The Black Sheep
FRE TIC E...LIK KET E O GIV UR EAW SUP AY O ER B N P OWL AGE 3!
Vol. 2, Issue 2
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
1/23/14 - 2/5/14
EXCLUSIVE: ALIENS LEAVE SNOW CIRCLES IN THE ARBORETUM!!! BY: CLAIRE FISHER Are you one of the thousands of students crowded around the Arboretum to get a closer look? Luckily for you, The Black Sheep has been allowed access to the Arboretum, the scene of this semester’s juiciest story. The mysterious snow circles appeared late Wednesday night and have students, professors, conspiracy theorists, and even T. Haas enraptured, and The Black Sheep has the exclusive details of this incredible event. Where is the rest of the Grand Rapids media during the story of this young year? You’re right, this sort of news should cause a media frenzy. While other news outlets were kept away by the apocalyptic snow and our campus’ mediocrity, The Black Sheep was undeterred. We pushed forward in order to get our readers answers about these snow circles. Is there danger present? What does it all mean? To find answers to these questions The Black Sheep interviewed none other than Dr. Ima Allien, the world-renowned snow circle specialist. We sat down with Dr. Allien, who has spent the last twenty-three minutes decoding the alien symbols to discuss the images that have appeared. Having had time to study the images close up, Dr. Allien explains the general shape “The main design looks like a rudimentary penis surrounding by a series of straight lines that lead toward the exit of the Arboretum, made with some sort of shoe-shaped object.” A look of troubled terror crossed her face as she continued, “Based on my years of study, these symbols either mean that the aliens will be landing here when they arrive to wipe out humanity and take over the world or, alternatively, that there is a large snow storm in this area’s recent past, and there are troublemakers around.” Despite Dr. Allien’s warnings, The Black Sheep found a number of Grand Valley students camped out in the Arboretum surrounding the design, waiting for the aliens to return. Complete with tin foil hats to protect them, these students are confident that when the aliens arrive they’ll be able to introduce us to superior technology that will spread a global pax humana. To ensure that the aliens will bestow upon us this technology, GVSU students have Louie the Laker tied to a tree and available to offer up as a sacrifice. Several students are tasked with collecting wood for the sacrificial bonfire. This idea upset a few students with school spirit at first, but after learning that the aliens could bring them the iPhone 6 early, they agreed the measures were necessary, and even offered to capture a few other notable campus figures to offer up. But not all is well in Grand Rapids. A rift forms through the Grand Valley campus as a group of students forms in opposition of the alien welcoming. These students are making efforts to stay away from the snow circle site, and will be showing the Alien movies on a loop in Kirkhof to remind viewers of what happens when you mess with aliens. The group stands firm in one pro-alien belief: If Sigourney Weaver arrives they would be willing to approach the craft. Although this controversial issue is causing great debate within the student body, it is important that we not become too divided. The Grand Valley campus must be a united front when the aliens arrive to take over the world. Otherwise, they’ll definitely give that iPhone 6 to Saginaw Valley students, and what a tragedy that would be.
PAGE 4 ABROAD STUDENT’S TRAVEL BLOG AWARDED PULITZER PRIZE
PAGE 5 SOURCE OF BUS DELAYS DISCOVERED
IT’S THE PERFECT BALANCE BETWEEN COUNTERCULTURALISM AND FORCED CONFORMITY.
JUST EXPLAIN TO YOUR PROFESSOR THAT ALIENS WERE ATTACKING THE BUS ROUTE.
Keep Up With Us! @TheBlackSheepGV • theblacksheeponline.com
PAGES 12-13 WE INTERVIEW: THE CEREMONIES WE CHAT WITH THE TRIO OF BROTHERS ABOUT THEIR UPCOMING TOUR AND SELF-TITLED EP.
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Bestowing positive—but false— traits on one’s self as a means of improving one’s self-esteem. “Boy, am a I hard worker, or what!” Brian ornamentality thought to himself after he spent 8 hours watching Netflix while intermittently writing a 2-page discussion paper.
