IND - 4/11/12 - v02i04 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 2, Issue 4 4/12/12 -4/26/12

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LITTLE 500:

A BIKER’S PERSPECTIVE vs. EVERYONE ELSE’S Kate Waxler wrote this

With the world's greatest college week right around the corner, the madness is only about to begin. Urban Dictionary describes Little 500 as “a campus of 40,000+ students celebrating a seemingly ordinary bike race by engaging in a week of mind blowing, wasted beyond your wildest dreams, non-stop parties. Where class shuts down and drunken students stumble from bar to bar, frat to frat, street to street, drinking everything in sight, and no amount of alcohol poisoning can stop them.” While this is definitely true, have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a biker? To you, Little 500 may translate to a week of raging your face off, but that’s the exact opposite of what the bikers are thinking. Let’s take a look at the two opposing perspectives when it comes to the week of bike races and booze binging: RACE DAY Bikers: "I’ve been training all semester for Little 500 race day. From weeknights spent at the track to road rides down to Monroe Lake and back, there is no way I could be in better shape for this day. " Everyone Else: "I’ve been training my liver all semester for Little 500. From Two Dollar Tuesdays to darties every Friday, there is no way my tolerance could be any higher for this week of nonstop partying." TRAINING Bikers: "You can’t even begin to comprehend how many hours I’ve spent training at the track this week. I know exactly which pit is mine and I know the exact height of my seat. When that wall of wind hits me coming around turn two, I just keep telling myself to give it that extra push for the big W." Everyone Else: "Thinking about how many classes I have skipped this semester would be concerning to most people. Instead of learning, I have opted to map out exactly where I will be spending every day and night of Little 500 week. From scoping out the booth with the best view at Roy’s to attempting to sneak into the back door of one of the frats, I know what I’m doing. Gotta keep training to come out on top as the Little 500 champ."

Other stuff

Inside

BATTLE WOUNDS Bikers: "These bruises and gashes I keep finding on my legs are a mystery to me. Once I mastered exchanges, I figured my body would no longer look like I’d been beaten with a baseball bat, but I guess I was wrong. I think I’m going to name my bike 'Chris Brown.' Take a look at my shins, you’ll know why." Everyone Else: "These bruises and gashes I keep finding on my legs are a mystery to me. Now that my tolerance is up I figured I would no longer be falling down stairs and running into things, but I guess I was wrong. My friends are starting to call me Rihanna…" PERSPECTIVE ON OTHERS Bikers: "I don’t even want to know what everyone else is doing during Little 500 week: Beer bonging, day drinking and boats? Can their drunken little brains even begin to comprehend how many hours, days, weeks and months I have spent training for this one day? I can count on one hand how

many nights I have drank this semester. Hey idiots, thanks for 'supporting' me on race day by showing up so belligerent you can’t last more than 20 minutes. And no, Lance Armstrong is not my hero. " Everyone Else: "Question: Why is this biking race thing such a big deal? Yeah, I get they train and shit, but who in their right mind would give up darties, boats, and endless beer bongs for a stupid bike? You’re doing big things bikers, but you’re no Lance Armstrong. Hey, I’ll take a shot in your in honor though. Maybe at the track before the race you’ll take a quick pull?" With Little 500 creeping up on us faster than you can say PURDOUCHE, I hope this gave you a little insight on what the other side is thinking. Bikers, we’ll all be cheering your name when you come around turn four during the race. Everyone else, we’ll all be cheering your name when you’re bonging that beer at 9 a.m. One thing both sides can agree on: IT’S LITTLE FIVE SEASON, BITCH!

Little 500 is here, and we’re breaking down the race.

Hey, everyone expresses their Little 500 excitement in different ways.

...stays in the bill armstrong stadium, ya hear?

see page 4

see page 6

see page 9

It’s That Time of Year Again

The Usual Suspects

What Happens in the Armstrong Stadium...

Table of > > > PAGE 4 >>> PAGE 10 >>> page 10 >>> page 11 >>> PAGE 11 >>>

The Top Ten

Things to Have During Little 500 Week, like a live would be helpful.

contents 10

Bartender of the Issue

Jeremy from Brother’s can be your twat waffle.

Recipe for Disaster: Popcorn Puppy Chow

Bow wiggitiy wow, this sounds wonderful and it's not even 4 am!

Welcome to Hoosier Heaven

Hibernation’s over, let’s spring into spring on campus.

The Black Sheep Interviews: Shongle

we chatted with simon posford, one half of the trippy electronic dj duo.

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The alarming disappearance of a fat-come-recently-fit person amongst their group of fat loser friends. Pat’s absduction was swift, after he lost weight he spent much more time in pussy than in the gaming room.

THe top ten

Things to Have During Little 500 Week 10) A Flask: You can’t just skip class all week. You'll need something to help keep your buzz going strong. Having a flask on hand will be the perfect way to snatch up those participation points without skipping a beat. 9) A Camera: A week of partying and craziness can also often lead to missing memories and general confusion. Avoid the entire week turning into one huge blur and document your Little 500 experience. 8) 5-Hour ENERGY Shot: Granted, you are going to need a lot more than five hours of energy, this should be for emergency purposes only. Going non-stop for seven days can take a toll on your body, so keep this shot of immunity for only the most dire of times.

it's that time of the year, again! ryan kennedy wrote this It’s that time of year again. Time for what seven-time Tour de France champion Lance “the One-Balled Wonder” Armstrong called, “the coolest event I ever attended.” World, Little 500 is upon us. “The greatest college weekend,” as Little Five is often referred to, is actually a weeklong bender consisting of the most insane, over-the-top, liver-melting partying ever witnessed by humankind. Think of the craziest event you’ve ever been to and multiply it by a billion, it’s like that. It’s also a bike race.

drunk tank. Those who haven’t passed out or been arrested by this point are in for a treat, if they can remember it. Year after year the Little 500 provides as much intensity, drama, heartbreak, happiness and badass crashes as can be found in any amateur sporting event. This year looks to be no different. 33 years after the release of Breaking Away, the roles have been reversed. The uber-douchey Cutters have become the dominant force in the race, having won the last five Little 500s. They’re looking to extend their streak without the infamous Eric Young. Can they win without their rule bending, loophole finding, semi-professional star? We’ll see on race day, but I liked them better in the movie when they were the underdogs.

