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Volume 1, Issue 4 | 10/27/11 - 11/16/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com
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Inside the Mind of an Underage Bro Downtown Chris dart wrote this “This fake ID was the best purchase ever. Downtown is gonna be insane! I just have to remember the details. OK, “Jeff Longer, 15 Maple Drive, birthday is February 22, 1989.” And if they ask, I had surgery. Good stuff. I’m so golden. Ok, almost there. Wow I’m getting kind of nervous now. What if they turn me down? Will the cops just arrest me right there? Ah, this was such a bad idea! My dad is gonna kill me if I get arrested. Maybe I should just tell the guys I’m feeling sick. NO! No, I can’t do that. They’ll think I’m a little girl. Ok Jeff Longer, it’s time to quit being a wuss. You look like you’re 21. You have a mustache. Just remember, be cool. “Jeff Longer, 15 Maple Drive, birthday is February 22, 1989.” We’re here. Time to be a man. Holy hell that bouncer is huge, he looks like a swollen Shaft. Haha, swollen shaft. Ok, where is my ID? I lost my ID! Oh wait, I got it. Stop shaking. Here you go bouncer. “Hey, Jeff Longer, 15 Maple Drive, birthday is February 22, 1989.” Ahh, why
Other stuff
Inside
the hell did I just say that to him? He’s gotta know I’m underage now. He’s looking at me weird, I’m so busted. I wonder how much it is to get bailed out of jail. Wait, he gave me back my ID. Oh hell yeah, it worked! I’m in! Nothing can stop me. I am THE man. First round is on me. (1 hour later) I’ve been here for like two hours and I haven’t moved from the same four-foot square. This sucks. It’s so packed, that girl sucks at karaoke and some kid just spilled on my Sperrys. Oh no! That dude right there looks like S.L.E.D. Quick, look older. Use the serious face. Drink your beer. Act like you belong. Ok he’s gone. I need another beer. I’m not drunk enough for this. (Two pitchers later) I’m so drunk. If I have another PBR I’m gonna barf my face off. I need Cook Out, now. Or Jugheads. I’d murder a family of puppies for some Jugheads. Wait—Whoa, is that girl looking at me? She’s pretty sexy. I mean lose the lazy eye and we’re in business. Whatever, I’m drunk; I’ll deal with it in the morn-
04: Exes and Oh My God’s
Like significant others, some break-ups are far worse than others.
ing. Tonight I need some action. Dude, she is staring directly at my package. With her good eye. I think. Wait, which one is her good eye? Dammit. She’s not. Whatever. She had a lazy eye anyway. But her friend has a nice ass. Sip your beer and look around. Act natural. Aaaaand catch another glimpse. Nice. Time to make my move. Ok what do I do? Should I buy her a drink? Dammit I have no money. I can’t believe I spent $122 bucks already. This place is way too expensive. I wish I didn’t give that bartender a $10 tip. For what? Holding my pitcher to the tap! Ok, I’m gonna go talk to this slampiece. Wait what do I say? Ok here it goes…“Hey, Jeff Longer, 22.” Why the HELL did I just tell her my age? She totally thinks I’m a creep. “Hey, Katie Herman, 23.” “Oh shit, Miss Herman?!” (Leaving) Thank God this night is over. I spent $122 bucks, hit on my English 103 professor, and threw up in Pita Pit. Tuna was definitely a bad choice. But as for downtown? I’ll be back. And next time I’ll stay out past 11:45.
05: A Clemson Guide to Fast Food
There’s four dollars left in your bank account, what do you do?
06: That’s Fawkward
How to deal with those situations where an awkward silence isn’t going to cut it.
02
Table of
contents 12
5 10
P5: top 10: last minute costume P12: The solo Train ideas You don’t have to choo-chooGuys, grab a mask; ladies, grab choose anyone! some horns. P12: from the streets P6/7: party pics and shoutouts We found our favorite HallowHey don’t judge us, we’re just een characters and asked them the ones printing them! some questions. P9: Bartender of the issue Evey from Croc’s would rather be dead than fat, and once ate a pig’s heart. Marry me?
P14: the riddle Can you solve it? It's pretty tricky if we do say so ourselves...
P10: the death of some pop stars... We really hope a few of these people meet their demise soon...
P15: the crossword How well do you know your candy bars?
P11: we interview: cut copy An Aussie band you better learn to love soon...or be a loser.
P16: word search Find the words! Find them all!
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Word of the week Bartography:
A Banshee Miser Tiff Tin
Raze Oil Mop
Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com
Definition: The strategic mapping of local pubs, dives, cantinas, clubs and watering holes that allows for maximum drinking during a bar crawl. Sentence: “Steve’s bartography skills ensured that the entire sweatpants barcrawl was sufficiently drunk by midnight.”
