DEL - 12/1/11 - v01i05 by The Black Sheep

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1) Play fun games from The Black Sheep when you're procrastinating studying. 2) Try not to get too wasted before your finals. 3) Don't cheat. Or, don't get caught. 4) Enjoy multiple spirits after your last final.

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finish group project, squeel in delight

RULES:

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computer crashes! drop the f bomb 5 times

The Fun and Games Finals Issue

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Page two

A SPECIAL

THANK

YOU FROM US Why hello there, As you read this to kill some time between classes, or to avoid the inevitability of your own semester-long failures, or to keep yourself entertained while your significant other talks about who knows what (we’re guessing the Kardashians or Fantasy Football), just know that it’s appreciated. You see, this issue closes out our first semester here at Delaware, and frankly we’ve had a blast. While we can assure you that pumping out dick jokes and poop jokes issue after issue is hard work, we’re honored to have the opportunity to publish something we’re ostensibly very proud of. Like anything we’re trying for the first time there’s been ups and downs, (like sex!) some awkward, uneasy moments (like sex!) and way, way too much crying (like clown sex!), but the end result is always worth the pain. That said, we couldn’t have done any of it without wonderful readers like you, and our great advertisers who support us. You, dear reader, laugh at our bad puns. When something genuinely amuses you, you show a friend. She shows a friend, who shows a friend, who shows a friend, and in no time we have mad traction and strong word-of-mouth. You’re the dude who wakes up, decides to ditch class, and instead chooses to check out one of our advertisers. Basically—and this is no bullshit—you’re the reason this paper exists. With that in mind, we’d love to hear some feedback from you. We’ll be starting up just in time for spring semester, and we’d like you to let us know what tickled your fancy, just so we know we’re on the right track. Or, if you want to just write us some violent and vulgar hate mail, you’re welcome to do that. We get very lonely, you see. Again, let us know how you feel, baby. Shoot us a line at del@theblacksheeponline. com, let us be a part of your lives. WHY WON’T YOU LET US LOVE YOU? Sorry, we just miss you already.

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Thanks again, -The Black Sheep

! s m a r g a n A y x Se

Can you guess these hotties?

Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com

The first 5 right answers win prizes!

Word of the week Preprosperous:

Czar Shank Em

Ready Mom No

Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com

Definition: The generally broke nature of a college student. “Yeah, I’m gonna make so much bank when I grow up, but I’m drinking Colt 45 because I’m really preprosperous right now.”

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my letter to santa

brittany barkes wrote this

Dear Santa, Back when I first received my coveted driving permit (with a 10 p.m. curfew), I decided I needed to visit you at the mall. After all, I was to the perfect age to finally have an almost-not-awkward photo, with my braces gone and my recent discovery of contact lenses. You chose me to sit on your lap and I admired your beard, rosy cheeks, and jolly demeanor.

iPhone: Back in my pre-high school days, I requested a Razr phone years after the Razor scooter. Since I never got the Razr, I’ve always felt inadequate, and I refuse to continue to be the laughingstock of my friends just because my current phone can’t connect to the internet or take a half-decent photo. Car: I remember the year you brought me my Barbie Power Wheels, I was the happiest little girl in the world…until the battery ran out. Now, it’s time I get a big girl car. I’m not going to be picky and throw out names of expensive cars because I’d happily settle with an Escalade (with Lamborghini doors). If you grant me a car, I will promise to provide safe rides to all of Newark. Also, you could throw in a complimentary Gold Pass and some sort of “do not tow” device because parking in this place is a bitch. Financial stability and success: While UD students are lucky to have an opportunity to attend one of the alleged douchiest colleges in America, the rising cost of tuition has been a huge problem. I remember when you gave me Life, the game, and I suddenly thought paying back loans, landing a career with $100,000 salary and finding a husband that I could easily throw

10) Stuff your face every second of the day- Take advantage of any local cuisine, and ordering sumo-wrestler size portions. (Consuming a whole pizza is a lot more glamorous when it’s from Italy, I promise). We would go to dinner with 10 girls and all share every plate- so much more satisfying than politely rejecting someone’s offer for a bite, like people tend to do in real life. If you’re not in a country known for its gourmet existence, like Australia for instance, eat 3 scoops of ice cream every day, because you’re on a beach and you can.

8) Make friends with the nearest bartender- Flaming shots of absinthe anyone? If anyone is going to give you things for free, it’s going to be while you’re abroad, so take advantage. Or they may take advantage of you, and act like you’re getting a discount, when you’re overpaying. 7) Don’t let hangovers get in the way- While abroad you should be going out every night that is humanly possible (3-hour wine tastings during the day count as well). That being said, you must wake up at a decent time, even when you’re not required to, to explore the country. Walking up 1,000 stairs to the top of an ancient tower may suck after 5 absinthe shots last night, but you have to power through it.

Instead of dropping the dreaded “F-bomb” or crying hysterically, I decided to become the ultimate Grinch. I lost faith in you, and all I could ever think about was the stupid smile you had on your face.

This year I want to rediscover the joy you once brought me. I’m providing you with a list of gifts that I would like for the holidays. Don’t mess this up Santa.

things to do while abroad

9) Get acquainted with local members of the opposite sex- Being American will boost your level of attractiveness by a few points. Not to say that everyone loves Americans, but everyone loves a little something different. You can’t go to a foreign country and not make-out with someone who speaks no English. Or speaks it in a very funny ascent. In a committed relationship? No. Devise a “I think we should go on a break” plan.

However, you then proceeded to embarrass me in front of, what seemed like, the entire state. That’s right, you loudly said, “This year for Christmas, young lady, you will get the greatest gift of all—Depends adult diapers to help with your bladder problem. HO…HO… HO.”

