The Black Sheep
he FRE al th E... l ser ike vic a f es lu s (it 's hot a tr fro ac m kin st u g ch den t ip, sh hh !)
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 4 10/11/12 - 10/24/12
theblacksheeponline.com @theblacksheepUD
NEW HOMECOMING TRADITION GIVES POPULAR KIDS ONE MORE CHANCE TO BE COOL BEFORE ENTERING REAL WORLD Jason Hewett wrote this The University of Delaware has finally launched its “Dare to Rule” campaign in which a King and Queen will be crowned at the homecoming football game on October 20th. Seniors who have spent the past four years being cooler than everyone else will be nominated by their cool friends and everyone will just vote for them, because they’re popular, sources say. The University has acknowledged harsh criticism, but claims that homecoming simply aims to be fair to everyone. “These nerds need to stop bitching about homecoming,” said homecoming committee spokesman Rob Johnson, “they don’t see the big picture. After graduation, who’s going to get the jobs and the six figure paychecks? Some of our students aren’t so lucky to have academic scholarships, or good study habits, or the desire to get ahead in life. We owe those students something memorable—something they can look back on and hold on to before they go out into the real world to learn how to fix your air conditioner or unclog your toilet.” Senior Phil Gaines, a class of ’09 graduate of Weston High School, NJ thought he missed his last chance at the good ‘ol days when he failed to make UD’s football team as a walk-on. But Gaines said the chance to be crowned homecoming king again has inspired him to make the best out of all the time he has left. “My brothers and I were just talking about like—when’s the last time we broke out the lettermen jackets? When’s the last time we almost got busted for hooking up in a porta-potty? Yeah, bro, we’re totally bringing it back for homecoming.” Lori Krenston, a Senior who graduated from St. Mark's High School, DE, also said that homecoming will help create memories that will last a lifetime. “Oh my God, homecoming? Are you going to vote for me? Oh my God! Thank you so much!” Once crowned, the King and Queen will be aided by UD alumni, who will serve as advisors in dealing with the political turmoil that comes with being the most perfect people in school.
Large Impersonal Classes: Best Way to Learn Well, to learn where your slampiece is hanging out.
page 3
“It’s not as easy as you might think,” said homecoming adviser Jen Austrobaugh, “when you have good looks and good grades and good hair and a good-looking boyfriend or girlfriend, you have a lot of good things going for you, and that can be a lot sometimes.” Following up with her statement, Austrobaugh confirmed that the homecoming committee already has on its agenda a campaign for “Coolness Awareness Month” (CAM) with hopes that all popular kids will finally be given the recognition they deserve. Junior Chelsea Johnson made it her goal to hook up with every football player before graduation - an accomplishment that went unrecognized in high school. Johnson is an avid
what’s inside
supporter of CAM and said she’s looking forward to being recognized accordingly. “I guess if I didn’t get to be homecoming queen, then it’s like, no big deal because I’m still a lot prettier than a lot of the candidates anyway, so I think that’s why CAM is so important.” Though students like Johnson have bright futures, factors such as global warming, the unforgiving economy, and the extinction of the West African Giraffe Cricket have overshadowed any realistic hope for a future in the real world. “We need everyone to come out and support us for homecoming,” Johnson said, “this is the last time we’re going to be important, so pay attention to us now.”
Questions for Your Bad Hook Up Left hand, why you so good
How to Maintain Senioritis and a 4.0
to me?
Hey, you're only going to graduate college once... Maybe.
page 5
page 7
page two word of the week
! k e e W e h t f o c i P
Endevour: To undertake any obscene act of consumption.
“Marissa endevoured a two-pound jar of Nutella last night; it was a truly impressive feat.”
Meet The Staff
campus manager Kim Hogan
distribution manager Kim Hogan
Editorial manager Kim Hogan
Social media manager Nikita Mutter
Advertising Managers Tyler Ward, John Useller
Marketing manager Jaclyn Weisberg
Writers Jason Hewett, Dillon McLaughlin, Erin Eller, Kelia Scott, Kathryn Locke, Michael Mattucci, Brittany Choplin photographers Hannah Linde, Kirk Smith
Founders Kim Hogan, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers Questions?
$20 DOWN & $10 A MONTH
info@theblacksheeponline.com
Advertising?
campus director Brendan Bonham
ads@theblacksheeponline.com
owner Atish Doshi
lame@theblacksheeponline.com
Hate Us?
Sadly, Morgan’s invisible throw-up super power didn’t garner a call-back from the X-Men, though she was happy with the free pitcher of beer.
