Volume 1, Issue 1 | 8/25/11 - 9/09/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
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The
Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College” Football season is almost upon us and with it comes all the wonders and joys of fall. The leaves changing colors, a crisp chill in the air and more importantly – tailgating! While your tailgating technique may be perfected, if you know nothing about the team you are tailgating for, well, you might just lose a little of your credibility. Consider this your For Dummies version of everything that has happened over the spring and summer months leading up to opening kickoff for the Hokies. The Staff: Beamer and Co. are very conservative when it comes to making staff changes. Bud Foster (defensive coordinator) and Bryan Stinespring (offensive coordinator) are entering their 25th and 10th seasons, respectively, as part of the staff. With the hiring of Mike London as their head coach, the University of Virginia put a lot of pressure on Beamer to make some changes. Instead of cleaning house, Beamer looked to his very own flesh and blood to instill some passion and vigor into the program. Shane Beamer joins the staff as the new running backs coach and associate head coach. All that is fine and well, but his real purpose will be in recruiting, which is already paying major dividends. Whenever the senior Beamer calls it quits, if Bud
Other stuff
Inside
Ty Hodges wrote this Foster doesn’t take the Head Coaching position, expect the baby Beamer to take the reins. The Team: Let’s take care of the elephant in the room first – Yes, Tyrod Taylor is gone. Let me spell that out for you, G – O – N – E. As much as it pains us all, Taylor graduated and there’s nothing we can do about it. However, in his place comes his polar opposite, Logan Thomas. Tyrod Taylor was small, mobile, elusive and explosive while Logan Thomas is tall, physical, raw and loaded with potential. For the record, when I say that Logan Thomas is big, I mean this fucker is BIG. Coming into the spring practices he was 6’6 and weighed in at 245 pounds. He is now 6’7 and 257 pounds. That is straight up defensive end size. BEAST MODE! The other elephant in the room is the loss of Ryan Williams and Darren Evans. They are gone. G – O – N – E, gone. In their place sprints David Wilson, who most would consider one of the most explosive all-around players in the entire nation. David Wilson is extremely quick and fast, two completely different things. For example, at the NCAA Outdoor Track and Field Championships, Wilson took it upon himself to catch a rabbit by outrunning it. THIS BASTARD CATCHES RABBITS! Wilson is also one of the best return men in the ACC, which will serve the Hokies very well. The offensive line will also be improved this
04: welcome back it’s been too long since you’ve been out
year. The Hokies return four of their starting linemen, so hopefully Logan Thomas won’t spend the season on his back like a hooker in heat. The defensive side of the ball will improve significantly over last year’s season-long debacle. Bud Foster did what he could with such a young team, but this year he returns many talented players who finally have game experience. Jayron Hosley is one of the nation’s best cornerbacks. Period. Bruce Taylor will be an anchor at the middle linebacker position and the WHIP linebacker position can’t get any worse than Jeron Gouvela-Winslow was last season. Either he will step his game up or Alonzo Tweedy or redshirt freshman Nick Dew will take his spot. Bud Foster doesn’t take any shit from such an important position in his defensive scheme. Lastly, on the defensive line, watch out for number 99; he’ll be the one doing to opposing quarterbacks what Bruce Taylor did to UVA’s fake punt formation last year. The Schedule: I hope you’re hungry because Beamer and Co. are bringing cupcakes to Blacksburg this year. The out-of-conference schedule is pathetic, but because of Logan Thomas’ inexperience, I actually commend this move. You don’t throw a first-time starter into the fire against LSU, Alabama, Boise State or any other fresh-meat-
09: Seven Layers of Players We’re talkin’ about dorms here, people.
hungry defense. For your viewing pleasure, coming to Blacksburg this fall will be Appalachian State from the FCS (Football Championship Subdivision). As you might remember, Appy State was the one that upset Michigan in the Big House in 2007. They were the first FCS team to beat a Top 10 FBS team. As you also might remember, though try to forget, James Madison did the exact same thing to Virginia Tech last season. It could be a trap game, but I don’t see Beamer letting that tragedy happen again. But wait, there’s more! If you order now, you will also get the perennial punching bag of the NCAA: Arkansas State. If you want to know more about Arkansas State, go to your nearest toilet, drop a deuce, stand up, pee in the same toilet and then don’t flush. There you go; that’s Arkansas State. The ACC schedule is very manageable this year with the toughest games of Miami, Clemson, Boston College and UNC being in Blacksburg. The hardest road test for the Hokies will actually be Georgia Tech on a Thursday night. It should be noted that the Hokies will have an extra week to prepare for the triple option. So, you should be up to speed on all of the Hokie football news that you might have missed. If you’re still lost or confused, maybe just go watch soccer instead.
13: we interview: sweedish rockers Peter, Bjorn and John!
02
Table of
contents
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From the Streets What’s your favorite offcampus party spot?
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The Sex Stoplight We’ll take a yellow girl, please. .
How to Tailgate Proper If your hand is empty, you’re doing something wrong. Top 10 Ways to Avoid Looking Like a Freshman Step 1, take off the lanyard.
Pages 8:The World Famous Bar Grid!
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Get your drink on every day of the week, fo' real cheap.
Page 10
Tiers of Hokie Dining
5
Sober or not, there’s something for everyone.
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Fall (Crappy) Movie Guide Is it weird every movie looks awful?
Page 14: Black Sheep Syllabus
Welcome to the only class you’ll ever need.
! Y T R A P H C N U A L p S R U H T R The Bl ack Shee A L U F W A T A D N 2 R E B M E T FRIDAY, SEP J and DJ ffeJ
ill a Performances by kight! Gre at drink specials as always! ive aways all n dG
Contests, Prizes an
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Page Pic Three
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Issue!
