The Black Sheep fr
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... un like de th ry e ou gum rs ea stu t. ck
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_isu
Volume 4, Issue 4 2/28/13 - 3/13/13
cancun bar remembers normal hero
black sheep staff wrote this
As ISU warms up for another spring break, many Redbirds are taking a moment to reflect on past vacations. For the some dozen students who travelled to Cancun, Mexico last year, one brave, heroic act stands above all the drunken shenanigans that flavor so many spring breaks. “Liz Warner showed us her boobs,” recalls senior Rich Wang. “It was incredible.” Several eyewitnesses, including Warner’s BFF, eagerly confirmed for The Black Sheep that, while waiting for her glass to be filled at Cancun club, Senor Frogs, then-super senior Elizabeth Warner turned around to the patrons behind her and heroically lifted her shirt to expose her breasts. “I’ve never seen such courage,” Warner’s friend, senior Kevin Duncan recounted. “I’ll never forget it. ‘Tick Tock’ by Ke$ha was playing, and it was at that part, the one where she’s like, ‘The party don’t start till I walk in,’ and Lizzy just turned around at that exact moment and flashed us.” “It was like magic,” Duncan added. Warner, who was pursuing a degree in primary education during spring break 2012, (she has since graduated), had reportedly stashed her bikini top in her Best Friend Forever’s saddlebag in anticipation of a later wet t-shirt Contest. BFF Sarah Morris remembers the event well. “Lizzy has always had the biggest heart,” Morris said. “We were standing at the bar to get her drink -- I was the designated sober in our group that night -- and we were dancing and laughing, and then Liz turned to me and said, ‘I think we cut in front of the guys behind us!’ I told her I wasn’t sure and kept dancing, but Liz turned around with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and lifted
her shirt to expose her bare breasts. She shouted, ‘Woo! I love you guys!’ and turned back around.” Added Morris, “I miss that bitch.” The Black Sheep tracked down the group of spring breakers Warner and Morris allegedly cut in front of at the bar -- a group of juniors from Virginia Tech. Did now-seniors Jerome Page, Leon Williams, Charles White and Sybil Martinez recall the event? “This little blonde chick flashed the whole bar!” Page said. “It was the most memorable experience of my college life!”
stand why someone would expose their breasts to strangers. “Voolay voo be en parlay ploo luntumun, seal voo play.”
ers.
“Did she cut in front of us?” Williams said. “What? Wait, did she? Hell, man, I don’t remember.”
As the first anniversary of Elizabeth Warner’s selfless, courageous, noble, valiant night of valor approaches, TBS caught up with the heroine herself. As of press time, Warner was heroically working as an assistant in a preschool in Peoria and hadn’t had more than four hours of sleep a night in the past month.
“Who?” Warner asked.
“She was the nicest person I’ve ever met,” White remarked. “It was the craziest thing,” Martinez said. “I remember being really pissed about something, but suddenly there were boobs and I just got really happy suddenly. I think that girl rescued my whole night. I… I never got to thank her.” And yet, there are some who recall Warner’s selfless act of bravery in a different light. “Ugh, what a slut,” said IWU junior Kelly Vargas, even though she has no idea what she’s talking about. “Who seriously flashes an entire bar? What a drunk whore.” As of press time, Vargas was sleeping with her boyfriend’s brother. “Day solay,” said Montreal University senior Monique Paschal who was at Senor Frogs during Warner’s heroic display. “Juh nuh comprend pa.” Paschal shook her head as if she didn’t under-
Top 10: New Hobbies for Spring Break
For an even better break, start at #1 and work your way up!
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“Excuse me, sir, you have to check in at the office,” she told TBS, valiantly. When we clarified that we were here to interview her about spring break 2012, her courage nearly faltered. “Janelle? Have they… Have they found her? Is she okay?” TBS clarified further and Warner became annoyed. “Who are you? Get out.” When Warner finally relented to an interview while the preschoolers napped, she remained humble and oblivious to the effect her act or courage last year had on her fellow spring break-
what'’s inside
“Sybil Martinez says ‘thank you,’” we said.
