The Black Sheep
FR EE sin ... li gl ke e l th ife e v at erb Th al an cr it ks gi iqu vin e o g di f yo nn u er r !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 6 11/8/12 - 11/29/12
theblacksheeponline.com @theblacksheepUD
oh, the People You'll See at the Bar Over Thanksgiving Break buddy walnut wrote this With Thanksgiving Break quickly approaching, students are beginning to make plans for one of the biggest nights of debauchery of the year: Black Wednesday. College kids use this mid-fall return to their hometown as a reason to get belligerently drunk with their high school friends, and who could blame them? There's no better way to precede a day of laying on the couch semi-conscious in a food coma than consuming an obnoxious amount of alcohol while struggling to get through the door, just as mom is putting the turkey in the oven. While this may sound like the ideal night, we would be negligent in our duties if we didn’t warm you about the several people you will encounter as you stumble around your local bar in a drunken haze. The past hook-up: At some point in the night you'll inevitably run into a past hook-up at the bar. Regardless of how serious the relationship was, from a one-night stand to a long-term relationshit, this encounter will not be enjoyable. He/she will either tell you about their amazing new relationship and Kama Sutra-esque sex life, or remind you of “all the good times we had” and try to rekindle an old flame. At this point, your old friend Jose Cuervo will present himself, giving you the muchneeded confidence to tell him that it just won’t happen, and casually mention how you hooked up with his best friend as you walk away. The guy who is way too old to be in this bar: As you continue to drink like a fish out of water, you will bump into the guy who never moved on after college. Picture Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. Just swap the bell-bottoms for skinny jeans and surfer flow for a faux hawk and there he is. Although it took him three semesters to pass Math101, he has mastered a complex equation that factors in how drunk, hot, and old his potential victim is, and can compute this while telling you his big plan to “leave this town” and become famous. Your best bet is to reluctantly buy him a beer and send him in the direction of your past hook-up. The friend you never really had: Just as McConaughey begins to tell your ex about his sweet Mustang out back, you will bump into an old friend. Well not really friend, more of an acquaintance from high school. Sure you two had some laughs in psych class and ran the pong table for one glorious night at a random house party, but he was never one of your bros. As you sit there trying to remember this guy’s last name, he is rattling off one-liners and inside jokes from 10th grade lunch. At this point, you are forced to make promises to do a shot later and drift into the crowded dance floor where you will bump and grind your way to the next character. The girl who became hot after going to college: While DJ Cantmixshit blasts some terrible dubstep mash-up of an old Lil Wayne song, your gaze will fall upon a familiar-cum-foreign sight. In high school you two had some classes together and while you might have seen some potential, you wouldn’t have dared tell your bros how the girl in your
Thanksgiving Misgivings You are thankful that there’s enough booze in this house that you couldn’t possibly commit this night to long-term memory.
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AP English class might be kind of hot in fear of getting ripped on endlessly. Now as you stand there on the dance floor like Ahab staring into the eyes of Moby Dick, you have found your white whale. Unimpressed, she will look for her friends and run back to them to discuss how drunk you are. You, on the other hand, will feel an odd sense of accomplishment and meet up with your boys at the bar telling them, “You will never believe who I just saw,” and all about how much she wants it. Just as you begin to think you might have a chance at landing your very own white whale, the bar will be filled with the suffocating scent of whatever Hollister cologne is in this season, signaling the arrival of your most dreaded encounter of the night. The once a douche-bag always a douche-bag guy: You nearly made it through the night without seeing this guy and his pack of groupies, many of whom have nicknames like Puff or Skizz, which they undoubtedly gave themselves in an effort to let people know that they do in fact smoke pot. Their leader, King Douche, will inevitably park his walking Ed Hardy catalog in the empty bar seats around you. As you
what’s inside
sit there, imagining the satisfaction you would get from giving him a beat down right there at the bar, you are brought back to reality by the presence of your newfound love. You open your mouth to speak to her when you suddenly learn that she is here for King Douche. You cannot help but overhear the endless flow of bullshit spewing from this guy’s mouth as he talks about his gym regiment and feel sick as she asks him to “Be the Ronnie to her Sammie.” Heartbroken and thirsty, you turn to your most reliable friend, Jack Daniel's, to get you through the night. A few more hours of drinking and catching up with your real friends, and you are ready to leave. As you exit the bar and enter a cab you are thankful that you attend an overpriced university. While others are forced to interact with the same people each weekend, you are able to return to your college town complete with its own stereotypical characters – but at least you’re not obliged to talk to the characters at school.
