Indiana - 11/9/11 - v01i05

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Volume 1, Issue 3 | 11/10/11 - 11/30/11 | www.theblacksheeponline.com

The

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Black Sheep

“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”

The day I occupied Bloomington kyle hassett wrote this From the second that I agreed to do an article about the Occupy Bloomington movement that’s taking place in the middle of our fair campus, I knew that shit was about to get pretty weird. In retrospect, I had absolutely no way of knowing exactly how weird it was about to get. Going against my better judgment, as well as any regard for my personal safety, I grabbed my notebook and began my nervous trek to Occupy Bloomington headquarters: People’s Park. People’s Park is located smack-dab in the middle of Kirkwood, right across from Kilroy’s. Luckily for me, this meant that there would be a lot of witnesses around in the event that I was blindsided by an acoustic guitar or shanked with a pointy tree branch. These are the things that were running through my head as I made the descent to my destination. I had finally reached Kirkwood, and I could tell that I was drawing closer to my target because the sound of incoherent preaching accompanied by bongos was getting louder with every step that I took. And after I passed Potbelly’s, Occupy Bloomington revealed itself to me. I had seen on the news in the previous weeks all the stories about police attacks on protesters and pissed-off mobs of people with tons of banners and signs at Occupy Wall Street, so you can imagine my surprise when I saw

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the Bloomington version of these people…sitting around doing nothing. But that doesn’t mean that they weren’t super-intimidating and frightening. They all appeared as if they hadn’t bathed in weeks, which was probably the case for most. They didn’t waste any time enforcing the hippie stereotype either: at least two or three of them were strumming away on their guitars while others banged on their makeshift bongos. A lot of them had painted “99%” on the backs of their shirts. But perhaps the scariest thing of all was that at least half of them had their faces painted like skulls (later I found out that this was because they were celebrating The Day of the Dead, which made the situation even creepier). After quickly surveying the scene that I would soon be in the middle of, I realized that I was way too sober for this. So I half-sprinted across the street to Roy’s to take advantage of $2 Tuesday and take the edge off a little. I plopped myself down on a barstool and ordered a root beer Long Island. When I ordered my drink, the bartender gave me a strange look before he started to make it. Probably because it was about two in the afternoon on a Tuesday. When I told him where I was about to go, he cringed and poured an extra shot into my drink. He knew that I’d need it. In reality though, he probably just

04: Lying to Loved-Ones

It’s the secret to a successful Thanksgiving break.

wanted a bigger tip. I quickly downed my booze, and upon standing up, realized that it was finally time to take care of business. On my way out of Roy’s, I happened to notice three of the “Occupants” posted up at one of the benches in the outside area of the bar. “Good lord,” I thought to myself, “we’re all doomed.” After almost getting hit by six different cars while crossing the street, I took a deep breath and approached the most normal looking person in People’s Park. He wasn’t easy to find. It was about that time when I realized that I stuck out like a Purdue fan at an IU tailgate. My light blue polo and boat shoes didn’t exactly go with the theme of this party, but there was no turning back now. The first guy that I talked to seemed normal enough in appearance, but it wasn’t long before I realized that he was a total douche. I started by asking him if he was part of the Occupy Bloomington movement, and instead of just saying “yes” or “no” like a normal person, he paused for about five seconds, threw a smug little grin on his face, and replied, “Uh, I guess you could say that.” This was going to be a long day. I then asked if he could give me a little information about the movement. Seems like a pretty reasonable thing to ask someone who has donated almost all their time to protesting, right? “Uh, no, I can’t.” Why not? “Uh, I just think there are

07: What if Tour Guides Were Honest? “…And over there is where a nun accidentally saw my penis!”

Continued on Page 11

12-13: The Black Sheep Interviews Double trouble this issue, with Mat Kearney and 12th Planet!


02

Table of

contents 9 14

Pg4: top 10 Reasons to hate Purdon’t

6

Pg5: halloween party pics We really want Quailman to have his way with the Loofah girl... Pg5: From the Streets What sexual act would you do for $1,000,000? Pg6: Black Friday Battlefield Just like war, coming out the victor on Black Friday requires both strategy and tactics.

6

Pg6: the code Did you know that Indiana is technically a dry campus? Weird, right?

Pg9: Abolish or Perfect: The Binge Eating Controversy Hey, you can always get skinny after college. Pg10: Bartender of the Week: Bob from Nick’s has seen a Carrier Landing or two in his day. Pg10: Drinking Game: Jenga Bricks won’t be the only things falling down after this game. Pg10: Recipe for Disaster: Hot Dog Mac and Cheese If your dad loves you, he’ll buy you food so you don’t have to eat this. Pg13: CD Review Summer Camp- Welcome to Condale

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Word of the week Hegalitarianism:

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Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com

Definition: Any movement that promotes equal rights for cross-dressers and transvestites. Sentence: “RuPaul’s Supermodel was a seminal moment in the Hegalitarianism movement.”


04

Lying to Loved-Ones:

The secret to a successful Thanksgiving break

With the contest for the Old Oaken Bucket coming up, we thought we’d pull together a list of everything we hate about Purdue. Sadly, there’s only room for ten measly things.

ryan kennedy wrote this Thanksgiving is freaking awesome. What started as a celebration of our forefathers working together with their Native American neighbors is now a celebration of overeating and professional football, and the best part about it is that schools completely shut down. Food comas and football games are the shit, but above all else, Thanksgiving is about spending time and catching up with family and loved ones. This all sounds well and good, but returning to life at home after nearly an entire semester of unsupervised debauchery can be more challenging than initially thought. Families have a bad habit of actually being interested in what goes on during your life at college. Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Why would they ask questions they most certainly do not want to know the answers to?” It doesn’t matter. From the second you arrive at home to the moment you drive away you will be bombarded with questions about life in Bloomington. Have no fear; The Black Sheep has compiled a series of acceptable answers to your family’s most prying questions. Question: How are classes going? What you say: Classes are going great! I’m really interested in the things I’ve been learning and my professors are great, you can tell they really care. The best part is all of the great experience I’m getting for my career. What you mean: I’m so freaking screwed! For the first 6 weeks of the semester I completely forgot I even enrolled in this one class. Class on a Friday? Who does that!? Not to mention the fact that all of my teachers are total douchebags, except for the hot one I ask out every lecture. She wants me, everyone can tell.

