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Volume 6, Issue 5 2/8/12 - 2/15/12

Dating Profiles of MSU Figures Ziev Beresh wrote this T.J. Duckett My self-summary: People who come across me usually think to themselves “hey what a cool guy” + then they either stop me for a conversation (I do luv 2 talk, ladies!) or just to take a picture. im a man who made his career by running, but never from adversity. I’m HUMBLE. What I’m doing with my life: Check me out in front of the bars. Tell me you want me 2 hook u up, and I’ll hook u up…with sum drinks! I’m really good at: FOOTBALLLL, wearing jackets, making club sandwiches, and lately I been plucking some notes on the uke. The first things people usually notice about me: A lot of times people are like “man! ur beard!” Well for your information (ladiesss) I started growin out my beard to fund a childrens cancer fund n shaved it off at the end of every season….now I just grow it to hide the redskins logo tatt’d on my chin…sum Cherokee tribe dudes I met didn’t like it! lol Zeke the Wonder Dog My self-summary: Arf.im an athlete. They say I’m the “best receiver in the Big Ten,” but they meant retriever...(hehe). I’m a yellow lab and would prefer to share my bone with bitches of the same breed. sorry, not attracted to pugs! I’m really good at: Catchin discs, licking kids, smelling stuff, parkour The six things I could never do without: Love-when I catch that frisbee just right. Intimacy-from a simple pat to an all-out rubdown, love to touch+be touched. Butts-life is nothing without ‘em. You say weird. I say ‘damn that smells good.’ Honesty-when I don’t catch, don’t cheer. I know i fucked up :( A bathroom: I primp..kind of a lot. maybe its shallow but hey if you look good you feel good!! My vest-because I’ll be damned if you catch me without it. On a typical Friday night I am: Going for a walk. Fetching. Eating. Pooping. Spending too much $$ on drinks for slutty terriers at club kennel. Sparty My self-summary: Greetings fellow Spartans! It’s a great day for…love. I shall tell you my virtues. I am the truest warrior. A man of impenetrable armor. A beast. I’ll tuck you under my arm and carry you to a pool of nymphs…where I’ll rip off your toga while the Gods watch us from Mount Olympus in jealousy. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food: Pride and Prejudice, John Tucker Must Die, Grey’s Anatomy, Switchfoot, and mashed potatoes! I spend a lot of time thinking about: Defeating wolverines. killing wolverines. skinning wolverines. stuffing wolverines. eating wolverines. The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I’m bicurious…but b4 u judge: it was the norm in ancient Greece.

Other stuff

Inside

My Date With the Devil

Tom Izzo My self-summary: Well, everything you’ve heard is true. I’m not on here looking for a relationship, though…Lupe keeps me pretty busy ;) I’m actually just on here scoutin’… never know where you’re going to find your next all-star player….amirite Mateen?? (We bonded over our love for mangos.) The first thing people usually notice about me: It’s hard to say what people notice first when people are constantly noticing you. I don’t mean that in a conceited way, I just mean that in a way that says I’m really well known and well liked, so people come up to me pretty frequently. I’m really good at: Well, aside from making sweet, sweet love to my wife….probably just winning basketball games? I mean, I’ve got 400 wins and counting, if we’re counting… The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I cried at the end of D2: Mighty Ducks. USA! USA! Gets me every time.

Satan stops by for a hot Valentine’s Day date.

Professor Starkweather’s Field Trip To Amy’s Chocolate Factory

We’re totally blaming this dude for what ails us.

see page 4

see page 5

see page 11

Amateur Adult Fiction: Volume III

An Open Letter to St. Valentine


02

Table of > > >

contents

PAGE 4>>>

The Top Ten

PAGE 6 >>

Staying Sober at Rick’s:

page 10 >>

Bartender of the Week

page 12 >>

Movie Review: The Grey

page 13 >>

The Taco Bell Challenge

Worst Places to Take Your Date on Valentine’s Day

6

The Ultimate College Experience... or, the worst night of your life.

10

Bad boy Skuska at Peanut Barrel didn’t tell his mom he went to jail.

Liam Neeson punches wolves, should have focused anger of PETA instead.

Win or lose, you get to eat Taco Bell

13 Michigan State University Student Housing Cooperative

For People, Not Profit. BECOME A PART OF A COMMUNITY... Fifteen Historic Houses Democratically Run Student Owned and Operated Great Locations

FOR MORE INFO:

msu.coop | (517) 355-8313 514 E Grand River Ave (Campus Town Mall) memberservices@msu.coop


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pic of the week >>> want to win

a very harold and kumar christmas

on dvd?

Obviously, right?

Surprisingly, this is not the strangest fetish party we've been to.

Follow Us On Twitter for Details! got party pics? we really, really want to see them. really. pics@theblacksheeponline.com

Think your caption is good enough for Page Three? Psh, we’d like to see it! Send your caption to

caption@theblacksheeponline.com

sexy anagrams >>> last week’s answers

jamie chung & ian somerhalder

Can you guess these hotties?

Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com

The first 5 right answers win prizes!

word of the week >>> herfuffle

Breast Icky El A Snare Enjoys Rhythm

submit your own word at word@theblacksheeponline.com if you think you’re so clever.

Definition: Any argument that is a direct result of two people fighting over one woman. The herfuffle between Keith and Marshall hit an apex when Marshall took Amanda ice skating over the weekend.


04

THe top ten

My Date With

Worst Places to Take Your Date on Valentine’s Day

The Devil

10) Okemos Olive Garden: You’re thinking Italy; you’re thinking wine; you’re thinking Sinatra; but in all reality, going to the Olive Garden is just a piss-poor attempt at being romantic…and a steadfast way to contract Hepatitis B. Your date is not going to enjoy her mediocre plate of chicken tenders doused in cheap marinara, and they are certainly not going to enjoy the bout of diarrhea that is sure to follow quickly afterwards.

Alex Everard wrote this Much like many of our readers, I have a very specific Valentine’s Day tradition that keeps me sane when this godforsaken date rolls around each year. However, my tradition may differ from some of our readers in that instead of nuzzling up with a loved one, eating CVS-brand chocolates and watching Love, Actually or Love and Other Drugs (or some other shit movie with “love” in the title), I ingest a nearly fatal dosage of psychoactive mushrooms in a PB&J sandwich and proceed to trip shit until I forget about just how lonely I really am. This year, things got a little too otherworldly. The conversation below depicts the events that followed. The Vatican did not approve this. And if you’re religious … this is 100% real and not made up in any way. (I’m sitting in my living room, talking to my couch about Keynesian economics and playing Connect Four with myself.) Unknown Voice: Alex… Alex…Hey, fuckface, I’m talking to you! Me: Stay away from me, Martin Sheen! Devil: I’m not Martin Sheen, you asshole. I’m Satan. Me: Oh, well, why didn’t you say something, Lucifer? My bad, I thought you were going to make me watch that Wall Street movie.

