Grand Valley - Issue 5 - 11/13/2013

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The Black Sheep

fre e.. tha .like a nksg ll o ivin f your g le fto famil vers y’s .

Vol. 1, Issue 5

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

11/14/13 - 12/04/13

Student Builds Girlfriend

from Thanksgiving Leftovers BY: Casey Stoddard Thanksgiving allows us to reconnect. It reminds us why we never, ever, want to see our Uncle Brian’s gravy trick and it gives us a chance to marvel at the girls our older brothers bring to dinner. We just brought the thought of Jessica. One date is all we’re asking for. Just one, Jessica. For those of us with Jessicas in our lives, there’s hope, and it comes from GVSU’s own Eugene Freeman. Eugene recently sat down with The Black Sheep and explained how he combated his Jessica-lessness and managed to find the love of his life. The scene: Eugene Freeman sitting confidently on the couch in his Kistler dorm. His arm is draped around what can only be described as a woman built out of Thanksgiving leftovers. She prefers Debbie, according to Eugene. The lovely couple met the day after Thanksgiving. “My grandma introduced us. I was on my way back to campus and she thought I could use a little company on the ride back,” explains Eugene. “She was quiet at first, but once I unzipped the Ziploc baggies, she spilled the beans, and some gravy,” he adds. Although the couple is still in the early stages of their relationship, Eugene assures The Black Sheep the couple is off to a fast start and they aren’t looking back.“Our first date was great. We went to a GVSU football game, left at halftime because it was a blowout and people were staring, jealous obviously. So we went back to my place and I let her swing from my wrecking ball, know what I’m sayin’?” Eugene high fives himself. When asked if he worried about some of looks the couple has been garnering, Eugene chalks it up to nothing more than being the object of campus wide envy. “Guys hit on her all the time. It’s gonna happen when you bring the Jon Hamm of women to campus. My baby makes dudes turn their heads like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Even flies are constantly all over my girl. She’s so hot, insects want a piece.” After a brief intermission, Eugene straightens Debbie’s blouse, zips his pants and gives The Black Sheep a glimpse into the future. Debbie plans on enrolling at GVSU next semester to study molecular biology. Eugene, a senior on the fast track to graduate with a degree in philosophy, plans on riding things out with Debbie by his side. “I’m a relationship kind of guy. I’m not one to throw a girl out or tell her she smells bad. I’m a gentleman. Debbie is the love of my life. Seriously, look at those turkey breasts. Great, right? Don’t look too long, that’s my girl.” As the interview draws to a close, Eugene has some advice for his fellow students. “Socrates or some other white-haired dead dude once said: ‘By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.’ And it’s like, I got both. So what does that guy know anyways? I got a fancy quote for you: When your grandma gives you Thanksgiving leftovers, build a girlfriend and you will…You know.”

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Returning Freshman Causes Moment of Silence

Announcements to Make While you’re back home

Because you just can’t casually mention the native american genocide.

Turn your boring Thanksgiving dinner into one no one will forget.

Keep Up With Us! @TheBlackSheepGV • theblacksheeponline.com

pages 12-13

We Interview: Todd Sklar we talk with the Indie movie director about his latest film Awful Nice.


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Basketballer and Kardashian brood spawner racks up the miles on this as he pulls away from his wife.


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Returning Freshman Causes Moment of Silence upon Mentioning Native American Genocide By: TJ Kimball “We always knew college was a bullshit idea.” John, a 43 year old farmer from Midland, sat down with The Black Sheep to express his concerns over the nature of higher education. He was brought to anger by the attitude of his daughter Martha, a Grand Valley freshman returning home for Thanksgiving break. According to John, she’s been dwelling on the trivial details of Europe’s liberation of the New World. She’s somehow found fault in the fact that the first Thanksgiving dinner was followed by the slaughter of an entire race of people. “It’s just that, in history class, we’re taught all about the facts of colonization,” Martha bursts out, her quickness to defend education demonstrating the depth of her ignorance. “The greater globalized society isn’t something that arose out of the sole industriousness of Europe or America. Their success, and really our whole modern way of living, was attained through the exploitation of every civilization outside of the West.” Her arms are flailing at this point; the passion of her words falling on ears too caked with zealotry to mistake her ravings as anything beyond youthful angst.