Please accept our invitation for a
STUDENT SPECIAL $20 DOWN AND $10 A MONTH PlanetFitness.com | 302.731.7360 53 Marrows Road, Newark, DE 1971
Home Club only. Billed monthly to a credit card or checking account. Subject to a $29 annual membership fee. With a $20 one-time start-up fee.
page 3
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
Large Impersonal Classes: Best Way to Learn Dillon McLaughlin wrote this
In a recent study conducted by the University of Delaware, researchers have found that students are most receptive to impersonal lectures full of their nameless, faceless classmates whom they never have nor never will interact with.
“Did you see how the professor balanced the equation for photosynthesis?” asked freshman Grant Coolidge, clearly oozing ecstasy. “That was sick. I'm totally going to be a chemical engineer.”
“The result was a huge surprise, but this kind of objective science doesn't have a history of being wrong. Students learn most efficiently when they are thrown into a huge group of peers and talked at,” says lead researcher Dr. Andrew Graham. “When college kids are bombarded with vaguely familiar psychological concepts and scientific terms, it turns out they retain a staggering 65 percent of the information.”
“I didn't know a list of biological definitions could hold my attention for a whole hour,” gushed freshman Chelsea Gershwin. “And watching a colorless Powerpoint full of bullet points and devoid of life is a much better way to learn cellular mitosis than actually seeing the process under a microscope.”
These surprising results are attributed to the total lack of other things to focus on during an hour and a half long lecture in a room of 200 other kids and 175 laptops. “The droning voice of the professor and monotonous flipping of slides, not to mention my inability to discern those slides from the ones before it, are great focal points for my otherwise absurdly short attention span,” says sophomore Ricky Hayze. “I'm still undecided, but these general education classes, especially the CHEM 101 stuff with 300 other kids, really capture my imagination and pull me into the subject matter in highly creative ways.” The end of class periods often strongly resemble sporting events, and after their enlightening and engaging class meetings, students meet to recount particularly exciting moments.
Dr. Graham is particularly excited to see the results of the study implemented in other educational institutions. “Can you imagine what this means for elementary school?” he exclaims in his office. “Two hundred and fifty 5-year-olds in an auditorium with the ABCs playing over a loudspeaker for 45 minutes. Everyone will be reading by the end of kindergarten.” “Then,” he continued, unable to contain his enthusiasm, “then they'll get shuffled into a huge room where they get to watch someone else color inside the lines and put the starshaped blocks into the star-shaped hole! This is a great time for education.” Though the United States has been lagging in education in recent years, this new find is expected to rejuvenate the system.
“I can't wait until my preschooler gets to experience the impersonal, fleeting relationships students become so familiar with in a massive lecture hall,” says Newark resident and mother Shannon McNaid. “Little Jimmy is going to be another cog in the machine, and he'll love every minute of it. We're so proud of him.” Skipping classes is apparently damaging to students’ education, prompting the creation of Course Capture, a program that records the lecture given that day. “Now students can still experience the attention grabbing lectures in the comfort of their own home or dorm,” says Course Capture creator Stephen Harvey. “It comes complete with the monotonous droning voice of the teacher, awkward student silences, and forced coughs that are just trying to add a little noise to the deathly silent room. Imagine – kids can listen to these at home while doing other things like surfing Reddit! They can pretty much re-create the lecture hall feel in their own room - this is long due for the multitasking students of today!” The study has also found that students generally hate the pitiful social lives they already have, so go ahead and assign that extra lab report on voltage differences between conductive materials.
now hiring! Why wouldn't you want to work somewhere with unlimited koozies and a "pants are optional" policy?
Marketing, Sales, Promotions, Writing, Groupies, & More!
apply online at theblacksheeponline.com
page 4
UDPD Holds First #tweetalong
The Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
sunday Hangover Remedies
Erin Eller wrote this
In case you hadn’t heard, Christmas came early this year. Our very own University of Delaware Police Department has joined the new social media trend deemed a “Tweet-Along.” The UDaily explains the concept: “between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., the UD Police Twitter account will be constantly updated with live tweets, pictures and videos as officers patrol campus.” Of course, anyone who’s anyone is not only aware that the first of these “Tweet-Alongs” took place on Friday, September 14, but also followed diligently along as night turned into the wee hours of the morning. Just in case you missed it, though, we’ve put together a recap of the excitement: Friday, September 14, 10:00p.m. - @UDpopo: ready 4 dis #tweetalong… got our donuts and dat Mt. Dew #str8chillin #dothedew 10:05 p.m. - @UDpopo: just realized we forgot to feed the K-9 Unit. Gotta go back real quick, chill ya grillz 10:08 p.m. - @UDpopo: forreal hope no one’s drunk yet cause we ain’t there 10:30 p.m. - @UDpopo: Fido had an accident but @UDpopo was on the scene to ensure efficient cleanup!
