upright at the time - on a whim for $20,000. 10:05pm �� Beeny’s Restoration Nightmare 11:10pm ��Relocation: Phil Down Under

6:00am ��UEFA Champions League Greatest Finals 6:20am ��The Professionals 7:05am �� Batman 8:00am............... World’s Wildest Police Videos 9:00am ��The Fall Guy 10:00am �� Quantum Leap 10:55am ��The Professionals 11:55am ��The Saint 1:00pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:55pm.............................................. Quantum Leap 2:55pm ��The Fall Guy 3:55pm �� Batman 5:00pm ��The Professionals 6:00pm ��Rugby Highlights 7:00pm ��Best of Brazil 8:00pm �� Whisker Wars 8:30pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 9:00pm �� Firefox 11:45pm �� American Gangster

tv guide

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ap r i l

6:00am ��The Covenant 7:49am �� FXM Presents 8:00am ��The Abyss 11:00am �� Waiting to Exhale 1:30pm ��For the Boys 4:00pm �� The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie 6:00pm ��Along Came a Spider A scientist’s widow takes another identity to get close to the man she thinks killed her husband. 8:00pm �� When a Stranger Calls A teenager, babysitting for a family living in a remote lakeside house, is terrorised by mysterious threatening phone calls. 9:47pm ��FXM Presents 10:00pm �� Arlington Road Suspicion and paranoia rule the day in this well-honed thriller, starring Jeff Bridges as a mild-mannered professor who becomes convinced there’s something not quite right about his new neighbour. It’s nothing he can put his finger on, but he decides to delve into his past regardless - only to get a nasty shock. 11:49pm ��FXM Presents

8:00am ��Lords of Dogtown 10:00am �� Awake 12:00pm ��The Bone Collector 2:00pm ��Stealth 6:00pm ��The Devil Wears Prada A naive young woman comes to New York and scores a job as the assistant to one of the city’s biggest magazine editors, the ruthless and cynical Miranda Priestly. 8:00pm ��The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor In the Far East, Alex O’Connell, the son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy O’Connell, unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago. 10:30pm ��Twisted Jessica, whose father was a serial killer, is a female police officer. While investigating a murder, she finds herself in the center of her own investigation, when her former lovers start dying around her at a furious pace.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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t u e s d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��Animal 24:7 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� My Worst Deal 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:45pm..............................................................Doctors 2:15pm �� Escape to the Country 3:00pm......................................................... BBC News 3:05pm ��Horrible Histories 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��All Over the Place 4:30pm ��Who Let the Dogs Out? 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm ��EastEnders A poker game between the males of Albert Square separates the men from the boys. But as the stakes are raised, who will come up trumps: Phil, or Derek? 8:00pm ��Holby City Sahira cannot believe it when Hanssen takes her off CTU but she is determined not to let him control her. 9:00pm................................... The Syndicate Denise is left devastated when husband Dave announces he is leaving her. She embarks on a personal mission to win him back, but Leanne thinks she is going too far. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm ��Who Do You Think You Are? USA Series in which American celebrities trace their ancestry, discovering secrets and surprises from their past. Singer-songwriter Lionel Richie tries to find out more about his great-grandfather. 11:20pm ��Lionel Richie at the BBC A selection of Lionel Richie’s greatest moments from the BBC archives, from his first Top of the Pops appearance with the Commodores in 1979 to highlights from his 2009 concert at the BBC’s Maida Vale studios.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:35am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:20am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am �� Alphablocks 8:35am ��Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am.......................................Little Charley Bear 9:00am ��Buzz and Tell 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 9:35am ��Small Potatoes 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Dipdap 10:30am ��64 Zoo Lane 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� Tiger Bay 1:15pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��To Buy or Not to Buy 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm �� Flog It! 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm �� Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Coast 8:00pm �� Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation 9:00pm ��Horizon 10:00pm ��Never Mind the Buzzcocks 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� Wikileaks: The Secret Life of a Superpower

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6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am ��This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm..............................ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders During a masterclass for talented young musicians held by famous pianist Sir Michael Fielding, prodigy Zoe Stock is shocked to witness a woman drowning in the river, leaving a baby on the bank. 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm........................................ Emmerdale Aaron makes a statement to the police. David and Rachel enjoy winding Alicia up. Amy tries to manipulate Brenda. 7:30pm ��Countrywise Kitchen Paul Heiney and chef Mike Robinson are in Lancashire to discover some of the county’s culinary specialities, including hotpot, wild rabbit and faggots as well as a very posh cheese on toast. 8:00pm �� Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Celebrity Special First up are sports presenter Gabby Logan, playing for Sparks, and opera singer Katherine Jenkins, answering questions for The British Forces Foundation. 9:00pm �� Smugglers Documentary about the trade in counterfeit goods, now worth an estimated £1 billion a year in Britain. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten & Weather 10:35pm ��Benidorm Madge is preparing for her wedding to Mohammed, the wealthy son of Mel’s old business partner. 11:35pm �� Ladette to Lady The five remaining contenders discover that they will be hosting a three-course dinner for 16 guests.

6:20am ��The Hoobs 6:45am.......................................................The Hoobs 7:15am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:40am ��According to Jim 8:05am ��According to Jim 8:35am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 9:05am................................................................Frasier 9:35am ��Frasier 10:00am ��The Big Bang Theory 10:30am ��The Big Bang Theory 11:00am............................. Secret Millionaire USA 12:00pm...................Channel 4 News Summary 12:05pm �� The Fabulous Baker Brothers 12:35pm ��River Cottage Bites 12:50pm �� Father Goose 3:05pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm.................................... Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks Doug and Ste’s meeting at the bank leaves them deflated. Sensing an opportunity to gain a hold over Ste again, Brendan makes Doug a tempting offer. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm...................................... 4thought.tv 8:00pm................ Supersize v Superskinny

Dr Christian pays a visit to Overeaters Anonymous in Evansville, Indiana America’s fattest city. 9:00pm.............................. The Undateables 10:00pm �� Facejacker 10:35pm ��Hit the Road Jack An extended edition of yesterday’s show with added extras. In this new series Jack Whitehall takes his show on the road visiting a different UK city each week. 11:10pm ��Random Acts 11:15pm �� Desperate Housewives Susan gets a shock when her daughter pays a visit to Wisteria Lane : Julie is six months pregnant, the father is not around.

The Undateables Channel 4 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm Looking for love can be tricky, but some find it harder than others. Add disability to the equation and it can sometimes seem almost impossible. This uplifting three-part series follows the journeys of several extraordinary singletons as they enter the dating circuit in pursuit of love. From a stand-up comedian with Tourette’s and a

trapeze artist with brittle bones, to a media student with Down’s Syndrome, an amateur poet with a learning disability, and a skateboarder with a facial disfigurement, the series follows them as they enter the world of blind dates, matchmakers and speed dating. The first episode features Richard, an amateur radio enthusiast, who has Asperger’s. Richard will only date

a woman who lives within a five-mile radius and won’t eat on a date. Meanwhile 23-year old Luke is a stand-up comedian who has Tourette’s. He’s got an active social life and a good group of friends, but in a world where first impressions are everything, he’s petrified of approaching a girl for fear of calling her a slag - or worse.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

3 6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm.......................London: The Inside Story 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��CSI: NY 3:10pm �� Mary Higgins Clark’s Let Me Call You Sweetheart 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm ��Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers 8:00pm.................. Rory McGrath’s Pub Dig 9:00pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:00pm �� CSI: NY 10:55pm �� CSI: Miami 11:55pm �� CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

7:00pm �� Total Wipeout Richard’s co-host Amanda Byram is courseside in Buenos Aires as 20 foolhardy Brits tackle the purpose-built Argentinian course. 8:00pm..........................Don’t Tell the Bride 25-year-old Kara is moving out of her house in Reading and leaving the keys in the tattooed hands of her 22-year-old fiance, Alex. 9:00pm.............. Prison, My Family and Me The first of two documentaries which give a glimpse into the lives of four characters who have all had their family life affected by crime. It follows their lives as they grapple with the challenges that come with loving someone who has been convicted of crime. 10:00pm �� EastEnders 10:30pm �� Pramface Laura is very pregnant, very bored and cannot stop thinking about Jamie. 11:00pm �� Family Guy During a birthday visit to Funland, Peter runs into a former classmate who founded the amusement park. 11:45pm �� American Dad!

6:00am ��Coronation Street 6:50am ��Emmerdale 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Coronation Street 1:00pm ��Emmerdale 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy

6:00am ��Duty Free 6:30am ��Heartbeat 7:30am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:30am �� Jeeves and Wooster 9:35am..............................................Terry and June 10:15am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 11:20am ��Cadfael 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm..................................................On the Buses 5:10pm ��Terry and June 5:45pm ��Heartbeat

6:30pm ��The Cube 7:30pm �� You’ve Been Framed! 8:00pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 8:30pm..........................Harry Hill’s TV Burp 9:00pm �� The Vampire Diaries 10:00pm �� The Matrix

6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote 8:00pm..............................................Wycliffe 9:00pm ��Taggart DI Robbie Ross starts to feel the heat when Thomas Duffy, one of his informants, is brutally murdered. 10:00pm ��Trial and Retribution 11:35pm ��NUMB3RS

V For Vendetta MBC 2 - 8:00 - 10:30 pm Based on the same named comic series written in 1982 by Alan Moore and David Lloyd, V for Vendetta tells the tale of a near future England run by an oppressive government and a man, known only as V (Hugo Weaving), who sets out to destroy it. V is a terrorist, and he achieves his goals by murder, subterfuge, and blow-

ing things up. He bursts onto the scene clad in dark clothes, hidden behind a Guy Fawkes mask, and spouting dialogue so complex and full of high-dollar words that it’s nearly another language. While skulking London’s deserted, under curfew streets, he rescues a waifish girl accosted by Fingermen, the government’s rape-hungry secret police. The girl is Evey (Natalie

Portman) and it’s the 5th of November, a day the people of Britain will remember. V takes Evey under his wing, as he embarks upon his strategy of governmental destruction. He’s a terrorist, but he’s not terrorizing the people. Instead, his goal is to awaken and empower them, while striking fear in the heart of England’s totalitarian government

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am �� Relocation, Relocation 11:00am �� River Cottage Bites 11:20am �� The Riddle of the Sands 1:25pm �� The Landscape Man 2:30pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm ��Four in a Bed 3:35pm ��The Renovation Game 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation 6:55pm �� Come Dine with Me 7:55pm ��Grand Designs Philip and Andrea Traill bought a Grade Two Listed Victorian timber-clad barn in a picturesque Surrey village. They plan to convert the interior in an ambitious marriage of the traditional and the ultra-modern. 9:00pm �� The Restoration Man 10:05pm ��One Born Every Minute USA 11:05pm ��The Good Wife

6:00am ��Police, Camera, Action! 6:20am ��The Professionals 7:10am �� Batman 7:35am �� Batman 8:05am �� Minder 9:05am ��The Fall Guy 10:05am �� Quantum Leap 11:00am ��The Professionals 12:00pm............................................................ Minder 1:05pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 2:00pm �� Quantum Leap 3:00pm ��The Fall Guy 4:00pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 4:30pm ��British Touring Car Championship Highlights 6:00pm �� Quantum Leap 7:00pm ��Deadliest Season in the World 8:00pm ��Rookie Builders 9:00pm �� Cricket 10:00pm �� Training Day

tv guide

r d

A p r i l

6:00am ��Arlington Road 8:00am �� The Flim-Flam Man 9:45am ��In the Meantime, Darling 11:00am ��How Green Was My Valley 1:30pm �� Hemingway’s Adventures of a Young Man 4:00pm ��The Incident 6:00pm �� Dreamer An unknown pro bowler becomes national champion with his coach’s help and despite his girlfriend. 8:00pm ��Beloved Compassionate drama set in the aftermath of the American Civil War, about a former slave whose well-ordered life with her daughter is thrown into turmoil by the arrival of a woman whose presence forces her to confront her past actions. 10:18pm ��FXM Presents 10:30pm ��Playing by Heart Intriguing and compelling comedy drama chronicling the lives and loves of a group of Los Angeles residents whose paths cross during a hectic eight-day period.

8:00am �� Thank You for Smoking 10:00am ��The Devil Wears Prada 1:30pm �� The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor 3:30pm.........................................................Spy Game 6:00pm ��Riders Slim, Otis, Frank and Alex (three boys and a girl) form a group of snowboard and skate young bank robbers. They are known as masters of the runaway art. Slim, the thinking head hatched a plan for their final retirement: five consecutive burglars, in five days, involving 20 million dollars. 8:00pm �� V for Vendetta A shadowy freedom fighter known only as “V” uses terrorist tactics to fight against his totalitarian society. Upon rescuing a girl from the secret police, he also finds his best chance at having an ally. 10:30pm �� Ong-bak When the head of a statue sacred to a village is stolen, a young martial artist goes to the big city and finds himself taking on the underworld to retrieve it.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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tv guide

w e d n e s d ay 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��Animal 24:7 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� My Worst Deal 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm �� Escape to the Country 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Horrible Histories 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��All Over the Place 4:30pm ��Deadly Top 10 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm �� BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm ��Cash Britain In this episode, soaring gold prices see the pawnbrokers on the frontline of a new gold rush. Faye is in for a surprise when she sells some jewellery to help her daughter with the heating bills. 8:00pm �� Waterloo Road It is the start of exam season and Josh is struggling to cope with the workload, and without his medication, his mental health is beginning to spiral out of control. 9:00pm ��The Apprentice Condiments. Lord Sugar decides to mix up the teams for the third task, which is to come up with a new condiment; one team goes for a Mediterranean-style ketchup, and the other a chilli chutney. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm ��The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10:45pm �� Sexism in Football? Gabby Logan explores sexism in football, hearing stories from influential women working across the men’s game. 11:35pm �� The Syndicate

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:45am ��Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am.............................................................. Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:20am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am..................................................... Alphablocks 8:35am...............................................................Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am.......................................Little Charley Bear 9:00am...................................................Buzz and Tell 9:05am..........................................Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 9:35am ��Small Potatoes 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Dipdap 10:30am ��64 Zoo Lane 10:40am ��Waybuloo 11:00am �� In the Night Garden 11:30am �� Skyrunners 1:00pm ��See Hear 1:30pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��To Buy or Not to Buy 3:00pm ��Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm �� Flog It! 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm �� Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� The Fisherman’s Apprentice with Monty Halls 8:00pm ��Our Food 9:00pm �� Woolly Mammoth 10:00pm �� The Apprentice: You’re Fired! 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm �� Golf

Editor Recommends

6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am.................................................This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am.................................................This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Dickinson’s Real Deal David and the team are in Maidenhead, Berkshire, where the dealers’ den is soon buzzing with the arrival of an original Henry Moore etching. 4:00pm ��Midsomer Murders During a masterclass for talented young musicians held by famous pianist Sir Michael Fielding, prodigy Zoe Stock is shocked to witness a woman drowning in the river, leaving a baby on the bank. 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Chas frets over what Aaron has got himself into. Amy’s plan backfires, pushing Brenda and Pollard closer together. Ali feels the pressure to start divorce proceedings. 7:30pm ��UEFA Champions League Chelsea v Benfica. Adrian Chiles introduces live coverage of Chelsea’s quarter-final, second leg against Benfica at Stamford Bridge. 10:00pm.........ITV News at Ten & Weather 10:35pm ��UEFA Champions League Extra Time. Matt Smith is joined by Gareth Southgate and Andy Townsend for a review of this week’s Champions League quarterfinal second legs, including Chelsea’s tie with Benfica at Stamford Bridge. 11:35pm �� Road Warriors An uncompromising look at the lives of the men and women who have to deliver supplies to the armed forces in Afghanistan. The road warriors’ latest task includes dismantling a front line operating base, but the roads are so dangerous and threat so high that they have to travel at night.

