The Black Sheep FR
EE fr ... Lik at e ru me sh di be oc er re !
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 1 8/23/12 - 9/6/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_isu
isu: It's Just Like Kindergarten! Mitch Vaginapun wrote this
Hey there, class of 2016. I know college can be a frightening thing. You’re probably walking into college expecting it to be all titties and booze. Well, I hate to break it to you, but it’s more booze and titties than titties and booze. And like, mostly B-cups and piss-beer. But it’s alright, don’t freak out, I’ve got your back. ISU might seem new and scary, but it’s really just kindergarten all over again. I'm going to break this down nice and easy and explain it to you like you’re five, which is the biggest number you could count to then, and the only number you’ll need to count to for the rest of your life. Don’t believe me? Good. You’ve already remembered your first kindergarten lesson: Don’t listen to strangers: This is the—oh, wait, hang on... “Hi, I’m Mitch, I like animal crackers and I dabble in fisting. It’s nice to meet you.” There, now we’re friends and we can talk! Let's play blocks together while you blindly follow my life advice! Like I said, you need to know the dangers of strangers. People will take advantage of you in college. They’ll trick you out of your apple juice, get you to do chores for free, and sit next to the cute girl with the Pokémon backpack even though you totally called dibs. Don’t let people prey on you. Make lots of friends: Much like the first days of kindergarten, making new best friends is essential to college life. But instead of letting you share blocks, college friends let you share drinks, girls, and whatever the combination of drinks and girls may lead to. I’m such good friends with one guy, he let me pay half of his drinking ticket! What a pal! Another one of my friends even used my girlfriend to show me some awesome make-out techniques! Hot! You'll need friends like that for when your supposed best friend borrows your Super Mario pencil and never gives it back, and you need to get enough people together for a group glare. Otherwise, how will your problems get resolved? Name calling is key: Remember how you used to call people poopheads? Why’d you ever stop doing that? That girl Melissa cried for like 10 minutes, but she never stole an animal cracker from you again! Just like kindergarten, stabbing kids with a pair of scissors is a big nono. In college, however, instead of sitting in the corner,
the straight poop
you get stabbed back in prison. When the going gets tough, the tough call other kids dookiefaces.
you could ever dreamed of is right in front of you, all you have to do is stick your mouth muscle out and taste it.
Lick EVERYTHING: Think about all those tasty spots on the railing, all of those gum flavors under your chair, or all the pee you would have missed out on tasting if you hadn’t licked everything in sight as a kindergartener. Now, think about how many new lickworthy things there are at college. New people, new drinks, new barrels of experimental drugs you find under your roommate’s bed—they’re all at the tip of your tongue. Everything
Once you’ve figured out what was good to lick and what wasn’t, you’re probably going to be pretty sick. That’s where the most important similarity truly comes to light: you can always go crying to your mommy. When the real world gets tough, just flee from it, back into the arms of the person who made you. It was adorable when you were a little kid, and she’ll miss you so much now it’ll be adorable again. And remember to always get money from her. And don’t tell any hot people about it.
what’s inside
dorm room decorating
the ruins of southside
our search to uncover the truth about isu toilet paper.
what all your crap says about you!
and you thought it couldn't get any worse!
page 3
page 4
page 5
page two word of the week
Pic
of the
Week!
Dilapidating: Purposely dating a man or a
woman of lesser status, solely for the opportunity to manipulate that person. “Stacy decided to start dilapidating Snaggletooth Mike because she knew she could turn him into her manservant in no time.”
Meet The Staff
campus manager Kevin Setze
photographer Tim Mackey
owner Atish Doshi
Editorial manager Kevin Setze
distribution manager Jason Snyder
Copy editor Alyssa Mueller
Social media manager Isabella Yates
Founders Bryan Podell, Kurt Tribble, Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers
Advertising Managers Anthony Giammaria Adam Fernandez
pr/Marketing TEAM Nicole Nesbitt, Zach Devore Jessica Findley, Dori Jones Amanda Steelman Isabella Yates
ads@theblacksheeponline.com
campus director Brendan Bonham
lame@theblacksheeponline.com
Writers Mike Atkins , Jeremy Ber Ait Chapel, Joe Ruskey Tim Mackey, Kevin Setze
Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com
Advertising? Hate Us?
DAILY SPECIALS
We have a feeling that lil runt is going to be a total lightweight.
SUNDAY
THURSDAY
MONDAY
$2 ANY BOMB $2 BUD LIGHT BOTTLES $2.50 LONG ISLAND’S DJ VAMPS @ 10PM
$2 “ANY” BEER $3 “ANY” BOOZE FREE Jukebox & Bags $2 “ANY” BEER $3 “ANY” BOOZE
TUESDAY
$2 “ANY” BEER $3 “ANY” BOOZE Live Music with Kyle Yap 10-1am
WEDNESDAY 612 N. Main St / Bloomington, IL SUNDAY - THURSDAY: 5pm - 1am FRIDAY & SATURDAY: 5pm - 2am
$2 “ANY” BEER $3 “ANY” BOOZE Karaoke / DJ 10-1am
.75 CENT WELL DRINKS
FRIDAY
$3 16OZ VODKA/ENERGY $3 WELLS | $3 ANY BOMB $3 MILLER/COORS BOTTLES & PINTS DJ @ 10PM!
