Clemson - 9/14/11 by The Black Sheep

Volume 1, Issue 2 | 9/15/11 - 10/06/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

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Black Sheep

“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”

the Cooper Breakdown: Where To Study and Why Anna DuBose wrote this

Hey, you! Look around—feel that? Nah, not the weather getting cooler… that’s not going to happen for at least another month or so. What I mean is… it’s happening again. Fall semester is underway and things are beginning to get into a nice rhythm around Clemson. By now, we should all be settled into our dorms and apartments and have gotten to know our neighbors a bit. We’re a few football Saturdays into the season and the parties are really starting to get good. The one downside? Classes are in full swing too. Because we’re all here to not only live it up but to also get an education, we should probably think of doing some, you know, studying. That’s why I think that the diligent freshman or senior slacker could both benefit from a little Cooper Library Breakdown. First Floor: This floor is best suited for the hardcore studiers… or anyone in need of some serious peace and quiet for that last-minute cram session. Because the first floor is entirely underground, it’s severely lacking in, well, sunlight. Brave the basement of Cooper and there’s a good chance you won’t emerge for five hours and with three missed calls and twelve texts. On that note, this floor is a great place to disappear for a nap… or with your significant other for a little alone time.

Other stuff

Inside

Second Floor: What makes the second floor so different from the first? They’re both underground and therefore can be drab, but the addition of the CCIT on Second makes it a bit livelier than down below. Second is largely made up of group tables in a common area, so be wise about what you’re doing online here. Want to Facebook stalk that cute guy from your Chem lab? Go for it, just remember he’s sitting three tables behind you and has a great view of you creeping all 498 of his tagged photos. Third Floor: Third floor, home to the Academic Success Center and, um… what else? Finding space here can be hit or miss because it tends to fill up fast. However, it’s a nice place to study; plus it’s not a trek from the main floor, nor does studying here feel like a scene from a bad horror movie like it sometimes does in the basement! Third is a great place to go with your group if you can find a table, or grab a desk near the windows and do some creeping. I mean… people watching. Fourth Floor: Ah, fourth floor – the heart of Cooper. Because this is the main floor and is home to the circulation desk and Snax & Stax, trying to get any studying done here can seem a bit impossible unless you’re the kind of student who doesn’t require peace and quiet. Grab one of the comfy chairs in the front and take a nap – just keep in mind that everyone

04: Picking the Perfect Seat

With class back in session, where you sit is just as important as who you sit by.

who comes in and out will be able to see you drooling on your shirt. Need to do some quick research but can’t find a free computer? My advice is to get in good with that super nice security guard (you know the one) – maybe he can finagle a way to evacuate everyone for you. Fire drill, perhaps? Fifth Floor: Or as I like to call it “The Good Luck If You Get Anything Done Here” Floor. Fifth is definitely not a silent floor; in fact, most of the space here is taken up by less than quiet study groups, computers, and of course, the always lively Java City. This floor is full of students trying to print last-minute papers and assignments. If you’re lucky, you’ll manage to get a computer relatively easily and you’ll be in and out in no time. If you’re not so lucky, you’ll be stuck behind the freshman printing all 38 pages of her Biology PowerPoints when you have exactly three minutes to make it to your English class. Sixth Floor: I have to be honest: I’m not exactly sure what’s on the sixth floor of Cooper Library. It’s kind of like some sort of mystery… a loft-shaped mystery. It appears to be made up entirely of study space. If you can get a spot here, you must be a wizard, because never in my four plus years at Clemson have I seen this area empty. Or maybe that’s just due to my lack of, um, experience with the fine art of studying.

06 The One Night Stand Getaway

How to slip on out after he slipped on in.

15: the black sheep interviews:

we talk to sweedish rockers Peter, Bjorn and John!

Table of

contents

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Page 12

Page 13

Drunk Texting Maybe we should all agree to go back to rotary phones.

Bartender of the Month This TD total dime gives us the lowdown on life behind the rail

Party Pics + Shoutouts If you send us nudity, we’ll print it. (Maybe.) I’m Not Going to Drink THAT Much Tonight That’s what they all say.

Crappy Movie Guide Lowdown on Campus Living Everything coming out this Why did you decide to live fall looks like a pile of poop. in the Shoeboxes again?

Top 10: Things You Should Do Before Leaving Clemson.

What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You Other than she loves you.

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Word of the week Breach of Chrontract:

Citadels Town

So Jetsons

Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com

Definition: When a weed dealer lies about the price or quality of the marijuana he’s selling. Sentence: “When Slade told the guy he was selling chronic but it was really schwag, he was in breach of chrontract.”