We asked Elizabeth Warner to recount the event in her own words. “I don’t know, dude. I was so drunk. I remember dancing with Sarah [Morris] at Senor Frogs and I just flashed the bar. I spent the next two hours throwing up and crying for my mom in the bathroom with Janelle. That was… that was the last time I saw her.” We changed the subject so Warner wouldn’t talk about her (probably dead) friend again. “Do you think you’ll go on spring break again this year?” At that moment, a young boy came up to us, put his finger in his nose and wiped it on Warner’s arm before going back to his nap mat. Warner sighed unhappily. “No. I’m a grown-up now. I’m a… a…” As of press time, Elizabeth Warner was sobbing inconsolably in her classroom’s closet.
Pope To Join Bowman in Illuminati High Council
Are You Ready For Fool's Fest???
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page 1
The two most powerful men in the world are about to team up.
It's seriously gonna happen this year, guys. Third time's the charm.
contents
Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com
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page 4: Emergency Alert!
The easiest way to sound racist is to try too hard not to sound racist.
page 5: from the streets
Where will you be during the zombie apocalypse?
page 6: Campus Clique Clashes: Who would win in a fight? No guns, no knives, and no beer can wizard staffs.
Table of
page 10: bartender of the week
Brian from Lunker's is totally cool with bees being smarter than him.
page 11: Taking a Scoop out of Crime: A Look at the ISU Police Blotter We're fighting back against cover-ups by making stuff up.
page 12: Guess This Dress! Oscar Edition Which sexy ladies rocked 'em on the red carpet?
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word of the week Slumbeer:
The last beer of the evening, often drank as a person is nodding off. “If Neil drops his slumbeer, be sure to wake him up by pouring whatever isn’t spilt on his head.”
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emergency alert
sevin ketze wrote this
The
Top 10
theblacksheeponline.com
New hobbies for Spring Break
Were you too busy doing homework to make plans for spring break? No worries, we've got ten new hobbies to help keep you occupied. 10.) Fly fishing: Who doesn't love hanging out in waders at the ol' local creek. Don’t have any fishing gear? Try tying fishing line to a tent pole with a rusty nail hook. Now get going, those sickly looking blue gills aren’t going to catch themselves. 9.) Ball in a cup: You can stop by any party store to pick up some pro-level equipment, if you really want to get serious. If you're feeling lazy or cheap, you can always substitute with a 2x4, garbage can, half a jump rope, and a standard brick. 8.) Photography: Since most film cameras are monopolized by hipsters, why not bring back 1998 with a disposable camera? You’ll have photos you can hold, stick on walls, use as book marks, or send to grandma! Just don’t send the ones you took of that hottie next door who changes with the blinds open. 7.) Airsoft: Nothing says fun like firing crappy plastic bbs into your friends' backs. Don’t have the gear? Try hopping the border for some Roman candles. Apparently “avada kedavra” works on houses, too. Look at that thing burn! 6.) Pet rock grooming: Why not? You can buy a pet rock online or catch a wild one out in the woods. You can decorate it with glitter, pipe cleaners, parking tickets; whatever you might have lying around. Not artsy? Grab a hammer and give your pet rock the Mohawk of its dreams.
