MSU FEB 2016 ISSUE

SPRING 2016

The Black Sheep

FR from EE! Lik hea e con d lth ser oms vice s...

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BE MINE, VALENTINE

E D I INS

DENZEL VALENTINE’S VALENTINES THE BACHELOR EPISODE YOU MISSED CLASSIC GAMES TO PLAY ON V-DAY (WITH BOOBS)

Issue 2

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Welcome to Page Three! You are about to have more fun than a freshman at a frat party. Tweet us your answers, or send them to page3@theblacksheeponline.com. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

PAGE THREE THE BLACK SHEEP’S LEGENDARY

WORD OF THE WEEK

COOKING TECHNIQUE OR TORTURE METHOD? One ends with a delicious dead animal, the other, often, with a less delicious dead person. Can you tell them apart? Send your guess to torture@theblacksheeponline.com, if you’re right, we’ll let you live, and maybe send you some stuff.

DISCOMBOOBULATED To become disoriented in the presence of female breasts.

“I need to sit down,” Harry commented as he entered the strip club, and not because he had an erection, he was just discomboobulated.

WHOSE AUTOGRAPH IS THIS? You may think your handwriting is hot garbage, but compared to some of these fairly famous fools, you’re practically a calligraphist. Think you know who jotted down this junk? Let us know at autographs@theblacksheeponline.com and we’ll sign something and send it to you.

STRAPPADO

GUESS THE PORN PARODY CHARACTER

Porn parodies are a thing that exist in this universe because humans are disgusting creatures that can and will turn everything good into something sexual.

Below we have the porn parody equivalent of a movie or TV show character you probably hold near and dear to your heart. Can you venture a guess?

Email us your answer at Page3@ theblacksheeponline.com with your answer - bonus points if you know their porn-parodied name, too!

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Archery Team Impales Students in Cupid-Themed Event

MSU Student Realizes He Wasted $85 on IM Membership

Rachel Cooper wrote this

Amanda Pastunink wrote this

There’s a lot to keep track of in the East Lansing air this Valentine’s season: love, asbestos, and—you guessed it—deadly arrows.

That’s right, MSU’s very own archery team has decided to take the loveboat down the Red Cedar this season, hopping off to save hundreds of lonely souls waiting for the magic of love to sweep them off their feet, or in this case, knock them flat on their back.

After dodging a few dozen arrows tied with pink streamers hurling through the air, we found Paul Jenkins, President of the Archery Club.

“There’s a lot of lonely people out there, and going through Valentine’s Day alone is kind of a slap in the face to anyone single,” Jenkins explained. “To avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair, the MSU Archery Team decided to take matters into our own hands. You know how Cupid works, right?” He asked, pulling an arrow out of his quiver and shooting a sophomore girl running for the river in the center of her back. “Apparently you just shoot people and they fall head over heels, both methaphorically and, as we’ve come to find, literally. We’re just spreading the love, that’s all.”

Even the staff at MSU is feeling the warmth. Nurse Betsy reported that students are flooding into her office from dawn until dusk.

“No college student comes into Olin for checkups anymore, and I haven’t seen another human face in months,” she said with a smile as she pulled a pink, glitter-coated arrow out of a freshman boy’s leg. “This is the kind of stuff that made me want to be a nurse, so you can tell those archers of love to keep up the good work.”

EAST LANSING, MI—MSU packaging senior Cody Ellis has expressed disappointment after realizing that the $85 he spent on a membership for the IM facilities on campus in January have been essentially wasted. Ellis admitted that he has made it to the gym only twice this semester, but is optimistic, having found a new strategy to achieve his New Year’s resolution.

Ellis’ initial goal, in his own words, was “to get ripped to beat the living shit out of everyone on spring break.” When asked about the purpose behind such an aggressive and dark goal, he declined to respond, saying that we “wouldn’t really understand.”

beat a lot of people up. Plus, it’s way more fun to drink than to lift,” Ellis admitted. He also expressed confidence that his superb fighting skills would also land him a lady, hopefully reviving his withering sex life.

“I plan on becoming a badass teddy bear. The kind guys don’t really want to mess with, but girls somehow still want to cuddle with,” Ellis envisioned excitedly, “I’m revolutionizing the Dadbod, calling it the Spartanbod.”

“I wish I would’ve been wiser,” he concluded.