So Mr. Kringle, I would like to resolve our issues. I had fun the past few years lighting the menorah (practically burning my apartment down), listening to Adam Sandler, and making mediocre latkes. And now I realize we truly need each other. I need you to save me from my holiday confusion, and you sure as hell know that I make some damn good snickerdoodle cookies.

THe top ten

out of my station wagon was so simple. Well obviously Milton Bradley only made this game to deceive children. I think I have earned at least a Powerball win with how successful I have been living off $1 slices and an unpaid internship. So it’s time you take my “splitlevel” life and upgrade me to the “Victorian.” Cut the line card: The year I got Monopoly for Christmas, I realized how easy it was to cheat (especially when I was the almighty banker). I soon found that any problem I had in the game was solved with a simple “get out of jail free card,” so now I would like a similar card, which allows me to skip all lines at bars. There is just not enough time for me to sing karaoke at Kildare’s, grab some $2 specials at Grotto’s and sing along with Jefe at Deer Park all on a Tuesday night, but if I could cut lines, everyone would be happy. All-inclusive vacation: Now that my family no longer wants to pay to take me on vacations, I was hoping you could send me (along with a few of my closest friends) to an exotic location, hot beach bodies included. Plus, you still owe me for sending me on that terrible family trip to the Baltimore aquarium. Ever since I saw MTV’s Spring Break, I have developed a craving to observe the insanity that results from unlimited food and drink. Plant me on a beach with a daiquiri in hand and I’ll be satisfied. I appreciate you taking the time to understand my needs, and I will promise to spread Christmas cheer all across campus. And if, for some reason, you are not able to comply with my requests, I would at least like you to make me an elf. Buddy’s got nothin’ on me. Sincerely, Needy but Deserving

6) Don’t do your homework- Study abroad classes are generally a joke, and if not you picked the wrong trip. Absolutely do the minimum of what is required and you’ll likely still get an A. You’ll also have a hell of a better time. Sorry that I would rather play soccer overlooking the hills of Tuscany than study the 5 pillars of Hinduism. 5) Get out of your comfort zone- Whether that is getting on stage in front of a crowd (with a creepy guy dressed as a dark angel) or jumping out of a plane, this is the time to try something new. It’s fun to say “I’ve gone sky diving” but it’s more fun to say “I’ve gone sky diving in New Zealand, over the sickest lake/landscape in the world…what’d you do this winter, bitch?” 4) Act touristy- People always hate the idea of acting like a stereotypical tourist, (you know, taking pictures every 2 feet of yourself throwing up the peace sign). However, who really cares what you look like- if you want to capture everything on film, do it. If your Italian is awful but you want to practice it with the security guard, go for it. Has the wine at dinner prompted your table to engage in a little game of “Never Have I Ever”? What can I say, we’re obnoxious Americans, we can’t help ourselves. 3) Blend in- Yes this is the opposite of playing Never Have I Ever in a restaurant…it’s also fun to get acquainted with the fashion, culture and customs of the country you are in. Learning bits and pieces of the language, buying tons of leather and figuring out the less touristy hang out spots were all a great part of my experience in Italy. 2) Spend all your money- It’s only a month- you can pay your parents back later. You will end up regretting not living life to the fullest when there are so many awesome and expensive things to put your hands on. The bar cover may be a lot, and you may be spending a lot on drinks, but what’re going to do, not party in Rome? Absolutely not.Also, the best souvenirs are the hand-made items or things you can’t get anywhere else. If all you brought back is a T-shirt that says “Italy”, you’re really lame. 1) Sleep when you’re dead- When I was in Australia, in a hot tub mind you, my friends and I were complaining about being tired from the jet lag. An old man on the other side of the tub said, “Kids, you can sleep when you’re dead” (in an Aussie ascent of course). That is the best piece of advice while studying abroad, because you have to take advantage of every second of it.

stephanie wight wrote this

HOLIDAY ENTERTAINMENT MATRIX . bloWin’ uP

T-Pain - rEvolver

nEW yEars EvE chEvillE - haTs off To ThE bull

WE boughT a zoo

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modErn WarfarE 3

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amy WinEhousE lionEss - hiddEn TrEasurEs

War horsE

lamE

ThE girl WiTh ThE dragon TaTToo

ThE rooTs - undun

ThE black kEys El camino

WWE ‘12

ThE lEgEnd of zElda: skyWard sWord

ThE siTTEr

currEn$y - jET World ordEr

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cool

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quiz:

what are you getting for christmas?

1.This past weekend you… A) Went to church, studied, and baked the best apple pie. B) Just chilled on Friday, went to Kate's Saturday, hit up Club Morris on Sunday. C)Are you kidding? Like I remember this weekend. 2.Your favorite spot on campus is…. A) The green when it's nice out. B) Morris Library. C) Wherever I can smoke. 3.Someone at the bar offers to buy you a drink, you order… A) Shot of Jameson B) Vodka Cranberry C) Water 4.You're in class and you get an essay assigned due in 2 weeks, you immediately… A) Check the rubric on Sakai, write it in your planner, begin drafting an outline, and block out an hour in your schedule each night to work on it. B) Mentally take note of the day it's due, read over the assignment to get an idea of how much work it'll be. C) Well, first off, I wouldn't be in class, so next question.