"regardless of who wins, we all finish the same way; kind of Greeks narrowly missed hung-over and really hungry." The reclaiming the title last year

Believe it or not, the race itself is actually more famous than all the partying. Most notably, it was immortalized in the classic film Breaking Away. Hell, there’s even a Bollywood film based on the race called Jo Jeet Wohi Sikandar, which loosely translates to Slumdog Millionaire Rides a Bicycle.

For most, race day begins at around 8 a.m. with aggressive drinking beginning no later than 8:05. With the race starting at 2 p.m., every minute of that six-hour pregame is precious. A sober person at Little 500 is more out of place than a Kentucky fan at Kilroy’s. At some point, usually around noon, it’s time for the riders’ send-off. The send-off is where supporters scream, chant and slur encouragement to the riders that will be representing them in the race. Then, it’s back to the party. Someone has to drink the riders’ share of the booze. By this time things get a little blurry. In no time at all every student stumbles to the track. The drunk masses making their way across campus looks like something out of a zombie movie. It’s also when the police have a field day scooping people up and dragging them off to the

when Phi Delta Theta finished just four-hundredths of a second behind the Cutters. The taste of defeat still in their mouths, and the knowledge that changing riders with the lead on the final lap was a really, really dumb move, is sure to provide them and all of the Greek teams with more than enough motivation to compete for the win. The women’s race is up for grabs. Defending champion Team Teter, who qualified first, appears to be the favorite again this year. However, Delta Gamma, Army and Alpha Gamma Delta are just a few of the teams that could pull the upset. One thing is for certain though, when a group of biker girls spends enough time training for the race together, they all end up on the same cycle.

Regardless of who wins, we all finish the same way; kind of hung-over and really hungry. It’s important to remember the spirit of the Little 500: having crazy amounts of fun. Good luck to all the riders this year. Let’s go racing.

7) The Number to the Nearest Jimmy John’s: With a week of drinking comes some serious cases of the munchies. JJ’s sandwiches are the perfect drunk food, and can be eaten nonstop for days. You can expect these delivery drivers get more action on their two wheels than the riders in the race. 6) Nips: God forbid you can’t get a hold of the handle of Karkov in time, or the line for the Keg is too long, you need to have something at hand: These mini bottles come in assorted brands and flavors, and are essential to guarantee that you are always at the perfect level of drunkenness (and retain that level) at all times. 5) Pre-Made Power Hour Mix: Start at least one of your days of this glory week off with a power hour. Once the week has already begun you will be far too canned to find a mix illegally online, so take this step in advance. The alcohol of choice will determine how potent the end of the hour is, but it is always guaranteed to be fun. 4) Comfortable Shoes: Put the heels back in the closet, ladies. For this week, stick to Converse, Sperry’s, Tom’s, or whatever the hell you wear for comfort. Every day will be spent party hopping (a.k.a. lots of walking), so whether you’re hopping from bar to bar, house to house, or frat to frat, keep it casual and comfortable. Your drunk self will thank you later. 3) Band-Aids and Advil: With being hammered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, comes some major battle wounds and killer headaches. These, however, are no excuse to stay in from a party. Slap a Band-Aid on that cut and pop a few Advil in the morning before starting the day’s activities and you’re instantly all-star status again. Rage on. 2) Personalized Little 500 CamelBak: When you wake up every morning after a rough night, the first thing you stumble out of bed for is a gallon of water. Here is where preparation pays off, my friends. Get your own CamelBak to put right at the foot of your bed and fill it up at night before you go out. To be safe, write your name in giant letters so your shitfaced roommate doesn’t steal it. 1) Stock Up on Absences: For all you Little 500 newbies, save up your absences to use for those ridiculous professors who actually take attendance. Believe us, when it’s only you and that weird kid who doesn’t wear deodorant sitting in French class on that Wednesday afternoon, you’ll wish you took this advice.

indiana staff wrote this

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The Usual Suspects Elisabeth Klisser wrote this

The Little 500 at IU attracts a lot of interesting people to Bloomington’s campus. In the past it has given us Weezy, Wiz Khalifa, and countless Excise cops. But aside from all of these new and exciting faces featured during the week of Little 500, you can always count on a few familiar ones year after year. Whether it be on Kirkwood, North Jordan or that very convenient ditch you’re going to nap in, meeting these familiar faces makes Little 500 entertaining for us all. The Drunk Wanderer: At first it may appear as though this guy is simply a friendly Hoosier who is approaching you with good intentions. A few seconds into the conversation, after he starts rambling about his obsession with octopi and he calls you Beatrice a few times, you begin to realize that this is actually just a high-functioning individual that is particularly intoxicated. The drunk wanderers are plentiful during the Little 500 season because after so many days of partying, some folks find themselves in a perpetual state of drunkenness that can only lead to being known at a party as “that drunk guy we don’t know.” The Visitor: Though very similar to the drunk wanderer, the visitor has only been in town since this morning. She has been dartying in her Grand Prix tank for only a few hours and is now found curled up in the bathroom, holding on to the toilet for dear life. She doesn’t understand why everyone is getting so excited for a bike race and she was pretty sure Sublime broke up years ago. Although she swears that she was roofied, you know the truth: outsiders can’t hang.

