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The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
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Volume 4, Issue 7 4/12/12 - 4/26/12
messing with campus tour groups... Katie Batt wrote this
You’ve all seen them; the tour groups walking around campus. High school seniors. Parents. Unexplainable young children. We've all felt the urge to freak them out. I hope that, as college students, we also realize that this would be stupid. It’s still fun to imagine things to do to the tour groups though, isn’t it? Here are 5 fantastic ways you could scare campus tour groups. Wastern: This is incredibly unimaginative, but I think it would still be scary (for the parents, anyway). It’s your choice whether you get drunk or not, but make sure you have some sort of liquor bottle on you. Mess up your hair, stumble around and with bottle in hand run up to a group and yell, “Wastern!!” at the top of your lungs. You can also separate your fingers to make a “W”. Drug Dealer: Get a bag of grass. No seriously, real grass. Why would you wave a bag of real pot around in public. Also, grab a couple dollar bills and roll them up. Now that you have the right props, find a group. Choose a member and walk on up to them. Try offering them a great deal on your stuff. Sex Sounds Galore: If you live in the dorms grab a friend, open your window and wait for a group. As they get closer to the building start making sex noises and banging furniture against the wall or floor. If this doesn’t freak them out, we can go further. School Spirit: This one gets slightly more interesting. Buy some body paint, strip down and paint your body brown and gold with a big “W” on your chest. Once you see a group, streak right in front of them. If you’re not afraid of getting arrested, stop to give one of them a hug. Scream, “WESTERN,” at the top of your lungs.
Other stuff
Inside
Sexless in the City
McCracken: I got the inspiration for this one from a movie but I think it works. There is also a pun involved. So, here’s what you do. Wait until a tour group comes down by the fountain at Miller. As soon as they get close, rip your shirt off and jump into the fountain screaming, “I AM A MCCRACKEN FROM THE SEA!”
Feel free to come up with more creative ways to scare campus tours on your own. Even if none of these really scare tour groups, at the very least they’ll make campus more interesting. Also, most of these will scare the parents more than the prospective students. Personally, I would have found most of these hilarious. Who wants to go to a boring college, anyway?
At this point you may as well just try to roll a paladin.
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House Crawl: A Tradition Like No Other
Judging a Book By Its Cover
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The alarming disappearance of a fat-come-recently-fit person amongst their group of fat loser friends. Pat’s absduction was swift, after he lost weight he spent much more time in pussy than in the gaming room.
04
THe top ten Ways WMU Parking Services Makes Us Their Bitch 10) The placement of a parking sticker: According to their rules the correct placement of the parking sticker needs to be at the bottom right of the front windshield. That is not the problem. The problem is that parking people actually give people tickets for having their sticker on the wrong side. The directions are easy to understand, but seriously? 9) You can’t purchase a sticker and put it on your account: Back in the day we were able to purchase parking stickers on our WMU accounts and let our parents worry about them. Not anymore. You must have the moolah ready to go the day you purchase the stupid sticker.
Sexless in the City
Nathan Palcowski wrote this
Here at Western Michigan University we’re bombarded every day with unique opportunities to experience new things that can change our perceptions of the world. One of those life changing experiences is sex. It’s different from high school where you had maybe a thousand genitals to choose from. WMU has 25,000 students. That’s way more than a thousand opportunities to bang. Now think about not taking advantage of that opportunity, like Blake and Angela. Both are enrolled at WMU, and both are still (incredibly) virgins! (Seriously, these two attend WMU, no joke.) TBS: Why are you still a virgin? Is it, like, a God thing? Blake: I’m just not looking to go and sleep around. I want to be with that right person and that person just hasn’t come around for me yet. Angela: It has nothing to do with religion, or anything for that matter. TBS: Seriously. Look at you. You should be neck deep in tail. Why aren’t you neck deep in tail? B: I love WMU and if I wanted to, I could probably try and have sex, but that’s just the way I am. I don’t want to regret it. A: I don’t want to be called a slut for having sex. I’m really scared of that reputation, even though I know it doesn’t happen to every girl. I’ll just stay a virgin until I can get that fear out of my head. TBS: How has being a virgin affected your life? B: I definitely get some crazy looks when people find out that I still am. I usually get lines like, “No, you’re just kidding” or “Really? Seriously, that’s weird.” TBS: It is weird. B: I get the occasional ‘laugh-their-ass-off-and-then-walk-away’ thing. But oh well, that’s life. TBS: Does being a totally weird virgin bother you? A: My life has been good, I’m glad that I don’t have to go around worrying about if I’m pregnant or why my vagina hurts so much. TBS: What do your friends say? B: My friends think that I’m really weird for not wanting to have sex. A: A lot of my friends don’t even know. I just kind of shrug of the topic if it comes up and don’t really say much about it.