5.Your holiday party schedule includes… A) Most like a couple of ugly sweater parties. B) A secret Santa dinner party at Cafe Gelato with your closest friends that you've been planning for months. You can't wait to mail out holiday themed reminders to everyone. C) Every day is a holiday party when you're me. 6.Your boyfriend or girlfriend is most likely to get you… A) Boyfriend or girlfriend, hah! Good one. B) Hopefully that new camera and Delaware hoodie I want! C) That promise ring I've been eying up. 7.The STD you are most likely to have, if any, is… A) Herpes, but the kind on your mouth that you get from making out. Like, just a cold sore. B) I don't know? Is one more likely than the other? Maybe syphilis? That would suck. C) Crap, I keep forgetting to go get tested. 8. A hot guy/girl at a party is totally hitting on you, but you're taken, your first instinct is to… A) Call over your single friend and wing them. B)You don't see your significant other as an obstacle between you and this hottie, just a speed bump. C) “Look but don't touch, look but don't touch.”

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Results 8-13: Hopefully, you're getting a social life! Look, there's a difference between being a Type-A personality and a wet blanket. I would suggest loading up your holiday wish list with some sex toys, shot glasses, any and all things fun. It's the holidays, if there was ever a time to loosen up it's now! 14-20: Practically Practical:A perfect combination of fun and functional gifts. There will be joke gifts from your friends which are always a good time, and you'll probably get a lot of things you actually asked for. This is because you seem like a normal person and that means a lot of people probably like you! Congrats! 21-24: The Amy Winehouse Special: You're either getting your stocking stuffed with a plethora of alcohol and drugs, or you're getting an intervention! For you, the holidays are no different than any other time of year. You typically end up getting things from others and merrily partying all year round.

answers 1: a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 2: a )2 b) 1 c) 3 3: a) 3 b) 2 c) 1 4: a) 1 b) 2 c) 3

5: a) 6: a) 7: a) 8: a)

2 3 1 1

b) b) b) b)

1 2 2 3

c) c) c) c)

3 1 3 2

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From 'da Streets

a very specific day

Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com!

during finals

What's your best advice for surviving finals and winter session?"

megan walsh wrote this You wake up around 2p.m. Although you were out late partying the night before, this is really nothing new. You’d sleep until two every day if you could. So you’re completely unfazed by the sudden realization that your advertising exam is tomorrow. You’ve got a solid twelve hours to study for it before you even need to begin panicking.

“You're asking the wrong person. I'm Captain CRAM.” - Eric

You lounge around in bed and demand that your roommate bring you breakfast, but after her refusal and harsh insistence that “it’s not even breakfast anymore,” you drag yourself out of bed and prepare for a day of studying. You turn the TV on for what you promise yourself is only fifteen minutes then…crap. It’s Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family. There is literally no way you’re turning it off now. So you watch the rest of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire until you’re sure that Cedric Diggory is, indeed, dead. With tears running down your face at the injustice of a young wizard’s death, you leave the apartment in hopes of avoiding further distractions. But, obviously, you need to cheer yourself up first. And what better way to do that than supporting local business? Rainbow is right next door, so you pop in for a quick browse through their album selection. No, you don’t have a record player. But you like to hang them on your walls. A “quick browse” soon turns into a long trip down memory lane as you move onto old CDs and favorite childhood books. Eventually you find yourself on the floor laughing along with Harold as he attempts to draw himself an ocean using only a Purple Crayon. You look up to see the store manager staring at you like you’re on acid, so you have to get out of there quick. You buy an old Bruce Springsteen album, pleased with yourself for keeping a bookstore afloat.

this, one of the guys with a shield starts heading your way. Crap, he’s going to ask you to join, isn’t he? You take off, once again, toward Morris. As you walk in the library, you catch a glimpse of yourself in that surveillance screen. Ok fine, you were looking at it, alright? You were looking. Whatever. And what you saw was horrible. So you make a mad dash for a mirror. Once decent looking, you situate myself in the Reserve room. With no distractions, you’ll definitely be able to study here. Then the guy across from you starts whispering and you swear he has a British accent. Well, does he or doesn’t he? Why can’t he just talk louder? Why the hell is he whispering? You have to move. Now you’re on the third floor of Morris and there is literally no one here. You take a quick bathroom break but this only makes everything worse, because once you’re in the bathroom you realize how creepy this floor is. If someone told you that you were murdered one day and you had to guess where, you would say this bathroom on the third floor of Morris.

“Forget packing warm clothes because all you need is a beer jacket.”- Chrissy

"i've got a solid twelve hours to study before i even need This is no place to study. You leave to begin panicking." the library as a wave of depres-

It really is time to study, so you lug your laptop across the street to Dunkin’ Donuts, almost getting hit by a car in the process. It’s ok though because they’re going like 25 mph so you would have definitely lived long enough to sue them for everything they’re worth. What would you do with that much money? So many things. So much shopping. So many vacations. It’s then that you realize you’ve been standing in the middle of the sidewalk for a good two minutes humming “If I had a Million Dollars.”

Avoiding stares, you run into Dunkin’, get an iced coffee, and plop down at a table in the corner. You yank open your laptop, only to watch the screen continue past the point of no return and land with a resounding smack on the table. Literally, your laptop is lying completely flat. Dammit. You forgot to bring something to prop the decaying thing open. At home you like to pretend it’s one big iPad. But here, it’s just not funny. The girl next to you with a Mac is definitely laughing at you. And…wait…is the Dunkin’ employee with the crazy teeth smiling at you too? You have to get out of here. The fluorescent lights are giving you a headache anyway. As you’re strolling down the Green on the way to Morris, you come across that group of students always dressed in medieval gear. LARPing? Is that what they’re doing? What the hell? You can’t resist watching for a while, so you pretend that you’re on the phone as you stare. After about ten minutes of

sion hits you. You’re a senior, and you haven’t even figured out how to study? Pathetic. You definitely need some perspective, so you go where any depressed senior terrified of graduation would go: back to their freshman dorm.

