The Black Sheep FR
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 1 8/16/12 - 8/22/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA
Debunking the Back-to-School Blues riley humes wrote this Friends, Athenians, Bulldog fans, lend me your ears. It’s another August at UGA, and many of you moan in anguish as you realize that the dreadful reality of classes, books, and OASIS is upon you again. But never fear—there are a ton of positives to the start of the new school year you probably haven’t even considered. These, my friends, are the many reasons that school is not for fools. Drop/Add Week: Also known as “syllabus week,” “nap time” or “wait, classes started?” Drop/add week is a wonderful introductory period between home and school life that no true UGA student would take for granted. Everyone is back in Athens—but not necessarily back in class. Whether you choose to spend this “get out of class free card” week moving your furniture in, hitting up Silver Dollar, hitting on freshmen outside of Brumby, or just plain old sleeping, it’s a great time to fall back into place with your friends without learning any of your professors’ names. Fresh New Faces: People watching is a hobby shared by all, and while we’re sure your summer internship spent alphabetizing files was awesome, nothing beats a good session of staring down the oh-so-fresh freshmen. Fall semester is the best time to do this, while Hello Kitty rolling backpacks and sweatpants that say “Juicy” on the ass are still in style according to the class of ‘16. The Black Sheep’s favorite location is the SLC, where not only are the freshmen tiny, confused, and poorly dressed—they’re also lost. Football: Not to state the obvious, but the University of Georgia academic year means Georgia football. Tailgates, cold drinks, beautiful girls, and handsome men all celebrating at 9 a.m. every Saturday like it’s the best day of the year. You can’t beat the energy and pride radiating from the Classic City on a game day. So before you complain about your coursework and the Milledge Bus being late (again), remember that home games are just around the corner, and Georgia versus Florida is a few short months away. With UGA’s simple schedule and the reintroduction of night games, it looks like we might be running this football season straight into the SEC championship for the second year in a row—as long as all our players stay out of jail (We’re looking at you, Crow).
Parents No More: Some may sulk over leaving their parents’ house, where the food is free, the furniture lacks stains, and Mom makes you dinner every night. While those are some minor pros, nothing compares to the feeling of freedom, where you can come and go as you please from your own apartment, or just play Mario Kart until 4 a.m. and order Choo Choo without judgment. The joy of being able to decorate your room with posters you stole off the walls downtown overcomes the pain of having to buy your own socks. School > Job: Hands down, the best way to overcome your end-of-summer funk is to remember that you’re going back to UGA, and not to a cubicle desk job from 9 to 5. Stalk your graduated friends on Facebook and remember that they’re
what’s inside
either being berated by everyone they meet for having no life plan or they’re spending their life answering the phone, drinking too much coffee, and maybe even sharpening those alphabetizing skills from past internships. Yeah, school means some homework and some exams, but it also means you get to justify a fifth year because you decided to change your major for the third time. Ah, with those rose-colored glasses on, it sure is great to be back. Shake off that back to school gloom, remember that college only lasts four (or five) years, and a drop week in the real world just means you’re fired. Go ‘Dawgs!
The top ten
Bartender of the Week
Athens is Jamaician you crazy, mon.
Things a Professor can say on the first day of class
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page 5
Mike from 9d’s doesn’t really care if Phelps smoked pot, because he loves America.
the Jamaicafication of UGA
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contents page 5: the problem with peeing in public
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
page 5
Something you’d never, ever do while sober!
page 6: The Gay Rights Activist’s guide to smuggling chick-fil-a
Table of
Hate your Chick-fil-a and eat it too!
page 6: desperate pleas against parking tickets
please, sir, that parking ticket is my drinking money!
page 11: The Disney Princesses Guys Fawn Over in College
Are you feigning for a belle, or got your eye on an Ariel?
page 11
page 12: The Black Sheep interviews
Louis kha from electronic duo midnight conspiracy!
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“Jill claims that she left after Ben threw an unopened can of beer at Kevin, but missed. The evidents supports this claim.”
