The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 3 3/22/12 - 4/12/12
Fr fouee...li nd! ke Oh tha wa t d it. olla .. it r b ’s a ill y poo ou j dol ust lar .
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheep_UGA
The Battle of Showercap riley humes wrote this
Every UGA student prepares long and hard for their first Battle of Showercap. After being defeated by the Battle of Frat Beach, and surrendering to Reading Day’s Eve, it seems clear that the party always wins, no matter how hard one tries. However, Showercap is not a fight to give up; as UGA’s biggest party of the year, it’s important to keep your head in the game as you head to the frat’s lawn that looks so very classy 364 days out of the year. So sound the reveille, the battle of Showercap is about to begin, and the army is ready. Research the Enemy: Phones will be eaten, shoes will be lost, clothing will be torn, you may or may not projectile vomit in a perfect arc over two girls after trying to bong beers out of something called The Octopus (if y’all are reading this, I am so, so sorry for that happening). You may pee your pants, you may hallucinate, you may very well think that you have been transported back to some sort of enclosed-area Woodstock-type festival. This is the closest you will ever get to being in Animal House, and the happiest you may ever be in your life. Never forget, this battle is rough, and SAE will likely defeat you. Come prepared to fight. Suit Up For Battle: Showercap features the most ridiculously dressed people you’ve ever seen. Anything and everything that has gone out of style is definitely a must for this event, so get your fanny packs, knee socks, vintage jerseys and hippie headbands out, and wear them all at once. This is the first plan of attack, and the secret is that it really doesn’t matter at all what you wear (honestly, shoes aren’t even necessary) as long as you’ve got a drink in hand. Artillery: The focal point of Showercap, and it can win you the fight or force your defeat by 3p.m., so choose wisely when you pack your cooler. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and it is imperative that you last all day. So if you’re the type of person who has an alter ego named Veronica that comes out after a few vodka shots, leave
Other stuff
Inside
Questions With Crow
the liquor at home and shoot for the 30-pack, she could lose this battle for you. The number one rule here is that you can never have enough libations, but you can have the wrong ones—just ask the girl asleep under a car at 2:30p.m. who lost her battle with her bladder and her gag reflex. Your Secret Weapon: Adderall or Publix subs. One of the two should be brought along for this epic journey, or else there is no possible way you’re going to make it all day. Imagine the envy of your peers when, just on the brink of
surrender, you whip out a turkey club or a superpill. Fuel! Power! Attack! You’re back in the game and ready to take on the rest of the day. Overall, the odds are against you, as Showercap always wins, and will continue to defeat the collegiate masses. But it’s a fight worth fighting, I can tell you that, and this will be the highlight of your spring whether you win or lose. This is a matter close to my heart, my soul, and my liver- so I’ll see you there, soldiers.
Ever wondered what @fakeisaiahcrow1 thinks of Nickelback?
... without knowing their name. and you thought your roommate was bad!
It’s not immature until you graduate. And even then...
see page 5
see page 6
see page 13
How to Live With Someone...
Get Foolish
Table of > > >
contents
PAGE 4>>>
The Top Ten
PAGE 6>>
From the Streets
page 10 >>
The Real Bad Girl Pawn Stars of the New York Shore
page 11 >>
We Interview: Maps & Atlases
page 15 >>
A Look at Some Summer Music Festivals
The Top Ten Best Things About The Meal Plan... you know, the senior 60!
11
What would be your very last meal? Shockingly, only one person mentioned booze.
we think up the greatest reality television show of all time.
we chat with these Chicago rockers, who never get lost on tour.
The parties would make Dr. Seuss rethink his entire existence.
15
editorial - sales - pr marketing - distribution weekly and monthly newspapers. daily website. mobile apps. regional and national expansion. campus and city ventures
this is some of the stuff we're working on... how 'bout you?
now hiring spring & summer & fall interns apply online at theblacksheeponline.com or email us at jobs@theblacksheeponline.com
page three
pic of the week >>> the best things in life are free.
the second best are cheap drinks. download our free app for iphone and android spend less. get more. what's not to love?
Search: Black Sheep Mobile
Sweet tattoo, brah! Think your caption is good enough for Page Three? Psh, we’d like to see it! Send your caption to caption@theblacksheeponline.com and we’ll be the judge of that.
sexy anagrams >>>
Can you guess these hotties?
Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com
The first 5 right answers win prizes!
word of the week >>> Spendor
Eyelash Genre
A Denial Miked
submit your own word at word@theblacksheeponline.com if you think you’re so clever.
Definition: A halo of magnificence that surrounds a girl who just spent over $2,000 shopping on her dad’s credit card. Kara had an aura of spendor around her after she came back from the mall with a new wardrobe purchased by her father.
04
THe top ten
Best Things about the Meal Plan 10) Themed dinners and the many arts and crafts for holidays: Even though they’re responsible for our ever-so-increasing tuitions, themed dinner are pretty fun. Sometimes we want to make Valentine’s cards for our imaginary boyfriends and sometimes we do want to wear spider rings in spirit of Halloween. Who can’t help but let the 6-year-old in them out just for a few nights during the school year? 9) Smoothies at ECV: Unlike Joe at the O, these smoothies actually match up to Planet Smoothie’s products. Everyone knows their meals are not complete until they’ve been topped off with a smoothie of choice. 8) Wrap of the Day: I’m filled with excitement when I say “Wrap of the day, please.”I even look around the dining hall at people who aren’t in line for the wrap of the day and wonder what could possibly be wrong with them. If they’ve never tried it, then they will die without experiencing the best thing this school has to offer. If they purposely don’t want it, I’m not sure if I have any faith left in humanity.
