The Black Sheep
Fr ee .... lik ep ee in g
in
th es ho we r!
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 13 11/8/12 - 11/14/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_UGA
Post-Election Depression Syndrome Alex Edelstein wrote this
Election season is coming to an end. Say goodbye to GIFs of Obama dancing, autotuned Romney singing his arguments, and most of all the much-loved debate drinking games. Over the last few months every media outlet has been fueled by coverage of both candidates’ campaigns, missteps along the way, and the occasional ultimatum by Donald Trump. What will happen when someone actually wins the election? We all know that Honey Boo Boo Child and Hillbilly Handfishin’s ratings aren’t affected by the election, but what about the shows that have done nothing but cover the election for the past three months like The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live, and Fox News. We know that their ratings are going to take a hit after November 6th, so what happens next? An epidemic that sweeps the nation every four years will resurface again: Post-Election Depression Syndrome (PEDS). Symptoms include staring aimlessly at the TV and flipping the channels hoping to find some election-related coverage, carrying around binders full of women, and dressing up like Big Bird to get unrelated points across. There are a few known cures, but they don’t always work. Some people say they begin to actually pay attention to state and county elections (like those even exist), others print off the transcripts of the debates and reenact them, but the truly afflicted write slash fiction of surprisingly intimate encounters between various political figures (see: “The Presidential Erection”). It’s not all about us though. What about all of the poor TV networks that will have to start covering real news or coming up with original jokes, and not just repeating what the president said the previous night during the debate? Saturday Night Live can go back to making MacGruber sketches (something that should have died one movie and thirty sketches ago) and Fox News can go back to making up 50% of the news. And if Romney loses? They’ll just carry on as if he won and talk about the sweeping reforms he is bound to make as President of the United States. What’s truly sad about the election is that all of the newspapers will have to actually go search for news instead of just repeating what every website posted during and immediately after the debates. We know Romney has binders full of
(B)ad Ideas for The Red & Black Their name would be even more
relevant if they sold advertising for Satan!
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women in his office and Obama has a weird fascination with Big Bird, we heard it last night. I know the time will come when you can start making headlines about the president’s blunders, but until the new president is inaugurated, newspapers are going to have to start covering actual events like Hurricane Sandy or Snooki’s mothering techniques. Whatever the outcome of the election may be, we ask only a few things of the world to help us deal with PEDS: One, do your best to make us laugh without references to the
what’s inside
candidates. We’re okay if you want to make fun of congressmen or other elected officials. Two, come up with some new memes. We don’t care if that means taking awkward pictures of your grandma and posting them online for people to make fun of, or tweeting a boner pic and saying it’s a celebrity, just think of something. Last, but not least, put NBC’s Community back on the air. This whole election thing is just a way for networks to bridge the gap between this season and last season. What’s going to happen to Annie’s Boobs, people? Now that’s a national emergency.
The Top Ten Places to Have Sex on Campus Yes Ramsey is on there, no we don’t
Homecoming in College is Stupid There, we said it. Now stop inviting
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make any “ramming” jokes. This is serious.
old people back to look at us.
contents page 4: from the streets
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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What’s your weirdest Thanksgiving experience?
page 6: An Ode to Bacon
Table of
The more you eat the better you feel, so let’s eat bacon for every meal! ... wait.
page 10: Bartender of the week Justin H. from Athens Bagel Co. loves him some buttery nipples.
page 13: The Black Sheep Interviews: AWOLNATION We chat with AWOLNATION, the brainchild of Aaron Bruno.
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word of the week Brotive:
Any reason a guy lists for joining a fraternity.
“Dylan’s brotives for rushing were simple: beer and sex.”
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(B)ad Ideas for the Red & Black wes allen wrote this
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From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
What’s your weirdest Thanksgiving experience? “My grandpa always gets drunk off Kahlua and reads his Prius manual to us.” - Kylie W.