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The Jamaicafication of UGA
theblacksheeponline.com
jess wise wrote this
Ask a random student to name a place like Athens and one’s bound to get a litany of different answers. Some may say Tallahassee, for the similar college scene, other may say Austin for the “big little city” feel. Hell, maybe the least creative person in the world would say Atlanta, seeing as both are in Georgia. Few would say Jamaica, as the only similarity between the two are stoners with bad hair. We can change that. The start of classes brings a little more stress than the hours of relaxation Jamaica offers, and students don’t deserve it. So, with that in mind, here are a few simple steps we can take to “Jamaica-fy” our campus. Ya, mon! First, Georgia students should start incorporating phrases from Jamaican lexicon into our everyday vocabularies. The language is adorable! One would think a group of people constantly repeating the same phrases for a week would be annoying, but it only adds to the charm of the citizens. We can accomplish that same feat here in Athens. If someone is bothering you tell them, “Jamaican me crazy!” People will be awed by your sparkling wit. Also, respond to every request with “No problem!” This should be the quintessential Athens phrase, especially for professors. “Excuse me Dr. Hardass, but I forgot to study for the exam.” “No problem!” “Dr. Hardass, I know you’re going to be upset with me, but I’ve left my paper at home.” “No problem!” Students would gladly attend class regularly if they knew the professor was a professionally laid-back dude. Additionally, many resorts in Jamaica have an open bar that
serves drinks literally 24 hours a day. Here in Athens we seem to think we invented partying... we are wrong. Jamaicans are committed to being intoxicated around the clock. One can show up hungover and dehydrated for breakfast only to be mocked by the wait staff for arriving without a mimosa. Now, it’s impossible not to love the downtown bars, but there’s something to be said for this free-drinks-all-the-time business. We don’t know exactly how we could work that out here, but the results would be legendary. Maybe we could just siphon off a little of the state budget for the “UGA Open Bar Fund?” No problem! What else do they spend it on, like... peaches? Peanuts? New license plates? There’s really no better use for this fund than investing it in the state’s future moneymakers. It’s a win-win situation. Along with the open bar, Jamaica also showcases another great alcohol-related invention: The swim-up bar. Honestly, you’d be hard-pressed to find any faults with this marvel of engineering, and it’s shameful that we don’t have any of these majestic structures on campus. How hard would it be for Ramsey to add one to the pool? No problem! After a rough ‘swoll session, students would welcome a vodka pineapple or a cold beer like it was a Saturday tailgate for the ages. Also, it would make using the equipment that looks down onto the pool area infinitely more interesting. Not to drop a truth bomb on you, dear reader, but watching people swim laps is a major snoozefest. It would be
more interesting to watch people do drunken underwater handstands any day. All we’re saying is that, faced once again with the prospect of class, homework, papers, and tests, we could all use a little Jamaican spice in Athens. Jamaican University of Georgia a better place? No problem, mon!
. M ! S E C I H P T Y T E R T A A P H R R YOU O S U M D E N E H S T E . LEOTVEMBARASSED OR BECOME INFAMOUS PICS@THEBLACKTSHHROEUEGPHOONULRINWEE.CBSOITME! G P OR P A R U O IA V & . D E K M O A .C N E N T I L E N G O P R E E O H , THEBLACKS LAUGH,CRY (WAIT, WHAT?)
The Top ten
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
the problem with peeing in public
Things a Professor should Say on the First Day of Class 10) “Class is cancelled”: Even though all you have to do for the first class is show up with a pencil, trying to remain conscious for an hour is a tall order after three months of lolling by the pool. Nothing feels more like winning the lottery than sauntering out of Caldwell Hall without having to feign interest in the academic honesty policy for the thirty-fifth time.
cutler sheridan wrote this This is a true story, though it didn’t happen to Cutler. One evening my friend Ashley and I decide to go to downtown Athens to have a few drinks, since we’re in college and that’s what people in college do. We’re drinking, chatting, laughing, but all too soon 2:00 a.m. arrives and it’s time for us to leave. Now we’re not, oh, 100% sober at this point, but we still want to hang out, so we’re walking around downtown trying to find something to do. Eventually we realize we’re past the time where there is anywhere to go, so we decide to go to The Grill. Or, rather, she decides to go to The Grill and I decide I have to pee. Really, really badly. When a drunk has to pee, there’s not much anyone can do to stop him. While Ashley is walking toward the Grill, I’m desperately looking for any kind of bathroom. Relief comes in the form of a large sign for some kind of establishment. Obviously God had sent this sign from the heavens for me to go behind and urinate. Who am I to deny God’s will? At this point I tell Ashley to hold up so I can answer the Lord’s call really quick-like, but she wants me to just wait until we get to The Grill. I’m fairly confident that not pissing means certain death. How could she not get that? So she starts yelling “NO! NO! NO!” then figures—incorrectly—I’ve gotten the message and she starts walking toward hamburger heaven. I quickly unzip my pants and commence relieving myself, but no sooner have I gotten started than a ladycop on a bike rolls around my newly-marked sign: “Good evening.” “Godammit,” I mumble under whiskey-laced breath, “Hey, officer.” She looks like a disappointed mom, “Man, it looks like you only just got started.”