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Letter from the editor To My Dearest Hokies, Welcome back and welcome to The Black Sheep. I’m Rebecca Samuelson and I will be running The Black Sheep at Virginia Tech. After spending three years in Blacksburg I realized that as a student body, we were missing something. My staff and I had heard about some college newspaper that writes about construction and why pregaming is bad (um, what?) but it was never really fulfilling our needs at college students. We wanted to know the juicy stuff. We wanted to know where the best parties are, where to get the best drink specials when we’re gallivanting down Main Street, what to do if our roommate sexiled us and furthermore, we wanted to hear stories of other Hokies’ weekend debauchery. That is how The Black Sheep was born at Virginia Tech.
Come Join the Team! We're looking to bring on some writers, marketers, and groupies. Think you got what it takes? Email us at jobs@ theblacksheeponline.com
The Art of Multi-Tasking
SEND IN YOUR PARTY PICTURES
pics@theblacksheeponline.com or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com
THE ULTIMATE HYPOTHETICAL
Our goal is to provide this campus with a publication that will make you laugh. We love your feedback and we’re successful because of our readers, so send us your party pictures (especially during tailgate season) and post your shout outs about the hot buddies you meet on the weekends. We’ll continue to write about the reality of college lifestyle and other things you actually care to read about.
QUESTION: If you could have any super power you wanted for a year at the cost of losing your non-dominant hand, would you do it? Which super power would you choose? Send your answer to hypo@theblacksheeponline.com, or reply on Twitter (@TheBlackSheep99) or Facebook.
Rage On, Rebecca Samuelson
! s m a r g a n A Sexy Can you guess these hotties? Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com The first 5 right answers win prizes!
Word of the week Abruptuous:
Dreary Nylons
Derby Rock Elk On
Submit your own word! word@theblacksheeponline.com
Definition: Suddenly becoming very attractive for no specific reason. “I don’t know if Karen got a new haircut or what, but she’s abruptuous.”
04
From 'da Streets
Back to BlackOUTsburg
Where is your favorite off-campus party spot?
Rebecca Samuelson wrote this Welcome back, Hokies! It’s been a long 99 days since I’ve been in the ‘Burg and I couldn’t be happier to be back. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve probably been affected by our guerilla marketing on Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else we could shamelessly promote ourselves. Perhaps, you’ve even picked it up off a homeless man using it for warmth, or maybe you got it from a real distribution site! Either way, congratulations for getting your hands on the inaugural issue of The Black Sheep. I hope you’re not too hungover to give it a read. There’s no denying that the best part about arriving in Blacksburg is coming up on US-460 and seeing Lane Stadium in all of its glory upon the horizon. You all know how that feels: a few dribbles of pee slip out, the Hokie Spirit takes you over in the form of goosebumps, and -- if you’re lucky-you timed your iPod just right so “Enter Sandman” starts playing over the speakers. Suddenly, you’re salivating at the thought of your first Bud Light Fan Can of the season [Editor’s Note: Um, pretty sure they discontinued those...] or that first secret shot of Burnett’s in your dorm before hitting an apartment party in The Village. Now that you’ve arrived, what’s next? Some of you will drive right to the Squires parking lot and head downtown for Happy Hour, calling your brothers, sisters, and friends to meet you for a pitcher or twelve. You’ve mostly likely spent your summer studying abroad, slaving in a horrible internship, or working overtime to pay off that tuition bill. You probably haven’t even been to Blacksburg recently enough to see the new traffic circle! Happy Hour will become a giant reunion, filled with hook-up stories spanning the globe. Take it all with a grain of salt: that model in Italy was really just a barista in Prague and the Senator’s daughter in DC was most likely a Senator’s daughter’s personal shopper’s maid. Once Happy Hour ends you’ll head to TOTS and remind yourself, once again, why one rail is plenty. And trust me, it still is. For all those not a part of this elite crew, 1AM is the ideal time to hang out around TOTS to watch these long-lost Hokies not-so-gracefully traverse down the stairs after a few Rails and a round or two of Spice Girls Karaoke. Be a good classmate and give them a hand to get up off their asses.
“The Village. It’s in the center of everything and has a nice set up.” Kelsey, Junior
an hour to eat at Homeplace, and performed karaoke at a nearly-empty TOTS Tuesday. We have staff members in all of these groups, but I’ll tell you now that our hardest ragers are in this category. Somehow, you’ve all found the perfect balance between partying and not flunking out of school. We salute you.
Roanoke and Chase – right by downtown, so it’s a great place to pregame. Hannah, Junior
“Take it all with a grain of salt: that model in Italy was really just a barista in Prague and the Senator’s daughter in DC was most likely a Senator’s daughter’s personal shopper’s maid.”
Then there’s the group that never had to leave, be it an Orientation Leader, a summer classes creep, or a couch surfer. Somehow you all never lose faith in Blacksburg. Assuming you’re not a townie, then you’re pretty much the ultimate Hokie. You’ll go downtown in the middle of June, when it’s empty, but still come out strong during the fall. You’ve probably seen the Cascades without snow, waited less than
If you’re not an upperclassman, then you’re a freshman. Oh boy. I imagine you’ll be moving into your dorms, trying to shake your parents out of your room before they find the fifth of Jack that you buried with your whitey-tighties while packing. Most of the time, they’ll find it, and they’ll leave with a whole different view of their little baby. Shake it off, frosh. You’re in college now! Call up that girl you had the guts to talk to when you were getting your software at Torg, or your Lax Bros from high school and then hit up the Freshman Frats on Roanoke Street. You all are probably the luckiest of the group. You won’t find an upperclassman or an alumnus that wouldn’t give it all to be back in your shoes, you’ve got your whole college career ahead of you. Just beware, the Freshman Fifteen really does exist, and it comes in a can with a “Natural Light” label. Whether this is your first semester in Blacksburg or your eleventh , it’s inevitably going to be another good one. It doesn’t matter which of the groups you may fall into, The Black Sheep fully intends on documenting the rest of your college experience. As long as you keep sending in those party pictures and posting your shout outs, we’ll keep providing you with the swag and the content that you actually care about. LET’S GO.
