Illinois State - Issue 7 - 11/13/2013 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

com fre put e...l ers ike a tha ll t t ar he en’ cam t bo pus lte dd ow n.

Vol. 5, Issue 7

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

11/14/13 - 12/04/13

“WE’RE GOING TO FIND YOU” Alcohol Paraphernalia Found in Hewitt Trash, Campus Furious BY: Sevin Ketze On their first weekend at Illinois State, all freshmen attend orientation sessions covering many subjects, but none is more important than the presentation on the campus’s alcohol policy. “I can still remember mine very well,” reflected sophomore Michelle Krust, “I was a little worried coming into ISU, but that presentation soothed all my concerns. It was a huge relief to see that [the faculty and students] agree completely about this; that alcohol is a disgusting and dangerous drug that has no place on our campus. The thunderous applause the students gave them at the end, I can still recall it so vividly.” But that presentation apparently meant nothing to one so-called student, who apparently thought he or she was above the rules and decided to drink beer beverages in his dorm room. “It really pisses me off,” vented senior Stan Halen. “This isn’t high school anymore, drinking doesn’t make you ‘cool’. And then, oooh, this is what REALLY gets me, this asshole puts their booze garbage in their floor’s recycling bin, like they’re bragging about it. How do we know this hasn’t happened before? I read a thing about how apartment meth labs can contaminate all the floors surrounding it, how do we know alcohol vapors haven’t been seeping

through our vents the same way? I’ll tell you one thing, I’m lawyering up, HARD. I didn’t sign up for this shit, a degree’s not gonna be worth anything if I breathe poison until I die.” “Exhibit A is right over here,” growled ISU police sergeant Ronald D. Swan, leading this reporter toward the doors of the East Campus lobby. “Right there, that sticker on the window, ‘This is an ALCOHOL-FREE building.’ There’s no way that little motherfucker didn’t see it.” He reflexively threw a punch that shattered the window as well as the one next to it, but quickly composed himself before leading us into a makeshift canopy crime lab set up next to Subway. Two nearby officers were carefully sliding an empty and neatly pressed Keystone Ice box into a massive ziplock bag, and six more equipped with rubber gloves and tweezers were sleepily piecing a shattered bottle back together. “Crime doesn’t sleep, so unfortunately neither can we,” sighed Swan as he stopped and stood arms crossed in front of an array of nearly two dozen small TV’s playing security tapes. “Where are you... where ARE you... where are you...” he mumbled again and again, declining to acknowledge any more of our questions.

page 4

Thanksgiving Bimpsball: The Sport of the Future The sport so dangerous, people will forget all about football concussions.

Stepping back outside the lab, my note-taking intern and I immediately came face-to-face with a group of at least 300 students. “What did they say? Did they find who did it?” asked a small blonde woman in the front, readying the pink canister of pepper spray in her hand. “We’re gonna show this piece of shit what happens when you use substances that may jeopardize your

health and safety as well as the safety of those around you!” cried another student from the back, prompting a roar of cheers and primal screams. We shared the bad news and most of them dejectedly dropped their weapons and shuffled away, save for a few who remained and insisted that once their blood was up like this they couldn’t stop until they killed or were killed.

page 7

The police department released a statement later that evening confessing they had no concrete leads, but that they had gathered enough conjecture to generate a facial composite, and that they’d “like to see this cocksucker hide after we drop 25,000 printouts of his face out of a helicopter.”

pages 12-13

Redbird Manifesto

We Interview: Todd Sklar

It’s time to take spreading the red to the next level.

we talk with the Indie movie director about his latest film Awful Nice.

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>> campus & Editorial manager Tim Mackey Advertising Manager Alexander Leventis Writers Tim Mackey, Kevin Setze, Mike Atkins , Jeremy Ber, Jeremy Meyers, Dylan Rieger photographer Jimmy Kelley distribution manager Dan Quintero Social media manager Megan Scott Promotions manager Amanda Weichselbaum

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Basketballer and Kardashian brood spawner racks up the miles on this as he pulls away from his wife.