10) The Girls – Granted, one can’t expect engineering girls to be the best looking babes of the bunch (and not all schools have a SPEA to bring in top-notch biddies), but when the most attractive females on Purdue’s campus are the faculty, that’s speaking volumes. Not to mention they all went to IU. 9) The Smell – Honestly we’re not just saying it because we hate Purdue. The scent surrounding that academic sinkhole is actually vomit-inducing. A horrifying mixture of manure, tears and failure wafts across campus like so many crushed sexual fantasies. Why do you think they call the place “PU”?

What you mean: I pulled an all-nighter in the library the other night, and by all-nighter and I mean I stumbled in drunk off my ass and passed out in a stairwell for 10 hours. When the cops woke me up I told them I was taking a study break. My weekends last for no fewer than three days regardless of whether or not I have class, but I would say four days a week is the optimum amount of partying. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve been working hard, but I would definitely say that I’ve been doing work.

Question: Is that a tat"FAMILIES HAVE A BAD HABIT OF too? you say: No, don’t ACTUALLY BEING INTERESTED IN WHAT What be ridiculous. My body is a and I will treat it GOES ON DURING YOUR LIFE AT COLLEGE." temple as such.

Question: Are you still together with your girlfriend? She’s such a sweetheart. What you say: We decided it was best for us to just be friends. College isn’t really the time for a significant other. I’m just happy that we can still hang out and there isn’t any stupid drama between us. What you mean: That bitch is crazy! She tried to smother me in my sleep with a pillow. I’m pretty sure she watches me through my window at night. I’ve talked to the police about it multiple times but they don’t seem to care. I legitimately fear for my life on a daily basis. Jeeze, she catches me with three of her friends and all of a sudden I’m the worst person ever. Some girls just need to get a grip. Question: Are you working hard or hardly working? (at this point whoever asked the question will grin as if they have just made the single greatest play on words in human history.) What you say: (chuckle) You know me, I like to let loose every now and then, but my main concern is my studies. It would be foolish of me to let partying get in the way of my future. I’ve actually been considering joining the priesthood.

iu TOP Reasons is better TEN than purdue

What you mean: Absolutely. It’s a symbol of how nobody will ever love Dave Matthews Band as much as me. Nobody! Question: So what do you want to do after you graduate? What you say: To be honest, I’m not sure. I have so many doors and opportunities open to me right now that I don’t know which path my life will take. I just take pride in the fact that I’ll graduate on time, ready and willing to enter the workforce. What you mean: Whoa, pump the brakes. Did you really just ask about graduating? You’re looking entirely too far into the future right now. Let’s focus on more short-term issues like “am I going to pass this class?” or “how many times can I be arrested for public intoxication without having to serve jail time?” I’ll graduate when I’m damn well ready. Lots of people go to college for seven years. There you have it. An answer key to the most common questions you will likely encounter when you make your triumphant return home. Grab some turkey, put on the game, and trip on some tryptophan, you can rest easy knowing that the secrets of your college life are safe for another year.

8) West Lafayette, IN – Purdue’s “college town” resembles a post-apocalyptic shithole that makes cities like Detroit and Cleveland seem bustling and upscale. A school that prides itself on an engineering program in a city that looks like it was designed by autistic kindergarteners. The constant, low-hanging, grey clouds ensure that the Purdue nerds preserve their “precious” pale skin tone. 7) IUPUI – While not Purdue’s fault, it’s like IU and Purdue had a redheaded child that sucks at life. In this case, IU is Ryan Reynolds, and Purdue is the Alanis Morissette before he started sticking it in the delightfully buxom Scarlett Johansson. 6) Party Life – After making multiple appearances on Playboy’s and Princeton Review’s Top Party School lists, IU has some of the highest-grossing bars in the nation. Purdue’s most famous bar has a slogan, it’s “Go Ugly Early,” as if they had any other choice. Did we mention they once rioted after they won an NCAA championship…in Women’s Basketball. 5) Education – IU is home to a top-ranked Business School, Music School, and Nursing Program, among others. Purdue offers over 25 majors in Engineering, as well as an undergraduate major in Animal Husbandry. Those that enroll quickly become disappointed, because it’s not a program that’s exactly like it sounds. 4) School Colors – IU’s Hoosiers are clad in iconic Crimson and Cream. Boilermakers wear black and tan, probably to hide the animal shit stains from “studying in the field.” 3) Local Celebrities – In Bloomington you might run into Tom Crean or John Mellencam, at Purdue you’ll run into basketball legend Gene Keady. He’s old, he’s never won a championship and he has a bad toupee. 2) The Mascot – Sure, IU may lack a “Hoosier” cheering the team on from the sidelines, but that’s better than Purdue’s poorly thought-out alternative: A train and a guy named Pete. If we wanted to run into either one of those, we’d go dole out handjobs at the old stockyard. 1) Grand Prix vs. Little 500 – The ultimate reason why IU is better than our fellow Indiana School, Purdue’s Grand Prix. During Purdont’s half-assed attempt to recreate what is constantly referred to as “the best weekend in college,” teams build and race go-karts. The fact that students are so unathletic that they have to build machines to drive them around decisively proves that IU is the better school.


Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

the best in s c i p y t r a p halloween #2: loofah

From 'da Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com!

"What sexual favor would you do for $1,000,000?" "Whips and chains." - Parker M.

#3: skeleton dude

#1: angry birds

"Fuzzy handcuffs." - Lauren K.

"I'd do pretty much about anything." - Candice M.