12:00a.m. - @UDpopo: wut is with you guys… you all sleepin? I wanna bust some parties up in this bitch 12:15a.m. - @UDpopo: just realized we’re supposed to do videos so here’s one of us being hella gangsta… UDon’t wanna miss this 12:18a.m. - @UDpopo: Idk why but the video upload-y thing ain’t workin sorry fans
10:45p.m. - @UDpopo: parked outside of Perkins. Don’t understand why so many kids dye their bottled water brown these days but hydration is key
12:24a.m. - @UDpopo: this donut is so good, almost forgot to drive menacingly past some girls in skin-tight skirts #distracted #runonDunkin
11:00p.m. - @UDpopo: spilled my Coolatta all up in this joint. Next kid we bust gets to clean up #justiceisserved
12:32a.m. - @UDpopo: hope y’all are enjoying our #tweetalong… don’t you just feel like you’re in the passenger seat!!!!
11:10p.m. - @UDpopo: watching YouTube clips of Eagles games on our laptop and DAYUM them replacement refs is on top of things #respect
12:40a.m. - @UDpopo: just caught some troublesome students playing King of the Hill on the new open book statue… safety first everyone
11:17p.m. - @UDpopo: UD CRIME ALERT: According to local sources, two men in dark clothing were seen trespassing on private property on E. Park Place.
12:45a.m. - @UDpopo: #LT actually that looks like fun. We’re on it #BRB
11:24p.m. - @UDpopo: THAT WAS AWESOME we totally just snagged a cat from some old guy’s back porch. Hope no one saw us! #policekitty 11:30p.m. - @UDpopo: found 19 y/o stumbling around. No alcohol on his breath… except after I tricked him into drinking a Gatorade bottle spiked w/ vodka! LOL gettin $$ on the daily 11:34p.m. - @UDpopo: WOW that Gatorade thing worked twice in five minutes… made a bet to see how many nights we can ruin in an hour #soprofesh 11:40p.m. - @UDpopo: seriously though, Police Kitty is so awesome. It’s like we have our own mascot now. 11:50p.m. - @UDpopo: official count up to 8 shit-wasted students. Dare to be #UDPD Around midnight, things started to slow down a little bit for the police department- but the tweets never stopped! Faithful as ever, the officers gave followers some commentary about the side work they do when things are slow:
1:00a.m. - @UDpopo: finally some educated students around here tonight. 3 super chill dudes walking around musing about the universe… weird dilated pupils though 1:24a.m. - @UDpopo: those kids gave us some funny cigarettes and now we’re starving! Dunkin is 24 hours, rite??
10.) Drink Vitamin Water Revive: The label pretty much just says it all-“If you woke up with whipped cream in your hair and the number of somebody called ‘Baksteen’ on the inside of your thigh, you probably need answers. Not to mention this product.” Just drink it and don’t ask questions - apparently you’ve already got too many of those this morning. 9.) Eat a Greasy Breakfast: Get yourself down to NDB. No, wait - send a friend down to NDB to bring your order back because you don’t need to be in public more than you have to today. Ignore the girl in line who woke up at 8 am for spin class and gets a “Light chicken salad on a half, scooped out multi-grain bagel” and nom on your order of greasy goodness. It’s ok to postpone the diet until tomorrow - just lump your breakfast sandwich into everything you already regret about last night. 8.) Tell EVERYONE how hung over you are: There’s something strangely satisfying about bitching to everyone within earshot about your headache. It might not get you any friends, but you will feel better and that’s all that matters. 7.) Wear Sunglasses: This includes indoors as well. Ray-Bans are everybody’s best friend after a wild night that ended with three wine coolers too many. They will help with #8 by alerting everyone to the fact that you have a monstrous hangover, and will also block that sensitivity to light you’re feeling. If you happened to have fallen down the stairs at Kate’s and have a black eye, they’ll cover that up nicely too. 6.) Take Advil: Once you pop that bottle of Advil like you were popping those bottles of Andre last night, you’ll feel better in no time. It’s been debated which will kill my liver first- the amount of drinking I do, or the amount of Ibuprofen I take the next day to compensate for it. I guess time will tell but for now I’ll continue to tear into a bottle of Advil like I do a package of M&Ms. 5.) Go Back to Sleep: It is absolutely respectable to wake up long after your clock face changes to “p.m.”. Do everyone a favor and stay in bed because it’s just not time for you to face the real world yet.
1:30a.m. - @UDpopo: time for #twitterlessbikeofficers to report back to the station with logs of their tweetless nights #suckstosuck
4.) Drink More Alcohol: If you’re feeling miserable, just start drinking until you no longer feel miserable. The only time college students ever drink OJ at breakfast is when it’s mixed with alcohol. Mimosas, Bloody Marys, Irish Coffee, or maybe even a few well-earned Jägerbombs are all ways to keep the party going far into the next morning. Pour them over your Wheaties for a well-rounded Breakfast of Champions.
1:45a.m. - @UDpopo: getting ready to wrap up this #tweetalong early so we can go get hammered. Believe us when we say that UD’s student body is inspiring.