The

Top

Ten

Ways to Avoid Getting Sick This Season

By: Chong Lighter Meyers It’s just about that time of year again: time for people to start looking like the undead and start spreading bacteria like it’s going out of style. Chances are good that you’ll end up sick, but it doesn’t have to be this way. You can still save yourself from your evil germ-spreading ways by following the following tips, which have been tested personally by us at The Black Sheep. 10.) Use a condom: This isn’t about STDs, everyone knows those are myths. But any germs living inside your partner has can easily climb into your urethra and wreak havoc on your insides. The last thing you need is to wake up with shingles or a fever along with your hangover and debilitating regret. 9.) Drink liquids: Chicken stock, beer, coffee, dish soap: these are all liquids. You need to routinely ingest these so that you can try to drown the germs and pee them out. If you don’t act fast, you’ll acquire a taste for brains.

Thanksgiving Blimpsball

The Sport of the Future By: By Mitch Vaginapun Thanksgiving is a time for family members from all around to wake up and smile before remembering that their day off will be spent avoiding conversations with weird relatives and wearing itchy sweaters. The most effective avoidance of conversation in recent years has proven to be the classic, “AY, OMWACHIN’ DA GAAAYME OVER HERE!” which has only been proven successful for alcoholic uncles no one wanted to confront in the first place. In the interest of creating a more accessible escape from a warm and loving environment, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has combined the NFL’s Thanksgiving game with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. “We wanted to find a way to make football appeal to all people around the world, and not just our current American male demographic,” Goodell said between bites of a salad made of shredded $100 bills. “And what better way to do that than hold the game on top of the giant balloons in Macy’s parade?” Citing the parade’s popularity with women and children, Goodell said the move was a great investment opportunity for the NFL, potentially even better than an expansion to Europe. Goodell stated that the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade decision is equally unpopular among players, if not more so, than having to travel to another country for one game, but that he, “quite frankly [does] not give a fuck.” “The NFL isn’t about players, it’s about letting an American tradition evolve with the times. What’s more modern than 300-pound men beating the living tar out of each other while bouncing around one hundred feet in the air? All while spreading awareness about this thing called breast cancer, which I never heard of before seeing some very valuable awareness campaigns,” Goodell said, nudging us in the ribs.

While Goodell insists that the game, which he has dubbed “Blimpsball,” is similar to football, not all players agree. “It’s not like football at all. We’re up there, and one hit could knock us down hurdling down hundreds of feet onto concrete, or even onto other people,” Bears third-string long snapper Josh Holden said. “It’s a hell of a lot safer than football.” Practices were held in the former stadium of the now defunct Jacksonville Jaguars. Teams played on top of the giant, “WE QUIT,” balloons that the Jaguars organization floated around the city to announce that they were quitting the league. Jaguars season ticket holders were allowed free attendance to the practices, and all three in attendance gave very positive feedback.

8.) Make out with people who have good immune systems: This should be obvious when you’re starting to feel sick because, hello, if you make out with people with bad immune systems then they’re going to get sick. You need to make sure that whatever virus or infliction you may have doesn’t spread. If you get sick and then get Jim sick, then Jim can turn around and make you double sick and you die — it’s just science. 7.) Stay up late so your sickness can’t sleep: Illness needs to rest too. If you let your illness sleep it will get stronger. You must fight it by depriving it of what it needs most: your rest. 6.) Hang out with babies: Babies have a clean slate when it comes to immune systems. If you can somehow gain their clean immune system by way of osmosis, you’ll be golden, much like #8. At the same time, babies are usually around their moms, and maybe you can trick those old hags into taking care of you. 5.) Eat plenty of pizza: Congress made pizza a vegetable, and who cares about you more than your politicians and government? Unless you’re sick with a disease they engineered. Then you’ll have to eat way more pizza. 4.) Watch Breaking Bad: It’s great human TV, but shit germ TV. Bacteria and germs are very impressionable, and it won’t take long before they all try meth and OD. 3.) Try the ol’ “whiskey and tea” trick: You’ll sweat the cold out overnight and wake up refreshed, relaxed, and in a puddle of sweat/puke/whiskey. Just because a remedy is old doesn’t mean it won’t work, it just means it probably won’t work.