questions with crow Cutler Sheridan wrote this Isaiah Crowell, freshman tailback, does not have a Twitter. Or maybe he does, I don’t know, but that doesn’t matter. There is, however, a parody Twitter ostensibly belonging to him, @fakeisaiahcrow1, and you should all follow it, because it’s hilarious. He refers to himself in the third person (as Crow), and he tweets about his activities and all the things he finds #socrow, the things that #crowkno, and about all his #crowhoes. To find out a little more about him, I decided to try to get an interview with him. And guess what—I did. #socrow
CS: What is Crow’s favorite class? Crow: tha ones dat let crow wear his beats by dre with tha hood up and leave crow tha fuck alone so he can vibe
Cutler Sheridan: What’s Crow’s favorite way to spend a Friday night? Crow: Crow fav way Fri night? get fuckin cray, do a shit ton of so crow and lime shots, den end tha night by bringin a bitch back 4 sum freeky sex
CS: What does Crow think about Nickelback? Crow: da fuck?
CS: How does Crow treat a lady (when he wants to get it in)? Crow: Crow treat a lady? u be askin da question wrong...it shud say how do tha ladies treat crow when dey wanna let crow in
CS: What does Crow find attractive in a girl? Crow: ass n titties....more ass den titties tho
CS: Where does Crow like to hang out on campus? Crow: when crow wanna think bout life he hang by tha arch other den dat in da dinin hall crushin da food...crow also like tate b/c of tha booty CS: What kind of music does Crow like to jam to? Crow: crows fav jam right now is VIP by brandon meriweather check dat out on youtube...hot shit CS: What’s Crow’s favorite holiday and why? Crow: chritmas b/c of all da new threads crow gets plus I get 2 see my cuz DayRay...he one crzy ass... also mama crow makes a turkey stuffed wit nuggets and waffles...mama crow call it da turkey of da future CS: Where does Crow get his threads? Crow: all crow do is ball shoppin at tha mall
CS: What’s Crow’s biggest mistake he’s made when he was drunk? Crow: when my dawgs bring bitches out and crow end up bringin em back...dey jus gotta realize gurls go cray 4 crow....crow luv his crow hoes
CS: What makes something worthy of being #socrow? Crow: ne thing dats fucking fly, ballin, or straight up bangin
CS: Has Crow seen any good movies lately? Crow: tried 2 watch tha artist...gay as shit...still think tokyo driff and scarfay r da greatest movies da be on this earth CS: How is Crow gonna live it up on April Fool’s Day? Crow: burn,mixtape,2k12,call booty call 3,burn,eat pizza lunchables off of booty calls body, so crow and lime, cruise in da slam sedan.... pranks r 4 wangstas CS: So you tweeted about giving up condoms for Lent; how’s that working for you? Crow: crow has cum 2 realize dat most gurls hate condoms ne way CS: Last question: Now that all the high school seniors are touring campus, what advice would Crow give to them? Crow: id show em were all of crows gloryholes be
7) The pianist at O House: Okay, who are we kidding, he sucks. I don’t want to hear “Fur Elise” when I’m trying to enjoy my chicken fingers. What is really the 7th best thing about the meal plan is Joe at the O. Sure, the quality isn’t as great, but who cares. If I want to drink a French vanilla frappuccino with chocolate syrup and whipped cream, FOR FREE, I can. 6) Banana pudding day: There are those days when you go up to the dessert bar and come back with only disappointment because the oatmeal cookies were out. Then there are those other days when your eyes brighten at the sight of banana pudding, as you feel the cellulite pack on. 5) Sandra: The rotund woman with large bosoms that she nestles you in, comforting you as though you were fresh out of the womb. For one small minute you feel as though you are the most important person in the world. And then she does the same thing to the person who came in behind you. 4) Free chasers for everyone: We’re poor; we can’t afford any carbonated drinks, unless we’re sneakily using our parents’ checking accounts to put money in our Bulldog Bucks. A better way to acquire chasers is bringing a water bottle to the dining halls and filling it up with a delicious drink. Sometimes the workers are dicks and give us dirty looks for “stealing” drinks from the dining hall, but we’re all just trying to survive out here, okay? 3) Stir fry: Some people go all out and bring a bowl of vegetables and pour a bunch of difference sauces on their plate. Some like to keep it simple. However, whichever you may put on your plate, the stir fry at O House is the best Asian food at this school. 2) Snellebrating: You haven’t fully lived your freshman year until you’ve Snellebrated. The unspeakable things you see, the fascinating people you meet, the scrumptious food you eat when you go to Snelling past midnight is the quintessential freshman experience. If there are some chocolate-covered donuts left when you get there, your life has reached its apex. 1) Sunday brunch: There’s nothing better than waking up on Sunday morning, head pounding and stomach growling, and realizing that it’s not 2 p.m. yet. It doesn’t even matter that there is absolutely nowhere to sit, because eating after a long weekend out on the town is the best feeling in the world.
Jamie Tyberg wrote this
PRESENTED BY
p e e h S k c la B e h T d n a s ie rt e Landmark Prop
M P 1 1 9 M O R F 7 2 H TUESDAY, MARCSILVER DOLLAR BAR (262 COLLEGE AVENUE) FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK (FACEBOOK.COM/THEBLACKSHEEPUGA) AND TWITTER (@BLACKSHEEP_UGA) FOR MORE INFO!