SATURDAY
$3 16oz WELLS $3 ANY BOMB $3 BUD FAMILY BOTTLES & PINTS DJ @ 10pm
page 3
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
the straight poop: My Search to Uncover the Truth about isu toilet paper Scoop Chang wrote this How many times has this happened to you? You’re in the bathroom finishing up yo' business and you reach for some ISU bargain brand toilet paper, only to find later that your butthole is bleeding. It's a problem we've all had. Whether you use too much and run around all day with a bloodsoaked bumhole, or you use too little and start chaffing wildly from your poor cleaning job. This “toilet paper,” if you can even call it that, is insufficient for the needs of, well, anybody. For far too long, we students have suffered under the tyranny of toilet paper that cuts the buttocks like a hot knife through ice cream. I vowed to take action, but first, I had to do a little detective work. I decided to start in the faculty bathroom.
Whoa. I interviewed ISU’s head of janitorial staff, who told me “That ain’t toilet paper, it’s sandpaper. You really shouldn’t be wiping your ass with sandpaper.” Conveniently, he mentioned that he was close, personal, and sometimes sexual friends with the ISU president and might be able to get me an interview.
I donned a rainbow wig and bright red nose, disguising myself as a common household clown. This way, I was unrecognizable and wholly unthreatening. I snuck into the bathroom, pulled down my pants and got to work. After about 20 minutes of heavy defecation, I was ready to test the staff toilet paper. And...it was everything my rectum has been dreaming of since it was out of diapers. Soft, smooth, and thick - like wiping your ass with a chinchilla. As I sat there stroking myself with this soft and magical spread, I started thinking. This toilet paper must have cost $2, maybe even $3 per roll! Far too expensive to give simple public school professors. I was suspicious...There was definitely more than meets the brown eye in this story. I investigated further into the student bathrooms, and aided with my Law and Order: Semen n' Such chemistry set, I identified the “toilet paper” as industrial-grade sand paper.
Soon I found myself in the office of the President of ISU, Al Bowman. His office was straight out of a horror movie: newspaper articles and printouts of internet memes covered the walls and the floor, all of them in some way mentioning or making fun of ISU's STD rate. Bowman sat at his desk, holding a white cat and sitting in a tall leather chair. He talked in a slow, deep drone, and cackled far more than, you know, most people cackle. He spoke little, but said much. In the end, I was able to gather that he had given up on putting the university on top through sports or academics, and decided in desperation to create the most STD-infected school on the planet. So, he replaced the toilet paper with sand paper to allow infection to spread more easily, which I thought was a pretty stupid twist. As I was leaving, he warned me that I was getting in over my head, and shit was going to hit the fan if I didn't quit. But, the thought of being covered in shit had never stopped me before, and it wasn’t stopping me now. I continued my research, hungry only for the truth, and occasionally some kiwi fruits and horse meat. I was at the library when I heard some strange sounds behind me, like… feces
sloshing around in a bucket. I know the “feces-in-a-bucket” sound well. I started running, but stopped when I realized I wasn’t being followed. I looked up to see a ceiling fan, but I was too late, and a waterfall of sticky diarrhea splattered against the fan above my head and covered me from head to toe. It was foul and thick, almost as thick as the irony of this shitty situation. I trudged home, defeated and defecated upon, and plopped down at my desk before falling asleep. Now, the moral of the story...oh, dammit, I forgot the moral.....uhhhh... how about...“Whenever you try to get ahead, somebody's going to try to shit all over you.” So, you better bring toilet paper. The quilted stuff. Oh, and some horse meat and kiwi. Delicious.
editorial • sales • pr marketing • distribution weekly newspapers. daily website. mobile apps. regional and national expansion. this is some of the stuff we're working on... how 'bout you?
now hiring fall interns
apply online at theblacksheeponline.com email us at jobs@theblacksheeponline.com
The Top ten
page 4
theblacksheeponline.com
Creepy Landlords and Nazi Neighbors:
Best and Worst Things About Going Back to School
The Downside of Getting Your Own Place Ait Chapel wrote this When you went away to college and left your parents behind, you thought you were finally free to listen to your music as loud as you’d like, party as late as you could stay up, drink as much as you wanted, and light up every night after you got home. But, lo and behold, your RA was a dick. Not only would he make you turn down your music before confiscating your liquor and weed, but he even threatened to get you kicked out of the dorms after those two or three times you and your friends made a Slip N’ Slide in the hallways with a few gallons of cooking oil. Like I said, a real dick. A couple years pass, and the RA is no longer your problem. You’re finally allowed to live off-campus and you even got your parents to foot the bill for an apartment. Smooth sailing from here, right? Well, no. Odds are, the place won't be cleaned that well before you moved in, meaning it's YOUR responsibility to mop up the dried urine and vomit still on the bathroom floor, and fish the stunningly large semen-infused hairball from the shower drain. There’s also the matter of the mysterious ladybug graveyard in your closet, and, if you’re renting a house, the family of feral cats living in your basement that somehow interbred with the local raccoon population. You're probably going to be pissed and go to your landlord, and if you bug him long enough, they may even send someone over…three weeks later, at 10:00a.m. on a weekday, while you’re still in your underwear trying to get a good buzz going before class, or waiting for the mistake from the previous night to finally wake up and leave. Even if they do send someone over, they're not going to take care of all your problems in the first trip, and they have no intention of coming for a second. They might even just stop working and ask if you want to get high, and then while you're thinking “hey, this guy's not so bad,” you'll notice he's waiting for you to provide the weed. To lift the awkwardness, you'll begrudgingly throw in for
him. Then, like that one night stand that just won’t go away, he'll just sorta start hanging around, stopping by randomly after a long day of selling potatoes next to the off ramp.