Shortly before the Bulldogs traveled to Jacksonville and dominated the Gators in both football and drinking, something crazy appeared in a newspaper that circulates on our campus. Wait, wait, hold-up—we know what you’re thinking; It’s not us. Nope, we’re talking about an incident that occurred in the weekly snoozefest that is the The Red & Black. Hold on! Please don’t stop reading; we promise we aren’t here to discuss their writing, because let’s face it—bOoOoOring. We want to talk about an advertisement of theirs. You probably know the one… It’s the full page ad that was taken out before the big game; it depicts a gator wrestling a UGA football player into an arm bar, with a headline that reads, “Why our Gators will bury the Dawgs’ little bone… again!!” Unlike most UGA fans, The Black Sheep’s immediate response was in no way, shape or form, “What in the HELL is this?!” No way… That’s definitely not how we responded. Instead, we saw this FULL PAGE spread in our “university newspaper”, talking MAD shit about OUR football team, and saw it for what it was—advertising genius. The Black Sheep is known for our edgy advertisements, and by that we mean our agreement with Toppers International Showbar—because there’s boobies in there. However, in the past we have had to turn down lucrative ads because of our refusal to pimp our paper real estate. It’s obvious The Red & Black is willing to advertise anything to make a quick buck, and we envy their brash display of not giving a fuck. We want to help them continue the trend, so we brainstormed a few advertisements that are on par with letting wealthy Florida alumni pay money to trash the University of Georgia. It’s no problem, guys. We’re happy to help! al-Qaeda: Nothing says “We’re a cutting-edge newspaper!” like advertising for a world-wide terror organization. This motley crew of insurgents loves publicity and is sure to have
some cash lying around its caves to secure an ad with The Red & Black. Jihad is a very wholesome activity and deserves AT LEAST a half page spread to be fully publicized. We know these global militants have been super sad ever since Osama got knocked off—but a spot in The Red & Black would go a long way in boosting extremist morale. O’Doul’s: If the The Red & Black wants to cause a real stir, why not advertise O’Doul’s, a nonalcoholic beer? Sure, this ad may not resonate with its college viewing audience, but it’s an attention grabber fo’ sho. Mmmm... The Black Sheep likes nothing better than to savor that beautiful beer flavor, but without that side effect of getting drunk after a long, hard day of work and school. Oh yeah, we can see the ad slogan now— “O’Doul’s: Beer Without the Buzz.” While we’re are it, here’s a freebie: “The Red & Black: Buzz without the news.” For some reason, this is an Anheuser Busch product, so you know The Red & Black would be gettin’ those dolla’ dolla’ bills y’all. Satan: Sure, a paid advertisement for the Prince of Darkness could be seen as crossing the line in many ways, but The Red & Black has proven they don’t care. Why not give Lucifer a cozy spot in the next addition? Satan has swag for days, and would no doubt fire up students to grab a copy of that paper (fire up.. get it… ha ha). This guy Satan is a real estate mogul, and because he’s not paying for the sins of mankind, he’s sure to make it rain cash mooooney on The Red & Black. These ideas may seem radical, but don’t be caught off guard if you see them in the The Red & Black. They do this to cause a stir, while getting cash. And look, don’t be offended because each one would be a hell of a lot less offensive than the Florida ad they ran. Red & Black —shame on you. Go DAWGS!
“One year we were going around the table saying what we were thankful for and my dad looked at me and said ‘I’m glad you don’t need braces.’” - Rosalie H.
“My parents decided take us all to Pigeon Forge. We didn’t bother with Dollywood but saw a Christmas-themed Medieval Times show instead.” - Craig H.
The Top 10
Places to Have Sex On Campus
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10.) Snelling: Yes, the place is ridiculously crowded, but have you sat on one of those couches? I’m sure you could talk to Sandra and get a velvet rope set up at the top of the staircase so nobody would disturb you. Snellebrating just got a whole lot better. 9.) Ramsey: Where shower sex meets public sex—you get the best of both worlds, Miley Cyrusstyle. And once you’re done, you can go swimming! Everybody wins! 8.) The Tate Center: Nobody ever goes here for reasons other than Chick-fil-A, so you can actually get some great privacy here. Run upstairs and you’ll find a ton of rooms that nobody ever uses. There’s an incredible variety of available rooms: Rooms with big tables, lecture halls, uh… that arcade… You get the idea, right? Bonus points if you sneak off and fuck during Dawgs After Dark. 7.) The Library: An oldie but a goodie. Try one of the private study rooms or a row of books on an upper floor (like the 6th, which is dedicated to religion and philosophy—oh, that’s so naughty!) if you’d rather not be seen. 6.) The SLC: “Too crowded,” you say? Maybe, but there is always an empty lecture hall in the learning center. You can do it on a cushy lecture hall seat, on the floor between rows of cushy lecture hall seats, or on the floor in that spot where the professor says some of the most boring, terrifying, and confusing words you’ll ever hear. 5.) The Observatory: Space. Fuckin’ space, man. 4.) The Founder’s Garden: Save this spot for spring, when the flowers are in bloom and the garden will look romantic as all get-out. You can even have a picnic. Stay away if you or your love interest/fuck buddy/object of sexual desire has a pollen allergy, because sneezing every other minute is not quite as romantic. 3.) The Practice Rooms in Hugh Hodgson: Pick a room with an instrument so you can play a little mood music. What’s more romantic than a serenade? These rooms are also fantastic because they’re private and relatively soundproof: Unless you’re singing opera (screamers beware), nobody will hear you. 2.) Myers Quad: Hear us out first before you say, “What the hell? That’s too public.” Sure, Myers Quad is busy during the day and whenever they have Quidditch practice out there, but at night? Not so much. Bring some blankets and look at the stars... Then look at each other and get it on. 1.) The Art Building: No other spot on campus holds as open a realm of possibilities as does to the art building. There are darkrooms (some of which are completely isolated and, well... dark), studios, and classrooms that look nothing like the boring old desk or lecture hall setups the rest of us are so used to. You know what else the art building has? Props! Paint yourselves, wrap yourselves in fabric, take photos of yourselves… The art building has enough possibilities to turn your quickie into a full-blown (pun intended) porno.