06

black friday is a battlefield kate waxler wrote this

www.theblacksheeponline.com When it comes to holiday shopping the best deals are on Black Friday. After much debate, I’ve concluded there are three possible reasons why the day has been named this: you’re guaranteed a black eye by the time you leave the mall, you’ll be offered an American Express black card after they see all the crazy spending you’ve done, or you will have a black soul because of the $3.99 sweater you wrenched out of that little old lady’s hands. But the question always remains, is fighting your way through an insane amount of people worth it? Let’s be honest, most of us would do anything to skip the madness that the craziest shopping day of the year brings. My advice: avoid going altogether. You’ll be escaping the lines, yelling moms and children trying to steal your bags. Spending a few more bucks instead of wasting your life away sounds like a way better option. Maybe you could think of a few lies to get out of it—you have to study for an exam that’s on Monday when we get back, you forgot your license at school, therefore it would be “unsafe” to drive to the mall, you’re not in the mood for a beating? However, if you do get stuck throwing elbows to buy that ugly scarf your mommy wanted, here are a few tips to get you through the day. Map Out the Day: Determine which mall, stores, and food courts you want to hit most. Map that shit out like you’re Magellan, trust me you’ll be a happy camper when you know exactly which stores you need to hit. Don’t waste precious shopping time meandering around the mall while hundreds of moms are getting their power-walk on. Go Early: Some stores open as early as 3a.m. with the crazies starting to line up at 2. Sack up soldier, be like that psycho mom yelling at her kids on leashes: set your alarm for 0500 hours. A tip inside a tip: wear heavy-duty clothes. Even at 8a.m. you could run into

a beating at Macy’s over last season’s Jessica Simpson hooker heels. Treat it Like A Competition: Few would argue sporting events are matters of life and death, but many often treat them as such. Black Friday must be approached the same way. That bitch who’s about to grab the last iPad2 is inches away from the game-tying score, you need to go low and make solid contact to make sure she stays out of the endzone. Be Able to Walk Away: Admit defeat? Never! Being able to walk away means maintaining a strict list of priorities. If the line at Banana Republic is too long to justify the cheap chinos, but the GameStop 2 stores down has practically no line and plenty of savings you need, pass on the pants. You can always pity party your mom into buying you some at full price, anyway. Be Prepared for the Worst: When going into battle, there’s always the possibility of the unexpected. In this case, keep your eyes peeled for any new situations thrown at you: land mines (an unexpected sale), sold out clothes, a fight over the last pair of gloves, you name it. While there is never a set answer, I suggest going for the sympathy vote and bringing your grandma along. A little old lady will always get the last glove, or even get the benefit of the doubt when bartering prices at the cash register. Hopefully these tips will help you keep a positive attitude out there on the front lines, and keep you from debating the best way to strangle yourself with a mannequin. Black Friday is one of the only acceptable days to be crazy or “one of them”, so embrace it soldier: clip those coupons, wear your walking shoes, and decide upon your weapon of choice (credit or debit). Black Friday is a battlefield, so keep that helmet on and be ready for the action.

the code ain't all it's cracked up to be! Jillian Mandell wrote this Most of you have probably seen the shot glasses or t-shirts that sport the phrase “Dry Campus- My Ass” scattered throughout different stores on Kirkwood. Well, did you know that Indiana University actually is a dry campus? 3rd Street to Fee Lane and errrrwhere in between it is supposed to be dryer than Mother Theresa’s corpse vag. Every time you gulp down that cold Karkov or take a swig out of your Natty Light, you are willfully violating the Code of Student Rights, Responsibilities, and Conduct. Don’t know what that is? Of course not. You probably had one of those large blue books shoved your way amidst the stress of moving in freshman year and saying "bye bye" to mom and dad. You intentionally stashed that rulebook somewhere far back in a drawer never to be seen by the light of day again. I decided to take the liberty to actually read The Code to fill you in on what IU really expects of us. There are many sections to this code that aim to prevent any of the following: Falsely accusing the table of Asians as being terrorists in Wells, hacking into our teacher’s OnCourse Account to change a D to an A, sprinting through the arboretum naked, running a black market for illegal weapons in your dorm room, or being on either end of fellatio in the stadium. The longest section of The Code- by a long shot- is the one pertaining to the consumption of alcohol. It can specifically be found in Part II: Student Responsibilities under Section H, statute number 22. Indiana University prohibits: 1. Public intoxication, use, or possession of alcoholic beverages on university property (including any undergraduate residence supervised by the university, including fraternity and sorority houses) except as otherwise noted in Part II, Section H (22) b and Part II, Section H (22) c. 2. Providing alcohol contrary to law. The above is a minuscule excerpt from the forgotten blue book you threw away. It’s quite clear that alcohol is foe not friend, and should not be near any of your grimy

hands. Whoever created this humorous creed is either in extreme denial or more oblivious than a third grader watching SNL. Not only do we disobey these rules, we run from them like wildfire. Maybe IU should be a little less concerned with our beverage of choice (be it milk or Jack Daniel’s), and focus more on the multiple violent crimes that took place just this year alone. Dry campuses are dumb, and although many of you probably didn’t even know you lived on one, IU would ultimately become a happier place without this rule. “ Be responsible for their behavior, and respect the rights and dignity of others both within and outside of the university community” is the moral The Code is trying to enforce. I know each and every one of you strays away from at least one of the rules listed in The Code and the world hasn’t stopped turning yet. Some say rules were made to be broken, but what is the point of these rules if not a single person respects them? It’s more important that we as Hoosiers respect the traditions and rituals that those before us fathered (many of these activities just happen to go hand-in-hand with some brew). Now you know what this fine institution thinks this campus is all about however, it’s up to you to carry on the real legacy of IU.