04
exes and oh my god’s chris dart wrote this
www.theblacksheeponline.com Dumping someone is one of the hardest things to do. And being dumped is even worse. Emotions are going wild, objects are thrown and tears are shed. It’s like a Tyler Perry movie, except not funny. Oh wait, it’s exactly like a Tyler Perry movie. (Boom) And while the initial dumping (quit laughing) is painful and sad, perhaps what is more terrible is the awkward aftermath. Awkward encounters downtown, seeing your ex hooking up with someone at a party, even hearing that Jenny’s sister’s roommate’s lab partner saw your ex sitting next to that slut Allison at Harcombe. It’s even worse if your ex takes a turn for the crazy type. All in all, your exes can go a number of ways in terms of how they handle the break up: Crazy Ex: This is when your ex decides that if they can’t have you, nobody should. They go to every extent to try and cock block you, even if it means accidentally throwing up all over the face of the girl you’re talking to and then locking herself in your room. This is the most annoying type of ex. Some crazy exes actually make you scared for your life, like when they spray paint your car to say “HE’S AN ASSHOLE.” Listen bitch, I get that you’re mad we broke up. But remember when we were talking and I told you “you’re just too intense for me”? Well, this is what I was talking about. Awkward Ex: Although this ex isn’t a threat to cut off your skin and turn it into a jacket, they are pretty terrible. You guys probably broke up for no other reason other than you got bored with each other. So although neither of you are bitter, you would still rather eat a bag of dog hair than have to see them. But on the rare occasion that you are forced to acknowledge them, then you will probably
have to deal with the handshake, hug, or head nod decision. I say go with the head nod and walk on. Or you could take the extra three flights of stairs, go through Martin and avoid the whole situation. Either way, the best idea is to avoid them. Friendly Ex: This break up was usually mutual. You both just wanted a break from each other so you could explore some of the possible Walk-of-Shames that Clemson has to offer. You decide to “stay friends” though since you both hang out with the same people. And although it’s hard to watch this other person pursue others, if you are meant to be with this person, then you will be. And if not, at least there is no threat of them murdering any future hook ups. Over-Friendly Ex: This one is sort of like the Friendly Ex, except they don’t really want to be friends. They still want to be with you. But, the break up was so painfully ominous that they can’t fight it. So instead, they bite their tongue, force a smile and decide being friends is better than nothing, right? Wrong. They hate seeing you with other people. But instead of telling you, they add your new hookup on Facebook, organize lunch dates with them, and plot to break you two up. They’re like a Friendly-Crazy Ex hybrid. Frazy Ex. Now I’m sure your honey baby boo bear is the absolute best boyfriend or girlfriend in the whole wide world…right now. But if you guys ever (God forbid) break it off, then please, use this as a guide for your future as an ex. Because nobody likes restraining orders. And nobody likes awkward head nods.
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www.theblacksheeponline.com THe top ten Cheap, Last-Minute Halloween Costumes
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Halloween is right around the corner and you-- like every other college kid on earth-- procrastinated. Now you’re without costume and the big day is right around the corner. Not dressing up isn’t an option- you’ve donned a costume since before you could walk, and now that you’re in college the point is to drink while wearing your costume until you can’t walk. So you, my friend, need a cheap, passable costume to wear as you bounce around the city to your obligatory Halloween shindigs. Here are a couple options to keep things a little less lame: Men: 5: Jason Voorhees This all-inclusive costume takes just a signature shirt and mask. Carry around a large plastic blade to complete the look, and make crude jokes about penetrating women at your own risk.
fast food breakdown
4: Charlie Sheen Mask The options here are endless. You can be as simple as you want with jeans, a basic tee or button-up, cigarettes, and shots all night. Add a bag of powdered sugar and a heaping serving of the crazy and, voila, you’re winning the cliché costume contest.
paige dolton wrote this
There are so many fast food restaurants on Tiger Boulevard, anyone craving something greasy and delicious is bound to be overwhelmed (sorry Jersey Mike’s, you’re too healthy and fresh to make this list). Fortunately for you, I happen to take fast food very seriously, and I’m here to provide you with a breakdown of what to get, when to get it, and where to get it from.
with the rest of the gang, it is a sin to forget about Bojangles. Bojangles takes the meaning of ‘southern comfort’ to a whole new level. They’ve got just what you need when you start missing your grandmama’s home-cooked meals. And it’s not Bo’ time until you’ve got yourself a large sweet tea to wash down all that fried and flavorful goodness.
McDonalds: The Old Faithful of the fast food industry, McDonalds is not somewhere you should be going every day. However, if you find yourself with four other friends looking for a whole lot of meat in the middle of the night, get the Nug Bucket and enjoy 50 savory chicken McNuggets. And even if you get a Nug Bucket solo, don’t be embarrassed; take pride in the fact that you were able to conquer 50 little nuggets of mystery meat all on your own!
Sonic: The self-proclaimed “Ultimate Drink Stop,” Sonic is the crucial place to go when you’re thirsting for something scrumptious. They have just about 400,000 drink and slush combinations for you to choose from so you really can’t go wrong if you’re trying to quench your thirst. And how can you not love a place with a Happy Hour (2-4 pm) EVERYDAY when all drinks and slushes are half price?!
