Clemson - Issue 1 - 1/9/2014 by The Black Sheep

Vol. 4, Issue 1

The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

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1/9/14 - 1/22/14

Junior Stays For Winter Break, Survives BY: Dan Collins Unable to stomach the prospect of returning home, Jonathon Torrance, a Clemson junior, decided to remain in Clemson for the entirety of winter break. However, after a brief honeymoon in which the empty streets and roaming tumbleweeds seemed quaint and adorable, desperation set in. “At first it was fun,” said Torrance. “I could take baths in the reflection pond, break into everyone’s empty houses, and ride elevators to the second floor without shame. But you can only run the perimeter naked so many times before the novelty wears off.” Those closest to Torrance expressed doubts about his plan to spend nearly a month in an empty college town from the onset. “I told him not to do it,” said roommate Thomas Garrich. “He knew the whole town would be empty; and without all the other students around, there’s really not much to do in Clemson.” When asked if he thought spending the break alone would be good for his sanity, Torrance responded that it was “exactly what [he] was looking for” and that “a month of solitude is just what [he] need[ed].” “I don’t know why he thought he needed seclusion,” said a bemused Garrich. “That kid can hardly get through a shower without getting lonely.” Despite his confidence, within a week devoid of human contact Torrance began to display some strange habits. Numerous reports state that Torrance was repeatedly seen on Bowman field screaming for someone to “pass him the ball,” despite the fact that there was no one else around, as well as no ball. The only comfort Torrance had throughout the endeavor was the companionship of Rosie, whom he met on Christmas Day as he climbed through her chimney, thinking he was Santa Claus. Rosie and Torrance soon fell deeply in love and consummated their love that very night, which was painful because Rosie was a plastic Christmas ornament. After the decidedly subpar sex with Rosie, the couple decided to break up “mutually” as Torrance put it. This left Torrance in an extremely vulnerable state that was made worse by the series of concussions he obtained trying to jump from roof to roof delivering imaginary presents on Christmas. On January 4th, Torrance finally succumbed to the combination of cabin fever and massive head trauma. Unaware of the actual date, Torrance thought it was New Year’s Eve and acted upon a desire to give Clemson “a real New Year’s experience.” Climbing atop Death Valley covered in Christmas lights

page 6

So Your tour guide lied to you

How to deal with the misinformation from that lady who looked so kind.

so as to imitate the ball dropping, Torrance jumped to what should have been his imminent death. Luckily, the Christmas lights ran out of cord and stopped him just feet short of the pavement. The next day, as students began to pour back into Clemson for the new semester, Torrance was found by the police, who arrived late to the scene.

After a few weeks in the hospital and a few more weeks in an insane asylum, Torrance has gotten over the breakup with Rosie and is happy again. Though the brain damage has made it so that he will not be able to attend Clemson any longer, he has been accepted on scholarship to the University of South Carolina, where his macaroni art puts him near the head of his class.

pages 10

page 13

Interview: Mary Lambert

woman keeps news years resolution

We chat with the “same Love” singer, you know, the song that’s been stuck in your head for months.

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Ten

Ways For Women to Resolve All Progress in the New Year By: hashtagsrat

So Your Tour Guide Lied to You: A Summary By: Courtney Paul Do you feel personally betrayed by your tour guide? Do you silently curse your tour guide as you gasp for breath between sobs in the corner of your dorm room, appreciating the metaphor in its likeness to a jail cell or torture chamber? If so, you’re not alone, although you may feel as if you are. Each year, hundreds upon hundreds of hopeful soon-to-be freshman are lied to, deceived, and conned by their tour guides; all of which claim to be trustworthy sources of credible information regarding the school at which they are enrolled. Therefore, us friendly folk at The Black Sheep have compiled a list of the 5 most common lies you Tigers have been fed, only to spat them back out in disgust at your once-naive self upon the completion of a semester or two. If you are so misfortunate as to have not yet identified these lies, or, worse, are living in sheer denial, pay attention. We’re about to rip off the Band-Aid. 5. “21 is 21.” You were under the impression that your tour guide’s calm yet stern take on the popular saying was a craft, and yet, it was just a product of his hangover. In his defense, the bar let him in with his dad’s passport, and how could anyone ignore the clear instance of divine intervention in such luck. Don’t worry, you’ll have similar luck. Underage drinking is about as widespread as Jack Rodgers and duck boots. And we all know the extent of those trends. 4. “Your RAs are your friends!” Perhaps this is true to some, but to others, an RA is akin to a hybrid child between the Dean of Students, your nagging mother, and a CIA agent. They will catch you, whether you’re