College is an interesting time. It’s a combination of intellectual exploration and keg stands. It’s a place where people can find acceptance in a group of their own peers, if only after they haze you a tinsy bit. College is full of contradictions, so naturally the best things about coming back to school can also be the worst. So here's ten things to look forward to, and avoid.
One day he'll want to watch TV with you. The next, he'll ask to borrow your bed, claiming he has to take his girlfriend somewhere where his wife won’t catch them, even though he doesn’t even have a wife…or a girlfriend. Then, one evening you'll wake up to find him cooking pancakes naked in your kitchen at 3:00 AM, almost definitely on acid. Finally he'll cross the line when he starts banging on your window, demanding you help him dig out the insects that are crawling around inside his eyes. But remember, things can always get worse. Even if you don't end up with a creepy landlord with boundary issues, there's bound to be some awful neighbors: The mom who keeps calling in noise complaints because she can't sleep at a regular 2a.m.-to-12p.m. interval like the rest of us, the Neo-Nazi who's got “WHITSE RULE” spray painted on his door and won't stop telling you about how he was an extra in The Blues Brothers., the crazy lady next door who keeps screaming at you to stop letting your catcoons roam the hallway. But you'll be okay. College is a time of many trials, and dealing with all these problems will give you many new skills and abilities that you can use for the rest of your life. Oh, and rabies. Can't forget the rabies.
Dorm room decorating: What your stuff says about you! sevin ketze wrote this Everybody has things in their room that are really just there to show off. Whether you're trying to flaunt your culture, intellect, or sheer bad-assery, the truth is, you're just trying to send the rest of the floor a message. 28” LCD TV: I'm one crafty son of a bitch. Go ahead, check the Illinois State Housing website. What's the biggest TV they allow? 26 inches? Yeah, maybe for you rule-abiding tool bags. Being rebellious as fuck has its privileges. You haven't seen Meet The Spartans until you've seen it on a screen that's almost 8% bigger than Bowman allows. HAHA DUDE, THIS MOVIE IS A LOL FEST! Condoms barely hidden in several places: Oh, yeah, those are just my rubbers. I need them because I have sex, NBD, ya know, college n' shit. I've got like twenty of them stashed around the room. Who knows where it's going to go down, right? It's a good thing they're free on campus, or I'd be spending like $30 a week, because I HAVE SEX. A LOT. TRUST ME. Posters of naked girls: I HAVE HAD SEX. SERIOUSLY. I HAVE. MORE THAN ONCE, EVEN. IF I HAD TO BALLPARK, 6. N64: Man, I'm so retro. Goldeneye, Mario Kart 64, Super Mario 64...I got it all. Super Nintendo: DUDE. How retro can I GET. SUPER Mario Kart. SUPER MARIO WORLD. DONKEY KONG COUNTRY. This
is so RAD. NES: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH, OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, OOOOHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAH, RETROOOOOOOOOO Dog-eared copy of Catcher in the Rye or something by Sylvia Plath: I'm deeper and more intelligent than, like, a really deep and smart professor, or something. I never leave the room without that book in my messenger bag. Okay, so maybe I never actually read it, but I read a three-page analysis about it online, so fuck you, phony!
10. Freshman Girls The Good: Freshman girls are young, naïve, and innocent. They have an image of what college is supposed to be in their mind, and tend to hook up with guys for stupid reasons, like because they're in a frat, or because they stood near you. The Bad: Freshman girls are young, naïve, and innocent. If you sleep with one, expect a loooong talk about how she “doesn't normally do this” and how she needs you to drive her to CVS in the morning. 9. Freshman Boys The Good: They’re young, so they probably haven't slept around too much yet. This means they probably don't have any STDs, and thus are part of the elusive disease-free group of ISU students I like to call “The Others”. Get some. The Bad: The ID may say 18, but trust me, he's still a boy. They'll probably fire one off in their boxer-briefs just TALKING to an upperclass girl, but if you can somehow manage to get one back to your room unspent, don't be surprised if you hear him stop and say, “What am I even touching?” 8. Frat Parties The Good: Awesome ragers full of loud music, cute girls, and free-flowing booze. The Bad: Seven or eight of the shittest Top 40 songs on loop, skanky “village bicycle” girls, and nothing to drink but warm Steel Reserve and bro-sweat that runs into your mouth. 7. Class The Good: Finally, a relaxed adult environment where you can expand your mind and learn about interesting new concepts and ideas. The Bad: Man, these new concepts and ideas are boring. How much time is left? I need to get the fug outta here. 6. Rooming With A Friend The Good: You'll have SOOO MUCH fun together! 24/7 gurrrl talk and boiiii talk and sharing clothes, woooooo! This is way better than having a random roommate, who might turn out to be awful. The Bad: OH MY GOD THIS BITCH IS AWFUL.
a terabyte of storage space, and enough LCD light-up cooling fans to... well, light up AND cool a LOT of stuff. Sure, it cost more than a store-bought desktop, and all this speed is going to be useless with shitty Resnet limiting my bandwidth, but... LIGHT UP COOLING FANS. SO ALPHA.