Wendy’s: So you’re craving something fast and delicious but some way or another you’ve managed to use up all your cash? No need to fret, there’s Wendy’s! Not only is there a Wendy’s located on campus, conveniently in the horseshoe, but both locations take TigerStripe. You’ll no longer need to search in couch cushions just to scrounge up enough money for a Frosty, just keep your TigerStripe with you at all times so you can always satisfy your midnight munchies. Chik-fil-A: Are you one of those people that just can’t eat anything plain? Welcome to your heaven. Chik-fil-A sauces are what one might call a delicacy. You most definitely cannot go wrong with the classic Chik-fil-A sauce, but if you’re feeling more adventurous, you absolutely need to get your hands on their Polynesian sauce. Rumored to have been created by the Greek Gods, Polynesian sauce has the power to turn even the most horrendous food (not from Chik-fil-A, of course) into pure amazingness. Just make sure you ask for more than one! Bojangles: Even though it’s not on Tiger Boulevard
Zaxby’s: Fellas, do you really want to ask out that girl in your chem lab but don’t have enough dough to take her somewhere nice? Zaxby’s is the classiest of all the fast-food options and is the perfect place to bring a girl when you’re on a budget. The staff is the friendliest around, and even the customers that dine-in are just a happy bunch of people. Who knows, you might even get your meal paid for by someone sitting near you (it’s been known to happen!). Cook Out: Last but not least, Cookout is the king of fast-food royalty solely due to their one-of-a-kind Cookout Tray. Since it’s is open late-night (we’re talking 4 a.m.!), the Cookout Tray is the best pre/post-study or drunk deal you can get your hands on. You’ll find yourself thinking “all of this for only $5?!” every single time you go. And the food lives up to its name- it really is remarkable food that tastes just like it came from your summer cookout in your backyard. Whether you’re in the mood for 50 chicken nuggets, a slush of every flavor, or a truckload of Polynesian sauce, you’re sure to find it at one of these fine establishments the town of Clemson has to offer.
3: 70’s Disco Kit Time travel to the psychedelic seventies with this costume kit that includes a mustache, sideburns, and a hairy chest. It’s time to get funky! Add swinger aviator shades, tacky button down (from Goodwill), and some bell-bottom slacks. You’ll be ready to shake your groove thang all night long while the ladies won’t be able to resist your faux-hairy chest. 2: Old Man Set Make everyone call you “Pops” for the night- a polo button-up, slacks, loafers, a golf hat, walking cane and a pipe. For a scary twist incorporate blood, scars, and wrinkles by selecting from an array of makeup kits. A possessed, elderly serial killer? Pretty original. 1:Rock Star Sleeves Slide these puppies on and you’ve got an instant sleeve of tattoos without the pain. Pair with ripped jeans, a trashy band tee (What? You don’t have a Quiet Riot t-shirt? Check Goodwill), a few spiked cuffs, black eyeliner and messy hair. The more over-the-top, the better. Women: 5: Poodle Skirt Turn into a Pink Lady this Halloween! In addition to the skirt all you need is a collared short-sleeve shirt, white socks, and white sneakers or black oxfords. Add some pearls to make it classy, or give the dress the scissor treatment, chop and hem to add some sex appeal. 4: Hippy Jean Leggings Get your grunge on in comfy jeggings with an assortment of 60sinspired, colorful appliqués scattered about. Tie-dye your own shirt for a far out top and flip flops for shoes. To really sell the look, have someone in a cop costume beat the absolute hell out of you. 3: Classic French Maid Oui oui, monsieur! Ha ha, dick joke. This costume includes a lace headpiece, black dress with white lace trim, and a lace apron. Get sexy with curly hair, fish nets, heels, and a feather duster. 2: Red Hot Devil Be smoking hot this Halloween with a red dress with a sawtooth hem and headband with horns. Add sultry makeup, pumps, and pitchfork to complete. Actually, this is pretty much the recipe for any chick’s outfit. Slutty dress, headgear (cat ears, devil horns, tiara, etc), and uncomfortable shoes. 1: Wicked Witch Dress An all time classic costume- black dress with a sawtooth hem and sleeves. You can jazz it up with scary accessories like a long, crooked witch nose with a mole, a pointy hat, a broom, and black fish nets. Or, become wickedly slutty with sexy, big hair, red lips, dramatic makeup, and skyscrapper heels.