Devil: I’ll have the fresh Atlantic Cod, charred please. Me: I’ll just have the Caesar salad. Devil: Ooh, keeping it light…I like that. I like a man who knows what he wants. Me: Yeah… Devil: Stop licking your spoon like that, though. Everyone can see you. Me: Sorry, I’m kinda high right now.

Devil: Ha! You’re not in Hell yet, pal. Me: So, uh, what do you want from me? I was about to go put jellybeans in my coffee maker and register to campaign for Ron Paul, so…

Devil: So, tell me about yourself…as if I haven’t been sitting by your bed watching you sleep every night since you stole that pocketknife from Wal-Mart when you were seven. Me: Hm. Um, okay. I’m doing pretty well in school and work and everything, but not so much with the ladies... That’s kind of why I ate those ‘shrooms earlier and now I’m here. At P.F. Changs. With Satan. My god, what is my life coming to?

Devil: This is kind of awkward because I’m supposed to represent “all the evil in the world” and everything, but…will you just go on a date with me? I know you’re not doing anything, it’s Valentine’s Day, and Gaddafi blew me off to go tanning with Joe Pa. Me: What?! Joe Pa went to Hell?

Devil: Two things, real quick: One, I’m the fucking Devil—I don’t care if you do drugs. Two, stop bringing up God. I hate that guy. He’s always judging me. Me: Tell me about it! Like, yeah, sorry I’m pro-choice on an overpopulated planet and have premarital sex, you white-bearded prick!

Devil: Well, not technically—God is just waiting six months to tell St. Peter he died. Then he’ll go to Heaven. Me: Wow, He does have a sense of humor after all…

"i promise i'll go easy on you once you die if you just do me this solid."

Devil: Yes, he’s actually quite the jokester, but that’s neither here nor there. Bottom line is, I got two seats reserved at P.F. Chang’s a half-hour from now. I promise I’ll go easy on you once you die if you just do me this solid. Me: You’re not going to like, rape me with your fiery trident or something…are you? Devil: Ugh, no. I keep my trident clean. And you’re not exactly rape material. Me: Kind of offended by that, but I’m chalking it up to the boomers. Let’s go. (A red poof that smells and tastes like Flamin’ Hot Cheetos fills the room and makes me feel weightless.) Me: Wow, that was cool. Didn’t know you could teleport like that, Dev. Devil: There are perks to being the Fallen Angel… Waitress: I have a table for two under for “Perry.” Table for two for “Perry”! Me: So, just out of curiosity— are you using Rick Perry or Tyler Perry’s last name? Devil: Oh, Alex. Sweet, soft-skinned Alex. Does it really matter? They’re both going to Hell anyway. Waitress: What can I get for you, gentlemen?

Devil: His beard has actually retained its color pretty well for how old He is. I think he uses “Just for Men Touch of Gray.” Enough about him, though…food is here! Me: Wow, this is delicious. I hate to leave you with the whole bill, but I didn’t bring my wallet. You have yours, right?

Devil: A wallet? Do you really think I use a wallet when I can just set fire to this entire restaurant and walk right out the fucking door? Me: I like your style. Devil: I like the way you eat your salad. Me: That’s super creepy. Devil: We all have our flaws… Me: Right, well, I’m about done with this salad, so…can this date be over now? My Roommate: Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? Why are you naked? And why are there jellybeans everywhere? Me: Satan? Where did you go? My roommate’s girlfriend: Ugh, this is super weird… why does he have a boner? ::cringes:: Let’s just watch Crazy Stupid Love at my place. Me: Hey, will you put my Caesar salad in the fridge before you go? My Roommate: You mean this pile of lettuce with nickels and ranch dressing all over it? Me: Yes.

9) The Lansing Chuck E. Cheese's: You might think going to Chuck-E-Cheese would be a fun “let’s-reminisce-aboutour-childhood” outing, but it’s really just a depressing dump that reminds you how truly disgusting children are. Kids are swimming through a drooled-filled ball pit and questionable adults are drinking stale beer while watching the pathetic “variety show” featuring Mr. Munch and Pasqually. 8) Wells Hall Presents The Vow: Going to the movies for a date is ideal for fifteen-year-olds trying to get their first hand-jibber. Wells Hall is even worse; not only are you too cheap to pay for a real movie, but the excessively salty popcorn will end up parching her mouth for the least comfortable dome ever. Plus, watching Channing Tatum acting is like watching a kitten trying to escape out of a brown bag; it’s a cute but sad attempt. 7) Their Parents’ House: You hate your own family, so why would you want to spend the holiday with someone else’s? Staring at their dad’s nose hair is not appealing in the least, especially while eating some crusty green bean casserole. 6) A Soup Kitchen: Nothing warms the heart more than chicken broth and itchy blankets. Sure you might be the bestdressed people in the room, but that doesn’t make it okay. You’re a college student and you’re broke, but you can do better. 5) Nowhere: Nothing says, “I love you” like putting forth no effort at all. Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Probably not. So, do us ladies all a favor: we don’t want to sit on your goddamn couch with you and your roommate to watch reruns of The Wire for the umpteenth time. Your roommate’s feet smell like Fritos and I don’t want to sit next to the mystery stain. Chocolate? Human feces? I don’t want to know. 4) Video-to-Go: Walking into Video-to-Go is like stepping in a time machine back to 1994; everything looks so… old. Its location in Frandor doesn’t do it any favors and it’s always full of pretentious cashiers who will undoubtedly judge your movie selection. And rather than receiving the rom-com you picked out, you’ll most likely be given an empty case with a dried booger in it instead. And still be charged $5 in late fees for not returning said booger. 3) The Gallery: Because it’s Noodle Tuesday, you’ll walk in and be overwhelmed by the amount of people inhaling pasta at every angle around you. The Alfredo sauce will go through you like shit through a goose and you’ll end up spending the night on the handicap toilet in the Snyder lobby bathroom wondering where all that corn came from. 2) Sparrow Hospital: You stole a box of candy from the sketchy Grand River Rite-Aid and made a reservation at Stillwater with that special someone, yet in the middle of your carefully planned evening, you end up at Sparrow because your date’s throat “started to close” and her “face ballooned up” because of a “shellfish allergy.” 1) The Abortion Clinic: V-Day was the only opening they had in weeks, so you did you what you had to do. Because, hey, you know what they say about pregnancy…it’s the worst.