lighting up a candle or lighting up something else. And they will bring you down. They always bring you down. 3. “The dining hall food is yummy and nutritious!” The Clemson dining services provider likely also caters in Hell. We suppose with all the “mistakes” you’ll make your freshman year, you might as well get used to your new diet. So maybe your tour guide was doing you a favor with a raving review. Or maybe not. 2. “Sitting on The Hill is too fun!” Wrong again. If you enjoy standing on an uncomfortably steep incline for hours in the boiling heat shoulder to shoulder with sweaty, often smelly, coeds, then The Hill is for you! If you’re sane, try an actual seat. At least your upper deck seat will allow you to maintain feeling in your extremities while avoiding feeling the extremities of others. Why do you think Hill “seats” are the cheapest seats in the house? The “experience” clearly doesn’t carry much face value. 1. “It’s really cool to wear orange on Friday!” It isn’t. You know who wears orange on Friday? Freshmen. And maybe the colorblind in a hasty, now day-ruining sweep of the hamper. Of course, there are exceptions, but if you’re dying your hair and painting up for the Friday before the Furman game, you simply must reevaluate. While these lies stand strong and will continue to infiltrate the minds of innocent young Tiger cubs to come, when it’s all said and done, your tour guide didn’t lie to you about one thing. Clemson is the best college in the universe. And if you don’t agree, cite your tour guide’s talk on Redfern. Free psychological counseling.