06
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SHOUT OUTS
Potentially Fawkward
Moments in College
Got a shout out? Email us at shout@theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our website: theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our iPhone/Android App
ashley fitzpatrick wrote this Oh Lordy, we definitely all have them. Fawkward moments happen to everyone even though we don’t want to admit it. Instead of getting deer-eyed, handle these moments like a champion. Once you learn how to deal with fawk situations and laugh them off you can tackle any embarrassing moment coming your way. Here’s a brief breakdown of some potentially fawkward instances that could happen to you. Cub Life: Looking for that quiet spot on the 2nd floor? Walking through the line of cubicles and peeking over the tops to see if there’s anybody sitting there could give rise to a sweet situation. Yes! You finally found an open one after wandering for 5 minutes. You enter through the tiny space and oh, hello person you hooked up with last Friday night sitting 2 cubbies over. Making it less fawk: Say “Hey, how’s it going?” This is most casual greeting that allows you to maintain your cool. Or you could make it more awkward than the eye contact you just made and pretend you don’t know who the person is. Your pick. Walk of Shame: Nothing is better than posting up at someone else’s place for the night, especially if you get a shirt out of it. As you make your way back to your place, you’re looking hot with mascara and eyeliner smudged, gross morning breath, and the clothes from last night. As you struggle back across campus, you casually bump into everybody you know: friends, parents, teachers, and maybe President Barker and his wife walking the dogs.
deal out of it. Next, stand up, shake it off, adjust your backpack and pretend like it never happened…you got this. Pick it up or leave it?: We have all eaten in the dining hall at least once in our Clemson careers and are not strangers to the Harcombe buffet on Sunday mornings, if you can get there of course. With much anticipation you fill your plate with sausage, bacon, eggs, greens, gravy, and those delicious but greasy biscuits. Then you head to get a drink and wander around to find your friends. Having your head on swivel, you scope out the tables and then BOOM! You run into someone and drop your plate, not to mention the drink, which has spilled everywhere. All of Harcombe goes silent and all eyes are on you as the plate finishes spinning on the floor. Damn, it sucks to be you. And the question of the hour: pick it up or walk away?
"or make it more awkward than the eye contact you just made and pretend you don’t know who the person is. Your pick.””
Making it less fawk: Own it. Turn that walk of shame into the Stride of Pride. Flaunt the shirt you just got, hold your head high, and walk with shoes in hand. Who cares, it happens, it’s college. Smile and say hello and be on your merry way.
Missing a Stair: Man down! It’s the worst feeling in the world when you realize you’ve missed a step and finally look up to notice the crowd of people staring at you. Then that one kind soul reaches out to help you up and asks, “are you okay?” The question just finalizes the fact that everyone in Cooper or Library Bridge just saw you fall.
Making it less fawk: First off, apologize to the person you ran into. Ask if “we” (key word) should clean the mess up. Chances are they will say yes, so you aren’t alone in the situation and a worker is already rushing over to assist . Next, laugh a little bit because that is the only thing you can do. Lastly, get a new plate of food. College kids gotta eat! Don’t be fawkward, be fawesome.
Making it less fawk: Laugh it off and say you’re good. If people see that you don’t care, they won’t make a big
be really flippin’ fawesome >>> theblacksheeponline.com
To the fool who threw the dead possum on my porch, you’ve got a dead raccoon coming your way. 83, we’ve been hoping you’d trip down the stairs for a year. Have a great Fall. 84. To the ginger whose debit card I lost: Stop crying like a lil girl. –NMP Leggings and Nike shorts, Y’all are an item again? Really? To my Spanish midterm: Prepare to die. If I order a stripper I expect him to show up on time dammit. Dave, I do remember your name and I do remember the camera. Thanks for nothing! -Holly Happy bday K-Fel, you better believe we’re re-enacting last year’s debacle, personal shot glasses and all! -Brit Whoever put mustard on my car, prepare to pay...I have ketchup and know how to use it...,Red Accord Jackie, it’s called wine night, not whine night...get a grip and stop crying everytime we try hanging out. -Bridgette To Maggie, is this the year we pull the costume switch/boyfriend switch? I think so...get excited! -Steph Megs, thanks for the best 21st EVER. Nothing beats wearing a crown while hugging a toilet...just don’t share those pics! Steve, please don’t dress like cock and balls again. Getting lame...love everyone you know.
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Bartenderof the Issue
Evey W. Croc’s
Relationship status: Single Major: Marketing Favorite drink: Vodka, club soda with lemon and lime. Favorite shot: Johnny Vegas; Patron silver, watermelon pucker, and Red Bull. Worst drink ever: Gorilla’s Puke; it’s Bacardi 151 and Wild Turkey. I smelled it and put it right back down on the bar, no thank you. If you could only eat 3 foods a day what would they be? Craisins, hummus, Cheez-its If you could have any superpower, which one would you pick and why? Being invisible because I could get away with anything. If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be and why? Chelsea Handler. She drinks all day, gets to talk shit on everyone (which they all love), & gets paid to do it. You can’t complain.”