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Abroad Student’s Travel Blog Awarded Pulitzer for “International Reporting” BY: BLACK SHEEP STAFF Cited by the 2013-2014 Pulitzer Prize Board for its “unparalleled attention to detail for worldly issues” and an “irrevocably fresh take on experimental journalism that would leave even Hunter S. Thompson’s mind blown,” junior Daniel Colins has received a Pulitzer Prize for his travel blog, “London Calling (for Daniel).” During his four months studying abroad in the UK, Colins’ WordPresspublished series of stories tackled important and controversial topics such as commenting on cultural differences between British and American McDonald’s restaurants, economic instability as the US dollar becomes more and more akin to cheap toilet paper, and how things in Europe are just “like, so, so different, you don’t even know.” “Colins is precisely what the world of journalism needed: a wake-up call,” commented Board Chair Paul C. Tash. “I remember stumbling upon his blog when it had just broken its 3-follower landmark, and the size-10 Helvetica stream-of-consciousness narrative reminded me of a young James Joyce. I read Colins’ now-infamous story on how his fish and chips were a little too dry and crispy for his taste, and I just thought, that’s it …he gets it. When no one else was bold enough, he just stepped up to the plate and said it. It was abrasive, and it was the sort of rebellious attitude in reporting that leaves me with a tear in my eye.” Colins’ blog started out as a small personal project when he became dissatisfied with the UK’s Netflix selection. However, once his story “Netflix in England Fucking Sucks” garnered the attention of his mother, the blog caught on like wildfire. Soon, Colins’ audience wasn’t just his mother anymore, but several of his aunts, uncles, and even his grandmother as well. With comments left by relatives such as, “hey buddy
looks like ur havin a blast!!!!!!!!!!” and “so proud!! we luv u and miss u very much baby :),” it was clear that Colins’ readership was hooked. “It really just came down to me, as a writer, struggling with my voice in an eternal struggle that tested both my agency and my consciousness,” remarked Colins in between coughing fits as he took multiple small drags from his cigarette. Once Colins’ mother addressed him in an email as “our little writer,” he began purchasing several packs of cigarettes a day in order to cope with the stress associated with his profession. “It’s just like, you can’t just write about how lame it is that you have to pay to use bathrooms in Europe, hit ‘Publish,’ and just be done. That shit eats away at you and never stops. When I finished my work on ‘A 30 Pence Poop,’ I developed a dependency on sleeping pills.” The Pulitzer Board has also recognized Colins’ for the “Feature Photography” category as well due to his “Pics from abroad” collection as well as selections from his Instagram account. Both collections—featuring blurry duplicates of random buildings, food, selfies, and synchronized group jump photos—left the Board absolutely speechless, with many of the members applauding the 8-megapixel quality and tasteful use of brown, blue, and pink filters to give the photos “that spark of human life you normally lose in a still.” One photo in particular of Colins at a pub drinking his first Guinness giving a “thumbs up” received a standing ovation when reviewed by the Board. “It was the perfect balance of counter-culturalism and the forced conformity of modern social constructs,” commented one member. “Colins
has flawlessly illustrated the unforgivably difficult of question of what exactly is the state of the contemporary human condition. His ‘thumbs up’ is the single biggest finger to the establishment that has ever been raised so defiantly. Plus, the foam on his Guinness was the perfect amount of froth.” Upon receiving his Pulitzer, Colins was awarded a fellowship from the University of Cambridge in order to begin the next installation of his coverage, reportedly focusing specifically on the realization and aftermath of learning that “Big Ben” actually refers to the clock, not the entire Parliament building. “To put it in layman’s terms, my mind is producing the truth at twohundred miles per hour, and I’m just trying to catch what I can using these fingers of God-given journalistic integrity that were bestowed upon me,” coughed Colins as he adjusted his sunglasses and took drags from all six cigarettes in his mouth. “I stand to represent the thousands of us travel bloggers out there who couldn’t find their voice. Anyone can say they’re ‘so blessed for these life-changing experiences’…but not everyone can feel it.”
THE
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TEN
COLLEGE-RELATED JOBS YOU DON’T NEED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR BY: BLACK SHEEP STAFF
Back in class and already it’s a drag! College, the learning part is such a bummer, right? Well then just drop out, you big dummy. Here are ten jobs that’ll let you still feel the warming glow of college life without having to worry about getting one of those pesky degrees.