5.) Start a religion: You'll need one black rope for the leader, and a ton of white robes for the followers. Better pick up a few million, so you don't run out. You’ll also need picket signs for things you don’t believe in, like “Death to spaghetti,” “Save the badgers,” or “Kill the badgers.” 4.) Become a hipster: All you need to do is raid your granddad’s dresser, dig your dad’s old bike out of the garage and you’re ready! Don’t worry about listening to the right music; your hip new friends will let you know what’s cool. But whatever you do, don’t blow your cover by saying “everything sounds the same.” 3.) Scuba diving: Head on over to the least-mucky pond in the county. You’ll need a scuba suit, oxygen tanks, and a willingness to die young. A cheaper route to take if you can’t afford gear is to throw on your swim trunks, a pair of goggles, an empty two liter, and you’re ready to visit the amazing blood-warm ecosystem. 2.) Babysit: Ask your neighbors if they have any brats that need sitting. Don’t forget to mention your references; four months working in the baby section of Target should soothe any parent's doubts. Make sure you don't wander off too long; if the parents come home and you're not there, you’re not getting paid. What a scam! 1.) Smoke up: Why not? First, you’ll need pot. Go outside and yank out a bunch of plants, one of them is bound to mess you up. Now you just need something to smoke it with. Try a bowl or making a bong out of old PVC piping, and go find a safe hangout. That barn 3.3 miles north of the highway should do. Now light up and hope that nobody finds you. You'll be fine, the cops will never find you at the barn 3.3 miles north of the highway.
Chong Lighter Meyers wrote this
From the Streets
[PartyPics]
Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com
Where will you be during the zombie apocalypse? “I would go to Alaska; I think the zombies would die from the lack of body heat.” - Eric S., Senior
"I'd go to RadioShack.” - Matt T., Junior
“I'd just give up and become a zombie. I can't avoid it forever.” - Rob Y., Junior
send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com
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Campus Clique Clashes:
Who would win in a fight? Joseph Carter wrote this Violent criminals and people who judge themselves on their ability to destroy someone with their fists aren’t the only ones who enjoy getting into a good scrape -- we can all agree that fights are awesome and the only way to feel real, organic emotions... Er, yeah, so without further adieu, we present some theoretical brawls, through the lens of various college stereotypes duking it out, for the right to be called King of the Quad. Frat Boy vs. Creepy Loner: In one corner we have a man full of testosterone, vigor, and alcohol, with plenty of friends and money to help out his cause. In the other corner we have a wily adversary who won’t even look at you in the eyes, who just drifts in the shadows, and who could very well be packing a gun. It’s hard to say who would win since the answer is dependent on so many variables, but it comes down to the crucial question – who looks toughest, the guy wearing pink pants or the dude in the duster and goth attire? The answer is obvious. Neither, doofus. The fight is ruled a draw when both sprout unexpected erections – one for being muscled around, the other for physically touching something with long hair and lipstick. Stoner vs. Student Politician: The stoner is not made for a fight; he or she has smoked faaar too much for their lungs to be in any kind of shape for fighting. They've eaten too much and will be a little messed up during the fight, as they lay lethargically in the corner while saying the “don’t believe in violence.” The Student Body President is no fighter either, which makes this such an interesting matchup. But if we know politicians, they're all pussies. In any case, neither of these people are your ideal candidates for a brawl, but the Student Body President probably wins by forfeit, as the stoner didn't want to leave home and risk missing Adventure Time. Gym Rat vs. Redneck: The gym rat is yoked to the max with bulging biceps and big-ass traps. He may not know how to fight, but he sure looks like he does. But the strength and power of the redneck cannot be underestimated, for he has a secret weapon that is far greater than simple muscles or endurance, or even an atomic bomb: stupid strength. Stupid strength is a phenomenon that almost all rednecks possess. For unexplainable reasons, no matter how weak a redneck looks, chances are they strong enough to ruin your life, your face, and your spine. Keep that in mind before you bet on the beefcake.
Professor vs. Janitor: Your typical professor may be scrawny, and your typical janitor may be bat shit crazy, but this fight is a lot closer than you think. Sure, the janitor is equipped with weapons such as brooms, mops, chairs, and trash bags -- but the professor has the power of his or her mind, and can use those super powers to make themselves levitate in the air, shoot fire out of their palms, and send objects flying. Even if they're lying to us about that, the professor would still win because they actually care, while the janitor has two goals: do their job, and don't get killed. This victory goes to the professor. Sorositute vs. GDI Skank: Two sluts, one winner, who will it be? The sorositute has her friends, just as the frat boy does, but her friends are more likely to bitch and moan and fight each other than throw down against the GDI. The GDI skank has no special qualities to her, other than her contingent of lovers who each think they’re the only one sleeping with her. When it comes down to go time, the winner is going to be the one with the most advanced, fast-acting STD. This fight is the ultimate tossup, but we're giving it to the sorostitue, in the hopes she'll give it to us later. While we may joke and kid about fighting, remember that violence is a crime, and is not something to revel in. Unless of course you have nothing else to do, and like our staff, would rather fight each other to feel feelings than talk about them. Good luck ISU, and try not to mess each other up too much!