9) “I’ll be awarding cash prizes instead of grades”: Speaking of winning the lottery – JACKPOT! We don’t know about you, but we would absolutely put in extra hours at the library if it meant buying something other than cheep beer at Max Bar.
“What’s going on?” he says. “My friend is being arrested! I need your help!” Ashley replies. Resigned, I plead once more, “Sir, there’s nothing you can do. Thank you for stopping, but just... go on your way.” After a little back-and-forth between everyone, I’m able to convince both the passerby to continue on his way and Ashley to head back to her dorm. As she leaves I hear her crying and whispering to herself, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Now it’s just me and Officer Hardigree. She quickly informs me that there are no police cars nearby so we’ll have to walk to the station, but then she notices one of her tires is flat. “Huh, that sucks. Well, maybe now we’re even for me arresting you.”
“...Yep. That’s, uh... that’s true.”
“No, I wouldn’t wish a flat on anyone. You were just doing your job. I hold no ill-will toward you,” I very seriously say to her. As we walk a couple blocks to the station I make small-talk with her: “How long have you been on the force?”
“How much have you been drinking tonight?”
“About sixteen years now. Sixteen years.”
“Too much. I didn’t really realize that until just now, though.” God, I hope I’m just really grounded.
“Oh, wow. Are you happy where you are?”
“Yeah, I bet. Are you 21?”
“Yeah, usually. It can get a little boring sometimes, but it’s pretty fulfilling work.”
“I am not.”
“That’s good, that’s so good. Do you watch any cop shows?”
“Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
“I do sometimes. There are a few I DVR. Rizzoli and Isles is my favorite.”
She proceeds to go through my stuff. The officer handcuffs me while I hope to God she doesn’t find my fake ID. At this point Ashley is losing her shit. She’s trying anything she can to get me out of this situation. First, to the police officer: “Excuse me, he’s with me, is there anything I can do?” “No there’s not, ma’am, I’m sorry about all this. You should just go on home.” I’ve accepted that this is just something that’s happening and I don’t want anyone to feel guilty about anything. That’s why I try— and fail—to prevent Ashley from stopping a stranger who happens to be passing by: “Excuse me sir! Excuse me! My friend is being arrested!” “Ashley, don’t, there’s nothing he can do,” I plead. He stops anyway.
“Oh yeah? My parents watch that.” A lie. I have no idea why I told her that, but she seemed happy about it. “Really? Yeah, it’s a good one. What about you?” “I’m a big Southland fan. Oh man, and The Wire... Have you ever watched The Wire?” “You know, I haven’t, but a few of the guys back at the station rave about it. I’ll give it look sometime.” “You really should. You really should. It’s just...” At this point I go into extremely specific details about what makes the show so good, before I know it we’re at the station and Officer Hardigree and Sharon, another cop who just joined us, processes me. With thoughts of shotgun-toting do-gooders dancing in my head I think to myself, “What would Omar do?” He’d probably play it cool, knowing someone has his back. Indeed.
8) “Texting is encouraged”: It’s really adorable that professors think they can outlaw cell phones in their classrooms, too bad it’s 2012. If teachers really want students to pay attention, we suggest adding flamethrowers to the slideshow (or at least some really bitchin’ lasers). At least then we’d have something really good to text our friends. 7) “There is no attendance policy”: Some professors are of the mind that, as adults, college students can realize for themselves the importance of attending class. These professors are visionaries. Who knows better than you if you need a nap on Wednesday? No one. 6) “The required books for this class are the Harry Potter series”: Have you read those books lately? Good, evil, adventure, tragedy – Rowling thought of EVERYTHING. There’d be no need to daydream in ENGL1101 if the discussion centered around Mr. Potter, the class would totally alohomora your mind. 5) “Extra credit to any student who attends the football games.”: No problem, amigo! The entire student body attends the games already, as Sanford Stadium give students the opportunity to combine their two favorite activities: drinking beer and chanting “U-G-A!” 4) “This class is BYOB”: Teachers drawing on the official pastime of Athens are sure to get high marks on their endof-semester evaluations. Sure, the text box under, “What did you like most about this class?” would be mostly gibberish about how much you, “like, totally love you, teach,” but a professor will do anything for tenure these days. 3) “Students in this class will receive a private taxi around campus”: Have you noticed walking around campus is reminiscent of a Himalayan excursion, sans-sherpas? That, coupled with the general insanity of the bus system and the unprovoked surliness of the drivers, leads one to think the opportunity to go peacefully and efficiently down Lumpkin would be more valuable than a legit fake. 2) “We will be taking field trips. They will all be to minigolf courses”: Who doesn’t love putt-putt? Even Hillary “Stony-Faced” Clinton would get a case of the giggles while nailing her ball through the clown’s mouth. 1) “Welcome to NPTM 1001, aka Nap Time 1001”: A six-credit hour class held every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, right after lunch. This class is not BYOB, but BYOP (bring your own pillow). Top marks go to the most enthusiastic sleepers!