Sarra Sedghi wrote this
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theblacksheeponline.com
Homecoming in college is stupid Jess Wise wrote this It’s that time of year again! That’s right—hold on to your hats, because we just had homecoming. On the heels of the actual election, we got to vote again, and in something almost as important. Who we chose for Homecoming Court 2012 affected our lives for probably… three whole minutes. Maybe five. Wait a second… how many of you didn’t even know we had a Homecoming Court until just now? So it actually affected our lives for zero minutes. ...Cool? Remember in high school when we all got super excited about homecoming? That game was the most exciting game of the year. In high school, the Homecoming King and Queen were like actual royalty. That election was IMPORTANT. We had all selected our picks months in advance, and there was no payoff, no adrenaline high, quite like hearing your choices for Homecoming Court get called over the loudspeaker. Then to top it all off, we got to dress up in sparkly things and head to the homecoming dance. The girls wore short dresses, the guys didn’t have to wear full suits, and everybody had a good time. Although, let’s be real, no one did that much actual dancing. For the most part, we all loitered awkwardly around the Chick-fil-A nugget tray and stared at one another.
In college, though, homecoming is kind of pointless. The game is only exciting if you’re an actual alumni “coming home.” Usually we play some team no one cares about, and it gets old after about the 4th or 5th touchdown. It’s basically just an excuse for a bunch of old people to flood through campus and crowd the streets. No one wants to see that many old people. Especially when all they do is point at the Arch, ring that damn bell by the chapel, and talk about why East Campus is so ugly. Also, did you know that there is a homecoming parade? Does this not strike anyone else as odd? There really shouldn’t be any parades ever that aren’t the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Parades are creepy. Hey, let’s go stare at some people we don’t know and then jeer at them a little! No, it’s okay, they’re going to be dressed in weird costumes. They’ll also be driven at 1 mile per hour on some monstrosity called a “float.” If we scream loudly enough, they might even throw us some candy! Ew. And who are the people that are going to this parade? I don’t know any students that would be caught dead in attendance. Maybe the friends of the people on floats go because they feel bad for them. But who
An Ode to Bacon
else? I guess it’s the annoying old people. They wrap up their time with the Arch and the bell and they head on over to leer at some students for a while. It totally rounds out their weekend. We don’t know… maybe we’re being Debbie Downers about homecoming. Is this a thing? Like do people get into it and look forward to it? None of us will really find out until we graduate. Maybe then this will be the social event of the season. God help us.
TBS staff wrote this
Bacon—a word known to all people on earth A substance immeasurable, in terms of its worth Its taste is divine, its scent always pungent The term “delicious bacon” is simply redundant It was created long ago, when man lived in caves And Wildboarous rex roamed the Earth for days With a spear, a vision, and a hunger most primitive Man created bacon and began to truly live It was cooked with dinosaurs and, of course, their eggs Man first consumed bacon, then walked on two legs Things happened fast, but bacon was there From the wheel to the sea, from the earth to the air The Wright Brothers ate bacon before their first flight Tyson ate bacon before every fight Jordan’s fingers were slick from bacon as he won his sixth ring Bacon is what helps Adele graciously sing But it doesn’t end there, the impact is far greater Armstrong ate bacon inside the Moon’s craters Through good times and bad, bacon’s sustained For our bacon-lust is great and we just can’t refrain Medically speaking, its powers are infinite Did you know the Polio cure had bacon in it? Some may say “Bacon? Bahh, not for me” And claim to be happy while still bacon-free To these people I ask, “Have you not lived?”