For many a girl, the spring semester always holds promise of some elusive new self. Being the beautiful little butterflies we are, every New Year is seen as the lone time when we’ll become thinner, prettier, smarter - a time to emerge from the cocoon of bad habits that we’ve been inhabiting for the past year. While this isn’t always complete bullshit, practically every girl has already chained herself to pretty unrealistic expectations of just how much she can improve her life over the next year. Lucky for you, The Black Sheep used our Christmas break to catalogue some anti-resolutions, the antitheses of expectation and self-improvement. 10.) Grades: Simple—try to study hard at first, and then if that fails, DO NOT try and try again. Bone up on Netflix instead: your knowledge of Shonda Rhimes’ latest plot twist on Scandal or Grey’s Anatomy will be better fodder for conversation in your next job interview than anything related to your work anyway. 9.) Money: Homegirls, don’t stress, don’t stress, don’t stress, just buy yourself nothing but the best. Yeah, it’s pretty hard to forget the rage your father might work himself into after looking at your bill, but that’s nothing that Entourage and 356 and Starbucks and SoFriCo can’t fix! 8.) Free Time: You pledged that you’d explore Clemson’s natural surroundings more, that you’d check out Table Rock and Eno on Bowman and check off items on the Clemson bucket list—and then Clemson Goodnight called out to you, offering an end to all stress. Table Rock will always be here—it’s quite literally a permanent part of nature—but appropriate times to act inappropriate will not. Prioritize, bitch. 7.) Online Communication: So, your parents’ horror at just how much of your social interaction takes place online got to you over break—you can only handle the Baby Boomer battle cry, “Don’t you know that everything on the Facebook is permanent?!” for so long. However, nothing was ever wrong with a little Tinder ego boost or the satisfaction of a new Twitter follower. Beside, apart from birthing you, what did mom and dad ever do for you? Exactly. 6.) Girlfriends: Ever feel like that chick in Mean Girls who just had a lot of feelings and wanted to go back to middle school, where everyone was nice and we all just baked cakes full of happiness and sunshine? She sucked. Be kind, always, but PLEASE do not be that girl. 5.) Spirituality: Chicken soup for the body, and for that matter, chicken in the form of Zaxby’s or All In chicken salad has always been the remedy of choice. While faith is noble, and essential to some, don’t kick yourself if you can’t make it to Crosspoint every Sunday. Bump that Eat Pray Love noise, except eat as much as you please. 4.) Emotional Security: While “dating you” might seem really cool and modern and healthy at first, you can only admit to others that you’ve been replacing not-boyfriends with your trusty body pillow, Brandon, for so long. Tim might be “bad for you,” but at least Tim has a pulse and can ply you with alcohol and compliments every so often. Do you, but not excessively, k? 3.) Boys, Boys, Boys: On the topic of emotional security, while forgetting about the smarmy jackwagons who have terrorized our self esteem might seem ideal, it’s important to remember that pretty much all the hot ones engage in extreme douchebaggery from time to time. So pick your battles, and don’t feel bad if the asshat with the perfect flow wins out over your emotional health. 2.) Your Body: After the holidays and the self-loathing they inspire come to an official end, the amount of fitness Tumblrs you follow doubles and the amount of weight you thought you needed to lose triples. But when the aforementioned ass with the good hair neglects to call, Fike is not half as friendly as Ben & Jerry’s is. While health is important and all, ice cream has never made you get all gross and has never forced you to do a devilish amount of squats. No shame in picking Spill the Beans, my fine friends. 1.) Having the Best Semester Ever: Do you, ladies of Clemson, but setting out to have the best year EVER rarely ends in just that. The pressure is debilitating—on top of spring break planning, MatLab, long nights in Cooper, and longer nights in Loose Change, who even has the time? So enjoy yourself in 2014, and make this year the most fun yet. Here’s to utterly failing to meet expectations!

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A Guide to Resurrecting Your GPR

on the Streets What New Year’s Resolution best defines a college student? Su m a n t h

“To quit smoking.”

Mit By: ClemsonBAB Each academic year starts out all fun and games until one day, sometime around the middle of December, you realize your GPR has gone to shit. Then you gotta bust your ass all of spring semester to avoid being financially cut off by the ‘rents. No need to worry, The Black Sheep has got you covered on how to balance embracing your undergrad youth without becoming living proof of the “C’s get degrees” slogan. It’s obvious there needs to be a happy balance between the ratio of Clemson Goodnight pitchers you’ve had and number of tests you’ve studied for that week. We’re not saying to caution tape yourself off from the premises of downtown, but we are saying it’s probably best not to get obliterated the night before a big exam. Preparing early will replace the pre-exam night partying with a post-successful exam celebration. Trust us, the post exam celebrating at TTT’s will be worth the Saturday morning hangover, especially when you’re scoring a 94 instead of a 49.

“Preparing early will replace the pre-exam night partying with a post-successful exam celebration.” One mistake we all make is choosing where and who to sit with in Cooper. Newsflash, Tigers: Facebook creeping in the library doesn’t count as studying. Grab that previously-mentioned caution tape and construct yourself a boundary from the 2nd floor. Nothing productive gets done when you’re spending your “study” night @ClemsonCrushes -ing every hot fratty daddy or srat chick you see (considering the “glass room” is basically a 356 Greek mixer after 9p.m.). Come test day, there’s a good chance the material in the book is going to make you more successful than your attempts to get your Cooper-Clemson-Crush to notice you.