07

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If Tour Guides Were Being Honest... mack sterr wrote this When choosing a university, a lot of pre-froshes like to go on a pleasant, informative campus tour. Many of us took one to tell our parents it was the quintessential college town and not the slam pieces that made us worship IU. A tour guide’s job is to describe tradition of academic excellence and the history concealed within the limestone walls around campus. The only problem is... These sick bastards are lying. If tour guides were being honest... • They would've told you that the dorms they make sound so fun are a lot more lotion and tissue and a lot less co-eds on their way to the shower. • They would have—instead of imploring you to refer to the student handbook for questions—taught you how to rip the fun stopper off a bottle of Karkov with your teeth. • They would have told you that it you don't get at least three quarters of a handjob in the Wells Library stacks by the time you graduate, you're the biggest boner on campus. • They would've shown you how to bursar sunglasses at the optometry building so that your parents can't see it. • They would have had you look through a window by the back stairs outside Kelley to see the professor who looks at porn in his office ALL DAY. (I've seen it!) • They would have told your parents that your first week

of school would end in a pool of your own urine and vomit on the floor of your bud's room across the hall. • They would have explained to you, like Mufasa says to Simba, our kingdom is everything up to and including the Villas. The hyenas rule the Elephant Graveyard... • They would have told you to get a good look at the SRSC, because you'll never be there again, tubby. • They would have said that Friday classes are like the Easter bunny and Santa... They aren’t real. Grow up, you're in college. • They would've skipped the spiel about a "scrappy, improving football team" and told you our team is completely heinous. That's why we avoid the actual game at all costs. • They would’ve pointed to the Safety and Securities building, laughed, and said “just kidding.” • They would have told you that the 4th floor of Wells is where you go to get some face time. No studying actually goes down up there. • They would have told you how to make a filter out of a paper towel roll and dryer sheets so that your RA can’t smell the smoke. • They would have shown you how to lay on the wall outside of the art museum. Acid makes the glow from the trippy light tower look like a dance floor in outer space. • They would probably be three sheets to the wind the whole time. All Hoosiers quickly develop an obsession for pregaming the most unnecessary events.

• They would not bother mentioning the campus is "dry"... Everyone knows that’s a crock of shit. • Knowledge of the ins and outs of campus is essential for survival at Indiana University. Use this list as your guide and remember; never pick up a wrinkled dollar by Collins. Along with quiddich, the inhabitants are very fond of a good game of poo dollar.


SPECIAL NIGHT THURS

1-”2”-3 $1 Burgers from 5p-10p $3 cover (ladies free) FREE T-shirts at 9pm *while supplies last $1 Cherry bombs, Bazooka Joes, Jäger bombs $2 U-call-it’s Everything under $6 is $2

$2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Three Olives Vodka $4 Three Olives Vodka/Red Bulls $3 Miller Lite Bottles

$2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Bacardi Drinks $3 Coors Light Bottles Bloody Mary Menu $1 Wells

(not including bloody marys)

$8 Bud/Bud Light Beer Towers $3 16oz Mason Jars (double wells, double Jack Daniel’s, double SoCo Bud & Bud Light)

“Taco Tuesday” $1 Tacos from 5p-Close $1 U-call-it’s Everything under $6 is $1 $5 Cover (ladies are free)

WED

MON

$5 Bud Light Pitchers $8 Bud Light Beer Towers

TUES

SUN

SAT

NOV: NFL Pro Bowl Weekends! $2.75 Bud Light Bottles Fridays & Saturdays WIN Great Prizes & 1 Grand Prize! 2 Tickets to HAWAII, the NFL Pro Bowl & Air Too!

FRI

The Bar Grid

Brothers Mug Club 15¢ wings 9pm ‘til we're out! $5 Mug Filled (wells, domestic taps, Three Olives flavored long islands)

$1.50 refills $1.25 Miller High Life bottles

MONDAY: Happy Hour All Day and Night! $1 Wells $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz import $3 Apples

$2 Happy Hour Everyday 3pm-9pm 24oz Bud and Bud Light 16oz Red Stripe Lager Stuffed Sticks and Wings

MONDAY: 4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Miller Lite

$2 Tuesday $2 Food Specials $2 Long Islands $2 Bottled Beer $2 You-Call-Its

$3 Thursday $3 Apples $3 32oz Drafts $3 You-Call-Its

$3 Thursdays $3 You-Call-It's Even the Cover is only $3

4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3.50 Long Islands $7 Pitchers of All Light Beer Sink the Biz night

$3 Thursday $3 Food Specials, Long Islands, Bottled Beer, You-Call-Its Free T-Shirt with Cover

Frat Friday $2 House Pints $2 Red and Purple Jungle Juice

$5 Double Crown Royal $5 Double Captain Morgan $5 Double Absolute Vodkas $3 Sugared Shooters $5 Cover @10pm

5 6 Happy Hour $4 Franziskaner $3 Absolut, Crown, Captain, Jameson $7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary

Frat Friday New Drink Specials Every Friday! Come check it out!

$6 Triple Absolut $6 Triple Captain

$6 Double Jack's $6 Double Bacardi Rums $6 Double Stoli Vodkas $3 Sugared Shooters $5 Cover @10pm

5 6 Happy Hour $5 Double Absolut, Captain, Crown, Jameson $7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary

$6 Triple Absolut $6 Triple Captain. Kick-off at Kilroy's- open early on home football game days (free t-shirt and breakfast buffet with cover)

Closed

Dollar Double-Ups

Dollar Double Ups $2 Longnecks $3 Long Islands No Cover

$7 Double Ketel Bloody Mary $7 Pitchers Bud/Bud Light/Coors Light

Dollar Double-Ups

Karaoke Night $2 Dirty Birds

Happy Hour All Day and Night! $1 Wells $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz import $3 Apples

Happy Hour All Night $1 Well Drinks $2 Happy Hour Beer $11 Absolut 64oz Fishbowls No Cover

4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Miller Lite

Happy Hour All Day and Night $1 Wells $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import 25cent Wings 50cent Breadsticks

Local Music (11/15)

$2 Tuesday $2 Apples $2 Pints $2 You-Call-Its.

$2 Tuesdays Everything is $2 NO COVER!!