“I wish every football game were like that,” mother Teresa Winchester said upon leaving the stadium. “I wish that they’d use less profanity, but wow, the marching band they had on the field was great.” Teresa’s husband, Wallace, was equally amused by the game. “Wowee, didja see that guy fall? Fuggen spit his head open. This is so much better than the pansy sport football usually is.” The third attendant to the game, the Winchesters’ dog Charley, ran in circles and barked excitedly, a great sign of the popularity to come. When asked about the new sport-parade merger, Macy’s spokesperson Marlene Summers said, “Wait, they’re doing WHAT to our floats?”

2.) Go running: You’ve got to get strong to beat this thing, so start running right now! If you’re already sick, that’s even more reason to get out there and get moving. It’s best to wear next to nothing so that your cold can catch hypothermia. Colds don’t like to get cold, and the enemy of your enemy is your friend.

You can watch the first Blimpsball game Thanksgiving day at 1 p.m. on any major news station, as they are all sure to cover the ensuing bloodbath.

1.) Wear the same clothes to avoid getting gems on your other clothes: Imagine you get sick. Then, you change shirts. Then, you change shirts again. Suddenly a day or two has gone by and all three of your shirts are germ city. You’re going to kill someone with habits like that, so it’s best to keep your original sicky clothes on.

Around campus send us your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

on the Streets This Thanksgiving what do you want to be stuffed with? Lisa

“Hot Cheetos.”

John

“Leftover Halloween candy.”

Grant

“Love!”

Local Chemistry Professor inspired by AMC’s Breaking Bad is Arrested Immediately By: Isaac Dreidelschleitze Normal, Illinois – Professor Timothy Whitman was arrested today after being caught stealing chemicals and test tubes from the school’s chemistry labs. The police had been tailing him after noticing his alarming TV watching tendencies in an NSA report. He was obsessively watching a television program called Breaking Bad in which a chemistry teacher cooks crystal meth to make his way to the top. He was also watching a ton of the show Dog with a Blog, which led police to believe he was a dangerously unstable person. Students interviewed said they weren’t surprised by the police findings, as he often taught class in a yellow HAZMAT suit. On the morning of the arrest, Whitman was seen checking his car for GPS tracking devices before leaving for work. The police followed him to class where he proceeded to destroy his cell phone and walk into a classroom in a secluded area of Moulton Hall. When smoke started coming from under the door, the police broke the door down and found him drinking coffee in a smoke-

filled room with ingredients commonly used to cook crystal meth. To find out what happened after his arrest, The Black Sheep Googled “confidential police interrogation records” and found the following transcript: Police: “Mr. Whitman, is that your real name?” Whitman: “Originally, it’s Heineken.” Police: “Heineken. You mean like the beer?” Whitman: “No! Not like the beer. The beer was named after me.” Police: “Okay… well, why did think you could get away with cooking crystal meth? You seem to have made almost no effort to hide what you were doing.” Whitman: “My crystal is pure. There isn’t anyone else in the world that can cook like I can.” Police: “So you admit it?” Whitman: “Oh… no! I was just saying that... that if I did cook crystal meth, it would be perfect, because I’m a super smart college chemistry teacher.”