Pheasant Run because the apartments are a good size and everything is really easy to get to throughout the complex. Tony, Sophomore
TOP TEN
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wAYS TO Avoid www.theblacksheeponline.com
how to: Tailgate Proper
To tailgate as a proper Hokie you’ll need three things: alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. Maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself, or maybe I’m a raging alcoholic. Either way, alcohol is a must to tailgating properly, as long as you remember that we aren’t Wahoos, getting drunk on their $5 bottles of chardonnay and Smirnoff Ice. Natural Light is the beer of choice at tailgates for Hokies alongside obscene amounts of your favorite bourbon or whiskey. This isn’t your grandparents’ tailgate, so stock up early and come prepared to drink Ron White-style. You might ask, “What about for those ungodly noon games that Jim Weaver loves?” Well that is no excuse not to drink, so break out the Andre and OJ for a refreshing, invigorating mimosa starter at 7AM, it’ll help get rid of that nasty hangover you picked up from pounding rails at TOTS the night before. The next essential to tailgating, as a realtor would say, is location. No one wants to be stuck tailgating with all old people in alumni lots. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting drunk and having a good time with the geriatrics, but as a college student the tailgate is a social experience. You want to see and be seen, you want to meet new people and be with your friends on game day. Whether you’re tailgating off Green St. area or by Prices Fork lots you need to show up early and get the best spot to set
Looking like a Freshman
10. The Drillfield: Under no circumstances should you look both ways before crossing the street on the Drillfield. The traffic only comes from the left, so only look left. I promise some invisible car isn’t going to blindside you from the right, and if it does, um…my bad. There’s never been an easier way to stand out as the most innocent of college virgins than to let your head bob back and forth on your shoulders as you cross the street.
Myers Elliotte wrote this Ah, it’s finally that time of year again: Hokie football season, and with it, the tailgating. As Vince Vaughn would say, “Time to grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal.” Whether you’re planning a tailgate or looking to find a great one, it’s an event that merits plenty of lead-time planning. The planning doesn’t get easier whether you’re a rookie or raging pro...and no freshman, you’re not in the latter category quite yet.
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everything up. While everyone else will be scrambling to set up their tent, you’ll be lounging with a cold on because of the early start you got. As for the food, simple is best. Don’t buy shit that people aren’t going eat, just go with burgers, brats, and hotdogs. If you aren’t on a budget like us normal folk then break out the steaks and chicken and whatever else your little heart desires...it’s a surprisingly good strategy to get some Hokie hotties over to your spot. The last part to making your Hokie tailgating great, drinking games. This doesn’t mean you should sit in a circle playing Kings like you did in high school, bust out the beer pong table and start playing some flip cup because, well, who wants to be sober for a football game? Another must-have is a corn hole set. If you can, score multiple corn hole sets, tossing a bean bag at a wooden board with a hole while drinking cheap beer, and screaming “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of your lungs is so damn fun. Last but not least, tailgating before a team worth watching makes all the effort so worth it. So, go as big off the field as our Hokies do on the field and you’ll have another season to remember...or not? Rage on, my friends.
Got the entrepreneurial bug? Check out Blacksburg’s Premiere Coworking Community
9. Cash: This one is especially crucial for the freshman guys. Before you go out for the night, make sure you have some money (preferably in one dollar bills) to get into parties. The first couple of weekends of school, before you become buddy-buddy with the second year sophomore in your Calc class, this is an absolute necessity. You look completely ridiculous if you’re a boy and you think that you’re going to get a cup without shelling out a few dollars. More than likely, even the most ridiculously lame parties are going to charge something unless you’re specifically invited by the people that live there. 8. Avoid Packs: By far the biggest hint you can drop to tell the whole university that you’re a freshman is travelling in packs. For whatever reason, this has been an age-old phenomena since college has existed. It’s probably a comfort thing, but seriously, stop. If someone invites you to a party, grab your two new besties (max) and go. Don’t roll up THIRTY freshman deep and act like everyone else is abnormal. 7.Earbuds: One of the easiest way to meet other people with similar interests is to talk to people going to-and-from class. If you notice someone who sits next to you in Bio and their walking the exact same direction as you, 5 feet away from you, talk to them. There is no reason to walk to and from class with music blaring in your ears, you scream UNAPPROCHABLE, especially if a hottie from your class wants to talk to you. (Note: If you’re a freshman, they probably don’t.) 6. Classes: Check out the location of your classes before all of the upperclassmen come back; preferably the Wednesday or Thursday of move in. MEMORIZE beyond a reasonable doubt where your classes are so you don’t have to pull out that disgusting map they give you at orientation. Not only does it take you 10 minutes to find where you actually are on the map, but you’re better off asking someone on the Drillfield where something is rather than standing blocking traffic on a path; most of us don’t bite…promise. 5. High School Gear: Don’t go through your entire collection of high school football t-shirts the first week of class. I promise you that no one cares that you played in high school unless you play here, which you don’t. If you do, why don’t you have VT shirts? 4. Parking: Do not park your car anywhere but The Cage or Lane’s far lot. Parking Services doesn’t care if you’re a freshman, or anyone else really. 3. Rushing a Fraternity: If you are interested in rushing and are speaking to a guy in your fraternity of choice, do NOT call it a frat. If you do happen to slip up and call it a frat they will most likely correct you by saying “well, in my FRATERNITY..” Take the hint. 2. The Lanyard: Please, oh please, do not wear one of those Godawful lanyards around your neck complete with your Vera Bradley wallet or room key connected to the end. You look like a dork, and people will most likely yell “FRESHMANNNNNN” at you from the side of the road. Try taping your key to your Hokie Passport and putting it in your back pocket when you go out at night so you won’t lose anything valuable that could be in your wallet.