6:10am �� The Treacle People 6:20am ��The Hoobs 6:45am ��The Hoobs 7:15am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:40am ��According to Jim 8:05am ��According to Jim 8:35am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 9:05am ��Frasier 9:35am ��Frasier 10:00am ��The Big Bang Theory 10:30am ��The Big Bang Theory 11:00am �� Secret Millionaire USA 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News Summary 12:05pm �� The Fabulous Baker Brothers 12:40pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:45pm ��Never So Few 3:05pm �� Sainsbury’s and Channel 4 Present... 2012 3:10pm �� Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks Doug runs out of options when trying to raise money for the deli -but will he let Ste down or take Brendan up on his offer? 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Four Rooms Four of Britain’s top dealers in art, antiques and collectibles wait in separate rooms, each prepared to spend their personal fortunes if the right item comes through their door. 9:00pm �� One Born Every Minute This episode witnesses the emotional end of a lifetime’s career for one long-serving midwife. Linda Abbott has been a midwife for 38 years, but her career is coming to an end. 10:00pm................................ 10 O’Clock Live 10:55pm �� Facejacker Once again Novak dons elaborate prosthetics to showcase his amazing array of characters and voices. 11:30pm ��Hit the Road Jack

Indian Premier League ITV 4 - 1:45 - 7:30 pm THE glitziest cricket tournament in the world – the Indian Premier League – is back, and ITV4 is covering every game. The channel will be showing 72 of 76 games live and highlights of the other matches from the start of the competition on April 4. The IPL, known for its glamour and razzmatazz, is in its fifth year and the first

game this time will feature 2011 champions Chennai Super Kings starting the defence of their title against 2010 runners-up Mumbai Indians. Major stars of the game including Sachin Tendulkar, MS Dhoni, Chris Gayle, Kevin Pietersen, Lasith Malinga and Kumar Sangakkara will all be involved in the Twenty20 tournament as nine sides battle it out for the title.

Presenter Matt Smith said: “I can’t wait for the big hitting madness to start again. The Indian Premier League really is compulsive viewing.” Regular pundits include former England captain Alec Stewart and West Indian great Clive Lloyd, alongside ex-professional Simon Hughes and a host of former England players including Mark Butcher, Dominic Cork and Vikram Solank.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

4 7:00pm ��Top Gear Jeremy asks why there aren’t more threewheeled cars in the world, James attempts to drive a Toyota Hilux up an active volcano in Iceland and The Stig rips up the track in the new Bentley Continental Supersports. 8:00pm..........................Don’t Tell the Bride 26-year-old ex-footballer Steve tries so hard to pull off the wedding of his dreams, but when he’s confronted with his furious brideto-be Kayleigh on their wedding day, does he finally realise he’s made a huge mistake? 9:00pm �� Mugged Documentary which hears both victim’s and mugger’s stories. Three victims give accounts of their muggings and its aftermath. Aidan was battered by a gang of 15 muggers as he walked home from lectures. 10:00pm �� Free Speech Jake Humphrey hosts a live debate show. Broadcast from a different location around the country each month, it gives BBC THREE viewers the chance to have their say about the issues they care about. 11:00pm �� Family Guy 11:45pm................................ American Dad!

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am.............................. Relocation, Relocation 11:00am �� River Cottage Bites 11:20am ��The Quiller Memorandum 1:25pm................................... The Landscape Man 2:30pm �� Come Dine with Me 3:00pm ��Four in a Bed 3:35pm ��The Renovation Game 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:00am ��Emmerdale 6:25am ��Nanny 911 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Emmerdale 12:30pm ��Nanny 911 1:30pm............................. The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy

6:00am ��Duty Free 6:30am ��Heartbeat 7:30am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:35am �� Jeeves and Wooster 9:40am..............................................Terry and June 10:15am................................Upstairs, Downstairs 11:20am ��Cadfael 1:00pm........................................................Heartbeat 2:05pm �� Murder, She Wrote 3:05pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm..................................................On the Buses 4:40pm ��On the Buses 5:10pm ��Terry and June 5:50pm ��Heartbeat

6:05pm �� Judge Judy 6:30pm �� Judge Judy 7:00pm �� Take Me Out 8:15pm �� Take Me Out - The Gossip 9:00pm �� Knocked Up 11:40pm ��Eyes Wide Shut

6:55pm �� Murder, She Wrote Jessica tries to uncover the truth about a land sale that is connected to murder. 8:00pm ��The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 9:00pm ��Poirot 11:10pm �� Cracker

6:00am ��World Cup Hat-Trick Heroes 6:05am ��Police, Camera, Action! 6:30am........................................The Professionals 7:20am ��The Saint 8:20am............... World’s Wildest Police Videos 9:15am.....................................................The Fall Guy 10:20am �� Quantum Leap 11:20am ��The Professionals 12:20pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:15pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 1:45pm............................................................... Cricket 2:45pm �� Cricket Matt Smith and Shonali Nagrani present live action from the opening match in this year’s fifth IPL tournament. Defending champions the Chennai Super Kings face a tough test against Sachin Tendulkar’s Mumbai Indians.

6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am..........................................LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm.......................London: The Inside Story 1:15pm ��Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��CSI: NY 3:15pm...................................................Montana Sky 5:00pm.....................................................5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm.........Ultimate Police Interceptors 8:00pm................................Cowboy Traders 9:00pm ��NCIS 10:00pm............................... Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm �� Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11:55pm ��Pokerstars

6:50pm......................... Come Dine with Me In Worcester singleton sauce pot Rosita Bowkat takes on feisty landlady Tania Jones, Take That tribute-band member Tony James, and fitness fanatic Nicholas Clarke. 7:55pm ��Grand Designs Kevin McCloud travels to Herefordshire to meet a young couple who have begun building their first home in the centre of an ancient village. 9:00pm.....................The Secret Millionaire 11:05pm �� Undercover Boss USA

7:30pm..............................Motorway Patrol 8:00pm �� Border Security USA 9:00pm ��Police, Camera, Action! 10:00pm �� Demolition Man

tv guide

ap r i l

8:00am ��Breaking Away 9:45am �� Footsteps 11:00am ��12 Days of Terror 12:30pm �� The Vault of Horror 2:00pm ��The Other 4:00pm ��The Evil Within 6:00pm ��Damnation Alley Four people attempt to find survivors following the bloody carnage in New York, but their efforts are hampered by mutant creatures and violent savages. 8:00pm ��Sleepy Hollow Tim Burton’s stylish take on Washington Irving’s classic tale about a headless horseman terrorising a quiet village community, starring Johnny Depp as sceptical investigating officer Ichabod Crane. 10:00pm �� Darkness Falls A man is forced to face his darkest childhood fears when a malevolent entity sets its sights on a friend’s brother. He travels back to his home town to confront the vengeful spirit of an elderly, eccentric woman who was lynched 150 years earlier on suspicion of murder.

8:00am �� Volcano 9:45am �� The Deal 11:30am ��Spy Game 1:30pm �� Ladder 49 Under the watchful eye of his mentor Captain Mike Kennedy, probationary firefighter Jack Morrison matures into a seasoned veteran at a Baltimore fire station. 4:00pm �� Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

The most delicious event since macaroni met cheese. Inspired by the beloved children’s book, the film focuses on a town where food falls from the sky like rain. 6:00pm �� Bait An ex-con is used by police to lure a criminal out of hiding. 10:30pm �� Highwaymen Rennie Cray (Caviezel) embarks on a bloodthirsty rampage to avenge the death of his wife who was struck down by a serial killer - a man who hunts and kills women using his ‘72 El Dorado.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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www.tenerifeweekly.es

tv guide

th u r s d a y 6:00am ��Breakfast 9:15am ��Animal 24:7 10:00am ��Homes Under the Hammer 11:00am �� My Worst Deal 11:45am ��Cash in the Attic 12:15pm ��Bargain Hunt 1:00pm �� BBC News at One 1:30pm ��BBC London News 1:45pm ��Doctors 2:15pm �� Escape to the Country 3:00pm �� BBC News 3:05pm ��Horrible Histories 3:35pm �� Lockie Leonard 4:00pm ��All Over the Place 4:30pm �� Leonardo 5:00pm �� Newsround 5:15pm ��Pointless 6:00pm................................ BBC News at Six 6:30pm ��BBC London News 7:00pm �� The One Show 7:30pm ��EastEnders Alfie decides to fight back after becoming embroiled in another of Derek’s dodgy deals - but has he the courage to see his plan through? 8:00pm ��Watchdog Anne Robinson and the team use undercover filming to reveal how gym memberships are sold. Plus, the airlines that raise their prices during so-called sales. 9:00pm ��Land of the Lost Wolves Nature series documenting the return of one very special wolf pack to the snowy peaks of Washington’s Cascade Mountains- the first to return to the American Northwest in 70 years. 10:00pm ��BBC News at Ten 10:25pm ��BBC London News 10:35pm �� Adele Live at the Royal Albert Hall Highlights from Adele’s live performance at the Royal Albert Hall on 21 September 2011, recorded as part of her international tour and with a set list including songs from hit albums 19 and 21. 11:35pm ��Small Time Crooks

6:00am ��Children´s TV 6:35am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 6:45am................................................................Dipdap 6:50am �� Pinky Dinky Doo 7:00am ��Roar 7:30am �� The League of Super Evil 7:45am �� Eliot Kid 7:55am �� Newsround 8:00am ��Bear Behaving Badly 8:20am ��Shaun the Sheep 8:30am..................................................... Alphablocks 8:35am...............................................................Abadas 8:45am �� Numtums 8:50am.......................................Little Charley Bear 9:00am ��Buzz and Tell 9:05am ��Tinga Tinga Tales 9:20am ��Driver Dan’s Story Train 9:30am ��Chuggington: Badge Quest 9:35am ��Small Potatoes 9:40am ��Andy’s Wild Adventures 9:55am ��Tree Fu Tom 10:20am ��Zingzillas Zingbop 10:25am ��Dipdap 10:35am..................................................64 Zoo Lane 10:45am ��Waybuloo 11:05am �� In the Night Garden 11:35am ��Sinbad The Sailor 1:30pm �� Animal Park 2:15pm ��To Buy or Not to Buy 3:00pm........................................Helicopter Heroes 3:45pm �� Flog It! 4:30pm ��Breakaway 5:15pm �� Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6:00pm ��Just a Minute 6:30pm ��Eggheads 7:00pm �� Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation 8:00pm ��Natural World 9:00pm ��White Heat 10:00pm �� The Sarah Millican Television Programme 10:30pm ��Newsnight 11:20pm ��Modern Spies

Editor Recommends

6:00am ��Daybreak 8:30am ��Lorraine 9:25am ��The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am.................................................This Morning 11:25am ��ITV News 11:30am ��This Morning 12:30pm ��Loose Women 1:30pm ��ITV News and Weather 2:00pm �� 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm ��Midsomer Murders 5:00pm �� The Chase 6:00pm �� London Tonight 6:30pm �� ITV News and Weather 7:00pm �� Emmerdale Chas is nervous as Aaron’s day in court arrives. Brenda is ashamed of her one-night stand with Pollard. 7:30pm............................................... Tonight Because We are Worth it. With the average FTSE boss earning over £14,000 a day, Lord Sugar and Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou help ITV Business Editor Laura Kuenssberg investigate why top pay continues to rise, while many of us struggle. 8:00pm �� Emmerdale Aaron says an emotional goodbye. Sean promises to keep quiet about Ali’s illiteracy. Pollard and Brenda agree to keep their fling secret. 8:30pm ��Coronation Street Suspicion is rife at the Rovers when money goes missing from the safe. Kirsty lashes out when Tyrone fails to keep his promise. 9:00pm �� Fraud Squad The gangs use an array of sophisticated equipment to steal customers’ bank account details - secret cameras record pin numbers and skimmers copy account details from the magnetic strip on the bank card, while some criminals even use false ATM fascias which they fix over real machines. 10:00pm ��ITV News at Ten and Weather 10:35pm ��Take Me Out 11:50pm ��The Unforgettable Mollie Sugden. Family, friends and colleagues pay a touching tribute to one of Britain’s finest comedy actresses, Mollie Sudgen.

6:10am �� The Treacle People 6:20am.......................................................The Hoobs 6:45am ��The Hoobs 7:15am �� Freshly Squeezed 7:40am ��According to Jim 8:05am ��According to Jim 8:35am ��Everybody Loves Raymond 9:05am ��Frasier 9:35am ��Frasier 10:00am ��The Big Bang Theory 10:30am ��The Big Bang Theory 11:00am �� Secret Millionaire USA 12:00pm ��Channel 4 News Summary 12:05pm �� The Fabulous Baker Brothers 12:35pm �� Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard 12:45pm ��Air Force 3:10pm..................................................... Countdown 4:00pm �� Deal or No Deal 5:00pm �� Come Dine with Me 5:30pm ��Four in a Bed 6:00pm ��The Simpsons 6:30pm ��Hollyoaks Doug begins to regret his deal with the devil when he is attacked. Joel takes drastic measures when he feels pushed out by Brendan. 7:00pm �� Channel 4 News 7:55pm �� 4thought.tv 8:00pm �� Get Your House in Order IT professional Stuart is obsessed with having the newest gadgets, boy’s toys and designer clothes. 9:00pm �� What Happened Next? Now the series visits three One Born couples as their babies approach their first birthday to see how they’re responding to an even bigger challenge: parenthood. 10:00pm �� Death Row The third and final portraits are of Joseph Garcia and George Rivas. Garcia’s case is one of a tragic outcome from an everyday event, and a punishment out of proportion. 10:55pm ��Random Acts 11:05pm ��Embarrassing Bodies Dr Christian helps a man whose rare genetic condition has left him needing new ears.

Fraud Squad ITV 1 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm Fraud Squad lifts the lid on the organised crime gangs making millions from cash machine crime. With exclusive access to The Dedicated Cheque and Plastic Crime Unit, Fraud Squad shows how the gangs use a vast array of sophisticated equipment to steal customers’ bank account details. Secret cameras record pin numbers and skimmers copy account details

from the magnetic strip on the bank card. Some gangs even design whole false ATM fascias. Head of The Dedicated Cheque and Plastic Crime Unit DCI Paul Barnard says: “The criminals constantly try and evolve their technology to beat the technology the banks put in place. It’s a constant battle to try and work out where the criminal is going next”. One nationality has a mo-

nopoly on the trade, the equipment and the rewards. In the first three months of 2011, Detectives from the Dedicated Cheque and Plastic Crime unit identified 120 Romanians linked ATM crime. DCI Paul Barnard says: “The fact is 92 percent of all ATM fraud we see in this country is committed by Romanian nationals. Very, very tight communities, very tight gangs”

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

5 7:00pm �� The Apprentice Condiments. Lord Sugar decides to mix up the teams for the third task, which is to come up with a new condiment; one team goes for a Mediterranean-style ketchup, and the other a chilli chutney. 8:00pm �� Great Movie Mistakes Robert Webb is back with a brand new helping of silver screen slip-ups from recent hit movies, exposing shocking gaffes from the Hollywood blockbusters. 10:00pm...................................... EastEnders 10:30pm �� Angry Boys Series in which Australian comedian Chris Lilley plays a host of characters, all confronting various dilemmas facing young men in the 21st century. 11:00pm �� Family Guy Thanks to Brian’s embarrassing flea problem the Griffins move into a hotel while the house is fumigated, and Lois and Peter discover that Chris has been skipping gym class because he’s self-conscious about his body. 11:50pm �� American Dad!

8:55am ��Deal or No Deal 9:55am....................................My Place in the Sun 10:30am............................ Relocation, Relocation 11:35am ��The Ghosts of Berkeley Square 1:25pm �� The Landscape Man 2:30pm.................................... Come Dine with Me 3:00pm..................................................Four in a Bed 3:35pm ��The Renovation Game 4:40pm ��A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 5:45pm �� Relocation, Relocation

6:00am ��Emmerdale 6:25am ��Nanny 911 7:15am ��Loose Women 8:10am �� Judge Judy 9:25am.................................The Real Housewives of Orange County 10:30am �� Judge Judy 12:00pm ��Emmerdale 12:30pm ��Nanny 911 1:30pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm �� The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm ��The Real Housewives of Orange County 4:40pm ��Loose Women 5:40pm �� Judge Judy

6:00am ��Duty Free 6:30am ��Heartbeat 7:30am �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 8:30am.................................. Jeeves and Wooster 9:35am..............................................Terry and June 10:15am ��Upstairs, Downstairs 11:20am............................................................Cadfael 1:00pm ��Heartbeat 2:05pm..................................... Murder, She Wrote 3:10pm �� Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman 4:05pm..................................................On the Buses 4:40pm ��On the Buses 5:15pm ��Terry and June 5:50pm ��Heartbeat

6:00am ��Tommy Cooper 6:25am ��Motorway Patrol 6:50am.............................................. Quantum Leap 7:50am...........................................................The Saint 8:50am �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 9:40am ��Border Security USA 10:40am ��Motorway Patrol 11:05am ��The Saint 12:05pm �� World’s Wildest Police Videos 1:00pm ��Border Security USA 1:55pm.............................................. Quantum Leap 3:00pm �� Cricket

7:00pm �� All Star Family Fortunes 8:00pm ��American Idol 10:00pm ��Celebrity Juice 10:45pm ��Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 11:15pm ��The Bourne Identity

6:55pm.......................... Murder, She Wrote Jessica unearths a suspicious death in the desert during an excavation of a Native American site where gold is discovered. 8:00pm ��Poirot 9:00pm ��Wycliffe 10:10pm ��Brides in the Bath

6:00am ��Children´s TV 9:00am ��Olivia 9:15am ��The Wright Stuff 11:10am ��LIVE with Gabby 12:10pm ��5 News Lunchtime 12:15pm ��Charley Boorman’s Extreme Frontiers 1:15pm............................................Home and Away 1:45pm ��Neighbours 2:15pm ��NCIS 3:15pm �� Murder Without Conviction 5:00pm ��5 News at 5 5:30pm ��Neighbours 6:00pm ��Home and Away 6:30pm �� 5 News 7:00pm ��Holiday Heaven on Earth 7:25pm ��Ultimate Police Interceptors 7:55pm �� UEFA Europa League 10:00pm �� The Glimmer Man 11:55pm �� Inside Hollywood

Darkness Falls Fox Movies - 8:00 - 10:00 pm In the 1800’s there was a woman that little children would take their old teeth (ones they had recently lost) to in exchange for a gold coin. A few years later, tragedy struck her, first a fire in her house which caused her to not be able to go into any type of light, and then she was hanged.