Samantha Shaughnessy wrote this


www.theblacksheeponline.com

Amateur Erotic Fiction: Volume III

05

Professor Starkweather’s Field Trip to Amy’s Chocolate Factory justin gawel wrote this “Finally,” Amy thought as she gathered her books after Professor Starkweather ended his psychology lecture Thursday afternoon. Excitement bubbled inside of Amy that day, and not just because it was Thursday, but because it was nearly Valentine’s Day, and she was optimistic about ending her dry spell during the upcoming weekend. Above everything else, she did not want a repeat of the previous year’s Valentine’s Day weekend when she had the flu and spent the entire weekend alone, in her dorm, in bed with Maxwell. To clarify, “Maxwell” is what Amy had named her old vibrator. Amy made her way towards the door when Professor Starkweather stopped her unexpectedly. “Amy, your question today about Freud was so insightful. I’ll be sure to have an answer for you at next week’s class.” “Thanks,” she blurted as she blushed at the young professor. “I’ve always had an interest in the Freudian stages, you know?” “Ah yes,” he waxed, while the last few students trickled out of the lecture hall and the door slammed. “Quite important for our development,” he deliberated, his speech slowing with every word. “Without progressing through them properly, someone could end up being… anally --or even orally-- fixated,” he continued, with the words just casually rolling off his tongue, “You aren’t orally fixated, are you, Amy?” For the first time this entire semester, Amy was intently listening to every word out of the adorable professor’s perfect

mouth. “How could someone whose lectures are so dry make me so wet in so few words?” she thought. Amy knew right then that the end of her dry season was imminent, and before you could say “extra credit” she had unbuckled his pants and slipped the throbbing faculty member into her mouth. Amy didn’t hold anything back; she let her oral fixation take hold and couldn’t have been more thorough. Like, six pages of sources and footnotes kind of thorough. Forty seconds passed and Starkweather’s muscles tensed. Amy paused for a second, not wanting this textbook example of the Electra Complex to be over so soon. She looked up into his eyes and asked, “Where do you want it?” The professor, for once on the receiving end of a multiplechoice question, was a bit stunned by the offer. He fuddled with his words for a second but then managed to regain his composure as he gestured for Amy to drop trou and turn around. She obliged, and after bracing her hands on his lecturing podium the professor proceeded to Freudian slip his dick directly into Amy’s bunghole.

After a particularly vigorous set of jabs from his powerpoint, Starkweather ceased thrusting, let out an involuntary grunt, and proceeded to high-five himself. Embarrassed for both of them now, Amy tried to focus on something besides Starkweather’s prematurity, both in his juvenile gestures and sexual stamina. She soon repressed those facts when she realized that her bottom now felt stickier than the bottom of that chair that she sticks her gum to each day in class. The transition from thinking orgasm to thinking shower would never be quicker for Amy than it was on that day.

Initially surprised, it took Amy a minute to get her bearings, but once she did, she started to give it back to Starkweather—really trying to earn that participation credit for the day. The professor kicked it up a notch, wrapping his arms around Amy’s waist and flicking her bean with the speed and dexterity of a professor skipping forward in their lecture slides. Amy, now overcum with pleasure, found herself unable to do much besides enjoy herself.

An awkward exchange while re-dressing coupled with a creepy “see you in class” line led Amy to think that her business here was definitely finished. As she sauntered to leave Starkweather inquired, “Wait, before you go…do you mind?” She turned back to see Professor Starkweather holding a SIRS form. “Amy, I really value what each of my students thinks about my performance.”


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SHOUT OUTS! To the DJ spinning at the house party on Friday: You can't clap along to every song and you need to lay down some beats that make people want to dance not have a seizure. And the song SHOUT is a horrible choice to end the night... you are the worst! To Blaise, Idk if your gay, but after grinding me on the dance floor and begging to come back to my apartment with me, I was expecting a little more then what happened...and that wasn’t my name you shouted, which concerned me… Nicole!!!! Is it still stiletto night if there’s snow coming down like kray kray? Dear neighbor two doors down from me, I don’t understand what’s so fun about throwing phone books in the hallway, and why it causes you to yell. Catherine, I don’t think calling our professor out on her feminist remarks is going to stop her from being a feminist, but you can sure try…and fail… Dear milk, why do you always leave when it’s time to hang out with cereal? Milk and OJ just aren’t the same… Matt, were you seriously holding hands with Megan while ON the treadmill? Come on! Lisa, the gorilla glue isn’t holding my shoes together…It’s making them bigger. Mike and Jeff! I don’t remember the name of the game, but it ended with one of you getting your ear pierced and it was awesome! Let’s play again! Dear dodgers fan from San Fran, I still love you. Also, Giants are way better. Love, Girl who shares your bed every Saturday SEND IN YOUR BEST SHOUT OUT TO SHOUT@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

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From 'da Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com!

What is your ideal Valentine's Day? "Beer, pizza, and comfy PJs for two." - Kara P., Junior

Staying Sober at Rick’s:

The Ultimate College Experience Black Betty wrote this Being 21 in college turns out to be a lot different than you may have imagined it would be when you were in high school, or even a freshman in college. Back then, finally being 21 meant you must be drinking all the time, no matter what time you had class the next morning because you imagined you’d truly remain that hardcore forever. You may have imagined it to be a time where you finally mastered the art of time management so perfectly that deciding whether or not to treat yourself to a drunken weeknight at Rick’s took less time than batting an eyelash.

11:09 PM—Well, that’s weird… it smells like sweat and regret in here.

But, once you got to 21 you realized it’s not quite like that. We can’t drink like we used to. Maybe our livers are already giving out, or maybe we’ve just found some dignity.

11:26 PM—Totally glad I’m not drinking.

Whatever the case may be, we still find ourselves going out weekend after weekend despite the change in times. And occasionally, we find ourselves going out sober—and that is an internal thought experience worth recording minute by minute, especially at our very own Rick’s American Café.

11:12 PM—So… is that pizza still free or what? 11:20 PM—Where did everyone go again? There’s no way anyone uses the bathroom that frequently. 11:25 PM—Man, the line at the bar is ridiculous. /Eyes all the drinks passing by.