“85 bucks turns out to be a shit ton of Buds.”

“The first week of school, I was really good about going to the gym, I even went on Thursdays,” Ellis explained, “but as it began to fill up, it became more annoying. One thing led to another, and now I just go the bar every day instead.”

Ellis has reasoned that it’s simply mass, and not necessarily muscle, that fundamentally gives you the edge when it comes to intimidating people. He plans on acquire body mass like a true Spartan: to Con-wraps and discounted pitchers from Rama, Bash, and Pizza Palooza.

“I guess that if I get really fat now, I can still

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THOUGHTS YOU HAVE WHEN YOU QUIT SMOKING FOR YOUR SUMMER JOB

The BachELor

It’s time to put down the lighter, and back away from the bong. The drug test for your summer internship at the MSU Federal Credit Union is just around the corner, and you really can’t afford to fail another one. The Black Sheep understands the perfectly normal thoughts you have going on inside your head.

Hally Darnell wrote this

For bachelor and MSU alum Ben Higgins, being a Spartan Dawg was a boyhood dream.

Now living in New York, East Lansing still holds a special place in his heart. On this bonus Valentine’s Day episode, Ben wanted to give the girls a taste of what could have been in a place that he considers one of the most romantic cities in the continental U.S. After arriving in East Lansing, the girls finish settling in at the Wild Goose Inn and the twin who didn’t get sent home reads a letter Ben left for them.

“Emily or Hale—honestly who gives a shit, All of you will be attending the group date. Prepare to stay hot and get sweaty.

- Ben” When the girls arrive at the Bres, the stands are full and Ben is standing along side the men’s basketball team, leading a record-breaking “Go Green, Go White” chant with the student section. Twenty minutes later, Ben finally notices that the girls have arrived, and announces that they will be playing each other in a high-stakes ball game.

Ben smiles and addresses the ladies. “The girl who scores the most will score the most...if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.”

Ben fist-bumps Denzel Valentine, and the crowd goes absolutely fucking nuts.

The “I-have-it-in-the-bag-girl,” Olivia, is on the big screen, “Ben is mine at this point,” she claims. “I can tell by the way he makes no eye contact with me. He was telling me he didn’t want the other girls to get jealous. It’s our special way of communicating.”

The screen cuts to Ben, the real talent in this show. “I have never been more excited for a group date. I can’t wait to have a quality hang-sesh with the team. Oh yeah, and also find love.”

The ten remaining girls are divided into teams of blondes vs. brunettes. With blondes at an unfair 6:4 advantage, Ben suggests that Amanda join the brunettes.

Token single mother Amanda has the stage. “I told Ben I’m not a natural blonde in confidence,” she exclaims. “If I can’t trust him with that kind of information, how can I trust him with my kids?”

“Sorry, bitch,” Ben mutters audibly. He fist bumps Denzel again, and the crowd’s reaction is even more intense than before.

The notorious “virgin,” Becca, makes the first and only point of the game, scoring on the wrong end of the court. The Izzone initiates the “you let the whole team down” chant, and Ben quickly follows suit in an effort to seem cool in front of the guys.

Later that night, the rose ceremony takes place at EL’s very own hotbed of romance, Rick’s American Cafe. Ben appears ready to begin the ceremony, but takes a commercial-long pause before making a groundbreaking announcement.

“Girls, I’m not gonna apologize for bringing you all the way to EL because I think we can all agree that our time here has been dope as shit,” he begins. “I’m also not gonna apologize for the announcement I’m about to make. So here it goes, there’s only one Valentine here for me tonight. His name is Denzel, and he’s leaning against the wall next to the girl’s bathroom.”

Ben and Denzel fist bump yet again and head out the back door. Be sure to tune in next week to find out what will happens next for America’s new favorite power couple: BenZel.

10.) What am I supposed to do in my free time?: Your favorite hobby has just become unavailable to you. This is a great time to try some exciting new activities such as knitting, origami, or partnering up with your high school chemistry teacher to cook meth.

9.) What should I do with all this money I’m saving?: When you’re not Venmo-ing your weed hookup a large chunk of your paycheck every week, you’ll start experiencing an unfamiliar feeling: having money. This gives you a chance to wisely manage your expenditures. More alcohol and a new piece for the day you pass your drug test seem like a good place to start.