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Pope to join Bowman in Illuminati High Council mitch vaginpun wrote this Earlier this month, Poperor Palpatine announced his resignation from rule over the Galactic Empire of Christianity due to “health reasons.” The Black Sheep knows when we’re being fed the same story twice. Meatloaf twice in one week, eh world? Get that shit out of here. We recall another man who recently stepped out of his office due to health reasons, leaving his minions scrambling for a replacement. But what does The Glorious Infallible Al Bowman stepping down have to do with the Pope stepping down? EVERYTHING. Think about it. Why would two men of such great standing suddenly leave their positions of ultimate power? Because it’s hard to get around? Because they don’t want to die? Bullshit. The only reason to leave such a glorious lifestyle is because of Illuminati connections. Think we’re crazy? So did our editor, and no one done seen him for too weaks. So think again. There is no greater power in the world than the Illuminati. They’ve secretly permeated every government and religious institution and are using their influences to shape society’s every thought. So why would two obvious Illuminati members (think about it: a college president who’s as hunky as Denzel Washington and as smooth as Shaft, and a Pope that literally came directly from Star Wars) leave their positions of power? They’ve been promoted to 12th Knights in the Illuminati High Order, obviously. As 12th Knights, they get to ride unicorns and stab the gold out of leprechauns, so there’s hardly a decision to be made. But where are the signs? The Illuminati symbols? Fucking. Everywhere. Bowman announced his retirement on December 3rd. The three clearly represents the outline of the Illuminati pyramid of power, but why December? Why this year? Because December is the last month, standing at the top of year like he’ll stand at the top of the world. The 2012 part should be obvious—not only did Bowman want to be on the High Council before the world ended, but he chose the year to signify his position in the high council, the 12th member of the 12th Knights. Bowman was an obvious choice for the high council because of his charming good looks and soothing baritone voice, but for the life of us we couldn't figure out why the Illuminati would want the Pope for High Council, especially when they keep sending back the applications we mail them. Unless…unless it was Bowman’s idea all along. Everyone knows that 12th Knights can bring one person into Knighthood with them, and he obviously wouldn’t choose his wife because she’d probably nag him about getting the leprechaun blood off of his unicorn before it stained. But still, why the Pope?
STAR WARS. It all makes sense. Bowman’s first year as a staff member at ISU was 1978, one year after Star Wars: A New Hope came out, and one year after Poperor Benedictine was consecrated. Bowman obviously heard Illuminati whisperings that Benedict was being groomed to be the next Pope and thought he looked like the Emperor from Star Wars. Bowman’s decision was clearly brought on by his love of the Star Wars franchise so when the time came to pick, he chose the Pope, who waited until 2013 to resign for “health reasons” because he will be the 13th 12th Knight of the Illuminati High Council. Go ahead, hop on your Mapple Appbook and verify all those dates. We'll wait here. Just because this article is next to a two-page spread of bar specials doesn't mean this isn't legitimate, hardhitting investigative journalism.
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theblacksheeponline.com
bartender of the week Brian W. lunker's If you could be the lead singer of any band, which would it be: The B52s. "Rock Lobster", need I say more? Favorite animal: Dog. Why? Because people suck and dogs don’t. If you could go back to any historical era, which would it be: The 1960s, because of the music, the drugs, and the people.
If an extremely hot girl offered to have sex with you in exchange for an ass kicking, would you do it: Only if she drives me to the hospital, I’m not getting the shit beat out of me and paying for an ambulance.