Police: “Gotcha. When you, uh, didn’t cook meth, did you work with anyone else?” Whitman: “Yes, my partner, Jessica.” Police: “Jessica? That sounds similar to Walt’s partner in Breaking Bad, Jesse. (to his partner) Did you see that part where Walt saved Jesse from those guys?” Whitman: “Ahhh! Don’t spoil it! I haven’t seen all the episodes yet!” Police: “You’re going to jail for a looooooong time, so I wouldn’t even worry about catching up with it. (to his partner) “And then that part where Gus died?” Whitman: “Seriously? I don’t even know who Gus is yet. And now he’s dead. Great.” Police: “Oh man! Sorry. I won’t spoil anything else, I promise. But you maybe should have finished the series before starting cooking meth yourself.” To his partner: “And when Walt kills Mike? What a dick!” Whitman: “Ugh! I’m just gonna get into the Bible to bide my time in jail.” Police: “What a great read. I can’t believe Jesus dies at the end. But then

they use that lame horror movie cliché where comes back from the dead. So predictable.” The moral, kids, is to always finish a TV series before you start to imitate its characters, or you’ll end up ruining your

life. So if you think Dexter is a cool dude, guess what? Dead. Kind of. Think you can grow up to be Nancy Botwin from Weeds? Well guess what, we didn’t finish that series because it sucked. Just know that when you’re in prison, there’s no escaping spoilers.

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Redbird Manifesto By: Carlos D. Danger Hail, comrades! Have you been enjoying the weather? The chill and brisk wind do a body good. Yes, a strong breeze and glass of Stolichnaya to remind us of the Mother Country… But it’s not just the weather picking up. Something else is blowing across campus, and it isn’t that skunky smell that’s been hanging around Watterson. No, these are the winds of change rolling in! For years, ISU students have rallied behind the motto “Spread the Red,” demonstrating a spirit and cohesive will unyielding in the face of adversity. On homecoming we saw the streets bleed red. Traffic was halted and pedestrians gazed in awe at our sheer numbers. This is our power, comrades. For too long the elite have held us at their mercy: demanding more tuition money, making new textbook editions every semester, and insisting that we don’t bring vodka to class. It is madness! No longer shall we lie down and take this oppression! The revolution begins today! We must be strong and swift. Present a united front! As one, we must throw off the shackles that bind us! Do not listen to your professors; they are not your betters. Do not pay your tuition bills; why should they charge us for knowledge? Do not follow “the law”; who consulted us when this so-called “the law” was written? Let our campus be flooded by the masses. Let them know who has the power — for we are many, and they are old and smelly and out of shape. They can’t stop us all, comrades. There will be casualties, but all great revolutions have some. Many of us will be expelled. Others arrested. Some of us may be forced to actually attend class, if only so we can walk out in protest. But such sacrifices are noble, yes? For the greater good. Especially when someone sacrifices himself to save the guy who had the awesome idea to have this revolution, for example. And oh, how glorious! Can you imagine? Any given weekday, the campus packed with bodies, huddled together for warmth, swapping tales of resistance against the capitalist education system. The winter

will be cold, true, but only until we overthrow security and make our new lodging in the SLB. Eventually they will give in. There are too many of us. They will shake their fists and damn our youth and idealism, but we will know better. It is not a matter of age, but of rights. The few can only rule the many by their consent. And they did not ask for consent. That’s creepy and weird and totally not cool. It’s only a matter of time until the students will control the school. The cafeterias will serve La Bamba and UV Blue, and class will meet once a week, at 3p.m., but only if you feel like it. But what then? Do we now sit back, content? Of course not. Think back to our rallying cry, Spread the Red! We must continue to spread our message of equality and liberation. Where? Why, right down the road of course. Illinois Wesleyan University. A stronghold of elitism and oppression and whining. They will learn our ways, and soon get sucked into our culture like ants into a vacuum cleaner. And so we will continue, spreading our message far and wide, until every last brick on every last building, on every last campus is bathed red. It begins tonight. Wait, no, tomorrow. Ugh, fucking group meetings.fter we drop 25,000 printouts of his face out of a helicopter.”