There’s a story that goes around the town of Darkness Falls about her, and she’s called the Tooth Fairy. The story goes that she can’t go in the light, and if you wake up and see her, she’ll kill you. The usual saying is “Don’t Peek.” Well, there is a boy named Kyle who gets a warning from his friend Caitlin to not peek.

Well, he wakes up on the night when the Tooth Fairy is supposed to come and get his last tooth and sees her. It all leads to more tragedy and the movie jumps to 12 years later. Now grown up, Caitlin calls Kyle because her little brother Michael is going through the same things he did as a boy.

6:50pm......................... Come Dine with Me 7:55pm...................................Grand Designs 9:00pm ��The Good Wife 10:00pm �� The Big C On the eve of a family holiday in Italy, Cathy rushes to be with her dying friend Lee and is forced to confront some hard choices between her friend and her family. 10:35pm �� Saving Grace 11:30pm �� Shameless USA

7:30pm �� UEFA Europa League Live Matt Smith presents live coverage of a quarter-final second leg tie with a place in the last four up for grabs. 10:35pm �� The Long Kiss Goodnight No-holds-barred action thriller about an amnesiac schoolteacher who discovers she was formerly a government assassin when she hires a low-rent private eye to help fill the gaps in her memory.

tv guide

ap r i l

6:00am �� Eastern Promises 8:00am ��The Panic in Needle Park 9:55am ��The Silent Call 11:00am ��The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit 2:00pm �� House of Bamboo 4:00pm ��The Seven-Ups 6:00pm ��The Cape Town Affair South African agents look for top-secret microfilm picked up on a bus by a purse snatcher. 8:00pm �� Darkness Falls A man is forced to face his darkest childhood fears when a malevolent entity sets its sights on a friend’s brother. He travels back to his home town to confront the vengeful spirit of an elderly, eccentric woman who was lynched 150 years earlier on suspicion of murder. 10:00pm ��Eastern Promises Viggo Mortensen and director David Cronenberg reunite for this superb gangster thriller set among the Russian immigrant population of London. 11:49pm ��FXM Presents

7:30am ��Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous 9:30am �� Linewatch 11:30am ��Proof Of Life 2:00pm �� Starsky and Hutch 3:30pm ��The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus 6:00pm ��Meet the Fockers Having given permission to male nurse Greg Focker to marry his daughter, ex-CIA man Jack Byrnes and his wife travel to Miami to Greg’s parents, who this time around are Mr. and Mrs. Focker. 8:00pm................................. Jurassic Park III Eight years after the InGen incident, Dr. Alan Grant is happy with his life far from any dinosaurs other than fossilized. Unfortunately, he is extremely short in research money. 10:00pm �� Batman Begins Eight-year-old Bruce Wayne falls into a cave where he encounters a swarm of bats. Bruce develops a fear of bats, and later urges his parents to leave an opera featuring bat-like creatures.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 time out

Take a little Crossword

Across

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TIME OUT The brain train

Down

1. Performs surgery (8) 6. Wise (4) 8. Shrink back (6) 9. Short cannon (6) 10. Republic in N Africa (5) 11. Belly (7) 13. Flood (6) 15. Plan (6) 17. Care (7) 19. Frosting (5) 22. Accommodate (6) 23. Sloping letter (6) 24. Two together (4) 25. Defogger (8)

2. Exact (7) 3. Spacious (5) 4. Slant (4) 5. Some person (8) 6. Religious discourses (7) 7. Tomb (5) 12. Made known (8) Give the grey cells a work-out 14. Lie (7) with our quick quiz. 16. The firing of guns (7) Question One: True or False - Hair 18. Pertaining to sound reproduction (5) yanked out by the roots will not grow 20. Talons (5) back? 21. Thin layer (4) Question Two: Which supermarket chain used Jamie Oliver in their adverts? Question Three: What is Fred Flintstone’s favourite sport? Try to fill in the Question Four: True or False, Women blink twice as much as men? missing Question Five: What mineral is spinnumbers. ach high in? Use the numbers 1 Question Six: What was the name through 9 to comof the green Tellytubby? plete the equations.

MATHS CHALLENGE

Sudoku

Fill in the black squares so that each row, each column and each 3-by-3 block contain all of the digits 1 through 9.

Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Work from left to right. Each column is a math equation. Work from top to bottom

An easy one

Word search

Can you find the hidden Sea Creatures? They may be horizontal or vertical.

The dotted lines indicate areas which also contain a non-repeating set of digits. These squares can be added together to produce the sums shown in the clues. A little tougher

This week’s clever quote “You never know where to look when eating a banana. “ - Peter Kaye

Crab Dolphin Jellyfish Lamprey Lobster Mollusks Octopus Otter Penguin Sea turtle Seal Shark Shrimp Sponge Squid Starfish Stingray Walrus Whale

Spot the 11 differences

Solutions to our puzzles can be found on page 46

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 showbiz

Kate Winslet ‘wows at Titanic 3D’ world Premiere

Robbie Williams ‘looking to buy Michael Jackson’s mansion’ Robbie Williams is apparently on the lookout for a new pad for him and his wife Ayda Field – and he’s reportedly been eyeing up the LA pad Michael Jackson died in. The late singer’s home was put on the market last week for $23.9million and is thought to have remained empty since his death in June 2009. But it seems 38-year-old Robbie is keen on living in the Beverly Hills pad where the King of pop died as, according to US reports, he has been eyeing up the property. US gossip site TMZ reports the Angels singer was seen arriving at the LA mansion in his Range Rover before taking a look around. Realtor Mauricio Umansky, the CEO and co-founder of The Agency in Beverly Hills,

Kate Winslet was positively glowing at as she attended the world premiere of Titanic 3D alongside James Cameron. London’s Royal Albert Hall played host to the first 3D showing of the 1997 blockbuster starring Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio on Tuesday (March 27). The film’s Billy Zane and Bernard Hill were also in attendance, along with new Doctor Who star Jenna-Louise Coleman.

Russell’s Replacement

We don’t like to be the bearers of bad news. But Katy Perry is moving on from Russell Brand with a jaw-droppingly gorgeous 22-year-old. Three months after her untimely split from the British funnyman, Katy has been spotted getting up close and personal with French model and singer Baptiste Giabiconi.

The pair sparked speculation about their budding romance when they were sat next to each other on the front row at Fashion Week, but they seem to be cementing that status even further with a new Twitter picture this week. Baptiste, who is five years Katy’s junior (lucky lady!), posted the cosy snap with the words: “@katyperry hey my #littlekats u look So amazing in this pics !:) ❤” (sic)

Is it all over for TOWIE?

Brian Belo is suing the makers of The Only Way is Essex over the show’s concept. The former Big Brother winner alleges that the ITV2 series has breached copyright, and that they have reproduced a format that was originally created by him, Sassy Films and Massive TV for a show called Totally Essex. Belo has filed the claim with the High Court on behalf of himself and the two companies, reports the Financial Times. Totally Essex had a similar concept to The Only Way is Essex, and a trailer for the show even featured future TOWIE stars including Amy Childs and Mark Wright, but the full series was not commissioned. ITV and Lime Pictures said in a joint statement: “The Only Way is Essex is an original concept created and developed by an award-winning team at Lime Pictures. “Brian Belo’s claim against Lime and ITV is

1D’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ to feature on Glee!

If a debut Number One album in the US charts wasn’t enough proof that One Direction utterly smashing things stateside, it’s just been revealed that the boys’ debut hit is going to be covered on Glee. The Glee gang usually only cover the most popular hits by the biggest pop acts on the plant – so it’s testament to 1D’s meteoric rise to US fame that they’re getting the Glee show choir treatment. Mr Schue AKA Matthew Morrison let slip about the news, telling The Sun, “I’ve just heard of them, they’re really taking over the States. We are covering one of their songs on Glee - What Makes You Beautiful.” Matt then joked that their song featuring on the show would help to boost their sales (the joke of course being that they’re healthy enough already), “They’ve made it now though they’re on Glee, this will probably help their record sales too,” he laughed.

is believed to only be showing the house to buyers who can prove they have the cash. Seeing as the former Take That star is worth £93million, that shouldn’t be a problem! The impressive house boasts sevenbedrooms, 13 bathrooms, a pool, a guest house, a movie theatre and a lift.

Joe McElderry to hit the cobbles

totally without foundation and will be vigorously defended. The creative team at Lime Pictures is very proud of TOWIE and the notion that it was not entirely their own work is a serious allegation which is completely refuted.” The reality star’s writ reportedly demands that TOWIE be taken off the air until he gives permission for its broadcast.

Well, on stage anyway! The Coronation Street musical Street of Dreams has signed up X Factor winner Joe McElderry to make a guest appearance in the production. The 20-year-old will feature in the show’s Newcastle dates at the Metro Radio Arena on May 29 and May 30. He will be singing the musical’s finale number ‘Ghost - Take My Hand’. McElderry commented: “I’m such a huge fan of Coronation Street - it’s been a huge part of my life since I was a child, so to be a part of this amazing musical homage is really exciting. “I can’t wait to be stood on stage in my home town alongside the cast of Corrie singing this beautiful finale number. It’s an honour.” Street of Dreams has its world premiere in Manchester on May 9 and later tours the UK and Ireland.

Madonna’s 15-year-old daughter Lourdes caught smoking

Madonna’s daughter Lourdes Leon Ciccone seems to have picked up her mother’s love of controversy after the 15-year-old was photographed smoking. Lourdes was caught smoking a cigarette while hanging out with friends in New York City – despite the fact the legal smoking age in the US is 18. Wearing a short black and white dress teamed with white platform shoes, the teenager seemed unconcerned as she took a drag in full public view as she laughed and chatted with her male companions. While one friend spotted the camera, Lourdes ignored the paps and continued to smoke – although at one point she appeared to try and hide the cigarette by turning it upside down. But while this incident is bound to spark criticism, this isn’t the first time Lourdes has courted controversy. In 2010 the teen teamed up with her fa-

mous mum to design the Material Girl fashion line, inspired by Madonna’s punk-girl style during the 1980s. Lourdes was just 13 when the range launched and the risqué line was modelled by fellow teen Taylor Momsen, sparking claims Material Girl was promoting a ‘sexualised’ image to teen girls.

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out on the town

Gavin Nicholas

It was like old home week on Wednesday in the Beverly Hills: Willie Ray, then Ged Bolton and for me, a blast from the past in the shape of Mr Gavin Nicholas. Gavin breezed in, and that´s exactly the right expression. He is a breath of fresh air in our industry, and it was like I had only spoken to him yesterday; chatting, reminiscing and remembering old friends (hi Val), all the while preparing himself for his multi-change show, it’s like theatre; greasepaint, tights and make up Gavin, not me. This man has had a career to be proud of, his television credits alone are fab, (unlike me, one womble and a quick 1970s´ appearance on crime watch), and West End appearances with the biggies, I love larger than life characters, we need more of them, and when Gav turns and says expansively, “Well Gordon, when Madonna turned to Dale and me and said” I have to laugh, especially when he finishes, “Would you two mind shutting up and keeping your heads down, I´m trying to watch the show”. Gavin explodes on to stage as Barbie Girl and from then it’s a rollercoaster of a show, my favourite is Starlight Express, lights dim and a figure appears all lit up like a Christmas tree, the crowd lapped up Marie Von Trapp and her lonely goat herd, we had a multi-national audience that night so the visual comedy worked a treat all

the while talking to different people in their own languages, he is a cunning linguist. The finale is the man himself, he doffs the makeup and chats and sings while oozing charm for the final twenty minutes, this is a consummate professional doing what he was put here to do, entertain, just to watch him perform is a pleasure and a lesson in handling people on holiday, when he finishes they know they have watched a show. Hope to see you again soon Bud, Gordon.

Contraband (R)

Starring

Robert Wahlberg as John Bryce Caleb Landry Jones as Andy Mark Wahlberg as Chris Farraday Ben Foster as Sebastian Abney

Showing daily at 20:10 109 min - Action/Crime/Drama

SYNOPSIS:

Mark Wahlberg leads the cast of Contraband, an action-thriller about a man trying to stay out of a world he worked hard to leave behind and the family he’ll do anything to protect. Set in New Orleans, the film explores the cutthroat underground world of international smuggling - full of desperate criminals and corrupt officials, high-stakes and big payoffswhere loyalty rarely exists and death is one wrong turn away. Chris Farraday (Wahlberg) long ago abandoned his life of crime, but after his brother-in-law, Andy (Caleb Landry Jones), botches a drug deal for his ruthless boss, Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi), Chris is forced back into doing what he does best-running contraband-to settle Andy’s debt. Chris is a legendary smuggler and quickly assembles a crew with the help of his best friend, Sebastian (Ben Foster), to head to Panama and return with millions in counterfeit bills.

THE GOOD GIG GUIDE Mon 2/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Act Becky

Tue 3/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Frank Farrow Cabaret Luke Carey

Wed 5/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere John Ashford Cabaret Ged Bolton

Thu 6/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret Helena

Fri 7/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret Michaela

Sat 8/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Claudio Cabaret Jasmin

Sun 9/4

Coconut Joe Parque de la Paz, LA Compere Scott Bateman Cabaret John Ashford

Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races with Dave Michaels

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Frasier

All Football Shown

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Cabaret Christine Kaye

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Rick Gothard Cabaret Alexander McRae

Grandee O’Donnells With Gordon King later in Shenanigans

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Charlie Hodge at 10 Johnny Kelly at 11

Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Frasier

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night With Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Dion

Beverly Hills Los Cris Gordon King With The Rat Pack

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Robbie Williams

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night with Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Dion

Beverly Hills Los Cris Gordon King With The Rat Pack

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Robbie Williams

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Sparky Marky

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Film Night Plus Quiz

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Michael J Grant

Beverley Hills, Inferno Los Cris Compere Neil Diamond Cabaret Eclipse

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Dion at 10 Cy Benson At 11

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Stan Fraser

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Fun Night With Dave Tracey

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac Cabaret Freak Boutique

Beverley Hills, Piazza Los Cris Gordon King later in Shenanigans after Loony Toons

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Ged Bolton At 10 Johnny Kelly

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay With Avril Taylor

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Dave Tracey + Cabaret

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Paul Mac With Elaine Alexander

Beverley Hills, Piazza Los Cris Gordon King with Blues Bros

Bay View Compere Julie Kelly Cabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Cy Benson

Market Tavern Paloma Beach Los Cris Compere Adrian Jay

Flicks Silencio Amarillo Bay Sunday Roast Special.

Shambles Cc Mirador Los Cris Compere Rick Gothard Cabaret Shiel Campbell

Shenanigans Gordon King After, Loony Toons, Freddy Kay, Dave Dean

Bay View Cy Benson, Frankie Rocket Ronnie, Dave Varley 2pm till 2am Plus Guests

St Eugenes With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Adeje Beach Hotel Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races with Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels Bulls Head Live Band Vagabonds Blaydon Races With Dave Michaels

Good Pub Grub

All Football Shown

All Welcome

GOOD GIG GUIDE. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CALL GORDON KING ON 693 732 536

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Sharples in Session By John Sharples

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

Four nights a week, I drive from my home in La Orotava to the south of the island to perform at Vivo in “The Decades Spectacular” and “Decades goes to Hollywood”. This week, as I was driving on the motorway that overlooks Los Cristianos and Las Américas, I couldn’t help reflecting on what it all used to look like. I have fantastic memories of holidays that I spent there with friends in the past. When I worked for Pontin’s holidays, I would bring my bluecoat team over for a break at the end of a long hard season. Many of the hotels and bars that exist now weren’t here then. I can vividly remember Puerto Colón being built and not being able to walk around the beachfront to Los Cristianos. Las Américas was a barren piece of cheap wasteland back in the late sixties. There were no hotels and there were no roads. It was just a giant piece of flat volcanic rock. It is amazing to think that it is now one of the major holiday hotspots of the world. In 1971, the first hotel to be built was the Gran Tinerfe, which was recently refurbished and still stands tall today. From then on, there was no turning back. A resort had been born. I remember when Los Cristianos had no sandy beaches and there were small stone tumbledown houses that were owned by the fisherman of the village and a small beach bar that looked as though it had been bombed in the war. I also remember the innocence of the people who lived here. It was easier to befriend the local people then. I remember dining many times at the houses of people who worked in the hotels. This is all before the British and other nationalities came over to live on the island, before you could get a bacon butty or a Sunday lunch. I would be very interested to hear your stories and see photos of those of you who moved over here in the early days of tourism for a future article. I knew when I first started holidaying here that I would live here eventually.