The Rookie: He can be easily identified by his official Little 500 cycling shirt he bought at T.I.S and IU lanyard. He has a front row seat to the race and is enthusiastically cheering on his dormitory’s bike team. He is pretty worried about drinking because he heard that Excise cops jump out of the bushes and arrest you. He also has no idea how he is getting refunded for that John Mayer concert ticket. The Police: The fact that you’ve even encountered them is already a bad sign, but unless you’re crying hysterically on the side of the road with no shoes on, consider yourself golden. They have enough rookies, visitors and drunk wanderers to deal with, so you are the least of their concerns. As long as you mind your own damn business and try your hardest not to blast “This is Indiana” too early in the morning, you’ll be just fine. The Kid with Three Tests: In high school he was valedictorian. Now he is double majoring in the Kelley School of Business. Ten years from now he will be wiping his ass with $100 bills, but this week he will suffer.For one very short duration of time, he will actually be envious of your degree in SPEA. He will watch you from the library windows longingly as you run rampant in the streets of Bloomington having the best week of your life. Oh wait! The library doesn’t have windows. This recurring cast of characters helps to bring some normalcy to this chaotic week. They also remind us that although the Union Board concerts go from awesome to shitty from year to year, some things never change.

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SPECIAL NIGHT THURS

1-"2"-3 $1 Burgers from 5p-Close FREE T-shirts at 9pm *while supplies last $1 Cherry Bombs, Bazooka Joes, Jäger Bombs (minis) Everything under $6 is $2 $2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Three Olives Vodka $4 Three Olives Vodka/Red Bulls $10 Fishbowls w/ TOV $3 Miller Lite Bottles

$5 Double Capt Morgan $5 Double Pearl Drinks Clayton Anderson (4/13) Hairbangers Ball (4/20)

$2 Bazooka Joes & Jäger Bombs $3.25 Bacardi Drinks $3 Coors Light Bottles $12 Fishbowls

$6 Double Jack Daniels/ Bacardi Drinks Leftover Salmon (4/14) Dot Dot Dot (4/21)

SUN

$8 Bud/Bud Light Beer Towers $3 16oz Mason Jars (Double Wells, Double Jack Daniel’s, Double SoCo Bud & Bud Light) $25 Margarita Towers

WED

TUES

Closed

MON

SAT

King of the Wings Contest Every Wednesday in April- 9pm Go Big or Go Home Fri & Sat (Excludes 4/20 & 4/21) $5.25 14oz Doubles of Three Olives (Fri) & Bacardi (Sat) $3.50 22oz. Stadium Cup Bud Light Taps

FRI

The Bar Grid

$1 Tacos from 5p-Close $1 U-Call-It’s (super premiums & pitchers excluded)

Everything under $6 is $1 No Cover for Ladies! Brothers Mug Club Karaoke Starting at 11pm 15¢ Wings (9pm ‘til ?) $5 Mug Filled, $1.50 Refills (Wells, Domestic Taps, Three Olives Flavored Long Islands) $2 Jäger & 1800 shots $1.25 Miller High Life Bottles

SATURDAY: $6 Double Jack Daniels/ Bacardi Drinks Leftover Salmon (4/14) Dot Dot Dot (4/21)

$5 Doubles Coyote Kisses (4/12) Main Squeeze (4/19)

Closed

Karaoke Night (4/16) Laid Back Luke (4/23) $2.50 32oz Coors Light

Hip Hop Showcase $2.50 32oz Coors Light

$0.15 Pints $1.50 Well Drinks ROD TUFFCURLS AND THE BENCHPRESS (4/25)

THURSDAY: 5 6 Happy Hour $4 Franziskaner $3 Absolut, Crown, Captain, Jameson

WED: Mug Night! $3 Miiller/Coors $4 All Other Beers $4 Long Islands, Apples, and Triple Pinnacles

Happy Hour Parties Galore During Lil Five 2012!

$3 Thursday

Official Tiesto Patio Pre-Party Lil Five 2012 24oz Rolling Rocks and Bottle Service Specials during all Happy Hour parties

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Captain Morgan Black Launch Party w/Jared Berkey LilFive 2012 24oz Rolling Rocks and Bottle Service Specials during all Happy Hour parties

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Bladder Bust Starting at 10pm

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4 5 6 Happy Hour & English Margarita Night! $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3 Bloomington Brews $7 Pitchers Bud/Bud Light

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Mug Night! $3 Miiller/Coors $4 All Other Beers $4 Long Islands, Apples, and Triple Pinnacles

$3.50 Grape/Cherry Bombs

Wednesdays on Walnut Everything is Half Price... Day Party Music by David Dann LilFive 2012

4 5 6 Happy Hour $1.50 Well Cocktails $6 Nip and Pound $3.50 Long Islands $7 Pitchers of All Light Beer Sink the Biz Night $3.50 Grape/Cherry Bombs