Turkey Attacks Campus, Students Reflect
How to safely walk down Main St
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why did the turkey cross the road? because even birds know Newark traffic laws are meant to be broken.
What do we say to the creeps of Main St.? Not today!
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! k e e W e h t f o c i P
word of the week Brotive:
Any reason a guy lists for joining a fraternity.
“Dylan’s brotives for rushing were simple: beer and sex.”
Meet The Staff
campus manager Kim Hogan
photographers Hannah Linde
Editorial manager Kim Hogan
distribution manager Kim Hogan
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Writers Jason Hewett, Nikita Mutter Dillon McLaughlin, Kelia Scott, Kathryn Locke Brittany Choplin, Erin Eller, Daniel McInerney, Chris Gray
Marketing manager Jaclyn Weisberg
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campus director Brendan Bonham
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jason hewett wrote this As we approach the end of the semester at speeds greater than the devastating Superstorm Sandy, I have found it in my best interest as a journalist to stand back and watch as the world crumbles beneath our feet. I cannot do anything to stop it, but I can tell you what dangers lie ahead of us as we near the end of the semester, and the world… ENGLISH CLASS RAISES BAR TO 6TH GRADE READING LEVEL According to recent reports, an English class known as “The Games We Play” has taken on one of the most ambitious literary projects in Delaware history. Students are required to read Suzane Collins’ The Hunger Games, a book written at the sixthgrade level. “We really wanted to show our students what they’re capable of,” said English Department Spokesman Jonathan Penn, “we thought this year we’d try to get away from Franklin the Turtle and The Magic Schoolbus and give the students something much more realistic and something they can relate to.” The Hunger Games is the semi-autobiographical story of a 16 year old girl who complains about being hungry for 60 something pages before selling herself into prostitution and then systematically killing other underage warriors. The English department has linked this story to modern-day Olympics, where in many countries, Olympians who fail to earn medals are publically executed. “This is a huge step forward for Delaware Education around the world,” said Penn, “We are raising the bar for our students. In the future, we might even be able to get our athletes away from picture books.” STUDIES SHOW GUYS ONLY USE EMOTICONS WHEN HORNY Imagine the following text conversation between two males (don’t worry, it didn’t actually happen) Joe: Yo brosauce we at the little bob if u tryna ball :) Scott: on my way brochacho ;) Joe: Sounds good brosidon :) Is Nick coming? Scott: Nah sorry broseph. He can’t make it :( Joe: Aight cool see you later bromingo ;)
they’d be sending is a penis, because that's what they're really trying to use."
ference that they plan on having better recruits for scholarships in the future.
Hipster Andrew P. Fallston said that’s not what he uses emoticons for. “I used emoticons to show emotions before people used emoticons to show emotion.”
“We’ve been wasting a lot of money on players that can no longer perform,” said recruiter Joe Demps “and that’s why we’re 6-3 instead of 8-1 or 9-0 like we should be.”
Fallston’s girlfriend Bria Almarez confirmed that Fallston is full of shit and he uses a winky-face whenever he invites her over and his “parents aren’t home ;).”
In total, 14 scholarship athletes are unable to perform this year due to injuries, and the number is expected to rise. Experts speculate the University of Delaware is paying way too much money for people to play football. In 2006 they paid a lot of money. In 2008 they paid a whole bunch of money. In 2010 the economy crashed but they still managed to pay a considerable amount of money. Now in 2012 they’re still paying a TON of money. But now many are criticizing the investment since the players aren’t even playing.
Shockingly, 94.2% of our readers could not possibly imagine that conversation. One unfortunate reader admitted himself into a mental institution because he thought it was real.
“It’s like our secret language,” Almarez said, “when he uses that face, I know he’s feeling dangerous.”
Communications professor Aubrey J. Watson said many people have trouble imagining our hypothetical conversation because “Frankly, guys rarely use emoticons.”
After publishing its findings, Rice University plans to team up with The University of Delaware, Oxford University, and NASA to continue their research in emoticons.