The walk to Rodney E is a long one, but worth it in every way. You briefly consider breaking in to your old room, but you would definitely start crying. So you just sit down on the steps outside and try to blend in with the freshmen, which isn’t very hard when you look like…well…you. It’s all too much to handle. You run to your friends’ place down the street for some comforting words. Once there, you can’t very well walk home alone because it’s dark and you forgot your pepper spray! They offer to walk you back to Main Street because they’re going to the bars anyway and, well, why not join them? For a Sunday night, Kildare’s is surprisingly crowded. However, after a few rounds of drinks and one too many karaoke songs, you don’t care how many people are there. You’re having fun and any thought of a certain exam has disappeared. After the bar you finish off not one, but two slices from Peace A Pizza in hopes of sobering up, but it hasn’t done any good. you’re tired, your head is spinning, and the exam is in six hours…so screw it. You’re a Senior.

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DJ and Karaoke at 9PM!

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madlib:

1) Badass name 2) Verb (-ed) 3) Plural noun 4) Verb 5) Article of clothing 6) Body part 7) Campus club 8) Verb (-ing) 9) Plural nationality 10) Different nationality 11) Exotic food 12) Verb (-ing) 13) Campus building

14) Plural noun 15) Verb (-ing) 16) Verb (-ing) 17) Verb 18) Same as 1 19) Liquid 20) Musician 21) Iconic UD alum 22) Noun 23) Verb (-ing) 24) Big number 25) Same as 8 26) Adjective 27) Adjective 28) Adjective 29) Verb (-ed) 30) Swear word

First Year experience partying At Delaware Oh my god, so I totally finally met this super cool upperclassman, ___1___ , and like we totally went out and ___2___and stuff. First we played this drinking game called ___3___where you have to ___4___. If you can’t do it then you have to take an alcoholic shot! So, like, after we pregamed we went to this party on New London Road. I had a bulletproof ___5___ around my___6___, and I’m really glad because there were these people from ___7___ shooting at us after we left! We started ___8___our way down towards Main St. and we took a short detour through Trabant, where the ___9___ and the ___10___exchange students were having a multicultural party. We ate some of their ___11___ for a while, but we got out of there when everyone started ___12___! So then we walked over to the courtyard Apartments. Nothing happened. Then I don’t remember why we went there, I just know we were in ___13___. There were so many ___14___. You should’ve seen it—I mean these people go really hard. They were literally ___15___ off the roof. And then the cops came and gave everyone tickets for ___16___and I thought they were coming for me so I just ___17___ out of there. So then things started to calm down, ___18___ and I went to a friend’s room and drank some ___19___and listened to ___20___. Then we heard someone knock on our door. It was these guys dressed up like ___21___ and they came in with a whole lot of this stuff they called “___22___” and then we all started smoking it. I don’t remember this happening, but everyone said I was ___23___with like ___24___people from ___25___! When I woke up the next morning, this really ___26___person was lying next to me. I think s/he was still asleep, but it was hard to tell. I didn’t know where my friend was, or where I was, and I was surrounded by all these ___27___ people in this ___28___room. I just ___29___the ___30___ out of there!

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the ultimate at-home drinking game

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One of the worst things about being at home is the inability to booze whenever you please. But have no fear, for obviously The Black Sheep is here to give you an entertaining and easy way to get your drink on during any of the many awkward times you spend at home. So grab a fifth and a flask, because you're about to get drunk (again).

on the car ride home

when decorating for the holidays...

Take a drink when you get a text from a high school buddy asking about your plans over break. Take a drink every time you hit repeat on your iPod. Take a drink every time you check Twitter on your phone. Take two drinks every time your parents ask you about your GPA this semester. Take two drinks every time your mom comments on your appearance. Take two drinks for every half-hour you're in the car. Take three drinks for every awkward silence. Take five drinks when you realize you left your phone at school.

Take a drink every time your cat starts eating the tinsel. Take a drink for every ornament you break. Take two drinks for every stocking you hang. Take three drinks every time you untangle a string of lights. Take three drinks every time you get on a ladder. Take three drinks for every time your dad drops an f-bomb while putting up the Christmas lights. Take five drinks every time your mom tears up during "Little Drummer Boy." Take ten drinks if you put up a huge inflatable decoration.

while celebrating the holidays with your family Take a drink for every gift you guess incorrectly. Take a drink for every pair of socks or underwear you get. Take a drink every time someone tells a story starting with "When I was in college..." Take a drink every time you catch someone feeding the dog. Take a drink for every National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation reference your dad makes. Take two drinks every time you catch the cat messing around in the Christmas tree. Take two drinks every time grandma notes how old you look. Take three drinks every time someone asks you how the service you didn't go to was. Take three drinks for every gift you receive that still has the clearance price tag on it. Take four drinks every time a relative retells a story. Take four drinks every time your 17-year-old cousin successfully sneaks wine. Take four drinks every time your parents jokingly mention Santa and think you're still amused. Take five drinks for every time your mom raises her voice. Take five drinks every time a new course is served. Take ten drinks every time someone mentions that you're single or asks when you're going to start having babies. Take ten drinks if grandpa passes out before 2 p.m.

while last minute shopping Take a drink for every drunk Salvation Army bell-ringer you see. Take a drink for every time you move a space in any given line. Take a drink every time you buy something for yourself. Take two drinks for every time an overweight woman nudges you then glares at you. Take two drinks every time you start sweating. Take three drinks when you see an elf touch himself wrongly. Take three drinks for every item you're looking for that's out of stock. Take five drinks for every screaming, crying and generally unhappy baby you see on Santa's lap.