MacBook Pro: Bro, this laptop is so ME. It’s just so ergonomic. What better way to express how against-the-grain I am than to get the laptop that pretty much everybody has? LOL, look, ISU is making me install McAfee on my Mac! HAHAHAHAHA, stupid school, it's IMPOSSIBLE for Macs to get viruses! IMPOSSIBLE! Whoa, check it out, a free MP3 site! Callmemaybe.exe! Sweet!
Poetry journal: What, oh, you...you weren't supposed to see that. No, it's okay, you can flip through it. Hey, it's okay. HEY. FLIP THROUGH IT. Oh man, this is so embarra-check out page 32, that's about my great step-aunt's death-- sometimes to deal with my problems I just pour it out on the pages, you know? I just lay down in my bed, just like this, light a few candles, play that song from The Notebook, and, hey, did I tell you that you're not like most girls?
Self-built PC: I'm pretty much the smartest person in a 30 mile radius. Check this behemoth out... 2.4 gigahertz quad-core Intel processor, 4 gigabytes DDR2 1066 random access memory, over a terabyte of - hey, mouth-breather, pay attention! - over
You're probably thinking "Hey, you generalizer, you're generalizing! I'm not like that at all!" Don't worry! This article applies to everybody EXCEPT you. You're so much more unique and special than everybody else who goes here!
5. Sex The Good: It’s sex…do we really have to explain this? The Bad: Do we have to explain this too? 4. The Bars The Good: Cheap drinks, good music, and roughly half of the upperclassmen, all in one building! The Bad: WHAT? NO, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHAT? 3. Being Away From Your Parents The Good: It's really cool to get away from the control of your parents and be the independent adult you always wanted to be. The Bad: Why isn't anybody bringing me food! I'm gonna fucking staaaaarve! Heeeellllp! 2. Food The Good: You get to eat whatever you want, whenever you want! The Bad: Self-control ain’t going to happen when the cereal station is right next to the ice cream machine. Come on, Watterson! You're not making this easy! 1. The College Experience The Good: Four years of making memories with your best friends! The Bad: Twenty years of crushing student loan debt!
Joseph Carter wrote this
page 5
the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android
Journey into the Ruins of Southside sevin ketze wrote this
“I barely even recognize this place,” I thought aloud, as I stepped out of my car onto the pavement, slick with rain. The condemned towers of Atkin-Colby and Hamilton-Whitten stood high before me. They had only been closed for three moon's turns, but already my former home was barely recognizable. At least half of the windows were shattered, and thick black smoke rose from nearly all of them. Graffiti and hieroglyphs were slowly consuming the exterior. I saw a silhouetted figure on the roof look down at me, and then vanish. A war horn boomed from within. As I approached the front doors, I looked up at the cloudy sky and wondered if this would be the last time I ever saw it. “Man,” I mused, “that would suck.” The front doors were all locked. Even the revolving doors wouldn't budge. It seemed the university was intent on keeping students out...or keeping something else in. I shuddered involuntarily. “Mayhaps I'm ill-equipped to explore this place,” I wondered. But there was no going back now....I had already bragged about it on Facebook. “Breaking into Atkin-Colby to steal sum cool shitt lol! #howiroll #fuckthapolice” Damn my pride! I had no choice but to press on. Press on...press... “THAT'S IT!” I screamed, before throwing my shoulder against the handicapable access button. Nothing happened at first. I waited, and waited, until finally.... I gave up on waiting and threw a cinder block through the glass. The inside looked like it was ripped out of a RoboCop 2 scene. Two dusty children fought over a baggie of crack. A coyote tore at the legs of a comfy red armchair. A junkie that kind of looked like actor Peter Weller suggested that I give him money to suck on my penis. “NOOOOOO!” I bellowed. My heart was racing. Rivers of sweat flowed down my face. I was panicking. I fumbled through my jorts pockets and pulled out my official Boy Scout pocketknife, held it out to my side, and began spinning in a circle, creating my signature “Self-Defense Tornado.” I whirled past Petersucker Weller into the first floor single-room hallway,
121 E. Beaufort St.| (309) 888-9663 | dpdoughonline.com
! s t h g i N e t a L Hot ‘n Reggie
Drunk Card
D.P. Dough The Original Calzone Co.
GET YOUR D.P. DOUGH DRUNK CARD TODAY! Show Yours for $1 Off a Different FULL Hot 'n Reggie Every Night: WEDNESDAY: Mac Daddy THURSDAY: BBQ Chicken
FRIDAY: Reggie SATURDAY: Cheese
slammed the heavy door behind me, and collapsed against the wall in tears. I hadn't expected it to be such an awful place. But I was deep into their territory now, and I wasn't about to leave just yet. I quickly composed myself and climbed the stairs to the second floor, and began to self-defense tornado my way through the hallway. I saw things I couldn't understand, and words that didn't make sense. The whole experience was a blur, so I stopped spinning. “Oh wow, that's much better.” Then I heard it. A mournful growl echoed through the vents, and I felt my bowels empty. Someone started screaming, and I looked up and down the hallway for the source before I realized the screams were coming from me. The growl turned to thumping. I pounded on every door in sight. “HELP, OH GOD PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME, I'M WHITE, HEEEELLLPPPP!” The thumping had quickened, and sounded closer every second. Instinct took over, and I looked down and saw that I was running. I heard a crash, and then I was falling, falling. I opened my eyes to behold the cloudy sky above me. “Where...what...” I sat up and looked myself over. “I must have jumped through the window,” I thought, but then.... how was I not hurt? Why isn't there any broken glass? I turned my head to look at the towers from whence I came, and felt my mouth open and close. Behind me stood the towers, as pristine as I had ever seen them. “Hey, kid” a man in orange said to me, “you can't go in there, we're fumigating the place. You gotta...oh fuck, kid, you smell like shit.” I dusted myself off and walked slowly to my car, chuckling to myself. “Fumigating!” I shook my head at my own bone-headedness and laughed again. “What a handy explanation for this ridiculous story!” Then I stopped, and thought. Fumigation hallucinations still couldn't explain why I saw the ruined towers from far away...eh, let's just say it was aliens or something. Long story. Whatever. Welcome back to school!