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1. Jersey Chasers: You will most definitely look like a Freshman if you crane your neck and every person that walks by that looks like he could potentially be on the football team. Most people at Virginia Tech would agree that athletes are fairly nice if you treat them like normal people. Please DO NOT try and slip the larger than normal guy next to you in Chem class a note trying to get his autograph; you will most likely be the joke of his friend group for the rest of the semester. Welcome to Virginia Tech Class of 2015, we can’t wait to get wasted with you. MALLORY H. Wrote This
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n i t s e b the ! s c i p y part
SHOUT OUTS Got a shout out? Email us at shout@theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our website: theblacksheeponline.com or send them from our iPhone/Android App
“Andrew Salisbury, you are always the best looking guy at the gym.” “To the upperclassman, STOP YELLING ‘FRESHMAN’ AT ME.” “Dear Joe, Thanks for providing the best drunk food in Blacksburg. Keep it up.” “Blonde kid in the front of my Chem class, please stop sexting during class. Thanks.” “Shoutout to the boys in 1003L, how’d you get so many hoes in one apartment before classes even started?” “Shoutout to my boss, I’d make out with you anytime.” “To the girl who tried to do the Rail Challenge at TOTS last week, why waste your money? I’ll rail you for free.” “Dear parking services, I hate you. Love, debt by parking tickets.” “To that frat star in the truck, the size of your truck can’t make up for what you’re lacking in other places” “To the chick next door: your singing sucks. STFU.” Shoutout to the two freshmen who sat with me during my sexile, when I was pretty sure i was drunkenly talking to myself. Shoutout to pizza for being delicious when drunk.
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SEX and the u
After splitting three liters of Moscato between my four best girlfriends and myself, our organic conversation switched to the one topic that girls love to talk about: sex. This holds true for all college girls; we love sex and don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. We may not love it with you, per se, but we do love it. We love to talk about it; we love to read about it, we love the actual activity of it…anything to burn a few calories, right? Between the five of us, there were two girls in long-term relationships, two completely single girls, and one whom was the perpetual “Fuck Buddy.” After some more conversation, we realized that relationship status plays perfectly with the very common Stoplight Party theme. Most college students have been to a Stoplight Party; each attendee wears a color according to their relationships status: Red is taken, Yellow is looking for a good time, Green is single and ready to mingle. Red Light Girls: These girls can be all over the spectrum, ranging from having sex twelve times a week to six times a week de-
07
The Sex Stoplight
pending on their relationship. One of our girls claimed to have sex at least twelve times a week and we figured it must’ve had something to do with her stamina because she runs a 5K every morning at 6AM. God knows I couldn’t keep up with that. The biggest issue that Red Light Girls encounter is the anti-fun curse, because shit gets boring after a while, yo. On the other end, the nicest part about these relationships is the comfort. These girls are the most comfortable with their monogamous partners and have the ability to communicate in bed and afterwards, which is often an issue for other girls due to fear of judgment. If you’re a Red Light Girl (not like the ones in The District), be sure to keep things spicy in the bedroom or your man is bound to get bored and start looking elsewhere. Yellow Light Girl: From a purely physical standpoint, sex as a Yellow Light Girl is the best. Yellow Light Girls average sex about six times a week, but do not have to deal with the normal strain of a relationship. To be clear, Yellow Light Girls are not always running around town sluttin’ it up. She usually has a consistent partner that she knows well enough to be comfortable with but is also removed enough not to be tied down. Sex is mostly unpredictable and exciting. The best part? They’re still able to study in the library together without the sexual tension that they feel late night on the weekends. Granted, this semi-relationship is mostly
our staff wrote this
driven by physical contact and a little bit of beer, but it’s always fun and always new. Most girls in their twenties want to be Yellow Light Girls but beware because not every girl can handle it. You should figure out if you can before you dive into it;the minute you find yourself saying “I really like him,” you, my dear, are fucked. Green Light Girls: Generally, Green Light Girls are the queens of the DFMO (Dance Floor Make Out). They’re usually having sex the least and probably a total tease because they’re self-conscious about it or uncomfortable with the thought of waking up next to a random guy. However, that doesn’t keep them from rounding most of the bases during the weekend and many Green Light Girls have no problem raking in the homeruns. We’ve all been that girl’s roommate: waking up with a different athlete or frat bro in our kitchen every Sunday morning. Shoot, as long as they’re whipping up some pancakes I see no reason to complain or try to rescue her from Whore Island. The best part about a Stoplight Party is that everything is laid down on the table the minute you arrive; people are literally wearing their intentions on their sleeves. Hopefully, after reading the analysis of what those colors really mean you can stop wasting your time on the wrong kind of girls and find yourself a complementary color.
• Fine Dining • Huge Wine Cellar • Outside Dining • Private Events • Full Bar • 60+ beers, 15 taps • Tastiest Specialty Drinks
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• Weekend Brunch • Crazy Good Bar Food • Daily Specials • Deck off the bar • Live Music • Billiards & Darts • NFL & MLB package
622 N. Main Street, Blacksburg
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! Downtown & Locally Owned
The Grid
153 College Ave 540‐961‐2703
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Bollo’s Café & Bakery
206 Draper Rd, 540-953-1669 www.bolloscafe.com
SATURDAY: $1 PBR Draft All Night Dance Party with Killa J
Margarita Monday: $1 Off Margaritas
SAT: Bollo’s: Mediterranean Garbanzo Bread & Rolls Gillie’s: Live Music 7-9pm
Thirsty Thursday: $1 Off Margaritas $1 Off Select Tequila $2.25 Mexican Beer
SPECIAL NIGHT
Everyday Happy Hour: $2 Rail Singles, $4 Rail Doubles $0.50 All Craft and Premium Beer Bottles $0.75 Off Drafts $1.50 Domestic Bottles
THURS
Live Music or “Yes Rasta!” with DJ Cellardoor and Boogieburg Sound Systems See 622North.com
$1 PBR Draft All Night Live Music
FRI
Late night private functions available in restaurant
$1 PBR Draft All Night Live Music: Kiffy, DJ Chup, MHS
SAT
Brunch 10am-2pm with Full Bar; Live Music most nights at 9:30pm See 622North.com
So much good stuff... get in here!