On new year's day Take a drink for every bad decision you made. Take a drink for every episode of a T.V. marathon you watch. Take a drink for every tagged picture from last night. Take a drink for every butt slap or fist pound you see during the football games. Take two drinks every time you choke back vomit. Take two drinks every time you actually get off the couch. Take three drinks every time you get a glass of water. Take eight drinks every time you change your resolution.

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Are you Smarter Than?

The scoreboard:

4 steph's score

steph's answers

Steph Wight black sheep campus manager Are you smarter than The Black Sheep at UD’s Campus Manager, Steph Wight? Take this “common sense” quiz to find out. By: Elise Barbeau

1) In a classic fairytale, what small object did a princess feel through a stack of mattresses? 2) In the comic strip made famous by Bill Waterson, what is the name of Calvin’s stuffed tiger friend? 3) Who was the third President of the United States?

your score

4) What English rock band had the late Keith Moon as its drummer?

7) Where are the 2012 Summer Olympic Games scheduled to be held?

5) What was the name of the Russian man- made satellite launched into orbit in 1957, making it the first in space?

8) How is density calculated?

6) What movie won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2010?

10) Who is the current Secretary of State?

9) What is the fourth farthest planet from the sun?

1) A Pea 2) Hobbes 3) *blank stare* 4) The Beatles? 5) I know it's funky sounding... 6) Avatar 7) London 8) Mass times weight 9) Ummm... 10) Hillary Clinton

correct answers: 1) A Pea 2) Hobbes 3) Thomas Jefferson 4) The Who 5) Sputnik 6) The King's Speech

7) London 8) Mass divided by volume 9) Mars 10) Hillary Clinton

LOOK GOOD THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

Happy Holidays from Moxie Boutique! Join Us! | facebook.com/shopmoxie

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holiday gift guide 2011 Under $25Gift Packages! The Party Person

MotorolaA

For the person who deadpans “What do you mean you can’t go out? It’s Monday! Coconut Water ($3) - If you don’t drink when you wake up, how are you supposed to drink all day? Sleep Mask ($6) - For when you forget to turn off the strobe light. Glitter ($0.77) - It’s important to look faaaaaaaaabulous. 6 Custom Beer Pong Balls ($14) - People are going to know you mean business.

The Designated Driver

Also known as your own personal guardian angel. Febreeze ($4) - Yes, there’s puke. But also sweat and pee and blood. This car is more disgusting than an army hospital. Barf Bag 5pk ($6.50) - They just cleaned their carpets, dude. C’mon! Compass ($5) and Road Atlas ($10) - For the most ghetto GPS imaginable. No asshole, there’s no Penis Boulevard.

Mr. Super Broke

What do you mean you’re going to be a little late on August rent? Ramen 12pk ($5.99) - Once they’ve eaten the noodles, they can use the cup to beg for change. 6 Shares of Ford stock ($1.81 x 5) - Sometimes it’s important to feel like a CEO. Windex ($3.99) and Paper towel roll ($1.50 x 2) - Get a job, deadbeat!

trix 2 Phone PRICE: $99 (for AT&T, $499.99 without contract) notable features: Android 2.3 network, built-in FM radio, 8 GB internal memory, plus an 8MP front and rear facing camera. (wireless.att.com) why it rocks: This phone is really nice. It has 4G speed, a pretty sweet camera that takes crisp photos and videos. And while many phones have a learning curve that rests somewhere between “rage inducing” and “fuck this, I’ll just use a telegraph,” the Atrix 2 is actually pretty intuitive in its use. Zumocast-- a program that allows you to access files and information stored on your computer’s hard drive—is one of the phone’s best features. Did we mention that this telephone even makes calls and sends texts? Crazy!

Hah, you don't need to answer that. Whether you've been naughty or just down right nasty this year, we've got plenty of gifts that you'll be begging to receive. You do know it's better to give then to receive, though, right? Of course you do... you're not on the nice list for a few very good reasons.

Lululemon

Destined for Greatness Duffel

Timbuk 2M

PRICE: $140 notable features: Weatherproof, industrial strength Velcro, buckle can also double as a bottle opener! (chromebagsstore.com) Why it rocks: This bag is waterproof and roomy enough to put your supplies for the whole day inside of it. If you depend on your bike for transportation, the bag has clips that could hold lights, a U-lock, or your dignity, for when you accidentally run into a car. Not to mention it has adjustable straps to ensure a perfect fit to your bod. Just strap it on and go! As if this bag wasn’t cool enough already… the buckle can double as a bottle opener, making grabbing a beer right as you walk in the door from work or class that much easier. Oh, and it comes with a lifetime guarantee, which already makes it better than marriage.

Are You on the Naughty List?

PRICE: $128 notable features: Goofy labeled pockets-galore to keep your junk organized, stow-able nylon straps to fit any size yoga mat, water-resistant fabric, and can hold up to 50lbs! (lululemon.com) why it rocks: This workout bag is perfect for the gym, or any other onthe-go occasion that suggests you would have to carry a ton of shit. Not to mention it’s actually cute! It’s super sturdy straps let you carry gobs of “necessities” with confidence. The bag also features tons of easily accessible pockets (most of which are labeled with quirky suggestions of what to put in them, sadly there’s nothing to hold your shattered dreams) for all your organizational needs. It even has a pocket that is designed to slide your laptop in to keep it safe, because you know how shifty those yogi's can be.

essenger Bag PRICE: $120 notable features: 50 different iconic celebrity faces staring back at you, waterproof exterior, lifetime guarantee and pockets on pockets. (timbuk2.com) why it rocks: This bag is really functional. It’s waterproof, spacious and can be adjusted to fit your frame. Padded straps make lugging around too much crap a little bit less awful. And with tons of pockets with different colored zippers, maybe you can actually find your keys or wallet without dumping all of the contents of the whole bag out. The lconoclast version of this classic Timbuk2 messenger bag is limited edition and is made with fabric that has the faces of 50 different cultural icons printed on it. Each is unique, depending on what swatch of fabric was used, which is cool. Anyone you get this for will use it everyday. Except for Sunday, that’s the Lord’s day.