8.) Weed, weed, weed, weed, weed: Why, you ask, can you not stop thinking about weed? Because you can’t have it. Your mind will soon focus on bigger and brighter desires, like alcohol or sex.

7.) Why can’t I fall asleep at night?

It’s perfectly understandable to miss the sweet, hazy cloud that normally lulls you to sleep. Take a swig of NyQuil and you’ll be A-Okay.

6.) How do other people live without weed?

This riddle will never be solved.

5.) I guess I’ll work on getting my alcohol tolerance up.

This is a great time to really focus on your drinking. Tin Can and Lou & Harry’s aren’t open quite yet, but you may as well try to get in and sample their selections. A drunk you is an honest you.

4.) I can’t wait for weed to be legal.

There’s hope for the recreational users of the world. Someday the fine minds that run our country will do what they know is right in their hearts.

3.) Is this job actually worth it?

You’re tucking the rolling papers into retirement for the purpose of bettering your future, a valiant motive. Why wouldn’t you want to move one step closer to being a part of the real world? You get to deal with real people in an adult domain where being drunk at any hour of the day and making out with randoms isn’t acceptable.

2.) I’m not going to make it.

At this point, you’re going to have to smoke the bowl you already have packed, fail your drug test, and fail at life in general. This is the type of negative attitude you can’t afford. Stay strong.

1.) Fuck this.

Once again, the system has done you wrong. If only the boss-man upstairs could accept your brilliance, despite the stupid amount of weed you inhale.

Diane Myers wrote this

DENZEL VALENTINES

Not all of us can be as smooth as the basketball players are when it comes to picking up the person of your dreams, object of your affection, or only other single person on this goddamn campus. Luckily, Denzel Valentine is here to help you out for the low price of free.

Bless. In a version of Rent-A-Swag, made for growing (you’re getting fat, go for a run) college students instead of growing children, here are some Denzel Valentines. -Sarah Brown

ON THE STREETS “WHAT INSTANCE MADE YOU GO FROM TURNED ON TO TURNED OFF IN THE SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME?”

ALYSSA

“When he asked me to call him daddy.”

Oooh baby, a classic. Give this one to a girl that likes classic puns and is probably wearing a beanie. Just make sure she doesn’t have a problem with bad dental work first. #triggered.

Give this to that guy. You know what guy. The one you see for 10 seconds a day when you walk to the bus station, the one that gets you to come to that ISS you thought would be fine to schedule for 8 a.m. Give it to him, and he’ll be yours faster than the dude that runs off the Maury stage when he’s found to be the father.

NOAH

“…her cat wouldn’t stop staring at me.”

This one oozes confidence like Matt McQuaid oozes awko-sauce. Give this to a guy as you’re dancing with him at Rick’s then take him to the bathroom. No one has ever done it in there before, right?

Pure gold. Give this to a student athlete, they’re easy enough to spot.

Play up their confidence, and then play up your own.

You certainly don’t want your conquest for the night to think that you’re looking for a relationship out of this. Give this to the girl that you suspect could be clingy, but whose boobs are too inviting to pass up an attempt at honka-honka-ing.

Bold move, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off. This screams “shock value date.” Who could say no to this? Give it to anyone. If they say no, at least you get to see their reaction.

This one has insecure girl written all over it; the girl who dances in the middle of her friend group to avoid the attention of others. Give her this, grab her, and woo her into paying for your non-half-priced Dublin drinks. Ballin’ on a budget, yo.

Awwww. Give this to the girl you’ve been seeing every day since the start of the semester in Brody caf. She always sits alone, but here’s your chance to sit with her and slowly become everything you’ve ever daydreamed about.

Using these, you can’t fail to get a partner for the under the sheets pants-off dance-off you’ve always wanted to have for Valentine’s Day. Let Denzel do the talking for you, and this Valentine’s Day is guaranteed to be a great one.

OLIVIA

“When he threw up mid-make out (you know who you are).”

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Mule Monday’s $3 Well Mules, $4 Tito’s Mule on tap Brunch served 10am - 2pm!

25% off w/ student ID 10am - 3pm

Happy Hour: 3 - 6pm and 9 - Close Half off all appetizers Half off menu cocktails $4 Michigan Drafts, $5 Mules

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TUESDAY

Geeks Who Drink Trivia 8pm $4 Craft Drafts* Brunch served 10am - 2pm!