Most interesting man in the world Johnathan Goldsmith doesn’t always use emoticons, but when he does, he uses this one: 8=========> A recent study at Rice University concluded that emoticons are used to express emotions. Meanwhile, the mysteries of cancer, diabetes, and the whereabouts of Elvis Presley remain unsolved. Goldsmith says the reason why he and other men don’t or shouldn’t use emoticons, has to do with their lack of facial hair: “It’s true that the creators of the emoticons originally modeled the faces after mine; the smile and frown variations are what they imagine I would look like with a much less interesting face and only half a beard.” Beardless communications professor Irene Sanders said that emoticons are women’s language, and any guy trying to speak it should be heeded with caution: "If guys were being honest when texting, the only emoticons
PRESIDENT HARKER INVISIBLE, SIGHTINGS RARE According to the second most popular news source on campus, The Review, University President Harker needs to be more visible on campus. A follow up research project conducted by The Black Sheep concluded that Harker has been making a considerable effort to make himself seen, but has experienced difficulty due to the fact that he is invisible. President Harker was not available for comment, as the reporting staff of The Black Sheep was unable to find him even after using our infrared technology. According to traditional Newark folklore, it is said that the president turns visible under a full moon or in the presence of investors. Reporters are eagerly awaiting their arrival, hoping to catch a word or at least a photograph of the enigmatic president. UD FOOTBALL TO STOP GIVING SCHOLARSHIPS TO PLAYERS WHO JUST GET INJURED ALL THE TIME The Blue Hens football committee recently stated at a press con-
“Playing football is a privilege,” said NFL Hall-of-Famer Barry Sanders, “it’s a blessing. And if someone’s going to pay you with an education or money or whatever, getting injured is unacceptable. You get injured, you’ve fucked up.” “It’s just ridiculous,” said Delaware assistant special teams coach Chuck Panronzink, “kids these days are coming off the field crying about broken this and broken that. We need to man up and stop complaining about a broken foot. You don't use your foot in football unless you're the kicker. And then you have your left foot. If you can't kick with your left foot, then you should have broken your left foot so you can still use the right one!” Delaware treasurer Chad Richardson said that in spite of a winning season, investors are dissatisfied with the performances of many scholarship players, and the University is planning on making the appropriate adjustments. “Bottom line is, these players are costing us a lot of money, and if they don’t get back on the field, someone’s going to the glue factory” he said.
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A More Accurate Dining Hall Menu erin eller wrote this
It’s time for a change, UD: as your Dining Hall Menu Creator for 2012-2013, I’m ready to end diners’ disappointment on campus. As one who has been known to check UD’s Web Menus every morning before even scratching my ass or freeing myself from my strangling earbuds, I recognize that this system is bullshit and am committed to a new menu with refreshing transparency. Every Hungry Hen knows that the web menus aren’t always totally accurate, and honestly, I think we would all starve if not for the buffet-style setup of the dining halls. No longer will Blue Hens see their dreams crushed day after day upon blindly realizing that “onion petals” taste more like grease-filled bike pedals than anything moderately resembling a Bloomin’ Onion. Here’s an example of how brutally honest their daily menu will appear, after evaluation by a taste-testing team. BREAKFAST** **Served just until you’ve motivated yourself enough to get out the door. Then we take all the prepared foods away and make you eat churros. Have a productive day! Create-Your-Own-Omelet Bar: Pick your toppings, ranging from yellow tomatoes to suspiciouslooking ham, and watch as we struggle to successfully convert that into a compact yet uncooked pocket! *May contain eggs. Unsure. Waffle Bar: Have fun scraping burnt waffle batter off of the irons you forgot to grease while you were still trying to cope with having to get out of bed today.
The Top 10
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90’s Trends That Thankfully Died with Y2K Though some may say the 90’s were a lost decade of few memorable contributions, we contend that the 90’s were actually all that and a bag of chips. Aside from bowl cuts, the birth of reality TV and that whole O.J. Simpson thing (come on, if you had to play on the Buffalo Bills for 8 years, you would probably need to blow off some steam too), we think the 90’s really set some trends that will stick around forever. But here are ten things we are happy didn’t make it: 10.) Excessively baggy clothes: A failed attempt at masking the increasing teen pregnancy rate at a time before getting knocked up at age 16 merited giving a girl her own TV show. 9.) Friends: The epitome of life after college; a time when you landed a classy and fun, yet totally affordable and reasonably priced apartment in the heart of New York City, with your five best friends as your neighbors, and together you embarked on innocent shenanigans that sometimes turned into life lessons, while still finding time to land your dream job, find your true love, have adorable babies, and live happily ever after for 10 entire seasons. Realistic, no? 8.) Grunge Rock: The only real musical contribution of the decade. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. After all, how else would we express the teen angst and sexual tension that we felt vicariously through Dawson and Joey? 7.) Bon Jovi’s Hair: It’s delicately feathered. It’s deep-conditioned. It has a larger entourage than the entire cast of Entourage. 6.) The Spice Girls: The British pop band that actually figured out a way to put an orgasm into lyrics and then managed to get every girl between the ages of 9 and 16 to memorize said lyrics in time for her 18th birthday, while simultaneously pioneering Baby Spice’s classic “pigtails and lollipop” look. You’re welcome, men of the 90’s. 5.) Budweiser’s “Whassssssup?” Slogan: Because who says you have to be a frat boy to make obnoxious noises with your mouth? No longer will men go unrecognized for their epic communication skills. And no longer will the Eagles be the most embarrassing thing on TV during NFL games.