06
www.theblacksheeponline.com
HOW TO: LIVE WITH SOMEONE
WITHOUT EVER LEARNING THEIR NAME
From 'da Streets What would be your very last meal? “The California roll and chicken fried rice lunch special at Sushi Toshi with soup and salad and a Coke.” - Desiree M., Freshman
jess wise wrote this Have you ever had a fight with your roommate? Like, a really bad one? Maybe they play “Hips Don’t Lie” on repeat and it drives you crazy; maybe they let the faucet drip for all of winter break and drove your water bill through the roof; maybe they stole your bat mitzvah money to get their boyfriend Bubba out of jail; I don’t know-I don’t know your life! Whatever your story, though,you probably thought you had the worst roommate in the world. Your apartment was basically located at the gates of Hell. You were sure it couldn’t get worse, but you were wrong. Imagine if you didn’t know your roommate’s name. Yeah, that’s a thing, and it would have made all those arguments you had 100% more awkward. Then you wouldn’t even know who to blame for Shakira, the water bill, or your bat mitzvah money. But how is it even possible to exist without your roommate’s name, you ask? Well, lucky for you curious lads, here is a complete step-by-step guide. Live On Campus: Everyone is always talking about the positive aspects of living in a dorm. It seems like, as soon as people move off campus, they get confusingly nostalgic about the days when they shared five square feet closet with a stranger. Sure, the dorms are closer to classes and dining halls, but they also offer less privacy than a prison cell. There’s no other time in your life when you’ll be thrown into a room with someone you’ve never met before and expected to live there without complaint. Well, except prison. Because dorm life frequently involves living with someone random, it’s easy to be a little hazy on the name issue.
and your roommate can’t relate about anything, their name is no big deal. It’s just one more thing to add to the list. Be the World’s Worst Problem Solver: If you’re in this situation, I’m sure you are an excellent parallel parker, and you can probably paint with all the colors of the wind, but you have no idea how you are supposed to learn this mystery person’s name. You’ve come up with a master plan: You and [insert name here] have really different schedules and don’t run into each other often, so you write them this note:
“Although simply asking for their name Hey, Roomie. You know what might be fun? If we labeling our food probably seems totally logical, there are start with our names, just so don’t have any mixsome of us out there who don’t think of we ups. I hope your classes this solution until 4 months have gone by.” are going well!
Be Socially Awkward: Obviously, fully-functioning human beings don’t get themselves into these kinds of situations. If they didn’t catch their roommate’s name after the first interaction, they would calmly and rationally ask for it during round two. Makes sense, right? Although simply asking for their name probably seems totally logical, there are some of us out there who don’t think of this solution until 4 months have gone by and it’s WAY too late. Have Zero Things in Common: Even if you and your roommate are total strangers at the beginning of the year, usually you establish some kind of common ground as time passes. But, usually you know your roommate’s name, so, here, all bets are off. If you’re a fourth year Philosophy major from Georgia, your roommate has to be a freshman international student who’s planning on applying to Terry. Oh, you’re in Terry? Meet the Turf Management student you’ll be sharing a room with for the next 9 months. If you
“Chicken Teriyaki with fried rice and a couple California rolls on the side with shrimp sauce and a Diet Coke.” - Alyssa W., Sophomore
As you place the note on the counter, you think to yourself, “Clever and heartfelt? This plan cannot fail!” You walk around for the rest of the day confident that your trials will be over by sundown. Then, when you walk in the door and eagerly open the refrigerator, you see that a handful of yogurts and bottles of water just have “mine” written on them in purple sharpie. Foiled!
All things considered, it seems like this situation is a black hole that, once entered, can never be escaped. So the next time you get pissed at your roommate, whether it’s for drinking your OJ or having super loud sex, just remember one thing: at least you know their name.
“My grandma’s meat pie with sangria to drink.” - Valerie R., Freshman
Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
S E R U T C PI e u s s I E OF TH
View AND Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App!
PM, SAT-SUN: 11AM - 9PM
G ELSE I: 11AM - 10 ASSES, $1 OFF EVERYTHIN HAPPY HOUR! MON-FRDO MESTIC LITERS, $3 WINE GL
YS OPEN SUNDAIGHT N ID TO M D ALCOHOL NOON ING FOOD AN
$2 DOMESTIC BOTTLES, $5
T! IALS ALL DAY AND NIGHBO MBS, BACARDI BOMBS! FROZEN AND BOMB SPEC R GE JA KERS, VEGAS BOMBS,
SERV
AC ONLY $5: FROZEN BUSHWH TEAD BOMBS LS VO D AN R 3 FOR $10 FAGE
GHT! SMOS WEDNESDAY IS LADIESYNI S, $2 MIMOSAS AND $3 CO IAL EC SP Y DA PP HA + NE $7 BOTTLES OF WI WINGS W/ STUDENT ID! 0 .5 $0 AY SD NE ED -W AY SUND
351 EAST CLAYTON ST. • HOURS: MON - SAT: 11AM TO 2 AM, SUNDAY: NOON TO MIDNIGHT • CHECK OUT OUR AMAZING ICE RAIL THAT RUNS THE LENGTH OF THE BAR!