Oh what a life, what a wonderful, wonderful life!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT I love eating out! Actually I love eating in too. Oh all right then! I love EATING! There is very little that I won’t eat, I’m not a faddy person. When people invite me to their homes for dinner and ask if there is anything I don’t like, I tell that that I will eat anything. Even if I’m not keen on what is put in front of me, I will eat it. So when acquaintances from mainland Spain invited me over for dinner I had no reservations whatsoever. We were treated to the strangest combination of foods that I have ever eaten in my life. We started with half a peach filled with chopped egg! This was followed by Strawberry and Onion soup. Yes, that’s right Strawberry and Onion. It was a strange concoction and I managed to eat it all, but the taste is still imprinted on my memory a week later. Then came the main course. Chicken Curry with pieces of cold banana, pear and raspberries! I thought I was on “You’ve been framed”. I ate the lot but my taste buds

were confused. I remember a character on “The Vicar of Dibley” called Leticia Cropley who was known as the Queen of Cordon Blergh. She used to make things such as Parsnip Brownies and Lard and Fish paste pancakes. I think she had a hand in making our dinner that night. GENERAL STRIKE What a fabulous idea this strike was! It will really help the economy and help lift the country out of the doldrums! At a time when we are suffering the worst economic depression in our lifetimes and Spain is in a particularly bad situation, I can’t believe that the only option is a General Strike.

It’s about time somebody sorted things out ….. and damned quick!

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 sharples in session

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 advertisment

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 COMMUNITY MATTERS

Community matters

Written by Ken Cumming Pastor of Callao Salvaje Community Church

How to overcome bad news of 185,000 soldiers was amassed against him, planning to destroy him. But in answer to prayer, God sent an angel to wipe every one of them out. Sometimes bad news comes in the form of a letter, an e-mail or a telephone call. It can come as the sound of screeching tires and broken glass, a lump in your breast, a court date, or a pink slip at work. Bad news knows no class lines, gender or age. It comes to us all. So what should you do when you have a problem you can’t resolve and can’t escape?

I think everyone has had some piece of bad news at one time or another, how do we cope with the situation, panic, hide, run away or face it straight on? The Bible says: 2 Kings 19:14 ‘Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up to the house of the Lord, and spread it before the Lord. Then Hezekiah prayed before the Lord, and said: ‘O Lord God of Israel, the One who dwells between the cherubim, You are God, You alone...have made heaven and earth. Incline Your ear, O Lord, and hear; open Your eyes, O Lord, and see...save us...that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You are the Lord God, You alone’ (2 Kings 19:15-19 NKJV). Hezekiah was in a hopeless situation. An army

Do what Hezekiah did: take it to the Lord in prayer. Spread it out before Him. But go to Him first, not last. When you do that you honour Him as ‘Lord’ of the situation and He will respond to you. God’s promise is: ‘He that calls on me, and I will answer him: I will

be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him’ (Psalm 91:15). When bad news comes don’t allow it to panic you and cause you to act in haste. Stop, think rationally and get the facts before you arrive at a conclusion or make a decision. Prayerfully ask, ‘Lord, what can I do about this situation?’ If you can do it for yourself, God won’t do it for you. The poet said, ‘His part we cannot do, our part He will not do.’ Faced with a well-armed, vastly superior force there was nothing Hezekiah could do to save himself. So he went to the house of God and spread out his need before the Lord. That’s always a wise move. When you respond in faith, a crisis becomes an opportunity for God to demonstrate what He can do on your behalf. The truth is, when you’ve nothing left but God -you’ve got enough! Enough to handle the situation, enough to get through it, and enough to bounce back. Ask yourself, ‘Is this problem really mine?’ Yes, we’re supposed to bear one another’s burdens (See Galatians 6:2). But you’re not supposed to let everybody dump their problems on you. Sometimes in our eagerness to rescue others we get in God’s way when He’s dealing with them. And stop listening to round-the-clock news. If you do you’ll begin at the stage where you think, ‘Things are bad everywhere, so I guess I can’t expect any better.’

What has God said about you, and your situation? God doesn’t respond to your need, He responds to your faith! So get into the Bible and discover what God has to say, and then stand on it.

If the big question interests you why not come along this week to start to find out the answers. Every Sunday at 7.30pm (FREE) Why not attend on Sunday night,

Some of the Local Church Sunday Morning Services Las Americas Anglican Church Pueblo Canario 10.15am Los Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 11:00am Los Cristianos International Church Princesa Dácil Hotel 11:00am Costa del Silencio Silencio Church Coral Mar Square 11:00am Callao Salvaje Community Church Sueño Azul 11:00am Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Assembly Eng / Spanish 11:00am

Songs of Praise Sorry this has now finished for the summer Back in October Tuesday Little Angels Mums & Tots Silencio Church 10:30am Tuesday Play Zone Mums & Tots STCF 11:00am Wednesday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00am Friday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00am The Living Room (Christian drop-in centre) Veronicas Las Americas 922 75 23 64 (above Burger King) Tue – Fri 4-7:00pm Saturday Market Free Literature stall at the Las Américas market. SHE Europe (Confidential HELPLINE for women in crisis) 690 964 145 Also if visiting the North of the Island Puerto del la Cruz Anglican Church North Tenerife Christian Fellowship, next to Post Office 11.30am

More details on all the above can be found on the following websites: www.christiansintenerife.co.uk covering most of the churches www.silenciochurch.org 922 78 40 17 / 609 565 528 www.tenerifechurch.com 922 74 20 45 / 679 660 277 www.callaosalvajecommunitychurch.com 922 78 48 77 / 654 932 541 www.stcf.org 922 79 00 07 / 660 183 760 www.caictenerife.com 922 73 16 91 / 628 107 316 www.ntcf.org 922 35 10 11 / 677 349 088

in Silencio Church?

SPANISH CORNER Welcome to our next issue of the Spanish corner. I hope you found last week’s words useful. Let’s continue with our progress.

Some of the Local Church Sunday Evening Services Los Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 6:00pm Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Deutsch Bi Lingual Eng/Ger 6:00pm Las Americas The Living Room Veronica’s 6:00pm Some Other Church activities Many of the local churches also hold mid week services and Bible studies So phone the numbers below or check out the information on their websites.

the Alpha course is being held

Spanish

Phonetically

English

La Alacena

La Al-a-sen-ah

The Sideboard, Cupboard

La Chimenea

La Chim-eenay-ah

The Fireplace

El Comedor

El Com-eh-dor

The Dining Table

El Librero

El Lib-rare-oh

The Bookcase, Bookshelves

(En) La Mesa

(En) La Mess-ah

(At/On) The Table

La Sala

La Sal-ah

The Living Room

Las Sillas

Las See-yas

The Chairs

(En) El Sillón

(En) El See-yon

(In) The Armchair

(En) El Sofá

(En) El So-fa

(On) The Sofa

La Vitrina

La Bit-ree-nah

The Sideboard

See you next week!

Carlos.

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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health, beauty & fashion

Your Hair & Beauty Advice Column by Jade & staff at The Perfect Gift Salon

Perfect Piercings

I have been a fully qualified body piercer or as they call it in the USA, body enhancer, for over 16 years, and was originally the third registered piercer in the U.K. In my years in the profession I have witnessed some dreadful piercings which had undoubtedly been carried out by unqualified people with no understanding of the risks, healing process or even the extremely important health and safety issues that can occur through the lack of knowledge of blood contamination. If they are not practicing the art in the correct way there can be risks of many blood transmitted diseases including, hepatitis A, B & C, and HIV. If you are considering having a body enhancement of any type be sure to check the piercer’s qualifications and that they explain fully to you the aftercare procedures before they begin. The piercer should always ask you a string of questions about your health before they begin, which should include; DO YOU... • Suffer from any heart conditions or seizures or epilepsy • Suffer from haemophilia • Suffer from haemoraging ( bruise easily ) • Suffer from immune compromising conditions • Suffer from high blood pressure • Suffer from diabetes • Suffer from allergic responses to adhesive plasters ~ creams ~ metals ~ iodene ~ seafood ~ latex or wheatgerm

Have you • Taken any blood thining medication e.G asprin in the last 24 hours • Taken any recreational drugs ~ alcohol in the last 24 hours • Eaten in the last 4 hours • Slept well in the last 24 hours Are you • Pregnant or a nursing mother • Prone to fainting or dizziness A piercing is never just about having a

piece of jewellery fitted; it is also about the understanding of the healing process, and how to cope with your new piercing. There is nothing more unattractive than red, weeping skin. But with the correct aftercare instructions you should have a beautiful body enhancement. You should feel comfortable with your piercer that you can pop back at any time for advice if you are at all concerned with how it is healing. I would have many people come and see me for advice on other piercer’s work, as they weren’t given either the correct advice or just felt that they couldn’t go back for whatever reason. It’s

always worth asking before you go ahead that you ask the piercer if you can go back in if you have any concerns. Here are some aftercare instructions that may be of help if you have recently had a body enhancement or about to do so. Navel & Nipple, Healing time=3-6 months, Keep your piercings as clean and dry as possible, NO GRUBBY FINGERS! Don’t twist and turn, and keep waist bands away. If the piecing starts to aggravate and feels a little itchy then it’s time to use what is known as the osmosis treatment, the most natural defence for our bodies. This is made by filling a shot glass with 1 parts salt to 3 parts hot water from the kettle, allow the water to cool down to skin temperature, hold the shot glass over the piercing tight to the skin and lay back on a couch. Keep it there for 10 minutes, remove then let it dry naturally, do not pat it dry. Ear, Tragus, Septum & brow Healing time=2-3 months. Keep your piercings as clean and dry as possible, NO GRUBBY FINGERS! Don’t twist and turn, If the piecing starts to aggravate and feels a little itchy then it’s time to use what is known as the osmosis treatment as above. Labret & Monroe & Tongue Healing time=2-3 weeks, now, although this piercing is made in a self-healing area of our body which is in the mouth and has its own healing device which is called peptide, that forms on the tongue to protect the mouth from infections, it can still need a lot of care and attention for at least the first week.

To avoid any pain and discomfort it is strongly advised that you refrain from smoking, alcohol and eating rough foods i.e.: baguettes. You should use an antibacterial/ antiseptic mouth wash regularly through the day, (Oraldene is recommended), and each time you smoke, eat or drink. Mix the solution down with bottled water if you find it a little too strong. I would also advise that you invest in a new toothbrush. You might experience some swelling on the tongue which you can reduce by sucking ice. It might be swollen to the extent that you just want to take it out, but trust me, if you can bear with it for a couple of days, the swelling will reduce and you will have a great piercing that you will enjoy for years. Ear piercing with gun Healing time 4-6 weeks. As mentioned before, do not twist, turn, or keep soaking this piercing, it will heal much quicker if left alone. After washing hair run over the piercing with clean water to ensure there is no shampoo left in or around the piercing, try to keep hair away from it as much as possible, keep clean pillowcases on and avoid sleeping on that side through the healing

process. Dermal anchors Healing time 10-12 weeks, this unique piercing will heal as a permanent one, and in the event of you wanting it removed, it would need to be done by

a GP. Whilst healing, keep it as dry as possible, but gently use a cotton bud dipped in saline solution to clean around the area, do not change the jewellery for at least 12 weeks, and it is advised that you pop back in to the piercer to change your piercing for the first time, and to make sure it is ready. Also, remember where the heel and toe of your anchor sit in relation to your body in case of future removal. As with all piercings, make absolute sure that no pet hairs get near the open wound!

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 health, beauty & fashion

THE GAIA APOTHECARY QUALIFIED MEDICAL HERBALIST THE HEART AND CIRCULATORY SYSTEM by Meg Glaister

A healthy heart and circulation are easily achievable with herbal medicine along with a well balanced diet of fresh fruit and vegetables, chicken and fish etc. A very good herb to tone the heart muscle and regulate blood pressure, whether it is high or low is hawthorn (espino blanco). Take 60 mls of an infusion of 30 gr hawthorn in 500 mls of hot water 3 times a day. If you have stress in your life, which may be the cause of some heart problems and high blood pressure, add 20 gr Lime flower (tila) to the infusion. If you have water retention; add 20 gr dandelion (diente de lion) to the infusion. A healthy heart is also dependant on

healthy heart muscle. Exercise is very important as well as a happy loving attitude to keep the heart muscles strong. Although herbs are mostly gentle in their action they are powerful healers and you

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do need to check with a qualified Herbalist that you are not taking something that will affect any orthodox medication you are taking. Also, liquorice (regaliz) should never be taken when you have high blood pressure. Garlic, taken fresh or in capsule form, is an excellent remedy for high cholesterol. Take 3 times the normal stated dose to achieve clear healthy blood vessels. If you don’t like to take garlic in any form, olive leaf (oleo) is also a very good herb to lower high cholesterol. Make a normal infusion (30gr of olive leaf in 500ml of hot water) take 60ml 3 to 4 times a day. Taking garlic and olive leaf infusion will lower your cholesterol a bit

quicker than taking either of them on their own, but please remember that natural medicine is not a quick fix, but by using a natural approach to healing, the body will heal itself and is therefore a lasting solution to health problems instead of masking the symptoms. Meditation and creative visualization help the body, mind and spirit to relax and assist the healing process. It is well worth taking 15 to 30 minutes out of your day to meditate. If you have any health topics you wish me to discuss on this page or would like a consultation please feel free to contact Meg Glaister DBTh MIRCH (The Gaia Apothecary) on 649 529 703.

Hot new trend alert!

Sports luxe When the official British team kit for London 2012 was unveiled on Friday, it was a proud day for everyone involved. The Adidas kit, designed by Stella McCartney, has been two years in the making, and combines top sportswear technology with great British design. At the launch Stella explained how she came up with the final design, ‘The first place to start on a project like this is to look at the Union flag. For me it’s one of the most beautiful flags in the world and it was important for me to stay true to that iconic design but also to modernise it and present it in a contemporary way. Ultimately, we wanted the athletes to feel like a team and be proud with the identity we created.’ Although the new kit has been created exclusively for our Olympic athletes, that doesn’t mean us mere mortals can’t have a slice of the action too. Sports luxe (aka. sportswear inspired high-fashion) was a massive trend on the SS12 catwalks. From mesh bomber jackets at Alexander Wang, to football jerseys and jogging bottoms at Isabel Marant, and sporty toggles and leather legwarmers at Victoria Beckham, it seems the fashion world is just as excited about London 2012 as the rest of us! Stylist and Fashion Director of Notion magazine, Alexis Knox, explained why she’s such a fan of the trend, ‘What I love about the new angle on the sport luxe trend is that it allows us to combine

the comfort of lounge wear with luxury and high tech fabrics.’ Thankfully the trend has filtered down to the high-street, so you can afford to get sporty-chic, no matter what your budget...or athletic prowess!

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

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WILDE’S WORLD / WHO RATTLED YOUR CAGE?

WILDE’S WORLD

Another issue and another look into the weird and more unusual news stories of the week.

Welcome to this week’s look at some of the more offbeat news stories and reports from around the world. While trawling through the papers this week I came across “The Freedom Flask”. A bit like a more extravagant hip flask an American company have invented- an underwear pouch that turns your crotch into a beer dispenser. Strapped over your underwear, the heavy duty vinyl bag is large enough to carry a litre of Alcohol which is then dispensed from a nozzle poking out from your zip. At first I loved the idea thinking it would be a great way to get drinks into outdoor events where you are forbidden to take alcohol, then the thought of drinking warm beer, a leaking bag or even the temptation for someone to drink direct from the tap soon discouraged me from rushing out to buy one. Enjoy this week’s quirky news. Father-of-two Steve Woolnough was astonished to wake up one morning... only to discover that late-night Next month will see the 1st anniversary of thieves had stolen his beloved lawn. last year’s royal wedding. But souvenirs a Mr Woolnough, 54, of Ipswich, Sufmust, one company has made one glaring folk, had lain the 100sq ft Astroturf error-it features the wrong brother. to spruce up his home’s appearance. You try and make your Sounds like a sketch from Only Fools house look nice and someone comes along and steals what and Horses, but this hilariously incorrect you have got. ‘The gang struck between 10.30pm on March 19 and 6am the following day. memento depicts portraits of the misPolice forensic experts scoured his looted garden after footprints were left behind by the matched royals Prince Harry and the Duch- beauty of a woman, may they produce thieves. ‘I have had it in my garden for the past six years,’ said Mr Woolnough. ess of Cambridge on English fine bone children”. But now he has been left with a £250 bill to replace the artificial grass after it was pinched china. under cover of darkness. He said: ‘I’m absolutely seething over it, I really am. “How dare I am sure Del Boy and Rodney would have On the reverse of the £10.99 mug is the fun flogging these to the unsuspecting someone have the cheek to steal what I have had to work hard for?” Police are waiting to see if someone will Grass on the thieves... hopeful message “The body of a man, the foreign tourist in London.