11:35 PM—OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG! WE HAVE TO DANCE RIGHT NOW. 11:36 PM—Scratch that. Way too sober to join that dance floor. 11:40 PM—Wow. I really I hope I don’t look like that when I dance.

10:30 PM—Finally we’re leaving and I’m already fucking freezing. Only seven more blocks until we’re there. I got this.

11:45 PM—Holy shit, is that redhead mute from class grinding on all four of those dudes at once?

10:32 PM—Oh, my, Jesus of Nazareth, are we there yet? My nips could cut glass right now.

11:46 PM—I wish I were drunk.

10:45 PM—Ok, the bar is in sight. Sweet, awesome, great, cool!

11:50 PM—There is at least half a beer in the fibers of my jeans right now.

10:47 PM—Guhhhh, there’s a line.

12:00 AM—So…anyone else ready to get the hell out of here?

10:50 PM—I already hate this.

12:15 AM—Seriously? Anyone?

11:00 PM—Wow, that guy is visibly stroking his girlfriend’s almost bare ass-cheek in front of everyone. And he’s smoking a cherry flavored Cigarillo. Good god.

12:25 AM—I can’t believe she’s making out with that guy right now. He’s at least 34. And he has a soul patch.

11:03 PM—Oh shit, ex-boyfriend at 12 ‘o clock. /Fixes bangs./ Pretends to have an itchy eye and covers whole face. 11:04 PM—Fuck. He definitely saw me. 11:07 PM—Why do you need to mark my hand? Can we just trust each other? I have to be at work early tomorrow and this shit takes forever to wash off. Goddamn you, door man. You always ruin things for me.

"Going to Build-a-Bear and making each other bears...that's what I'm actually doing this year." - Katie A., Senior

12:28 AM—If I see one more sloppy couple…. 12:29 AM—Okay, I’ve seen enough. Yes, I have a key. See, that wasn’t so… okay, it was terrible. As it turns out, going to Rick’s sober (and staying sober) with hopes of a good time is like going to a Ke$ha concert with hopes of hearing good music; you’re ultimately going to leave feeling disappointed. Sure, there could be worse things, but, not many. Lesson learned.

"Dinner and a movie with Joseph Gordon- Levitt." - Kailey S., Junior


@MSUBlackSheep 2000+ and going strong.

The Bar Grid

January 2010 Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

THURSDAY: 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! SATURDAY: Half Off All Drinks, $3.50 Domestic Lites $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Daily Specials: After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors $3.50 1 Wells 31 Monday 9pm-Close DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village $2.50 - PintsLight, Rolling Rock Bottles $4 Smirnoff Flavors DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $2.50 – Call Drinks $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and TuesdayKamikazes! 9pm-Close Starfarm and DJ Beats $3.50 Long Islands 6 7 8

SPECIAL NIGHT

9 $2.00 – Well Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) The Whirly Birds $3.00 – Premium Drafts 1/2 Off Wednesday DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close 1/2 Off Everything 13 14 15 16 $2.00 – Domestic Drafts DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) except premiums $2.50 – Well Drinks DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers $3.00 – Bombs $3.99 Basket of Wings Thursday 9pm-Close from 4pm-9pm $2.50 – Pints 20 21 22 23 $2.50 – Call Drinks DJ Juan 10PM DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM Friday 9pm-Close DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3.50 – All Pints 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! $3.00 – Well Drinks Half Off All Drinks, Saturday 9pm-Close 27 28 29 30 $3.50 – All Pints $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) $3.00 – Well Drinks After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Beats Sunday All Day Light, Rolling $3.00 –Bloody Mary & MimosasRock Bottles $3.00 – Pints $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and $8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint$3.50 Long Kamikazes! Islands Every Day $3.00 – Kamikaze Shots Dublin Square Irish Pub $4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs 327 Abbott Rd East Lansing MI 48823 9pm – Close Every Day

$2.50 Bottles of Bud & Bud Light $3 Rumpleminz White Gummy Bears $2 Well Drinks or $4 Doubles

WED, 2/08

$3 Domestic Lites $3 Wells Circuitry & DJ Beats

THURS, 2/09

4 - 7PM: 1/2 Off All Drinks All you can eat nachos! ½ Off –After Potato Skins 7PM: $3 Jack Daniels, Hush Puppies Onion Rings All&Pints and Drafts, SoCo Lime, and Kamikazes

FRI, 2/10

$3.50 Captain & Flavored Vodkas $3 SoCo Lime and Kamikazes $3 Domestic Bottles MSU vs. Ohio State 6PM

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am

$3 Double Wells, $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

BURGERAMA! 3pm-9pm BURGERS $1.50

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour FREE TACO BAR $3 Corona, Sol, Land Shark Bottles $2 Rolling Rock Bottles $4 Loaded Land Shark Bottles $4 Dirty Corona Bottles $3 Shot Of Well Tequila $6 Margarita/Daiquiri Mini Pitchers

Friday Fish Fry $7.50 All you can eat fish fry!

$3.50 Domestic Lites $3.50 Wells $4 Smirnoff Flavors Starfarm and DJ Beats

Saturday Happy Hour $5 Domestic Pitchers $1 Off All Wines $2 Single Wells MSU at Ohio State 6PM

Take a break and come in!

$3 Pints, Calls, and Bacardi Bombs $3 Bloody Mary’s and Mimosas $8 Burger & Fries with a Pint

Sunday Morning (11 am. – 4 pm.) $3 23 oz. Domestic Drafts Bloody Mary Bar Sunday Happy Hour $1 Off All Kraft Beers $3 23 oz Domestic Drafts ½ Off All Appetizers

6:00pm - 10:00pm Taco Trio with drink purchase 3 beef tacos $2.75 3 chicken tacos $2.75

Half-off all food, ALL DAY

$3.50 Domestic Lites $3.50 Wells For More Information Contact Us: Global Vill;age (517) 351­2222 www.dublinsquare.net & DJ Donny D

Or Text: “Dublin Square” to 839863 for specials & updates.

*Ladies Night~ Every Thursday!

SAT, 2/11

2

TUES: Single's Valentine's Party! $2.50 Bud Light, Miller Lite and Coors Lite Aluminum Pints $3 Single Well Drinks $3 Rumpleminz shots $3 Flavored Vodka Bombs

SUN, 2/12

So tired..at home sleeping...