jess wise wrote this
page 6
theblacksheeponline.com
The Gay Rights Activists’ Guide to Smuggling Chick-fil-A staff wrote this
If you’ve had an opportunity to turn on your television recently, check your Facebook newsfeed, or have bothered to step out the door of your bat cave, you know that Chick-fil-A’s president, Dan Cathy, has stirred up some controversy, especially in the gay community. However, there is a much heavier burden hanging over the heads of die-hard gay rights activists; how in God’s name will they be able to enjoy a grease-soaked sandwich with waffle fries without being ridiculed by their boyfriends, girlfriends or activist friends? Here at The Black Sheep we have sniffed out a solution to this disastrous problem, and we’re here to help! Disguise: Let’s be honest, you’re a pretty popular guy. People know that angel face from miles away, and if they catch your rainbow-loving smile in Chick-fil-A, you might really get a talkin’ to. Your first option is to disguise yourself! Stick with the fake moustache and glasses and stay away from wearing all black and ski masks. Lights, Camera, Action!: There are, in fact, situations where disguises aren’t going to cut it. When this happens you might have to put on your Hollywood pants and act. Let’s set the scene. You just got caught, milkshake in hand, with an orgasmic look on your face by someone who will definitely let the cat out of the bag about your bigotry-flavored chicken visit. Their facial expression morphs into a “how dare you” glare. This is your cue. Immediately explain that you have purchased your nugget meal not because you are going to sprint to your Toyota Corolla to enjoy it in silence and protection, but because you are going to take them to your apartment where you are going to burn them and chant obscenities as your gay friends make out in the background while simultaneously throwing rainbow confetti. Food Shields: This is the perfect time to put your Lady Gaga
desperate pleas
against parking tickets Maddie Rosenthal wrote this
lunchboxes and LGBT-stickered travel mugs to use. As soon as you pass the drive-thru window with your bagged lunch in hand, dump it straight into your food shield, and destroy any logo-covered evidence by means of the nearest garbage can. Remember, it’s always a good idea to keep your chicken behind your food shield at all times, but try not to hide your face and nervous, darting eyes behind it like a guilty velociraptor snacking on the last remains of the Jurassic Park cast. Make a Deal: If the thought of setting foot into Chick-fil-A is just too dangerous at this point in time, don’t fret. You can always hire someone to purchase it for you. For precautionary reasons do not give any employees your name, address or email; never let them see your face and always call your dealer from a blocked number. For the cheapest deals, it’s best to seek providers aged 13 and under, due to limited intelligence, and for the wonderful truth that they will almost always accept a hot Budweiser in exchange for an upsized combo meal that is six to seven times more expensive. The Slide Hide: Not only are these magical, kid-friendly constructions used to occupy snot-nosed toddlers while their young mothers engage in catty gossip and nasty Fifty Shades of Grey novels, they are also the ultimate hiding spots. Just stuff your chicken sandwich in your shirt and climb to the top. We suggest you take advantage of the area just before the slide’s entrance, it provides optimum comfort, space to dodge sticky-fingered four-year-olds, and it can be used as a watch tower to look out for anyone you may know. Just try your best to avoid security cameras and phrases like, “Don’t tell mommy about this.” Take a deep breath friends, because you can maintain your nobility, and your Chick-fil-A-ddiction. With these precautions, your nugget
It’s not uncommon for students to rack up hundreds of dollars in parking violations over the course of a school year. Financially, each 50-dollar ticket registers as 10 half-gallons of Barton, a cheap date, even a textbook. Okay, more like one-third of a textbook, but still. One would think that after so many tickets we would learn our lesson and buy a parking pass. Nope! Georgia Parking Operations ain’t no joke. They’ve got a full list of excuses they deem inexcusable on their website. Not knowing the intricacies of the Priority Chart, forgetfulness, having the wrong permit, a failure to notice parking signs or a failure to display your parking permit are not valid grounds for an appeal of a ticket. Instead of appealing these tickets with the laundry list of go-to bullshit excuses we all have, maybe a bit of honesty would get us out these inconvenient fines. Dear Appeals Committee, I received a parking ticket last Tuesday. Since paying it means I won’t be able to eat for the rest of the week (at least not on my own dime), let me propose a better idea. Ramsey has plenty parking spaces reserved for students. Fair enough. But do you really need to nickel and dime us every half hour