Have you not taken all of what bacon can give? Have you not tasted bacon, fresh cooked and sizzled Placed directly on your tongue and then happened to jizzle? It’s perfectly natural; all baconovours have them Referred to by science as a “Bacongasm” Buy nay, do not join us, live life in your own light Because if bacon gets short, you’re one less person to fight Remember the country you live in today And those who fight to eat bacon our way In piles, in heaps, by the truck and the pound The most American act is scarfing bacon down Coal turns to diamond, pig turns to bacon If you don’t like this meat your tongue is mistaken It has given us all more than we can measure Picking us up through the stormiest weather When cooking bacon, always wear a shirt To avoid being burned, splattered, and hurt Serving this treat is all up to you Eat it off platters, plates, or you kinky friend’s boobs The taste is the same; some say it’s a miracle But man’s connection with bacon is deeply spiritual And as I make my breakfast each ‘morn I thank the Bacon Gods I was born For I have enjoyed the purest form of happiness In fact, I’m eating bacon right now as I’m drafting this To my fellow friends and baconosseurs, I thank you for recognizing bacon’s allure
And for those who still doubt, well, that’s okay Just remember that bacon will be there one day Bacon is joy, bacon is new beginnings Bacon is salvation for all of your sinning Bacon can be frozen and made into jerky But there’s one thing it’s not! and that’s fucking turkey So only eat true bacon when you choose to indulge And try to ignore that mid-belly bulge Bacon, mankind owes you everything and more Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to the store.
The Grid Friday & Saturday Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Friday & Saturday Happy Hour until 11pm!
Monday Night Football! $6 Yuengling & Solarita Pitchers $7 Bud Light Pitchers $8 All other pitchers $2 domestic bottles $5 Moonshine Margarita
Monday - friday Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else
THURSDAY 11/8
$3 Pitchers $2 Wells
$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi $4 Jack 3 Bombs for $10
Bomb Night $2 Cruzan Bombs $3 Jager Bombs $3 Bacardi Bombs $5 Moonshine Margaritas
$2 Speciality Martinis for Ladies $2.50 Yuengling for All Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm Adult Swim 10pm -11pm!
FRIday 11/9
Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Happy Hour until 11!
$3 Domestics $3 Dawg Shots $ 4 Jack Drinks $5 Moonshine Margaritas
Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm: $1.50 Champagne and Domestic Bottles, $3.25 House Wines, Wells and Drafts, $1 Off (Almost) Everything Else Adult Swim from 10-11!
SATurday 11/10
Happy Hour 9pm -11pm! $2 Bud Light and Miller Lite
Happy Hour until 11!
$3 Domestics $3 Dawg Shots $ 4 Jack Drinks $5 Moonshine Margaritas
Adult Swim! 10pm - 11pm $2 Wells, Wines, and Domestic Bottles $2.50 Grand Marnier $2.50 Cazadores Tequila
SPECIAL NIGHT
SUNday 11/11
Sunday Funday!
Gruet Champagne Mimosas 15 Draft Beers all for $3.25 $2.50 Grand Marnier All Day!
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$1 Wells & Shots $2 Domestics 3 Bombs for $10
Monday Night Football! $6 Yuengling & Solarita Pitchers $7 Bud Light Pitchers $8 All other pitchers $2 domestic bottles $5 Moonshine Margarita
Bottomless Spinach Dip! $2 Wells Martinis $3.25 Specialty Cocktails Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
tuesday 11/13
$2 All Bottled Beer
$2 Wells & Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10
Dollar Night $1 Shots/Shooters $1 Wells $5 Moonshine Margarita
Taco Tuesday! $1 Pulled Pork Tacos 7pm - 10pm 10pm - 2am: $2.75 Drafts Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
WED. 11/14
$2 Wells $2 Domestics
$2 Wells and Domestics $3 Wine, $3 Bacardi 3 Bombs for $10
Ladies Night: $3 Martinis $6 Bottles of House Wine (White or Red) $5 Moonshine Margarita
10 Wings + A Pitcher of Yuengling or Heineken for only $10! 10pm - 2am: $2 Wells Happy Hour 4pm - 7pm
monday 11/12
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Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
LADIES NIGHT! Soup of the Day: Vodka $2 Martinis, $2 Vodka Shots & Shooters Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else
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Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
Happy Hour 12-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Breakfast, Bloodies, and Brews (Only on Gamedays)! Complementary Breakfast Beer Specials & Bloody Mary Specials
SPECIAL NIGHT
Everyday! Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm: $2 Drinks and Shots, $1.50 Bud Light
THURSDAY 11/8
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm
Ladies Night! 11pm - 2am $2 Speciality Martinis $6 Wine Bottles
FRIday 11/9
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!
SATurday 11/10
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! $2 Tall Boys After 11PM!
$2 Shot Specials
Happy Hour 9-11: $2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys ALL NIGHT!
SUNday 11/11
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monday 11/12
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! 11pm - 2am: $1 Wells, Drinks, Shots & Shooters
$1 Domestic Drafts $3 Wells
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else Live Music!
tuesday 11/13
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! Koozie Night 11pm - 2am! $1 Tallboys $2 Drinks & Shots
$2 Wells & Domestics All Night!