MON, 2/13

$5 Premium Pitchers $4.50 Labbatt's Pitchers $4 Domestic Pitchers

$2 Domestic Lites $2 Well Drinks

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $3 Well Drinks $4 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines & All Appetizers 8pm – 2am: $3 Double Wells $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

TUES, 2/14

$2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Light, Rolling Rock Bottles $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Islands

$3 All Pints $3 Calls DJ Juan 10PM

Single's Valentine's Party! $2.50 Bud Light, Miller Lite and Coors Lite Aluminum Pints $3 Single Well Drinks $3 Rumpleminz shots $3 Flavored Vodka Bombs

Taco Tuesday Taco Trio with drink purchase, ALL DAY!

WED, 2/15

$2.50 Bottles of Bud & Bud Light $3 Rumpleminz White Gummy Bears $2 Well Drinks or $4 Doubles

1/2 Off Wednesday 1/2 Off Everything except premiums $3.99 Basket of Wings from 4pm-9pm DJ Juan 10PM

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!


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The Bar Grid THURSDAY: $2.75 Bottles of Corona and Sierra Nevada $2.75 Shots of Curevo Gold

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Sunday - Friday: $1.00 off ALL tall Drafts, $3 Smirnoff® flavors, Crown Royal®, Captain Morgan®, Jack Daniel’s®, SoCo®, Jameson Irish Whiskey® & $2 Select Shots PLUS $3 select appetizers

HAPPY HOUR! Mon - Fri, 4-7 1/2 Off Drinks and Drafts

TUES: Happy Valentines Day! $2 Made In MI Beer - Pints & Bottles $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses Made In MI Wines Oasis Mai Tais: $6 Pitchers & $3.50 Glasses $3 Off Appetizers

SPECIAL NIGHT

$1.50 Off 60oz Pitchers of Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, Sam Adams, Blue Moon, Leinie's Seasonal, Guiness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close MSU vs. Penn State at 630! Wings vs. Oilers at 730!

Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

WED, 2/08

$2.75 Bottles of Corona and Sierra Nevada $2.75 Shots of Curevo Gold

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55-cent boneless wings

Thirstygirl Thursday DJ EC3 – NO Cover $1.95 You Call It Wells, Calls & Beers

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

THURS, 2/09

Happy Hour 4PM - 7PM: $0.25 Off Bottles and Drafts $1 Off Large Pitchers

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Wings vs. Ducks at 630PM

TGIF $2.50 Pints & Bombs $2.50 Captain Drinks $2.50 Jack Drinks

$2 Domestic Pints & $4 Bombs $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks (All Flavors) $2 Washington Apple Shots Cheeseburger Combo/Falafurger Combo W/Pitcher $11 Dom/$13 Craft

FRI, 2/10 SAT, 2/11

Come Try East Lansing's Best Olive Burger

GO GREEN! GO WHITE! MSU vs. Ohio State at 6PM!

$2 Pints $3 Calls

$5 Domestic & $7 Craft/Premium Pitchers, $5 16oz Long Islands 22oz Dead Guy Ales, $2 SoCo Limes $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our "Other" Wines Great Food Specials All Day/Night!

$2.50 Bottles of Labatt Blue, Labatt Blue Light, Molson Golden and Molson Canadian AND FREE PARKING!

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Wings vs. Ducks at 6:30PM Enjoy $3 select appetizers starting at 9pm.

SUNDAY SCHOOL NO Cover $1.75 Pints, 1/2 Off Pizza Until 7PM 1/2 Off Adult Beverages 7 - Close

$3 Managers Choice Craft Beer Pints $3 16oz Oasis Bloody Marys & Mimosas $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $2 Well Whiskey Drinks $5 Off Kabob Combos For Two & $2 Off Veggie Sampler Appetizers

SUN, 2/12

$2.50 Bottles of Miller Lite and Miller Genuine Draft $2.75 Shots of Jack Daniels

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close 55- cent boneless wings Stop in for lunch - served in 15 minutes or less!

$1.75 Pints $3.50 Pitchers

$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 1/2 Lbs. Cheeseburger & Falafurger Combo

MON, 2/13

$2.75 Drafts of Labatt Blue, and Miller Light $3.70 Drafts of Blue Moon and Sam Adams $4.90 Drafts of Guinness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 45-cent traditional wings Wings vs. Stars at 6:30PM

Taco Tuesdays FREE Taco Buffet 7PM – 10PM $1.75 Wells $3.00 Well Doubles $2.50 Margaritas $8.50 Buckets of Coronas

Happy Valentines Day! $2 Made In MI Beer - Pints & Bottles $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses Made In MI Wines Oasis Mai Tais: $6 Pitchers & $3.50 Glasses $3 Off Appetizers

TUES, 2/14

$1.50 Off 60oz Pitchers of Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, Sam Adams, Blue Moon, Leinie's Seasonal, Guiness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Join us for FREE trivia starting at 10pm!

Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

WED, 2/15


10

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Bartender

of the

Week Nickname: Skuska Major: Education Relationship Status: Single What would a movie about your life be called? Strange Trip What actor would play you? Kevin Costner What are your favorite TV shows? Workaholics or Sportscenter What's one thing you did in college that you'd be embarrassed to tell your parents about? That I went to jail

Eric

What's the most money you've spent in one night at the bar? $300

rrel

Peanut Ba

drinking game:

deal or no deal

Since we’re all in the Valentine’s Day spirit, The Black Sheep thought it would be great to play a little game that exposes all of the nasty sexual fantasies that you and your boy/girlfriend have played out. What You’ll Need: A blank deck of cards (or just cut up pieces of paper, you cheap bastard), shot glasses, and any form of liquor. May we suggest Fruit Punch Burnett’s? It’s red! Like V-day! Number of Players: The more the merrier! And the more opportunity for all of your friends to reveal some things that you may or may not have wanted to know. Level of Intoxication: Depending on how slutty the people you hang out with are, well, things can get pretty shitty. How to Play: - Have everyone think of the most crude and disturbing sexual performances that they can possibly wrap their perverted minds around and write them on the cards. Try to think of at least 20. - Each person picks a card one at a time. - Read the card aloud. For example, “Ate donuts off of my boyfriend’s butt with my hands tied behind my back.” If you have done the act described on the card, you must take a shot. -Depending on the severity of the card, the group can up-vote it to two shots. Things like “juggled balls” obviously only get one shot, but something like, “Performed the Alaskan Pipeline on my girlfriend,” definitely should be up-voted to two. Maybe even three. Look it up. - Keep tally of how many shots each person has taken. -At the end of the game, the person who has taken the most shots is not only is the drunkest, but also has to let everyone slap him or her on the bare ass with a leather belt. NOTE: The point of this game is to get drunk and admit some weird things for the love of St. Valentine. If you lie about what you have (or haven’t) done, then you will be punished. Some way, somehow, by a higher power. The Game Ends When: You’ve run out of cards and everyone is thoroughly humiliated and strangely turned on.