drinking game:
teeth
The infamous film, Teeth, needs no introduction. It’s popular among stoned high school kids with vagina obsessions and dental hygienists who are horrified at the thought of teeth being subjected to the horrors of down below. But now, thanks to alcohol, this film can be enjoyed by anyone! Number of players: Two. You can play by yourself, but that would be really awkward if your mom walked down into the basement and caught you watching Teeth alone. What you need: The DVD Teeth, shot glasses, and Pinnacle Marshmallow (To play on the vagina theme, you pussy). How to play: - Put in the movie! (They key is to decipher whether it is VHS or DVD. Proceed accordingly). - Every time the word “vagina” is said, you must take a half shot (I say half shot because vagina is used liberally in this movie. I’m looking out for you!). - Every time you watch an appendage get bitten off by Dawn’s vag-chompers (I wonder if she got braces on those things…) you must chug a mixed drink for the entire duration of the injured person’s dramatic bloodcurdling screaming. - If at any point in time a viewer hides his or her eyes from the graphic images of severed genitals, they must take a full shot, because that’s super embarrassing. - Any time you roll your eyes at Dawn’s blatant innocence take another half a shot. Honor code here folks, but seriously – who is this girl kidding? The Game Ends When: The movie does.
What is the worst pick-up line you’ve heard on the job? A guy came up to me and asked, “Have you ever kissed a bunny in between the ears?” As I said no he took a step back and pulled his pockets inside out and asked “You want to? “ Favorite place to shop? Express and Victoria’s Secret What do you consider to be the most annoying quality anyone can have? Being stubborn or rude. What dead person would you most want to bring back to life? Any one of my family members that have died. screwed (no pun intended). Thongs.” Who would win a battle between a ninja and a pirate? A Pirate, Johnny Depp kicks ass. Guilty pleasure: Having a few glasses of Pinot Grigio while baking and watching Lifetime. I know, it’s pathetic.
Country/location you most want to visit: Spain and Amsterdam. Favorite Comedian? Katt Williams and Dane Cook. First thing you notice in a guy? His confidence. Last four digits of your phone number? 5309 What’s your “type” when it comes to guys? A guy with his head on right. Smart, confident (not cocky), protective but not controlling, he has to be able to make me laugh and smile, and no matter what anyone else says looks do matter, a little. Quickest way to piss you off? By being a legit dumbass. Who do you most want to have a tickle fight with? Channing Tatum Worst turnoffs? Being a man whore, having a horrible personality, and smelling bad.
recipe for disaster:
Nacharido
Legend has it that in 1995, a wise, old luchador named Adalberto Montoya attended a Phish concert in Mexico City. When he wasn’t wooing women in the ring and making piñatas for his niños, he loved to cook. At the concert, several kids recognized Adalberto and begged him to fill their stomachs with some paella or enchiritos. You see they had been smoke La Marijuana. Up to the challenge, Adalberto gathered all of his supplies and created El Nacharido. What you need: Nacho chips, huge flour tortillas, cheddar cheese, colby-jack cheese, sour cream, salsa, jalapeños, lettuce, pizza rolls, ground beef, liquid cheese, onions, tomatoes, chicken fingers, guacamole, and Taco Bell packets. Health Content: The calories might be as hefty as your County Market bill, but it’ll be worth it! Directions: - Cook ground beef in a hot pan on the stove until all of the pink is gone. - Stick frozen chicken fingers and pizza rolls in the oven for about 15 minutes. - Layer chips on a huge pan and melt the variety of cheeses on them. - Next, once the cheese is melted layer the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, beef, jalapenos, sour cream, guacamole, chicken fingers, and pizza rolls onto the nacho chips. - After everything is all layered, roll everything into huge tortillas and cover them in Taco Bell sauce.
Now you have yourself a crazy nacho-burrito that all your friends will be jealous of… until you puke it up moments later.
10
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Maybe we’re just getting too old, but the popularity of some mainstream music really baffles us these days. Hell, we understand why Justin Bieber and Lady GaGa are “the bee’s knees,” as kids are wont to say. These six artists? Not so much.
drake
mumford & sons
lmfao
Artist: Drake Known For:”Find Your Love,” looking tired and sad all of the time. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Rapping an entire bar then pausing like this…to deliver a shitty punch line. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “If a million 4-year-olds chained to a million crayons were locked in a room, how long would it take them to write a Drake song, 25 minutes? 30?” Poetic Death: Everyone—from Lil’ Wayne to Nicki Minaj—who carried Drake on a track would take turns literally carrying Drake to a set of railroad tracks, where he’d finally meet his demise. Artist: Mumford & Sons Known For: “Little Lion Man,” being vaguely earnest. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Staaaaarting ouuuuuut playyyying a sonnnnng reallllly slowwwww, thenplayingthechorusreallyfast. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “If you sang all your lyrics at the same pace, couldn’t each and every word get their due?” Poetic Death: Tearfully, the band sacrifices themselves for a cause greater than themselves—one that flames out a few months later, like the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Artist: LMFAO Known For: “Party Rock Anthem,” enjoying shots in Miami. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Looking and sounding like fucking idiots. Loudly. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Redfoo, SkyBlu, you both dress like your parents’ spent their lives shunning you. Sorry, that isn’t a question, just wasn’t sure if you realized that or not.” Poetic Death: Major Lazer challenges the LMFAO boys to a drink-off, only to trick them into pounding shots of liquid cyanide.
katy perry
dropkick murphy's
bassnectar
Artist: Katy Perry Known For:”I Kissed A Girl,” “California Gurls,” marrying Russell Brand, tits. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Catchy pop tracks with hooks and videos that imply women are sexually closeted idiots. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Whose entire routine is more of a gimmick, yours, or your husband’s?” Poetic Death: No longer popular or famous, Perry offs herself in one last attention grab. It fails to generate the headlines she oh-so-desperately craves.