5 6 Happy Hour $4 Franziskaner $3 Absolut, Crown, Captain, Jameson

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What happens in The Bill Armstrong Stadium stays in the Bill Armstrong Stadium jillian mandell wrote this Little 500 is always destined to be a sloppy seven days and seven nights. Friday and Saturday, the two most important days of the week, require students to somehow bring their bashed and bruised bodies to the Bill Armstrong Stadium, simply known as “The Track”. The sights, sounds and smells of “The Track” on race day stir up a sense of nostalgia within us: Little 500 is here again! The stadium is an alternate universe come race day, and a lot of questionable behavior is displayed. The neverending food lines quickly transform harmless 20-year-old rascals into complete savages. This is not just a snack to tide one over. After drinking beer for six days straight, a lot of illogical things make perfect sense. It is obvious to you that you’ll collapse to the ground any second if the nacho cheese, which you can smell from the front of the line, is not down your throat within the next four seconds. In a state of sobriety you would at least accept that nacho cheese does appear to be made out of dubious ingredients with names like sodium stearoyl lactate and mono diglycerides, but right now that delicious concoction is your substitute for salvation. The restrooms exercise a whole new level of grime. Dipsomaniac girls will wait in lines as long as it takes to pee out some of the beer they have been guzzling. You

see all sorts of interesting chaos inside of the women’s bathroom. These antics include, but are not limited to, that girl in your freshman year finite class crying “because Becky made out with Eric in the stands and Sarah just told me,” to a dumbass who is so liquored up she thinks it would be fun to go slip ‘n sliding in the puddles that are on the bathroom floor. This far exceeds typical bathroom drama. If you are not wasting your time in the bathroom or buying food, you may actually be in the stands posing as some sort of fan. In your mind you look like a proper spectator, clapping and whistling at all the right times as the bikers gracefully whiz around the track. You carelessly laugh at the fellow next to you, dressed in your Wimbledon Whites and sipping on Bloody Marys. The police trying to keep order see a much different sight when they gaze up into the stands. Hands are flailing, feet are stomping and there is nothing orderly about the mobs that flod the stands. Woofing, squealing and dubstep noises all escape the mouths of the spectators. The outfits are a flood of neon colors, overalls, paint-splattered shorts, beer hats, floaties and the occasional full green spandex body suit. Handles of Karkov sit inside resentful stomachs as Little 500 commences and another one of the greatest weekends in history has occurred.

TACO-ROCKET.COM

Monday morning will roll around and the track will transform back into normalcy as if we were never there. Aside from some empty beer cans left on the ground, it will look like virgin grounds that have never been touched by our reckless actions. For the two race days we claim our territory in the most obnoxious ways possible, but afterwards we relinquish that turf back to IU. Good luck to those who will wreak havoc on the sidelines.

(812) 333-TACO

CONSIDER YOUR LATE NIGHT CRAVINGS OFFICIALLY

SATISFIED OPEN UNTIL 4am THURSDAY, FRIDAY AND SATURDAY OPEN UNTIL 4am EVERYDAY DURING THE WEEK OF LITTLE 500! LOCATED ACROSS FROM KILROY’S SPORTS BAR

AWWW YEAH, AND WE DELIVER!

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Bartender

of the

Issue Nickname: Twat Waffle

Santa Monica

Relationship Status: Single

Biggest pet peeve: When people stick their fingers under your armpits, or titty twisters.

Favorite Drink: Double Makers and Coke Favorite Shot: Vegas Bomb Worst Drink Ever: Vodka tonic Celebrity Crush: Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba

n o s t a W y Jerem ther’s canopy club

Bro

What is the funniest thing you’ve seen while working: A Couple hooking up on the pool table. What is your theme song: “Theory of a Dead Man” by

drinking game:

Drunk Easter Egg Hunt

Biggest turn off: Too much make up. How many 4-year-olds could you take in a fight: As many that will stand up. If you could create a holiday what would it be: Sunday Funday What dead person would you most want to bring back to life: Chris Farley

Best song to set the mood to: The first song I hooked up to was Pretty Ricky, “Grind On Me.” What is your favorite quote: “It’s a great day to be alive.” What are 3 things you’d need on a deserted island: Knife, booze, and a female. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve heard on the job: “Are you Irish, ‘cause my penis be Dublin.” If you could have any super power what would it be: To be able to predict the future.

recipe for disaster:

Popcorn Puppy Chow

Easter may be over, but you still have a shit ton of those eggs left over. “Why did the Easter egg hide?” Many of you may have once thought it was because, “He was a little chicken.” Wrong. That Easter egg is hiding because you are about to chuck him at somebody’s car while ridiculously hammered. In response to your desperate cries to get those awful pastel eggs out of your apartments, we offer you this wild egg hunt that will leave you spinning.

We’ve put a spin on the recipe and added popcorn! As if the world’s greatest snack couldn’t get any better, the addition of popcorn to puppy chow is the greatest addition to a classic concoction since whiskey was added to Coke. Popcorn puppy chow also provides another perfect way to take the random crap you call your “groceries” and make them into something actually appetizing.

What You’ll Need: Eggs, markers, and lots of alcohol. Number of People: As many Jesus-loving folks that you can find. Level of Intoxication: D.R.U.N.K!

What you’ll need: Popcorn, chocolate, peanut butter, ½ stick of butter, powdered sugar. Cook Time: 10 minutes. Fatty Factor: The only thing semi-healthy about this is the popcorn, and even that’s a stretch. Let’s Get Poppin': -Pop some popcorn (rule of thumb: Kettle Corn is for bitches). -Microwave chocolate, peanut butter, and butter until melted. Stir that shit up. -Ooze your chocolate-peanut-buttery goop all over your popcorn until evenly coated. -Add powdered sugar and mix around until everything turns white. -Grab a handful, stuff your face and be shameless with it.