Lap Dock 100 Motorola

Chrome

Citizen Buckle Messenger Bag

www.theblacksheeponline.com

PRICE: $249.99 notable features: High resolution, bright 10.1 screen, can be hooked up to a variety of phones (best paired with the Atrix 2), Motoprint application makes printing easy. (motorola.com) why it rocks: The lapdock makes using the web on the go easy and convenient, without having to lug around a heavy laptop (that would most likely only connect to wifi anyway). Just connect your phone to the port on the back of the device and you instantly have a bigger screen and a keyboard. It’s so much better than trying to use a tiny touch screen with your stubby sausage fingers. Hell, it’s so good it made us forget they aired those annoying commercials during the NCAA tournament last year.

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Homebrewers OutpostB

Short's Brewery

PRICE: $7.99 - $9.99 for a six pack (includes Bellaire Brown, Black Cheery Porter, Chocolate Wheat, Pandemonium Pale Ale, Autumn Ale, Huma Lupa Licious IPA) Notable features: Delicious, high quality ingredients make this micro-brew delicious. (shortsbrewing.com) WHY IT RULES: All of these beers are rid-donk-licious, and can be considered a special treat for anyone (21 and up) on your holiday list. Shorts Brewing Company consciously only uses the finest ingredients and it shows. They really know what they’re doing when it comes to creating tasty brewskies. Not to mention that all of these beers have an ABV% of at least 5? If getting drunk in a warm, Keystone-free cocoon of smiles is your aim, Shorts will definitely do the trick.

PRICE: $134.99 (includes ingredients) Notable features: Everything you need to brew your own divine beers while still being cost effective. (homebrewers.com) WHY IT RockS: With this kit you’re able create your own beer at a fraction of the cost of buying delicious high-gravity craft beers elsewhere. Once you have the equipment, it’s easy to order ingredients. The process is easy enough, too (check back in the first issue of the 2nd semester as we try to make our own beer.) Brewing is the ultimate bragging right, it makes you superior to all your friends, because you’re getting tipsy off of your own hard work. What else could a beer guru dream of?

Peligroso Reposado

42 Tequila PRICE: $44.99 Notable features: Smooth, wonderful and full of the promise of a magnificent time. (peligrosotequila.com) WHY IT RockS: Everyone loves tequila, right? Well, Peligoros Reposado 42 is perfect for any holiday party. While all of your kind of trashy, lame friends from home are throwing down shot after shot of Burnett’s or Jose Cuervo, you’ll look like the epitome of class when you whip this bad boy bottle out. And since this tequila is still pretty new, you can be really vague as to where you got it. “Oh, I just know a guy…” will have your friends thinking you know someone in the cartel. Don’t forget the salt and limes!

Samsung

Galaxy Tablet 10.1

Variety Pack

eer Making Starter Kit

PRICE: $499.99 (for 16 GB) notable features: Includes Adobe flash, brilliantly crisp widescreen display, and weighs only 1.25 pounds. (samsung.com) Why it rocks: This tablet is awesome. The highresolution screen is really crisp and the tablet itself has so. many. features. Even before you start downloading different apps like crazy. It has all the amenities of a laptop, but is incredibly easy to take on the go, and with 16 gigs of memory and almost 10 hours of battery life, using adult movies to weird out the guy sitting next to you on the airplane has never been easier. Also, it makes it easy to keep track of your plethora of social engagements… erm, exams and deadlines… with the agenda calendar right at your fingertips. It runs on the new and improved Android 3.1 Honeycomb network, which is still pretty similar to previous versions—making the conversion really easy. Check one of these out soon!

Under $25 Gift Packages! For the Lusty Lover

(They’re spare hole fits your round peg surprisingly well.) Bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill ($3.99) - If they’re actually excited about this, make sure you card them. Hard. Whipped Cream ($2.99) - If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to shower together. Tea Lights ($5.99) - Really set the mood, until you start your apartment on fire. Redbox Flick ($0.99) - If you play your cards right, you’ll be flickin’ their red box.

FOR THE Super Greek

(He’s totally your best brah that happens to be a brah in a house, brah.) Knock-off Wayfarers ($4.99) - Because the sun never sets on cool. Collegiate sweat band ($3.99) - I go hard for my school, what, do you go to state or somethin’? Beer Bong ($12.99) - Not chug-alug house! Leather Cleaner ($3.49) - It’s always important to keep those Sperry's fresh.

for the Study Buddy

(Friends don’t let friends go into tests unprepared.) 30 Adderall ($3.25) - If they don’t study all the info, how are they supposed to make sure you pass your test? Daily Planner ($9.99) - After you lost your syllabus, they let you know when the tests occur. Ambient Music Mix ($0.00) They’ve got to focus all night if you’re going to learn trigonometry. Quiet Library Snacks ($4.49) - You wouldn't want them to be the douche eating Sunchips, would you?)