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How To Win Thanksgiving Day By: black sheep staff Let’s face it: Besides the glorious meal at its climax, Thanksgiving is not the best of holidays. There’s no presents, no candy, no parties, and you generally have to spend the entire thing with your family. This can be, at best, mildly entertaining, and at worst, a complete disaster. But have no fear, The Black Sheep is here to show you how to win Thanksgiving. The night before Thanksgiving is the universal night for reunions with old friends, so let’s not even pretend that you didn’t drink your face off with your high school buddies. Thus, the first obstacle in the way of a successful Thanksgiving is the massive hangover pounding you repeatedly in the head. To combat this, start your day off with a fresh Budweiser. Suggest the rest of your family have one too. While you’re used to drinking all day and being “unaffected,” the rest of your family won’t be. This will provide some much-needed entertainment later in the day when mom drunkenly attempts a back handspring in the living room. Even if the whole crew is now stumbling drunk, Thanksgiving is still all about family bonding. This is especially important to parents of college students because, with the kids out of the house, opportunities to bond are few and far between. One great way to

bring the family together is by going out and getting the Thanksgiving turkey together. But, going to the store as a family will be a nightmare. To spice things up, rather than buying one, have the family band together in the hopes of killing a turkey as a team. Nothing brings people together like a traumatic experience, and few things are more traumatic than forcing your little sister to slit the throat of a ferocious wild beast. If your worthless family fails at this, you still have one opportunity to salvage your day. Live like the settlers from the first Thanksgiving and, in the true spirit of the holiday, steal a turkey from your neighbors. They don’t necessarily have to be Native American, but anyone with brownish sort of skin will work. The settlers didn’t bother to confirm that the people they were mistreating were Indian, and in the spirit of the America, neither should you. Another way to add some excitement to Thanksgiving is the family football game. These traditional family games of football are open to anyone, no matter how old or young, which makes them incredibly boring. Plus, there’s no way you’re going to lose (again) this year because you’re supposed to let little Jeffrey score every time he gets the ball. Take it upon

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yourself to eliminate, via stretcher, all unfit players from the game. If grandma didn’t want to get lit up crossing the middle, she shouldn’t have come into your zone. This may end with you spending the rest of your Thanksgiving at the hospital, or possibly the morgue, but it’s worth it as long as you get the win at the end of the day. If your previous antics have not gotten you disowned yet, there is really only one more obstacle between you and euphoria (dinner): watching football. Obviously, watching football with your relatives is a recipe for an insufferable experience. But, since they have jobs and “better” things to do besides drink, watch football, and go to the occasional class, it will soon be clear that they know nothing about any of

the teams playing. Use this to your advantage by making “friendly” wagers on the games to make them more interesting. You can rest assured that if you can survive the rest of the day, you will be able to afford enough cheap rum to kill a bear, compliments of Great Aunt Linda. Disclaimer: If you are Italian and have any suspicion about possible mob activity by your relatives, we do not recommend you try this. By following these simple steps, there is no doubt that you will have your most exciting Thanksgiving since Uncle Ben “accidentally” stabbed Uncle Jack with the carving knife. Whether it’s exciting enough to make up for the pending lawsuits and loss of inheritance is yet to be seen, but it can’t possibly be worse than last year.

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Bartender of the Week Relationship Status: Single Favorite Drink: Modus Hoperandi Favorite Shot: Jameson Disgusting Drink: Three wise men If you could replace the turkey as Thanksgiving’s centerpiece, what food would you replace it with?: Bacon. What three items goes in your college cornucopia?: Busch Light, Smirnoff, Jim Beam. What balloon would you float in the Macy’s Day Parade?: I’m bald, so Charlie Brown.

Aaron of Maggie Miley’s Drinking Game

How concerned are you that the turkey getting the presidential pardon ends up spending a

bunch of your hard-earned money on Obamacare?: Skip. What fast food item would be better if it were made with turkey?: Can I add turkey to something? More turkey on a Subway sandwich is always good. How racist is the phrase “BLACK Friday”?: Like on a 1-10 scale? An 8. But for real, dark meat or light meat?: Is that racist too? What if turkeys were actually made out of horses?: Wouldn’t stop me from eating it. Why should people read The Black Sheep?: Because it’s more entertaining than other newspapers.