Navigating Thru the Campus Dining Halls Sarah Padva wrote this Where will you find ex-prison convicts, extremely old women, and a server that looks just like Snoop Dogg all in one place? The Campus Dining Halls! What a fabulous and totally normal collection of people that are dedicated to helping you gain the freshman 15! Better get used to them because you’re graced with their presence three times a day and possibly more if you can’t stop coming back for the “home cooked” meals! Not only are the meals prepared with love by these people but the options are…. interesting. Cheeseburger soup anyone? No? That’s weird since they serve it like three times a week. So here’s the guide to help you navigate thru this place of all things mysterious. Finding a seat: Why is literally every seat gone every time you step foot in this place? Good luck trying to find your friends too, cell phone service is down because of the number of people located in one area. Every dining experience is similar to a crazy concert where you expect to get lost and can’t hear anything, so go in with the mindset of eating alone. Now the goal of the game is to find people that you think will be done eating soon. Usually this is the stick-thin girl having her “dinner feast” of a cup of water, or the chubby kid who’s on the second plate of dessert. Linger around them and pounce as soon as they make the slightest movement to get up. Bingo! Getting food: The best thing about dining halls is that they have a lot to offer. Unfortunately the worst is that the choices usually suck. A lot. Don’t eat the majority of the “meat,” because it doesn’t really resemble any meat product. However, if you are into dog food, then this might be the meal for you! Salad is a safe option because you really can’t mess that one up. Kudos to them! Standard sides are pretty good too, like mashed potatoes and broccoli, just be wary when they start adding random shit like corn to the mashed potatoes. Desserts are always prime but they go fast because they look like real food AND they’re good, a rarity amongst the dining hall facilities. Be sure to grab those pronto!

The workers: As previously mentioned, the people working there are a unique bunch. There’s definitely a variety of workers floating around, amongst the favorites are; the man that thinks he’s a chef in a school cafeteria, the nice old woman that calls you sweetie, the people that don’t stop talking, and the man that never says a word. Be wise about your route to get food and where you’re sitting to avoid the bizarre ones that are sadly a majority. The diners: Ugh. The hungry college students of America. They’re aggressive, rude, and selfish. Admittedly, sometimes you are this individual when it comes to the last chocolate chip cookie and there’s no way in hell this girl should be allowed to take 5! Bullshit! It’s every man for himself out there so stay strong dining hall eaters it’s yours for the taking! Take this advice to heart and you’re set up for a successful meal! Make the most of this supply of food available because once college is over your parents won’t be funding your unlimited eating habits. Just remember to proceed with caution and know what you’re in for!

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SEX and the u

One of the major downsides of being single is not always having sex as a stable factor in your life. Even if you have someone you’re casually hooking up with, or a ‘no strings attached’ type of deal, for the most part everybody has been through at least one dry spell at some point. When this moment hits, there’s usually nothing you crave more than the mortifying regret of a one night stand. But before you go throwing yourself onto random people, there are certain steps you need to take in order to help you relieve all that pent up sexual frustration. If you’re a girl: You should already know that it’s not your adorable personality that’s gonna get you some, it’s your looks. A decent personality is more like the icing on the cake, so the only real thing you need to do is put your hot girl disguise on. When choosing your outfit for the night, make sure you’re keeping your goal in mind. You want someone to want to sleep with you, not think of their grandmother’s tablecloth when they look at your outfit.

tony’s pizza

How to Get Some Act ion

So hide all of those vintage sundresses you think are cute and put on a tight bandage skirt, a tit-enhancing top, and some four-inch heels instead. Once you’ve done this, it’s time for your makeup; darken up those eyes, and rouge up those lips. Don’t worry if the face you’re left with looks absolutely nothing like your actual face, this is essentially the point, plus this will make things less awkward in the future since he won’t be able to recognize you. If you’ve followed this advice, you now have a 90% chance of getting laid. The only thing you have left to do is drink away your moral inhibitions; soon enough you’ll find yourself eyefucking the shit out of potential candidates to bed. They’ll take it from there. If you’re a guy: Unfortunately, girls can easily convert themselves into an entirely different person at night thanks to makeup and other accessories. Guys on the other hand can’t; you’re either hot or you’re not. There isn’t much you can do about it but hope you’re funny or something. However, this doesn’t mean you’re completely screwed, it just means that you need to put in more effort. While looking hot guarantees a girl with a 90% chance of getting some playing time, this will only give you a 50% chance of scoring.

Heather Castrillon wrote this

Before going out, there are only two things you need to do. First, take a shower. After you’ve gotten that out of your way, all you have to do is choose your outfit for the night. Luckily, this isn’t too hard, just stick to jeans/khakis and either a polo or button-down collared shirt. Now that you’re ready to go out, you’ve reached your 50% chance of sliding up into someone. But if that’s not good enough for you, then this is where the real work comes into play. When you’re actually out and looking for that slampiece you’d like to be on top of later, you need to channel your inner Rico Suave or Keith Stone. When you’re talking to a girl, try and actually sound like you’re interested in what she’s saying. Remember, you’re looking for a one night stand, not a relationship, so no matter how annoying she may be, you only have to put up with her for a couple of hours. Game face, bro. Now that all of you have the tools for a potentially hot and steamy night, the only other thing to keep in mind is the time. You need to find your sexual outlet relatively early in the night, since the selection quality progressively decreases as the night drags on. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck at the bar while they’re closing down, frantically looking around and wondering not “Who’s hot” but “Who’s left?”

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From 'da Streets

How To Get To Class On Time (Without Looking Completely Crazy)

If you could have lunch with any celeb, who would it be, where would you eat, and what would you talk about?

Anna DuBose wrote this You have exactly nine minutes to get to class and you’re still stuck behind a long line of other cars waiting for a parking space. It wouldn’t be such a biggie, but you somehow managed to get that one total ass of a professor who institutes a strict “no tardy” policy. As in… “I’ll lock you out if you aren’t in class at exactly 8AM. on the dot” kind of policy.