Artist: Dropkick Murphys Known For: “I’m Shipping Up to Boston,” being the musical equivalent of The Boondock Saints. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Wishing desperately to be from Ireland, using an accordion and bagpipes without a hint of irony. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “You’re the kind of assholes who roots for Notre Dame because you’re 5th generation Irish, aren’t you?” Poetic Death: Alcohol poisoning, via Jameson suppositories.
Artist: Bassnectar Known For: Being an integral part of the dubstep trend that’s sweeping the nation. Horribly Annoying Trademark: Having a shtick and a light show that mask glaring musical inability. What We’d Ask In An Interview: “Did you and Beyonce mean to get your extensions from the same guy, or was that just some sort of happy coincidence?” Poetic Death: A fan—while rolling their balls off on MDMA—sticks a turntable needle through the heart of a voodoo doll made from his hair, killing him.
11
www.theblacksheeponline.com
the interview
Dan Whitford of Cut Copy
The Australian electronic band Cut Copy has been blowing up in recent years, probably due to rave reviews from Pitchfork as well as picking up traction from the cool kids who follow the site. We got to chat with lead singer Dan Whitford about electronic evolution, writing lyrics to classic songs and playing tennis against Franz Ferdinand. The Black Sheep: So you’ve been playing electronic music since 2001. How has the electronic music scene changed since? Dan Whitford: Like anything, music’s kind of a slave to fashion and trend as much as any art form. To me, it feels like electronic music has been welcomed more as a mainstream form of music at the start of 2000. I’d guess partly because we had come out of an era of music where sort of indie stuff was really what all the cool kids were into, and anything with synthesizers kind of went a little bit into a niche world for a while there. I felt like dance music and guitar based music were very separate things and I guess that was sort of the mission statement of what Cut Copy was about, being passionate about both pop music, guitar based indie music or whatever you want to call it and also being really inspired by synth based stuff, and club and dance records. So, I think over that period of time those things have come together very much and it’s interesting that there’s the whole scene in the States now based around Pitchfork and stuff put online by sites like that. We like both parts of that music equally and use them interchangeably, and it feels like our mission statement has been fulfilled in a lot of ways. TBS: You guys do have such a great balance between using the synth samples and beats with the instruments that you play. Was it a natural collaboration of those two sounds? DW: It was tricky in a way because there really was no blueprint for that kind of combination. Finding a way to combine those things was the biggest challenge. For me it feels like fusion, one of the real dirty words in music, and I guess the idea of fusing synth and rock music probably could turn into something pretty bad. So thankfully we’ve found a really tasteful way of doing it and a way that was works for us and works for a lot of other people. It’s definitely not a mathematical operation, it very much goes by feel. TBS: Your music is super upbeat and fun to dance to, and it’s interesting because you’re from laid back Australia. Did that relaxed culture have an effect on the music you play now? DW: I think it has an effect on our personalities, I don’t know whether musically it did. Our music is a reflection of the music that we love. When I was starting out and being really passionate about music was about when The Avalanches were doing shows in Australia and just before they did their first album was when I first met them and came into contact with them, and I found their music really uplifting and inspiring and really upbeat as well. It almost felt like that sensation musically was something that I would like to express as well, in Cut Copy. In our own way, we felt like we were doing the same thing. TBS: You mention that The Avalanches were a big inspiration for you. What else inspires your music? DW: I think it’s a unique combination of stuff, just being inspired by different areas of music, art, film, just different things
CD REVIEW
Out Now
real estate
Days
Days like these make selling condos more interesting
Real Estate is a band that has been getting a lot of buzz lately, by lately “meaning” the past two years. It’s not really a huge surprise why – these Brooklyn by way of New Jersey boys have had Pitchfork s-ing their d’s since they popped up back in 2009, and continue to praise them for their subtle beats, minimalist music and every other aspect of a band followed by an adjective meaning “simple.” Though their sound isn’t terrible, it’s a wonder why this mostly-forgettable indie rock buzzband hasn’t fallen of the buzz bandwagon. Real Estate found their voice and do not stray from it, because it’s what the people want. So do their songs all sound similar? Of course. Is that bad? Well… is it boring? Yeah, kind of! While there is that fine line between “having a unique sound” and “changing / growing / progressing” and the decision on when to cross it, Real Estate doesn’t want anything to do with that fine line. They keep calm, quiet, and in the corner speaker of a bar in Brooklyn where a cute tipsy couple holds hands and speaks softly really close to each other. But when they aren’t droning on, they randomly have a spurt of excitement that any low-key band
C-
can benefit from. Alex Bleeker’s voice generally doesn’t cut it, so the catchy rock riffs in “Municipality’ force any listener to double-check what band they are listening to again. Still soft and subtle, this song at least wakes you up during the chorus. “It’s Real” is another good tune that is fast paced and with great vocals, but falls on its face and gets a bloody nose with the uninspired lyrics: “I don’t know who’s behind / the wheel / sometimes I feel like I don’t know / the deal.” Good Lord, they even have a song called “All the Same” that is just the same two beats over and over and over…
But it’s not fair to hate on a band for being slow paced and, at first listen, slightly yawn-worthy; there’s nothing wrong with taking a chill pill and appreciating soft vocals and simple melodies. But being “simple” isn’t an excuse for being mediocre musicians and average singers. The thought that there are a million and one bands just like this one is, I’d assume, thought by over a million and one minds. Sounds Like: A band that’s falling asleep. Download: Municipality, It’s Real Listen to it When: You’re in a dark bar and want to make-out.