TBS: Have you ever had the chance to have sex? A: Hell yeah, I’m a girl, with boobs and a vagina. TBS: So you are. A: I don’t want to toot my own horn but I’m a girl and guys are always turned on. Only thing is, I’m not good at figuring out how to use those qualities that I have in my favor. TBS: Ahem. Blake, buddy. You ever almost get it on? B: Well, kinda. I was dating this girl for about a year in high school and she wanted her first time to be with me, but I really wasn’t ready. I got a lot of shit for not having sex with her from my friends. TBS: Too right. Why didn’t you? B: I don’t know, I just think that having sex is not number one priority at this moment. TBS: Well, what DO you do if you’re not having sex? B: I do the normal thing that I thought every college kid does. I study, chill in the dorms and occasionally go to campus events and enjoy myself. I must just be one in a million that does that. A: It’s embarrassing to say, but I relieve stress. I hope people know what I mean when I say that. Not constantly, but I occasionally do it if my roommate is gone. Besides that I attend campus events, sporting events and study. Just kind of do my thing. TBS: I see… and… do you plan on having sex one day? B: WMU hasn’t granted me the possibility yet, but then again I’m not the one to go around and party. I would like to once I find the right person to be with. I am totally ok with waiting until that moment is right. I don’t care how old I am, I just want to know consciously that I am doing the right thing. A: Yeah, eventually. It’s just getting over that fear of everything that goes along with having sex. I don’t know when that moment is going to come, and hopefully it can come during college when I have all the opportunities in the world to find a guy that I really like. TBS: I’m sure it will, virgins. I’m sure it will. Thank you both for baring it all for The Black Sheep. We’ll call you sometime.
8) The locations suck: Why are Miller and the loading zone pretty much the only places to park? We should be able to drive through campus instead of parking and taking another 15 minutes to walk to class! 7) They never tell you where you can park after hours: Did you know that after 5 you could park right in front of the Administration Building? Yeah, I didn’t either until half way through my junior year. 6) The price of a parking sticker: Why the hell does it cost 300 bucks to park so we can go to school? 5) They’re sneaky bastards: Once I was dropping something off at the financial aid and I added a quarter for 10 minutes of parking (which is a rip-off). I was running out to my car and the second I got there I was face-toface with a parking cop. The asshole was waiting by my car and gave me a ticket the second the meter ran out, which happened as I was running out of the building. 4) The Valleys people can’t park to come visit except on the weekends: What if a “friend” is coming over to “spend the night” on a weekday? Parking services are preventing freshman from getting it in. 3) The meters only take quarters: I use all of my change for Den Pops and finding quarters is like finding a piece of (unchewed) gum in your backpack. I’m lucky enough if I find nickels, it’s complete bullshit that the meters only take my laundry money. 2) They put a hold on your account if you have 3 or more parking tickets: Not only are they bending us over and taking or money, but if we don’t pay right away they’ll punish us even more. If you have less than 3 parking tickets then you don’t have to pay it until you graduate, but if you have more than that and you want to register for classes then you MUST pay them. Sick deal… 1) They take so much money: Last year, tickets alone, not including parking passes, made Western Michigan University over $630,000. What the fuck are they doing with all that money? The parking situation at WMU is only going to get worse. So make sure you’re parking in the “W” section, pay those tickets off, and give as many dirty looks to the parking cops that you can. It’s okay- deep down, they know they deserve it.
dana borzea wrote this
www.theblacksheeponline.com
House Crawl: a tradition like no other
05
Kelly Weatherwax wrote this A tradition is a ritual, a belief or object passed down within a society, still maintained in the present, with origins in the past. Four years ago at Western Michigan University in the spring of 2009, a group of ‘aggressive alcoholics’ loathed the idea of graduating and needed something big to happen. In attempt to keep their sanity at bay until graduation day, they created the House Crawl. The “House Crawl” take the idea of a bar crawl to a whole other level, making it way more fun. There are five houses and each house provides a different type of alcohol. It usually follows some kind of theme for the house. As if the copious amount of booze provided isn't enough, the participants that do not live in the houses are expected to bring some kind of drink to pass around because crawlers are all about “sharing is caring”. The crawlers start drinking at the first house, continue drinking through the second house, have a handful of chips and some drinks at the third house and throw up and rally at the fourth house. The name, “House Crawl,” comes from the distinctive crawling motion participants use to get into the fifth house. Because of all the drunk, you see. The first House Crawl was an incredible success- so much so that the next generation of seniors threw one the next year. And the next year!For the past few years the House Crawl has outshined every other Western party.