Ready-to-Eat Half and Full Zones After Midnight Wed-Sat MAC DADDY: BBQ CHICKEN: BACON, 100% BEEF BREADED CHICKEN, HOT DOG, MAC ‘N BACON, BBQ SAUCE, & CHEESE CHEDDAR REGGIE: PEPPERONI, CHEESE: MOZZARELLA, SAUSAGE, MOZZARELLA, RICOTTA, AND & SECRET SPICES PARMESAN D.P. Dough Drunk Card If you find me too drunk to function, please give me an emergency Calzone Infusion. My Zone type is:
Reggie Zone - Pepperoni, Sausage, & Mozzerella BBQ Chicken - Chicken, Bacon, BBQ, & Cheddar Cheese - Mozzarella, Ricotta, & Parmesan Mac Daddy - Mac & Cheese, Hot Dog, & Bacon
Half
Whole
**Above Zones Are Ready to Eat AFTER Midnight** Wednesday Through Saturday Keep in wallet at all times!
! 3 1 0 2 2 1 0 2 or f g in nt e R w o N
contact us today ty.com 54.2960 // ClassActReal 309. 4
N Fell // 505
ll // 306 102 East Cherry // 206 n fe // ! le b a il a av walnut // ts artmen ap t en aide // 102 W Locust // 301 S ud el st ad N w 0 70 fe // n on rn ca ve u e o 0 Dale // 808 s linden // 32 Get them while y mes // 205 E. Phoenix // 710 212 lindell // 304 Lindell 2 kingsley cust // flora way townho Lo W 118 // S Fell // 12 flora way // 40 ol ho Sc N 2 50 y // 204 N Linden // 610 W Hovey // 912 W HOve
mention the black sheep and get $50 off your deposit!
SPECIAL NIGHT
Thursday Tots: 2 Zones & Box o' Tots for $15 (Add $1 for Buffer Tots)
$0.75 Well Drinks $2 Any Bomb $2 Bud Light Bottles $2.50 Long Island Iced Teas DJ Vamp at 10pm
$2 Domestic Bottles $2 Well Drinks $3 Draught Pints
LIVE MUSIC FRIDAY! 8/24: Mike and Joe (NO COVER) 8/31: Chasing Rachel
FroYo Friday! 2 Zones & Half-Pint of Chill Out! for $15
$3 16oz Vodka/Energy & Wells $3 ANY Bomb $3 Miller/Coors Bottles & Pints DJ @ 10
$2.75 Jim Beam Drinks, All Flavored Vodka Drinks, The Fat Jack Cocktail and Heineken Bottles
Live Music Saturday 8/25: Hairbangers Ball!
Cyber Saturday: Extra 5% OFF at dpdough.com (Enter Coupon Code sat5) Must be logged into dpdough. com account
$3 16oz Wells $3 ANY Bombs $3 Bud Family Bottles & Pints DJ @ 10
$2.75 All Bacardi Flavors, The Tsunami Cocktail and Hurricanes, and Bud Select Bottles
Spicy Sunday! 2 Zones + Danger Stix for $15
$2 Any Beer $3 Any Booze FREE Jukebox & Bags
All $2.75 Daily Specials!
FRI
$2 Drinks, Shots and Beers DJ Brainstorm
$1.50 Bud Family Draft $2.50 Vegas Bombs $3 Bud Family Pitchers
SAT
$1 Wells & UV Flavors $1.50 Miller Family Bottles $2 All Drafts
$1.50 Coors Light Bottle $1.75 Bud Family Draft $2 Well & UV Flavors $2.50 Vegas Bombs
SUN
Every Tuesday! $2.75 All Draught Pints and Jager
$1.75 Bud Family Drafts $2 Well & UV Flavors
MON
TUESDAY: $2 Any Beer $3 Any Booze Live Music with Kyle Yap at 10pm
$1.50 Miller Family Bottles $2 Bud Family Drafts $2.50 Beams, SoCo & Seagram 7
Check out our website for updated events and specials! daddiosbloomington.com
Monday Munchies! 3 Homemade Cookies for $1 with Purchase of ANY 2 Zones
$2 Any Beer $3 Any Booze
$2.75 Malibu Rum, Captain Morgan Drinks and Import & Microbrew Bottles
TUES
Live Music Every Friday & Saturday!