The Grid SPECIAL NIGHT
Happy Hour Everyday! ‘Til 10 Mon-Fri, ‘Til 9 Sat/Sun $2 Domestic Bottles $5 Domestic Liters $3 Wine Glasses $1 Off Everything Else
Happy Hour - Every Mon - Fri (4pm to 7pm) $1.50 Champagne & Dom. Btls $3.25 House Wines, Wells & Drafts $1 Off Almost Everything Else
THURS
Trivia Night! $5 Liter Domestics $3 Ice Shots
Nightly Power Hour (9-11): $1 All Well Drinks
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters
FRIDAY: Martini Specials $3.50 Orange Kiss $4.00 Touch My Peaches $4.50 Paradise & Bomb Pop DJ DECEPTICRON at 10pm
Ladies Night! $2 Specialty Martinis for Ladies $2.50 Yuengling for Everyone! Adult Swim! (10pm to 11pm) $2 Wells, Dom. Btls., Wines $2.50 Gran Marnier & Cazadores
Power Hour (9-11): $1 All Wells Book your private events and birthday parties!
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters Book your private events and birthday parties!
$2.50 Craft Beers on Draft $1.50 Champagne
FRI
Happy Hour: 11am - 10pm $2 Domestic Bottles $5 Domestic Liters $3 Wine Glasses $1 Off Everything Else
Adult Swim! (10pm to 11pm) $2 Well Drinks $2 Domestic Bottles $2 Wines $2.50 Gran Marnier! $2.50 Cazadores Tequila!!!
Boots & Beer Friday! $2 PBR Tallboys $2 Michelob Ultra Quality Country Music
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters Book your private events and birthday parties!
Martini Specials $3.50 Orange Kiss $4.00 Touch My Peaches $4.50 Paradise & Bomb Pop DJ DECEPTICRON at 10pm
SAT
Happy Hour: 11am - 9pm $2 Domestic Bottles $5 Domestic Liters $3 Wine Glasses $1 Off Everything Else
Adult Swim! (10pm to 11pm) $2 Well Drinks $2 Domestic Bottles $2 Wines $2.50 Gran Marnier! $2.50 Cazadores Tequila!!!
Power Hour (9-11): $1 Wells Book your private events and birthday parties!
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters Book your private events and birthday parties!
Free appetizer with any wine bottle purchase
SUN
Open 12pm-12am Industry Night 15% Off All Night
Sunday Funday Gruet Champagne Mimosas 15 Draft Beers All for $3.25 $2.50 Grand Marnier All Day! Sunday Night Trivia at 8PM $50 1st place, $25 2nd place & $15 3rd place prizes
Closed
Closed
Closed
MON
$4 1 Liter Domestics $3 Calls $3 Craft Bottles
$3.25 Specialty Cocktails $2 Well Martinis Bottomless Spinach Dip
Power Hour (9-11): $1 Wells Industry Night Half Off for Local Business Employees $3 All Sweetwater Beers
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters
Martini and Craft Beer Specials All Night
TUES
Karaoke Night! $3 Craft Bottles $3 Draft of the Night
2.75 Drafts 10pm - 2am Taco Tuesdays! $1 Pulled Pork Tacos 7pm - 10pm
Power Hour (9-11): $1 Wells All Night: $2 Draft Pitchers $2 Vodka Drinks $5 Bottled Wine
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters All Night: $2 Draft Pitchers $2 Moonshine Masons $2 Moonshine Shots
Happy Hour All Day with 1/2 Off Wines Bottles on Our Specials List
WED
Ladies Night: $7 Bottles of Wine $2 Mimosas, $3 Cosmos Great Specials All Night!
Four Or More Half off your entire food bill for any table of four or more (with alcohol purchase) $2.00 Wells from 10pm - 2am!
Nightly Power Hour (9-11) $1 Well Drinks $2 Well Shooters All Night: $2 Wine Glasses $1 Crystal Light Vodka Drinks
Ladies Night
Power Hour (9-11): $1 Wells All Night: $2 Well Drinks
Welcome to Keeping Up With The Real Bad Girl Pawn Stars of the New York Shore, the show that has your favorite bitches, morons, douchebags and idiots from America’s scummiest reality TV shows! These contestants are vying to win the only truly important prize: their lives! Let’s see what these dolts are made of!
THE CAST: Johnny “Bananas” Devenanzio (The Real World) Dani and Gabi Victor (Bad Girls Club) Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola (The Jersey Shore) Kendall Jenner (Keeping Up With the Kardashians)
WEEK 3
Abby Lee Miller (Dance Moms) Soulgee (Ice Loves Coco) Kelly Bensimon (The Real Housewives of New York City) Chumlee Russel (Pawn Stars)
The Challenge:
lEarn a ChorEoGraphED DanCE, To BE pErformED in fronT of a Class of 3rD GraDErs.
The Outcome: Unsurprisingly, Abby Lee Miller leads this challenge, as she convinces the remaining contestants to do a striptease to the Mos Eisley Cantina song from Star Wars: A New Hope. All is going well until Kendall Jenner removes her top, “just like Kim taught her.” Because Jenner is a minor, she gets
WEEK 6 The Outcome: Kendall easily passes as she chats up a high school male about what it’s like seeing Kim Kardashian naked “like, every day.” Chumlee approaches a mentally handicapped person waiting in line to play the demo Playstation 3 at Best Buy. After ten minutes talking they decide that blue is the best
off scot-free, while Miller is arrested for breaking public indecency and child pornography laws. Karmic Death: Wearing only a leotard and eight-inch heels, she’s forced to fight a herd of 25 six-year-olds until she succumbs to their tiny fists of fury. The Challenge: EnGaGE in ConvErsaTion WiTh a ToTal sTranGEr for TEn minuTEs WiThouT TalKinG aBouT yoursElf.
color. Soulgee isn’t so lucky, as he accidentally references himself when discussing the loving relationship Ice-T and Coco have, the one he “tries not to force himself into.” Karmic Death: Suffocation via a gay black man’s nightmare: Coco’s enormous white tits.