Have you ever performed on a stage? What were you doing? Yeah, I sang and danced to an *NSYNC song in the talent show my senior year of high school If you had a personal assistant, what would they be doing for you all day? Laundry would be on top of the list If you woke up tomorrow as president, what would you do? Address the public What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? When I took a girl to see Signs and she screamed on several occasions. Turn-on? Nice smile Turn-off? Being pushy Shoutouts! My fellow Bartenders of the Week—Dave, Toby, and Feather

recipe for disaster:

hummus A Middle Eastern classic— hummus makes a great, fresh-tasting appetizer and lunch, or a light healthy snack any time of day. Also, it has been scientifically proven that the only way to beat the terrorists is to steal their yummy, delicious food-snacks (I swear I’m not a racist, just a bigot). Pick a side, dammit, we’re at war. What You’ll Need: Chickpeas, oil, garlic, lemon juice, salt, pita bread and a blender. Cook Time: About 5 minutes. Fatty Factor: This shit is so healthy you might lose calories eating it. Let’s Get Baked: - Place plenty of chickpeas in the blender. We’re not going for scientific measurements here, just classic guesstimation. - Pour oil into blender; again, use your best judgment. - Put garlic into blender – either enough to kill a vampire or barely enough to qualify as an ingredient, (all depends on how much you like or dislike garlic). - Pour lemon juice into blender. - Add salt as necessary. - Blend on high speed until you see that it is smooth and creamy (gross). - If necessary, stop blender to scrape the sides. - Spoon into a serving dish. - Scoop into your face with pita bread. - Drape yourself in your American flag and get ready to start your day. Congratulations, if you have made it this far, you are officially an American hero. Your medal is on its way; please allow 3-4 business days for delivery.


11

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An Open Letter to St. Valentine teddy baum cox wrote this

Dear St. Valentine, As a chronic bachelor I feel like it’s my duty to let you in on a little secret—a secret that could very well rock your world. So, here it is: Being single rules. You, Hallmark, and this joke of a holiday you call Valentine's Day (little cocky, don’t you think?) can kiss my gloriously fake tanned ass. I don’t understand how you’ve convinced the vast majority of Americans that being in a relationship is not only an entity of desire, but have glorified this concept so immensely that it has actually led to a recognized holiday in our society. A whole day dedicated to faking affection, spending money we don't have, and failing to meet the expectations of our partner. What's even more ridiculous are those damn cards we’re supposed to buy each other (among all of the other bullshit). You really think I want to take time out of my day to pick out a card that will undoubtedly be overanalyzed by my imaginary girlfriend? It's pretty difficult to feel like a man when I am debating between the card with a puppy on the cover or the one with a bunch of hearts and some bare-assed baby with a bow and arrow on it. This brings me to my next point—how did that weird fucking baby become the symbol of love? Like, what were the other options? Why couldn’t it have been a crocodile with huge bat wings and a scorpion tail? That would have been a little less weird. Or at least a little less pederast-y. And as if this day of hell couldn’t get any worse, we are expected to plan some grandiose date that will cost way more than any college kid wants to

spend. If the guy who buys Franzia and bottom shelf vodka on the weekends doesn't make it rain fancy dinners and romantic gifts on his girl, he looks like a douchebag. The guy drinks wine out a bag, yet we expect him to take his bang buddy out for a night on the town? Sounds like a crock of shit. So, yeah, you know what, St. Valentine? I’m not doing it. I refuse to be in a relationship and subject myself to this bullshit just because I *might* get a blowjob at the end of it. Instead, on this February 14th, I am going to wake up and rip a huge fart. From there, I will continue my day with any combination of the following activities: Furiously masturbating, drinking, and loving life. If it still hasn’t occurred to you, Valentine, being single is quite possibly the greatest thing ever. There’s no fear of embarrassing your partner, you have the freedom to do whatever you want (whenever you want), you don't have to put up with your partner’s worthless friends, and best of all— you get the bed to yourself. Sure, they’d like "to be held," but I’d like my shoulder to stay in its socket tonight. So, basically, St. Valentine— what I’m getting at with all of this is that you and your fairytale bullshit are not welcomed or appreciated by this guy. The naked baby, the weird arrow thing, the horrific expectations—they can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to spend February 14th living the dream. I might even go to a titty bar. Until then, keep your damn holiday away from me. Sincerely, Teddy Baum Cox

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The Movie Page the grey

Based on the Trailer

February 2011

Liam Neeson fucks up some wolves. Directed by

Joe Carnahan

starring

Liam Neeson

GRADE B Mike Byrnes wrote this Liam Neeson has become a folk hero of late, which isn’t surprising considering he’s a war hero, trainer of Batman, and single-handedly saved his daughter from kidnappers in 2008. I mean, really, Liam Neeson has a more impressive resume than Thomas Edison. Despite his famous exploits, little is known about the man. It seems that whenever you turn your back, Neeson is in another part of the world and has taken up an entire new persona. Refusing most interviews (except Ellen Degeneres), fans and specialists have attempted to find out more about the man through the random snapshots of his personal ventures we are given once or twice a year. In 1993, people were sure that he must be around 80 to 90 years old, considering his peace work during the Holocaust. However, in 2010, it was revealed in the film Clash of The Titans that Liam Neeson was actually a Greek God for a period of time, confirming suspicions that he was, in fact, some kind of ageless being. In The Grey-- the most recent documentary on Neeson’s exploits-- Liam works with an oil drilling team, giving them assistance by shooting wolves who threaten the workers. You read that right, his job is to shoot wolves. Early in the film, Liam Neeson holds a gun to his own head, planning to commit