Cyber Saturday: Extra 5% OFF at dpdough.com (Enter Coupon Code sat5) Must be logged into dpdough.com account
$2 Import and Micro Bottles $2 Well & UV Flavors $2 All Drafts
Every Thursday! $2 Drinks, Shots and Beers | DJ Brainstorm
Stix It Tuesday: $1 Cheese Stix w/ Purchase of ANY 2 Zones
$2 Any Beer $3 Any Booze Every Tuesday Kyle Yap @ 10pm
$2.75 All Draught Pints and Jager
WED
FRIDAY: $1.50 Bud Family Draft $2.50 Vegas Bombs $3 Bud Family Pitchers
THURS
The Bar Grid
$1 Domestic Bottles $1.50 Bud Light Platinum $3 Vegas Bombs
Live Music Every Friday & Saturday!
5-5-5 Wednesday 3 Zones for $15
$2 Any Beer $3 Any Booze Every Wednesday DJ Karaoke
$2 Well Drinks $2 Half-Pints on Draught $3 Bombs
For private parties contact Gary@ daddiosbloomington.com
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT MORE Download our MOBILE APP! DOWNLOAD FOR iPHONE DOWNLOAD FOR ANDROID
Lunker's
The Bar Grid
WEDNESDAY: KARAOKE $2.00 Well Drinks and Miller Lite Pints
Slainte Saturday: $3 Any Flavor of Three Olives Premium Vodka
MONDAY!: $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
$3.00 Pitchers of Hamms $2.00 Bottles of PBR $2.00 Vodka Well Drinks OPEN MIC NIGHT!
Tapper Thursday $3.75 All 20oz Draught Pints
$2 Miller Family Bottles $2 Well Drinks and Well Shots $6 32oz Vodka Red Bulls
$2.75 20 oz Miller Lite $3 Pints of Leinenkugel
Failte Friday Try our special Long Ireland Iced Tea for $4!
KARAOKE! $3.50 16oz, $4.00 20oz All Import and Craft Beer on Tap!
Patio is Now OPEN!
Sunday & Wednessday Bucket Day! $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
SPECIAL NIGHT
Patio Now Open! $2 Domestic Longnecks $3 Captain Morgan $3 Captain Lime
$2.50 19oz Bud Light and Miller Lite Drafts
THURSDAY
$6 32oz Long Islands
Patio Now Open! $3 22oz Keeper Cup $2.75 Corona $3 Liquor Specials
$2.50 Import Bottles and Malt Beverages
FRIDAY
Slainte Saturday: $3 Any Flavor of Three Olives Premium Vodka
$2.75 Coronas $6 32oz Rum and Coke & Vodka Lemonade
Patio Now Open! $3.50 24oz cup $3.50 Liquor Special
$2.50 Well Drinks
SATURDAY
Closed
Sunday Bloody Sunday ALL of our Daily Specials available! $4 16oz Ultimate Bloody Marys featuring Ketel One Vodka
Closed
Patio Now Open! $3.50 24oz Cups $3.50 Liquor Special
Bucket Day! $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
SUNDAY
$1.75 Miller Lite Pints
Mad Monday! $3 All Import Bottles and Microbrew Bottles
$9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
Patio Now Open! $3 Pitchers Coors Light and Miller Lite $3 Fireball Shots
$3 Smirnoff Vodka Drinks (Any Flavor)
MONDAY
$3.00 Pitchers of Hamms
Well To Do Tuesday $3 All WELL Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, American Whiskey and Liquors
$2 You-Call-Its
Patio Now Open! $2 Domestic Longnecks $3 Imports, Micros, & Rail Calls
$3 Captain Morgan
TUESDAY
KARAOKE $2.00 Well Drinks and Miller Lite Pints
Whiskey Wednesday $3 All CALL American, Irish, Scotch and Canadian Whiskey
$7 Premium Pitchers
Patio Now Open! $4 Bud Family Pitchers, Vodka Red Bull, & All Bombs
Bucket Day! $9 Domestic Buckets (5 Bottles)
WEDNESDAY
SATURDAY: $3.50 24oz cup $3.50 Liquor Special
page 8
theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week edwin l. fat jack's Status: Taken
The last thing you do before going to bed?: I don't remember. Hopefully, I make it into bed.
Age: 28 Major: History Where's the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up?: The laundromat. It's great, just let the dryer do the work. Favorite drink: Arrogant Bastard beer. It's how I got my third testicle. Porn Name: Randy Powers. If you could have any super power, what would it be?: To jump higher. I never got my fair shake at the NBA. If you could be beat up any celebrity, who would it be?: Webster. I could so take him.
the drinking game
What would you do as the opposite sex for a day?: Stay in my room touching my boobs. Role model?: Josh Tell Big spoon or little spoon?: Big spoon. Theme song for your life?: "Jesus Walks" by Kanye. Biggest turn-off?: Chubbies. Or having no teeth. Favorite pick-up line?: “Nice tits, let's fuck.” Boxers or briefs?: Boxer briefs. It's got the breathability and the support, all in one.
Recipe for Disaster
bozo buckets
every-meal burger
Mitch Hedberg once joked that people who hand out flyers are basically saying, “Here, you throw this away.” Any college student that has experienced the first walk through campus can verify that 100% of the flyers they get are eventually thrown in the trash. Here’s a way to dispose of those pointless flyers that’s more fun than recycling! Imagine that!