“Angelina Jolie, definitely. We would eat at Jerry’s Seafood, my favorite restaurant in Maryland. We would talk about Tomb Raider.” ~Tasha Loiseau

“Whatever,” you think, fed up and ready to turn the car around. You’d much rather be back home in bed and trigonometry sucks anyway. But you’ve already used all of your allowed absences—any more and your grade takes a hit. Now what? You have no choice but to book your ass to class. Let’s rewind for a second and, you know, take a look at the root of the problem. Why are you late in the first place? If it’s for a legit reason—say, your car wouldn’t start because the battery is on the fritz, or you got into a fender bender— then okay. Better luck next time. If you’re late for any other kind of reason—you hit snooze six times, you forgot to set your alarm in the first place, you passed out on your friend’s futon after too much gin bucket, or you flat-out just failed to get your ass in the car on time— then you need to get your shit together, man. I too have been locked out for arriving a minute too late. I’ve had my grade docked because I walked in at 8:03 two classes in a row. I’ve been the creeper running across campus. Luckily, as a former habitual late student, I also happen to be skilled in the art of getting there on time and I’m here to pass that knowledge on to you. Aren’t you lucky?

giant damn hill. That’s where the bus comes in handy! Get on this and you’re golden. If not, maybe you’ll get extra lucky and see your friend on his moped. Flag that guy down! What? Ain’t got no shame! Plus, he owes you—you played interference last week when he was about to leave the bar with Cankles.

"You’d much rather be back home in bed and trigonometry sucks anyway. But you’ve already used all of your allowed absences—any more and your grade takes a hit. Now what? You have no choice but to book your ass to class.”

Tip One: Stay calm. Freaking out will only make things worse, so when you pull into the Pit with thirty minutes to spare and there isn’t an empty space anywhere, just take a deep breath. You aren’t the only one creeping around, waiting for someone to leave, and you need a clear head in order to ninja your way into a spot when one does free up.

Tip Two: Take advantage. Say you’ve found a parking spot within fifteen minutes—now you have fifteen more to get to class. You’ll quickly realize how much it sucks to walk from the commuter lot all the way to your class due to the ingenious person who so kindly built the parking lot on one

“I would have lunch with Mitt Romney and we would eat at some fancy steakhouse. I would probably talk with him about his yelling match with the crowd when he spoke at Iowa State Fair…Google it.” ~Nick James

Tip Three: Be aware of your surroundings. More coordinated and athletic people do this thing called riding a bike to class… I can’t really fathom this one, considering Clemson’s campus IS A HILL, but different strokes for different folks I guess. Either way, learn to longboard, ride your bike, or grab a scooter—yes, a scooter. I once saw a guy riding a Razor to class. LIKE A BOSS.

Tip Four: Have no shame. Look, at one point or another we’ve all been running late to class. In my case, literally running. Sometimes you just have to do it if you want to make it there on time. You might get a lot of strange looks, and everyone else in class will probably think you’re really weird for busting in to class at the last moment red-faced and out of breath, but damn it, at least you made it! Now only if you’d remembered to bring your trig book…

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“I would talk to Tom Hanks about, like, Forrest Gump or what his favorite role to play was. We would eat at this place called Churrascaria Plataforma Tribeca…it’s a Brazilian grill in NYC on West Broadway.” Emily Smith

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n i t s e b the ! s c i p y part

SHOUT OUTS Got a shout out? Email us at shout@theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our website: theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our iPhone/Android App

Fellow Housemate, Stop banging on my wall while you’re fucking; I’m trying to sleep. Love, Room #3 Amanda, next time you decide to have a party and charge us for cups, try to make sure the keg isn’t the one you left on your balcony all summer. Thanks - Girls in 704 I didn’t know it was take your worm for a walk week! Dear, kid that pissed his pants, passed out on our porch, then went inside and sat on our couch....you owe us a new couch. Sincerely, 432. A.K.A the house that still smells like piss Dear Roommate, Your boobs sag... please invest in a better bra! A not so loving roommate. Yes freshmen, it’s way too early to bust out the Uggs. Dear Mike, apologies for puking in your fratstar room. And not realizing it til noon the next day. Sooo when’s the second date? -Christine John, sneaking Stones into the bar isn’t impressive, it’s actually sad. Get a $1 and buy a drink. Thanks, Steve and Tom Dear Brody, Sorry about that Asian puking on your laptop and cockblocking you all night. Love, 359 and 360

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Bartender of the Issue Ben Hasty. Wingin It’ Relationship Status: Single Major: Political Science and Italian Language Favorite Shot and how you make it: My personal favorite is just straight tequila shots. If I had to mix a shot it would be the Pineapple Express, which has Soco, Amaretto, and pineapple juice.” What is the worst pick up line you have heard on the job? I had a guy come up on $2 margarita night and ask to have it split three ways. He said he was trying to split it between three girls that he was trying to pick up. I made the margarita really weak and gave it to him with two extra cups. When the girls came up to complain about the weak drinks,

drinking game:

random

“That’s sor random!” as Ja’mie from Summer Heights High might say about this here drinking game. But you’ll get wicked tipsy, and all of the Grade 11 guys will think you’re the hottest girl in public school, so you should definitely play this. What You Need: A whole bunch of random hotties, liquor, some sense of the English vocabulary. Number of Players: Three or more. Intoxication Level: Sorrrrr drunk, you don’t even know. How to Play: - The first person to start names a totally random object, like “penis.” -The next person has to say a word that is totally unrelated. For example, if they said “sweaters” they would be safe, and the next person would go. If they said “dildo” they’d have to take a shot. - The game is fast paced, so shots are taken while the next person goes, though they have to start with a brand new word. The Game Ends When: Everyone starts arguing about the intricacies of the English language and how an idea is an object if you examine it with the right philosophical eye, like how the idea of government economic control is a tangible thing. It’s going to get… drunken. And random.