Where will you be during the zombie apocalypse: Here, what better place to be than a bar?
What’s the best thing that ever happened to you: Being born. 10 fingers, 10 toes? Can’t beat that.
Favorite drink: Coors Light. No question.
You’re not near any water and bees attack, what do you do: Crawl in the fetal position, cry, and accept that the bees are smarter than me.
What was your best day ever: Every day is the best day of my life.
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Taking a Scoop Out of Crime: A Look at the ISU Police Blotter scoop chang wrote this Every day the ISU police department arrests college students just like you for crimes ranging from underage drinking, to underage drug dealing, and even underage breaking-and-entering. We looked into some of the more interesting crimes to get a better look at the seedy underbelly of the twin cities. Case Number: 201302762 Date/Time Reported: Tuesday, 2/19/2013 9:04 P.M at Wilkins Hall Disposition/Parties: Possession of Cannabis 30 gm and Under; Delivery of Cannabis 30 gm and Under; Possession of Drug Equipment; Unlawful Use of Driver’s License. Cleared by Adult Arrest. The Real Story: Obviously a drug dealer was caught in the act, but it was the fun detail at the end that caught our attention. Normally “unlawful use of a driver’s license” refers to a minor using a fake ID, but after calling the police department we were told the following: “The ID had been doctored so that the suspect in question appeared to have a handlebar mustache. We confiscated the ID in order to check it in the lab.” “With further investigation we found that it had been doctored by a permanent marker, due to our inability to erase it we were forced to charge the suspect with ID Fraud.” Case Number: 201302555 Date/Time Reported: Saturday, 2/16/2013 1:27 A.M at The Vrooman Center Disposition/Parties: Disorderly Conduct; Resisting, Obstructing, Disarming an Officer; Aggravated Battery. Cleared by Adult Arrest. The Real Story: The police station said they weren't legally able to give us anything except his name, address, family tree, and major
allergies. We contacted him and arranged to meet at Subway the next day. Surprisingly, he was just a small, nerdy kid with glasses. He told me his story: “The officer yelled at me from afar that I should ‘show him my drugs,’ but I was just carrying books. Then he walked up and shoved me, causing my books to fall on his foot. He fell to the ground with a howl and called for backup on his radio. He drew his gun, aimed it at me, and told me to back off. I held up my hands and told him I hadn’t done anything. Then he started yelling ‘What? You want my gun?!? Take it!’ and threw his pistol at me. It hit my knee and landed on the ground. He was rolling on the ground and sobbing at this point. Against my better judgment I knelt down next to him and asked if he was okay. When I touched him he started screaming again and batted at me wildly. That’s when the backup showed up. Four officers tackled me to the ground and roughed me up a bit. As I lie there scraping against the concrete, Officer Daniel regaled the heroic story of his near death experience.” Case Number: 201301835 Date/Time Reported: Monday, 2/4/2013 2:25 A.M at Watterson Towers Disposition/Parties: Harassment by Telephone; Other Suspicious Activity. Action Pending. The Real Story: Watterson resident Cindy Harper was waiting to hear from the repairman about the state of her dorm fridge. While waiting in the lobby, she received multiple phone calls from an unknown number. A dictation of one of these conversations follows: Cindy: “Hello?” Suspect: “Hello Ma’am, is this Cindy Harper?”
are you ready for fool's fest???
Isaac Dreidelschleitze wrote this
Cindy: “This is she.” Suspect: “Ma’am, I was wondering… is your refrigerator running?” Cindy (with a sorrowful moan): “I DON’T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!” Suspect: “Are you certain?” Cindy: “OHHH GOD!!!!! WHO IS THISSSS??? WHYY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO MEEEEE?!?!?!” After tracing the call, police found three boys in the room above Cindy’s smearing lubricant onto her refrigerator. The police were only really able to claim it to be “Other Suspicious Activity” and are holding the boys until they can be charged with something. After staring into the scum of our campus, The Black Sheep staff may never recover. There isn’t always a happy ending, but we can all feel safe knowing the ISU cops are making arrests left and right, whether the students deserve it or not.