“This supposed celebration of unity and generosity is little more than the band-aid applied to our guilt-ridden conscience,” she continues. “Our history of mass slaughter and enslavement isn’t something to be celebrated with half-hearted grins shot across the table at relatives we don’t even like.” Martha’s interruption earns a stern glare from John. His cock-waving nationalism won’t allow his personal pride to take such a lashing. He knows those stars and stripes are soaked in the blood of patriots. There’s nothing about this conversation he’s enjoying, and the evidence is painted red all over his face. “You see? You see!? Nothing but the brainwashed nonsense you’d hear from an academic nut-job. It’s like them pussymouthed brainiacs teached all the soul outta ‘er.” John’s lectures stem from a powerful connection to his ancestry. He delivers his remarks beneath a painting that depicts a tribe of Indians being given a generous gift of blankets by the indebted pilgrims. “It’s like this. First we had dumb folk. Now, we got good folk. You can thank the Bush

family for that one. But what we gotta be damn well cautious about is becoming smart folk.” John explains, taking a moment to add to his spittoon. “There ain’t but one thing that helped this country become number one, and that’s our solid Protestant work ethic. Imagine this great nation deprived of McDonalds, American Idol, or low budget pornography. Is that really a country you want to live in; one where nature and community are all we can rely on? I didn’t think so.” John’s sentiments can brag of Allendale’s support. According to polls taken by The Black Sheep, a rousing 100% of Caucasian families casually overlook Thanksgiving’s factual history in the hopes of hosting a more comfortable dinner. “Sometimes I just feel there might be more to life than major league football and Miley Cyrus jokes,” Martha interjects with profound naivety. “It’s just… I watch those twerking butt flaps and wonder if this moment was worth 200,000,000 deaths, you know? Like, maybe there’s some better way our short time on Earth could be spent, and that in learning from diversity we could come to appreciate our own place in the world with an authentic sense of depth. I don’t know. I guess I’ve

got a lot more lectures to get through before I reach a true understanding of history’s practical value.” “You’re damn right ya do,” John boasts with a victorious smirk. “They might be able to drill literature and science into your head, but they’ll never be able to drain the red white and blue from your heart.”

His words express a common truth. Thanksgiving is a time for sweeping uncomfortable realities under the rug for the sake of barely tolerating people we have almost nothing in common with. It’s a whole hearted love that looks to stuff its face, get wasted, and pass out in front of football. We can all carve our turkeys this year with the satisfying knowledge that all men are created equal, as long as they don’t have something we want.


Thanksgiving Dishes and the

Family Members They Resemble By: Betsy Martin

You’re forced to show up to this gorgefest in a stuffy shirt and tie, but the only person you really care to see show up is that one cousin who is your age AND you can actually have a decent conversation with. He or she is the stuffing of the night – the makeor-break of Thanksgiving. If it’s not there, you’re totally disappointed and you end up stealing three rolls in order to eat your feelings.

“Then there are your siblings, the pumpkin pie of the crowd, very much divided between love and hate.” In his typical swagger (which he totally works in an ironic way), in from the cold comes that awesome uncle with a kid clinging to each limb and hair clinging even more desperately to his balding dome. This guy is the mashed potatoes of the feast. He’s the man you want to be in 20 years, although you pray to the hair gods that they’d be a little more generous to you by the time you’re 40. Somehow he’s made middle age look cool, with a million rambunctious kids and

Top

Ten

Announcements to make while you’re home for Thanksgiving By: Claire Fisher

If you’re worried your Thanksgiving dinner might be a little boring, here are a few announcements that’ll make things a little more interesting... as long as you don’t mind panicked and flustered relatives. 10.) You’ve become a prostitute: Tell your folks that while you’ve thoroughly considered being a prostitute is technically illegal, you decided it would ultimately be worth the money and really help with those student loans. Besides, the clothes you get to wear are really cool.

Dogs inevitably look like their owners, people resemble the cars they drive and, often, Thanksgiving dishes have the personality of the dear relatives that slaved over them. Or if they didn’t actually make them, there’s a weird similarity between them and the food they love. This is the definitive list of the Thanksgiving dishes you’re bound to see at your table, and their awesomely delicious, gross, and absolutely e s s e nt i a l f a m i l y m e m b e r counterparts that make America’s national Treat-Yo-Self Day worth the new pants you have to buy. We can all agree that dear, sweet Grandma is the prized main course of the Thanksgiving festivities. That would be turkey, stupid. It’s not Thanksgiving without her. She may be a little dry and overcooked but everyone will indulge in some turkey-love. If you pass up turkey, you don’t get Christmas presents.