How to Play: -The designated “Easter Bunny” writes drinks on slips of paper and puts them inside plastic Easter Eggs. Drinks are up to the Easter Bunny, but can range from shots, double shots, beer shotguns, beer bongs, etc. (Have fun with this; the players are your bitches, and you can make them do whatever you want for a whole round.) - The eggs are dispersed around the designated game boundaries (apartment, frat house, etc). - Once the eggs are dispersed, the players run around finding the eggs and drinking as much as the eggs say. - Once players find an egg and do the drinking task, they can chuck the egg at someone and get them “out,” thus eliminating the competition and maximizing their drinking opportunities. The Game Ends When: All the eggs are gone and the last player standing then becomes the Easter Bunny. The game can be played repeatedly all day, but players are advised to keep the number of games to a minimum, unless money for an ambulance ride is readily available.

Thirsty for More?

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The next thing you know, popcorn puppy chow will be a staple at movie theaters across the country. However, knowing the way movie theaters price their food, this delicious concoction will surely cost you nothing short of an arm, a leg, and a fair amount of dignity. Because of this, I advise you to make it while it’s cheap and delicious.

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welcome to Hoosier Heaven Kendall McDougal wrote this

Spring is officially in full swing Hoosiers, and we all know there is nothing better than good old Bloomington in full bloom. With Twitter accounts like @ OnlyatIU and @HoosierFaithful, we are constantly reminded of the countless activities and sights to see around campus this time of year. With temperatures up in the 80s and Little 500 right around the corner, there’s just about nothing that can bring IU students down. We’ve got one more month to live it up and take in everything our campus has to offer, so let’s get out there and embrace it! These are just a few of the endless things you can do right here on campus, all while getting sun kissed. Take a Stroll Down Kirkwood: With a wide variety of restaurants, bars, and unique shops, Kirkwood is the place to be at IU, especially when the sun is shining. Any day in April you can count on Kirkwood being packed with beaming students as they bounce from store to store and restaurant to restaurant. It’s hard to miss the packed patio of Roy’s, where students lounge in the sun, a cold one in hand. Take in all of that positive energy and indulge in some Campus Candy while you’re at it. Dartydartydarty: There’s nothing like starting a sunny day off with handles of Karkov, blaring music and friends in every direction. With only a few weekends left in the school year, time is running out for beloved darty season. Before we know it we’ll be home for summer, and doing beer bongs at nine in the morning, strangely enough, will be unacceptable. So set those alarm clocks and start chugging early.

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Start a Pickup Game: Grab a group of semi-athletic prospects and head over to Dunn Meadow to get a game going. Whether you want to play frisbee, soccer, football or whatever other weird ass sport you excelled at in high school, at least you’re burning some calories. This is the perfect way to get some exercise, get a tan, spend time with friends, and admire the campus around you all at once. Picnic in the Arboretum: IU’s Arboretum in the spring is about as pretty as Purdue girls are ugly. So make use out of it – pack up some food and take a friend or two to feast in what seems to be the greenest grass on earth. Maybe if you’re feeling productive you could even bring some homework out there…but let’s be serious, that will not be happening. Cruise with the Windows Down: If there is ever a day (or days) that you’re debating whether to go to that dreaded 75-minute lecture or not. Ditch that shit. Get in you car with your friends, roll down the windows, and bump some Wiz while zipping through the streets of campus. Zoom past your lecture hall just to stick it to your professor that driving around aimlessly is a better use of your time than sitting through his PowerPoints. So dive into spring Hoosiers, and do everything you can this month to make your last days of the year as memorable as possible. Even though winter never exactly happened, we still can’t take springtime for granted. If you ever catch yourself sitting inside for longer than five minutes, get up off your ass and go outside before the year is up. That summer job’s going to suck the life out of you.

Parents say the

Parents—how adorable. Whether they’re obsessed with their iProduct du jour or try to chat you up about the latest episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you can’t help but appreciate how they still try to stay involved in your life. Still, few parents keep up with the ever-evolving musical landscape. With that in mind we decided to email our parents sample lyrics from recently popular songs just to see if they could figure out what was going on. Their unadulterated responses below.

darndest things! Ke$ha- “Tik Tok”

And now the dudes are linin’ up cuz they hear we got swagger But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger I'm talkin’ about errrbody gettin crunk Boys tryn’a touch my junk “This is about some girls thinking they’re hot, checking out the boys who aren’t and dissing the pretenders who are offenders.” “Is swagger a new drink? Why does she have it on her and why is she with Mick Jagger? She has garbage that people want?” “The guys are in a competition like American Idol, wanting to show off their stuff, but they won't be accepted unless they're a certain 'type' - a cookie cutter imitation of what is acceptable. They're all

showing off, doing their best.” “Guys are standing in front of a hot club in NYC because they hear celebs and models are hanging out there. But the girls want nothing to do with 'em unless they're jocks or loaded with dough. The chicks are there to party, boys want some action.” Verdict: The parents do a good job identifying the strong pro-female message in the song, but are oblivious to Ke$ha’s general sluttiness. Having seen Ke$ha, this seems impossible.

LMFAO- “Party Rock Anthem” See I'm a jock (huh) nonstop when we in the spot Booty move weight like she owns the block Where I drank I gots to know Tight jeans, tattoos cause I'm rock and roll Half black half white, domino Gain the money Oprah Doe!