Price: $89 (large, 38' diameter) NOTABLE FEATURES: Party tricks, potential of abs and popularity, did we mention it lights the f up? (moodhoops.com) why it rocks: Uh, how a LED light-up hula hoop not rock? With one push of a button the whole thing goes apeshit with internal LED lights that dance and move on their own. When being used, the hooper is completely enveloped in bright, colorful lights! By default this will attract anyone cool in your path and will make you extremely popular in no time! Hula hooping has also become very popular as a way of working out, so you could get a spring break ready body WHILE entertaining the drunken masses. It would be irresponsible NOT to get this for someone on your list (or just keep for yourself instead).

holiday gift guide 2011

madlib: 1: Period of time 2: Name 3: Verb (-ing) 4: Noun 5: Time of day 6: Adjective 7: Noun 8: Campus store that would sell (7) 9: Marginalized person 10: Something you’d have in your pocket 11: Same as 10 12: Verb 13: Noun 14: Area of town

15: Obscenity 16: Verb (-s) 17: Same as 16 (-ing) 18: Obscenity 19: Obscenity 20: Verb 21: Same as 9 22: Group of people 23: Same as 2 24: Obscenity 25: Same as 9 26: Verb (-ed) 27: Noun 28: Same as 3 29: Something that you can (3)

The Crazy Story You’ll Tell Your High School Friends Dude, you won’t believe this story. So, a couple of __1__ ago my buddy __2__ and I decided to start __3__ __4__ as soon as we woke up. Obviously by __5__ we were pretty __6__, so we decided to go get some __7__. On the way to __8__ we saw this __9__. We made eye contact and he asked us for a__10__. Of course I gave him __11__, but only if he’d __12__ for it. After, he wouldn’t stop following us. He kept asking us to go with him to buy some __13__, and finally we obliged. We’re walking towards __14__ with this guy and all of a sudden he screams, “__15__!” and just starts sobbing. We try to console him, but instead he turns around and __16__. Dude keeps __17__ my buddy, screaming “__18__ you, you __19__ !” Finally, I get my bearings about me, I just __20__ this __21__so hard. It was crazy, but it wasn’t over yet. Out of nowhere these three __22__ show up, __23__’s bleeding, and I’m like, “__24__.” Turns out, they weren’t after me they’re after this __25__, because once he __26__ on a __27__. In short, I’m never __28__ __29__ again. S

Every Tuesday

Local’s Grotto Pizza Night

$10 large pizza with 1 topping • $5 off any large speciality pizza

Every Thursday

$5 Spaghetti & Meatballs with breadsticks

5pm - Close

• Dine-in Only • Cannot be combined with other discounts or offers

GrottoPizza.com |

Down 1 “Sorry We’re Open” 3 Next year, UD is going to double doggie dare you to be ___. 4 Every other week you should watch the ___ show on Tuesday 5 The only dining hall on campus serves hand-scooped ice cream 7 A lot of UD's population is made up of folks from "Lawn Guy lind" this toxic state 10 Often travel in packs, desperate for alcohol, UD admitted too many this year 11 Best thing about shopping in Delaware is not having ___. 12 You might think guys prefer blonds, but when it comes to drinking they always go for 13 Colbert once said the question is not Delawhere, but Dela

DOWN: 1) "Sorry We're Open" 3) Next year, UD is going to double doggie dare you to be ____. 4) Every other week you should watch the ___ show on Tuesday. 5) The only dining hall on campus

10 11

P F I R Z E 13 W Z S H E A L T H Y M E N

13 14

Down “Sorry We’re Open” Next year, UD is going to double doggie dare you to be ___. 4 Every other week you should campus director watch the ___ show on Tuesday Brendan Bonham HaHa Dough Coldstone Subway Claymont steak shop 5 The only dining hallBrew on campusDPSliders Kildaires Clara Bella Studio Green happy harrys serves hand-scooped ice Ambitions Saloncream Wings to Go La Tonlateca Klondike Kate's Salon by Anthony Founders Grottos Cosi Buffalo Wild Wings Rodney area Pat's Pizza Wight 7 Stephanie A lot of UD's population is made Central Perk Panera 711 Laid dorms Timothy's Brendan Bonham T'Liscious Iron Hill Moxie Russel area Pitta Pit up of folks from "Lawn Guy lind" Atish Doshi, 5 and dime Grouchos Tan Inn Saxbys starbucks this toxic state Homegrown Fairfeild Liquors Hot Bagels Grottos Pizza U Heather-Jo Erickson Margaretas Seasons Pizza Gloss Salon Catherine Rooneys All Greek Houses DeBlasio 10 Jimmy Often travel in packs, desperate Deer Park Papa Johns Anytime Fitness Mizu Major Apt Complexes Jessica Sommers UD admitted Cupcake Storetoo Yogurt City Carpenter Sports cafe gelato AND MORE! for alcohol, Cheeburger Yogoberry Building IHOP many this year Questions? 11 Best thing about shopping in info@theblacksheeponline.com Delaware is not having ___. The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend Advertising? 12 You might think guys prefer attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally. ads@theblacksheeponline.com blonds, 217-390-1747 but when it comes to Owned & Operated By: drinking they always go for Black Card Media, LLC 13 Colbert once said the question is P.O. Box 221385 Chicago, IL 60622 not Delawhere, but Dela Jason Hewett

Distribution Team Jess Spier (Manager) Matthew Folger (Assistant)

Find Us At...

UD Crossword

marketing managers Rebecca Garcia Jess Spier

1 3

ossword puzzle for the black sheep

Meet The Staff!