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Happy Hour ALL DAY! $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Everything Else
WED. 11/14
Happy Hour 4pm - 11pm! After 11: Karaoke with Kenny! $1 Shots, $3 Drinks
$2 Wells & Domestics $2 Tall Boys
Soup of the Day: Whiskey $2 Bourbon Happy Hour 4-10: $2 Wells, $2 Domestics, $1 Off Everything Else
$10 Bottomless Wine, $3 Wells
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The Grid Saturday! $1.50 PBR Come Party on the Patio!
All Day, every day! $2 Natty Light Tallboys, $3 Crystal Lt. & Vodka Drinks $3 Margaritas, $3 Cuervo Tequila & Smirnoff Flavor Slammers
Everyday! Power Hour 9pm -11pm: $1 Wells, $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Everyday: 2 for 1 VIP & Floor Dances till 8PM *All Night on Tuesdays
power hour daily! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
SPECIAL NIGHT
$2.50 Stella $3 Absolute Drinks
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
$3 Cover $2 PBR, $3 Wells $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Book your socials for exclusive group deals!
THURS. 11/8
$1.50 PBR Happy Hour Specials 4PM-9PM
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
FRI. 11/9
$1.50 PBR Come Party on the Patio!
$2 Natty Tall Boys $3 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Power Hour! $1 Drinks & Shots until 11pm
SAT. 11/10
Closed
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Closed
Closed
Closed
SUN. 11/11
$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Fireball
$1 Wine Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
50% Off Everything!
No Cover! $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
$1 Drinks & Shots
MON. 11/12
$1.25 High Life Drafts $3 Tullamore Dew
$2 Pitchers, $2 Wine $2 Moonshine Drinks and Shots Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
$2 Vodka Well Drinks $2 High Life Pitchers $4 Skinny Girl Cucumber Vodka Drinks $5 Wine Bottles $5 Bottles of Wine
$1 Tuesdays $1 Cover $1 House Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 Vip and Floor Dances ALL Night!
$2 Drinks & Shots
TUES. 11/13
$1.50 Off All Pitchers! $2.50 Lone Star Tall Boys $3.50 Bells Beers
$1 Wine $1 Crystal Light Drinks Power Hour from 9-11! $1 Wells & High Life Drafts $2 Shooters
$2 Well Drinks
$2 Cover, $3 Shots $4 18oz Coors Light 2 for 1 VIP and Floor Dances until 8PM
Ladies Night! $1 Wells
WED. 11/14
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
Power Hour 9pm - 11pm: $1 Well Drinks $4 Firefly Drinks All Night
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theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week Justin H. Athens Bagel Co. Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle. Major: Micronuclear biology. Favorite Shot: Buttery nipple: butterscotch liqueur and Irish cream.
What’s your idea of an awesome party: Alcohol and then Jell-O/oil wrestling. Oh… and some weed. What’s something you wouldn’t mind getting arrested for: Felony grand theft auto.
Worst Drink Ever: A glass of Johhny Walker Blue.
Where would you go everyday if you could teleport: To the airport to go elsewhere.
What imaginary creatures are you glad aren’t real: Can I say Jesus?
How many puppies could you take in a fight: I couldn’t kick a puppy.
What’s your guiltiest pleasure: Lighting candles and filling my tub with bath salts while I read Fifty Shades of Grey before watching Gilmore Girls.
If you could get rid of anything on this earth what would it be: There are a lot of things, but bills. And cancer.
Who’s the weirdest customer you’ve ever served: This guy who carries a Yorkie around on his shoulder.
What’s the number one thing you don’t want your parents knowing about your Athens life: Everything besides the few A’s I get in class.
If you could invite any 3 people to play a game of poker with, who would it be: Not Lady Gaga because she has a poker face. Other than that all the actors in scene four of Ocean’s 11.
What is the quintessential Athens thing for you: Doing bare minimum school work and partying as much as possible.
What one piece of clothing do you wish you never had to wear: Pants!
the drinking game
wizard duels Sometimes drinking can give you the illusion that you have magical powers. However, what’s the point of having magic powers if you don’t get to carry around a big-ass wizard staff? What You’ll Need: Beer and tape. Number of Players: At least two. Level of Intoxication: If you’re going for “Gandalf the White” status, then you’ll get pretty smashed. How to Play: - Find a partner or group of people and get a case of beer to share. - Put on some rap music and begin drinking the beer. - Once you finish two beers, tape them together at the ends. - Attach each subsequent empty beer to the end of your new wizard staff. - After every five beers you “battle the Balrog,” which means you take a shot. - Once you run out of beer, or are not brave enough to continue drinking, pick a partner and duel with them using your staff. We know wizards do not typically have sword fights with their staffs, but it must happen sometimes, right? The Game Ends When: Once the duel has a decisive victor, the winner is awarded another beer. The loser also gets a beer for a consolation prize. With The Hobbit about to hit theaters in just above a month’s time, it would be a good idea to practice your wizard staffing now. It is also just a good skill to have. You never know when a dragon is gonna threaten your fellowship.