Source of Bus Delays Discovered: Aliens Attack Along Route BY: BETSY MARTIN If you’re a Grand Valley State student, you’re familiar with the anguish and frustration that is waiting for the 50. Your anger is justified, but you should know that buses and their riders heading to and from downtown have become the innocent victims of intergalactic aliens out to tinker with local Lakers. These fiends are space-bent on abducting and probing the best and brightest students from the best and brightest institution in order to discover earthly secrets and use our own information against us. This simply must be the case, because, real talk, no one should have to wait half an hour for a semi-empty bus to cart them off to Pew campus unless someone was seriously defying death to escape from UFOs. In an effort to get to the bottom of these troubling issues, this intrepid reporter has been through hell and back to alert all students and faculty to what is happening just down Lake Michigan. What was once considered a neutral meeting of the species has evolved into a full-fledged attack on humanity. Carnage and property damage are child’s play to these monsters. Our visitors from Proglap-32 have warped our pleasant dimension and are now plunging helpless students into unknown times and spaces all in an effort to torture them and extract government secrets and video game cheat codes. We hear they’re really struggling with Zelda. These extraterrestrials aren’t the run-of-the-mill, planetnext-door aliens, either. Don’t picture a tiny Drew Barrymore hugging E.T. Imagine your worst fears: snakes, eight-legged monsters with stingers, Freddy Krueger, and you’ll have a vision of what these hideous beings resemble. Worst of all is their uncanny ability to predict our nightmares and shape-shift into the abominations we fear most in this world – Rebecca Black’s Grammy nomination and an eternal month of March.
These bastards are pure space terrorists who will stop at nothing to pry open the safe and cuddly 50 bus you’re riding on, smack that PopTart right out of your mouth, and funnel their alien propaganda into your sluggish brain to extract your most valuable memories and information. Family vacations: gone. Exam cram: you can’t even remember your own name. You’re a shell of a human being at the end of this nightmare, and as you slowly regain the strength to walk off the bus at Kirkhof, you turn to the right and left, not knowing which way is home. “Shell-shock,” one psychology professor diagnosed, as a large group of ragged survivors was disgorged from the bus. Upon exiting, one such survivor was asked for an interview and in the next moment did the best impression of The Exorcist we’ve seen to date. Campus police carted off his lifeless body and cleared the scene immediately. Campus and state authorities are doing their best to prevent more threats along the Lake Michigan drag, but are finding our 21st-century technology incapable of thwarting these dastardly enemies. “These space-bugs have the element of time-warp on their side,” admitted one state trooper. “We just don’t have the manpower or top-of-the-line science here in West Michigan to deal with this kind of disaster.” The science and engineering students are convening at Padnos to devise methods of defending the helpless students from the bus-snatching, but have so far been met with little success. Solutions are getting more and more desperate with each passing hour, and rumors of a nuclear detonation are gaining a following on campus. Still, students would rather be exposed to deathly blasts of radiation than wait 15 minutes in the middle of January for a shitty bus ride.
10.) Person who unironically works at the Salvation Army when a college student goes there to buy a costume: Oh, the joy you’ll feel when you (yes, you!) see that petulant sophomore buy that $4.99 suit you’ve been eying for that job interview at the cracker factory next week. You’ll positively squeal with joy when he talks about cutting the sleeves off of it so he can be “a fuckin’ redneck CEO” for the party. 9.) Dorm janitor: Listen, no one will tell you that cleaning up puke every day is a life dream, and my job would sure be a lot easier if these guys would just trim their pubes over the sink. That said, fishing condom wrappers out of the garbage and leaving them strategically placed around my apartment so my roommates think I’m getting laid is a lot easier than actually getting laid. 8.) Beer deliveryman (or woman!): You’re not much of a romantic, but you can’t help but think of yourself as a descendent of those 1920s bootleggers you see in so many of those historical dramas. Hey, if the demand for warm Keystone Light is there, someone’s gotta supply it, right? The glory, man. The glory is all yours. 7.) Stripper hired for rush event: You’ve got the day circled on your calendar; you’ve been looking forward to it for months! Can you believe it’s finally here? Time to go to Tappa Kegga Alpha to pick some dollar bills off of the floor with your vagina. Hell, maybe you’ll offer them the opportunity to drilldo you for $300, rent is a little late, after all. 6.) Hobo: They love you! College students really love you! They keep showing you how to do all the new dance moves as long as you let them whip nickels at your feet. Little do they know, joke’s on them. With enough of those bad boys you’ll be able to afford a pint of vodka to make the tremors go away. 5.) Cafeteria worker: These 13-hour days of heavy lifting really help you avoid putting on the freshman 15 those stupid students have to worry so much about. Plus you get to save money on meals— they’ll let you eat anything that spends more than four seconds on the floor. Floor pizza is the best pizza, anyway. 