3.) Watch Trashy TV: Yes you might feel like a waste of a human being, but curling up in the fetal position and watching Real Housewives or Dance Moms will make you feel exponentially better about yourself. You may have lost the better part of your dignity last night but at least you’re not flipping over tables or taking your 3 year-old tanning... yet.
As of right now, there’s no word on a second #tweetalong, but with such an enlightening first go-round, it’s certain to be a trending topic around UD’s campus. After all, it’s very important that students get to know the people who keep Newark safe while they’re out drunkenly stumbling along East Cleveland. For those of you who have always wondered what it would be like to be a real live police officer, UDPD and Twitter have truly brought their A-Game.
2.) Drink Water: Like Derek Zoolander said, “Moisture is the essence of wetness. And wetness is the essence of beauty.” He must know what he’s talking about, he is really, really, ridiculously good-looking after all. When you wake up looking like Russell Brand after he’s spent the night in the woods, just drink some water. It may not give you extremely chiseled features but it will help you feel better. 1.) Don’t drink in the first place: Ha. Jokes.
Kelia Scott wrote this
ts sses
page 5
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
Questions for Your Bad Hook Up Kat Healy wrote this You’re not supposed to be at Kate’s on Thursdays. According to the “Not a Real Break Up Because We Were Never Dating” Break Up of 2012, custody of our friends on Thursdays was awarded to me. Hey, I asked if I could stop hooking up with you and still drink with your roommates. Don’t ask me what I’m doing here - I have the passive-aggressive text messages to prove my territorial rights. Fine, I’ll take that shot. What’s that you say? Oh, that’s right, I forgot. You know three phrases in Italian and that makes you fluent. Yeah, pronounce mozzarella for me again, baby. Can you smell the pretentiousness or is that just the cheese? Speaking of cheese, I always wondered: Do you realize that taking your cheese off of your pizza is actually the least sexy thing a man could ever do? Oh thanks, could you get me a Dogfish Head? Oh, wait, there you go, proving me wrong. You just love to do that, huh? I forgot to mention that ordering a glass of wine at a sports bar is equally affective as birth control. Is that red or white? No, no, please - check your phone, I realize you might have to text your Mom, or Martha Stewart or whoever deals with you potpourri problems, I get it. Yeah, I’m still a Jameson fan, sweet of you to remember. Look here, a picture of your tiny dog. Is this to make your hot dog look larger in comparison? I meant the food, of course. You have more pictures of your dog on Goolge+. That’s right. Google+ is the new thing; I forgot how tech savy you are. Yeah, actually my Blackberry must have accidentally unfollowed you on Twitter. Mind of it’s own, that little devil device. Bartender, make it a double. His tab, please. Dad’s credit card, I see. Meaning to bring this up, how did it feel when you brought your Dad to Homegrown and more ladies were interested in him and his glorious mustache than you? Yes, I know you can’t grow a mustache, only chest hair. Mhm, just like that werewolf guy from Twilight. You think it’s a heartwarming love story? Sir, can I get a whiskey sour? Can I ask you something? Have you really never had shower sex? Like, isn't this something that keeps you up at night? You’re not a fan of anything related to the water or ocean? Don’t you have palm trees on your sheets? I remember this because it’s not everyday a girl has a guy insisting to make his bed while she’s still in it. Must be why you always wore socks when we hooked up, I’m that special. Tequila, por favor.
I’m flattered, really I am. But, when you asked me to have a devil’s threesome with you and your overly effeminate male friend, I was just suppose to be wingman for you, right? No, no, no, not that there’s anything wrong with that! It’s just, well, there was that one time you played Lady Gaga when we were, and I just thought, only for a second, that you were… erm, dying to have another shot of tequila? Yeah I guess you can walk me home. Why are you wearing sandals with pants? It is pretty cold, and yeah, you do live far away. You want to watch a movie? Haven’t you seen Black Swan like 20 times? Okay, fine, we can watch it in my bed. Just don’t think about sleeping over… Okay, fine, sleep over.
Thursday Night Football with DJ Gaetano! $4 Shooters
If you don’t startstart following us... If you don’t following us...
Jack Daniels, Jack Daniels Honey, Southern Comfort, Southern Comfort Bold Black Cherry, Tuaca
$5 Tall Jack Daniels Drinks
$3 25oz Big Beers all day, every day
302.369.2200 | 45 East Main Street | GrottoPizza.com |
YOU WON’T WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY. YOUKNOW WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY.
@THEBLACKSHEEPUD @THEBLACKSHEEPUD
Scan to go right to the page!
Scan to go right to the page!