Most idiots believe that all-nighters combined with supposedly magical ADD medication and some espressos are the keys to success. There’s only so much Java City coffee that can be your saving grace. Getting your ass to bed is going to be more beneficial than pulling an all-nighter and going to your exam feeling (and looking) like a zombified piece of shit. The last thing Clemson needs is to fill the Student Union Starbucks with a bunch of ratchet Walking Dead look-alikes, so get some sleep. Also, hate to break it to ya, but Cook-Out isn’t the best food for thought (or your thighs, but we won’t get into that). The garbage provided by Hendrix and Harcombe definitely aren’t your friends when it comes to brain food. If you’re studying, shovel some blueberries into your malnourished body; they’re kick-ass for helping you memorize. Feeling like you need another latte to make it through the night? Peel a banana to give you that extra energy boost and to keep to you away from the cheap, might-give-youthe-runs espresso. You and your body will thank us later.

“Joining a gym.”

English

It’s not crazy to think trying some of those meditative “om’s” and “ah’s” while sitting crisscross on the floor will help clear your brain before studying. We don’t suggest going full-blown zen mode smack dab in the middle of Cooper (you’ll freak everybody the hell out, that’s a promise), but take some time before you lock yourself in a study room to clear your head. Meditating can help you free your worries of trivial crap while studying, like your messy bitch of a roommate leaving rotten chicken on the counter. Don’t knock it ‘til ya try it, our man Buddha’s got the right idea. So, before you start pre-gaming for some late night Karaoke at TDs, check your planner to make sure you won’t be setting yourself up to take an 8a.m. biochem exam half hungover, half still wasted. Just remember, no post-grad employer wants to hear, “Well, I got a D in physics, but it’s all good because night before the final I got shitfaced and boned the hottest blonde at TTT’s!” when they take a look at your painfully mediocre transcript. Work hard, then play harder.

“To be more romantically responsible.”

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OVERTIME

The Grid Thursday Nights! $3.56 Sushi Rolls

Open for Lunch! Mon- Sat: 11:30am - 11pm Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $9 Liquor Pitchers after Happy Hour every night

Mondays: $3 Long Islands Special: Bucket of Chicken and Fries for $15

Monday - Friday $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

$3.56 Sushi $5 Champagne Bottles

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers

$3.50 Fireball, $5 Liquor Pitchers

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and your choice of selected beers

FRIday

$6 Liquor Pitchers until 8PM $1.50 Mystery Beers at 10PM

$2.50 Fireball Shots Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $4.75 PBR Pitchers, $8.75 Liquor Pitchers

$3 Sex on the Beach, $3 Blue Motorcycles

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

saturday

Flaturday Special 2 flatbreads and a bucket of beers for just $12.95

$2.50 Fireball Shots

$3 Liquid Marijuana, $3 Bahama Mama’s

Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am Show up early to miss the line at midnight!

Kitchen Open from 11:30am - 11pm Monday - Friday, 4pm - 11pm on Saturdays Come check out our daily lunch specials!

Closed

Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am Members can buy beer and wine to go.

All You Can Eat Sushi $12.59

Half price appetizers $8 for a dozen Wings

$3 Long Islands Special: Bucket of Chicken and Fries for $15

tuesday

Tourney Tuesday at 10pm

$5.75 Large Pizza, $5 Bud Light Pitchers Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers

$3 Red Stag, $3 Captain Morgan

$5.75 Large Pizzas, $5 Bud Light Pitchers and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers all night

wednesday

Add Larry Friar on Facebook for Daily Specials!

Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

thursday

$3.56 Sushi $5 Champagne Bottles

$3.50 Fireball, $5 Liquor Pitchers

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 specialty burgers and your choice of selected beers

SPECIAL NIGHT thursday

sunday monday

Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings

Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers Burger and a Beer Night! $7.50 Backstreets Burgers or $8.50 Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $8.75 Liquor Pitchers

$8 for a dozen wings, 1/2 off appetizers

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

PALMETTO’S

The Grid

Smokehouse & Oyster Bar New Dessert: Skookie! Chocolate Chip Cookie fresh baked in a Skillet with Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Sauce. OMG!!!