Hey guys, Isaac here! It's the weekend in March right before Spring Break, and you know what that means? Time to STUDY! I'm gonna have so much fun this weekend just tearing through this interesting-ass chemistry book. I turn to page 547 and start copying down my favorite problems for practice, when suddenly a brick flies through my window. “A flying rock! Someone call a geologist!” screams my roommate. I pick up the rock and eyeball it for fingerprints but find a note attached instead. The note reads: “ARE YOU READY FOR FOOL’S FEST 2013???” I threw the rock on my bed and decided to ignore it. But the rock stared at me as I studied. It was calling me. I had never given much thought to the biggest party in Illinois, but the fact that people were prepping a month in advance was pretty crazy. I went to the library and approached the man behind the desk and slammed the rock down. “Give me every piece of literature you have on Fool’s Fest, and hurry!” The man stared at me, then back at the rock, then back at me. “Son, that’s just some dumb drinking day at ISU. We don’t have any literature on it.” He went back to typing. Why would he not want me to find out about Fool’s Fest? I'd have to keep researching on my own, to find out how people were preparing for the anusshredding, vomit-inducing weekend, so I decided to just interview people at parties to see how they were getting ready. At the first party, I saw a gaggle of bros talking to a man in a suit. I approached them and listened in on their conversation. “Now, if you’re planning on fitting an entire bouncy house on the first floor, you’re going to need some homeowner's insurance,” said the man in the suit. “Oh, I’ve got that already. We’re insured against any damages.”
“Not for your home, for the bouncy house. We can’t have people puking all over the place and blowing holes in it. Unless we get paid for it, of course.” I left the party slightly disappointed. At the next house, I saw several forklifts in the driveway as well as several hundred gallons of Hershey’s chocolate. Stepping over a body in the hallway, I found the head of the house and asked him about it. “Yeah bro, we need the forklifts for the kegs, and then we’re gonna do a sort of chocolate pool ‘round back where you can swim in the chocolate.” This was shaping up to be the best Fool's Fest ISU has ever seen. “Only problem is if somebody takes a shit in the pool. You'd never know.” The last house I wanted to visit was supposed to be having a rager, but the place was completely quiet. I walked in to find fifty people sitting around, quietly watching Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, with a big jar overflowing with $5's on the kitchen table. “What's going on here?” “Ah, Isaac, you didn’t hear? We’re cutting back on beer for a while so we can save up to rent Al Bowman for our Fool's Fest bash. He costs $1,000/hour, but that money goes to fund his immortality, which is a cause we can all get behind. “Sweet, dude! Can’t wait to party with Bowman! What about Reggie?” “Nah bro, Reggie’s gonna be too busy shitting in some dude’s chocolate pool. That bird plans his craps out way too far in advance.” So long story short, enjoy yourself at Fool’s Fest, because before you know it, you’ll be an adult. And adults don’t get to party…they just ‘socialize’. So get your fill while you're young and don't know any better!
Guess this Dress! oscar edition
Who were they? That doesn’t matter. What matters is who they wore. From Gucci to Oscar de la Renta, the glamour shone squarely on these lavish gowns. We’re asking you who wore what. The dresses are pictured below, and the answers are at the bottom of the page. Fab-u-lous.
a
B
c
D
E
F
g
H
Salma Hayek Jennifer Lawrence
Olivia Munn Charlize Theron
Kerry Washington Naomi Watts
answer key
A) Halle Berry B) Kerry Washington C) Charlize Theron D) Adele E) Naomi Watts F) Salma Hayek G) Jennifer Lawrence H) Olivia Munn
celebrity bank
Adele Halle Berry
Over a billion people watched the 85th annual Academy Awards, an audience slightly larger than the reach of The Black Sheep. While Ben Affleck will be sleeping off his champagne hangover for the next month, we know the real winners of the evening were the ladies who dressed to impress.