I told them the guy who bought them had tried to pick all three of them up with one $2 margarita. If you could hook up with one celebrity who would it be? Jennifer Aniston What kind of odd couple have you seen come in? A lot of locals here pair up in interesting ways. Girls pushing 350 with really skinny guys, 45 year-old women with younger guys, you see it all. If you could have any super power, what would it be and why? Time traveling, for sure. I would make a ton of money betting on big sports games. If you could bartend for anyone’s party, whose would it be? I would want to bartend for when

the Braves win the World Series this year. Tell me about the sloppiest drunk you have seen come in. This group of girls came in for a birthday. The birthday girl had some tequila shots followed by multiple mind erasers (this was back when we were allowed to serve them with Everclear). She basically ended up letting it all go over the bar. It was pretty gross, but that’s one of the sloppiest I’ve seen. There was that girl who shit herself in the bathroom, too… Well with that said, why do you like to bartend? I’m more of a night person and I like to meet people, so it works with my schedule. It lets me be social and keeps me downtown.

recipe for disaster:

Gobbledigook

There’s nothing like taking down a giant plate of sleep-inducing pasta after a long night, right? Right! We didn’t think so, so try out this recipe and enjoy. P.S. - It’s even better if you can find a giant chef’s hat to wear while cooking, we swear. What You’ll Need: Turkey, pasta, tomato sauce, spices. Cook Time: 20 minutes (Unless you have to make a turkey, in which case, order that pizza.) Fatty Factor: Eh, better than that pizza you’re about to order. Let’s Get Baked: -Begin boiling water. -Place the pasta in the water, prepare as directed on the box. -Add spices of your choice to the tomato sauce. -Microwave one cup of tomato sauce for 30 seconds to one minute. -Microwave the turkey for one minute. -Once the pasta is cooked, drain it. -Mix the turkey into the tomato sauce. -Pour the tomato sauce and turkey mix on top of the pasta. If the first batch doesn’t get you ready for bed, then just make another! That damn tryptophan is going to kick in at some point.

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New Show Schizo:

Why (and Why not) to Tune in This Fall

Fall TV season is right around the corner, which means a horde of new shows to further amplify America’s obesity issues. We look at 6 new shows and their potential fates. Will they be one-and-done like your mom was last night or will they stick around forever, pleasing our every whim, like your sister? Only time will tell! By: Atish & Brendan

Title: Apartment 23 Starring: Dreama Walker, Krysten Ritter James Van Der Beek Date/Time/Channel: Midseason on ABC Why You Should Watch It: From his cameos in How I Met Your Mother, Franklin and Bash, and even a Ke$ha video, James Van Der Beek doesn’t disappoint. The plot of the show is completely irrelevant (although admittedly awful) since you’ll be focused on Dawson Leary from episode one. Why You Shouldn’t: This show is shaping up to land into the fat middle of television—a show that’s not bad enough to turn off, but not good enough to DVR. Just be wary of falling into Van Der Beek’s head’s gravitation pull, you’ll never escape.

Title: Person of Interest Starring: Jim Caviezel, Michael Emerson Date/Time/Channel: Thursday, 9EST/8CST, CBS Why You Should Watch It: With J.J. Abrams executive producing and one of the Lost actors in the show, it’s going to be both awesome and compelling. If he could turn Felicity and Alias into must-sees, then this one should be just fine. Why You Shouldn’t: The hater in us can begrudgingly admit Person of Interest looks, well, interesting. Still, the overarching plot-- a billionaire who recruits a presumeddead CIA agent to catch violent criminals in New York City—is too far-fetched and not properly defined for our taste.

Title: Terra Nova Starring: Jason O’Mara, Stephen Lang, Shelly Conn Date/Time/Channel: Monday, 8EST/7CST, Fox Why You Should Watch It: It’s like Jurassic Park meets Lost (those episodes centered around the first settlers) mixed with Stargate and some show that has people having sex a lot because they are scared. Winner. Why You Shouldn’t: Terra Nova, with its dystopian future and dinosaurs from millions of years ago is shaping up to be like nacho cheese and lime Jell-o, two awesome individual things that, when mixed together, produce lessthan-optimum results.

Title: Playboy Club Starring: Amber Heard, Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Eddie Cibrian Date/Time/Channel: Monday, 10EST/9CST, NBC Why You Should Watch It: Any show they are boycotting in Salt Lake City and pretty much the entire state of Utah is worth watching. Sure they won’t show you any boobs since it’s on NBC, but after it gets cancelled and picked up as a Direct-TV only show with full nudity, you’re going to wish you were watching from the start. Why You Shouldn’t: This period drama is a pretty obvious Mad Men knockoff, attempting to capture the cool of 1960s casual misogyny. Except it’s on network TV, so all the sexy bits will be toned down. And if Amber Heard isn’t naked, then what’s the point?