Buy Two, Get One Free! Buy Any Pita, Get A Free Soda! Buy One, Get One at Half Price
Buy Any Salad, Get a Veggie Pita for $2.25
WALK-IN OR PHONE ORDERS ONLY WE DELIVER! 302-456-1007
OPEN LATE: THURS-SAT UNTIL 3AM SUN-WED: UNTIL MIDNIGHT
SPECIAL NIGHT
ALL DAY EVERYDAY! $3 Vodka and Captain Drinks, $4 Vodka and Monster Drinks, $4 Fireball shots, $5 All Bombs
EVERYDAY! $4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
$3 Thursday All appetizers are $3 at the bar
All You Can Eat Wings 5pm - Close Local Live Music! 10pm - 1am
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Blue Moon Pints
Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers
4-11: $6 Bud/Miller/Yeungling Pitchers
9PM-Close: $2 Light Drafts $3 Jager Shots and Vodka Drinks 1/2 Price Wings & DJ Kevin
$2.50 coors light all day, every day!
$12 Dinner Entrees, 1/2 Priced Bottles of Wine Free Hapy Hour Taco Buffet! $2.50 Coors Light College Night! FREE Happy Hour Carving Station $2 12oz Coors Light Drafts $3 Rail Drinks, SoCo Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls. $4 Captain Morgan Drinks $5 Senor Creepy
Chef's Special! DJ 9pm $2.50 Coors Light
Live Music 10pm-1am
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites
Sunday Brunch includes Peach Bellini and Orange Mimosas
Sunday Funday! Brunch 9am - 2pm $3 Bloody Mary's Chorduroy live 10pm-1am
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Big Miller Lites
Brunch 10-2 1/2 Price Entrees 4-10 9-Close: 1/2 Price Apps $3 Vodka Drinks, $2 Rails
All-You-Can-Eat Baby Back Ribs for $18.99 $2.50 Coors Light
Martini Mondays $5 Martinis!
1/2 Price Pizzas All Day! Showtime Trivia at 8pm
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $3 Leinenkugel Pints
Salsa Night w/ 1/2 Price Burgers! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers 9PM-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks, $2 Rails
$6 Nacho Night! Seafood, Taco, Supreme, Chicken or Pulled Pork $2.50 Coors Light
TUES
Stella Saturdays $2 12 ounce Stellas
Come in for Brunch 11-2 5-10: $10 Off all Bottles of Wine 9-11: $5 Skinny Girl Drinks 9-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks and Gummy Bear Shots DJ Hugh-Hitlist!
$2 Tuesday $2 Drafts 1/2 Price Bottles of Wine
WED
SAT
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers $3 Craft Beers 9-11 9PM-Close: $3 Vodka Drinks DJ Will!
SUN
5-6-7 Friday $3 Bacardi Five Top Shelf cocktails for $6 (each) until 7pm Oak and Cokes Ladies Night: $5 Appetizers, Epic Sound DJs 10pm-1am $4 Martinis and $5 Wine
SATURDAY $10 off all Bottles of Wine from 5pm-10pm $5 Skinny Girl Drinks from 9pm-llpm
MON
FRI
5-6-7 Friday Five Top Shelf cocktails for $6 (each) until 7pm Ladies Night: $5 Appetizers, $4 Martinis and $5 Wine
THURS
The Bar Grid
Wine Bar Wednesdays 1/2 Price Glasses of Wine 1/2 Price Littleneck Clams at the Bar
1/2 Price Burgers All Day! Jefe Live 10pm-1am
1/2 Price Quesadillas and Nachos All Day! DJ Dance Party 10pm-1am
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light $2 You-Call-It Singles
$4 Tall Svedkas $3 Big Coors Light
Tini Tuesdays! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers
4-11: $6 Bud/Miller/Yeungling Pitchers
9PM-Close: $4 Martinis, $3 Vodka Drinks, $3 Jager Shots, $2 Light Drafts AND DJ Nick! 1/2 Price Nachos!
Wednesday Crush! Happy Hour 4-7: $1.50 Pints and $5 Pitchers 9-Close: 1/2 Price Apps $3 Vodka Drinks, $5 Crushes $3 Kate's Koolaid
$0.40 wings $2.50 Yuenglings $2.50 Coors Light DJ 90's Night
$2 12oz Coors Light Drafts $3 Rail Drinks, SoCo Shots and 16oz Coor Light Alum. Btls. $4 Captain Morgan Drinks $5 Senor Creepy
page 7
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
UD Bucket List: The Things Students Said they Absolutely MUST Do Before Graduation Nikita Mutter wrote this After talking with various students around campus, from frat bros, sorostitutes, stoners, to pure prudes, we’ve come up with some of the most common (and in some cases, totally insane) things students want to accomplish before graduating, since earning a diploma clearly isn’t enough. If you haven’t done any of these things either you’re going to have a very lonely existence, or you need to get out there and turn your life into a crappy inspirational quote.
could certainly land your ass in jail (particularly when you're close to that obnoxious police van at the end of the bridge). But, for those of you brave (or should we say stupid?) enough to try it, enjoy some green on the green, man. Imagine, sitting all alone on the turf late at night higher than a kite, the beautiful Independence surrounding you… along with the stumbling, wasted girls falling over themselves in their six-inch heels and the "bros" who are only out to get some. Pure magic.