we interview:
Big Gigantic
Dominic Lalli, saxophone extraordinaire of the acclaimed electronic jam band Big Gigantic (otherwise known simply as Big G) has been playing music his whole life, but when his project with drummer Jeremy Salkin started blowing up in the past two years, all he could really say is, "Wow." Other adjectives mentioned: crazy, overwhelming, fucking crazy, wow (again), funny, wild, and crazy (again). Be sure to check these guys out on tour all summer long, at a venue near you. The Black Sheep: How did you get started with the saxophone? With Big Gigantic? Dominc Lalli: I started playing saxophone in school, in band and all that, and then I ended up going to college and getting my master's degree in, pretty much, jazz performance, classical and jazz. I moved to New York and then Colorado, and started getting into DJs and electronic music. I started getting into producing and writing music, and just sitting in with electronic bands, I just naturally wanted to mix in the saxophone. TBS: So when you were listening to this electronic music, what made you think, "I want to put a saxophone with that?" DL: I had been playing music for so long, and the saxophone is kind of just my voice. It's just what I've always done. So I was producing music and then I wanted to start playing melodies, and then I wanted to do some solo stuff and then improvise over it all. TBS: Big Gigantic's sound is clearly a mesh of many different kinds of music. Who are some of your influences? DL: In the jazz world there's a lot of saxophone players, and I've been influenced by their sound and their song writing. You know, John Coltrane, Wayne Shorter, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock is a huge influence. I've also been influenced by a lot of hip-hop and R&B, Kanye West and Jay-Z, and I grew up listening to a lot of Run DMC and Beastie Boys. And all the way through Radiohead and more rock and electronic type of stuff. Then, of course, everyone in the electronic world; Derek from Pretty Lights, my buddy Alex from Paper Diamond, Griz, Skrillex, all of those heavyweights. I'm learning from all of those people, and I'm stirring it all up. TBS: Who would be a dream to work with? DL: Herbie Hancock, he's just an amazing piano player. In the 70s he did really funky, spaced-out music with awesome melodies and really cool solo stuff. We're really into the music he writes, in that funky, electronic vein. If you heard some of his stuff, you could definitely hear his influence. TBS: You guys play a lot of festivals. Could you put a finger on some of the craziest? DL: Electronic Forest is definitely one of my favorites, the fans are pretty wild. Ultra last year was pretty wild, too. But seriously, Electric Forest is, like, how I came up throughout this whole thing. A few years ago, when it first started in 2008, when it was called Rothbury, I was playing saxophone for the guitarist of the String Cheese Incident's side project. I was in such awe, it was one of my first times at a festival and I was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm really here." I ended up sitting in with all these different kinds of bands; it was really epic. The next year was when Big G just kind of got started, and we played Rothbury for free and I did a DJ set in the forest when it was just some boards set up and it was barely an official stage. I had never DJ'd before and I was so nervous and it was so funny. Then we ended up coming back, and last year we closed Saturday night and it was just great. TBS: How surreal was it, when four years ago you're playing on some janky stage to closing Saturday night on the main stage? DL: It's fucking crazy. It's just crazy! This last year, just every festival we played at, from Wakarusa to Bonnaroo, where we gave out thousands of these blow-up saxophones right before we went out, and just seeing all the fans, like, fist-pumping with these saxophones, it's just crazy shit. I've been playing music for so long and in so many different capacities, it's overwhelming in the best way possible. Just going out there and being like, "Wow." It's been a pretty wild ride. TBS: So how do you stay sane when you're touring and playing show after show? DL: I try to stay pretty focused, and keep in mind what's really real, you know, just what I'm working for. I just try to have fun and play music and stay in the moment and enjoy it, just kind of cruise through. TBS: Michelle Obama -- bangs or no bangs? DL: She seems a little emo with the bangs. It's cute though. TBS: Describe your perfect breakfast. DL: I love breakfast. You know, probably an omelette, cheddar cheese, definitely bacon, maybe some avocado. Some toast, coffee, and a large orange juice. TBS: Drink of choice? DL: Maker's Mark and ginger beer. Or ginger beer with tequila.
the big three
entertainment-y things to keep your eye out for.