during the day? By the time I parked and was in line for lunch I was already out like, 5$. So, with this in mind, maybe you should consider granting the first 15 minutes free; at least the first 30. That way, when I’m starving for Larry’s, or need some Jittery Joe’s (or both) I can enjoy my food without getting ticketed for doing so. I was just two and half minutes late. Sympathize with me. Sincerely, Poor and Hungry Dear Appeals Committee, I received a parking ticket on Monday and all I was trying to do was get my dick wet. I was parked on Cedar, and due to construction half of the six or so meters were taped up, as they always are. Lucky for me, I found a spot, dropped in my change, and called my freshman girlfriend to let me up. Listen, I’m just trying to keep my relationship alive. Keep the fire burning, ya know? You can’t put a
binges never have to end. Long live gay rights and chocolate milkshakes. Long live heterosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, gay men, Mad Men, pac-men, Boyz II Men, and “It’s Rainin’ Men,” (Hallelujah). Let us rejoice in stealing toddler’s kid’s meal books and exchanging them for ice cream. Viva la clean bathrooms and cow suits! This is ‘Merica, where personal opinions, freedom of speech, and controversy thrive like free-roaming chickens. time limit on that! I can’t be expected to stop what I’m doing, midact, to go drop two more quarters in the meter. In reality, I should be getting a congratulatory ticket for keeping busy up there for 45 minutes. I couldn’t walk because we have serious time constraints in the form of her Mormon roommate. And, honestly, I need a nap after I leave her dorm, not a brisk mile-long walk. I hope you understand. Be a bro. Sincerely, Freshman Fornicator Dear Appeals Committee, I received a parking ticket early Friday morning, which can only interpret to mean one thing: you all want me drink and drive. I drove downtown where, as luck would have it, I found a parking spot. Since we’re being honest here, I saw the sign. I know I was only technically allowed to park there for two hours. Shit got weird that night and I ended up getting fucking inebriated on behalf of my friend getting off academic probation. Being the responsible twenty-somethings we are, we took a cab home. You were in college once right? Sure you were. You remember how hard it is to wake anyone up before 10 a.m., especially when you’re waking them up to do you a favor. You also remember that any successful night will have you blowing above .08 until at least an hour after you’ve woken up, eaten, drank two tall glasses of Gatorade, and splashed some freezing cold water on your face. So finally, with breakfast-on-me as leverage, I got a ride to my car just past 11 a.m. The care I took to make sound decisions resulted in a hefty fine paired with a $15 cab ride and two combo meals. Like I have the cash flow for even one of those! Sincerely, Sober Driver Since our appeals stating that ice was covering up the sign or that we possess some phantom disease that forces us to drive instead of walk haven’t made the cut, perhaps these will. Sure, these aren’t the most wholesome of excuses, but since our driving, studying and sexual habits aren’t changing, parking enforcement should.
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Where on campus would you most like to have sex? “The bamboo path from Park leading up to Caldwell. It just seems very serene there.” - Lea P., Sophomore
“Right in front of that guy that preaches about people going to Hell.” - Claire F., Sophomore
“In the UGA Main Library... something about the chance you may get caught is a turn on, and it’s fun to whisper!”
- Austin R., Senior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
$2.25 Doug Styles
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
SAT.
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
Closed
SUN.
$2 Wells & Domestics $1.25 High Life Drafts $2 Tall Boys $3 Fireball
$1 Wine $1 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
50% Off Everything! $1 Drinks & Shots
MON.
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Wells & Domestics $1.25 High Life Drafts All Night! $2 Tall Boys $3 Tullamore Dew
$2 Pitchers, $2 Wine $2 Moonshine Drinks and Shots Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
$2 Vodka Well Drinks $2 High Life Pitchers $4 Skinny Girl Cucumber Vodka Drinks $5 Wine Bottles $5 Bottles of Wine
$2 Drinks & Shots
TUES.
$1 Wine $1 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Ladies Night! $1 Wells
WED.
Everyday! Happy Hour 5pm - 10pm: $2 Wells & Domestics
Everyday! $2 Tall Boys
$2 Champagne $3 Wells
Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
$1 Domestic Drafts $3 Wells
$10 Bottomless Wine, $3 Wells
$1.50 Off All Pitchers!
$2 Wells & Domestics $2.50 Lone Star Tall $2 Tall Boys Boys $2.25 Doug Styles
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
$2 Well Drinks
page 10
theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week mike lewis 9d’s Relationship Status: Single?
Marilyn, James Dean, Elvis.