“I think this is about people of mixed ethnicity dancing for money.” “The dude feeling like he has to prove himself. Drinking for courage, playing the part with the clothes, tattoos, etc. He’s trying to please all, white/black, (Oreo) black on the outside - white inside. The woman has money, and she’s using him.” “It’s about a guy dancing with his gal but he likes to mix his music, rock and roll with a little hip hop sprinkled in.”

“He can focus and perform in a bad situation; she can move mountains with her powerful behind. Can't remember a thing about last night. Wearing tight jeans, etc. because they're searching for an identity.” Verdict: Two schools of thought are evident here. First, there are two responses with vaguely racist undertones. Then, there are the older folk who know that this is a party song. They must have watched the Super Bowl this year.

Drake- “The Motto”

Wrist blang, got a condo up in Biscayne Still getting brain from a thang, ain’t shit changed How you feel? how you feel? how you feel? Twenty five sittin’ on 25 mil uhh I’m in the building and I’m feeling myself Rest in peace Mac Dre, I’mma do it for the Bay, okay “It’s about a dude in Miami with a hangover reminiscing about the old rapper Dr. Dre and counting his money.”

Florida, not knowing what to feel, sitting on $25 million in illegal money. All this - living in Biscayne Bay - but is it worth the diminished peace of mind?”

“This song is definitely about drug use.”

Verdict: “Still getting brain from a thang” threw off them older kids. Thank god. If they knew what that meant, we’d have to kill ourselves.

“Newly rich but feeling poor, with a condo in southern

owl city - "fireflies" 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed The disco ball is just hanging by a thread The dude is in bed dreaming

“The song is about an animal living in the forest, right? I think an animal is teaching him how to dance in the woods.” “This person is definitely dealing with some drug-induced hallucinations.” “A thousand hugs from lightning bugs refers to blue haired ladies, they remember the foxtrot and sock hop. The disco ball is hang-

ing from a thread means they also realize their best days have passed.” Verdict: They’re all over the place with this one. Truthfully, we’re also confounded by this song. Lightning bugs don’t tend to reside under one’s bed, so we’re just assuming this guy fell ass-backwards into a catchy chorus.

Black Eyed Peas- “I Gotta Feeling” Let's do it, let's do it, Let's do it, Let's do it, and do it, and do it, Let's live it up And do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it, Let's do it, Let's do it, Let's do it.

“This needs no explanation, it’s about sex.” “Why is it all about sex? Do they talk about anything else?” “It’s about good vibes and positive affirmations. “

Verdict: We tricked ‘em real good. We assume that our parents assume that everyone is talking about sex all the time these days. Our suspicions proved correct.

Waka Flocka Flame- “No Hands” Blood want it flacka yea throw it fuck it I don't care.

“I have no clue what’s going on here.” “I have no idea.” Verdict: Neither do we.

the music page

the black sheep interviews:

Shpongle

You’ve never truly felt “shpongled” until you’ve been to one of Shpongle’s unforgettable performances. We got to chat with Simon Posford, half of the brainchild behind the British psychedelic-electronic duo that’s about making awesome music just as much as it’s about trippy visuals and having an amazing experience at the show. The man behind the six-eyed mask talked to us about goals (or lack of them) and their new set The Masquerade, which just embarked on tour in the US. Check them out during Summer Camp Music Festival in Chillicothe, IL, May 25-27th, or go online to twistedmusic. com/tours and find out when they’re at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get involved in playing electronic, trance music? Simon Posford: I guess I took a terrible path in my childhood at some point and got involved in a bad lot. I was playing in bands at school and stuff like that, playing at local girls’ schools, which was fun. Then for some stupid reason I choose playing electronic music. TBS: When did you take the leap from making cool electronic music to putting all these psychedelic visuals with it? Simon: If you’re going to DJ these days, you need to put on some kind of show. We do Shpongle with a live band, which is such a spectacle. We have Brazilian dancers, contortionists in a box, giant florescent Slinkies, not to mention 12 band members on stage. It is psychedelic music and it is mind-expanding stuff, so you need to have a good live show and a good visual show to go with the music.

cd review

m.ward a wasteland companion Predictably great chill tunes, man.

M. Ward is a phenomenal singer, songwriter and guitarist who’s been around for over a decade, consistently performing and releasing music, never faltering on his undeniable raw talent. He’s also one half of She & Him with the adorkable Zooey Deschanel, and one quarter of the incredibly talented 2009 folk collaboration, Monsters of Folk. Not to mention his nearly constant touring and various other collaborations throughout the years, that’s a whole hell of a lot of information about a quiet guy from the west coast. A Wasteland Companion is M. Ward’s 8th album, a feat for anyone and especially for someone who’s under 40. At this point in his career, it’s assumed and quite blatant that he’s got his shit down. M. Ward knows exactly who he is, what and how he’s going to play his music, and, perhaps most importantly, what his fans like. That’s not to say that he hasn’t grown as an artist or become more polished, but if you listen to his discography, it’s all pretty damn similar—acoustic folk music with passionate, relatable lyrics that sometimes make you sad and sometimes give you the chills. The majority of his songs hover around 3 minutes, but often times much less with barely enough time to even get a song rolling. With him, it’s not so much about finding one song that stands out (though it’s happened, obviously), but enjoying everything just as it happens to be.

out now

GRADE B

At just under 40-minutes long, A Wasteland Companion is nothing but predictably great M. Ward quintessential folk rock. The first song released was, “The First Time I Ran Away,” a low-key tune with sparse, simple lyrics and subtle guitar—one of the slower and weaker tracks on the album. Some of my favorites, though, are “Me and My Shadow” and “Crawl After You” because they’re two of the more interesting, stand-out songs on the album. “Crawl After You” is particularly beautiful with a nice piano and violins melodies (and painfully cute lyrics). And, if you listen closely throughout the album, you might just hear Deschanel herself featured in a few of the tracks. Subtly, of course. It’s a damn shame if you haven’t checked M. Ward out by now because he’s definitely worth a listen. But if you’re going to get this album, you’ve got to check out some of his other stuff (Post-War is a personal favorite) too. That way, if any of his songs get a little too slow, you can just go on to the next one (on to the next one). Sounds Like: A shy honeybee drinking lemonade on a bench, by himself. Download: Me and My Shadow, Crawl After You, Primitive Girl Listen to it When: You’re just vibing out, preferably in a hammock or by a lake.