Cereal: Probably your best bet. Try not to get upset about the fact that Frosted Mini Wheats are such a rarity.
4.) The Jerry Springer Show: We watched hours of mobile-home custody battles, baby mama drama and sibling marriages in order to escape the fact that we were bored and lonely because we had no venereal diseases or family dysfunction. And then we act surprised when our country can’t manage to bring home any gold medals because there are no Olympic events for taking the most paternity tests or having the worst relationship with your father.
LUNCH Not-Quite Pizza: Boosting Newark’s local economy since 1793. We pride ourselves on a cardboard-like dough material, topped with ketchup and sub-standard cheese. Be prepared to wait in line for longer than it will take to eat on the way to your table.
3.) Being “Hooked on Phonics”: Though much cheaper than being hooked on actual street drugs, this dangerous habit also came with the trade-off of a much more intense social stigma. Many an intervention was staged after months of watching a loved one fall into a destructive pattern of improperly conjugating verbs.
Scrambled eggs: That’s just the technical name. *Also may contain eggs.
Mashed Sweet Potatoes: Slightly pukey in color. Extra runny as to ensure shakier digestion. Salad Bar: In case a plate full of raw vegetables doesn’t sound appealing enough to a bunch of stressed-out, sleep-deprived college kids, our extra special salad bar features yellow tomatoes, unnecessary quantities of tuna, and five questionable varieties of dressing. UDairy Ice Cream: Tastes great. Plenty of options. No questions please: such behavior causes attendant to roll eyes and snap unhappily. Cookies: May or may not be our desperate attempt to make up for the rest of the experience. DINNER Something involving mashed potatoes: We guarantee that each and every meal will be accompanied by a hearty serving of mashed potatoes, whether appropriate in context or not! Look out for the Sterling Brunch favorite: The Same Mashed Potatoes, Just Served In A Margarita Glass! Burgers: With a plastic aesthetic, these taste fine and, as far as we know, have caused 0 deaths in 2012 (!!!) *Also may contain eggs. Double Chocolate Cake: Drizzled with raspberry sauce and topped with whipped cream. Likely to become your dinner once all other options have been exhausted/rejected/left uneaten under the soft drink dispenser. New York Cheesecake: A little uncooked in the middle, but hey, your other options include that weird fake nacho cheese and a hard, stale biscuit. Take your pick. No more is the dining hall merely your main supplier of dishes, utensils, and mugs. I’m not even referring to all of those stolen loaves of bread and bananas (though, of course, you gave up on the POD’s high prices long ago). With my new, brutally honest menus, you’ll know what’s what before you bite. Don’t be a waiter at Pencader or suffer the bustle at Russell just to be served bitter disappointment (with a side of mashed potatoes).
2.) The Lion King: Remember how emotional the entire audience became when the guy stopped drawing the fictional lion that played the two dimensional cartoon Simba’s dad? Talk about a real tearjerker. 1.) Bill Clinton’s Impeachment: Little Willy should have spent more time concerned about the country’s political agenda and less time concerned with getting the staff of his member in the mouth of his staff member, preparing his acceptance speech for America’s Next Top Asshole, and figuring out where to get his next McDonald's fix.