Swim in the fountain: Okay, so swimming in the fountain isn’t overly exciting or crazy, but if you’re stuck in a dorm without AC taking a quick dip before returning to the little oven you call a room could be very beneficial. If you’re not into that, you have to admit going for a little dip totally schwasted would be awesome. If you’re bold enough, you could even try skinny dipping in it, but with the weather turning watch out for hypothermia, or even worse, shrinkage.
Take shots with your RA: After a year of loathing your RA on the weekends and trying not to get written up for an alcohol violation, there is nothing that could possibly be more rewarding than taking shots with your RA. Not only can you claim a personal victory, chances are, you’ll learn a whole lot about them, and then you can use them as a beer buddy later. If you’re lucky enough to get this one done early enough in the year, you’re essentially guaranteed not to get in trouble! Let’s be honest, one picture of your RA taking shots or pounding a beer and you’ve suddenly got them bowing down at your every command.
Have sex on the Green: This is one of those memories that you’ll look back on in 20 years and still remember fondly. Obviously you’ll get one hell of a story out of it, but you’ll also be carrying on a priceless tradition and maybe some sort of infection. If that isn’t enough, it’s a whole lot better than getting leeched on the beach. Smoke some “Mary Jane” in the middle of the Laird Turf: One of the most daring things on this list, smoking a bowl on the turf,
Get into a debate with Kirkbride Jesus… and WIN: Anyone who challenges Kirkbride Jesus already deserves to become a mini celebrity on campus… but someone who wins? Celebrity status all the way. Sure, you’ll have gained an eternal enemy that most likely creates a voodoo version of you and banishes you to the deepest, darkest, pits of hell, but you’ll have WON! Even though most people could never grow the balls to actually do this, it’s nice to dream.
So take on this bucket list, and seniors – you’re running out of time. Soon, everyone will accomplish everything on here, and we will just have to come up with more daring things to conquer in four years, like sex with Kirkbride Jesus in the fountain every Friday for three weeks. Until then though, make a point to check off the five above.
How to Maintain Senioritis and a 4.0
Brittany Choplin wrote this It’s senior year for some of us. It’s the year you never thought you’d make it to after binge drinking your way through the other three. With your parents bugging you about the impending doom that is graduation and your real-life—excuse my language—career, the pressure is overwhelming not to screw up your last two semesters on campus. So here are some tips and tactics to kick those last 30 credits in the ass and still maintain your party animal image. Step One: Don’t be afraid to multitask. Balancing several things at once is essential to you getting your drink on. When your best friend texts you to grab margaritas for happy hour, don’t whine that you have a paper due the next morning. Whip out that laptop at good old Santa Fe and let the tequila do the talking. Worried about your midterm exam? Head over to Grotto with your flashcards and turn it into a drinking game. If you’re wrong, you drink. If you’re right, you chug. Everyone wins. Step Two: Unless you’re a star student, you have mastered the art of bullshitting. A good bullshitter is not necessarily intelligent, but often eloquent. The key is to use big words that even your mighty professor may not understand. If your assignment sounds like an Obama-level speech, who cares if you did the reading? Just make sure you are writing about the right topic and at least look up some names. For some reason my history professor wasn’t digging your essay on Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. you thought it was relevant. Step Three: If you want to be productive in the mornings and go to the bars every weeknight, you better get that hangover on the lockdown. What most people don’t know is that waking up still drunk will keep you at your most studious. You feel spunky and energetic, and time flies so quickly - so start attending the post-games. You might still wake up smelling like Burnett’s, but that homework will practically do itself with your newly found energy and still-high B.A.C. Let’s just hope you get a few answers right. Step Four: It’s important that all students utilize their class time. It is precious time that we get in these classrooms, and soon it’ll all be over. So bring your homework for your other classes to those 75-minute pieces of hell and go at it. You will look like a serious
note taker and be providing more time for drinking later. Hey man, we pay tuition, it’s our right. Step Five: Now if all the above steps are not working to keep your near-perfect average (or you know, allowing you to graduate), there is always the last option. Make your professors like you. And if you’re not likable, bribe them! A simple Dunkin’ muffin or a bottle of wine before class can work. If you’re really worried, do something more intense like leaving the new iPad on their desk with a note from you, I mean an “anonymous” source. It’s expensive, but so is that extra year of college if you fail out. With these easy steps to still remain a human being and occasional student, in between bar crawls, you can proudly boast to your parents that you aced your last year of college. In the end, your B.A.C. and G.P.A. are just numbers. And hey, it’s senior year, so why can’t they both be high?