across the board. A lot comes from bands that we love. For instance Talking Heads, we listened to a lot of Talking Heads in making Zonoscope. It’s just a bit of a patchwork of our experiences and things that we’re inspired by and hopefully just our viewpoint in reinterpreting all of these things ends up being something unique even if really, at the end of the day, we’re just music fans. TBS: Did you write the song “Need You Now” about somebody in particular? DW: One morning I sort of wrote the basis of that track, and had some synths and some keyboards and a drum machine and just kind of penned out the whole thing while I was waiting for Tim and Ben to meet me at my house. And in the few hours that I was waiting for them I ended up putting that track together and doing some quick vocals that sort of fit with it. And, essentially, the vocals were as it appears in the final track, I didn’t change the lyrics at all. So it wasn’t specifically written about someone, it just came off the top of my head that morning. But it fit so well, I couldn’t bring myself to change it. We tried a few alternatives but it just didn’t sound right. TBS: Man, that’s awesome. That’s such a good song, and it’s cool that it kind of came out of nowhere. DW: Yeah, and that’s one of the things I was worried about. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a classic song but when you read about other people who’ve written classic songs often they say they do say it comes out of nowhere, or that the best songs happen really quickly and it’s almost as if it was meant to be. TBS: What else do you like to do when you aren’t playing music? DW: I like to get outdoors a bit, because I spend most of my time indoors when we’re touring. We have this thing we organized, before we started touring, where me, Mitchell and Ben from the band and various other musicians and DJs would play tennis against each other once a week. It got to the point that if there were touring bands or DJs that would be available, we’d get them to come down and play against us. TBS: What other bands have you guys gotten to play tennis with you? DW: We played against the guys from Franz Ferdinand when they were in Australia last, so that was pretty cool. TBS: Who won? DW: I think it was one set off, so we didn’t have a deciding set. They took the first set and we took the second, and I felt like we were going to come back and beat them, but it wasn’t on the scoreboard so it’s hard to say. TBS: Drink of choice? DW: These days I’ve been enjoying red wine before the show, I like a good Merlot. It’s nice, smooth, easy on the vocal cords and provides a good romantic, artistic vibe in the band room. Spirits can get you a little too wasted before the show.
jess sommers wrote this
12
From 'da Streets
the solo train
What Are You Looking to Find This Halloween? A friend—I don’t think Paulie Shore has any, maybe I’ll haunt him. -Casper
Ashley Fitzpatrickwrote this
Some look down on single life seeing it as a miserable time. Other singles actively search in hopes of finding someone. Well hello! Wake up! We are in college, the Mecca of single life. The majority of the student population is single. Boys don’t know what the word “commitment” means, it’s not even in their dictionary. As we grow up and mature people start to simmer down, party instead of rage, and focus more on academics. The idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend comes into play, but it doesn’t have to. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you have to give up all the fun to settle down. Embracing single life is not easy, but once accomplished it is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The solo train is not just a term; it’s a way of life. The solo train is enjoying life by yourself, living as you want, and having the confidence to do so. It encompasses everything swag from doing things you like, to having fun on your own. The solo train is a step in becoming a healthier individual, learning more about yourself, and most importantly gaining that confidence you need to be successful in any aspect of life. The solo train needs to be embraced and the aftermath is unreal if lived out to the fullest. You may have to go through some rough patches or phases at first, but in the end it’s totally worth it. You may be down in the dumps because all of your friends have a significant other or you may have just ended things with someone, and you’re going to be sad. As a single or newly-single person you need to get mad or sad—whatever your negative emotion of choice is—and experience it to the fullest, that’s the only way you’ll get over it. Then go out and rage your face off to blow off some steam. But this will get old pretty quickly because blacking out every weekend is not ideal or attractive for that matter. Once you have realized this, you need to do something that makes you happy. Now this part should be easy, since the toughest
phase is over. Maybe it’s getting involved in a club or being a more active member, I know for me it is working out. Whatever your hobby may be, do it all the time and to your best effort. The solo train promotes self-happiness since it creates a better self-image. After you have been doing it for a while, you will have retained more friends, a hotter bod (always a plus when you are single), and a greater sense of self. You just got your swag back! You aren’t thinking about a certain someone all the time, you are thinking about yourself and how you are living your life. When they say, “long hair, she don’t care” they are talking about you. You exude confidence, which is sexy as hell. People will notice the change and be drawn to you. Now that you are feeling on top of the world, the next step commences when you go out in hopes of having fun by yourself and with your friends. If you don’t know a group of people, introduce yourself. Talking to new people can always result in a new found friendship or a date to a function, you never know. Just make sure you are having the best time possible. Be bold and confident, it will pay off! Finally, keep up the routine. Finding time to figure yourself out reaps benefits in the long haul. And as I’ve heard time and time again, “Look good, feel good, play good!” The point of the solo train is confidence. It will get you everywhere you need to be or want to go. Be overly excited about being on your own and let the good times roll. Remember to show all your haters love and in the words of Sammy Adams, “single doesn’t mean I’m lookin’ for somebody.”