Meatball Monday $4.95 for a 12” Meatball, Drink, Chips and Cookie
Bollo’s: Danish!, Walnut Raisin Bread & Rolls, Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins Gillie’s: Live Music 7-9pm
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Thirsty Thursday $1 for a Fountain Drink and Cookie w/ Any Purchase
“Like” us on Facebook!
Bollo’s: Cinnamon Rolls, Gluten Free Items! Gillie’s: Late Night Music 9:30pm
Like us on Facebook!
Philly Friday $5.90 6” Philly, Chips, Cookie and Drink
$1 PBR Draft All Night Dance Party with Killa J
Check out our website: cabofishtaco.com
Bollo’s: Mediterranean Garbanzo Bread & Rolls Gillie’s: Live Music 7-9pm
Check out our VT Football Graveyard!
Don’t get mad – we’re hungover too and don’t want to make specials all day
SUN
Brunch 10am-2pm with Full Bar NFL Package
$1 PBR Draft All Night
Sit ‘n Sip Sundays $1 Off Margaritas $1 Off Select Tequila $2.25 Mexican Beer
Bollo’s: Cinnamon Rolls
Eat at Souvlaki!
Sucka-Free Sunday No specials, we just don’t want any suckas coming in
MON
Free Pool 10pm-Close MLB & NFL Package Private parties available at 622 North
$1 PBR Draft All Night
Margarita Monday: $1 Off Margaritas
Bollo’s: Vegan Pumpkin Choc. Chip Muffins
Military, Police, Fire, Rescue, etc. 10% Off
Meatball Monday $4.95 for a 12” Meatball, Drink, Chips and Cookie
Bollo’s: Eclairs, Walnut Raisin Bread & Rolls
Teacher Tuesday Teacher and Faculty 10% Off
Tugboat Tuesday $6.99 for a 6” Tugboat (BBQ, Cheddar, Mayo) Mac-n-Cheese, Chips, Cookie, Fountain Drink
Check out our website! www.eatsouvlaki.com
Washington Wednesday $1 for a Fountain Drink and Cookie w/ Any Purchase
TUES
WED
$9.00 1/2 Pound Beer Boiled Shrimp 5-10pm
$1 PBR Draft All Night
50% off Executive Beers 5-8pm
Wiggles & Giggles $1 Jello, 2-4-1 Oysters, Comedy Club
Tequila Tuesday: $1 Off Select tequila
Big Wednesday: $2.25 Mexican Beer
Bollo’s: Cookie Day!
09
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Seven Layers of Players our staff wrote this As it’s the start of a new year, let’s give those freshman Hokies some love, start them off on the right foot, and let them in on the real deal on their new digs. West AJ: You’ve lucked out freshie, get ready to party hardy. Even before classes start, you can count on someone on your floor getting a CR due to what hall staff would call “breaking hall policies,” code word for being awesome. Get ready to meet a wide variety of people, access dining halls from a prime location, and get a little messed up in the process. PY aka Peddrew Yates (you should pronounce it Pedro): Better luck next year, kiddo. I guess you gave in to the allure of climate-controlled rooms, personal bathrooms, and lighting that doesn’t make daily life seem straight out of Hostel. Unfortunately this comes packaged with a severe lack of fun. Enjoy those extra leadership classes, living with overachievers, and study parties. On the bright side, you’re closer to the classes that you love so much. Upper Quad: You have boldly been assigned to where few civilians have gone before: the corps dorms. Ladies, we proudly present you with the cream of the crop, the clean cut, ripped young men who have decided to protect and serve while managing to be pretty easy on the eyes. However, the corp boys have a bit of a reputation for lacking social skills—but what’d you expect from the men at an Engineering/Agriculture/Military school? Just be thankful for that slanted boy to girl ratio on campus. As for you guys, you better start working on your pushups, I hear those Marines can do at least 200. [Editor’s Note: In a row? Jesus Christ, I need to stop smoking.] Pritchard: Welcome to the living legend. Before recently becoming co-ed, you would’ve been privileged to live in the dorm once named The Seven Layers of Players, because, according to Playboy magazine, more girls lost their virginity in Pritchard Hall than in any other dorm in the country. Previously the largest all-male dorm on the East Coast, the stories surrounding that
dorm are truly one-of-a-kind. Most of them date back much further than any of us and the stories of flaming couches and flying soda machines will live on long after we’re gone. Newman: Bonjour! ¡Hola! Konichiwa! I hope you like Indian food, because things get real spicy in this joint. Whether you’re foreign or not, you get to live in international-themed housing. Lucky for you, there’s typically a hot Australian rugby player down the hall. But resident beware, down the other end of the hall is a Middle Eastern student burning incense that smells like elephant shit. Lee: One second, let me just go get my glasses. For those of you on the top two floors of Lee, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself in to. Prepare to live your first and maybe second year [Editor’s Note: And maybe third and fourth…] doing Statics homework and figuring out vector geometry. If you’re not up there, don’t sweat your math homework, you’re the luckiest in the building: you have the Galileo male engineering-themed housing on the top two floors of your dorm. Two whole floors of dorks dying to steal the attention of a cute freshman girl from the first or second floor. Having trouble with that empo math class? Just wander upstairs with your cute little freshman smile, a copy of your homework, and ask for help. Someone will get it done, guaranteed.