It’s a mug’s game

Turf wars

Should have gone to spec savers And finally ... Not a case of opticians going to the dogs, but quite the opposite. A German optician is offering special sunglasses for dogs. Sehwerk Opticians in Berlin say their ‘doggles’ help protect a dog’s sensitive eyes from the sun and wind. Mini versions for dogs such as Daschunds or Chihuahuas cost from £50, while those for medium or large dogs cost from £65.

A short-sighted passer by sparked a huge police search when she reported a tiger prowling the streets - only for armed police to find a stuffed toy. Police in Braunschweig, Germany, scrambled an armed response unit and called for expert wildlife back-up with tranquiliser guns when terrified Sara Faerber dialled the emergency number to report an escaped big cat. The near life sized cuddly toy was eventually taken back to the station on a police

officer’s lap. A police spokesman explained: “We’d like to find the owner just to piece together what happened. If we don’t, we will probably arrange for it to be donated to a local children’s home.” Red-faced Faerber, 28, said: “”It’s better to be safe than sorry. In the half-light it looks just like a real tiger sitting there watching me.” “I edged backwards and then ran off and expected to feel it leap on my back at any moment. I was really scared,” she added. For more crazy stories and odd news listen to Wilde at the weekend Saturdays 12 till 3 only on Coast FM

Try this and see what happens

By Dave Michaels

Ginnels or Snickets The joy of children is their utter disregard for etiquette, their naivety towards the rights and wrongs that people place upon themselves and consequently force upon those around them. Do you ever think a child looked at a blackboard and thought it was inappropriate to call it so? Only an adult could read something Machiavellian into something as simple as the colour of a ‘board’ and find an issue with it! This week, speaking with different friends regarding a common theme, I couldn’t decide where to draw the line. One friend has a poor child suffering with chicken pox, another recently faced a severe allergic reaction and a third was a former sufferer of the childhood problem of acne. Their reactions to what ultimately has a very similar appearance couldn’t have been further apart. One still emotionally affected by the torment of ridicule from many years ago, whilst another, wistfully being dubbed ‘spotty’ whilst friends requested, neigh, demanded photos of the affliction. Ironically, the physical scars of the former have all but disappeared, not even noticeable unless mentioned, whilst the latter, was covered head to toe in an angry enflamed rash. I wondered why it was perfectly acceptable to call someone ‘spotty’ when clearly; the potential is there to affect someone for life? Maybe the answer lies within our schooling. We are taught, in English lessons

the differences between similes and metaphors. To literally, in the words of Roy Walker, “say what you see”. Both are wonderful ways to paint a picture within conversation. Yet society’s perception of what are ‘allowed’ or ‘acceptable’ similes seems to be on the change. For example, I saw a woman the other day in a weird white outfit, she looked like a ghost!!! You have exactly the image in your mind I suggested, there is no reference to creed or religion and yet the majority of people will picture someone wearing a sari or burka. It isn’t offensive to say someone is green with envy, so why should black as the night be wrong? A small bill was recently put forward to parliament to change the written English language. To make it easier to write, read and understand (dropping the I from friend or the W from wrong for instance). The response to this idea brought outrage from some, demanding it was disgusting to change our language, it was English, in England, and shouldn’t be altered so other people find it easier!! Actually, most of the English language is Italian, Spanish, and French, in fact a splattering of most of Europe. Maybe, our sharing of one language could be the thing that brings us all closer together. Why should there be such a hoo har when the majority of us abbreviate or change words anyway, M8 LOL!!! A recent email doing the rounds suggests it really doesn’t matter how words are spelt anyway, as our brains are more than capable of deciphering jumbled up letters.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! My spell check button just went into meltdown!!! Perhaps we should all spend less time being political, or even correct, and instead, spend a little more time on being thoughtful and even nice!!! I refer back to my parental up bringing a lot in my column, but I do find some of the wisest words I have heard came from them. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” “Manners are free” “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” These are not from my parents but worth a thought: Show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courage. In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day’s long. Never let the sun go down on an argument. Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but turn away from the ignorant. One of these is from the bible, two from the Quran and the other a quote by Pope Paul VI. Can you tell who wrote what? Maybe we aren’t so different after all! Whether you call them ginnels or snickets, when you put it into context, does it really matter what you call a chalk board.

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43 ‘Beauty school

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012

CALDERS CONFESSIONS

‘Schoolgirl crush’

Calders Confessions Calder spent twelve years working as PA and Co-presenter with Jeremy Kyle on various radio stations and has now joined the team at Coast FM where he answers listeners´dilemmas each Sunday night on the airwaves. We are also very grateful to have him here, answering your questions and queries as part of the Tenerife Weekly team. If you have an issue you can`t overcome or just need general help and confidential advice, why not email Calder: calder@coastfmtenerife.com

‘Flying fear’

My fiancé and I are getting married in the summer. I’m really excited and can’t wait for the day. He’s trying to book our honeymoon but I haven’t told him about my fear of flying. I want to be able to go to a tropical paradise with him – we’ve never been away together – but I’m scared that I can’t. The thought of it petrifies me. Annie You’ve got speak to your fiancé straight away! Your phobia could potentially ruin your honeymoon and your marriage in one fell swoop! I’m petrified of spiders but over the years I’ve worked hard at coming to terms with this and overcoming it! You can do exactly the same and with your fiancés help and support there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t be able to hop on that plane with a huge beaming smile on your face. Have the conversation, however hard it may be, and then speak to any one of the airlines and ask about help with this phobia? Most of them are geared up to help people like you and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at just how easy it is to beat this thing. The worst you could do is stay quiet and hope that it will be ok because sods law dictates that really wont! Stop worrying and start attacking this constructively, you’ll be fine I promise you.

I recently went to my daughter’s parents’ evening and met her primary teacher. He was absolutely gorgeous and I was sure he was flirting with me. It turns out that I was right as he’s since called and asked me out for a drink. I said yes but am regretting it. I’d love another chance for love but am I crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed? Amanda Personally, I don’t think this is a huge issue Amanda. You need to stop worrying yourself about it and go out for that drink. There really shouldn’t be any kind of clash whatsoever, 99.9% of teachers are perfectly capable of separating their professional and personal lives! You got two options really haven’t you? Either let this guy down gently because your fears have got the better of you. Or, go out and see where the evening takes

drop out’

you! Would you rather live with the nagging doubts that you did the wrong thing? Its hard enough to find a partner these days without having the added worry that your putting yourself under. You like this guy, he seems to like you, trust me, give him a chance.

I started a beauty therapy course last year after persuading my parents it was the right thing for me. The problem is that I hate it. I didn’t really think it through properly and now I really regret paying the expensive fees. Should I tell my mum and dad that I’m going to leave, or just do it before they try to persuade me otherwise? Bella

‘Too old for bulimia’

Three years ago my husband left me and since then I’ve been suffering from bulimia. I live alone now so no one sees what I do and I can hide it at work quite easily. I know I’m damaging my health but I can’t bear to be overweight otherwise I might never find another man. Denise

Denise, you’re at a low point right now. Splitting up with your husband seems to have had a profound effect on you. You don’t mention whether or not you are seeing the doctor about your illness, if you’re not, that’s the first thing you need to do. The underlying cause of all of this is a complete lack of self esteem and in an ide-

al world, you would be able to tackle that first. In this case, the risk to your health is just too great though. The truth is though that no man is going to want to date you if you are abusing your body in this way! What you need to do is focus on the bulimia and forget men altogether for the time being. Think about it? Your risking your life here chasing something that really wont solve any of your problems. Start concentrating on getting better and loving yourself a little more. I’ve always maintained that nobody but nobody should enter into a relationship until they are completely happy with their lives.

‘Drink driving shame’

Two months ago I was caught drink driving and lost my licence. I haven’t told my friends yet and I’m just so embarrassed. I’ve managed to persuade them to pick me up if we’re going out so far but soon they are going to want to know what is going on. What shall I do? Karen What can you do Karen? Honesty is always the best policy isn’t it? You did something incredibly stupid and reckless and, as unpleasant as it seems, you do have to pay the price. Think yourself lucky that you didn’t kill yourself or somebody else in the process! Having said that, we all makes mistakes and you shouldn’t crucify yourself over this forever and a day. If these friends of yours are decent peo-

ple then I shouldn’t worry too much about spilling the beans. You’ve done wrong but you are paying for it aren’t you? Right now all you’re doing is adding to the stress that this has caused and the longer you leave it the harder it will be to come clean. Take deep breath and go for it, you’ll feel so much better afterwards.

‘Housemate or more?’ I bought a house a year ago and have recently got a lodger to help with the mortgage. He’s been living with me for two months and I really think I’ve fallen for him. He hasn’t said anything to me but I can’t bear it any more and am going to have to tell him how I feel. Do you think this is wise? Jo Why wouldn’t it be wise Jo? If you can’t put these feelings to back of your mind then surely they must be real don’t you think?

I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of coming to the decision that you’ve chosen the wrong path. Being a parent myself, I can tell you point blank that your mum and dad will support you in everything you do. Of course there may be some raised eyebrows when you break the news but, at the of the day, your happiness is what matters. Sometimes in life, you’ve got to make a few mistakes before you get things right and choosing a career is notoriously difficult. Sit with your parents and break the news to them. Tell them how feel and ask them to support you in your decision. The sooner you face this the better because the perfect career for you is definitely out there it just may take you a while to find it! Its not the end of the world Bella and I don’t think anybody could call you a failure for doing right by yourself. Good luck.

Why deny yourself a chance at happiness here? Your lodger may or may not feel the same way but you won’t know until you ask will you? I find myself telling people time and time again to bite the bullet and make the first move. Life’s just too short to let things like this drag on. Speak to the guy. He’ll either jump into your arms or he’ll put you straight but either way its no big deal is it? I know you’re embarrassed and afraid but the minute you start talking about this, most of those feelings should just evaporate. You’re both adults so whatever the outcome, your living arrangements shouldn’t have to change. Go on Jo, tell him how you feel and write back to let us know what happened!

Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 PSYCHE / HOROSCOPES

MIND, BODY AND with SPIRIT Liana Mẽ Aly Ah

• International Intuitive • Life Enhancement Coach • Spiritual Mentor

THE AWAKENING

Do you have a strong desire to be experiencing a different life? Are you curious about what happens after we die? Are you dissatisfied with your life? Do you feel there is more to life that what you are experiencing? Do you have a desire to change the way you see and feel things? Have you experienced a life trauma that has caused you to do a 360 degree turn? Are you seeking out teachers and mentors? Are you making decisions from your heart and not your mind? If the answer is yes to any of these, then you have started to wake up. You have started the Awakening process. So what do I mean by the Awakening process? Entering the Awakened state, is starting out on your spiritual journey of remembering who you are, and why you are here. You have heard your soul calling you to wake up. On a deeper level, you have felt dissatisfaction with life, and an underlying anxiety, and a need to be different or seek out help from someone. Moving into this learning phase can be very difficult, for some as you begin to be more self orientated and guided by what you feel you need, instead of pleasing others. It is the new paradigm at work within your very being. There is a need to discuss how you are feeling, and find other likeminded people. There is a need to learn more and find others who can teach you. For some there is a need to soak up everything like a sponge, and go on course after course, developing your self. It’s as if you step onto a new planet where the right people fall into your path, and the right books are recommended to you, or you are drawn to certain places, books or people, all with an aim to move you forward on your journey. For years I have worked in Mind Body Soul fairs in Ireland. So many people have come to me for readings and help, and have told me that they have never been to such an event before, and don’t even know why they are there that particular day, but somehow felt drawn to come in and especially felt drawn to me. This is part of the Awakening process. These people have listened to their inner guidance and followed their intuition. Another aspect of your Awakening is that you may start to be more creative, either in music, or the various arts. There is a compelling feeling of wanting to create. It may be something you did in your earlier life, or something you are drawn

to, and a new venture. This creative urge is the universes way of showing you that you can create your life from whatever you think, and the flow starts with expressing your self through other mediums. It is a wondrous time when all this starts to happen, you have a plethora of new experiences and connections to make, and the pieces of your particular jigsaw are falling into place. You find you experience the phenomenon of coincidences, which synchronistic events are falling into place. Your life starts to experience the little miracles in life. Meeting people and having life changing experiences creates an excitement, and a more positive energy around you that continues to help the universe pull you to your destiny. You are simply now moving in the flow of your life. So if you are experiencing huge changes in your life, feeling a need to pull away from certain people, ending relationships, changing jobs, moving to different parts of the world, you are simply answering the call of your soul. I am an Ascension Life Coach, Reader, and work with people, to heal from past pain and old baggage, and old programming, causing negative experiences in their life Journey. If you need help, contact me on 672 994 666 for a private session. Spirtual self development workshops coming soon New meditation classes Callao Learning Centre, Callao Salvaje. Wednesday evenings 7-9 pm Vincci Tenerife Golf Hotel Golf del Sur … Thursday evenings 7-9pm Polercise Flamingo Club las Americas … Friday mornings 10-12am For more info and to register for each class. Contact me on 672 994 666 or lovieart@ gmail.com More info on www.liana.lovie.com

Until next week, LIANA MẼ ALY AH

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS I am Spiritual agony aunt, and will answer any concerns or questions anyone may have about their difficulties in life or curiosity into the spiritual field. Or if anyone wants to give me topics to discuss here, please contact me, liana@tenerifeweekly.es

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Weekly Horoscopes

Aries - Mar 21 - Apr 19

If you’re happy to think of the planets as playing music, then this week promises a great chord - as though an organ is played in the sky. And yes, it could feel like a pause or full-stop moment. Certainly the noise may be so loud that you don’t feel you can hear yourself think. Of course you won’t be alone in experiencing this but you are one of the few signs who might experience this as a turning point where property and family matters are concerned. Given that Saturn (the planet with the rings) is involved, this could be about long-term commitment and what you find happily binding and what feels too, too constricting. Upheaval and change of plan seems more likely than not. With finance a key factor it’s also possible that choices will presently feel limiting. As always, it’s never the ‘problem’ that creates dis-ease - only your reaction to events. Stay calm!

Taurus - Apr 20 - May 20

If you haven’t already considered changing your diet to something that’s more supportive of your immune system, then this week might be the time when you learn something that would be unwise to ignore. A major aspect playing toward the end of the working week suggests the need to prune, to clear-out and to generally make room. This is as important where your environment is concerned. It wouldn’t be unusual to give thought to spring-cleaning and redecoration at this time of year. This year though you might be more radical (minimalist?). It’s possible too that in considering legacies and the bigger issues of life and death, you’ll arrive at an agreement with a close friend or partner. Temporarily this might require you both to be extra busy over the last two days of the month.

Gemini - May 21 - June 20

Between Tuesday and Thursday especially you may feel you’re at cross purposes with certain people. Business dealings may be more complicated and talk of the ‘bottom line’ more frequent. This doesn’t make this a ‘bad’ period, but it probably will require you to focus on small print. It’s likely too that a relative from another generation will require assistance - possibly requiring you to come to what feels like a tough decision. This though may be something over-due. It’s possible this issue has been around for some months and now requires action. You might even feel better for taking it! With friends supporting you (and it does seem that neighbours and close work colleagues have valuable roles to play), dealing with this issue might not prove as hard as you imagine. Before the end of the month attention to personal fitness might appear urgent.

Cancer - June 21 - July 22

The Moon reaches its First Quarter in your sign on Friday. What’s special this year is that this marker occurs close to the Sun and Pluto arriving at a new phase. It may be that those around you are embarking on new journeys and that temporarily you feel ‘shell-shocked’ and need to retreat under that Cancerian shell! It might also be that you need to spend some time nesting, replenishing the food cupboard and perhaps even generally behaving as though you’re laying in for a siege! All this is in huge contrast to another theme that plays loudly until that Quarter Moon. This theme concerns older relatives and friends who may be arriving at decisions that require time to absorb. Though this may have been building since last November, it may be that short-term crisis management will be required.