True love...I think I have a shot with J Wowww...look muscles! -Frankie
Some delicious Ciroc for all this blood, thanks P-Diddy! -Dracula
Can you solve the riddle? If so, email us at riddle@theblacksheeponline.com. First 10 win a prize!
( class time )
The Crossword
Candy Bars! Candybars
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campus manager Annie M. Golly
Advertising Manager Matt Clayton Harrison McSpadden editorial Manager Sarah Padva
marketing Manager Heather Castrillón distribution Manager Austin LaFaille Writers Ashely Fitzpatrick Kaitlin Hall Anna DuBose Paige Dolton Heather Castrillon Chris Dart
marketing Team Alana Rowman Audrey Rotella Orchestra Located inZach Penn Adamo Snap, Christine ______, pop O’Hara
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1 3 4 6 Minty cake 7 Superman's day-to-day name. 10 The sound you make when you
campus director Brendan Bonham
Founders Molly Griffin Matt Clayton Brendan Bonham Atish Doshi Heather-Jo Erickson Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers
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C H A R L E S T O
chew it Made up word Actor Ledger Two for me Chatters, whispers, laughs Wealthy candybar Give me a break When you feel like a nut Famous New York street Shilleter, Clemson House, Hendrix, Fernow, Chilli’s Too, Canteen, This heirressHarcombe, was on Seinfeld Student Union (Game Area), Student Union (Entrance), Horseshoe Buildings, ShoeOverheard at studios
Meet The Staff! South Carolina capital Candy pieces in a bar. Slippery digits Jelly's sandwich companion plus drink container. Trio team Famous Yankee Nectar of bee. Oompa Loompa Galaxy He's good to the Mrs Almost Tony Soprano's wife.
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Candybars
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Every other friday Bball term Peaceful bird Friend's star Joey's favorite Synonym of heaps
Solution:
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S K Y R M A P C H K O P E A N L Y
ACROSS
C L A R K B B A R
www.CrosswordWeaver.com
B
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N C H E W E R S H E Y B W A A B Y R U T H C K H I A T M L K Y W A Y A C T A L R M E L L O I A K T
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W O N H H E N R Y
R O N E
Cheater!
F M I F T H C A V R E N U L E
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A Z I N G P B U T T E R F I N G E R P U T B U T T E R C U P P R E M U S K E T E E R S N W M S C I I N H X N I Y A T C L P K M A E O T R N T T S G O O D B A R I J K E A Y O E Y F A S T B I V E T O B
27 28
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DOWN 1 Orchestra 3 Located in Penn 4 Snap, ______, pop 6 Minty cake 7 Superman’s day-to-day name 10 The sound you make when you chew it 11 Made up word 13 Actor Ledger 14 Two for me 16 Chatters, whispers, laughs 17 Wealthy candybar 18 Give me a break 20 When you feel like a nut 21 F amous New York street 23 T his heiress was on Seinfeld 25 Overheard at studios T H R E E E A O T N T O H O N E B H A B A R U R N D M R E P A Y D G R D O V E B A N M O U N D
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ACROSS 2 South Carolina capital 5 Candy pieces in a bar 8 Slippery digits 9 Jelly’s sandwich companion plus drink container 12 Trio team 15 Famous Yankee 19 Nectar of bee 22 Oompa Loompa 24 Galaxy 26 He’s good to the Mrs. 27 Almost Tony Soprano’s wife 28 Every other friday 29 B-Ball term 30 Peaceful bird 31 Friend’s star Joey’s favorite 32 Synonym of heaps
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