25% off w/ student ID 10am - 3pm

Happy Hour: 3 - 6pm and 9 - Close Half off all appetizers Half off menu cocktails $4 Michigan Drafts, $5 Mules

Sporcle Live Trivia: 7-8pm & 8-9pm $1 off Burritos, Nachos and Taco Plate, Tequila specials and $2.75 Corona and Dos XX

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday Wine Night 1/2 Off All Bottles of Wine Brunch served 10am - 2pm 25% off w/ student ID 10am - 3pm

Half off all bottles of wine all day!

Happy Hour: 3 - 6pm and 9 - Close Half off all appetizers Half off menu cocktails $4 Michigan Drafts, $5 Mules

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SPECIAL NIGHT THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY

Monday Mule’s featuring $4 Tito’s Mule on tap Brunch served daily 10am-2pm $4 Craft Drafts* 1/2 off appetizers Brunch served 10am - 2pm!

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Wings & Pints Mondays 1/2 off Wings 6-Close $3.50 Local 20 drafts all day Happy Hour: 2 - 6pm Half-off burgers, $3 local pints, wines and wells

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MONDAY

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SPENCER FROM LANDSHARK

OE 14035_jr_BlackSheep_WWERaw_Trade.indd 1

Relationship Status: Singling and mingling Major: Advertising Favorite Drink: Jameson and Ginger Favorite Shot: Rumple Minze Disgusting Drink: Devil’s Diarrhea (Microwaved tequila and Tabasco) What’s the most sexually illicit thing you’ve witnessed gone down in Landshark?: A kid came in for work and may or may not have been drunk, so we put him in the shark suit and girls wouldn’t stop eating his face.

If there were candy heart messages under beer bottle caps, what would your favorite say?: “What’s the difference between jam and jelly.” To which I would reply, “I can’t jelly my cock down your throat.”

Which celebrity do you find sexy that no one else finds sexy?: Sandra Bullock. Nobody else finds her hot because she’s so old.

5 words to describe the perfect cheap date in East Lansing: Rick’s, Harper’s, Rama, P.T.’s, Landshark.

A lonely freshman on Valentine’s Day should…: Aim for a Tinder date in the closest cafeteria.

Which euphemism for having sex is worst?: “Showed her my boner.”

How do they celebrate Valentine’s Day in hell?: They spend the day with Jim Harbaugh.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m horny and drunk…: And I’m Sparty, let’s screw.

Why should people make love to The Black Sheep?: Just so you can tell people they got to make love to The Black Sheep!

2/4/16 5:15 PM

SPARTAN TALK: FROM THE BEST TO BE THE BEST (everything you’ve always wanted know...)

SEVEN CLASSIC GAMES TO PLAY ON VALENTINE’S DAY (WITH BOOBS!)

THE WEEKLY WOODY

Albert Macklin wrote this

If there are two things The Black Sheep loves, they’re childhood memories, and boobs. While a good pair of pillows never gets old, sometimes playing a whole game of Monopoly can be tedious. To bring some much-needed pizzazz into the games you kind of loved growing up, we’ve compiled a list of classic games that you can play (with boobs) over Valentine’s weekend.

Rack-O: The initial goal of Rack-O was to fill the little slots in your rack with cards in ascending order.

When you add boobs to the game, you’re also playing with the little slot in a rack to get some ascending in order. In Rack-O, as in life, you can’t win without cleavage.

Don’t Break the Ice: The satisfying nervous tension that came with tapping the ice cubes with that little hammer is equal to that of pulling out a giant Jenga brick at Rama. And also, oddly, to tapping any part of any boob with literally anything. Simple things for simple minds, we suppose.

Connect Four: As with the game from your childhood, the name says it all in the boobs version as well. Find two pairs, push them together to connect four of them, everyone wins.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos: Those spherical things don’t really have any flavor, but the goal of the game is to fill your mouth with as much as you possibly can. This will involve a lot of rolling around, aimlessly pushing buttons, and weird mouth movements, but there’s no penalty for getting sloppy or letting them fly all over the place.

Twister: Flick the spinner and let it tell you exactly where you should put your hands. Or feet. Or anything.

Be prepared to test the limits of your flexibility when getting boobs involved with this game.

Bop It: Bop it! Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!