The

9.) You are the naked guy from the “Wrecking Ball” video: You should tell them that the TV station is going to let you start a reality TV show where people compete in assorted naked activities. They’re thinking of calling it America’s Next Top Nudist, you realize the name’s a bit of a mouthful, but you think it’ll catch on. 8.) You’re getting a sex change: For those of you who really like to stir things up, you should show up to Thanksgiving cross-dressed, announcing that you are no longer Carl, you are Carlie. Reassure them you’ve thought this decision over completely, and you really want to wear leggings and have it be socially acceptable. 7.) You got a tattoo of Louie the Laker: Your friend Becky drunk-dogged-dared you to get it, but you’ve decided it’s a really tasteful tattoo and shows your dedication and spirit for your school. You’d show them, but it’s a little swelled and you got it in a place that wouldn’t be appropriate to whip out in front of your young cousins.

a mortgage. Somehow potatoes mashed up in a pot taste cool. In the corner you spy that hot cousin sipping some hot apple cider, and you immediately remember the bitter taste of, “Yes, you’re related by blood.” Sweet, spicy, and totally off limits because of the whole “same grandparents” thing. But you haven’t the least bit of shame when you Instagram the picture of you two dressed in your Thursday best. Things got interesting during the family football game last year; there’s a strict no tackling-rule but you were blitzing and she was vulnerable in the pocket. Awkwardness ensued when you helped her up and you both had grass stains. You took a personal timeout after that. And helped yourself to some conveniently spiked cider. All of a sudden someone’s hugging you from behind and you catch a faint wisp of wheatgrass and homemade soap. In the hand that’s not holding you by a turquoise-jeweled death grip, your hippie aunt’s balancing some disgusting, bubbling casserole that looks vaguely like crude oil. She’s been bringing these kinds of farmers market concoctions for years, and everyone feels a little obligated to spoon some onto their plate. Will it be kale this year? Butternut squash? What the hell is a parsnip? She’s managed to make something taste how it looks. You pass it down the table but unfortunately manage to catch its bitter wafting. Cue the gag reflex.

Luckily enough you’re seated next to your parents. These two crazy kids are like the cranberry sauce of the table. Not the highlight of Thanksgiving, but it’s comforting just knowing it’s there. Likewise, even if your family gathering ends up being a bunch of old people yelling because their hearing aids are out of batteries, you can at least awkwardly converse with the people who gave you life, we guess. If the turkey is awful, a good helping of cranberry sauce can keep your dinner on track. Then there are your siblings, the pumpkin pie of the crowd. The pie demographic is very much divided between love and hate, which is an accurate portrayal of your sibling relationships. You might adore your siblings. You might want to set all of their possessions on fire. You might have already. Just try to keep it civilized before football starts. Then when you guys start to fight everyone can write it off as the intensity of the game and too much cider. If your family manages to separate the two great uncles who are always fighting over who won that infamous checkers match of 1974, keep in line the young cousins who felt the need to strip before the family photo, or track down the loner pre-teen who always mysteriously disappears, it’s been a successful Thanksgiving. Soak up that holiday spirit, preferably with the extra buttered rolls you stole and some Jack Daniel’s. December’s coming and the annual Christmas party is a bitch.

6.) You’ve decided to support child obesity: The university feeds us those breaded and fried chicken sandwiches with a nice heaping side of fat-broiled French fries, and you’ve found that you really like it. You just want the fat children of the world to be as happy as you are. If the university supports it, you want to support it too. 5.) You’re engaged to your professor: This one is sure to make someone pop a vein. Make sure to emphasize how in love you are with her maturity and experience. See if anyone will jump on board with the plan if you tell them how high your grade is in the class.

4.) You’re on the sex offenders list for peeing on the Clock Tower: Listen, you really had to go. Also, you can’t be an education major anymore. 3.) You’re joining a nudist colony with the guy from the “Wrecking Ball” video: This announcement gives you a lot of creative leeway in terms of location. And if you’re going for theatrics, you could always show up to the table naked. Although that may not be the most sanitary option. 2.) You’re dropping out of school: This will easily get a rise out of everybody around the Thanksgiving table. Think of something creatively ridiculous to tell them you did with the money you would have spent on college, like buying a cow and moving to Malaysia to start a cow farm. You could even preface this announcement by telling everyone how thankful you are to have such an accepting and supportive family. 1.) You’re pregnant with Louis’ baby: Your relatives really shouldn’t be too shocked; we all know that guy gets around. It was only fair for you to warn them, you didn’t want them to be surprised when the first words out of the kids’ mouth are “Hey there, Laker!”