kim hogan wrote this
ts sses
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Thanksgiving Misgivings
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kelia scott wrote this No matter how much we insist that we love and miss our families and that we can’t wait to see them over Thanksgiving break, let’s be honest with ourselves. Everyone’s family is just a little bit crazy and we're hesitant to return to the mayhem come turkey time. Gone are the days when you could spend Thanksgiving dinner shooting peas at your cousins, and you’re not at the kids table anymore. You’ve figured out over the years the tips and tricks you can use to ensure you come out of Thanksgiving relatively unscathed. The arrival at grandma’s house is the first hurdle, because the meet and greet with all the relatives can be daunting. Here comes Aunt Shelly swooping in. Go for the side hug to avoid a kiss on the cheek; the woman wears enough lipstick that you’ll be scrubbing your face for days if you let that happen. You always try to remember your cousin’s boyfriend’s name but she gets a different one every two weeks so it’s almost impossible to keep track. Go with Dave - it works 80% of the time. Make sure you say hello to Uncle Stewart because he brings the good booze. Is he already on his third Manhattan? Great to see you too - where did that whiskey get off to? Let’s make it a double. It’s going to be a long night. Commence the awkward question hour. No, there’s still no boyfriend. Yes, it is possible to be happy and single. Aunt Shelly, it’s not going to reflect poorly on the family if all the grandchildren aren’t married with kids by 25. College kids only drink once in a while Grandma, promise. Yes, you’re still at Delaware but you don’t know Joe Biden personally. You have no clue what you’re doing after graduation, but thanks for reminding everyone that graduates need to have a plan. Yes, you will take that second Manhattan now, thank you. Aunt Shelly please don’t try to set everyone up with the bagboy from your supermarket. Is it dinner time yet? Quickly make yourself another drink before heading into the dining room for dinner. First everyone goes around the table for the obligatory “What I am thankful for…” bit. SHIT. This feels like the first day of
school when you have to come up with a fun fact but you have nothing good to say. You’re not even paying attention to anybody else because you’re panicking in your own thoughts. You're thankful… the liquor store had a sale on Three Olives? No. Thankful your phone recovered after it was dropped in a puddle? No. Thankful you remembered to pack a flask in your purse? No. Now the pressure’s on, they’re rounding the cousin corner and you’re up soon! Think, THINK! “I’m thankful that we can all put aside our busy lives to get together as a family, even if it’s just one night.” Win. Grandma is beaming, but you're not sure if it's because she just had a half glass of wine too many. Then everyone says Grace. Except “everyone” means grandma and “say Grace” means she takes her sweet ol’ time to reference as many Biblical passages as she can remember while the rest of the family just stare into our hands and mumble along. After what seems like an entire church service, she ends and everyone can eat. THAT is really something to be thankful for, too bad you already had a chance at that game. You might suggest opening that bottle of wine now too. Thanksgiving dinner is like the “Cornucopia” scene from The Hunger Games. Get in, get what you need, and get out or you will get caught in the crossfire. Quickly spear a few slabs of turkey as the plate zooms in front of you. Your vegetarian aunt is really pushing her “Tofurkey” but everyone knows better. Swipe the last spoonful of cranberry sauce over objections from your brother who “Only got, like, two helpings!” Finally snag the gravy, the piece de resistance, to finish the masterpiece that is a Thanksgiving dinner plate. It’s really a work of art but you only appreciate it for a few seconds before digging in. Oh wait - where did that bottle of wine get off to? Now it's time for the post-dinner food coma. This is the part where you pretend to be interested in football so that you’re allowed to have a prime spot on the couch. Really you just need a place to take a nap after that meal. If only sweatpants and a Snuggie were acceptable Thanksgiving attire.
When you come to, you’ve missed all the after dinner chatter and it’s time for pie. Too bad, you were hoping for another round of questions to put you on the spot. Remember when, just an hour ago, you swore you were so full you would never eat again? Oh well, pass the pumpkin please! It’s absolutely acceptable to take shots of whipped cream straight from the can into your mouth, as long as you don’t touch the nozzle. By the time you’re through with the Reddi-Wip you can’t even see the pie, or the plate it’s sitting on. Whoops. After pie and coffee it seems like it’s getting to be about that time to head out. The football games are over, the leftovers are all wrapped up, and the wine bottles are empty. Your mom is antsy and finally sobered up from her wine cooler 7 hours before, so she volunteers to drive. The overly zealous greetings you got earlier are replaced with waves from people half napping on the couch. Your family piles into the car and you doze off after another successful Thanksgiving.
m o c . e n i l n O p e e h S k c a l B GAMES G The IN K IN R |D R SPECIALS | BA ARTICLES
Thursday Night Football with DJ Gaetano! $4 Shooters
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OPEN LATE: THURS-SAT UNTIL 3AM SUN-WED: UNTIL MIDNIGHT
5-6-7 Friday Five Top Shelf cocktails for $6 (each) until 7pm Ladies Night: $5 Appetizers, $4 Martinis and $5 Wine
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Blue Moon Pints
VIP Night - Dance Party w/ DJ Collision $5 Bomb Drinks, $ Irish Trash Cans, $20 Domestic Beer Towers, $2 Rail Pints
Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers 4-11: $6 Bud/Miller/Yeungling Pitchers 9PM-Close: $2 Light Drafts $3 Jager Shots and Vodka Drinks 1/2 Price Wings & DJ Kevin $5 Tall Jack Daniels Drinks $4 Shots (Jack, Tuaca, and SoCo)
$12 Dinner Entrees, 1/2 Priced Bottles of Wine Free Hapy Hour Taco Buffet! $2.50 Coors Light
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
Newark's Best Happy Hour! 6-8pm: $2 Drafts and 1/2 Priced Apps DJ Collision House Mix Dance Party! 10pm - 1am $3 Pinnacle Flavored Vodka Drinks, $3 Select Craft Bottles
Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers $3 Craft Beers 9-11 9PM-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks DJ Will!