4.) Vista customer service representative: It’s ok to live vicariously through others once in a while. You’re on the phone with someone who swears they didn’t mean to go over their dad’s credit limit to buy one’a them iPads you always see advertised on the TV. You don’t even know why someone would want one of ‘em, there’s not even an Ethernet port to plug it into the internet! 3.) Small-town taxi driver: You’re telling me that college students will pay me money for them to show me where all the good parties are? Hey! Hey! No! Stop! You’re not allowed to play with those binoculars in the glove box. 2.) Jimmy John’s deliver driver: Hah, no dude, I totally get you, you’re in college and you can’t afford to tip me; makes total sense. Here, let me just call my wife and let her know that her and our two sons are having day-old bread for dinner again. Man, I hope I can steal some mustard packets from work. 1.) Person who prints degrees: It seem like just yesterday you were slavin’ away at the ole’ degree mill to earn a piece of paper that would make you a “doctor” or some shit like that. Hah, the fools! Now it’s you who wields the power. If you want little lawyerin’ Jonny to be a sociology major, you have the power to print that, and it’ll only be the fourth time this week you’ll get reprimanded by your boss who ::yank yank:: has a degree in business administration.
05
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ON THE STREETS WHAT WOULD A REALITY TV SHOW STARRING YOU BE CALLED?
Troy
“Fun Times at North A, because we always do fun things like video games and watch movies.”
Anthony
“Hallway Chillin, because at midnight we just chill in the hallway with nothing to do.”
Megan
“Soulless Wonder, because my friend says I’m a wonderful ginger.”
06
DECIDING WHERE TO LIVE NEXT YEAR?
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The Bar Grid All Week Long! 50 Cent Wings During Any Michigan Team’s Game 4-9 Happy Hour
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Saturday
$3.99 Spiked Bull
All Week Long! 50 Cent Wings During Any Michigan Team’s Game 4-9 Happy Hour
Buy Any 2 Pitchers and get a FREE One Topping 18” Pizza (2pm-6pm)
Sunday
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Pool Tournaments
$1 Drafts (2pm-10pm)
Monday
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$6 Burger & Brew
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35 Cent Wings, College Night
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Flip Night: 3pm-10pm We will flip a coin for your tab! Beer and food both included! Heads you pay, tails we pay. (see in store for details)
SPECIAL NIGHT Thursday Friday
Tuesday Wednesday
January Beer of the Month Leinenkugel’s Snowdrift Vanilla Porter - 14 oz. Draft $3.79
55 Cent Wings Thursdays! $1 Off Martinis 4pm-close
55 Cent Wings Tuesdays! $1 Off Craft Drafts 4pm-close
$2.25 Glass House Wine & $10 Bottle House Wine
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The Bar Grid Happy Hour: Monday-Friday $2.75 20oz Domestic Drafts, $3 Well Drinks
WEDNESDAY: TRIVIA NIGHT! Grab your nerdiest friends and test your smarts to win a GIFTCARD! Starting at 9pm and 10pm $4 Jager Bombs, $3 Tall Labatt Drafts
SPECIAL NIGHT
LIVE MUSIC 7-10pm Drink Specials $3 calls 9pm-close
9pm-Midnight: $2-$3-$2 U-Call-Its $3.99 Boneless Chicken Dinger Platters
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Thursday
3 Floor Friday! Upstairs: $5 Corona and Tequila Shot | Main: $5 Highlight and Whiskey Shot Basement: $5 PBR and Jager Shot
Happy Hour 12-8pm $3 and $4 DRINK Specials 9pm-close
9pm-Midnight: $3 Captain Morgan cocktails $3 Pinnacle Flavored Vodka Cocktails
$4 Margaritas $7 Labatt Pitchers
Friday
Any 2 menu items and a bottle of wine or pitcher of beer for $30
Happy Hour 12-8pm $3 and $4 SHOT Specials 9pm-close
Noon-6pm: $2 Domestic Pints 9pm-Midnight: $3 Long Islands and $5 Bulldozers
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Sunday
$1.50 Rolling Rock, PBR, Miller Highlife After 9pm: $2 Select Shots $5 Vodka Redbulls
Happy Hour 12-8pm $3 wells 8pm-midnight
$2.99 Margaritas All Day! $3.99 Peach/Raspberry/Mango and Banana Margaritas All Day $3.99 Taco Basket
$4 Tall Craft Brews $1 Off All Burgers
Monday
$5 Patron Shots $2.50 Corona/Corona lt. bottles After 9pm: $3 Wells, $2 Domestic Bottles, $1.50 Select Shots
Highlife Tuesdays 9pm-close! $1.50 Highlife Beer $1 Highlife Shot
9pm-Midnight: $3 U-Call-Its & $3.99 1/2 Burgers Karaoke with Deb from 9pm-1am
$2 Wells, $3 Tall Bud Light
Tuesday
Happy Hour 12-8pm OPEN MIC NIGHT $3 Bacardi & Coke
9pm-Midnight: $4 Martinis $4.99 Pitchers of PBR $3.99 Select Appetizers
TRIVIA NIGHT! Grab your nerdiest friends and test your smarts to win a GIFTCARD! Starting at 9pm and 10pm $4 Jager Bombs $3 Tall Labatt Drafts
Wednesday
WEDNESDAYS! 1/2 off all drinks
High Life Tuesdays! $3 U-Call-Its 9pm-12 $1 Rocket shot ALL NIGHT! $1.50 Highlife ALL NIGHT!