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Recipe for Disaster
pizza ramen Ramen and pizza are quite literally the only things that our editor ever eats. This is not uncommon for a college student, however. Ramen is really the only thing you need; pizza is just for special occasions, like NBA games and drunk splurging. What You’ll Need: Prego pasta sauce, sausage, mozzarella, pizza crust, pepperoni, and Ramen noodles. Cook Time: 30 minutes. Fatty Factor: More sodium than you can possibly fathom. Let’s Get Baked: - Boil up some water and toss in the Ramen to cook. - Either grill the sausages or cook them in a pan on a stove top. - Heat up the Prego on the stove. Place cooked Ramen and sausage into the sauce and mix. - Spread the mixture onto the pizza crust (which is even better if you warm it in the microwave first) and top with mozzarella and pepperoni. - Go be poor some more. If this recipe was any more “college” it would have beer and cigarettes in it. The great thing about ramen is that it goes with almost anything. Don’t be afraid to get crafty and throw some weed in it or something. The world is your oyster.
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ou y n a c y O sa ? e i v o m s see thi
In honor of Veteran’s Day, and just because we generally love America more than any other publication on the planet, we went ahead and reviewed four upcoming movies that will bring out the patriot in you. If you don’t leave the theater chanting “USA!” after these movies, then you can see yourself to Canada, friend-o. By: Brendan and Quinn
Lincoln: Nov. 16
Django Unchained: Dec. 25
Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t a stranger to taking on powerful American motifs (There Will Be Blood, Gangs of New York, The Crucible, etc.), so expect nothing short of greatness as he takes on Honest Abe in the twilight of his presidency. Steven Spielberg focuses the film on Lincoln’s struggles to unite the country and permanently end slavery with the Thirteenth Amendment.
Where Lincoln focuses on some boring white bureaucrats looking to reunite a divided America through the guise of ending slavery, Django Unchained promises no such thing. Quentin Tarantino’s latest is a western that sees a recentlyfreed slave and his bounty hunter buddy searching for Django’s enslaved wife, Broomhilda.
Since the film focuses on latter-day Lincoln, DayLewis won’t be shirtlessly wrestling townboys or chopping down wood. Don’t worry, you’ll still get a nice American pride-boner in watching a vehement president willing his country forward despite a drastically (and literally) dichotomous nation. Such is a boner we just don’t get very often these days.
This movie is nothing less than a blood-spattered Declaration of Independence. Life? Well, by default everyone in this movie is alive (for part of it). Liberty? It’s a film featuring a freed slave hunting down his wife so she too can ascend beyond the shackles of bondage. The pursuit of happiness? Uh, getting laid and killing slave owners should make most anyone grin ear-to-ear.
But, much like Pursuit of Happyness provided a peppering of “the American Dream is still real” for down-and-out viewers, and Jurassic Park gave hope to disenfranchised dinosaur enthusiasts - Lincoln will hopefully inebriate the American people into hoping a divided nation can move forward as a union and that legislators would realize a house divided against itself really won’t stand. We’ll also inevitably yearn for a time when we could have a president whose debatable religious affiliation and beard wouldn’t instantly draw months of media coverage and “terrorist” accusations.
Beyond that, the trademark Tarantino stylization mimics the way we choose to view those early American documents we hold so sacred. A black slave named Broomhilda Von Shaft? Only possible in a Tarantino flick, much the same way we conveniently look past the inherent racism in those early documents. Freedom of speech (for white people). Freedom to elect leaders (for white people). Freedom to bear arms (for white people). Freedom to enjoy Django Unchained outside of historical context (for everyone).
Our Favorite Trailer-Quote: Here stepped out upon the world’s stage now with the fate of human dignity upon our hands. Blood’s been spilled to afford us this moment.
Our Favorite Trailer Quote: Kill white people and they pay you for it? What’s not to like?