Recipe for disaster

Canoe Race

Brownout-of-Your-Ass Burrito

A throwback to the high school garage party days. The Canoe Race is a quick game of a 2-person flip cup and pong hybrid that will get you belching and buzzing in no time flat.

This is one of those meals that you wouldn’t eat unless you were somewhat inebriated. Okay … very inebriated. This burrito will satisfy all your needs when you return to your apartment without a slampiece, and fall back on eating to make up for your lack of game. And it saves you money not having to buy it at Chipotle.

What You’ll Need: 16 red cups, 2 ping pong balls, a table and beers. Number of Players: 4 players Level of Intoxication: You’ll get a lot in ya pretty fast. How to Play: - Split up into two teams of two and stand on opposite sides of the table, each team having one ping pong ball. - Set up four cups in front of each person, Bozo Buckets-style. - Pour beer into each cup, about a quarter of the way up. - When you’re ready, the first people with the ping pong balls try to shoot across their table into their partner’s cups. - If you make a cup, your partner has to chug the beer in the cup and flip it onto the table. - Once your partner completes this, they shoot the ball back across the table to your cups. When they make it, you do the same—chug the beer, flip the cup and keep shooting. - There are no pauses in this game, so don’t wait for the other team to shoot or anything like that. The only time you have to wait before shooting is while your teammate is flipping their cup. They have to have that completed first before taking their turn. The Game Ends When: All of your team’s cups have been flipped!

download our free app for all the games!

What You’ll Need: An oven, a microwave, Easy Mac, pizza rolls, a tortilla, Tabasco sauce, chopped lettuce, hot peppers and any other toppings of your choice. Cook Time: 15 minutes Fatty Factor: You’ll poop it out. No big deal. Let’s Get Baked: - Put the pizza rolls in the oven and let them cook for 15 minutes. - When the pizza rolls are done cooking, take them out of the oven. While they’re cooling off, put the Easy Mac in the microwave for 3 minutes. - Once the pizza rolls have cooled off, wrap them up in the tortilla. - Pour the Easy Mac on top of the pizza rolls. - Drizzle Tabasco sauce over everything, as much or as little as you want. - Put the lettuce and hot peppers on top, along with any other garnishes that strike your fancy (shredded cheese, anyone?). - Roll it up burrito-style and chow down. Mmm, tastes even better when it comes back out.

nomnomnomnom theblacksheeponline.com

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR

The Black Sheep Interviews: Indie Director Todd Sklar

By: Brendan

“Film director,” you think flashing lights, red carpet treatment, the power to just…Steve if you don’t get this take right you are finished in this town, do you hear me?! Not so fast, what about those directors still hauling themselves up one rung of the Hollywood ladder at a time? Todd Sklar is one of these indie directors, and with his recent release, Awful Nice, making the rounds, we decided to chat with him to see what the life of an up-and-coming director is actually like.

Todd: It’s definitely destroys any ability to have a normal life. If you want to be doing it, it’s all-encompassing. It’s bad. You’re always doing work, thinking about doing work, finding work, doing work to get more work, if you’re not working you feel like you’re wasting time… Any career where you’re in a situation where you’re pursuing something outside of that nine-to-five, you have to work nonstop to get there, whether it’s a start-up, even an athlete. It’s all-encompassing if you want to be good.

The Black Sheep: You were a college student who dropped out to pursue a career in film, what was the impetus for that? Todd Sklar: I had an absolute blast in college. I loved it. I probably didn’t work hard enough studying, but I’d say I used most of what I’d learnt in college—both inside the classroom and out—after I left the University of Missouri. It helped me in the career I chose, but also helped refine what I wanted to do in that career. It was finding passion in filmmaking, and realizing the career I was looking towards was not one you typically go to college for, then landed a job after. I should note that this was halfway through my fifth year of college—I was a fifth-year senior when I recognized that a degree in theater acting would not help me become a filmmaker.