TBS: Last year you performed with The Shpongletron (a huge DJ booth with lights, screens, and video mapped images projected onto 3D images) and this year you’re performing with The Masquerade. What’s that all about? Simon: For The Masquerade we actually built a structure called The Glyph, and it’s sort of like The Shpongletron on steroids. It’s trippier, more mapping, just cooler, more psychedelic, more awesome, and I’m a little bit closer to the crowd. TBS: Why the word ‘shpongle?’ Simon: The word Shpongle came about by my musical partner, Raja Ram. He had taken some mind-expanding substance and he was wandering around a festival and he said, “Oh Simon, I’m really shpongled.” It was suppose to be a mix of several words that came out at the same time; spangled, stoned, monged, all these words that he wanted to express all sort of fell out of his mouth into one word, “shpongle.” We got a good laugh and thought that we should probably use it as a band name. After that festival we made our first track, and “Shpongle” was just perfect. TBS: When you started Shpongle, did you have any goals in mind? Simon: We never really had any goals, I sort of like not having goals. If you have your goals and you attain them, then now what? Then you set another goal, and then you make this cycle of boredom. If you don’t make your goals, then you’re in a cycle of disappointment. So, we didn’t really have any plans. All we really wanted to do at the time, and continue to do, is to have fun and make music that we want to listen to, and that’s really all I’ve ever done. I do a show that I want to see and maybe that I want to take drugs to. People that don’t like [drugs] don’t have to, because the show has that similar affect on the brain. TBS: What kind of inspiration do you use for your music and your props? Simon: Everything inspires one, I think you’d have to have a heart of stone and a mind of mush to go through life without being inspired by the universe we live in. You know, the smile of a stranger or the woman you love, or a raindrop making its way slowly down your window. It’s all about having an open mind, then you’re open to these influences - the sheer beauty and joy and love and inspiration that the world has to offer around every single corner. Whether you have to bust that mind open with psychedelic drugs or if you naturally let it open like a lotus flower, then it doesn’t really matter. TBS: Okay, true or false: do you put some sort of hallucinogenic-chemical in the air during your concert to get everyone on the same level? Simon: Wouldn’t that be fantastic? I would love to be able to do that, but it’s probably illegal and I’m barely allowed in this country as it is. That’s the only reason not to do it though! TBS: After your show is all said and done, what’s your beverage of choice? Simon: Alcoholic, vodka and soda. Non-alcoholic, ginger ale or Coke, not water.

UPCOMING RELEASES Bonnie Raitt - Slipstream Counting Crows - Underwater Sunshine

Alabama Shakes - Boys & Girls Taproot - Episodes

Jason Mraz - Love is a Four Letter Word Train - California 37

Neon Trees - Picture Show Yann Tiersen - Skyline

class tim e

the crossword: reality television words) 16) Proof that white trash buys and sells regular trash. (2 words) 16) Proof that white trash buys and sells regular trash. (2 words) 17) Glorifying unprotected sex since 2009! (2 words) 18) Yo, we put a clue in your clue so you can read this clue while read clues. (3 words) DOWN: 1) Are you going to take 1,000 copies of this paper and hide them in your house for 25 years? 2) This four-letter word let your partner know the date was over. 4) To the Klu Klux Klan, an alternate answer would be “white people.” (2 words) 5) Dave Chappelle lampooned this show by letting the world know, “Katie has some big-ass tittays.” (2 words) 7) This show got a spin-off titles “Deadliest Roads.” (3 words) 11) ... and the winner is... Kris Allen? (2 words) 12) Every rose has its thorn, every dude on this show’s a douchebag. (2 words) 14) Pack your knives and go if you don’t want this show. (2 words)

class tim e

W H A

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Down Are you going to take 1,000 copies of this paper and hide them in your house for 25 years? 2 This four-letter word let your Buffa Louie's Campus Candy Village Deli Potbelly Smallwood McNutt partner know the date was over.Cardinal House of Hunan Fitness Which Which Rachel's Café 10th and College Union distribution manager 4 Adrienne To theWagner Klu Klux Klan,HuHot an Mongolian alternate Chipotle Yogi's Starbucks Rubicon Eigeman Grill Horse Irish Lion Subway Villas Briscoe answer would be "white people." Crazy (2 Lennies Dagwoods Amol Sushi bar Brownstone SRSC Words) pr/Marketing TEAM Mardon Salon Farm Bloomington Avers Pizza T.I.S The Stratum HYPER Moes Southwest Bear's Place Scotty's Grant Properties Woodburn 5 Dave thisKilroy's at DunKirk Megan LamarChappelle (Manager) lampooned Grill Kilroy's on Kirkwood Copper Cup Siam House Campus Corner Wilkie Mark Dunn show by letting the world know, PC Max Laughing Planet DATS Square Donuts Station 11 Health Center Charlotte Jay "Katie had some big-ass tittays." (2Cafe Red Mango Dragon Express The Bluebird Bradford Place STREET TEAMS Smoothies Nick's English Hut Falafels Middle The Vid (Video The Village at Muller BINS Words) Runcible Spoon Noodles Eastern Grill Saloon) Park EVERY GREEK 7 campus This director show got a spin-off420 titled Panda Express Kilroy's Sports Tracks Record Store B-School HOUSE Brendan BonhamRoads." (3 Blacks Mercantile Scholar's Inn Bake- Mad Mushroom Turkuaz Cafe Ballentine AND MORE! "Deadliest Words) Exchange house Mother Bears Pizza Upland Brewery Reed - Bistro 11 ...and the winner is...Kris Allen? (2Starbuck's Brother's Penn Station Wings Xtreme Gresham owner Words) Atish Doshi 12 Every rose has its thorn, every dude on this show's a douchebag. (2 Founders Words) Atish Doshi, Peter Rentschler, The if Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo 14 Pack your knives and go you don't drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, watch this show. (2 Words) attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally. Jessica Sommers 1