College Night! FREE Happy Hour Carving Station $2 12oz Coors Light Drafts $3 Rail Drinks, SoCo Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls. $4 Captain Morgan Drinks $5 Senor Creepy
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites
EPL Soccer live on the big screen! Brunch and Bloody Mary Bar (Served until 3pm) DJ Infamos: 9pm - 1am $4 Red Bull Vodka Pints, $4 Layered Pints
Come in for Brunch 11-2 5-10: $10 Off all Bottles of Wine 9-11: $5 Skinny Girl Drinks 9-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks and Gummy Bear Shots DJ Hugh-Hitlist!
Chef's Special! DJ 9pm $2.50 Coors Light
Sunday Brunch includes Peach Bellini and Orange Mimosas
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites
Brunch and Bloody Mary Bar (Served until 3pm) $2.50 Bud Light, $3 Pinnacle Vodka Drinks, $20 Domestic Beer Towers In The Biz: 15% off your check!
Brunch 10-2 1/2 Price Entrees 4-10 9-Close: 1/2 Price Apps $3 Vodka Drinks, $2 Rails
All-You-Can-Eat Baby Back Ribs for $18.99 $2.50 Coors Light
Martini Mondays $5 Martinis!
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Leinenkugel Pints
Wing Night! 50 cent wings $2 Yuengling Pints Pub Quiz! Tournament Win Prizes! 9pm - 12am $3 Captain and Coke Drinks
Salsa Night w/ 1/2 Price Burgers! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers 9PM-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks, $2 Rails
$6 Nacho Night! Seafood, Taco, Supreme, Chicken or Pulled Pork $2.50 Coors Light
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $2 You-Call-It Singles
Newark's Famous Karaoke Dance Party! at 10pm $20 Domestic Beer Towers, $3 Long Island Iced Tea Pints $3 Hoegaardens $6 1/2lb. Burgers
Tini Tuesdays! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
$3 Beer of the Month $3 Skinny Girl Drinks $3 Fireball Shots $4 32oz High Life Cans GREEK NIGHT! Video DJ 80s & 90s Music at 10pm
5-6-7 Friday Five Top Shelf cocktails for $6 (each) until 7pm Ladies Night: $5 Appetizers, $4 Martinis and $5 Wine
SUN
SAT
THURS
Happy Hour! Monday - Thursday, 6-8pm: 1/2 Price Apps and $3 Beer of the Month Pints
$3 Thursday All appetizers are $3 at the bar
TUES
Stella Saturdays $2 12 ounce Stellas
$2 Tuesday $2 Drafts 1/2 Price Bottles of Wine
WED
MON
Tini Tuesdays! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers
EVERYDAY! $4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
FRI
SPECIAL NIGHT
The Bar Grid
Wine Bar Wednesdays 1/2 Price Glasses of Wine 1/2 Price Littleneck Clams at the Bar
4-11: $6 Bud/Miller/Yeungling Pitchers
9PM-Close: $4 Martinis, $3 Vodka Drinks, $3 Jager Shots, $2 Light Drafts AND DJ Nick! 1/2 Price Nachos!
4-11: $6 Bud/Miller/Yeungling Pitchers
9PM-Close: $4 Martinis, $3 Vodka Drinks, $3 Jager Shots, $2 Light Drafts AND DJ Nick! 1/2 Price Nachos!
Wednesday Crush! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers 9-Close: 1/2 Price Apps $3 Vodka Drinks, $5 Crushes $3 Kate's Koolaid
$2.50 coors light all day, every day!