page 8
theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the Issue Brittany Santa Fe Shifts: Unknown, it was her first day!! Sign: Capricorn What is your go-to feel-good movie: This is going to sound weird, but Blow, with Johnny Depp. It makes me feel better about my life. What iPhone app are you addicted to: I am addicted to Twitter! I have 2 anon accounts that I tweet from. Currently, what color underwear are you wearing: Blue! So whom would you rather date? Billy Crystal or Screech from Saved by the Bell: Screech, because I love nerds. What is something you want to do but haven’t yet: I want to travel everywhere. I’ve been to Italy, Peru, Dominican Republic, and Puerto Rico.
the drinking game
Downtown This game is not for the lightweights or the causal drinkers. Players will be engaging in a mixture of beer pong and flippy cup. Does that sound like a pussy game to you? No. Let’s get down to business. What You’ll Need: Cups, ping pong balls, and beer … lots of beer. Number of Players: Eight players, four per team. Level of Intoxication: Insta-shitfaced. How to Play: - Split up into two teams of four and stand on opposite sides of a table. - Set up a three-two-one formation of cups at the end of the table. - Give each player a cup with beer in it, any amount you all decide on. - The game starts with the first player of each team chugging their drink and flipping the cup. This flippy cup continues down the chain for each team. - When the last person in line has successfully flipped his or her cup, it’s time for the shootout. - Players will shoot across the table into one of the three-two-one cups on the opposite side. - Each team gets one ball. On a missed shot that ball must be returned to the shooter by a member of his team. - Once a single shot is made, that round ends. The players all shift down one spot, and the game starts over again with flippy cup. The Game Ends When: The team who clears their opponents’ three-two-one cups at the end of the table first wins, and they can celebrate sweet victory … if they can still stand.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What is the best thing to get from Wawa: Well, everything! You can’t go wrong with Wawa…but I normally get a milk shake or coffee pretty much every time I go. What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing: A walk of shame at 6 in the morning. It was kinda awkward when it happened, but now they tease me about it. So what Halloween costume are you wearing this year: Well I’m not sure yet, I don’t think I can top last years. My girlfriends and I dressed up like our best guy friends. We stole their clothes and everything! What is one drink you can’t say no to: Margaritas. Or basically anything that has tequila in it!
Recipe for Disaster
Classic Puppy Chow This is a classic recipe that anyone with half a brain can make and enjoy. Except for those with a hatred of chocolate or a peanut butter allergy. But screw them, right? What You’ll Need: An entire jar of peanut butter (none of that organic bullshit), a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips, a stick of butter, a box of Chex cereal, and powdered sugar. Cook Time: 20 minutes. Fatty Factor: You’ll realize that not even an eating disorder will help your case after your massive consumption of this chocolate, peanut buttery goodness. Let’s Get Baked: - Melt one stick of butter and roughly a half jar of peanut butter. A microwave can be used but a stove top is easier to work with. - Once the peanut butter and butter are melted, add a half of a bag of chocolate chips and slowly melt those as well. - While everything is melting add a few spoonfuls of peanut butter and about six handfuls of chocolate chips. - Taste the mixture as you go along added more peanut butter or chocolate as you feel necessary. - Once you have accomplished the perfect ratio, pour your cereal into a bowl and drizzle the melted mixture over all of the cereal. - Place the coated Chex cereal and powdered sugar into a bag and violently shake it until all the pieces are totally covered. - Let your finished product cool and share (or not). WARNING: Puppy chow has been known to invoke feelings of regret, produce a negative body image, and make romantic comedies an acceptable genre.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
[PartyPics]
From the Streets
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What’s the most embarrassing thing your parents could catch you doing during parent’s weekend? "Streaking on the green. Those naked laps get me every time." - Katie M.
"Doing a keg stand." - Hillary T.
"Being hung-over at family dinner the next day." - Jeff S.
Passing The Bar
Maybe not today, and probably not tomorrow, but there will be a point in your life when you drink alcohol that doesn’t end in “Light” or “O’clock.” Test your knowledge to see how many of these blank liquor labels you know. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you get them all, you’ll win a prize!