TBS: You say you fell into directing to better convey your writing vision, how do you balance working with people, but getting across the vision you set for yourself? Todd: I don’t know. I’ve only done a few features, I don’t know if I’ve figured that out yet, because in my experience, I’ve had great people and horrible people. The great people, they’re doing things and helping you through things that are so big, that these talented people help you make your ideas better. It’s incredible. I’ve had the other side too, people who are miserable to work with that and extremely unable to do the job they’re supposed to do. In that case it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, but you can’t do it any better either. It’s very dependent on the people you’re working with. It’s more about them than it is about you.

TBS: How do you get to the point where you’re directing your own films? Todd: I started making shorts, trying to learn how to make movies. I made a lot of bad ones for a while. I made like, fifteen horrible, horrible short films before I made one that was kind of good. I made my second one that was okay, and it was so much work I decided I wanted to make a feature next. After that, I had an idea that was a feature, I was 23 at the time, I watched 3 movies a night with DVD commentary. I gave it a go to see how it works. It was a learning experience—you learn while you’re doing it. TBS: What does a director do, exactly? Todd: I come from a different background than a lot of directors. I never wanted to be a director, I always wanted to be a storyteller, and writing always comes first. Directing, for me, is making sure what comes out is the story that we wrote. As a result, I’m very much an actors’ director. All you’re doing is trying to get a bunch of other people to do things with you and for you, to get your story across. Usually you’re doing that because you can’t do what they do. If I knew how to get great sound, I could do it, but there’s a guy who is doing it because he’s better at it than I am. He can elevate my results. It’s a pretty humbling, and uh, terrible job. TBS: How all-encompassing is what you’re doing?

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR

TBS: Your new movie, Awful Nice, how did that change or mature over the span of the creative process? Todd: It changed drastically. We did not have a very good shoot on this movie and the final movie is a shell of the script we wrote. In a weird way it became its own movie when we were shooting it, and again when we were editing it. The movie came out with a lot more physical comedy, a lot quicker, punchier than the script. Films, in a lot of ways, become indicative of what you’re going through at the time, and this film in specific, I was going through some growing pains, and the movie reflects that. TBS: Are there benefits to sticking in the indie genre, or is it more people do this so they can go to a studio? Todd: For me, the stories I’m interested in telling and the style I’m interested in telling them tend towards mainstream commercial sensibilities. To be able to transition from independent filmmaker to studio filmmaker you either need to have a lot of confidence and trust in people you’ll be working with, or you have to have a complete lack of care for your story, or it has to be about your career, or you have to be obsessed with the technical side of things. For me, I’m not a technically gifted filmmaker, so transitioning from an independent filmmaker to a studio filmmaker has a lot to do with confidence in myself as a filmmaker. I’ve had an opportunity for studio work, but it’s not something I’m dying to do quite yet.

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR TBS: And speaking of the difference between studio and indie movies, with Awful Nice, you have a pretty big star in Christopher Merloni. Were you concerned at all with if or how he’d pull weight? Todd: All of my problems thus far with filmmaking has come from crew, not from the actors. There’s very much this level of professionalism—I’ll say this: When you have trouble with actors, they’re not invested in the project. In Awful Nice, all of the actors were invested in the project, and they were so helpful in covering up some chaos created by the crew. Very fortunate to have actors like that, and Merloni specifically was exceptionally helpful, not just as an actor, but as a mentor, a guy who came in and gave notes in a script that had nothing to do with his character.

“For me, there’s

two goals:

To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story.”