Leo - July 23 - Aug 22

It appears we live in exciting - even chaotic times. As one of the Fixed signs (and so slow to change) you may find this period exceptionally challenging. Note how you react to others changing direction this week. It might help to show understanding - especially if they appear to be going against your advice (as seems likely). There’s a ‘values crisis’ in the air that may have major effect. On top of that, Mercury is retrograde so mixed signals abound. It may be the middle of April before things settle down. For now you might enjoy - and succeed - in undertaking a little detective work. An apology could be headed you way. The more gracefully you can accept the better. Lastly, take care not to over-price on Thursday - or at least be prepared for lively negotiation over the weekend.

Virgo - Aug 23 - Sept 22 Mercury is now retrograde in your opposite sign. You may find others are back-tracking. They might also offer an apology or back-handed compliment. The big question for you is whether or not there’s sufficient trust to move forward. You may have come to the conclusion that this partnership will simply not work on any terms. And yet: as they say ‘no man is an island’. It’s clear that others have talents and experience you need. The art may be to find a way in which you can work together but to view this as a constant ‘work in progress’. In particular you may be challenged by those born under the other mutable signs of Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces who appear to show inflexibility when in fact they want to be known for their versatility. Perhaps you can show them how?

Libra - Sept 23 - Oct 22

Is it possible that you need a break? A pause? Or even a full-stop? Might it not be time to re-assess whether or not you’re as fulfilled as you could be? Is it possible you’ve stepped on to a ‘hamster wheel’ and can’t get off? With Saturn (in your sign) in quintile aspect to Pluto for the last time for many years, this could prove a perfect week for reassessment and changing gear. All this could, of course, be thrust upon you by events quite beyond your control. There is change in the air for all signs and even those close to you could pull the rug from under you with announcements which, if they go through with plans, would radically alter your world. Dreams you had late last June/early July are set to resurface. This may be the moment to move these to the next stage.

Scorpio - Oct 23 - Nov 21

If the planets do make music then this week should be dominated by a chord. You might appreciate this as a pause moment and a time when others have to decide whether to put up or shut up. Yet it’s possible this is also a moment for you to decide what’s wasting your energy and what you could attract if only you could free yourself from continually focusing on an issue. This is where a companion (and possibly born under Taurus but certainly someone both artistic and practical) comes in. With assistance you could ‘move on’. True, it might take you beyond the weekend to accept that that’s what you’re doing but the effort will surely be worthwhile. Given that it’s probable you’ll need extra energy mid-April, restoring your physical and mental states to good form would surely be very helpful. It’s even possible you’ll consider discussing matters with a fitness expert.

Sagittarius - Nov 22 - Dec21

For some time now the position of the outer planets has, as in the past, coincided with considerable social and political unrest. This planetary formation will be with us for some time. The impact is easy to observe when watching the news. It’s not always as obvious in our own lives. Yet you two may be pulled in different directions. Planning isn’t easy under these conditions when it becomes necessary to really ‘go with the flow’. Though yours is one of the Mutable signs and there’s therefore an assumption that you can do just this, it also seems true that you are capable of holding on and refusing to shift from strongly held views. So it might not be easy for you to accept that you have regrets. You might also sense that it’s time to move away from some people whose need for constant harmony is restraining the fun (and risk)-loving side of you. This week seems to be about finding ways in which you can ‘do your own thing’.

Capricorn - Dec 22 - Jan 19

Saturn (your ruling planet) makes an important aspect to Pluto (moving through your sign) this week. You can think of this as being a punctuation mark in your life story. It may be the end of a paragraph. A career shift is perhaps most likely. This aspect has been in the air for some months now. It could be that a decision you made last summer is only now taking real root. A degree of upheaval may be unavoidable. It’s possible also that certain individuals have been unaware of your need for fresh challenge and that they’re resistant to you moving away. Offers and counter-offers could occur before the weekend. Coincidentally there may be major decisions to be made on the home-front: either with regard to an older relative or in re-arrangement of furniture. Since the environment is an expression of the self- it’s important that you’re very happy with results and that electrical cables and badly sited wiring don’t threaten accident.

Aquarius - Jan 19 - Feb18

If you think of the planets as playing music, then this week brings a chord, a change of key or some sound that demands attention. For you this may be all about the past and acknowledging that continuously raking over old coals is getting you nowhere You might feel refreshed by new sounds playing. You might also delight in the fact that some people seem, at last, to be hearing what you’ve thought and said for so long. Even though you’ve ‘moved on’ from some of the issues which now concern them, there’s pleasure in knowing others are now involved. This paves the way for you to invest time and energy in other areas. Tough ideas presented from Thursday might seem too haphazard for your liking, it may be that involvement at the ground floor level will suit you: feeding brain cells craving activity.

Pisces - Feb 19 - Mar20

Before the end of the month you may find you’ve walked on stage and into a challenging drama. Is this what you want? And is it possible that this is something you’ve stage-managed? Think carefully. There are challenging aspects at work in the sky. Entranced yet perhaps not sure what all this means for you, you might choose to get involved in other people’s affairs rather than deal with what’s going on in your own life. If this is the case, then consider that you might be undertaking displacement activity rather than dealing with what really matters - which may be that you embrace a challenge that’s very, very different to anything you’ve done before. Going about this calmly might not be easy - especially when it feels as though you’re stepping into the unknown. That though may be far less fraught than you think.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 PETS’ PAGE

Pets’ Corner Aktion tier will be opening the first “animal welfare room” in Tenerife

Next Friday, 30th March at 10 O’clock, Aktion tier will be opening the first “animal welfare room” in Tenerife. It is also the first one in Spain. It will be at the CEIP Parque de la Reina. It is a pilot project - Young children will be taught by their teachers about animal welfare. For example, how some wild animals are in danger, how to protect our environment, how rubbish is dangerous for wild animals etc… It is a room specially decorated and filled with information like books, games and technical equipment. A comfortable carpet is provided so children are able to sit down on the floor, work and watch and also respect the area they are working in by keeping it clean The equipment is sponsored by Aktion tier. So Aktion tier can be sure that the animal welfare classes will be held several times a year. There are so many subjects on animal welfare to talk about, and children will be able to learn “what they are doing right

and what they are doing wrong”. The “concejal de sanidad and the concejal de educación de Arona” are coming to the opening. International and Canarian press have been invited. Aktion tiers hope is that more and more people know about the right way to treat animals. Animals are not only for companionship and our personal guards, they are much more - They are also our friends.

Puppies Socialisation It is necessary to socialize our pets to introduce them to daily life at home and abroad. Socialisation is the term used for the process by which individuals learn and play behaviours that society expects of them. In the case of dogs, socialisation is the process whereby the puppy learns to accept the proximity of the members of the same species, as well as others, and in particular to humans. This period extends from 21 days to about 20 weeks. The lack of socialisation occurs with inadequate responses from persons or other animals (reaction of fear, phobias, anxiety or aggression) non-socialisation is a major cause leading to the abandonment of pets. Objectives of puppies’ socialisation Teach the puppy to enjoy the presence and reactions of family first, then friends and last but not least, of strangers. Bikes, cars, vet`s visits, grooming sessions, transport cage, and especially to stay home alone. Carmen Aguiar, The Koala Sur Pet shop’s veterinary, specializes in ethology, teaches puppy socialisation on Wednesdays, limited places. For further information contact Koala Sur Pet shop at www.koalasu.com

Do not forget your puppy’s daily walks. Even when you have to carry him because he doesn´t have his shots, the outings are one of the best ways to socialise a puppy. Separate a few minutes every day to teach your puppy some dog obedience exercises or tricks. To train him how to play - but don’t expect amazing results at such a young age.

Useful Numbers

24 Hour Vets: Fanabe - 617 483 707 El Medano - 607 346 183 Playa San Juan – 922 832 344

If you find an abandoned dog : Arona - 010 Everywhere else – 112

Acción del Sol’s weekly news Language And Pets Learning a different language is always hard and textbooks and the use of correct grammar can often be boring so Marion and her good friend from the language school in Los Cristianos Cultural centre have come up with a unique and fun way to learn whilst raising awareness of the dogs plight here in Tenerife. Most of the students involved are adults that work in the hotel industry and they all need to speak German for their work. So instead of a classroom they meet regularly at the refuge where they progress with learning a new language and learn about animal welfare at the same time. Many of the refuges dogs love joining in and love all the extra attention. This kind of collaboration between animals and humans is very important to the future of animal welfare. Many of the students are now walking the dogs that they have bond-

ed with in their free time, which is great for some of Acción Del Sol’s many dogs in their care. These three lucky dogs are definitely stars in the making, the Atlantic Whale Foundation better known as the AWF based here in Tenerife has been set the task of making a film with the dogs at Acción Del Sol, all will be revealed soon!! Please remember our next fundraising event on the 8th of April 11am onwards, this will include fun runs with your dogs, an Easter egg run and hunt for the children, fun and games for all the family and your four legged friends. Please call the refuge on 922 778 630 between 9 and 1pm or between 3 and 6 pm for more information.

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gardening

Gardening By The Moon

If you have a calendar showing the phases of the Moon, you can work out when these different periods fall and mark the type of crop they correspond to. If you want to go one step further, you can finetune your calendar. Although we associate the 12 zodiac signs with particular months, each calendar month is also broken down into astrological signs. Each sign has a type of crop associated with it: Aries: fruit Taurus: root Gemini: flower the last quarter and the new Moon. Cancer: leaf Plant leafy crops in period one, fruit crops Leo: fruit in period two, root crops and perennials Virgo: root in period three, and take a break in period Libra: flower four (do housework, hoeing, pruning, makScorpio: leaf ing raised beds. Don’t plant anything unless Sagittarius: fruit you would like to limit its size). Capricorn: root Aquarius: flower Pisces: leaf If we use leafy crops as an example, these will be planted in period one. When this coincides with the Moon in Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces, this is deemed even better. These ‘leaf’ signs will make this the optimum time. It’s important to first understand the four A word on fruit crops: this is taken to phases of the Moon: new Moon, first quarmean anything which has the seed in the ter, full Moon and last quarter. part where it’s edible, so: artichokes, courPeriod one is the period between the new gettes, cucumbers are all classed as fruit as Moon and the first quarter, period two is bewell as what we traditionally call fruit. tween the first quarter and the full Moon, Annual flowers should be planted in peperiod three is between the full Moon and riod one or two, while perennial flowers (or the last quarter and period four is between any perennial) should be planted in period three. Emergencies Multi-lingual police Some people use a variEmergency services (all) 112 central office ation of these calculaNational Police 091 902 102 112 National ferry tions, but broadly speakLocal police 092 The “Bono-Bus” discount Call this number and ask Ambulance 061 card can be purchased services for an English operator to ing most Moon gardeners Fire Brigade 080 from all TITSA stations and Armas follow the same princimake an official report or Guardia Civil 062 terminals and reduces the 902 456 500 complaint. ples. cost of transport by up Fred Olsen Local police 922 757 006 Pharmacy informa- to 30% 922 628 252 Red Cross tion and locator (24 Solutions Emergencies and ambuhours) Radio taxis lances Tourist offices Have you ever thought about gardening by the phases of the Moon? In a nutshell, people who garden by the phases of the Moon believe that its gravitational pull on the earth’s water (i.e. tides), has a bearing on plant growth. They never plant anything when the Moon is waning in the last quarter because it’s believed that the Earth’s water table is receding. After the new Moon, the water table rises again and planting can resume. Farmers on the continent have been using Moon phases to guide them for years, as indeed have many gardeners in the UK.

Have a go and try it for yourself. At worst you will do no harm, at best; you might find that you are on to something that will increase your yield and your enjoyment of the land.

Useful Numbers

Tour operators (in alphabetical order) Cosmos 922 793 802

Thomas Cook 922 757 409

Thomson

922 798 607

TUI

922 777 720

Transport

Buses TITSA (Tenerife’s public bus company) 922 531 300

922 641 112 922 747 511 Note: taxi cabs display a “SP” (servicio público) plate on the rear of the car. TFS - Tenerife Sur Airport (Reina Sofía) For flights from Spanish mainland and nearly all scheduled international flights Flight information 902 404 704 (line open 24 hours) Airport information 922 759 000 Tourist information 922 392 037

TFN - Tenerife North Airport (Los Rodeos) For all domestic flights and some international and mainland services Flight information 902 404 704 (lines open 24 hours) General information 922 635 800

(in alphabetical order) Costa Adeje 922 750 633

El Médano

922 176 002

La Laguna

922 631 194

La Orotava

922 323 041

Las Galletas

922 730 133

Los Cristianos 922 757 137

Los Llanos de Aridane 922 401 899

Playa de las Américas 922 796 668

Playa de las Vistas 922 787 011

Puerto de la Cruz 922 386 000

Santa Cruz de Tenerife 922 289 394

Santiago del Teide 922 860 348

Tenerife Sur Tourist Office (Main Tourist Office) 902 003 121

922 281 800

Hospitals and Medical centres (answering machine)

094 Hospital Las Américas, Playa de Las Américas 922 750 022 Playa de las Américas Centro Médicos Del Sur 922 791 000 Candelaria Hospital 922 602 000

Irish Consulate 922 745 671

British Consulate

Address: Plaza Wayler, 8, 1o, 38003 Santa Cruz de Tenerife 922 286 863 Opening hours: Mon-Fri, 8:30am - 1:30pm British Consul: Matthew Vickers British Vice-Consul Helen Keating

1. False 2. Sainsburys 3. Bowling 4. True 5. Iron 6. Dipsy

922 282 424 Citizen information 010 Lost property 092 Postal services 902 197 197 International operator 11825 Local operator 11818 Tourist information 922 605 590

to this week’s puzzles

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 FOOD

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Welcome to Karoline’s Kitchen I hope we are all in the mood for some fun and games. We are approaching April Fools Day. A day that the Brits celebrate on 1st April, unlike the Canarians, who celebrate on 28th December and call it “El Dia de los Santos Inocentes”. So we have two opportunities to fool and joke with our friends.

Meatloaf Cake

2 lbs minced beef 3 large eggs 1 cup breadcrumbs 1 medium sliced onion ½ cup milk ½ cup chopped fresh parsley 3 large garlic cloves, chopped 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 1 teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon black pepper 1 small jar roasted red peppers, drained and patted dry 3 large potatoes, cooked and mashed 8 cherry tomatoes

I remember my dad cutting a piece of wood the same size as a chocolate bar then I wrapped it in foil and the chocolate wrapper and offered it to my friends, they were all shocked firstly to find that Karoline was giving away chocolate and secondly that they were biting into a piece of wood. Great fun!

Preheat oven to 175C. In a large bowl, combine ground beef, eggs, bread crumbs, green onions, milk, parsley, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. When mixture has been combined evenly then divide mixture between two 8-inch round cake pans, patting to cover pans evenly. Bake meat loaves until juices run clear when meat is pierced with a fork, approx 20–25 minutes. Remove pans from the oven; cover loosely with foil and let stand for 10 minutes. To decorate Pour off juices from pans. Turn out 1 meat loaf onto a flat serving plate. Using a small sharp knife, trim red peppers so that they lie flat. Cover top of meat loaf with a single layer of roasted red

Jelly Drinks

Along side your savoury cake you can place on the table a drink for everyone, but they will all get a shock when they try to slurp the juice with a straw as it is really a glass of jelly with a straw embedded into it. Prepare a package of jelly, your choice of flavour. Pour into drinking glasses, (plastic cups work just as well and better for the children) and insert a straw in each glass. Let set in the fridge. For the more adult flavours you could add a small splash of rum or vodka into the jelly.

Have a great week cooking and if you have any recipes that you wish to share or any tips or family cheats then get in touch by email on; karoline@tenerifeweekly.es Until next time,

Here I have given you a couple of recipes to try on your friends and family. The first is a lovely looking cake that is actually savoury. Your family will think you have gone crazy serving them up cake for their dinner but will be surprised when you cut into.

Karoline Shovlar

peppers. Turn out the second meat loaf onto red pepper layer. Using a spatula, spread 2 1/2 cups mashed potatoes over top and sides of meat loaf. Spoon remaining potatoes into a pastry bag fitted with a large star tip. Pipe swirls around top edges of cake. Pipe stars around bottom of cake. Place cherry tomatoes, stem-ends down, in a ring around top of meat loaf “cake” to resemble cherries. Cut meat loaf into wedges; serve immediately.

Chicken Nuggets?

Then if you wanted a surprise dessert then either bake a sponge cake or use a ready-made one. Cut into chicken nugget shapes and then, whip up some softened butter and icing sugar until it has blended to a paste, soft enough to dip the cake pieces in (you may have to add a little milk to let it down), then crush some peanuts and dip the nuggets into the peanuts to give them a crust. Let them rest in the fridge for half an hour to set. You can pour a little honey or maple syrup into a dish as a dipping sauce. Go on, give it a try and shock and surprise your friends and family, however you celebrate April Fools Day make sure it’s a good one!