on dvd

suicide. Maybe it was his memories of the horrors of war, maybe it was the disappointment of seeing the chosen one consumed by the dark side a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, or maybe it was the culmination of all of his life’s hardships. Something told Liam that it was time to end it all. But then, as fate would have it, he hears the howl of a wolf in the distance, stopping him from pulling the trigger. This is a watershed moment for Neeson, his path was now clear: He would not stop until every last motherfucking wolf is dead. On the way back home, the plane carrying Neeson and the rest of the crew crashes. Neeson, along with six crew members, survive the crash. The following night, one of the survivors is killed by a wolf, not to be discovered until the next morning. Neeson, being the alpha dog he is, leads the pack on the treacherous road to safety. For one does not linger in wolf territory long and live to tell the tale. However, Neeson once manifested himself as a lion in the land of Narnia. Wolves may be vicious and cunning, but lions are the kings of the jungle. The Grey is survival action at its finest: gritty, intense, and beautifully directed. Neeson’s performance as himself is convinc-

ing and engaging, something rare in most action films. The Grey is as much an emotional and intellectual film on the nature of human survival and despair in the face of certain death as it is Mountain Dew-driven, spazzed-out stabbing-wolves-in-the-face action movie. The only reason it succeeds as such is through Neeson’s performance, which ranges from tragic, to tough, to disenchanted and mournful. The drama within the group is doubled perfectly with the ravenous wolves lead by the alpha-wolf, which represent both the struggles that hound us all on a daily basis, and suggest that maybe we aren’t too different from the horrors which chase us. In the end, we find Liam Neeson, once more, searching for meaning and substance in this wild and crazy world. Will he ever find what he’s looking for? Will the cosmic answers, the questions of which have driven him to the edges of the universe and back, remain elusive? I believe Liam Neeson is searching for the only knowledge that matters. Knowledge which resides within himself, yet is blind to his eyes. That knowledge is: Who is Liam Neeson? He, and only he, can discover that. We can only by grateful that he brings us along for the ride, time and time again.

liam neeson trivia

Starring: Greg Kinnear, Billy Crudup, Alan Arkin What You Need to Know: Greg Kinnear plays Mickey Prohaska, a small-time insurance agent looking for a way to jumpstart his business, reunite with his estranged wife and escape the balls-cold Wisconsin weather. What We Think: With an awesome cast and some weird surprise twists, this movie looks pretty damn interesting. Down-on-his-luck Greg Kinnear plays the perfect sad puppy dog, and we don’t blame him for hating his life in frigid Wisconsin. At the very least, we’ll at least feel better about our own lives after watching this.

Wanderlust

Neeson is of what descent?

february 24

Starring: Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston What You Need to Know: These two cutie pies play a couple who leave the high-stress big city to join a community of dirty hippies who somehow still stress them out, because hippies don’t care about money or careers. Weird! What We Think: This movie looks super average (we’re blaming Jennifer Aniston), yet it borders on potentially being very entertaining. If producer Judd Apatow doesn’t totally over generalize and mock said “hippies” too much, then maybe, just maybe, this film will be relatable and hilarious. Come on Paul Rudd, don’t let us down!

Gone

The Rum Diary Human Centipede II All Things Fall Apart Paranormal Activity 3

Puss in Boots J. Edgar Martha Marcy May Marlene Tower Heist

february 17

answers are a few from here

February 14

February 21

Thin Ice

What famous brewery did Neeson once work at?

Who was Neeson's wife, who died in a skiing accident in 2009?

Needson made how much for the film Taken?

february 24

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer Carpenter What You Need to Know: Seyfried plays Jill, a chick who comes home from work to find that her sister has been abducted. Coincidentally, Jill had escaped a kidnapper a year before, and is worried that the same serial killer has come back. She then goes on a crazy chase to try to figure all this shit out. What We Think: Didn’t anybody give Karen Smith the memo that she should only be playing a mean girl her whole life? We’re not really sure when Amanda Seyfried became an action star, but she should probably stick to Nicholas Sparks-inspired roles. Kudos for not doing the second Mean Girls, though.


13

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Beat The Black Sheep:

The Taco Bell Challenge

Ten crunchy tacos from Taco Bell, a stopwatch and a mean competitive streak. That’s all we had. That’s all you need. Can you beat us? By Brendan

The Challenge

How fast can one man eat ten crunchy tacos from Taco Bell?

TheA 6’3”, Challenger 185lb male.

TheUm,Plan of Attack to eat those tacos as fast as I possibly can.

The Prediction

I was relatively certain that I could finish all 10 tacos. Prior to the competition, I was hoping to complete the challenge in less than 10 minutes. Those that had witnessed me eat before were guessing in the 6-7 minute range.

The Retroactive Diary Taco 1 (17 seconds): I go down on this taco faster than a Skid Row whore who hasn’t had a fix in an hour. Seriously, count to 17. Can you eat a taco that quickly? It’s as though millions of tiny MSG particles cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Taco 2 (24 seconds): Watching myself inhale tacos on video, I feel an overwhelming sense of selfshame. You know how when you hear yourself on the phone you think, “there’s no way I sound like that.”? Now picture yourself spastically eating as fast as you can. Taco 3 (24 seconds): The amount of food falling out of my mouth is just…disgusting. Taco 4 (22 seconds): Before I begin this taco, a co-worker ridicules me for not dousing my taco treasure in Fire Sauce. Clearly they do not understand that doing so would only add precious seconds to an incredibly time-sensitive challenge. Also: Fire Sauce sucks. There, I said it. Taco 5 (26 seconds): Somewhere in the middle of this taco I decide it’s time to take the first sip of my first drink. Diet Pepsi, of course, because I’m trying to lose weight with this challenge. Mostly by shitting my pants.

Taco 6 (28 seconds): After taking down the sixth taco before hitting the three minute mark, I’m 100% confident that I’ll demolish this challenge. It is not difficult. Taco 7 (27 seconds): I don’t really remember anything specific about this taco, but on the ride back with my food I saw a homeless child. I considered giving him one of my ten tacos. I did not, for the sake of the challenge. I still feel pretty bad about this. Taco 8 (24 seconds): I stab myself in the gums with a shard of taco shell. Honestly, that’s the hardest part of this challenge. When one is trying to shovel as much food into their pie hole as they can, injury can be expected. Taco 9 (26 seconds): At this point I’m not hungry, I’m not full, there’s not much left to the challenge and I’m just going as fast as I can to get the damn thing over with. Thank god third world countries have very limited access to the internet; this is gluttony at its finest, people. Taco 10 (31 seconds): Would a Taco Bell taco by any other name taste so distinctly of feet? Finally, YUM! Brand foods gets the best of me and I’m held to over 30 seconds on my final taco. Raucous applause fills the room as the crowd hails me as their new king. (Note: This does not happen.)

time: 5 minutes, 41 seconds

Are You In?