Title: How to Be a Gentleman Starring: David Hornsby, Kevin Dillon Date/Time/Channel: Thursday, 8:30EST/7:30CST, CBS Why You Should Watch It: Sure the show is going to suck, but we know it will make one hell of a drinking game. Anytime Kevin Dillion tries to be serious, take a shot. Anytime your little brother can re-enact a scene as Kevin Dillon perfectly, take a shot. You get the idea. Why You Shouldn’t: People, when are we going to stop pretending that Kevin Dillon is great at acting like a mongoloid and just accept the fact that he lucked into the one career when he can succeed despite being an actual mongoloid?

Title: Last Man Standing Starring: Tim Allen, Nancy Travis Date/Time/Channel: Tuesday, 8EST/&CST, ABC Why You Should Watch It: This has to be Tim Allen’s ultimate comeback. I mean, it can’t be any worse than the Santa Clause movies, Joe Somebody, Christmas with the Kranks, The Shaggy Dog, or Wild Hogs…right? Why You Shouldn’t: Last Man Standing is a network sitcom about a guy (Allen) asserting his manhood in a world dominated by women. So basically it’s one doofus dude that wants to do guy things, but his levelheaded wife and sassy teenage daughters won’t let him. Unless this is some sort of meta-satire of the whole sitcom genre (Note: It is not) then how exactly is this different from According to Jim?

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Kids These Days

the interview

Kids These Days are a bunch of rapscallions from the fine city of Chicago that just so happen to be in a band. Their eclectic style, a mix of soul, hip-hop, jam and funk, made us want to talk to them. Macie, the lady lead, obliged.

CD REVIEW

Out Now

Girls

Father, Son, Holy Ghost

Honesty is what makes Girls great. The band Girls is not comprised of girls, but is made up of two key members, Christopher Owens, the lead singer, and Chet “JR” White, two boys. Owens, a Texas native, was once a part of the Children of God, essentially a really bizarre religious cult that was notorious for its liberal sexuality and its rumored sexual abuse of young children. His brother died when he was a baby, his father left, and his mother often had to prostitute herself for the sake of the cult. That shit’s so fucked up. It’s no wonder that Owens up and moved to California (under the aid of a local millionaire) and started playing an interesting combination of indie pop and badass rock, basically not giving a damn what genre he or his music fell into. I mean, he named his band Girls. Their sophomore release Father, Son, Holy Ghost starts off with “Honey Bunny” and sounds similar to their last album, which was ever so ironically titled Album. It’s a good tune to start the album off, yet it somewhat misleads the listener; if only the rest of the album could be as happy, upbeat and catchy… but don’t we always want life to be more like that, yadda, yadda, yadda? Owens sings about how girls don’t like his bony body or his dirty hair or the drugs that he’s on, but he knows she’s out there and it’s all going to be okay. The first single from their album, though, is “Vomit,” a six-and-a-half minute song about looking for and needing love, with awesome guitar solos mixed in throughout. It’s an emotional song that borders on whiney and slightly on unoriginality, which is the only

B+

general downfall of the entire album. The upbeat songs are what make this album great, while it’s sad to say that the slow, emotional songs like “My Ma” are what make the album drag on, even though they may be the most honest of the bunch. But just when you’ve had enough, you hear a song like “Die” that is pure, honest rock and makes you understand why Guns N’ Roses was an influence on a young Owens. “Saying I Love You” is a nice 50’s-esque song to the tune of a Buddy Holly or the Beach Boys, and is a good example of an emotional song while still being interesting, and less, you know, emo and whiney. The path Girls is on is a good one, so it’s high time these emo boys started to perk up a bit. Unless that means taking more prescription pills, then it’s not, or if it means that they won’t play as good of music, then it’s not. So perhaps it’s their sincere emotion that makes it all worth the while. Like, no one likes the person that’s always claim to feel good about life. We like the people who are real; one day they’re joyously optimistic about a new guy they’re dating, the next they are crying on your shoulder about how they miss their parents. Though Owens might be paining over something a little more deep, I’d let him cry on my shoulder whenever he’d like. Sounds Like: An even hipper Buddy Holly. Download: Honey Bunny, Saying I Love You, Magic Listen to it When: You’re feeling a little bi-polar.

The Black Sheep: So I know the band is all relatively young, but how old are you? Macie Stewart: I’m 18. TBS: And how old is the oldest person in the band? Macie: I think 19? TBS: That makes me sad. When and how did you guys start getting together? Macie: Well, a few of us went to high school together, and some of us—not me, unfortunately-- went to the Merit School of Music and enjoyed playing music together, so they decided to start a band. They brought in me and [rapper] Vic, because we had all gone to school together. The band started there. TBS: How does a band so young write songs that evoke emotion, when, frankly, you’re lacking a lot of the life experiences your peers have? Macie: Personally, I write ambiguous lyrics drawn from my own experiences, while Vic writes his stuff based on his life, but also what he’s seen living in the city of Chicago. TBS: What have you been a part of that helped you define your vision as a musician? Macie: My mother is a musician and she—in large part—inspired me to write music. She’s good and it inspired me to write my own kind of music. Other artists like Fiona Apple and Metric inspire me to write my own lyrics instead of singing someone else’s. TBS: And with such a large band how do artistic contributions work? Like, how do you guys go about birthing a song? Macie: Sometimes someone will bring in an idea, and we’ll all build off that idea, whether it’s adding horns or a piano part. It’s really organic how we write our music, it’s not like we’re just sitting around saying, “let’s write a song!” TBS: How would you describe your band in 5 words or less. Macie: We have our own sound. TBS: Not bad. Macie: It’s hard to describe, we all have different influences, and we bring them together to create some-