$1.50 Rolling Rock and Brooklyn Lager Cans, $2 PBR and Miller Highlife Cans, $3 Boddington and Strongbow Cans $5 Vodka Redbulls, $3 Wells, and Sex on the Beach
1/2 off all drinks
the madlib
so, about that new years resolution
When the clock struck midnight — well, after the ___1___wore off, like, ___2___days later — I was all about my New Year’s resolution. Because 2014 is the year of change. I’m going to lose ___3___ pounds, I’m going to 4.0 my ___4___ class, I’m going to finally land my dream internship at ___5___, and I’m going to find the love of my life. I thought I’d be able to accomplish all of that in a few months! But here we are, and the past few months haven’t been perfect, but we can’t have it all! So the losing weight thing… yeah, that’s not going to happen. Between my roommate working at ___6___ and my friend having a pass to __7___, I was pretty much screwed. Plus, for Christmas my mom got me a ___8___-of-the-month club, so that’s really nice too.
lowed by ___12___, then some shots of ___13___. By the time we got to the bar, I was 50 shades of ___14___ and ended up staying the night at the celebrity’s assistant’s hotel room. The internship seemed a little out of range after I thought about it for a minute. Since I’m not active in any clubs or organizations, lying about being President of ___15___ and then being interviewed about it wasn’t too smart of me. But through that whole ordeal, I found my calling in studying ___16___, so I’ll chalk that one up to a win.
But one positive is that I’ve found the love of my life! No, not the assistant, but remember the hotel we stayed in? Well I was still tipsy when I stumbled out the next morning, and started flirting with the front desk guy. He took me out to ___17___ for breakAnd the whole doing-well-in-school thing. I missed fast that day, and it’s been love ever since! He even my first exam because ___9___ was doing a public- proposed… we’re getting married in ___18___! Yay, ity appearance at ___10___ and I wasn’t about to 2014!!! miss that. My roommates and I played ___11___, fol-
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1) Booze 2) Small number 3) Significant number 4) Major 5) Major Corporation 6) Late-night food spot 7) Awesome on-campus cafeteria 8) Sugary cereal 9) D-List celebrity 10) Campus bar 11) Drinking game 12) A different drinking game 13) Cheap liquor 14) Slang for intoxicated 15) Your major’s biggest club 16) Notoriously easy major 17) Chain fast food restaurant 18) Summer month
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BARTENDER of the WEEK Relationship Status: Single Major: Finance and marketing double major Favorite Drink: Angry Orchard Favorite Shot: Pink Panty Dropper Disgusting Drink: Jager What subculture are you secretly infatuated with?: Country music subculture Invent a holiday: National Stay in Bed All Day, so you can sleep all day long.
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DRINKING GAME
Why do birds fall in love?: Everybody needs somebody.
Vaguely threaten your worst enemy: I bet you couldn’t stay away from the tanning beds for a month. What element on the periodic table best describes you?: I am titanium. What’s the last lie you told?: I’m never drinking again. Are you always this insufferable?: I guess yes, all the time. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because you should have to pay for this kind of humor.