05


Around campus Tweet your pictures using #GVPartyPics to @Theblacksheepgv

on the Streets This Thanksgiving what do you want to be stuffed with? Melinda

“Mashed potatoes and gravy. “

Trevor

“Alcohol, probably some home brew and obviously some mashed potatoes and gravy.”

Mitch

“Friends, family, and good times.”

06



He knows the cheapest drinks in town and more drinking games than you could ever play.

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All Week Long! 50 Cent Wings During Any Michigan Team’s Game 4-9 Happy Hour

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$3.99 Domestic 32oz. Mini Pitchers


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madlib I was on my way to ___1___ , sipping a

___2___ double-whipped, non-fat ___3___ latte or something, and I decided to pick up the Bible for college girls: Cosmo. ___4___ is on the cover and I love her! Her ___5___ is perfect and, personally, I don’t think she has a ___6___ problem, but if she does, who cares? Right away I flipped to the embarrassing stories section because it’s crazy how crazy they are!!! There was a story of a girl who ___7___ ed on a first date! You couldn’t make that shit up!!! They were ___8___ -deep in some end1: Academic Building 2: Size 3: Italian word 4: Has-been celebrity 5: Body part

Your 24 / 7 Access Gym!

Flipping through cosmo less ___9___ and ___10___ and then right A flipped through the sex tips, which said there, on the waitress, boom. No one got that using ___16___ and my ___17___ to give a ___18___ to a guy would make him laid that night. really like me. I’m skeptical. Then there was Then there’s the beauty section, which had something about the ___19___ ___20___ a list of ___11___ face masks. Who knew -___21___ position and I was like, whoa. that rubbing that all over my ___12___ Can’t I get more embarrassing stories up in would make it shinier? Who knew you even here? wanted that shinier? There was also a guide to choosing the right color of ___13___ for Lastly there was a column about making your skin tone. They said ___14___ would ___22___ , which I totally clipped and put on my mini-fridge! be perfect for my ___15___ ? Uhm, okay.

6: Drug 7: Bodily function 8: Body part 9: Appetizer 10: Fruity alcoholic drink 11: Root vegetable

12: Body part 13: Type of makeup 14: Obscure color 15: Facial feature 16: Salad dressing 17: Appendage

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Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: In a relationship Major: History Favorite Drink: Jack and Coke Favorite Shot: Redheaded slut Disgusting Drink: Darth Vader If you could replace the turkey as Thanksgiving’s centerpiece, what food would you replace it with?: Pizza. I eat it all the time here, just pepperoni. I know, boring. What three items go in your college cornucopia?: Pictures of me and friends, PBR, and all my text books. It sums up college.

Courtney of Mug Shots

Drinking Game

What balloon would you float in the Macy’s Day Parade?: Mug Shots float of sex convicts and cops, a dancing burger and a beer.

How concerned are you that the turkey getting the presidential pardon ends up spending a bunch of your hard-earned money on Obamacare?: Pisses me off. What fast food item would be better if it were made with turkey?: Turkey and cheddar instead of roast beef and cheddar at Arby’s. How racist is the phrase “BLACK Friday”?: Where’s white Friday? But for real, dark meat or light meat?: I like dark. What if turkeys were actually made out of horses?: Uh no I wouldn’t eat it, I think of Seabiscuit and that movie makes me cry every time I watch it. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: ‘Cause it’s funny and everyone needs a laugh.

Recipe for disaster

Canoe Race

Brownout-of-Your-Ass Burrito

A throwback to the high school garage party days. The Canoe Race is a quick game of a 2-person flip cup and pong hybrid that will get you belching and buzzing in no time flat.

This is one of those meals that you wouldn’t eat unless you were somewhat inebriated. Okay … very inebriated. This burrito will satisfy all your needs when you return to your apartment without a slampiece, and fall back on eating to make up for your lack of game. And it saves you money not having to buy it at Chipotle.