thing new. TBS: Do you ever worry that the eclectic sound you have will come off as unfocused? Macie: No, we play what we like and we play what we think sounds good. If someone thinks we’re unfocused, fuck ‘em. What we do, we do out of love. TBS: How would you describe a live show to someone who hasn’t seen you before? Macie: Crazy, lots of energy, fun and a lot of music. A party at the venue and a party on stage. Shows are the most fun part of this thing, I think. TBS: What’s the most fun show you’ve ever played? Macie: We played the Bele Chere festival in Ashville, North Carolina and it was the most fun I’ve had on stage. The crowd was just great and we were really feeling it. TBS: Do you guys hang out off-stage, or is it more of a “we’re done here, let’s all go our separate ways” kind of thing? Macie: We hang out after rehearsal, because practice is for practicing, and we like each other. TBS: Are you guys prevented from doing certain things because of your youth? Macie: I don’t think it prevents stuff, but sometimes we’ll play a 21+ venue and they’ll treat us like kids, writing huge “X”s on our hands or they won’t let us into the venue because we don’t have a 21+ ID. Shit happens, but there’s been nothing that has, like, totally held us back. TBS: If you could collaborate with any living artist, who would it be? Macie: Stevie Wonder. TBS: If you could pick a mythical creature as a pet, which would it be and why? Macie: That thing from Harry Potter, what’s it called? TBS: A Hippogriff? Macie: Yeah! TBS: If you could replace one part of your body with a robot replacement, what would you do? Macie: My legs, then I could run superduper fast. TBS: Favorite childhood movie? Macie: Mulan.

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Shopping on a Dime Heather P. Castrillon wrote this

Let’s face it, aside from the constant partying, tailgating, hookups and occasional studying, being in college also means constantly being broke. Fortunately though, there are ways to make the insufferably small amount of money you do have last long enough to buy the things you need and/or want (depending on your priorities). The first thing you need to do is decide whether your main priority for shopping is food or random other accessories like shoes, bags, cigarettes, or whatever your little heart desires. Next, you need to figure out exactly how broke you are, because this will determine how much you will have to downgrade your standards. If you find yourself in the rare, “I’m only kind of broke, but I actually feel pretty loaded” state of mind, then Target, or “Tar-jay” if you want to sound really pretentious, is your best friend. Being the more upscale version of Walmart, Target is where you go when you’re feeling really classy because you don’t have to be afraid of being associated with the breed of humans found in Walmart. And as if things couldn’t get any better, the quality of all the things you get here is actually going to be pretty damn good. You may even find yourself getting complimented on an outfit that you got from here every once in a while. Hold your horses though, just because you’re now able to afford a cute top that’s $22 instead of a $6 one you would normally buy at Walmart, don’t start thinking your shit don’t stink. After all, you’re still shopping at Target, not Neiman Marcus or Saks. Get real. Most of the time though, you’ll only be able to wish you could afford shopping at Target. But you can’t because you’re broke, like always. This is when you bow down and praise Walmart for the Mecca that it is. Seriously though, aside from the hordes of morbidly obese people that live there, they have e-v-e-r-y-t-h-

Twitter Accounts for Every Personality

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As we barrel through 2011, let’s face it; Facebook is starting to lose its allure. Twitter is the top choice in social media these days, and to prove my point, I leave you with ten of the most hilarious twitter accounts, to fit every personality… #sorryimnotsorry 10. For the suppressed 12-year-old geek, in all of us - Lord Voldemort, @LordVoldemort7 Lord Voldemort provides a hilariously awkward take on “The Dark Lord” that anyone who has either read the ridiculously long books, or seen the ridiculously long, yet highly entertaining movies can follow. Comical Tweet: Who needs the #hogwartsexpress? I’ve got something even better you can ride....

i-n-g. You can get all the notebooks and binders you still haven’t bought, some really cheap cute clothes, household items, and your food and produce all in one place, for only half of the price and quality you’d find at Target. On top of this, almost every aisle has live, reality-show-quality entertainment for you to observe, free of charge. Now since you can get all of these essentials, plus live entertainment in one place, you’re also saving on gas. Score! Let’s say you’ve reached that point where “broke” doesn’t even begin to describe how empty your bank account is, and you only need the absolute necessities. Say hello to the Dollar Store, where they welcome your nickels and dimes with open arms. Thankfully, the Dollar Store literally only carries the cheapest versions of everything you need to survive. Their business has basically stayed afloat because of how good they are at knowing exactly what you’re going to need: Ramen , mac ‘n’ cheese, some toilet paper, toothpaste, throw in some water bottles, and a pack of gum. The only things you won’t be able to get here are beer and wine. But let’s be serious, you’re too broke for that. Now if you’re too much of a stubborn prisspot to lower your standards and deal with your options, then either start hording up on coups or start being productive, stop complaining and get a job already.