the interview Big Freedia Queen Diva is on the forefront of the bounce music revolution – an emerging genre that might just eclipse dubstep in a few years (fingers crossed). Its super-uptempo beat triggers all crowds into a raucous booty-bouncin’ frenzy, and we won’t be surprised to see Big Freedia’s name on the long list of musical pioneers to come out of New Orleans. Since bounce music is kind of hard to explain, you should just go look up “Big Freedia” on YouTube or go to her website (bigfreedia.com) (seriously, you won’t regret it, although it is NSFBOOTY). By: Quinn The Black Sheep: Can you describe bounce music to me? Big Freedia: Sure, my definition of bounce music is an uptempo, heavy bass, partyin’-time type music. Definitely has to do with shakin’ of the ass too – definitely a party atmosphere, dance-floor music. TBS: You’re a leading force of bounce music, how has it grown since you first got into it? Big Freedia: It has grown tremendously – pickin’ up tons of shows and fans. I’ve traveled half of the world within the last year or so. It’s just expanded really big, and me being on the forefront of it, and being able to bring a lot of people to it, it’s sent me in a whole different direction. TBS: You are in a unique situation – what’s it like going to shows, knowing that a lot of people there haven’t been exposed to this music? Big Freedia: Well, for the most part, it’s been cool. People tend to have seen the videos or heard it before so they kind of have an idea, but they really don’t know because the live shows are so much different. People are really just excited about it, they cultivate to it, and get into it – they start jammin’ with me. You know, you have no choice but to dance.
big freedia
TBS: Have you ever had a crowd that isn’t getting the vibes? Big Freedia: I wouldn’t say they didn’t get the vibe – I would just say they were more of a “lookable” crowd, like they would just stand and watch, then after each song they’ll start going crazy and cheering – then go back to standing at attention as me and my crew go crazy. But it’s rare that happens, where people just stand there. TBS: Are shows different in New Orleans than other places? Big Freedia: Most definitely, I’d say they’re different. Each place is a little different, you know, kind of the same response in the fans love it and everyone is partying. But the fans in New Orleans know all my music and are used to me, so they holler and sing all the lyrics. TBS: Your videos are awesome, are you making any on this tour? Big Freedia: Yeah I actually have a few videos about to drop. Two that should come out in the beginning of October – working on “Step into the Ring” we’re just waiting on the editing to get done – then it will be out as soon as possible. Also a new one with RuPaul called “Peanut Butter.” TBS: What’s a perfect day in the life of Big Freedia? Big Freedia: When I’m feeling in good health, my mom’s in good health, my family’s safe and secure. You know, just being blessed to wake up another day is a blessing for me. TBS: I’m sure Katrina changed that outlook. Big Freedia: Definitely, going through Katrina and sleeping under bridges and convention centers, being displaced from your family – definitely changed my life for sure. TBS: What’s something you can’t go without when you travel?
Big Freedia: Oh yeah, I can’t go without my razors so I can shave my face – my personal hygiene things of course. I’d be lost without my laptop. All those things to keep everything goin’ in the movement and the work I need to do. Always try to bring some merch for the fans… TBS: Speaking of merch, where can people go to pick up your music and everything? Big Freedia: I always bring some posters and booty shorts – two things I always have with me.
Courses you can access, well...anywhere. Unlimited monthly access to loads of grad school test prep and college courses you can study on your computer, iPhone, Android + iPad.
GRE Statistics GMAT Chemistry LSAT Calculus
at benchprep.com/youdee
Accounting MCAT Anatomy PCAT Nursing + many more!
the classtime
seriously cereals crossword Across
3) Circles of sugary awesomeness. 4) Gives you strength, supposedly. 7) A “diet” cereal. 9) Aye, aye! 11) This cereal is smacked with the most sugar of any. 12) Makes a fine mix with pretzels and peanuts. 13) Fruit + boy’s name 15) You’re not just good, you’re... 16) Like a rabbit's foot
5) Oh, that silly wabbit. 6) The 100% cereal. 8) Better suited baked and with marshmallows. 9) The number one selling cereal in the U.S. 10) Very scary, yet chocolatey. 14) Eating in general will give you this. 17) Slang for shoes.
Down
1) Desserts in a bowl of milk. 2) Little shapes of all these letters.
Answers
G N I H T E M O S S Y A THERE’S ALW TE’S!
A K T A G N I N E HAPP
TS, $4 DRINKS, $2 LIGHT DRAF A DK VO $3 , TS O SH JAGER TINI TUESDAYS $3 ) INNING (9PM - CLOSE SP K IC N DJ D AN IS MARTIN DKA DRINKS, $3 BOX VO D AN TS O SH ER G SDAYS $3 JA INNING BOX WINE THURPM AFTS AND DJ KEVIN SP DR HT LIG $2 + ) -11 WINE GLASSES (9PM INKS - 11PM) + $3 VODKA DR PM (9 S ER BE T AF CR EER FRIDAYS $3
CRAFT B
G AND DJ WILL SPINNIN
PM - 11PM) + $10
INNY GIRL DRINKS (9 SK $5 S Y A D R U T SKINNY GIRL SA E (5PM - 10PM) + $3 VODKA DRINKS & $3 GUMMY BEAR IN OFF ALL BOTTLES OF W EW HUGH SPINNING DR AN DJ + ) SE O CL SHOTS (9PM
158 E. MAIN ST. | NEWARK, DE | 302.737.6100 | KLONDIKEKATES.COM