Major: Currenly studying philosophy, also has degrees in marine biology, business management, and marketing.
What ‘90s character do you wish you could be friends with?: Tyler Durden. That would probably be the most chemical match you could get.
Favorite drink: Pacifico beer.
What do you wish would have never existed from the ‘90s?: Boy bands, although Justin Timberlake is one of the coolest people I’ve ever gotten to hang out with.
Age: 25 for life! Hometown: Virginia Beach If you could have a superpower, what would it be?: X-ray vision for people’s personalities. So many people play up as something they’re not. What is the craziest bar story you have?: Crazy’s become normal life. But one time, I watched a guy get his ass kicked at the bar next door. Then he came over to my bar and because he wasn’t wearing a shoe I didn’t let him in, so he pulled a gun on me. If you could bring back any famous people from the dead, who would they be?: Voltaire,
the drinking game
Answer Me This Did you ever play the card game Bullshit when you were little? This is like that, but oh-so-much better. This game applauds the honest and punishes the liars (with vodka though, so it really is a win-win situation!). What You’ll Need: Paper, something to write with, and shots. Number of Players: 10 or less. Level of Intoxication: For the truthful, a buzz. For those with secrets, plan on blacking out. How to Play: - Start by having one player write down 20-30 extremely personal, sexual, or outrageous questions on pieces of paper (at least 3-5 per person playing). - Mix the questions up in a bowl. - Have one player at a time pick a question. - Players can either answer the question truthfully, choose to pass the question, or tell a fake answer. - Players who answer the question truthfully choose two other players to take a shot. - Players who pass must take a shot. - Only three passes per player are allowed. - Players who tell a fake answer must beware. If someone calls your bluff, you must admit to it and take two shots. - If a player gets away with a bluff, he can tell another player to drink. The player does not have to admit they were bluffing. The Game Ends When: All the questions have been answered, and nobody can look anyone in the eyes anymore.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What’s the happiest you’ve ever been?: Definitely the day I brought my dog home. He’s my little buddy. He’s 4 years old and he’s won 9 awards...look at me, bragging about my dog! How do you feel about Michael Phelps?: As far as weed goes, to each his own. He didn’t do anything to enhance his physical abilities and he’s still impressive. And, I mean... AMERICA! Describe your dream life with three words: Surf around world.
Recipe for Disaster
Cookie dough balls Do you like putting balls in your mouth? We do. And we’re not just talking about tea-bagging (although it is one of our favorite hobbies). With these easy-to-pop-in-your-mouth treats, if balls aren’t your favorite food already, they will be soon. What You’ll Need: Cookie dough, chocolate chips, sprinkles. Cook Time: 45 minutes. Fatty Factor: A moment on your lips and forever on your hips. Let’s Get Baked: - Microwave your choco-choco chips for two minutes, or until fully melted. - Roll your cookie dough into little balls, or big balls if you’re kinky like that. - Pour your sprinkles into a bowl. - One by one, take your balls of cholesterol and dip them into the melted chocolate. - Dip the chocolate-covered ball into the sprinkles. - Place them on a plate. - Chill the plate in your fridge. - Wait a half hour for the chocolate to harden. - Oh man, enjoy! Remember all those times your mommy told you to never eat raw cookie dough? She clearly never tasted these balls of heaven.
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
Guys Fawn Over in College Though many will say college is the beginning of adulthood, walking onto campus isn’t just flipping a switch
into grown-up-ville. We hold on as long as we can, littering our new reality with memories of yesteryear. You roll over in the morning to find a sleeping beauty in your bed, and it reminds you of when you were young, holding Lucy Rachelson’s hand as Prince Phillip kissed his love back into life. Well, what other Disney Princesses does a man fall for in college? By: Brendan
The Jasmine A Whole New Wet Dream: Ah, you have fond
The Belle Beauty with the Busted:
The Snow White Pure as a Powdery Addiction:
memories of Sally Birchwell—the prettiest girl in class, and the senior prom date of a lifetime. She was the best thing Podunk, USA had to offer; shame she got knocked up after you went away for college. Suddenly you snap out of the daydream and realize you’re absentmindedly gnawing on a chicken nugget, staring right at—wait! Holy crap, that’s the most exotic looking hottie you’ve ever seen; big white eyes set in caramel, dark skin. Your openly racist uncle didn’t tell you they made them like that over in…over in…well, over in whatever country that was where he served.