FRIDAY! 24 Wings and Pitcher of Beer for $14.99

Wednesdays: Trivia @ 10pm!

ASK THE WAITRESS ABOUT THE HOT WINGS CHALLENGE. CAN YOU DO IT?!

SPECIAL NIGHT

All Day - Double Decker: Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket Sandwich with side for $8.99 $1 off Margaritas after 5pm

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm

Go Tigers!

$6 Draft Beer and House Liquor Pitchers during Happy Hour Plus live entertainment!

thursday

Ribeye Steak Night! $1 off any Steak Topping $2 off Bottles of Wine

24 Wings and Pitcher of Beer for $14.99

Service, Service, Service

$1 off Draft Beer Pitchers during Happy Hour Plus live entertainment!

FRIday

$10 Bottomless Mimosas from 11am-2pm, Low Country and Crawfish Boil after 5pm, $8 Domestic Pitchers, $10 Imported Pitchers BIG Nasty Chicken Biscuit with side for $8.99

$0.50 Wings All Day!

Your Football Headquarters!

Largest Bloody Mary bar in town!

saturday

Signature Dish Combo: Choose two (shrimp and grits, creole jambalaya, Brunswick stew) and a salad.

Visit the Top of Tiger Town Tavern’s Private Club!

sunday

Oyster Bash & Shrimp Jam: Oysters: $0.75 Raw & Steamed, $1 Grilled and Buffalo, $1.50 Dragos or Rednecks, Shrimp: $0.75 Steamed, Blackened, Grilled, Buffalo, or BBQ, $1 Bud Light Drafts

All You Can Eat Wings!

Stiffest drinks in town! Where the Big Tigers Play...

$6 Weekly Special 104.9 will be in the house for a Radio Show!

monday

Low Country and Crawfish Boil $3 Vodkas

Karaoke With Fred Rock

Bingo at 10pm!

Twosday! Two burger baskets & a pitcher of beer for $12!

tuesday

All Day - BIG Nasty Burger: 1/3lb Chargrilled Cheeseburger topped with Pulled Pork, Baked Beans, and Onion Straws with a side for $8.99 $3 Bourbons after 5pm

$1 Burger Night

Trivia at 10pm!

Buy 1/2 pounds of wings, get a 1/2 pound FREE!

wednesday

All Day - Double Decker: Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket Sandwich with side for $8.99 $1 off Margaritas after 5pm

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm

Stiffest drinks in town! Where the Big Tigers Play...

$6 Draft Beer and House Liquor Pitchers during Happy Hour Plus live entertainment!

thursday

(Takes 30 minutes to prepare so call ahead or order when you arrive.)

The Black Sheep Interviews

Mary Lambert By: Brendan

As a college student, you heard “Same Love” somewhere

between 1,000,000 and 1,000,005 times in the past calendar year. The lady crooning on the track is none other than Mary Lambert. With Welcome to the Age of My Body, her first major-label release, available now, she talked with us about…uh…stuff. The Black Sheep: How would you describe yourself to someone who might not be familiar with you? Mary Lambert: I’d describe myself as someone who is a really vulnerable artist. I’m seeking human connection through art. I think my strengths are as a writer, I consider myself more a writer than anything. TBS: What is your creative process like? Mary: It’s entirely chaotic and random. I think what really happens is, if I allow myself to sit down at a piano or guitar, it’s just about that. As soon as I sit down the wheels start turning. It feels more divine than anything else. I try not to come up with any preconceptions of what I’m going to write, I let the song come to me. TBS: How is your new album, Welcome to the Age of My Body compared to previous works? Mary: I don’t know if it’s any different, maybe more aggressive. TBS: What do you mean by that? Mary: It’s more a reclamation than a soft, delicate album. This is

more a reclamation of myself. There’s a new attitude that I didn’t have before.