4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $3.50 Long Islands

$2 Tuesday $2 Food Specials $2 Long Islands $2 Bottled Beer $2 You-Call-Its

Mug Night with $3 32oz Domestic $4 32oz Import $3 Apples $4 Triple Pinnacles 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks, Shots, and Bottle Service

Wednesdays on Walnut Everything is Half Price... EVERYTHING!! Ladies Night No Cover for Ladies

32oz Kirkwood Mug Specials! Nicksology 7-8pm $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Bud/Bud Light

Mug Night with $3 32oz Domestic, $4 32oz Import $3 Long Islands $4 Triple Pinnacles 1/2 Price Mixed Drinks, Shots, and Bottle Service Free Trivia at 11pm

SATURDAY: $5.50 32oz Beer This Must Be The Band Talking Heads Tribute (11/19) Boom Box (11/10) Mimosa w/ M Machine (11/17) $5.50 32oz Beer Clayton Anderson (11/11) Main Squeeze (11/18) $5.50 32oz Beer This Must Be The Band Talking Heads Tribute (11/19)

15cent Beer $1.50 Mixed Drinks Whats Good (11/16)


09

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Abolish or Perfect?

The Binge Eating Controversy Elisabeth Klisser wrote this The relationship between sober you and drunk you is about as warm and fuzzy as the relationship between Eminem and Mariah Carey. After a Hairy Bear or two, your after hours alter-ego can rationalize texting profanities to your great aunt, breaking up with your girlfriend of two years and puking all over your roommate’s laptop. The next morning you’re left pulling a Nancy Drew, attempting to gather some clues to piece together what the hell happened last night. During this investigative endeavor nothing is worse than discovering receipts from Panda Express,Waffle House, Taco Bell and some place called Noodle Town that you’re not even sure is real, stuffed in the pockets of the jeans you wore out the night before. Parents, doctors and public officials are concerned with binge drinking, but what they should really be focusing on is the serious health issue of binge eating. As a freshman, you’re constantly warned about the menacing “Freshmen 15,” but when you arrive in Bloomington you’re bombarded with salad bars and free work-out classes at the SRSC, not to mention the entire campus is somehow uphill. It seems almost impossible that the whole student body doesn’t look like a freaky, skinny version of Nicole Richie. But late at night, when the Mad Mushroom expected delivery time is two and half hours, and the drive-through at Taco Bell is 10 cars deep, you begin to realize that the reason college students tend to come home a little more plump than they left is this horrible habit of stuffing their faces with as many salty and greasy snacks that they can get their hands on. And they say our economy is in a recession. Most people would tell you to avoid devouring mass amounts of food after consuming mass amounts of… well whatever the hell was in that Jungle Juice… but here at The Black Sheep we would never advise you to give up a true Hoosier’s favorite pastime. Instead, we suggest that you expand your diet of drunkenness to something a bit less conventional. Instead of always opting for the same order of Pizza X breadsticks with cheese sauce, try branching out with some Mojo sauce, a combination of olive oil with garlic, banana peppers, and some extra spices to give it a real kick. Or, go wild and try the new Pizza X buffalo sauce on your breadsticks, to add some extra fun to your hangover in the morning.

Upperclassmen, if you feel like taking a trip down memory lane, instead of eating the same old frozen pizza every Saturday night, try stopping by the Hoosier Den in Gresham. Conveniently open until 2a.m., the “Hoo Den” offers B-town students as much pizza, pasta,pretzels, and hot dogs that their younger sibling’s meal points can buy. The menu is a drunk Hoosier’s dream, especially when your inner drunken Iron Chef comes out, and you find yourself combining your popcorn and your pasta, your hotdogs on top of your pizza, your pretzels paired with, well anything. I know right now these bizarre food combinations sound about as good as a Kamchatka alcohol review, but after a few dozen Keystones, I guarantee you’ll understand. So instead of resenting yourself for morphing from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Drunk whenever you decide to get a little wild on the weekends, embrace it. Challenge yourself to be more inventive with your drunken provisions. Instead of always ordering that same old Jimmy John’s Vito, try something a little more thrilling. Order meals so impressive that even sober you wants to mount those crumpled receipts on the wall. You have much worse things to worry about the morning after a night out, so spend less time regretting binge eating, and more time perfecting it.

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Bartender of the

Issue

eit b Hevenstr ut Bo canopy club h h is nick's engl

Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle. Favorite Drink: Upland Dragonfly Favorite Shot: Starry Night (Goldschlager and Jager) Worst Drink Ever: Tequila (woof!) Best Job You’ve Ever Had: Working at Nick’s. Which celebrity would you punch in the face? Rush Limbaugh What is the funniest thing you’ve seen while working? Carrier Landings (Where you

have a low table and guy takes a dive face first covered in beer.) Favorite Bar Move: Carrier Landing If you could create a holiday what would it be? Anything with tank tops and short skirts. What dead person would you most want to bring back to life? Leonardo Da Vinci If you could have any super power what would it be? X-Ray Vision

recipe for disaster:

drinking game:

JENGA! Before a night on the town, everyone needs some good, hard wood. Yes, guys too. So strap in and sit down for a game that can get real sexy in a hurry. We’re talking about Jenga, of course. What you need: Friends (or random strangers you find on the street, but hey, up to you), Jenga, a permanent marker, and any kind of alcohol you want. Number of players: Two or more. Intoxication Level: The stack of bricks won’t be the only thing toppling over. How to Play: -Grab your Jenga game and pull out the blocks. -Write instructions on each block with your handy dandy permanent marker. You can make them really simple things like giving out drinks or you can make them more personalized. -Suggested instructions: chug your drink; take a shot; kiss the person next to you; remove an article of clothing; spend the rest of the round making chicken noises; take the drink of the person to your left; lick your foot; make a rule. -Each person must pull a block out from Jenga and follow what it says. In the event that someone makes a rule, everyone must follow it or suffer the consequences (take six!). -After the block has been pulled and the instructions have been followed, the block must be placed on a top corner of the pile. -When the pile falls, the person at fault must chug the rest of his or her drink. The Game Ends When: The tower falls or people become unable to see straight.