$0.40 wings $2.50 Yuenglings $2.50 Coors Light DJ 90's Night
$2 12oz Coors Light Drafts $3 Rail Drinks, SoCo Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls. $4 Captain Morgan Drinks $5 Senor Creepy
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Turkey Attacks Campus, Students Reflect
Chris Gray wrote this
Every year the Thanksgiving season brings the noble turkey into the public’s eye once more. We see them on TV, in parades, make pictures of them by tracing our hands, and sit down on Thanksgiving Day to feast on their delicious flesh. Today, The Black Sheep remembers a different image of our so-called feathery companions. A year ago today, life as we know it hung in the balance during an hour-long standoff at the crosswalk of Delaware and South College. A turkey, judged by our correspondents at Acme to be at least, “A twenty pounder,” had wandered into the street, stopping traffic and antagonizing the passersby. John Kaufmann, a senior, recalls the incident. “Yeah, so this Turkey,” he said, “he’s a real shifty lookin’ character. He comes walkin’ out from behind Kirkbride makin’ some strange gurgling noise. Then he walks out into the center of the crosswalk by Trabant and just stands there. I was like, ‘man, this guy is lookin’ for some trouble.’ Cars were stopped all the way down the street”. We asked another student at the scene, a junior history major who chose to remain unnamed, for some historical perspective. He told us, “Ben Franklin recommended turkeys to be the national bird of the U.S. for their courage and nobility. After what I saw, I don’t know what to believe. I do know I’m never listening to Ben Franklin again. What an IDIOT.” The University of Delaware Police were notified at 3:45 p.m. on the sunny autumn afternoon. The first officer on the scene was Officer Adam Carey. We called him for a brief interview and he told us, “We get all kinds of animal calls—mostly smaller creatures like squirrels and stray dogs. I’d never had to deal with a turkey before.” The officers reportedly tried to reason with the bird and lure it out of the intersection with food before resorting to force. Witnesses on the scene expressed concern with the officer’s safety, as turkeys are known for their strength and agility during physical altercations. “I was scared,” said Officer Carey, “a square hit from a turkey could take someone’s arm clean off. But I knew what I had to do.” The turkey was tackled by Officer Carey, restrained, and charged with one count of disturbing the
peace and one count of jaywalking. When asked how the bird paid the fine, Officer Carey responded, “The ticket still stands on the bird’s record.” Officer Carey’s actions received cheers and applause from the crowd at the scene, but have received some scrutiny from Delaware students and animal rights activist groups. “This is just another case of excessive use of force. The cops in this town always abuse their power,” said Bill Cauley, a Freshman Business major and self-proclaimed “YOLO-er.” A bearded student wearing a vest told us, “That turkey was just roaming free, man. Just cause they’re animals doesn’t mean they don’t have rights.” The debate rages on. So, as we give our thanks this Thanksgiving dinner, we must remember that the delicious slab of meat on our plate has a varied and colorful past. As John Kaufmann poetically told us, “I am thankful for turkeys. I eat it at my mom’s house on Thanksgiving, and I like it.”
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bartender of the Issue Karen mojo's Sign: Aries What's your favorite drink: My favorite drink used to be Rum Runners, but I can’t drink them anymore. What makes Mojo’s different from all the other bars on Main Street: Our original music. No one has the amount of variety that we do. What is the best night to work: It changes every night because of which band is playing. Some are really good, but there are other nights when there’s not such a good crowd around. What is the most absurd drink you have been asked to make: It’s pretty simple around here, just beer and shots. But one time I saw a cucumberwatermelon vodka drink so I had to try making it!
the drinking game
Wizard Duels Sometimes drinking can give you the illusion that you have magical powers. However, what’s the point of having magic powers if you don’t get to carry around a big-ass wizard staff? What You’ll Need: Beer and tape. Number of Players: At least two. Level of Intoxication: If you’re going for “Gandalf the White” status, then you’ll get pretty smashed. How to Play: - Find a partner or group of people and get a case of beer to share. - Put on some rap music and begin drinking the beer. - Once you finish two beers, tape them together at the ends. - Attach each subsequent empty beer to the end of your new wizard staff. - After every five beers you “battle the Balrog,” which means you take a shot. - Once you run out of beer, or are not brave enough to continue drinking, pick a partner and duel with them using your staff. We know wizards do not typically have sword fights with their staffs, but it must happen sometimes, right? The Game Ends When: Once the duel has a decisive victor, the winner is awarded another beer. The loser also gets a beer for a consolation prize. With The Hobbit about to hit theaters in just above a month’s time, it would be a good idea to practice your wizard staffing now. It is also just a good skill to have. You never know when a dragon is gonna threaten your fellowship.
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Who are your favorite customers: There is this one guy who has always been a staple here. His name is Doke and he works for the university. He’s awesome! What is the worst kind of customer: The young kids that are underage trying to get their older friends to buy them drinks. Like, we know what they’re doing, we aren’t stupid. What is your favorite thing to eat when drunk: Tacos! What is your favorite band that has played here: I can’t remember the name, but this band was straight out of Austin, Texas and played for us one night randomly. They were really good. What did you do before you were a bartender: I live on a farm and worked with horses. I love horses!