Meet The Staff!

photographer Izzy Kellman

ss Rogan is back and grosser ever! (2 Words) show is watching you. (2 ds) , why you a-gotta make ya campus managers mma so sad? She make-a you Peter Rentschler cy meat-a-ball!" (2 Words) Kate Brennan per man and a Ross fat man walk Mappes a barn... (2 Words) Editorial fashion show wouldmanagers force you Katharine Rinker et rid of all your barcrawl Bethany Aho s. (4 Words) e grim darkness without Advertising Managers tricity, there is only Jeff Andrew Harrison st. Sumit Chatterjee cast of this reality show Tom Wetmore ably picks up crabs in port, (2 Words) Writers f that white trash buys and Elisabeth Klisser Mandell regular trash.Jillian (2 Words) Ryan Kennedy fying unprotected sex since Kate Waxler 9! (2 Words) we put a clue in Mack yourSterr clue so Kyle Hassett can read thisKendall clue while you McDougal clues. (3 Words) Madeline Rosenthal

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across: 3) Joe Rogan is back and grosser than ever! (2 words) 6) This show is watching you. (2 words) 8) “Ron, why you a-gotta make ya mamma so sad? She make-a you a spicy meat-a-ball!” (2 words) 9) A hyper man and a fat man walk into a barn... (2 words) 10) This fashion show would force you to get rid of all your bar crawl shirts. (4 words) 13) In the grim darkness without electricity, there is only Jeff Probst. 15) The cast of this reality show probably picks up crabs in port, too. (2 N 3 4 5 E F E A R F A C T O R X M E T H E R A A Z L R E I W N O G R C A N P I C K E R S L A D 11 12 O W E A R T C M H E O R E E R B I A E S T C A T C H A H 17 N T E E N M O M I L Y R I D E O O R L

T D O 16 P A W N C H E F

Down 1 Are you going to take 1,000 copies of this paper and hide them in your house for 25 years? 2 This four-letter word let your partner know the date was over. 4 To the Klu Klux Klan, an alternate answer would be "white people." (2 Words) 5 Dave Chappelle lampooned this show by letting the world know, "Katie had some big-ass tittays." (2 Words) 7 This show got a spin-off titled "Deadliest Roads." (3 Words) 11 ...and the winner is...Kris Allen? (2 Words) 12 Every rose has its thorn, every dude on this show's a douchebag. (2 Words) 14 Pack your knives and go if you don't watch this show. (2 Words)

the clues

Across 3 Joe Rogan is back and grosser than ever! (2 Words) 6 This show is watching you. (2 Words) 8 "Ron, why you a-gotta make ya mamma so sad? She make-a you a spicy meat-a-ball!" (2 Words) 9 A hyper man and a fat man walk into a barn... (2 Words) 10 This fashion show would force you to get rid of all your barcrawl shirts. (4 Words) 13 In the grim darkness without electricity, there is only Jeff Probst. 15 The cast of this reality show probably picks up crabs in port, too. (2 Words) 16 Proof that white trash buys and sells regular trash. (2 Words) 17 Glorifying unprotected sex since 2009! (2 Words) 18 Yo, we put a clue in your clue so you can read this clue while you read clues. (3 Words)

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class tim e

the madlib: a dubstep show Last week __7__ asked me to a __8__ concert, so I __9__ went. When we arrived it was pretty obvious everyone was on __10__. There was a girl wearing a shiny __11__ that you could see under her light-up __12__. A guy with hair like a __13__ offered me some __14__, but when I saw his __15__ I was like, “no thanks, man.” So, during the concert this guy was doing this dance, it looked like he was trying to __16__and __17__ at the same time. I had to __18__ him, because he looked like __19__. Later that night some girl __20__on the dance floor. Everyone around her jumped they were so __21__. Eventually the show ended and we all went home, but I had such a __22__ time I couldn’t fall asleep until __23__.

1) Name 2) Adjective 3) Animal 4) Verb 5) Dubstep artist 6) Adjective 7) Name 8) Dubstep artist 9) Adjective 10) Drug 11) Clothing article

12) Clothing article 13) Clothing article 14) Noun 15) Body part 16) Dance move 17) Dance move 18) Verb 19) Noun 20) Verb 21) Adjective 22) Adjective 23) Time

class tim e

Hey __1__, have you heard of this new music, dubstep? I don’t know how I haven’t heard that shit before, it’s so __2__. Basically, it’s electronic music with these drops, which are instances where the musician makes a noise like two __3__ __4__. Have you heard of __5__? I really __6__ that guy.