Couples in a classroom are always an annoying proposition. When they’re not busy holding hands, they’re swapping notes. When they’re not swapping notes, it’s forlorn “I can’t believe this aisle separates us, I love you so much, baby” glances that make you sick to your stomach. Well, these two are the cardinal sinners of classroom coupledom. He’s hairier than a Greek yeti and sports a googly eye, while a doll of her hair would fetch a pretty penny on the pervy black market. “If only I had his money,” you think to yourself as they tear off in his BMW M5 after class. Alas, you’re reminded of your ramen-only lifestyle on your rainy bike ride home.
Every Tuesday and Thursday she passes you as you walk back to your apartment. Every Tuesday and Thursday she has a half-dozen bros tripping over their own feet, trying to win her favor. Every Friday and Saturday you fail to spot her in the bars among the dolled-up strumpets, and when you stalk her on Facebook it’s all “I love Jesus” this and “I support Chick-fil-A” that. What gives? Sure, she’s the fairest in the land, but how does Mrs. Goodie Goodie keep the testosterone and semen-fueled bro train in line? To you, it’s worth finding out. The group could really use a seventh dope fawning all over Miss Pure-as-the-Driven-Snow, right?
The Cinderella
The Ariel
The Mulan
The Glass Slipper of Regret:
As soon as your eyes open and you remember what you’ve done the phrase starts ringing in your heard: “After two, she’s a ten. After ten, she’s a two.” Well, after enough Jagermeister everyone thinks they’re Prince Charming, and this pumpkin of a pick-up that fell into your lap managed to hold on until the clock struck midnight. You do your best to feign sleep, hoping beyond hope she’ll wake up soon and make a quick and shameful exit. Finally, her iPhone buzzes and she starts collecting her things. As she exits your place you carefully peer out of the corner of the window—yup, two bitchy (sorority) sisters are picking her up. Looks like she’ll be on maid duty for a few weeks for this little incident.
A Sea of Men: Freshman orientation feels like a distant
memory, but you’ll never forget her. She sat upright in the front row of the placement exam, hair in a bun, no make-up, with a “daddy’s little girl” t-shirt proudly covering up whatever genetics gave her. You still think about her, wondering what corner of the library she squirrels herself away in on a Friday night. In line at Walgreen’s, the thought of her inches across your brain as a party girl sporting a clamshell bra orders a pack of Marlboro Golds. Wait, red hair? Button nose? It’s her! You try to get her attention, but she’s too busy cackling with her girlfriends about last night’s experience with sexual inadequacies. This Eric guy she’s howling about, he must be a dead fish in the sack, or something.
Tonya Tough Tits:
You thought you had an easy in when she entered Shakespeare I sporting her intramural basketball t-shirt. You tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she’d be interested in shooting hoops. When she hissed, “4:30, be there,” through pursed lips you should have known you were in trouble. Instead, you started sporting half a chub when she rolled up in short shorts, a sports bra and Jordans. She crossed you over once. Lucky. Then she crossed you over again. Then she picked your pocket and did the prettiest reverse layup your eyes ever did see. Fast-forward and she wins 21-6, while you’re almost certain she handed you a few of those points. To her, college is not a man’s world.
the interview
midnight conspiracy
It should come as no surprise that chatting with Louis Kha, half of one of EDM’s most promising groups, Midnight Conspiracy, was as fun and enjoyable as one of their shows, minus the bass. Our conversation centered around the increasingly popular genre of music, from where electronic music has been to where it rages on today. The Black Sheep: How did Midnight Conspiracy come together, and when did you start playing music? Louis Kha: I met Mikul because I was dating his ex-girlfriend, which was a little weird. He was throwing underground parties at the time and I was trying to get into DJing, and he actually got me my first gig at some dirty, illegal, underground loft party. So we just started doing stuff together, throwing a lot of loft parties. The big one that broke us was this Justice after-hours party in Chicago on New Year’s Eve in 2009. It all just started out as a way to party and for us to get together and have fun, and the idea of Midnight Conspiracy came together right then and there. TBS: EDM has blown up in the past two years. Why do you think this genre has become so popular? Louis: Well if you look at the late 90s, electronic music was really huge and the whole rave culture was really big, and in the 2000s it died out and indie bands took over. I just think that music goes in cycles, and we’re on an up-wave right now, similar to the 90s when everyone was decked out in neon and their rave toys and kandi. Going around to college campuses this year versus last year, I’ve noticed a huge difference in what people are listening to. A year or two ago, most college parties were listening to hip-hop; they still are but there’s a lot more electronic beats. Electronic music has always been around as underground, but it’s reached the masses right here, right now. It’s a pretty simple reason why, [college kids] all