Recipe for Disaster
Pizza Ramen Ramen and pizza are quite literally the only things that our editor ever eats. This is not uncommon for a college student, however. Ramen is really the only thing you need; pizza is just for special occasions, like NBA games and drunk splurging. What You’ll Need: Prego pasta sauce, sausage, mozzarella, pizza crust, pepperoni, and Ramen noodles. Cook Time: 30 minutes. Fatty Factor: More sodium than you can possibly fathom. Let’s Get Baked: - Boil up some water and toss in the Ramen to cook. - Either grill the sausages or cook them in a pan on a stove top. - Heat up the Prego on the stove. Place cooked Ramen and sausage into the sauce and mix. - Spread the mixture onto the pizza crust (which is even better if you warm it in the microwave first) and top with mozzarella and pepperoni. - Go be poor some more. If this recipe was any more “college” it would have beer and cigarettes in it. The great thing about ramen is that it goes with almost anything. Don’t be afraid to get crafty and throw some weed in it or something. The world is your oyster.
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From the Streets
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What is the worst thing your Grandma could say at Thanksgiving dinner? "Tell my gay cousin he might as well be dead‌" - Kelly S.
"That she forgot to turn the oven on." - Professor Bill D.
"Call my boyfriend a racial slur because he’s Japanese." - Melissa H.
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Can you figure out this riddle? Do you know the answer to said riddle? Wow, really!? Well, send your answer to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com and if you’re right, you’ll win something sweet!
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How to Safely Walk Down Main Street Brittany Choplin wrote this You exit the bar at 1:13 a.m. as the bouncer literally pries you from your bar stool at Kate’s. You plead for one more drink, but it’s not happening. But… you haven’t even flirted with the boy you hooked up with two semesters ago. Okay, you didn’t even say hi yet and he was totally initiating eye sex from across the room. Outside the bar you realize that you are alone. When was the last time you were with someone you know? You pull out your phone and dial away. Everyone is already in bed. How did they get home so fast? You look at your watch. 1:30 a.m.? What? You've left 12 voicemails and 25 texts for your roommate that came out with you, but she’s missing. There’s no question, she’s either hooking up or passed out in some pizza shop. Your house this year is in Guam, and you look down at your 4-inch heels and want to punch your sober self in the face. Yanking them off, you hold them like a baby holds a teddy bear and begin to make the trek home. You’re still pretty drunk, so you’re going to have to come up with some erratic safety techniques that only the inebriated could think of. To your right, there’s a cop, but the middle-aged creep behind you is a lot scarier than a possible charge for being drunk in public. For some reason, you ask the cop for a high five. You know you’ve picked one of Newark’s finest when he actually gives you one. The scary dude behind you scampers away, thinking you're best friends with the police. You skip into traffic and the cop looks over apprehensively, thinking he’s going to have to finally interfere. To his surprise, you direct traffic for him. As a herd of frat bros crosses, you disappear into the
pack. Maybe it'll earn you a hook up… or a safe ride home. Your pulse quickens as you realize that you are actually amongst townies that are looking at you like a really drunk girl looks at pizza. The hick next to you grabs your arm and whispers the best pick-up line he’s used all night, “Where you post-gamin’, baby?” “Swiper no swiping,” you say firmly, quoting Dora herself, and you stomp on his foot and sprint into the night. What do we say to the creeps of Main Street? Not today. Now that you’ve established your rep as a fightin' Blue Hen, everyone's keen to stay away from you. To ensure this, you begin muttering to yourself like another crazy Main Street inhabitant. Homeless people shop at Forever 21, right? You can totally pull this off. “Stop the voices,” you yell at no one. The couple in front of you takes hold of each other like you’re going to murder them in the back alley. Success. Now you’re hungry, When the clock strikes 2, you know all hope will be lost. You see Grotto out of the corner of your eye, and behold! The lights are still on. A herd of male specimen is sitting on a stoop nearby. You know the foreseeable future involves a cat call, and you are not in the mood. Can’t a girl just take a late night stroll in peace? So you crawl on all fours past the group and when they begin to make comments you growl like a possessed person from American Horror Story. They leave you alone. You finally make it into pizza heaven. After trying to order for five minutes sounding like dying Speak & Spell commercial because of
your slurring, you hold your box in hand, grinning. Home is closer now, especially because you have a slice of pizza shoved in your mouth while you walk. But there is one obstacle left, the dreaded Deer Park. Deer Park is known to have stragglers long after the bar tabs are closed. They sit on the porches like they are waiting for prey. You are sick of dealing with this tonight, so you find some energy and jog past. You can barely hear the “Where you going baby?” calls and you swear you just heard someone whistle the Rocky tune. Good work. Your house is in sight. You combated the creepiest of creeps on Main Street. Congrats! Now go finish your pizza and see if you need to file a missing person’s report for your roomie.
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