21 and Over In Theaters Friday, March 1
Smarty-pants and straitlaced Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) turns 21 the day before a crucial med-school interview. Jeff ends up getting mad drunk with his best friends because, duh, that's just what you do when you turn 21, and a night of "just one quick beer" turns into nakedness, screaming, and all around debauchery. Oops! From the writers of The Hangover, this movie should be at least amusing, if not relatable.
How to Destroy Angels - An Omen Released Tuesday, March 5
In 2009 Trent Rezor decided that Nine Inch Nails should "disappear for a while." Well, like any good addict who thinks they've given up the Perfect Drug, he's found something else in How to Destroy Angels. Fronted by his hot Asian wife, Mariqueen Maandig, similar NIN sounds remain, only, you know, with a hot lead singer. Again, it's NIN sounds with hot Asians involved. We love it long time.
Archer Thursday, March 7 at 10 p.m. EST on FX
In the newest episode of FX's brilliantly subversive dhow, Archer heads to the Mexican border to take care of a notorious coyote. No, he doesn't want the animal exterminated like a cyborg or crocodile, he needs to take care of a bossy immigrant smuggler. But wait, why not keep a few for housekeeping duties? Maybe if there wasn't an ant problem in the office, Mallory would let them use the break area again.
the riddle
Do you know what's going on down there? Figure out our riddle and send us the answer to the question to classtime@theblacksheeponline.com. If you're right, you'll win something cool!
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the madlib: prepping for a pop show Yes, it’s finally here! I bought my ticket months ago, it only took ___1___ shifts at ___2___and a ___3___ or two to get the money for the tickets, but its going to be so awesome. Sure, I may be a ___4___ in college, but I’m the biggest ___5___ fan ever. None of my friends wanted to go, so luckily I can meet up with some fellow fans I met on ___6___. Who cares if they’re ___7___ or getting driven by their mom, who thinks it’s creepy I’m hanging out with them? Whatever, we are total ___8___-fanatics and that’s all that matters! I’ve got my outfit all ready, too. First, ___9___ crop top with ___10___-print fringes that I handmade, totally inspired by ___11___, she’s so perfect! Let’s not forget my ___12___ skinnys with my ___13___ pumps! Oh yeah, and my ___14___ nail decals, yum! My dad said I look like a ___15___ but I told him that I don’t even love him. And what’s a concert without a little ___16___ vodka and Four Loko? I’m fittin’ to get mad hype! I’m going to try to bring some in for my new friends, but I’m having Skype session with my boyfriend from ___17___ before I go, and I might need all the liquid courage I can get to actually talk to him this time! His English isn’t the best, and he sends me ___18___ pics and dead-___19___ pics, but that’s a cultural difference, right? Plus I want him to finally hear me sing ___20___ ballads, because I think I could be the next ___21___ and make thousands of dollars. Okay, ___22___-flavored lip gloss? Check! ___23___- perfume? Check! Extra pair of ___24___, in case I meet the band? Check! Well, here goes nothing, hopefully I don’t faint from all this liquor and caffeine!
Sunday, March 17th
1) Big Number 2) Shitty Job 3) Sexual Favor 4) Class/Year 5) Current Boy Band 6) Social Media Site 7) ElementarySchool Age 8) Person From #5 9) Neon Color 10) Animal 11) Drunk Pop Star 12) Fabric
13) Has-Been Pop Star 14) Dessert 15) Famous Drag Queen 16) Flavor 17) Foreign Country 18) Body Part 19) Animal 20) 90s Pop Star 21) D-list Pop Star 22) Soda 23) Processed Food 24) Type of Underwear
•5
ST. PATTY’S DAY! Live Irish Music 3pm - 6pm
with The Shanties $2.75 Tullamore Dew Drinks & Green Bud Light Pints 511 N MAIN ST. • NORMAL, IL • 309.821.9222
SP