RECIPE for DISASTER
Word Calisthenics
Deep Fried Oreos
Words are what make this world, even when they’re slurred. Without them, a hammer would literally not be a hammer, it’d be a…it’d be something else. Work on your wordplay, with beer!
It’s a few weeks into the new year, and you know damn well that this means that “get fit” resolution is knee-deep in assorted chocolates and sweets that your grandma purposely gave you just to totally screw you over. Luckily, deep frying is always the best answer for shameful weight frustration.
What You’ll Need: Beer, a creative mind. NO ACCOUNTING MAJORS ALLOWED. Number of Players: 2 Level of Intoxication: You’ll go from being a wordsmith to blowing them up into wordsmithereens. How to Play: -Begin by having one player say a 3-letter word. For example, “cat.” -The other player must then name another 3-letter word that begins with the last letter of the previous word. For example, “cat” becomes “tap.” -If a player names a word that both begins and ends with the last letter of the previous word, then the word expands by 1 letter. For example, if “cat” becomes “tot,” then the next word must be 4 letters long and begin with “t.” -This continues until one player cannot name a word of the appropriate length. -No shortened words (“tat” for “tattoo,” for example), abbreviations or proper nouns are allowed. -Words cannot be repeated. -Drink each time a player expands a word by a letter. -Drink each time someone tries to use a word that has already been said. -Drink each time a vulgarity is used. The Game Ends When: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Duh.
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What You’ll Need: A bag of Oreos, 2 cups of biscuit mix, 2 eggs, 1.5 cups of milk (whole milk, don’t be a pussy), 3 teaspoons of oil, and enough vegetable oil to deep fry a small animal. Cook Time: About 10 minutes Fatty Factor: See: “deep fried.” Let’s Get Baked: - Mash up that biscuit mix with the eggs, milk, and the 3 teaspoons of oil until it’s as smooth as your roommate’s reaction after walking in on him “exploring” himself. - Preheat your deep fryer/pan to about 375° Fahrenheit, or Celsius if you’re feeling a little adventurous.* - Put the Oreos in the batter and soak those suckers up until you can smell the impending dissatisfaction. - Carefully toss the Oreos into the deep fryer/pan. - Once the Oreos are brown on one side, flip them over so the other side gets some action. - Scoop out the Oreos once they’re fried/burnt to your liking and let them cool/drain on a paper towel before shovin’ them in your mouth. It’s probably best to prep this one before you go out for the night. The Black Sheep has only played with a deep fryer once, and that’s all we can really say legally. *Seriously, don’t do that. We think your face looks better when it doesn’t have searing, explosive grease all over it.
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THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS
THE CEREMONIES BY: BRENDAN
“We don’t tend to look at [The Ceremonies] as a band, but instead as
Do you have a sibling? Sure you do. Do you fight like two cats in a wet burlap sack? Duh. Well then, you’ll be shocked to know The Ceremonies—Matt, Michael and Mark—are brothers. In a band. And they’re all alive. That is, unless the fourth brother, Mitch, is buried somewhere. The California trio was nice enough to talk to us about their self-titled EP and upcoming tour, coming soon to a large metropolis near you.
fine art.”