What You’ll Need: 16 red cups, 2 ping pong balls, a table and beers. Number of Players: 4 players Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a lot in ya pretty fast. How to Play: - Split up into two teams of two and stand on opposite sides of the table, each team having one ping pong ball. - Set up four cups in front of each person, Bozo Buckets-style. - Pour beer into each cup, about a quarter of the way up. - When you’re ready, the first people with the ping pong balls try to shoot across their table into their partner’s cups. - If you make a cup, your partner has to chug the beer in the cup and flip it onto the table. - Once your partner completes this, they shoot the ball back across the table to your cups. When they make it, you do the same—chug the beer, flip the cup and keep shooting. - There are no pauses in this game, so don’t wait for the other team to shoot or anything like that. The only time you have to wait before shooting is while your teammate is flipping their cup. They have to have that completed first before taking their turn. The Game Ends When: All of your team’s cups have been flipped!

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What You’ll Need: An oven, a microwave, Easy Mac, pizza rolls, a tortilla, Tabasco sauce, chopped lettuce, hot peppers and any other toppings of your choice. Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: You’ll poop it out. No big deal. Let’s Get Baked: - Put the pizza rolls in the oven and let them cook for 15 minutes. - When the pizza rolls are done cooking, take them out of the oven. While they’re cooling off, put the Easy Mac in the microwave for 3 minutes. - Once the pizza rolls have cooled off, wrap them up in the tortilla. - Pour the Easy Mac on top of the pizza rolls. - Drizzle Tabasco sauce over everything, as much or as little as you want. - Put the lettuce and hot peppers on top, along with any other garnishes that strike your fancy (shredded cheese, anyone?). - Roll it up burrito-style and chow down. Mmm, tastes even better when it comes back out.

nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com


INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR

The Black Sheep Interviews: Indie Director Todd Sklar

By: Brendan

“Film director,” you think flashing lights, red carpet treatment, the power to just…Steve if you don’t get this take right you are finished in this town, do you hear me?! Not so fast, what about those directors still hauling themselves up one rung of the Hollywood ladder at a time? Todd Sklar is one of these indie directors, and with his recent release, Awful Nice, making the rounds, we decided to chat with him to see what the life of an up-and-coming director is actually like.

Todd: It’s definitely destroys any ability to have a normal life. If you want to be doing it, it’s all-encompassing. It’s bad. You’re always doing work, thinking about doing work, finding work, doing work to get more work, if you’re not working you feel like you’re wasting time… Any career where you’re in a situation where you’re pursuing something outside of that nine-to-five, you have to work nonstop to get there, whether it’s a start-up, even an athlete. It’s all-encompassing if you want to be good.

The Black Sheep: You were a college student who dropped out to pursue a career in film, what was the impetus for that? Todd Sklar: I had an absolute blast in college. I loved it. I probably didn’t work hard enough studying, but I’d say I used most of what I’d learnt in college—both inside the classroom and out—after I left the University of Missouri. It helped me in the career I chose, but also helped refine what I wanted to do in that career. It was finding passion in filmmaking, and realizing the career I was looking towards was not one you typically go to college for, then landed a job after. I should note that this was halfway through my fifth year of college—I was a fifth-year senior when I recognized that a degree in theater acting would not help me become a filmmaker.

TBS: You say you fell into directing to better convey your writing vision, how do you balance working with people, but getting across the vision you set for yourself? Todd: I don’t know. I’ve only done a few features, I don’t know if I’ve figured that out yet, because in my experience, I’ve had great people and horrible people. The great people, they’re doing things and helping you through things that are so big, that these talented people help you make your ideas better. It’s incredible. I’ve had the other side too, people who are miserable to work with that and extremely unable to do the job they’re supposed to do. In that case it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, but you can’t do it any better either. It’s very dependent on the people you’re working with. It’s more about them than it is about you.

TBS: How do you get to the point where you’re directing your own films? Todd: I started making shorts, trying to learn how to make movies. I made a lot of bad ones for a while. I made like, fifteen horrible, horrible short films before I made one that was kind of good. I made my second one that was okay, and it was so much work I decided I wanted to make a feature next. After that, I had an idea that was a feature, I was 23 at the time, I watched 3 movies a night with DVD commentary. I gave it a go to see how it works. It was a learning experience—you learn while you’re doing it. TBS: What does a director do, exactly? Todd: I come from a different background than a lot of directors. I never wanted to be a director, I always wanted to be a storyteller, and writing always comes first. Directing, for me, is making sure what comes out is the story that we wrote. As a result, I’m very much an actors’ director. All you’re doing is trying to get a bunch of other people to do things with you and for you, to get your story across. Usually you’re doing that because you can’t do what they do. If I knew how to get great sound, I could do it, but there’s a guy who is doing it because he’s better at it than I am. He can elevate my results. It’s a pretty humbling, and uh, terrible job. TBS: How all-encompassing is what you’re doing?