thirsty for more? theblacksheeponline.com/drinkage

Hot Dog Mac and Cheese

Remember when you were a kid and your mom made you lunch? It was probably macaroni and cheese and a hot dog on multiple occasions. I bet you miss those days. Lucky for you, there’s a college kid’s version of it! What you need: Any box of mac and cheese, any kind of hot dog, a stove, a microwave, pepper (optional), tobasco sauce (optional), and bread (also optional). Cook time: Ten minutes. Tops. Fatty factor: This all depends on your meat to pasta ratio. It’s clearly carb and sodium heavy, but who cares? You can be healthy when you graduate. Let’s Get bakin’: -Turn on the stovetop. -Boil that water. -Add the noodles and wait for them to soften. -Drain noodles. -Microwave your desired amount of hot dogs on a paper plate. Maximum 1 minute. -Add your butter to the macaroni and stir until it’s mostly melted. -Add the provided cheese packet and stir. -Add the milk (for cheesier mac and cheese, add minimal milk). -Stir until it’s all nice and creamy. -Chop up your hot dogs into small pieces. -Add the hot dogs to the macaroni and cheese. Stir. -For some extra flavor, add your desired amount of pepper and/or tobasco sauce. -If you’re in the mood for a sandwich, grab some bread and pile on the Mac and Cheese. -Get a plate, and go at it like you’re about to be fucking executed. Or if you’re in the mood for something lighter and more hilarious, eat it in front of your friends and make panting noises as you chew. This lets them know how orgasmic it is. This recipe is awesome because it’s a throwback to your childhood. It’s cheap and affordable (ideal college kid foods), and if you decide to use the bread, it’s even going to help out your hangover!


11

continued from cover story... other people here that could give you a better perspective on what’s going on here.” Translation: ‘I have absolutely no idea what any of this is about.’ Thanks for nothing. I needed a breather after that one, so I walked over to Bloomington Bagel Company and grabbed a seat so I could gather my thoughts before re-entering the belly of the beast. I decided to take another look at this scene. There were tents and signs strewn all across the park. There was a dog that wouldn’t stop barking. A man with a beard that Santa himself would envy was talking to himself. And I also noticed that there were at least three people on cellphones at any given time, most likely receiving instructions from the leaders of the “Occupy” movement on how they are going to bring down Corporate America and eventually, the world. I shudderd at the thought. After my five-minute timeout, I headed back inside. The next guy I talked to was a part-time student with stitches and cobwebs painted on his face. To him, the Occupy Bloomington movement was all about “talking to people and acquiring knowledge.” So these people have been camping out in tents for the past three weeks to chat and acquire knowledge? “Yeah, pretty much.” Very interesting. He then went on to spew out a bunch of really ambiguous stuff that made me feel like the high school principal from Billy Madison (“At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought”). It seemed as though I was wasting my time here, because no one had yet given me any useful information about what the hell Occupy Bloomington was all about. About five minutes after interviewing this guy, I saw him across the park playing bongos, which instantly destroyed what little credibility that he had before. I spent the rest of my time there walking around and looking at all the signs that they had made. My favorite sign said, “I gave up my job, but now I have an occupation.” By the looks of what they have accomplished thus far, I bet that guy’s job is sounding pretty good right about now. I also saw that their main poster claimed that they “claimed no political movement.” Wait a minute, I thought that’s what this thing was all about: to throw those corporate fat cats in jail once and for all. Maybe next time I won’t use The Fake CNN’s Twitter as my main source of research. So with a fair amount of confusion and the slight hint of a buzz remaining, I turned away from People’s Park and made my way back home, never to return again. Don’t worry, radical conservatives of Bloomington, I’m sure they’ll all be gone soon. Once the Indiana weather starts to turn sour as it usually does right about now, they’ll be out of there in no time. So while I may have learned next to nothing in my time occupying Bloomington, I did leave with a valuable lesson…or maybe I didn’t. Either way, the next time you’re walking past People’s Park and you feel the need to yell a sweet one-liner at all the Occupy Bloomington protesters, you go right ahead, because after all, it’s a free country.

Needs more Billy Madison.

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the entertainment page the black sheep interviews:

12 planet th

The Black Sheep: How did you get involved making dubstep music? Was there a moment you first heard dubstep and you realized that’s what you wanted to do? 12th Planet: Before the whole dubstep explosion I was producing and DJing drum and bass, my alias was Infiltrata and I was touring really, really hard. I was always going to England, and I was also playing in Europe, Canada, and all over the US. I got to hang out in Europe in 2005 or 2006, and I played this show that had a checkin room with a screen playing this music that sounded like slow drum and bass, and I was like, “What is this stuff?,” like I kind of didn’t like it at first. I just thought it was some sick joke. One of my boys was like “Have you ever heard this music, dubstep?” I went to England again to that same place for New Year’s Eve and we saw how fast dubstep was, we heard like 40 different languages in one night. It was people from Slovakia and China and people from Hungary and Amsterdam and France and everyone was there to just support the movement, and this was in 2006? Maybe 2007? That’s when I got hooked, it just blew my mind, everything about it. TBS: How would you describe how dubstep differs from regular electronic music? 12th Planet: The difference was more blatant four or five years ago, but I think where dubstep is now is this kind of melting pot of like electro house and big room house and rave, and drum and bass all put into one. It used to just be noises, like all other electronic music, but it had different BPM, beats per minutes. It has 140 beats per minute, but the people singing are at half-time, like 70 BPM, but the rest of the energy on the track is at 140 BPM. That’s the difference between all the other electronic music and dubstep, the beats per minute.

Rising dubstep DJ, 12th Planet, has more enthusiasm than you could pack into a bottle rocket. This LA native can talk for hours, about getting his DJ name from a book about aliens (“It will fucking change you life. It fucked me up so hard.”) to what he calls his bong (“I think it’s just called ‘The Lakers Bong.’”) But mostly this down-to-earth dude loves making music, preferably with Skrillex at all times of the day, and performing for the masses. Check him out with Skrillex on The Mothership Tour, hitting up towns all around the US.