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The Tiers of Hokie Dining
Miranda Korschun wrote this
I don’t think I’ve ever been able to walk out of Owens Dining Hall without eating a meatball sub first. It’s a weakness of mine. I physically cannot tear myself away from the Flipz counter until I have been handed my sub. Once that package is in my grasp, I am the happiest Hokie alive. Sometimes having excellent food all over campus can be a problem for a girl who would rather not be a chub, but who can really complain about going to the university with the top rated campus dining in America? According to College Prowler, we’re an A+ and the elitist Wahoo’s are only a C+. Who says UVa kids get better grades? The Bottom Tier: Dietrick Dining Hall, aka D2. There are a few things you should know before walking into D2. Number one: you will eat until you are sick. Number two: you may experience a side effect known as The D2 Dash. The D2 Dash is the need for a restroom soon after finishing your feast at Dietrick Dining Hall. Chocolate milk at D2 is a must for everyone. The chocolate milk dispensers are generally flowing at a piddling trickle by the time I get to them. No doubt about it, if you’re looking to gorge yourself or you woke up with a hangover but want to eat before going right back to bed, then D2 is the place for you. The Middle Tier: Owens Dining Hall, Sbarro, and Hokie Grill. Owens tends to be a hot spot for large groups congregating together. You can always count on finding a few tables of frat boys and sorority girls during lunch hours, chatting over salads and fantastic Franks. The Blue Plate Special makes Owens a good choice for students trying to save some of their meal plan money while still getting a variety of food options. Oh, and for all of you hippies and vegans, Owens has the Farms and Fields Project that serves all locally grown and raised products that are delicious and eco-friendly. Sbarro and Hokie Grill (Chik-fil-a, Pizza Hut, and BBQ) are predictable and always there when you’re torn. The Top Tier: West End Market and Au Bon Pain. Every Hokie knows that Westie is where it’s at. Where else in America can college students pick out their own live lobster or order a filet mignon? And don’t even get me started on the Chophouse’s mashed potatoes, the Fighting Gobbler’s cheese fries, or Leaf and Ladle’s quiche! Well, you get the idea. Everything is good. And that is not an understatement. Finding a table at West End during rush hour is like fighting to save a child from a burning building [Editor’s Note: And actually caused the Infamous West End Brawl last fall.] You make the rounds, stalking tables that look like they’re about to get up. I’ve even gone so far as to march up to a group of Chatty Cathys and ask if they’re finished yet. Rude? Possibly. Necessary? Absolutely. Finding a table in Squires during lunch is a similar experience. However, the one thing that makes ABP even worse is that it’s about 1/16 the size of Westie but with the same number of students. The crowd at the sandwich bar is a joke, skip the line and grab a wrap from the counter. The worst part about both top-tier dining options is that they are completely worth all the effort it takes to get your food and a table. Whether it be watching the freshman boys pile up their 16 plates at D2 or shoving a girl in teetering heels over so that you can swipe a table from her at West End, you’re guaranteed a solid dining experience no matter where you choose to eat at Virginia Tech.
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Bartender of the Week Brandon Varley. Awful Arthur’s Relationship: Yellow Light Major: HNFE Wanna Be from Radford Favorite Drink to Make? The Day Drinker (Rum, OJ, Sugar Free Red Bull, Coke, Sprite, Strawberry Pucker) Favorite Shot to Make? Sex with an Alligator (Sweet and sour mix, melon liquor, raspberry liquor, Jagermeister) Boxers/Briefs/Free Ballin’? Depends what side of the bed I wake up on, who I’m in bed with, and if it’s laundry day One thing you’d never want your mom to know? How often I say “fuck.” Favorite Sex Position? How drunk am I? Guilty Pleasure? Sunday Funday Strangest Sex Story? When I was 17, I told a 32-year-old Mom that I was 18. Then I took her back to my parent’s basement to hook up.
drinking game:
stacks
Hangover Cure? Workout till I puke, then rally What celebrity would you go gay for? Again, how drunk am I? What celebrity would you punch? Rob Pattinson…straight to the suckhole Least Favorite Kind of Customer? Guido douchebags that snap at the bar and then ask for shots of Jager on the house Favorite kind of Customers? Drunk sorority girls, they always tell me WAY too much Best bartending memory? One girl decided she wanted to blackout, took a few Rumplemintz shots, used the bar top as her catwalk, and faceplanted right off the end of it How many numbers do you usually get in a night? If it’s a home game night, I lose count. If it’s just a regular weekend, it’s definitely more than 15
recipe for disaster:
Bugle Nachos
Are you willing to bet your laundry money on your quarters skills? If you are, stacks will appeal to you, kinda like that four-toothed hottie you stalk at the laundromat.
Bugles, the highly addictive salty treat, are a versatile snack. Much like a blank canvas, Bugles can be dressed up in lovely ways. Here is one of those wonderful ways.
Number of Players: At least two. What You Need: A bunch of quarters and some beers. Intoxication Level: That pre-teen’s gonna look stacked.
What You’ll Need: Nacho Cheese Bugles, queso, shredded cheese, ground beef. Cook Time: About 15 minutes. Fatty Factor: 100% of your recommended daily sodium intake is an understatement.
How to Play: -Stacks is played on a standard table, have all players sit around the table. -Place one quarter in the center of the table. -Each player takes turns attempting to bounce another quarter so it lands on top of the quarter in the middle of the table. -If a quarter stops and is touching the center quarter, the player doesn’t have to drink. Stack the touching quarter on top of the middle quarter. -The game continues in this manner. If a player misses the quarter, they must drink. If the player’s quarter ends up touching the quarter (or stack of quarters), place it on top. -As the stack grows, the game becomes more difficult. -If the stack falls, the player causing it must drink one drink for every quarter in the stack.
Let’s Get Baked: - Cook up the ground beef on the stove top. Add in some delicious spices. - Warm up some queso in the microwave, but it only has to be lukewarm. - With a spoon, fill each Bugle with queso. Put them on a plate like nachos. - Add the ground beef on top of the Bugles. Sprinkle with shredded cheese, then pop it in the microwave to melt the cheese, about 45 seconds. - Of course, you can add any amount of nacho accessories; green onions, black olives, jalapenos, salsa, guacamole, sour cream… mmmm.
The Game Ends When: The group decides to put the quarters towards a Taco Bell feast.
You can always make double or triple layer nachos, depending on how patient you are with filling the Bugles precisely with queso. Also try dipping the Bugles into the queso. This way, you’ll get most of the queso on your fingers, which you can then decadently lick off.