WEEK 1 The Outcome: Most of our contestants do well, some surprisingly so. Abby Lee Miller scores a 29, and upon hearing the results lambasts the others for, “Doin’ so shitty cuz your moms didn’t raise ya’ll right.” Pawn Stars legend Chumlee scores a lowly 4 after skipping the English and Reading portions, but is saved when Sammi Sweetheart fails to complete the test in time.
WEEK 4 The Outcome: Used to constructing makeshift dildos on the fly, Soulgee produces a sex toy that judges deem a reasonable facsimile for a spacecraft. The Victor Twins - having never played with Legos before - hastily slap some blocks together, but continue onto the next round after secretly switching their construction with rival Johnny
WEEK 7
WEEK 2
The Challenge: GivE a homElEss pErson $5.
The Outcome: Kendall Jenner cries as she hands over the money, certain that her mom will bestow on her the beating of a lifetime. Chumlee Russel tries to talk the homeless man down before realizing he’s the one trying to give the cash away. In a purely malevolent move, the Victor twins turn their bill into a “Poo Lincoln” before
dropping it in front of a homeless man while walking away. Bensimon fails when she gives her $5 to Soulgee, as she assumes all black people are homeless.
The Challenge: TaKE ThE 'aCT'. She’s busy sobbing on the phone with her mom because Ronni forgot a smiley face emoticon in the text message he sent her wishing her good luck on the test. Karmic Death: Suffocated to death in a gas chamber set to emit a deadly mix of hair spray and spray tanner. LMFAO’s “Shots” plays at her wake.
WEEK 5
The Challenge: BuilD a spaCEship ouT of lEGos. Bananas. Bananas calls their deceit, but producers refuse to believe him, citing his frivolous lawsuit against the producers of Entourage as a reason not to believe him. Karmic Death: Devenanzio is forced to hang out with Kevin Dillon until Devenanzio kills himself.
The Outcome: In a moving moment that will forever go down in the annals of reality TV history, Chumlee apologizes to pawn shop owner Rick Harrison for the litany of fuck-ups he’s had since the show’s inception. The Victor twins lose when Gabi apologizes to Dani “for being dad’s favorite,” while Dani apologizes to Gabi “for being
The Challenge:
sinCErEly apoloGizE To an immEDiaTE family mEmBEr or ClosE friEnD you havE WronGED.
dad’s favorite.” A brawl ensues until the producers drag each off set, preparing them for their execution. Karmic Death: From behind a two-way mirror the twins’ parents push a big red button that electrocutes the twins to death. The parents go on to live full, happy lives in their twilight years.
The Challenge:
piTCh a shoW To famED WriTEr/proDuCEr DaviD simon (The Wire, Treme)
The Outcome: Kendall Jenner pitches Simon a show about, “You know, me, and stuff.” Chumlee, struggling to breathe under the weight of his own obesity, tells the writer/producer that he’d, “like to do one’a them shows where them girls come in and give Chumlee them blowjobs, and shit.” Simon attempts to walk off set before his
Karmic Death: The producers drop her off in Harlem dressed as a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard. No one attends her funeral.
agent reminds him that this appearance will help provide funding for his critically-acclaimed but little-watched show. Karmic Death: Distraught with the state of modern media, Simon commits a murderdouble-suicide. His final words are, “Let’s see McNulty solve this one.”
While th at expecte didn’t end how d we , it cert better t ainly en han we d e d c ould hav Join us n e hoped ext year ! as we co the sma ntinue ll-scale g enocide are actu peop ally hap py abou le t!
the music page
the black sheep interviews:
Maps & Atlases
Our compasses pointed due north when we were lucky enough to score an interview with loveable rockers Maps & Atlases. Guitarist Erin talks to us about keyboards, soy products and his pet Pegasus. Check them out at The Earl in Atlanta on May 25th. The Black Sheep: Your new album, Beware and Be Grateful is set to be released on April 17th. Can you talk about your progression as a band, from your EPs to Perch Patchwork to this album? How is this the next step in your sonic evolution? Erin Elders: I think it’s a continuation of things we were exploring on Perch Patchwork. On that album we really started with texture, whereas our earlier EPs were more stripped down with a lot of guitar. Here we moved on past the Perch Patchwork orchestration, but we found new ways to layer sound with crazy guitars and whatnot. I think the writing style is a steady evolution from our previous album. TBS: How does the writing process work for you guys? Erin: Every record has been different, but I think that’s what most bands hope to do, where you let the process and story behind the record be its own thing. It’s good to break out of your own habits and artistic patterns. For this record there was these group of songs [lead singer] Dave had been working on during his tour and when we had a little off time. It happened in a really stripped down way. We figured out which songs worked as an album, fleshed them out and worked it out over multiple sessions. We’d then throw as many ideas down as we could, then see what worked and what doesn’t. TBS: Considering the length of time it takes to put a record out, how much of what you work on actually ends up on a record? Erin: It’s really interesting. When you think about how much time writing, recording and playing music and
cd review
out now
The Shins Port of Morrow Five years later, The Shins still don’t disappoint. The Shins are like your best friend from high school who you haven’t seen in five years. You’re slightly nervous things might have changed, but as soon as you sit down (at a bar, of course), it’s like you just saw her yesterday; you’re as comfortable as you’ve ever been and it’s just as familiar as when you were causing a ruckus together back in band class. Formed in Albuquerque, New Mexico, James Mercer (your imaginary best friend), and the gang have technically been putting out alternativerock goodness since 1996 when they released their first EP and gained popularity by touring with bands like Modest Mouse. Things were going swimmingly, albeit slowly, but they were eventually signed to Sub Pop in 2001, releasing their classic album, Oh, Inverted World with such gems like “New Slang” and “Caring is Creepy.” With a slew of tunes featured in all sorts of movies and television shows, The Shins officially became a band with integrity—one that