The seniors this year were only freshmen during the first House Crawl- mere children. Now it is their own holiday, a sacred tradition that even the KPD has yet to take away from them. This celebration that started out with only 30 people has matured into a phenomenon drawing in over 150 people at Western Michigan University, and has even inspired cheap knockoffs, most notably at Michigan State University. They jumped on the bandwagon last year (they’re always late and try to take credit for our great ideas). Booze and raging are great and all, but another great part about the House Crawl is the t-shirts that are made every year.When you see a rad t-shirt that says the same thing yours says, you just know you’re part of something great. Houses reach their most destructive during this day. It’s awesome. Kitchens have been turned into Slip ‘n Slides, furniture has been violated, couches have been burned, peed and crapped on, beds have been puked in, walls have been painted and nines have gone home with threes. And yet, despite never getting their security deposit back after graduation,every household member will agree that it is worth it. Even so, the house partiers this year will be reluctant to let the stereo playthe Kid Rock hit “Bawitdaba” because of unspeakable consequences in previous years.
This year’s House Crawl promises to be legendary on a Beowulf level. If anyone can survive the night to accept the Wastern challenge, the torch will yet again be passed down to kids who were once freshman who had dreams of doing something great. Sunrise, sunset.
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shiT BroNCos WhenNever You Can Judge A sAy Book By Its Cover
The internet is a great source of millions of videos that waste hours of your time so it only feels like you’ve been Since we were children, adultWho in our lives haswant utmessing around online for 10every minutes. wouldn’t to watch cat videos the “It’s So Coldtime In The D” music"You tered the exactand same phrase at one or another. videocan't instead of astudying a chemistry exam? judge book byfor its cover, you little asshole." (They may not have called you an asshole out loud, but they Since IMPLIED you’re ait.) college student you have a Facebook account, and because you’re bored in class you slip in a headphone and hit up Youtube. Undoubtedly you’ve seen the “shit And since coming to college, the single most mindpeople say” videos. They’re self-explanatory, it’s a video of opening experience since yoursay. firstSurprisingly accidental porn-click, shit certain people say and don’t enough, DAnA Wrote tHis learned even truerFor thanshame! ever. Every book therewe've has yet to bethat one it's about WMU. Are we so is special, no matter what itdon’t lookssay like. Andsets we us areapart. better plain? Or maybe it’s what we that Hannah Weyer wrote thisIf you’re people every day fornone having read secretly awesome books. a true Bronco, of these words will ever come out of your mouth. But that doesn't change the fact that there are still really “I wish my room likeand Dunbar.” shitty bookssmelled out there, sometimes the ability to judge their cover where is the only “I know exactly Roodthing Hall that is.” saves us from ruining our daysLu with the awfulness. “Jin Hau Bajanstalki is my professor, YES!” “I’ll for sure pick you up from Miller at 2p.m.” Here'sDunn a helpful guide to books you should never read no “President who?” your mother says. “Wisematter choicewhat replacing Taco Bell with Western Scoops.” “I miss living in the Valleys.” hasluck.” a stupid pun on it. Puns are terrible “StepWhen on thethe W cover for good things. If nightmares were literary “My fake worked at the Grotto, again.”beings, they would be the read stampeding offspringarticle of a misplaced apostrophe and “Did you that awesome in The Herald?” every pun you've ever herd. And they'd also have spider “Do you want to stay in this weekend?” legs. And three eyes. Ugh. I just scared myself. “Wendy’s always gets my order right.” “I love walking to class in the snow, uphill both ways.” When the cover has barely-dried semen on it. Some“Nursing is so easy to get into.” thing very wonderful or very terrible has happened to this “Howbook, do you get to the depending onflagpoles?” your opinion of semen. Either way, it “Let’shappened just walkvery home from Wayside.” recently and you should probably give it “I justsome needspace one minute to print something off in the lab.” for a while. “I’ve never got a parking ticket.” “So my girlfriend fromisCentral…” When the cover really boring. Your time is valuable. “I know exactly there’s on campus. “ If the coverwhy doesn't leapaatwhale your face and strangle your eyeballs with the realness, don't waste your time. “Ew, Sweetwater’s.” “I understand why people go the wrong way in roundabouts.” When the cover has words like "by Dan Brown" on it. Unless you like things that used to be awesome before
“Did you read that awesome article in The Herald?”