You’re back at school with a stocked fridge (courtesy of your parents) and then you realize, “Crap, my cooking style is analogous to an armless Helen Keller.” You don’t want to be in there for too long because you will either start a fire or chop a finger off, so you decide to eat all your meals at once. Hence the “Every-Meal Burger.”
What You’ll Need: Five garbage cans, booze, beer and shot glasses. Number of Players: As many that will agree to part with all that pointless paper. So, everyone. Level of Intoxication: Expect a nice soupy concoction of puke and flyers in your trash cans. Let’s Get Sloppy: - Label your garbage cans with numbers 1 through 5 and line them up in a row. - Each number refers to a different task and goes as follows: 1. Go run: You must chug a beer while jogging in place. 2. You’ll spew: Take two shots. Yes, in a row. 3. Take a knee: You must get down on one knee as someone distance pours a shot in your mouth for three seconds. 4. Hit the floor: You must lay down on your back and shotgun a beer. 5. Barely alive: Take a shot, chug a beer for five seconds. - Assign a starting point line so everyone throws from the same distance. Take that random pledge who needs to be put in his place and make him lay down on the floor perhaps? - Alternate taking turns throwing your crunched-up flyers into the buckets. Whichever bucket your flyer lands in, you must do the task that corresponds to the bucket. The Game Ends When: You run out of flyers and are actually considering snagging some more.
download our app for all of our drinking games!
What You’ll Need: Frozen waffles, syrup, a hamburger patty, lettuce and ice cream. Cook Time: Twenty minutos. Fatty Factor: You might have to go to the hospital for a clogged artery or two. Let’s Get Baked: - Grab your burger meat and grill that sucker on a skillet or grill. - While that’s cooking, pop some waffles in the toaster. - Lather your hot waffles with a thin layer of syrup. - Lay a piece of lettuce down. - Add a scoop of ice cream on top of your lettuce. - Place the burger on the ice cream and sandwich it in with another scoop of ice cream. - Place another piece of lettuce down. - Put your waffles together and prepare to experience a mouthgasm. Your taste buds are going to go into a state of shock at first because of all the different flavors hitting them at once. After that stage is over, you’ll either experience extreme satisfaction or explosive diarrhea. Bon appétit!
Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Why are you most excited about coming back to school? “I’m most excited about finally living by myself.” - Corey P., Sophomore
“Geology with Bill Sheilds, he’s the man!” - Justin C., Sophomore
“The cool school colors! And the trees!” - Chris S., Senior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)
summer's last stand on visiting north coast music festival by: quinn
You’ve been back to school for a few days now, but something is beckoning you back to Chicago. Summer is blowing into fall but it’s calling your name for one last day-drinking extravaganza. Sure, your whitebread suburban neighbors threw a nice barbecue to send you off, but it wasn’t the glorious exit you had in mind. Drinking Coronas with your neighbors and playing bags with you high school cousin didn’t quite encapsulate Summer Bro’12. You pulled out of Chicago right before its final climax, right before it blew its warm-weather load all over Union Park. Yep, it’s time for North Coast Music Festival.
If you were at Lollapalooza you probably missed out on an entire day of live jams due to the #epicstorm. That storm left a gaping hole in your musical ego, and sent too many poor molly-riddled bros home with nothing to ignorantly dry hump, nothing to allow the pure MDMA coursing through their veins to release its fury. So they were left to chew gum into dust and talk the ears off of everyone on the L. But alas, as we often say here at The Black Sheep, the Lord taketh away, and the Lord giveth. He has giveth you North Coast, so do your best to channel all the energy lost to that hellish thunderstorm. Where Stormapalooza left you yearning for dubbedup electronica, North Coast has you covered. Girl Talk, Dan Deacon, Digitalism – if you haven’t seen some of these acts, you’ve seen whatever protégés they have spawned in the last couple years, from
“FRATtling” pseudo DJ’s to forced mash-ups of Radiohead and 8-bit Nintendo theme songs. That being said, these acts are the originals, so you should definitely rub your body against other people’s bodies to your heart’s extent during these shows.
If you’re going into senior year, and feel like the utopia that is college is coming to an end, we suggest catching YACHT, as many of their songs revolve around such an idea. Plus they’re unique and dancey but also laid back, just like you, the chillest senior on campus.
If you are the actual chillest person on campus, there is some serious head bobbin’ to be had at STS9, Umphrey’s McGee, or Gramatik –a DJ, who will give you an easy opportunity to peek your little dreadlocked gourd outside of the jam band realm. Sure, you’ve just hauled your ass down to Blo-No. But look around you, everyone is either wearing festival wristbands or talking about the concerts they went to. And if you don’t care about that, North Coast is a good reason to head back home one last time before diving into the semester. At the very least, swing by North Coast when you go back to retrieve something at home. Why not have your parents pop out $120 to attend “Summer’s
Last Stand”? At least fork over the $50 for a single day pass. You came back home because you love and miss them, the least they could do is spot you 50 bones to go have some fun FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD MOM.
The fest isn’t quite in the heart of Chicago, so if you’re afraid of being labeled a WPGU-listenin’ mainstream music downloadin’ ninny muggings, you can be all “I prefer edgier music festivals, literally.” Union Park is a fine park, and judging by the cartoon characters littered all over North Coast’s website, a very diverse-yet-groovy place. The festival layout is compact and intuitive, which means you don’t have to balls-to-the-wall your way to the front row if you don’t want to. Instead, you can sit back, get silly, and take in the iconic Chicago skyline one last time.