Elise Barbeau Jason Hewett

solution:

ss an of a Delaware License e: “The___” re all the magic happens frat party. Managing Editor bird to black bird takes Stephanie ootball team underWight his g Advertising Manager Spier _ takes a moreJess serious oach to the whole college Contributing Writers spaper thing Kevin Czarasty Meganto Walsh ds you right back class Brittany Barkes a handful of Nora cough drops Carnevale

P R S T S T A T E A 5 R C 6 U B A S E M E N T S 8 S F L A C C O E W F L

F I

N R E V I W

J S 12 E B A R R L 14 S T U D E N T E N S Y E T T T A E X S

serves hand-scooped ice cream. 6) A lot of UD's population is made up of folks from 'Lawn Guy lind" this toxic state. 10) Often travel in packs, desperate for alcohol, UD admitted too many this year 11) Best thing about shopping in Delaware is not having ____. 12) You might think guys prefer blonds, but when it comes to drinking they always go for 13) Colbert once said the question is not Delawhere, but Dela...

crossword

word puzzle for the black sheep

ACROSS: 2) Slogan of a Delaware License Plate: "The___" 6) Where all the magic happens at a frat party 8) Blue bird to black bird takes the football team under his wing 9) ____ takes a more serious approach to the whole college newspaper thing 14) Sends you right back to class with a handful of cough drops

F B I I R W S E 9 T H E K L Y

Jason Hewett

questions:

Across Slogan of a Delaware License Plate: “The___” Where all the magic happens at a frat party. Blue bird to black bird takes the football team under his wing _____ takes a more serious approach to the whole college newspaper thing Sends you right back to class with a handful of cough drops

all

UD Crossword about delaware

( class time )

Disclaimer

217.390.1747

Holiday Partyscopes! Sagittarius (Nov. 21 - Dec 21.) You are trying way too hard to impress your relatives. I mean, you haven’t really done anything impressive. Yeah, you outdrank that senior at Alpha Sigma Alcohol once, but you can’t exactly tell your family that. Just shut the fuck up and hope they glaze over your recent arrest record. Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Oh god. Family, You are soooooo uncomfortable. Who do you talk to? What do you say? You don’t want to tell your life story to relative strangers. Are they judging me? Shit, I should’ve showered…Ok calm down spaz attack. Just smile and have a mouthful in at all times so no one can get a word in edgewise. You can’t talk if you’re wolfing down potatoes and gravy like there’s no tomorrow. Aquarius (Jan. 20 -Feb. 18) You hate everything else, so of course you’re going to loathe family get-togethers. As the resident Negative Nancy of the family everything from the food to the cousins to the family charades aren’t up to your standards. That’s probably why you’re going to get a serving or two, go into the T.V. room, and watch reruns of Desperate Housewives until your extended family leaves. Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20) You should have a large bottle of Valium handy, because you cannot handle people. They make you nervous. Looking nice, being kind, in general attempting to be presentable is just too overwhelming for you. I get it, you’re socially awkward. But maybe at least try a smile or two? The least you can do is bring the candied yams in. Aries (March 21 - Apr. 19) Let’s, be honest, you are probably a huge fatass. In your normal life, you shove cheese curds down your throat like a Playboy Playmate at a Charlie Sheen party. Good for you tiger, this is your holiday. Live it up, eat everything in sight, and try to not give yourself a hernia. Expect to puke up turkey for at least 4 days after. Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20) You generally utilize the holidays to attempt to wheedle money out of your relatives at all costs. You are not above bribing, sucking up, and blatant pandering. It is pathetic to watch, but what do you care? You’re getting your cash money. Your gluttony fits in nicely with the most recent holiday, you greedy bastard.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) You’re most likely that awkward college kid still at the kid’s table. It’s unfortunate. You’re not exactly mature, so it’s not like you deserve a spot at the adult table, but you’re also not about to fling a handful of mashed potatoes at your aunt. Actually, you might do that. Revenge is a bitch, family! Who’s laughing now? Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You love this holiday because it makes you feel useful. You can help prepare the turkey, greet your relatives, calm the screaming cousins, etc. Enjoy it while you can; after everyone wakes up from their tryptophan coma, you’ll go back to being a freeloader on your dad’s basement couch. Get up and go get a job asshole. Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) Having all of your family in one place provides you ample opportunities to show off. If we get real here, you don’t feel validated unless someone tells you you’re awesome at least once a day. You might as well just wear a t-shirt with your grade transcript printed on it. (Helpful hint: you’re the annoying , overzealous cousin.) Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) You have always been the “good child”. While your siblings got arrested for underage drinking or selling crack in an alleyway, you always kept your nose clean (literally). The family is proud of you, and we here at the Sheep applaud you for not slipping into the age-old college trap of stripping to “get through college” and then just staying there for 5 years. Better not fuck up or you’ll let everyone down. Enjoy the pressure! Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Both sides of your family are batshit crazy. And they hate each other. They vie for the attention of you and your siblings because you are actually normal and marginally well adjusted. What in the hell do you when they both gun at you, trying to shove cranberry sauce in your mouth? RUN BITCH. Grab a drumstick and hide in your room until everyone is too drunk to fight. I’m so sorry. Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) Rumors of your promiscuity have traveled from school back to your family (most likely through an unblocked facebook profile. Security that shit UP.) They are all going to stare at you and that giant bruise on your neck awkwardly when you ask for more stuffing. Be patient sweetheart, you’ll get stuffed soon enough back at school.

new year’s eve bash! NO COVER • FREE HOR D’EOUVRES • PARTY STARTS AT 9

The Best Countdown in Town (5,4,3,2,1!) Plus!

$5 DOMESTIC LIGHT PITCHERS • $4 LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS $3 SHOT SPECIALS • $2 RAILS DRINKS • $1 JELLO SHOTS

DJ ANDREW HUGH • PARTY FAVORS • CHAMPAGNE TOAST AT MIDNIGHT

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