07 07
“They need fewer booths in Bistro 3.” “I can tell you everything that I did last night.” they discovered what money was and have since done “Can I borrow your tail tomorrow?” nothing but take heaping piles of shit on top of dead trees “WMU hockey sucks.” and call those shits "literature," give it a pass. “So many open parking spaces!” “I’ve never seen the 'Scott’s is buying gold, silver, and coins!’ When you see someone you hate with a similar looking commercial.” book cover. You call this person your enemy for a reason. “Of course I go 35 on West Michigan Ave.” You cannot afford to have anything in common with this “Thanks the Bible terriblefor person, not old evenman.” books. Do not read this book “I’ve heldwill onto eco-mug since freshman year.” or you bemy forced to think similar thoughts as them, ‘Thanks garbage for coming at 6a.m.” and that is the man first step in empathizing with your enemy, which go is the in BECOMING “Wanna to athird WMUstep basketball gamethem. tonight?” “I would’ve got rid of Panda Express too.” “Did you the see cover all thehas hota girls at Parkview?” When picture of a puppy. This book will make you considered really happy, and then really sad.bus.” Marley! “I’ve never jumping in really, front of a WMU WHY,Broncos MARLEY!Fight…what’s WHY! “Fight the next line?” “Sindecuse diagnosed me correctly.” When for the awkwardly cover has boobs. might be I’m boring. It “Thanks playingThis yourbook guitar while studying.” might be stupid. You might finish three chapters and realthat although it's said “Ofize course I remember yournothing name.”but that it's an Aquarius and itsI’m catgoing is really, wayfor smart, the rest Day.” of the book “I think to golike, home St. Patrick’s is nothing blank pages. But you keep flipping through “Beer pong? but Never heard of it.” the vapid paper because maybe, MAYBE, there might be “Oh no thanks, I don’t smoke weed.” more boobs later. And you are a dreamer. “Let’s go to the rec between 6-8.” “I don’t drink wine out of a box.” When the cover is super old. Because humor wasn't “Let’s see what everyone is handing out at the flagpoles.” invented until shortly after you were born, this book “They didn’t sell to metoa anything TJ’s.” you've ever known or has nothing relevant “It’s not UClub, it’s believed. Let it go,Campus man. Habitat.” “I’ll just have one beer tonight.” “Solar panels, finally!” holds it up in class and excitedly When your professor “Anyone want to live with Western View?” tells you you're going to me loveateverything about it. No. “I love the new No you're not.E-learning.” “No man I have to pass on the Den Pop, I’m broke.” “I’m transferring Central.” When the title to is in a different language. Fuck that. You're not learning an entire new language for some stupid book. book learn somedifferent goddamnafter English! Well, that’s it, That that’s thecan issue. We’re all. Why should youishave to type into Google be transThey say silence golden, thateverything may not necessarily true, butlate? what don’t sayit'd can tell you you really are. If you it was good, already be who in American. (EXCEPTION: See Dan Brown).
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$2.50 22oz Miller Lite $2.75 Wells, $2 House Shots $1 Tacos & Karaoke Bags Tournament w/ Ca$h Prize
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THURS, 4/19
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FRI, 4/20
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SAT, 4/21
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MON, 4/23
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TUES, 4/24
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Closed
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Parents say the
Parents—how adorable. Whether they’re obsessed with their iProduct du jour or try to chat you up about the latest episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you can’t help but appreciate how they still try to stay involved in your life. Still, few parents keep up with the ever-evolving musical landscape. With that in mind we decided to email our parents sample lyrics from recently popular songs just to see if they could figure out what was going on. Their unadulterated responses below.