Think you can beat our time, tubby? Prove it. Tweet us at @theblacksheep99 with a link to a video of you mowing down on ten Taco Bell crunchy tacos. No exceptions. Do it, we’ll pop a picture of your bad, fat ass in the paper and send you a shirt. Yeah, we’ll even pay the postage.

The Aftermath

Honestly, eating that much Taco Bell wasn’t nearly as bad as we thought. As of this writing we’ve been digesting this future diarrhea for three hours and we don’t feel too bad. Sure, we’re a little gassy, but we expected to be moaning on the ground in throes of stabbing intestinal pain. The mental anguish, on the other hand, is pretty heavy. I just inhaled 1,700 calories in less than six minutes. And it’s not like I’ve even consumed high-quality food, the wet dog flavor never really escapes Taco Bell’s meat.

Don’t Believe Us?

Well, we videotaped the whole thing. Visit us at theblacksheeponline.com and search “Taco Bell Challenge.” The video will be hosted there, haters.


seek and find

Do you think you can find all this shit in that little fancy room? It ain't your mama's messy dorm room, so good luck, bro. Send us an email at games@theblacksheeponline.com showing us or telling us where everything is, and we may just give you some lovin'.


class tim e

the crossword: animal mascots the clues

1

Down 1 The mascot for this insurance company got his degree from Oregon. 2 A grrrrrreat way to give your children type 2 diabetes (3 Words) 3 80's dog shilling Bud Light, totally makes sense. (2 Words) 4 A beer mascot that can drink like a horse. 5 A fabric softener bear, aptly called this. 7 This Linux penguin is dressed for a formal event. 8 He's a tired mascot, but not as tired as those damn cavemen. 9 This tall toy pusher can reach the top shelf of the Legos. 10 Yo quiero shitting my pants. (3 Words) 14 How many licks does it take him to get to the center of your mom? (2 Words) 15 These animals hawked a 3-syllable beer.

10 11 12

13

A F 2 3 L T S 4 5 A C O P S 7 6 C H A R L I E T U N A U N 8 Y U Y G D U D X T E S G E H C M G N S A M E K A L 12 D T J O E C A M E L A I K L G E N E R G I Z E R B U N N Y R Z 14 15 M I F 17 U K E P O L A R B E A R O O W G L S

9

E M F R O G

14 16

15

17

18

18) He’s addicted to Smack(s). (2 words) DOWN: 1) The mascot for this insurance company got his degree from Oregon. 2) A grrrrreat way to give your children type 2 diabetes. (3 words) 3) 80’s dog shilling Bud Light totally makes sense. (2 words) 4) A beer mascot that can drink like a horse. 5) A fabric softener bear, aptly called this. 7) This Linux penguin is dressed for a formal event. 8) He’s a tired mascot, but not as tired as those damn cavemen. 9) This tall toy pusher can reach the top shelf of the Legos. 10) Yo quiero shitting in my pants. (3 words) 14) How many licks does it take him to get to the center of your mom? (2 words) 15) These animals hawked a 3-syllable beer.

Down >> The mascotanswers for this insurance company got his degree from Oregon. 2 A grrrrrreat way to give your children type 2 diabetes (3 Words) 3 80's dog shilling Bud Light, totally makes sense. (2 Words) 4 A beer mascot that can drink like a horse. 5 A fabric softener bear, aptly called this. 7 This Linux penguin is dressed for Distribution Annalise Stromsta (Manager) a formal event. Akers Hall Cedar Greens Lou-Ha's Pancheros Bin outside Espresso Anna Aiken (Helper) 8 He's a tired mascot, but not as Holmes Hall Campus Village PT O'Malleys The Riv Royale Shaw Hall International Center Woody's Oasis Ricks Bin outside The Union tiredpr asteam those damn cavemen. CATA Bus Station (bin) (bin) What Up Dawg Conrad's Bin outside Starbucks Berkey Hall Wells Hall (bin) American Crepes Beggars Banquet Tony's 9 This tall toy pusher can reach Chris Amrich Bessey Hall Case Hall The Village at Chandler Menna's Blue Midnight the top shelf of the Legos. The Club at Chandler Comm. Arts Building Harpers The Lodges We also deliver straight (bin) Crossings Place Wild Wings Wild Side Smoke 10 Yo quiero shitting my pants. (3 Shop Buffalo campus director to every fraternity and Dairy Store Abbott Place Abbott Place Crunchy's Brendan Bonham Words) sorority house Chemistry Building Cedar Village Dublin Square BiggB 14 How many licks does it take him to get to the center of your Founders mom? Words) Atish(2 Doshi Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age 15 These animals Brendan Bonham hawked a The drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend 3-syllable beer. attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally. 1

1

class tim e

cross he "Always Sunny" wild card would enjoy this chicken of he sea. (2 Words) rainbow-beaked sugar high waiting to happen. (2 Words) Can he get hump cancer? (2 Words) When it humps, it just keeps oing and going and going. (2 Words) ohn Wayne nicknamed dog oves baked beans. heir Coca-Cola will surely be Managing Editor old. (2 Words) Bailey Walsh He's addicted to Smack(s). (2 Advertising ManagerS Words) Anthony Dostal

G 10 E T 11 T O U C A F C F O E B 13 R E Y L L 16 D O G

8

D I

7

9

5

18

4 6

across: 6) The Always Sunny wild card would enjoy this chicken of the sea. (2 words) 11) A rainbow-bleaked sugar high waiting to happen. (2 words) 12) Can he get hump cancer? (2 words) 13) When it humps, it just keeps going and going and going. (2 words) 16) John Wayne nicknamed dog loves baked beans. 17) Their Coca-Cola will surely be cold. (2 words)

3

Across 6 The "Always Sunny" wild card would enjoy this chicken of the sea. (2 Words) 11 A rainbow-beaked sugar high waiting to happen. (2 Words) 12 Can he get hump cancer? (2 Words) 13 When it humps, it just keeps going and going and going. (2 Words) 16 John Wayne nicknamed dog loves baked beans. 17 Their Coca-Cola will surely be cold. (2 Words) 18 He's addicted to Smack(s). (2 Words)

2

movie trivia answers: 1)IRISH 2) GUINNESS 3) NATASHA RICHARDSON 4) $5 MILLION

Meet The Staff! Alex Everard Andrew Meggert Andrew Schireson

Contributing Writers Alex Everard Cristina Toscano Justin Gawel Andrew Fleming Cody Manthei Frank Sorise Samantha Shaughnessy Ziev Beresh photographer Jackie Cash

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