produced quality songs that were both earnest and catchy. Two more popular albums later, the boys ditched Sub Pop to release albums on Mercer’s own label, Aural Apothecary. Switching out a few band members and letting half a decade fly by, Port of Morrow is upon us and it’s certainly worth the wait. The album has an all around classic Shins sound— never breaching the barrier of being too heavy and never slowing down enough to bum anyone out. The first single “Simple Song” isn’t my favorite on the album, but it’s by no means a bad tune; softly building up to an optimistic chorus that is safe and upbeat, it’s kind of like nice spring weather. “September” is a stand-out song that slows you down a bit, but keeps you interested with little patches of breezy beats. In fact, the entire album consists of numerous wonderfully upbeat tracks that make it a great listen without ever really needing to hit next. By the end of it, you’re not going to hear anything too crazy or shocking, but you’ll be
GRADE B+ pleased if standard Shins music always seems be the perfect thing to listen to when you don’t know what to listen to at all. Admittedly, none of this can be very shocking to anyone who is even remotely a fan of The Shins – they’ve just never let us down and, four albums later, they keep getting better. If you are a part of the handful of people in this world who have never listened to them (maybe their hype from Garden State a billion years ago turned you off for some reason), it’s certainly time to give them a chance. But for those who are longtime Shins fans, it’s worth the five-years-coming to hear them again, just like your high school BFF. Sounds Like: A plaid shirt smiling. Download: Simple Song, September Listen to it When: You’re the first one done with classes waiting on the porch for your roommates to get back to start drinking, gifting them with a beer.
you contrast it with the amount of time you actually produce the sounds that end up on the record, it’s small. You have to get to that point, though. TBS: How do you strike a balance between making music you find personally gratifying, but also something that is something your fans want to hear? Erin: It’s a tough thing. Everyone has different interests, and some are able to pursue them under the moniker of their band. But there’s other bands where an out-there record doesn’t work in the parameters of what the band is. Our band, we want to grow and change every record, but the way we move in the same direction, together, allows us to explore new things. TBS: How ambitious do you get with your sound? When you incorporate a new instrument is it out of necessity, like, “this thing makes this sound, so we will use it,” or is it “we want to push the boundaries of how we consider ourselves as musicians”? Erin: With Beware and Be Grateful we started with these cheap Casio keyboards to get the sound up and running, and from there it was experimenting and seeing what stuck. Running with our instincts. We’ve tried doing it before, and it’s worked on certain songs. On this record, though, it helped us produce a really loose sound. TBS: You guys are headlining a tour right now. How do you prepare? Do you prepare? Erin: I think when you’re on tour it’s one of those things where you’re constantly trying to stay on schedule while being exhausted all the time. It’s basically keeping up until you crash and just stop caring about a timetable. TBS: Is there different pressure being the tour headliner? Erin: I think we’re always making sure we’re playing well and presenting the songs as best we can every night, regardless. I mean, you feel obligated to put on a good show for people who paid money to see you. Plus, how often do you get a chance to play a place like Shreveport, Louisiana? Once a year? You want to put on a good show for someone who might be seeing you for the first time. TBS: For someone who hasn’t seen you play live before, describe your show in five words or less. Erin: Four guys, lots of sound. TBS: What’s a band or artist you listen to that no one would think you like? Erin: I listen to a lot of top 40 radio. When we’re on tour peoples’ iPods get exhausted pretty quickly. I think Nicki Minaj’s “Superbass” is an incredible song. TBS: Describe to me your perfect sandwich. Erin: I think a sandwich is a great culinary invention. I think a baguette, smoked tempeh, some tomato, avocado and spicy mustard. TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what would it be? Erin: A Pegasus seems ideal, you can ride it into town if you need to, or you can fly. TBS: The most practical of the mythical creatures.
UPCOMING RELEASES Brad Mehldau - Ode Melanie Fiona - The MF Life
Casey James - Casey James Odd Future - The OF Tape Vol. 2
Paul Van Dyk - Evolution Anti-Flag - The General Strike
Diggy - Unexpected Arrival Margot and Nuclear So & So’s - Rot Gut Domestic
12
www.theblacksheeponline.com
Bartender of the Issue John Potts 9D’s Favorite Drink: 3a.m.: Soda, Sprite, lime Still like any 90s songs?: Some. Definitely ‘Shine’ by Collective Soul. Classic. Least favorite 90s song: Spice Girl’s ‘Wannabe’, hands down. Least favorite request: “Can you play some, like, Backstreet Boys?!?”… Then, no tip. Lamest drink: Smirnoff Ice
drinking game:
The Vegetable Game You say “potato,” I say “po-tah-to.” You say “tomato” I say “to-mah-to.” What do you mean neither of those things are vegetables? They’re certainly not fruit, and by our count, you can’t hunt either for sport. What You Need: Suds and buds, man. Number of Players: At least three. But you should consult the food pyramid, just to be safe. Intoxication Level: Your puke is gonna look like one big Bloody Mary. How to Play: -Before the game begins each person is assigned a vegetable. This vegetable is now that player’s name for the duration of the game. -During no point in the game is a player allowed to show his or her teeth. -If a player exposes his or her teeth, the round ends and that player must drink. -The game begins with one player citing their own vegetable name, pointing at and calling on another player to act. For example, “Broccoli calls on pepper!” -In this case, pepper would then announce themselves, then point at and call on another player. For example, “Pepper calls on asparagus!” -This continues until a player calls someone they point at by the wrong name, or until a player does not respond correctly when called upon. -The loser drinks. The Game Ends When: You start squeezing someone, hoping to turn them into potato vodka.
thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com
Favorite superhero: Tony Starks from Iron Man is a badass. And he’s an alcoholic! Favorite customer: DANCING DUDE! He wears a suit, has one beer and dances like he’s at Woodstock. Best night on the job: Halloween. I was a biker and wore assless chaps. One guy took about 50 pictures of me from behind. Still, best night ever. Words of Wisdom: Exits can also be entrances.
recipe for disaster:
Waffle Burger For many, waffles are the preferred breakfast item for a variety of reasons: The syrup basins, the crunch, the texture. At the same time, the hamburger is the quintessential American sandwich, packed with calories and heart disease in equal measure. By our powers combined! What You’ll Need: 1lb. ground beef, Eggo waffles, condiments. Cook Time: 8-10 minutes. Fatty Factor: You’ll waffle between going to the gym and taking another nap. Let’s Get Baked: -Form the meat into ¼ pound patties. Add seasoning as desired. -Begin cooking meat. (We recommend using a George Foreman Grill, as grilling or griddling can start fires when you’re…inebriated.) -When the meat is 2 minutes from being done, throw two Eggos into the toaster. -When Eggos are fully toasted, remove and slather with the condiments of your choice. -For a breakfast-style sandwich, we recommend maple syrup and butter. Maybe a microwavable hash brown if you’re feeling lucky. -For a dinner sandwich, add ketchup, cheese, you know, stuff you’d put on a hamburger. Oh yeah, that hits the spot. It’s like a McGriddle evolved into something that was actually meant for human consumption.
13
www.theblacksheeponline.com
gettin’ foolish
alexandra rose wrote this
It’s April Fools’, bitches! And this year, instead of embracing adulthood and completely ignoring the holiday, The Black Sheep is embracing our inner silliness and celebrating one of the most gratifying days of the year. Yes, it’s time to take it back to the old school (cuz I’m an old fool, who’s so cool) and pull some childish-ass pranks just for shits and giggles. After all, this is the one day of the year where it’s completely acceptable to call your mom and tell her your pregnant with your TA’s baby all in the name of good fun, so here are some suggestions on how to make the most of the holiday this year with some classic pranks, as well as some fresh fun. Cellophane the Toilets: This was an old prank we learned at summer camp, that our counselors never really told us would only work if your victims were completely shmammered. April 1st falls on a Sunday this year, so be sure and stock up on saran wrap before you head downtown, or go on a rampage in the community bathrooms, or even sneak into your roommate’s bathroom while you’re pregaming. As we all know, drunk people have an immense need to pee and very small attention to detail, so this is sure to gain a lot of laughs as their pee fires back onto them. The Old Phone Switcheroo: So your bro is really into sexting. Who isn’t these days? How hilarious would it be if he accidentally sent that dick pic to Mom instead of Melinda? Classic mixup! Steal his phone when he’s not looking, change flavorof-the-week’s number to Mom’s, and indulge in
the horror of your poor friend’s dismay when he realizes he just told his mother that he can’t wait to bone later. Sticky Noting: We’re not sure if this is a common practice or just a little-known yet awesome prank, but sticky noting someone’s entire room is fucking hilarious. Sure, you’ll need to enlist an army of four other hooligans to completely cover your friend’s room head to toe, but nothing could be more priceless than the look on their face as they walk into a completely yellow and pink room. Poo Dollar: This one’s kind of disgusting, but incredibly entertaining. Get someone to shit on a dollar bill, then leave it out for the naïve passerby to pick up. When they pick it up (free money!), giggle at their disgust. Dose Someone With Viagra: While this is probably the cruelest and potentially most dangerous trick of all time, slipping a Viagra in your friend’s drink while they’re not looking is the ultimate April Fools’ win. They get a raging boner for 8 hours, and you get to hysterically laugh as they walk through downtown with a giant woody. Extra points if it scores them a lay. April Fools’ day always has been and always will be a day full of good old mischief. Don’t let your impending graduation or the looming of finals deter you from all of the fun you could be having at other people’s expenses. Happy April Fools’!
re a s y a d s e tu ys! a id r f w e the n
$2
pbr tall boys michelob ulta
quality country music
PLUS POWER HOUR NIGHTLY UNTIL 11PM $1 WELL DRINKS AND HIGH LIFE DRAFT | $2 SHOOTERS
it’s a tradition, it’s a way of life, it’s a bar in
downtown Athens!
the seek & find Let us know everything is where prize! It’s pre and win a tt like someone y easy, just else we know .