darndest things! Ke$ha- “Tik Tok”
And now the dudes are linin’ up cuz they hear we got swagger But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger I'm talkin’ about errrbody gettin crunk Boys tryn’a touch my junk “This is about some girls thinking they’re hot, checking out the boys who aren’t and dissing the pretenders who are offenders.” “Is swagger a new drink? Why does she have it on her and why is she with Mick Jagger? She has garbage that people want?” “The guys are in a competition like American Idol, wanting to show off their stuff, but they won't be accepted unless they're a certain 'type' - a cookie cutter imitation of what is acceptable. They're all
showing off, doing their best.” “Guys are standing in front of a hot club in NYC because they hear celebs and models are hanging out there. But the girls want nothing to do with 'em unless they're jocks or loaded with dough. The chicks are there to party, boys want some action.” Verdict: The parents do a good job identifying the strong pro-female message in the song, but are oblivious to Ke$ha’s general sluttiness. Having seen Ke$ha, this seems impossible.
LMFAO- “Party Rock Anthem” See I'm a jock (huh) nonstop when we in the spot Booty move weight like she owns the block Where I drank I gots to know Tight jeans, tattoos cause I'm rock and roll Half black half white, domino Gain the money Oprah Doe!
“I think this is about people of mixed ethnicity dancing for money.” “The dude feeling like he has to prove himself. Drinking for courage, playing the part with the clothes, tattoos, etc. He’s trying to please all, white/black, (Oreo) black on the outside - white inside. The woman has money, and she’s using him.” “It’s about a guy dancing with his gal but he likes to mix his music, rock and roll with a little hip hop sprinkled in.”
“He can focus and perform in a bad situation; she can move mountains with her powerful behind. Can't remember a thing about last night. Wearing tight jeans, etc. because they're searching for an identity.” Verdict: Two schools of thought are evident here. First, there are two responses with vaguely racist undertones. Then, there are the older folk who know that this is a party song. They must have watched the Super Bowl this year.
Drake- “The Motto”
Wrist blang, got a condo up in Biscayne Still getting brain from a thang, ain’t shit changed How you feel? how you feel? how you feel? Twenty five sittin’ on 25 mil uhh I’m in the building and I’m feeling myself Rest in peace Mac Dre, I’mma do it for the Bay, okay “It’s about a dude in Miami with a hangover reminiscing about the old rapper Dr. Dre and counting his money.”
Florida, not knowing what to feel, sitting on $25 million in illegal money. All this - living in Biscayne Bay - but is it worth the diminished peace of mind?”
“This song is definitely about drug use.”
Verdict: “Still getting brain from a thang” threw off them older kids. Thank god. If they knew what that meant, we’d have to kill ourselves.
“Newly rich but feeling poor, with a condo in southern
owl city - "fireflies" 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs From ten thousand lightning bugs As they tried to teach me how to dance A foxtrot above my head A sock hop beneath my bed The disco ball is just hanging by a thread The dude is in bed dreaming
“The song is about an animal living in the forest, right? I think an animal is teaching him how to dance in the woods.” “This person is definitely dealing with some drug-induced hallucinations.” “A thousand hugs from lightning bugs refers to blue haired ladies, they remember the foxtrot and sock hop. The disco ball is hang-
ing from a thread means they also realize their best days have passed.” Verdict: They’re all over the place with this one. Truthfully, we’re also confounded by this song. Lightning bugs don’t tend to reside under one’s bed, so we’re just assuming this guy fell ass-backwards into a catchy chorus.
Black Eyed Peas- “I Gotta Feeling” Let's do it, let's do it, Let's do it, Let's do it, and do it, and do it, Let's live it up And do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it, Let's do it, Let's do it, Let's do it.
“This needs no explanation, it’s about sex.” “Why is it all about sex? Do they talk about anything else?” “It’s about good vibes and positive affirmations. “
Verdict: We tricked ‘em real good. We assume that our parents assume that everyone is talking about sex all the time these days. Our suspicions proved correct.
Waka Flocka Flame- “No Hands” Blood want it flacka yea throw it fuck it I don't care.