say that it’s a fun, good vibe. You don’t see fights breaking out at EDM shows, just popping champagne bottles and having a good time. TBS: Have you always been into electronic music, or was that something that came about in the past several years? Louis: Even when I was young I always liked the electronic elements of music. I was really big into Pink Floyd. That’s not electronic music, but they were using synthesizers. It’s the same thing with a lot of new wave music; we were really big into Depeche Mode and The Cure. I think I’m just attracted to what you can do with electronic music and the sound of it. I mean, electronic music is everywhere; it’s been around for decades. More recently I got really into the whole indie-electro and electroclash movement in the early-2000s, and that’s what got me really into that kind of music. TBS: What’s it like playing big festivals in your hometown, Chicago? Louis: Well, growing up we were huge fans of Depeche Mode, and one of the documentaries that inspired us was the Depeche Mode 101 tour. It was about arena rock back in the day, where bands would show up at these massive arenas to huge crowds and just rock out. TBS: What can someone expect from one of your live shows? Louis: We have a new space set up called Eye Live; it’s something we’ve been working on. We designed and built it ourselves with help from friends; it’s a 16-foot version of our eye logo laid in with a bunch of LEDs and lasers. It’s there to give you this whole audio/visual experience. We control all the lights, too. It’s basically an orgasm of lasers. TBS: So can you talk about the inspiration for this Eye Live, and your eye logo in general? Louis: The eye logo is based on the Eye of Providence, which has become associated with The Illuminati. Its true meaning lies in something more positive, and that’s the meaning we take from it. Essentially, we just want people to open their eyes to our eye and be free thinkers, and look into more than just making an assumption based off of a pop culture trend. I mean, at the end of the day we’re just here to party and have fun, but if you want to look deeper into it, that’s cool too. TBS: Explain to me the vision of your Dead Game clothing line. Louis: Dead Game isn’t meant to be about Midnight Conspiracy, it’s cool designs that we would want to wear. Mikul is a screen printer and a designer, so he designs the shirts and he prints them himself. We want to push it out as a legitimate clothing line, and we’ve been in talks about getting it out into stores and whatnot. They’re not going to be neon rage EDM tanks, it’s going to be cool, hip, dark designs. We have a bunch of designs for sale online, and we’re trying to get them into stores late this year or early next year. TBS: On any given night, what’s your drink of choice? Louis: Coconut water for sure. We picked them up when we toured in South America. They party like crazy in Brazil, and we always wondered how they did that. You can get a huge coconut on a tree there for like $1, and if you drink the whole thing you’re golden.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
cosmopolis - in theaters Friday, august 17
Robert Pattinson, everyone’s favorite vampire with a broken heart, plays a billionaire with some serious issues, even though he cruises around Manhattan in a limousine. He eventually goes crazy ala American Psycho, so we’re excited to see just how gruesome this is going to get.
shark week - Discovery Channel August 12 - August 19
The Discovery Channel pulls out all the stops during their 25th annual Shark Week, which features premieres and specials about sharks. Revel in how high they can leap, cringe at how sharp their chompers are, and love every second of it. You can even play Shark Week (Drinking) Bingo!
Bloc Party - Four Out august 20
British Indie rockers Bloc Party have been causing quite the commotion ever since their breakout hit album Silent Alarm in 2005. But after a near two-year hiatus, these lads are back with Four and showcasing their talent and musicianship better than ever. Check out their latest single, Octopus.
the classtime
seriously cereals crossword
Across
3) Circles of sugary awesomeness. 4) Gives you strength, supposedly. 7) A “diet” cereal. 9) Aye, aye! 11) This cereal is smacked with the most sugar of any. 12) Makes a fine mix with pretzels and peanuts. 13) Fruit + Boy’s Name 15) You’re not just good, you’re... 16) Like a Rabbits Foot
6) The 100% cereal. 8) Better suited baked and with marshmallows. 9) The number one selling cereal in the U.S. 10) Very scary, yet chocolatey. 14) Eating in general will give you this. 17) Slang for shoes.
Down
1) Literally desserts in a bowl of milk. 2) Little shapes of all these letters. 5) Oh, that silly wabbit.
Answers
Six degrees of separation
Think you know how Ryan Reynolds and Richard Gere are connected?
Send us your answer at classtime@theblacksheeponline.com for your chance to win a pretty awesome prize!
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Meet The Staff campus manager Cutler Sheridan Editorial manager Cutler Sheridan Advertising Managers Megan Thompson Sibonee Latty Writers Sarah Everett, Riley Humes Jess Wise, Katherine Weimer Wes Allen, Alex Edelstein photographer You? Come on... distribution manager Sierra Moore, Lauren Cobb pr/Marketing TEAM Abby Smith, Sierra Moore Stephanie Mannheimer
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