9. For the bitchy and the Franzia-loving- Princess Probz, @ PrincessProbz Princess Probz pretty much tweets the life of nearly every adorbz girl in college, ages 18-23. It’s literally what a girl thinks, but doesn’t say, unless she’s slappin a bag of White Zin, at your local mid-tier frat party. Comical Tweet: I would punch you in the face for trying to get with my boyfriend but your face is already frightening enough. #princessprobz 8. For the socially fawkward- Pathetic Paul, @Pathetic Paul One of the most amusing and strange individuals on Twitter, with his extremely awkward and ridiculous situations, you can’t help but relate. Comical Tweet: Notice acquaintance walking towards me... The settings section on my phone has never been more interesting #patheticpaul 7. For the Sarcastic Sassafras- Chelsea Handler, @chelseahandler Her dry humor mixed in with some very heavy vodka-swilling and some extra clever twitpics, and she makes for a super witty follow. Comical Tweet: Sometimes life will grab you by the balls and that’s when you have to ask yourself, “do I even have balls, and if so, why are there two?” 6. For the hilariously cynical- Dear Blank Please, @dearblankplease Dear Blank Please is the perfect outlet in which to address a little message to whomever is irritating to you at any given point in time, at a whim. Comical Tweet: Dear Jersey Shore Cast, It’s called ‘Sun Kissed’ not ‘Dorito Raped.’ Sincerely, easy on the tanner. 5. For the Fratdaddy and other complete and total BROs- Total Frat Move, @totalfratmove This is the Holy Grail of all things FAF and NF (Fratty as Fuck, and NOT Frat, for all you GDIs out there). You’ll definitely know someone who reminds you of one of these dicks, and that’s funny in itself. Comical Tweet: What happens in Vegas, happens around here on a regular basis. TFM 4. For the Srat Star, or those wishing to be that lucky- Total Srat Move, @totalsratmove TFM’s little and totes presh sister, TSM provides a funny, yet brutally honest and extra humorous look into a sorority girl’s world. Comical Tweet: If I’m smiling and you can’t see my teeth, I probably hate you. TSM. 3. Best Worst Advice, @bestworstadvice Did you ever have a friend who was ultra-dramatic, and gave the absolute WORST advice you could ever dream of? Well this is the digital version, for any problems you should encounter, on-the-go! Comical Advice: How do you tell a girl you like her? Break into her house and write it on the walls in your own blood. Like any normal person would. 2. For literally everyone with a lunatic-ass father, grandfather, uncle or any blood relative- Justin, @shitmydadsays Nearly everyone has that one bat-shit crazy relative, who mumbles extremely vulgar comments at the most inappropriate time, like graduation, or the first time you bring home your significant other. Comical Tweet: “ You can’t come...Because it’s not a vacation if my family is with me. I could vacation in my fucking house if you people left it.” 1. For the hoodrat and the hoodrich, Glozell Green @glozell I can’t even begin to explain the hilarity and triflin’ that IS Glozell, and if you don’t agree, then you need to seriously reevaluate your lifestyle and priorities. Comical Tweet: The A.C. just went out ... I’m gon’ look like a Raisin in Sun.

Kaitie Hall Wrote This

Dress to Impress Lauren Delahanty wrote this Have you ever rolled out of bed, thrown on a hat because of the Exxon-Valdez situation occurring on your head, and walked to class in your sweats? Probably so, and to make you look and feel even more fabulous it’s the time when you see your ex, the new hookup, the bitch you envy, looking perfect as ever, and everyone else you have ever met at Clemson. Here are some simple ways to dress depending on how shitty or fabulous your day is going to turn out. Remember, dress to impress and forego the hot mess! Look Good, Play Good Oh how we love test days….NOT. They suck ass and you’re exhausted from lack of sleep the night before. To combat the look of insomnia, you’ve gotta put your best foot forward—and by foot I mean nice boots, Sperry topsiders, t-strap sandals, Jack Rodgers—you get the picture. For the ladies I suggest putting on a nice pair of jeans and a top if you want to go for the casual intellectual look. If you really want to spruce it up and look extra good, throw on a cute skirt or dress. But don’t forget the accessories. My rule of thumb is bracelet and earrings or earrings and necklace because you don’t want to overdo it. Rings are always welcome. And do your makeup; Mascara is law! Guys, a nice button down or polo paired with some sweet khakis or jeans would be ideal. Please do everyone a favor…shave your face. Especially if you have a flesh-colored beard because that is just gross. Not only will you feel a shit-ton better, but you might actually be alert and get that “A” you have been craving. Oh, It’s Casual Don’t give a shit about what you are wearing? Think again, bitch. You might not want to play dress up for class, but you don’t want to look gross so just play it cool. For the men, wear a nice t-shirt, and I don’t mean some guido Ed Hardy shirt. Some stubble would be acceptable at this time since you are going for the chillaxed look. Girls, norts are clutch. What are norts you might ask? We are in Clemson you should def know this: norts = Nike shorts. Norts with some cute sandals and a t-shirt, maybe even a shack shirt!? Wouldn’t hate it. Throw your