“I have no clue what’s going on here.” “I have no idea.” Verdict: Neither do we.
the music page
the black sheep interviews:
Shpongle
You’ve never truly felt “shpongled” until you’ve been to one of Shpongle’s unforgettable performances. We got to chat with Simon Posford, half of the brainchild behind the British psychedelicelectronic duo that’s about making awesome music just as much as it’s about trippy visuals and having an amazing experience at the show. The man behind the six-eyed mask talked to us about goals (or lack of them) and their new set The Masquerade, which just embarked on tour in the US. Check them out at the Majestic Theater in Detroit on May 11th, or during Summer Camp Music Festival in Chillicothe, IL, May 25-27th. The Black Sheep: How did you get involved in playing electronic, trance music? Simon Posford: I guess I took a terrible path in my childhood at some point and got involved in a bad lot. I was playing in bands at school and stuff like that, playing at local girls’ schools, which was fun. Then for some stupid reason I choose playing electronic music. TBS: When did you take the leap from making cool electronic music to putting all these psychedelic visuals with it? Simon: If you’re going to DJ these days, you need to put on some kind of show. We do Shpongle with a live band, which is such a spectacle. We have Brazilian dancers, contortionists in a box, giant florescent Slinkies, not to mention 12 band members on stage. It is psychedelic music and it is mind-expanding stuff, so you need to have a good live show and a good visual show to go with the music.
cd review
m.ward a wasteland companion Predictably great chill tunes, man.
M. Ward is a phenomenal singer, songwriter and guitarist who’s been around for over a decade, consistently performing and releasing music, never faltering on his undeniable raw talent. He’s also one half of She & Him with the adorkable Zooey Deschanel, and one quarter of the incredibly talented 2009 folk collaboration, Monsters of Folk. Not to mention his nearly constant touring and various other collaborations throughout the years, that’s a whole hell of a lot of information about a quiet guy from the west coast. A Wasteland Companion is M. Ward’s 8th album, a feat for anyone and especially for someone who’s under 40. At this point in his career, it’s assumed and quite blatant that he’s got his shit down. M. Ward knows exactly who he is, what and how he’s going to play his music, and, perhaps most importantly, what his fans like. That’s not to say that he hasn’t grown as an artist or become more polished, but if you listen to his discography, it’s all pretty damn similar—acoustic folk music with passionate, relatable lyrics that sometimes make you sad and sometimes give you the chills. The majority of his songs hover around 3 minutes, but often times much less with barely enough time to even get a song rolling. With him, it’s not so much about finding one song that stands out (though it’s happened, obviously), but enjoying everything just as it happens to be.
out now
GRADE B
At just under 40-minutes long, A Wasteland Companion is nothing but predictably great M. Ward quintessential folk rock. The first song released was, “The First Time I Ran Away,” a low-key tune with sparse, simple lyrics and subtle guitar—one of the slower and weaker tracks on the album. Some of my favorites, though, are “Me and My Shadow” and “Crawl After You” because they’re two of the more interesting, stand-out songs on the album. “Crawl After You” is particularly beautiful with a nice piano and violins melodies (and painfully cute lyrics). And, if you listen closely throughout the album, you might just hear Deschanel herself featured in a few of the tracks. Subtly, of course. It’s a damn shame if you haven’t checked M. Ward out by now because he’s definitely worth a listen. But if you’re going to get this album, you’ve got to check out some of his other stuff (Post-War is a personal favorite) too. That way, if any of his songs get a little too slow, you can just go on to the next one (on to the next one). Sounds Like: A shy honeybee drinking lemonade on a bench, by himself. Download: Me and My Shadow, Crawl After You, Primitive Girl Listen to it When: You’re just vibing out, preferably in a hammock or by a lake.