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Fall 2011 Crappy Movie Guide
We were going to do an actual fall movie guide, but when we looked at the release schedule we couldn’t help but think, “Holy shit, all of these movies look terrible.” Hey, gotta do what the market dictates, right? By: Brendan
Title: Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Release Date: September 9th Starring: Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Don Johnson Why It’s Gonna Suck: Look, Nick Swardson seems like a nice enough guy. His stand-up is pretty funny, and he was genuinely hilarious in Grandma’s Boy, but the rest of his filmography includes such classics as 30 Minutes or Less, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and his (7 episode long) TV series Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time. What is this dude doing starring in a movie, again? Scene Guaranteed to Happen: The camera cuts quickly to everyone in the room just after Swardson makes some sort of thinly-veiled allusion to Bucky’s homosexuality. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Lick pus from an oozing foot blister. Title: Abduction Release Date: September 23rd Starring: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins (daughter of Phil Collins!) Why It’s Gonna Suck: The tagline for the movie is “The fight for the truth will be the fight of his life.” He’s not Martin Luther King Jr. people, he’s a shitty, emotionally void actor who finally gets to fire a gun instead of shape shifting into a werewolf. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: A low-angle camera circles a shirtless Taylor Lautner as he stares menacingly into the distance, gun in hand. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Inject baby shit into my own ass with a turkey baster.
Title: Dolphin Tale Release Date: September 23rd Starring: Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr., a dolphin Why It’s Gonna Suck: A heartwarming tale about a dolphin losing its tail? Puns in the title? Harry Connick Jr.? Dolphin Tale has “schlockfest” written all over it. Expect life lessons about friendship, social responsibility and questionable movie roles (why, Morgan Freeman?) all up in your grill, because every time a dolphin gets caught in a tuna net, it’s your fault, you filthy consumer piece of shit. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: An emotional moment is had by all when the dolphin, new tail in hand, breaches the water in a display of friendship with the young protagonist. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Your mom. Boosh. Title: Real Steel Release Date: October 7th Starring: Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, robot boxers Why It’s Gonna Suck: Because for some reason this movie will have a plot. A stupid, contrived plot. Down-on-his-luck Jackman meets a kid that inspires him to get back into the ole’ robot fightin’ game? No. Robots punching each other? Yes. It doesn’t matter how much robot fighting is in this movie, unless there’s 8 hours of clobberin’, there needs to be more metalon-metal action. Scene Guaranteed to Happen: An absolutely ridiculous montage featuring Hugh Jackman teaching a robot how to box. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Eat a random item out of a Planned Parenthood dumpster. Title: The Three Musketeers Release Date: October 21st Starring: Orlando Bloom, Christoph Waltz, Milla Jovovich Why It’s Gonna Suck: The first two sentences of the film’s Wikipedia entry note The Three Musketeers is a “steampunk-influenced reinterpretation…shot in 3D.” My god, you can practically see the studio execs massaging their boners as they think about the buzzwords attached to the flick. “Hey, Harvey, do you think the synergy between a steampunk movie shot in 3D and the vertical collaterals of a burgeoning franchise will get us each another bathtub full of money?” “I dunno, Lewis, would you like to suck my dick while I think about it?” Scene Guaranteed to Happen: Some weird steam-powered flying contraption zips out into the audience. Disgusting Thing I’d Rather Do Than See This Movie: Go down a Slip N’ Slide full of an obese family’s taint sweat.
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The Black Sheep Interviews: John (but not Peter or Bjorn)
the MUSIC page
Like that IKEA where you bought your scummy dorm futon, Swedish indie rockers Peter, Bjorn and John are pretty damn big, and they’re all over America. The trio is kicking off their All You Can Eat tour in Chicago with dates across the nation until they wrap up in San Francisco on October 8th. Drummer John Eriksson was kind enough to let us interview him. What a handsome gentleman. The Black Sheep: How did having a hit like “Young Folks” change your approach to writing songs for Gimme Some? John: I think we’re 50% “screw it” and 50% “let’s not screw it up.” Having a hit in the genre of “indie-pop” — or whatever we are — could be a bit like if the most popular dish at a steakhouse was fish, in other words, “confusing.” For us “the hit” works like a carrot on a stick, “Young Folks” has a life of its own and that is what you want to happen to all of the songs you write. We wanna make evergreens, classic fucking pop songs that will last forever, and we try to do that all the time. Sometimes we fail, of course, but on Gimme Some we think that there are some pretty decent ones, for sure.
CD REVIEW
Out Now
CSS
La Liberacion
C+
CSS’s upbeat attitude is barely a hit, nor neither a miss. Guys, we aren’t in 2007 anymore. The mind frame of “Let’s not worry, Obama is going to come in and fix everything, so let’s be optimistic! Dance, dance, dance!” is now more like “Fuck this. Let’s drink a lot of something cheap and fuckin’ dance.” We weren’t all the way torn down by the recession, so the upbeat, poppy dance music that came out then (Justice, LCD Soundsystem, M.I.A.) was unabashedly fresh, upbeat, and just what the doctor ordered to help ease our wounds. Today, well, we’re a little tired of working 10-hour days and getting laid off. Is CSS’s La Liberacion just what we need to stop feeling so sorry for ourselves? Lord knows we all know their tune, “Music is My Hot, Hot Sex” from good ole’ 07 because it was on an Apple commercial (as the hipster’s roll over in their graves at how they listened to it a whole year before.) But most of CSS’s music doesn’t stray too far from the catchy, uptempo beats of their hit song. Their latest album has their signature unique sound, but with a 2011 spin on it; think more Robyn, Lady GaGa, Ke$ha. The first single, “Hits Me Like a Rock,” has that chanting, anthem-like beat that is super catchy, but perhaps a bit too slow and a bit too tame for a club song. “City Grrl” is a sad, sad song to the tune of Ke$ha, better known
as “crappy and unoriginal.” The lyrics sound like nothing more than a 12-year-old’s glittery dreams; “short shorts, short skirts, flower tops.” But do we listen to electronic, rave music for lyrics? No way! Just take a listen to ““La Liberacion,” a song entirely in some other language, but has enough passion in the singing and intensity in the beats that all you need to do is dance to it, nothing more. While there are tunes with some kitschy sounds (“Echo of Love”), there are some slower-tempo songs (“Partners in Crime”) that fit in without sounding out of place or cheesy. So, I bring you back to our own current economic state; it’s really lookin’ rocky, ya’ll. One day the market has bombed and we are all starting to can fruit to store up for the apocalypse, and the next the market is up and though none of us really know what that means, we rest assure that we can go to work and buy more booze one more day. So while Obama can’t fix anything, neither can CSS. But at least we can dance until we forget about it all. Sounds Like: Robyn’s wannabe little sister. Download: Hits Me Like a Rock, La Liberacion Listen to it When: Pre-gamin’ with your grrls and your gays.