Red Dawn: Nov. 21
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2: Nov. 16
This fall we’ll be treated to the rehashing of a 1984 movie that frames the Cold War versus the Soviets in a way that romanticizes revolt in the face of Communist conquest. This 2012 flick paints the evil-but-inept North Koreans as invaders of Washington, the state. Oh America, land of the paranoid and home of the almighty dollar. Since the days of Alexander Hamilton the United States has always been concerned with her positioning on the world’s stage. This movie calls out to these fears because really, North Korea, a country swept by famine and sporting a paper tiger military is going to somehow launch a secret invasion on American that we couldn’t repel in like…10 minutes. Unless…
If you’re thinking, “Wait, the last three movies were like, super American, and this isn’t American at all,” it’s because you’re a typical American, looking to be spoon-fed easily-digestible content. And that’s what makes the final installment of Twilight American. It spoon-feeds easily digestible content to the greatest demographic on the planet: teenage girls. None but the entertainment powerhouse that is America could churn out four vampire-themed romance novels at a fourth grade reading level, then turn those four shitty books into five shitty movies that make upwards of $700,000,000 each. EACH!
Unless, of course, the movie was shot with China as the bad guys, and last-minute changes were made because money is more important than artistic integrity. Uh huh, in post-production the bad dudes were changed to North Koreans even though, again, an attack by them would result in the swift and total annihilation of anything sporting a PRK logo. Do you smell that? It’s not napalm, it’s money.
Nothing is more American than profiting off of young girls’ emotions, cramming it down the rest of the world’s throat, and distracting us from harsh, difficult realities with an easy to argue Team Jacob vs. Team Edward debate. As you leave the theater, nothing should make you more proud than knowing that that theatric abortion is one of the stabilizing forces in the failing global economy. USA! USA! USA!
Our Favorite Trailer Quote: We inherited our freedom, now it’s up to all of us to fight for it.
Our Favorite Trailer-Quote: So beautiful... we are the same temperature now.
the interview
awolnation
We caught up with Aaron Bruno, the founder and front man of the electric rock band AWOLNATION. Their latest album Megalithic Symphony was released in March 2011 and is available on iTunes. He was nice. By Michael McSherry The Black Sheep: So let’s hear a little bit about how the tour is going so far. What are some of the best and worst things about it? Aaron: The best part is getting to travel around the country – we’re selling out almost all of our shows, and it’s a huge accomplishment to be the band that gets to headline. The hard work paid off. We had to build it from scratch, and we were so different from anything else when we started. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s very flattering and humbling to see the fruit of your labor. And the worst part about this tour, well, it’s not easy to maneuver around like I used to be able to. I can’t just walk out into the crowd and watch the other bands that I’ve become friends with. I can’t just wander around the vicinity of the venue. TBS: Well, AWOLNATION has been very well received in a relatively short amount of time since its founding a few years back. Megalithic Symphony has gone platinum in the United States and double platinum in Canada. Millions of people are hearing you on their TVs and online. With all this going on, where do you see AWOL going from here? Any big plans on the horizon? Aaron: I try not to see too far. I try to think of what’s the next goal, what’s the next thing I have control of. It seems like the ball is rolling; it’s a machine that’s got a lot of life left in itself (laughs). So I try to focus on the new songs I’m writing, getting excited about the new stuff and pushing myself and the listeners into new and uncharted waters. Hopefully the listener and I can grow together. TBS: AWOLNATION is your brainchild. Let’s hear about how you got the whole project started. Aaron: I never really “started” the band; it was already happening, if that makes sense. I’ve always been writing these songs, and with my previous bands it was always collaboration, so I figured if we ever wanted to do something solo I’d have some songs to put into it. When my last band broke up, I had all of these songs I’d written so I figured great, I’ll record them. For me, writing is something that I can’t stop doing, and if you’re really passionate about something, it never really goes away. When it came together, I called it AWOLNATION, something I had in my back pocket for a while. TBS: What’s the strangest thing that’s happened so far on this tour? Aaron: Countless things, but the thing that really stuck with me was at our first show on the concert. We were in Philadelphia and it was a free outdoor concert, so about seven thousand people showed up. It poured rain, right after Imagine Dragons played, so you know, perfect timing of course (laughs). So it got delayed maybe forty-five minutes while it was raining, and we figured everybody would just pack up and go home. We were going to play no matter what, even if only two people stuck around, because that’s what you do. But when we got out there, it seemed like nobody had even left. People were soaked, crowd-surfing, and it was beautiful. Then, out of nowhere, a bride and groom just showed up on stage. They must have walked right out of their reception to grab a cigarette or something, but they were up there on stage with us. So we’re playing this sort of dirty, grimy, epic show, and then you see a bride in all white. And it was just so absurd to see, and I’m still not sure what to think about it. TBS: Last question… Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Nicki Minaj. One joins your group, one covers your songs, and one loses their voice. You choose. Aaron: Did you just say Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Nicki Minaj? (Pauses) This is difficult, so thank you for that . I’m not particularly fond of any of them… I guess I would say I’d want Nicki Minaj to join the band. Miley Cyrus has got to lose her voice. Justin Bieber can cover us—he would reach the most ears at least. I’m going to have to ask everybody else what they think.
the big three
entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.