TBS: Last year you performed with The Shpongletron (a huge DJ booth with lights, screens, and video mapped images projected onto 3D images) and this year you’re performing with The Masquerade. What’s that all about? Simon: For The Masquerade we actually built a structure called The Glyph, and it’s sort of like The Shpongletron on steroids. It’s trippier, more mapping, just cooler, more psychedelic, more awesome, and I’m a little bit closer to the crowd. TBS: Why the word ‘shpongle?’ Simon: The word Shpongle came about by my musical partner Raja Ram. He had taken some mind-expanding substance and he was wandering around a festival and he said, “Oh Simon, I’m really shpongled.” It was suppose to be a mix of several words that came out at the same time; spangled, stoned, monged, all these words that he wanted to express all sort of fell out of his mouth into one word, “shpongle.” We got a good laugh and thought that we should probably use it as a band name. After that festival we made our first track, and “Shpongle” was just perfect. TBS: When you started Shpongle, did you have any goals in mind? Simon: We never really had any goals, I sort of like not having goals. If you have your goals and you attain them, then now what? Then you set another goal, and then you make this cycle of boredom. If you don’t make your goals, then you’re in a cycle of disappointment. So, we didn’t really have any plans. All we really wanted to do at the time, and continue to do, is to have fun and make music that we want to listen to, and that’s really all I’ve ever done. I do a show that I want to see and maybe that I want to take drugs to. People that don’t like [drugs] don’t have to, because the show has that similar affect on the brain. TBS: What kind of inspiration do you use for your music and your props? Simon: Everything inspires one, I think you’d have to have a heart of stone and a mind of mush to go through life without being inspired by the universe we live in. You know, the smile of a stranger or the woman you love, or a raindrop making its way slowly down your window. It’s all about having an open mind, then you’re open to these influences - the sheer beauty and joy and love and inspiration that the world has to offer around every single corner. Whether you have to bust that mind open with psychedelic drugs or if you naturally let it open like a lotus flower, then it doesn’t really matter. TBS: Okay, true or false: do you put some sort of hallucinogenic-chemical in the air during your concert to get everyone on the same level? Simon: Wouldn’t that be fantastic? I would love to be able to do that, but it’s probably illegal and I’m barely allowed in this country as it is. That’s the only reason not to do it though! TBS: After your show is all said and done, what’s your beverage of choice? Simon: Alcoholic, vodka and soda. Non-alcoholic, ginger ale or Coke, not water.
UPCOMING RELEASES Bonnie Raitt - Slipstream Counting Crows - Underwater Sunshine
Alabama Shakes - Boys & Girls Taproot - Episodes
Jason Mraz - Love is a Four Letter Word Train - California 37
Neon Trees - Picture Show Yann Tiersen - Skyline
the riddle
Send your answer to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win a sweet prize!
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Bartender
of the
Issue
dy
Lauren Dow
y
the librar
15
Age: 23 Nickname: Dowdy. No one calls me Lauren, it sounds weird. Favorite drink: Guinness. I don’t know why! Drink recipe: All-Nighter—It’s four flavored vodkas and Red Bull. I like peach and pineapple. It calms the Red Bull down. I also add strawberry and raspberry vodka. Shot recipe: Spread Eagle, mostly because I like to say Rumpleminze. It’s Rumpleminze, Bailey’s and Kahlua. I dare you shot: Warm well gin. At the last place I worked, if you were late you had to take a shot of warm well gin as punishment. Celebrity crush: James Franco or Shia LaBeouf. They’re both so pretty and goofy!
Favorite music: Everything except, like, Mozart and stuff. Turn-ons: A good smile. Well, everyone says that, don’t they? I guess I really like guys who are as weird and different as I am. But I’m not really dating right now. Desert island. Three things. And go: Alcohol, food, and a friend to enjoy it with. Favorite pickup line: “Nice shoes, let’s fuck.” No pickup line is good, but they’re funny. Weirdest thing you seen on the job: The people that dance. I love to people watch. One time there was this mom that came in, and I felt bad watching her because I think she knew I was laughing at her. It was really bad! Signature dance move: Finger guns!
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class tim e
the madlib: a dubstep show Hey __1__, have you heard of this new music, dubstep? I don’t know how I haven’t heard that shit before, it’s so __2__. Basically, it’s electronic music with these drops, which are instances where the musician makes a noise like two __3__ __4__. Have you heard of __5__? I really __6__ that guy. Last week __7__ asked me to a __8__ concert, so I __9__ went. When we arrived it was pretty obvious everyone was on __10__. There was a girl wearing a shiny __11__ that you could see under her light-up __12__. A guy with hair like a __13__ offered me some __14__, but when I saw his __15__ I was like, “no thanks, man.” So, during the concert this guy was doing this dance, it looked like he was trying to __16__and __17__ at the same time. I had to __18__ him, because he looked like __19__. Later that night some girl __20__on the dance floor. Everyone around her jumped they were so __21__. Eventually the show ended and we all went home, but I had such a __22__ time I couldn’t fall asleep until __23__.
1) Name 2) Adjective 3) Animal 4) Verb 5) Dubstep artist 6) Adjective 7) Name 8) Dubstep artist 9) Adjective 10) Drug 11) Clothing article
12) Clothing article 13) Clothing article 14) Noun 15) Body part 16) Dance move 17) Dance move 18) Verb 19) Noun 20) Verb 21) Adjective 22) Adjective 23) Time
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