Easy Recipies for entertaining friends Courtesy of Mark from Casa Tres

Crepes Suzette

The ideal meal to have with guests... Serves: 4 Ingredients: 500ml Milk 3med Eggs 250g Plain Flour 50ml oil Pinch of salt 75g Butter 180g Brown Sugar 100ml Orange Liqueur 1/2 Lemon 4 Oranges

Instructions: Mix milk, eggs & oil in a bowl, pass the flour & salt through a sieve into the liquid mixing but not beating. Leave to rest for at least 1 hour. Cook pancakes in a med hot pan without a lot of colour. Place on to a clean dry surface to cool. (pancakes may be stored together in packs wrapped in cling film and kept in a

freezer). Zest 1 orange & half lemon for garnish. (without a zester use a vegetable peeler and then cut the rind into thin strips). Bring to the boil in water, refresh in cold water, strain & reserve for later. Melt the butter in a large pan and add the sugar. Cook for a couple of minutes and add the orange liqueur, juice of 4 oranges & half of 1 lemon. Soak the pancakes in the cooking liqueur and serve warm with sprinkles of zest.

Spring Leg of Lamb The ideal alternative for Sunday or an evening meal with guests... Serves: 4 Ingredients: 6 cloves Fresh Garlic 12 sprigs Rosemary Salt Pepper 1 1/2 gls White wine 2 tbsn Honey 1 tbsn Mint sauce 1 pt Gravy mix Instructions: Please please Please !!!!!!! Go to a good butcher they are a dying breed but every good cook’s best friend. Ask him to remove the H bone which makes carving easier and maybe trim the end of the leg for you. Again, Please! refrain from having the leg boned as meat cooked on the bone holds so much more flavour. After peeling some garlic, cut in half long ways and stud the leg in about 12 differ-

ent places adding a small sprig of rosemary in the same cuts. Season with salt and ground pepper and place on the trimmings taken off the leg by the butcher. Roast in a pre-heated oven for 1 & 1/2 hours at 180c or until the juices from the leg run clear. Remove from the tray and keep warm. Add white wine to the tray and remove any cooking juices with a pastry brush add honey and mint sauce and reduce a little. Thicken with any gravy mix and serve over the fresh carved meat. Best enjoyed with minted garden peas & roast potatoes.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 TECHNOPHILE

Nintendo’s Wii U

Nintendo’s next-generation console, the eagerly awaited Wii U, has been branded as being simply ‘on par’ with the aging PS3 and Xbox 360 Ahead of the eagerly awaited Nintendo Wii U release, developers have revealed Nintendo’s next-generation console is only just getting the company on par with the current generation of consoles. Bringing Ninty into line with the likes of the Xbox 360 and the Sony PS3, a console which launched more than five years ago, the Nintendo Wii U was officially unveiled at E3 2011 with this year’s Los Angeles based expo to see the Nintendo Wii U release date officially announced. Despite the excitement surrounding Nintendo’s Wii fol-

low-on developer Vigil Games, which is preparing Darksiders 2 as a Wii U launch title, has quelled the fanfare around the console release with game director Marvin Donald claiming the Wii U is only on par with the current console genera-

tion, meaning that the game will look pretty much the same on the Wii U as on the PS3 or 360. “So far the hardware’s been on par with what we have with the current generation,” Donald said. “Based on what I understand, the resolution, textures, polygon counts and all that stuff, we’re not going to being doing anything to up-res the game, but we’ll take advantage of the controller for sure.” He added: “We got the game running on their hardware pretty quickly and the controller’s been great to work with. Now it’s just down to deciding what we really want to do to make it a unique experience on the Wii U, taking advantage of the extra screen and the touch capability and all that. So we’ll have a few new features for sure, but I think visually, for the most part, it’ll be pretty much the same.”

Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 Review: Hands-on BlackBerry Jam

As a direct sequel of the original Galaxy Tab that started it all, can the Galaxy Tab 2 lure people in again with its eReader dimensions...

The Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 is finally here, boasting the same 7-inch form factor as the original but with a few tweaks inside. Of course the question will be, with the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 and the Galaxy Tab 8.9 already here, will people really want something smaller? To answer that question we’ve gone hands-on with the Galaxy Tab 2 at Samsung’s European Forum... Build The Galaxy Tab 2 has lost the shiny plastic body of the old model, instead the Tab is now a shiny hunk of brushed aluminium with a design that see’s the metal surround slightly encroach on the glass front. The buttons are sturdy and overall the design shares many characteristics of the Samsung Galaxy Nexus and the Samsung Galaxy Note, which by all accounts isn’t a bad thing. Features Most noticeable will, of course, be the fact that it’s running Android Ice Cream Sandwich making it the first Samsung tablet to

run the OS out of the box. What that means of course is that you’ll get Face Unlock included. Also new to a Samsung tablet is the company’s S Suggest which is a recommendation app that will suggest apps from the Android Market that have been optimised for the screen size of your tablet. It’s not yet clear if this is coming to other Galaxy Tab devices or indeed their smartphones. Screen The Galaxy Tab 2 has a 1024x600p WSVGA which pumps out surprisingly bright colours and crisp textures with the screen performing well when playing video. Performance Deciding against going with anything more powerful the Galaxy Tab 2 houses a 1Ghz dual-core processor and while it performs well when undertaking simple tasks there were moments when responsiveness was a little lacking. That said, early Galaxy Nexus models appeared to be a bit sluggish but then nearer release day issues were ironed out and they became much zippier, so fingers crossed this is the case here. Verdict While the wide range of storage sizes (8, 16 or 32GB) and the premium form factor shout that this will be a high-end tablet, the 3MP snapper on the back and the 1GHz dual-core processor begs to differ resulting in what could potentially be a brilliant mid-range tablet. The use of Ice Cream Sandwich is a big step and something that will hopefully mark the inclusion of the OS, as standard, on all future Android devices. Overall the Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 is shaping up to be a definite rival to the likes of the Amazon Kindle Fire, offering a discreet premium tablet that will easily be able to handle media intensive apps. Of course the inclusion of a 3G model will no doubt be a selling point as well.

The Toolbar Problem, Solved

How many toolbars do you have on your web browser? Do you have toolbars from Google, Yahoo, MSN, Ask, and more? Just pick one – all the others do pretty much the same thing and just get in the way. How did you end up with so many toolbars? Chances are you downloaded and installed something and didn’t read about the fact that the free software was going to install a toolbar as well. In the military they had an initialization known as RTFQ – the G-rated version is Read The Full Question. How much software do you need on

your computer? Allow me to ask this another way. Do you put every scrap of paper that goes through your hands into your filing cabinet? If you did, how soon would it take for the filing cabinet to burst, leaving you to curl up in the foetal position wondering where your birth certificate went. Same thing happens with your computer when you add every little piece of software you see to your computer. Be picky. If you aren’t going to use that software at least once a

week – you probably don’t need it on your computer. If you haven’t used a piece of software in a few months, think about uninstalling it.

BlackBerry has confirmed that it will be giving developers a limited edition developer prototype device at its developer conference, BlackBerry Jam, in Orlando in May in preparation for BlackBerry OS 10 when it comes out later this year. The new device, dubbed the BlackBerry 10 Dev Alpha, RIM says, not a BlackBerry 10 smartphone, but a prototype running a modified version of the BlackBerry PlayBook OS which will help developers design their apps for the BlackBerry 10 smartphone form factor. “Just to be 100 per cent clear, it’s not the final hardware or OS for BlackBerry 10, it’s a device to help developers get started with designing for what’s coming,” says Research In Motion on the BlackBerry blog. Customers keen to get their hands on the new device will have to either go to the event, become friendly with someone going to the event, or watch eBay for when someone tries to flog their device. The BlackBerry 10 Dev Alpha will only be for developers, not mere mortals like the public and is only available to developer attendees at BlackBerry 10 Jam. The move - which follows similar moves by Microsoft before it officially launched Windows Phone 7 in 2010 - should mean that when the new operating system and new hardware launch at the end of the year, there will be plenty of apps available for the new platform.

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CLASSIFIED

CALDERS CONFESSIONS

• Legal Services

• Situations Vacant

Real People, Unreal Lives

SUNDAYS EVENINGS FROM 10PM PLEASE RE-TUNE 89.2 TO 106.6 106.6 South 103.7 West 97.3 North www.coastfmtenerife.com • Delivery Services

• Cleaning Services

Regency Resorts is one of Europe’s largest and most successful companies. They are looking for experienced Sales executives for their clients. You must speak English and have a positive attitude and be willing to work hard. Top commissions, high spiffs and quick payouts.

Send your CV to admin@regencyresorts.com or fax it to 922 712162

Customer relations required

For dinner show in Las Américas. Must have an outgoing personality, smart in appearance and fluent in English. Basic pay, bonuses and contract offered to the right person.

Call 603 391 256

Are you money motivated? Do you want to work part time hours for full time wages? • Household Services

Looking for something different?

blue flag travel 673 478 920

recruitment@blueflagtravel.com

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• Electrical

FREE ADS E Sky Belt-CP Remote control helicopter, 68 cm rotor span, 65cm carbon fibre body. Complete with aluminium case, 6 channel transmitter and spare body kit. € 200 Tel: 607 583 977

• Autos

• GT MOTORS

Short and long term rentals FROM JUST 230€ Tel: 922 738 410 Mob: 639 835 137

• Car Rentals

• Air Con

• Car Maintenance

• Property OFFICES FOR RENT 60m”2 air con AMPLE PARKING LAS CHAFIRAS TEL 669 787 468 Universal Exports S.L. has been instructed, by the owners, to offer for sale a unique 12 bedroomed rural hotel in Tenerife, situated just 15 minutes from the south airport: This delightfully appointed hotel comprises: 7 double bedrooms and 5 suites, all en-suite, as well as managers’ accommodation the property also includes: kitchens, restaurant, storerooms, bodega, swimming pool, etc. Ideally located for any number of specialised themes; gourmet, spa, holistic, golf, art etc., this recently refurbished premises comes with all necessary licences and permissions. To date the property has been marketed for €1.700.000 but due to other investment commitments the price has been drastically reduced, and priced to sell, at €1.200.000. Qualified interested parties should, in the first instance, contact: David Penny on 922 720711 or from the U.K. 08445 984 114.

• Furniture

Find Red Tomato: Pebble Beach Village, Amarilla Golf. Hours: Mon - Fri 10am -1pm

• Misc

RED TOMATO Satellite & CCTV Installation Private and Community. Also Repair Shop for Computer & Electronics.

Tel: 649 200 774

sales@redtomatoonline.com www.redtomatoonline.com

Closed Salon products for sale 5 Mannequin heads for practise make up or lash extensions 30€ Beauty client cards and box 15€ Beauty nail mag lamp with bracket for table 35€ Body wrap system with gel etc 40€ 2 full unopened disposable gloves M size 15€ 4 unopened eyelash perming kits 30€ Manicure used products plus 53 nail polishes and bowls 45€ Pedicure products plus foot spa 45€ Nail products 100s of French and natural tips acrylic liquid, powder, gel, brushes clippers lots more 100€ 6 full unopened waxing strips 10€ 18 unopened lipstick, pink browns, red, natural colours 20€ Stainless steel adjustable trolley for over bed or table 70€ Tele: 692045460 / 922 712 806 Ladies’ Mountain Bike. 18 Speed. Good Condition. 85 Euros. Gents’ Mountain Bike. 21 Speed. Good Condition. 85 Euros. Tel: 600 700 521.

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MOTORING/DIY

GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES After receiving so many e-mails about this one I thought its time to get to the bottom of what can only be described as driving us all in circles. Yes roundabouts and indicators, so why does nobody know how to use either? We need to go back to Franco’s good ‘ol days, when Spain had few main carriageways and no roundabouts at all. Billions of EU Euros was pumped in to improve Spain’s infrastructure and despite the constant updates of the codigo de la circulación (Spanish Highway Code) the problem lays firmly with the fact that many generations of Spanish have passed their driving tests without ever seeing a roundabout! They don’t really seem to have grasped the idea yet, although the rules regard-

continuing straight (the second exit) you should be in the right hand lane, continue through the roundabout indicating after the first exit. To turn right the same applies, but indicate approaching the roundabout and just take the first exit. Going left, you should be in the left hand lane when you reach the roundabout, indicating left and after passing the second exit (straight ahead) indicate right and exit, to change direction is the same as turning left except you indicate right after the third exit. Simplz init? For those how have been taught in Spain, the right, or outside lane has right of way. So if you want to make a U-turn, you approach in the right lane and drive all the way around in that lane, ignoring all the horns and hand gestures. Although the majority of Spanish drivers will, simply dive unexing roundabouts in Spain are totally dif- pectedly from lane to lane cutting you up ferent to what we were taught in the UK. along the way. The problem is if you have an accident on a If you all can remember that far back, we were taught firstly when approaching roundabout, who is right and who is wrong? an anti-clockwise roundabout if you are The interpretation of the law is where it can

all go pear shaped. If the driver turning left from the right lane is Spanish and the Police are called, much of the blame may lie within the interpretation of the rules, rather than what the law states. Even if you are not at fault and are not carrying all the correct paperwork for your car, you may find yourself paying a fine and for the accident that another driver caused. My advice just be careful, expect the unexpected assume nothing, drive defensively and watch the car to your right of you may just lose the front of yours.

Building a Bee Hive If you want to keep bees, there is a lot of equipment you’ll need, but first and foremost you’ll need a hive for the bees to live in! You can buy a hive readymade or flat-packed, or you can make one yourself. Instructions below are for making what is called a ‘top bar hive’ (also called a Warre hive), which is the simplest type of hive to build and deal with. Tools and Materials You will need the following to make your hive, along with basic DIY skills. Tape measure, hand saw, hammer, screwdriver, drill with pilot drill-bit, square, hand-plane, wood chisel, utility knife, spirit level, staple gun. Untreated pine will be fine for making your hive, though if you can get hold of cedar it will weather better. The timber should be 20mm-25mm (3/4” – 1”) thick and 300mm (12”) wide. Planed shelving timber is suitable, and you’ll need 1020 metres depending on how many levels you want your hive to have. You’ll also need two pieces of exterior plywood for the roof, one 500mm x 420mm (20” x 16 ½”), and another piece 390mm x 350mm (15 ½” x 13 ¼”). Both should be about 12mm thick. For the legs you’ll need four blocks of 50mm x 100mm (2” x 4”), 100mm (4”) tall. For the top bars you’ll need some lengths of timber 10mm (3/8”) thick and 25mm (1”) wide. For each hive box you need ten pieces 300mm (12”) long. You need nails or screws to hold the hive together of course – screws offer a better fixing, but it’s up to you. They should be about 50mm (2”) long, and will need to be galvanised or rust-proof. The top level of the hive is an insulating box, called a quilt. For this you will need a piece of cloth to cover the bottom of the box, such as cotton or canvas, about 500mm x 500mm (20” x 20”). You also need a natural insulating material – wood shavings, chopped straw or sawdust work well. A second cloth needs to be placed between the top hive box and the quilt – it needs to be about 350mm (14”) square, and should be coated with a flour paste to stop the bees from eating it. You need something to treat the finished hive with, to protect it from the elements – linseed oil is a good choice as it is non-toxic. Constructing the Quilt The quilt is a simple frame with the material attached to the bottom. Start by cutting the sides – you need two pieces 300mm x 100mm (12” x 4”), and two pieces 340mm x 100mm (13 ½” x 4”). Arrange the pieces of wood so that they form a frame, with the longer pieces overlapping the short pieces, so that it is square on the outside. Fix through the long pieces into the ends of the short pieces – if you are using screws, drill a pilot hole first. Two fixings in each end should suffice. Once you have your frame, take the piece of cloth and lay it

over the top of the frame. Use a staple gun to fix the cloth to the frame, putting a couple of staples on the front first, then stretching the cloth to the back and putting another couple of staples, then repeating this on the sides to ensure the cloth is evenly stretched. You can then go around and put more staples in to ensure that the cloth is secure all the way around. Trim the edges of the cloth so there are no bits left flapping around. Put your Quilt frame to one side. Constructing the Floor Cut two pieces of wood for two halves of the floor – 335mm x 170mm (13 ¼” x 6 ½”), and two small pieces 210mm x 30mm (8 ¼” x 1 ¼”). You also need a landing board, 400mm x 160mm (16” x 6 ½”). Take one of the floor halves and mark out a rectangle to cut out for your hive entrance – it needs to be central along the length, and tight on one side. The rectangle should measure 50mm x 120mm (2” x 9”). Cut out the rectangle by using a saw to cut down the sides, and a chisel to cut out the inside length. Sand the chisel cut smooth. Place the two halves of the floor together with the opening facing out, and place your two small pieces of wood on either side, crossing the join between the halves of the floor. Nail the small pieces on, ensuring you use nails that won’t go all the way through the floor. Next, place the landing board on the floor, positioned centrally so that it overlaps the entrance hole, and sits 10mm in from the back of the floor. Nail it securely into place. For the legs, take your four 50mm x 100mm blocks, and cut four feet out of the 25mm thick planks – the feet should be 100mm x 100mm (4” x 4”) square. Nail a foot onto the bottom of each leg, and then turn your floor over so that the landing board is on the bottom, and position it over the four legs – the legs should fit in the gaps between the landing board and the edge fixings, perhaps at an angle. Nail or screw through the floor to fix the legs into place. Constructing the Hive Box The hive box is a square frame, with handles on the sides and top bars resting on brackets along the top. First cut out the sides of the frame – two long sides at 340mm x 210mm (13 ½” x 8 ¼”), and two short sides 300mm x 210mm (12” x 8 ¼”).