For me, it’s about wanting to start a dialogue and hoping that people get it. If I got abused, I have to find some good from it.

TBS: Your album just came out. How much of what you worked on for that made the album? How much ends up on the cutting room floor? Mary: My ego says all the songs are good, but it’s important to me that I’m listening to what the audience says, too. About two months ago I was on tour and I played a song I had written that day and the audience really responded to it. On the other hand, I just played a new song at another show, and I don’t think the audience felt it. I don’t think it was the right thing, you know?

TBS: What consideration do you give as to how you address rough subject matter? Mary: There’s a lot of thought as to executing it. You can border on being exploitative to yourself about your experiences. It’s important that you don’t wallow in your own shit. Recognize this stuff happened, but think about how you can change the effect of it.

TBS: You talk about being a vulnerable artist, how does a more aggressive album play into that? Mary: I think it’s more aggressive in the sense that I’m trying to reclaim space as someone who was previously insecure or hurting. There’s a toughness to it, but I think there’s also vulnerability when you can also stand your ground. Vulnerable doesn’t mean you can be walked over. TBS: How do you write about subject matter that may be otherwise difficult to address? Mary: I don’t know how to not. I don’t know how to be protected. I don’ tknow how to censor myself. I think there’s a difference between writing about these things—rape and very vulnerable things about my body. People thinking, “How does she do that?”

TBS: Do you ever get negative feedback about this stuff? Mary: Now, with a major label release, I’ve been getting criticism and learning about it. Before, I felt I had been pretty lucky with a base that gets me. A journalist said I was “wallowing in [my] own despair” and that I “croon in [my] songs about wanting to kill [myself ]” and I thought, “I don’t feel like that at all!” My music isn’t something to put on at a party, but it’s a moment of vulnerability that helps people relate and have a dialogue about. TBS: Do you consider criticism—both positive and negative—when you get it? Mary: It’s a hard thing to balance because you want to be pleasing your audience, express yourself musically, and you don’t want to just be creating something just a critic will like. It’s a matter of being self-aware of what you’re creating while making something that’s accessible.

JANUARY: By: Brendan

Film’s Winter Wasteland

Sure, it may be cold outside, but your local theater is heating up with new releases abound. Hah, no, sorry. January is a wasteland in the movie world—the garbage pile where studios dump trash so they can get ‘em in DVD bargain bins by spring break. We highlight four of these disasters for your viewing pleasure.

The Legend of Hercules

Ride Along

Release Date: January 10th

Release Date: January 17th

Why Kellan Lutz is Starring In This: Ok, let’s be realistic people, this is exactly the kind of movie Kellan Lutz stars in.

Why Kevin Hart and Ice Cube are Starring In This: Because both these guys are in fucking everything.

Elevator Pitch: “Dude, bros are a pretty huge thing right now, and I don’t think there was a greater bro in Greek mythology than that Hercules bro. His dad was, like, the CEO of Mount Olympus, and he got to go on all these rad adventures and bang a bunch of chicks.”

Elevator Pitch: “Listen, Ice Cube really wants to be the badass in an action movie, but the only person in Hollywood shorter than him is Kevin Hart. Is he available for—what, he’ll do it for a cheeseburger and a 1992 Volvo 240? Let’s greenlight this bastard!”

What Ended Up On the Cutting Room Floor: The scene in which Hercules gets super-drunk, jacks off his Greek buddy in their room one night, considers suicide, then sends some scrolls out to court some skanks to reassert his heterosexuality, setting precedent for Greek bros for years to come.

What Ended Up On the Cutting Room Floor: After Hart lets the bad guys get away again, he screams in desperation as Ice Cube mean-mugs towards him. Also, scenes exactly like this occur 20 other times in the movie.