Don’t Wake Daddy: In this realistic board game, Daddy sleeps in the middle of the kitchen knowing full well that the little shits that are his kids will try to get into the refrigerator for a snack. Once you turn 18, though, it becomes even more important you don’t wake Daddy, because Daddy doesn’t take too well to you playing boob games with his daughter.

Ouija: Things start getting a little weird whenever Ouija gets involved. Gently place your hands on the… well, boobs, close your eyes, and leave the rest up to fate. You may end up learning something you’ve never imagined before, or getting your little demon to rise up and demand attention.

Whenever boobs get involved, things tend to get a lot more fun. Don’t let this Valentine’s Day be bland and forgetful. Add some cleavage and a few bottles of wine, and let the games begin!

This Week’s Question: I am seriously broke, but I want to do something sweet for my lady on Valentine’s Day. Any ideas?

Sincerely, Broke Loser Boyfriend With Big Heart Dear Broke Loser Boyfriend With Big Heart, Being poor has become sort of like a personality trait for me. It truly defines a large part of who I am, because it’s an element to my life that has been, and always will be, a reality. I have no concept of saving the pathetic paychecks I get. As soon as the bills are paid, I use the money I’m left with to wipe my ass, because it’s virtually useless, and barely enough to buy toilet paper for my house.

Being broke means you’ll have to start getting into that arts and crafts bullshit and doing “creative” things, which really just means you are, in fact, a poor piece of shit who can’t afford a real gift. The fact of the matter is, if she really loves you for who you are, and not what’s in your pocket, this is her chance to show you she truly loves you as much as you love her. If your lady firmly believes it’s the thought that counts, then you’re going to have to prove to her how much thought you have to give this Valentine’s Day to make up for the lack of kisses from Kay Jewelers.

This Valentine’s Day, you’ll be combining all of the art skills you learned in elementary school with a sexy adult spin on the crafts you make. For dinner, you’ll make plates out of your old homework. Simply stack sheets of paper together until your “plate” is thick enough to eat a slab of meat off of (make sure to put the grade facing down). In this case, the juicy dinner will be from one of the local East Lansing squirrels. Find the fattest squirrel on campus and run it over with your car. Take the critter home, bake ‘er in the oven for about 30 minutes at 420 degrees, lightly salt and pepper, and voilà.

Let your lady wash dinner down with a couple glasses of your special sauce, if ya know what I mean. This is a very personal touch to the element of romance you’re going for on this special day. For dessert, you two will feast on chocolate molds of your butthole, made easily by pouring your asshole up with the melted down semi-sweet chocolate chips you’ve had lying around in your cupboard for the last two years. Once the chocolate cools in your butt, take the mold out and assemble in the shape of a heart on your fancy paper plates.

Lastly, we get to the real gift part. You’ll have weaved together a poncho made out of all of her hair that you’ve been collecting from the bottom of her shower drain over the last few months. This gift is a symbol of how close you feel to her, and how every inch of her body is a natural gift from God. Pair the hair poncho with a hand-drawn portrait of you both on your future wedding day, letting her know you’re not afraid of true love, and seek to spend the rest of your days with her. This isn’t creepy; this is commitment.

May this Valentine’s Day finally be the day you find everlasting love.

Remember folks; a balanced diet is a dick in both hands.

-Halie “The Good” Woody Want more Woody in your life? Follow me on Twitter or Instagram.

Twitter: @MakeYouWoody Instagram: @makeyouwoodyagain

The Seven Levels of V-Day

Valentine’s Day, when the fires rage – either of passion or of your own personal hell. So, for V-Day, The Black Sheep decided to take you on a magical journey through everything that V-Day represents from the most romantic, to the most miserable pits of loveless hell. Regardless of what kind of fire is burning inside you, TBS is here to help learn something while you ignore your classes as you think about all the chocolate that you’ll get.

- Phoebe Clark

The First Circle: Flight of the Valentines

Ah Valentine’s Day, the day of love, candy, flowers, and pointless monetary shows of affection. Originally, Valentine’s Day served to commemorate a martyr who had nothing to do with love. The reason it has turned romantic is good old Geoffrey Chaucer. Writing in Middle English in the 1300s, he wrote that Saint Valentine’s day was when all the birds chose their mates. So technically, Valentine’s Day is more about ornithological orgies than love. As you and Mr./Miss Right snuggle closer than two partridges in a pear tree on your Valentine’s date, try very hard not to think about banging birds. Or do, we don’t know your life.