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR

TBS: Your new movie, Awful Nice, how did that change or mature over the span of the creative process? Todd: It changed drastically. We did not have a very good shoot on this movie and the final movie is a shell of the script we wrote. In a weird way it became its own movie when we were shooting it, and again when we were editing it. The movie came out with a lot more physical comedy, a lot quicker, punchier than the script. Films, in a lot of ways, become indicative of what you’re going through at the time, and this film in specific, I was going through some growing pains, and the movie reflects that. TBS: Are there benefits to sticking in the indie genre, or is it more people do this so they can go to a studio? Todd: For me, the stories I’m interested in telling and the style I’m interested in telling them tend towards mainstream commercial sensibilities. To be able to transition from independent filmmaker to studio filmmaker you either need to have a lot of confidence and trust in people you’ll be working with, or you have to have a complete lack of care for your story, or it has to be about your career, or you have to be obsessed with the technical side of things. For me, I’m not a technically gifted filmmaker, so transitioning from an independent filmmaker to a studio filmmaker has a lot to do with confidence in myself as a filmmaker. I’ve had an opportunity for studio work, but it’s not something I’m dying to do quite yet.


INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR TBS: And speaking of the difference between studio and indie movies, with Awful Nice, you have a pretty big star in Christopher Merloni. Were you concerned at all with if or how he’d pull weight? Todd: All of my problems thus far with filmmaking has come from crew, not from the actors. There’s very much this level of professionalism—I’ll say this: When you have trouble with actors, they’re not invested in the project. In Awful Nice, all of the actors were invested in the project, and they were so helpful in covering up some chaos created by the crew. Very fortunate to have actors like that, and Merloni specifically was exceptionally helpful, not just as an actor, but as a mentor, a guy who came in and gave notes in a script that had nothing to do with his character.

“For me, there’s

two goals:

To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story.”

TBS: How do you deal with outside criticism, both positive and negative? Todd: You have to take it with a grain of salt. But, for me, there’s two goals: To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story. So, both positive and negative criticism help better that process by letting you know what you did well, or if someone’s critiquing something, it can tell you what you could be doing better, or where you may have failed story-wise. TBS: Is this a good time, historically, for someone who wants to get involved in moviemaking to do so? Todd: It’s the best time in the history of our existence to be doing this. At the same time, I think the danger to that is that it’s something you can do for a while before you realize it’s not what you want to be doing. I equate it to joining the army. I assume that if you join the Army, you’ll figure out pretty quickly whether or not it’s for you. Filmmaking isn’t like that. Especially nowadays, there’s so many ways to work that you can do it for five or ten years before you realize it’s not for you. There’s such a low barrier of entry, that there’s also such a low barrier to getting more deeply involved with it. The playing field has leveled out quite a bit. TBS: On IMDB a user named JonCharbineux writes, “Todd and Alex came home with my one of my roommates, who was trying to get laid, but they ditched her and stayed up watching die hard with me our other roommate until about 4am. We made ice cream pancakes and popped in Die Hard 2 and I passed out shortly after. When I woke up the next morning, Todd was in my bed and Alex was in Ben’s (my other roommate) and we were both on the couch. We found out later that they stole a bunch of our beer and a box of trisquits. WTF? “ Care to comment? Todd: Wow, when did that happen? That definitely sounds like something I’d do, but not recently. When was this written? TBS: April 2010. Todd: Oh yeah, I know exactly who that is, and yes, that did happen. 2010 was a weird year for everyone.

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR


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crossword

American Holidays ACROSS 2) Held every November 11th. 4) Or, Singles Awareness Day. 5) Celebrate the beginning of a new year on the Hebrew calendar, two words. 6) March 8th is a day to celebrate this perfect species. 7) This day happens every four years on January 20th. 10) The Friday after Thanksgiving is this color. 12) The third Monday in January celebrates the what of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? 14) We celebrate this Saint by dyeing the Chicago River green. 16) Important Jewish holiday that occurs in the spring. 17) The Friday before Easter. 18) Bill Murray celebrates this day over and over and over. 19) African American holiday starting on December 26th.

DOWN 1) 8-day Jewish holiday in the winter. 3) Earth Day is a celebration of what? 8) The day to celebrate ‘MURICA!!! 9) This day marks the end of the Ten Days of Penitence, two words. 11) Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army defeating which army? 12) A day for planting trees. 13) Gettin’ crazy in New Orleans, two words.

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