TBS: How do you deal with outside criticism, both positive and negative? Todd: You have to take it with a grain of salt. But, for me, there’s two goals: To tell the story in the best way possible, but to also get better in telling the story. So, both positive and negative criticism help better that process by letting you know what you did well, or if someone’s critiquing something, it can tell you what you could be doing better, or where you may have failed story-wise. TBS: Is this a good time, historically, for someone who wants to get involved in moviemaking to do so? Todd: It’s the best time in the history of our existence to be doing this. At the same time, I think the danger to that is that it’s something you can do for a while before you realize it’s not what you want to be doing. I equate it to joining the army. I assume that if you join the Army, you’ll figure out pretty quickly whether or not it’s for you. Filmmaking isn’t like that. Especially nowadays, there’s so many ways to work that you can do it for five or ten years before you realize it’s not for you. There’s such a low barrier of entry, that there’s also such a low barrier to getting more deeply involved with it. The playing field has leveled out quite a bit. TBS: On IMDB a user named JonCharbineux writes, “Todd and Alex came home with my one of my roommates, who was trying to get laid, but they ditched her and stayed up watching die hard with me our other roommate until about 4am. We made ice cream pancakes and popped in Die Hard 2 and I passed out shortly after. When I woke up the next morning, Todd was in my bed and Alex was in Ben’s (my other roommate) and we were both on the couch. We found out later that they stole a bunch of our beer and a box of trisquits. WTF? “ Care to comment? Todd: Wow, when did that happen? That definitely sounds like something I’d do, but not recently. When was this written? TBS: April 2010. Todd: Oh yeah, I know exactly who that is, and yes, that did happen. 2010 was a weird year for everyone.

INTERVIEW: TODD SKLAR

Guess The Coach

Do you know who all these college basketball coaches are? Send us your answers to backpage@theblacksheeponline.com and if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re right, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll win a sweet prize!

madlib I was on my way to ___1___ , sipping a

___2___ double-whipped, non-fat ___3___ latte or something, and I decided to pick up the Bible for college girls: Cosmo. ___4___ is on the cover and I love her! Her ___5___ is perfect and, personally, I don’t think she has a ___6___ problem, but if she does, who cares? Right away I flipped to the embarrassing stories section because it’s crazy how crazy they are!!! There was a story of a girl who ___7___ ed on a first date! You couldn’t make that shit up!!! They were ___8___ -deep in some end1: Academic Building 2: Size 3: Italian word 4: Has-been celebrity 5: Body part

Flipping through cosmo less ___9___ and ___10___ and then right A flipped through the sex tips, which said there, on the waitress, boom. No one got that using ___16___ and my ___17___ to give a ___18___ to a guy would make him laid that night. really like me. I’m skeptical. Then there was Then there’s the beauty section, which had something about the ___19___ ___20___ a list of ___11___ face masks. Who knew -___21___ position and I was like, whoa. that rubbing that all over my ___12___ Can’t I get more embarrassing stories up in would make it shinier? Who knew you even here? wanted that shinier? There was also a guide to choosing the right color of ___13___ for Lastly there was a column about making your skin tone. They said ___14___ would ___22___ , which I totally clipped and put on my mini-fridge! be perfect for my ___15___ ? Uhm, okay.

6: Drug 7: Bodily function 8: Body part 9: Appetizer 10: Fruity alcoholic drink 11: Root vegetable

12: Body part 13: Type of makeup 14: Obscure color 15: Facial feature 16: Salad dressing 17: Appendage

18: Type of oral sex 19: Foreign country 20: Direction 21: Body part 22: Drink from #10

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Now leasiNg for JuNe 2014!

American Holidays ACROSS 2) Held every November 11th. 4) Or, Singles Awareness Day. 5) Celebrate the beginning of a new year on the Hebrew calendar, two words. 6) March 8th is a day to celebrate this perfect species. 7) This day happens every four years on January 20th. 10) The Friday after Thanksgiving is this color. 12) The third Monday in January celebrates the what of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? 14) We celebrate this Saint by dyeing the Chicago River green. 16) Important Jewish holiday that occurs in the spring. 17) The Friday before Easter. 18) Bill Murray celebrates this day over and over and over. 19) African American holiday starting on December 26th.

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DOWN 1) 8-day Jewish holiday in the winter. 3) Earth Day is a celebration of what? 8) The day to celebrate ‘MURICA!!! 9) This day marks the end of the Ten Days of Penitence, two words. 11) Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army defeating which army? 12) A day for planting trees. 13) Gettin’ crazy in New Orleans, two words.

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