The Second Circle: Who Needs Bae When You Have Bff?

Instead of romantic love, you can embody the spirit of Leslie Knope. Anyone who watches Parks and Recreation knows all about Leslie Knope’s favorite day of the year: Galentine’s Day. Celebrated every year the day before Valentine’s Day, Leslie uses this time to honor her gals, give perfect gifts, and tell them how amazing they are over brunch. And even if you and your hubby have plans for Valentine’s Day, you can still celebrate Galentine’s Day with your friends, and Valentine’s Day with your sexual partner – that way you can appease your single friends by spending time with them, and still get all the candy CVS has to offer.

The Third Circle: The Love of Country (and Not Genocide)

Have no friends and no significant other? Victory Day is the perfect replacement holiday! Yes, V-Day was celebrated in May, but why not celebrate it three months early and tell your friends that this V-Day you’re celebrating the other V-Day? And no, this is not the same V-Day as V-J Day when the sailor kissed the nurse and made photographic history. Congratulations, you have found a holiday very worth celebrating yet totally devoid of romantic sentiments.

The Fourth Circle: Independent Woman Who Don’t Need No Man

If you have no friends, no hubby, and want to take a stand against injustice, the V-Day Movement is for you. While this V-Day isn’t an actual day, it is what all feminists will be celebrating on Valentine’s Day. In 1998, Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, decided that she’d had enough of violence, and started the V-Day Movement. Since its beginnings as a movement, it has become a charity that puts on plays to raise money and awareness for female victims of violence. Was the naming of V-Day intentional so as to compete with Valentine’s Day? Duh.

The Fifth Circle: The Man Himself

When looking for a way to put a damper on any relationship, just bring up your good old neighborhood Saint Valentine. All we know about him – except that he had nothing to do with love – is what people say. One tale states that he was horribly beaten and then beheaded. For single cynics, say hello to the death of romance, as Saint Valentine is the perfect weapon: whenever your friends are being far too open about how much they care about their schmoopy boo-boo, make out violently, or proclaim “Happy Valentine’s Day!” all you have to do is explain how your friends are being very cavalier about a man being beaten and beheaded. No more obnoxious couples for you.

The Sixth Circle: Murder, He Wrote

Not that into history, movements, or martyrs? Do you like The Godfather? Are you looking for an excuse to watch it right now? Then instead of celebrating love on Valentine’s Day, you can celebrate murder! In 1929, seven members of the Irish mob were executed in Chicago, including Frank Gusenberg who was shot 14 times, but said that no one had shot him. Supposedly, Al Capone ordered the massacre as revenge for several of his murdered Sicilian friends. So grab your horse heads and Thompson sub-machine guns, and celebrate V-Day with Vito. To proclaim your holiday to the world, wear a corny Valentine’s arrow headband, and whenever someone asks who shot you, pull a Gusenberg and respond, “no one shot me.”

The Seventh Circle: The Deepest Pit of Unimaginable Hell

The movie Valentine’s Day may be the worst hell ever invented – and Gusenberg would rather be shot fourteen more times than watch it. The movie everyone half-remembers. When Taylor and Taylor were together. The love stories so incredibly painful that this movie should come with its own warning: side effects include, but are not limited to, headache, heartache, nausea, vomiting, uncontrollable chocolate eating, periodic screaming, and erectile dysfunction. This is the movie that all single people loathe, and that all honeymoon-phase couples and very old couples adore. You may very well have been forced to watch this with your parents on Valentine’s Day when you were single in high school. And you are probably still scarred from that experience.

No matter what level of V-Day you will be celebrating this February, remember there is something for everyone, that overly affectionate couples will receive an earful, and that the best way to someone’s heart is through chocolate.

Can You Spot the Difference in these Candy Hearts?

THERE ARE 8 DIFFERENCES IN THESE TWO NEAR-IDENTICAL IMAGES OF CANDY HEARTS. SO, WHEN YOU’RE SINGLE AND ALONE THIS FEBRUARY 14TH, SPEND SOME TIME SPOTTING ‘EM. ASSUMING YOU CAN, EMAIL US AT IMLONELY@THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM AND WE’LL SEND YOU A SEXY PRIZE.

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