You’ve gotten a taste of being at school and had that “holy shit summer is over,” feeling. Heading back up to Chicago will be the perfect send-off to Summer two-oh-one-two. Your brain says school, but your body says summer. It’s so wrong but oh so right. Time to get real nice and sloppy in Chicago one last time, hold back puke on the train one last time, and go nuts on your parents’ fridge one last time. When it comes down to it, you could either be listening to your classmates talk about their boring lives, or you could be listening to STS9 MELT FACES.
the interview It should come as no surprise that chatting with Louis Kha, half of one of EDM’s most promising groups, Midnight Conspiracy, was as fun and enjoyable as one of their shows, minus the bass. Our conversation centered around the increasingly popular genre of music, from where electronic music has been to where it rages on today. Jess Sommers wrote this The Black Sheep: How did Midnight Conspiracy come together, and when did you start playing music? Louis Kha: I met Mikul because I was dating his ex-girlfriend, which was a little weird. He was throwing underground parties at the time and I was trying to get into DJing, and he actually got me my first gig at some dirty, illegal, underground loft party. So we just started doing stuff together, throwing a lot of loft parties. The big one that broke us was this Justice after-hours party in Chicago on New Year’s Eve in 2009. It all just started out as a way to party and for us to get together and have fun, and the idea of Midnight Conspiracy came together right then and there. TBS: EDM has blown up in the past two years. Why do you think this genre has become so popular? Louis: Well if you look at the late 90s, electronic music was really huge and the whole rave culture was really big, and in the 2000s it died out and indie bands took over. I just think that music goes in cycles, and we’re on an up-wave right now, similar to the 90s when everyone was decked out in neon and their rave toys and kandi. Going around to college campuses this year versus last year, I’ve noticed a huge difference in what people are listening to. A year or two ago, most college parties were listening to hip-hop; they still are but there’s a lot more electronic beats. Electronic music has always been around as underground, but it’s reached the masses right here, right now. It’s a pretty simple reason why, [college kids] all say that it’s a fun, good vibe. You don’t see fights
midnight conspiracy
breaking out at EDM shows, just popping champagne bottles and having a good time. TBS: Have you always been into electronic music, or was that something that came about in the past several years? Louis: Even when I was young I always liked the electronic elements of music. I was really big into Pink Floyd. That’s not electronic music, but they were using synthesizers. It’s the same thing with a lot of new wave music; we were really big into Depeche Mode and The Cure. I think I’m just attracted to what you can do with electronic music and the sound of it. I mean, electronic music is everywhere; it’s been around for decades. More recently I got really into the whole indie-electro and electroclash movement in the early-2000s, and that’s what got me really into that kind of music. TBS: What’s it like playing big festivals in your hometown, Chicago? Louis: Well, growing up we were huge fans of Depeche Mode, and one of the documentaries that inspired us was the Depeche Mode 101 tour. It was about arena rock back in the day, where bands would show up at these massive arenas to huge crowds and just rock out. TBS: What can someone expect from one of your live shows? Louis: We have a new space set up called Eye Live; it’s something we’ve been working on. We designed and built it ourselves with help from friends; it’s a 16-foot version of our eye logo laid in with a bunch of LEDs and lasers. It’s there to give you this whole audio/visual experience. We control all the lights, too. It’s basically an orgasm of lasers. TBS: Explain to me the vision of your Dead Game clothing line. Louis: Dead Game isn’t meant to be about Midnight Conspiracy, it’s cool designs that we would want to wear. Mikul is a screen
printer and a designer, so he designs the shirts and he prints them himself. We want to push it out as a legitimate clothing line, and we’ve been in talks about getting it out into stores and whatnot. They’re not going to be neon rage EDM tanks, it’s going to be cool, hip, dark designs. We have a bunch of designs for sale online, and we’re trying to get them into stores late this year or early next year. TBS: On any given night, what’s your drink of choice? Louis: Coconut water for sure. We picked them up when we toured in South America. They party like crazy in Brazil, and we always wondered how they did that. You can get a huge coconut on a tree there for like $1, and if you drink the whole thing you’re golden.
THIS IS WHAT SELECTION LOOKS LIKE! ONE BEDROOMS • TWO BEDROOMS • THREE BEDROOMS • FOUR+ BEDROOMS STUDENT HOUSES • LUXURY SUITES • FRATERNITY &AND SOROR ITY HOUSES
the Premier Provider of Student Housing
(309) 454.2338 / www.yarealty.com / 311 S. Main, Normal, IL
the classtime
capitals of the world Athens Beijing brussels budapest buenos aires helsinki kabul kingston lima madrid
nassau new delhi oslo paris rabat riga rome tokyo vienna warsaw
Care
for a Drink? Every Tuesday!
Every wednesday!
$3 All WELL Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, $3 All CALL American, Irish, Scotch American Whiskey and Liquors and Canadian Whiskey ONLY AT
Maggie Miley’s
mathien-Live! Friday, August 24th at 10pm $2.75 Jim Beam Drinks, All Flavored Vodka Drinks, The Fat Jack Cocktail and Heineken Bottles
126 East Beaufort Street | Normal | 309-807-4301 511 N MAIN ST. • NORMAL • 309.821.9222