Email us at games@thebla cksheeponline. com
15
www.theblacksheeponline.com
The Black Sheep’s Guide to (some) Upcoming Summer Festies Elizabeth Maguire wrote this
As spring break has come and gone a wave of depression and nostalgia plagues UGA’s campus. Students are left with nothing but fading tan lines and the general mindset that there’s really nothing more to look forward to. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourselves and start planning for your future: a future full of mosh pits, camping, and raging face. Whether you’re stuck at your grandma’s house in the Middle-of-Fucking-Nowhere, Washington or gambling your life away in Vegas, there’s a festival out there for you. Bamboozle: Asbury Park, NJ | May 18-20 If you grew up in the 90s and weren’t totally disconnected from the music scene, this festival is bound to bring back some great memories. With old-school artists like Less Than Jake, Blink 182 and Bayside you really can’t go wrong. Of course the Gods of 90s rock- Incubus and the Foo Fighters- will be headlining. These all-time bands serve as a bridge to the future of a budding hardcore music scene- dubstep. Catch Skrillex and Datsik dropping bass or mosey on over for a little smoke sesh with Mac Miller. There are nine stages and each artist is encouraged to play a full set. Three straight days and three after parties to ensure that a good time is had by all. Necessary item: A spikey bracelet and Off-the-Wall Vans. (Don’t act like you don’t have them!). Sasquatch!: George, Washington | May 25-28 As southerners, most of us probably haven’t heard about the Sasquatch! Music Festival, but it may be one of the best festivals in this great nation. Situated in the middle of a gorge right beside the Columbia River, attendees fill the lawn overlooking the stage. With over 100 artists in 2012’s lineup, this indie rock fest will undoubtedly be a mecca for music-loving hipsters this Memorial Day Weekend. If Bon Iver’s sensual sound isn’t enough to satisfy you for an evening, Jack White, Beck and the ever-popular Girl Talk will be there to bring the night home. If indie rock isn’t your thing you can catch some hip-hop acts, DJ Nero, and even a few jokes from Jack Black. Yeah, maybe not the best comedian but when you’re shrooming your balls off, anyone’s funny. Necessary item: Binoculars. Electric Daisy Carnvial: Las Vegas, NV | June 8-10 Go to any carnival and try to not have a blast. I dare you. Couple that with molly and the most badass DJs from around the world and you have EDC Vegas. As with any killer show, the lineup is TBA. If it is anything like last year’s lineup, you can expect DJs from the likes of Swedish
Meet The Staff! Cutler Sheridan Jess Wise Jamie Tyberg Melissa Baxter
campus manager Ethan Cunningham
Advertising Manager Abby Smith Megan Thompson Suzanne Durden
campus director Brendan Bonham Founders Ethan Cunningham Suzanne Durden Atish Doshi Brendan Bonham Heather-Jo Erickson Jimmy DeBlasio Jessica Sommers
editorial Manager Ali Misner marketing/distribution team Sierra Moore Stephanie Mannheimer Anna Melnik Writers Alexandra Rose Tess Gilbert Riley Humes Christine Kottis
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
House Mafia, Afrojack and Benny Benassi. EDC boasts five stages, but with the sheer number of ravers it may be smart to choose just one stage, at least for the day. KineticFIELD is where you can find the biggest names in house, typically six DJs per day. The first DJ goes on at 8p.m. and the last doesn’t stop until the sun comes up. If you consider yourself a raging raver and think you can handle North America’s largest electronic festival, get your tickets now! Necessary item: Camelback (For obvious reasons). All Good Music Festival: Thornville, Ohio | July 19-22 All Good Festival never fails to produce a lineup that brings together an otherwise diverse group. Expanding its repertoire beyond the festival’s folk-like feel, the festival now appeals to blues and hip-hop lovers as well. The Allman Brothers headline alongside the Flaming Lips and Grateful Dead’s Phil Lesh & Friends. While All Good usually has three stages, there are never any overlapping sets. This setup along with the option to camp onsite promotes a sense of community among show goers that is unlike any other festival. Necessary item: A hat or bandana. So there you have it folks - while definitely not a complete list of all the upcoming music festivals, hopefully it’s enough to get you out of your post-spring break slump.
Find Us At... Choo Choo Express Mirko Pasta Genco Import Company Wuxtry Records The Grill Five Star Day Cafe Jittery Joes Starbucks Junkmans Daughter Transmet Max Canada The Mad Hatter Amicis Barberitos (dt) Al’s Beef Mellow Mushroom Chango’s Pita Pit Yoguri
Grilled Teriyaki Your Pie The Pub at Gameday Cutter’s Pub Sandbar Buddha Bar Roadhouse The Winery The Volstead Bar Code Speak Easy Tapas & Bar Tan Company Little Caesars Nowhere Bar Moonshine Bar Silver Dollar On the Rocks All Good Lounge Boar’s Head Lounge
Teppan House Walkers Coffee Shop & Pub Nona’s East West Blue Sky The Globe Roadhouse Capital Room The Winery Flannigan’s Jack’s Bar Little Italy Fahrenheit Volstead Bulldawg Pizza Blind Pig Downtowner Hangover Jerzees Sports Bar
Johnnys Pizza Maba Grille Sweet Peppers Deli Ted’s Most Best Towne Club 909/West broad Lakeside Polo Club The Retreat The Station River Mill The Lodge The Reserve The Summit The Exchange Abbey West The Woodlands ALL GREEK HOUSES, STREET TEAMS, MORE!
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
Owned & Operated By: Black Card Media, LLC P.O. Box 221385 Chicago, IL 60622 217.390.1747
class tim e
asdasds
WORD SEARCH THE
Things to do instead of studying or working on that project...or writing that novel, Brian...
study drink barcrawl getnaked streak sleep cry dance
dsadsa asdsad
movies television pack read smoke gorge fornicate poop
K E D T K A A N F N
E C B S E I V O M A
A D A E R D R I N K
O E R P S N K S E C
G K C M I T T I E R
O A R C S U R V C Y
RGEW N T EG AWL C P Y S Y DOMR L EOC R E K P E L E T NAD P CKKO
study drink barcr getna strea sleep cry danc movi telev pack cry read smok gorge poop fornic