TBS: How do you go about making a new song and new beats? 12th Planet: I just get a little inspiration and smoke a little weed and just start writing. I don’t start with drums or start with bass, I just do whatever I feel like. If I have a sample I’ll start with the sample and build around, but if I have a drum kit that I made I’ll just start with that drum kit, or if I’m messing around with a razor or something that makes a cool noise, I’ll just make a song from there. Sometimes they see the light of day, sometime they don’t. One out of every 15 tracks sees the light of day. TBS: You’re on tour now with Skrillex, and it seems like you guys are pretty good friends. How did you guys meet? 12th Planet: Oh, that’s my bud. That’s a damn good question. He was always that kid that was at the shows and we’d talk about the songs that were playing. Then we saw each other at Coachella like two years ago and he started sending me tracks and I fell in love with them right off the bat. Before he started making beats by himself he was in that band From First to Last which was a vocal project, and in those tracks he had sick production and the songwriting was amazing. So I invited him to come sing his songs on my sets, so we did that two or three times and we’ve just been close every since. He lives in downtown LA, I live in downtown, we have a lot of the same friends. It’s always party time. TBS: What can someone expect from a 12th Planet Show? 12th Planet: Lots of jumping and girls taking their shirts off and crowd-surfing and people rushing the barricade and having so much fun. TBS: Do you have any pre-show rituals or post-show rituals?

thanks for nothing, thanksgiving Music: Mary J. BligeMy Life II…The Journey Continues Release Date: November 21, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: The soulful wail of Mrs. Blige is the siren song for recently-broken hearts. Even if you’re serially single, keep this album on repeat— and loud—to make sure that no one joins you in the fake frown town you’ve built. If any siblings don’t fall for the ruse, you’re going to have to recruit them, we suggest offering a 20% cut of whatever your parents give you for pity presents.

12th Planet: I used to just drink a lot, but now I’m just sober for all my shows, so that’s my ritual now. It used to be instead of trying to entertain everybody else it was just me partying and DJing for myself. Now it’s like, since I’m on this tour and playing 5000 capacity rooms you kind of have to be on point and interact with the crowd and have a better performance. So I was like that [inebriated] for the last two or three years but the last couple of months, the last 40 or 50 shows, I’ve been kind of sober. That’s my pre-show ritual now; my post-show ritual is to get drunk. TBS: What’s the first thing you’re drinking? 12th Planet: I’m drinking Stella. It’s my favorite beer; it’s on my rider. That and vodka and sugar-free Red Bull. TBS: What else is on your rider? 12th Planet: A bucket of fried chicken, grape soda, Magnum condoms, watermelon and grapes. TBS: If you could collaborate with anybody dead or alive, who would you pick? 12th Planet: Skrillex, every day of the week. If I could I’d work with him every minute of every day. TBS: So I have a feeling I already know this answer, but if you were trapped in an elevator for 24-hours who is the one person you wish you were stuck with? 12th Planet: Skrillex, that’s my boy. We’d make that empty elevator a party, we’d probably make music off the level buttons on the elevator, maybe hit the fire alarm a few times.

Record it on a phone and call it a day. TBS: In your dressing room, or in life, would you prefer to have a chocolate fountain or a melted cheese fountain? 12th Planet: A chocolate fountain. But the cheese does sound kind of good, too. I can’t answer that question. If it’s nacho cheese to dip nachos in it, then I’m going with that. TBS: Finish this sentence: “Nothing turns me on more than…” 12th Planet: Oh. That’s a tough one. I should go with the obvious, but that’s not interesting. Oh gosh, fuck. I mean… uh… uh… oh god this is tough! TBS: If you want to say “tits and ass” you can say that. 12th Planet: Tits and ass, dude! Let’s go with that. That’s the honest to God truth. Watching Breaking Bad turns me on, too.

JESS SOMMERS WROTE THIS

Excited to spend some quality time with the family this Thanksgiving? Didn’t think so. Here’s some Thanksgiving releases that scream, “My media intake is more important than talking to you.” By: Brendan

Movie: The Muppets Release Date: November 23, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: Your parents grew up during the Muppets’ heyday, back when they’d light up a jay, flip on channel 2 and mellow out before a night on the town. They’ll know exactly why you’re seeing this movie, but will be too scared of potential confrontation to call you out on your motives.

Video Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Release Date: November 8, 2011 Why It’ll Shut ‘Em Up: “I swear to shit you little scummy jizz taster, try to come in here again and I’ll fistfuck your decapitated mom’s neckhole.” Your parents will assume the machine gun swearing directed towards 13-year-olds coming from your side of the door is meant for them. They never knew you thought about grandma that way, especially after she died in that horrific guillotine accident.


13

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the interview

Mat Kearney

We got to chat with Mat Kearney, a passionate 30-something singer/songwriter/storyteller to talk about life as an ever evolving musician. Be sure to check out Kearney's latest album Young Love, as well as on a tour near you. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: How do you describe yourself as a musician? Mat Kearney: Not very well. I tend to say I’m a songwriter but when I think “What kind of music?” it’s somewhere between melodic storytelling and beats. I haven’t quite figured out how I fit into the whole thing, I can’t tell if that’s what makes me annoying or endearing, but I’m trying to figure that out myself. TBS: If you were to describe yourself in 5 words to a stranger, what words would you use? MK: Storyteller, epic, melodic, beat-driven, songwriter. TBS: You talk about where you do and do not fit in, and you’ve said that your influences range from Bob Dylan to A Tribe Called Quest. When you write music, do you purposely try to incorporate those contrasting sounds or is it just natural? MK: It’s a natural evolution, it’s reconciling where you’ve come from and what you’re into currently. [When I was young] I was a little skater kid that listened to a lot of hip-hop music and ran around getting arrested for doing graffiti on things, and then I went to college and become a literature major and prided myself on my ability to write. At the core I still love rhythmic story telling but I also fall in love with different kinds of music every day. TBS: Who are some musicians today that you really enjoy? MK: I really love Drake’s last record, if we’re talking about hip-hop. I still think Tom Waits is the greatest living. I really like Adele’s record, I know it’s a huge record. I really enjoy the new Noah and the Whale, too. TBS: How do you go through the songwriting process when it’s just you and your guitar? Do you ever hesitate because there isn’t really someone to check you, or do you like not having to run your ideas past someone else? MK: I think I have a cool thing going because when it comes to sitting down and writing a song by myself there’s a magic in that that happens and I do that. There’s songs like “Learning to Love Again” and “Rochester” on my record that are just me and a guitar in my living room. But a lot of songs that I write, the music is a collaboration. A lot of the record we would sit down and create beats and grooves and changes, almost like a hip-hop record. Then I would take it away and try to write the most gut-wrenching story over the grooves. Maybe we would add guitar later so I had something to do on stage, but there are a lot of collaborations going on.