hair up in a cute bun or a French braid and you are set my friend. This is definitely my look of choice, and it is perfect for those long library days and Harcombe runs. Sweat Sexiness One word: Fike. A fabulous place to have fawkward run-ins as you move from machine to machine and look like a tomato. Well, let me tell you if you’ve got that Sports Illustrated bod, flaunt it! Girlies, the rule of thumb here is the tighter, the hotter and the bigger, the better. The tight top with the built in bra is beyond perfection for Zumba, Cycling, and Tone and Trim classes, and you will get some warranted stares from the hotties in the pit. Or you can dress like me in short shorts and a humongous t-shirt that will show off your pin-thin legs. And for the dudes, girls love nice arms so wear a tank, but don’t cut it down to an obnoxious level. If you aren’t the tank type, a t-shirt is your other option. If it’s got a pocket, you can put your iPod in it! On another level (literally), please wear actual athletic shoes. If you don’t you could royally fuck up your feet, and even worse, look like a tool. So to wrap it up, you don’t have to dress to the nine’s all day, every day. You don’t have to show that you are beat from that Thursday night party if you have a good outfit. Boys and girls, confidence is key and when you look good you will feel good. Style on Clemsoners.

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ACROSS 5 6 7 9 12 13 14 17 18 20 22

He wears Prada. Lives in the garden. Slips his fat ass down the chimney. Big socks imply a _____ _____. Hides eggs. Naked baby hunter. "Dawn of the Dead." Voldemort's an evil one. Male equivalent of witch. Cries for the Irish. This monster lives in Scotland and probably isn't real. People fish. Sneaky little guys responsible for sabotaging aircraft in one of the movies. Bird that ignites at the end of life. A unibrow would be most appropriate for this guy. Halo heads.

favorite color? 23 Adorable people in "Lord of the Rings." 24 Big furfest; in many Japanese films. 25 Sprinkles magic dust. 26 He was assembled by lots of different parts. DOWN 28 Blue midget. 29 Head of the Greek Gods. 1 I want me lucky charms. 31 Scary character with lots of snot. 2 Salem _____ trials. 33 Beautiful sparkling pony with head 3 Beware of full moon. decor. 4 Live in a rainbow-trimmed, cotton candy cloud. 35 Cutest Pokemon. 36 Napoleon Dynamite's favorite animal. 8 Half man, half bull. 38 Under 4'10" and older than 18. 10 "Family Guy" family. Shilleter, Harcombe, Clemson House, Hendrix, Fernow, Chilli’s Too, Canteen, 41 Shrek. 11 Little dolls with jewels in their bellies. Student Union (Game Area), Student Union (Entrance), Horseshoe Buildings, Shoe15 Small, mischievous green monster of box Buildings, Stadium Suites, Johnstone Entrance, Under Norris Walkway, Library sorts. Sirrine, Overhang at Flour Daniel Building, Calhoun Courts Common Area, Daniel, 16 Borat wants their tears. Bracket, Riggs, Redfern, Academic Success Center, Holzendorff Walkway, Newman, 19 They steer clear of garlic and Fike, Hunter, Lee, Quad Buildings, Subway, Firehouse, Brioso, Mellow Mushroom, crosses. 21 I'm Buddy the _____. What's yourEsso, 356, Pot Belli Deli, Pita Pit, El Jimador, Todaro, Wingin It, Loose Change, TD’s 39 40 42 43 44

Three wishes. Breathes fire. Human head, horse body. Three-headed dog. Jolly green guy.

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Fictional Creatures

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Solution:

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M I N Y O T A R D U R

I G R P I F F I H N O B B I X T

1 I want me lucky charms. 2 Salem _____ trials. 3 Beware of full moon. 4 Live in a rainbow-trimmed, cotton candy cloud. 8 Half man, half bull. 10 “Family Guy” family. 11 Little dolls with jewels in their bellies. 15 Small, mischievous green monster of sorts. 16 Borat wants their tears. 19 They steer clear of garlic and crosses. 21 I’m Buddy the _____. What’s your favorite color? 23 Adorable people in “Lord of the Rings.” 24 Big furfest; in many Japanese films. 25 Sprinkles magic dust. 26 He was assembled by lots of different parts. 28 Blue midget. 29 Head of the Greek Gods. 31 Scary character with lots of snot. 33 Beautiful sparkling pony with head decor. 35 Cutest Pokemon. 36 Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite animal. 38 Under 4’10” and older than 18. 41 Shrek.

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C A N T A R E R B U N B E A W I Z R S H E E L F S M L I N U R L F I D G E W E T A U R R F G

Fictional Creatures Creatures Fictional

5 He wears Prada. 6 Lives in the garden. 7 Slips his fat ass down the chimney. 9 Big socks imply a _____ _____. 12 Hides eggs. 13 Naked baby hunter. 14 “Dawn of the Dead.” 17 Voldemort’s an evil one. 18 Male equivalent of witch. 20 Cries for the Irish. 22 This monster lives in Scotland and probably isn’t real. 27 People fish. 30 Sneaky little guys responsible for sabotaging aircraft in one of the movies. 32 Bird that ignites at the end of life. 34 A unibrow would be most appropriate for this guy. 37 Halo heads. 39 Three wishes. 40 Breathes fire. 42 Human head, horse body. 43 Three-headed dog. 44 Jolly green guy.

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ACROSS

L W D E V I L P T R C B E H C C U H G W A R L O C K U B N L O C I N Z P H O E N U U A N G E L S I C O R N

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