Lincoln in theaters november 9
Abraham Lincoln is all the rage these days (hunting vampires and what not), but this film is a bit different than that. Directed by Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day-Lewis stars as the 16th U.S. president as the film focuses on his crazy final months in office. Also starring Tommy Lee Jones and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, this movie validates anyone who has two last names.
breaking amish Sunday, November 11 at 9pm on TLC
This riveting show follows Amish teens battling with the decision to stay with their Amish culture and family, or to bust on out to get drunk in New York City. In the season finale, secrets are revealed, tempers flare, and Abe and Rebecca realize planning a wedding is hella hard. Not as hard as milking a cow and not using electricity, but still pretty damn hard.
Crystal castles - iii Out November 13
If you think Crystal Castles is so 2010, think again. Alice Glass and Co. are back with their third album, addressing the theme of oppression, which includes album art of an award-winning photo of a mother and son who were teargassed in Yemen last October. If that doesn't scream party, then meta electronic beats, diverse sounds and Glass screaming her face off should.
the riddle
Can you figure out this riddle? Do you know the answer to said riddle? Wow, really!? Well, send your answer to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com and if you’re right, you’ll win something sweet!
the classtime
rappers and their lyrics Across
2) It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up magazine 6) With so much drama in the LBC, it’s kinda hard bein’ ____ 8) Fake shoes, that’s that shit I don’t like 9) I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one 10) Black and yellow, black and yellow 14) See Caroline, all the guys would say she’s mighty fine 16) ‘Cause shotgun bullets are bad for your health 17) Move, bitch, get out the way 18) You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime 20) Ten, ten, ten twenties on ya titties, bitch
4) Now baby you’re the truth, so I’m just being honest. You treat me like a king, so that’s why you’re my highness. 5) Kick, push. Kick, push. 7) ___ ain’t nothin’ to f*ck with. 11) Today, I didn’t even have to use my A.K. I got to say, it was a good day. 12) To all, skeet, skeet, motherf*cker! All, skeet, skeet, god damn. 13) I do suicides on the private jet, you know what that means? I’m fly to death. 15) Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit. 19) I don’t hate players, I don’t love the game. I’m the shot clock, way above the game.
Down
1) So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head 3) That’s just the way it is, things’ll never be the same, that’s just the way it is
Answers
Meet The Staff campus manager Cutler Sheridan Editorial manager Cutler Sheridan Advertising Managers Megan Thompson Sibonee Latty Writers Riley Humes, Jess Wise Katherine Weimer, Wes Allen Alex Edelstein, Sarra Sedghi photographer You? Come on... distribution manager Sierra Moore pr/Marketing TEAM Sierra Moore
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Disclaimer
The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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the classtime
Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.
Husband: • Dr. Dre • Dr. Phil • Dr. Drew • Dr. Kevorkian
wedding song: • “I Want Your Sex” • “Red Solo Cup (Party Mix!)” • “I Love College” • “Who Let The Dogs Out?”
mode of transportation: • Marbles • Children • 1987 Jeep Comanche • Crab Walk
wife: • Miss Cleo • Missy Eliiot • Miss Bliss • Miss Arkansas 1980
Honeymoon adventure: - Mixin’ with a Mexican drug cartel - Pickpocketing in Paris - Nudist colony in Nepal - Curling in Canada
all-time favorite tv show: • Making The Band: Season 3 • 106 & Park • Britney and Kevin: Chaotic • Family Feud w/ Richard Karn
first date: • Dine and dashed at Olive Garden • Graffitied animal hospital • Poo-dollared pedestrians • Shoplifting pet costumes
career choice: • Bitchy bra model • Horny librarian • Cautious lamp salesperson • Sprinkle-factory worker
Unfortunate Death: • Slipped on bunnies • Choked on Slim Jims • 24-hour karaoke binge • Drowning during Jell-o wrestling
How to play
Doodle some dots on the page until a friend (or your brain) tells you to stop. Starting with M.A.S.H., go around the board crossing off whatever option corresponds with your number. Go around the board until only one of each category is left. That, my friend, is your future. Enjoy it.
Pabst Blue Ribbon Always $1.50
$1.25 HIGH LIFE DRAFTS, $3 FIREBALL $1.25 HIGH LIFE DRAFTS, $3 TULLAMORE DEW $1.50 OFF ALL PITCHERS, $2.50 LONE STAR TALL BOYS, $3.50 BELLS BEER $2.50 STELLA ARTOIS, $3 ABSOLUT $1.50 PBR, PATIO DANCE PARTY!
Check out our weekend dance parties on the patio!