The Black Sheep: How long have you three been playing music together? Matthew Cook: We began playing acoustically—not as an official band—at the start of high school. We were doing a lot of cover songs, playing for fun at local charities and gigs. We started playing officially—as a band—a couple of years later. TBS: Who proposed turning this into a real project? Matthew: I always had bands growing up, and my brothers Mark and Michael would fill in when we had absent band members. As they were finishing high school I was beginning college, and I had some songs written that I wanted to put together. All of a sudden it occurred to us that we had a band right in front of us, and we had never acted on it. TBS: So who decided the roles within the band? Matthew: Since I write the music, I know who is doing what from the get-go. I’ll think in my head, “Mike can do this, and Mark can do this,” but I also think about who can best do what on stage. We don’t have set parameters with who plays what. TBS: How would you describe yourself as a group? Matthew: Sonically, it’s a conglomeration of 80s Manchester new wave instrumentation and arrangement combined with a 60s traditional vocal harmonies with contemporary feel. That’s how we think of The Ceremonies sonically, but we don’t tend to look at it as a band, but instead as fine art. TBS: What do you mean it’s more fine art? Matthew: We think that the notion of a “band” is pigeonholing—that these are artists who sing and dance, it’s an act. It’s a limiting term. We’re more interested in concepts and carrying those out the best way we can. Music is our primary medium for that, but we definitely spend a lot of time painting and writing poems and making videos. The best comparison we can bring up is the Talking Heads and David Byrne. Stop Making Sense is a performance art piece. They integrate props to get your mind going. TBS: Having aspirations that just aren’t musical, how do you
deal with the business side of this? Matthew: We have control over our decisions. That’s something we really love about our labels, Atom Factory and Capitol, they let us make our decisions. For the most part we have a lot of freedom to carry out ideas as we see fit. TBS: How do you guys define success, then, as musicians? Matthew: The answer to that is changing daily. As artists we hope to affect as many people as we can. We hope to alter someone’s mindset, how to have a more open perspective and how to live more genuinely. Numbers on social media are the main medium bands have to see what their demographic is, so that’s what we look at. TBS: What was your creative approach to your self-titled EP, The Ceremonies? Matthew: The EP started with me writing a bunch of songs throughout high school and college—having these ideas in mind and maintaining this sense of childhood wonderment. I wanted to write music about finding sense of childhood within your inner adult. Then we met our producer Danny Garibay, brought him a bunch of those songs, and increased the production value. We decided which ones to put on the EP, and
put it together. TBS: You noted you’re the primary songwriter, but what does a discussion about creative decisions look like? Matthew: It’s been in the later stages. For example, with “Ballroom Bones” I had the demo recorded, and when we brought it to Danny we ended up adding a whole bunch of parts that became integral parts of the song. There’s a guitar line that became a big part of the song, and we decided on that together. Definitely there’s collaboration, but it happens later on. TBS: But how much change can happen when lyrics are a huge component to the tone of a song? Matthew: For sure, lyrics are important. For us, they’re at least 50% of the song—they hold the meaning. As an artistic collective that doesn’t want to be bound to the notion of just being a band, we hold a lot of our meaning in the song itself, which comes from the word. It’s interesting, though, a lot of people are selective listeners who listen more to the music than the words, and for those people there’s a process that has to be carried out where the atmosphere of the song has to match the lyrics. TBS: What goes into translating this live? Do you aim to have it be as close to the studio as you can, or do you want it to sound like the studio? Matthew: I think there are inevitable differences between the live sound and the recording. You have a lot more creative control with recording. We’re not interested in replicating the song on the record as much as we are creating a new experience live. It’s like, every time you read a book, you read it differently. It’s the same book you’re reading, but you paint different imagery in your mind. A song doesn’t have to be all new, but we like to pitch it in a new way. TBS: What’s your stage show like? Matthew: We’re going out on our second tour—this time with Glasvegas—from February to March. It’s not so much us trying to impress the audience as much as it is letting yourself get lost in the music. If you can do that, then the audience will feel like it’s musical theater or something—if you’re into it, the audience will feel it as well. TBS: Then what makes a good show or a bad show? Matthew: I guess just audience reaction. We’re really interested and committed to this idea of performing full-out. I’d rather sing a high note and have my voice crack than be too timid to go for the high note. We’re going for genuine emotion.
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Can you identify all the logos below? Email us at backpage@theblacksheeponline.com. If you’ve identified them all correctly, you’ll win a prize!
the crossword famous ash(ley)s ACROSS: 3) What is Ashton Kutcher’s real first name? 5) Ashley was the most popular girl’s name in the early 90s, but was eventually topped by which name? 6) The only daying service that promotes affairs, Ashley what? 7) The day of the week occuring 46 days before Easter, two words. 9) Ash Ketchum is the protagonist in what video game? 11) If you skin is dry, you say it’s what? 13) Ash tree’s scientific name. 16) The lip-syncing sister of Jessica Simpson.
what? 5) The sister’s Ashley, Naomi and Wynonna. 8) Ashley Greene’s Cullen name is the Twilight saga. 10) Not Ashley Olsen, the other one. 12) Ashley Furniture is headquartered in this state. 12) Who plays Ashley Schaeffer on Eastbound & Down? 14) Ashley Tisdale’s character in High School Musical. 15) The Emerald ash borer is what kind of insect?
DOWN: 1) Ashley Country is one of many dry counties in this state. 2) Ashley Parker Angel was a member of this 2000’s manufactured boy band. 4) ASH is the American Society of
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