Use screws or nails to fix the frame together in the same way you did the Quilt Box, with the long sides overlapping the short ones so that you and up with a square frame. As mentioned in Materials, you need ten pieces of wood 10mm (3/8”) thick, 25mm (1”) wide and 300mm (12”) long. Use short nails or tacks to fix two of these to the sides of the frame, 10mm down from the top. These will form brackets for the eight top bars to sit on, and the bees will build their honeycombs onto these bars. Cut two pieces of wood about 200mm x 50mm (8” x 2”), and fix them onto the outside of the box on opposite sides, to form handles so that you can easily lift the box. Constructing the Roof The roof is a gabled box which fits over the Quilt box. Start by taking your roof plywood (500mm x 420mm) and cut it in half, so you have two pieces 500mm x 210mm. Now cut pieces of plank for the sides, 350mm x 12mm (13 ¾” x 4 ¾”). Next, cut a ridge piece 500mm x 60mm (19 ¾” x 2 ½”), and two gable ends 390mm x 210mm (15 ½” x 8 ¼”). Take your gable ends and mark the centre along the longest length, then mark 20mm out on either side of the centre point. Now measure 160mm up from the bottom and make a mark on both sides of the gable. Draw two lines from the sides up to the outside-of-centre points, and cut along them so that you have a gable-shaped piece. Build the main frame of the roof by fixing the gable ends to the short sides, the same way you did with the Quilt and Hive boxes. Take your other piece of ply, known as a cover board, lay it across the sides of the roof, and nail into place. Now take your roof panels and fix them onto the gables. They will overlap at each end. Now fix the ridge panel into place, and you have a finished roof. Finishing and Installing the Hive Finish your hive by treating all of the pieces with linseed oil. You can use paint instead, but make sure it is non-toxic. Only treat the exterior of the hive, but make sure that the feet have a good coating as they will rot first, being in constant contact with the ground. You could fix some roofing felt to the bottom of the feet to protect them more, or stand the hive on some bricks. Find a suitable place for your hive – it should be partly shaded and a bit sheltered, out of the wind. It needs to be flat enough for the hive to sit level, and should be welldrained so that the feet don’t get too wet. Build up your hive by placing the floor down first, then the hive box (ensure it overlaps the floor evenly all the way around). Put the top bars into place, making sure they are evenly-spaced, and place your flour-coated over it, sandwiching the cloth by sitting the quilt box on top. Place your insulating material in the quilt box, then sit the roof over the quilt box. You have a finished bee hive! Now you just need some bees to go into it. You can stack three or four hive boxes on top of one another to extend your hive and get more honey!

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sport

Bernard to Miss 100m Freestyle Olympic Defence

Olympic 100 metres freestyle champion Alain Bernard will not defend his title at the London Games this summer after failing to secure a qualifying spot at the French national championships on Thursday. Five French sprinters were battling for the two men’s places in the event at the London Olympics: Bernard, Amaury Leveaux, Yannick Agnel, Fabien Gilot and Gregory Mallet. All five had dipped below the 49-second barrier in the semi-finals on Wednesday but a day later it was Agnel who led Gilot home in a personal best of 48.02sec, the best time of the year for a French swimmer. Gilot was second in 48.38 as Bernard

underperformed with a time of 48.97 that was only good enough for fifth place. Despite finishing only in fifth, it is believed Bernard has a good chance of being retained for the men’s 4x100m relay team. Agnel has also secured his spot for the 200m freestyle after winning the national title here, meaning he will line up in London as France’s big hope for the men’s sprint events. However the Frenchman’s winning time is still a way behind the blistering times set by Australian pair James Magnussen (47.10) and James Roberts (47.63). In third place was Clement Lefert (48.64) with Leveaux fourth in 48.69.

Murray To Miss Bradford Bulls At ‘Death’s Door’ Davis Cup Tie World No.4 Andy Murray will miss Great Britain’s Davis Cup Europe/Africa Zone second round match with Belgium in Glasgow next month. Victory at Braehead Arena over the Easter weekend would send Leon Smith’s team through to a World Group play-off in September, although they will be big underdogs.

However, Britain can take encouragement from their previous tie against Slovakia in February, which Murray missed citing post-Australian Open niggles. Again the rankings were not in the hosts’ favour, but Evans proved an unlikely hero by winning both his singles matches, including a crucial five-setter against Martin Klizan in the deciding

Belgium’s singles players Olivier Rochus and Steve Darcis are ranked 52nd and 68th respectively - well ahead of Britain’s James Ward (162) and Dan Evans (291) - and the only rubber the hosts will be favourites to win will be the doubles, where Colin Fleming and Ross Hutchins should prevail. Speaking about the Davis Cup in Indian Wells, Murray hinted he was unlikely to play, particularly if he performed well in this week’s Masters Tournament in Miami, where he is through to the fourth round. The tie comes at a difficult time for Murray in the key transition period between hard-court and clay-court stretches of the season, and he is keen to stay in the US and work with his coach, Ivan Lendl.

rubber. Belgium are certainly a step up again, but Smith is optimistic his team can rise to the occasion. The Scot said: “After the last win against Slovakia the team were on a real high, but we are now fully focused on preparing for the tie against Belgium, who we know will provide an altogether new challenge. “It will be a real step up against an opposition who is higher ranked than us, but if the team can put on some fine performances as they did against Slovakia, then we have a real chance of qualifying for the World Group play-offs. “We will give it absolutely everything and, with the home crowd support behind us, we are very much looking forward to a hugely exciting tie.”

Bradford Bulls director Andrew Bennett has warned that the club is at “death’s door” due to crippling debts. The Bulls, who have struggled financially for the past few seasons, need to raise around £1million - and at least £500,000 in the next few weeks - if they are to avoid going bust. And as it stands, the Good Friday clash with Leeds Rhinos could be their last-ever game at Odsal. Bennett told the Telegraph and Argus: “We’re at death’s door. We can stay alive for about two-and-ahalf weeks. We could just about, at this moment in time, put the Leeds game on. “We’re at death’s door. We can stay alive for about two-and-a-half weeks. “ The club have been left on the brink of extinction after a double blow. Firstly the club had to use the money from the sale-lease of Odsal to the RFL to pay off their long-term liabilities, while

the Royal Bank of Scotland has informed the Bulls that their overdraft facility has been significantly reduced. Chairman Peter Hood added: “I don’t think the situation could be more critical. Without the oxygen of cash in our bloodstream we cannot operate. We’ve got to generate a significant sum to survive and we’re doing everything we can to achieve that. If we haven’t got cash then we can’t stay alive and if we can’t stay alive then we can’t fulfil our fixtures. It’s that serious.” Bradford are hoping to receive at least £500,000 in pledges from supporters by 5pm on 6th April.

Alonso Says Ferrari Still Up Against It

Spain’s Fernando Alonso warned Ferrari still had their work cut out to stay competitive this year despite his masterful victory at the rainsoaked Malaysian Grand Prix. Alonso said the team were labouring “day and night” to improve the cumbersome F2012, which despite its faults was manoeuvred to perfection around sodden Sepang by the two-time world champion for his 28th victory. The win, after a 51-minute rain suspension and a thrilling victory chase from Sauber’s Sergio Perez, was a major surprise after Ferrari struggled in pre-season testing and at the year’s first race in Australia. And the 30-year-old from Oviedo said the result changed nothing for Ferrari as they strive to match favourites McLaren and reigning champions Red Bull, as well as newly competitive Mercedes. “At the start of the season we’ve had some problems with the car and some lack of pace but we’re working on that. We’re working day and night. Ferrari has proved over 60 years that we’re able to win,” Alonso said. “The win has changed nothing in our approach for the coming weeks. In the coming races we’ll have an aggressive approach we need to

Woods’ Return To Winning Ways

Tiger Woods is once again golf’s big hit. His five-shot win at Bay Hill was his first win on the PGA Tour since his career was turned upside down by revelations about his private life. This victory came at the start of a week in which the book written by his former coach Hank Haney is published. “The Big Miss” is the most revealing account yet of Woods’ life. But the former world number one has spiked its guns with his dramatic return to winning ways.

America loves a story of redemption and Woods has ensured that now the talk will be of his golf more than the revelations contained in Haney’s book. And the even more significant aspect of the timing of this victory is that it came in Woods’ final outing before he challenges for a fifth Masters green jacket. He has sent a powerful message to the golfing world and to himself that he is back where he belongs at the top of the game. Of course there are no guarantees.

bring updates for the race because we’re far behind.” Meanwhile rival boss Peter Sauber strenuously denied Perez, a product of the Ferrari Driver Academy who is seen as a future member of the Italian marque, was under team orders not to pass Alonso in the dying laps. Sauber technicians were heard frantically urging Perez to preserve his second spot as he hunted down the Spaniard before dramatically running offcourse with six laps to go. But the principal of the Sauber team, which runs Ferrari engines, said there was “100 per cent... no discussion about the position” with the Italian squad. “We told him, be careful -- we need the result -- because behind us, all of our competitors scored points,” Peter Sauber told Autosport.com. “(It was because) we needed the result, not the position, so there is some misunderstanding. Behind us our competitors, all the midfield teams, scored points and it was so important that we kept the result not the position.” HRT’s Indian driver Narain Karthikeyan was also in the firing line after a late collision punctured the rear wheel of reigning world champion Sebastian Vettel, leaving him out of the points.

In 2009, as he unwittingly headed towards the car crash that prompted his private life being laid bare, Woods won in each of his last appearances before majors and on all four occasions failed to go on to add to his tally of grand slam titles.

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Tenerife Weekly - 30th March - 5th April 2012 SPORT

THE SPORTS SCENE WITH PETER QUILTY

SPONSORED BY THE BUZZIN OF CALLAO SALVAJE FOR ALL THE BEST IN SPORT Hi Everyone, just like last week I will make my opening paragraph on even more good news on Fabrice Muamba, who as we know collapsed during Bolton’s FA Cup tie at Tottenham on March 17th and has been receiving treatment at the London Chest Hospital since then.

He remains in intensive care so that shows he is still in a serious situation, but Fabrice was able to watch Match of the Day on Sunday morning and he was deeply moved by the mosaic and the support he received from both the Bolton and Blackburn fans on the day. Apparently he was pleased that his team-mates won the match, although he fell back asleep when the score was 2-0 [Bolton won 2-1]. But the fact he was able to watch a large part of the game, given where he was a week ago, is great news. It was also fantastic that football showed a different side when the Premier League players wore t-shirts in support of Muamba at the weekend, as the football community continued to rally behind the 23-year-old. Let’s hope he continues to recover.

On a sadder note was the loss in the world of Darts with theTwo-time world darts champion Jocky Wilson who died on Saturday night at the age of 62. Wilson turned professional in 1979 and rose to fame after he claimed the 1982 and 1989 World Championships. Fife police have said that the death is non-suspicious and due to a medical matter. His manager Tommy Cox, who managed Wilson from 1988-1996, was right in saying that in the 1980s there wasn’t a person in the country who didn’t know who Jocky Wilson was. The Kirkcaldy-native, who turned 62 on Thursday, had recently been suffering with the lung disorder chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Fife emergency services were called to his home in the town

at 2100 GMT but he was deceased at the scene when an ambulance arrived. Wilson’s career saw him challenge Englishmen Eric Bristow and John Lowe for the sport’s major honours before his retirement in 1995. His first victory in the World Championship came in 1982 when he beat Lowe 5-3 in the final. Seven years later, he beat his other great rival Bristow 6-4, in a match where the “Crafty Cockney” had recovered from 5-0 down to find himself at 5-4 and 2-2 in the tenth set. From his debut at the World Championship in 1979 until 1991, Wilson managed to reach at least the quarter-finals of the tournament on every occasion. Wilson also lifted the British Professional Championship four-times between 1981 and 1988, as well as the British Open and Match play titles. A minute’s applause was held in his memory ahead of Sunday’s UK Open Qualifier in Barnsley, with 194 players joining officials in paying tribute to the Scottish legend. 3 time World Darts Champion John Lowe who is no stranger to the shores of Tenerife said “Jocky Wilson, a player I rated one of the finest ever, and always enjoyed sharing the Oche, RIP my friend” Well said John. Back to football, and last week we mentioned the fabulous Lionel Messi. Well he did what was predicted by scoring on Tuesday against Mallorca but also Real Madrid forward Cristiano Ronaldo has become the fastest player to reach 100 goals in Spanish league history. The Portuguese scored twice as Real bounced back from consecutive draws with a 5-1 thrashing of Real Sociedad. In reaching 101 goals in 92 games, Ronaldo surpassed Real legend Ferenc Puskas, who scored 100 in 105 games. Ronaldo’s 35th league goal of the season took him level with Lionel Messi. Both players are closing in on Ronaldo’s own record of 40 league goals in a single campaign, set last season. Messi, who became Barca’s all-time top-scorer on Tuesday, now has 55 goals in all competitions this season and 18 in his last nine games. With nine games of the season remaining, leaders Real have 75 points and Barca 69. The two sides meet at the Nou Camp on 22 April. Now that will be some game. Also in Football, I was some what shocked when I read that Former England manager Glenn Hoddle has suggested he would be interested in leading his country again at this summer’s European Championships. Hoddle lost the England job in 1999 after controversial comments about disabled people and has not coached a team since leaving Wolves in 2006. Hoddle’s England record Played: 28 Won: 17 Drawn: 6 Lost: 5

Scored: 42 Conceded: 13 I did say a couple of weeks ago after the Holland Friendly that Stuart Pearce under estimated himself by saying he would not get the job.

With Tottenham manager Redknapp who remains favourite to land the England job, while West Brom’s Hodgson and current caretaker Pearce are also possibilities. I think that anyone who went to the tournament with the status of a caretaker Manager would have the pressure off him. The players would be liberated, too, not least those who have been on the fringes and are accustomed to thinking that the manager doesn’t fancy them. Look at how a caretaker has worked for the England rugby team in the Six Nations, personally I don’t think Hoddle will get the opportunity again, but who ever the FA decide on please make sure he is British!! So lets take a look at last weekends games and predicitions,well the leader this week is me with 18points from a possible 27, although I didn’t think that Liverpool would lose to Wigan, has King Kenny come to the end with his poor excuse that his highly paid players were tied, come on Kenny. Peter Crouch’s fantastic goal also put a spanner in the works for me and Swansea losing at Everton. As for the rest of the lads, Red Devil fanatic ´The Buzzin Blazer´scored 15points, as did the Lion Bites Back Team (15). Ronnie and Sandy had wide grins on their faces when they also predicted that Rangers would beat Celtic, which they did, but in a typical Glasgow

Derby 3sent off, a manager shown the Red Card and surprisingly only 1 Yellow card the Ibrox duo were happy to see the end result. I have only ever been once to a Glasgow derby when I had my hotel in Callender, I went with my head chef who was like Ronnie and Sandy a Rangers Nut. Luckily enough the tickets he got were in the Rangers End and Rangers won that day too, but boy was I glad to get out of that ground that day, it was electric with sparks flying everywhere, we never had that problem at Meadow lane were I was once caught climbing the gate one day but they dragged me back and made me watch it, any way it is Martin the Middlesboro Maurder bring up the rear with 12 points although both him a Chris did say that Man Utd would beat Fulham (Monday) which they did. But Rooney’s 28th goal of the season in all competitions and 11th in nine games keeps United’s relentless pursuit of the title going and when Alex Ferguson ends up down by the Touchline jabbing his watch you know the bum is squeaky. THAT was just a bit too close for Manchester United.

So to close congratulations to Alonso for winning a very wet Grand Prix, how do they see in that sort of weather?? And the Tiger roared back, looking forward to the Masters.

Till next time enjoy your Tenerife Weekly.

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