>>> UPCOMING RELEASES David Guetta - Where Them Girls At Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV Ry Cooder - Pull Up Some Dust & Sit Down Cobra Starship - Night Shades
Lenny Kravitz - Black And White America Mike Doughty - Yes And Also Yes Red Hot Chili Peppers - I’m With You The Red Suit Apparatus - AM I The Enemy
TBS: What’s the creative process for you guys? Like, talk me through how you get an idea for a song to how you get a finished product. John: Things start when I’m on tour, walking the streets of some city and a melody starts playing in my brain. I’ll pick up my smartphone and record the melody. Then, when I get back to Sweden I’ll go back to the smartphone for the melodies and the lyrics or notes I made for it. I use that to build a song. Three months later I’ll make a demo and sent it off to Peter and Bjorn, we’ll meet in some deserted cellar and rehearse it for 30 or 40 minutes. Eventually we’ll book a studio with some decent mics, walk into a studio and spend 8 or so hours recording a song. Of course the song gets changed like, 6 times. After a few beers and some more mixing we’ll like how it sounds, and we’ll head to mixing (the most mysterious part of the creation). We’ll fight over the mix for a while, and a few weeks later it’ll be finished, we’ll master it and it’ll be ready for a person’s ears. TBS: Can you talk about the differences, if any, in touring different countries or continents? Can you make—or speak in—generalities about venues and shows in different parts of the world, or is that just a myopic point of view from an ill-traveled interviewer? John: People are more or less quite similar all over the world, believe it or not. The biggest difference — and the stuff that will affect the show — is the way the stage works and what kind of food you eat before playing. (And we have eaten much better stuff in Texas than in France). During our upcoming US tour we want to explore those differences even more. In Chicago, for instance, we play at like four different venues during one week. We had this idea that people could get a super ticket and go to all of the shows, we want it to be like a big PB&J buffet, hopefully no one will throw up afterwards. TBS: You’ve shown a lot of support for hip-hop, and hip-hop artists have shown a lot of love to you. Why do you think your music lends itself so well to that genre? John: I think it’s because the drums and the beats in our music are so awesome. (Editor’s note: Because John is the drummer, you see.) TBS: When you’re not busy doing music things, what are you doing? John: At the moment mostly kissing and eating. Not at the same time though.
CHeck out more online at >>> theblacksheeponline.com
Madlib: Welcome back to campus! 1) fast food place 2) best friend 3) type of dog 4) body part 5) one of the senses 6) vegetable 7) minority group 8) type of car 9) action 10) number 11) sexual move 12) current crush 13) dance move 14) campus building 15) type of beer/booze 16) old roommate 17) campur bar 18) body part 19) last hookup 20) non-sexual body part 21) name of campus bus 22) friend 23) type of clothing 24) greek house 25) eating/drinking item 26) condiment 27) type of student
Wow, am I glad school is back in session! This summer I worked at ____1____ with ____2____ and it sucked ____3____ ____4____. Every day I had to ____5____ the ____6____, and then take the ____7____ still there from the night before and throw them in the ____8____ outside. Embarrassing. Anyways, enough about my ____9____ summer, time to focus on the future. I’m thinking I’ll go on a ____10____ day bender, during which I can finally ____11____ ____12____ and then ____13____ in the ____14____. We all know he/she deserves it. The one thing I won’t do is drink ____15____ with ____16____ again, last time that happened I ended up at ____17____ showing everyone my ____18____ and well, nobody was impressed. I really hope I run into ____19____ soon though. We left last semester all weird after we rubbed ____20____ on the ____21____ and ____22____ walked in on us. They asked why we weren’t wearing any ____23____ and we told them we had just seen some ____24____ and they took them. Somehow that worked, but come on now. So, raise your ____25____ to another great year starting up. Let’s hope we all manage to rub some ____26____ on some ____27____ this week!
Meet The Staff! campus manager Rebecca Samuelson
campus director Brendan Bonham
Advertising Manager Allie Riggs
Founders Rebecca Samuelson Allie Riggs Brendan Bonham, Atish Doshi, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers
marketing/PR Manager Jackie Glass distribution Manager Sagar Shrivastava Writers Carrie Deutsch Emily Ritonia Myers Elliotte Ty Hodges Miranda Korschum Mallory Harkness marketing Team Courtney Beasley Michelle Gabe Ross Philips
( class time )
Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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MASH
Circle one option in each category and unlock the mystery to your ideal (or not so ideal) future life.
( time ) class
tally box
first semester hookup:
new org you start
class you'll miss/week:
Someone's dorm Bar bathroom On the Quad Alone, with candles
The Hokie Pokies Whipped Cream Enthusiasts Life is Short, So are We Tie-Dye 'Til We Die
4 19 8 You're not here for class
first semester kiss:
second semester home
campus job:
Guy in front of you Girl to the left First two people you see Friend's new puppy
Frat basement You'll be bangin' for roof Back with your parents Dorm living forever!
Bouncer at Papa John’s People watcher stalker Black Sheep writer Fake T.A.
change classes:
new trend you'll start
Cause of expulsion:
3 times 7 times 46 times Never!
Over-the-shirt-boob-cupping Freestyle skipping Triple-bro-fisting Screwdriving stabbing
Streaking...every day Burning the corn fields Blackmailing three professors Living in a tree all semester
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