CD REVIEW

Out Now

Summer camp

Welcome to Condale

B+

We’ll be welcomed back to Summer Camp any day. When I think of the noun “summer camp,” visions of running around in a wet swimsuit, flirting with the boys in the older cabins and maxing out on popsicles is what floods my mind. The music that could be the proverbial soundtrack to all of that carefree nonsense is inconsequently from a London duo called Summer Camp who, despite only making music together for about two years, have managed to make their mark on the fuzzy-wuzzy buzzband circuit. And maybe because they look so good with that sunkissed glow. Welcome to Condale starts off with a great catchy pop tune “Better Off Without You” that sounds vaguely 80s but in the best, most genuine way. The album continues on in a similar poppy fashion, with spurts of interesting interludes like the beginning of “I Want You,” which sounds like the beginning of a dramatic movie scene and continues on with somewhat daunting lyrics and slow-downed techno beats. The British influence on the band is somehow more prominent during the track “Losing My Mind” where both members of the band come in for vocals, providing that nice texture of varying vocal styles. “Down” is another awesome, catchy tune that makes you want to do the running man in neon leg-warmers, like, so badly. Their stand-out track, though, is “Ghost Train” which starts off with a spo-

ken break-up (“I wanna get hurt!”) and continues on into a beautifully orchestrated song that has all the makings for a summer romance. Or a winter romance—something has to keep you warm these days. Either way, this will be a track you’ll have on repeat and be so content about it. While the album does an overall great job with the music and the lyrics, it could stand for a little bit more diversity. The slower songs come at you like an unexpected wedgie, one that you couldn’t even laugh at later. But what’s great about Summer Camp is their unique sound, and that they own it. For seemingly ripping off any number of '80s band, this group plays it up perfectly without being forced or kitsch, yet still manages to put a hip 2000s spin on it that is as much refreshing as it is beneficial. To be able to strike that balance shows their legitimate talent, and is what gives me hope that this group will continue to do great things. Hopefully they’ll be back next year… please, please let them be back next year, but with smoother skin and no more braces. Sounds Like: Summertime in 1985. Download: Ghost Train, Down, 1988 Listen to it When: The cold is getting you down, and so is 2011.

UPCOMING RELEASES >>> Angels & Airwaves -Love Part One and Part Two Disturbed - Lost Children Cass McCombs -Humor Risk Now 40: That's What I Call Music

Keith Jarrett - Rio Mac Miller - Blue Slide Park David Lynch - Crazy Clown Park Animals as Leaders - Weightless

TBS: Do you go into writing a new album with an idea in mind? How much thought goes into an album? MK: It’s much more organic, how the songs come out. Singer/songwriters get boring most of the time, so I knew that I wanted to have moments where you would put this record on in your car and it would make your head bob. But I also knew that I wanted to have these stories that had to follow, these gutwrenching narratives of people. I want one of those people to be myself and those people around me, and I guess that’s all I knew when I set out to make this record. Me falling in love and getting married and that part of my life, there are a lot of songs about that butterfly-in-your-stomach thing, because I was going through that. TBS: How do you strike that balance between experimenting with music and knowing that fans and others above you have expectations of you? MK: I don’t know how to do that, I struggle with that. On this record I didn’t make a licensing record, which I’ve been known to do. I wrote about a lot of specifics and I know that doesn’t always work well when you’re trying to license it, but I just felt like I needed to do that for my own sake and for a story that I wanted to tell. You don’t want to totally change the rules on your fans every record, but I think my voice and my writing approach and the stories I choose to write about, people can relate to that stylistically and also emotionally. TBS: How is the touring lifestyle different for someone who plays on stage alone? MK: We’re a 5-piece band and it’s pretty rock-heavy; I more model myself after Bruce Springsteen then Bob Dylan. I’ve had guys that have played with me for six years and they are some of my best friends and they play on my records. It’s an interesting existence because at the end of the day you have the final say, but there’s a lot of times where it’s very democratic process, much like a band. I don’t think I get the full benefit of the camaraderie that comes with being in a band; there’s some days where this is a job for some people, and with all the traveling it gets lonely. I try to level the playing field so they feel respected as band members on stage. It’s a weird distance. I think the way I’ve gotten around it is just hiring really good friends. TBS: If you had the opportunity to collaborate with someone living or dead, who would you choose? MK: Bruce Springsteen or Jay-Z. It’d be exciting. TBS: If tomorrows aliens come to planet Earth and they chose you to fight for the survival of the world with any one thing, what topic do you take them on in? MK: I would put them in a navigational challenge – I am like Magellan in my head, man. Meet me anywhere, and I know exactly what direction we are in. I know where I am at all moments, it’s kind of spooky to people. I know the quickest route to everywhere we’re going, always. TBS: What goes on your perfect sandwich? MK: It would be pepper turkey, Muenster cheese, lettuce, red onions, balsamic vinegar. Classic. It works every time.



( class time )

6 degrees of separation

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