I, Frankenstein

That Awkward Moment

Release Date: January 24th

Release Date: January 31st

Why Aaron Eckhart is Starring In This: Because a strong jaw, piercing blue eyes and a WASP-y demeanor are just what Mary Shelly envisioned. Elevator Pitch: “Hi Mr. Towson, it’s Aaron Eckhart’s agent. Yeah, long story short, he fucked my wife, and now he must pay. You guys go anything in the works?” What Ended Up On the Cutting Room Floor: A montage in which Dr. Frankenstein operates on his monster, removing his desire to be in quality movies and any semblance of self-respect, only to replace them with poor makeup and ridiculous stitch marks.

Why Zac Efron is Starring In This: We’re not saying it’s definitely because of his now-kicked coke habit, but we will say it’s probably because of his now-kicked coke habit. Elevator Pitch: “Well, other movies based on sassy girl catchphrases like, Talk to the Hand, Don’t Go There Girlfriend, and They Be Rapin’ Everybody Out Here were huge hits, nothing can go wrong!” What Ended Up On the Cutting Room Floor: After Efron’s Jason leaves a girl’s apartment, refusing sex on the first date, the three guys have an ethical discussion on the importance of patience in a relationship, and why it’s important to discover a woman’s true inner beauty over her outward appearance.

Are You Smarter

than?

1) Movies: What was the highest grossing movie of 2013?

prominent display during this winter’s 2014 Sochi Olympics.

2) Birthstones: Which of these is not a birthstone: Diamond, jade, aquamarine, or onyx?

7) Technology: What 1947 invention is the primary building block of most modern technological devices?

3) Food: Bechamel is a type of what? 4) Automotive: What car was famously “available in any color as long as it’s black?” 5) History: In 1983 the United States invaded this small island country in Operation Urgent Fury. 6) Languages: What alphabet will be on

Corky, Clemson student

Drinking Game Space Jam Drinking Game Everybody get up, it’s time to slam (down some beers) now, we got a real jam (going down our throats, because in this situation jam is beer and you will drink some while watching this movie). What You’ll Need: A DVD (or VHS!) of this epic film and a few brews. Number of Players: However many people it takes to get Bill Murray to make a cameo. Level of Intoxication: You’re going to take this thing into overtime. How to Play: -Drink one when every non-Michael Jordan NBA player makes a cameo. -Drink one any time Wayne Knight (Newman) makes an appearance on screen. -Drink one each time a new Looney Toon makes an appearance. -Drink one when “retired” is uttered. -Drink two when any character breaks the fourth wall. -Drink two when any of Michael Jordan’s endorsements are mentioned in the movie. -Drink two anytime someone does something on the basketball court that is decidedly out of the realm of possibility. -Drink three the first instance of a pun or alliteration (Ex: Monstars or Moron Mountain) is used. - Drink three when characters drink MJ’s secret stuff. The Game Ends When: Those evil Monstars leave the court in shame.

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8) Elements: Osmium and iridium share the title as the “____ known element.” 9) Pop Culture: The word “zombie” is derived from the word “zonbi” found in this Caribbean nation’s language. 10) Greek Mythology: Who is said to have given man fire?

Corky’s Answers

Correct Answers

1) Iron Man 3 2) Onyx 3) Stew? 4) Town Car 5) Grenada 6) Russian? 7) Super computer 8) Most Obscure 9) Haiti 10) Prometheus

1) Iron Man 3 2) Jade 3) Sauce 4) Ford Model T 5) Grenada 6) Cyrillic 7) Transistor 8) Densest 9) Haiti 10) Prometheus

Corks’s Score: 4 out of 10

Recipe for disaster Back-To-It Bacon Pancakes Now that mommy dearest isn’t around to make you breakfast, lunch, and dinner you’re free to spiral downward into a pit of gluttony that only a college student could dream of. Because of that: bacon pancakes. What You’ll Need: Six strips of bacon, premade pancake batter, salt and pepper. Cook Time: 12 minutes, or so. What are we, a Citizen Eco-Drive watch, Eli Manning? Fatty Factor: There’s a whole pornographic subculture for people like you. Let’s Get Baked: -Season bacon with salt and pepper. -On a large griddle or skillet, cook the strips of bacon until they are well-done. -Remove the bacon from the cooking device and discard most of the fat, leaving a thin film. -Put the bacon back onto the device, carefully spoon pancake batter over each strip of bacon. -Cook until one side of the pancake batter is golden-brown. -Flip the pancake, cook the other side to golden-brown as well. -Serve (only to yourself ) and enjoy. After sucking down a few platefuls of these, you’ll be ready to get back to your poor eating habits full-swing. We can do this! We can solve the skinny people epidemic in no time, guys!

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Breaking News: Area Woman Reports Keeping Her New Year Resolution to Bathe in Sausage Grease By: black sheep staff CLEMSON—Recent reports indicate that a Clemson woman has kept her promise to only bathe in sausage grease for two weeks straight. Apparently the woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, got the idea one night after attending a family party and during which she stress ate 47 ounces of uncooked chorizo. We tracked her down, and she reluctantly agreed to an interview. “I had massive diarrhea for a week straight after my binge. I knew I had to do something so I could be closer to the pork product I love so dearly, despite the burning fury that was exploding out of my anus.” She took a break to catch her breath and swat at flies that had been swarming around her most prominent dreadlock. “I decided from then on I would become one with sausage. I went straight to Kroger on New Year’s Day and bought 80 pounds of sausage and a chest freezer. The cashier was visibly confused, so I explained as rationally as possible that I

planned to become one with the meat.” The area woman, who appeared greasy and porked-out during the interview, explained that not everyone seemed to understand her goal, and on several occasions has mistaken for a homeless person, given her grimy appearance, general lack of fashion sense, and, oh yeah, being covered in meat grease. The area woman seemed to indicate that sausage was in fact much better than love, since all the men and their sausages she’d ever come in contact with had let her down. According to the area woman, there was Randy with the Polish kielbasa, Johnson with the stadium brat, and Tiny with the miniature smoky link; none of which could fulfill her desires. She then went into more graphic detail about juicy sausages in her stale bun. We immediately regretted asking. Sources indicate that the area woman was seen on January 1st near an apartment complex on Williamson Road swallowing

pounds of what appeared to be blood sausage then belching continuously for an hour and a half. One informant told us she resembled an, “oily Jennifer Hudson pre-Weight Watchers.” Another source characterized the area woman as reminiscent of a Tolkien character. However, Several local Lord of the Rings geeks have confirmed that it’s probably Gimli. After our interview was complete, our reporter questioned the mental health of the area woman, and also if she actually was, in fact, homeless. Given the fact we found her loitering on The Hill, we suspect that her tales might be the rants of an old schizophrenic. Regardless, her appearance and aroma suggested she had experienced a long separation from soap and water whether these were replaced with sausage grease and a loofa or not. One local bartender claimed she was just a crazy old bat who “went around and chopped off dicks.” If the area woman’s claims are true, then

we are proud of the acne-ridden hero and her out-of-the-box, albeit successful, New Year’s Resolution. Soon more facts are sure to come to light and must be uncovered

before we can be certain. For now, much like the end of Life of Pi, we’ll choose the cheery ending that doesn’t involve potential cannibalism.

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nic cage film bonanza Do you know what movies all of these Nic Cage characters are from? Email us at bonanza@theblacksheeponline.com. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re right, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll win a prize!

Film bank

1) Ghost Rider 2) Wicker Man 3) Face off 4) Raising Arizona 5) Con Air

6) Drive Angry 7) Kick Ass 8) The Weather Man 9) National Treasure

the wordsearch

the top words of 2013

Selfie Fail Hashtag Surveillance Drones Deficit Sequestration Emancipate Filibuster Nano Twerking Deadlock Franken Meme Stalemate TheCloud Phony Comet The Optic Pontifex

Happy New Year!